#signed by an autistic person who was to put up with

[giratina-and-the-skys-bouquet]

[badolmen]

‘They may start to send threatening emails’ lucky for you I have a permanent autism status effect that renders me immune to all verbal or written threats because I assume they are confused/the message is not intended for me. Not to mention I survived anon hate and harassment on tumblr dot com; the university’s union-busting intimidation tactics have no power over me - they won’t even send death threats.

[midwestgender]

for every sports team in a highschool they should have two. one for the people who are actually good at it on competitive level and then one for people who just want to do it for fun/exercise. i think Fuck Around teams would be immensely popular actually

[a-spes]

I was thinking about what going out with Wanda and Nat' as an autistic person would be like, because I feel they would be such supportive and accommodating girlfriends.

I feel like they would be absolutely perfect at anticipating your meltdowns because they know you so well that they've learned to read the signs.

—

You went to the restaurant with them and a part of the team for a girls night. You were having a great time and everything was going fine, until it was not anymore.

Quickly, everything became too much. The sound of the cutlery, the people eating, walking, talking, .. it is all giving you the urge to rip your ears off so you could eventually be at peace. It is getting so loud, and so obsessing, that you can't think about anything else.

Obviously, they saw what was happening before you did. It always happens that way, because you keep pushing your boundaries, always refusing to acknowledge the signs of an upcoming meltdown.

But they do.

The women know the signs. There is no chance that they would miss the way you stopped talking a moment ago, how you are not eating anymore, you fork playing with your food without actually taking a bite. There is also that slight frown on your face that betrays your worries. It is obvious that you are getting more restless as the minutes go by — you wouldn't stop shifting in your seat, unable to find a comfortable position.

You were sitting in front of them. You are the one who insisted on taking this specific place, if it was up to them, you would have spent the dinner between them, but you wanted to be as close as possible from Kate and Yelena. They are funnier — but you wouldn't tell that to Wanda and Natasha, you don't want to get in trouble.

“Come here, baby. You should definitely have a bite of my meal, you would love it,” she calls, and you don't hesitate a second before joining her, sitting on her lap when she silently asks you to do it. The meal was just an excuse because the woman is aware that you would have never admitted your struggles if she had simply asked if you were fine.

She feeds you a first bite, then handing you the fork so you can take more of the meal by yourself. It allows her free hands to find a place on your ears that they are now covering. Her touch is soothing, especially with her thumb running circles on your scalp, and so is her gesture. It may doesn't dumb down the world completely but, at least, it makes everything a little more bearable.

In the meanwhile, Natasha left to buy some headphones at the nearest shop. Unfortunately, they have forgotten yours at home. Yet, she doesn't care about spending hundreds on new ones — partly because it is Tony's money, mainly because she thinks you deserve it. When she comes back, less than fifteen minutes later, and eventually put the headphones in your ears, it feels like bliss. The world is eventually quiet, and you feel like you can properly breathe for the first time in the past hour.

[pricegouge]

Picture this: Doll is selectively mute, or otherwise she’s in so much shock from her situation that she literally just cannot speak (as an autistic person sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I go partially mute). The boys think she’s just being stubborn but she’s at least trying to sign, so they know she’s not necessarily doing it on purpose.

Queue competition between the boys where they fuck her nonstop and tell her they’ll only stop if she says one of their names, and place bets on who will break her first.

Main fic

Hm. reader's too nonverbal to do much narrating so I'm gonna carry on with John's POV.

cw: noncon. multiple (forced) orgasms. anal. dp, including two in one. ghost has a jacob's ladder cause i'm incapable of imagining him any differently sorry. overstimulation. unrealistic sex. Unedited again cause I'm dropping this and running tf away

It's Simon who notices first because of course it is.

John spends all morning wasting his time trying to get a reaction out of the girl, but she just grits her teeth and bares it all without so much as a whimper. It would be impressive, if it wasn't so goddamn annoying and he tells the boys this over a meal one evening, listening as they each in turn complain about the silent treatment they've been receiving.

Not long after, Simon disappears downstairs, seeking John out in his room when he reemerges.

"She's gone non-verbal."

"You too, huh?" John sighs, pulling on his boots. "Well, I'll get that bitch to bloody scream if I have to. Let's -."

"No, cap, it's... muteness. Don't think she's doing it on purpose."

John's about to ask why the fuck he should care if she's doing it on purpose or not, but he suddenly remembers the first few years of knowing Simon, the long stretches of silence he'd fall into. At the time, John had just assumed it was Ghost being broody, but now he wonders...

"Well, how do we get her out of it?"

Simon shrugs. "Not likely to, honestly. Can be a trauma thing."

John rolls his eyes, carries on tying his boots.

"The more pain you put her through the worse she's gonna clam up."

Now that gives him pause, gears grinding to a halt until the piece of debris that clogs them is ground beneath the cogs. They spin to life again with a renewed energy after - a wind up toy cranked too far.

"Pain. Pleasure. Hard to tell the difference sometimes."

***

The game is simple enough, but the objective is harder than initially thought. Gaz gets her first, always eager to please. Soap can't even wait until the other sergeant is fully done to get his hands on her, spitting on her tits to fuck between them while Gaz pants into his mouth, the two rapidly falling into each other's pleasure more than the girl's. She keeps her mouth firmly tight, though the pinch between her brow tells John she's not immune to Garrick's pretty cock.

Simon at least understands the objective, pushing Gaz away when he's done to manhandle Soap onto the bed, putting the bird in his lap. Simon works her arse open with cold lube while Johnny moves her in his lap, spearing her down onto his cock and Simon's waiting fingers. This time when she grits her teeth she looks far less pleased, but John wouldn't care if she cried out for them to keep up or to make them stop so he says nothing, watching raptly when Simon decides she's stretched enough for him and he pushes at the bird's shoulder until her and Soap both lay flat on the bed. Soap whines, watching over her shoulder while Simon lines himself up, legs straddled wide over Soap's knees. The poor boy stands less of a chance than the girl does, whimpering the second his lieutenant starts fucking into her, his piercings probably rubbing Soap through the thin wall of the girl's cunt.

Sure enough, the sergeant breathes a soft, 'shite, LT,' and his thrusts turn weak, aborted, sporadic. He moans when he cums, combining with Gaz's, dripping down his softening cock as Ghost's movements keep the girl bouncing on him. Soap whines again, overstimulated, and John can't help reaching out, cupping the sergeant's base to keep him nestled in the girl's warm cunt. Simon chuckles when Soap wails, adjusting his grip on the girl to keep her in place and carries on, cock sliding against the younger man's with barely any barrier.

If the goal was to get the bird to sing, Soap leads by example. But while her mouth hangs open as she watches the younger man fall apart beneath her, she still does not cry out. Not even when Simon grunts in her ear, voice gravel rough and shot, symphonic as it twines with Soap's incessant crying.

Simon pants as he comes down from his high, peering down at John questioningly for a moment. John nods, not entirely sure what he's signing up for, until Simon pulls the girl up off Johnny's front, snaking his hand down her stomach to get his thick fingers on her clit. John grins, feels Soap's cock give a valiant twitch when the girl clenches around him instinctively, sending a hot glob of cum rolling down to the base of the man's cock. John can't help leaning forward to lick it off, laughing cruelly as the younger man yelps.

He's vaguely aware of Gaz straddling Soap's head, assumes he's fucking the man's mouth by the way Soap's whines have turned to soft wet noises. He's too distracted licking his way up the girl's cunt to look.

Simon adjusts to make room for him, sitting on the bed next to Johnny as he continues fingering the girl's pretty clit. John licks along the seam of where her cunt seals around Soap's hardening cock and he hears her gasp - strangled and quiet, but a genuine gasp all the same. He spreads her cheeks, makes more room for himself, and gets to work moving her along Johnny's cock again, his tongue worming its way in alongside Soap when he pulls her back to Soap's base.

They work her like that for a bit, listening as her gasps slowly lengthen, become something like proper moans. Gaz coos at her about how pretty she sounds and she wails when Simon hooks a finger in her rear.

He knows she's cum by the way the spend that coats his tongue gets thinner, tastes less bitter.

"Fuck," John grunts, mouthing at the base of Johnny's cock to make him cum quicker, eager to be in her pretty cunt next. Soap gurgles around Gaz's cock, hips flexing as he fucks up into her faster. When he cums, John laps it up eagerly, tongue flicking against the rim of the girl's cunt just because he likes how she whines.

With Soap truly spent, John drags the girl down to his lap, spearing her on his cock without much preamble. She's loose, soaked, and John rocks her shallowly on himself for a moment just to listen to the way the cum churns within her, frothing on his cock and catching in his curls.

"Shite, doll," he groans, catching her wrists when she tries to reach up over herself, gripping onto his shoulders for leverage. He draws them back down behind her back, keeping them trapped between their bodies in one hand. With his other he cups the exposed column of her throat, revels in the feel of the tendons working - words forming and dying off under his very hand.

"Wanna cum again, don't you?" He coos, mouth pressed close to her poor sunken cheek as if he's completely absorbed in her. Really, he's watching Simon pull Gaz down alongside himself, fisting both their cocks in one big hand.

"Stop that," he warns when the girl bites off another sweet sound. "You wanna cum again you gotta let me hear it."

She doesn't at first, wiggling in his grasp as if he'll let her ride him without asking first. She breaks when he squeezes her throat and his cock twitches within her.

"Please," she whispers, "wanna -."

He's about to tell her too bad when Simon nods at him, a clear 'reward her' if ever he's seen one.

"Spoiled," John chastises, but the hand on her throat moves to slap her cunt all the same, spurring her on. "Go on, then, fuck yourself. Take what you need."

She's uncoordinated, sloppy, legs too tired to ride him with any finesse. It does the trick any way, and she falls limply against his chest when her legs give out beneath her, cunt dripping clear cream and residual cum, both.

"Good girl," John coos, fingers collecting the mess, spreading it over her abused clit just to watch her twitch. "Wasn't so hard, was it?" But if he expects an answer, or for her spell to be over, he's sadly mistaken.

Well, maybe not sadly.

"You want to be done?" She nods against his shoulder, body still slumped and pliant. "Use your words," John warns and she swallows loudly, eyes drifting somewhere by his ear. "More it is, then," John sighs, mock disappointment staining his tone. He shifts, gets his toes dug in underneath himself, and then fucks up into her with the kind of abandon only earned after watching four people cum multiple times.

She yowls, tests his grip on her wrists. He lets them go in favor of keeping her hips elevated, and her fingers find his thighs, digging into the meat of him there.

"You're gonna cum again," he hisses between grit teeth, using his free hand to turn her toward where Simon grips his and Gaz's cock loosely, teasing. "And then I'm going to hand you off to the boys again. And you're gonna take them both, right here -," he illustrates what he means by dragging his hand down her front and hooking the tips of two fingers in her cunt alongside his cock. "Unless you say my name, beg me stop."

She doesn't, so John fucks her stupid, stretching her open until she whines and begs and pants and releases, cunt squeezing around everything he's given her so tight he can't help but follow, paint her poor abused insides in so much cum he's no doubt she'll be able to take the other two easy enough.

The boys drag her up between themselves, hooking her leg up over Gaz's hip. They line up and her voice is shot when she finally uses it again, reaching behind herself to push at Simon's abs.

"Can't - you -."

Simon just hums, big hand brushing along her flank. "Want it in your arse is that it?" he teases, and she squawks, alarmed, when he slides in easily there instead, cock still coated with the lube he'd used to stroke himself and Gaz off with. He grinds deep a few times, letting Gaz's head notch against the rim before pulling back completely to let Gaz dip in. The girl whines, long and loud, and Soap hums in sympathy as he slots himself behind Gaz, too fucked out to do anything more than watch raptly.

She doesn't break until Gaz asks if she can take them both, his hand on Simon's ass keeping the bigger man in place while he slots his cock up next to the other, her poor abused rim stretching threateningly.

"No, please," she cries, and Simon just laughs, pushing in further.

"You know the rules, pet."

But it's John she turns to, eyes big and pretty and watery. "John, please, make them stop."

It's Soap who snuggles her after, the two of them both so fucked out and used up that they can't do much beyond lay there limp and exhausted anyway. Simon and Gaz get each other off with tight fists and dirty kisses, then follow John up to collect on their winnings from the game, but it's John who pockets the keys of a recent vic's car, grinning when Gaz scowls at him.

"Well it was my name she called."

[autistichalsin]

I know I express dissatisfaction a lot about how hard it is to get Halsin upset at the player- how no amount of mistreatment from a romanced player will make him break up with them, how he NEVER asserts a boundary, how he tolerates even the most cruel comments. The rare times he expresses hurt, it still changes nothing about his interactions with the player and rarely costs more than one approval.

The reason I express this most of all with the new datamined dialogue is for two reasons: one, that one is so beyond the pale that it needs to be treated as evil, and should include Halsin saying so. But also, if Halsin won't even call it quits with a romanced player after THIS, it raises some really worrying implications.

Halsin should be allowed to have ONE situation where he'll go "no more" to the player's cruelty because... honestly? The pattern the writers established here actually makes me worried for Halsin.

Halsin rarely shows offense or anger at lines no matter how mean they are (even the player shooting down his romantic overture by comparing him to a deep rothe gets a hurt response but no loss of approval or scolding or anything). He stays with the player romantically even after they threaten to sell him back into sexual slavery in the new dialogue- he doesn't even lose a single approval point! And while he gets annoyed if the player toys with his heart by nearly breaking up with him multiple times and then changing their mind, even after the fourth time the player does this, when he says "sometimes it is difficult to love you," the implication there is clear- he still DOES love you. Even when he is deeply hurt by what you're doing, so much so that he straight up asks you, "does it please you to see me crestfallen?" and loses approval, he STILL doesn't break up with you or assert himself- he doesn't say next time is the last time, he doesn't call the player an asshole, nothing. He just takes it even when he gets hurt and upset again and again. In short: Halsin puts up with a LOT of manipulative, borderline abusive behavior from the player without more than an occasional ding in approval.

Then you add in Halsin's backstory of sexual slavery, him losing all of his family, being so socially isolated from his leadership role that he began to MISS being a sex slave, his sadness but quiet acceptance at the fact that everyone thinks his feelings can't be hurt due to his size, his survivor guilt over the shadow curse, and the fact that the player, even if they choose to mistreat him, is still the one who broke the curse with him, leaving him feeling permanently feeling indebted to them.

In other words: what the game is showing us ISN'T a wise and stoic, sage old elf who is just that unshakeable after all he's seen. They are showing us a man with so much unprocessed trauma and such a complete lack of personal boundaries that he is showing several warning signs he could easily end up the victim of domestic violence by a partner- whether that's evil!Tav or some other potential partner he might find after canon- without ever realizing it.

The other romanceable characters will dump you if you mistreat them or violate the terms of the relationship (I.E. sleeping with someone else when they made it clear they weren't poly). They all, even Astarion, have more willingness to stand up for themselves than Halsin does.

Halsin isn't a pushover, or at least, I don't think we're supposed to read him as one. He will fight whatever enemies he needs to. But when it comes to those close to him- and note that he calls the player his friend in ALL circumstances- he just refuses. The most is a ding of approval at times or a very quiet, quick comment that basically amounts to "that wasn't cool :( " before he moves on.

I know it wasn't what the writers intended, but it's what comes across in the text all the same.

(This is also why, on top of headcanoning Halsin as autistic, I am also firmly convinced he was bullied as a child- he just acts far too much like a grown-up victim of bullying)

[gatheringbones]

[“I told my mother I thought I might be trans in a lengthy and overly apologetic email, which she didn’t quite know how to respond to. From her perspective, my transition had popped up out of nowhere, with no prior warning signs. She was convinced I had been brainwashed into transitioning, and agreed to meet my counsellor for a joint meeting with me, primarily to meet the person she felt had brainwashed her child into transitioning.

My mother describes her first meeting with me presenting as Laura as very difficult for her, due in no small part to her inability to see me as anything but her very traditionally masculine son in a dress. For a while she knew but did not talk to my father, which she found very difficult. She told me years later that she went through a period of mourning, feeling like her child had died, and that she was left with a stranger she did not know. It put a lot of strain on her, and on our relationship as parent and child.

Why the assumption I was brainwashed? Because of autism infantilisation.

Before we talk more about my journey coming out as transgender, we have to rewind a little bit to something else that went on at around the same point in my life: my diagnosis of Asperger’s. By the time my mother attended that appointment and met me as Laura for the first time, I had already been diagnosed with Asperger’s, which was part of the reason she was so worried about me. She was not aware of any statistical link between autism and gender dysphoria, and in her eyes I was a vulnerable young person with an autism spectrum condition who was being manipulated into transition because I was easily swayed, or lacking in ability to assess my feelings on the matter properly for myself. This is depressingly common: an adult’s assumption that having an autism spectrum condition means you’re incapable of proper self-understanding, or that you’re susceptible to being manipulated into believing things about yourself that you did not previously. You’re not trusted as being of sound mind to make choices about your own life, out of fear you’ve been manipulated.

Speaking to my mother years later, now she has somewhat settled down and got used to me going by Laura and female pronouns, she told me that her biggest fear, and the primary reason she agreed to attend that first joint session together, was that, as a youth with Asperger’s, my therapist was influencing me into believing that I was trans. She feared it was some kind of brainwashing that my gullible mind could not resist the allure of, rather than believing my own account of what I was experiencing.

I also faced this same issue with doctors when trying to access medical support through the NHS. I would have general practitioners, mental health doctors and gender specialists alike raise an eyebrow when I acknowledged my Asperger’s diagnosis, and then proceed to take plenty of extra time asking me lengthy questions about how my autism symptoms manifested, to ensure I was of sound enough mind to make permanent choices about my body. Apart from the obvious infantilisation of people with conditions like Asperger’s on display there, I always just explained it as being like the decision to get a tattoo. I am an adult, over the age of 18, who has been deemed sober and mentally sound, and as such I have every right to permanently inject colours into my skin that may never go away. Why should I not be trusted to take slow-acting meds that are somewhat easier to reverse? Still, the fact I had to fight to be believed that I was mentally sound enough to make that choice says a lot about misunderstandings about autism spectrum conditions, but highlights that to assert that transition is unique in the permanent nature of its change to the body is completely inaccurate.”]

laura kate dale, from uncomfortable labels: my life as a gay autistic trans woman

[librarycards]

do you have any advice for trying to build/find a community? i’m autistic with pretty severe social anxiety and haven’t had friends since grade 5 (i’m 29 now). i don’t work atm and didn’t go to college due to ‘mental illness’ or whatever. i’m really clueless about how to find a support system or even make a friend but it sure would be beneficial right now i think

sure! a great way to start is to get on some of your local facebook pages, or even nextdoor - it can be a shitty place for neighborhood karens, but at least my local page has people talking about free stuff they're leaving on the curb, someone whose grandma needs a ride, a bake sale at the school, and even meetups dependent on age/interest/etc.

some more ideas, starting w the obligatory: GO TO THE LIBRARY! they have so much centralized info there. there is probably a book club, there is probably some kind of volunteer sign-up sheet. there are probably bored librarians who can help you find other stuff. at least in my area, there are also fairly regular non-university-affiliated things (i live in a college town) at local bars, cafes, and art spaces/studios - check to see if there are any local IG pages posting about these events. that's how i found out about a bunch of mine. libraries have events, too, as do local bookstores, and they're almost always free.

the suggestions i'm throwing out all have basically the same goal: mix with people you haven't met before. building bonds takes time, and the process only starts when you and someone else say hello to one another. you don't have to be besties ever. you don't necessarily have to stay close. but knowing one person who maybe likes the same book as you, or shares some other interest, leads to more people, and soon you know someone who has a car, someone who has an extra ironing board, someone who can host a get-together in their yard because everyone else is a renter. support systems aren't found. they're not easy or inevitable. they're built through collective engagement and practice! and they start, generally, by happenstance, when people put themselves in each others' way.

when i moved here alone in 2020, i met some of my now-closest friends not primarily through grad school events (which didn't happen bc of lockdowns and such) but through going to the park and saying hi outdoors; stocking food in our local free fridges, and meeting tinder-friend dates masked, 6 ft apart in random public places. we kept doing that and our relationships strengthened, as they do. these days, i meet people through the friends i have - through shared classes back when i was in coursework, through organizing/union stuff and volunteering, through the occasional social event i just kinda show up at and hope for the best. there's a degree of inertia to this stuff - it gets smoother the more you do it!

you are *NOT* the only person around you who needs a friend. i promise. people are really lonely and often scared to admit it, and this is a great time to connect with people who also feel the urgency of community + anxiety around making it happen.

[fgefrgbghv]

Astrology notes 1: Family & genetics & my placements

Capricorn Moons - very unstable, irresponsible and childish and overall can have a terrible, irresponsible and childish mother, often absent father, often are the oldest kids who raised themselves, their other siblings and partly also their parents.

Experiences: my best friend is an oldest child cap moon who raised basically themselves, her mother is almost as shit as mine,, which is A LOT,, also her father tends to be on long work trips a lot. like,, majority of her life and ive never actually seen him except her jokin glike two times about him being autistic -

Scorpio Sun - Often Black sheep of their family - raw, wild, different from their family and often put aside in a different box cuz of it.

Experiences: my scorp sun dad - he is literally an adhd energetic worcaholic goofball in a house full of conversative "mental differences & ilnesses aren't real" (I mean, he is this too tho-) lazy people. or at least,,, he grew up to be. I hope we're not like this lol.

Also this thing about scorp placements being neurodivergent -

Experiences: my moon and my dad's sun, both having adhd and possible autism

Scorpio Moon - The worst moon sign to have objectively. A terrible, over-controlling, border narcissistic mom. Were literally taught to be feared by her and her obsessions. Have it the worst. Also they get so much trust issues from their parents and overbearing, too-involved and wanting to be controlling everything in their lives, mother, so they aren't very good with relationships, and often feel

Ecperiences: Me. I have it, also a very terrible and fanatic and often crazy, mad and frantic - not in a good way - described by people who she has around and me, who knows this aspect of her way too much,

On the contrary, Taurus Moons - Objectively the best moon placement to have. Imagine taurian qualities and that in a mother -- boom, now you have won.

Exps: - My brother is this, and remember that frantic mom we have? Well, if you saw her around him, you'd almost believe she is actually normal. They have a great relationship. I mean, she IS kinda awful, but like, doesn't make his life hell,, in contrary to mine.

People often tell people with Lilith in 10th their worst horrible horrible secrets and their dark side. And like when they tell it about them to anyone else they're always like "noooo, them??? They'd NEVER do that." and just people

I have Pluto in 11th - which makes me always on the edge of social groups, people not trusting me easily and always having a thin line between friends and enemies, mixed with my moon sign never knowing who to trust because I KNOW people are gonna turn their back on me a lot. Happened a lot always and will happen, anyways. Also, combined with my Lilith in 10th, women don't like me in general, so, personally, as a man-repulsed person... Yayyy. I have a loooot of people to talk to and to choose from, lmao.

Peace out, guys.

NOW TELL ME ASTROLOGY ISNT REAL

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

the thing that allistics talking about social skills never seem to grasp is that i do not SEE body language or facial expressions. i am not some innocent adorably stupid little darling who's never been taught what a frown means and so now i feel like everyone is hostile to me because i'm not participating in the Necessary And Unbiased social ritual that lets everyone know i'm Safe and a Real Person.

no, i spent 10 years regularly attending social skills courses. as in, weekly at minimum, for a lot of it daily. i still cannot read body language or facial expressions because i LITERALLY CANNOT SEE THEM. i am partially faceblind. my visual processing is ganked to the point that even though i am not blind i need to use IDs to understand images. these are VERY common traits in autism, this isn't a special "just me" thing. if someone makes a face at me, i can't SEE it. sometimes i can tell that some of their facial muscles are moving, but i have no idea what they're doing and very little ability to piece together what the end result looks like as a whole picture. sometimes i can see when someone is leaning away from me, or if their whole body is shaking or something, but anything less whole-body and cartoonish than that is literally invisible to me.

allistic social norms are built around treating me as scary and unsafe for not participating in them, and i LITERALLY CANNOT SEE a good portion of what they're based on. the less physical bits--implications and social context, etc--are 10x harder when you essentially can't speak half the language, and that's not even touching on how those parts can be near impossible on their own if you have a slow processing speed--which i also do. it takes me 30-60 seconds minimum to fully process a spoken sentence and understand what the unspoken and nuanced implications of it could be, and by then i have already been slotted into "unsafe creep" territory by being entirely silent for 45 seconds. and i am considered socially adept and to have very fast processing among my autistic peers. my barriers here are MINOR compared to someone very severely socially impaired.

this is why explaining to autistics the purposes of allistic social rules and nuances and giving us tips on how to navigate them is condescending and cruel as hell. you're dangling in our faces how important and necessary and integral it is to do something we literally CAN'T do and implicitly justifying us being seen as dangerous and socially undesirable for not doing it. and you're framing it as helping because you're "teaching" us. but it's like teaching a colorblind person color theory; maybe once in a while someone will be interested, but it'll always be significantly harder for them to learn than someone who isn't colorblind, and their experience with it will always be profoundly qualitatively different and produce different results, even subtly. and their existence doesn't mean that the REST of colorblind people who don't have that energy and time and investment should just put up with literally every road sign being written in red on green when you could just make signs that are black on white to begin with.

[happyhauntt]

a lack of caffeine — spencer reid.

writing masterlist | askbox

─── summary: caffeine makes the world go 'round. that's something you and spencer can agree on.

─── pairing: spencer reid x autistic!medical examiner!reader.

─── warnings: fluff, reader is autistic & a mom, spencer's iq gets slashed to sixty when he talks to pretty girls and it's my favourite thing. no use of y/n. swearing. i really fucking struggled with this it's so boring. thank you to everyone who requested a part 2!

─── word count: 1.8k.

     The call comes in at four in the morning.

     The screen reads three missed calls by the time its incessant buzzing rouses you from your slumber, and you pull it out from beneath your pillow. Squinting at the sudden brightness of it, an unlisted number stares back at you as your phone keeps vibrating insistently in your grip.

     When you finally wake up enough to realise it could be work, you answer it. Agent Hotchner's familiar voice is stern and low and only a little apologetic as he informs you that you're going to be required in the field for a new case, and you should be at the airfield within the hour.

     There isn't enough time to ask any questions before the line clicks, and you're left blinking into the dim light of your bedroom as you try to gather your bearings.

     Sleep itches at the corners of your eyes, all gritty and blurry, and though part of your mind recalls reading this little clause in the contract you’d signed, that constant availability takes on a whole new meaning when you work for the BAU, you still take a moment to fantasise about pushing Aaron Hotchner off a cliff.

     You’re not a morning person. And you would argue that 4AM isn’t even the morning, it’s the middle of the night, and why can’t serial killers do their business during normal business hours?

     A new case. Not your first case since joining the unit as their resident independent medical examiner, but the first where you would join the rest of the team in the field. The first where you'll be required to exert federal authority over county coroners, where you'll have to step on toes in order to get the job done.

     You know they won't take too well to an outsider coming in and derailing their whole thing. You know you wouldn't. You used to be one of them, not that long ago.

     Ah, shit. As the drowsiness begins to fade out of your body, a light panic trickles in. Your skin starts to buzz as if you put your finger into a live socket. You grip your phone so hard it leaves a mark on your palm.

     It takes ten minutes to get ready, stumbling around your room and shoving clothes into a bag. You don't really care about matching socks, but you count out your underwear three times and hope you won't run out before the case is done. Do they have laundries you'll be able to use? Have the other members of the BAU ever encountered this problem? Should you pack your hair straightener or is it really going to matter?

     When you've finally dragged a brush through your hair and dumped the last of your toiletries into a ziploc bag, a dull realisation strikes you.

     Jackie.

     Going toe-to-toe with a rabid raccoon might be more appealing than waking up your sister-in-law in the middle of the night, but you don't really have much choice. She has to know what's going on, she'll be in charge of your daughter for however long you'll be gone, and leaving a note on the kitchen counter feels like the wrong move to make in this instance.

     Is there a protocol for this? A single-parent handbook you can check out at the library? This is something you really should've talked about when you got the job, you know that. You'd known it would require you to travel on occasion, often without prior notice, but it hadn't seemed like a big deal at the time. You'd brushed it under the rug, labelled it to be discussed later as if you and Jackie have ever actually sat down and done that.

     A thousand things sit unsaid between you. That rug has got a little mountain under it by now, almost impossible to ignore. It’s really only a matter of time before you trip over it.

     “Jackie. Jackie.”

     Your sister-in-law grumbles when you sneak into her room and poke her, hard and repeatedly, until she threatens to bite you. The news of your leaving doesn't take her by surprise — exhaustion seems to dull the stung of it — and she promises to call twice a day, every day, before she buries her face back into the pillow and starts to snore like a lawnmower.

     You hope she never, ever changes.

     Pressing a kiss to your sleeping daughter's forehead is the last thing you do before you finally manage to drag yourself out of the apartment. A dull ache thuds in your chest, where your heart should be. She'd looked so peaceful, so sweet, and you can't recall a time since she was born that you'd been apart from her for longer than a day. Her bright, happy giggle and wide eyes flash through your mind.

     As your car peels out of the parking garage, you feel distinctly like a piece of laundry someone hung out to dry and then forgot about.

     The sun is just beginning to kiss the horizon as you pull up to the airfield. Long streaks of a pink-fingered dawn creep across the sky. You flash your identification at the security guard and pull up alongside the jet, scrambling to grab your bag from the passenger seat.

     It doesn't surprise you that you're the last to arrive, but you'd hoped that wouldn't be the case.

     The clock just strikes 5AM as you clatter up the steps, practically falling into the aircraft. Technically, you're on time, but it still feels like you're late for class and your teacher is about to put it on your permanent record. A kind-faced hostess greets you, offers to stow your bag, and you flash her a sheepish smile as you hand it over and pass through the curtains into the main cabin.

     "Holy shit."

     You can't help yourself. Every single member of the team turns to look at you, craning their necks to see exactly who they're dealing with, but you can't even bring yourself to care. "This is a jet. It's actually... a jet."

     You blink at the open space as your jaw goes a little slack. Do you sound a little insane? Sure, and ordinarily you'd feel self-conscious with several pairs of unfamiliar eyes gawking at you, analysing your every movement as if it's their job to do so — and it actually is — but this honestly insane.

     You had no idea the BAU had this kind of budget. Do they own the plane? Do they rent it? Is it publically funded by the taxpayer, and why can't they fly commercial? Like, you're not complaining at all, those leather seats look so comfortable, but why—?

     An austere voice says your name once, twice, and you blink, looking up to find the furrowed brow of your boss frowning at you down the aisle.

     "Take a seat, doctor, we're about to take off."

     His tone leaves no room for argument. A flush rises in your cheeks, and you manage to stammer out an apology before throwing yourself into the nearest available seat, buckling your seatbelt.

     "It's a good thing you're the M.E and not a profiler, sweetcheeks." One of the agents nearest to you leans across the aisle. A charming grin spreads over his face as he offers up his hand in greeting. "Derek Morgan."

     "Oh, I know," you reply, shaking his hand firmly. "I, uh, looked you guys up after Dr. Reid paid a visit to the underworld and I didn't recognise him. Figured I should be a little more familiar with the other members of my team."

     "The underworld?" A blonde woman you realise must be Agent Jareau gives you a friendly, if slightly confused, smile.

     You shrug, suddenly a little embarrassed. Group settings have never been your thing. Too many people, too many unfamiliar eyes, far too many voices clashing together until it all becomes a sensory nightmare.

     You much prefer your little lab, and one-on-one conversations, usually with the unlucky cadavers that find themselves on your slab. They never talk back.

     "It's just what I call the morgue," you tell her. A loose bit of skin hangs off the edge of your nail, and you really, really want to pick at it. Fatigue hovers at the edge of your consciousness, and as the plane engines begin to roar, you find yourself wishing you’d made a coffee before leaving the apartment.

     You would have been late, for sure, but life would feel worth living so, y’know. Swings and roundabouts.

     "In Greek mythology, the underworld is where an individual goes after death. Early ideas suggest that someone’s essence, their psyche, is separated from their corpse at the point of death and transported to the underworld. Accounts differ on whether any judgement occurs, depending on which scholarship you’re citing." A familiar voice pipes up from the back of the plane and you glance over. The rich brown eyes looking back fill you with an odd warmth.

     More at ease with a familiar face, you settle back in your seat and lift your hand in a lazy wave. "Good morning, Dr Reid. It's nice to see you when I'm not elbow-deep in someone's intestines."

     Agent Jareau wrinkles her nose. "Now I'm really glad I didn't have time for breakfast."

     Reid's ears turn bright pink and he looks away, stuttering out his reply. "It's good to see you too. Uh, well, not good, given the circumstances, since there's a serial killer on the loose, but good because—"

     "We get the picture, Reid," Agent Hotchner cuts him off, and Reid turns his gaze back to the small window, a little flustered. Hotch looks, bizarrely, like he's trying not to smile. "Welcome to the team. We'll go over the case details once we're in the air."

     “Is there coffee in the air?” There might be a murder mid-flight otherwise. Really, how do they function at this time in the morning? The plane judders as it rolls over the tarmac, heading for the runway. “Or tea, or soda, or— Honestly, I’ll take whatever. I just don’t want to fall asleep in a body cavity later on.”

     Again.

     Reid finds himself nodding, entirely against his will. There’s something about the peculiar medical examiner, something he can’t quite put his finger on, but it makes him want to keep talking. More than usual, at least.

     He wonders if there’s duct tape on board. Or a parachute.

     “There’s coffee,” he confirms. Is his voice a little high?

     “Dr. Reid, I could kiss you—”

     Oh, hell. Judging by the way Morgan has a hand pressed to his mouth, stifling an obscenely loud chuckle, Reid suspects he’s never going to hear the end of this.

[genevievefangirl]

Gen's Top 100 DBDA Fics - PART 7

For all caveats/rules/backstory, please read the Master Post

signed, sealed, delivered By: sulfuric @c-rowland Rating: G Tags: Fluff, Mutual Pining, Getting Together Summary: The misty remains of the thing haven’t even cleared from the air of the office when Smiley—still on his back, rolling over like a golden retriever—is looking again to Uptight and grinning wide in a way the Postman can only reliably describe as stupid. He’s been standing here observing the ruckus for a good minute, now, and the two of them are completely in their own world, unaware of anything but each other. It takes him a tick, but Uptight smiles, too. (or: the Postman, observing.) My Notes: This is really fun as an outsider’s POV fic and who doesn’t love the Ghost Postman?!

So Tie Me to a Post and Block My Ears By: that_trans_autistic_guy @that-trans-autistic-guy Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hell, Trauma, Blindness, Deaf, Past Torture, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: Edwin loved his job. Truly, being a detective was something he’d daydreamed about in life and it was his reality in his afterlife, a genuine dream come true. Even better, he had the best partner and agency he could have ever asked for. The work was always intriguing and exciting, there was always more to learn and he always had his favorite person by his side. What more could he need? My Notes: Edwin having a panic attack and then Charles calms him down? Sign me up please! And the second chapter being Charles POV of the whole thing is the cherry on top.

solatium By: matelotage Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, PTSD Summary: It's not something Charles noticed right away in the heat of things, considering they'd been in hell the first time it happened, and at the mercy of a deranged witch the other. But they'd been the only times he'd seen Edwin without his usual posh school attire. My Notes: Charles giving Edwin his coat after the events of Ep 8 is EVERYTHING TO ME

Something’s gone terribly wrong (But I’ll make it better) By: Aster_Flower114 aStar_flower on twitter Rating: NR Tags: Fluff, Protective Charles Rowland, Injury Summary: Short fic about Edwin getting badly injured during a case and is reluctant to rest for a bit My Notes: Edwin refusing help/rest when he's hurt? So in character, but also makes me want to smack him lol

Soul Protector By: Ice_Elf @ice-elf Rating: M Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Charles Rowland, Soul Bond Summary: Whoever held the greatest claim on his soul could be worse than Doll Spider. They might doom him to an eternity of pain that even he couldn’t imagine. But he didn’t care: this chance of freedom—of snatching victory from the creature that had stolen decades of his existence—was far greater than any risk. “The claimant is unknown,” the Justiciar stated. “If they approach the court with the proper paperwork, or are willing to be put to the sword, we will revisit your case. ~ Following their return from Hell, Edwin and Charles had thought themselves safe. They had believed that Hell and its denizens had no more claim on Edwin's soul. Unfortunately, not everyone is of the same opinion. When Edwin is summoned to a tribunal to determine whether the Doll Spider or the Office of Lost and Found has the greater claim on his soul, it is up to Charles, Crystal and the Night Nurse to put things right. The truth, however, may be more complicated than it seems - and more than one of the agency will be forced to confront their demons. My Notes: This is truly one of the greats for me. The worldbuilding, the characterization, and the plot are all exactly what I want out of a fanfic. And Edwin and Charles are just so devoted and codependent in this it is unreal.

Spectral Rage By: Baby_Spinach @a-jasminator Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, FIrst Kiss, Whump, Protective Charles Rowland, Protective Edwin Payne Summary: "Hold on, you think I'd turn?" Charles demands. "Every ghost has a unique trigger, and I can't say I wasn't a little concerned on a few occasions in Port Townsend. Then, with that same look in your eyes just now…" Edwin isn't wrong; it's not like Charles hadn't been thinking the same thing. But he shakes his head and attempts a comforting grin--Edwin's got too much on his plate to waste time worrying about the one person who's supposed to look out for him. "Don't worry, mate, I'm aces. So how do we find this demonic arsehole?" -OR- All ghosts are capable of turning vengeful. When their quarry is revealed to be a demon from Edwin's past, Charles and Edwin learn something important about their own personal triggers. My Notes: References to Edwin's time in Hell? The boys being mutually protective? One of them turning into a dangerous powerful mess when the other is threatend? What's not to love!

Still a Better Lovestory By: Vamillepudding @vamillepudding Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: “That about did it,” Edwin says, patting himself down and straightening his bowtie. “Now, if you’re ready, I suggest we find a mirror and-“ “Did you just cough up a flower?” Charles interrupts. Flower, perhaps, is a slight exaggeration. It’s more like a petal, red and incredibly out of place here on the shore. Edwin clears his throat, but this time no petals follow. “Certainly it’s nothing to worry about.” Or: Edwin is suffering from a weird curse, but for some reason, he's refusing Charles' help. Charles is trying his best to fix it anyway, but Edwin is being oddly secretive about the whole thing. My Notes: I'll admit that I am not normally a Hanahaki desease persona, but this fic is amazing. And if you like Twilight references you will have a lot of fun with this!

still. By: Backstabberr @dulltulipz Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Protective Charles Rowland, Hurt Edwin Payne, Hurt Charles Rowland Summary: He reached out to take Edwin’s hand. “I realized…I loved you, that I’m in love with you,” Charles said, his eyes moving from his hands to meet Edwin’s. He was crying as well, his hand gripping Charles tighter. “And you were gone, I couldn’t tell you, I wouldn’t be able to kiss you or hold you. It just started and ended at that very moment.” Charles tripped over some of his words before shuttering, he breathed deeply. [aka Edwin is badly hurt to the point he falls into some sort of ghost coma, Charles inevitably has a revelation.] My Notes: Injuried Edwin to protective charles to love confesssion pipeline strikes again! (And I love it every time)

Stories left on our skin By: DryadGurrl @dryadgurrl Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Magical Tattoos, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: Charles always hated re-doing the tattoos, but that was part of why he'd insisted on taking over the task in the first place, it was easier, somehow, being the one to etch those marks into Edwin's skin than it was watching him do it to himself. Or: Edwin has magical tattoos to help with his spellcasting and when a case goes south, it's up to Charles to replace them (and not for the first time) My Notes: I would have never come up with this idea, but it is brilliant. Charles redoing magical tattoos for Edwin is just such an intimate gesture and really shows how close their relationship is.

sun in my eyes By: pisces_spider @pisces-swirlix Rating: G Tags: Fluff, First Kiss, Romantic Soulmates, Platonic Soulmates Summary: When Edwin reads to Charles, everything is okay. Edwin tries to get to the bottom of why Charles likes it so much. (Or — Edwin and Charles treat reading aloud like it’s a love language) My Notes: Edwin reading to Charles is literally one of my favorite things ever.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🎈emoji so I’ll see it:

AITA FOR NOT HUGGING AN AUTISTIC KID? (Long read ahead)

ok so I’m a middle schooler (M), yes I’m 14 (old enough to be on the site) and today we were doing some end of year activities (eg. signing yearbooks, playing games, etc etc). And I was talking to a friend of mine we’ll call her V. Suddenly I was approached by a teacher who said that a kid (let’s say Jessica) wanted to talk to me. I was like “oh ok sure.” Jesica approached me and brought me a card. Now some background on Jessica:

So Jessica is autistic and in all different classes than me. I’ve interacted with her a few times, she seems to have some friends? I don’t really know. In the past I tried to be her friend not knowing she was autistic (this is the possibly asshole part) but her behavior was really strange as she would often say odd things that made me uncomfortable (not perverted or anything but just really awkward) and would really kinda creep me out so once my class with her was over I never spoke to her unless she initiated it which only happened once or twice. Another thing that really bothers me is that I co-lead our showchoir group with V and another student and it’s a difficult job that requires a lot of participation and effort from all the members. Yet Jessica hardly ever does anything, she just sits in a chair half the time while everyone else is working hard. I know that it’s a spectrum and not all autistic ppl are the same but there’s two other autistic dudes who both work super hard and help out a ton!

Anyway she insisted that it had to be a surprise and told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. I absolutely hate closing my eyes in public due to the worry that someone will touch me while my eyes are closed but I didn’t wanna upset her so I did it anyway. When I opened my eyes she’d placed a folded over piece of paper in my hands. She’d written a card in pink magic marker, it was almost illegible so all I could make out was “my full name and grade, the date, summer (have a good summer?), and school. She asked me to read it out loud so I mumbled a bunch of sounds together to make it seem like I was reading it even though I couldn’t tell what it said on account of the handwriting. She seemed satisfied so I thanked her telling her how much I appreciated and moved to leave when she said “and what do we say?” Confused I said “thank you”. I think that was the right answer? She then put out a hand toward me which is a pretty normal gesture in our school meaning you want the other person to dap you up. So I did, to which she seemed confused and tried to shake my hand. She then said “don’t I get a hug? You have to hug me right?” I HATE hugs. It brings back traumatic memories and I really really could not bring myself to hug her epesecially since I didn’t know her well. “I told her I’m sorry but I don’t do hugs. I just really don’t like them.” She looked disappointed at that and then said “that was really sweet of me right, writing you a letter?” I didn’t know how to reply to that so I said “yeah it’s great.” She replied saying I had to right her back and that I should “write it at home and give it to her the next day”. Knowing I’d forget, I just grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it to her right there. It was a simple paragraph on a different sheet of paper with the usual stuff, “have a good summer, you’re really cool, good luck in hs” the kind of stuff you write in someone’s yearbook. she seemed satisfied and she put her hand out again so I dapped her up again. She then shook my hand vigorously and walked away saying she’d see my tommorow.

I hated everything about this encounter but I still feel like I did a good job being nice and stuff even though I have a hard time being patient with people that pressure me to do things (eg. Writing her another letter, hugging, affirming her over and over, the handshake thing). Idk V said it was a strange situation and I handled it fine but again was not hugging her bad of me? Or like did I mess up in some other way? I have no beef with autistic people at all and I’m friends with a few of them but is it wrong of me to just not like her?

Also thanks for reading all that but if it was too long:

TLDR: autistic girl wanted me to hug her as thanks for her writing me a letter and I declined, aita?

[roseofthewind]

Furina and High-Masking Autism

A lot of people don’t know how to recognize high-masking autism because its presentation challenges many stereotypes about what autistic people are like, but Furina continues to be a perfect example of it.

It should go without saying, but I love Furina as a character and this analysis is in no way putting her down. Autism is an entirely neutral trait that carries through to adulthood, and if you have a strong negative reaction to the idea of a character you like being autistic, you have probably absorbed a lot of misconceptions about autism and have some unconscious prejudice to unpack.

In the paragraphs that follow, I am going to explain several autistic traits and give examples of how Furina displays each trait.

*thinking face on*

1. Autism is, at its core, a difference in the way the brain takes in, processes, and shares information. This can make it challenging to communicate with other people who don’t share this neurotype, but a high-masking autistic person has observed the way other people interact and spent years copying them, figuring out through trial and error how to act to best fit in and get the most positive responses from other people.

Furina’s ascension speech in Act V of the Fontaine Archon Quest, where she first presents herself to the people of Fontaine, is a great example of this observation of others with the goal of masking as well as possible. Furina initially gives the speech as comes naturally to her in a very straightforward and honest manner (also an autistic trait!). After the speech, she realizes that her citizens are responding with hostility to her humility and lack of authoritarianism, so she then plays off the original speech as a ruse and immediately redoes the entire thing more assertively according to the feedback she picked up on.

(Calm down, Furina… Think. Think. What do the people want? How would they imagine a god to speak and act?)

Fontaine AQ Act V, Chinese audio: (link starts video at 3:10:07) https://youtu.be/T-AbXi5bufk?si=eQADAWw6n8Sk0PZE&t=11407

This is the kind of social trial and error that many autistic people do over the course of years so that eventually we can say the “right thing” the first time around, and it’s a testimony to Furina’s skills as an actor that she course-corrects so quickly.

Because of all the constant mental calculations, social situations are usually very tiring for autistic people, even when the social event lines up with their interests. In Clorinde’s Story Quest, Furina has no interest in Navia’s suggestion of pulling an all-nighter to keep playing D&D (I mean, Tabletop Troupe!) and wants to go home and rest.

Furina: Huh!? Oh, um… I’m not sure I’ll have enough energy for that…

Furina has shown other signs of needing to take a break from socializing– for instance, in Lynette’s hangout event quest, Lynette gets tired of all the people at her post-performance reception and goes upstairs to a quieter room to find Furina already there.

Furina offers to give Lynette tips on the best ways to slip away from an event, and Lynette misunderstands at first and isn’t interested in Furina’s advice because she thinks Furina loves everything about the spotlight and doesn’t realize how much they have in common. This goes a long way to show just how well Furina masks her autistic traits!

Furina: I see you’ve escaped the crowds to seek refuge on the second floor. Fame can be overwhelming at first, can’t it? Perhaps you’d benefit from hearing about the experiences of a veteran celebrity such as myself?

Lynette: No thanks, I’m good. Pretty sure this’ll be my first and last time in this situation…

Furina: Hey, at least let me finish! I have top tips on dealing with belligerent reporters, slipping away to hunt down snacks during the intermission…

Lynette: …Tell me everything.

Conversely, when alone, Furina will stay up late reading or doing something else that interests her and will not feel the same need to stop and rest, because when alone, there is no need to expend extra energy worrying about socializing properly.

At the beginning of the Fontinalia Film Festival limited event story, Traveler and Paimon go to Furina’s apartment and she answers the door sounding a bit groggy.

Paimon: Did you just get up, Furina? It’s already past noon, you know…

After Traveler chastises Paimon for being rude, Paimon panics and says something nonsensical about how the weather is so nice in the afternoon and sleeping in is fine, actually, and Furina responds that she’s just a bit tired because she was up late reading:

Furina: I was just up late last night reading some novels…

When focused on an interest, it’s very easy for an autistic person to lose track of time and it can be difficult to break out of the focused state and go to bed. (This is a trait that overlaps significantly with ADHD.)

2. Alexithymia is a difficulty with identifying, processing, and expressing your own emotions, and in extreme cases presents as an almost total lack of emotion. Some degree of alexithymia is common in autistic people.

I believe, in the flashback scene below from Act V of the Fontaine Archon Quest, that Furina genuinely did not realize she was upset and did not realize she was crying, which could be explained by alexithymia.

Fontainian citizen: Are… are you crying?

(If you played this part with the English voice acting and interpreted it differently, try listening to it in Chinese- Furina’s voice sounds completely confident and in control the entire time, and it’s not until the other person points out she’s crying that Furina sounds at all upset.)

Fontaine AQ Act V, Chinese audio: (link starts video at 3:22:00) https://youtu.be/T-AbXi5bufk?si=fl8xSwkQ0rRLFPQU&t=12121

I am a believer that Furina and Focalors were originally the same person, and Focalors is just Furina’s divinity and pre-archonhood memories— so if Furina is autistic, Focalors is autistic.

While talking to Neuvillette, Focalors is extremely matter-of-fact with her explanation of her plan, very matter-of-fact about the suffering of her own human self, and very matter-of-fact about her own impending death. There is no show of emotion— she just tells Neuvillette the facts. This could be related to alexithymia, but regardless it is a very autistic way of communicating that is often misinterpreted as cold and uncaring. In actuality, someone who is willing to sacrifice their own immortality, divine power, and freedom to save other people’s lives cares a great deal, even if the tone of their voice doesn’t reflect it!

Focalors: I mean, did you think I would be the sort to enjoy peaceful repose while Furina suffered?

3. The autistic nervous system takes in a lot of information that a neurotypical person’s would filter out as not being important enough to bother with- this is why autistic people are so much more sensitive to sounds, lights, textures, and any changes in the environment. Too much sensory input can actually feel painful.

There is a documented instance of the Opera Epiclese becoming so loud that Furina was overstimulated enough to yell at everyone to be quiet.

Furthermore, post-Archon Quest, after moving out of the Palais Mermonia and into her own apartment, Furina eats primarily macaroni for an unspecified amount of time— weeks or months on end. After a huge life change, it’s common for an autistic person to want anything they can control to be the same, so their brain has more space to process everything that’s different.

There is no neurotypical explanation for eating the same food over and over to the exclusion of everything else. It makes no sense to someone who doesn’t experience overstimulation and distress at too much change. Case in point, during Furina’s Story Quest, Traveler and Paimon are rather baffled:

Traveler: …Don’t you get sick of macaroni every day?

Furina: Not at all. As long as you have different kinds of sauces in, you can have macaroni and tomato sauce one week, macaroni and bolognese the next…

Notice that Furina says “macaroni and tomato sauce one week,” implying that she’s fine with just that sauce for an entire week, and then uses a different sauce for the next entire week. Still not very much variety!

Paimon: Oh, sounds like you’re really struggling to cope… Traveler: Is it because you have to do all your own cooking now?

Yes, Furina is struggling to cope, but not because she’s incapable of learning how to cook more complex dishes! She’s just too burnt out to want to make or eat a variety of things right now. Furina explains this and Paimon doesn’t believe her, but since we know that Furina’s special dish is an even more extravagant version of La Lettre a Focalors, if Furina is capable of baking at that level, she would certainly be capable of cooking.

4. Stimming, or self-stimulatory behaviors, are repetitive actions that serve to regulate or soothe the nervous system. There are countless behaviors that can be used as stims, but some common ones are rocking back and forth, hand flapping or waving, leg bouncing, skin picking or scratching, rubbing or squeezing a comforting object, dancing, spinning in circles, humming or vocalizing, or listening to the same song on repeat for hours. (It’s worth noting that stimming is not exclusive to autism— especially when stressed neurotypical people do some of these things too. Stimming can also be commonly exhibited by people with ADHD who aren’t autistic, although there are also a significant number of people with both ADHD and autism.)

One of Furina’s idle animations and also her normal attack sequence include behaviors that can be interpreted as stimming. Furina’s idle animation with Surintendante Chevalmarin involves her holding the seahorse up, waving her around, squeezing her tightly and rubbing her face on her head. Chevalmarin is made entirely of water and loves Furina dearly, and so does not mind being cuddled like a stuffed animal.

If you use all four of Furina’s normal attacks, she spins around several times and the final attack culminates with her spinning on a bubble and swinging her sword for AOE. If you use just three of Furina’s normal attacks and do not append any additional actions, Furina spins around again before plunging the tip of her sword into the ground (I do not have a gif of this). Furina also spins around when added to your 4-character party. That’s a lot of spinning, which certainly makes it seem like a preferred stim!

5. I got this far without mentioning special interests because I have so much other evidence that I hardly need to bring it up— but since it’s a much more commonly recognized autistic trait than many of the things I discussed at the beginning, I will include this part of Furina’s teapot dialogue, which does indicate that Furina engages in special interests:

Furina pretty much defines “special interest” with the above statement: it’s something that you’re interested in (to the point that it may feel like an obsession) and you have to know everything about it!

These are just a few examples of autistic traits that Furina exhibits— there are absolutely more. Furina is shown many times to have a high level of near constant anxiety despite being someone who is confident enough to perform on stage. This anxiety could come from other sources, like c-PTSD, but it’s very common for a high-masking autistic person to have chronic anxiety from being hyper-aware of avoiding potential social blunders, repressing stimming to appear more “normal,” and dealing with the increased risk of overstimulation that comes with repressing stimming.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Even if you don’t agree with my interpretation of the character, I do genuinely hope you learned something about autism.

[marumaruz-haikyuu-agere]

Hq disability Headcanons

A somewhat detailed list of my haikyuu medical headcanons

Nishinoya Yuu - Type 1 diabetes and sensory neuropathy

Was diagnosed at 5

Inherited from parents

Prefers an insulin pump to insulin injections

Diabetes causes his sensory neuropathy

Nerve damage in his arms causing bruises because he can't tell when to stop practicing

Kenma Kozume - Hearing loss in both ears, noise damage

Plays games and music with the volume too high causing damage from all the years he's been doing it

Doesn't like to admit that he has hearing problems

Uses CIC (Completely In the Canal) hearing aids because they're small and unnoticeable

Also uses his hair to cover them because even when he knows they're hard to see he's still pretty self-conscious about them

Tendou Satori - Vitamin B deficiency, Motor Neuropathy, Audhd

Tendou has a vitamin B12 deficiency which results in him developing peripheral neuropathy, more specifically motor neuropathy

It causes him muscle spasms/twitching and gives him a barely noticeable foot drop

I think he has Audhd and struggles with paying attention and wanting to move around a lot

He doesn't have a specific hyperfixation exactly but is full of lots of little facts about lots of things

Hinata Shoyo - Audhd, Dyspraxia

I don't think i really need to explain Hinata's Audhd but I will anyways

It's one of the reasons he has so much energy while he's practicing, because he already struggles with staying still but also because it's one of his special interests

It helps him more if things are explained at the speed his brainis going instead of going slowly

I think he has Dyspraxia too because it explains a lot of his struggles in volleyball

It also ties into why the quick attack pair works so well because Hinata has to focus less on getting everything right himself and can put his attention into his motor skills

Oikawa Tooru - Osteoarthritis

Osteoarthritis is pretty common

It causes joint pain and stiffness in most cases

And it's most common in places like the knees

It's usually from old age but in Oikawa's case it's from trying to play after an injury without letting it fully heal

But he refuses to admit that he has a problem

Kageyama Tobio - Dyslexia

He's incredibly dyslexic

Nobody knows though, everyone just thinks he's really dumb

He has consulted someone about it unfortunately he talked to Hinata who also has mild dyslexia mixed with the fact that his eyes won't stay on one point on his page

They both think that letters and numbers do that for everyone and that they just haven't figured out how to read it properly

Ushijima Wakatoshi - Autism

Definitely autistic

Pretty high functioning though

He's pretty slow on some social cues but the basic ones have been worked out in his brain

He has quite a high tolerance for most stuff but he's not the biggest fan of messing up schedules

Tsukishima Kei - Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Was partially inherited because Akiteru showed signs of it but not enough for a diagnosis

I think he specifically has cEDS (Classical EDS) because it fits him the most

I think he's been pretty used to his joints dislocating sometimes but doesn't realise that everyoen else around him isn't

The first time Yachi saw it she almost fainted

Particularly with cEDS people have easily bruised/breakable skin on their forehead, knees, shins and elbows

He has a few pretty big scars on his knees and shins from when he was a kid

They're also quite wide because with cEDS wounds heal quite slowly and leave wide scars

Bokuto Koutaro - Borderline Personality Disorder

This wasn't originally my idea (He wasn't actually going to be on here but it got pointed out to me yesterday)

BPD comes in four stages, Emotional instability, Disturbed patterns of thinking, Impulsive behaviour and Unstable relationships

With emotional instability it's usually intense negative emotions and severe mood swings which could contribute to his 'emo modes'

During disturbed patterns of thinking he'd get upsetting thoughts (like his emo mode) and hallucinations and distressing thoughts that he can't be talked out of

Impulsive behaviour is one i think he has less negatively but it's commonly negative in most cases

His impulsive behaviours are less harmful to himself and others

Unstable relationships are when he attaches himself to someone and I think that person/people would be Akaashi and Kuroo

Them trying to leave him would not go well, it's why he contacts them all the time because he doesn't like the feeling that they might leave him

[ungodlysaltyinfrastructure]

Hey… so uh… Alux witnessing his mother die in front of him, anyone?

Aha. So um. I inexplicably went missing on tumblr...

Why? I tried deleting an experimental side blog I didn't need/want, and because I don't know how tumblr works, I had actually deleted my main account (Note to self, never venture off into the account settings, WITHOUT CHECKING WHICH BLOG IM ON) I was devastated about it, but, it may have been a good thing for me, question mark? I had been embroiled in toxic queer discourse (aphobia sucks), and it took a toll on my mental well-being. So I took this unfortunate deletion of my work as a sign to relax a bit, despite the pit of panic that formed when this happened. Luckily, I'm better! (again >_>) and I still love Alux Rising, so here I am, making my grand return! back at it again with more way too long character analysis!

I would've posted about my abrupt leaving of tumblr sooner as I was eager to explain everything, but then AR 14 dropped soooooooooooo

Okay. Ar 14. Just made me incredibly happy. A major thing that had been missing for me was actual depictions of Alux as a child. He goes on about how his childhood was rough, but we never actually got to see such. Only the aftermath of such childhood with his relationship to Elric.

Now that we've seen it,

Oh God. It explains, a lot. I always thought Alux acted weird, so much so that I started to theorize that he was *actually* autistic/ASD (More Asperger's Syndrome but that term is no longer used)

But now…

I still hold firm in my Autistic Aro Alux Headcanon, but now his “lack of character” makes more sense to me.

It's made out that Alux's lack of character was prominent in his childhood, as his mother says that one day, he'll learn to like whatever he likes, and he'll be his own person, inferring that he doesn't understand that yet as a child. That's really intriguing to me. Apparently, his blandness was apparent in his childhood, and now in his adulthood. And it seems that the only thing he fully knows how to do, is to help people. If this lack of uniqueness to his character was in his childhood, then maybe the fact that Alux is bland is a defining character trait for him. One that will be overridden by this developing story of Alux rising. (Aha! Character development!)

Now, in relation to Alux and his parents.

It seems like he followed his mom more than his dad. That's why he brings her up in his and Elric's argument, and why he says “I like what you like!” and “I want to be just like you” To her in the memory.

And upon further rewatching, my heart just broke.

In the memory, Alux's mom says “But remember to be the best version of yourself, and to treat others how you want to be treated.”

How does Alux treat others currently? *He constantly helps them. protecting them, making sure they're OK.*

*sigh*...

Ok.

I'm really glad that we got this flash back. It actually helps put some character into Alux (even if it being trauma) and his lack of reaction to a lot of things makes much more sense. Even after the whole flashback, his lack of talking about the memory for why he had such a strong reaction feels very realistic considering the circumstances.

Another thing I realized, when Alux snaps out of it, the surrounding magic of green crystals is the orchids. I'm crying.

It most definitely seems like witnessing his mother's death stunted Alux's mental development to a degree, mostly in the sense that he doesn't fully know who he is, what he wants, or what he likes with what seemed to be his only supporting figure in his life now gone. If he still had his mother, maybe he would've turned out differently. (Wow shocker, I know.)

And honestly, we all knew Alux was traumatized, but I did not expect it to be to THIS extent. I just thought his mom died of an illness, and he wasn't there to see it but she was gone.

I was. SO WRONG.

Dead wrong. One could say.

Like Alux's mom- *cough*

anyways- yea Alux's nickname should definitely be Horny, Professor Red- oops, sorry *GEARS* comes up with the best nicknames, in fact he should become president and deliver every presidential speech in his rhyming scheme.

Oh and James is not dead,

Apparently.