#so I’m gonna try to keep that up too
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More !!! Im really fond of the two stitched looking things on the right. I want to design more of them. I’m feeling super inspired by Kanotynes …..
#ocs#as soon as i stumbled upon her art i was Hooked . before i even knew she designed for UT#deltarune i mean oops#i was just scrolling on toby fox’s tumblr account and saw her art. scratched some part of my brain i didnt even know needed to be scratched#finding out she designed lancer & others was an added bonus#so much charm to her designs!!!#im talking with her on twitter … trying to learn her secrets….#i hope one day if i keep it up some up and coming indie game dev will approach me for designs too… a guy can dream!!#maybe said up and coming game dev is in the room with us…. in that case. (slicks my eyebrows and does a miles morales voice) hey.#i wish i was born earlier. the cool indie game rush that happened around the UT peak seems to have fizzled out somewhat 😢#i’m gonna draw a shitton of homestuck art till someone asks me to draw panels for hs^2 . Gnashes my teeth#SOMEONE out there. i’m itching to do SOMETHING
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Whoops hand slipped here’s some TADC character fanart. Apologies for the severe lack of Pomni in this one idk where she went off to…maybe she got lost on her way to find the exit. The lines are incredibly choppy & rushed, I know, but it was still fun art practice! I don’t draw these guys nearly enough anyways so this is a nice change of pace. Support indie animation :3
#you wanna know a secret? don’t like how I draw Ragatha I wish I could do her better 😔#like I don’t know if I make her hair straight or if it’s kinda wavy?? and her eye too idk how to draw it in a satisfying way :((#but that’s a normal dilemma when I’m trying to blend my artstyle with the shows artstyle#keeping the characters on model/recognizable and consistent but also my own style ya know?#making those adjustments takes time and usually I need to draw a character 7+ times before it looks good#JAX ON THE OTHER HAND—OH BOY GOODIE HE IS SO COMICALLY EASY TO DRAW HALLELUJAH LOL#I think the Puzzle toothy grin & toon eyes just automatically agree with me#then Kinger I also struggle with personally#Gangle’s mask shape is confusing at first but then you adjust fairly quickly#Caine is neutral party to me—I know how his design is but I’m not confident without reference material#and then the artstyle translation is another hurdle to juggle <<#his top hat especially like HOW U DRAW 😭 I can manage Puzzles bowler hat just fine but NOT top hats man#Zooble is lovely Zooble peace and love they did nothing wrong just pleasant to draw uwu#Jax & Zooble conflict oh noooo the bitches are fighting /j#Actually this initially started only with Caine & Zooble but I just kept adding others lol#Ragatha & Kinger we’re the very last additions#hplonesome art#tadc characters#the amazing digital circus characters#NOT GONNA PUT ANYMORE TAGS BECAUSE THEN IT’LL GET SWEPT UP AND PEOPLE WILL ASSUME I DRAW THEM ALL THE TIME 🥲#I can’t be held liable for serving TADC fanart content because that isn’t me right now sorry
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Aka Riders Lullaby from Centaurworld
Lay your head on my chest so I can sing you a lullaby and gently run my fingers through your hair until you slowly drift off to sleep 🥰🫶
#I got some microphones on a super good deal and I wanted to try it out 🥰#also I’m finishing centaurworld and I love it so so so so much#I got an ask recently#and I think it might have been the sweetest ask I’ve received#and that’s saying something#cause all of you guys are sweeties!!!#but basically they were complimenting my voice#and if you don’t know voice compliments are probably top tier for me#obviously love personality compliments and all that but voice compliments hit me fucking deep#I’m going to reply to that ask soon#just whenever I get a super sweet ask that BLOWS me away I need a little bit to recover and find the right words to say!#anywhoodedoodly#I was crying while I was driving and singing my heart out#and remembered my microphones!!#was gonna do some sort of heavy ballad but I’m too much of a perfectionist right now#gotta start small#idk if I’ll keep this up or I’ll remake it#cause I always feel like I could do better ya know??#me#mine#rosicheeks#singing
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Dakota and Williamcore
KILLS YOU.
#EDIT:OH YEAH SPOILERS IN TAGS#gonna be thinking about this forever. especially because it could really go both ways#of course the most direct interpretation here is dakota as theseus and wil as herakles#yknow; dakota carrying williams body around in s1 and never letting go of it trying to be as gentle as possible#him hugging wil close and telling him they at least have to stick together after the events of greyscale#and him knee-deep in williams blood in the s2 finale promising to forgive him for every lie every mistake if he just came back#and i think that fits really well#but i think this could also fit in vice versa terms too#dakota being afraid to open up and not wanting to put any weight on anybody else’s shoulders; wanting to be the hero#and william seeing through that. calming him down and pulling the headphones up and over his ears and locking pinkies with him in promises-#-he knows he won’t always keep but he can at least try#william respecting dakota the most hero/ability-wise (actually said by charlie in a rolled)#like. MAN.#i’m so normal#dakota cole#william wisp#vixen rambles#vixen answers
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Sorry I haven’t been posting as much art lately, I’ve been pretty dedicated to working on my shop merch :’D But I’m totally down to do another art challenge!! If you guys wanna vote 👀
#Shima speaks#I’m a little under halfway done with my One Piece charms!#I might post a sneak peek here at some point#Polls#Also if I do the kiss meme I’ll probably combine it with a palette challenge!#But like the subtle one. Kinda like the couple I did last year#Anyway my back is causing me problems again so that’s probably a sign I’ve been at my computer too much lmao#I’m gonna try really hard to keep doing my stretches so it doesn’t flare up 🤧
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Chronic pain having disabled Jace with a mobility aid 💖
#his cane is so decked out#going through it so I’m projecting again 💖💖 onto my fave lil guy~~~#ily disabled Jace ilyyyyy#I imagine he found one to match his wand so it looks like a large version of it#just also purple bc it has to be his favorite color#porter offers to carry him places and he refuses bc he likes to build his strength back up after being bedridden for a week or two#jace stardiamond#personal#feel free to ignore beyond this point#->#watch this is gonna be what pushed me to get my own can bc the days that my mobility is limited are fuckin rough#these last couple weeks have been ROUGH#I had trouble making it up the stairs when I got home today trying to put all the weight onto my good leg#just for THAT ONE to start hurting too#gah#bad bad bad day man FUCK#getting in and out of the car almost fucking killed me#I had to keep adjusting on the drive bc every turn shifted me back onto where it hurts the most
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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happy wednesday and good morning friendz <3 ! ! we are halfway thru the week so let’s get into some shenanigans ! ! ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊ have a great day ! !
#woke up feeling a bit silly because i had a dream with my man in it mwehehe#the newest one *#mr kenji sato#dreamy sigh .#working on a lil something for him so stay tuned 🙂↕️🙂↕️#i’m trying to keep the yapping down about him bc i’ve been floooding the dms but !!! i !! love !! him !!#yeah 😓#anyway#queued up a zoro fic for today that’s been rotting away for too long so i’m throwing it on the dash because i can’t edit it anymore#love him. miss him. need him.#the braincell has been playing hot potato with going between kuroo zoro & kenji rn and im TIRED#also i’m updating my theme later to one of my old summer ones ( at least temporarily ) but im gonna miss the spring one :( !#sigh#i hope u all have a wonderful day ily ily !!!!!#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#🗣️ the daily yap .
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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I hate when I see a post that maybe has helpful information, but it’s so full of guilt tripping, calling people who don’t know the information stupid, and calling people who haven’t been talking about that particular problem stupid, that I don’t feel comfortable sharing it.
#sharing information on what to do about the environment? GOOD. yes. please do that#implying the website full of people who spent yesterday begging each other not to commit suicide is selfish and hates the earth? fuck you#obviously I’m not gonna say this on the actual post and if you know what post I’m vagueing don’t fucking talk to them about it#the op of that post doesn’t need my grumpiness#but just like. Idk a lot of people were busy worrying about immediate survival yesterday#like ‘live through the next 48 hours’ level immediate#today is when I’ve seen more informational stuff going around on surviving the next 2-4 years#so acting like people are too selfish to care about the planet when they haven’t talked about climate change (yet) is just baffling to me#like. sorry I didn’t bring up stuff I was too busy worrying I was gonna lose some friends to a permanent sleep#and like. trying to keep myself from spiraling down similar paths#so I didn’t have the brain capacity to go ‘wow. I need to come up with concrete actions to help the environment’#and I definitely didn’t have the capacity to go ‘wow I need to write about my thoughts on climate change in a coherent tumblr post’#I had the capacity for 1) keeping myself too busy to think about death and 2) keeping a couple other people too busy to think about death#and I succeeded! at least for now. and that’s something
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Feeling another random burst of self confidence (probably due to lack of sleep honestly) so have a heavily made-up eye reveal I guess? 😂
#this is from my bridal makeup trial back in December#and tbh even though it’s not exactly what I wanted I still really liked it and the overall look looked good in my engagement photos#we’re gonna change a few things for the day of but yeah#no one asked but I actually like my eye shape for the most part#I feel like they can look kind of sleepy or a bit too small sometimes in photos where I’m not wearing as much makeup#or any at all#but I still like them especially since they look like that less often now#maybe it’s bc I’ve kind of grown out of that and I haven’t really noticed until recently#or maybe it’s just bc I’m getting a little better at taking photos lol#either way if you’re a teenage girl or a woman in her early 20s and you have these random but prominent insecurities like me#I just wanna say that you’ll get past them/grow into them#maybe it’s just those awkward teen years or maybe you’re not completely comfortable with how you look or taking pictures yet#but it’s okay you’re beautiful in your own way#and it’s okay to have insecurities too#everyone has them whether you realize it or not#I def still have other things I’m insecure about#but it’s important to talk and think nicely about yourself even when it’s hard#so that’s what I’m doing here#I’m gonna try to keep practicing that from now on#hopefully I can keep it up bc I really do think too negatively about myself sometimes
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~ ~ ~
#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything#and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me#I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat#so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok#not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something#and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either#so that’s another problem to contend with#and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit#I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great#so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep#but God I just don’t want to be here anymore#tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that#idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break#I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him#I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit#I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this#but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway#I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that#I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning#but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon#personal
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Interview went great! Orientation is next Wednesday! 😵💫
#📎#literally the number one choice for me rn I’m so happy#I’m gonna try and keep up my other jobs too though but that’s like 70+ hrs a week. fuck.
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Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed
#god I hate it here#not to mention you mother and father#SEEING this#simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead#like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀#I don’t know how to fix this#I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days#but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive#Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭#it’s so bad though#I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress#and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc.#it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me#sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong.#Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong#but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me#My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents#but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department#I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really#I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪#As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷♂️#I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you.#seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind#if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps#but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now.#anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize#it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys#I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno#tw vent#tw mention of abuse
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Dying to know your thoughts on the Diana arc, especially the role she plays in his vision(?) o.o I'd seen it written down a couple places that she is emotionally abusive but...I don't really see it? Apart from the throw away line about the "first time I sleep with you" which did make her seem like a tease? She also redeemed herself, but I'm also just a sucker for Mimi Rogers xD
Also, his touchstone *sigh*
MMAnon 💙
diana was abusive for sure, i can do a real post on her maybeee tomorrow but it’s been talked about a bit here and i’ve done a couple of posts on her + her relationship with mulder here and here. but i’m definitely planning on talking more about her if y’all are interested because i find her character arc really interesting lol
the main things for me are definitely the taking her shirt off in mulder’s apartment while he was unconscious. and then checking him into a psych ward?? where he was like…locked in a padded room screaming?? and she wouldn’t let scully see him?? LIKE I CANT EVEN TYPE ALL THAT OUT LOUD SJFHHDHC
i also don’t think he called her in the first place at all, i’ve seen it posited before that krycek called her and i think that’s likely what happened. he wasn’t really in the condition to call anyone and he wouldn’t have called her first.
also, the information that TLG and scully found in one son about her collecting data on the MUFON women just leaves the worst taste in my mouth. the way scully compares it to herself and to cassandra; diana was tracking women like her, and participating in their violation. working with CSM for who knows how long on who knows what.
it’s just all the little things, kissing him in one son. diminishing scully and lying in her reports.
i don’t trust her and neither does scully lmao
i’m sure there are things i’m missing lol but like i said i’ll have to carve out some time/energy and do a real post
i can’t believe you’re on s7 ahh i’m so excited for you!! his touchstone ☹️ yeah. and scully, who never speaks when he says these kinds of things, almost lost him so just cries and says “you are, you are, you are”
💗💗💗
#i’m tireddd y’all#normally i would never answer a question like this without a fully thought out response lol#but i have some health stuff to work out and just don’t have it in me this week so i’m gonna be doing some light chatting to keep up <33#kisses everyone#asks#oh and i’ll talk about the amor fati dream and diana’s role in it tomorrow too#there’s no point to me answering this rn sorry lol but im TRYING!!!!
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i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?
can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit
#vaugepostimg on main about an irl don’t mind me#i just. am feeling sad bcus i have been trying to keep my distance and respect the space they said they needed. and then they reached out to#me for their book club and said we should chat and i got excited! i miss my friend of course i got excited#still let them take the lead. i want them to be comfortable. they said they’d lmk what day they were free#and then proceeded to ghost me for like. almost two weeks??#(it was 10 days but !!! still!!! almost 2 weeks from them suggesting i come to book club which would’ve inherently necessitated an irl talk#and then after all that yesterday said they actually weren’t ready which. hurted#tbf i knew something was up after like 2 days of them not replying so it’s not like i was fully caught off guard it just really hurt#and like i feel weird bcus our social circles are really overlapped and i spent a lot of time with them last winter and i had thought#that would happen again this winter. we would swim together a lot and i consistently went to their house dinners#bcus if i care about you i show up! and i’m understanding ! bcus i am patient and kind person and as a triple taurus i’m not tryna rush ever#especially when it comes to people’s emotions ??? especially if someone has told me i hurt them???? like ik im an autistic lesbian but#despite popular conceptions on that particular identity. im not fucking evil ????? if you ask for space i will give you space !!!!!#and like when it comes to emotions and conflict i’m blunt but i’m caring and it takes a lot for me to be disinfranchised by people#or relationships. so i’m not saying i don’t want to still be her friend#i’m just. noticing behaviors#they did tell me that they were very avoidant in conflict and i told them i’m very much not and like. now that i’m on the receiving end of i#idk what to do!! i’m not gonna chase her down like they’re grown!! and again!!! if you ask for space i’m going to respect that!!!#and like honestly. i’m happy she at least gave me the curtesy of saying they weren’t ready to talk even if it took her mad long to do it#so like. who tf knows when we’ll talk. if ever. probably when she wants the validation of our friendship if it even happens at all#bcus again. she reached out not to reconnect and clear the air but to check if i still wanted to come to her club she was starting#ik in earlier conversations she was worried no one would come but ig she found people. which like good for her tbh but to be honest i feel#discarded?? i’m feeling like i’m failing to not project too much so i gotta stop but idk man i’m just feeling weird about it all#and then i had the thought today of like. is this what i want in a friendship? someone who goes back and forth abt whether or not i’m worth#which again. kinda wasn’t expecting that bcus we spent so much time together last autumn/winter/spring like. many times per week!!!#so the idea of not being her friend all of a sudden?? feels fucjing weird to think about#but like? i don’t want to feel this way this is what i hate about west coast/white people conflict resolution!! there fucking isn’t any!!!#and i can’t deal with that! i can’t spend my life with people who aren’t going to engage with me as a person who cares about them#humans are fallible creatures and were only here on earth for so long so why are we wasting time here? what is the point of all this ???????#but then the guilt and shame say i deserve it all and at that point i just need to stop so. i’m gonna stop now lol
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