#signed by an autistic person who was to put up with

[giratina-and-the-skys-bouquet]

[badolmen]

‘They may start to send threatening emails’ lucky for you I have a permanent autism status effect that renders me immune to all verbal or written threats because I assume they are confused/the message is not intended for me. Not to mention I survived anon hate and harassment on tumblr dot com; the university’s union-busting intimidation tactics have no power over me - they won’t even send death threats.

[midwestgender]

for every sports team in a highschool they should have two. one for the people who are actually good at it on competitive level and then one for people who just want to do it for fun/exercise. i think Fuck Around teams would be immensely popular actually

[a-spes]

I was thinking about what going out with Wanda and Nat' as an autistic person would be like, because I feel they would be such supportive and accommodating girlfriends.

I feel like they would be absolutely perfect at anticipating your meltdowns because they know you so well that they've learned to read the signs.

—

You went to the restaurant with them and a part of the team for a girls night. You were having a great time and everything was going fine, until it was not anymore.

Quickly, everything became too much. The sound of the cutlery, the people eating, walking, talking, .. it is all giving you the urge to rip your ears off so you could eventually be at peace. It is getting so loud, and so obsessing, that you can't think about anything else.

Obviously, they saw what was happening before you did. It always happens that way, because you keep pushing your boundaries, always refusing to acknowledge the signs of an upcoming meltdown.

But they do.

The women know the signs. There is no chance that they would miss the way you stopped talking a moment ago, how you are not eating anymore, you fork playing with your food without actually taking a bite. There is also that slight frown on your face that betrays your worries. It is obvious that you are getting more restless as the minutes go by — you wouldn't stop shifting in your seat, unable to find a comfortable position.

You were sitting in front of them. You are the one who insisted on taking this specific place, if it was up to them, you would have spent the dinner between them, but you wanted to be as close as possible from Kate and Yelena. They are funnier — but you wouldn't tell that to Wanda and Natasha, you don't want to get in trouble.

“Come here, baby. You should definitely have a bite of my meal, you would love it,” she calls, and you don't hesitate a second before joining her, sitting on her lap when she silently asks you to do it. The meal was just an excuse because the woman is aware that you would have never admitted your struggles if she had simply asked if you were fine.

She feeds you a first bite, then handing you the fork so you can take more of the meal by yourself. It allows her free hands to find a place on your ears that they are now covering. Her touch is soothing, especially with her thumb running circles on your scalp, and so is her gesture. It may doesn't dumb down the world completely but, at least, it makes everything a little more bearable.

In the meanwhile, Natasha left to buy some headphones at the nearest shop. Unfortunately, they have forgotten yours at home. Yet, she doesn't care about spending hundreds on new ones — partly because it is Tony's money, mainly because she thinks you deserve it. When she comes back, less than fifteen minutes later, and eventually put the headphones in your ears, it feels like bliss. The world is eventually quiet, and you feel like you can properly breathe for the first time in the past hour.

[cripplecharacters]

I am writing a story which includes a Deaf character. She is mostly included via text. As the main character is long distance, autistic and nonverbal. So most of their communication up until the point they meet, is text messages. When they meet, both characters use auslan to communicate.

But for the text, how could / would the Deaf character type? Like auslan translated to words directly, something like 'help I want'. Or more traditional English, like 'I want help'. Or a mixture of auslan syntax and English. Or something else.

Thanks. Oh and I am not Deaf myself. I know some auslan and am learning some more. But I am autistic and nonverbal. If any of that is important to your response.

Hi!

My answer is, it depends.

Someone who grew up with auslan as a first language and little exposure to spoken or written English is more likely to type with auslan grammar than someone who grew up speaking.

Some who grow up in Deaf households will specifically learn written English grammar as a second language from a young age. A character like this will likely type in spoken English grammar. (They may still find auslan grammar more natural!)

A character who grew up deaf but language deprived and non-speaking, who then learned sign language at an older age but still as their first or only language, would likely use auslan grammar.

A character whose first or only language is sign will likely feel most comfortable signing, even to chat. It's honestly very frustrating how long some words are when they take just a second to sign. There are plenty of ways to just send a video rather than text messaging!

I would say from my experience with Deaf people of different backgrounds, here are some common grammar markers in writing:

Spelling errors.

When fingerspelling, the first and last letters along with the general shape of the word are more important than every letter in the correct order. Same ends up happening with written words.

There's also sometimes a difficulty remembering names. Personally I remember name signs very easily (helps that they often relate to a person's appearance or personality!) but actually remembering the person's written name? Very hard!

Plurality and verb tense.

[Note: the following examples are true of ASL and I'm fairly certain auslan as well, but I don't know if they're true in every sign language.]

"I want" is signed similar to "he wants" (only difference is pronoun), and "car" is the same sign as "cars" (clarify plurality through context and descriptors).

In written English it can be a struggle to pick the correct form of a word when they're all the same in sign language!

A character who grew up in an oral environment would likely struggle less with this, though it depends on their exposure to written language.

Slang/Translation.

There aren't good translations for a lot of signs, especially slang. It may be difficult to put those into words.

Reactions especially--like how hearing people say "mhm", there are Deaf equivalents, but they can be hard to represent textually.

Another translation problem is when the sign and the written equivalent don't quite match up. For example the ASL sign "for" can be used in the question "for-for?" which is best translated as "for what?" or "what for?" but will often be written out as "for for?" because that is literally the sign.

To recap: it depends on your character's background what grammar they will use, but if they're a native signer, "perfect" English grammar isn't super likely. Of course there are exceptions to everything I've written, these are just some patterns I've observed :) [smile face]

Mod Rock

[frankingsteinery]

i’ve seen a lot of people in general agreement of the headcanon that victor is on the spectrum, but i’ve very rarely seen someone examine the why, and being the persnickety superfluous person that i am (and not being immune to projection myself) i thought i’d try my hand at it and break down his autistic traits!

disclaimer that this interpretation is speculative and is simply my unprofessional neurodivergent opinion + it’s based on contemporary understandings of psychology, which were not part of shelley's context, however autistic people have always existed even if there wasnt a word for it during that time period, etc etc. you know the drill

without further ado!

-- communication & social interaction

first and foremost, many autistics struggle with socialization. victor’s inclination to attach himself to a single friend (henry) and only talking to those inside of his close circle rather than forming many connections reflects this tendency, and he himself acknowledges his dislike and indifference of strangers. for example:

“It was my temper to avoid a crowd and to attach myself fervently to a few. I was indifferent, therefore, to my school-fellows in general; but I united myself in the bonds of the closest friendship to one among them”

“My life had hitherto been remarkably secluded and domestic, and this had given me invincible repugnance to new countenances… I believed myself totally unfitted for the company of strangers”

furthermore, he lacks relationship degradation (he does not require regular interaction or relationship maintenance to sustain a bond). during the creation process, he (presumably) goes months without writing to his family and friends, which clerval lectures him for:

“Very well, and very happy, only a little uneasy that they hear from you so seldom. By the by, I mean to lecture you a little upon their account myself."

yet upon his arrival at ingolstadt:

"...nothing could equal [his] delight on seeing Clerval."

victor also takes things literally several times and social nuances can fly over his head. he demonstrates this literalism when first meeting elizabeth:

"And when, on the morrow, she presented Elizabeth to me as her promised gift, I, with childish seriousness, interpreted her words literally and looked upon Elizabeth as mine"

and, of course, the infamous i will be with you on your wedding-night scene, when the creature obviously means he tends to harm elizabeth, not victor himself:

“It is well. I go; but remember, I shall be with you on your wedding-night.” I started forward and exclaimed, “Villain! Before you sign my death-warrant, be sure that you are yourself safe!"

he also goes nonverbal and groans/vocalizes instead of speaking when upset. there's several instances of this that i can recall (i believe another is with walton), but i could only find one, where elizabeth has to speak for him during their visit to justine:

"When she saw who it was, she approached me and said, “Dear sir, you are very kind to visit me; you, I hope, do not believe that I am guilty?” ... I could not answer. “No, Justine,” said Elizabeth"

and this is more of a sidenote but he gives walton every. minute. detail. of his story, including his childhood in-depth (which was not particularly relevant to the moral of victors tale, which was the whole reason he wound up sharing his story in the first place) which definitely feels like. Something. reminiscent of infodumping almost.

-- repetitive behaviors

victor shows both repetitive motions and repetitive language to such an extent that it'd be ridiculous to put them all here, particularly when he is distressed and agitated. some of these motions include clasping his hands, covering his face with his hands, and gnashing his teeth, which he does on walton's boat, after finding out about william's death, in his confrontation with the creature, during his time at the orkney islands, etc. the use of certain phrases/verbal repetition  include his many "great god!"s and "begone!"s, which he usually says in reaction to the creature or while grieving a loved one. these behaviors are arguably self-stimulatory (stimming) and done to cope with overwhelming, stressful situations.

-- fixations/spinterests

ths one's perhaps his most blatant characteristic. victor has a highly focused, intense interest, initially in in the workings of the world itself:

"It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn... still my inquiries were directed to the metaphysical, or in its highest sense, the physical secrets of the world."

"The world was to me a secret, which I desired to discover;"

"I have described myself as always having been imbued with a fervent longing to penetrate the secrets of nature"

this is to the extent that his education is noticeably different from his peers, both in acceleration in the topic of his choice and neglect of other, more typical studies due to the intensity of this focus:

“I confess that neither the structure of languages, nor the code of governments, nor the politics of various states possessed attractions for me.”

“…but by some fatality the overthrow of these men disinclined me to pursue my accustomed studies.”

this early fixation eventually narrows into a special interest in ancient alchemy, after victor finds one of agrippa's works and a "new light seems to dawn upon [his] mind," upon which he proceeds to acquire all the works of agrippa and other authors:

"When I returned home my first care was to procure the whole works of this author, and afterwards of Paracelsus and Albertus Magnus. I read and studied the wild fancies of these writers with delight; they appeared to me treasures known to few besides myself"

this remains his special interest until he is a teenager, upon which, after finding out ancient alchemy has been disproven, he takes up mathematics until his arrival at ingolstadt. then, his interest shifts into a fixation on natural philosophy, particularly chemistry, which becomes his "sole occupation":

"He concluded with a panegyric upon modern chemistry, the terms of which I shall never forget... one by one the various keys were touched which formed the mechanism of my being; chord after chord was sounded, and soon my mind was filled with one thought, one conception, one purpose"

"I read with ardour those works, so full of genius and discrimination, which modern inquirers have written on these subjects... the stars often disappeared in the light of morning whilst I was yet engaged in my laboratory. As I applied so closely, it may be easily conceived that my progress was rapid. My ardour was indeed the astonishment of the students, and my proficiency that of the masters"

which, of course, develops into an interest in physiology and the structure of the human frame, which leads to his obsession over the secret of life, followed by being "thus engaged, heart and soul, in one pursuit" during the creation of the creature.

-- intense, volatile emotions; resistance to change

in general, victor is very emotionally demonstrative, and has difficulty managing these emotions. he also experiences quick fluctuations in emotion. this is something he has experienced since childhood, and is something he maintains as an adult, when he acknowledges that:

"My temper was sometimes violent…"

some examples of these shifts in emotion:

"My heart, which was before sorrowful, now swelled with something like joy..."

"Sometimes he commanded his countenance and tones and related the most horrible incidents with a tranquil voice, suppressing every mark of agitation; then, like a volcano bursting forth, his face would suddenly change to an expression of the wildest rage as he shrieked out imprecations on his persecutor"

hand in hand with his emotional dysregulation, he shows resistance to change and has strong reactions to this change. the most obvious example of this is during the animation of the creature:

"The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings of human nature... but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart"

"Mingled with this horror, I felt the bitterness of disappointment; dreams that had been my food and pleasant rest for so long a space were now become a hell to me; and the change was so rapid, the overthrow so complete!"

but it also occurs when moving to ingolstadt, suggesting a discomfort with unfamilarity and a need for stability:

I threw myself into the chaise that was to convey me away and indulged in the most melancholy reflections. I, who had ever been surrounded by amiable companions, continually engaged in endeavouring to bestow mutual pleasure—I was now alone.

-- black-and-white thinking

this aspect is most clearly shown through the way victor thinks about, and drops and gains interests and relationships. he spends years studying ancient alchemy and it is his principle interest, and then drops it on a dime and suddenly looks upon this passion with contempt:

“By one of those caprices of the mind which we are perhaps most subject to in early youth, I at once gave up my former occupations, set down natural history and all its progeny as a deformed and abortive creation, and entertained the greatest disdain for a would-be science which could never even step within the threshold of real knowledge. In this mood of mind I betook myself to the mathematics and the branches of study appertaining to that science as being built upon secure foundations, and so worthy of my consideration”

later, he spends four years with his mind filled with "one thought, one conception, one purpose" studying the processes of life so intensely he forgoes adequate food, water and rest. this culminates in the creation and subsequent animation of the creature, which he again turns around and abandons this interest immediately, to the extent that he cannot bear to think of natural philosophy:

Ever since the fatal night, the end of my labours, and the beginning of my misfortunes, I had conceived a violent antipathy even to the name of natural philosophy.

it's a very polarized, all-or-nothing approach that is mirrored with his relationships, too, which he alternatedly neglects -- he cuts contact when he goes to ingolstadt but abruptly picks it up again when henry comes into his life; when the creature flees victor's apartment, victor treats it as if he never existed entirely; his family only comes to the center of the narrative again when he gets the letter from alphonse about william's murder, despite 2 years having been passed at ingolstadt, etc.

and finally;

-- low empathy

victor repeatedly focuses solely on his own internal emotional experience, and struggles to fully comprehend and understand the depth of feelings of others and respond with compassion in conventional ways. during justine's trial, for instance, he elevates his own suffering above justine's, even as she faces her literal execution:

I rushed out of the court in agony. The tortures of the accused did not equal mine; she was sustained by innocence, but the fangs of remorse tore my bosom and would not forgo their hold.

Despair! Who dared talk of that? The poor victim, who on the morrow was to pass the awful boundary between life and death, felt not, as I did, such deep and bitter agony. 

similarly, victor dismisses ernest's grief after william's death, he frames it in terms of how it affects himself -- telling ernest to "be more calm" to avoid causing his own discomfort:

Ernest began to weep as he said these words. “Do not,” said I, “welcome me thus; try to be more calm, that I may not be absolutely miserable the moment I enter my father’s house after so long an absence.

this detachment suggests not deliberate cruelty (victor very clearly loves his family, and he's said to be kind several times) but a limited capacity to process and respond to other's emotions. this is a detachment that extends to his views of the dead. during the creation of the creature, he refers to the corpses he utilizes as only "materials" instead of once having been fully-fledged human beings, and he does not contemplate the lives or dignity of the deceased.

aaaaaand thats it! thank you for indulging my. headcanon projection land. let me know what you all think...

[librarycards]

do you have any advice for trying to build/find a community? i’m autistic with pretty severe social anxiety and haven’t had friends since grade 5 (i’m 29 now). i don’t work atm and didn’t go to college due to ‘mental illness’ or whatever. i’m really clueless about how to find a support system or even make a friend but it sure would be beneficial right now i think

sure! a great way to start is to get on some of your local facebook pages, or even nextdoor - it can be a shitty place for neighborhood karens, but at least my local page has people talking about free stuff they're leaving on the curb, someone whose grandma needs a ride, a bake sale at the school, and even meetups dependent on age/interest/etc.

some more ideas, starting w the obligatory: GO TO THE LIBRARY! they have so much centralized info there. there is probably a book club, there is probably some kind of volunteer sign-up sheet. there are probably bored librarians who can help you find other stuff. at least in my area, there are also fairly regular non-university-affiliated things (i live in a college town) at local bars, cafes, and art spaces/studios - check to see if there are any local IG pages posting about these events. that's how i found out about a bunch of mine. libraries have events, too, as do local bookstores, and they're almost always free.

the suggestions i'm throwing out all have basically the same goal: mix with people you haven't met before. building bonds takes time, and the process only starts when you and someone else say hello to one another. you don't have to be besties ever. you don't necessarily have to stay close. but knowing one person who maybe likes the same book as you, or shares some other interest, leads to more people, and soon you know someone who has a car, someone who has an extra ironing board, someone who can host a get-together in their yard because everyone else is a renter. support systems aren't found. they're not easy or inevitable. they're built through collective engagement and practice! and they start, generally, by happenstance, when people put themselves in each others' way.

when i moved here alone in 2020, i met some of my now-closest friends not primarily through grad school events (which didn't happen bc of lockdowns and such) but through going to the park and saying hi outdoors; stocking food in our local free fridges, and meeting tinder-friend dates masked, 6 ft apart in random public places. we kept doing that and our relationships strengthened, as they do. these days, i meet people through the friends i have - through shared classes back when i was in coursework, through organizing/union stuff and volunteering, through the occasional social event i just kinda show up at and hope for the best. there's a degree of inertia to this stuff - it gets smoother the more you do it!

you are *NOT* the only person around you who needs a friend. i promise. people are really lonely and often scared to admit it, and this is a great time to connect with people who also feel the urgency of community + anxiety around making it happen.

[fgefrgbghv]

Astrology notes 1: Family & genetics & my placements

Capricorn Moons - very unstable, irresponsible and childish and overall can have a terrible, irresponsible and childish mother, often absent father, often are the oldest kids who raised themselves, their other siblings and partly also their parents.

Experiences: my best friend is an oldest child cap moon who raised basically themselves, her mother is almost as shit as mine,, which is A LOT,, also her father tends to be on long work trips a lot. like,, majority of her life and ive never actually seen him except her jokin glike two times about him being autistic -

Scorpio Sun - Often Black sheep of their family - raw, wild, different from their family and often put aside in a different box cuz of it.

Experiences: my scorp sun dad - he is literally an adhd energetic worcaholic goofball in a house full of conversative "mental differences & ilnesses aren't real" (I mean, he is this too tho-) lazy people. or at least,,, he grew up to be. I hope we're not like this lol.

Also this thing about scorp placements being neurodivergent -

Experiences: my moon and my dad's sun, both having adhd and possible autism

Scorpio Moon - The worst moon sign to have objectively. A terrible, over-controlling, border narcissistic mom. Were literally taught to be feared by her and her obsessions. Have it the worst. Also they get so much trust issues from their parents and overbearing, too-involved and wanting to be controlling everything in their lives, mother, so they aren't very good with relationships, and often feel

Ecperiences: Me. I have it, also a very terrible and fanatic and often crazy, mad and frantic - not in a good way - described by people who she has around and me, who knows this aspect of her way too much,

On the contrary, Taurus Moons - Objectively the best moon placement to have. Imagine taurian qualities and that in a mother -- boom, now you have won.

Exps: - My brother is this, and remember that frantic mom we have? Well, if you saw her around him, you'd almost believe she is actually normal. They have a great relationship. I mean, she IS kinda awful, but like, doesn't make his life hell,, in contrary to mine.

People often tell people with Lilith in 10th their worst horrible horrible secrets and their dark side. And like when they tell it about them to anyone else they're always like "noooo, them??? They'd NEVER do that." and just people

I have Pluto in 11th - which makes me always on the edge of social groups, people not trusting me easily and always having a thin line between friends and enemies, mixed with my moon sign never knowing who to trust because I KNOW people are gonna turn their back on me a lot. Happened a lot always and will happen, anyways. Also, combined with my Lilith in 10th, women don't like me in general, so, personally, as a man-repulsed person... Yayyy. I have a loooot of people to talk to and to choose from, lmao.

Peace out, guys.

NOW TELL ME ASTROLOGY ISNT REAL

[tetric-electric]

tbh I think that the way Ashley Graves is so mischaracterized by the fandom says a lot about how people view grooming (or any type of manipulation) survivors (and autistic people). Let me explain:

Obviously, huge spoilers for Chapters 1 and 2 of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. This is just a psychoanalysis of Ashley, however to do so involves a LOT of lore.

To start off, I'm just gonna put a trigger warning right here for LOTS of talk about psychological manipulation, as well as neglect and ableism. If you feel uncomfortable reading about these subjects you are more than welcome to click off. Please stay safe.

What made me decide to do this rant:

A few months ago, I got a text from someone who was upset about me having Ashley as my PFP. I was initially like "okay, they don't like TCOAAL, so what", and then immediately after I got a text from them responding to an Instagram story I had basically saying that Ashley was "so me fr fr".

"Let me guess, you also kin Valentino"

Valentino, from Hazbin Hotel, as in the blatant physically + verbally + sexually abusive piece of shit who is in no way redeemable.

I had brushed this off as "maybe they just don't like Ashley", until they listed why.

...all of the reasons they gave fell under the main categories of "she's clingy, she's flirtatious with Andrew, and her sprites are made for the male gaze."

The male gaze thing was because she didn't appear to be wearing a bra. Which like... sexualizing much? For fuck's sake, she's locked in an apartment about to die, do you think wearing a bra would be a priority?

Secondly, her behaviour.

Admittedly, she's not a great person. But that's because she never learnt how to be.

In-game there is so so so SO much emphasis on how she acts childish, and how literally no one gives two shits about her. It doesn't take a professional psychologist to figure out that she never was able to develop properly. That's why she's so clingy, because Andrew is the one person who at least pretends to care about her. And then there's her flirtatiousness.

It's revealed in several flashbacks that the only way she could ever get Andrew's attention is to do something fucked up, as seen by her as a child killing Nina. Andrew then gives her attention for this, which establishes the connection that homicide -> attention, and attention = care and love and affection.

Due to the fact that she never had any friends, she never was able to have any type of love (whether that be platonic, romantic, etc.) reciprocated. Except for Andrew.

Andrew, throughout the game, proceeds to subtly encourage Ashley's flirtatiousness. She has no reference of this type of stuff not being okay, and thus her social isolation made her the perfect target.

Social isolation, gaslighting, coercion, threatening to hurt the person if they don't do the desired behaviour. You know what those are?

Textbook signs of manipulation.

I realized that people hate Ashley so much because since she's not aware of her situation being bad, she's unable to come to that realization. She's not perfect, let alone a 'good victim'. She only sexualizes herself because that's how she learned she can get affection and care.

So... where does the whole "Ashley is autistic" theory come from, then?

As stated by Renee Graves, Ashley was "a lot of work" as compared to Andrew (guess what, kids take work). Now, this alone wouldn't be any indicator. However...

It's shown that she was unable to make friends because she was "weird" and clearly didn't have an understanding of social cues and rules (which honestly hit close to home for me). It's also shown that she problem-solves differently (or at least differently than Andrew, who is seen as the "logical sane one") and also seems to be more of a hands-on learner (I forget if there's any actual proof of this, however upon analysis she is an ESFP, and ESFPs tend to be more hands-on (yes I'm aware that MBTI types are the psychology equivalent of horoscopes, but there is some truth to them)).

Not to mention how she's shown to have extreme emotions, and tends to have meltdowns (I apologize if this isn't the right word, I'm not sure what the term would be). The extreme emotions part can be part of how blatantly of a pwBPD she is, but BPD also tends to have a higher frequency of showing up in autistic people, especially autistic women.

In conclusion, people hate Ashley Graves because of how well-integrated ableism is in society, as well as the concept of a 'perfect victim'.

**Revision (30/12/2024): While I don't think Andrew is a full-on groomer, I do think that he was manipulative towards Ashley. I changed the wording to be more clear of that. Sorry for the confusion, everyone!

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

the thing that allistics talking about social skills never seem to grasp is that i do not SEE body language or facial expressions. i am not some innocent adorably stupid little darling who's never been taught what a frown means and so now i feel like everyone is hostile to me because i'm not participating in the Necessary And Unbiased social ritual that lets everyone know i'm Safe and a Real Person.

no, i spent 10 years regularly attending social skills courses. as in, weekly at minimum, for a lot of it daily. i still cannot read body language or facial expressions because i LITERALLY CANNOT SEE THEM. i am partially faceblind. my visual processing is ganked to the point that even though i am not blind i need to use IDs to understand images. these are VERY common traits in autism, this isn't a special "just me" thing. if someone makes a face at me, i can't SEE it. sometimes i can tell that some of their facial muscles are moving, but i have no idea what they're doing and very little ability to piece together what the end result looks like as a whole picture. sometimes i can see when someone is leaning away from me, or if their whole body is shaking or something, but anything less whole-body and cartoonish than that is literally invisible to me.

allistic social norms are built around treating me as scary and unsafe for not participating in them, and i LITERALLY CANNOT SEE a good portion of what they're based on. the less physical bits--implications and social context, etc--are 10x harder when you essentially can't speak half the language, and that's not even touching on how those parts can be near impossible on their own if you have a slow processing speed--which i also do. it takes me 30-60 seconds minimum to fully process a spoken sentence and understand what the unspoken and nuanced implications of it could be, and by then i have already been slotted into "unsafe creep" territory by being entirely silent for 45 seconds. and i am considered socially adept and to have very fast processing among my autistic peers. my barriers here are MINOR compared to someone very severely socially impaired.

this is why explaining to autistics the purposes of allistic social rules and nuances and giving us tips on how to navigate them is condescending and cruel as hell. you're dangling in our faces how important and necessary and integral it is to do something we literally CAN'T do and implicitly justifying us being seen as dangerous and socially undesirable for not doing it. and you're framing it as helping because you're "teaching" us. but it's like teaching a colorblind person color theory; maybe once in a while someone will be interested, but it'll always be significantly harder for them to learn than someone who isn't colorblind, and their experience with it will always be profoundly qualitatively different and produce different results, even subtly. and their existence doesn't mean that the REST of colorblind people who don't have that energy and time and investment should just put up with literally every road sign being written in red on green when you could just make signs that are black on white to begin with.

[happyhauntt]

a lack of caffeine — spencer reid.

writing masterlist | askbox

─── summary: caffeine makes the world go 'round. that's something you and spencer can agree on.

─── pairing: spencer reid x autistic!medical examiner!reader.

─── warnings: fluff, reader is autistic & a mom, spencer's iq gets slashed to sixty when he talks to pretty girls and it's my favourite thing. no use of y/n. swearing. i really fucking struggled with this it's so boring. thank you to everyone who requested a part 2!

─── word count: 1.8k.

     The call comes in at four in the morning.

     The screen reads three missed calls by the time its incessant buzzing rouses you from your slumber, and you pull it out from beneath your pillow. Squinting at the sudden brightness of it, an unlisted number stares back at you as your phone keeps vibrating insistently in your grip.

     When you finally wake up enough to realise it could be work, you answer it. Agent Hotchner's familiar voice is stern and low and only a little apologetic as he informs you that you're going to be required in the field for a new case, and you should be at the airfield within the hour.

��    There isn't enough time to ask any questions before the line clicks, and you're left blinking into the dim light of your bedroom as you try to gather your bearings.

     Sleep itches at the corners of your eyes, all gritty and blurry, and though part of your mind recalls reading this little clause in the contract you’d signed, that constant availability takes on a whole new meaning when you work for the BAU, you still take a moment to fantasise about pushing Aaron Hotchner off a cliff.

     You’re not a morning person. And you would argue that 4AM isn’t even the morning, it’s the middle of the night, and why can’t serial killers do their business during normal business hours?

     A new case. Not your first case since joining the unit as their resident independent medical examiner, but the first where you would join the rest of the team in the field. The first where you'll be required to exert federal authority over county coroners, where you'll have to step on toes in order to get the job done.

     You know they won't take too well to an outsider coming in and derailing their whole thing. You know you wouldn't. You used to be one of them, not that long ago.

     Ah, shit. As the drowsiness begins to fade out of your body, a light panic trickles in. Your skin starts to buzz as if you put your finger into a live socket. You grip your phone so hard it leaves a mark on your palm.

     It takes ten minutes to get ready, stumbling around your room and shoving clothes into a bag. You don't really care about matching socks, but you count out your underwear three times and hope you won't run out before the case is done. Do they have laundries you'll be able to use? Have the other members of the BAU ever encountered this problem? Should you pack your hair straightener or is it really going to matter?

     When you've finally dragged a brush through your hair and dumped the last of your toiletries into a ziploc bag, a dull realisation strikes you.

     Jackie.

     Going toe-to-toe with a rabid raccoon might be more appealing than waking up your sister-in-law in the middle of the night, but you don't really have much choice. She has to know what's going on, she'll be in charge of your daughter for however long you'll be gone, and leaving a note on the kitchen counter feels like the wrong move to make in this instance.

     Is there a protocol for this? A single-parent handbook you can check out at the library? This is something you really should've talked about when you got the job, you know that. You'd known it would require you to travel on occasion, often without prior notice, but it hadn't seemed like a big deal at the time. You'd brushed it under the rug, labelled it to be discussed later as if you and Jackie have ever actually sat down and done that.

     A thousand things sit unsaid between you. That rug has got a little mountain under it by now, almost impossible to ignore. It’s really only a matter of time before you trip over it.

     “Jackie. Jackie.”

     Your sister-in-law grumbles when you sneak into her room and poke her, hard and repeatedly, until she threatens to bite you. The news of your leaving doesn't take her by surprise — exhaustion seems to dull the stung of it — and she promises to call twice a day, every day, before she buries her face back into the pillow and starts to snore like a lawnmower.

     You hope she never, ever changes.

     Pressing a kiss to your sleeping daughter's forehead is the last thing you do before you finally manage to drag yourself out of the apartment. A dull ache thuds in your chest, where your heart should be. She'd looked so peaceful, so sweet, and you can't recall a time since she was born that you'd been apart from her for longer than a day. Her bright, happy giggle and wide eyes flash through your mind.

     As your car peels out of the parking garage, you feel distinctly like a piece of laundry someone hung out to dry and then forgot about.

     The sun is just beginning to kiss the horizon as you pull up to the airfield. Long streaks of a pink-fingered dawn creep across the sky. You flash your identification at the security guard and pull up alongside the jet, scrambling to grab your bag from the passenger seat.

     It doesn't surprise you that you're the last to arrive, but you'd hoped that wouldn't be the case.

     The clock just strikes 5AM as you clatter up the steps, practically falling into the aircraft. Technically, you're on time, but it still feels like you're late for class and your teacher is about to put it on your permanent record. A kind-faced hostess greets you, offers to stow your bag, and you flash her a sheepish smile as you hand it over and pass through the curtains into the main cabin.

     "Holy shit."

     You can't help yourself. Every single member of the team turns to look at you, craning their necks to see exactly who they're dealing with, but you can't even bring yourself to care. "This is a jet. It's actually... a jet."

     You blink at the open space as your jaw goes a little slack. Do you sound a little insane? Sure, and ordinarily you'd feel self-conscious with several pairs of unfamiliar eyes gawking at you, analysing your every movement as if it's their job to do so — and it actually is — but this honestly insane.

     You had no idea the BAU had this kind of budget. Do they own the plane? Do they rent it? Is it publically funded by the taxpayer, and why can't they fly commercial? Like, you're not complaining at all, those leather seats look so comfortable, but why—?

     An austere voice says your name once, twice, and you blink, looking up to find the furrowed brow of your boss frowning at you down the aisle.

     "Take a seat, doctor, we're about to take off."

     His tone leaves no room for argument. A flush rises in your cheeks, and you manage to stammer out an apology before throwing yourself into the nearest available seat, buckling your seatbelt.

     "It's a good thing you're the M.E and not a profiler, sweetcheeks." One of the agents nearest to you leans across the aisle. A charming grin spreads over his face as he offers up his hand in greeting. "Derek Morgan."

     "Oh, I know," you reply, shaking his hand firmly. "I, uh, looked you guys up after Dr. Reid paid a visit to the underworld and I didn't recognise him. Figured I should be a little more familiar with the other members of my team."

     "The underworld?" A blonde woman you realise must be Agent Jareau gives you a friendly, if slightly confused, smile.

     You shrug, suddenly a little embarrassed. Group settings have never been your thing. Too many people, too many unfamiliar eyes, far too many voices clashing together until it all becomes a sensory nightmare.

     You much prefer your little lab, and one-on-one conversations, usually with the unlucky cadavers that find themselves on your slab. They never talk back.

     "It's just what I call the morgue," you tell her. A loose bit of skin hangs off the edge of your nail, and you really, really want to pick at it. Fatigue hovers at the edge of your consciousness, and as the plane engines begin to roar, you find yourself wishing you’d made a coffee before leaving the apartment.

     You would have been late, for sure, but life would feel worth living so, y’know. Swings and roundabouts.

     "In Greek mythology, the underworld is where an individual goes after death. Early ideas suggest that someone’s essence, their psyche, is separated from their corpse at the point of death and transported to the underworld. Accounts differ on whether any judgement occurs, depending on which scholarship you’re citing." A familiar voice pipes up from the back of the plane and you glance over. The rich brown eyes looking back fill you with an odd warmth.

     More at ease with a familiar face, you settle back in your seat and lift your hand in a lazy wave. "Good morning, Dr Reid. It's nice to see you when I'm not elbow-deep in someone's intestines."

     Agent Jareau wrinkles her nose. "Now I'm really glad I didn't have time for breakfast."

     Reid's ears turn bright pink and he looks away, stuttering out his reply. "It's good to see you too. Uh, well, not good, given the circumstances, since there's a serial killer on the loose, but good because—"

     "We get the picture, Reid," Agent Hotchner cuts him off, and Reid turns his gaze back to the small window, a little flustered. Hotch looks, bizarrely, like he's trying not to smile. "Welcome to the team. We'll go over the case details once we're in the air."

     “Is there coffee in the air?” There might be a murder mid-flight otherwise. Really, how do they function at this time in the morning? The plane judders as it rolls over the tarmac, heading for the runway. “Or tea, or soda, or— Honestly, I’ll take whatever. I just don’t want to fall asleep in a body cavity later on.”

     Again.

     Reid finds himself nodding, entirely against his will. There’s something about the peculiar medical examiner, something he can’t quite put his finger on, but it makes him want to keep talking. More than usual, at least.

     He wonders if there’s duct tape on board. Or a parachute.

     “There’s coffee,” he confirms. Is his voice a little high?

     “Dr. Reid, I could kiss you—”

     Oh, hell. Judging by the way Morgan has a hand pressed to his mouth, stifling an obscenely loud chuckle, Reid suspects he’s never going to hear the end of this.

[eleganthologramcolor]

Autistic!Reader x Simon Riley

Tw suggestive, authors note- "this is based upon personal experience. Everyone experiences autism differently and this may be relatable to some and not to others."

Simon is a blunt man. He can be gentle with you, he knows his own strength, his size, the natural powerful resonance of his voice, he knows to take it down a notch for you. He's been trying to court you best he can for a while now. Both of you are shy in an awkward, stoic way. Stone faced and staring at each other's hands rather than the eyes, chatting awkwardly until obligatory small talk is over and finally conversation can trickle into something slightly more comfortable.

To an outsider, this is a very stilted and unnatural event. Both of you speak without even looking at each other in clipped responses, almost as if this is some sort of forced polite pleasantries that hide irritation from the public view.

Simon's a little bit more knowledgeable on you, though. It took a long while but finally he'd earned the privilege of your time, your company. It was something he'd cherished, how he didn't have to coax answers out of you anymore, how you offered them a little more freely. You didn't fidget as much anymore, at least not nervously, not glaring at the floor and chewing at your fingers while you wait for him to go away.

He'd finally had your number. You'd given it to him voluntarily, and he remembers tapping your contact in with shaky fingers, a little frown on his face, a sign of his own internal celebration, if you'd believe it.

Then came the complicated part.

Finally you'd reached a point with him when flirting was acceptable, feelings very much out in the open, interest made clear (verbally, it was a long conversation of, "in that way? Like that? Like romantic?" Not that he minded. Whatever it took), but somehow he found you pulling away, almost stubbornly, and he didn't know why.

His own blunt nature is unknowingly the cause.

It starts out small, a clipped conversation over text,

> You should pick out a place for dinner tonight.

It's how you both always communicated, blunt and to the point. You'd mentioned wanting to eat out someplace soon. So he'd take you tonight, or at least he thought. Your response confuses him.

> I don't want to go out tonight.

He might be used to blunt responses, but somehow he can detect a bit of irritation behind it. Has he done something wrong? Simon panics quietly for most of the day until he gets home to you. Where you're nice and calm, legs tucked under you where you sit, chin on your knees, watching your favorite show.

It happens again a week later, on one of his off days. He's spent the entire lazy weekend kissing at you, testing the waters with lingering touches, and when you reciprocate, he's over the moon, but still cordial, moving slowly and gently in case you'll put a stop to it. Finally, he's certain you'd want more, and he suggests, "we should head upstairs."

He watches for a moment as your face scrunched up. Minor irritation. You're quiet for a moment, and he gently retracts the statement, moving to just hold you close instead.

He wonders what he's done wrong. Simon spends another few days with similar instances, even being denied his routine morning goodbye kiss simply because he asked. It's not until he's listening idly one evening to you and a friend who's come over, that he perks up at something odd. You have a coughing fit. Nothing major, your throat's probably dry from talking all evening.

"Oh, are you okay? Go get some water!"

Your friend means well, but Simon looks over just in time to catch it. That flicker of irritation. Hesitation, even though clearly you'd like something to drink. You shake your head with a firm and quick insistence before returning to conversation.

That evening, he decides to test his theory.

You'd rejected his blunt demands for takeout and dinner plans. Even though you'd seemed excited for the idea previously.

"Thinking of going out to eat tonight."

He watches from the corner of his eye, as you perk up, sitting at the table with your books.

"Maybe that place in town. Haven't been in a week or so."

When you take a moment, sitting in thought, caught in that delicate limbo, he knows he's right. He's got to tread carefully, now. You'd let him go alone if he didn't invite you along, but you'd deny wanting to go at all if he told you to get ready.

"Don't think I want to go alone."

That gets you, nodding, eager to offer a solution to is predicament, and he smiles, hiding it with an awkward tilt of his head.

He doesn't mind it. He'll take time to learn you little by little, if that's what it takes.

[genevievefangirl]

Gen's Top 100 DBDA Fics - PART 7

For all caveats/rules/backstory, please read the Master Post

signed, sealed, delivered By: sulfuric @c-rowland Rating: G Tags: Fluff, Mutual Pining, Getting Together Summary: The misty remains of the thing haven’t even cleared from the air of the office when Smiley—still on his back, rolling over like a golden retriever—is looking again to Uptight and grinning wide in a way the Postman can only reliably describe as stupid. He’s been standing here observing the ruckus for a good minute, now, and the two of them are completely in their own world, unaware of anything but each other. It takes him a tick, but Uptight smiles, too. (or: the Postman, observing.) My Notes: This is really fun as an outsider’s POV fic and who doesn’t love the Ghost Postman?!

So Tie Me to a Post and Block My Ears By: that_trans_autistic_guy @that-trans-autistic-guy Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Hell, Trauma, Blindness, Deaf, Past Torture, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: Edwin loved his job. Truly, being a detective was something he’d daydreamed about in life and it was his reality in his afterlife, a genuine dream come true. Even better, he had the best partner and agency he could have ever asked for. The work was always intriguing and exciting, there was always more to learn and he always had his favorite person by his side. What more could he need? My Notes: Edwin having a panic attack and then Charles calms him down? Sign me up please! And the second chapter being Charles POV of the whole thing is the cherry on top.

solatium By: matelotage Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, PTSD Summary: It's not something Charles noticed right away in the heat of things, considering they'd been in hell the first time it happened, and at the mercy of a deranged witch the other. But they'd been the only times he'd seen Edwin without his usual posh school attire. My Notes: Charles giving Edwin his coat after the events of Ep 8 is EVERYTHING TO ME

Something’s gone terribly wrong (But I’ll make it better) By: Aster_Flower114 aStar_flower on twitter Rating: NR Tags: Fluff, Protective Charles Rowland, Injury Summary: Short fic about Edwin getting badly injured during a case and is reluctant to rest for a bit My Notes: Edwin refusing help/rest when he's hurt? So in character, but also makes me want to smack him lol

Soul Protector By: Ice_Elf @ice-elf Rating: M Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Charles Rowland, Soul Bond Summary: Whoever held the greatest claim on his soul could be worse than Doll Spider. They might doom him to an eternity of pain that even he couldn’t imagine. But he didn’t care: this chance of freedom—of snatching victory from the creature that had stolen decades of his existence—was far greater than any risk. “The claimant is unknown,” the Justiciar stated. “If they approach the court with the proper paperwork, or are willing to be put to the sword, we will revisit your case. ~ Following their return from Hell, Edwin and Charles had thought themselves safe. They had believed that Hell and its denizens had no more claim on Edwin's soul. Unfortunately, not everyone is of the same opinion. When Edwin is summoned to a tribunal to determine whether the Doll Spider or the Office of Lost and Found has the greater claim on his soul, it is up to Charles, Crystal and the Night Nurse to put things right. The truth, however, may be more complicated than it seems - and more than one of the agency will be forced to confront their demons. My Notes: This is truly one of the greats for me. The worldbuilding, the characterization, and the plot are all exactly what I want out of a fanfic. And Edwin and Charles are just so devoted and codependent in this it is unreal.

Spectral Rage By: Baby_Spinach @a-jasminator Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, FIrst Kiss, Whump, Protective Charles Rowland, Protective Edwin Payne Summary: "Hold on, you think I'd turn?" Charles demands. "Every ghost has a unique trigger, and I can't say I wasn't a little concerned on a few occasions in Port Townsend. Then, with that same look in your eyes just now…" Edwin isn't wrong; it's not like Charles hadn't been thinking the same thing. But he shakes his head and attempts a comforting grin--Edwin's got too much on his plate to waste time worrying about the one person who's supposed to look out for him. "Don't worry, mate, I'm aces. So how do we find this demonic arsehole?" -OR- All ghosts are capable of turning vengeful. When their quarry is revealed to be a demon from Edwin's past, Charles and Edwin learn something important about their own personal triggers. My Notes: References to Edwin's time in Hell? The boys being mutually protective? One of them turning into a dangerous powerful mess when the other is threatend? What's not to love!

Still a Better Lovestory By: Vamillepudding @vamillepudding Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: “That about did it,” Edwin says, patting himself down and straightening his bowtie. “Now, if you’re ready, I suggest we find a mirror and-“ “Did you just cough up a flower?” Charles interrupts. Flower, perhaps, is a slight exaggeration. It’s more like a petal, red and incredibly out of place here on the shore. Edwin clears his throat, but this time no petals follow. “Certainly it’s nothing to worry about.” Or: Edwin is suffering from a weird curse, but for some reason, he's refusing Charles' help. Charles is trying his best to fix it anyway, but Edwin is being oddly secretive about the whole thing. My Notes: I'll admit that I am not normally a Hanahaki desease persona, but this fic is amazing. And if you like Twilight references you will have a lot of fun with this!

still. By: Backstabberr @dulltulipz Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Protective Charles Rowland, Hurt Edwin Payne, Hurt Charles Rowland Summary: He reached out to take Edwin’s hand. “I realized…I loved you, that I’m in love with you,” Charles said, his eyes moving from his hands to meet Edwin’s. He was crying as well, his hand gripping Charles tighter. “And you were gone, I couldn’t tell you, I wouldn’t be able to kiss you or hold you. It just started and ended at that very moment.” Charles tripped over some of his words before shuttering, he breathed deeply. [aka Edwin is badly hurt to the point he falls into some sort of ghost coma, Charles inevitably has a revelation.] My Notes: Injuried Edwin to protective charles to love confesssion pipeline strikes again! (And I love it every time)

Stories left on our skin By: DryadGurrl @dryadgurrl Rating: T Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Magical Tattoos, Protective Charles Rowland Summary: Charles always hated re-doing the tattoos, but that was part of why he'd insisted on taking over the task in the first place, it was easier, somehow, being the one to etch those marks into Edwin's skin than it was watching him do it to himself. Or: Edwin has magical tattoos to help with his spellcasting and when a case goes south, it's up to Charles to replace them (and not for the first time) My Notes: I would have never come up with this idea, but it is brilliant. Charles redoing magical tattoos for Edwin is just such an intimate gesture and really shows how close their relationship is.

sun in my eyes By: pisces_spider @pisces-swirlix Rating: G Tags: Fluff, First Kiss, Romantic Soulmates, Platonic Soulmates Summary: When Edwin reads to Charles, everything is okay. Edwin tries to get to the bottom of why Charles likes it so much. (Or — Edwin and Charles treat reading aloud like it’s a love language) My Notes: Edwin reading to Charles is literally one of my favorite things ever.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🎈emoji so I’ll see it:

AITA FOR NOT HUGGING AN AUTISTIC KID? (Long read ahead)

ok so I’m a middle schooler (M), yes I’m 14 (old enough to be on the site) and today we were doing some end of year activities (eg. signing yearbooks, playing games, etc etc). And I was talking to a friend of mine we’ll call her V. Suddenly I was approached by a teacher who said that a kid (let’s say Jessica) wanted to talk to me. I was like “oh ok sure.” Jesica approached me and brought me a card. Now some background on Jessica:

So Jessica is autistic and in all different classes than me. I’ve interacted with her a few times, she seems to have some friends? I don’t really know. In the past I tried to be her friend not knowing she was autistic (this is the possibly asshole part) but her behavior was really strange as she would often say odd things that made me uncomfortable (not perverted or anything but just really awkward) and would really kinda creep me out so once my class with her was over I never spoke to her unless she initiated it which only happened once or twice. Another thing that really bothers me is that I co-lead our showchoir group with V and another student and it’s a difficult job that requires a lot of participation and effort from all the members. Yet Jessica hardly ever does anything, she just sits in a chair half the time while everyone else is working hard. I know that it’s a spectrum and not all autistic ppl are the same but there’s two other autistic dudes who both work super hard and help out a ton!

Anyway she insisted that it had to be a surprise and told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. I absolutely hate closing my eyes in public due to the worry that someone will touch me while my eyes are closed but I didn’t wanna upset her so I did it anyway. When I opened my eyes she’d placed a folded over piece of paper in my hands. She’d written a card in pink magic marker, it was almost illegible so all I could make out was “my full name and grade, the date, summer (have a good summer?), and school. She asked me to read it out loud so I mumbled a bunch of sounds together to make it seem like I was reading it even though I couldn’t tell what it said on account of the handwriting. She seemed satisfied so I thanked her telling her how much I appreciated and moved to leave when she said “and what do we say?” Confused I said “thank you”. I think that was the right answer? She then put out a hand toward me which is a pretty normal gesture in our school meaning you want the other person to dap you up. So I did, to which she seemed confused and tried to shake my hand. She then said “don’t I get a hug? You have to hug me right?” I HATE hugs. It brings back traumatic memories and I really really could not bring myself to hug her epesecially since I didn’t know her well. “I told her I’m sorry but I don’t do hugs. I just really don’t like them.” She looked disappointed at that and then said “that was really sweet of me right, writing you a letter?” I didn’t know how to reply to that so I said “yeah it’s great.” She replied saying I had to right her back and that I should “write it at home and give it to her the next day”. Knowing I’d forget, I just grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it to her right there. It was a simple paragraph on a different sheet of paper with the usual stuff, “have a good summer, you’re really cool, good luck in hs” the kind of stuff you write in someone’s yearbook. she seemed satisfied and she put her hand out again so I dapped her up again. She then shook my hand vigorously and walked away saying she’d see my tommorow.

I hated everything about this encounter but I still feel like I did a good job being nice and stuff even though I have a hard time being patient with people that pressure me to do things (eg. Writing her another letter, hugging, affirming her over and over, the handshake thing). Idk V said it was a strange situation and I handled it fine but again was not hugging her bad of me? Or like did I mess up in some other way? I have no beef with autistic people at all and I’m friends with a few of them but is it wrong of me to just not like her?

Also thanks for reading all that but if it was too long:

TLDR: autistic girl wanted me to hug her as thanks for her writing me a letter and I declined, aita?

[roseofthewind]

Furina and High-Masking Autism

A lot of people don’t know how to recognize high-masking autism because its presentation challenges many stereotypes about what autistic people are like, but Furina continues to be a perfect example of it.

It should go without saying, but I love Furina as a character and this analysis is in no way putting her down. Autism is an entirely neutral trait that carries through to adulthood, and if you have a strong negative reaction to the idea of a character you like being autistic, you have probably absorbed a lot of misconceptions about autism and have some unconscious prejudice to unpack.

In the paragraphs that follow, I am going to explain several autistic traits and give examples of how Furina displays each trait.

*thinking face on*

1. Autism is, at its core, a difference in the way the brain takes in, processes, and shares information. This can make it challenging to communicate with other people who don’t share this neurotype, but a high-masking autistic person has observed the way other people interact and spent years copying them, figuring out through trial and error how to act to best fit in and get the most positive responses from other people.

Furina’s ascension speech in Act V of the Fontaine Archon Quest, where she first presents herself to the people of Fontaine, is a great example of this observation of others with the goal of masking as well as possible. Furina initially gives the speech as comes naturally to her in a very straightforward and honest manner (also an autistic trait!). After the speech, she realizes that her citizens are responding with hostility to her humility and lack of authoritarianism, so she then plays off the original speech as a ruse and immediately redoes the entire thing more assertively according to the feedback she picked up on.

(Calm down, Furina… Think. Think. What do the people want? How would they imagine a god to speak and act?)

Fontaine AQ Act V, Chinese audio: (link starts video at 3:10:07) https://youtu.be/T-AbXi5bufk?si=eQADAWw6n8Sk0PZE&t=11407

This is the kind of social trial and error that many autistic people do over the course of years so that eventually we can say the “right thing” the first time around, and it’s a testimony to Furina’s skills as an actor that she course-corrects so quickly.

Because of all the constant mental calculations, social situations are usually very tiring for autistic people, even when the social event lines up with their interests. In Clorinde’s Story Quest, Furina has no interest in Navia’s suggestion of pulling an all-nighter to keep playing D&D (I mean, Tabletop Troupe!) and wants to go home and rest.

Furina: Huh!? Oh, um… I’m not sure I’ll have enough energy for that…

Furina has shown other signs of needing to take a break from socializing– for instance, in Lynette’s hangout event quest, Lynette gets tired of all the people at her post-performance reception and goes upstairs to a quieter room to find Furina already there.

Furina offers to give Lynette tips on the best ways to slip away from an event, and Lynette misunderstands at first and isn’t interested in Furina’s advice because she thinks Furina loves everything about the spotlight and doesn’t realize how much they have in common. This goes a long way to show just how well Furina masks her autistic traits!

Furina: I see you’ve escaped the crowds to seek refuge on the second floor. Fame can be overwhelming at first, can’t it? Perhaps you’d benefit from hearing about the experiences of a veteran celebrity such as myself?

Lynette: No thanks, I’m good. Pretty sure this’ll be my first and last time in this situation…

Furina: Hey, at least let me finish! I have top tips on dealing with belligerent reporters, slipping away to hunt down snacks during the intermission…

Lynette: …Tell me everything.

Conversely, when alone, Furina will stay up late reading or doing something else that interests her and will not feel the same need to stop and rest, because when alone, there is no need to expend extra energy worrying about socializing properly.

At the beginning of the Fontinalia Film Festival limited event story, Traveler and Paimon go to Furina’s apartment and she answers the door sounding a bit groggy.

Paimon: Did you just get up, Furina? It’s already past noon, you know…

After Traveler chastises Paimon for being rude, Paimon panics and says something nonsensical about how the weather is so nice in the afternoon and sleeping in is fine, actually, and Furina responds that she’s just a bit tired because she was up late reading:

Furina: I was just up late last night reading some novels…

When focused on an interest, it’s very easy for an autistic person to lose track of time and it can be difficult to break out of the focused state and go to bed. (This is a trait that overlaps significantly with ADHD.)

2. Alexithymia is a difficulty with identifying, processing, and expressing your own emotions, and in extreme cases presents as an almost total lack of emotion. Some degree of alexithymia is common in autistic people.

I believe, in the flashback scene below from Act V of the Fontaine Archon Quest, that Furina genuinely did not realize she was upset and did not realize she was crying, which could be explained by alexithymia.

Fontainian citizen: Are… are you crying?

(If you played this part with the English voice acting and interpreted it differently, try listening to it in Chinese- Furina’s voice sounds completely confident and in control the entire time, and it’s not until the other person points out she’s crying that Furina sounds at all upset.)

Fontaine AQ Act V, Chinese audio: (link starts video at 3:22:00) https://youtu.be/T-AbXi5bufk?si=fl8xSwkQ0rRLFPQU&t=12121

I am a believer that Furina and Focalors were originally the same person, and Focalors is just Furina’s divinity and pre-archonhood memories— so if Furina is autistic, Focalors is autistic.

While talking to Neuvillette, Focalors is extremely matter-of-fact with her explanation of her plan, very matter-of-fact about the suffering of her own human self, and very matter-of-fact about her own impending death. There is no show of emotion— she just tells Neuvillette the facts. This could be related to alexithymia, but regardless it is a very autistic way of communicating that is often misinterpreted as cold and uncaring. In actuality, someone who is willing to sacrifice their own immortality, divine power, and freedom to save other people’s lives cares a great deal, even if the tone of their voice doesn’t reflect it!

Focalors: I mean, did you think I would be the sort to enjoy peaceful repose while Furina suffered?

3. The autistic nervous system takes in a lot of information that a neurotypical person’s would filter out as not being important enough to bother with- this is why autistic people are so much more sensitive to sounds, lights, textures, and any changes in the environment. Too much sensory input can actually feel painful.

There is a documented instance of the Opera Epiclese becoming so loud that Furina was overstimulated enough to yell at everyone to be quiet.

Furthermore, post-Archon Quest, after moving out of the Palais Mermonia and into her own apartment, Furina eats primarily macaroni for an unspecified amount of time— weeks or months on end. After a huge life change, it’s common for an autistic person to want anything they can control to be the same, so their brain has more space to process everything that’s different.

There is no neurotypical explanation for eating the same food over and over to the exclusion of everything else. It makes no sense to someone who doesn’t experience overstimulation and distress at too much change. Case in point, during Furina’s Story Quest, Traveler and Paimon are rather baffled:

Traveler: …Don’t you get sick of macaroni every day?

Furina: Not at all. As long as you have different kinds of sauces in, you can have macaroni and tomato sauce one week, macaroni and bolognese the next…

Notice that Furina says “macaroni and tomato sauce one week,” implying that she’s fine with just that sauce for an entire week, and then uses a different sauce for the next entire week. Still not very much variety!

Paimon: Oh, sounds like you’re really struggling to cope… Traveler: Is it because you have to do all your own cooking now?

Yes, Furina is struggling to cope, but not because she’s incapable of learning how to cook more complex dishes! She’s just too burnt out to want to make or eat a variety of things right now. Furina explains this and Paimon doesn’t believe her, but since we know that Furina’s special dish is an even more extravagant version of La Lettre a Focalors, if Furina is capable of baking at that level, she would certainly be capable of cooking.

4. Stimming, or self-stimulatory behaviors, are repetitive actions that serve to regulate or soothe the nervous system. There are countless behaviors that can be used as stims, but some common ones are rocking back and forth, hand flapping or waving, leg bouncing, skin picking or scratching, rubbing or squeezing a comforting object, dancing, spinning in circles, humming or vocalizing, or listening to the same song on repeat for hours. (It’s worth noting that stimming is not exclusive to autism— especially when stressed neurotypical people do some of these things too. Stimming can also be commonly exhibited by people with ADHD who aren’t autistic, although there are also a significant number of people with both ADHD and autism.)

One of Furina’s idle animations and also her normal attack sequence include behaviors that can be interpreted as stimming. Furina’s idle animation with Surintendante Chevalmarin involves her holding the seahorse up, waving her around, squeezing her tightly and rubbing her face on her head. Chevalmarin is made entirely of water and loves Furina dearly, and so does not mind being cuddled like a stuffed animal.

If you use all four of Furina’s normal attacks, she spins around several times and the final attack culminates with her spinning on a bubble and swinging her sword for AOE. If you use just three of Furina’s normal attacks and do not append any additional actions, Furina spins around again before plunging the tip of her sword into the ground (I do not have a gif of this). Furina also spins around when added to your 4-character party. That’s a lot of spinning, which certainly makes it seem like a preferred stim!

5. I got this far without mentioning special interests because I have so much other evidence that I hardly need to bring it up— but since it’s a much more commonly recognized autistic trait than many of the things I discussed at the beginning, I will include this part of Furina’s teapot dialogue, which does indicate that Furina engages in special interests:

Furina pretty much defines “special interest” with the above statement: it’s something that you’re interested in (to the point that it may feel like an obsession) and you have to know everything about it!

These are just a few examples of autistic traits that Furina exhibits— there are absolutely more. Furina is shown many times to have a high level of near constant anxiety despite being someone who is confident enough to perform on stage. This anxiety could come from other sources, like c-PTSD, but it’s very common for a high-masking autistic person to have chronic anxiety from being hyper-aware of avoiding potential social blunders, repressing stimming to appear more “normal,” and dealing with the increased risk of overstimulation that comes with repressing stimming.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Even if you don’t agree with my interpretation of the character, I do genuinely hope you learned something about autism.

[marumaruz-haikyuu-agere]

Hq disability Headcanons

A somewhat detailed list of my haikyuu medical headcanons

Nishinoya Yuu - Type 1 diabetes and sensory neuropathy

Was diagnosed at 5

Inherited from parents

Prefers an insulin pump to insulin injections

Diabetes causes his sensory neuropathy

Nerve damage in his arms causing bruises because he can't tell when to stop practicing

Kenma Kozume - Hearing loss in both ears, noise damage

Plays games and music with the volume too high causing damage from all the years he's been doing it

Doesn't like to admit that he has hearing problems

Uses CIC (Completely In the Canal) hearing aids because they're small and unnoticeable

Also uses his hair to cover them because even when he knows they're hard to see he's still pretty self-conscious about them

Tendou Satori - Vitamin B deficiency, Motor Neuropathy, Audhd

Tendou has a vitamin B12 deficiency which results in him developing peripheral neuropathy, more specifically motor neuropathy

It causes him muscle spasms/twitching and gives him a barely noticeable foot drop

I think he has Audhd and struggles with paying attention and wanting to move around a lot

He doesn't have a specific hyperfixation exactly but is full of lots of little facts about lots of things

Hinata Shoyo - Audhd, Dyspraxia

I don't think i really need to explain Hinata's Audhd but I will anyways

It's one of the reasons he has so much energy while he's practicing, because he already struggles with staying still but also because it's one of his special interests

It helps him more if things are explained at the speed his brainis going instead of going slowly

I think he has Dyspraxia too because it explains a lot of his struggles in volleyball

It also ties into why the quick attack pair works so well because Hinata has to focus less on getting everything right himself and can put his attention into his motor skills

Oikawa Tooru - Osteoarthritis

Osteoarthritis is pretty common

It causes joint pain and stiffness in most cases

And it's most common in places like the knees

It's usually from old age but in Oikawa's case it's from trying to play after an injury without letting it fully heal

But he refuses to admit that he has a problem

Kageyama Tobio - Dyslexia

He's incredibly dyslexic

Nobody knows though, everyone just thinks he's really dumb

He has consulted someone about it unfortunately he talked to Hinata who also has mild dyslexia mixed with the fact that his eyes won't stay on one point on his page

They both think that letters and numbers do that for everyone and that they just haven't figured out how to read it properly

Ushijima Wakatoshi - Autism

Definitely autistic

Pretty high functioning though

He's pretty slow on some social cues but the basic ones have been worked out in his brain

He has quite a high tolerance for most stuff but he's not the biggest fan of messing up schedules

Tsukishima Kei - Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Was partially inherited because Akiteru showed signs of it but not enough for a diagnosis

I think he specifically has cEDS (Classical EDS) because it fits him the most

I think he's been pretty used to his joints dislocating sometimes but doesn't realise that everyoen else around him isn't

The first time Yachi saw it she almost fainted

Particularly with cEDS people have easily bruised/breakable skin on their forehead, knees, shins and elbows

He has a few pretty big scars on his knees and shins from when he was a kid

They're also quite wide because with cEDS wounds heal quite slowly and leave wide scars

Bokuto Koutaro - Borderline Personality Disorder

This wasn't originally my idea (He wasn't actually going to be on here but it got pointed out to me yesterday)

BPD comes in four stages, Emotional instability, Disturbed patterns of thinking, Impulsive behaviour and Unstable relationships

With emotional instability it's usually intense negative emotions and severe mood swings which could contribute to his 'emo modes'

During disturbed patterns of thinking he'd get upsetting thoughts (like his emo mode) and hallucinations and distressing thoughts that he can't be talked out of

Impulsive behaviour is one i think he has less negatively but it's commonly negative in most cases

His impulsive behaviours are less harmful to himself and others

Unstable relationships are when he attaches himself to someone and I think that person/people would be Akaashi and Kuroo

Them trying to leave him would not go well, it's why he contacts them all the time because he doesn't like the feeling that they might leave him