#sidenote: i really need to figure out the differences on how each of them dad

[blockgamepirate]

On Philza and Tommy

I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while but I just didn’t wanna rewatch ANY exile streams because they genuinely make me so depressed and anxious but I finally forced myself to rewatch the one where Phil visits Tommy. Or I say “rewatch”, I actually never saw the whole thing before, I kept popping in and out of the stream while it was live bc of the aforementioned anxiety and shit..

Anyway, I’ve seen arguments over the topic of whether Phil is a terrible person for not helping Tommy or not. And I wanted to offer my take on it. So I’m just gonna go through the arguments:

1: “Phil is Tommy’s dad and has a duty to look after him“

I’m not gonna spend too much time on this because for one thing it’s not really canon and for another, I actually don’t think it’s the relevant issue here. Even if Phil was Tommy’s dad, Tommy has already basically been living independently for a while. And even back when Phil and Will were still talking about the family relationships being canon, Phil said as much: that he doesn’t have authority over his boys, they’re independent people.

2: “Phil doesn’t even know Tommy and it’s unfair to ask him to look after a stranger”

I legitimately have no idea where this take came from or what it’s based on. I feel like it’s so obvious that they knew each other from before Phil even joined the SMP. Tommy recognises him right away (1), they act very familiar with each other, Phil immediately attacks Dream when Dream blows up Tommy’s house (2), Tommy tries to convince Phil to join NLM but Phil is torn because he’s friends with both Techno and Tommy (3), they plan to make their houses in NLM next to each other and Phil helps Tommy build his (4), Phil specifically gives Tommy one of the three friendship emeralds he has (5)... Also OOC Phil refers to himself as basically a father figure to Tommy (6).

The reason their relationship becomes colder is because Tommy doesn’t approve of Phil staying friends with Techno. I think this is made pretty obvious too. Tommy gets upset with Phil when he sees him hanging out with Techno (7) and when Phil comes to visit him in exile, Tommy immediately acts cold towards him and accuses him of being Techno’s friend before softening a bit when Phil gives him gifts (5).

Ref:

1: I assume you’ve all seen this one it’s in Tommy’s video

2: Philza’s Twitch Archive: Nov 16 (around 03:44:30)

3: Tommyvods: Tommyinnit speaks to Philza’s wife (around 37:40)

4: Philza’s Twitch Archive: Nov 18 (around 18:55)

5: Tommyvods: Tommy Is Holding It Together in Exile with Dream (around 24:35)

6: Philza’s Twitch Archive: Jan 27 (around 01:20:30)

7: Tommyvods: Tommy & Wilbur make Tubbo a gift and he hates it (around 19:30)

3: “Phil didn’t help Tommy at all while he was in exile“

Oh shut up, watch reference video 5 again. He brought Tommy tons of useful shit, a stack of coal blocks, 8 iron blocks, diamond boots, how was he supposed to know that it would all get destroyed by Dream? When asked, he also helped Tommy with his projects at Logstedshire.

4: “Even if Phil isn’t Tommy’s father OR his friend, he still has a duty to save an abused kid”

Okay this is finally getting to the actual point.

So I wanna refer back to video number 5 up there on my references list again and I’m gonna go through that stream here:

- Ghostbur brings Phil over to meet Tommy

- Tommy is mad because Phil is friends with Techno

- Tommy gets distracted by Phil’s new clothes and the vision of Tubbo reappearing

- Phil gives Tommy a bunch of presents, including “Tommy Slippers“ (for the cold) and a friendship emerald from Techno. Tommy is excited about the slippers, somewhat apprehensive about the emerald until Phil assures him that it’s a gift from him to Tommy, not from Techno

- Tommy decides that Phil is his friend after all

- Dream shows up and acts all casual and friendly, Phil greets him politely but doesn’t interact much with Dream unless prompted to

- Tommy asks Phil and Ghostbur if they’re even real because he keeps seeing Tubbo

- Phil asks if Tommy has been drinking the sea water

- another vision of Tubbo, only Tommy and Ghostbur see him

- Ghostbur shows Phil around while Tommy tells Dream not to tell Phil about the beach party because it’s a surprise

- Tommy asks if the reason why Phil didn’t visit earlier was because there wasn’t a path and if the path made it easier for him and Phil says yes, because he didn’t actually know how to get there before

- More Tubbo hallucination shenanigans which I’m gonna cut out from now on, just assume that it keeps happening

- Phil tells Tommy not to drink the sea water, Tommy goes “I DID DRINK THE SEA WATER BECAUSE IT TOLD ME TO!“

- Tommy asks Phil (and also Fundy who showed up) to leave the VC so he can talk to Ghostbur and Dream alone (about the secret beach party plan)

- Tommy is happy about the fact that the path he made seems to be working and people are coming to visit him

- Dream notes that they aren’t even really hanging out with him so they might just be visiting Logsted, not him (which... Tommy literally asked them to leave them alone so they could plan, Dream is just blatantly trying to fuck with his head) and Tommy deflates and agrees that Dream is probably right

- Ghostbur invites Phil and Fundy to help decorate the beach (not telling them what for but it’s like super obvious that they’re planning a party) and they do

- all five of them work on the beach for a whole while and goof around until the end of the stream

So from Phil’s point of view Tommy is acting kind of cold towards him and doesn’t seem to particularly want him around (combined with the fact that he later doesn’t get an invite to the beach party that Tommy was obviously planning). Phil brought Tommy basic survival stuff and the slippers to keep him from getting cold, not knowing that all of that is going to get destroyed by Dream anyway. He seems a bit worried about the hallucinations but assumes it’s because Tommy’s been drinking sea water and tells him to stop doing that. He also notes that Tommy looks kind of rough but doesn’t push the issue.

Meanwhile Tommy is being manipulated by Dream into believing that Phil didn’t actually come to visit him, even as Phil is literally visiting him, with named gifts and everything. And he’s already doubting if Phil is even really present because he keeps seeing Tubbo who isn’t actually there so Phil could just as well be a hallucination too, or he could easily be convinced later that Phil was a hallucination.

Basically Phil sees that Tommy is having a hard time but there’s no obvious sign of anything being wrong besides him not taking very good care of himself and feeling lonely. Tommy says he hasn’t been sleeping and that he’s been drinking sea water (which is probably a joke but anyway). Him and Dream seem to be very friendly with each other, they even keep having all these secret chats that Tommy is telling Phil to leave for.

So.... assume this is your friend who you’ve recently had a bit of a falling out with. What kind of conclusions would you draw and what would you do? Honestly, yes, Tommy’s condition seems pretty worrying, but everything just points to him being lonely and depressed about being exiled, which isn’t really something Phil can easily fix other than just visit him more. But then Tommy gives really mixed signals about whether he actually wants Phil there or not (which is because he’s planning the party but Phil doesn’t know that) and then when Phil finds out about the party he doesn’t get an invite to it (because Dream stole the invites but, again, Phil doesn’t know this). So Phil just kinda has to decide whether to go there uninvited and presumably unwanted, or just vibe and wait to hear from Tommy. Meanwhile he has stuff to do with Techno who DID invite him to hang out.

Also Tommy seems to be doing better, he’s very excited about his beach, he’s excited about the fact that he’s getting more visitors (not just Phil but Fundy too) and he’s convinced that there will be more now that there’s a path. So as far as Phil is concerned, it seems like things are getting better and Tommy might end up doing okay after all, despite everything

As a sidenote also, Phil is a bit of a hermit, right? I feel like that’s fair to say about his character. He doesn’t mind hanging out with people but to him living alone in the wilderness isn’t a bad deal at all. Obviously he understands that Tommy is not like him and needs company but you can see how he might not see the situation as all that urgent. And you can argue about what Tommy’s canon age actually is but he’s been living independently and taking care of himself like an adult during his entire time on the server, this shouldn’t really be that different. Obviously the fact that he’s exiled is bad and upsetting for him but there’s nothing Phil can do about that either. He doesn’t have control over L’Manberg or Dream.

And I just wanna point out that all of this is exactly how abusive relationships work, right? Dream is deliberately distancing Tommy from everybody he knows and making him think that Dream is the only one who cares about him. And that shit can be really hard to pick up on. It might just seem like your friend is becoming kind of distant and has different friends now. And I’ll tell you, even if you DO see the signs, it’s really hard to decide when or how to intervene, or if you’re just paranoid about it.

It’s easy to say Phil should do this or that when you’re watching Tommy’s streams and KNOW what’s happening, but try to put yourself in Phil’s shoes for a second and actually think about what you’d do in a situation like this. Also please do so while assuming that Phil is a real person with his own life to live too.

You can say that he should have been more worried and more suspicious of Dream and gone to see Tommy anyway, that’s fair. But that’s a normal human mistake and also something pretty much everybody else should have done too by that logic. And Tommy was not being very receptive to help because he was being manipulated by Dream. Honestly this was probably something where Tommy needed to figure out for himself to break free. Which he did. (And speaking from a narrative perspective: that was the best possible ending to that arc. Tommy finding his own strength and willpower again, on his own.)

I’m gonna leave this here but I might reblog with more points (or make a new post). It does take ages to go through the vods, though, and I only made it up to December 9th so far.

[rivalsforlife]

Do you have anything you wished was different from Ace Attorney canon?

Hello I'm finally slowly starting to get around to answering some of these! Sorry for the wait.

Uh this ask got super long so a basic summary of it: narumitsu being canon in a well-written way would be nice even though I don't think it would ever happen, I stand by not bringing back Phoenix as a main protagonist in DD, and I'd also want to rewrite all of SOJ so that Apollo goes to Khura'in in place of Phoenix, to have more interesting character stuff going on.

So the longer answer is this:

Aside from some of the actually problematic stuff that I don't feel qualified to talk about, story-wise, I answered a sort of similar question about a year ago here. I have changed my opinions a little bit since then, particularly with regards to the canonicity of narumitsu... because while I do love narumitsu I feel like I don't trust Ace Attorney to actually do it properly. After all if this past November has taught us anything "making a ship canon" could actually be quite undesirable and I have no desire to see Phoenix and/or Edgeworth sent to superhell. (I literally know nothing else about supernatural sorry about that.)

If capcom were somehow able to make narumitsu canon but in an unobtrusive way and as a natural progression of the storyline, like oh hey, the court record profile for Miles Edgeworth's Obligatory Last-Case Appearance has Phoenix mention they're dating, and maybe there's a few lines suggesting they live with each other, but it's not like... taking the entire story to force them together and otherwise does not change the way they interact with each other and butcher one or both of their characterizations in the process? I'd definitely be happy about that. Not gonna lie even if they made narumitsu canon in the most terrible way possible I'd have a "holy shit I can't believe they did that it's the best day of my life" kind of moment before I could think about it critically. But I honestly see no chance of them ever actually making narumitsu canon, so that's quite unrealistic to hope for anyways.

Aside from that in that other ask I talked about basically the premise of an Apollo trilogy and not bringing back Phoenix as the main protagonist in DD, and I still stand by that, buuut in my other ask I did touch on making SOJ a different game where Apollo goes to Khura'in instead of Phoenix - and you know what I'm going to take some time to actually talk about my dream version of SOJ because there were a lot of little things about the one we got that I didn't like. And it's going to be very long. So it's under a cut.

SO yeah I talked about it a bit in the other ask. I think that Phoenix going to Khura'in is a rather weak idea both externally and in-universe. In one of the interviews, too lazy to find which one, Phoenix basically goes to Khura'in because the writers couldn't figure out how to challenge him anymore. ... And then they don't actually challenge him at all. Because oh well now we're going to this new country where they KILL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS WHO LOSE and then it's supposed to be *shocking* that Phoenix would risk his life for a kid or his best friend. you know the guy who ran across a burning bridge to save his best friend. you know the guy who got punched in the face, nearly killed by the mafia, and tazed trying to save his clients. This doesn't tell me anything new about Phoenix's character. His whole travel in Khura'in doesn't tell me anything new about Phoenix's character. Basically the only reason he's there is to see Maya - Maya who theoretically would be returning home in about two weeks. Maya who was still in her training for two more weeks when Phoenix visited so he wouldn't be able to see her anyways. ... And in the meantime Trucy had the biggest show of her life that was going to be on TV and Phoenix wasn't there for it. And of course Phoenix didn't return home after Trucy was accused of murder (yes he couldn't be there for the trial, but he definitely could have for the emotional support afterwards) and instead just sits for two weeks in Khura'in doing literally nothing after Ahlbi's trial.

(And yes I know about the anime prologue that has Phoenix think Maya's in danger... but that's not strictly canon since it's never mentioned in game, isn't technically a part of the game, and even still, why wouldn't he go home after knowing that Maya's safe and that Trucy had been ACCUSED OF MURDER. Honestly that's what makes me angriest about this whole thing is that it makes Phoenix out to be a terrible dad. We really don't need any more takes like that, especially not from canon.)

And what about Apollo, you may ask? Well, given case 5 of SOJ, Apollo actually has a personal link to Khura'in and ends up staying there afterwards... after being there for like a day or two. I should note here that it has been a while since I went through SOJ in its entirety so I am fuzzy on many of the details. But both through what I remember and some conversations with people who actually played the game recently, the motivation for Apollo to actually stay in Khura'in isn't that great. It mainly seemed like guilt about his dead dad who he hadn't been in contact with for years and had completely written off until a few days ago but oh he died and then went to go visit him so... better take up the law office!

If Apollo had gone to Khura'in in place of Phoenix and spent more time there, reconnecting with his childhood home and actually getting passionate seeing how corrupt the legal system is there (even though we have a corrupt legal system at home) and being driven to fix it, that would make for a stronger story, I think. The Khura'in plot is more personally focused around Apollo than it is Phoenix. Phoenix's connection to Khura'in is through Maya, but Maya doesn't really have much of a connection to it aside from "it's where spirit channeling is from and she trains there". But Apollo, I guess, grew up there. So it's so strange to me that they force all of Apollo's connection to Khura'in in the last case while Phoenix is running around doing who-knows-what for the rest of the game. Phoenix spends more time getting to know the state of Khura'in and the Defiant Dragons and case 3's whole thing but he isn't the one who in the end decides to sit down and fix it; that's all on Apollo. It almost feels like they forced one of the two plots in to everything. And it was probably conceived as a Phoenix story that they needed to fit Apollo into last minute because oops he's supposed to be a protagonist too.

Some other strengths to Apollo going to Khura'in include that it would shake up the character dynamics a bit. Instead of Phoenix defending Maya, it's Apollo defending Maya, and that's a particularly interesting thing to look at in the context of Khura'in's "we kill defense attorneys" system. Of course, Phoenix would risk his life to save Maya, 100%, every time. But what about Apollo, who hasn't met Maya, who only knows her as "Mr. Wright's former assistant" - would he risk his life for her? And I feel like Maya would argue more against him defending her because of that. "We're strangers, you don't know me, you don't have to risk your life defending me." (Sidenote that I was always upset that Maya didn't protest much when Phoenix offered to defend her, knowing his life was at risk - sure she knows him better and knows he's always been able to get her out of these situations, but at the same time, the fact that there was no "what about your daughter?" conversation sucks. I really wish SOJ wouldn't have like. completely forgotten about the phoenix-trucy father-daughterisms.)

Let's say Apollo goes to Khura'in. Phoenix stays at home. Phoenix gets a call from Apollo that's basically "uhh hi Mr. Wright you know your friend Maya, she's been arrested for murder, if I defend her and I lose we're both dead," then you can tie in to that moment in 6-2 where Phoenix (who can't make it in time for the trial!) believes in Apollo and his skills as an attorney, not just to save Maya's life, but also his own. It ties in a bit more to the overall challenge of defending someone at the risk of your own life. Again, Phoenix would have very few hesitations, if any, risking his life to defend Maya. Apollo may have more defending a stranger at the risk of his own life.

Then if you can actually have Apollo and Maya talk together that would be neat - Maya can tell him embarrassing stories about Phoenix's rookie days, for instance. Their dynamic would be quite a bit different from Phoenix and Maya's, and that would be an interesting thing to see, unlike what we have in SOJ where all of Maya's substantial interactions are with characters she already knows or brand new characters.

(It would also be pretty neat to know more spirit channeling politics and dive in more to Maya's perspective on Khura'in and also her role as upcoming Master of the Kurain Channeling Technique and where she plans to lead the village in the future and also reconcile with her family's bloody legacy, but I'm not quite sure how to fit that in right now.)

And how about Phoenix, back home in Japanifornia? Evidently he'd end up being in charge of defending Trucy. Now, I did love the siblingsisms in canon 6-2, but I feel like there is still potential for Phoenix defending Trucy. All of Apollo Justice has a bunch of good moments between Apollo and Trucy, and she's co-counsel on all his trials, but we've never had any substantial Phoenix and Trucy investigation or co-counsel moments. I feel like AU 6-2 would be a great opportunity to dive more into Phoenix and Trucy's relationship and how it may have changed after Phoenix got his badge back. Plus, Phoenix being "the only one who knows how she really feels on the inside", he'd have unique insider knowledge into some of the Gramarye stuff that comes up in the case and Trucy's personal connection to the Gramaryes, which Apollo knows a bit of, but Phoenix knows more of. ... Or at least, should know more of, given that he raised Trucy for nine years at this point and they're very close, and Phoenix knows her better than anyone else does, even if capcom has forgotten this.

... Of course having Athena defend the case would also be great because more Athena spotlight is never a bad thing, but it's hard to come up with a reason why Phoenix wouldn't be there to defend her. And doing more switcheroos in terms of role in the plot is a bit beyond the scope of what I have in mind right now. Sorry Athena.

Aside from that, Athena still gets Storyteller, Apollo still heads Turnabout Revolution, and Phoenix still gets the DLC case. Apollo stays in Khura'in in the end with a bit more to his motivations. Rather than it just being about carrying on Dhurke's legacy, it's also something Apollo is passionate about after all he witnessed here. While we're at it I'd still rework a lot of Turnabout Revolution to make it so that Phoenix genuinely believes in Atishon because that makes for sooo much more interesting of a plot and actual character development on Phoenix's part than "Maya was kidnapped again and Phoenix is only wrong when he has no other choice", but that'd require some more detail and this post is long enough already.

And in terms of other details that need to be sorted out, there's the question of why Apollo would need to go to Khura'in in the first place. I'd probably say something to do with Dhurke. Maybe he comes back a bit earlier - actually alive, maybe, though crossing borders would be a bit of a challenge, or he reaches out to Apollo remotely somehow and Apollo goes to yell in his face about abandoning him (or at least that's what he thinks he wants.) Then we could have some more Dhurke and Apollo bonding time, potentially? Idk, if you switch up Phoenix and Apollo you're pretty much writing a whole new game and obviously I have not worked out all the details, but I think if Capcom had tried to go with this route from the outset they'd have a stronger game. At least stronger character motivations.

So... yeah. Those are my opinions. If you read through this whole thing I'm very impressed because it got very long!

[missdawnandherdusk]

I Will Rise

Hufflepuff!Reader X Draco

You can take everything I have

You can break everything I am

Like I'm made of glass

Like I'm made of paper

Go on and try to tear me down

I will be rising from the ground

Chapter 1     Chapter 2    

Chapter 3    Chapter 4

Chapter 5     Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Summary: With the next winter holiday things get to their lowest point. But rock bottom is always the place to start building up. 

A/N: So this was supposed to be super angsty with no end in sight but ya know, I changed my mind. This is angsty don’t get me wrong, but this is also where choices are made and people are changed for the better or worse. Sidenote: I just ended a four year relationship yesterday and ya know. I’m great. Anyway. Love yall!! Let me know that you think as always!!

Draco and I stood at the Manor gates. Dark clouds rolled in, suffocating us. They threatened with snow, ice, and fury.

“It’s the Dark Magic,” Draco noted, his voice seemingly indifferent, taking my hand.

I nodded, sighing. Something was to be said about missing sunny days and warmth. Even in the dead of winter, this chill sat differently on our shoulders. Winter promised spring... this artic promised nothing but death.

Inside and unpacked, Draco and I shared a bit of tea in front of a warm fire. He was reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe aloud, and despite my adoration of the book, I couldn’t seem to lose myself in the words as I once had. Even with the silkiness of Draco’s voice. I now had a deeper understanding for Narnians before the events of the book. An endless winter with only a small gossamer of hope to cling too.

“Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,

At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,

When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,

And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.”

The words mocked me. Draco seemed to pick up on my disinterest.

“Don’t tell me you don’t prefer the book any longer?” There was a soft teasing smile on his lips as he closed the book, setting it on his lap. It was the one I had given him almost a year ago.

“No, I do,” It was a sad sigh. “I just... do you think someone is out there for us? An Aslan to come and save us?” I hugged my knees.

“Well, you know as well as I do,” He took the same book and flipped further back before settling on a page that seemed to satisfy him.

"Dearest," said Aslan very gently, "you and your brother will never come back to Narnia."

"Oh, Aslan!!" said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.

"You are too old, children," said Aslan, "and you must begin to come close to your own world now."

"It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?"

"But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan. "Are — are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund.

"I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there."

A smile brushed my lips as he closed the book again.

“But do you think that was meant for us?” I laid my head on his shoulder.

“I think that it was meant to give hope,” Draco decided after a quiet moment, “Aslan, by any other name, would still be something to believe in,”

“Unless that name happens to be Harry Potter,” I chuckled, drawing a laugh from Draco. “And have you been reading my Shakespeare?”

“Maybe a bit,” A smile toyed at his lips.

“Romeo and Juliet though?” I rolled my eyes. “I told you, it wasn’t a good story to read presently,”

“I think you also told me that it was worth keeping the books that didn’t have a happy ending,” Draco set the book on the coffee table and pulled me into his hold.

“Do you think we’ll have one?” I asked softly. “A happy ending?” His face was hard to read as his eyes fixed on the burning fire.

“How can we with what we’re going to do?” The words echoed in my thoughts as we both sobered.

The plea for him to not do what he was asked of came rushing to my lips, but I held them there. I wouldn’t tell him. I had decided on that long ago. This was the one choice that he needed to figure out how to make on his own. I was torn myself. I wanted to tell him to stop, to help him make this choice, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to. But I could stay beside him... I prayed that it would be enough for him.

Even with the holiday upon us, the air was void of excitement and magic. The Manor was decorated immaculately even still. Tears stung my eyes, when thinking that this was the first Christmas I ever had without my mother, without baking or cooking or the music or movies. There was nothing to do in the kitchen with the house elves working and practically shoving me out of the room. There was nothing to clean. Nothing to tidy or move... It felt unnatural. Draco pulled me into his arms, giving me the comfort that I craved so desperately.

“Your mother is arriving soon,” He murmured softly. “Are you going to be alright?”

“I think so... we’ve been civil through writing. How bad could this possibly be?” My words were cynical but hopeful still. “Besides... at least it won’t be just the four of us. By comparison my mother will be a delight,”

“Bellatrix has agreed to be civil, and Snape always comes for Christmas. Or has before the last couple years at least. He’s my godfather, you know. He and my father were close when they were young,” Draco’s voice was strained. “But I suppose they will all be needles in a haystack,”

“It was right to invite the rest of...” I trailed off. “They’re alone too,” 

“Always the Hufflepuff, are we?” He mused softly.

I hummed in acknowledgement. I was still wary about Bellatrix attending supper. Too many things had the chance of going poorly.

“You know we have to do this,” He read my thoughts.

“The perfect children. The perfect couple. The perfect soldiers.” I sighed. “What I wouldn’t give to go back to that night at the Ball. Or the month after...”

“It’s ironic,” Draco chuckled darkly. “That we now know ignorance is bliss,” I nodded at the doorbell chimed throughout the house.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,”

It was something quite different dining with just the Slytherins and dining with their parents as well. It wasn’t just I and Draco who were playing perfect children, but all of my friends, everyone I knew. All sapped of joy, of smiles, expression... under the scrutiny of their parents. Blaise, Vincent, Greg, Theo, and Pansy.

“How has schooling been?” My mother tried asking as the first course was served. 

“Well—”

“Ugh,” Bellatrix scoffed. “Who can learn anything with that daft old fool as headmaster?” 

“Bellatrix,” Narcissa warned gently.

“Yes, yes. Civil. As you wish,” She rolled her eyes and slouched, digging into what I assumed was quail.

Draco and I shared a look. Attempts for conversations halted after that.

Dinner passed and I barely tasted any of the surely rich foods that were placed before me. After the awkward affair, my mother asked to speak with me in private. Draco, Narcissa, and oddly enough, Snape eyed me warily.

“Of course,” I gave Draco one last look. He looked as if he were ready to pick me up and make a run for it, but he refrained.

I led her to the small rose garden that Draco had once led me to. It seemed sacrilegious to tread upon this secret haven, but it was a place that gave me comfort. Though it was covered in snow and the trees and bushes were bare, I still remembered the summer warmth the garden offered.

“You have surrounded yourself with quite a group people my dear,” Her voice strained out the words. “And that dress is lovely,”

“A gift from Narcissa,” A tight smile touched my lips. 

“So, you’ve replaced me then?”

I turned, frowning at my mother.

“You really think that?” I was baffled.

“Well look at you! New dress, new shoes, new friends! You’re living and dining with a bunch of Death Eaters for Merlin’s sake!”

“Yes, because I had so much of a choice to abandon the people I love and come home and live with my mother who lied to me for fifteen years and manipulated me!” I watched as my sharp words silenced her.

“You could have come home any time,” It was a quiet notion.

“No, I couldn’t have,” I wrapped my arms around myself and took a deep breath. “I’m going inside,”

“Please, dear. It is Christmas,”

“Yes,” I turned to face her. “And I’d rather be inside with Draco, if you can understand that.” 

“Draco,” It was nearly a sneer. “I have heard... rumors about him.”

“I really don’t think you have any right to say a word,” I said, my tone as ice.

“You’re blind. Your own love blinds you to who he really is. You’re going to get hurt,” There was an air of concern in her voice.

“No! I’ve spent years of my life terrified of letting people in because you’ve got it so deeply ingrained in me that I might get hurt! Well you were wrong about the world! And you were wrong about me!” I stalked up to her. “I have done things that you will never know! That you will never understand! I’m living through a war for god’s sake mom! And you’re here yelling at me about who I’m dating!?” I took a small step back, shaking my head. “This was a mistake...”

“Y/n, wait, please, you have to understand—”

“No mom! You... you don’t get to just waltz in here and ask me to understand! I don’t have to understand, and you really don’t get to give a damn after all you put me through! Don’t you think I want to have my mother here for me!? That it doesn’t kill me inside because I’ve never felt so alone in my life!? That everything I’ve known has been pulled from under me and while I’m trying to set myself somewhere new you just criticize me!? No! You just...”

“And what would your father say?”

I gaped at her, enraged.

“How dare you!?” I annunciated each word. “Dad would be damn proud of me! And he never would have let you do what you did to me! I am supposed to be your daughter! But I’m done.”

Without another word I stalked up to the house and inside, fuming. Draco caught me at the door, but I shrugged him off.

“Love,”

“No,” I snapped. “I need to cool down, just...” Wordlessly I headed upstairs before collapsing behind a random locked door, sobbing.

After a while, when my tears had subsided and my frame only shook minimally, I pulled myself up off the ground and stumbled over to a vanity. It must have been a guest room that I found myself in.

The girl looking back was a mess. Tear tracks stained with mascara ran down her cheeks and red lipstick was smudged out of place. Her hair was hanging haphazardly and out of order. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her lips etched into a permanent grimace.

There was a knock at the door. 

“Go away, Draco,” I sniveled.

“Do I look like that blond-haired prat to you?” The door clicked closed softly as I saw Pansy’s reflection in the mirror.

“Pansy, please... I—”

“You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m not here to console you, not particularly,” She came up beside me and leaned against the vanity. “Everything’s really fucked up, huh?” Her voice was depressed as she looked down.

“That doesn’t even begin to describe it,” I muttered.

“You know, I can’t tell my parents about Abby at all,” Her confession was small and weak. “She’s not a pureblood, and well, they’re not as accepting as her parents are about our relationship...”

I looked up at her, my eyebrows furrowed, trying to figure out why she was telling me this now.

“We haven’t spoken all holiday,” This wasn’t the strong confident Pansy I was used to seeing, but rather a broken scared teenager. “She’s mad at me because I won’t tell my parents about her, and I... I can’t do it. I’m a coward,”

I let out a hopeless laugh and smiled at her.

“I just told my mother off and now I really think I’ve been disowned,” A dry humor coated my voice. “And I’m in love with the son of the man who killed my father,”

“Well shit girl,” Pansy laughed. “You make my problems seem so trivial,”

“Not my intention,” A smile met my lips. “And I’m really sorry about you and Abby... not saying that it’s anywhere near the same... but I’m aware of what it’s like to be scrutinized for my choice in partner.”

Pansy nodded and a silence fell between us.

“You’re going to run yourself thin, Y/n. Trying to be everything for everyone.” Her voice returned to its somber mood.

“I think I’ve past that point,” I muttered darkly.

“Then tell me, little Hufflepuff, who are you going to be?” There was a slight challenge in her eyes. “You don’t have parents watching over your every move, you don’t have the constant expectations.”

“I can’t just—”

“And why not?” She shot back.

“Because I have to protect Draco,” I breathed out. “Play the part and get through this,” 

She eyed me; eyebrow raised but said nothing. “If that’s what you think,” She mused. 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I shot back.

“Well, the girl I met a couple years ago would stop at nothing to be herself even if it meant being teased and bullied by a couple Slytherins. The same girl who cut off all her hair and started to fight back. I just wondered what changed.”

I opened my mouth to refute her point but refrained. A lot had changed. Draco was a Death Eater now. We had a trial to get through alive or we would both die. I had to somehow manage not to get killed by his aunt preferably. I still had to pass my bloody N.E.W.T.s as if the rest wasn’t enough.

“Tell me, or don’t. But I care about Abby and Draco a lot. And now I’ve got this kid sister under my wing and I don’t want to see her drive herself into the ground like I have. This war is shit, but you... Y/n, you’re someone to believe in.”

I tutted out a laugh. “I’m a mess. Please don’t believe in me,”

“But that’s what makes you so valuable to all of us. Blaise, Theo, Vin, and Greg too. You gave us all a second chance. It doesn’t take much to lay down your life for a good man, but to forgive a bunch of villains?”

“You’re not villains,” I refuted.

“See, that there. That’s why we believe in you.” Pansy smiled. “Even through it all, you still are kind and believe in us,” She tucked my hair behind my ear. “Now let’s get you cleaned up, because I’m sure Draco is on the verge of breaking in here himself,”

I laughed and pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks Pans,”

 _____________________________________

Draco paced outside the door as he heard your ragged sobs coming from within wishing nothing more than to go in there and hold you. But you had asked for space, so he tried to honor that. Draco jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Pansy?” he asked, relaxing a bit. “What—”

“I’ve got this lover boy,” She smiled and patted his shoulder.

“She doesn’t want to be bothered,” Draco defended, glowering.

“Maybe not by you, but I think she needs a sister about now, what do you think?” Pansy raised an eyebrow at him, and it reminded him of all the times that Pansy had been there to be a sister to him and he nodded, knowing that it might help you more that he could.

Draco leaned against the wall, next to the bedroom door, his eyes closed.

“Draco?”

He peaked an eye open to find his mother on the landing with him.

“Is she alright?” Soft concern colored his mother’s voice.

“I have no idea,” It was a ragged whisper. “I knew we shouldn’t’ have invited her mother. I knew it was a bad idea,”

Narcissa laid a hand on his shoulder and tilted his chin up so that his eyes reached hers.

“It was going to happen eventually, but maybe now she can get some closure from it,” His mother sighed. “I remember the night that Andy walked out... it was weeks before that last fight and I could see how much it drained her. And you know it’s been hurting her too,”

“Andy?”

“Your aunt, Andromeda.” Narcissa smiled sadly. “Married a muggle and was disowned... she was barely older than you,”

“Talking about our dear sister again?” Another voice snarked from behind them.

They both turned to see Bellatrix leaning against the stair banister.

“She was a traitor, Cissy,” The witch sneered. “Walked away from this family. Married a muggle,”

“I know,” Narcissa’s voice was strained. “But I thought perhaps it would give some insight to what Y/n is going through,”

“Are you sympathizing with our dear sister then? Are you a traitor sister mine?” Bellatrix raised an eyebrow.

“Of course not,” His mother snapped. “If anything, Y/n has just affirmed her loyalty by turning her back on her muggle loving family,”

Draco knew the words were said to appease Bellatrix, but still he flinched at the reality of them and what it looked like on the outside. He knew that was far from the truth. He knew that you had walked out on your mother because she had a problem with you being with him. It had nothing to do with blood status. But perhaps the wicked narrative would keep you safe.

Three pairs of eyes snapped up as the door opened. Pansy emerged first, a smile on her face and you followed behind. You were smiling and held your head high. You were also barefoot, your stilettos in hand. Draco smiled at the sight.

His aunt on the other hand.

“Improper if you ask me,” She muttered.

“I don’t think anyone did,” The smile on your face was tight and he had to refrain from laughing at the look of shock on Bellatrix’s face. “My apologies Narcissa, I do believe that I may have ruined your dinner party,”

“Think nothing of it my dear,” His mother smiled. “I’m just glad to see that you’re alright.”

Tucked by his side, Draco tried to read your facial expressions, but even he couldn’t pick anything up. What you showed him seemed real. A real smile and real confidence, but he doubted that it was really the case given the present circumstances. But perhaps it wasn’t far fetched after all.

Bellatrix glared at you, but you held no air of worry or fear. Instead it was almost as if you were challenging her. Which left him wondering what in Merlin’s name had Pansy talked to you about.

Draco kept a close eye on you all night, but you really did seem alright. Curled up under his arm on the sofa in the company of just your friends, you were almost at ease. He itched to know what had happened between you and Pansy, but there was never a moment alone with just the two of you.

The night wound down, and soon it was only you, him, and his mother left in the large house. The both of you had drifted to the sitting room that held the grand piano. Draco’s fingers danced along the ivory keys, remembering how last Christmas he had composed for the first time. Your song was still remembered under his fingertips as it became a part of mini concert.

Christmas morning came and there were few presents under the tree, most of them trivial. Christmas seemed trivial. He had gotten a pack of permanent markers from Abby with a note saying that you would know what to do with them. You had gotten a pair of diamond earrings from him—and his mother. You both agreed, however, not to get each other anything. It was a depressing notion, but there was simply nothing to say about the occasion.

That evening, you donned your cloak and smiled at him softly.

“I’m gonna go visit Papa,” Your voice was soft and subtle. “Would you like to join me?”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He never expected for you to invite him to something like this. After the events of yesterday he didn’t feel worthy to go with you, let alone meet your father.

“It’s okay Draco, I can go alone,”

“No,” It was immediate. “You’re not going alone,”

Draco never thought that your father would be buried here. At Godric’s Hollow. He supposed it was a common place for wizards to be buried, but... he didn’t make the connection. There were others here as well and he could hear the faint hymns being sung at the church down the road. You and he were just cloaks in the crowd, two hoods visiting a loved one. You paused at a gravestone.

Walter Y/l/n

1956 — 1983

A Father and Husband

~Have Courage and Be Kind~

“Happy Christmas Papa,” You whispered softly, waving your wand, riding the gravestone of snow and frost. You sank to your knees, tears in your eyes and a smile on your lips. “I brought someone here to meet you,” Your fingertips brushed the stone. “This is Draco, Draco Malfoy. I know you probably don’t like the last name Papa, but... he is good,”

Tears welled in Draco’s eyes at the interaction. He stooped beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

“Hello,” His voice was tight. “You have a wonderful daughter,” A pause. “And though I cannot atone for my father’s mistakes, I will try. And I will be someone worthy of her affection and love,”

You laid your head on his shoulder, not saying anything, but rather enjoying the quiet night, the soft snow starting to fall. Drawing his wand, Draco conjured a small wreath of holly at the bed of the grave.

“He would be so proud of you,” Draco murmured. “As I am.”

“He would be proud of you too,” You looked up at him, snowflakes on your eyelashes. “We should go before the snow gets worse. I can feel it growing dangerous,”

Draco’s eyes darted around to the other mourners in dark colors that made only your silver cloak stand out when his eyes landed on a rather large focal statue. You followed his gaze and stood, standing.

“Do you think Harry has ever...?” The question was soft.

“I don’t think he knows it’s here,” Draco answer truthfully, his brows tugging together.

He led you down the rows of headstones until you were before Lily and James’ gave. It was sobering, seeing it like this. Draco knew the legends and stories, of course, but looking at the small bundle etched in the stone, cradled in Lily’s arms, it seemed almost too real. With your wand, you used the same spell and cleared the grave of frost and snow.

“As much of a prick that he is...” You trailed off. “I hope he’s having a good Christmas,” 

Draco hummed in acknowledgement.

___________________________________

Narcissa greeted us at the door to the Manor. A warning in her eyes. The warning, proven to be in vain because nothing could prepare us for what was awaiting inside. The treacherous smile of Bellatrix greeted us, as she was flanked by two others, in hoods and masks—deeming them unidentifiable. Even though I had seen her the night before, her civility seemed to have vanished.

“The young prince returns, dear sister,” Bellatrix cooed. “But he has not been such a good young prince now has he?” She twirled her wand in her hand as Draco took a step in front of me, his own wand out.

“Bellatrix,” A steady recognizable voice called.

My eyes snapped to the right where Snape stood. His nonchalant demeanor almost blending in with the gloom that hung in the air.

“You know his fate, Bellatrix,” Snape did not attempt to stop her, but something held in his words accomplished the feat.

“Yes,” Her head cocked to one side as she drawled out the word. “But he is not above the Dark Lord’s law. And that goes for his harlot.”

“You will not speak to her like that,” Draco spat, growling.

I placed a hand on his shoulder. I could handle some name calling. I was just desperately trying to figure out Bellatrix’s game and why she had come back and why the hell Snape was here too.

“You know, you might have gotten away with it, little tramp, had the Ministry and that blood traitor Weasley stepped in and torn through the enchantments,” The purr fell from her lips. “And Cissy you should really know better than to leave me alone anywhere,”

Bellatrix waved her wand and I felt unseen hands grab my arms and drag me forward, to the center of the foyer, and then they were gone, causing me to stumble onto my knees. I glowered up at the witch, picking myself up and drawing my wand.

“Bellatrix!” This time it was Narcissa.

“Worry not little sister,” The witch stalked up to me, her wand tracing along the scar that resided under my shirt: from her knife the last time we had met. “She is in no harm... The Dark Lord has plans for her after all... But I am afraid that her possessions...”

My eyes went wide. I shoved the idea that the Dark lord had plans for me and finally figured out her game. The reason she was here.

My room in the manor. Filled with my muggle books, and records, and photos... Everything I had left from the family and home I no longer had.

“Yes, little pet.” Bellatrix snapped. “But I wanted to take this as a learning opportunity. That the Dark Lord will expect nothing less than perfection—dedication.”

“Bellatrix, please—” I started, only for my voice to be taken by a flick of her wand. 

“You will be silent, little toad,” She snapped.

I turned, and saw Draco standing with his mother, pure fury written on his face as Narcissa held him back. As much as I yearned for his touch and comfort, I knew that this had to be played very carefully for us to survive. His eyes met mine.

“Come, come,” The deranged witched cooed almost happily.

Draco wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me along beside him. I looked up at him with frantic questions in my eyes, but he just shook his head. Though I couldn't hear the others behind us, I was sure they were there. Standing at the door of what was once my room, I saw the scattered books, torn pages, and absolute destruction that was in the room’s wake. Tears welled in my eyes at the sight. Draco’s and Narcissa’s arms around me were the only thing that held me back from running forward to save something—anything.

“Draco,” Bellatrix motioned him forward. Rigidly he let me go and took a step forward.

“The Dark Lord and every Death Eater believes that Purebloods are superior. That Muggles are filth and should not be considered human. And yet you allow such scum in your house. Muggle scum.” Bellatrix turned to Draco. “Destroy them. Prove your loyalty, little prince.”

Narcissa’s arms became a vice grip, holding me up instead of holding me back. I ducked into her shoulder, not being able to bring myself to watch what I knew had to be done.

“Confringo,”

Time passed. I wasn’t sure how much time. Maybe seconds... maybe an hour. Everything froze around me. My lung burned for oxygen. My eyes saw nothing. There was nothing left for me to see. Nothing but destruction in wake.

________________________________

“Draco give her mind time to protect itself,” Snape’s calm voice chided, watching the young boy pace outside the room you were in, nursed by Narcissa.

“No.” He snapped. “She—Fuck she’s going to hate me! Do you realize what I’ve just done!” He nearly screeched. “I’ve just destroyed everything—”

“And rightfully so!” Snape hissed. “Do you think the Dark Lord would be as forgiving as Bellatrix? If he came here and saw such things?” Snape’s eyes narrowed. “If it weren’t for the Dark Lord’s plans for her, she’d be under a gravestone by now.”

“Plans for her!?” Draco rushed his teacher, wand out. “No. He doesn’t touch her.” The threat was malicious and icy.

“It is out of your hands,” Snape merely brushed Draco’s wand away. “Has today not been enough for you to understand that there is no other choice for you here?”

Draco took a cool step back. “Crystal.”

The door opened and two pairs of eyes snapped and fell upon a weary Narcissa.

“She is awake,” Her voice wavered slightly. Narcissa walked forward and placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “She’s asking for you,”

Ice ran through Draco’s veins as dread filled his chest. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was goodbye. Maybe this finally broke you. It’s what he dreaded the most, but knew it was coming.

You were sitting up, on the edge of the bed, your gaze cast to the floor. 

“Y/n, please, you have to—”

You held your hand up and shook your head.

“Books... can be bought again. So, can records...”

“But they—I...”

“Draco,” You called, squeezing your eyes shut. “I know.” Your voice was curt. “I know, but right now, if I dwell on that...”

He nodded and looked down.

“Can you ever forgive me?” Tears welled in his eyes as he sat beside. “Please forgive me,”

“You had no choice,” Your voice was small. “They’re just... things.” Your eyes still didn’t open. “They’re trying to break us. Break me. The Dark Lord has plans for me,” You almost scoffed. “Like I’m his pawn. Like I belong to him!” You stood pacing the room. “Well you know what? He can watch me bleed, he can watch me burn, but I will not give in!” Your voice was vehement. “I—won’t—break,”

Draco gaped at you, utterly shocked. This was... new. This was different. This was also the first time that he had ever seen you so adamantly speak against the Dark Lord with such fervor. A kind of courage that he wished he possessed. A determination that made him believe that maybe, if nothing else, you would get through this. It gave him hope that maybe he would too.

You sat beside him again and took a deep breath, running a hand through your hair. 

“How are you feeling?” You voice was gentle and soft.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” A small smile touched his lips.

A shrug fell from your shoulders and your hand ran up and along his left arm. The action alone eased the ache of the magic etched into his skin.

“I hate what I am,” He confessed through tears. “I hate what I’ve done and what I have to do. I... I don’t want to kill anyone. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Sobs wracked his frame. “And I don’t know how you’re getting through this so well because I’m just breaking. I’m broken.”

Your arms wrapped around him, head resting on his shoulder.

“And that’s okay,” You pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Go ahead and break. You’ve been strong too long, Draco.” Your hand ran through his hair.

He clung to you desperately, sobbing into your shoulder, hiding there. And he did break. He broke on you. He came apart at the seams in your hands and you held him together.

“I—I don’t w-want to kill him,” He sniveled. “W-why haven’t you tried to stop me?” He started to hiccup from the lack of oxygen.

You took his shoulders and looked him in the eye.

“Deep breath,” You instructed and took an exaggerated breath waiting for him to follow suit. It was shaky and ragged, but Draco managed a couple. “And because I wanted you to figure that out on your own. I wanted you to make that choice,” Your thumb brushed away his tears. “And I’m so proud of you for making it,”

He nodded and collapsed back into your arms a sense of relief flooding through him despite the threats that closed in from all sides.

__________________________________

“M-miss?”

It was early January when the house-elf came to me, clutching something in her hands tightly. Cassie, I thought was her name.

“Yes?” I knelt down, a soft demeanor to the action.

“I—I am—” She started to hyperventilate, tears in her wide eyes.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” I soothed softly. “I won’t hurt you, nor tell you to hurt yourself. You’re safe in my presence,” I held my hands out, a slow action, showing the cowering house elf that they were empty and held no threat.

“I—I have been a b-bad house elf,” She cried. “I s-stole from M-miss,”

I frown furrowed my brows. I couldn’t think of anything that I owned that was worth stealing. A depressing thought tacked on that I didn’t own anything worthwhile even to me at the moment.

“It’s alright,” I smiled something sad.

The house elf held out what she was clinging too.

My photo album, the gift from Abby last Christmas. Tears sprung in my eyes as I hastily snatched the book from the house elf’s grasp.

“P-p-please do n-n-not be cross with C-C-Cassie,” The elf sobbed. “S-she likes l-l-looking at the p-p-pictures of h-h-happy mom-ments.”

“Oh, I’m not mad,” I quickly rushed out. “Not even in the slightest,” Tears streamed down my face. “You saved this,” I set the album down and drew the elf into a hug that she tried to scramble from but eventually relaxed, sobbing into my shoulder. “Thank you, thank you.” I cried.

“P-P-Please do not tell Master D-Draco,” She sniveled. “Y-Y-You have a-a-always been k-k- kind to us e-e-e-elves, p-p-please,”

“Y/n?” Draco’s voice was concerned. “Tell me what?” Cassie squawked and hid behind me, cowering. 

“M-m-m-master D-Draco,” The elf stammered apologies.

“What’s going on?” Draco was reserved, a mask of calm.

“Cassie, she saved my album.” I ran my fingers over the leather cover. “She took it from my room I guess... said she liked to look at the photos,”

Shock and relief flitted across Draco’s face in waves. He knelt down beside me and brought the book into his hands tears in his eyes.

“Thank you,” He spoke softly to the house elf. “Thank you for saving what I couldn’t,” 

“Draco,” I chided softly, reaching out for him. “It wasn’t your fault,”

“Regardless if it was or not,” He turned his attention back to the house elf. “You have my deepest gratitude,”

I flipped to a worn page by my own hand, to a day last year in the snow of four friends laughing and smiling. It wasn’t much, but I supposed it was something to believe in.

.

Chapter 9

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Masterlist

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[qqueenofhades]

Having just sent you a message the other day about how much I love your historical asks, I realized I have a question myself that you might know the answer to. I’m a Christian and I have never been able to figure out why Christianity has historically viewed non-procreative sex for pleasure as bad. (And none of my family, including my clergy father, have figured it out either. I think my dad has a bone to pick with Augustine? And I feel like Aquinas also has something to do with this.) But given that Jesus had a body and gives a speech about “the Son of Man came eating and drinking” as though he enjoyed it, how did this whole “the body is sinful especially the sex part” thing happen? I have been thinking about this a lot recently for Old Guard reasons, which should surprise no one.

Oof. So, a short and simple question, then. (Sidenote: did they expand ask limits? Because I’ve definitely gotten a couple asks today, including this one, that are longer than usual, rather than forced to space out and hope that Tumblr doesn’t eat them.)

The entire history of sexuality in the West and its relationship with Christianity throughout the centuries is obviously a topic that far, far exceeds anything I could possibly cram into this ask, but let’s see if I can hit on some of the highlights. First off, one could remark that some aspects of Jesus’s teaching managed to disappear from the official doctrine of Christianity almost immediately, and for a variety of theological, cultural, and social reasons. As anyone who has a passing knowledge of the late Roman Empire is aware, they were known for being sexually liberate (at least if you were a nobleman, as the freedom certainly did NOT apply to women), and the notorious run of emperors who were having orgies and sleeping with boys and their sisters and hosting nonstop sex parties did a lot to sour early Christianity’s relationship with it. Because pre-Constantine/Theodosian Code Rome was Christianity’s enemy (since Christians refused to perform the traditional civic sacrifices to the Roman gods, which was all that Rome required alongside permitting its citizens to practice whatever other religion they wanted), and because the emperors were such a high-profile example of sexual excess, that became an easy point of critique. Obviously, the Roman polemicists, like every other historian, should not be trusted on EVERYTHING they say about the emperors, but the general pattern is there and well-established. So Christianity, trying to establish its religious and moral bona fides, can easily go, “Well, Caligula/Nero obviously sucks, come join us and live a purer and more moral life!”

Constantine converted in the early fourth century and the Theodosian Code was issued at the end of the fourth century, which made Rome officially Catholic and represented a huge reversal of fortune for fledgling Christianity, helping it expand like crazy now that it was officially sanctioned. However, the Roman Empire was splitting into two halves, west and east, and the development of Greek Christianity in the eastern empire was strongly influenced by ascetic and austere traditions (if you’ve heard of the Stylites, i.e. the guys who liked to sit atop poles out in the Syrian desert to prove how holy they were, those are them). The cultural context of denial of the flesh and the renouncing of bodily pleasures also played intensely into the third/fourth/fifth century debates over heresy and orthodoxy. Some of the most vicious arguments came over whether Jesus Christ could have actually had an embodied (and therefore possibly inherently sinful) human body, or it was just a complicated illusion, the “shell” of a body that his entirely divine nature then inhabited without actually being part of. This involved huge theological arguments over the redemptive nature of the Eucharist and even Christ’s sacrifice: was it real/effective/genuine if he didn’t REALLY die and suffer the pain of being crucified, and was just assured that he’d be fine ahead of time? So yeah, the question of whether Christ had a real body (because then that might be sinful) was the knock-down, drag-out theological disagreement of the early centuries C.E., and left a lot of hard feelings and entrenched positions in its wake.

Likewise, your dad is correct in having a bone to pick with Augustine, at least in terms of his impact on views of sexuality in the late antique and early medieval Christian church. Augustine is obviously famous for agonizing endlessly over his sexuality/sexual urges in Confessions, his time as a Manichaean, his relationship with a woman and the birth of his son out of wedlock (and if you want a lot of repressed homoeroticism: well, Augustine’s got that too) and how his conversion to Christianity was intensely tied with his renunciation of himself as a sexual being. Augustine also pioneered the nature of the inheritance of Original Sin: therefore, every human who was born was sinful by virtue of sharing in humanity’s legacy from Eve’s transgression in the Garden of Eden. (And yes, obviously, this led to the beginnings of the embedding of clerical and social misogyny. Oh Augustine, I kind of hate you anyway because I had to read the entire goddamn 1000-page City of God during my master’s degree, but bro, you got a lot to answer for.) This involved EVEN MORE obscure speculations about whether original sin was passed down in male semen, and therefore Jesus was free of it because he was supposedly born divinely to a woman without a male father, but yeah, the idea that sexuality itself was already a suspect thing was fairly well correlated and then cemented by Augustine’s HUGE influence over the early church. Everything post-Augustine incorporated his ideas somehow, and so the idea of bodily pleasures as separating you from divine purpose got even more established.

Then we had the Carolingians in the eighth and ninth centuries, who were the first “empire” per se in Western Europe post-Rome, and who were also intensely concerned with legislating moral purity, policing the sexual behavior especially of its queens, and correlating moments of political or military defeat with insufficiently virtuous private behavior. The Carolingians likewise passed these ideas onto their successor kingdoms, especially the medieval kingdom of France (which would eventually become the pre-eminent secular power in Western Europe). Then the eleventh century arrived with the Cluniac and Gregorian Reforms (which were interrelated). One of their big goals was for a celibate and unmarried clergy on all levels of holy orders, from humble village priests to bishops and archbishops. Prior to this, clergymen had often been married, and there wasn’t a definite sense that it was bad. But because of this, and the idea that a married clergyman wasn’t pure enough to provide the Eucharist and would be distracted from his commitment to the church by a wife and family, the Cluniac and papal reformers intensely attacked sex and sexuality as evil. Priests didn’t (or rather, were not supposed to) do it, and if you weren’t in a heterosexual church-performed marriage and didn’t want children, you shouldn’t be doing it either. (Did this stop people, and priests, from doing it? Absolutely not, but that was the rhetoric.) This was about when celibacy began to be constructed as the top of the heap in terms of holy lifestyles, for men and women alike and laypeople as well as those in holy orders. NOT having sex was the most virtuous choice for anyone, even if sex was a necessary evil for having heirs and the next generation and so on. (Which is interesting considering that our hypersexualized present attaches so much value to having sex of one sort or another, and the asexual-exclusion types, but yeah, that’s a different topic for now.)

Of course, when the Cathars (a schismatic Catholic heresy in France and Italy) in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries began attacking ALL materiality and sexuality as irredeemably evil, the Catholic church went a bit like “whoa whoa that’s a little too far, hold on now, SOME sex is good, sex can be nice, we’re not actually like those guys” (even though they had been about a hundred years before). Because Cathar spirituality taught that any kind of attention or indulgence to the body was sinful, that included any kind of sex at all, even married heterosexual intercourse. (Of course, the Cathars themselves didn’t always live up to it either; see Beatrice de Planissoles and her Cathar priest lover.) The Catholic church obviously didn’t want to go THAT far, so they began rowing back some of their earlier blanket statements about the evilness of sexuality and taught that husband and wife both had a responsibility to offer each other sexual pleasure and fulfillment. I’ve answered many asks about sexual behavior and unions in the medieval era, the arguments over the definition of marriage, and how that changed over time in response to social needs and pressures, so yes. We know what the IDEALS were, and what people were legally supposed to do, but the fact that church writers were complaining about bad behavior, sexual and otherwise, literally the whole time means that, obviously, this did not always match up with reality.

The theories of the Roman physician Galen, which prescribed that female orgasm was necessary to conceive, were also well known and prevalent in the medieval world, which meant that ordinary married couples trying to have children would have had some awareness that female pleasure was supposedly necessary to do it. (This ties into my “it wasn’t an unrestrained extravaganza of violent painful rape for women all the time YOU GODDAMN MORONS JESUS CHRIST” rant, but we will recognize that I have Many Rants. So yes.) Obviously, we can’t know what the sex life of individual married couples behind closed doors was actually like, but there were a variety of teachings and official stances on sex and how it was supposed to be done, and as noted in other posts, just because the church thought it is zero guarantee that ordinary people thought that way too. People are people. They (usually) like having sex. They had sex, both gay and straight, married and unmarried, so on and so forth, even if the church had Opinions. Circle of life, etcetera.

Anyway, then the Renaissance arrived (and we just had the “why the Renaissance sucked for women” ask the other day), which prescribed a reversal of all the comparative sexual and political and social latitude that women had gradually acquired over the medieval era. It very much wanted to see women returned to their silent, domestic, maternal, objet d’arte roles that they had occupied in antiquity, and attacked the actions of women in their public and private lives as one of the major causes of the crises of the late medieval era. (Because you know, misogyny is always a useful scapegoat rather than blaming the powerful men who have fucked everything up, as we’re seeing again right now.) Because the Renaissance is regarded, fairly or unfairly, as the start of the early modern Western world, it’s where a lot of modern gender attitudes and views of sexuality became more explicitly codified and distributed faster than at any point in history before, to a more extensive audience, thanks to the invention of the printing press. We’ve obviously had moves toward sexual liberation and agency in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, and the emergence of the modern feminist and gay rights movements, but now in some ways, we’re back in oddly Puritan attitudes in the twenty-first century. And since America was founded by Puritans, their social attitudes are still embedded in the culture, fanned today by hyper-conservative Protestant evangelicalism. Even though Puritans themselves ALSO, shock surprise, didn’t always live up to the stringent standards they preached.

...whoof. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but hopefully that gives you the broad-strokes development.

[cauldronofmorning]

Okay so.... I've encountered your tags about "the talking scene between trapper and hawk in dr pierce and dr hyde the stuttering the grabbing the not blinking how another of hawk's coping methods has bitten the dust#trapper being soft parental but annoyed and how he needs to check out while hawkeye needs to save the entire world"... if you have time, Go off! I would love that 2000 word essay and your opinions.

It’s a bit of a mess and would probably get a C- if I handed it in, but! Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde and how it shows the difference between Hawkeye’s and Trapper’s coping methods.

Context! Alan Alda wrote the episode, mental health is important to him (not to psychoanalyze an actor, but he had depression before the show and his mom was schizophrenic) and there’s a quote on how Hawkeye didn’t actually change much in the eleven years, just had his coping methods beaten down.

So throughout season one, Hawkeye and Trapper have mostly been ignoring the trauma of a war. Hawkeye naturally ended a movie with a speech about propaganda (Yankee Doodle Doctor) and Tommy tells them (Sometimes You Hear The Bullet) about a kid who should have been the blonde hero in a war movie actually dying and not hearing a bullet, forcing them to actually quietly think about it. But for the most part, they can distract themselves with booze, pranks and women, and Hawkeye can still draw a straight line between his tenuous sanity pre-war and the place he’s in.

There’s also two important episodes in season two before Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, that make the war more personal for both of them. The first is Radar’s Report, where a scared prisoner contaminates Trapper’s patient by knocking the blood over. Trapper’s sulkier throughout the episode, obsessed with how it could have been okay if it weren’t for that incident, and less indulging of Hawkeye’s girl of the week problem. His patient doesn’t make it, and he makes a beeline to the POW’s tent, maybe would have killed him if Hawkeye hadn’t bought him back to reality. “That’s not what we’re about.”

The second is For The Good Of The Outfit. This one has a village bombed by American military and Hawkeye/Trapper run afoul of previously decent sounding generals trying to shut them up from talking about it, including passive aggressive threats to send them to the front, and specifically to Hawkeye, intercepting letters to his dad. It’s okay by the end of the episode, but he’s still livid when he finds this out.

In comes Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde. The episode starts with Hawkeye already slightly dissociated from a long shift, thinking it hasn’t ended, and Trapper having to gently take him by the arm and guiding him out of the OR, telling him he was taking the chest cases “like he was their only hope”. Hawkeye wanting to save everyone keeps popping up throughout the episode; here, when he’s stumbling into Henry and his ego filtered through deprivation making him think he’s the only one who can do chest cases, the scene I’m getting to, and the end where Trapper and Henry sum him up.

As much as Trapper is “let’s get drunk to deal, okay?” kind of comfort in comparison to BJ who can actually talk about emotions, if not necessarily knowing the best way to deal with them (Hawkeye has a type and it’s repressed blondes), he’s soft with Hawkeye – gentle touches, firmly telling him to go to sleep, indulging that chopper noise is just thunder – until he figures the best way to get his friend to rest is to sedate him behind his back.

The thing with Trapper is that while he might be a bad husband, cheating on his wife with no shame (but he keeps bringing up that Hawkeye is more perverted so that might make it easier for him to deal with, see the couple of times he glares at Hawk for flirting with Henry/a male patient, Divided We Stand, The Trial Of Henry Blake, Check Up, Life With Father, Adam’s Ribs), he’s a good father who ran into a minefield for Kim and tried to go AWOL for Cathy and Becky. That’s not to say he always treats Hawkeye like a child, that would be weird considering how much flirting they do, but when the other man is manic or badly affected, Trapper’s first instinct is to be parental.

After Hawkeye in his doubletalky way admits to Radar he’s compulsive and psychotic (sidenote:  his symptoms of strong emotions, not being able to think clearly and too many spirals to name actually bear that diagnosis out, instead of just using the word when one thinks another is behaving badly), he wanders around the camp like a ghost, making notes about corpsmen with guns and nurses checking patients in post-op.

As Hawkeye often does, whenever he finds something out, or thinks he has in this instance, he has to tell his live-in boyfriend of the season immediately, and if he can’t sleep then neither can anyone else. He sits on Trapper’s bed, extremely close and not blinking, and jostles him awake. Already Trapper’s slightly panicky, as no matter what he says about being the mellow one, any time there’s shouting or loud noise in the swamp, he always wakes up with a start. Even when he sees it’s Hawkeye it takes him a few seconds to process and get back into his role.

Hawkeye’s very sad and very quiet. For the past seven minutes, even though he’s dissociated, exhausted and not doing well, he’s still trying to do his normal thing of turning his anger sideways and being snarky or being a clown bottom for the gaggle of nurses. Going back to one of Trapper’s good qualities is that he’s a decent parent, Hawkeye can regress emotionally into being like a ten year old (incidentally, the age when he had the most trauma pre-Korea, with Billy, his mom dying, guilt over not wanting dad to remarry and at some point losing his virginity), both for funny like in Picture This and for sadness.

So he’s finally noticed that he’s in a war zone and he’s too tired to make jokes about it or distract himself from it. Trapper already sounds frustrated but still listens, telling him to go bed before he drives himself crazy. There’s been a few takes that Trapper would get sick of later Hawkeye, and given how much they really can’t talk to each other that often, even just a mention of Hawkeye’s will when he has to go to the front makes Trapper shut down and Hawkeye cover with a joke, that’s probably true. They’re both messes, but for now Trapper can give Hawkeye someone to lean on.

“If I thought I could stop it just by going to sleep, don’t you think I would try?” Hawkeye does a twitch of the head, still unblinking, and that’s just really asking Trapper to understand and take him seriously. Also the wording, he’s not saying he can stop thinking about it just by going to sleep, or stop feeling anything just by closing his eyes, although both of those are implied. He makes it very clear later on (Letters, Preventive Medicine, Blood Brothers) that he feels like he’s as bad as the war – god and martyr complex combined – and if he can’t fight against/blame everything on that then it’s time for some self loathing.

Trapper does actually pay attention and gives him some advice. Definitely not great advice, but advice nonetheless, to close his eyes when things get unbearable, and to keep checking out when it keeps happening. This can’t work for Hawkeye, who’s had a guilt complex ever since he was a child, but it’s how Trapper copes. The next episode when Kim’s mother turns up for the boy, after a time of being actually open, he goes right to dismissive snark. Plus in season three’s Mad Dogs and Servicemen, another one on how differently Trapper and Hawkeye deal with things, he shrugs that he pretends he’s not there all day along.

Hawkeye’s stuttering a bit at this point. Words are important to him, it’s why you should probably leave him a note even if you’re a man who 1) wants to forget about Korea as soon as he arrives in Boston but won’t 2) wants desperately to believe he’s straight but isn’t 3) cares through physical touch and can’t think of what to say for seventy two hours. Wordplay is important to him too, and he admits to Sidney in the finale that his brain thinks too fast. Obviously exhaustion is going to put his brain and mouth out of sync, and considering how he sounds like he’s going to cry in the mess tent when he can’t even get words out to Frank Burns, it makes him all that more helpless.

“Somebody, and it wasn’t you or me, started this war.” It’s the “whoever the them, we were always us” of it all. It’ll be more important in the third season, and what happens in Welcome To Korea, but Hawkeye has taken it for granted that he and Trapper will stay co-dependent no matter what happens or who they come up against or how their time is running out. Much how he probably didn’t tell Trapper about the abandonment trauma he’s suffered before, Trapper always reassures him to come back soon, or no charge for leaning on him, or it isn’t a Christmas goodbye, and doesn’t want to share real feelings.

Beyond that scene, with Hawkeye dragging himself off to be a hero, assume that everyone who tries to take care of him really just wants to sleep with him, and cry while singing, Trapper tries to sedate him while he’s not looking. He’s tried being parental, he’s tried the repression advice, it’s time to be passive aggressive for Hawkeye’s own good. Or what he thinks is Hawkeye’s own good. It’s not especially great on Trapper’s part, but a similar thing happens reversed in Mail Call, where a drunk Trapper tries to go AWOL and as soon as he’s distracted laughing at Frank, Hawkeye locks his bag away so Trapper won’t be tempted again. Both of them are repressed messes who can’t really talk to each other.

When that sedation attempt ends up in Frank falling over, Trapper goes to Henry to be the worried macho boyfriend. Like with the only comedic dancing allowed and not the time in Officers Only when a genuine offer gets turned down, being protective over Hawkeye where he can hear can only happen when it’s for fun/likely no real danger.

At the end, Trapper and Henry sit by Hawkeye’s bed when he’s finally asleep and talk about him. Kindly, but they know he’s unstable with a hero complex. Like Mulcahy said in season eleven, the camp has a lot of experience with not dealing with reality, and even Trapper says in Iron Guts Kelly that one man’s reality is another man’s fantasy. Nobody has the capability to talk about this yet, and Sidney and Hawkeye only really become friends in O.R. Hawkeye will wake up and he and Trapper will pretend this never happened.

When Adam’s Ribs comes around, and Hawkeye has a manic episode over needing to eat something that isn’t liver or fish, Trapper and Henry are again the ones looking after him, comparing him to their kids and Trapper in the background both snarking over Hawkeye’s slippage in sanity and looking out for him. It’s not as quite high stakes as Dr Pierce and Dr Hyde, but they’re still worried about him.

To end this out, Trapper and Hawkeye and mental health is a fun thing to look at. Neither of them are particularly emotionally intelligent yet, Hawkeye just kind of a self absorbed mess and Trapper finding it easier to be a reassuring rock and keep his own struggling to himself, and they keep things from each other while also taking past each other, but they comfort each other with jokes and distractions that only they can understand. The repressed clowns are trying, even if it does all end with a borrowed kiss and only just barely missing each other.

[arashikitten]

I Love Monkie kid, Here’s Why

So the past few days have been... hectic, to say the least. School’s kicking my ass, I have to get drive time in, and the crushing pressure of scouts is not helping. However, I have found solace in the new Lego animated show, The Monkie Kid.

The Monkie Kid is a show about Mk (or Qi Xiaotian if you watch the Chinese ver.) as he takes on the role of Sun Wukong’s (the Monkey King) successor, as well as all of the responsibilities that entails. Alongside him are his best friend Mei (Long Xiaojiao), his boss/kinda dad figure Pigsy (Zhu Dachu), the storyteller Tang (Tang Shifu), and Sandy (I don’t know the Chinese version of his name sorry). 

 He has to fight a rouge’s gallery of demons, the most prominent of whom are the Demon Bull family. Mk must also train with Sun Wukong, and get better with his fighting abilities and attention span. 

Now I’m gonna be completely honest, I was a little nervous about this show at first, especially when the trailer for the english dub came out. But holy hell, this show has blown me away with it’s first season.

Lets start off with the animation, which is done by the same studio that made Rise of The TMNT. And just like ROTTMNT, the animation for this show is spectacular. ESPECIALLY the fight scenes. You can see eastern influence in just about every frame, which considering the source material, makes sense! Although if I’m being honest, the animation shines the most during big fight scenes. The battle between Mk and Red Son at the weather station is one of my favorite scenes in the entire show, second only to that scene in episode 9. The moment where Red Son moves so fast that he temporarily phases out of view fuels my little weeb heart!

Then, there’s the voice acting. While the Mandarin voices are all pretty good (I adore Iron Fan’s voice!) I am a watcher of the dub for Monkie kid. And HOLY SHIT, THE ENGLISH VOICES ARE GODDAMN AMAZING!!! Lets start with Mk, who is voiced by Jack De Sena in the English dub, who most famously starred as Sokka in ATLA and Callum from The Dragon Prince. We also have Kyle McCarley as the voice of Red Son, who starred in the third season of Infinty Train, and Shigeo Kageyama in the English dub of Mob Psycho 100. Then, most famously, Sean Schemmel playing the Monkey King himself, Sun Wukong. (Sidenote: As a massive DBZ fan, when I tell I screamed when I heard Wukong’s English voice for the first time...)Sean Schemmel, for those of you who don’t know, played Son Goku in the English dub of Dragon Ball Z, and there are so, so many reasons why getting him to play the Monkey King here was fucking inspired, but this post is long enough as it is.

Finally, there are the characters themselves. I’m a sucker for the “mentor and apprentice to parent and child trope” (glances at the owl house and BNHA), and the Monkie kid delivers that in spades. Mk has like three different dads y’all. 

First lets start with the obvious: Mk and Wukong. We don’t get to see much of it in the first episode, but hoo boy does the rest of season one make up for it! Wukong starts off very nonchalant with Mk, and we can very much see that he’s a hands off sort of mentor. He also does the typical shonen mentor trope of making his apprentice do something that doesn’t have educational value at first glance, but becomes very important later on. And there are some times where this clashes with Mk’s impatience and need for action. (Sidenote: I totally headcanon Mk as having Adhd and possibly Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. There’s even a scene in one episode where Wukong points out that Mk is “Loud, not confident”, and there have been some hints here and there that Mk does have some issues with his self confidence. On top of that, there are so many scenes where gets very easily distracted in day to day life, yet when he’s in a big battle, his focus is entirely on the enemy, which sounds kinda like hyper focus. Idk, maybe it’s just me projecting.) However, it’s clear that Wukong does care about Mk, enough to step in when the kid really needs it. Hell, he even seems to be a little jealous when he finds out that Mk started training with someone else in ep. 9 (He’s MY kid dammit). We also see that both Mk and Wukong aren’t afraid to call each other out, and the fact that both of them call each other out is just great. It shows that they do both respect each other, but they both know when the other is doing something stupid. All in all, 10/10 relationship, kinda reminds me of Dadmight and Midoriya. 

Then we have Mk and Pigsy, and I’m not gonna lie, the moment I saw Pigsy, my mind went to Grunkle Stan: Gruff and sarcastic, stingy when it comes to money, would probably do something illegal, acts like he doesn’t care but secretly really does. We see this in his first scene in episode one: Pigsy is very gruff, and to people who don’t know him, he seems like a bit of an arse. He’s a strict taskmaster, and won’t hesitate to tell you if you effed up. But we also see that he cares very deeply about Mk, and would do anything to keep the kid safe, even if he himself isn’t much of a fighter. And here is where I think the comparison to Grunkle Stan really shines through: in how they show that they care about the people they love. They act gruff on the outside, but they would do anything for their kid(s). We also know that Mk feels the same way: even though Pigsy can be really tough on him sometimes, he continues to work at Pigsy’s noodles and seems to actually enjoy working there. I don’t doubt that Pigsy is some sort of paternal figure for Mk, and Pigsy would absolutely punch someone in the face to protect Mk. 

Finally, there’s Tang. We see in the first episode that Tang is likely the one who got Mk into the legend of the Monkey King in the first place, or at the very least encouraged that fascination. Tang seems to be way more laid back, kinda vague when it comes to explanations, like a stereotypical mysterious mentor. Out of the three, MK seems most relaxed when with Tang, and it’s pretty easy to see why. Tang indulges MK with his stories, and when MK first gets the staff, he goes to Tang. Not Pigsy or Mei: Tang. So clearly, MK has a lot of trust in Tang, and knew that Tang would be the most likely to listen to him. And Tang did listen to him: he let MK talk about what happened, and when MK showed that the staff was really Wukong’s, Tang seems almost as excited as MK was, if not even more so. In other words, Tang is a fanboy just like MK, so of course he’d let MK gush about Son Wukong. And MK would listen to Tang gush as well, and now I’m just imagining these two having movie nights where they watch stuff about the Monkey King, and it’s adorable.

There’s also Sandy, who at this point is kinda like Mk’s weird uncle who low key used to be a gangster before he went to therapy and now gets aggression out in his construction job. I headcanon that he knows a lot of really good techniques to bring someone down from a panic attack, and once MK finds out about it, he starts going to Sandy when he’s having a bad day.

This post is way too long, so imma go ahead and end it here.

TL;DR: Watch Monkie kid if you love found family, funny villains, badass fight scenes, and anything related to Journey to the West.

[scribbling-stiks]

AAR - XXXI - Bad Days

*New Mississippi Design doodle; sidenote, I hope I got the hair style right. I am caucasian and stuck in the house with my white family, so I tried my best with google trying to find something relevant. I'm not sure if I did it right, so please let me know if I didn't do it justice.*

Russia twirls America's hair in between his fingers. He tries to admire different colors. Russia himself has plain white hair, and he almost finds himself envying it, but shakes the feeling off. He pulls his fingers through America's hair and it stands on end, blue and red highlights popping out from the white.

But Russia finds he can't focus on the colors or the texture of any of it. His head spins and thoughts bounce around his skull like a pinball machine. He tries his best to relax, but his mind spins.

'What's going to happen now?' The thought echos in his mind.

'Am I in danger?'

'Are we in danger?'

'Are the kids going to be okay?'

'Is Ukraine okay?'

'Is that thing going to come back? What if it wasn't here for just the animals.'

He tries to shake off the thoughts but finds that he can't. His eyes fly around the room, even though logic tells him that he won't find anything in here. Motion catches his attention and he sees Texas walking over with a concerned look on his face.

Texas smiles when he sees Russia looking up at him and walks a little quicker. Texas swiftly makes it to Russia's side and America looks up with a smile.

"Hey, y'all," Texas says, "so, I just wanna let y'all know that outside don't look so pretty."

"What do you mean?" America asks, his tone curious and worried.

"Well, it kinda looks like when Arkansas put red food coloring and milk in the blender and didn't put the top on."

"Oh. That's not good," America says, "is the spider monster thing still outside?"

"I didn't see it, and I don't think there are any more animals left," Texas says, "at least, not anymore. But Tenny said it smelled like it was gonna rain soon, so we might just wanna wait for a while before we go outside again."

America hums.

"We wait until tomorrow," Russia says decisively, "then we will leave."

"Wait, we're leaving? I ain't complainin', don't get me wrong, but where are we going?" Texas says.

Russia notes that as soon as Texas' voice rose a little, the other kids tune in to the conversation. The kids don't move, but they do go quiet, occasionally glancing in their direction.

"We're going to my plantation house in Georgia," Dixie says loudly, and drew everyone's attention.

The room explodes with sound.

"Wait, we're going to go stay at Dixie's zombie house?"

"Bama, it's not for f***ing zombies."

"OOH! If we're leaving, can we get drive-thru on our way there?"

"Yeah! Anything's better than the unseasoned stuff coming outta these cans."

America sighs and rubs his face. Russia smiles.

"Fine, we'll get drive-thru on our way there. But I am NOT taking requests," America relents.

The states cheer and clap. Russia smiles and drops his chin into America's hair. It's prickly and tickles his face. Then he catches motion in his peripheral vision and he looks up, panicked. After a little searching, he finally sees what had startled him. He offers a smile to Connecticut as they walk over nicely.

"Hey, Dad?" Connecticut says, waving their hand to get his attention.

"Yeah, Kiddo?"

"Can I come with you?"

"What do you mean?" America asks, looking clueless. Russia shakes his head with amusement.

'They mean when we leave to invade the bases.'

"I know that you're leaving again with Russia. I wanted to see if I could come with you."

"Really? Why?"

"I've got magic, and I wanted to make sure you have some extra magic support," they answer, "I can't do wards like Massy, but I can summon weapons."

Connecticut waves their hands and summons knives, one in each hand. They wave the knives and their feet leave the ground as they whirl around, swiping through the air.

"Alright," America relents, "fine. But we aren't figuring out our search group until after we settle into Dixie's safe-house, okay?"

"Okay!" They say, and they walk off with a wide smile.

Russia's attention returns to the rest of the room and he finds himself tracking where everyone is and what they're doing. Trying to split his attention makes him feel overwhelmed, but when he tries to stop, panic grows in his chest. He feels America shift and Russia looks down at him.

America looks up with wide, concerned eyes.

"Russ, are you okay?" America asks.

"All is perfect. I am okay."

"No, you're not," America says, sitting up.

Russia's eyes fly back to America again. America is looking up at him with concern and affection in his eyes.

'His expressions still look the same,' Russia notes with muted joy.

"You're freaking out. I can feel your heartbeat," America whispers, his hand moving to Russia's chest.

America stares up at him with a tender look. "Please," he says, "breath with me."

Russia tries, he really does, but when he tries to slow his breathing, his lungs scream at him that he isn't getting enough air. He finds himself trying to match America but desperately gasping as if he had just resurfaced after nearly drowning.

'How is he breathing so slowly?' Russia thinks incredulously, 'it's impossible.'

America carefully takes Russia's hand and pulls them onto his chest, breathing deeply. Russia feels the movement.

'In...out...in...out'

Russia takes shuttering breaths, trying to breathe in when he feels America's chest expand.

"We're okay... we're okay," America whispers, cupping Russia's hands with his own.

Russia tries to look around America's head and search for danger in the building.

"Hey," America says, and Russia frantically looks back, "there is nothing behind me, okay? Look at me."

Russia tries his best to keep his eyes on America, but the movement around America's head keeps pulling his attention back to the chaos happening behind America.

"Rue, I'm going to hug you, okay?" America asks, gently letting go of Russia's hands.

Russia retracts his arms to his chest, closes his eyes, and nods furiously. America pulls him in and Russia leans his head into America's shoulder. America hugs him tightly and doesn't say anything.

'Everything is okay. Everything is okay.' It becomes almost a chant, cycling through his thoughts until it loses its meaning.

Russia feels America's heartbeat and breathing and focuses on it. Russia forces himself to focus on America. He struggles to tune out the sounds that drown out ration thoughts that surround him, so he focuses on America's breath brushing the back of his neck. Russia refuses to let his panic in his chest move his focus away.

Finally, Russia's breathing starts to slow down enough for him to think, and he wraps his arms around America, trying his best to be gentle.

'Everything is okay. Right now, we are safe. If we stay inside, we are safe,' Russia thinks, trying to convince his heart to slow its racing.

Russia focuses on keeping his breathing calm, and his heart rate calms. He lays there for as long as he can manage until he feels America begin to shift. Russia sits and looks away, his face flush. He can't make himself look up and meet America's eyes.

'What happened?!' Russia mentally demands, trying to find why he had started panicking like that.

"Rue?"

Russia scrunched his nose in frustration.

"Rue."

Russia looks up and sees America looking at him with concern. America smiles.

"You were spacing out on me there."

"Sorry," Russia mumbles.

"Hey, I get it," America says, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, "sometimes things can be too much."

"But I..."

"Rue-Rue, everyone has their bad days. Everyone. And bad days can look different depending on who you are. Sometimes when things get hard, Flo goes non-verbal, and Tex'll lash out and isolate himself. Sometimes, for no reason in particular, some of the states will visit and be attached to me like koalas for the rest of the day," America recalls, a fond and exasperated smile spreads across his face before he shakes his head, "Anyways, my point is we just had a hard few... forevers, and you're just having a bad day today."

Russia tries his best to fight back the shame in the back of his throat. He feels his cheeks burn.

"And hey, if I'm allowed to have bad days, you are too," America says, playfully punching Russia's shoulder. Russia doesn't look up and America sighs.

"For real though, I'm here for you. Besides, we can't just go out and get alcohol to drown our sorrows, and I promised my kids I wouldn't start smoking again, so we're kinda stuck dealing with our emotions."

"I don't like it," Russia mutters. America laughs quietly.

"No one does, Rue-Rue. Trust me, I know. But if we don't deal with them, they don't ever get any better."

Russia tries to think of a counterpoint, only to find himself agreeing.

"And I'm sure once we settle down into that house, we'll have a bunch of clingy children to deal with," America says with a smile.

Russia laughs softly and finally looks back up at America, who looks at him with love in his eyes. Russia stares back, getting lost within his eyes, staring almost hypnotized by the strange dullness to America's right eye and the depth to the right.

"I think everyone needs a break just to calm down a little. I think once we're all together somewhere without things sneaking up on us and where we can sleep in actual beds, it'll get better," America says softly, a loving smile on his face.

Russia smiles back, and he feels lighter. The storm of emotions and anxiety he hadn't even noticed making a home in his chest dissipates, if only a little.

"It will be better," Russia agrees before musing, "it has been a while since I have been in a house."

America giggles widely and falls into him. Russia smiles at the display and his heart swells. America takes a few deep breaths to calm his giggling before looking back up at Russia with a stern look.

"If you get jumpy like that again, try to calm yourself down," America advises, "if you don't, you're just gonna be exhausted."

Russia nods. America smiles brightly, and Russia tiredly smiles back.

"See, now you're tired. But you gotta stay up with me."

"Why?" Russia whines.

"Because you have to, you jerk," America huffs, crossing his arms and pouting.

Russia chuckles. "You are cute."

"I am not!"

Russia shakes his head with a smile. Honestly, he couldn't wait to settle down somewhere with a comfortable mattress and insulated walls. The mats suck. But he'd make due right now. They just have to stay put one more night.

Soon, light stops peaking through the makeshift curtains, and the steady padder of rain echoes from the metal ceiling, filling the building with white noise. America begins to sway a little before leaning into Russia's side, avoiding the dripping water streaming down the wall.

Russia smiles, wraps an arm around him, drifting off, the darkness welcoming him into sleep's embrace.

~

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[norahastuff]

Yockey is a true artist. Seriously. This episode had so many callbacks and parallels to different episodes in the series, but the one it brought me back to was 5x22, Swan Song.

Proverbs 17:3 

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the lord tests the heart.

What this verse is essentially saying, is that God puts his creations through pain, trials and immense suffering to test them and their character. He wants to see who they are when they emerge from the flames and if they endure, what’s left of them. 

And damn does that verse apply to Supernatural’s version of God. Chuck’s all about tests. The prize fight that was supposed to go down in the season 5 finale? That was a test, and Lucifer even pleads with Michael to try realise that: 

LUCIFER: Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means he made me who I am! God wanted the Devil.

MICHAEL: So?

LUCIFER: So why? And why make us fight? I just can't figure out the point.

MICHAEL: What's your point?

LUCIFER: We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard.

Lucifer couldn’t figure out what the point was, because the test wasn’t for him and Michael. The story wasn’t about them. Maybe it had been once before, Chuck does have a habit of getting bored with his characters and moving on, but it certainly wasn’t anymore. Chuck even admits this in his voiceover

So, what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test... for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice.

And I think that’s a key point in Chuck and his writing. Something we’ve seen over and over, particularly this season, is people noting that Chuck is a bad writer. Both Becky and Lilith haven’t exactly been shy about sharing their opinions on his work. However, the biggest most interesting things that happen in his stories, are the things he couldn’t have predicted at all. The things he didn’t actually write. 

Take the prize fight in 5x22 for instance. Dean, thinking Chuck was a prophet, called him to find out where it was all going down. He asks Chuck:

DEAN: Well, do you have any idea what's gonna happen next? CHUCK: I wish that I did. But I-I just – I honestly don't know yet.

I genuinely think Chuck was telling the truth here. He didn’t know what was going to happen. He didn’t know Cas was going to show up and set Michael on fire. I also refuse to believe Chuck would think to write Cas a line as glorious as “Hey assbutt!” 

He didn’t know they were all going to make the choices that they did. He can manipulate situations, he did illuminate the little army man so it would catch Sam’s eye, but ultimately the choices Sam, Dean, Cas and Bobby made in that episode were their own.

Just like 4x22, Chuck did not write Cas ripping up the pages of the story written for him and choosing to rebel. I know at the time Chuck wasn’t written to be God, but this story that Chuck was writing was still supposed to be coming from God. It was still the divine plan. And Cas rebelling wasn’t in it.

Chuck’s characters have a habit of getting away from him, and up until that started to threaten him (Sam shooting him in 14x20) he was fine with it. More than fine in fact, I think it fascinated him. He enjoyed the story. Think of how satisfied and engaged he was anytime they surprised him with their choices. Think s4 finale with his pride that Cas had rebelled. Or s5 finale after none of them stuck to the script. It reminds me of his conversation with Donatello in 11x21: 

Donatello: Uh...I-I-I guess you know that I was an atheist, until 10 minutes ago. Is that an issue?

Chuck: Not for me. I mean, I believe in me. But your skepticism is to be expected. I did include free will in the kit. 

And by doing that, I think he unwittingly sowed the seeds for his own destruction. Or at the very least his own downfall.

All we need is a group of heroes who value free will above anything else. A team one might say.

Also I haven’t checked my dash yet so I’m sure people have already mentioned it, but the fact that the part of the argument they chose to use in the recap was when Cas said “something always goes wrong” and Dean retorts with “yeah why does that something always seems to be you” feels significant. Especially because it didn’t seem to serve an obvious plot purposes this episode, it just seemed to remind us that Cas tends to screw up the plans. That fight between Dean and Cas had a lot of painful lines in it but they chose this one. Something tells me that may be relevant again at some point...

Oh and as a sidenote, Lilith talking about Chuck’s “pervy” obsession with Dean also reminded me of Dean’s comments to Chuck, also from 5x22:

DEAN:  Whatever happened to Becky? CHUCK: Didn't work out. I had too much respect for her. DEAN: Boy, you really got a whole virgin/hooker thing going on, don't you?

Dean’s instinct to play Freud goes way back. And Chuck...well, insert *we don’t have time to unpack all that* gif here.

[lunar-lair]

Uh,,ok so like,,,,,,,I had this? Idea? And I just wanted to know what people thought of it before I actually wrote it, so uh. Yeah

(Sidenote, this is basically an outline/bulletfic? Like it's Mostly fleshed out in terms of concept but that doesn't mean it's a full Fic yknow? I plan on...hopefully, eventually...writing this Fully. I just wanted to get input on just how off base my characterization is and shit...hehe. Also my excuse for any weird writing is that I wrote this in the bath and I was trying to go Fast so my water wouldn't get cold. Anyways notes over bye)

Named 'Cleaved Apart, Cleaved Together': abt The Split and how the two were separated (physically AND emotionally) and then how they bond again after Remus is accepted and the boys like,,,,,,accept each other as Bros again

At first I was thinking No Fusion but also like,,,I really like the idea of them fusing again on accident when they're really super happy or in sync

So after a Lot of bonding-chilling in the Imagination, just fucking around with each other, and even talking thru shit together-they finally manage it.

They were just in the common room with all the other sides, maybe setting up for a movie night or something?

They came rushing down the stairs, talking frantically together about a new idea they had while pushing each other lightly with every silly tease and making jokes about old shenanigans that only they could really understand

(Patton and Janus could remember days before The Split, when the two were one.

Janus could still remember them shouting not to be seperated.

Patton still hated the fact that it was basically his decision to keep them apart.

Thank the Lord they were close again.)

The two finally stepped into their usual spot in front of the tv, chatting with each other and the others

Eventually, they ended up talking about some stuff they'd made together. Some plans they'd been making together. They finally told a joke at the same time that got them falling over each other laughing,

And then it happened.

There was a flash of light and then-and then-

It wasn't King. It wasn't Creativity, the original.

But it was them.

Patton and Janus only sat there, teary eyed with dropped jaws, and Virgil and Logan began questioning what the FUCK was up, how are two sides fusing-?

And Roman and Remus sat there, tearing up before laughing a moment. 

"Roman."

"Remus."

Two almost-different voices right after one another, happier than any of them had ever heard them.

"We need to talk about this separately though, hm?" Roman, with a laugh.

"Yeah."

Another flash and he was gone, replaced by the brothers again who shook their heads, in a bit of disarray.

"Was that ok?" They asked at the same time, staring at each other.

"We don't have to be him anymore...I mean, we're our own people now Remus."

"Yeah, but that was FUN!" Remus replied, throwing his arms around Roman.

Roman laughed. "Then maybe every now and then?"

And Remus just laughed back. "Why the Hell not!"

They finally turned at the sound of a sniffle.

Janus was crying, and Patton wasn't really much better. Logan and Virgil seemed bewildered, though Logan a little less so.

"Janus? Patton? I understand you remember original Creativity more vividly than we do, but I do not understand what elicited sadness. Are you alright?"

Janus gave a watery laugh, wiping away some tears. "God, I couldn't be better."

Remus and Roman stopped, their smiles finally dropping. Roman reached forward, arm just a few inches in front of Janus. "Did we...do something wrong?"

Janus smiled again and shook his head, tugging on Roman's arm. "Come here you dork."

Patton pulled Remus in along with them and they all ended up in a little cuddle pile, Logan and Virgil joining in too, on the outside, bc Bitch, We're Worried Too.

Remus looked up at them, just Confused. "Then what's up??"

Janus and Patton's smiles dimmed a bit, and Janus began with a sad smile; "It's...simply a long story."

"That long story short, though, uh…" Patton continued, rubbing a hand on his neck nervously. "Wellll...the Split was really scary…"

Janus chuckled. "Exactly. Imagine the friend you've known since you were born splitting into two all of a sudden with ear-ringing screams to match."

"And then, after that…"

"You...decided to split those sides of him...just because one wasn't as perfect as the other."

Patton looked down and held Remus a little tighter. "...that was...mostly my decision."

Janus gave him a Look that simply meant 'we've talked abt that Way too much dude' and moved on. "But either way...it was...well…"

"Neither of you remember it, but...you...didn't want to be split."

Janus smiled again, sweet as honey. "And even after all we did...you two still managed to stick together."

"And even if the person you make now wasn't who he used to be-and it shouldn't be, really-it was like…"

"...seeing two...old friends you used to know meeting again."

"Or seeing two pieces of a whole come together again to make something even more than what they started with."

Janus teared up a little again, gripping them a little tighter. "It's so great to see you two whole again."

Remus and Roman had memory upon memory of feeling...empty. Like there was a piece missing of them. Like nothing they made was quite right. And since they had started to bridge their gap, they'd finally felt that emptiness filling up.

Janus and Patton could remember so, so many times where the two of them had missed their brother, where they told them something wasn't right-especially in the beginning.

Even Logan had memories of trying to figure it out with Roman.

Virgil remembered plenty of days where Remus just seemed off, but couldn't explain what was wrong, and...no matter how little Virgil understood, he would sit with him and try to ward it off anyways.

Remus and Roman laughed, eyes teary, and locked hands between them all.

"Yeah.

We're glad too."

And now for my myriad of Notes:

I was actually thinking of just some kind of melding shit for the fusion bc I thought it would be Cool but then I realized it was Thomas' brain so it'd probably look like the shit from SU. Big F :///

Sorry for any inconsistencies, I was giving .2 shits at the time and also In The Tub, so

Me, a bitch who has siblings but isn't very close to them emotionally: *shaking my phone wildly* hoW THE FU CK DO I WRITE BRO THERS INTERACTING S O F T L Y-

I'm Certainly planning on more stuff coming from Virgil and Logan, we can't leave them out

I'm Aware that 80% of this isn't canon, but,,,,last I checked we didn't really care here? So??

For the scene after Roman and Remus defuse, I'm honestly thinking more of smth where the two go to one of their rooms and talk it out and THEN go back to the commons to check on The Boys and o h sh it why are Janus and Patton crying-

Answer: they thought they'd fucked everything up for them but they didN'T! FUCK YEA!!!

Idk how to explain,,,Why they're emotional abt this actually

Like...idk. Um...they both care for both of them and didn't want them to be separated Permanently bc they Knew they didn't feel right w/out each other?

Ok that works

Anyways but uh

Then Logan and Virgil get to ask some questions and THEN we get to the part where Janus and Patton explain why they are In Tears

Also Logan wasn't as old as Pat and Jan when Creativity split, so he doesn't really...remember it

Virgil was probably Very New tbh

The opening scene is ABSO LUT ELY going to Extremely metaphorical and sad and like 'two pieces of a whole cleaved apart' yknow

Gotta make angst to make that fluff!!

Also don't ask me why Janus falls apart Even Harder than Patton does here man, I think he's just On The Mind and I'll make our dad friend more emotional in Post, I Promise

Also pls hmu if the shit I've managed to put here so far is So Out There it's Impossible, I've written Janus one (1) time and I have written Remus zero (0) times ok

Also Remus and Roman don't...really remember much of the split. They remember feeling whole and then empty and whole again, and they have some of OG Creativity's memories, but the Split and moments following are...Foggy. Rightfully so, aswell, tbh.

Also how I imagine it going is like,,,,the boys are split, they hang out for a bit, and then they're taken by their respective Parent(ish) and are taught Entirely Differently and therefore grow to dislike each other!!!!!!!

patton has oh so much to regret.

They could've been Brothers...

Oh my God they could've been Br ot her s...............

Patton and Janus at 3 am crying over the fact they separated the boys at the Split be like:

Anyways!! My whole point is that Hopefully any problems will be Fixed when I actually write it but I just wanted to get the concept out there and uh,,,,,,yeah

Anyways uh *shuts my door* yea that's that,,,thanks for coming to my ramblings ig

(I'm so sorry I can't put a read more, I'm on mobile,,,)

[cheryllcher]

A Merry Sprinkle Christmas

it’s christmas!! and of course i had to write something about a sprinkle-loving human :) presenting a lil very long fic of my sprinklebug au!! im overseas now so my laptop is miles away and i cant add the cut so ://

—-

“3...2...1... IT’S CHRISTMAS!”

Marinette squealed as the clocked that ticked away on the living room wall proudly displayed 12 o’ clock. There were sparkles in her eyes as she tried to decided which gift to open first while she scurried to the christmas tree from her place on the couch, making Tom and Sabine chuckle. It was always a Dupain-Cheng tradition to open a gift at midnight every christmas, and this year was no exception.

Their home had sprigs of mistletoe sprinkled (yes this is intentional :> ) around with the scent of fresh hot chocolate filling the air. Stocking hung along the pretend fireplace aka the window, custom made by one (1) aspiring fashion designer of course. The kitchen was filled with food, drinks and ingredients for the upcoming christmas party happening in less than 18 hours. (Marinette was shamelessly counting down.) The tree was the centre of attention though, bringing twinkles into the house- courtesy of the fairy lights wrapped around it. Ornaments, each unique with a story behind them, was carefully placed on some of the branches of the tree, the collection constantly growing. There was no star though, as they don’t see the need for one. Tom joked that Marinette was their star what with all the commissions she’d received from Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale. (“Dad, no! I’m not a star!”) Marinette once tried to add sprinkles to it but they all just fell to the floor which formed a pile of sprinkles around the base of the tree that made her sad.

Marinette was a whole new level of Christmas. She was decked out in her oversized self-knitted sweater with hand-sewn sprinkles decorating it and a cat pun right in the middle. (Gummy Chat would be proud of the cat pun part) Her christmas hat was lined with fake fluffy fur and a big, fluffier pom pom at the tip, decorated with-surprise!- even more hand-sewn sprinkles. Warm fuzzy socks were on her feet, in christmas’ colours, made to look like elf shoes with again, sprinkles made of thread. Almost covered by her hat were mistletoe sprigs pinned to the hair ties that held her hair in pigtails, a huge contrast against her black hair. Tiny bells jingled away on her wrists and ankles, making sounds wherever the sprinkle-obsessed girl went.

“Hang on Marinette. We have some new ornaments to add to the tree this year,” Sabine called out to her daughter, effectively halting the jingly movements. Another tradition in the Dupain-Cheng household, putting up new ornaments if they have any new ones to introduce to their myriad of not-so-new ones. The petite woman pulled out a blob from a box on the table. How did I miss that? Marinette thought as she finally caught sight of the red cardboard cube.

“This,” she gestured to the animal shaped piece, “is to commemorate Paris’ heroes for all they’ve done for us. Sprinklebug and Gummy Chat may not know this but I think they deserve to be celebrated with our other memories on the tree considering their contributions and everything that happened this year with the akumas.” She then put it up on an empty spot on the tree. It was a black cat with a ladybug on its nose. Marinette tried to keep her tears hidden, surprised and touched at the same time. At least one of them knows, Mum.

“There’s a second one, but it’s one of your presents and it can wait till tomorrow if you choose to open another present first.”

Any thoughts of which present to pick went out the girl’s mind, scrambling to figure out which box it is in. Tom laughed at his daughter with fondness before locating it for her, booming with much more laughter as a mass of sprinkles launched for it. 5 seconds of paper tearing and a lid thrown aside later...

*Gasp* “SPRINKLES! A sprinkle shaker! I’ve looked forever for one of these and you’ve finally found one! THANKS MUM AND DAD!”

—-

Operation: Prepare for Christmas Party was almost complete by the 1 hour left mark, so Sabine told Marinette to go and prepare all her gifts and get ready for the party using the remaining time. (She knows how serious that human takes these tasks.) Marinette already triple checked everything the day before and planned her outfit, so all she was left with was hair and makeup which only takes 15 minutes. This means that she was able to sneak out the skylight as her super-secret-alter-ego to meet up with her partner as scheduled. Tikki was interrupted from admiring her present from Marinette, a mini sprinkle-themed dress, but she didn’t mind. Gift in hand, Sprinklebug soared across her city before finding the cat themed hero lounging around on the Eiffel Tower, whistling a christmas tune. He opened an eye at the sound of her landing, a grin taking over his features.

“Merry christmas, sprinkle-boo!” Chat said as a greeting, Sprinklebug returning it in a sing-song voice and a hug. The feline boy kept his eyes on the item his lady brought with her, curiosity definitely triggered. This made Sprinklebug giggle and give in to his silent request, taking hers from the centre of the roof when her friend’s tail pointed in that direction. They opened their presents together, too eager to wait another moment of say another word.

“Omg it’s sprinkles shakers with fancy sprinkles! I’ve been meaning to paint on some for fun and this is perfect! But... isn’t this an expensive brand? Chat-“

“Nuh-uh, no can do madame. I insist and you can’t say no. Also you gave me like 3 different things I should’ve gotten you more!”

They went back and forth for a bit before they burst into giggles, ending whatever “argument” they had. Chat then asked about the ornament that she had given him.

“Ornaments are sort of my family tradition, so i thought I’d make you one. Cat’s and gummy worms and a small pun too. It’s one of a kind.”

Tears swarmed in Chat’s eyes, threatening to fall. He needs to hurry home soon so that he can cry and swoon in pure bliss. He picked up golden thread when pushing away his hat so that he won’t accidentally get it wet. Inspecting it, his saw the name of his princess. Sprinklebug cursed herself mentally for not setting aside of her habit of signing articles of fashion with golden thread.

“Oh, that. I couldn’t knit myself so I commissioned Marinette to create this hat. I’m sure you’re familiar? But please don’t go asking her who I am as I did it via super suit. And before I forget, inside the bag with gummy worms is plagg’s cheese and tiny hat. Wish him merry christmas for me please.” My, what a mouthful you idiot!

“Ah, okay. Please do that same for me with Tikki. And thanks for reminding me, give her one of the shakers. It’s indicated with a little tag.”

They did a little more talking, ultimately bringing the topic back to how Sprinklebug gave Gummy Chat way more things which were also cooler and that he should have gotten more to balance it out.

“It’s really alright, minou. Seeing you smile and enjoying your present is way bigger than all the presents I gave you combined.” A warm smile was directed at Chat.

“Awwww is m’lady finally falling for my smile?” He was being a jokester and he knew it.

“You wish.”

They then parted ways at half past 5, Sprinklebug to prepare for a party and Gummy Chat to soon head over to said party. Not that either of them knew.

Sidenote: Adrien did cry and swoon in bliss for about 20 minutes once home though. Plagg just munched on the edible part of his present and asking him to stop producing “eye-pee” and check for everything before heading to pigtails’ party already.

—-

so there it is! i wanted to write about the christmas party but it’s kinda long so maybe a part 2?? but i also kinda wanna just leave it as a oneshot. hmm decisions decisions... but i hope you liked this thing that i wrote and merry christmas!!

[safflowerseason]

I really enjoy reading Cassie in BMTL. Children in fic are usually my pet peeve because they’re written as overly precocious, or not behaving as children usually do, or cloyingly perfect, but you seem to have found the right balance because Cassie reads as a very believable 5-year-old, even with the political knowledge leanings, which is well within reason for her upbringing. Do you find it hard to write her and get that balance? And is it the same Cassie in ‘ask me, I won’t say no’?

Thank you very much! I’m very attached to Cassidy as a character, and am pleased that she seems to have won over BMTL readers. She is, honestly, a breath of fresh air to write compared to Dan and Amy…she’s fully transparent in a way that Dan and Amy aren’t with each other. Her age has a lot to do with that, of course…and I was very strategic with picking her age for this fic, which determined almost everything else about it, honestly, including the political plot. I needed her old enough to have a personality, but young enough to still be completely reliant on her parents, and also, crucially, to not consciously *understand* what her parents do and how it affects their lives. Considering who her parents are, I think it’s believable that Cassie has a highly-developed vocabulary for a five year old. But at the same time, she doesn’t *really* know what words like “polling” and “opposition research” mean…they’re just things that her parents deal with everyday, that she absorbs subconsciously, and thus mimics back out into the world like all kids do. 

I think the trick with writing kids is just not to be too precious about them, especially when it’s Dan and Amy. Like, obviously they love Cassidy, but it’s not like parenting has changed who they are as people. They don’t think raising a kid is this magical, sacred experience (although Dan might claim otherwise on his Instagram), and I suspect they barely think of themselves as parents…just barely-functioning adults who’ve somehow managed to acquire a tiny, confounding human. I’ve tried to convey that half the time, they don’t really know what the fuck to do with Cassidy, and like all parents…sometimes they think she’s infuriating and annoying. Of course, I’ve enjoyed writing Dan as a dad, making him struggle with feelings while at the same time, genuinely enjoying certain parts of fatherhood…whatever the Veep writers thought, S1-S4 Dan would have come around pretty quickly to being a dad. The social benefits alone would be enough for Iannucci-Dan to understand, on some level, that he’ll have to ‘settle down’ at some point. 

The hardest thing about writing Cassie has been figuring out how young children process death, at an age where they don’t *really* understand it but still have some sense of its permanence. This will be on display more fully in the forthcoming chapters. I also do go back and tweak dialogue and descriptions in the fic, somewhat frequently, and I’ve modified a few lines slightly to make them sound more realistic. 

And regarding ask me, I won’t say no, I guess theoretically, it’s the same Cassie, but the fic isn’t a prologue to BMTL or anything like that…so then technically it’s a different Veep timeline, haha. I wrote it while I was drafting Bring Me to Light, and just didn’t bother choosing a different name. And I think I just call her “Cassie” in that one-shot, instead of Cassidy, which is technically her full name. I’m very attached to the name, though, so across all my Veep timelines, Dan and Amy will have a kid named Cassidy. Dan makes a reference in Ep. 2.09 to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid when he tells Amy they should go work for Chung, so Cassidy as a name feels Veep-approved. (But originally I chose it because it’s spunky, cute, sounds good with both Amy and Dan, and also is an Irish name. There’s a vague fandom consensus that Dan’s family is Irish.)

I have a thing about names…I’m incredibly picky about them. I realize part of this is completely subjective and up to one’s personal taste. But at the same time, names have history and context and cultural connotations. You have to pay attention to how they sound. There’s a rhythm to names you have to figure out. It’s a big pet peeve of mine in fanfic when people just assign names to characters without thinking them through. I walked around for a week thinking about names for Dan and Amy’s parents. And Amy and Dan are both fairly classic, traditional names, at least from an Anglo-American perspective (like many of the names on Veep). They would have never have a kid named…I don’t know…Chloe or Bella or Mia. Those names are cute and trendy, but they don’t “fit” with Dan and Amy in my opinion. (Sidenote: I always wonder who on the Veep creative team came up with the name Selina, because it’s such an unusual name for an American politician…a Selina would never be elected to high constitutional office the United States, and I’m only half-kidding when I say that.) 

(Also, I hated the name Meagan for a Dan/Amy baby. Like, really hated it, and even though Dan took it off the table in the absolute worst way, I was relieved it was gone. Obviously Amy could not name her baby Meagan after that. Also, knowing how Mandel plotted Dan and Amy’s S7 storyline around certain jokes, I am decently sure they only picked the name because Meagan rhymes with Egan and they could play with that. Meagan makes me think of the word “meek”, which is…not a character trait associated with either Dan or Amy.)

[cupidhaos]

Hi, ‘tis I, ya girl who thinks too much. Back with two theories! Okay, so I’m pretty sure both of them have holes in them, and I might’ve gotten the timeline wrong. Sorry about that. It was around 5 in the morning when I finished writing these, so they aren’t my best pieces. (Also, the layout is really bad, I know. I’m sorry.) Anyways. The first one is 1'163 words long, the second is 569 word long. So like last time get something to drink, get comfy, and most importantly: enjoy. 💜

Picture this: Senior year of Highschool. Y/N thinks Joshua doesn’t return her feelings, and instead of facing him, she just leaves for Japan, cutting everyone off she knew from Korea. Left behind are Chae, Joshua… and another friend. Let’s call her S. S was very attached to Y/N. Maybe S was a bit of a loner, or maybe S just liked Y/N a lot. It was more one-sided; S saw Y/N as her best friend, while Y/N saw Chae as her best friend and thought of S as just a regular friend. Someone she’d eat lunch with, have some classes with, sometimes hang out together with, but not much more. Either way, Y/N doesn’t think twice about leaving S behind, with no real explanation of why she left. She doesn’t even tell S she’s leaving herself, S finds out through other means. Maybe through social media, maybe through Chaeyoung, whom she met once or twice through Y/N. S doesn’t handle being abandoned like that well at all. She thought her and Y/N were great friends, best friends even! They knew each other since Kindergarten! Why did Y/N just abandon her like that?! Did their friendship mean nothing to Y/N? Did she care so little for S? Or maybe S did something wrong? Was S not a good friend? It drives S insane. And with the months passing, she goes from yearning for Y/N to hating Y/N. (When Y/N tries to reach out to her again close to her return to Korea, S ignores her. Y/N made it clear that she didn’t really care for her, so why should she bother with her again?) S enrolls in Pledis Uni, and because she’s lonely, becomes one of SVT’s clients. And here they are, 6 handsome men, caring for her, making her feel happy and appreciated. Their nice words and compliments charm her completely, and she quickly becomes attached to them. But then there’s Chaeyoung, getting along with all of them so well – especially Jeonghan, of whom S has grown extremely fond. She tries to figure out a way to separate Chaeyoung from SVT, and learns that Chae’s Dad is part of the schoolboard. And because Y/N, Chae and S probably hung out at one point together, she also knows Chae’s father can be a bit… controlling. Pair that with the fact that the school most likely would not want to lose a club which rakes in a lot of profit, she has the perfect plan. So, she complains to the schoolboard, making them aware of the fact that their profitable club could plummet if the members don’t stay focused on their ‘duty’, and simultaneously making Chaeyoung’s father aware that his daughter is spending a lot of time with Jeonghan. She’s mostly successful; SVT avoids Chaeyoung like the plague as soon as school starts again. Sure, Joshua leaves SVT for Chaeyoung, and S is incredibly angry, but she doesn’t have a way to force him back into SVT. Besides, she still has 5 of them left, and most importantly, still has Jeonghan. Everything is fine for a while. Then, Y/N returns. And at first, it’s… okay. Y/N probably won’t get close to SVT because she’s friends with Chaeyoung, so S doesn’t have to worry about that. S tries not to think too much of Y/N and her betrayal. But then, Y/N starts to get involved with SVT. Y/N starts to get closer to SVT. And S can’t have that. She can’t have Y/N take SVT away from her, can’t let her take away the only thing that makes her happy. She must separate her from SVT as well, preferably her AND Chaeyoung, who is close to SVT once again. But S knows she can’t complain to the schoolboard again, that didn’t work good enough. So, she keeps an eye on Y/N, trying to get any dirt on her. And just like called, Yuta shows up. S knows he holds a grudge against Y/N, and starts to talk to him, coaxing him into helping her. Together, they plan on bringing Y/N down, to get revenge on her. At first, they didn’t really know how to. They could release all the private pictures Yuta still has of her, but that would most likely get them into more trouble than it would hurt Y/N, even if S could hack the tea page to make it look like it was them (maybe she’s a computer science major, maybe she just takes a lot of computer science courses because she’s interested). Then, the whole confrontation happens by ‘accident’. (Okay, Yuta was stalking Y/N, and couldn’t control himself when he thought he saw a chance to humiliate Y/N. He wasn’t aware Wonwoo and Seungcheol knew each other. He doesn’t care about SVT.) And soon after, Y/N is nowhere to be found. It doesn’t take a lot to find out what is happening – the tea page posted that Y/N was on her way to Busan after all, and S knows Y/N has a tendency to run away. So, S sends them messages asking for information. They’re a tea page, she doesn’t expect them to have morals. When they don’t provide, S is forced to take a different route to get the information she wants. Once she knows that Y/N will leave for the summer, she sees the perfect opportunity to strike. So, Yuta and her devise a plan. They need to cause Y/N to not be reachable, either through stealing her phone or through causing the phone to be destroyed. Yuta follows them to Thailand, trying to somehow get to Y/N’s phone, but Seungkwan and Chaeyoung never leave Y/N’s side, making it impossible for him to get close to her. Turns out he doesn’t have to, because Y/N drops her phone into a river in Thailand on her own. Recognizing this as the perfect time to strike, Yuta texts S, and S hacks the tea page, posting the thread. Earlier, they also enlisted the help of someone else (Sohee – the sister/cousin/close friend of Sohye attending another Uni, who’s equally angry with Y/N for taking Wonwoo away from Sohye), since she knows none of SVT would take her word. They would write her off as a jealous client. But the words of someone they don’t know and who claims to be Y/N’s best friend? They’ll swallow that. And much to S’s delight, Chaeyoung and Seungkwan unintentionally help her! By preventing Y/N from getting a new phone, they make it so much easier for S, Yuta and Sohee. That, and the fact that S is preventing any messages from SVT to reach Chaeyoung and Seungkwan (except for Jihoon, since she knows that would make Chaeyoung suspicious, and she never really liked Jihoon anyway). SVT swallows everything Sohee tells them, as does a large populous of the school. S will stay in the background, pulling the strings from there. Those computer science courses now really come in handy. How lucky for her she took them.

Oh, but another cool theory. Sohee is from Japan (Move!8), if only partially. What if, and hear me out, what if everything she says is true? Or at least, she BELIEVES it’s true? Sohee was a friend of Y/N in Japan. (Y/N doesn’t know her because she has two names – a Japanese name and a Korean name. Like Joshua is called Joshua or Jisoo.) After the whole Yuta sitch happened and Y/N left Japan, Yuta started to turn the whole story around. Saying how Y/N manipulated him, forced him to sleep with others, that she actually cheated on him multiple times, making himself to be the victim. And Sohee falls for it, deeply hurt that Y/N didn’t tell her when she left. Yuta then convinces her that Y/N would try to do the same thing in Korea again, like she did here in Japan. She agrees to help Yuta with stopping Y/N. It takes them a while to track Y/N down completely and to save up the money (flights and hotels are /not/ cheap, after all), but once they do, Yuta goes over to ‘save the others from Y/N’. He’s not successful, and so they take more drastic measures. Yuta tells Sohee all about how Y/N has targeted many men, how Y/N has replaced her with another girl (which hurts Sohee even more), and how this other girl is helping Y/N with manipulating SVT. Yuta tells Sohee he was able to get others to help him (the truth: Yuta is the one who asked Jimin and Seokjin for info and Y/N, and also is the one to hack the tea account and post the thread – but Y/N dropped her phone on her own accord, she’s just that clumsy ha) and Sohee goes to Korea. Yuta convinces her to lie just a little bit, telling her SVT is too blind already to just believe her when she says she’s here to help them. So, Sohee lies. And she is especially motivated to lie once she sees a specific member of SVT – Seungcheol. You see, Sohee is Korean-Japanese (hence the two names). And she lived close to Seungcheol before she moved to Japan at age 8. Seungcheol doesn’t actively remember her, but he has this feeling about Sohee. She seems familiar to him, and he automatically trusts her a lot. So when Sohee tells them of Y/N’s ‘plan’ (the only part Sohee thinks is a lie is the part of Y/N sending her to Seoul to cover up for her), and Y/N, Chaeyoung or Seungkwan don’t respond to any of them except for Jihoon, who is – in their eyes – probably a henchman of Y/N or being manipulated by Chaeyoung, Seungcheol immediately believes Sohee. (Yuta is preventing the messages from the members of SVT to reach Seungkwan and Chaeyoung, and he would’ve prevented them from reaching Y/N’s new phone too, but luckily for him, Chaeyoung and Seungkwan help him unintentionally.) It doesn’t take long for the others to believe Sohee as well. And during those two/three summer months, Sohee becomes fond of SVT. It makes her resent Y/N even more, because Y/N already broke the hearts of such gentle and loving men by leading them on and then just leaving. (Which is why, once Y/N is back, she texts her from an unknown number.) So yeah, Theory that Sohee believes she’s saying the truth (partially) and is being manipulated by Yuta. (Sidenote: Seungcheol could be replaced by any other SVT member. It could very well also be Joshua, which would explain why he would teach Sohee guitar, and why he would abandon Y/N so quickly. I just chose Seungcheol because… well, he strongly believes Sohee. Strongly enough to kick out Jihoon. I think there’s a reason for that.)

[cards-onthetable]

Emotional roller coaster

I just have so, so, so many feelings about last night’s episode. I’m not going to sit here and waste time onhow Maria Baez is too good for this trashcan show, or how ridiculous it is that every damn thing is a huge conflict of interest now (Erin being sent to deal with her dad re: some controversial issue? Frank saying “if I can’t get my daughter to do what I want...” or something like that? Me still watching when every scene nauseates me? Gross x 3). Today I’m just going to talk about Jamko. I went back and forth between (almost) 👀😍 and like, crying in misery every scene so join me on this emotional roller coaster of ridiculousness.

Scene: crossing paths in the precinct between shifts

OMG this scene is actually almost cute.

Eddie in a t-shirt (even if it’s pink)? Jamie in short sleeves? Omg omg 😍

“You look like a partner I used to have.” Is this... an attempt... at old style bantery Jamko?!

I can’t figure out what’s up with Jamie even after watching multiple times (thanks @jamkosarmyoftwo). He looks better/less dead than he has in a while (maybe it’s the short sleeved uniform? 👀👀) But lol his voice/inflection/line delivery is still a little off.

It feels noteworthy that not only did Eddie volunteer to be the decoy driver in this operation to catch the cab passenger — the whole operation is her idea.

A steak sandwich waiting in the fridge after a long night at work? This is like the first Real Evidence that Jamie actually loves her. Let me tell you, I’d pretty much marry anyone who feeds me after a night shift on the spot.

Eddie waving at him is cute not gonna lie. 😍😂

Sidenote: what’s the status of Jamie and Eddie’s relationship at the precinct? We know their superiors know they’re married at this point, but what about the other cops? Are we just ignoring that little detail they spent a year apparently hiding? Yes? Okay cool.

Scene: Eddie and Witten at another cab robbery

😂😂😂 someone else besides Eddie now gets to be the STEP BACK yeller! Amazing! Eddie’s moving up in the NYPD y’all.

Why is it daylight? Is it the next day after the precinct scene? What happened to these middle-of-the-night robberies? I have many questions about this, folks.

I legit cracked up when Eddie goes to check on the victim and he falls forward, dead. Is this meant to be some comic relief? Why do I watch this show?

Scene: Jamie and Eddie’s apartment

Eddie’s making Jamie dinner after he left her a steak sandwich. Again, I have questions about the sequence of these scenes... Eddie’s already had another shift so it has to be the next day right? Nothing makes sense.

I’ll try to ignore Eddie choosing to make Jamie a damn salmon (because that’s a reasonable, quick-ish weeknight dinner before rushing off to work) and apparently only making one (would she not have like, fed herself too???) because omg for a second, they’re almost cute 👀👀

I would’ve liked to see a quick little kiss when Jamie walks in like they’re some kind of normal couple but it’s whatever, I guess

“Aw, you didn’t have to do thaaaattttt!” Again with the weird inflection. Maybe this means he’s trying for something other than ugh-just-get-through-the-scene-without-dying? But lol.

Aaaaand then we go from almost-cute to cringey super fast.

Eddie asks about the decoy operation (reasonable) and then gets weirdly upset about the wrong things when Jamie updates her.

Old Eddie would easily have understood the selection of a decoy who closely resembles the victim profile. Like don’t even with me @ her getting all butthurt over not being chosen for a role where they need a male.

It bothers the fuck out of me that Eddie reacts the way she does to Jamie getting the driver job. Again, objectively, she should realize why she was passed over. And Old Eddie would not have expected Jamie to give her this ~special treatment~ she’s asking for here when she says he should have told the sergeant that she wanted that job. And... she wants it because the last scene “got to her”? And she claims Jamie’s being “overprotective”? God I hate it all.

Talk about an inappropriate ~work-life balance~ when they’re having these emotional Disagreements about work-related matters at home. Gross gross gross.

Oh we’re mentioning last year’s decoy op when Jamie jumped out of the damn bushes to save Eddie (which was totally overprotective and inappropriate)? GOOD LET’S file this away for later shall we?

Now Eddie’s basically storming out. Nice. I hate it. I feel like this ~argument~ was done completely the wrong way and I can’t take either of them seriously right now.

Scene: family dinner

SPOILER ALERT: I HATE EDDIE IN THIS SCENE TOO

Remember that time Eddie waltzed into Jamie’s apartment all “you got ESPN?” And that deleted scene where she tried to win Mets tickets? And the general idea in earlier seasons that she’s a sports fan?

SO WHY THE FUCK does she get this horrified look on her face all “that’s part of the game?!” when Sean says he hit the opposing pitcher with a pitch?

Yes dude. Payback in the form of intentionally hitting opposing players with pitches is a part of baseball. I will withhold my personal opinion on this topic but the point is, yeah, it’s a common thing in the game of baseball. So gross @ Eddie up in here acting like she’s never heard of that before and she’s all horrified by it. I don’t buy it.

“Where’d you get that, G Gordon Liddy?” Lol when I asked @ontherockswithsalt who tf G Gordon Liddy is, she was all “ASK YOUR DAD THAT’S WHO” so cool @ Eddie casually referencing this Watergate dude when she was not born yet when that went down.

0/10 I hate it.

Scene: decoy discussion after dinner

WAIT Tell me more about Jamie’s past sports gambling. 👀👀

Last time we talked about this, Eddie was pissed that Jamie was chosen instead of her and accused Jamie of being overprotective. And here she is being overprotective asking if there are any safer alternatives? 🙃 I’m tired.

Yes please Jamie. Explain to Eddie ~how the job works~. Good good.

They don’t annunciate at all in this scene and I can barely understand what they’re saying. Glad to have you back, Will “just-get-through-the-scene-without-dying” Estes.

Sidenote: Lol @ his short sleeved button down. Dad Look on point.

Scene: DECOY OP OH BOY HERE WE GO 🙃

Jamie picks up the suspected perp in broad daylight with a huge ass black van not at all discreetly following him. Nice.

Eddie anxiously listening to police radio somewhere in her own car. Nice.

“Just drive.” Lol @ everything.

By the way cabs in NY have partitions between the driver and the backseat to protect the driver so this entire premise is bullshit and they would’ve done better to make it like, Uber drivers getting whacked or something. but who cares about realism?

“What the hell are you going?” Like he’s so damn casual @ having a gun held to his head. I’m dying. 😂😂😂

OH NO THE HUGE ASS BLACK VAN LOST THE FEED. WHATEVER WILL THEY DO?! Also highkey dying @ this ridiculous graphic. 😂🙃

The fuck @ this entire car ...chase? Whatever you’d call it when Jamie is driving with his knees for blocks and blocks while holding an armed attacker at bay.

HE’S WEARING CARGO PANTS GOD SPARE ME.

EDDIE TO THE RESCUE WHAT THE FUCK?

The “find my phone app” is more reliable than NYPD technology? Nice.

And then Jamie rolls his eyes before they do this weird jerky grab-each-other thing and I hate it all.

SOME ISSUES: Eddie listening in on a police operation while off duty. Eddie using the fucking FIND MY PHONE APP to interfere with said police op. Eddie shooting a perp while off duty.

Normally this would prompt a huge ass investigation into all of Eddie’s activities, including off duty discharging her gun. This seems like very clear evidence that they can’t safely continue working out of the same precinct. Yet I’m sure there will be zero consequences and we’re just supposed to be all 😍😍 @ Eddie saving the day.

It’s all so ridiculously absurd, y’all. I can’t take this shit seriously. I mean is the show even trying anymore? When I watched this scene live last night, I literally thought “wow this is it, this is where I stop watching Blue Bloods.” And I mean that may or may not be true but like... I hate it so much.

Scene: Eddie and Jamie’s apartment again. Sitting Like This on the couch.

Lol @ this casual transition from watching a cooking show to “that’s the second time you’ve saved my life. Thanks.” 🙃🙃🙃

This discussion that “if we accept the risks for ourselves we have to accept the risks for each other” is actually a great line and it’s a thing they should’ve talked about a long time ago, way before getting married. But that doesn’t mean I’m cool with Eddie taking it on herself to be Jamie’s guardian angel (who the fuck basically calls themselves someone else’s guardian angel? 🙃) for the rest of their careers.

THIS KISS. Geez I’m not here for it. Like every kiss they’ve had since getting engaged has looked just like the 2 kisses they had before that. I need to feel something different in these married people kisses okay?

IN SUMMARY: These contrived Jamko work situations are about to get really old really fast and I need a change if I’m going to keep tolerating this bullshit on my tv every Friday night. They don’t have a healthy coping strategy re: each other’s inherent risks as cops and they don’t have a healthy coping strategy to allow them to work out of the same precinct and constantly be aware of/involved in the other’s work activities. It’s stupid from a marriage standpoint, stupid from a work and realism standpoint, and ridiculous all around. Do better, folks. I hate it.

[nomadicdiva]

Let’s talk about the small [huge] Dickkory moments in Ep. 8

First off - I’m loving all the Kory positive posts that have been flooding my timeline the past couple of weeks. To all of you out there making gif sets and posts about Anna/Kory - THANK YOU SO MUCH, our girl needs as much love and positive attention as she can get. Now on to what we got in Ep. 8

*Special shoutout to the casting and portrayal of Donna Troy. The actress smashed it and it was great to see Dick have a relationship with a grown woman that didn’t revolve around her wanting to jump his bones. I hope to see more of her in S2 and I CANNOT WAIT to see her reaction to Kory and the Dickkory relationship.

Gar asking Rachel if she knew that mom and dad were a *thing* says one thing to me (since boys are oblivious) - that he definitely likely heard them lol. Also the fact that they’re sharing a room is pretty huge. In their first...er...encounter, They both were up and ready to part ways almost immediately after. Sharing a bed is yet another display of trust shown between them, and the level of comfort they’re already feeling with each other. 

Then there was the morning pillow talk. First, starting with that adorable dreamy look on Dick’s face as he watched Kory sleep. I really, really love how Brenton is playing his interactions with Anna; he does such a good job of looking in awe of this amazing powerful woman. You could almost read the “Here’s this woman that could kick my azz and incinerate this whole building with a thought and yet she’s lying here beside me sleeping all innocent looking and muttering in her sleep” on his face. 

Sorry, I got side tracked. Ahem. Then there was the honest conversation (again) they had about the next steps for both of them. I love love LOVE that they were mature enough to realize that their relationship as it is can’t continue with any real substance while Dick is still figuring out who he wants to be and Kory has no idea who she is. Kory’s response to Dick being very open and honest with her about where his head is at (which I think is a reflection of how Kory is with him) was perfect; she was obviously disappointed but understanding and supportive. Like a proper mature relationship - go figure!

And then finally the goodbye between them. The way Kory took him aside to allow them to have a (very needed) moment since their connection is different than with the rest of the team. Again, a mature conversation about where their roads were taking them and most importantly, their well wishes for each other’s journeys cuz that means they can get back together with a quickness .  You will never convince me that Dick didn’t want to give her the mother of all kisses goodbye.

*Sidenote, Kory is pretty much the only person that’s made Dick smile, blush and laugh since he met her. She is rocking his world

Overall, I feel like the show has been handling the Dickkory relationship very well; it’s not over the top, but the writers/directors are taking very strategic steps to let viewers know that these two are very much connected and are  laying the groundwork for a lasting romance. Again, I AM HERE FOR IT.

I can’t believe we have to wait two whole weeks to see how Dick get’s through to his bae Kory in kill mode. And also because let’s face it - he totally misses her already

*I take no credit for any of these gifs, they were created by the amazing people of the tumblr community

[turtleduckie]

ahhhh I love your latest piece with rhaenys being crowned queen!!! the symbolism of jon and egg crowning her, the way each brother is wearing the clothing of their respective mother's homeland while rhaenys is dressed more targ, the three dragon heads on the sword, it's absolutely gorgeous. what are your other headcanons for this au?

Thank you! I just see so many posts having Aegon VI or Jon as the true king and I'm like listen LISTEN WHAT IF Rhaenys is the true heir to the Iron Throne?? As a woman and being Dornish, she would have to face such huge obstacles, not to mention inheriting a crumbling empire (thanks dad and granddad). Wouldn't that make for an interesting story?

Ok so headcanon time. Forgive me if I have to go as far back as the Battle of the Trident. This will give important context to Rhaenys' eventual rule.

--

With Rhaegar and Robert both dead at the Battle of the Trident, it would seem like the fate of the Seven Kingdoms was a toss-up and the Iron Throne was up for grabs to whoever could secure King's Landing first. Tywin still sends his armies to KL with every intention to seize power.

Anyway so the Lannister forces are at KL and here I'm following @poorshadowspaintedqueens headcanon on how the Sack was averted: Elia kills Pycelle before he whispers to Aerys to let Tywin in, so with only Varys advising him Aerys bars entry to the capital. (On a sidenote, check out her fic False Sorrow's Eye which details the aftermath of the Battle of the Trident with both Elia and Lyanna making it out alive.) Jaime still kills Aerys but the gates KL only opens when Ned Stark and what was left of Robert's army arrives. Elia and Jaime present Aerys' corpse as a sign of goodwill, and to add to that, discloses Lyanna's location. (Elia knows, or Varys knows, you decide.)

Lyanna is still alive! The battle with the remaining Kingsguard is averted because well technically the family they're serving is still alive and Rhaegar's baby boy, Aegon VI, is declared King and Elia as Queen Regent. Ned wants to take Lyanna and baby Jon back home to Winterfell but part of the deal with Elia was to bring Lyanna back to KL for a "conversation." Ned is obviously apprehensive but he can't risk starting yet another ruckus when everything is so fragile.

So Lyanna is brought to KL and Elia asks her point-blank if she wishes for her (Lyanna) son to be king. Lyanna, who is very tired of all the pain and suffering, says no, she just wants to go home with her son and her brother Ned back to Winterfell. Elia has made her swear it in front of an audience, and additionally, made her tell the true account of her "abduction." (That is, she willingly ran away with Rhaegar but regretted it soon after, especially after her father and Brandon's deaths).

So with Aerys' death and condemnation of his actions, Elia quashes the main reason for Robert's Rebellion. And with Lyanna's confession, she also assuages the Northern lords and those who have taken as another cause to rebel Rhaegar's abduction of Lyanna--because now it would make Lyanna an easy target for blame (no matter how unfair it is).

She also frees Jaime from his Kingsguard oath which mollifies Tywin somewhat as Jaime is now once again heir to Casterly Rock. But of course Tywin being Tywin he still has some things under his sleeve.

With the rebels temporarily pacified, Elia begins consolidating power. She courts the major Houses, makes amends when she can and when she can't, she uses force. Rebellions, though nothing as major as Robert's, crop up every so often but with Ser Arthur Dayne leading most charges, they are held at bay.

(Oh and if you're wondering about Rhaella, Viserys and Daenerys, they're all alive and well. No one's dying in childbirth in this story because fuck that. Viserys isn't as crazed because his mom's alive and they're relatively well-taken care of.)

Okay so flash forward to a few years. Egg is being groomed to be the next king and you can imagine how fun that is for a little boy who loves books and songs and dance. He shares his father's bookish nature but fortunately none of his melancholy. He instead inherits his mother's liveliness and sweet, gentle nature. So in one rather frustrating episode where he is feeling so very suffocated by all these demands and rules and responsibilities, he says he doesn't want to be king.

Which made Elia, Rhaenys (who was in the room learning alongside Egg), everybody freeze.

Elia talks with him later and Egg tearfully confesses that he really really really doesn't want to be king. Then he says, "Why can't Rhae be the Queen? She's so much smarter and she's good at learning and dealing with people. And isn't she supposed to be the next in line, since she's the eldest?"

And well, that made Elia think. She tells Egg to think about all this first and they'll talk again. In the meantime, he should go to his lessons and do as he's told.

When they revisit the topic a year later, Egg's decision is still the same and Rhaenys who had been quiet about this, finally spoke up. "If Egg doesn't want to be king, then I will be Queen." To which Egg nods in agreement.

Elia studies her daughter's eyes wondering about her motivations, if there is a latent desire for power that's pushing her. But all she could see was determination. She talks with her daughter and learns that Rhaenys is determined to be queen to make sure they survive. It surprises Elia a little to know that her daughter had been very attentive to everything going on around them, how their hold on the throne was precarious, how they were surrounded by enemies, how it would take a strong, decisive leader to help them through this alive and unscathed.

So with this discovery, she makes her decision. She makes preparations and plans things carefully. Egg publicly renounces his title, making Rhaenys the heir to the Iron Throne. This was, of course, met with outcry, with some saying this was the same conflict at the heart of the Dance of Dragons come again.

Elia stands by her children's decision though it had cost them some of the support they had fought so hard to earn. Rebellions started cropping up once again with more frequency.

As soon as she was old enough to wield a true sword, Rhaneys started going into battles. Her mother begged her not to and Egg cried. But Rhaenys is very steadfast and tells them, "My people won't love me if they don't see me fighting for them."

Seeing Rhaenys' grim determination and acknowledging that their hold on the Throne is tenuous at best, Elia reluctantly lets her go. But not before ordering the Kingsguard to protect her at all cost.

Rhaenys cuts an imposing figure in battle. She has inherited her father's martial prowess and she soon makes a name for herself. She goes to many more battles and though Elia and Egg's concern never abates, they can see the effect that Rhaenys fighting and winning has on people. It helps quell the unrest throughout the kingdom though it still simmers under the surface.

Rhaenys has a complicated relationship with her mother and her dead father. She loves Elia, no doubt that about that, and respects her for all that she has done to keep them all alive. In fact, the only two people she really cares about in the world are her mother and her brother. Which was why when she became of age, she sends her mother home back to Dorne. A huge part of it is because she can see how living in KL and battling every day to keep them all alive has worn Elia down. And it breaks Rhaenys' heart and she promised that she will take on the mantle from her mother so that she can rest.

But of course, the other reason is that Rhaenys wants to prove herself different from Elia. She knew that she was being constantly compared to her mother and not in a good way. She knows that the other people are wrong but knowing that doesn't change their opinion of her. And so, for better or for ill, she leans heavily on her Targaryen heritage to remind them all she is still a Targaryen though she may look like a Martell. She wears black and red and always with the Targaryen sigil displayed prominently.

Rhaenys knows of how her father humiliated her mother, first at the Tourney of Harrenhall and then when he ran off with Lyanna Stark just after her mother gave birth to Egg. She hates him for it, hates him for his weakness and how he never stood up to his father, but most of all, she hates him because he's dead and that she misses him still in spite of everything. She remembers how he carried her in his arms and how he would tell her tales of the dragons of old. She loved him, maybe she loves him still even as she hates him now.

On the eve of her coronation, in a rare moment of doubt, Rhaenys goes to her mother and tells her of her fears.

"I need to be ten times the man that father was," Rhaenys rests her head against her mother's chest, much like she did when she was younger.

"That's admittedly a low bar," Elia quipped with a faint smile. It drew an answering smile from her daughter and Elia held her tighter. "You are descended from Aegon the Conqueror, who subjugated the six kingdoms. But in your veins also flow the blood of Queen Nymeria the Unconquered, the one ruler that Aegon and his sisters couldn't make to bow, bend or break.

You are both the Conqueror and the Unconquered and you will be able to accomplish things greater than both of them. You are the blood of Old Valyria and of Mother Rhoyne."

Rhaenys looks up at her mother who then presses a kiss on her forehead. "You are Rhaenys, the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms."

[hergrandplan]

Anastasia, June 17th Matinee

(this post was submitted by my fav anon J)

goodness where to begin okay so let’s start with the tiny mistakes: •when dmitry pulls out the music box and says “it’s broken”, zach reached into his bag and the music box came out but the lid came unattached, FLEW ACROSS THE STAGE, and he had to walk across, pick it up, then hand it to her and say “it’s broken” and the audience DIED. he handled it like a champ though, what a legend. •christy had a lil stutter in once upon a December on the line “someone holds me safe and warm” it came out “so-sooooomeone” but she NEVER BROKE CHARACTER, more on her throat troubles next •i didn’t really notice but she cut the last note of “in my dreams” short and i thought it might have been cause 8 shows a week is different than one cast recording but then i watched her live the next day and she said she had something stuck in her throat and that she felt bad BUT I COULDN’T TELL IT WASN’T INTENTIONAL, she said everyone thought she lost her voice. i feel so BAD FOR HER, on the live she said “this audience is gonna think i’m crazy” or something, no no no christy we loved you and no one knew you messed up :( okay onto other things: •you can’t really tell in the cast recording but hearing it live, VLAD’S NOTES ARE SO L O W I SWEAR MY THROAT HURT JUST LISTENING •this might have been related to the same throat incident of earlier, but on the low notes in in my dreams christy did almost a growl-y thing and it was SO COOL •when vlad and anya talk in french he uses the “vous” form to show respect and i thought that was cute •SPEAKING OF CUTE VLAD AND ANYA, when he tells her he’s off to visit Lily she takes a moment and straightens his bow for him awww •THE ENTIRETY OF COUNTESS AND THE COMMON MAN WAS SO EXTRA THEY MADE OUT FOR AT LEAST A MINUTE STRAIGHT AND DID AGGRESSIVE HAND AND LEG MOVEMENTS I SWEAR THEY COULDA HURT THEMSELVES but the audience ATE IT UP •in land of yesterday, when lily’s singing “pass me a shot” a man slides up to her on his knees with shot glasses (and it WAS SO SMOOTH), she picks one up, downs it, then shoots it like a beer pong into someone’s fancy hat and that was so EXTRA, i adore vicki’s take on lily •before seeing the show i thought of vlad as a fatherly figure but now i see him more as a fatherly figure who disgusts his kids by constantly making out with their mom (the kind whose kids say “dad stop you’re embarrassing me!”) and a hopeless romantic •the pause between “I loved you” and “you loved me” was so tense people in the audience loudly went “ohhhhh” we were ROOTING for you vlad, and you RUINED IT •seriously they’re such a good duo john and vicki play off each other so wELL •also instead of just shouting “ENOUGH” during the press conference, vicki sang it in note so high it could shatter glass •i kept noticing lyrica in all the scenes especially in the neva club when she was in the flapper costume leaned against the wall with a cigarette uGH SHE’S BEAUTIFUL (sidenote- we met after the show!) •during once upon a december, the dancing ghosts of the romanovs are projected onto the walls of the stage and also into the audience so it creates the illusion that they’re dancing around you and it was such a cool effect •also the staging in general was so cool, they used panels and flipped them in between scenes, so a scene change was 2 seconds most •max’s gleb was interesting, before he knew the “troublemaker” was Anya, he was trying to scare her straight but as soon as he made eye contact he was BLUBBERING trying to be smooth •and when the girls come in to report her, there’s a line where one of them says something along the lines of “that’s not fair” and he picks her up, looks her in the eye, and says something about next time he sees them causing trouble on the streets, he won’t look the other way and it’s so still and tense til he blows on the girl’s face and they SCATTER, it was scary •”as your new friend, i suggest you be careful” but as she walks away he grabs her arm and whispers SUPER CLOSE TO HER FACE “but as deputy commissioner, i suggest you be VERY careful” BOY THAT HAD ME SHOOK •i love how they pronounce it, super fast, VUH-goh-nov •also, land of yesterday reprise EXISTS ?!!! AMAZING !!!! •speaking of things that aren’t on the soundtrack, THE ONE LINE DUET IN MY PETERSBURG WHERE ANYA SINGS HARMONY ON “YOU AND I” AHHH IT WAS AMAZING •my petersburg in general was A+, showstopping, wonderful, zach can BELT •the ballet scene was so gorgeous, the costumes of the dancers were incredible and i loved how the girl was a symbol for anya, the boy for dmitry, and the man in the mask for gleb, plus their voices sounded incredible, especially for such a difficult song •in the fight scene, Anya sounded so excited to show dmitry she could beat the other guys up “WANNASEEWHATELSEICANDOIPROMISEIWONTHURTYOU-“ she was like a lil kid •it was interesting seeing dmitry on stage because i find his characterization difficult to understand, but he mirrored the way vlad hides his romantic side. they had some lines in the beginning about saving vlad’s life being uncharacteristically kind for him and it felt like he was trying to project “HA YES I AM STRONG AND HAVE NO FEELINGS” (baby boy it’s okay, your gf is cute, tell her how you feel) •christy gets wheeled in on a bed before crowd of thousands superduperduper fast •she snuggles up closer to dmitry on the line “he was thin” ugh it’s so precious •THEIR FACES WERE SO CLOSE DURING THE ALMOST KISS •gleb walks in before anya even finishes her song and LET ME TELL YOU THAT TENSION IS HIIIIIIGH •i will never EVER be over the ghosts of the romanovs walking between gleb and anya as he points the gun cause WOW POWERFUL they’re symbolizing the distance between anya and her family is gleb’s willingness to pull the trigger and the how thoughts of family contrast so strong between the tsar and gleb’s father MAN IT’S GOOD CONTENT •anya just accepts her fate as death, wow that girl needs some therapy •”if you ever see me again from a carriage, don’t wave.” WOW those lines were so bitter it hurt my heart •THE SUITCASE AHHHHH I LOVE HOW BOTH ZACH AND DEREK DO THE THING WHERE THEY WAIT A SECOND TO MELT INTO HER ARMS •at the VERY VERY END while they’re standing there silhouetted, i saw christy move and touch her lips or something on her face with her glove? it was super small and subtle and just cause i had the right angle from the mezzanine but i thought it was adorable, then she snapped right back into place, perfectly still •AT THE BOWS SHE DID THE THING WHERE SHE PUT HER HAND ON HER HEART AWWWWWW SO SOFT •i couldn’t stage door for very long but ZACH CAME OUT AND HE REMEMBERED SOME FANS AND WAS ASKING THEM ABOUT THEIR PROM also sidenote the people by the stage door were super sweet and took pictures or held phones for each other even though no one had ever met before •LYRICA WAS SO SWEEEEEEEET I DIDN’T GET A GOOD PICTURE SO SHE SAID “HERE LET ME TAKE ONE” AND SHE TOOK A SELFIE ON MY PHONE GOD BLESS THAT WOMAN •i brought a tiny gift bag for julia and she put it on her arm and signed and boy SHE IS SO SMALL AND CUTE •and then i had to leave :( •BUT IT WAS INCREDIBLE WOWZA THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME