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DĂ©jĂ VĂ©cu: The Prophecy
Chapter Thirty-Five : The Prophecy
Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans
Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI.
DĂ©jĂ VĂ©cu Masterlist
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December 15th, 1979
Autumn of 1979 was the emotional equivalent of whiplash. Peter began to attend more frequent Order meetings again, much to her excitement (and also surprise). The moment he walked through the door, she had smiled so broadly that her cheeks hurt. He sat beside her, falling into easy conversation as if nothing was amiss. James seemed to be happy their friend was back too; she clocked the spark in his eyes from across the room.Â
In mid-November, an emergency meeting was called to discuss the newly found evidence of a spy within the Order. The thought alone brought dread, though the worst part being the fact that it was someone they had grown to know and trust. Even possibly a friend.Â
They met up at their flat after the meeting, James, Lily, and Peter apparating over to drape themselves over their living room, firewhisky in hand, trying to sort through the swirling doubts  and speculations they all seemed to be struggling with.Â
âThereâs no way itâs any of the Weasleyâs,â she took a sip of her drink, leg pressed tightly against Siriusâs on the couch. Remus shook his head sadly from the floor.Â
James sighed thoughtfully, âI feel like maybe Dumbledore is mistakenâŠâ
Sirius downed his whisky and set the empty cup on the coffee table, âItâs obviously Moody.â
She rolled her eyes, âWeâve been over thisâŠâ
He shrugged half-heartedly, âI still donât trust him, and nothing you, Dumbledore, or Kingsley say can change my mind.â
âHe does kind of scare me though,â she mumbled, Lily smirking at her over the lip of her glass.Â
âHonestly, I know this sounds insane,â James swallowed a mouthful of whisky, grimacing slightly, âbut itâs not any of us, and that gives me a little peace of mind knowing we still have each other.â
She smiled, leaning into Siriusâs side as he slung an arm around her. The statement did give her a little bit of relief, and as she looked around at the faces of her closest friends, she relaxed slightly. James Potter, ever the optimist, saw her smile and grinned back.Â
âââ
The news of the spy hung over their heads heavily, but come late autumn the only thing she could think about was Lily. Sheâd stopped by Potter Manor at her friendâs request one evening, assuming it would be another one of their usual relaxing nights filled with ciders and movies. When she arrived however, the look on Lilyâs face was one of thinly-restrained distress.Â
âI have something to show you,â she choked out rather abruptly, pulling her upstairs to the small bathroom off of the master suite.Â
She took in her friendâs slightly disheveled appearance and frantic movements, âAre youâŠalright, Lils?â
Lily shut the bathroom door quietly, leaning against it. âIâIâm not sure.â
She raised an eyebrow as her friend dug through the sink cabinet, the sound of hollow tapping against the counter followed. Lily inhaled deeply, and finally sat on the edge of the tub, motioning toward the countertop. Peering over, she could see three white pieces of plastic lined up, each of which showcased two defined pink lines in each of their tiny oval windows.Â
âLilyâŠâ she whispered apprehensively.
âI donâtâwhat do I do?â Her friend whimpered, âWe didnâtâŠwe didnât plan for this, weâre too young. I canât bring a baby into the world now, not in the middle of a war! Oh god, James is going to be so upsetââ
Hearing her thoughts spiral out loud, she grabbed Lily by the shoulders gently, kneeling in front of her on the floor.Â
âDonât for a single moment believe that James is not going to lose his mind with excitement. That man was born to be a brilliant father, and we all know it. Hell, heâs been taking care of Sirius and Peter for ages.â
Lily smiled softly, tears lining her lashes.Â
âAnd youâll be the best mum. You have all of us to support you as well. Your baby will be so loved, LilsâŠâÂ
She watched as Lily closed her eyes, breathing deeply to collect herself. âI donât even know how to tell him.â
Shrugging, she returned her question with a grin, âWe can brainstorm if you want. Either way, James is going to freak out in the best way possible, I promise.â
Later that night after she left, the phone rang in the flat. Remus answered, and she eavesdropped from the living room. A few seconds later, she could faintly hear James yelling on the phone, âIâm going to be a dad!â
She smiled to herself on the couch, listening as Remus stuttered and tried to wrap his brain around the thought. When Sirius got out of the shower a few minutes later, they both recanted the news to his bewildered face, laughing as he rushed to call James and hear it from the man himself.Â
âââ
March 7th, 1980
Nothing lasts forever. As winter reared its brutal head, she was humbly reminded of a devastating Kinks song that James had played on repeat during year 4 after Lily had started to pretend he didnât exist. She remembered entering the boyâs dorm to borrow a text from Remus, only to find James lying on the wooden floor like a starfish, blasting the Kinks at full volume while he stared at the ceiling solemnly. Sirius had looked at her with quiet desperation from his own bed, his eyes screaming for help. âHeâs been like this for hours,â he moaned. Theyâd all had to endure the song for days if anyone dared to walk into the dorm, finally deciding to hang out in the common room instead of Jamesâs new depression dungeon. Years later, she found the lyrics running through her head as she listened to Dumbledore inform them of a prophecy involving Lilyâs unborn son. Nothing lasts forever.
A numbness began to wash over, beginning at her feet and slowly rising. The prophecy foretold of a boy born in July that would be more powerful than Voldemort himself, and that âeither must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survivesâ. Lily was shaking as she stood silently and left the room, James quickly following in a panic. Sirius was out of his seat instantly, fists clenched and ready to fight against anything and everything.Â
âWe have to do something! We have enough information toââ
Dumbledore held up a hand, âI cannot in good faith send Order members to attack based on a prophecy.âÂ
âSo whatâs the plan then?â He spat. The old headmaster remained calm and unfazed. âWe all just pretend this isnât a problem and wait for the Dark Lord himself to come and finish off my best mate and his family?âÂ
She sat frozen in her chair, staring blankly at the exchange. Beside her, Remus was fidgeting with his lighter, but she couldnât even bring herself to take his hand in reassurance.Â
Dumbledore inclined his head, âNot in the slightest. We believe it is in the best interest of the Potterâs to be placed into hiding. None will know of their whereabouts besides a designated secret-keeper.â
She looked up at him finally, voice soft with barely contained devastation, âSo we wonât know where they are? We wonât be able to see them?â
The corner of Dumbledoreâs mouth upturned only slightly, âUnless the secret-keeper volunteers the information.â
âWeâd want you lot to know, obviously,â James had reemerged into the room, eyes red and slightly watery. His eyes shot between her, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, âIf we decide to hide, that is. Lily needsâŠwe need time to digest all of this.â
Dumbledore dipped his head gently, âI would caution you, Mr. Potter. Divulging your location should you go into hiding could lead to slip-upsââ
âI trust them with my life,â James bristled, shooting Dumbledore with an uncharacteristic glare.
âDo you trust them with your sonâs, though?â The headmaster asked calmly.Â
There was no hesitation before James spoke again, âWithout a doubt.â
âââ
July 28th, 1980
The fact that she was lying to Sirius ate away at the lining of her stomach. She swore he could smell the lie with his animagus abilities, a thought that was prominent ever since sheâd been given the assignment by the Order.Â
ââjust for a girls day. Weâre going to uhâŠset up some more of the nursery stuff, do our nailsâŠI dunno, boring stuff like that,â she walked quickly out of their bedroom to avoid looking Sirius directly in the eye. Grabbing her bag from the coffee table, she mentally checked if she had everything needed for the mission, all of which had been packed for days.Â
âWhen will you be back?â He furrowed his brows, not in suspicion she noticed, but at her absence. She wanted to melt into the floor.
She kissed him, relishing in the feeling of his mouth on hers, âIâll be back later tonight.â
Sirius held her close, capturing her lips into another passionate kiss, finally relinquishing her body back to her. âGive Lily my love,â he said as she opened the front door.
âIâll tell Prongs you say hello,â she placed a foot over the threshold, âI love you.â
âI love you more, bee.â
The closing of the door sounded like a nuclear blast as she stood at the top of the stairs overlooking the alley. She took a deep breath, and apparated to where Remus was waiting.
âââ
The little coffee shop just off of Church Street was bustling with midday patrons when she arrived.  The rendezvous point was chosen due to its proximity within the heart of muggle Sheffield, a place where no supporter of Voldemort would likely set foot. Remus was posted up at a table near the back, cup of black coffee on the little round table in front of him, face obscured by a beat-up Dostoyevsky novel. Skirting between customers and tables, she took a seat across from him and let out a breath. His left eyebrow cocked.
âMorning,â her voice was hollow.
âItâs 1:30,â he deadpanned, pushing his coffee towards her as an offering. She took a sip, the heat somehow soothing the storm raging in her gut.Â
âSo whatâs the plan?â She set the cup back down on the table, keeping a hand curled around it for grounding purposes.Â
Remus didnât remove his eyes from the pages of the book, âMeeting begins at 7, but Dumbledore wants us to poke around a few places first to see if thereâs anything out of the ordinary.â
âGotchaâŠâÂ
His eyes shifted to stare at her from over the book, âRelax, love. Everythingâs going to be fine.â
She sighed, the tension in her shoulders never easing, âI know, Iâm overreacting. I justâŠI hate lying to Sirius. I feel like we shouldâve told him.â
Remus finally set the book down on the table. âHeâs a big boy, he can handle having the truth withheld from him for Order purposes. Heâll understand. We both are also more than aware of why he canât know, and why he couldnât come. Itâs safer for everyone involved, he wouldâve blown our cover.âÂ
She nodded glumly, knowing that Remus was forever and always the voice of reason. He reached across the table and picked up the coffee, draining the rest and standing up. âLetâs get going, Iâm getting restless just sitting here.â
She followed him out of the shop and out onto the sunny street, keeping a step behind as he led the way. Stretching his hand out, she grabbed onto it like a lifeline, lacing their fingers together as they walked to the first location.
âââ
The meeting was being held in the basement of an old recreation center in the southern section of the city. The two of them had hashed out the details of the mission earlier while wandering around, though all of the preparation in the world wouldnât have stopped her heart palpitations as they drew closer to their destination. They had been advised that this would be a âno combatâ mission, meaning that the end goal was strictly recon and gathering intel. The Order had received a tip that Death Eaters would be trying to recruit at a Lycanthrope support meeting being held by a local branch of Werewolf Support Services. Her and Remus were the only ones chosen for the job, due to her work with WSS and hisâŠobvious affliction. The Order wanted any information they could gather, including but not limited to Death Eater identities, future plans, and number of new recruits. They both would adopt aliases for the night, new names and fake backstories to avoid detection.
Remus pulled her gently to the side as they rounded the corner of an industrial building; the area was pretty deserted at this point in the evening, the surrounding buildings mostly housing factories and workshops, long vacated for the day by their respective employees. She peered into a foggy window curiously as Remus got her attention again.
âHey, put this on.â
She looked up only to be tossed his sweater, the soft fabric warming her hands. âWhatâs this for?â
Remus pulled his brown leather jacket over his t-shirt, âOur covers are that weâre bothâŠyâknow, infectedââ
ââthatâs outdated terminologyâŠâ
Remus rolled his eyes, âAnyway, it would help if you actuallyâŠsmelled the part.â He sniffed noncommittally.Â
She furrowed her brows, âPlease donât sniff me, you weirdo.â Her eyes quickly widened when her thoughts caught up. âWait, can you smell if a person is a werewolf?â
Remus nodded shallowly. âItâs not like, unique person-to-person, but lycanthropes have a slightly different scent that regular people.â
She gaped at him, finally throwing the sweater over her head and tugging up the too-long sleeves.Â
When they arrived at the rec center, a handful of people were already milling about the decently sized room, some talking nervously with their heads close together, others laughing and jostling each other around like old friends. A few of them had seen better days, covered in filth with random mismatched clothes that had been through the wringer. Remus had to physically grab her arm to steer her towards a chair at the back of the room to prevent her from offering help, actual help, from a Ministry official.Â
After almost an hour of waiting and observing the guests, a man finally rose at the front of the room and urged everyone to take a seat (if they could find one that is, the place was now packed). He was tall and broad, with a dark head of hair shaved close. The angles of his face were sharp and too abrupt, the lights of the rec center basement creating dramatic shadows from above.Â
âWelcome,â he boomed from the front, âIâm happy you all could join us. My name is Hughes, and Iâm here to talk about something near and dear to my heart,â he put a large scarred hand against his chest, ââLycanthropy.â
A smatter of laugher ran around the room, the sound giving her chills. Werewolves had never scared her, but in this room, surrounded by this many vulnerable (albeit wildly dangerous) individuals being provoked by the most deadly threat to their world, she felt herself struggling to keep her heartbeat in check. Everything could go wrong at the drop of a hat.Â
âIâlike many of youââ Hughes continued, beginning to stride up and down the front row of seats, âhave what the rest of the world considers a disease. But I donât like to use the term âinfectedâ, or âbittenâ, or âafflictionââŠI prefer empowered.âÂ
A few murmurs rumbled, and she watched as a few people began to smile. Beside her, Remus was the picture of stoicism.
âFor as long as weâve existed,â Hughes voice rose, âwerewolves have been shoved to the bottom dregs of society. Shunned, beaten, and tossed aside by our Wizarding brethren. I think itâs about time we got back up. We think itâs about time we rose up the ranks.â He motioned to either side of the aisle, ten cloaked figures filing into the room and flanking him at the front. As they removed their hoods, she felt the blood drain from her body. Evan Rosier was standing beside Hughes, a politicianâs smirk across his beautiful face, beside him like a shadow was Barty.
âFuckâŠâ she whispered, stiffening in her seat. He followed her gaze to their former classmates and quickly ducked his head. âTheyâll blow up our spot the first chance they get,â she hissed. Glancing at the main doors, two more hooded Death Eaters waited on either side.Â
âWe canât leave yet,â he muttered back, ânot without drawing attention to ourselves.â
Remus hunched down, and she prayed they were indecipherable from this far back. Hughes began to pontificate once more, looking every bit the dark savior that he was pretending to be, flanked by his cloaked angels.
ââI was lucky enough to be welcomed into a society that doesnât discriminate based on breedââ
Remus bristled, ïżœïżœïżœJust blood statusâŠâ he murmured for only her to hear, and despite their current predicament, she fought a smile.Â
ââThe Dark Lord welcomes all into his care! He will raise the lycanthropes to statuses of power! No more will we be forced to hide in the shadows, shunned from work or places of âcivilized societyâ. No more will we need to worry about the registry! With The Dark Lord in power, the Ministry will no longer interfere with the affairs of werewolves. We will finally be free!â
The previous smattering of murmurs and whispering was now becoming cheers; the sound of which grated on her ears, making her blood run cold. Remus stared intently at the back of the chair in front of him, and she could only imagine the thoughts running through his head. The promises that Hughes was making sounded phenomenal, she couldnât argue with it, she just knew they were blandishments. She looked around the room at the cheering, hopeful faces of these poor, vulnerable people.Â
It took everything in her to not break down crying.Â
âââ
Once Hughes had gotten down from his soapbox, the meeting officially ended, but none of the participants made any attempt to leave. Instead, the vast majority milled about the space, most biting at the chance to speak with one of The Dark Lordâs mouthpieces. The air was electric, everyone in attendance being given a new hope for their future, or at least thatâs what they were promised if they chose to join the ranks.Â
Her and Remus hid behind a group of 5 lycanthropes deep in conversation, peering every so often to the far side of the room to wait for Evan to be distracted enough to make a swift getaway. Their chance finally came when he was roped into a discussion with an extremely disheveled, and very enthusiastic, young werewolf (the poor girl had stars in her eyes as she stared up at Evanâs rictus of mild disgust). Remus grabbed her hand and quickly pulled her toward the main doors, only to be stopped by a familiar slimy voice.Â
âWell, wellâŠâ
Her blood ran cold as they turned to see Barty leering at them, Evan sidling up to his left with a cool grin. Remus immediately put a steadying hand on her lower back.Â
âYou two are a long way from home,â Evan said cheerfully, though the malice behind it was not lost on her. âWhat brings you to our humble little gathering?â
Words failed her as she tried to feebly grasp at any piece of their false backstory that she could salvage. Without missing a beat, Remus jumped in.
âLooks like youâve made some interesting friends since school, Rosier.â
While Barty bristled, Evan crinkled his eyes.Â
âWe were just leavingâŠâ she murmured, leaning back into Remus. His hand pressed harder into her back as she looped an arm around him in return. Her palms were sweating as she quickly tried to map out viable escape routes.
Evan shook his head, chuckling airily. âI think youâre mistaken, loveâŠâ His eyes met hers and the intensity in them couldâve melted iron. ââŠthe nightâs just beginning.âÂ
Fisting the back of Remusâs jacket, she felt something hard tucked into his waistband and upon realization, she acted out the most insane, knee-jerk plan (not her brightest moment, arguably).Â
As Barty and another Death Eater moved to grab them, she ripped Remusâs wand out of his waistband, aiming a wordless shot at the ceiling above. The plaster began to fall in large chunks, and she quickly tore Remus away toward the main doors behind them. The Death Eaters werenât deterred for long, but it did buy them precious seconds. As they ran down the labyrinth of alleyways, the sound of pounding footsteps followed. They needed to put enough space between them to apparate safely without risking a tag-along, so she began to shoot. Flashes of light bounced back through the alley as she fired spell after spell at the pursuing Death Eaters. Remus did the same ahead of her, his long legs carrying him much more swiftly. As she turned to cast again, she locked eyes briefly with Barty, hot on her tail. The heat of a curse flew by her head and she winced. A moment later, her arm burned like it was on fire. Looking down, she had a large gash on her bicep, and she didnât need to guess who fired the blow. Remus screamed at her to hurry, and she forced her body to push through the searing pain to close the distance between them. He reached back to grab her hand, and the last thing she remembered was his fingers grazing hers before everything went black.
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James' Idea
Series Masterlist
Sirius Black x Fem!Slytherin!reader
1.1k words
cw: fluff, swearing
âPadfoot!â James sings at breakfast.
Sirius groans and places his head on the table. He has a raging headache. He doesnât want to deal with James or anyone else this morning.
âLovely, lovely Pads, youâll be delighted to know what our fairest Lilykins has just told me!â James says, still sounding far too loud and happy for Siriusâ liking right now.
âWhat?â Sirius groans.
âThat you went off with the dog person last night at the party!â
âThatâs why you went?â Remus asks, sounding amused.
âOh, it is most definitely why he went,â James continues. âShe says they spent some time together.â
Remus lets out a low whistle.
âSo, do we get an update? Is she in love with you yet?â Peter asks teasingly.
Sirius groans again, his head still resting on the table.Â
âThatâs a no,â Remus snorts, rubbing Siriusâ back comfortingly.Â
âCanât win âem all,â Peter says.
âBut sheâs a dog person!â Sirius complains.
âSo she has to like you? That it?â Remus asks, looking down at the mop of black curls.
He nods. Remus tuts and gives a knowing look to James, who is smiling at his friendâs apparent misery.Â
âShe obviously doesnât hate you, mate,â Remus says. âIf what Lily says is true.â
âBut she doesnât think of us as friends even.â
âHave you talked to her outside a party?â Peter asks.
Sirius sits up. âYes, I have.â
âHuh, so youâve done more than I expected.â
âFuck off, Wormtail,â Sirius spits before turning to Remus. âHow come she likes Regulus more than me?â
âThe hell should I know for? Youâve literally talked to her more than the rest of us combined.â
Sirius groans again and places his head back on the table.Â
âMaybe she just knows him really well? They are both Slytherins,â Peter says. âWasnât he her date to the party?â
âYes,â James answers for Sirius.Â
âBut they are just friends,â Sirius says, speaking to the floor. âHer words.â
âSpeaking of just friends, Prongs, do you think Lily will read my Transfiguration essay?â Peter asks, seemingly bored of the current topic.
âProbably,â James says shortly. âBut why canât Moony read it?â
âIâm not helping him until he pays me back for taking the rest of my chocolate flies without asking,â Remus replies, more bored with the topic of homework than you. âBut I do think Wormtail has a point. You got to talk to her outside parties. You got to have a⊠cautious persistence.âÂ
Sirius snorted a laugh. âCautious persistence?â
âNot what Prongs is doing with Lily,â Remus clarifies. âTalk to her in class or something. Ask her for help on homework or something. Donât flirt.â
âBut Iâm good at flirting!â
âItâs not going to get you the friendship or approval or whatever you desire. Not if she likes your brother more than you.â
âBecause of the person he is,â Sirius says in a mocking voice, sitting up straighter.Â
âMy point!â Remus exclaims, flourishing his hands in front of him. âYou have to be around her in a friendly manner but not overbearing!â
âI got it!â James says, suddenly slamming his hands on the table and practically interrupting Remusâ game plan.Â
âHit me, Prongs,â Sirius says. He briefly gives Remus a polite smile to tell him he appreciated the advice but maybe James had a more direct method.
âSheâs a dog person, right?â
âRight?â
âNot a people person.â
âWhere are you going with this?â Remus asks. He can feel a headache forming already, not having heard Jamesâ plan.
âWhat if she is a Padfoot person rather than a Sirius person?â
âOh!â Sirius exclaims with a grin on his face. âI like where youâre going with this.â
âI donât,â Remus says. âWe donât need to go around introducing Padfoot to all of Hogwarts. Itâs bad enough when you let him out in the tower.â
âCan it, Moony. Weâll let him out in the common room. Keep it in Gryffindor,â James continues. âThen we enlist Marlene to have Dorcas go get her. Have her⊠prove her dog person-ness.â
âAnd once we confirm that sheâs a Padfoot person, we can work on turning her into a Sirius person!â
---
You were on the couch with Regulus in the common room. He was looking over his notes, preparing for an upcoming test. You were laying with your feet in his lap and your Charms book in your hands. It was open but you kept rereading the same paragraph over and over. The words werenât sticking. Regulus can tell that you were in your own head when he glances over at you.
âSo, ah, whatâs going on with you and my brother?â Regulus asks as nonchalantly as he can.
âNothing?â
âYeah, nice try. I donât believe you.â
You narrow your eyes at Regulus and lower your book. âHeâs like desperate for my friendship, my approval or something. I donât know whatâs going on with him, but thereâs nothing going on between us.â
âLove.â
âWhat, Regulus?
âLetâs recap, shall we?âÂ
You roll your eyes but give him a gesture to carry on.Â
âYou come back from Gryffindor Tower twice smelling of him, dare I say reeking. Iâm reaching here, but I think itâs reasonable enough to assume that Sirius is why you were requested. You and Sirius were talking when I told you Slugâs party was formal and he somehow shows up with Evans? I do not believe for one second that she asked him. And at said party, you disappear with him. And you come back smelling of alcohol that you apparently got from our cousin.â
âOkay, so?â
âYou see why I donât believe you?â
âNo.â
âLove,â Regulus whines. âIt all adds up. Youâre secretly dating him.â
You look taken aback. Shock is etched into your features.
âI most definitely am not!â
âI still donât believe you.â
âI canât believe youâd think so low of me, Black. I told you Iâd tell you if he made a move on me, which he has yet to do by the way.â You glare at him. âAnd if you really donât believe me, get some veritaserum. Iâll take it in a heartbeat. But you should know, I wouldnât lie to you.â
Thereâs a beat of silence.
âDo you fancy him?âÂ
Youâre saved from answering by Dorcas bursting into the common room and beelining for you. She grabs your arm and pulls you up.Â
âWhat the fuck, Cas?âÂ
âYour skills are needed.â
âWhat skills? Cas!â You yank your arm free just short of the common room door. You plant your feet and glare at her. âWhat is going on?â
âThereâs a dog loose in Gryffindor Tower.â
âSo?â Regulus pipes up from the couch, where he was still sitting. âWhy is that our problem?â
âThey say itâs not listening to anyone and our lovely girl here is a self-declared dog person. They want to put that to the test.â
âDonât think this gets you out of answering!â Regulus yells as you let Dorcas take your hands again and pull you into the corridor.Â
tags: @2dloveshp, @yearninglustfully, @made-for-oliverwood, @ilovejamespottersomuch, @hisparentsgallerryy, @itsseaberri, @corawithfanfiction, @devilslittlehelper, @jllyunn, @barnes70stark,
tags: @crowleythesexydemon, @flow33didontsmoke, @navs-bhat, @louweenier
#marauders fic#marauders#sirius black#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#marauder-misprint#sirius black fluff#slow burn#slytherin!reader
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It's Always Been You - Chapter 12
james potter x fem!reader
summary - Things hadn't gotten much better with James, and you knew you could only go so long without talking to himâafter all, he was still your best friend. But, considering all that'd happened, along with some encouragement from your friends, you knew the time had come to finally admit you wanted more than that.
wc [6.2k]
a/n: alr guys ... very happy and also sad to say this is the last chapter of it's always been you!! :( i've loved every minute of writing this series as well as sharing it (its become my baby atp), and it is definitely because of all the love and support everyone reading has given it. thank u to everyone stuck around to this point, & i hope u guys enjoy this last chapter!! i send all my hugs and kisses <3 - e
all chapters | <- Chapter 11
It'd been another hour or two until everyone had fully returned from Hogsmeade and dinner was being served in the Great Hall. You finally changed out of your dress and into your everyday clothing again, already feeling better, but that didn't mean you felt good. You didn't think you could feel good when both your brain and heart were hurting like they were. And worst of all, the one person you'd go to in times like these for comfort was the same person you couldn't go to. Not now.
The girls had been doing their best to get your mind off of everything that had happened that day, aside from when Marlene profusely apologized to you for letting Potter hear her outburst in the common room.
"Although, I have to say," she admitted afterward. "I'm not completely sorry for him that he had to hear it. I may be brutal but I never tell a lie."
That fact didn't leave you as you sat with her and Lily in the Great Hall for dinner, a number of seats away from the other Marauders. You recognized with a skip in your heartbeat that James was with them, surprisingly enough since you knew how he was accustomed to skipping meals in the dining hall when he wanted to be alone, a habit you both unfortunately shared. But that didn't mean he was enjoying himself either.
You could see even from your seat down the table that he wasn't saying much, mostly keeping to himself quietly, something so out of character for him yet you'd seen him do it constantly the entire week. You wanted to yell at him and shake him silly, but you also wanted to hug him. When you caught yourself in the midst of those thoughts you turned back to your own spot at the table shamefully.
You tried to force yourself to eat, catching your friends' concerned looks at your full plate, but you didn't feel much like it. Especially not when you still felt maybe a dozen pairs of eyes on you from every corner of the Great Hall.
Even with all that'd happened since just that morning, the rumors and whatever else people had come up with to talk about had not yet been forgotten about by the school like your friends said it would be. Then you thought about whether news had spread of your disastrous date in Hogsmeade, and prayed that nobody had caught wind of that incident either. You didn't think you could handle any more of the staring.
Immediately after you had that thought, you spotted a fifth-year in Ravenclaw robes walking past your table, watching as he blatantly pointed at you as he spoke to his friend, and you looked down at your plate with hardened eyes.
You heard Marlene scoff from next to you. "Hey!" she called to the boy. "Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to point?"
The fifth-year didn't respond to her but looked to his friend, hurriedly taking a seat at his own table, his whispers being drowned out in the loudness of the dining hall.
Marlene fumed from next to you. "I can't believe these people. Are they really that bored with their own lives that they're so obsessed with a bloody rumor?"
You shook your head toying with your fork. "Just ignore them. That's what I've settled on doing."
She sighed from beside you and you thought that'd be the end of everything, until you heard gasps from down the table. You looked up and followed the sounds and were met with a sight not even the magic of Hogwarts could've prepared you for.
Jamesâyour Jamesâhad stood up on the bench he'd once been sitting in, and you thanked Merlin he wasn't standing fully on the table; though you had absolutely no idea what he could possibly be up to, you knew it couldn't be anything good. He cupped a hand to his mouth as your heartrate picked up.
"Can I have everyone's attention?"
He didn't have to ask twice for it. His voice boomed out loudly, something that seemed to come naturally to him, and the noise in the Great Hall had died out in a mere second until it was almost completely silentâquiet enough for you to hear the beating of your heart in your chest as you looked up at him. Your throat went dry.
"Not that it's any of anyone's business," he started confidently to the hundreds of eyes now looking at him, tone nothing but sober. "But nothing happened in the broom closet. Or in the locker room."
You felt the churning in your stomach claw up into your throat, then felt it drop back down, keeping you stationed in your seat. He didn't give much context to his declaration, but with the popularity of the topic amongst the school, it didn't seem like he needed to. His voice almost seemed to echo, all other noises drowning out as everyone stared up at him. James looked around the entire room appearing completely unafraid and you didn't know how the hell he did it; you probably looked more fearful than him.
"So," he began again, "I don't want to see or hear anyone talking about those rumors any longer. And if anyone has a problem with that, they can answer to me. Alright?"
Of course, nobody said anything then, but you could see in their eyes that they were going to listen to him. Or at least, they'd make sure they didn't get caught going against him. Maybe it was from his impenetrably confident voice or his respected status around the school, you weren't sure, but he had that unique effect on people in an almost effortless way.
When it was clear he'd gotten his point across, he scanned his eyes over the sea of students until they found yours. In a dizzying way, it felt like you were the only two in the room for a moment, as cliché as the thought sounded in your head.
You didn't know what had motivated him to do what he did, but you could see in his eyes something fragile that juxtaposed the self-assured look they'd had only seconds ago. He looked away again and stepped back down to floor level once more, not taking a moment before striding out of the Great Hall, his form disappearing seconds after.
Even without his physical presence, his action seemed to linger over the room for a moment more before chatter broke out once again. You were still frozen in place, not knowing if moving would finalize the idea that whatever just happened was real and not just part of some wild dream.
Marlene had confirmed that it definitely had happened, however, when she turned to you with her jaw dropped, an amazed but delighted sparkle in her eye. "Someone tell me you saw that too."
"Oh we saw it," rang Lily, who also looked much too happy about that fact, probably just relieved James's antics weren't centered on her for once. You could see them both staring at you expectantly, waiting for you to react. You could also see the boys in your peripheral, the three of them remaining at the table searching your face for a reaction.
Yet, all you could do was stand up and walk hurriedly towards the exit. Dozens of conversations rushed past your ears as you did, a blur of remarks ranging from "Potter's lost it" to "He's so bloody fit." Whatever they were saying, you noted with gratefulness in the back of your mind that none of the conversations were about you.
You reached the doorway and stopped once you were a safe distance away in the hallway, heaving breaths in for a moment to yourself before finding that you weren't alone. All of your friends had followed you without blinking an eye, and you didn't know whether you found it endearing or inconvenient. Though, to be fair, you didn't know where you were going. You just knew you couldn't sit there and pretend as if nothing had happened.
You blinked at the three boys who neared you with puzzled looks on each of their faces. "Did you guys know anything about this?"
"No," promised Sirius. "In fact, James has hardly said anything to us since this morning."
You shook your head to yourself, feeling breathless. "I can't ... believe he would do that."
"Really?" Lily stared at you. "I mean, it's Potter we're talking about. It's exactly something he would do."
You couldn't fight the smile that tugged on the corners of your lips even as you shook your head. You ran a hand over your hair as the blonde from next to you hit you in the shoulder.
"Well? What are you waiting for?" You frowned over at her as she stared at you expectantly. "Go to him."
You stilled, gaping at her. "What?"
"Go to him. Do I have to spell it out for you?"
You tipped your head at her like it would help you understand her better, parting your drying lips. "I thought you said he was a selfish git." You heard Remus snort from beside you.
"I did, sure," reasoned Marlene, not without a hint of pride. "But only because I thought he was ruining your chances of moving on now that you were over him. But seriously, I can see your face when you look at him." She shook her head. "That's not the look of someone who wants to move on."
Your eyes flickered over her face as she spoke, an infinite number of thoughts overtaking you. In the silence of your thinking, a Hufflepuff boy walked past the six of you in the hallway, staring all the while.
"What are you looking at?" snapped Marlene, turning to him without missing a beat. "Did you not just hear Potter?"
Like he'd heard him loud and clear, and also like he was scared of Marlene, he hurried away with his head bent forward. Satisfied, the blonde turned back to you. At your conflicted expression, she asked, "Well?"
You chewed on the inside of your cheek. "It's just that," you began, not even knowing where you were going with your rambling. "I've spent so long trying to get over him. It's not fair to myself to just forget all of that, and it definitely wasn't fair to Sebastian-"
"For Merlin's sake," cut in Lily, to your surprise. "You keep talking about what's fair and what's unfair, but what about you? What do you want?"
You stared at her, beginning to feel breathless under the eyes of all your friends. "It's not just about what I want. It's not that simple."
"But what if it is?" she questioned. "I know how difficult this has all been for you. And I know you said Potter doesn't just get to realize his feelings for you and suddenly be with you, that it doesn't work like that. But what if it does?" She raised her hands at her sides. "Not everything is a perfect story to tell. Especially not when it comes to you two. It's not every day you fall in love with your best friend and he finally sees that he's fallen for you too. Are you seriously going to let him go because of some made-up system of rules?"
Your breath was becoming staggering now, and you didn't know what to think, because everything they were telling you sounded so right.
"I don't know," you began unsurely. "Of course, I don't want to lose him. Not talking to him for the past week has been harder than I ever could've imagined. I don't even know what it would feel like to have to do it for longer than I already have been." You blinked down at your shoes, truly realizing those things at the same rate you said them. "I think I just ... miss him."
"Of course you miss him." Marlene looked at you sympathetically. "That's why I think you should go tell all this to him."
You felt bile rising in your throat. "I don't even know if he'd want to see me after all we've said to each other."
"Are you joking?" Remus butted in exasperatedly. "Prongs is bloody in love with you. Can't you see that?"
"Remus," you warned softly because you didn't know how much more of this hope you could take before you did something you'd regret.
"I'm telling the truth." His voice was heavy with meaning. "Maybe it took him a while to realize it himself, but the rest of us have had to sit back and watch you both act like you don't have feelings for each other for years. Believe me, the only reason he's in his room right now and not with you is because he thinks that's what you want."
Your brows pinched. "You can't truly know that."
"Really?" he laughed. "What do you think we talked about that night Vance asked you out?"
Your expression faltered and you forced yourself to think back to the night James had begun acting distant from you, though it wasn't difficult to, the storyline of it all clicking into place in your head.
"You," breathed Remus. "We talked about you."
"Not to mention," Sirius added, "we're the ones who've had to spend every night in our dorm listening to him bitch and moan about Vance this and Vance that." You swallowed at your friends' words, but they didn't quit.
"And we know James was being a right idiot today," Sirius insisted honestly. "But you should've seen him this morning right after you two argued. He was heartbroken. More than he'd ever been over Evans." He turned to the redhead in question. "No offense, Evans."
Lily rolled her eyes lightheartedly. "Trust me, Black, none taken."
He nodded and turned back to you swiftly. "So for you to think that James would want anything other than to fix things with you and just be with you is bloody mental."
You stared at all of your friends who were looking so determinedly back at you that you didn't think you could tell them 'no' now. But still, your feet didn't budge.
"It's not just that," you almost whispered. "I guess I'm just ... scared. What if it goes wrong and we get into some ridiculous fight again? What then?"
Marlene took a hold of your shoulders, slightly scaring you in her resoluteness. "Potter just stood up and yelled at the entire bloody school and you're trying to tell us you'rescared?" She shook you a little, and your friends smirked from behind her. "Be a Gryffindor for Godric's sake! Go to him!"
Before you could say anything more, she was turning you around and shoving you a little until you had the momentum you needed to take steps toward the Gryffindor common room. You made it all the way up the nearest set of steps before you paused, turning back to your friends with a grateful smile.
"Thank you, you guys." You expected them to share the sweet moment with you, but they only rolled their eyes.
"Go, woman!" Sirius groaned, and you rolled your eyes back at them, but it lacked any real annoyance.
You didn't know exactly what you were planning on doing, but you didn't have time to think about it because your legs were carrying you speedily through the halls in your anxious state and wouldn't let you stop until you reached the portrait entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Taking a steadying breath in, you said the password and entered the room.
With everyone else still being at dinner in the Great Hall, it wasn't exactly difficult to find James. He sat in the common room, his brunette head of curls visible to you in the low light. They covered the majority of his face that you could see, his head tipped downwards with his elbows resting on his knees. That changed within the blink of an eye as you entered the room, his head swiftly lifting until he locked eyes with you, and you had to fight a shiver at the feeling it sent shuddering through you.
He seemed to think you were just going to go to your own dorm and ignore him, and he averted his eyes to look somewhere else, maybe the fireplace, until you leftâbut you didn't. You only walked closer to him until you were separated by only one of the couches, the distance still small enough to make your breathing quicken.
At the soundlessness of your stilled footsteps, James looked back up and met your eyes again, and he swallowed. Clearly, he hadn't expected you to make any move to talk to him that night, even after the scene he'd made in the Great Hall. The problem was that you hadn't expected yourself to either, and now you didn't know what you wanted to say first, because there were certainly a million things you had to make sure he knew.
"Thank you," you said, because you figured it was a good place to start. He nodded up at you, his eyes not revealing much of anything, but you didn't let that sway you. "You didn't have to do that, you know."
"Of course I did." His voice was stubborn, but too sincere for how little his expression gave away.
You looked down at your feet, letting a moment pass before speaking again. "Well, now it seems like everyone is going to be talking about you from now on."
"That doesn't matter to me." James's voice cut through the air richly, and when you looked back up from the floor he was staring at you meaningfully. "They can say whatever the hell they want. As long as they're not talking about you."
Your shoulders dropped at his words, and the way he held your eyes as he said them made your heart beat faster in your chest. It hadn't even been a full day since you'd last spoken to him, but you already missed him.
"They wouldn't leave you alone," he said concretely, his tone beginning to fill with emotion. "And then, I heard what Marlene said in the common room, about some girl harassing you in the library? I-" he shook his head frustratedly, rubbing at his forehead with one of his hands. "I'm just mad at myself that I've let it go on for this long. Or that I didn't even know that happened."
You already felt too emotional for your liking, the feelings inside of you swirling more aggressively at every word he said to you. "It's not like it's your fault, James."
"Well it's not like I did much to stop it, did I?" He seemed genuinely angry at himself now, and you didn't know what you could do to help. A painful lump was rising in your throat, but you stayed rooted in your spot behind the sofa. "And I'd ask you why you didn't come and tell me, but that'd be a bloody stupid question."
He shook his head, eyes becoming wistful like he was recalling a memory, one that pained him. "Earlier, when Marlene was defending you in the common room, the look on your face was ... I don't know. Crushed. Sad."
You swallowed at the memory, because that had been exactly how you were feeling, amongst thousands of other ways. James looked down at his lap.
"I just wanted to try and help, do anything to make that look on your face go away, but I couldn't. So I just kept replaying how you looked in my head, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself because I realized you were only hurting because of me. And that was the worst part. Realizing that it was all my fault."
You felt yourself wanting to take a step towards him, wanting to just reach out to him as the tips of your fingers teemed with the longing you felt in your chest. "James," you began, your voice hushed. "It's not all your fault."
You meant it. To try and say to yourself that you had no part in all the confusion between the two of you would be a blatant lie, one that you couldn't let James go on believing, especially not with the pained look on his face.
He only shook his head at you. "It is," he insisted. "And here you go, being perfect towards me when I don't deserve it." A muscle worked overtime in his jaw. "Marlene was right. I was being selfish, and petty, and a lot of other things, but most importantly, I wasn't being a good friend." He paused, a grieving confliction tugging at his brow. "That's ... that's not what friends do."
You went still then too, the word 'friend' hanging in the air between you with a weight that only made you tired. The truth was that cobwebs had grown in the house where you'd fostered that unforgiving title, and it felt like some intangible force had locked you both inside with it blindly.
"Yeah, well," you began, your voice small, "we've been doing plenty of things that friends don't do, lately.Like you said, we kissed, right?" You let out a breathy sound like a laugh that lacked any joy, and the way James's eyes flickered up at you knocked the rest of the air right out of you.
"About that," he began hesitantly, and you could tell he was thinking about both the night it'd happened and that morning when you'd fought, just like you were. "I know you don't want that to mean anything, so it- ... it doesn't have to. Even if I want it to. Because it doesn't matter what I wantâwhat matters to me is you."
You were thankful you had the couch next to you to brace a hand on, because you'd never felt so swept up by a conversation and you weren't sure how much longer you could stand the way your heart was nagging at you.
"You were right," swore James, but the slight shake of his eyes back and forth on your face didn't look as adamant as he sounded. "It's not fair for me to expect something from you when you already got over me."
The words you'd shouted at him in Hogsmeade that morning sounded foreign and wrong coming from his lips, and you knew the months of dishonesty that laced them like you knew the back of your hand.
"And it's too late now, I get that." His voice went from deep and determined to on the cusp of breaking, and it killed you. "I just want to know that you're happy, and if being happy means being with Vance instead of me, then ... I can deal with that."
You watched as he swallowed, like he was forcing the words to come from his lips even if it pained him. The way he hadn't broken eye contact with you the whole while was starting to make your head spin.
Your blinking sped up, maybe holding back the emotion you knew you was fighting to come out, and you whispered, "James."
Maybe you hadn't been loud enough, or maybe he just knew you'd try to disagree with him again, but he only continued determinedly at you.
"I know I probably went and ruined your chances with Vance, like an idiot, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you another date with him." He nodded at you once firmly, and within a second he was standing up, taking an intentional step forward. "Hell, I'll even go talk to him right now and-"
"James," you called again, louder this time. "Stop."
You put a hand out and it landed on his arm softly but firmly, and all you could was pray you could find the right words to say to him as he stared at you, level with you now in an unsteadying way.
"You didn't ruin my chances with Sebastian. It wouldn't have worked out regardless, even if I'd wanted it to. Because being with him isn't what I want." You shook your head, recalling back what James had said to you only moments before. "He wouldn't have made me happy." You sounded desperate now. "He's not you."
James stilled, his glistening eyes the only thing showing movement as they danced across your face intensely, though you saw them widen with something bright like hope. "What?"
The confusion of the word that he'd practically whispered out unspeakably attested to how you felt yourself, the terrain of the land you were exploring right there and then with James uncharted and rocky. You pushed on, knowing there was no going back now.
"Marlene wasn't completely right, James. She only said all of those things because I'd spent all this time trying to convince herâand myselfâthat I didn't still have feelings for you. But I do, clearly." You tipped your head down for a moment in exasperation and exhaustion, willing yourself to keep going. "Everyone can see it. All of our friends. Hell, even Sebastian could see it." You laughed, though your eyes were growing blurry. "So for me to try to push those feelings down any longer would just be lying to you and to myself." You let out an exasperated breath. "And I'm so sick of lying."
Your shoulders sunk as you stood there, a steadily shrinking distance between you and James that was both comforting and daunting to you. You couldn't do anything but watch as James's face stilled and then shifted as he thought, studying your own face in a way that made you conscious of every shift in your expression.
"I just," he began, and then raked a hand through his hair. "Why did you feel like you needed to hide how you felt in the first place?"
You felt your mouth go dry at the questionâone you knew came only out of a desperate curiosity and nothing elseâand your mind began spinning. The last few years of your friendship seemed to swirl in your head, flickering in and out of focus as you tried to come up with an answer.
"I-" you began, willing yourself to say something, anything at all. "I was scared." The words rang true so much that they made your heart pinch. "Scared that you wouldn't feel the same and I'd go and ruin everything. That I'd lose you."
James's hands lifted up from his sides like he wanted to reach out to you, and he did. He took your hand in his, grasping lightly at your fingertips in a touch that steadied you and made you feel lightheaded at the same time. He shook his head at you with a firm hold in his brow.
"You could never lose me."
His lips were parted, and his hazel eyes glistened over in the low common room lighting like the thought of your suggestion was painful enough on its own. Looking at him then, his face lined with years of a comforting, steadying familiarity, you knew deep in your chest that what he said was true. But that didn't alter all that you'd felt for the past number of years.
"It's not just that," you said, looking down at his hand that held yours and blinking away the guilt that crept into your stomach, because it wasn't James's fault that you had felt this way. "Even in Hogsmeade, James." Your voice was becoming unsteady again and it only frustrated you more. "What if everything you said you felt for me was just some spur-of-the-moment thing from some kiss? What if you didn't feel the same way a week from now? Or a month? I knew I wouldn't be able to get over that fear. Especially when I'd been hiding how I felt from you for years. And then there were your feelings for Lily to think about and ... I don't know."
You trailed off, finally able to stop yourself. You felt petty, so petty, because you were so close to getting what you knew your heart wanted, but you felt the insistent need to ruin things for yourself and think of every way things could go wrong. You'd never felt closer to James then, but also never farther away. All you could do was stand there and wait for him to say something, anything.
James stayed unmoving for a beat staring at you, wordlessly taking everything in with a fragility in the air that hallowed your labored breathing. Then he started to shake his head like he was in disbelief. He ran a hand through his brown hair.
"For Merlin's sake."
His voice was low, a mutter, and he stared at the ground for a moment in thought before dropping the hand that once held yours, turning and walking away from you, leaving up the steps to his dorm room. You watched his back as he disappeared, your fingertips feeling cold and empty.
You felt your blinking speed up in a dizzying confusion. You didn't know what had come over you, not even sure exactly what you'd said in all of your desperate rambling that had made him decide to leave, but your vision started to blur even more than it already had until you recognized the wetness forming beside your eyes.
Nothing made sense. Not then, and not in the last twenty-four hours. You moved until you were sitting down on the couch in front of you, feeling lightheaded as the fireplace crackled a few feet away. The light from outside had left with the sun and the room had a comforting kind of warm lighting, though even that did little to soothe you as you sat there with all the unresolved feelings within you.
You were confused and lost and wanted nothing more than to just fix things, but you were even more at a loss for words when you heard quick footsteps coming from the staircase James had left from, and then saw his returning form making its way down the steps.
You turned your head to him swiftly in confusion, following him and his soft but energetic steps as he came to sit next to you, and that was when you noticed he was holding somethingâa box. One that was tattered on the corners, its black fabric aged and dusting over.
You wiped at your eyes quickly, brows tugging in all your bewilderment as you waited for James to explain.
"I-" he began, and stopped as soon as his eyes focused more on your face. You must've looked as broken as you felt, and at seeing the look on your face, he held one of your hands in his before swiping across your cheek gently with the pad of his thumb.
You felt like wilting under his soft touch that you'd missed more than anything in the confusing weeks, mentally and physically exhausted from everything but still wanting more than anything to understand.
When you looked perhaps more stable, he looked back at the box that he'd set down beside him and placed it on his lap delicately as he spoke, his words echoing out slowly.
"I know you think I've just realized my feelings for you a week ago, and that they came from some kiss at a party. But, you have to believe me when I say that they're so much more than that." He placed the box in your hands, and you took it from him with a note of fragility, resting it atop your legs. His eyes bore into yours, like it would break him if you couldn't understand the words leaving his lips. He took a shaky breath in. "I need you to know, more than anything, that you're everything to me. You always have been."
Your lips began to shake at the earth-shattering words coming from your best friend's lips. "James, what-"
He stopped you with a gesture of his head that told you to look inside the box, and you did. Carefully, you lifted the flimsy cardboard top and placed it to the side, brows pulling together tight and something loud and hearty threatening to pull from your chest. You shook your head as tears began to well over your eyes again as you recognized what James had given you.
The box, the measly and old mess of cardboard and paper, was full of all the letters you'd written to him over the yearsâall the thank you notes, the letters you'd sent him from that summer and all the past onesâevery single one of them. Your eyes raked over each of them when you felt too stunned to use your hands, but your heart still felt touched by the memories of each one all the same. It took everything in you not to release the sob you felt rising in your lungs.
"It's you. It's always been you."
James's eyes never left your face as you took everything in, the look behind them never having seemed so determined, so desperate. But there was something behind the way he looked at you, something so warm and honest, so familiar that you felt ridiculous for never noticing it before. And when your gaze flickered downward for a second in contemplation he tipped his head to follow it endearingly.
"Always," he promised. "Not Evans, not anyone else. I know I'm a bloody idiot, and I know I haven't been great at showing my emotions when it comes to you, but that's because it's you, and you mean everything to me and have since we were kids, and if this can't make you see that then I promise I'll spend every day trying to make up for it, and-"
"James." You stopped him, not knowing how much longer you could take sitting next to him and not getting rid of the frustrated crease between his brows, or how much longer you could ignore the thrum of your heart that called out to him so clearly now.
"Yeah?" he asked, and his eyes were like a deer in headlights. The warmth in their color reflected the simmering warmth from the fireplace, but that didn't compare to the fire that lay behind his gaze.
You placed the box, his box of the last six years of your friendship and then some, atop the couch next to you, and didn't wait another second before engulfing him in a hug. Your body crashed into his as he leaned back against the couch, his hands coming up to embrace you right away, and you heard him breathe a smile by your ear before he laughed, a perfect noise.
You felt like laughing then too, and crying, and everything else, because you couldn't remember the last time you'd gotten to hold him like this without the fear of revealing too much to him nagging at you. Your cheek pressed against his neck, his curls fanned against the top of your head, his hands held you tight, and you never wanted to leave the safety of his arms. Except to do one thing.
You pulled away from the hug and so did James after a second, his eyes wide and glistening but truly happy. He was smiling widely, his lopsided grin appearing after days like the sun after a storm, and you loved the sight more than anything, locking it away in the back of your mind as a memory you'd keep forever, like the box that sat next to you.
You laid a hand on his chest, another on his cheek, and James grasped the one that was flattened on his chest in his own, quickly glancing down at your hand in his like he couldn't believe he was holding it. He pulled you into him with it and leaned his head on yours.
"It's always been you, too," you whispered, and his eyes glanced down at your lips as you said the quiet words that'd been lingering on your lips for much too long. You had to push away your smile because you were aching to just kiss him like you'd wanted to for years. With a courage that could've only come from Godric himself, you finally did.
You leaned in until your lips met, a flutter of skin dancing shyly together until you leaned into him even further, and suddenly it felt like the crash of a wave, and sounded like the earth was moving beneath your feet, the sound of something rightâand this time, you knew it felt the same for him too, because you could feel his boyish grin that you'd spent years admiring tugging against your lips.
You were kissing your best friend. For real this time. It felt so impossible for your mind to imagine such a thing, but luckily it didn't have to.
James moved his hands but they never left you, one sliding through your hair smoothly and one delicately holding your waist like you were something fragile. Butterflies fluttered through you at his touch, something familiar but foreign, wrong but also right, and somessilyperfect. You couldn't believe you'd spent all those years just a few words away from getting to feel it, getting to be surrounded by it.
You pulled away after a moment, your lips feeling puffy and burning with the heat of his kiss, but all you could think about was how free you felt, how happy you were that he was finally yours.
James looked down at you, his eyes dancing all across your face and stopping on your lips, and then somehow growing even warmer when they met yours again.
"I can't-" he began with a slight disbelieving shake of his head, voice coming out breathless and dazed as heat flushed into your own cheeks at the sight. "I can't believe..."
You laughed, feeling out of breath too, and adjusted the glasses that now perched crookedly on James's nose in an agonizingly cute way.
"Me neither," you finished for him, because you knew just how he felt, a secret the both of you shared; it was the only secret you still wanted to keep.
And it was a feeling you never wanted to have to live without again. Though now, with him in your arms and his familiar chocolate curls still brushing against your forehead, you knew you would never have to.
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@hisparentsgallerryy @msmk11 @garfieldsladybird @empath-bunny @urmykindofwoman @bambi-jp @babyclea @kenjikishimotoswifey @cloudroomblog @the-marauders-mapp @mooonyxoxo @imgondeletedis @moon-flowerrs @fruticake @arey0usirius @marauroon @swiftsgirlfriend @jamieolivia27 @magicwithaknife
#james potter x reader#it's always been you#childhood best friends to lovers#james potter fanfic#james potter fanfiction#james potter fic#love confessions#james potter#everythingisromant1c#friends to lovers#the marauders#harry potter#aaron taylor johnson#james potter x you#james potter fluff#james potter x y/n#james fleamont potter#chapter 12#last chapter#series#unrequited love#unrequited feelings#slow burn#romantic gestures#sirius black#remus lupin#peter pettigrew#marlene mckinnon#lily evans#the maruaders
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I donât want to read slow burns, I WANT THEM TO FALL IN LOVE THE MOMENT THEY SEE EACH OTHER, I WANT THEM TO PINE OVER EACH OTHER, I WANT EVERYONE EXCEPT THEM TO KNOW THAT THEYRE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER
#marauders#the marauders#regulus black#james potter#james x regulus#jegulus#ao3#fanfic#tropes#slow burn#love at first sight#falling in love#pining#oblivious#wolfstar#sirius and remus#dorlene#rosekiller
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sometimes you're reading a slow burn wolfstar fic and you become James in just lovers, thinking over and over again just shag, just shag, just fucking shag already
#just lovers (like we were supposed to be)#wolfstar#slow burn#friends to lovers#or more like#idiots to lovers#wolfstar fic#james potter wolfstar shipper#sirius black#remus lupin#james potter#marauders#marauders era#dead gay wizards
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I would love a sirius x reader fic set during OoTP where the reader works at the Ministry while being part of the Order like Arthur and Kingsley, and she's staying at Grimmauld Place with Sirius. She often comes home to find him drunk and touch-starved during the school year when the only other person in the house is Kreacher. thanks xx
Hello dear anon :) I know itÂŽs been a while since you sent me this ask. I hope youÂŽre still in the mood for it :P I kept it pretty tame but thereÂŽs a lot of angst and it developed into a huge slow burn. Hope thatÂŽs all right and everyone enjoyes it <3
Words: 7.536
Warnings: Angst, cursing, (f!) hufflepuff reader, mentions of Sirius being bisexual, kissing, slow burn, fluff
12 Years
âOh, for fucks sake, not againâ you whisper sighed as you entered the kitchen at Grimmauld Place number 12. âThird time this weekâ you grumbled as you looked at SiriusÂŽ slumped over figure sitting on the polished wooden table. His arms cushioned his head that was laying on the surface, an almost empty bottle of fire whisky next to him. No glass.
Taking off your shawl and coat you walked over to him to assess the damage. It wasnÂŽt as bad as it usually was. At least this time he was clothed.
Three months ago, your boss and mentor Kingsley Shacklebolt had brought you to your first order meeting. The moment he told you what the order was and what they did, you exploded on him. Why didnât he tell you about this order sooner? Didnât he trust you enough? Wasnât he confident enough in your abilities? Kingsley had just stood there stoically, letting you spit fire at him. When youÂŽd finished, Kingsley sighed deeply and started explaining his reluctance to you.
He knew. Of course, he did. He knew who youÂŽd meet again, once you set foot into headquarters and he didnât know how youÂŽd react. He was right to do so actually. The first time your eyes had met those of Sirius Black, it had flared up again. That nauseating feeling that haunted you for 14 years. Guilt, sadness and loneliness were flooding your system with only a small glimmer of hope and relief.
It was so surreal to have him in your general vicinity again. Two years younger than him, your time at Hogwarts had been the happiest youÂŽve ever felt. When puberty hit you like a freight train and the mischief of James Potter and Sirius Black became legendary, your hormones betrayed you in the worst possible way. A major crush on the black-haired teenager formed itself inside your chest over the years. Clawing at your ribcage every time you saw him in the corridors, you hated the feeling. You hated his beautiful face, you hated that your body reacted the way it did.
As a Hufflepuff and general people pleaser youÂŽd despised his arrogance and his devil may care attitude. Especially towards the swarms of girls hanging onto the seem of his cloak. YouÂŽd stolen glances from afar, never exchanging a word with him. You paid attention instead. You saw everything and liked only so much. His pranks amused you; his bullying infuriated you, his attentiveness to his friends and the younger students warmed you.Â
Sometimes, especially after the holidays, you saw him sitting in the great hall amongst his friends, a dull and empty look in his eyes and your heart had squeezed so painfully that you had to look away. About a second later, when you dared to look again, he was grinning and joking like nothing had happened.
And then, one year into your Auror training, your world came crashing down on you. You arrived at the ministry and immediately felt the air buzzing with dread and excited relief all at once. Grabbing the daily prophet that was handed to you with shaking fingers, your knees gave out then and there. SiriusÂŽ face, screaming and laughing manically, stared at you. Ice replaced your blood as youÂŽd read the news.
James and Lily dead. The dark Lord gone; a little boy still alive. Sirius? A cold-blooded murderer and traitor; already in a cell in Azkaban. You refused to believe it. You refused! James was more than a friend to Sirius. There was no way he was a death eater. Sirius had never made a secret about his hatred towards his family or how much he loved his friends.
ThatÂŽs when your letters had begun bombarding the ministry.
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Now, here at Grimmauld place, you had to watch Sirius fight every day just to try and keep his sanity. Between the usual order meetings and the children coming to visit for the holidays, he drank himself to sleep every night. And ever since youÂŽd moved into one of the bedrooms upstairs, you helped him into bed or at least onto a couch every night. Dumbledor was the one whoÂŽd asked you if you wanted one of the rooms upstairs. âLess commuteâ heÂŽd said, remembering your dislike of apparating quite vividly. When asked if he had any objections, Sirius had only grunted before disappearing into BuckbeakÂŽs room.
He wasnÂŽt always unpleasant, however. Sometimes you did have conversations when meeting in the library by chance, although theyÂŽd always turned out quite meaningless. You couldnât figure out if he wanted you there or not.
Around the holidays when the house was full, so his heart seemed to be. He warmed up to you, brought you tea, filled your plate at dinner (much to the surprise of everyone at the table) and conversed with you a little more enthusiastically. At these rare occasions you began to see glimpses of the flamboyant teenager return into his grey eyes and his small grins. Your heart beginning to flutter in your chest yet again. Then the teenagers returned to Hogwarts and so did SiriusÂŽ sour mood.
It was about two weeks after Christmas now and therefore the 14th day of you finding Sirius black out drunk early in the evening. You walked over to the cabinet in the corner of the kitchen and pulled out the last flask of potion youÂŽd brewed for him. It usually woke him up enough for you to be able to manoeuvre him around and lessen his hangover the next day. You hadnât quite figured out how to make it potent enough to get rid of his drunkenness completely. It was an immensely complicated brew.
Sighing, you uncorked the flask and moved Sirius into a sitting position. He mumbled something and flopped around in your arms like a rag doll. Leaning his head back you put the flask to his mouth and poured. Sirius tried to get out of your grip very weakly and some of the potion spilled from the side of his mouth. âCome on, Sirius, pleaseâ you said urgently. âSwallow, damn it.â He finally did. When the flask was empty you gently guided his head back onto the table and waited.
You knew he wouldnât be sober when he woke up but at least he would be coherent enough to work with. Slowly he began to stir. His head lifted and with a deep groan he leaned back into his chair, holding the bridge of his nose. The long black mass of hair on his head was dishevelled but still wavy and bouncy as it had been all these years ago. The little streaks of grey on his temples and in his beard only contributed to his still very much intact attractiveness.
Sirius wiped at his mouth absentmindedly and opened his eyes. Grey orbs found yours sitting across from him immediately. Instantly you recognized the defiance in them. Great.
âI asked you to give me that shit in the mornings. Not when IÂŽm trying to sleepâ he croaked hoarsely in a cold voice. You rolled your eyes. âIÂŽm not letting you sleep at the table, Sirius. Not when you own a bed upstairs. But I canÂŽt lift your arse, soâŠâ you shrugged and looked at him challengingly. YouÂŽd figured out quite quickly that trying to be compassionate and soft with him in these situations had no impact whatsoever. Sirius huffed and wiped at his face again to try and gain more control over his movements.
âNever asked you to do thatâ he slurred slowly. Hot annoyance burned your throat when you answered in a hiss. âÂŽS better than you trying to climb some stairs, falling backwards and breaking your fucking neck.â Sirius laughed humourlessly and looked you straight in the face.
âNot so sure about that.â He had a weird glimmer in his slightly sunken eyes.
âFor fucks sake, Sirius!â you yelled as your fist hit the table. Sirius flinched only slightly as you regarded him with a furious look. âCould you at least pretend that you care about your own life? I know youÂŽre lonely and frustrated. IÂŽm sorry IÂŽm annoying you by staying here but the order still needs you! Harry needs you!â You knew you had him with that. His godson seemed to be his only lifeline sometimes. âI wonÂŽt pretend to know what you had to go through, Sirius. But youÂŽve been given a second chance at this, even though you didnât even get a first one. And youÂŽre drinking it away. Stop it!â
Sirius looked at you for a long time. Breathing heavily his eyes threw daggers at you and internally you just waited for him to cuss you out. That didnât happen though. Sirius stood up from his chair without breaking eye contact with you. You didnât like the way he started walking over to you, almost predatory. So, you stood as well and backed away against the table. Of course, youÂŽd crossed a line.
Watching him step closer and closer you had no idea what he was trying to do. The moment he stood right in front of you, his breath hit your face. It reeked of alcohol, and you crunched your nose a little bit. Sirius grinned, showing off his sharp canines.
âYouÂŽre worried about meâ he sang triumphantly but couldnât quite remove the belittlement from his voice. Even though you were sure he could feel the heat emitting from your face, your stomach churned with rage instead of shame. âAt least someone isâ you hissed quietly. He ignored it and only raised a single black eyebrow. You hated how good he looked doing that.
âDonÂŽt tell me,â He breathed and leaned down closer to you. Fuck, fuck! Too close! âYou have a little crush on me.â Your head snapped up immediately and your face must have betrayed you because SiriusÂŽ face lit up in sarcastic glee. He chuckled darkly as his eyes scanned your face quickly. âIs that why you wanted to live here? Aw, thatÂŽs nice. How old are you? You couldnât have been in my year at Hogwarts. IÂŽd sure as fuck remember you.â Again, there they were. The waves of nausea crashing over you. Your infatuation with him mixed with worry about his behaviour started to become a cocktail of resentment and pity. You didnât want to feel this way about him.
âGet the fuck out of my face, Blackâ you growled and leaned further away from him. Something dangerous mixed itself into his swirling grey irises and your stomach sank.
âCome on now, birdyâ he whispered, leaning over you and talking against your neck. Your breathing faltered and hitched, your hands gripping the side of the table hard. âYouÂŽre pretty enough. YouÂŽd be a delightful way to pass the time.â Shock almost made your body convulse. You knew he was still drunk but his words were so clear. You felt cold, useless and helpless. His lips ghosted across your pulse when he spoke again. âDonÂŽt be a prude, now.â
WHACK!
Your arm pushed him away from you forcefully before your hand collided with his cheek with full force, knocking him back a couple of steps. Breathing heavily, you stood upright and glared at him. His head was still turned so you could see his pale cheek turn red by your smack. When he looked back at you, you didnât see rage or confusion in his eyes. In fact, they looked almost apologetically, like he knew heÂŽd fucked up but was too proud to admit it.
Your eyes were slits when you spoke next. âHave it your way, then. I canÂŽt deal with a three-split persona. Either hate me, tolerate me or fucking ignore me completely. But one more disrespectful bullshit act like that and I swear, Black, youÂŽll have one less ally here.â
With those venom laced words you turned on your heel and stormed out the kitchen and upstairs to your room.
Sirius stood there alone in the kitchen for another few minutes. The alcohol was still thrumming in his veins, but he was all too aware of what heÂŽd done. What heÂŽd said, even as he said it.
Of course, he knew you were right with everything youÂŽd said. And that infuriated him more than he cared to admit. Why were you even here? After a stressful day at the ministry, you came back to a horribly decorated, dirty, uncomfortable hellhole of a house, a house elf that insulted you whenever he got the chance to and a fucking drunk man child. Every night. Sometimes heÂŽd wondered how heÂŽd gotten onto the sofa in the library or into his own bed after drinking. HeÂŽd had an idea that it might have been you, but he couldnât be sure. Now he was.
YouÂŽd always made him drink the hangover potion that was in the cabinet in the corner. Had he ever thought about how it got there? Who bought or made it? He couldnât remember.
You didnât deserve this. He actually came to appreciate your presence over the holidays. He found you witty and bright, a delight if he was honest with himself. And the fact that you were a special kind of beautiful in his eyes didnât help at all. So why couldnât he allow you to grow closer to him? You clearly made an effort to at least know him better.
Bitterly he walked over to the almost empty bottle of whisky, setting it to his mouth. Thinking better of it he stopped, turned and poured the remains down the sink. There was a horrible taste in his mouth. Either hate me; He didnât hate you. Tolerate me; He wanted to do so much more than that. Or fucking ignore me completely; How the fuck was he supposed to do that when you justâŠexisted?!
He really needed to get his head out of his arse. That was no way to talk to anyone. You just wanted to help. Why though? HeÂŽd never seen you before. At least he couldnât remember but then again, heÂŽd surely lost a lot of memories back in prison. You must have been at Hogwarts.
Oh fuck, were you an old flame?! His body went rigid when he thought about that. It would kind of explain your behaviour towards his advances. OrâŠOR, you dickhead, she just didnât want a sorry drunk, smelling like a distillery all over her. Sirius shook his head. Why was either rage or excessive flirting always his default? Because he didnât think youÂŽd react like that. He was way out of line of course, so he really didnât think his hunch about you having a crush on him would have this much of an impact. How the hell could you like him when he behaved so poorly in front of you; when he hadnât paid you much attention since youÂŽd moved in?
Maybe he should start doing that.
________________________________Â
You lay in your bed that evening, hot tears running down your face and sweat beading at your forehead. You felt so lost. Had you really been holding onto this teenage version of him so desperately that you couldnât see how much he was suffering now as a man?
ItÂŽs true, heÂŽd never asked for your help. Were your actions overstepping boundaries of his that you just couldnât see? HeÂŽd made you feel so insignificant that evening with just a few words. You felt downright dirty and even though he didnât really do anything more than graze his lips along your neck, you felt used.
YouÂŽre pretty enoughâŠenough. Was your intuition really this bad? Had you read him all wrong for all these years? No. He was drunk, he was frustrated, he was alone. Maybe someday heÂŽd let you help him with at least that. His loneliness.
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The next evening there was supposed to be an order meeting and you were dreading it like nothing else. You tip toed around the house the whole day, praying that you wouldnât run into Sirius at least until the Meeting started. Unfortunately, you werenât that lucky.
When you made your way downstairs to the kitchen, you crept along the corridor quietly as to not wake up the shrieking portrait of SiriusÂŽ mother. Just as you were about to open the door to your left down into the kitchen another one further down the corridor opened and Sirius walked out. Both of you stopped immediately when your eyes met. Your whole body went rigid and hot acid bubbled up your throat. Sirius stood still. He looked at you with an unreadable expression. He sighed deeply and his eyes changed into something calmer and softer.
He opened the door to the room heÂŽd just exited again and waved you over. When you couldnât move from your spot, his face contorted into a pleading look and he mouthed a ÂŽpleaseÂŽ, waving you over once again. And even though your legs felt like jelly, you started moving. Your heart was beating out of your chest when you passed him. You noticed he smelled clean. Clean clothes, clean hair, no alcohol on his breath or his skin.
You walked into the little study and turned around just as Sirius closed the door timidly behind him.
He squared his shoulder and looked at you. You were sure he could see your shiver.
âI have to apologizeâ he rumbled. âI behavedâŠincredibly disrespectful towards you last night and you have every right to resent me after what IÂŽve said.â
You stared at him. That wasnât exactly what you expected. But it was also very much welcome. You stayed quiet, noticing that he was still trying to talk, having difficulty finding the words. So, you gave him time, schooling your features into not looking at him like you wanted to be anywhere but in his presence.
Sirius started pacing and mumbling before he looked at you again. âÂŽS been difficultâ he whispered. âIÂŽm sorry, truly.â He hung his head, raking his fingers through his hair. âIÂŽm not really sure what else to tell you. I-I donât know you. ButâŠmaybe that could change? I mean, you live here. Might as well beâŠhouseâŠmates? Urghâ he groaned loudly and only stopped when you started giggling. He whipped his head in your direction and raised an eyebrow.
You stood there and watched him fight tooth and nail to explain what he wanted and honestly, after his apology you found it kind of amusing. Sirius was anything but insincere, so you didnât question his motives in wanting to get to know you better. You appreciated it immensely and slowly your body relaxed, the acid in your throat started to retreat.
âListen,â he said with a lopsided smile, his eyes glued to your smirk. âYou canÂŽt laugh at me for having terrible interpersonal skills. I was incarcerated for 12 years.â Your giggle immediately stopped as you looked at him with guilt.
âRelaxâ he said gently. âSometimes jokes are the only thing that help me coping.â You nodded hesitantly.
âDid I even introduce myself properly when we first met?â he curiously asked.
âNot exactlyâ you said with a small shrug and a smile. âYou were half drunk and just grunted.â
âMerlinÂŽs beardâ he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He stood tall and walked over to you.
âCan we start over then? Can I salvage my reputation somehow?â He stood before you. Tall, handsome and kind. His hand was outstretched.
âIÂŽm Sirius Black. Welcome to my lovely homeâ he said in a deep velvety and mildly sarcastic voice that made the hair in your neck stand up. âItÂŽs nice to meet you, ___.â It was heartfelt, the way he said it. You reached out your hand and shook his. âLikewise, Mr. Blackâ you said.
He didnât let your hand go for a moment, a grin spreading on his face. One that let him look years younger, one you wanted to see for all eternity. The little crinkles around his expressive grey eyes were the most adorable thing youÂŽd ever seen.
Sirius looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he gently guided you out of the study and down into the kitchen. âBy the way,â he said as you descended the stairs. âYouÂŽll find that my humour is kind of fucked. IÂŽll stop the heavy drinking, promise. So, no need to walk on eggshells around me, ÂŽk?â He turned his head up to you, giving you a beautiful angle of his neck and the tattoos that scattered down from his ear and disappeared into his collar.
âIf youÂŽre sureâ you said with a grin of your own. His eyes blitzed amusedly as the both of you entered the kitchen. What you didnât see was the curious look Arthur and Molly Weasley exchanged when they saw Sirius pulling out a chair for you before sitting down himself.
_______________________________
 The meeting progressed and plans were made. The debate was already heated enough before Snape decided to speak. The moment he opened his mouth, your eyes rolled to the side. You resented that man with every fibre of your being. Mostly because he seemed to have it out for Sirius. Taunting him whenever he could. It was unnecessary and just plain vile.
âItÂŽs easy for you to say, Black. YouÂŽre just sitting comfortably in your home while everyone else is either being productive or helpful. At least not all of us have to deal with your bipolar characterâ Snape snarled and gave you a pity filled look. You were about ready to tell him to kiss you where the sun donÂŽt shine when Sirius spoke up. He was relaxing into his chair, staring at Snape with a victorious grin.
âCongratulations, Sniffellus. At least you got the bi-part right.â
Snorting into your wine glass you coughed several times before trying to hold back a fit of giggles. You looked at SiriusÂŽ smug face grinning at you. His eye twitched to look dangerously like a wink and you knew that the heat in your cheeks didnât form because of the wine.
_______________________________________
The days after became more and more comfortable. Sirius kept his promise to you not to drink excessively anymore and greeted you sober every evening when you returned. You ate dinner together and talked a lot more. You actually began looking forward to coming back to Grimmauld place every night. The kitchen was cozy and warm, soft light from candles and gas lamps illuminated the space as you sat at the table, sharing stories from your time at Hogwarts and your Auror training.
Day after day Sirius seemed to hang onto your every word more and you slowly got to know his sense of humour and therefore gradually you stopped feeling guilty whenever he made a joke about his time in Azkaban. Of course, you knew that deep down, 12 years in that horrible place left its marks, but it seemed like he was done with showing them to you.
âSo,â he said one evening, cheeks tinted a beautiful rosy colour from the wine heÂŽd poured the both of you. âYou were two years under me. A Hufflepuff and a brainiac.â His voice sounded impressed. âWhat I canÂŽt believe thoughâ he said and took a swig of his wine, âIs that you were a beater in the quidditch team, and we actually played against each other?!â
You grinned and nodded. âWe did. I remember it vividly. IÂŽd just gotten into the team and our first match was you guys. You were in your last year. I tried so hard to hit those bludgers in your or JamesÂŽ direction, but my strategy was futile. James was too quick, and you were too wicked on a broomâ you shook your head in mock disbelieve while SiriusÂŽ eyes gleamed with excitement.
âI donât get itâ he said with an almost dreamy look on his face. His chin rested in his palm as he spoke. âDonât get me wrong, I know youÂŽve got spark but I would have recognized that in school. You told me you were a closed off and private. But then you go joining the quidditch team as a beater no less. How?â
You smiled at him. âWell,â you said amusedly and took a sip of your glass. âI was closed off, thatÂŽs true. But that doesnât mean that I had no personality. There was a certain potential of rage. I had to let that go somewhere.â You shrugged with a grin. Sirius looked at you impressed.
He topped off your wineglass and spoke. âIÂŽm impressed. The closed off, timid girl, grew up to be a fearless auror.â You shook your head. âFearless is not trueâ you said calmly. âFighting death eaters fearless is a stupid idea. Makes you end up looking like Mad eyeâ you smirked and winked at him. Your palms encased your cheeks as you spoke in a high-pitched voice. âCompared to him and looking at all thisâ you turned your head prettily left and right, âI was scared shitless every time.â
Sirius threw his head back an bellowed a joyous laugh. It fitted him so well all you could do was stare at him in awe. He wiped at the corner of his eyes and gasped for air. âMerlin, I really regret being such an insufferable prick to you up until now.â
âThank youâ you said earnestly. âYouÂŽre not so bad yourself.â
He smiled at you sweetly. âAnd we never talked in Hogwarts?â he asked. âAre you sure?â he sounded almost hopeful. You huffed laugh and shook your head. âIÂŽm sureâ you said, feeling the wine coursing through your veins, making you bold. âI avoided you like the plague.â
SiriusÂŽs face fell, and you were quick to answer. âIt wasnât because I thought you were a bad person.â Quite the opposite actually. âMore likeâŠyou wereâŠintimidating.â He raised an eyebrow at that. âIntimidating?â he asked. You nodded.
âYes. You and your friendsâŠyou were legendary as it was. Everyone either knew you, hated your guts or was crushing on youâ you could feel your face heat up once more. âI just didnât see the point of being one of many, you know.â You smiled at him timidly, his expression somewhat empty. âI did pay attention, though.â
A little more light appeared in SiriusÂŽ eyes at that. âYou were?â
You took a deep breath and downed the rest of your wine. Fuck it!
Nodding you continued. âYes. I mean, you were hard to miss. But IÂŽd often see how you joked with your friends, how you comforted the younger students. It was nice to see that side of you. It always made me wonder why you decided to act on your ÂŽattention whoreÂŽ attitude more. But then again, I didnât know you privately, so I donât even know if IÂŽm right with that.â You rushed the last sentence and reached for the wine bottle. SiriusÂŽ hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. His fingers were strong but gentle.
Goosebumps appeared immediately on your skin. The little hairs on your forearm standing up when you looked up and directly into his eyes. He regarded you with a look full of wonder, gratitude and something pleading. âWhat else did you see?â he whispered, leading your hand down onto the table, not letting go. Ok, this seemed to be a little too intimate, but you were damned if you broke eye contact for even just a second. It was time to come clean.
âI saw how you always seemed different when we all came back from holiday. At least for a few years. You were alwaysâŠsad one minute and then chipper the next. It looked fake.â His eyes grew wide. âI saw how your eyes would not leave RemusÂŽ plate that you packed with food until he was done eating. That always happened after he turned.â SiriusÂŽ fingers tightened. âHow do you know about that?â he asked in awe.
You raised both eyebrows. âAs I said. I paid attention. Still do.â At your words and to your utter delight, Sirius began absentmindedly stroking his thumb across the soft skin of the underside of your wrist. There was no way in hell he didnât feel the insistent and fast beating underneath.
âI saw a lot of things that made you more than just an attention seeker to me. What I didnât like, at all, was the bullying. James and you. You were both better than that. Sure, Snape was a little git butâŠsometimes you overdid it.â Sirius hung his head for a moment and nodded silently before looking at you again. An ashamed look spread across his face. âI know. We could be quiteâŠinsufferable. At that age you donât really think about these thingsâ he said quietly. You nodded in understanding. âI know. And I also know that Snape wasnât exactly innocent himself. But I guess itÂŽs no wonder he hates your guts. HeÂŽs still a bloody git, though.â You grinned at him.
Sirius took a deep breath. âYou saw all that without ever having spoken a word to me?â
âYesâ
Sirius looked impressed and incredibly moved.
âÂŽS no wonder Kingsley bursts at the seams with pride for you. I guess death eaters have no chance when it comes to you.â
Blushing hard you grinned bashfully but shook your head. âIÂŽm not that good in the fieldâ you said, and Sirius raised an eyebrow in doubt. âBut when it comes to interrogations, if they make it that far, IÂŽm actually very successful. I either get a full confession or at least some names. Always.â You spoke the last part with as much confidence as you could muster, hoping youÂŽd impress him at least a little bit.
âWowâ Sirius breathed. âAnd you think IÂŽm intimidating?â You giggled. âNo, not anymore, actually.â He seemed very pleased with that.
You sat there for a moment in silence. Your eyes trained on his tattooed fingers still gently wrapped around your wrist. Ever tiny movement they made sent waves of shivers over your body.
âCan I ask you a question?â Sirius asked quietly. âHmHmâ you mumbled, still not looking up. âPlease, look at meâ Your head snapped up at his tone. His eyes were filled with something so soft it made your heart quake.
âI canÂŽt stop thinking about itâŠThe other night, you said I was drinking my second chance away.â You nodded. âEven though I didnât really have a first one. What did you mean by that?â
âOhâ you said and looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. âI meant your trial.â
SiriusÂŽ eyebrows shot to his hairline.
âM-My trial?â he stuttered out? âI didnât-â
â-get one, I know. ThatÂŽs what I mean.â
He looked at you with a shocked expression before his face relaxed. A grateful smile stretched onto his lips as he looked at you fondly. Slowly, his fingers that held your wrist moved to lift your hand up to his face. Not breaking eye contact he gently but firmly pressed his mouth to your knuckles, effectively knocking the wind out of your lungs. Times stilled. The edges of your vision blurred, and a loud beeping noise filled your ears. It felt like you were about to pass out from a fever when his lips left your skin, and an uncomfortable cold ran over your back.
Sirius set your hand back onto the table and seemed reluctant as he let it go.
_____________________________________________
The next days were a blur. A happy blur. You were walking on clouds, you were dreaming so much more vividly and to no surprise, SiriusÂŽ face always ended up being the main character. Sirius seemed much happier as well. He went out of his way to make you comfortable. For the past week now, heÂŽd cooked you dinner and scolded you whenever you tried to help him out. HeÂŽd point his finger at you, his eyes comically narrowed and told you to sit down at the table.
It also seemed like he tried to be closer to you whenever he could. HeÂŽd stand closer to you, heÂŽd sit closer to you, heÂŽd guide you through doors by the small of your back. It all wasnât helping your situation at all. He changed his behaviour towards you so dramatically, you werenât able to stop your old crush from coming back. Not when he looked at you so dreamily sometimes, not when you both dissolved into laughter about some silly story, not when you thought about his lips on your skin.
Every time you thought about that night, your whole body started to tingle. The little flirts just came naturally to the both of you. So much so, that it was in no time, that the whole order noticed something was going on. Most of them seemed very pleased by the fact that they didnât have to deal with SiriusÂŽ outbursts anymore. Especially Remus. He regarded the two of you often with mirth in his eyes while Tonks almost ripped out his arm when she noticed as well.
The only thing that dampened the sugar high you constantly seemed to be on, was the fact that even though Sirius and you started flirting heavily, nothing ever came of it. In the last minute, either him or you, would draw back and either laugh it off or deal with a few moments of awkwardness. There was a magnetic pull forming between the both of you, and both of you felt it. It got stronger with ever shared meal and laugh.
These days, it got so much harder to fall asleep. Your heart beating against your ribcage so insistently that it was a herculean task to calm down. Apparently, it started to show.
You came down into the kitchen one Saturday morning with Sirius working on the stove. Even though you felt knackered, there was no way you would ever not appreciate his broad shoulders and lean back, covered by some raggedy old band-shirt. You smiled fondly at his back. He heard you approach and turned halfway around. âGood morning, darlinÂŽ.â Again, goosebumps everywhere and your heart going ballistic. âGÂŽ morninÂŽâ you yawned.
Sirius turned the stove off and turned to you fully. The smile on his lips vanishing when he saw you. âAre you feeling ok, ___? You look tired.â He rounded the table quickly and came to a stop close in front of you. So close. It took everything in you not to take a deep, deep breath.
âFine. Didnât sleep well last nightâ you said. Lie. You havenât been able to sleep properly for a couple of nights now.
Sirius looked around your face worriedly. âDo you need one of those pick me up potions you always gave me? I can give you some money to go get them.â That made you chuckle. You lifted your hand and very gently ruffled the soft, black locks on his head.
âOh, Siriusâ you said smiling. âI didnât buy them. I made them.â It took him a moment to let your spoken words sink in. His eyes went impossibly wide, then slightly damp. You retracted your hand from his head.Â
Sirius couldnât hold on. In one gentle swoop he bent down slightly and pulled you into his chest by your waist. Your arms wound around his neck in an instant. Delirious with happiness you pressed your forehead against the side of his neck and felt the vibrato of his voice against it as he hummed contently. He smelled divine. A mixture of firewood, tobacco and something citrusy. It smelled like coming home and you felt your crush bloom into something much more valuable. It didnât scare you at all. You were cradled in his arms, his cheek atop your head, his hands gently caressing the small of your back. You couldÂŽve stayed like that forever.
âThereÂŽs nothing I could give you to make up for all the shit IÂŽve put you throughâ he whispered into your hair. âI donÂŽt deserve the kindness youÂŽve given me or are still giving.â You shook your head against his neck and wanted to speak, but he was quicker. âYou make it more than bearable to stay in this house, love. I donât know where I would be if you hadnât decided to move in.â
You stook on your toes to be able to hug him closer and he pulled you in with a desperate sigh against your ear. âI was such a fucking arsehole to you. IÂŽm so sorry.â Hot tears formed in your eyes when you heard his tone. âYou are lonelyâ you choked out. âAnd frustrated. I get it.â
ââŠwasâ he whispered and slowly withdrew just a little to look you in the face. His gorgeous, regal features were formed into a look of gratitude and longing.
âWhat?â
âI was lonely and frustratedâ he emphasized. âNot anymore.â
His blazing silver eyes took in the entirety of your face before closing them and leaning his forehead gently against yours. âIÂŽm glad youÂŽre here with meâ he said before kissing your forehead and almost sending you to the ground. The tears spilled over. Sirius noticed them and used his little finger to wipe them from your face.
âWhy arenÂŽt you able to sleep? What do you need?â
âI think itÂŽll be a little easier nowâ you said with a watery smile. Sirius nodded his head, for the time being, he was satisfied with your answer.
âLetÂŽs eat breakfast before everyone shows up for the meeting. The moment I have to look at Snapes hair, IÂŽll not be able to eat for hours.â
_________________________________________
The meeting went quite well. Most of the time people were calm and the plans youÂŽd made weeks before, finally came to fruition.
You were sitting beside Sirius whoÂŽs palm sat comfortably on your thigh underneath the table. It burned your skin and made you a bit drowsy with longing, but you paid attention still.
After the meeting, some of the members stayed for dinner and drinks after. Everyone had a great time. Sirius and you stood a little to the side, close together and smiling happily.
âWell, finallyâ came a booming voice from the table and your head swivelled towards Kingsley. He had a dopey grin on his face, wiggling his eyebrows as he regarded Sirius and you. It was evident that he was quite tipsy.
âI really thought it would never happen. You twoâ he pointed at the both of you and with a hiss you gestured for him to quit it. âKingsleyâ you whisper yelled while Sirius next to you just tried to bite back a huge grin. âWhat?â Kingsley slurred. âYou could at least thank me, you know. For bringing you here. ÂŽS the last thing you deserved after all these dumb howlers. Haha!â You felt the colour drain from your face. Oh no. Oh no. âKingsley, shut up!â You hissed at him again. Sirius looked very curiously between you and Kingsley.
âWhat howlers did you send him, darling?â he asked in an amused tone.
âSO MANY HOWLERS!!â Kingsley yelled and nearly fell of his chair. âYouÂŽre lucky I started intercepting them when I became your mentor. If the committee had found out that the one terrorising them with howlers was actually an auror traineeâŠI tell ya. You wouldnât be an auror today.â
âOh Merlin, help meâ you sighed. âKingsley, please just drop it.â
SiriusÂŽ face was filled with question marks. âWhat in Merlin saggy left nut is he talking about?â
Kingsley explained. âYou see, dear Sirius. This one,â he pointed at you with a shit eating grin. âThis one wouldnât take no for an answer. She tried to send them anonymously and for the most part it worked. Until they set me on it. I found out it was you,â he playfully glared at you. You wanted to sink into the floor and never emerge again. âAt this point I was already training you and you had so much potential. So, I made it work.â He sounded so proud of himself.
Sirius had walked over to Kingsley, still smiling and trying to figure it out. âWhat howlers did she send Kingsley? Why would they be so dangerous for her career?â
âOhâ Kingsley said, and his eyes went big. âOh, you donât know.â Sirius looked taken aback.
âI donât know?â
âYeah, the howlers, the letters she sent. They were because of you.â
Sirius went still, staring at Kingsley intently. âWhat do you mean, they were because of me?â
âKingsleyâŠâ you tried again but your voice was too quiet. You could only let it happen. YouÂŽd try to explain it to Sirius later. That was, if he didnât throw you out the house.
âThey were trial demandsâ Kingsley said matter of factly and the air was suddenly too think to breath. You felt like drowning.
âTrial demandsâ Sirius whispered as he put two and two together. He turned to you slowly. You couldnât look him in the eyes, embarrassment making your skin feel like it was on fire.
âKingsley?â he asked in a dry tone without looking away from you. You felt his eyes boring into you. âKingsley, when did you intercept the last demand?â
Kingsley hummed. âHmmmâŠ. the last one I got was about four days before your escape from Azkaban was made public. Before that, they came in once a week like c-clockwork.â
You heard Sirius take in a sharp breath. When he spoke next, he was calm, quiet and somehow sounded unsure. As if he couldnât believe what heÂŽd just heard.
âYouâŠyou tried to get me a trialâŠfor 12 years?â
Your shoulders pulled themselves upwards as if you were trying to sink into your own body before you nodded, looking at the floor.
You heard a sniffle from somewhere to your right. It sounded like Molly Weasley.
â___â you heard Sirius say. His tone was choked up and still unsure. âPlease look at meâ he pleaded.
You couldnât. You couldnât bare the look on his face. He already knew about the crush youÂŽd had on him in school and now heÂŽd found out that even as a grown woman you tried so hard to get with him. He must be so appalled.
You shook your head no.
â12 years?â you heard him ask again.
You nodded.
âEvery week?â His voice was closer now.
You nodded. His shoes appeared directly in front of you and you cowered back against the counter even further. âDonÂŽt do thatâ he whispered. âDonâtâŠplease, look at me.â His voice cracked and at that your head snapped up to look at him. The sight broke and healed your heart all at once.
Silent tears were running down his tinted cheeks. His eyes were swimming with something you couldnât pin point. With a wobbly voice he spoke.
âYou didnât believe it was me?â
âOf course notâ you whispered, throat tight.
âWhy not? Everybody else didâ
âThere was no fucking way youÂŽd betray Jamesâ you shook your head defiantly. âNo way. It all fit too well. They used your family name and the reputation behind it. But I knew you couldnât have been a death eater. I saw youâŠin schoolâŠâ Your own voice began to crack when you thought back to the day you learned whatÂŽd happened to him.
Sirius nodded slowly. âYes. You saw me. You saw me. You always haveâ Gentle, warm hands lifted to your face and encased it. Sirius looked at you like you were the only other living being in the world. Another tear fell down. âDonât you ever, ever, call your feelings for me a simple crushâ he said and smiled at you. âI didnât know I had such a loyal warrior out there.â Your face was also tear stained by this point. You sniffed and Sirius gently shook his head.
âNo more tears, my love. IÂŽve got you now.â And with that, he pulled your head to his and pressed his lips to yours. It was like a rubber band snapped in your chest. As your hands tangled in his hair at the base of his neck, he hugged you ever closer, lifting you a little and moving his lips more insistently against yours. This was right, this was perfect.
Open mouthed kisses were pressed against your lips slowly, thoroughly. There was no sound except for his breathing and his heart. A throat cleared itself in the background and with a groan Sirius let go of your lips, looking at you. His grin seemed excited. You didnât have a chance but to reciprocate it.
âYou know that itÂŽs not a simple crush you have on me, right?â Sirius winked at you. You nodded in defeat and leaned your forehead against his chest. You felt his chuckle. âCome on, doveâ he taunted you good naturedly. âCall it by its name. Please?â
Your eyes met his and they twinkled with a juvenile excitement you hadnât observed on him yet.
âIÂŽm in love with youâ you said and smiled.
Sirius closed his eyes to let your words really penetrate his mind and soul. The hands around your waist tightened before he nodded with an equal smile. Again his lips met yours. This time, shorter, sweeter.
âSo am Iâ he whispered against them. âI love you. My beautiful fighter. YouÂŽve saved me.â
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thank you very much for reading. If you liked it, please leave a reblog or a comment so I can improve :) IÂŽm grateful for every feedback I get. Thanks a lot
#sirius black x reader#older Sirius Black x reader#older sirius black#post azkaban sirius black x you#post azkaban sirius black#x reader#x you#x you fluff#slow burn#post azkaban sirius black x reader#sirius orion black#sirius black fanfic#sirius black fanfiction#old sirius black x reader#ootp fanfiction#ootp#ootp fic
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The American: Welcome to Hogwarts
Remus Lupin x Fem! American! Reader
Prequel of The American: Welcome Back! -click to read
Summary: Entering their 5th year, Remus and his friends are told of a new student coming to Hogwarts. While dealing with problems of his own, Remus can't help but notice the new transfer student from America.
Warning: slow burn, bullying, issues of self esteem, suicidal thoughts, xenophobia against reader, name calling, the word mud blood is used a lot, very dark content.
A/N:I haven't read the books but I have seen the movies and read a shit ton of fanfic. I'm making stuff up as we go so my plot can work. There are some characters that I thought were real but where made up for fanfics. I hope people don't mind if i add them because i already wrote the chapter. I later found out while googling stuff abt The Marauders. I will be added them and other characters to my story with my own twist. With that being said, don't come for me if this character is doing this and that. Not sure how many chapters I'll be doing, really depends on the feedback. please read the tags before reading. Enjoy -L
Remus found himself staring at the tracks in front of him. His eyes studied the nails and the iron bars of the train tracks. He can hear the horns of the Hogwarts Express blasting indicating itâs near. It drowns out the sounds of the students and their families around him. He looks at the red and black train coming and Remus takes a step forward.Â
Remus has thought of this a lot before, stepping in front of a train. Trains, buses and cars. Just one leap and it will be over. His fingers tighten over the straps of his bag over his shoulder as he thinks about it more.Â
A quick death, what a wonderful relief.Â
He hates having a full moon in the summer when he is away from Hogwarts. He didnât have any of his friends during that time. They were off on vacation or doing activities with their families and Remus doesnât have the heart to ask them to come over. His friends have done so much for him. Heâs afraid of asking for too much and they will leave him for it. He doesnât want to be alone.Â
Remus takes another step forward getting a bit closer to the edge and as he looks ahead. His mouth slightly dropped open when he saw a man standing on the other side of the tracks staring back at him. The man stood there bloody, throat ripped open, slashes across his face and chest. Blood was gushing out from the manâs wound. He wore dark blue trousers and a white ripped collar shirt. The man lifted his hand towards Remus, reaching for him. With his finger, he pointed at Remus as blood dripped down from it. Remus feels the bile coming up his throat when the man try to open his mouth to speak. Blood came pouring out from his mouth and Remus stands there frozen in fear. Remus doesn't see a flash of red running towards him.Â
âRemus!â He feels a force come at him making him take a step back from the edge of the platform. The train approaches, hiding him away from the bloody man. He felt Lily hug him and Remus shut his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her into a tight hug. He missed her so much this summer. He didnât visited her like usual. He couldnât. He was ashamed of himself. He tries to get rid of the sight of the man he just saw, he continues to hug her. Lily rubbed his back when Remus didn't pull right away.Â
Lily Evans, was the first friend he made when he came to Hogwarts. She was the first to realize what he was and she was the first to not make him feel bad for being a werewolf. As times passed he was welcome into a group of three boys. They didnât make him feel bad as well, they had even helped him by becoming animagus and stayed with him through his transformations.
âYou havenât written back to me all summer.â Lily said when they pulled away. The students around them started boarding into the train.Â
âForgive me, Lils. Rough summer is all.â Remus said as he grabbed his luggage by his feet along with Lilyâs. She gave him a thanks and he just nodded. He wasnât going to allow her to carry the heavy thing.Â
Lily and Remus greeted the other students in their year as they walked to their usual compartment. Remus with ease placed the luggage on the top shelf as Lily sat down. Remus sat down with a huff beside her, next to the window, his favorite spot. Lily opened her beige shoulder bag and took out a brown lunch paper bag with the letter R written on it.Â
âMom, send you a snack.â Remus smiles as he grabs it from Lily.Â
âSheâs a saint.â Remus said as he opened it, taking a look inside. In separate plastic bags, he saw there were slices of green apples and a jam sandwich cut diagonally. There was even a small juice box.Â
âGreen apple, my favorite.â He comments.Â
âUgh, she likes you more than me.â Lily pulled out a bag of baby carrots instead of apples like him. Lilyâs mom knew of Remus, he would visit Lily sometimes during break and the summer. Lilyâs mom was always happy to see him and even called him a son at one point when he always offered to take out the trash or wash the dishes. Remus thought it was the least he could do since they had him over for dinners. Petunia wasnât really fond of him, but he didnât mind her. He ignored the names being aimed at him when he sat across from her during dinner.Â
Remus chuckles at Lily then he takes the bag of apples out. âIâll trade.âÂ
âYou would really do that for me?â She asked him with a pout.Â
âHurry, before I change my mind!â Lily laughs and gives him the bag of baby carrots as she gets the bag of apples.Â
Remus drops the baby carrots into his brown paper bag, saving them for later. He looked over at Lily when he noticed what she was holding out. He gives her a smile and grabs the slice of apple from her hand.Â
Quickly putting it in his mouth, Â he hummed at the sweetness of the apple as he chewed. Lily frowned and stopped mid-bite when she noticed Remus looking out the window. His eyes roaming quickly on the other side of the platform.Â
âLooking for someone?â Lily asked and Remus looked over at her. He shook his head, telling her nobody.Â
Lily is eating when Sirius and James come walking in. Remus rises up from his seat to greet his friends. Lily does the same. Remus helps Sirius with his luggage as James sits next to Lily by the door. Sirius sits across from Remus.Â
Heâs listening to Sirius ramble on about his summer, it was another horrid one. His mother had gone mad about tradition with the family. He was a disgrace for being a Gryffindor, but he was even more of a disgrace to his family when they found out Sirius doesnât agree with the pureblood ideas. James and Lily are talking amongst themselves. Remus and Sirius just gave each a look, James was finally getting on Lilyâs good side.Â
Sirius hits Remus' shoes with his elbow that rested next to him. Remus had quite a growth spurt last year. He had his leg resting on the seat across from him.
âHow was your summer, mate?! I sent you a letter, you know?â Sirius' cheeks grow pink and Remus notices it.Â
âIâm sorry. I did receive it. I had a hard time answering back. Last moon was draining.â Sirius nods at him, understandingly.Â
âAre you okay now?â He asks Remus. Sirius notices something odd with Remus when he doesn't answer right away. He didnât like it one bit. Remus was usually cheerful whenever they came back to school.Â
âYes, Padfoot.â Remus answers as he leans his head against the window. Sirius decides to not push it and asks Remus about a book he was reading before summer break. He smiles when he sees Remus' whole demeanor change, Remus sat up and excitedly told him about it. The train lets out another sound and a few seconds later. The train began to move then after a few more conversations about Lily and Jamesâ summer. One by one they started to doze off.Â
Remus was sleeping with his head against the window. His body jiggled softly as the train kept on moving. He scratches his nose when he feels an itch in his sleep. Inhaling deeply, Remusâ eyes shot open when a scent hit him. The scent is new, it didnât come from his friends. Remus felt a chill down his back, it was a strange feeling. He doesnât know why heâs smelling it, the full moon has passed already. Why is the lycanthropy still residing in him? Â Sitting up straight, he looks over at his friends. They are still sleeping, he wonders why Peter isnât here. They have been taking the same spot in the train for five years now, so Peter couldnât be lost in finding them.Â
Remus felt his throat close up when the smell hit him again. He rose up from his seat, taking another sniff in the air. Â He noticed the door was a bit open. He figured it was Sirius who usually forgets to latch the lock whenever coming back from the restroom.Â
Remus decides to go to the bathroom and wash his face. He figured he was smelling things because he had a rough summer. He was barely sleeping at home. The nap on the train was the best sleep he had all summer. He shuts the door behind him then looks up and down the hall, itâs empty. The lights of the hallway were lit up, he saw most of the other people had pulled down the curtains for privacy as he walked to the restroom. Remus yawns as he walks inside the restroom and turns on the light. Rubbing his eyes he steps in front of the toilet to relieve himself. Letting out a small moan when finished urinating, he turns his head to the door. That fucking smell is there, he quickly walks to the door. He presses his forehead against it. Remus inhales the scent, it's on the wooden door.Â
The scent of copper, the scent of a girl.Â
Remus doesnât realize at first but he breathes heavily, his forehead is pressed against the door as his right hand touches his chest and drops down to his lower stomach. He fist the sweater he wore on top of his uniform in his hand as he sniffs harder. When his fingers hits the zipper of his trouser, the urge to touch himself came over him. His eyes shot open and he quickly stepped away from the door. He stared at it, scared. This has never happened to him before. A scent that was making him horny, it was new to him.Â
Remus knows this isnât him, this has to be Moony. The wolf that resides in him. Moony should be gone by now but he isnât. He leans against the wall of the bathroom and let's out a sigh. He shook his head as he looked down at his hands, he shut his eyes when he remembered how his hands looked with all that blood. He looks ahead at the mirror and whines when the background changes. He saw himself back again in the woods behind his house.Â
âStop it.â He hissed to himself as he looked away and started to push the button of the soap dispenser on the wall.Â
Turning the hot water all the way up. He ignored the heat of the water as he washed his hands until it was pink and raw. Â He kept telling himself, he had to scrub it away, wash the blood away. He looks ahead at the mirror and stares at himself. His eyes are staring at the new scar on his face. He hates his appearance, despises it. Itâs just a constant reminder of what he is, a monster. His friends tell him differently but Remus knows heâs one. He truly is especially after what he did.Â
Running his fingers through his hair, damping his sandy brown curls before turning off the light, he walks out of the bathroom. The hallway is still empty, he shuts the door and starts to walk back when he smells it again. His chest started to feel tight and he bit his bottom lip as he turned to face the other side of the hallway.Â
Heâs staring down the hall and he can smell it again.Â
âFuck.â He murmured when he saw that part of the train, usually students of House Slytherin, sits in. He steps forward carefully as he looks to the left. Most of the train compartments had the curtains drawn down, he stopped when one of the doors was slightly open. He guessed whoever was in there forgot to use the lock.Â
âAnother Sirius.â Remus tells himself as he looks inside. He sees a figure sleeping on the cushion seats, a leg hanging out. He frowns when he notices they wore jeans and sneakers. The person wasn't in uniform like them. Remus hears laughter further down the hall and quickly goes back. Last thing he wants to do is come face to face with a Slytherin. Making it back to his seat, he gently sat back down to not disturbed Lily who was leaning against James. He grabs the brown lunch bag Lilyâs mom made for him.Â
Remus quietly eats his sandwich as he stares out the window, watching the scenery. He never gets tired looking at the mountains and lakes as the train makes its way to Hogwarts.Â
Shelley Mumps was the one who woke everyone the following morning. Remus had dozed off after eating his sandwich. He jumped out of his sleep when Shelley slid the door open with such force.Â
âWhat happened?â James said in a sleepy voice as she shut the door and sat beside Sirius waking him up.Â
âThere's a transfer student. She's in our year.â Shelley said, looking at them.Â
âCool, can we go back to sleep?â Sirius said getting himself comfortable again against the wall.Â
"She's American.â She added. Remus frowns. âThey allow Americans in Hogwarts?â He questioned.Â
â Apparently because sheâs here. Some of us saw her walking down the hallway. She was staring out the window. You should have seen the clothes she was wearing.â Shelley laughs and Remus looks away from her.
Lily just sighs at her friend. âWhat do you mean by that, Shelley?âÂ
âShe had ripped holes in her jeans and her shoes looked dirty. She had this shirt with this ugly green army jacket. She looks homeless.â Â Sirius was awake now and looked at Remus who kept quiet and stared out the window.Â
âI'm sure, it wasn't that bad.â James said, clearing his throat as he sat up straight in his seat.Â
âOh please. The train is stopping soon. Youâll see her.â Shelley said before waving bye at them.Â
âTell me why you are still friends with her?â Remus asks softly, looking over at Lily.
âI have too, I share a dormitory with her.â Lily said, grabbing her bag as they felt the train stopped.Â
They quickly got up and started to get their belongings. The students lined up and walked out the train. âLet's see if we can catch a glimpse of this girl.â Sirius tells Remus and James as Lily waved bye at them to find her other friends.Â
Remus walked behind them as they walked to the waiting carriages. Leaving their trunks and luggage behind, they sat down. Remus looks around but has no luck in finding this âhomeless girl.â The carriages make it to the gates and they step down to walk towards the school, it was a five minute walk.Â
âPeter!â James exclaimed and Remus looked over to see his friend walking towards them.Â
âI missed the bloody train! My parents were furious. They had to drop me off.â Peter said with a sigh. Sirius and Remus shook their heads, Peter had a tendency of being late. They welcomed Peter with a hug.
âDid you hear the news?â Sirius asked.Â
Peter rolled his eyes. âYeah, Shelley gave me the full details on the new girl.âÂ
They walked together to the castle when they noticed a group of students standing by.Â
âOi!â James yells and a Ravenclaw boy, named Hems in their year, turns around. âWhat's going on?âÂ
âThe American is with Hagrid.â Hems tells them as they get closer. Remus looked ahead to see.Â
âIs she daft? What's she petting?â Remus hears another student ask.Â
âHer name is-.â Someone said your name and Remus thinks itâs a nice name. He continues to look at you, trying to get a good look at your face.Â
He can see Hagrid talking to you with a smile as you kept petting at the air but Remus can see the thestral you were petting. He could see its leathery wings flap for a second before circling around you making you giggle. Shelley was blowing your appearance out of proportion but it was exactly what he expected from a pureblood. He looks at you and he thinks your smile is pretty, that's what he noticed first about you. He looks at your clothes. You look casual. You look like a regular muggle, it reminded him of the outfit Sirius usually wears whenever going out to a muggle place. The green army jacket is a bit big on you. You wore a black shirt and blue ripped jeans.Â
The thestral rubbed its head against your bookbag, you wore and Hagrid shooed the thestral away from you when it started to nibble on your bag making you laugh loudly.Â
âWhat is she laughing at?â A student asked loudly.Â
âYou idiot, it's thestral.â Remus looks over and notices Severus with a group of Slytherins standing by. He was glaring at you as he answered. Remus noticed Hagrid leaning down to tell you something. You turn to face them and Remus sees your face for a second. Your eyes widened by the sight of them and quickly looked away before he could get a good look at you.Â
âTwo galleons, Iâll have her in bed by the end of the week.â Remus noticed an older student from House Ravenclaw speak out. Remus rolls his eyes when the group of students around him starts to snicker and begin to place their bets on you. He watches you walk away with Hagrid towards the school.Â
âJames? Sirius?â The guy said, looking over at them.Â
âNo, mate. Iâm good.â James said before signaling his friends to keep walking. Remus doesn't want any part of it either.Â
Sirius stops in mid step when one of them starts to laugh and yells out, âThe American probably has diseases. You know they are sluts.âÂ
â15 galleons says she doesn't sleep with you.â Sirius said, making them stop laughing and look at him in disbelief at the amount of money he was placing.Â
âYou're on, Black.âÂ
Remus, James and Peter waited for Sirius to finish when he saw Severus and his friends walking away. James just glared at Severus and the long, dark haired boy did the same to James.Â
âYou really think she won't sleep with him?â Peter asked as they continued to make their way to the castle.Â
âYou have to be Shelley to sleep with them. I doubt she's like her.â Sirius said, shaking his head.Â
Settling back down in Hogwarts was easy for Remus. He missed his bed and being around his friends. The atmosphere was different from back home. He wasn't alone, in Hogwarts he was surrounded by students, professors, and even ghosts.Â
Getting ready for dinner, he spoke to Sirius about another book he got. Remus was fond of Sirius and even though they both came from completely different backgrounds. They were best friends. Sirius was the second person to figure out what he was. Remus had cried in front of him when he figured it out. Sirius didn't speak while Remus told him that he would understand if he didn't want to be friends anymore. Sirius just hugged him tightly. Hugged him until he calmed down.Â
âYouâre ridiculous. If you think, I'm going to stop being your best friend, mate.â Sirius spoke out after a few minutes.Â
âWeâll figure something out to help you. I promise.âÂ
Remus didn't believe it at first but when James and Peter figured it out he told them the truth. The three managed to become animagi behind his back and showed Remus when they accomplished it. He never felt so accepted before. They supported Remus during his transformations and mood swings when the full moon was near. They accompanied him in their animagi form to the Shrieking Shack then later carried him to Poppy Pomfrey.Â
He was forever grateful for them. He really was so when he got too deep in his head and started thinking about dying and ending himself. He thinks of them. He thinks of Sirius, Peter, James and Lily. He thinks of his mom as well.Â
He thinks about the time his mom would bath him when he was too hurt. She would feed him, dress him when he couldnât move. His mother changed completely during the recent summer. She couldnât look him in the eye and it broke him. His father who treated him differently already barely said a word.Â
âOi!â Remus was deep in thought when James caught his attention.Â
âYou okay, Moony?â James said, walking towards him. They were in their dorm room, putting their stuff away when James saw Remus laying on the bed with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling.Â
âYeah, Prongs.â James nods and sits beside him on the bed. Remus pushes himself up and holds himself by the elbows.Â
âYou know I wrote to you this summer. Like four times.â James said softly as Peter and Sirius were in the bathroom freshening up to go to dinner.Â
âI know. I just-.â Remus feels James' eyes on him. âI don't know.â Remus lied.Â
âEverything okay at home?â James whispered in a concerned tone, he knew about his life at home. Remus nods as Peter and Sirius come out of the bathroom laughing about something.Â
âReady to eat?â Peter asked as they put on their robes.Â
âYes!â Remus said getting out of bed, he looked over his shoulder to meet James' gaze who was still sitting down and staring at him. He did not believe Remus for a second. James drops it because he knows Remus hates being the center of attention so he drops it for now and says yes to Peter.Â
Remus finds himself looking for you at the great hall but he canât. He keeps his head down and listens to James and Lily talking in front of them as Sirius is talking with Marlene. Peter is next to him, trying to ignore Shelly who was talking about her summer. He was more interested in what's for dinner.Â
âWelcome Students! Back for another year with us. I do hope everyone had a good summer.â Remus sighs as he looks down at the empty plate in front of him. The headmaster Dumbledore makes a few announcements about classes and a new teacher who will be teaching D.A.D.A.Â
âLastly, it gives me great pleasure to introduce a new student that will be joining us,-.â Dumbledore announces your full name and Remus repeats it in his head. He remembers your smile. It was so genuine, no one smiled like that to thestrals.Â
âSheâs from America, boys and girls. She will be studying with us. I want everyone to give her a warm welcome.â Remus looked up from his plate and looked over at the doors of the hall when it opened. He saw you wearing their uniform on. You stood next to Hagrid who urged you to walk inside.Â
Remus claps along with his friends as you walk to Dumbledore and McGonagall, who had the sorting hat ready for you.Â
âShe looks like she's going to throw up.â Remus hears a Slytherin ahead of him joke. While you walked up the steps and sat down on the stool, facing everyone. Your eyes were looking down when McGonagall placed the hat on your head.Â
The sorting hat hums as it rests on top of your head.Â
âI feel it, young one. Don't you?â Remus saw you looking over at Dumbledore with a frightened look. McGonagall nods at you, easing your worries. You look down at the ground once more and your hands clasped on top of your lap.Â
âDifficult choice, indeed.â The hat says.Â
âA fighter!â The sorting hat yells, making everyone whisper.Â
 âA protector!â Remus noticed the look on Dumbledore's face.Â
âOh- my, that is-.â Â The hall quieted down when the hat stopped in mid sentence.Â
âI know now! I see it!â The sorting hat crackled loudly.Â
 âSlytherin!â Remus saw you lift your face to look ahead and Remus thought you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen. He took notes of your nose and lips. Your eyes and the way you looked so nervous made him feel bad.Â
He looked away from you when the hall started to applause. McGonagall was kind enough to show you where the table was. You looked down at your uniform when you noticed the color had changed. Â
He peeks between Lily and James and sees you picked the farthest empty seat from the table. He can see you take a deep breath as you look at the silverware in front of you when you sit down.Â
Shelley is sniggering with an older student from Gryffindor who is sitting beside her.Â
âWhat's so funny?â James asked. âShe probably doesn't know what a fork is? Don't Americans eat with their hands?â The boy asked James.Â
âThatâs fucked up, lad.â Sirius says, eyeing him.Â
âLook ahead, she's using them just fine.â Lily snaps before looking down to eat her food. Remus looks over and notices you have begun to eat as well. It was quiet after that, Remus ate and only looked over when he took a sip of his juice. They ignore the others who keep making jokes are your expense. They spoke about your hair and how you looked. Some thought you were hot while others thought you were ugly.
Sirius noticed how Remus was quiet. It was pretty normal for Remus to be quiet. Quiet Remus, who only speaks when spoken too but right now it was different. Sirius felt his best friendâs vibe completely off right then and there.Â
Remus had different sides of him. He can be so quiet then be very cheerful and make jokes. Until the full moon comes, he becomes cranky and snappy. Sirius stabs his chicken with his fork as he looks at Remus. Thereâs a new scar on his face and Sirius doesnât have the courage to ask him about it. Especially since he saw how Remus acted when asked why he hadn't responded to his letter. Something must have happened during the summer, Sirius thinks to himself.Â
He noticed Remus looking over when he took a drink. He followed his gaze and landed on you. Sirius does a double take when he sees his younger brother Regulus walking towards you with his plate in his hands along with his cup.Â
Regulus flashes you a smile. âOh fuck!â A Gryffindor from the table whispered.
Regulus sits down across from you. âYou ok?â Remus whispers when he sees it.Â
âOf course, why wouldnât I be? Heâs with his kind.â Sirius says to Remus but he doesnât believe that Sirius can just be okay. Remus knows the complicated relationship that Sirius had with his younger brother.Â
It was a few minutes later when Regulus and you stood up. Plates are empty and Remus watches as you pick up the empty plate.Â
âWhat is she doing?â A boy from the Hufflepuff table behind them says catching their attention and the voices in the hall become quiet.Â
âDo we have to wash it?â It was a simple question that you asked. Remus gets annoyed at the fact that you get laughed out by the Slytherin table when you ask Regulus.Â
Regulus shoots them a glare and shakes his head at you before telling you that there was no need. You can leave your plate there and the elves will get it and clean it.Â
âElves?â You frowned, and your eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
âLike a Santa's elf?â Remus hasnât heard the word Santa since he was a kid.Â
Regulus tilts his head at you, heâs confused now.Â
âSheâs half blood then?â Remus hears the table start throwing ideas of what your blood is.Â
âWhat the fuck is a Santa?â Sirius whispered to James then looked at Remus when James shrugged his shoulders.Â
âAre  you sure that sheâs in the right grade if she thinks Santa is real?â Someone asked loudly and people began to laugh.Â
It had gotten to the point that the laughter behind Remus started to get to him. He didnât find it funny at all that they were making fun of you. He wondered what did you know about magic, perhaps you didnât know anything at all. His guess had to be that you were muggle born but he keeps it to himself because if he was right about you being a muggle born then you will have a difficult time, especially in house Slytherin. Â
He knows what it feels like to be made fun of and he hates it. He gets bullied for his scar face. He gets bullied because heâs quiet. He gets bullied because heâs poor.Â
He sees Regulus walking out with you from the great hall. He leaves a few minutes after saying he had a headache but he just didnât want to hear the comments they were making. He decided to go to sleep early that night.Â
He was glad he had a dreamless sleep. He didnât dream about the man. It was morning and he saw you again walking with a younger student from your house to the great hall. Remus walks in with Peter and he sighs when he sees Shelly and Marlene there already, eating. He didnât mind Marlene at all, she was kind and reminded him of the female version of Sirius. She was spunky and played quidditch with James and Sirius.Â
âMorning, guys.â Remus greets them and sits down. While a Ravenclaw girl ahead of them rises up from her seat and runs to Shelley.Â
âYou wonât believe what I just heard!â The girl said to Shelley.Â
âThe American slept in the bathroom on her first night here. Her roommates are telling everyone. They heard her crying.â Shelley and the girl began to laugh.Â
Marlene looks at the girls. âI donât find that funny. She probably misses her home.âÂ
âOh come on, Marlene.â Shelley said, waving her hand dismissing Marleneâs words.Â
Before she can say anything James and Lily along with Sirius came in. âMorning.â They greeted their friends.Â
âIâm not ready for classes.â James sighs as he sits down.Â
âGuys, Penelope just told me that -.â Remus finally cracks and cuts her off when he slams his hand on the table loudly and looks over at her.Â
âWould you shut up already? Enough making fun of the new girl.â He said and Shelley grows red from embarrassment of his sudden outburst.Â
âYou feel bad for nasty foreigners?â The Ravenclaw girl, Penelope asked, crossing her arms over her chest.Â
âI feel bad for anyone that has to deal with tossers like the both of you!â Remus said, looking at her and Shelley. He stood up from his seat ignoring James and Sirius calling out for him. He walks out the doors and goes back to his room. He paces around the room, coming to terms on what he just said to Shelly and the other girl. He felt bad for calling them that name but he just got so angry.Â
How can people make fun of other people suffering, he asks himself. He had lost count on how many times heâs cried himself to sleep during his first year coming to Hogwarts. Being alone and afraid that someone will find out his wolf secret. He checks the clock on the nightstand and notices it's almost time for his first class. He grabs his books from his trunk and hopes he doesnât see Shelley or the other girl.
He started to grow worried as he walked to class that Lily would be angry at him for calling her friend a wanker. He was surprised when Lily hugged him when they saw each other for the third class of the day.Â
âI canât believe her!â Lily told him when she unwrapped her arms from him.Â
âDonât tell anymore but sometimes I get homesick. Iâm in tears in the tub.â She admits to him.Â
âYou know how I feel about bullies.â Remus tells her and she nods at him knowing all too well about bullies. She was a victim like him, she was bullied heavily in her first year for being a muggle-born and sometimes even now.Â
When lunch began he was walking with Peter who didnât say much about the incident and Remus was grateful for it. They talked about their class they had last period. As he walks in he sees you sitting with the same younger student. You were smiling and so was the kid.Â
The kid had a book open in front of you and Remus smiles at your choice of writing utensil. You were using a pen instead of a quill and you were writing down on a regular notebook instead of parchment paper.Â
The kid kept talking while you nodded and wrote frantically.Â
Everything seems to be going well, Shelley had decided to eat with her friend, Penelope at the other table. James and Sirius came soon into the hall talking enthusiastically about quidditch.Â
âGuys! Guys!â Remus flinched when a group of Hufflepuff students came beside him and stared ahead at the Slytherin table.Â
Remus looks ahead as well to see what all the fuss is about. Lance, from house Ravenclaw is in his last year and everyone knows him for being a bully. He was pure-blooded so he thought everyone who wasnât was beneath him. He usually picks on the muggle born and the half bloods from any house. Of course no one interfered because they didnât want to get bullied as well. Lanceâs blue eyes widen as he walks into the great hall and makes his way to the kid sitting across from you.Â
âHeâs such a twat for always picking on Ruben.â The Hufflepuff next to him tells the group.Â
âRuben is the kid?â Sirius asks and they all nod as Lance gets behind Ruben and pulls on his hair making him yelp. Remus has never seen someone's eyes grow hard so quickly. The smile you had on disappeared. The hall grows quiet when you stand up from your seat.Â
âGet the fuck away from him.â It was not usual for Lance to have someone stand up to him. He was caught by surprise from your words.Â
âWhat did you say?â Lance said with a disbelief chuckle.Â
âGet. The. Fuck. Away. From. Him.â The great hall is quiet and Remus noticed a few teachers had risen up from their seats when they noticed what was going on.Â
âWhatâs going on here?â McGonagall had walked towards the table and stared at Lance then at you.Â
âNothing, Professor McGonagall. Just having a chat with my friend Ruben.â Lance said, taking a step back while still staring at you.Â
Ruben was almost in tears by the whole thing. Professor McGonagall walks Lance back to his table.Â
âShe just placed a death mark on herself.â One of the Hufflepuff near Remus said, shaking his head. Lance was staring daggers at you and you kept your eyes on him showing no fear, just hate. You didnât take your eyes away from him until he sat down and spoke with his friends.Â
âYou might just win your bet. She got balls.â James says, turning back around to Sirius who turned as well to continue on with his meal.Â
âWhat bet?â Lily asked the boys and they got quiet real fast. James being whipped for Lily ratted them out and she shook her head, telling Sirius how horrible that is.Â
âI betted that she won't sleep with anyone, Lily!â The redhead girl shook her head as Marlene copied her. Remus kept silent as he glanced over the table and saw you grabbing Rubenâs bag. You and the kid started to walk out of the great hall after collecting your things. Â
He was surprised when he saw you walking inside the classroom. You were a few minutes late for charms class. The professor grabbed the slip from your hands and pointed at an empty seat in the back. Remus almost drops the quill in his hand as you pass him to sit on his row. Remus usually stayed in the back because he was tall. A Hufflepuff girl, Nancy sat in the middle between you and him.
In the corner of his eyes he noticed you had taken out the same book as before and a pen.Â
The Charm professor called out your name as he walked towards you. The student laughed when he told you that there is no pen and notebooks allowed only quill and parchment paper.Â
âIâm sorry. Mr. Robinson. Iâm still learning how to use the feather thing.â You told him, looking up at him.Â
âFirst, itâs called a quill and you're a witch now so you better start learning fast how to use it. Second of all, itâs Professor Robinson. Things are different here, Miss.âÂ
âYes, Professor Robinson.â Remus looks away by the tone of your voice. You sounded so defeated. Professor Robinson walks away and continues with his lesson. Nancy leans over to you when you grab the quill from your bag and the ink.Â
âHold it like this.â She whispered to you showing you how to handle your quill properly.Â
Remus goes back to write his notes, he hoped you realize not everyone in this school were mean. There were some students who were kind. Throughout the class, his eyes would glance over Nancy to you.Â
After class Remus walks to the Gryffindor common room. Making it inside, he heard chattering and looked over to see Lily and Mary Macdonald.Â
âHey, Remus!â Lily said, waving him to come over towards them. They were sitting on the couch by the fireplace. Remus sits on the other side as Mary hands him a box of chocolates they were eating. His eyes widened and they giggled at his expression.Â
Lily chuckles when Remus is wiggling his fingers trying to decide which one to take. James and Sirius came with their Quidditch uniforms on. Lily frowned when she saw them walking towards them.Â
âI thought you guys had practice?â Lily asked and Remus looked over at them with a frown when they didnât say anything. The guys just looked at each other for a brief moment.Â
âOh fuck, Sirius have nothing to say. It must be bad.â Mary said, trying to lighten up the mood but James and Sirius didnât say anything. They sat on the couch across from them instead.Â
âThey canceled practice.â James said and Lily glanced over at Remus. It had to be more, James would be in tears if practice was canceled. He took quidditch very seriously.Â
âWhy?â Remus asked, grabbing another chocolate from the box. Sirius takes a deep breath.Â
âThe word is going around that the new girl is muggle born.âÂ
âShit.â Remus says to himself. He was right.Â
âShe didn't know what it meant, they asked her about her parents and she told them they werenât wizards. Those snakes dragged her by the feet to the quidditch field and slimed her while chanting mud blood.â Sirius said. Lily and Mary dropped their mouths open in shock. Sirius and James glance at each other. They were famous for their pranks. Being slimed in the field was a good idea but they didnât like how you began to cry and how confused you looked about the whole thing.
âNever seen Professor McGonagall look so mad before. She started yelling.â James said, leaning back on the couch crossing his arms over his chest.Â
âDid you see the new girl?â Lily asked and James nodded. âYeah, the other professors had to help her off the field.âÂ
âBlimey.â Remus mumbled as the door of the common room burst open and Shelly walked in laughing with a group of students. Remus rolls his eyes when he hears your name being whispered. This year was going to be rough, he tells himself while popping the piece of chocolate in his mouth.
#remus lupin x reader#slow burn#remus lupin fanfiction#harry potter remus lupin#the marauders#hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry#young remus lupin#young remus x reader#remus lupin x fem!reader#james potter#sirius black#peter pettigrew#lily evans#please read tags#the american: welcome back#harry potter has a aunt
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Bitch what do you mean âao3 is down for maintenanceâ Remus and Sirius didnât even kiss yet
#i am losing my mind#ao3 fanfic#slow burn#ao3#ao3 down#wolfstar#remus lupin#sirius black#sirius orion black
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something got into me i think i will post the first chapter of dear sirius today so here's a small snippet for you:
James looked significantly more put-together than Regulus, which was uncommon. But Regulus had finally had a good night's sleep, and it was evident in his "I just woke up" appearance.
"Hi." Jamesâ voice carried a constant undercurrent of worry. Regulus found himself missing the warmth it used to have. He knew that every time James looked at him, all he saw was Sirius. James never said it, but Regulus recognized that look too well. Throughout his life, few people looked at him and saw anything more than Siriusâ little brother. He could never fault James for seeing the same.
Lyra ran to hug James, barely tall enough to wrap her arms around his waist.
âIâm glad youâre here,â Regulus said.Â
âMy parents missed her terribly,â James said, pausing to lift Lyra up and carry her on his hip. âYou donât want any help today?â He said with caring eyes. Regulus thought back to the first time he had seen James. Even back then, Regulus had instantly understood why Sirius was so drawn to James. There was something about the way James looked at you, like you were something worth seeing, someone worthy of being known.
#fic: dear sirius#maybe posted today??#we'll see#lyra is wolfstar's daughter btw#this chapter was meant to be very very veeery short#working out how to keep the angst and the slow burn but also dont cry in the process#marauders#marauders era#marauders fandom#fanfic#harry potter marauders#the marauders#marauders harry potter#marauders fanfic#the marauders era#marauder era#marauders fanfiction#marauders fic#james potter x regulus black#james and regulus#james potter#james x regulus#regulus x james#regulus and james#regulus black#regulus arcturus black#regulus black x james potter#jegulus#jegulus microfic#hp marauders
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Me and My Husband-Chapter 1
Summary + series masterlist
Main masterlist // marauders era masterlist
This is a slow burn wolfstar x reader/arranged marriage au
Word count : 2,724
The Marauders had all piled up into a carriage of the Hogwarts Express, sweets and lollies littering the seats and floor as they talked all about their break from school. Sirius had of course spent most of his break with the Potters once again before having to go back home before the start of their new school year. "We went to this muggle movie theatre and it was amazing, I've never been to one before" Sirius was currently spouting out about all the things he had done with James, not having a chance to do those kinds of things in his own home. "It was quite fun until we almost got kicked out because Padfoot here wouldn't shut up!" James spoke up with a humorous tone. "Well enough about that, how did your guys break go?" Sirius asked the other two boys after giving James a slight shove. Remus spoke up first "I went to visit my grandparents, they live out in the countryside, so it was nice to have some peace and quiet finally" Peter timidly spoke, a hint of concern in his voice. "Did you handle the full moons alright?" Remus gave a slight nod "it's a pretty secluded area, plus lots of room to run around" He gave Peter a smile to ease up any concern he had for the young Werewolf.
The rest of the trip was filled with mindless talk about more stuff that happened during their break, what kind of pranks they were planning this year and of course relationships. Sirius seemed to stiffen as soon as the topic had been brought up. Peter droned on about his new hufflepuff girlfriend he had gotten at the end of last year before asking the others if they had any crushes or anything. "Well I can't say I have one yet, but who knows this year I might get lucky" James said with a huge dorky grin on his face. After being rejected by Lily Evans far too many times the boy had decided it was best to move on, and now without the constant attempts to gain her affection they had become close friends. Sirius hadn't contributed much to the conversation though, in fact he hadn't spoken a word since Peter had brought the topic up. Although James and Peter didn't notice, the two boys continued with meaningless conversation. Remus on the other hand had noticed how Sirius was unusually quiet, his stormy eyes didn't look away from the window he was leaning against until the scarred hand of the tall boy touched his knee gently "you alright padfoot?" Remus's soft voice had always been pleasant to his ears. Sirius gave a small nod and faked a smile, though Remus could always tell when someone was faking a smile he just always knew, tilting his head as his eyebrows furrowed, clearly not believing what he had said. It scared Sirius just how much of an open book he seemed to Remus, though he guessed everyone felt that way about the tall boy. He knew Remus knew he was lying, he leant down towards him "I'm here if you need anything Sirius" giving him a soft smile, everything about Remus Lupin was soft, his hair, his voice, his warm skin and even the sweaters he always wore. Thankfully though he didn't press on, just leaving his large warm hand on Sirius's knee.
The train ride had come to an end soon after that, the four rowdy boys rushing off the train. All laughing like madmen at some stupid joke James had said. "Let's get to hogwarts quickly I'm starved" Sirius said with an over dramatic and drawn out sigh, James slung his arm around him as a laugh was drawn out from him "yeah because you totally didn't have enough from the trolley" Sirius elbowed him in the side, although that did nothing to discourage James. "Yeah padfoot you would've brought her whole stock if Moony hadn't stopped you" Peters jab had James cracking up all over again. Even Remus let out a small laugh, though Sirius just huffed "you're all the worst" shaking his head at his three friends. "Yeah but you'd be lost without us" James stated, ruffling up the hair of his best friend. As they continued walking Sirius caught sight of the one person he dreaded seeing around the school other than his younger brother, Y/n l/n, or as he referred to her since their last meeting during their break, the absolute bane of his existence. The sight of the expensive jewellery she wore on her hand made his thoughts bubble with anger, she was just as pompous and up herself as ever. He quickly dismissed the thoughts of her, not wanting to think more of it.
The four friends eventually found their way to the great hall, watching on as new 1st years were getting sorted. The boys were certainly the loudest when new students were sorted into Gryffindor. After the sorting and the same speech Dumbledore gave every year the feast had begun, everyone digging in and talking loudly with the people around them. Once the boys had finished eating they rushed to their dorm room, already excited to start planning out pranks for their last year. They all fell asleep quicker then they had initially planned on, the adrenalin wearing off as they started to crash out, barely out of their clothes or under their covers. Remus fell asleep sitting at his desk, his head leaning against his sweater he was using as a makeshift pillow. James was sitting upright, leant against the headboard of his bed, Sirius had crashed out at the end of James bed, his legs dangling off the edge of the bed. And Peter had fallen asleep on his own bed, though lying on top of the covers in nothing but sweat pants he had changed into.
They woke up later than usual, all stiff and sore from the uncomfortable positions they slept in, except for Peter, he was just cold. They all got dressed and decided to go down to the courtyard, they had the entire weekend to settle back in before 7th year classes started. Which they were all eternally grateful for. The Marauders made their way outside, laughing and joking around as usual. Finding somewhere nice to sit they picked back up their conversation from last night. "So this year everything needs to be bigger and better boys" James announced, clapping his hands together "I was thinking that prank we did last year on Snivellus, when we turned his uniform bright pink for the whole day, was pretty good but we could definitely top that". As soon as he finished the four boys all had that same classic Marauders look on their faces that screamed they were up to no good and to steer clear. Sirius shot up "how about we make it rainbow and glitter" Peter laughed and added on "yeah we could even add frills this time" that sent the boys into a crazed fit of laughter all except Remus. It wasn't that he was against the idea, it was more that he had something else in mind "or we could turn his uniform into the girl's one" despite his voice not being as loud as the others, their laughter had completely stopped. Wide devious smiles quickly covered the shocked looks they gave him "Merlin Remus you're a bloody genius!" James shouted, as he ruffled his hair up in approval.
They continued talking about how they'd pull it off when James noticed none other than Lily Evans walking through the courtyard "hey Lily!" James shouted out without a second thought. Lily's head shot up and she smiled at the boys walking over with one of her friends she had been talking to. "Hello boys, I hope the break treated you all well" the boys responded with simple answers of head nods and even a thumbs up from Remus. Sirius had finally noticed who Lily just so happened to drag along with her, of course it just had to be her, Y/n. "Mind if we sit with you guys?" Lily asked, her tone as sweet as always. Sirius would have denied her, almost saying how they were planning some 'Marauders' stuff. But of course James beat him to it "of course not, go for it ladies" he smiled at the two girls as they sat down. Sirius was angry at this, not at James for letting her sit with them, but at Y/n for thinking she could just sit near him so casually.
Sirius couldn't help the hateful glare as he watched the girl in front of him, seemingly avoiding conversation with the rest of the Marauders. All he could focus on was the girl he deemed to be the bane of his existence talking away with Lily, the two only met because of Lily's best friend Severus due to the two being in Slytherin. His stormy eyes held a gaze with the glittering gem on her left ring finger, acting as a constant and cruel reminder of his unwanted fate. Remus of course had noticed, he always did when Sirius's mood suddenly changed. The Werewolf leant down to whisper into said boys ear "You know if you keep brooding at her you're going to burn holes into the back of her head" he let out a soft huff of amusement as the boy looked back over at him, an incredulous look on his face "I'm not brooding, I just don't like her" Remus had that look on his face, the kind of look that said yeah that's totally it. The boy shook his head leaving the over dramatic boy to continue his not brooding session.
Y/n knew Sirius was glaring, she could feel his eyes on her as soon as she sat down with Lily. She tried to ignore it, instead choosing to focus on her conversation with said girl about their breaks, the muggle born witch always asked about the balls and events Y/n went to. Neither minded talking about it, Lily got an inside view of what rich and exclusive Pure Blood gatherings were like and Y/n was able to boast about the overly expensive dresses and jewellery she wore to each event and how pretty she felt in them. She was able to ignore the glaring eyes that seemed almost harsh enough to feel in her skull, until Lily had pointed it out "you know Sirius has been staring at you this entire time" the Slytherin didn't spare a glance at the mentioned boy "I'm well aware, he's been doing that a lot lately, I have no idea why" she let out a scoff at the end of her sentence. As much as she liked to talk about every little detail that happened during her break to Lily. The one thing she just so happened to leave out was the meeting between both her family and the Blacks. When Y/n's left hand combed through her hair brushing it back giving Sirius a perfect view of the beautiful ring he had come to hate, and of course he had taken it as a personal insult, as if she was flaunting the expensive jewel on her finger to dig the knife deeper into him. And that kind of insult wasn't something he had taken very lightly as something seemed to snap inside him, the black haired boy stood up abruptly walking over to the two girls "may I have a word with you l/n" his stormy grey eyes filled with hatred and disgust met the dull and harsh eyes of the girl he stared down, awaiting an answer from her. "With all due respect Black I'm currently busy" despite the two seeming to hate each other's guts, they always still acted formal with each other, years of being raised by pure blood families leaving its mark on the two teens."Yes well it's a very urgent matter Y/n" at the use of her first name she sighed and stood from her seat next to Lily, Sirius had only ever seemed to use her first name when he was beyond angry at her "i'll be back soon Lily" the girl just smiled and nodded joining the conversation with the rest of the marauders as Sirius dragged her away. Remus noticed the tight grip his friend had on the girl's wrist, he felt a tinge of worry creeping up on him, though he seemed to be the only one who noticed, not even Lily had noticed how Sirius pulled away the girl she was just talking to a second ago. Remus knew he was overly perceptive sometimes to his own detriment, so he softly interrupted the group's chatter with the excuse of going to the bathroom. Only to follow the two teens who had just left, stopping just before turning the corner peeking over slightly to see the people he was looking for.
Sirius had cornered Y/n against the wall, not wanting to let her leave until he spoke to her "do you seriously have to wear that stupid ring everywhere" he scoffed down at her, disgust clear in his voice. The Slytherin rolled her eyes at the boy "my parents wanted me to, it's not like I could say no to them, you know what will happen if Regulus finds out you're not wearing yours, do you really want your parents to find out" it was now Sirius's turn to roll his eyes "that doesn't mean you have to flaunt it around and keep reminding me of it" the girls face morphed from slightly irritated to furious "Excuse me! You think I'm flaunting it, as if I ever wanted this, as if I like this any more than you do!" Her voice kept rising in octaves as she yelled at the boy in front of her. "All I'm saying is you seem far too comfortable wearing that to be too upset about it" he leaned down into her face, it was clear to Y/n he was trying to intimidate her, there was a pause of silence before a loud slap rang out in the empty corridor they had found themselves in. Sirius's hand shooting up to hold his now reddening and sore face "you prick! Stop speaking to me like that, as if you know anything about me, it's like you think it's my life's dream to be betrothed and bear children to some moronic teenage boy I hate, simply to uphold our stupid pure-blood lineage!" Sirius was too stunned to speak, he didn't know if it was because of the slap, the angry words the usually quiet girl had yelled at him, or the tears that were now violently streaming down her face. Y/n turned away from him, face red and hot from her anger and tears, in doing so she had locked eyes with none other than Remus Lupin who was standing at the end of the corridor in shock only slightly out of view, both their eyes widening as their eyes locked. Y/n letting out a shocked gasp had alerted Sirius, whose head shot over to look at Remus, the tall Werewolf looking between the two, a slight bit of fear etched on his face at being caught. He looked down "sorry, I didn't mean to overhear anything, I was just worried about you" he didn't say who exactly he was talking about, eyes locking onto the floor. Though Remus himself didn't know who he was talking about either, only looking up when he heard the sudden movement of feet, watching as Y/n shoved Sirius away from her. Finally being freed from against the wall, she took off in the other direction, unable to contain her violent sobbing. Remus looked awkwardly at Sirius as he slowly made his way over, the taller boy staying still in his spot "you can't tell the others about this, can you promise me that Moony?" Remus seemed shocked, while he looked at Sirius. He seemed so vulnerable and scared, almost weak even as a few tears leaked down his face "I- I promise⊠I won't tell anyone anything" he gently put his hand on Sirius's shoulder. Said boy leaned into the touch of his friend, he sniffled slight before speaking "thank you Remus"
#harry potter#james potter#remus lupin#sirius black#the marauders#the marauders era#peter pettigrew#remus x sirius#remus lupin x sirius black#Wolfstar#arranged marriage#slow burn#lots of angst#eventual smut#eventual romance#poly!wolfstar#regulus black x james potter#jegulus#james potter x regulus black#Wolfstar x reader#sirius black x reader#remus lupin x reader#Sirius Black x reader x remus lupin
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I desperately need wolfstar fics recs that are not tcoptp because I read it twice and it's my favorite but I can't do it with the slow burn AGAIN
#marauders era#marauders#remus lupin#sirius black#marauders fanfiction#remus x sirius#fanfic rec#help#siriusly insane#tcoptp is the best#its too good for my own good#motswolo ily#i need to read something else#wolfstar is everything#did i say i love wolfstar#james potter#tomny and tonya#seriously go read tcoptp#what are you doing here#please please please#im begging#fic rec#i need sirius help#wolfstar world domination#dead gay wizards#slow burn#slow fucking burn
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DĂ©jĂ VĂ©cu (Ongoing)
Summary:
In December of 1998, a woman struggles to keep herself afloat. Her personal and professional life is hanging on by a thread, and she suddenly finds herself having incredibly vivid Deja Vu-like visions, only these memories are of people and places she doesn't not remember. Is she finally cracking under pressure, or are these visions trying to tell her something?
Seven months after the Second War, Remus Lupin wanders through the streets of central London, searching for the one person he had successfully kept safe from the casualties of war. Would he be able to fix everything, and would she ever forgive him for what he did to her?
Heroes
Electric Warrior
R.L.
Mophead & Co.
Yellowjacket
People Like Us
Hunky Dory
My Friend, My Goddess, My Guide
Alright
Home
Operation Gingersnap
The Monster
It Ain't Easy
Coward
Hollow
Kiss & Tell
Pitch Perfect
Hope
Saints
I Wanna Be Your Dog
Wild Heart
Choices
Fear and Trembling
Not Strong Enough
Mind Over Matter
Sweet Jane
Losing Dogs
Foundation
Doomsday
Teenage Kicks
End of Beginning
Personality Crisis
Peace
Antidote
The Prophecy
Cough Syrup (New! 11/23)
TBD
Read on AO3
Companion Playlist
#the marauders era#marauders era#marauders fic rec#marauders fanfiction#marauders fic#marauders fluff#marauders angst#marauders x reader#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin angst#remus lupin fluff#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin fanfiction#sirius black x reader#sirius black fluff#sirius black angst#sirius black fanfiction#James Potter#sirius black#remus lupin#Peter pettigrew#regulus black angst#Sirius Black slow burn#marauders slow burn
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Meeting Padfoot
Series Masterlist
Sirius Black x Fem!Slytherin!reader
1.4k words
cw: fluff, swearing
When Dorcas opens the portrait, chaos is audible. Taking a small step through the doorway, you see whatâs going on. Thereâs a large black dog that is running around, barking and baring its teeth at students. Thereâs a first year student sitting on top of a table, crying. The dog periodically stops to chew on something. Ripped papers are scattered across the floor and the leg of one of the couches has been gnawed on.Â
âSee!â Dorcas says, shoving you more into the room. âNow fix it!â
You give her a sour look. âWhat am I supposed to do?â
âI donât know. Thought you were a dog person.â
âI am, but Iâm not bloody animal control!â
With the portrait closed behind you and you physically in the common room, Dorcas hurries past the dog to the girlsâ dormitory staircase where Marlene is waiting for her. They disappear up the stairs. You groan and watch the dog. A quick glance of the room tells you that there are no upperclassmen around. Itâs just you and a handful of terrified preteens.Â
âIâm going to murder them,â you mumble to yourself, referring to the Gryffindors in general and likely whoever owned this dog, or whoever was dumb enough to bring said dog into Hogwarts.Â
You keep your demeanor calm as you walk toward the middle of the room. The dog, while still wreaking havoc, watches you. You couldâve sworn the dog smiled at you, or at least seemed happier. Maybe it saw you as someone to play with rather than someone trying to capture it and end its fun. You decide it sees you as a playmate since it never lets you get close to it by cheerfully bounding out of your reach whenever you tried to get close enough to maybe pet it.Â
With a groan, you sit against the back of a couch. The dog takes its time as it walks by you, curious as to why its playmate isnât playing anymore. It walks closer than it had before, sniffing your foot. You lunge forward and grab it by the scruff of its neck. You caught it off guard. It has a kind of defeated look in its eyes but it doesnât fit you. Without letting it go, you move it closer to you so you can pet it gently. The dog calms down enough to lay down. Despite this, you maintain a hand on it at all times. You caught the damned thing once, you werenât going to do it again.
âSo, um, Gryffindors, how is there a dog in your common room?â you ask loudly, scanning the room again.Â
Maybe one of the first through third years had an answer for you. It was hopeful and you knew it. So you arenât surprised when you're met with silence.
âAh, you caught him!â James declares, appearing at the bottom of the boysâ stairs. ââBout time.â
You give him a glare. âDo you know how he got in?â
James shrugs as he walks toward you and crouches to pet the dog.Â
âItâs not like he can give the portrait the password⊠Someone had to let him in.â
âMaybe Sirius?â James suggests.Â
âWhere is he?â
He shrugs again.Â
âSo not in your dorm thenâŠâ You roll your eyes and look down at the dog.Â
The dog lets out a whine and you scratch him behind his ears.Â
âHe certainly likes you,â James muses as the dog rolls into you.
âWhy do you think Sirius let him in?â
âJust a feeling.â
âHas he mentioned a dog to you before? I thought they werenât allowed at Hogwarts.â
âOh, they arenât.â
You narrow your eyes at James.
âYou know more than youâre telling me. Whose dog is this?â
âSiriusâ...â
You groan. âSnuck his dog into school and let it run around the common room? Fuckinâ idiotâŠâ
The dog whines again and you coo at him.
âSo whatâs his name, then?â
âPadfoot.â
You hum and then look at James curiously.Â
âIs this why you guys wanted me to chat up Black? You knew he had a dog?â
âUh, sorta?â
You laugh, rubbing the dogâs belly.
âWell, if he had mentioned he had a dog, maybe weâd get along better.â
âNever mentioned his dog? Thatâs odd,â James says with fake musings. âHe loves Padfoot!â
âAnd Padfoot loves me,â you coo, smiling down at the dog who you swear is smiling back at you again.
You giggle as Padfoot lurches to lick your face.Â
âHey! Down boy!â James scolds, but youâre just laughing as you allow the dog to cover you in slobber.Â
âYou canât scold him, Potter! Not that heâd listen to you anyways,â you say through your laughs.Â
âWhy wouldnât he listen to me? Iâm best mates with his⊠owner.â
You roll your eyes. âIf he listened to you, Dorcas wouldnâtâve been sent to get me. You couldâve caught him and hid âim in your dorm or something.â You pause, looking around the common room yet again. âBut really, where is Black? Why the fuck isnât he here with his dog?â
âDunno, like I said before. But, ah, I can take Padfoot up⊠unless you want to hang out with him?â
You look from James to the dog and back to James. You canât help but smile widely.
âIâll stick around for a bit. Iâll send someone to get you if Black takes too long to come back from wherever he is. ⊠Personally, Iâd like to give him a piece of my mind for leaving his little puppy all alone!âÂ
Your voice turned to baby talk at the end of your sentence. How could you not baby a dog when they were so precious? Even when they were destroying school property and likely scarring some kids for life. What could you say? You were a dog person.Â
âWait up for Sirius then. If you get tired of waiting, just bring Padfoot upstairs, yeah?â
âYeah.â
James gives you a smile and leaves you alone with Padfoot. The dog is more than content to spend more time with you; he rolls over and noses your hand whenever you stop petting him. After what feels like hours, you frown down at Padfoot.Â
âWhere the hell is your owner, baby boy?â you ask the dog.Â
Padfoot looks up at you, still with that happy look on his dog face. He whines briefly as you move away from him to stand up.Â
âSorry, boy. I canât stay here all night,â you tell him, immediately crouching back down to ruffle the fur on his face. âNot that you understand this, but Iâm a Slytherin and this is Gryffindor Tower. Iâd take you back to the dungeons with me⊠but alas, youâre not mine.â
You swear Padfoot tilted his head when you suggested taking him with you. You sigh to yourself and look to the stairs where James had gone up a while ago.
âCome on, Padfoot.â
The dog follows you, albeit semi-reluctantly. He climbs the stairs faster than you do and waits outside the door to the sixth year dorms. You chuckle softly.
âFido knows home,â you mumble to yourself as you knock firmly on the door.Â
Thereâs some thudding inside the room before Remus opens the door. His face softens when he sees you with Padfoot.
âThanks for wrangling him,â Remus says, holding open the door so Padfoot could enter. âJames told me.â
âPass something along to Black for me?â
He nods with a cautious look in his eye.
âTell him to take care of his fucking dog.â
You could hear James and Peter laughing from behind Remus. He gives you a crooked smile.
âYeah, I can do that. Anything else you want me to tell him?â
You shrug. âEh. Unless you feel like adding a slap to that message.â
Thereâs a louder thud that sounds suspiciously like a body falling off of a bed that is followed by increased laughing.Â
You give Remus a nod and leave Gryffindor Tower as fast as you can.Â
Sirius looks satisfied when Remus closes the door and turns around.
âOh, she is definitely a Padfoot person,â he says, sitting on the foot of his bed with his legs stretched out in front of him.
âFor sure,â James agrees. Heâs on the floor. âBut I think you went backwards on the Sirius front.â
âWhich is your fault!â Sirius exclaims.
âHow is that his fault?â Remus asks.
âHe told her that Padfoot is my dog!â
âWhat else was I supposed to tell her?â
âI donât know. Play dumb longer?â
âYou were there! She caught on pretty quickly!â
âHey!â Peter yells over them. âI think we still call Operation Padfoot a success. Proved that she is, in fact, a dog person.â
âAnd a Padfoot person,â Sirius adds pointedly.
tags: @2dloveshp, @yearninglustfully, @made-for-oliverwood, @ilovejamespottersomuch, @hisparentsgallerryy, @itsseaberri, @corawithfanfiction, @devilslittlehelper, @jllyunn, @barnes70stark,
tags: @crowleythesexydemon, @flow33didontsmoke, @navs-bhat, @louweenier, @l0g0phobe,
@ellouisa17, @theendofthematerialgworl, @marina468
#marauders fic#marauders#marauder-misprint#sirius black#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#sirius black fluff#slow burn#slytherin!reader
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It's Always Been You - Chapter 10
james potter x fem!reader
summary - In all the excitementâor horror, to youâof the week, including the rumors that were still spreading rapid-fire around school, or your supposed best friend James's mysteriously terrible mood, you'd almost forgotten: the time had finally come for you to go on your date in Hogsmeade.
wc [5.0k]
all chapters | <- Chapter 9 - Chapter 11 ->
Maybe your best friend's unexplainable foul mood had been the reason that sleep came difficult to you that night, or maybe it was the fact that the clock in your brain was counting down until the time the sun would rise. The time when morning would come and you'd take that carriage ride over to Hogsmeade with the boys like you'd promised, and have to find Sebastian to go on your date with him. Your date. It still didn't feel real.
You didn't know if anything you'd done in the past could truly be qualified as an official date, one you could refer back to that morning as you finally saw sunlight through your window and knew you'd have to get ready. Luckily, you had two of the best girls you knew for friends, and they were set on helping you.
"I'm telling you, it's the first dress." Marlene nodded her head at you with wide, excited eyes, as you held two different dresses still on hangers up to your neck. "I mean are you kidding? It's one hundred percent your color, and you look sexy as hell in it."
Your jaw dropped at her antics. "Marlene," you cooed nervously.
"I mean it. Sebastian's not gonna be able to keep his hands off of you when he sees you."
You covered your face with your hands, half because you were embarrassed, and half because you didn't need Lily and Marlene to see you spiraling at the thought of what Marlene had just suggested. You'd been so caught up with, well, everything going on, that you hadn't even considered what going on a date truly entailed. What if he wanted to kiss you?
"Then you kiss him back," Marlene said easily as you voiced your question aloud. She stopped herself. "But only if you want to, of course."
"Yeah," Lily agreed, placing down a pair of nice shoes with a short but elegant heel on them that you'd forgotten you'd owned on the floor next to you. "Only do something if you want to do it. Don't let him pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. Even if it's as simple as holding your hand."
"Thank you guys, I know." You set the dress you were planning on wearing on the bed beside you, fiddling with the hanger pensively. "Holding his hand would be nice, I think." You chewed on the inside of your cheek, sitting down on the blanketed mattress. "To be honest, I don't know what I want." The two girls came to stand closer to you as you spoke. "I mean, Sebastian's a great guy and all, but do I even know him all that well?" Your mind traveled back to all the interactions you'd had with him. "What if I only said yes to go out with him because he asked me during the middle of that prank and I panicked and-"
"You need to relax," Lily said, voice firm but comforting at the same time. "You're just freaked out because it's the morning of. You're gonna have a great time." She shrugged a shoulder. "And if things don't click, then it wasn't meant to be. It's not the end of the world. "
"Exactly," the blonde said from next to her. "Don't let Potter's nonsense-spewing mouth ruin this date for you."
You'd filled them in the night before on all that'd been going on with James for the past few days, minus the few intimate 'almosts' that you'd shared with him that'd been dangerously playing in your mind even when you begged them to stop.
"Trust me," you said. "I'm trying not to."
"I still can't believe he's acting like this." Lily shook her head agitatedly. "And just when I was starting to think he might be maturing."
You nodded grievingly. "I would defend his honor to you, Lily, but I don't feel much like doing that right now."
"Maybe it's for the best." She breathed out a dry laugh. "Anyways, I suppose," she sighed. "Are you finished in the bathroom? I need to use the loo."
You snorted. "Yeah, all yours."
She shot you an overly excited grin and slipped into the bathroom, the door shutting behind her. All the while, Marlene took a seat on the bed next to you, something glimmering behind her eyes that told you she had ideas she wanted to voice.
You stared at her half amusedly, half hesitantly. "What is it?"
"Did you ever think, during all your bickering, why Potter has such a problem with you going on this date?"
You sighed. That was all you could think about. You tipped your head at her, knowing where this conversation was going to lead. "Yeah," you said plainly. "Because he's set on the five of us spending every Hogsmeade trip together until we die."
"Or maybe," she argued, "it's because he's jealous."
You dropped your shoulders, shaking your head as you stared at her. "You're not serious."
The blonde stared back at you with an equal amount of fire. "I so am."
You laughed to yourself, perhaps deprecatingly. "The only thing James could be jealous about is the free butterbeer I'll probably be getting."
"Don't be dense."
"I'm not being dense. I'm being realistic." You puffed out a breath. "I know James. Well enough to know that, after we ..." you trailed off. "After the party, when he disappeared, he was freaked out because I'd scared him off. And he knows me too. I didn't have to tell him for him to figure out that I'd ... felt something for him. Something that he obviously was uncomfortable talking about, so I've spared him the trouble and moved on. That's the end of it." You picked up the dress you'd laid on the bed as you heard Lily washing her hands in the bathroom. "It has to be."
Marlene regarded you for a few seconds, maybe scoping out how genuine you were. "Like you said," she shrugged, "you know him best."
You nodded, ending the conversation as Lily exited the bathroom. Though the more this week went on, you believed that fact less and less.
You soon were leaving the sides of both Lily and Marlene after the walk down to the horseless carriages in front of the school, dozens of them stationed there to take everyone down to Hogsmeade.
The air was especially crisp for a September evening, making you think to yourself that maybe bringing a jacket would have been a smart choice, especially in the dress you were wearing, but your brain soon became occupied by other thoughts. Thoughts that were centered around the sight of your four friends standing around an unoccupied carriage in the distance, probably waiting for you.
You took a breath in, and then another one. You were completely devoted to ensuring this would be a drama-free carriage ride, no matter what, or who, tried to stop that from happening. You made your way over to the four boys, two of their backs turned to you. You tapped the long-haired one, of course Sirius, on the shoulder.
"You didn't think you were going to leave without me, did you?" you smirked up at him.
He had a wry smile on his face as he turned to you, surely ready with a quip to send back your way, but that smile left as he saw you, his eyes quickly scanned over you.
"Wow," he blanched. Then a sparkling grin took over his features. "You certainly clean up nice."
You crinkled your forehead at his remark and amused smirk until Remus cut in. "What he means is," corrected the sandy-haired boy from next to him. "You look beautiful. Seriously."
You felt your face begin to heat at the four pairs of eyes all now observing you as you stood there in your dress. You were surprised they weren't poking more fun at you than just Sirius's single obvious remark. You couldn't remember the last time you were this dressed up in front of them.
"Thanks," you muttered gratefully. "Now stop gushing and let's get a move on, yeah?"
Remus shook his head at your reaction but hid his laugh, taking an effortless step onto the high carriage, Peter quietly behind him. Sirius made a move to ruffle your hair, which you dodged easily and shot him a glare. He chuckled, making his way over to the carriage as well. That left only you and James.
You turned to him finally, expecting him to be avoiding your eyes as he'd done for the past few days, but instead found him looking straight at you, hazel eyes and all. You didn't know what to do under his gaze which you'd grown somewhat unused to, so you settled on doing nothing at all. You were still holding your grudge over how he'd been acting and weren't quick to forget about it. You were fully expecting him to do the same and say nothing to you at all.
"You do," he said suddenly, and at the confused quirk of your brow, softly added, "Look beautiful, I mean."
You paused, somewhat taken aback by both his words and the genuine tinge of his eyes. You didn't know how James could hold eye contact so easily, especially when he'd been so set on doing just the opposite lately.
"Oh," you voiced quietly, and couldn't help the way the corners of your lips tilted upwards. "Thanks."
He nodded wordlessly and the two of you turned back to the carriage that held your three other friends, clearly able to hear and see your conversation. You eyed the tall wooden floor of the carriage before you and then the high cut of your dress, and then your shoes. As if reading your mind, a firm hand held itself out in front of you.
You peaked your head over to the source of the hand: James, who looked at you expectantly, a certain air to him that was both light and heavy. You regarded him and his hand for a split second, deciding there was no harm in taking it, and did, your fingers slipping over his steadying palm as you took the large step into the carriage. And maybe you were imagining it, but you felt the ghost of his fingers delicately shadowing your lower back as you steadied yourself into your seat, James following from behind.
He sat across from you and you avoided looking at him as you fought reacting to the feeling that ran through you, like you were still on some kind of high from his touch. It only made you mad to think about, so you decided not to, looking elsewhere instead as the carriage began moving seemingly on its own.
It'd only taken a few moments for the Hogwarts castle to be only a beautiful shrinking sight in the distance, and for the scenery of the early fall to take over your senses instead. You were sat in front of James, who sat next to Peter, the blonde looking rather sickly and lost in troubling thoughts.
"Pete," you called curiously. "You alright? You look pale."
The boy in question turned to you with worry behind his eyes, but he only nodded. "Yeah, I'm great," he said, voice rather shaky for someone who was 'great.'
"He's just nervous about his date." Sirius reached across the carriage to pat Peter on his shoulder, shaking him a little in his frail state. "You've got nothing to be worried about, mate."
"Yeah, Sirus is right," you agreed. "Remember, she asked you out because she wanted to spend time with you as you already are. Just be yourself."
Sirius nodded, before shifting his focus to you. "And what about you? You nervous for your date with Vance?"
You shrugged. "Maybe before, but I think I'm alright now." You smiled thinly. "I already talked it out with Lily and Marlene in our dorm getting ready."
"So that's what you ladies do up there?" Sirius asked, and you frowned. "Thought there'd be more pillowfights in your underwear."
You made a nauseated expression as Sirius grinned at his own joke. "You're disgusting," you scolded, though Peter had let a smile overtake his face at the joke and you figured maybe it was worth it.
Remus was shaking his head as well from next to you, the corners of his mouth teasing upwards. You turned forward again, James straight in your line of vision, but it didn't even seem he was listening to the conversation at hand, head aimed out the side of the carriage. He looked more distant than ever as he sat tensely and you had to fight the urge to reach out to him. You knew all too well what would come from that.
You let your focus slip onto other things, like the wind that was brushing against your exposed arms and moving your hair slightly in the wind. You fought a shiver, bringing your hands up to rub at the sides of your armsâyou were sure you had goosebumps.
For the second time that morning, like he was reading your mind, you watched as James held out his arm towards you, though this time he was holding something in his hand instead: his coat. It was brown on the outside, a light jacket that was lined with a soft flannel fabric, one that you always thought looked dashing on him. He looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to take it.
You faltered from surprise and then shook your head. "I'm alright," you said softly, pursing your lips.
"You're practically shivering," James pointed out, tipping out his chin at you. "Just take it."
"I don't want to take your own jacket from you, James. It's chilly."
"Exactly," he said, catching you in your lie. "And you're not taking it from me, I'm giving it to you."
You looked up from the jacket he was offering, if you could call it an offer, and at him, seeing the stubborn hold of his jaw and yet the sincere gloss of his eyes. Because you knew he wouldn't let you say no anyway now that you'd admitted it was chilly, you took it from his hand.
You wrapped the too-big coat over your shoulders, grateful but perhaps hateful of the way it immediately warmed you like the lighting of a fireplace. It smelt warm and comforting like a fireplace too, or maybe that was just the fact that it was James's jacket and he always smelled strangely nice. You blinked at yourself, chasing away your thoughts that were certainly not appropriate, considering you were currently on your way to a date with a different boy.
In all your thinking, it was like you could feel a pair of eyes on you. You looked up again, but James already had gone back to staring out at the moving scenery. You couldn't read him right then, and if there was anything you'd learned about James from all the years you'd known him, it was that you could always read him, even when others couldn't. The fact that you hadn't been able to read him for days was worrying you sick and setting you off all at once. You just wished you could get inside his head.
You sighed, your eyes shifting over to Remus, who was giving you the oddest of looks. The corners of his eyes crinkled, though his lips stayed shut together. You raised a brow and he only shrugged, looking away again. You really needed to get inside that boy's head, too.
Before you could even mull over the different possibilities of ways that your up-and-coming date could go wrong, a habit of your mind that you hated, the carriage had pulled up into Hogsmeade. It came to a slow stop next to the uniquely shaped brick buildings you'd become all too familiar with over the years. That didn't take away from the excitement bubbling inside your stomachâor maybe that was nervousness; you couldn't tell anymore.
All five of you exited the carriage, James offering you his hand again as you took the big step onto the ground. You were growing too frustrated to even consider the feeling of your hand in his larger one that somehow was still as warm as the jacket you wore. How he could be so sweet yet so aggravatingly aloof you didn't know, but you forced your mind off the topic once again. Only, you couldn't force thoughts of James away completely, because he was calling your name as soon as you'd walked past him.
Your head turned to him so swiftly it almost made you dizzy. He was standing there along the side of a building you identified as The Three Broomsticks, hands now shoved into his trouser pockets with his head slightly tipped forward, though he stood up straighter as you made your way to him.
"Yeah?" you questioned, and maybe your tone was testy, but you didn't have it in you to alter it for his sake.
James shifted his footing underneath your gaze, taking a moment before speaking. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry."
The pull of your brows let up at his words and you observed his facial expressions shamelessly, sorting through what to say. Luckily, he spoke again before you could.
"I'm sorry for making you take the carriage ride into Hogsmeade with the rest of us. You should've just gone with your date. I was just in an ... off mood last night. Didn't mean to take it out on you."
And just like that, the hope you were harboring when James had first uttered the word 'sorry' had bubbled and churned inside of you until all that was left was dissatisfaction.
"Is that all?" you questioned.
James's lips parted. "What?"
"I mean, I'm grateful for your apology," you breathed the word like it left a foul taste in your mouth. "But is there anything else you'd like to talk about? Apologize for?"
James scratched his head almost comically, and you laughed without any humor as you began to turn around. Before you could take a single step, James grasped your wrist in his fingertips, and you fought not to notice how feather-light he held onto you.
"Like what?" he asked you, and at your stone expression he dropped your hand. "Please," he insisted.
You swallowed and shrugged up your shoulders irritatedly. "Oh, I don't know James, maybe the fact that you've been acting 'off' this whole week and won't say a word as to why?" You took the hand he'd held and put it to your forehead. "I've probably asked you if you were okay about a dozen times and all you can say to me is that you're 'fine' when you're clearly ticked off."
"Because that's the truth," James insisted.
"Please," you remarked. "It's not the truth. Don't lie to me, James. I know you. Better than anyone else, and I know when you're upset about something."
"I'm not upset, alright?" James squinted at you. "Why can't you just let it go?"
"Because!" You took a breath in, trying to calm yourself because this was not the drama-free morning you wanted to have. "Because, every time I've been down, which has been too many times to count, you've been there for me. Always."
You thought back to the night you realized you loved him as more than just a friend, when he'd comforted you through your tears so quickly and sweetly, and it only made you feel more exasperated.
"So I'm not just going to 'let it go' when something's so obviously bothering you, enough to make you act completely differently to the point where you won't even talk to me." You paused, noticing the sinking in James's gaze the more you spoke. "And quite frankly," you continued, "it hurts like hell that you don't think you can tell me what's been going on, because you can. We're supposed to be best friends, remember?"
James let out a low breath, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff that had your forehead pulling. "Trust me, I remember."
"Then why the hell won't you just talk to me?" Your palms were facing him, telling him it was his move, his turn to try and fix things.
"Because there's nothing to say." He'd thrown away his turn without a second glance, running a fast hand through his hair. "God, this was a mistake. Every time I talk to you, I just-" he stopped himself.
Your heart was beating hard in your chest. "You just what?"
James shook his stubborn head, a muscle in his jaw noticeably flexing. "Nothing, alright?" He looked upwards, like he was battling something greater than him, and began walking towards wherever the hell James Potter went when he didn't want to talk to you. You weren't going to let him.
"How long are you going to keep doing this for, James?" He halted his steps, turning his head back towards you with a rigid look in his eyes. "How long are you going to avoid me?"
"Avoid you?" he laughed, and you froze. "That's rich, coming from you of all people."
You clamped your jaw shut for a beat, blinking at him as your mind started to spin. "What are you talking about?"Â You knew exactly what he was talking about.
"I'm talking about when you were avoiding me just a few days ago. Ring a bell?"
You lowered your gaze, confidence stuttering. You didn't respond.
"I mean, you wouldn't even partner with me Defense Against the Dark Arts, for Merlin's sake."
"That was different," you argued, though you were ashamed of how pathetic the words sounded coming from your lips.
"How?" James asked, staring at you fearlessly now with raised, expectant brows and an unmoving jaw.
"It ... it just is!" You looked away. "We're getting off track. My point was that ... I just miss you, James." The irony of your warm words contrasted with the angry shake of your lips didn't escape you. "I miss the James who wouldn't push me away every time I tried to have a conversation with him, or who wouldn't act like a bloody child every time I mention I'm going on a date."
If you thought you saw a crack of guilt racking James's expression, there was no trace of it now.
"Oh yeah?" he questioned, his tone colder than you'd ever heard it. "I'm sorry I don't like talking about your beloved Sebastian every five minutes."
"Well it's not like I can talk to you about anything else, can I?" Your heart was thumping in your chest and you felt like crying. "You know what?" You chewed on the inside of your cheek, turning away. "I give up! Let's just talk whenever you're ready to be honest with me."
Your back was to him when he shouted, "You want me to be honest?" You scoffed, nodding your head. "That's what you want?" he repeated.
"Yes James!" you shouted. "That's exactly what I want!"
"Well then, fine!" He wiped a desperate hand over his face, throwing up his arms. "We kissed, alright?"
Your heart sizzled somewhere in your chest beneath your stilled lungs, every part of you halting its movements. Your expression fell slowly and you blinked at him, staring wordlessly for a moment. "What?"
James stared back at you, looking at you more than he'd looked at you in the past week altogether. The opposite of yours, his chest heaved up and down like he'd been fighting for air and could only now come up for oxygen. He didn't look like he'd misspoken and that scared you more than anything.
"We kissed. Last week. At the party."
Your lips hung, parted and confused. "What are you-"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. We kissed, and you ran off, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since."
Your eyes felt like they had a mind of their own, scanning rapidly over James and then looking at the ground, your heeled shoes, anywhere but at him because your world was shifting around you, the walls of what you thought you knew crumbling down on you.
You swallowed, throat going dry. "James," you voiced carefully. "That kiss was ..." you shook your head. "We were playing a game."
Maybe he would take the slowness of your words for sureness rather than struggle, because that along with seemingly every other emotion was what you were feeling inside.
"No, c'mon. Don't do that." James shook his head back at you and you felt like running away, but you couldn't now. Not when he was looking at you like that. "Don't try and make it seem like that was all it was, because it wasn't. Not for me, and I know it meant more to you too."
The cool breeze from before had picked up and was turning into an inexorable wind that made you feel worse than you already did. Could he see the way you had to stop yourself from shaking? Hear the way you willed your heartbeat to stop pounding? Clearly not, because he kept talking.
"For days, weeks even, all that's been on my mind was you. Do you know how hard it is to get anything done when all I can think about is my best friend kissing me?"
You felt dizzy with the way he was staring into your eyes. Like you'd voiced to yourself a million times, how James held eye contact so effortlessly was a mystery you'd never find the answer to.
"And I know you said you wanted to just pretend like the kiss never happened, but you should know that I can't do that, alright? Trust me. I've tried, and obviously that didn't work." He ran a hand through his tousled hair again. "So I just ... I need you to say something to me. Anything."
You willed yourself to speak again, blood rushing past your ears now. "I ... I don't know what to say. It was a part of a game."
James practically flinched. "Anything but that." He breathed out a laugh without any chest, tipping his head back and taking steps around. "God."
You still felt like crying, because nothing was making sense. Then James refocused on you, and you felt pinned underneath his gaze.
"You can tell me it was part of a game however many times you want." His words were achingly slow and desperate. "But tell me ... just tell me you didn't feel anything when we kissed. That it meant absolutely nothing to you, and I'll stop talking. I promise."
You knew he meant what he said; you could see it all through his hazel eyes. You'd asked for honesty and you'd gotten it. You knew that you couldn't lie to him anymore, and you said your truth with your voice was on the verge of breaking.
"I can't." Even if your voice shook, James heard it loud and clear. He stopped moving and stepped closer to you whether he noticed or not. "But that doesn't mean it can mean anything now."
If it was possible, he went even more still. His eyes pleaded with you to say more to him, so you did. "It's not fair, James." Your voice broke off, and James took both your hands in his, and held them tight near his chest, like hope pumped through them.
"What? What's not fair, Love?"
You flinched at the name you hadn't heard in seemingly forever, but it pinched at the part of your brain that remembered it vividly. You didn't know how this moment was real. You looked down at his hands that engulfed yours. "It's not fair that it meant something, because it can't."
You pretended not to notice the way James's hands loosened their hold. "Not when-" your voice hitched at the sign of your eyes blurring despite how much you'd willed them not to. "Not after I spent monthsâyears, evenâtrying to make every interaction between us mean something. After I spent all that time trying to get over you! It- it's not fair, and I won't do it. I won't."
You shook your head timidly and repeatedly like it would stop what was happening. You didn't know when you and James had moved away from each other, probably somewhere between your voice breaking and your eyes watering, but you had. But that wasn't was most important.
James had gone eerily still, painfully silent. That didn't change the fact that his unforgiving eyes continued to search what seemed like every inch of your face. His voice rang out lowly.
"Get over me?" His heavy brows furrowed in hurt and bewilderment. "Wh-" he choked. "What do you mean 'get over me'?"
You put a hand to your head, amused in your disbelief. "Like you haven't known."
James took a persistent step forward, the pinch between his brows desperate. "What the hell are you talking about?"
This all felt like a bad dream you couldn't wake up from. You forced yourself to breathe. "I really can't do this right now, I-" You didn't think you could do it ever. You pulled at the hem of your dress. "I have a date."
Even with the wind whipping against you both, you'd never heard a silence like the one you did right then.
"You're really still going on that date?" James peered at you interrogatingly, his eyes slightly red now, and it killed you.
"What am I supposed to do, James?"
You wiped at your nose. James's hands were elevated at his sides like he wanted to reach out to you, but didn't. He looked like he didn't know what he wanted to do, but he didn't stop.
"You can't just go running away all because ..." he panted, "because..." His voice trailed off.
You wanted to shout at him that all you'd done since forever was stop yourself from running away, but you didn't. It wasn't his fault you'd tortured yourself all these years. But that didn't mean he could get his happy ending with the snap of his fingers, either.
Just to twist the knife in your chest, he whispered, "Please."
You dropped your gaze low to the cobblestone ground beneath your feet, blurry now through your lashes. "I need to go." The sight of him standing before you, eyes watery and lips parted helplessly, sent painful pangs through your heart. You moved your head, willing yourself to turn away and your legs to move. You didn't think you could leave if you looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry."
Those same eyes followed you as you walked down the path, head hung low but steps quickening despite. Steps taken in the direction of The Three Broomsticks, where you'd go on your date with Sebastian. Your mind kicked and screamed at you at every step, but you couldn't get them to stop.
You felt James's eyes on your retreating form like you felt the wind snapping against your cheeks, though you didn't turn back to look at him. That way, he wouldn't be able to see the way your expression shook at the effort of just trying to keep yourself together.
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#james potter x reader#it's always been you#childhood best friends to lovers#everythingisromant1c#friends to lovers#love confessions#the marauders#harry potter#james potter#aaron taylor johnson#james potter x you#james potter imagine#james potter fluff#james fleamont potter#marauders era#marauders#hp marauders#james potter x y/n#james potter fanfiction#james potter fanfic#childhood best friends#slow burn#pining#angst with a happy ending#jealousy#idiots in love#unrequited love#chapter 10#series#sirius black
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singer!james potter x singer!reader (celebrity au)
A/n: If you guys like this I definitely have enough ideas for a series!
Summary: You meet James Potter and the rest of The Marauders for the first time after their show in L.A. You hope itâs not the last (1.6k)
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You had just finished touring for your first album, âAtomicâ, and you were ready for a break. Those months on tour were amazing, and you were so grateful for the experience. But touring was also tiring, and you were so excited to finally sleep in your own bed, use your own shower, and be surrounded by your favorite people again. Tonight was your first night out in a while, after taking a few weeks off to rest. You were going to a concert with your new boyfriend and famous actor, Fabian Prewett. You and Fabian had met after the first leg of your tour at a house party in L.A. You had hit it off over a drunk game of pool and had now been dating for three months. On top of this being your first night out in awhile, it would also be your debut as a couple, and you were, admittedly, a little nervous. Your boyfriend, however, was the opposite. Though you guessed Fabian was rarely nervous for anything- something you really liked about him. When you arrived at the venue, you were ushered through a side entrance to avoid all of the prying eyes. Though the venue was smaller, when the band had heard that you and Fabian were attending the show, they made sure to set aside space for a more private viewing of the concert. You and Fabian were given seats near the front of the stage, and also backstage passes to meet the band after.
You were more than thrilled that you were going to get to meet The Marauders- a British boy band you had stumbled upon while touring in London. They were a big hit amongst your London fan base, so you gave them a listen and quickly became a fan yourself. When they announced that they were touring in the US, you instantly bought tickets. There was just something about their sound, their style, and the rather attractive lead singer, James Potter, that drew you in. Once you were escorted to your seats by the security guard, you asked Fabian to take some pictures of you. He obliged, though begrudgingly. That was one thing you had noticed about Fabian so far that you didnât like â he wasnât the most attentive boyfriend. But you supposed that perhaps he just wasnât the most affectionate person. After posing in your cute outfit for a few photos, and taking some selfies with Fabian, you noticed a few giggling girls behind you, whispering to one another as they looked over at you and your boyfriend. When they asked you for your autographs, you, of course, agreed, and Fabian turned on his boyish charm, making the girls swoon and giggle even louder. You werenât really jealous of the girlsâ obvious infatuation with your boyfriend because you knew that to him, they were just fans. Still, you were glad when the lights dimmed a little, signaling the start of the show and the end of his fan interactions. Smoke poured out onto the stage and lights began to flash. One by one, the band members ran out onto the stage to assume their positions. First to run out was the keys player, Peter Pettigrew- a short, stout brunette with the most endearing baby face and an incredible knack for playing the piano. Next was the drummer, Sirius Black. He could not be more opposite from Peter- all muscle, dark, heavy makeup, and long, jet black hair. Though you supposed Peter and Sirius had height in common. Then came out the lead guitarist, Remus Lupin. Remus was tall- taller than you ever could have imagined, with shaggy, sand-colored hair and a distinctive scar down the side of his face that made him look badass. Finally, the lead singer of the band, James Potter, came out in all his glory. His brunette curls bounced as he ran up to the microphone stand and his impressive biceps flexed as he grabbed the mic and shouted to the crowd, âhow are we all doing tonight?â
The crowd cheered.
âWe are very excited to be here in L.A. and put on a great show for you guys,â he said proudly, âI am James Potter and we are The Marauders.â
The crowd went wild as one of their most popular hits blared through the speakers. You, of course, screamed right along with them.
*****
The show had exceeded your expectations in every way possible, and you gushed all about it to Fabian as security guards escorted the two of you backstage. When you entered the backstage area, you were led over to a black couch and a coffee table laden with snacks. Security told you that the band would be out shortly, so you sat down, waiting anxiously.
âBabe, Iâm honestly so excited for this. God they were even better than I imagined,â you exclaimed.
Fabian nodded and squeezed your thigh gently, âyeah baby, they were great. But maybe just like, play it cool when you meet them, yâknow? Donât wanna come off like one of those crazy fans we met earlier.â
Your smile dimmed a little but you nodded, âYeah, no. Of course. Youâre right. And theyâre just people anyways.â
Fabian checked his phone again, looking at the time. You could tell he was anxious to get back to his apartment, but ignored him.
Luckily, only a minute or two later, The Marauders themselves emerged from a hallway across from you, where their dressing rooms were most likely at. You smacked Fabianâs shoulder excitedly and stood as the group of four approached you.
âSorry for the delay,â Remus said to you first, âSirius here insisted on touching himself up before meeting you two.â
You laugh a little as Sirius squawked, âWell excuse me for wanting to look presentable for our guests, unlike you, Moony.â
Remus only rolled his eyes and Sirius winked at you with a smirk. You laughed again and Fabianâs hand wrapped around your waist, âItâs nice to meet you all,â your boyfriend said, extending his hand to shake each of the boysâ, âIâm Fabian and this is my partner, Y/n.â
You smiled brightly and waved at them all, âYou guys were amazing, oh my god! I mean, what a great show. Peter- Iâd kill to play the piano half as good as you, and Sirius, your drumming totally made the energy of the crowd. And the guitar solo in the first song Remus- holy shit. I-â
Fabian squeezed your waist tightly, a reminder to keep your cool. You glanced at him and smiled lightly before saying, âI- just wow. Really, really good.â
âNo praise for me?â A voice said teasingly. You turned to see James Potter looking at you with a smirk, and you hated to admit that it left you feeling a little flustered. Still, you reminded yourself, you had a boyfriend, so you shook it off.
âWell of course I have some, I just⊠am still processing your performance. But honestly, you sounded amazing, James. Anyone would be jealous of your voice.â
âSays you,â he smiled, a beautiful crooked grin, âdonât you have like 5 Grammys now and a sold out world tour?â
You blushed a little, âonly 3 Grammys and well, they really donât mean all that much. Plenty of talented artists have yet to win one- including you.â
âYouâre too humble,â Peter interjected, reaching down to grab a piece of candy off the snack table, âYour recognition is deserved, and weâre all huge fans, so Iâm not just saying that.â
âJamsie here was freaking out when he found out you were coming to the show,â Sirius added, plopping down onto an adjoining couch, âAnd you too, of course,â he said to Fabian.
Your boyfriend smiled, though youâre sure itâs a bit more of a grimace.
âI mean how could I not be a fan?â James asked you, âAs a musician, I have incredible respect for you, and your lyrics are fantastic. Whatâs not to like?â
Despite being a celebrity, youâd never quite become comfortable with the praise and attention you got for doing something so natural to you- writing songs about your feelings. So you only stuttered and blushed a little more, waving your hand with an embarrassed thank you.
âWell, I think itâs time we get a picture, yeah?â Fabian announced.
âOf course, only if you want to,â you added.
âYeah, yes, please,â Remus said.
He called over to one of the security guards and asked them to take the picture. You and Remus both handed him your phones, so that he could take one on each. In a shuffle of movement, you ended up posed for the picture with Peter on your immediate right and Remus next to him and Fabian on your immediate left then James and Sirius. You smiled brightly, throwing your arm around Peter while Fabianâs hand stayed at the small of your back.
When the pictures had been taken, you shuffled apart and took your phone from the security guard.
âWait, babe,â you said to Fabian, âcan you get one of just me and the band too?â
âIf you guys are okay with that?â You asked them.
Fabian sent you a slightly pained smile but nodded, taking your phone.
As you shuffled into order again, you ended up squeezed between Remus and James- their height making you look extra short. While Remus threw his arm over your shoulder, Jamesâ hand wrapped around your waist, and you nearly shuddered.
With photos over, you knew it was time to go.
As The Marauders left, Sirius sent you a final wink, Peter a small wave, Remus a nonchalant nod and James a beaming smile.
You couldnât have had a better first meeting- and you hoped it wasnât the last.
#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#james potter x reader#james potter x you#sirius black#remus lupin#wolfstar#peter pettigrew#celebrity au#singer au#band au#harry potter fanfiction#james potter fluff#the maruaders#fluff#angst#fanfiction#hp fandom#james potter fic#James potter series#james potter fanfiction#james potter#angst with a happy ending#light angst#slow burn fanfic#toxic relationship#idiots in love#remus lupin x reader#sirius black x reader#peter pettigrew x reader
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If you need me I'll be here
IFYKYK
#marauders era#wolfstar#wolfstar kiss#slow burn#dead gay wizards from the 70s#dead gay wizards#remus lupin#sirius black#all the young dudes#atyd#atyd marauders#atyd remus#screaming crying throwing up#ahhhhhh
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