#so I'm genuinely happy about that!
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happy birthday!! i hope that all your wishes this year come true and that you're blessed with many more fulfilling years to come <3
~ nessa ♡
Oop- one day late to my own birthday message 🫠 Sowwy ;_; I wasn't on my computer all day yesterday.
But thank you so much!! Seeing your ask made me really happy 😭🩷
#🍁 dust mail#🍁 dust moots#🍁 garden visitor: whipped-for-fictionals#ngl I'm surprised someone here on tumblr even remembered since I've been pretty much MIA all year ;_;#so I'm genuinely happy about that!
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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As a writer, I love going back through the comments I've gotten on AO3. I promise that the minute you take of your time has been appreciated for hours/months/years
#I still get comments on a fic I wrote about??? 5 years ago?? and it means so much to me#It's also genuinely such a nice boost of confidence#It's really easy as humans to dismiss anything old of yours as bad#But it makes me happy knowing I've improved#Your comment saying I'm a good writer based on that? Oh BAYBEE it's been constant practice since then
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can't believe garak went from 'hope you have fun following my little breadcrumb trail of maybe-truths doctor it builds character ;)' at the beginning of the show to '*sigh* fuck it here's the whole loaf. the entire fucked up bakery of my soul. if you somehow still wanna have sex with me after this you know where I am, yours in infinite longing etc.' in a stitch in time. has anyone ever been so pathetically horrifically enduringly down bad as garak is for julian (laudatory)
#that's some real lodestar simp stuff you've got going on garak and I'm so happy for you/sorry . I guess that's the thing about love#garashir#elim garak#star trek#star trek ds9#ds9#I take the same approach to 'a stitch in time' that I do to deacon's final story in fallout 4 -- I'm agnostic on if ALL details are true#but overall it's certainly *emotionally* truer than even the truth could be sort of situation. genuinely emotionally intimate finally.#which I think is the more important part#and part of that is being weapons grade longing material fjdskjafsa. off the pining scale.
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tranny freak :)
#Negativity#Transphobia#I don't know what to tell you buddy I'm not sure what your goal is here#I am genuinely so much happier like this#Figuring out that I'm a tranny freak has been the absolute best thing ever#All the loved ones who I've come out to have been so welcoming and supportive#I get to experiment with my appearance like I haven't done since my punk days in highschool#And I've always been a weirdo so freak isn't even hurtful that's been a point of pride for decades#What made you want to hurt a stranger buddy#What are you going through#Are you gonna read this and scoff cause I took a troll sincerely#Why are you so afraid of genuine connection#Why are you scared of people#Are you happy with your life right now#Do you like yourself#How much time do you spend doing this#Do you think the negativity might be getting to you#How much time do you spend feeling repulsed scornful and annoyed towards others that you gotta do something about it#I'm really sorry#I used to be a similar kinda angry and that shit taints everything#Idk man I just hope you can see the joy in things someday#There's so much cool and exciting stuff you can find when you start looking for happiness and good intentions#Kinda sad that you're missing out
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I don't know what this is all I know is that LimL Joel makes me really emotional
#I know he has a tendency to go deranged on his red lives but idk something about him beginning to lose it after Jimmy died and killing Grian#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans fanart#trafficblr#Again its his red life shenanigans but... If only Jimmy had known how affected someone was by his death. I'm choosing to believe this#and him then going out like a sad pathetic wet cat even with Grian's sacrifice... He really deserves a win one of these days lmao please#Also I cant stop thinking about how Jimmy wouldn't have left him. Grian was sensible to and most players probs would have#Joel really does become a lost cause so its fair and Grian did still care (and went to say goodbye as well as sacrifice his time for him)#But Jimmy would have stuck by even if Joel were in this state (and they'd both get themselves killed pathetically but)#And Joel having shown such genuine care for Jimmy and concern over his limited time... man anything w Jimmy makes me so emotional lol#I love them so#oh Ig about the art itself. I dont like it but hey thats how it tends to go when you try smth new. And no shame in trying#but if one person likes this then yayy I will still feel accomplished and happy#Im looking at this again and hey its not that bad actually yay I love to approve of my own art. self love hell yea#tubby art
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day 1765
#amphibian#frog#self#frogsona#thanks everyone for the congrats and well wishes!!!#genuinely meant a lot :)#healing is going super well!! i was expecting it to be a lot worse tbh but i'm mostly just tired#the post op binder SUCKS though i understand why it's useful but i can't wait to be out of it#today (day of posting) i FINALLY got to see the results for the first time though!! after getting the big bandaids and stitches removed#they didn't take any pictures of the results before taping me up so i've had to be sooo patient#actually seeing it felt unreal im so happy?? it already looks amazing and it's healing so well#i keep looking back at the pictures i took holy fuck that's me!!! it feels so right i have never felt this good about my body wow
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Love, Dhes
Parker,
It's unfair how time with you feels so short. How the last 10 years have felt like no time at all. I like to think there are other versions of us out there, somewhere. Maybe in another timeline, another universe. I like to think we find each other no matter where we are or what we're doing. That we're together and happy and I get to love you in a dozen different lifetimes. That's what I hope, anyway. And I hope when this lifetime ends, we get to start over and do it all again. Because once just isn't enough. Not for me. Not with you.
I hope the next 10 years pass slower.
Love, Dhes
#ts4#simblr#ts4 edit#ts4 render#sims 4#myedits#sue#dhestyn#kelly#bow#stella#duder the cat#marky#jax#i'm not fucking recovering from this#critical damage has been dealt to me#GODDDDDD this edit took me so LONG.#the GOOD news is there ARE other versions of them & they DO in fact find each other in every universe !!#whether or not they are happy though. well. that's a different story#cough monster boyz. cough slaughter house.#:-)#ngl a lot of the time i was working on this edit all i could think about was how much dhes has grown as a character#like baby dhes genuinely was such a punk. wouldn't be caught DEAD writing a love letter#let alone to kelly of all people#idk i'm just proud of him. seeing him so comfortable with himself... how he's able to show that to others & not feel afraid or ashamed...#it's really sweet!!!#like ik y'all don't know a whole lot about the boys as kids (bc i'm v protective of them so i don't share a lot lol) but trust me.#dhes has come a long way.#genuinely feel like i have watched him grow & learn & change & it does. give me feelings.#n e way. that's it.
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I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.
#messyr#doodle#vent art#idk what im feeling but im just really tired- pessimistic and agitated lately#overthinking stuff about growth as a person LMAO. Envy that builds inferiority then dissolves into insecurity ew#ive yet to accept the truth that it will never get better- so i can only be there for others until i watch them go.#And I walk back to the same cage where I grew- bc the cage is all I know. I'd watch from afar and wait- wait for what? Idk#Genuinely happy and proud to those who worked hard for that success-- an ugly thought whispers to me thinking why cant I have the same#well- people w the same situations as me- knows how unfair life is so we work twice as hard. but sometimes... It's-- not enough.#And to an unfortunate fate- it'll never be enough. and it feels as if you amount to nothing.#I've been stuck for so long- I'm convinced enough that I cannot be helped. Still I cling onto the tiniest spark of hope.#bpd#abuse mention
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Person with no whimsy: Why are you trying to trick g-d with loopholes? 🙄🙄🙄🙄
#jumblr#antisemitism tw#personal thoughts tag#practicing judaism because i am chock FULL of whimsy wonder joy and a zeal for life#i know we talk at length about this but my whimsy is whimsy-ing#also i don't think you even NEED to do these things 'for' g-d#i'm not becoming jewish for g-d. i do it out of love for g-d but that's not my reason (or my biggest reason)#i'm doing this for me. would that blow your mind to know...#conversion is partially a selfish desire to have the Most fun and fulfillment#this is something i genuinely believe in but i have learned to chase happiness and wonder#judaism captured my soul in that way. i find beauty and comfort and fulfillment and peace in this#g-d plays a role in my life but i know He knows we are people. we live for ourselves and each other#i made this post three days ago in a vaguepost about seeing this yet AGAIN. and i saw it again today (08/21) so#time to vaguepost in a petty way. because i love judaism and this annoys me
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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sorry let me rant about downton abbey 10 years later
Thomas's conversion therapy plot pisses me off so much. firstly, it's incredibly out of character. he never wanted to change to conform to society, he wanted the world to change to accomodate him. the man who said "it's not against the law to hope is it" and "I'm not foul, Mr Carson, I'm not like you, but I'm not foul" would NEVER
secondly, from a storytelling perspective, the only 'problem' is that he used infected needles. did we forget that Thomas was a sergeant in the RAMC? he knows how to sterilise needles and how to recognise and treat infection. this also shifts the blame to Thomas himself for getting sick and implies that the conversion therapy itself is harmless (Dr Clarkson says it's just saline solution)
thirdly, it's not historically accurate. I'm not an expert but conversion therapy was not at all common in the 1920s, even Sigmund Freud was against it. hormone therapy and chemical castration were barely developing let alone available to the public (I can't imagine what else the 'treatment' was supposed to be). the only practices that I can find evidence of were psychoanalysis and electric shock therapy
Thomas also mentions that he did electric shock treatment - if you really want to make a point about homophobia in the 1920s (and make Thomas suffer as much as possible), show that instead. watching him be literally tortured for his sexuality would have been far more impactful than him just... looking sweaty for a few episodes
#I'm just shouting into the void#i just think that if you're going to make the only gay character constantly suffer it should at least be a compelling narrative#i have very similar thoughts about his plotline with jimmy. its stupid and out of character. Julian fellowes just wanted to punish him#for being gay without even giving him a chance at a happy relationship#i think sexually assaulting Jimmy is one of the only genuinely bad things that Thomas does and yet its the only one framed sympathetically#it's conflated with being gay generally and we're meant to pity him#you know what would have been a sympathetic narrative? if they were actually in a relationship and punished for an innocent love#and then thomas could still take the fall for it and go to prison and Jimmy would have to live with that guilt and be separated from him#which also would have been way more interesting than the bullshit anna and bates prison plot that dragged on way too long#ugh downton abbey could have been so good if the writer wasn't an old bigoted tory#downton abbey#thomas barrow
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#wind waker#loz#zelda#beedle#linktober#link#aquanutart#day 1: merchant#i really liked beedle in the wind waker he just always seemed so genuinely enthusiastic and happy to see you#i thought his compliment card was hilarious. i always bought a lot of bait anyway to complete my sea chart#and because i liked messing around as a bird i guess i'd buy hyoi pears; so i always racked up enough points without really trying#however i wasn't a fan of what they did with his character in games after that. he became pressuring and insincere#i understand why people would find a two-faced salesman character funny or interesting in his own right#but it's the opposite of what i originally liked about him#unfortunately this makes me question whether it was meant that way to begin with?#i don't know but i like to believe wind waker beedle actually meant his enthusiasm#back when ww beedle was the only beedle i always meant to show appreciation for him so i'm doing that now
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If somebody in your life offers to knit or crochet or, really, create anything for you, please be an active participant in the creation of the piece they are making. I adore making and gifting things, but nothing bums me out quicker than a person who passively just goes "okay," to my ideas about what I'm making them - it can send the message that they won't like it, or that they don't care, even if they're happy about my offering. The back-and-forth feedback is a great way to make sure that you are being gifted something that was truly worth the time, effort, expertise, and money that will inevitably go into the gift!
I know it's really hard to be an active participant, believe me, I'm an anxious ball of horror, but it will only do good for both parties to interact in this situation. It is a big deal to be offered a hand-crafted gift, but it's also something we want you to love and use, and that can only happen if you tell us what would make you fall in love with what we create.
#advice#relationships#art#fiber art#knitting#crochet#i always try to remember that some people's responses to something big is to clam up and become more passive...#..i just want to remind you that you aren't in danger of Ruining Everything by suggesting things or asking questions or saying what YOU wan#like i asked my dad specifically how he would feel if i made him items SPECIFICALLY so i could gauge if he would like them for instance#i don't just want to create something i want the recipient to actually LIKE it#which is why i typically (not always) ask how somebody would feel about me giving them a specific gift#i know some people genuinely don't care in the sense that they would appreciate ANYTHING but sometimes that doesn't always translate i gues#im crocheting a set of coasters for my dad and i really hope hell truly like them because i'm not sure based on how he responded to my ideas#it makes me so happy to gift things but it's with the caveat that the recipient will think it is An Amazing Gift That Is SO Good And Useful
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Happy Ghouls and Gangs DPxDC Bang event posting week!! Here's what I've been working on for the @dpxdcbigbang 🥰
Summary:
It’s a normal day for Alfred Pennyworth. He spends it taking care of the manor and watching over its inhabitants, just as he does every other day. It’s an exhausting, never-ending task, that he wouldn’t change for the world. But that night, he is confronted by a stranger in his rooms with a copy of every single soul-binding contract he’s signed for the protection of his family. The new Ghost King wants to update his terms and conditions.
Alfred POV, Ghost King Danny, with some Post-Vivisection goodness and only a little (a lot) of blood and gore and medical fun, but that's for later. Not for the squeamish, please check the tags!!
Snippet under the cut!
It’s a normal day for Alfred Pennyworth.
He wakes up early enough to be ready to greet Master Duke with breakfast when he shambles into the kitchen, he cleans, he greets the rest of the manor’s residents when they finally make it downstairs, he cleans, he goes down to the cave to rouse Master Tim from another sleepless night, he cleans.
It’s a quiet day, or as much as one can be when the place he calls home is filled with vigilantes.
He drops off Masters Damian, Tim, and Duke at school and uses the rest of the trip to pick up some groceries for dinner. Coq au vin tonight, he thinks, it’ll be perfect for the changing of the seasons. A mushroom and lentil substitute for Master Damian will do lovely.
The rest of the day is spent preparing the meal and doing a spot of gardening before it’s time for the school run again. He can’t help but smile fondly as he listens to them needle and tease each other, only stepping in when it starts to become too pointed.
Yes, it’s a normal day for Alfred Pennyworth. It’s at night when it all changes.
There’s a ghost waiting for him in his room.
A soft glow emanates from the creature’s vaguely transparent body and a crisp frost creeps slowly across the floor, sparkling in the darkness like diamonds.
“Mr. Pennyworth?” it says, the voice bouncing off the walls so that it sounds like hundreds of beings instead of one.
Fear squeezes at his heart and the air in the room turns dark and heavy, so that Alfred struggles to breathe. His mouth is dry, his head is swimming, and he’s not entirely sure if he’s going to survive the night.
#dpxdc#dpxdcbang2024#ghost king danny#dpxdc crossover#dcxdp#there's also birthday celebrations and party games and presents!!!#and a clown!#(spoilers)#please enjoy!!! this has been in the works since like idk march or something and it was incredibly fun to write#with everyone - to be part of a bang for the first time#and HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS THE ART????#you are not prepared for the art to come#i'm keeping the artists a surprise for now but MY DUDES you are NOT PREPARED#because i certainly wasn't#oml they are so good holy shit wow#cannot oversell it enough#i'm super excited for all of it#genuinely really happy and also bricking myself at the same time#weirdly very anxious about this - moreso than normal posting at least#THANK YOU TO EVERYONE#the mods and the writers and the artists#you've all been wonderful#HAPPY BANG POSTING WEEK#AHAHAHHHHHHHH#i'm going to bed wherein which i will be too excited to sleep and i will simply roll around all night squirming haha#good night!
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I say this in the kindest way possible, but I think this style of prose is more appropriate for a personal account rather than an update account. I have no idea who's being talked about half the time. 🥲
[ Tumblr meme via @mikaikaika ]
#QSMP#Philza#Edited#Phil#Let me know if this needs an additional tag#I don't think this necessitates a discourse or neg tag or whatever because I'm being silly but I'm happy to add one if folks need it#I won't post this one on Twitter I don't think because I genuinely don't want to hurt anyone's feelings#but. I feel very strongly about this. It's not helpful#I say this as a fan and as a professional writer (who also worked in the Marketing and Communications field for far too long)#The prose is nice! It's very whimsical and they're having fun! But I don't think it's appropriate for an updates account#I recently turned off notifications for QsmpEN and I'm considering muting them because half the updates just aren't helpful to me#I want to be able to speed read through the update thread I don't want to spend an additional 30 seconds trying to decipher who's who#I don't like posting complaints so I tried to make it a funny complaint#because I do think feedback is good! And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way#but at the same time: these update writers ARE volunteers#(As a side note -- I personally think anyone running a large social media account should be paid)#(I did that for a few years and it was hell. I can't imagine doing that and NOT getting paid for it)#But anyways#They're all volunteers so I don't actually wanna go all pitchforks and torches on them (which I wouldn't do anyways even if they WERE paid)#I'm just venting my frustrations in what is (hopefully) a funny way#but you're welcome to disagree! That's ok too#Portfolio
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