#so I don’t know how I’ll do this
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"They call it the MANGLE" - FNAF 2 phone guy
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#mangle#abby schmidt#mike schmidt#fnaf 2#HAPPY SPOOKY MONTH BUT FR#the big thing I was looking forward to doing was doing some horror art!#obviously if you’ve followed me for awhile#every October I’ll do a handful of spookier art than usual#I don’t have grand plans but we’ll see where the art takes me#wanted to start with something for the next movie#again can’t wait to see mangle in it#I’m so curious how they’ll look or move#if you’ve seen how they move in Help wanted#you just know they’ll be terrifying#mangle is the number one thing I’m looking forward to in the second film#originally in my draft for this I exaggerated mangle quite a bit#but decided to be more accurate cause mangle on their own is freaky#just a lot of their screens in the og game are truly haunted#love mango 🩷
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I miss drawing so bad ughhh :-[ I might be getting my things Monday though but houugh
#I’m kinda anxious about it because my arms are out of whack#and I can’t do stuff the way I used to anymore#so I don’t know how I’ll do this#i’ll figure it out#but ack
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Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met
#Homer!Odysseus: you sacrificed your men to save yourself? Detestable coward! How I wish I was never born if it would ensure you had not the#Epic!Odysseus: you’d understand if you *loved your wife.* But I guess a guy who stayed with Circe for a year wouldn’t know that!#H!Odysseus: do not speak of things you know nothing about! I long for my return to sweet Penelope but I have a duty to my men#E!Odysseus: A YEAR. A WHOLE YEAR. I WOULD KILL ANYTHING AND ANYONE TO GET A HOME A YEAR FASTER#H!Odysseus: that was clear when you served Scylla six men like they were cattle!#E!Odysseus: it was them or me! And don’t keep talking about my friends like you did any better. you’ll go home alone too#H!Odysseus: they doomed themselves when they ate Hyperion’s golden cattle. I am not responsible for their suffering. But you could have ens#H!Odysseus: Now Eurylochus’s body lies at the bottom of the sea where there can be no burial and no honour#E!Odysseus: AND I’LL GO HOME TO MY WIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT LOVELY LOYAL WIFE WHO’S BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR TWENTY YEARS.#E!Odysseus: and when I go home and she asks if I came back as fast as I could I’ll be able to answer honestly#H!Odysseus: WE HAD BEEN THROUGH MANY TRIALS. THE MEN NEEDED TO REST#E!Odysseus: FOR A YEAR???? DID THEY NEED TO REST FOR A YEAR??? AND DID THEY NEED THAT REST RIGHT AFTER A MONTH’S LONG REST WITH AEOLUS??? S#H!Odysseus: IF YOU WISHED FOR ITHACA SO DESPERATELY WHY DIDN’T YOU OBEY PALLAS ATHENA AND KILL THE CYCLOPS#E!Odysseus: *drawing sword* I WAS HAVING A ROUGH DAY#Epic the musical#Epic odysseus#The odyssey#odysseus#Homer#Greek mythology#Jorge rivera-herrans#nuclear war speaks
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loop my beloved
#i don’t think I’m anywhere near being done with this game but if anything happens to any of these characters i’ll bite my hands off#the art gallery#in stars and time#i tried to do some dappled lighting but idk if i like how it turned out 💔 so i included the sketch#EDIT i feel like i should mention i know Full Well shit is going to happen if all the art of siffrin crying is anything to go by. i just kn#i just know that once i actually get there it’s gonna fucking wreck me JXSJSMXJMSSMXJSJ#ans i mean art of siffrin crying as in In The Game. i think it literally opens on an image of them crying ?
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Screenshot redraw!
#this is technically for cringetober with my sister but I don’t know how much I’ll do of it so#anyways#my art#cringetober#jjba#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jjba fanart#dio brando#stardust crusaders#JJBA part 3#all star battle r#JJBA ASBR#all star battle#also this sketch is old as dirt so that’s why he looks weird
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While rewatching ducktales, I realised that they looove foreshadowing, they do it all the time, sometimes they even give the whole plot of an episode in the very first scenes without the viewer noticing lol.
Anyway, I realised that they foreshadowed the whole “duke of making a mess” thing that Huey had in the sword of swanstantine episode!
THE THING IS, EVEN on my first watch, I could tell that this was supposed to be a multiple episode arc but they HAD to make it shorter because ducktales was getting cancelled and I’m PISSED. LIKE ALL OF MY FAVOURITE CARTOONS, THIS COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE.
DEWEY had his own arc where he’s trying to uncover his mom’s dissaperance with Webby. LOUIE had his own arc where he was struggling with his place in the family and HUEY. DIDN’T.
Ughhh they foreshadowed the Duke of making a mess in the intern episode and even in Scrooge’s birthday!!
Those are BOTH season 1 episodes (I’m not gonna list more foreshadowing because you get my point) SO THEY’VE BEEN BUILDING UP THIS ARC SINCE THE BEGINNING AND THEY DIDNT GET TO CASH IT INNNNN RAHHHHHH 🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️
When watching the ONE episode where he appears, you could IMMEDIATELY tell that it should’ve been a bigger deal. I mean come onnnn, they enter Huey’s mind scape and there’s a huge closed up door??? With locks??? DUUUDE THAT WOULD’VE BEEN AWESOMMMMEEE
I’m saying all of this but this is just to vent some frustration about how animation shows will just be cancelled without the chance to say all that they’ve wanted to say… and as the one who wants to hear it: *cries and wails and pees on the floor*
Ducktales was planning so many more seasons and only got 3, like every other great animation show nowadays i fear
#you know I complain a lot about these things#especially irl so iykyk lmao#but as a future animator#I seriously plan on doing something about this#I don’t care what people say#I’m bringing back 2D animation#I’m bringing back lore-filled action-comedy adventure series#and I’m fixing the mistakes that we’ve made in the past#by using what’s going on right now as a stepping stool#I plan on making the things I love better#and I know that I’m not the only one with that goal seeing how many new indie animators are doing this too#I hope that I’ll get to do it on a big platform and get a bunch of seasons#you know what? I could probably start with a short series and see how it goes from there#so many plans man#anyway#lmao#ducktales#ducktales 2017#huey duck#the Duke of making a mess#animation#ducktales spoilers#ducktales 2017 spoilers
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‘the black bastard of the wall’ moniker is the exact opposite of the ‘white wolf’ moniker and this perfectly highlights the irreconcilable differences between book Jon and show Jon
#‘white wolf’ highlights his stark heritage parallels him to robb and tries to align him with perfect moral goodness#‘the black bastard of the wall’ is only about jon. it has nothing to do with his stark heritage nor ghost. it’s only about jon#it’s literally white vs black#stark/winterfell/moral goodness vs bastard (targaryen bastard to be specific)/the wall/moral greyness and the duality of it all#he’s already a snow and he’s surrounded by white up north with a white direwolf so being the black bastard and dressing all in black#is perfect imagery of the duality theme in jon’s storyline#d&d rly wanted their jon to always stand in robb’s shadow 🙄#while book jon has an international reputation while still stuck at the wall#my boy is stuck in westerosi alaska and he’s got ppl across the sea yapping about him for pastime#that’s fame baby#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#GOT critical#jon snow#book jon snow#and i wanna know what other monikers george plans to give jon#while i wouldn’t be that suprised if the ‘white wolf’ did come from george it’s the way it’s jon’s only moniker in GOT that pisses me off#‘the black bastard of the wall’ supremacy#the white wolf seems kinda lame in comparison but say jon gets it if his hair turns white like some theorize#if that happens then i’ll like it more cause it’ll be about jon!#like… the young wolf is about robb. not grey wind. the starks are compared to wolves and robb is a young king and he just so happens to have#a direwolf. in the show jon’s ‘white wolf’ moniker is honestly more about ghost than jon! and that’s ughhh#but robb had the wolf moniker first so it feels once again like the showrunners were placing jon in robb’s shadow#UGHHH I HATE THE SHOW AND HOW IT RUINED THE WAY SO MANY PPL VIEW THE CHARACTERS#let jon be the black bastard !!#his color was always black and the wall is his !!#put some respect on his name and his badass moniker#i don’t want to see anymore shit about the white wolf cause that’s only d&d’s shit invention at this point#valyrianscrolls
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Repair day
#day 3 for vashtember#prompt was robot arm so I wanted to draw something softer#djdjdkdoe I was supposed to finish this on the third but unfortunately life happned and I couldn’t be bothered to post it yesterday to uhhh#but yeah I like how this turned out lol#it got so lazy toward the end rip#if yall say anything abt that janky ass hand I’m going to eat you#like I spent so long shading them face and hair but when I got to the pants I was like man fuck this#the goal for these drawings is to try and help me find a new rendering style since I was really not happy with my last one#still don’t rly know what I’m doing but I’ll get there lmao#Trigun#trigun maximum#trigun manga#Vash#vash the stampede#my art#trimax#Vash Trigun#Trigun Vash#vashtember#Trigun art#Trigun fanart
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Being a perfectionist is actually the worst thing to have happened to me because why am I chronically all or nothing about everything in my life
#Not even saying this in an omg I’m so quirky way like no this is a PROBLEM#Caught myself thinking that maybe while I’m embarking on an intense study camp I should just like#Neglect doing anything that feeds my soul or just ensures I’ll be mentally well enough by the time I take the national test I wanna take#But it’s not just that like I’m all or nothing w EVERYTHING#All or nothing w friends all or nothing w hobbies etc etc#Someone tell that girl things are a spectrum#I don’t mean to gatekeep this but anyone who’s liek “heehee im such a perfectionist!!” while kicking their feet and giggling doesn’t get it#Sure your work pays off when you’re like that but it’s also unsustainable#I’ve burned out so fast before / fallen off the wagon bc I’m not normal about things I undertake#I actually want to know how it feels like to be normal about things
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My favorite reading of Leo’s “indubitably” tell is that it’s not actually a tell, and Leo just plays it up as one so he doesn’t get called out when he really wants to hide something.
Especially since throughout the series we see him lie and trick multiple times without saying the word once.
I like to think that one time when they were kids Leo happened to learn the word “indubitably” and because he tends to repeat new words he learns, he ended up using it at the same time as he was caught lying. He uses the word again later in another lie, and that’s where the association comes from.
OR- counter argument: “indubitably” is one of his tells, but only for unimportant things, especially when said to family. Long plays, particularly ones with villains, are in a different category in his head.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#bro said ‘oh everyone thinks that’s a tell…well I won’t stop them then 💅’#lil schemer#absolutely a one off gag type of thing but fun to take further#listen my boy is a lil manipulative and u know what he’s so valid for it#dude pulled off the Lair Games 4D chess play like it was nothing he 100% knows what to do to get people to believe what he says and does#actually while we’re down here can we take a moment to recognize how good a planner he is as well#because in many unhappy returns when he’s setting up he and splinters battle#he (on the SPOT) decides to incorporate Big Mama’s guards into the fight as well…because he came up with a plan to use them on the kraken#like please that’s so???? nah I don’t think I’ll ever get over that
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I’m back to posting on instagram 🤭🤭🤭
#I have so much to post 😭#I’m gonna try and post on insta every like second or third day#I’ll also prob post on TikTok but I low key hate TikTok so we’ll see#ANYWAY#jason todd#my pookie#i love him#red hood#dc comics#dc#batman#robin#art#dick grayson#comicart#red#redhood outlaws#batman arkham knight#how do we feel about ssktjl#no hate to Harley Quinn#but Arkham Harley Quinn you know what you did#we better get a sequel where you can play as Jason#that would slap#arkham knight#I don’t even really like the suicide squad tbh#like ain’t no way someone was like aw he’ll yah more suicide squad content#lazarus pit#gotham knights#my art#azuree1733
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Three days until Beetlejuice Beetlejuice… I’m nervous!!
#I’ll be blocking the entire Beetlejuice tag until I actually watch the movie so I don’t get any spoilers#…#So if anyone posts anything and wonders why I haven’t said anything— it’s just a precaution!#And if I do not like it#know full well that I will give an extremely honest review#but we’re going in with as little bias as possible#no expectations… No disappointments… yet.#Beetlejuice Beetlejuice#Beetlejuice 2#Lydia Deetz#My art#Freindly Reminder: I do not care how ‘cannon’ beetleb*bes ever gets— I do not like it and this will never be a welcome place for it
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surprised i haven’t seen anyone talking abt this parallel. jacob & delainey’s lil comforting shoulder touches🥺(no wonder everyone always gushes about those two in interviews, how could u not adore them? sweethearts. gaaah this whole cast is so solid <3)
#i really adore and respect when celebs are this earnest#like#when they’re visibly nervous and invested in the fan’s response#that kind of vulnerability#it’s what puts the /feeling/ in it !!#bc that’s how you know they rlly care abt what they’re creating#it’s the magic that moves media from ‘content’ to art#and putting your art out there for the whole world is a scary fkn thing to do!#ppl really don’t appreciate that enough these days#god. i’ll never have enough kudos to give this production#also#not to parasocial on main#(well. this isnt my main lmao)#BUT#it’s so sweet seeing how much more comfortable he (&the whole cast) has become each year#you can seeeee the physical difference in anxiety in just these gifs#i’m glad it seems like the world doesn’t feel so close to ending for him this time around:’)#iwtv#delainey hayles#sam reid#jacob anderson#sdcc#my gifs!#my posts tag:)
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Hello welcome to yet another post that was 1) originally meant to be a short thing but it rapidly got out of hand 2) caters to me specifically 3) is all over the place because I kept finding more things I wanted to talk about
The way rui approaches emotions is so fascinating to me bc like. He approaches everything with a very rational/logical thought process instead of an emotional one and he tends to either ignore his emotions or view them as an obstacle/hinderance.
(From his gleaming stars card story)
If he acknowledges that he’s upset or unhappy he tends to just go “oh well. What can you do.” & then berates himself for not wanting to be unhappy. I feel like a lot of that can be explained by his childhood alienation from his peers.
In RMD his reaction to his classmates refusing to take part in his play once he explained the tree jump stunt & them calling him weird is to blame himself:
Little Nene: Rui, what’s the matter? Did something sad happen?
Little Rui: Nene… No. That’s not it. I pushed my show onto everyone and bothered them.
(From RMD - TL by Arven Oven)
Which is pretty telling. To Rui, the issue is that he asked for too much, that he as a person is something that must be tolerated by his peers.
But ultimately he still has faith that he’ll find his people.
Little Rui: …That’s right. People like you, Nene, who would say that they like my shows, surely exist out there. I want to make my own shows. But as of now - I think it might be a little hard.
(RMD)
And he *did* keep trying to find people who would accept him for a while - Wonder Halloween shows that he continued to try to reach out even after the stuff that happened in RMD, but eventually anyone he got a little close to would end up leaving & reinforcing his idea that he was too different from others to form relationships.
(From Wonder Halloween)
I’ve seen some people say him giving up on forming relationships was due to the events shown in RMD, but I think it was more of a result of him experiencing the same rejection over and over again. The definition of insanity is trying over and over again when the result never changes, and despite what his peers may think, Rui is not insane. I think he gradually lost faith in his parents assurance that he would find people who accepted him - he begins pushing Nene, the only person who hasn’t left him yet, away.
Middle School Rui: I’m working on a solo project… but I haven’t found anyone else like you that’s willing to help.
Middle School Nene: oh, I see…
Middle School Nene: then would you like to join the troupe I’m in…?
Middle School Nene: I mean, uh…
Middle School Rui: hehe. It’s nice of you to invite me, but there’s no need to pity me. I’m doing ok on my own, and it’s for the best anyway.
(From Wonder Halloween)
Why he pushed Nene away is sort of left up to interpretation - To protect her from himself? To leave her before she left like everyone else? - but I think the assumption that her invitation is out of pity show that at least part of his decision to push her away was out of the belief that she, like everyone else, was simply tolerating him. If he assumes everyone hates him/is scared of him right off the bat, he can avoid getting his hopes up and being crushed when he’s inevitably abandoned. It’s not unhealthy or detrimental to forming relationships he’s just recognizing a pattern and using it to predict the behavior of others (blatantly wrong).
Zombie Plushies: We can tell you’re just pretending to be friends! Deep down, you’re probably scared and disgusted by us too!
(…)
Zombie Plushies: We’ll never fit in with them anyway…
Rui: …! (Never fit in with them, huh…)
(…)
Rui: When I look at them… I remember how things used to be.
(WXS world link, TL by Haruka’s penguin)
He rationalized his loneliness with “I’m just incompatible with other people” which
1) ow.
2) if he’s incompatible with other people, there’s no reason to get his hopes up because he’ll never find people he fits in with
3) if nothing is ever going to get better, he should be content with being alone. There’s no reason to be sad over a fact of life. It is what it is.
4) being sad over this is inconvenient, unhelpful, and a distraction from following his dreams (on his own)
5) inflicting himself onto others is a selfish desire and he should just keep to himself. “It’s for the best, anyway.”
6) he’s perfectly fine on his own. He doesn’t need anyone for his shows, and he doesn’t need friends.
By the time the WXS main story takes place, he’s already fully convinced himself that he’s better off alone, and that Actually It’s Super Beneficial For Him & His Shows And He’s Fine Like This.
Middle School Rui: Solitude isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.
Middle School Mizuki: huh?
Middle School Rui: In fact, it has had certain benefits for me. It’s given me plenty of time to see plays and to think over ideas for shows, for example.
(Kamikou festival)
Rui: hehe. Unfortunately, we won’t be doing a show together.
Rui: you see, I like to work alone and with absolute freedom to stage any show I want.
Rui: as long as my shows fill my audience’s hearts with joy, I’m perfectly satisfied.
(WXS main story) (“I’m perfectly satisfied” me when I lie)
I feel like it’s overlooked that the only reason rui joined wxs was to get nene in the group. I’m probably going to talk about his continued pushing of Tsukasa’s limits/suggesting insane stunts and over emphasizing how dangerous they are at a later date - and how that was (imo) an attempt to find the point where Tsukasa would hate and leave him too -
(surely this is too good to be true, Tsukasa/wxs will be like all the others -> wait he’s not calling me a freak and leaving ok I guess I’ll go full throttle on the insane shit surely at some point he’ll get tired of me -> he got injured because of me and he’s still here?? what the fuck???? Well now I care about him & this group so I need to pull back I’m not going to get a second chance)
(Wonder Halloween)
- but I would like to briefly mention that Rui literally suggests risking Tsukasa’s life right off the bat & when Tsukasa is like “?? I don’t want to die???” Rui just goes “alright I’m out of the group I guess bye. have fun nene!”
Rui: Don't worry, the device can be securely attached to the stage in a way that will keep the audience perfectly safe. Please make sure you don't touch it or you'll die.
Tsukasa: what about keeping ME safe?!
(…)
Tsukasa: I’m not going to risk my life on-stage!
Rui: but you said you’d perform any role I gave you to, quote, 12000%, unquote!
Rui: I'm afraid that I have no choice but to step down as a stage director. Nene, good luck working with these people.
(Wxs main story)
Unfortunately humans are a social species & emotions don’t follow (faulty) logic so rui *was* unhappy on his own and he *did* want to have friends. Which I’m sure he continued to call himself selfish/greedy for feeling. Rationalizing all of this was a way he could accept/make peace with being miserable (because it must be this way, because this is how it will always be).
Rui: I was the same a long time ago… I gave up on fitting in with anyone.
(…)
Rui: If they don’t understand me, that just can’t be helped, if they disagree with the way I think, that just can’t be helped… I would think like that.
Rin: Rui-kun…
Rui: - in reality, I really did want to put on a show with someone else. But people didn’t understand the shows I was making. On a subconscious level, I convinced myself it wasn’t going to work out and gave up on the idea.
(WXS world link)
(Wxs Journey to bloom animation)
This added scene from the main story animation adds to this - why he leaves WXS did have to do with Tsukasa yelling at Nene, but the reason he doesn’t come back after Nene forgives Tsukasa is because Tsukasa’s self centered attitude is something that antithetical to a belief that Rui thought he’d given up on a long time ago: great shows *can’t* be made alone, no matter how many times you insist that you don’t need anyone else. As much as he denied it, Rui *did* still want to connect with people and be accepted - not just for the purpose of making shows, but to have a place where he belonged. For the first time in years Rui got his hopes up, started believing in what his parents told him, and Tsukasa proved to him that he never should have done so in the first place. Unlike the other times, though, Rui is the one to walk away first. & then tsukasa/wxs do the whole “true feelings” show etc etc we know how the main story ends.
That being said, I think that Rui still subconsciously believed WXS would grow to hate him and leave because he would finally be Too Much. Wonder Halloween showed him that this wasn’t true (Which is why it’s so important that the zombie plushies in the world link performed potato ghost to connect to the other plushies - it’s the show that was performed when Rui fully realized that wxs was not going to abandon him.) but I feel like that only cemented the fact that wxs would keep performing alongside him, not that they were his friends.
Rui also very clearly did not process or evaluate how his childhood impacted him.
Nene: When you talked about the old days, you seemed happy.
Rui: fufu. I don’t mind it anymore because it was so long ago.
(His RMD card story - TL by Rubilia Heartfilia) (me when I lie part two)
After so long by himself, with shows as the only thing he had, I think that having a connection to people *outside* of shows was completely unfathomable to Rui.
Which is why he’s kind of incapable of realizing why the idea of leaving wxs hurts him so much,
(Curtain call)
why he doesn’t realize why he starts holding back in wonder Halloween or why he holds back on the cheer squad,
(Cheer squad event)
And why he’s surprised that wxs cares for him not just as a director, but as a friend.
(Festival bathed in twilight)
I make fun of him for taking a year to finally be like “yeah tsukasa-kun and I are friends” but I think it’s pretty reasonable taking his trust/abandonment issues into account. Accepting Tsukasa’s offer to join wxs (twice) changed his life drastically - he realizes that he can connect to others outside of shows, that it’s possible for him to form relationships with people outside of wxs. Rui just needed to make the choice to accept the outreached hands - not changing the parts of himself that people previously deemed too weird or strange (not that he was ever going to do that anyways) but changing his attitude of “it’s just impossible for me to be accepted.”
Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.
Rui: as I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.
Rui: now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others
Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.
(…)
Tsukasa: but… it’s not only just thanks to me, y’know?
Rui: eh?
Tsukasa: think about it. No matter how many chances I gave you, if you had refused to change, you would never have done so, right?
(Pandemonium, TL by Tsukasa’s #3 fan)
This is also why he tends to berate himself for having the very normal desire to hold on to wxs. He’s never had something like this before, where he has people who accept and love him as he is. He’s never wanted to keep something as badly as this. He’s asking too much of them, he’s imposing like he did with his classmates in RMD, he should let them leave. It’s the mature thing to do. He spent so long on his own, he should be fine going back to that, isn’t it selfish and greedy to want more?
(Curtain call)
(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows w wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.
(World link)
Rui: (…When the time comes, even I, too, will have to move forward.)
Rui: (…Moving forward, can I do that?)
Rui: (…Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)
(…)
Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that - let me think of one.)
Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)
(Curtain call - TL by Arven Oven & Tsukasa’s #3 Fan) (fuck you ensekai)
I think that, in future events, he’ll (hopefully) come to realize there are more people who will accept him (& get more trust ranks. Please.). I think it’s an impossible ask for him to be completely fine with wxs going their separate ways some day (and the same goes for everyone else in wxs), but I think when the time comes it will at least be bittersweet and with the knowledge that he can find other places to belong & that his relationships with the rest of wxs is strong enough to withstand not being in the same troupe. Things can’t stay the same forever, but change doesn’t have to be bad. Etc etc.
#mine#project sekai#analysis#rui#hiii (twirls hair) (covered in blood) (visibly dying)#me when I’m so normal about these characters#you don’t want to know how long I spent on this post the answer is too fucking long.#i hate that purple fuck (said with incredible fondness and love)#at some point I’m sure I’ll write about emu & her 400 mental illnesses and analyze nene’s character in depth#and do that analysis on the roof & it’s importance to rui & tsukasa (mainly rui)#but also I need to not spend hours on miku game analysis.#incredibly self serving post in that every in depth analysis on these characters I create is one step closer to feeling comfortable#writing the 3 million fic ideas in my head#and also because I’m not organizing this better you’ll take the word vomit and like it
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« nothing on me »
bayverse raph x reader / fluff + angst
notes: 1.8k words, first person pov, established relationship, gender neutral reader (no pronouns used,) details of injuries and tending to said injuries.
a knock on the window at 3am? that only means one thing: the turtles are here. smiling, I rub the remnants of sleep from my eyes and hop out of bed to open up the curtain. only one turtle faces me at the window though - raphael.
I open the window and help his wide frame step down from the ledge, but my previous smile fades fast when raph groans in pain as he steps onto the floor.
“raph, what’s wrong? where are the rest of the boys? what happened?” I speak as fast as possible to try and get to his answer, worry eating away at me with each second that passes.
my raph is the mass strength and rough hand amongst the turtles. he can handle a lot of damage since he always manages to deal out more than what is done onto him. seeing him bent over, actually using my arm for support and not simply holding me because he wants to, groaning in genuine pain rather than letting out his usual gruff noises of acknowledgment - that scares me. it terrifies me when I don’t know what has happened.
“I told them to check on dad,” he begins breathlessly, “I needed you. it’s really bad this time.”
my eyes widen and I hurry him to the side of my bed, the mattress creaking under his weight. I grasp his face in my hands to check him over, turning his head every which way, but see nothing apart from a few new scratches on his skin.
“what do you mean ‘really bad,’ raph? you’re scaring me.”
“my—“ he lifts his arm and tries to reach for the back of his shell, failing miserably and almost howling out in pain, “my shell, sweetheart. I haven’t seen it yet but I heard it crack and this pain is too much for it to just be taped up.”
I scuttle around his large form and am immediately hit with the sight of a deep crack in the middle of his shell. he was right to come straight to me with this one. he should always come to me with injuries but is too stubborn most of the time and rides out the pain: ‘it may look bad to you but it’s nothing on me.’
when the boys started to properly use their skills outside of the lair, with the risk of larger injuries increasing, I began to research and teach myself how to handle ones specific to these mutants. thanks to many in depth articles about turtle care, I have safely cleaned and covered up small cracks before. the only difference between the boys and ‘normal’ turtles in regards to care like this is their size - it takes longer and requires more focus to clean cracks, ensuring that they can heal appropriately over time. although tonight’s damage will take double that, and maybe more.
“oh raph, oh my…how? wait, don’t answer that. I’m doing my first aid stuff then we can talk about it, okay?” he nods with a sad smile and all I can do is reach out and cup his cheek, returning the expression he gave me. he moves my hand to his lips for a quick kiss before I start scurrying off to grab what I need.
let’s see - chlorohexidine solution, q-tips, cotton pads, adhesive patches and a towel. is that all I need? I have no idea right now; I’m so scared to touch him that I feel like stalling for as long as I can.
I walk slowly back to where he sits on the edge of my bed, his head resting in one hand as the other rubs at his tired eyes. I lay down all that I grabbed from the bathroom before taking a deep breath and sitting down behind him. the room is silent for a couple of minutes after that, my heart beating loudly in my ears. I can’t break my anxious stare away from the crack in his beautiful carapace.
“hey…” raph speaks ever so softly to get my attention.
“yeah— sorry. I’m sorry,” I feel tears begin to form in my eyes. I hate seeing him hurt like this. “I’m going to fix you up. I promise I’ll fix this. I’ll touch around your shell, away from the crack, and you tell me how it feels. let me know how much the pain has spread.”
he gestures ‘yes’ to me but with a frowned brow, “don’t cry, love. everything is okay. I’m raphael, remember? this is nothing on me!”
but I can see it - I can see the pain written on his face, the way his eyes look misty. I don’t want to push him to talk nor do I want to directly acknowledge the pain I can see; I don’t want to break his protective wall at a time like this. it wouldn’t be fair to do so. I wipe my tears and get straight to work instead.
my small hand reaches out for him, gently patting around the edges of his shell then smoothing over the surface, “that’s not bad at all. it just feels tingly, like the nice kind of tingly you give me.” I giggle at him. it’s a relief that the shell hasn’t shattered or anything and he can feel my hand like always.
I’ve spent so many nights tracing over the faint patterns of his plastron and committing the texture to memory. it helps calm him after a stressful training day or when he can’t sleep. it secretly calms me too because it’s just us in those moments, the rest of the world fading away and leaving only raph and I. there’s no need to jump away from my hold to save new york when my touch melts away the city completely. nothing can break us out of that warm paradise as long as we are together.
despite the touch test going well, the cleaning of his wounds will definitely be painful since the crack is open and noticeable. I pour some of the solution onto a q-tip and tell raph to start breathing slowly and deeply. I help him set a pace for it before I begin to clean.
he hisses in pain when the piece of cotton comes in contact with the wound and my tears start to flow again, “I know baby, but this part is important,” I sniffle and reach my free hand for his, “use me to balance yourself.”
“I’ll break your little hand,” there is a fracture in his voice as he speaks but he still manages to let out a chuckle with his words.
“breathe and squeeze, raph, don’t worry about me.”
and so he did - each time I dipped the cotton into the crack he inhaled and exhaled quickly whilst grasping my hand in his. I rubbed my thumb over his rough skin in an attempt to ground us both over and over again.
“one last clean and then I’ll patch it up and be done for tonight.” he lets out a loud sigh at that, obviously glad that the stinging will be over soon. I hear him lowly whimper but force a cough after in an attempt to hide the noise. once again I don’t press him on it, I just kiss the back of his hand to let him know it’s alright.
the last step is to cut adhesive patches to fit the crack, making sure to leave small gaps at the ends to allow air to flow through. this process isn’t all that different from putting a bandaid on a human arm, and thank goodness for that. I want to do everything I can to help raph, to ease his pain, so this being a somewhat ‘easy’ task to complete means luck is on my side right now.
with the last piece secure I get up from the bed to face him again, giving him a small smile to let him know it’s done. I slip myself between his legs and reach out to untie his bandana. his eyes close as he presses his head onto my chest to give me access to the tie at the back.
sliding the cloth from his face, I set it on the bed and wipe underneath his eyes; he looks so worn out. my fingers move down to draw along the scars from previous battles and to check over any new cuts, the pad of my thumb eventually landing on the most prominent scar across his upper lip. my raph, my hero, our hero…with the scars to prove it all.
“give it a week and see how the shell starts to heal. if we need to do more then I’m ready for that. I’ve done my research, you’re looking at a certified mutant turtle nurse,” I wink at him as he laughs and nuzzles further into my hold.
he looks up at me with those gorgeous eyes, the light of the moon catching in them. he may be hurt but he’s here with me and healing in my arms, and I’ll hold this man forever to show him how much he means to me. he’s looking at me in the same way - in awe of what’s in front of him - both of us dumbly grinning at each other. although, he does break eye contact when a yawn suddenly comes bursting out.
“do you want to talk about what happened, or do you want to catch some z’s first?”
“hmm…as much as I want to tell you about how much of a badass I am, I really want to crash.”
he moves to lay on his back before I catch his shoulders with high pitched squeak, “shell!” I whisper-yell at him. his lips form an ‘o’ and I shake my head. only raph could forget about his injuries that quickly.
I slip into the bed first and hold out my arms, beckoning him to follow and to lay on his stomach. he does so almost instantly, getting comfy against me and wrapping his arms around my waist.
“thank you for everything. I trust you with my life, you know.”
“and I trust you with mine, big red.”
I’m seemingly stuck staring down at him, just in stupid awe once more. watching how his eyes are effortlessly closed, evident that he is exhausted, with a faint smile playing on his lips as he shifts around to find the best snoozing position. his shell is now what catches the attention of the moon and I feel satisfied with my work on the crack. I’m still worried but the patch looks good and secure from afar so I’ll take it for it now.
I’m so happy that this brave and unstoppable mutant turtle trusts me with his open wounds, with his physical and emotional scars, with his love and being. this life of ours is crazy in so many ways but I wouldn’t ask for anything to change. well, less wounds here and there would be nice but that might be asking for too much.
#my first turtles story! I don’t normally write fics I have so many ideas that just play out in my head but I’m glad I wrote this one down#I think I’ve only ever posted one other fic on this account before (a beel one) so hopefully I’ll write some more in the future#well if people like them then I’ll post more hhh I have no idea how to gauge the quality of my own writing at all#oracleact chats#tmnt#bayverse tmnt#bayverse raph#bayverse raphael#bayverse raph x reader#bayverse raph imagine#tmnt raph x reader#tmnt x reader#tmnt imagine#I don’t actually know how to tag this…will this do? :<#blossom 💌 raph
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there are all of 6 fics on ao3 that come up when you search the word “disabled” in the dead boy detectives fandom. I’m dealing with a fibromyalgia flare up rn so I’ve decided to come up with some (potential!) disability/condition/syndrome/etc. headcanons. enjoy!
(oh and just to note: I stayed away from conditions with obvious facial / appearance difference as no actors with facial / appearance difference were cast in the show and I was unsure if it would be appropriate. while I have experience with a lot of the following diagnoses, I do not claim to be an expert on any of them and do not intend for this to be used as a diagnostic tool. if you feel any of these are offensive/inappropriate, please message me and I’m happy to talk about it :) this is more just to encourage broader disability representation within the fandom!)
Edwin: autistic, PTSD (from hell), chronic pain/fibromyalgia (from his death/hell), minor visual impairment (not enough to need the hard-to-come-by testing needed for glasses when he was alive and so assumed the various limits/effects were normal. was told otherwise by Niko), would’ve had shingles if lived long enough
Charles: ADHD, PTSD (from his father/growing up in an abusive household), dyslexia, Reynaud’s syndrome (either already born with it or as a result of his death—both angsty), was in the beginning stages of an ED prior to his death, post-concussion syndrome, near-sightedness (never given glasses bc he wasn’t about to tell his dad the board looked a little blurry sometimes)
Crystal: cPTSD (reminder that neglect is also abuse :), bipolar 1, IBS, endometriosis
Niko: autism, depression, POTS, hEDS, anxiety, sprite-induced agoraphobia, epilepsy, lactose intolerance
Monty: Depersonalization-derealization disorder, selective amnesia (this is not the first times Esther has messed with his form/killed and revived him, but the experience is traumatic and so his brain decides not to remember it), recurrent arrhythmia, synesthesia
Jenny: OCD, BPD, ED recovered, Celiac’s disease, diabetes type 1, anemia
TCK: autism, NPD, lactose intolerance, colourblind
Esther: chronic pain (I’m choosing to believe that the cane isn’t just for show!!), NPD, endometriosis
Tragic Mick: cPTSD, depression, HoH, arthritis, diabetes
(The Night Nurse , the Dandelion Sprites, and various other characters felt either too supernatural and/or not developed enough to assign anything to lmao)
#maybe I’ll give edwin fibromyalgia to project on him again#also just to be clear none of this is meant to demonise or speak poorly on any of these conditions !!!#ppl are just varied and have varied bodies and I think it’s fun to explore that with fictional characters :)#lmk which you agree/don’t agree with !!!#also while I don’t see most of the characters as deaf/HoH I do think Charles and Niko have the potential to be CODA(s?)#like I think Charles’s mom and Niko’s dad could’ve been deaf/HoH#granted idk if Charles would know any BSL bc of his father#but I think Niko would know JSL!#she loses her dad and then has no one to use it with :((((#like her mom maybe stops signing or was never great at signing with her husband’s death#and Niko’s father’s friends don’t really hang around even before she’s sent to the states yk#let the record show I was very tempted to give Edwin all sorts of chronic shit that was popular at the turn of the century#but like polio felt a bit too far#TCK is based on how cats are ofc#I think Crystal having manic episodes and having to come to terms with the fact that it doesn’t make her a bad person would be interesting#also Monty is roughly based on how crows be but like how it would translate wrong if that makes sense#like crows can see more colors than humans so I think that screws with his senses in human form => synesthesia#you could give most of them here ptsd just from the events of the show but that felt too repetitive so I kept it to pre show traumas#lmk what yall think#dead boy detectives#dbda#edwin payne#charles rowland#crystal palace#niko sasaki#monty the crow#jenny the butcher#esther finch#the cat king#tragic mick
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