#so I guess I can post those at some point too

[mangionebabymama]

hey there! it’s “lulu feels too hard” anon back with another mini rant (not really a rant, more like an observation haha)

It’s in the same vein of him feeling emotions hard, but i think one thing that needs to be emphasized in this dynamic is how much he’s tried to subdue his emotions – and i don’t just mean recently. in many clips from his prep school days, like when he’s getting an award for example, you can see him smiling like a bit, but then cutting back to this neutral expression. Funny enough, it’s his eyebrows that always give him away loool. It’s similar to how he acts in the court hearing, full of expression, but then immediately goes back to a stoic, neutral expression. There’s even moments like this in some of the clips from Hawaii.

I guess my point is, how much was he taught to mask his emotions, and put up a front. It seems to me that he was brought up in a collective environment where the saying goes “always put your best foot forward, regardless of the circumstance”. I can understand this, coming from a family with similar values of “you represent the family name, your success is our success.”

i think though, that this seems to be what makes lulu resonate with so many of us: he’s empathetic, despite trying to be stoic. There’s a duality about him – the confident Ivy League scholar and the vulnerable, empathetic people pleasing boy who seeks affirmation one way or another.

but I think under this guise of putting your best foot forward, combined with a sense of always showing your masculinity that many guys of that age are pressured to do (and let’s not forget that for most of his schooling he attended an all boys school so there is that sort of “our boys” culture that’s pervasive in these realms), he had to hide the other part of him which felt so deeply, so hard.

it reminds me of one of his Reddit posts talking about his issues with Brain Fog, and how he initially never thought to talk about it with his friends, and instead masked it under this idea of “oh well, marks don’t matter for computer science majors” even though he was hurting and feeling so disappointed in himself to the point of contemplating dropping out. But the part that sticks out to me the most is what he said after in the post about even if you do end up telling them, if you wait too long, it’s almost like they won’t believe you (or something along those lines). And idk, that’s just such a heartbreaking way to think and it makes me sad for him. He internalized so much it seems. And truthfully, I’m not blaming anyone in his circle (family/friends) because I think part of it was also lulu never wanting to seem weak, which unfortunately clouded his vision of seeing that there were people who probably may have wanted to help. It’s just an all around sad circumstance :(

Sorry for the long write up, don’t feel like you need to provide a long response too! (haha i guess in some ways, i relate to lulu too :)

No, no, please don’t apologize for writing this, you captured this so well! 🥺 I wish I had more to add on, but you literally took all the words out of mine and emphasized on this beautifully.

I also think there’s that duality of having an internal vs. external struggle, where he could easily show and offer empathy towards others like it was nothing, but when it came to himself, it was a completely different story to extend grace. I know he had to internalize a lot, and the physical exertion of carrying all that weight on him had to have shown. I remember somebody mentioning how when he’s in deep thought in some photos, you see all the lines on his forehead—and there’s a lot of them, and once you notice them all crinkled, you’ll never not look at them in other photos. So, he literally has/had so much on his mind.

Reading that part of about his brain fog, about the irony of opening up too soon to your friends, fucked me up, to be truthful. I similarity dealt with this about two years ago, when I experienced two close familial deaths within a month before I started my senior year of college, and I was grieving hard. So many people that I know looked at me and considering my bereavement with the “strong Black woman” trope because I do have a strong personality, and I’ve experienced a lot of hardship in my life, so some felt like that I was gonna be alright, regardless, and kind of brushed off my grief like, “Oh, she’ll be alright, you’ve always managed to go through things” but no, lol. It’s the reality that I think, that many of the “strongest” friends in the group more often than not, face, surprisingly, contrary to belief—it happens all the time. When you’re commended to be a strong, resilient person, people don’t consider you to be weak, as in, you can’t persevere through struggles, but if you do, you’ll be fine, and the suffering won’t take much of an effect on you. But, like anyone else in this world, it still hurts, and it’s still acceptable to just give yourself the space to say that it sucks, and it hurts to be hurting. It’s sort of like, you have that universal perception of what it means to be hurt, but you can’t express that you’re hurt in the same breath.

[blauerhund]

Pauls contribution to the Spy Museum Berlin

See: https://rammwiki.net/wiki/Spy_Museum_Berlin_(soundtrack)

I recently visited Berlin and wanted to check out the spy museum Paul did the music for, ze Deutsches Spionagemuseum, which is located at Potsdamer Platz. It's probably the last Rammstein related spot left that I've been wanting to check out in the city and I finally came about doing so in the one day I was there. The last time they unfortunately had a fire alarm going on, so I couldn't go in, but this time I succeeded!

I really ... I can't get myself to be interested in History Museums and the like, I don't know why. Maybe it's because my dad dragged us kids through every single castle, open air farm museum and medieval market South Germany had to offer at the time, resulting in the adverse effect of me, as an adult, feeling like I need to go sit down after having taken five steps into a Natural History Museum. I guess that means I'm satiated. Sometimes I visit art exhibitions though, but even those drain me so much, I just about run through them and am in a bad mood afterward. Have you heard of Museum Fatigue, because that's a real thing! Anyhow, that's why I made it my mission to walk through the spy museum looking only for the music bits playing. I spent about 10€ at the entrance and then walked in through something resembling a personnel sluice.

At first, I thought they had removed the music as I didn't hear any sounds at all for quite some time after going in, apart from some shooting noise coming from the one corner. However, on the second floor I made out a brawarahh and pushed past info screens, a real-life Trabi and spy standees trying to find out where the sound was coming from. I wanted to try recording some of it as well.

The speakers were put up high above, and I stood there looking like a complete nut holding one arm outstretched above my head pointing my phone at the ceiling. Luckily there weren't too many people there, but what does it matter to me, I was on my mission.

Ever since I had first heard about it, I've been wondering how Paul came about doing this. I guess the most likely explanation is him having a friend involved with the spy museum, asking him if he wanted to put a small part in or something similar. I think Paul is someone who would be happy contributing to a culturally significant occasion or institution, if he sees fit. As can be seen on his Instagram, he does like to look at attractions and things alike, and I imagine him being quite enthusiastic about doing so:

https://www.instagram.com/paullanders_official/p/B1gYv3hoByc/?hl=de&img_index=1

Look at the last picture – he has a good time. I think it's often the bunch consisting of him, Olli and Schneider out and about looking at local attractions and exploring the cities they play in. Jens tagging along from time to time :^)

The Spionagemuseum has quite a few things you can get hands on with, like solving small riddles or trying out a lie detector test. Or even making your way through a laser field! I, well, I just looked at it, but I can see Paul getting in there, rolling around on the floor. It's definitely a well produced exhibition!

They also showed footage of spy movies like Jason Bourne, Mission Impossible, James Bond and so on, with music playing next to it and, you know, I'm quite confident that one wasn't done by Herr Paul Landers, but just the original score. Although there is a song in the laser room where I was sure it was a movies soundtrack as well, but on the RammWiki page there is a song called "Laser Room" so it must be from Paul! Only goes to show his versatility :) Correct me in case I'm wrong and it's a film score after all.

At first, I wanted to include my recordings in this post, then I got a bit scared of violating copyright law, so I'm not gonna share them here (unless we have a German law expert on here telling me it would be fine?), but feel free to DM me. It's mostly eerie sounds, plus that one film score-like bit.

I think I feel rebellious enough for a little snippet though, so if you want to have a taste of Pauls soundtrack composer career, have a listen:

[mizukithrowaway]

Hi. I'm Mizuki, or Midori, or Kyuumi, or Ouija, whatever you may know me by, or maybe you don't know me at all. In either case, to most people, this whole post is probably going to look really random, and I guess it kind of is.

Would really appreciate boosts on this,,

This post is about a certain person who goes by the name Dave. Dave was a mod on oddballs and was pretty popular on tumblr at some point. But then he groomed 3 minors (all 15 and under at the time, and he was 18), sent nudes to them, did stuff (yk) on call with one, admitted to getting off on CSEM, and is now victim-blaming his victims in a discord server full of groomer apologists. So now I'm making this post because it actually makes me sick seeing an actual full-on groomer have completely support.

More under the cut. ^_^

Let's start from the beginning.

This situation revolves around me, my boyfriend, and an ex of mine who I rlly hate too much to name tbh. I was 15, my boyfriend was 14, and that other one was 13. Dave was 18. This happened around March ot last year.

I was pretty active on tumblr at the time and was generally a pretty popular person, and so was my boyfriend. Before us, Dave was also pretty popular on tumblr. I ended up looking up to Dave prior to actually meeting him because I really admired his opinions and how he didn't really seem to back down from them. At the time, I thought that was really cool because I was struggling to be very confident with my opinions and stuff.

Eventually, I started a discord server called The Idol's lounge, which I believe still exists, but I don't have access to the account that runs it anymore. Dave joined the server, and I got excited because, again, I really looked up to him. Me and my boyfriend vc'd with Dave a couple times, he shared some opinions of his with us, and because I admired him so much, I sort of just roller with it. The opinions shared were those of pro-CSEM beliefs and such, and as much as I can confidently say that I am firmly against those beliefs now, I really wanted his approval. The previously mentioned ex (who wasn't actually dating us at the time, I'll explain in a moment) also joined in one of these vcs at one point.

Things eventually got more close between the three of us. Me and my boyfriend started talking about the situation a little more, and we both expressed how much we really admire and look up to him and how cool it was that we could talk to him, but we also both felt like we had to put on a bit of a show in order to get his approval.

Around the same time we started to get to know Dave more personally. Some other guy who was in his 30s also came around claiming to have 4 TB of CSEM content. This guy (who is named Leon) reached out to the ex, did the whole grooming startup routine, but then he offered to send (ex) CSEM. Dave then told (ex) to go for it and was very weirdly encouraging of (ex) getting in contact with Leon and viewing those images, and (ex) ended up listening and going for it. Leon told (ex) that he wanted to groom my boyfriend (claiming that he wanted to "declaw" him) and for some fucking reason (ex) encouraged my boyfriend to reach out to Leon. Thankfully, my boyfriend didn't do that, but he did feel pretty weird about the whole thing, especially the role Dave played in getting (ex) to contact Leon in the first place.

Eventually, about a week or so into the friendship, my boyfriend, (ex) and Dave were all in a vc. My boyfriend was splitting on me at the time (BPD) and wasn't exactly in the mood to be around me. When I joined the vc, he said something that upset me, so I left and messaged him about it instead. It was very obvious that he was splitting on me in the dm exchange between us, and during his splits, my boyfriend tends to be extremely impulsive. Since he wasn't getting positive attention from me at the time (considering he was splitting on me and didn't want me around), he went to seek attention from Dave instead, which turned into my boyfriend getting flirty in search of approval. (ex) took that as an invitation to start flirting with my boyfriend too, and so did Dave, instead of being a responsible person around this clearly upset 14 year old.

I asked my boyfriend if things were happening with Dave based on a gut feeling, and after my boyfriend confirmed, I ran to Dave's dms and begged him pretty much not to get with my boyfriend. What did Dave do? He told me he wouldn't, read the dms out to my boyfriend on vc, and laughed about it pretty much.

Desperate to not lose my boyfriend and fp to this asshole, I caved and suggested that we just have a polycule. I didn't want to lose my boyfriend. Dave accepted instead of just NOT grooming my bf, and so me, him, (ex), and my boyfriend all got together. I was not happy. I didn't want to be a part of it. However, since the options were join the polycule or lose my boyfriend to grooming (again), I joined.

After we got together, things got worse. Dave continued expressing pro-CSEM views and even told my boyfriend (14) and (ex) (13) where to find it, along with zoo NSFW videos. He even offered to give his login to a zoo (c)orn site once, but eventually decided against doing that. That same night, my boyfriend and Dave did stuff on call right in front of me while I was age regressed. Dave also sent nudes around this time and also paid (ex) for nudes.

Now here's where the breaking point FINALLY happened.

I noticed that my boyfriend was starting to distance from Dave and (ex), and that's when I knew I had to talk to him about the situation. I brought it up on vc and we talked about stuff, and that's when my boyfriend expressed that he'd been episodic pretty much the entire time and had only recently come down. This was pretty obvious to me, considering I know what his episodes look like, but I was too scared to say anything before. We talked about the whole thing, and then we agreed that we needed to get out of there. We blocked Dave and (ex) and tried to leave it at that at first, but then I brought it up to my discord server because I was beyond stressed out, and I guess it spread from there.

Eventually, someone who knew Dave's roommate got in touch with me and my boyfriend, and after we sent the info, the roommate was added to the group chat, saw all of the information and screenshots, and then made the choice to kick Dave out. I can't fully remember how he got "chased off" of oddballs, but he deserved it after playing victim after being rightfully kicked out. And Dave, no, it's not your victims' faults that your roommate didn't want to house a groomer. Maybe don't groom children or pay for underage nudes.

Anyways, yeah, making this because grooming 3 minors and then claiming that YOU are the victim is actually crazy.

Oh and also this because. Admitting this is crazy work. What.. (screenshot was taken in March)

I really dgaf if this was before he was 18. Still proof of him admitting to being pro-CSEM and consuming content of it

One of the victims being considered a bad person doesn't give you an excuse to groom them and DEFINITELY doesn't give you an excuse to continue to call them hot btw

Also this bullshit.. imagine claiming that 2 kids who admitted to looking up to you wanted to commit crimes that toy literally said you thought were "based" AS IF IT WASN'T OBVIOUSLY FOR APPROVAL??

oh and shoutout to this fucking weirdo for being the biggest groomer apologist and victim blamer ever LMAO ( @begaydocrimebutnotlikethat )

The server this all happened in is called radical crossing btw. Not shocking that the groomer apologists/supporters are in there though considering its reputation lawl

[ringsofpowerconfessions]

It’s disappointing to see how your account has shifted from being a space for all Rings of Power fans to something that seems… much more selective. You present yourself as ‘open’ and ‘okay with different opinions’, but when actual concerns are raised, especially about the harassment and hate certain fans have been sending, or confessions about ships different from Haladriel/Saurondriel, you go silent or dismiss it, or even allow opposite takes to be shared (such as some absolutely borderlining hate).

You used to share a broader range of thoughts, call out racism in the fandom, and now it feels like only certain perspectives are truly welcome (is that because the main antis share the same ship as you?...). If this is a space primarily for Haladriel fans or those who want to focus on Annatar/Sauron/Galadriel discourse, that’s fine! But at this point, I think it would be more honest to rename the blog to something like ‘Haladriel Confessions’ or ‘Annatar Discourse Central’ instead of pretending it’s a neutral space?....

I genuinely hope you’ll reflect on this and consider if your blog is truly welcoming to all Rings of Power fans, or just the ones who align with your own preferences.

Hi Anon,

Thanks for your message. I only started this blog for something to do in my spare time and to take my mind off some life changing events happening in my life right now which has been having a negative impact on me. I'm autistic/ADHD so big change can throw me sideways and the show/fandom has been helpful and distracting on my bad days and I've made a few close friends through it on other platforms.

I used to run a confessions blog here years ago in The Hobbit fandom and never experienced such negative backlash back then, even when I posted opinions on ships like Tauriel/Legolas or Bilbo/Thorin. 

I'm sorry you're disappointed with what I post, you're right, I should be more open to people's opinions (within reason of course). I'll sometimes read a submission and won't know if it'll hurt someone's feelings or not and I'll struggle to decide whether to post something or not. I obviously don't want to hurt people's feelings but I guess they can also block the blog?

I do support Haladriel yes but that doesn't mean I'm biased at all, I respect all thoughts in regards to the ship and definitely not the type to attack someone for having different views, like some people do I've seen. Maybe I'm too soft idk. I guess I just don't want to receive the hate or slander. I've had some nasty anons which I delete and don't respond to.

I don't know what to do any more, honestly. Of course I want to welcome all RoP fans and opinions, I'm just trying to keep everyone happy without being called a bigot. I'm also a mixed race person so I'll call out racism all day every day. <3

[sparrowsong-7]

Lalapril Day 18- Distance

"Distance doesn't matter, just draw them out and I'll deal with them..."

[firestorm09890]

Y'ALL. Y'ALL so for a long time I've believed that "the sun" in Meursault's story is Carmen, and I went to check Hell's Chicken's dialogue to see exactly how he said that he'd dealt with distortions before, and... you know what else he said?

To my knowledge, it is a phenomenon where an individual morphs into a form often unfit to be considered “human”. It has no known causes, and the appearances were all different.

Unfit to be considered human.

Meursault, who, in his book, was judged by the court to be soulless.

Meursault, who has EGO for Cyborgs who have been so mutilated they barely act like people anymore; a murderer who was experimented on until ceasing to be human; a sheep named after Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, a novel about the humanity of androids and the inhumanity of humans; and now a rose that can't help its bloodsucking nature, based on Carmilla, a vampire whose story emphasized the duality between her vampiric traits and her human ones.

Meursault, who answered Heathcliff's ironic question of if he had metal for brains like this:

I'm placing my bets now, that line from Hell's Chicken is foreshadowing for Meursault's canto even more than "I have witnessed a number of [distortion] cases in the past" was

[humming-fly]

Theatre Kid (Derogatory)

[bucephaly]

People love finding random natives online and dumping their family story on them expecting a reassuring 'of course you're native!!' Lol

Sorry, if you don't wanna reconnect why would you even mention your supposed apache or whatever ancestry. If you aren't connecting to the tribe what does it even matter. 'I find it interesting' so you're using supposed native ancestry as a fun fact to make you look more interesting? How is that different than any other 'great grandma cherokee princess' person. Especially since you apparently have time to research the history of all your ancestral cultures but you don't have time to do genealogy

And of course when I tell them 'assume the stories are fake until you've got actual proof' they block me.

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

[ceramicbeetle]

i kind of hate to say it because i feel like i'll get pushback for it,,, but i kind of feel like if you're going to be making informational posts about autism online you do need to be reading actual autism research and literature. at least some of the times. like you can't just make things up and then present them as fact.

[earthmoonlotus]

I'm suddenly remembering (and having sad and resentful feelings about) a time when someone made a callout for me - for using the terms TME and TMA, no less (like, that was the supposed "problem" they were "calling out") - and called me a cis woman in the callout. When my description says "genderfae" right there at the top. (I remember changing my mobile header from the lesbian flag to the genderfae flag shortly after seeing it too, since it bothered me so much.)

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...

[daddyplasmius]

okay, so, I've collected a bunch of DP fandom stuff that I remember off the top of my head, specifically in chronological order & colour coded here in this post (fics/comics, tumblr posts, important imo) for no reason other than I saw a post asking for Phandom history & it triggered my biggest, most long-running hyperfixation & now I'm curious if anyone else remembers stuff.

this link is going to be the permanent version I will be updating, but I'm posting what I currently have (gonna go through my old laptop later for more) just to let people know. you can also find the link on my blog, but only on desktop. It isn't colour coded there, sorry.

please share more if you got anything else cuz I'm 100% sure I'm missing a lot of stuff & am too interested now. the biggest reason a lot of stuff isn't here is that I simply can't find it. second biggest reason is i forgor. things not included here aren't "unimportant," this is just the first stuff that comes to mind.

putting it under a cut 'cause it got kinda long

Mars by JadeRabbyt (2005)

Checkmate by pearl84 (2006)

Conversations of a Ghost Gabber by Cordria (2006)

The Foley Maneuver by bluemoonalto (2007)

One Thousand Years by Nylah (2008)

Lab Rat by AnneriaWings (2009)

Lost by Cordria (2010?) [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Phantom of Truth by Haiju (2011)

Ghost Deaths (2012)

Through Coals and Rain by Kakawot (2012)

Shadow of a Doubt by Haiju (2013)

Pink Pants (2013?)

Wes (2014) [original] [1] [2] [3] [4]

this "I'm Inevitable" gif (2014)

Space AU (2014)

Treading Water by The Full Catastrophe (2014)

Danny, you dead IDIOT!! comic (2014)

wash away the darkest days by anthrop (2014)

Reverse Trio (2014)

Inverse Trio (2014-2016) ALT

Halfas are "feral children" (2015)

Burn the Streets, Burn the Cars by anthrop (2015)

It's Not Gay if He's Dead by phantomrose96 (2015)

You Smell Like Death by starfleetrambo (2015)

Ghost Bird AU by @rest-in-peachs (2016?)

Things I Can(not) Do In Amity Park by RedHeadsRock1010 (2016)

KEtTLE by Cordria (2016)

Deeper, Darker by Silvermoonphantom (2016)

Danny Phantom Punches Butch Hartman In The Face by MistressVintage (2017)

Dannypocalypse (2017)

Ghost Train (2017?)

Ghost Physics by jayrockin (2017)

Ghost Infographics (2018)

The Taxonomy of Ghost Cores: An Observational Study (2018) Communicating with Ghosts Professionally: A Study (2018)

Species in Danny Phantom (2018?)

Diddles Piddles by diddly-darn-ghost (2018)

Broken Ectoplasm by ghostanimal (2019)

Ghost of Heroes by Enigmaris & ScarletNightFury (2019-2020)

do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die) by blueh (2020)

Undercover Phantom by artistfingers (2021)

Corruption is a Two Way Street by datawyrms (2021)

Things That Bleed by artistfingers, kkachis, & Perfectly_Inconspicuous (2022)

10,000 works on AO3 (2022)

Ghost Speak:

Danny's handwriting (2015?)

Cordria (2015)

Fiver-Rivers [1] [2] [3] (2019)

Rubber Chicken Sounds (2019)

[halfelven]

love random not even logged in readers just dropping their 'constructive criticism' on your 100k+ story that you're putting online entirely for free. this is just a rant btw

"You obviously have a great talent and I think you should work on honing it some. As much as I’ve enjoyed the story, there are a few things that stand out that you might consider looking at. I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven? It doesn’t flow smoothly because sometimes we have these wonderful character vignettes, like Illumi and Kalluto on a road trip or Kite/Leorio/Gon/Killua in an apartment where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats, like Kalluto and the spiders. In addition, it contributes to confusion because sometimes we see established characterization turned on its head. Especially the weird way everyone all of a sudden just sort of was OK with Kalluto being a spider and then working with Illumi when they just went to all that trouble to escape him? It all kind of feels forced and not natural. You know?

Anyway, I’ll definitely keep reading and look forward to seeing what happens."

first: love you trying to sound legitimate with your "in addition" like this is some kind of writer's workshop. second: in what way would I, the writer, think that an incomplete part of my story in which the reader does not yet know most of the main motivations (they are only hinted at so far) feels forced and not natural when I know what's happening, where it is going (and where I haven't had other readers comment with confusion about that part)

and moving on. don't do this. also like i said this is a wip in and no, no one is cool with Kalluto being a spider and no they're not cool working with Illumi, really. it was already established that some of them /have/ been working with Illumi before this~ he's someone that they know. like have you never been in a seriously dangerous situation that you just have to get through before you get back to what you want?*** also at this point Chrollo's real motive hasn't been entirely revealed.

Killua keeps changing his mind about what he's doing because he's a scared kid whose self-hatred is destroying him from the inside out. the POV is so tight that I have to keep dropping reminders that what is stated in the narrative is often not true! Illumi's POV, for example, keeps showing Killua as really loving him and being happy he's around but struggling with a desire for freedom, while with Killua's POV he's terrified of Illumi most of the time. like how is that not obviously a distorted POV where you can't trust the narrator?

"where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats"

this part is especially irritating because it's like yeah that's how I want to write it? this isn't a published novel. I don't have to commit to making sure every scene is important to the plot. I can spend time writing a full scene about someone drinking a glass of water and then 13 chapters in a row that are for moving the plot forward. I didn't even tag it as a novel... I did tag it for unreliable narration and I keep getting annoyed that people keep ignoring that.

"I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven?"

it's both??? it's neither??? it's a fanfic??? why do I keep getting comments lately where people are expecting me to adhere to like fucking publishing standards. this keeps up and I will write a chapter which is entirely about a minor character drinking a glass of water. watch me. I'll write one about phinks drinking a glass of water and you'll like it*

"Overall, the story is good and presented a compelling alternative to CA. Look, each fan has their own opinion on CA and I know I didn’t like it. I think it was a product of what Togashi was going through as he began to experience health issues and then finding himself right back where he said he wasn’t going to be mentally after he ended his earlier manga. We can never know for sure, but it certainly had a “watch it all burn vibe” to it near the end. I honestly believe he wanted it to end with the finality of Gon’s suicide as a capstone statement, but was probably convinced to go a different route, which kinda of left a jarring feel in the narrative and culminated in a rather unsatisfying end to Gon and Killua’s journey. Despite that, I am very reluctant to read fics where the events of CA are erased or grossly modified and honestly yours is really the first long AU/alternate timeline I’ve enjoyed"

okay first of all, I love the CA arc. but I had to split a point off where Kite was going to survive. why do you have to leave this whole paragraph about how you think Togashi was or wasn't going to go with the CA on my fanfic? I didn't even write this as 'oh look at my alternative to CA bc I hated CA' I don't really look forward to hearing comments about how random people didn't like so and so aspect of the story that I'm basing my story off of. I've never written fanfic for a story that I didn't like (except for some things that I don't have published I wrote at a request for friends for a fandom they were into that I wasn't really) and yeah I've wanted to 'fix' aspects (like tolkien's treatment of women for example) but I am not looking for your 'this is what I hated about the source material' comments on my stories

tired of getting comments with little 'oh I didn't like your style at first but now I do' or 'here's how to fix your story!' unsolicited advice from people who aren't better writers than me (I don't even want it from people who would be better writers than me on stuff I'm just doing for fun and for free)

when did stuff like this become normal? at least don't be a coward and be not logged in so you can't even get a response notification. like girl they aren't cool with it! why do you think everyone is on guard standing around like they're in a fucking hostage situation? how do you see such wildly different interpretations from different character's POVs and think it's not intentional? what part about Kite watching Killua like a fucking hawk makes you think he's going to let Illumi take him after this?

like if you've never had to smile and pretend to be cool with your abuser (pretend to love them) or someone who was threatening you to keep someone else safe then good for you! it fucking sucks! also don't know how to explain to you what a child who is growing up in an extremely isolated abusive situation goes through (though I keep writing about it in this story you should catch on...) but it's a million back and forths with emotion and feelings--especially if their abuser does (to in some way or to some degree) love them. and it is often blaming themselves. I'm not letting my years of studying human psychology and child development go to waste here**

is this story perfect? no but I'm not gonna hire an editor for a fanfic. and everyone's interpretations of characters will be different. especially with child characters who are going through huge changes in the world around them and their personal lives. part of the appeal of fanfiction is 'who would they become if this happened instead?' *sorry I keep writing about starving and not having clean drinking water but I will never stop because that's what I grew up with and it's hell. also phinks drinking water would be compelling since I assume he'd have harder access to clean drinking water

**hunter x hunter is also one of the only stories I have encountered with characters who have backgrounds as fucked up as mine and Togashi's interest in human psychology really stands out.

***like good for you but that was most of my life and you sometimes just have to shut up and get through it. and no I will not put my notes in the right order bc I'm not being paid enough****

****I'm being paid nothing

[snekdood]

I think in the whole convo around why its hard to make friends today really understimates how technology has essentially ripped peoples masks off to show how toxic they can become and how repelling and even scary it can be interacring with ppl bc of it. Bc of tiktok. Bc of ppl filming you secretly. Bc the "bullying is good, actually" people. Literally that video of that lady lying to her neighbor and then the neighbor confronted her and she gaslighted the neighbor like. You might laugh but deep down you know youd never hang out w that person on a deep level. You know that person would just be toxic. At this point being alone seems more appealing bc you dont have to risk all this weird bullshit. Its almost worth the touch starvation n all the other physical and mental bullshit that comes w loneliness n shit if every friend geoup is going to try to eventually moralize their hate of you and kick you out of a friend geoup for being too "cringe" and then put you on blast online and then all the commentors just laugh and dont think deeply about the situation bc theyre just there to laugh and are prolly just as fuckin toxic. Like we got a real issue here yall. Wtf is going on. Ppl in my generation are so fucking unlikeable.

[rampant-testiculitis]

rereading and rereading that post