#no more gacha burnout at least

[jessamine-rose]

It is Day 1 since I stopped playing Obey Me! :’>

[nazuna-tunnel-vision]

aight i got the rabits badge from clearing 30 lives, time to quit enstars until tsukasa's centre event. i may or may not have >50 whistles left but its fine

[eggyrocks]

hi!! i was wondering if i could request a matchup in participation for your requests for gaza! thank you so much for this opportunity!!

my name is twyla! i’m an ISTP 9w8 and cancer sun scorpio moon capricorn rising. i also don’t have a gender preference!

appearance: i’m 5’3, asian (filipino-chinese), and i tend to be very well dressed and bold with my outfit choices. i have sort of a wolf/jellyfish shag cut that’s outgrown and i always like to dye my hair with many bright color combinations, vibe wise i’m often told that i’m very similar to ramona flowers! i often wear baggy or layered clothing to hide my chest and figure, i’m busty and quite insecure about it so i often wear a binder, and i have an androgynous style and appearance. im usually wearing some form of goth/alt/dark academia outfits but recently ive been basing my style off of visual kei/jirai kei!

personality:

- i’d say i’m very calm, chill and laid back. i never seem to get angry at anything and i always try to be patient and tolerant of others around me, though it’s because i have a bad habit of suppressing my negative emotions.

- i have a somewhat (very) crude sense of humor? also brainrot humor LOL. i’m bad at reading the room, i tend to say a lot of things that can be offhanded and uncalled for. insults and playful banter are my love language, i love it when there’s not a huge boundary between me and others because i have trouble with being overly formal.

- usually people tend to be surprised about this side of me because around others i don’t know, i’m very shy, overly polite/humble, and people pleasing, and a bit of a goody two shoes so it catches people off guard how sharp tongued i can be since it’s usually the total opposite of the awkward and socially inept initial impression i give off. i feel like i can come off as a bit two faced for that reason, i’ll be very sweet and polite to everyone especially at my job, but insult and speak unfavorably about coworkers/people who annoy me behind their backs.

- i am generally not the best at putting my foot down and asserting myself, i easily let myself get taken advantage of and i tend to give more than what i receive. but i find that i like being given control and taking charge in my relationships. i get sick of being a people pleasing doormat all the time so it’s wonderful to have that feeling of power that i don’t have to please someone since they don’t expect much out of me and like me as i am! since im a bit of a social chameleon and i try to match people’s energy, mannerisms, etc.

- my most prominent flaws are my laziness and apathy, i struggle to motivate myself to do things i’m not interested in or believe ill fail in because of my low self esteem, i’m pretty much the poster child for gifted kid burnout / imposter syndrome and i want to be seen for who i really am and not my talents and achievements. it’s easy for me to give up when experiencing setbacks, i’d rather accept defeat than take the chances. i feel like i have more ambition than drive, i expect way too much out of myself despite wanting to exert the least amount of effort possible. my dismissive, “i don’t care anymore” attitude is a coping mechanism.

- i also tend to self isolate for long periods of time when im exhausted and overstimulated, despite how lonely it makes me. i’m very disorganized and messy, and also very impulsive when it comes to money. i also have a BAD spending addiction when it comes to merch or gacha games.

- my love language is acts of service. i am a compulsive helper and would always enthusiastically offer assistance to people in some way even when they don’t ask for it, and i can be persistent about it too. i go the extra mile to show people around me that i care and remember the little things about them, and i only ask for their appreciation in return. i love to receive any form of love language really!

hobbies/interests: i’m VERY into punk/alt/goth/academia fashion! i also love to listen to music, usually progressive/gothic/nu metal bands. i’ve been planning on learning how to play the bass! i really like to cosplay a lot of video game characters and i spend most of my money on games or merch lol. i love astronomy/stargazing and i can point out pretty much any constellation in the sky, i even have my own telescope. i mainly just dislike people that are overly strict and critical.

thank you so much!! i apologize if this is long!! i hope you have a lovely day and stay safe!! <333

thank you so much for your donation <3333 (part of fics for gaza)

matchup #1: kuroo tetsurou

he needs an alt partner so bad

would genuinely think the way that you dress/express yourself is so goddamn cool

would absolutely love your sense of humor and actually it would probably be one of things that made him like you in the first place

like he would actually be obsessed with how you say what you want & would gracefully accept any banter from you

from anyone else? no absolutely not. but you? yeah you can tease him as much as you want

would be a really good partner for pulling out the best in you/countering your bad habits

you bottle things up too much but he’s kind of a natural provoker so would be good at getting you to open up abt things that bother you before they build up too much

wouldn’t be too push but a very good person at pulling you out of your periods of self isolation (see: kenma)

definitely a gift giver, would buy you all sorts of little things like vintage cds, new equipment for your bass or little video game accessories that reminded him of you

he would do his best to inspire you to become the best version of urself and constantly work at your hobbies/goals, not because he thinks you need to improve but bc he knows you can & wants to see you thrive

also would actually beg you to point out the constellations for him and tell him every single fact you knew about them

he wants to do everything with u!!!

would go above and beyond to make u feel :)))) and <33333

matchup #2: miya osamu

can see him so clearly homemaking you food when you're feeling down; like always just tells you food is the best medicine and makes you something he knows you would love and tells you smth very corny like "the main ingredient is love" to try and make u smile

if you are overstimulated or overwhelmed he is always there for you doing whatever it is you need to feel better

very attentive; like he would want to know everything about you and everything he does learn abt u makes him like you more

an acts of service bf, does the things he knows you don't want to do: tidy up, do the laundry, clean the dishes, and then on top of that he also got you a bouquet of your favorite flowers

will not let u help either like thats his job hes taking care of u!!

would ask u to give him a makeover. might even ask u to dye his hair a fun color (whatever color u have rn, that's the one he wants)

would keep u away from his brother but other than that he loves to talk abt you and tell everyone how amazing of a partner u are

matchup #3: suna rintarou

he would get u

like he would absolutely love to gossip with you and sees nothing wrong with it (as he should)

like if u ever wanna talk shit abt someone he's your man

you would tell him abt the bands you like and he would listen to all of them like their entire discography so he could talk to you about them

he'd even go as far as to listen to other bands that seem similar so he can go "have you heard of them too?"

tries to play it off with extreme nonchalance but he really wants to impress u

he might not be the most verbose but would provide comfort through physical touch: holding your hand, hugs, keeping a hand on your shoulder; small things to give you comfort if things got overwhelming

takes 694989898539 pictures of you. just like doing everything. hanging out. playing the bass or video games. cosplaying. he takes so many pictures just because he always thinks you look cool and has like a new background of you all the time

if you ever felt like self-isolating he would understand and sit there with you so you would've have to feel lonely, he's just there to provide his comfort

would play video games with you constantly

match up #4: tanaka saeko

just two cool partners

possibly the coolest couple of all time

would love to bond with you over playing instruments, even if the bass and taiko drums are a bit different she'd still be exicted to share that passion with you <3

would love your style and would try to like, semi-match? not like she would wear the exact same look in your style but would coordinate her style in a way that makes it obvious you two are together

your #1 fan and hype woman; would actually be impossible to have a bad around her because she thinks ur so sick and cool and would constantly remind you of that fact

her driving crazy w/ you in the passenger seat and ur favorite nu metal band playing on the way to a date...both of u guys singing...yeah...

very protective of u. if you can put your foot down she absolutely will and as no problem asserting herself so you feel comfortable

a confident and self assured person so would have no problem letting you sort of lead the relationship & take it at your pace

WOULD DO MATCHING COSPLAYS WITH U

the opposite of critical, would constantly praise you

match up #5: iwaizumi hajime

the boyfriend of all time

you would absolutely be the #1 priority in his life definitely would go above and beyond to make sure you are cared for and appreciated

also very protective vibe; if you go to cons in cosplay he's absolutely the scary dog bf that goes with u everywhere dressed in his usual clothes

and if anyone asked to take a picture with u he's standing in the background with his arms crossed glaring. its just his vibe

even if he does not get ur humor he would laugh. like he just knows ur funny even if it goes over his head you being funny is just like an objective fact and he's supporting u

ur wit/sharp tongue is one of his favorite things abt you and would always back you up on everything you said

would love bantering with u; it's one of his primary forms of affection

kinda like kuroo. would NOT let you accept defeat and is determined to see you living your absolute best life

I HOPE U ENJOY <3333333

[coldgoldlazarus]

I think I kinda alluded to this in a previous post, but I was thinking about it again in clearer terms. Even setting aside all the like, microtransactions and gacha and lootboxes and monetization of other game elements that previously would have been just, free, or restricted to in-game currency at worst, (and how that monetization changes the way those in-game-currencies are balanced, so you have to do insane, tedious amounts of grinding to avoid using real money) another problem I have with modern games is like, the burnout and bloat cycle created by the games-as-service model.

There are constant updates, bi-weekly or even weekly. The studio churns out new events, new content, and you've gotta keep up. Features get added on over time, usually improvements, but it builds up nonetheless, turning a once-simple UI into a cluttered and overwhelming mess of options and gamemodes and features and ways to upgrade. And those can have their own time limits, possibly two different types of events running at the same time, and you've got to choose what to prioritize or try to split your attention, after all, you've gotta keep up! Some games like Arknights are merciful, and add older event content back in on a more permanent basis, though usually still missing some elements from it's original run to keep that limited time special, and well, limited. The devs are still working on this, too, for years, not allowed to move on to a new creative endeavor, because the game is designed not to finish, just keep going until it stops making money and the servers are closed. And the players too, dedicate so much time. Gotta keep up!!!

And then.

And then, if you ever take a break? Ever fall off that wagon, by conscious choice to put yourself first, or by life getting in the way despite your wishes, or just by being too burnt out?

If you ever do have the chance and the willpower later to try to get back to it, catch up with that thing you loved, you find it didn't ever wait for you. The wagon's kept on rolling, piled higher and higher with stacks of new features and new content and may not even be recognizable depending on the gap. It could be a deeper experience now, but it could also just be overwhelming and unwelcoming. And there's so much you missed in the interim time, too. And now you're running after the wagon, playing catch-up, and unless you can somehow dedicate yourself to it twice as hard as you had before, (doubtful, given how much it had already demanded before, and how much more it does now) you're never ever really going to be able to properly climb back on that wagon, riding the crest like you had before, because you missed too much and are completely lost now. Always running after the wagon, grabbing in futility at the rope flapping in the breeze before your outstretched hands, not able to gain the same satisfaction.

Back when you were riding the wagon you still had to work to keep your place on it, but at least the work paid off meaningfully. Now, though? At some point, you have to recognize that you're just never going to be able to experience it the same way you had before, and stop running, just watch that overstuffed wagon roll away into the desert without you. Maybe see if a new wagon nearby is just taking off that you can hop aboard while the journey's still young, or just give up on the business entirely. Maybe check ahead and see if the original wagon's going to be hitting any particular landmarks you want to see, and arranging to briefly meet it there again, but otherwise just letting it go on without you.

This is why I've all but completely stopped playing Arknights.

This is why games-as-service needs to die.

[2af-afterdark]

So uh. Winter depression hit full force and I have fallen off the face of the Earth and now I feel anxious coming back, but I also miss reading your posts and sending silly things to your inbox... Which means that I need to actually write something...

First off, I guess I'd like to know if you've received the three long asks I sent you, like, a month ago? I wish I could say what was in them, but my memory is exceptionally shitty and so all I remember is that one of them was me trying to provide more details for that one Bael idea I told you about. I never got around to making sure it actually sent and didn't just disappear, and I'm sorry for that. I remember you saying you liking the idea and wanting to write for it, and I probably made that a whole lotta harder for you.

I've also had a burnout after all and hadn't been able to force myself to pick WHB up again. I'm thoroughly enjoying NuKani though (despite Eiden being stubborn and not coming home after 170 pulls), and hoping to return to the horny devils, too. Bael still has me in a chokehold and I miss him.

Sorry if this was too personal and uninteresting. Not really sure if I'm being a bother, but I figured I should probably kick myself into telling you I've yet to perish. I hope you're doing well, or at least okay! Please remember to rest and drink water <3

— 💛

💛!!!!!!!!!!!! I was afraid I had blocked you during one of my follower checks! I'm so sorry the winter depression has taken its tole on you. It's a lot every year. Why is the human body like this....

Personally, I haven't been writing as much lately because, uhhh, I explained last week (the post is private now) that I have been in a weird funk because I learned that my father died and it's made me kind of... confused in a lot of ways? You just happened to send everything right before I got that news...

I got your request and the ask that explained MC's personality. I may have answered the other two? I certainly don't see them in my inbox at least. Was it this one where you ask about the nightmare pass stuff? If not, Tumblr may have eaten them.

Olivine is on my shit list right now because he refuses to come home and I lost my 50/50... I just want to get shit in my gacha! I need hot men and art and fanfics all catered toward my specific taste! Manaed the first two, but I am super picky about the last one and I can't find a writer with open commissions that matches my needs. Sadness.

I'm glad you found the strength to send something in at least! Hope life and your brain treat you better in the coming weeks. You deserve it.

Hugs and kisses from across the internet~

[chasing-storm-s]

Faust's route is finally out!! I've been eyeing him since I started ikevamp but I have a hard time deciding between finishing up Dazai's route first or switching to Faust and come back after. I'm just gonna be rambling on from here onwards just to help arrange my own thoughts.

Things to think of:

I don't think I'll be able to properly play for the next couple of weeks (at least). Had some stuffs coming up and even prepping up for it now is tiring as is. I don't know how my schedule's going to be and I tend to not to well without established routine.

Currently right in the middle of Dazai's route and my completionist nature is just urging me to just finish it. Motivation: Main Route Campaign offers 5☆ gacha ticket for finishing either rom/drama end before end of April. Just played Faust's gacha with 10 tickets and I got ZERO Faust. TRIPLE BOOST AND STILL I GET NONE. why is my luck this. Triple Boost Gacha is only up until the 17th of April. Will I be able to finish Dazai's despite my hectic schedule even if I missed out on days: highly likely yes. If I switch to Faust now? Mission success not guaranteed.

Also, if I were to switch to Faust's now, to be able to properly enjoy it it's best for me to finish it in the next few days. I have enough to cover just half of his route (campaigns + events bonus rewards incl) and not enough diamonds to cover the rest (the struggles of a f2p player).

Even if I do finish Dazai's early, I'll probably just re-play one of the other guys' routes since I know how it goes already so I can use them to try collect the other Main Route Campaign rewards. And only switch to Faust once things have calmed down a bit.

Even if I won't be able to play Faust's route soon, am I curious about it? Yes. Do I want to see spoiler posts about it? Not sure. Maybe not until I've played it myself. So I'll probably just block all Faust related tags... but then not seeing any at all is just.. sad 😭 I don't want to not see my no.1 ikevamp man for weeks/months and knowing that I'm doing it to myself on purpose just hurts more

Also not ikevamp related but Ikemen Villains will also be out really soon and same thing, despite my excitement to start playing, with all the self- translations I need to do, I probably just take things slow and get used to the game mechanics first when I have extra time to spare.

Attempts will be made to suppress my completionist and reaping max benefit urges and to try to create and accept doable schedules. And hope I don't have any more burnouts. Point to remember: I play to have fun and relieve stress and ofc for the hot men, but me making myself stressed out about it defeats the purpose of playing in the first place.

Anyways. That's about it.

[asbestieos]

we used to be friends, way before, and like, wow, youve gone so far, proud of you

🥹🥹🥹 oh my goodness!! anon if youre who i think you are (i am somewhat confident in my silly hunch), im so happy to know youre still out there even if we dont talk anymore!!! admittedly i have the most terrible memory ever so i barely remember much of our time together (i wish i remembered more!! but as is, i cant even remember the last time i showered lmfao) but since its been such a long time, i hope its ok if i give you a Riley Life Update of the past.. two, three years? <- it feels like it has been longer than that 😭😭

2020!! i graduated!! i enrolled in school! i girlslayed hard! however due to World Events, i cant go to school in person and am relegated to online classes in my room </3 unfortunately im also in the deepest depths of my genshin phase and ran both my own And denver’s acc. sometimes i paid for her acc’s battlepass too it was bad DBDKBFJ

2021! girlslaying starting to fail from burnout and severe depression from being shut in! i passed my first semester exams with flying colors! i failed all but one of my second semester exams. also come january im both afflicted with covid and experiencing a bad bed bug infestation. #girlsuffering. i dropped out in the summer ^_^ this is when the terrible moodswings hit (i thought they were moodswings but as it turns out, i was incredibly emotionally unstable!! more on this later)

2022!! last year oh my gosh! denver and jasper/moth and i started talking about moving in together, which requires me to have money of course. so aprilish i get a job! i work at starbucks! i girlslay REALLY hard. i also start playing ensemble stars (the beginning of my curse……..). come july i had a massive breakdown and almost broke up with denver and our mutual friend group 👍 it was Bad bad.. but things worked out? <- this experience has led me to believe im probably a bpd haver becos of how wildly unstable i am. fun! crasy asf!

moving plans fall through as summer goes by, im still employed at my job, still havent gotten my license yet but it is ok i will get it soon, and come 2023, moving plans are back on!! hopefully will be seen-through ny the time summer comes…

tldr i have bpd, i dropped out and got a job, im gay a shit over idol bot gacha game, and by summer, ill hopefully be moved in with denver!! yeha those are the important updates! for me at least. randys in college now btw!!! in her sophomore year!! shes incredible truly! she lives on campus so i usually only see her once a month or so but shes literally awesome ^_^

very long update post and i made it all about me 💔 theres history between us that ive unfortunately forgotten and im sad that ive forgotten (then again i could always read back, but every time ive tried, ive only cringed at myself like OOGH is that me?? sickening) but im really glad to have gotten this anon!! if youre not the person i think you are thats okay and also i am sorry i assumed UEGEJVFDJF i needed this i think to try and reflect back on. the crazy ass time my newrly three years of adult life has been.. im 21 in july!!! crazy as hell!

i also hope the formatting is ok, i try to break up big paragraphs w/o starting a brand new one for the sake of readability <:] i think i mightbe learned that from you? i dont remember though guwbddjjd.. but i think about you on the occasion as i do with everyone ive ever met ever and im glad to know youre still kicking it like i am.. life is rough a hell 💔

theres not enough words i can say that can make up for not remembering us too well and also for saying and doing hurtful things to you if theres one thing ive not forgotten, its that i was not a very nice person way back when. but i hope now youre in a better place and you have friends who love you just as much as i did and still do!!

i have to go to work but uuwheuehehhehehrhfht thank you for reaching out anon i hope this post was nice to read and feel free to live in my inbox for forever, even if you wanna stay anonymous forever i dont mind! if youre not the person i was thinking of, rest well with the joy that youve given me a moment to reflect on myself euwhhwrh but if you ARE the person i was thinking of. im sorry i hurt you. and thank you!! i love you!! im glad you were a part of my life. i hope your day is good and your tomorrow is better!! live in my inbox if it pleases you!!

EDIT: FROGOR TO SAY IM PROUD OF YOU TOO 👍

[flyingcookierambles]

arrgh work has been horrible lately. like. just ughghg. ive been so drained and sad that i havent even been able to finish dragalia lost’s final chapter.....

:/// :(((

at least i did this tutorial. still waiting for the files to download. even if they dont technically run right now due to not having a server to connect to, maybe someone someday in the future will make a private server like how all those MMO nerds keep everquest alive and stuff so that we can play the game again. i know that its technically just 2 days now (counting down the hours to the last 24 :(( ) but like. i have 0 time im so sad abt it ugh.

anyways! tutorial on how to save your files and all the assets below! the video’s very helpful description also has the links to the guthubs and pythons and stuff you need to run the scripts to download.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyhRUaKV_G8

heres hoping my laptop can squeeze the eng/chinese/taiwan versions on to 20 gb, or ill break out my external hard drive or something idk.

ughhh.

i think that. im just kinda done with live service games right now. like gacha burnout + being burned by that korean kaledoscope gacha, a3! english, and now dragalia lost. like, i think i’ll still play genshin since its literally insane and seems like they’re really thinking of making it a long lived game like granblue or something and of course ffxiv which as an mmo, while still a “live service,” as an mmo i think that they are just. different? like gachas are sprinting to each and every banner, but the mmo model seems more like a light jog or marathon. of course there is some FOMO and time sensitive holiday events, etc., but mmos just seem different from gacha, especially f2p gacha. i think it may also just be that mmos as a genre/company model has more history than the more recent gacha anime gaming industry. so. like. yeah. i really do actually want to get back into other gacha that i put on hold for a3! eng and now dragalia. i really do want to see my best husbandos mammon and beel and satan in obey me, and i want to either give twst jpn a try for language learning purposes and/or finally install twst eng. and like. uhh. lol. nu carnival lol. and of course a3! jpn and enstars music of course. hahhahahaha new carnival what is that

but like all jokes aside i seriously just cant. you would think that since they’re phone apps and all i can just download them and go esp since i always have my phone with me but like. i cant bring myself to do it. ghuaoghg i feel like this is my phone being kinda old, the battery gets killed when i open games, the building i work in has no wifi and my cellular data is high enough, and work draining my energy to do anything but play genshin for 30-45 minutes in a mindless hack n slash grind for dailies and primos for saramouche and then maybe doing the custom delivery of the week in ffxiv and then going to bed. like thats it. i wake up at 6 am i go to work til 4 pm i travel home and shower i get tired i crawl into bed bc my room is cold i either read fanfic/watch youtube or i fall asleep until 10 pm and accidentally skip dinner and then i go to bed and wake up and the cycle just repeats for 7 days a week for 45+ hours a week. ughghurghru having 2 jobs was a mistake FML OTL...

[bettsfic]

betts, I feel like I’ve gotten worse at writing. i used to be able to create snappy, emotive, GOOD stories not quickly, but at a steady predictable pace. now it takes nine drafts to get the kind of quality i used to be able to get in two or three, and it’s so hard to finish anything. my writing seems so clumsy these days; I can’t seem to make the words do what I want. is this just burnout? It feels like a different kind of burnout. i feel the inspiration to write, but I can’t MAKE THE WORDS DO THE THING. i know you’re a proponent of shitty first drafts but more than five drafts is too many for a 5k story imo. it makes it not fun. do you have any advice/have you addressed this before?

this happened to me for the first 6 months of this year. like my brain just wouldn't form sentences, images, or ideas, and all i could do was play video games desperately seeking the same kind of reward feedback i usually get from writing. that entire time, i blamed myself and thought i was just undisciplined or lazy, or worse, writing was some magical superpower i had for a while and then it just disappeared. on one hand, i really hate gacha games for capitalizing on that neurochemical need for reward when your brain lacks the ability to supply it itself. but on the other, i wouldn't have made it through the semester without them.

that was the first symptom of a very slow mental decline during which i eventually grew extremely fatigued and stopped being able to eat anything other than raw fruits and vegetables. apparently i was super depressed, but i didn't realize it because i was on a low dose of anti-depressants already which kept my usual and much more severe symptoms at bay (suicidality, psychosis, etc). i went to the doctor and explained i was having all these symptoms and my doctor was just like, well let's double your dose and see if that helps.

within like two days of doubling my dose, my brain was back online. the words and images and ideas came back, writing became easier (or at least, hard in the good way), and i started being happy with what i was working on. i felt very stupid for not seeing it sooner, and forcing myself to suffer and struggle when i should have just sucked it up and gone to a doctor to begin with. like, of course i can't expect my chronically depressed brain to keep up with the abject misery of 2020-2021. (my med is welbutrin btw. i got put on it after i had a psychotic breakdown and had the same reaction: almost instantly my symptoms went away. i'm very lucky that the first med i tried worked for me, and stayed working for me for 4 years.)

i guess i always thought the hypergraphic part of my brain that makes writing an actual need instead of something i do for fun was an anomaly or an addiction maybe, and that if i were properly medicated, my obsessive and fixating tendencies would become more balanced. but apparently Writing A Lot and being obsessed with things is actually what my brain is like when it's working right. and that makes sense, i guess, because it makes me happier than anything else does, and when it's gone, i'm miserable.

the thing is, it sounds like you're doing everything right. you have the discipline of the shitty first draft and a lot of revisions. so it's possible that maybe the problem isn't you or the writing, but something else. all of us have lived through the worst and darkest year of this century, and we're all probably fucked up by it. so i think it's worthwhile to look away from writing and make a list of other things that are going on with you to see if you find any patterns.

[nyaitsu-writes]

nya my beloved !! i am doing great, i actually made a writing blog a month ago because you inspired me ☆ /srs

i . . . am actually trying to fix my sleeping schedule, so i need to be dead asleep before 23:00 . getting a good night’s sleep feels so refreshing, to be honest (๑･̑◡･̑๑) ( i’m sleep-deprived in the past few years HAJSHA)

and your exams omg,, good luck !! i know you can do it ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ tell your last braincell to hold on a little longer HAHSGZHAHS

the ibara prompt is in character ! wdym it’s ooc,, 🍡 is a huge ibaraP yk,, i love reading all your works esp ibara’s . . .

and oooooo i hope you get sora at least !! i stopped doing the event because i’m having an enstars burnout and i’m just logging in to get the daily awards and stuff . my mind says there’s an ibara event coming soon and i need to save *hides my 175 gems in the corner*

— 🍡

oh gosh you did?? that's so awesome! i am waiting. here. please give me your @ 🤲 i'm going to spam the heck out of your blog my cute lil dango,, you're going to have to block me to get rid of me (●ˇ∀ˇ●)<3 i want to read your writing so bad <33 if you don't want it public my dms are open too don't worry!

yesyes you go fix your sleep schedule that is super important! i'm kinda,, the other way around now and i'm not proud of it ;; i've always slept a good amount but it slowly went from a lot to 8 hours to 7... last semester was 6 and now i'm somewhere around 5 (┬┬﹏┬┬) given that i'm slowly but surely being swamped by work and projects i don't like it one bit,, me likes the sleepies. i am the happiest when i get to sleep 12 hours. i am channelling my inner ritsu as soon as i get a break!!

aaa that makes me so relieved!! i find it really fun how i get a surprising amount of ibara prompts every so often www he's a funky boy to write for,, a lil snakie if you will. the anime didn't really paint him in the best light so i want to read more things about him,, story recs are very much welcomed!

i just got sora like checks clock,, 15 minutes ago. finally home <3 i got severely burnt out a while back + couldn't find the time so i haven't played any events since... when was shinsekai again? (＞︿＜) i think that was the last one i played seriously sobsob like wow can you believe i didn't played hidden beast nor the la mort one. not even the big one at the beginning of the year. but the one that bugs me the absolute most is love letter. yuta's new hairstyle i just. i mean like i can even get a 5* in a point event but i could've gotten hinata maybe </3 i am obsessed with yuta's new hairstyle and the love letter outfit is so pretty..... getting all my 2winkP ness back all at once

anyways good luck saving up! as a f2p in enstars i know the absolute pain. if only enstars gave us more free dia,, and maybe better gacha rates my life would be complete <(＿　＿)>

[currywaifu]

𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: the sims 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: settsu banri/reader 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw 𝐰𝐜: 2.1k words

𝐚𝐧: banri and reader? using the Sims as an excuse to flirt? more likely than you think. been playing Sims 4, and I got a surge of inspiration at like 1 am. also, friends to lovers is one of my faves, goes hand in hand w/ many tropes (fake dating cough cough)

A laptop with no mouse, you’re such a pro-gamer.” Banri teases you, lifting the blankets slightly to let you settle in beside him. Fixing your position on the bed, you let out a laugh as he yelped from the skin contact.

“Your feet are fucking cold!”

You stick your tongue out at him, before turning on your laptop. “Then don’t make fun of my set-up, e-boy! You’re the one who wanted to game in bed.”

“I was expecting gacha-“

“I have event burnout,” you whine in protest, “I need a break from my eternal suffering, so we’re playing the Sims 4.”

Shuffling closer to you, his thighs now beside yours, he watches you load up an unfinished sim from your gallery. He snickers as he looks at the avatar closely.

“Oh, so we’re making each other then?” Banri asks, noting the various clothes that looked incredibly similar to stuff he actually owns. Clearly, you already got a head start. “My face looks kind of fucked though.”

Giggling, you turn to face him. “Obviously it’s hard to do your gorgeous, one of a kind face justice, have pity on my average sim-making skills.” You joked, observing Banri’s expression for a comeback. Whatever he throws at you, you’ll be prepared to throw back.

“Then I’ll let you look at my face as a reference, for as long as you want,” he replies, the quirk of his lips letting you know he had more to say. “Just like how you’re looking at me right now,” he continues, a little softer this time.

Caught off-guard, you force yourself to turn back to the bright blue screen as Banri’s sim lets out various sounds of Simlish non-sense. Did joining theatre make him even more smooth or something?

And here you thought you could avoid the feelings continuously sprouting in your chest. You supposed inviting the object of your affections over to your place didn’t help your case; with your friend spending more and more time as an actor, you secretly longed for and cherished the time you spent together.

Still, with how he grew and bloomed as a person it was hard not to catch feelings.

With a boyish grin set on his face, he found himself revelling in your cute embarrassment. “Made ya speechless?”

“Something like that,” you said half-heartedly.

You always found him attractive, bowl-cut, dumb animal print and all. Of course, as if you would ever tell him seriously lest his ego gets bigger. Yet when you were looking at a picture of him for reference, your thoughts weren’t ‘yeah my friend is attractive, what a good reference for this sim’.

Instead, it was more along the lines of, ‘I’d like to punch his mouth, with my mouth.’

Slightly concerned by your lacklustre response, Banri looks at your face for a sign of discomfort or anger. Lips slightly pouted, eyebrows somewhat furrowed, and eyes completely focused on the screen.

Wait, what were you doing?

“Yo what are you doing to my face! Stop stretching it out!” You were smiling again, so he wasn’t all that bothered by your petty retaliation really, plus it was nice to know he hadn’t said anything that was out of line with you.

“Fine, fine. I wanna get Banny’s face right.” You say.

Banri opens his mouth, then closes it, then lets out a huff of laughter. “You have a nickname for the sim now?” He was about to say more until one of your hands takes hold of his face.

Settsu Banri was not easily flustered, nor did his face turn red from small, insignificant touches. The tingling feeling rendered within him as your fingers brush against his skin, however, was present no matter how much he denied it.

This weird silence wasn’t really his thing, but if he spoke up now or teased you back, there was a chance you would stop. Why didn’t he want you to stop?

Your index finger traces his jawline, the pad briefly meeting his cheek before sliding upwards to the bridge of his nose. He didn’t close his eyes, but with your intense stare piercing through him, his gaze shifts towards somewhere, anywhere else.

The wall was a nice place to set his eyes on. Not so plain that his thoughts would wander but not so cluttered that he wouldn’t know where to start. There was a time when your room was littered with posters from different shows, games, bands- he could remember it pretty well, having made fun of you for it.

At the present a choice few posters still there, but now there was also the addition of photos of you and other people on the wall. Some were polaroids, others were pictures you printed out yourself and taped on.

From afar, he spots several photos with him in it- when you went thrift shopping together, the cultural festivals you dragged him to and the music festivals he visited with you. A part of him is pleased, smug even, to know that he’s important enough to you have his pictures up there.

He hadn’t really thought about it before, but when did the two of you get so close to hang out all the time? You had always been chill with him even when he was a delinquent, but after joining Mankai the two of you had grown closer.

“Oi, Banri. Look at this!”

Huh, when did you stop touching his face?

When Banri looked at the screen appraisingly, his sim version- Banny, you called him, looked a lot more like him. You even dressed him in clothes he would’ve chosen for himself.

“Like the animal print? Downloaded a bunch for you.”

He whistled, looking at the different outfits you chose. “You did pretty good, I guess. Could probably do better though.”

You scoff, looking a little doubtful. Sure, Banri excelled in many things, but making a good sim look-a-like isn’t a common talent, especially without any practice.

“Have you even played the Sims 4 before?”

Shrugging, Banri pulled the device onto his lap from yours. “2 and 3. Never touched 4, should be easy enough.”

He plays around with the options for a bit. After entering your name and gender, he looks through the possible aspirations and traits he could give your sim, which was easy enough. He briefly wondered if you would protest being given a mismatched trait, but when he hovers the cursor over one you don’t react at all. 

Calling out your name, he eyes you from his peripheral. This wasn’t the first time you spaced out today. One arm went in front of you as he waved his hand to catch your attention.

“You can… also,” you paused, chewing on your lip for a few seconds, “for reference. If you wanted.”

He whips his head to face you completely, looking a little shell-shocked.

‘If I wanted?’

He paused, figuring out how to phrase his response. Honestly, he probably didn’t need to- he already has your face mapped out and memorised in his brain at this point, but there was no way he was admitting that.

Besides, if you offered it wouldn’t be wrong wanting to accept.

“Not that I need it, but I’m just making sure, ya hear?” His voice was the same as always, not a sign of wavering to hint at his anticipation or nervousness. “Bet you just want my hands all over ya or something.” He said, doing his best to manage a playful tone but not quite making the cut.

If someone else had said it you would have felt called out, or at worst offended, but you knew he was merely slipping into the language he most felt comfortable using.

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Your voice came out a little shaky at the start, but thankfully he doesn’t out you for it. “Just don’t be weird about it.” There was no doubt in your mind that your cheeks were hotter than the sun, but you were curious about how it felt.

“No pressure,” Banri said, hoping his face is still the picture of nonchalance despite the erratic thumping of his heart in his chest defying it. “You can back out anytime.”

You don’t answer, steadily avoiding his gaze by observing the hand hovering near your face. It twitched.

The blanket shifts as Banri sits in a way where he could look at you properly, putting the laptop aside.

As soon as you felt his fingers come in contact with your face you immediately shut your eyes, unable to bear the embarrassment. A multitude of questions ran through your head, unable to concentrate on a single one.

Why did you offer? Why did he accept? You did the same, so why was it such a big deal if he touched your face? Why did you touch his face in the first place? Why were you so touch-starved? Why did he it feel so nice?

You hoped closing your eyes hid the self-consciousness and pleasure you felt at this moment, enjoying his knuckles glide against your skin.

Banri narrows his eyes, stomach twisting at how overwhelmingly adorable you looked and how soft you were. Hell, you were turning him all soft and sappy and disgusting but that was the least of his worries right now. At least your eyes were closed, he doesn’t have to put on a facade— that this was just a friendly thing, because if he was reading the signs right you were both venturing somewhere beyond that.

His thumbs press against your cheekbones, so featherlight the sensation might as well be from a ghost. You stay still, unable— or perhaps unwilling— to move, and as much as you try to hold it in your breaths grow more and more uneven the longer Banri’s hand lingers on your skin.

You wonder if this is as intimate for him as it was for you.

Your skin is warm and soft, he’s a little conscious if the callousness of his fingertips feels uncomfortable to you.

Even with the slight roughness, his fingers felt infinitely tender as they swept through your cheeks.

Following your cheekbone, he moves to your jaw, to your chin, and with his fingers up again to his forehead, learning the planes of your face. He’s had you memorised visually, but it wouldn’t hurt to familiarise himself with the feeling of you. Banri stretches out his fingers before fully cupping your face with his palms, swallowing when you lean your head into one of them.

“Do you know,” Banri hesitates, “what you’re doing to me?”

His courage wanes, he wants to say more but it’s so difficult sorting out the emotions overflowing within. His head hurts a bit from figuring out what to focus on, the anxiety and panic or the joy and euphoria. The only constant right now was you.

One hand falls to your arm, slowly sliding up and down while leaving goosebumps in its wake. The other continues to rest on the side of your face, thumb inching closer and closer. As the pad brushes against the corner of your lip, your eyes open wide and gaze directly at the familiar pools of blue.

The first thought that flies through your mind is that he’s close enough now to kiss you. Everything about him, the air around them, feels warm and humming with an energy you’ve never felt from anyone before— other than Banri.

“This isn’t easy for me,” Banri lets out a breath, both of you doing your best to not disturb the feeling in the room. His hair falling loose but his eyes never leave yours for a second. “I’ve never… Look, I like being around you. You matter to me. A lot.”

You can’t help the smile that makes its way on your face, the utter adoration, and fondness and love you had for him escaping all at once. With what little space you had between, you pressed your forehead against his.

“You matter to me too. A lot.” You muttered, repeating his confession, closing your eyes again before ever so gently pushing your lips to his.

You’ve imagined how it would be like to kiss Banri before, rough and a little harsh, but as you felt his hand through the baby hairs at the bottom of your head you were more than content at his gentle kissing.

Banri continues kissing you slowly, unsure if the sun had already set, but all that mattered was this moment.

want to order again?

[moistwithgender]

Anime I think I remember watching this year

I need to keep better track of this I guess.

Aggressive Retsuko: Great! Very likable characters (even the bastards), just the right amount of millennial cynicism. 9/10 Aggressive Retsuko Christmas Special: It's not about Christmas, it's about instagram. It's great and extremely real (watch the series first though). Digimon Adventure tri 1 & 2: This is actually very boring so far. I planned to jump back in with the english dub, which is honestly how I should have been watching it from the beginning. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten around to it. Kado The Right Answer: If this show had not been sabotaged from the inside out in the last 2-3 episodes, this would have probably been up there with classics like Bebop. WEST WING: THE ANIME, we would have called it, or something. I haven't watched West Wing, but it's all bureaucracy, right? 8/10 in this universe, 10/10 in the alternate universe where it didn't shit the bed. Angolmois: I got halfway through this before the low budget and my own exhaustion had me drop it. Unfortunate, since anime never adapts the mongol invasion. Planet With: In the running for series of the year, probably. A super robot show where the ultimate moral is that, actually, rehabilitating your enemies is better than killing them. Will rewatch in the future, I'm sure. 10/10. Asobi Asobase: Hina Kino (Hanako)'s is going to go down as a legendary voice actress if I have any say in anything. Which I do, because I'm in charge of the industry now. Which means we're taking out queerphobic jokes, wrap it up people. 8/10, would rank higher without the bad takes. Cells at Work!: Really fun concept, has *implications* of a deeper narrative to be had built into the worldbuilding, but ultimately the whole season is just "oh I bet this irl thing would translate like this in my setting" on repeat. Still, an easy watch. 7/10. Hanebado!: There's a lot that could be good about this. Themes of toxicity in competitive spaces, overwork, abandonment, and trauma. Ending had a lot of people upset because it either miscommunicated how the protagonist moved past her trauma (best case), or just completely dropped the entire arc because...I don't know why. I rated this 9/10 on myanimelist, but it probably deserves lower. I'm still over here wanting to believe I missed something in my interpretation. Hoping for either a second season or a faster manga translation. My Hero Academia S3: This season had some high points but I felt it was considerably less interesting overall than the second season. However, Deku vs Bakugou was genuinely one of the best moments of the series thus far. My Hero Academia The Movie: Pretty standard shonen series movie for the sake of having one. Nothing groundbreaking here. But hey, I got to listen to "You Say Run" in a theater, which was almost worth the price of admission on its own. 6/10. Ushio & Tora: Both seasons, thirty nine episodes. Waste of my time! Maybe this series was just meant to be consumed bit by bit, but I just found it really shallow in the end. 6/10. Chio's School Road: Another *brilliant* comedy that is ultimately brought down by the occasional queerphobic humor. Get it toGETHER, guys! In any case, I care about these stupid children now, and hope for a season two soon. 8/10. Angels of Death: It took about 14 out of the total 16 episodes before I suddenly stopped hate watching it and started laughing at its unwarranted self seriousness and paradoxical writing. Still, kind of frustrated I stuck with it anyway. 4/10. Night is Young, Walk On Girl: Gorgeous movie that has to be seen, but. I wonder if it's Yuasa or the original writer of these books that insists on the resolution to all conflict being "heterosexuality". 9/10. Haibane Renmei: I got four episodes in before the Funi/Crunchy split happened ;__; it's really good tho Dragon Pilot: Definitely gonna rewatch this one one day too. There is a density of theme and execution here that I cannot yet fully unpack and it's just so good. Also the english dub is good, and is how I preferred to watch it. It also has a lesbian and isn't afraid of her, even if her role is very small. It's something. 9/10, maybe 10/10. Mirai: I fucking love Mamoru Hosoda's films. 9/10. Zombieland Saga: I have the sneaking feeling that they wanted a few more HOT PROGRESSIVE TAKES to be fit in before the season ended, but restraints got in the way. We had a sex worker idol who never got her backstory episode, and actually Tae never got hers either. It's still a 9/10 for me, but I'm hoping for at least a followup OVA. And a movie. Granblue Fantasy: I finished the full season, save for the "omake" episode that I assume takes place in the alternate universe where Protagonist Is Girl. This was somewhat throwaway cozy saturday morning nostalgia for the old days of Final Fantasy before that game series became more grounded in contemporary and sci-fi settings. It was also something I watched as a primer for the incoming Platinum and ArcSys games, because I'm not gonna play two gacha games at the same time. Hilariously, the--like--twenty new characters from the gacha that showed up in the last episode were all more interesting than the cast of the full season. 7/10, 10/10 for having a race of hot girls with horns (there are also guys but who cares). Hi Score Girl: This show is a love letter to growing up with arcades in 90s Japan and also struggling with making friends and ohhh my god every time the idiot main boy stops paying attention to important interpersonal plot and just starts infodumping about a game, I tragically see myself. It's very good, the girls are GOOD GIRLS and deserve better and the writing seems fully aware of that.  The series unfortunately ends on a stock romantic plot beat cliffhanger that I have to wait until March to have ultimately resolved in THREE EPISODES. Despite that, it's easily a 9/10. I list a lot of 9/10s but it's been a good couple seasons and there's just...a lot of range there. Number scores are bullshit. Watch anime. Shin Getter Robo: Probably the last show I'll have finished before the year end. It's my second exposure to Getter Robo (my first was reading Getter Robo Go, which actually takes place after this), and it's still good, but oh god. These guys are dumb bastards but there's a note early in that has aged particularly badly in the MeToo era. Not sure if the show got better because I switched audio tracks to English with VAs I have nostalgia for, or because they broke through the bottom of a lake and wound up in alternate history Heian era Japan, stranded for multiple years. With a giant robot. I liked that part. 8/10. Shows I took a break from due to burnout and need to pick back up: Run with the Wind, Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai, Vento Aureo, SSSS.Gridman, Hinomaruzumou, Ms. Vampire who lives in my neighborhood, As Miss Beelzebub Likes It., Devilman Crybaby, That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san. SO MANY!!

[flyingcookierambles]

sadness over a3! eng i guess

oof just on my 700th day.....

kinda sad because of the announcement about A3! ENG server shutting down soon due to financial difficulties at LIBER/CYBIRD in the past two years (covid-19 related, etc.). according to a rather in depth reddit comment that had links to LIBER's publicly available financial reports + some financial reports from LIBER's parent company, Aeria, in english, covid-19 really hit LIBER hard since they had to cancel many money making events, from pop-up shops for the typical anime merch trinkets (keychains, plushes, pins, etc.) to the huge in-person events (voice actor meetups, the stage plays of MANKAI LIVE, etc.). due to shrinking player base on the ENG server + major loss of profits on both JPN and ENG servers, LIBER had to choose one or the other and they chose the JPN one, which i totally understand since it's way bigger there and the JPN fanbase will continue to give the franchise money more often. also, another person found a financial report/estimate from the google play store or something, and A3! ENG only made ~$20K to ~$10K in the past few months, which i guess is not enough to keep a server and localization company afloat. 

i got pretty attached to the characters and it was a great game to help get by during college. and honestly, while i am very sad about this, again, i understand why LIBER did this, looking at their financial report from 2020. I would LIBER save the entire franchise rather than shut all the servers down, making us all unable to see our favorite actors ever again, even if it means that we ENG fans will have to go thru the extra steps of finding/reading fan translations, wikis, etc., to read any further stories from where A3! ENG left off. still, A3! ENG's localization was something special. i'm saying this as a TKRB JPN player who read the wiki for all the character voice lines and then had to see the official TKRB ENG localization make Yamabushi Kunihiro a rapper for some reason? lol. it was....weird.... meanwhile, all the memes and slang in A3! ENG didn't seem out of place and all fit their personalities because 3/4 of the troupes were all high school to college age and 3 of them were ~Gamers~. Out of all the gachas i've played, i feel like the only other F2P gacha game that had this incredibly smooth, all cultural jokes/puns translated in a way that still makes sense/fits the character/doesn't require a galaxy brain and some TL note to understand, is probably dragalia lost and that's only because it has frickin Nintendo localizing/publishing it globally for CyGames. Nintendo. i'll eventually read the fan translations of A3!'s Act 3 on the wiki, but it won't be the same without Kazunari's super high-energy influencer slang of "'whoa fam! that's totes 'blammable, gotta take a pic!" or Itaru's gremlin Gamer speak of "lol get rekt noobs" or Tsuzuru's tired dying breath of "that ain't it chief." the appropriate slang and relatable meme speak of the localization really helped humanize these characters as people of their respective ages, rather than just a typical formal speak or some directly translated JPN slang -> ENG that turns out super awkward that can be found in bad localizations.

going back to the reddit comment too, the death of A3! ENG servers could have bad repercussions in the future for other joseimuke games. josei, if you for some reason have been in the anime fandom but still don't know this term, is basically the genre of stories/video games/media/etc aimed at women. it's the mature adult counterpart to seinen, media aimed at adult men. basically shoujo/shonen = elementary/middle school/high school aimed while josei/seinen = high school/college/adult aimed if that helps. Joseimuke is a part of josei that is not specifically romance. while some josei/joseimuke can overlap with otome, aka female aimed dating sims/romance media, they have many things about them that make these all separate genres. one of the official A3! ENG translators and a known fan translator of another joseimuke gacha, Mahou Yaku/Wizard’s Promise, minami, goes more in depth with this in a twitter thread. 

A3! was an actor raising game, and a big part of it was found family and relationships that were platonic. yet it got advertised as an otome, which has more connotations with dating sims and brings to mind other shoujo/otome games and anime where the cast is all high schoolers and the setting is most often in a high school. but, other than some characters making flirty jokes or implied to have crushes on Izumi/player character, many character relationships with Izumi are platonic and not romantic at all. Spring Troupe in the game also jokingly calls themself a family. the entire Mankai Company is basically found family. plus, since the game actually has time passing in story and the characters age with each year, half of the characters aren’t even in high school anymore. a large majority of them are in college or are graduated by now, with only a few still in high school. i’m not surprised if a reason that some people left the game was due to feeling bored with the slice of life/not romantic story, feeling that they were lied to about it being an otome, which was falsely advertised since it is a game meant for the older teens/adults demographic of josei/joseimuke.

i’m worried that other japanese companies will look at this shut down as a “josei/joseimuke doesn’t work well in the west” and never localize other josei/joseimuke gacha games like Mahou Yaku, EnStars, Twisted Wonderland, Helios, etc.

while i like otome and shoujo, i, as a 23/soon to be 24 year old college graduate and now tax paying adult, want more stories that have more mature themes and characters that are more my age so i don’t have to feel awkward when i’m playing some dating sim and i, a literal 23 year old adult, and trying to woo a 16 year old. it’s...a little awkward to say the least. i would gladly welcome more mature media that is categorized as josei/joseimuke.

sorry if this is all over the place, but overall im just sad that A3! ENG is shutting down. i don’t know if i’ll join the JPN server yet. i’m def going to read the Act 3 story via fan translators on the wiki, but A3! gameplay was...boring lmao. as much as i love A3!, im sure that the constant event grind/burnout and boring rng gameplay turned people off too and i dont blame them. i felt the burnout bad since i participated in basically every event since day 1. it. is. rough. i’m not joining the hellish thunderdome that is the JPN server and im not ranking anymore as a F2P player lmao. literally had to play almost every waking free moment to get into the 30%-20% bracket as a F2P person and i never got to top 20%-10%, much less top 1% lmao. i’m don’t whale enough lol. 

i feel like i should probably just. crack open my genki 2 textbook and uhhh totally legal pdf copy of tobira. so i can just. get the JPN version of games in the first place so i don’t have to worry about getting shafted since overseas fans are often considered expendable. 

i wish that, when any games that are online end, gacha or mmo or anything, anything online, companies will let fans archive things. or like. release a book that is just the story text or something. like. CYBIRD is letting us still technically play the game and have the story and all, but what if they eventually later shut everything down? why not just release a pdf/ebook that’s just the text of the eng localization for some money? i’d buy it. for nostalgia and rereads and all and also archiving purposes. i think i’ll try to help with any english localization archive projects if i can so that the hilarious and incredible localization that was a work of love from the translation team doesn’t just disappear forever.

well.

that’s it for now. as i said, guess i’ll head to the app for one of the last times to read the last unread stories and mini stories i have left, then the wiki for Act 3, and then i guess i’ll crack open genki 2 and bunpo.....

some fun random links for you to think about!

random ffxi article that came to mind (if ffxiv ever shuts down in the next 20 years or whatever i’d be cool to get a statue of my character at the end)

and death of a game playlist by NerdSlayer Studios on Youtube that has me thinking a lot about game preservation and losing MMOs and games

the lost media wiki  and blameitonjorge’s lost media iceberg

other gacha games i’ve played that have shut down that i think about sometimes because the loss of A3! ENG isn’t my first rodeo:

terra battle & terra battle 2 (1)

AFTERL!FE

(related kitsu post link for archive reasons)