#shut up !! shut up about food and dieting !!! stop fucking commenting on what other people are eating !!!

[piplupod]

turns out if you tell somebody straight out "I don't like to talk about food, I have a hard time with it as is" then they will sometimes shut up about health and diet lol

[iwadori]

Haikyu Boys when they make you insecure PT 2(Atsumu,Suna)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  Part 4  Part 5 Part 6

word count: 1.6K

Genre: angst,fluff

Masterlist

Atsumu:

You have been dating the great setter of the MSBY Jackals since your third year in highschool 

You’ve always been okay with his profession 

Even when it comes with the adoring fans he has (the ones that don’t necessarily like you..)

And the away games he goes to, that you can’t always go to because of your job.

You and Atsumu got to spend all of quarantine together, which was challenging at times. As you and Atsumu sometimes did have conflicting personalities but you loved being together for 8months + altogether. 

But now with the restrictions being lifted, Atsumu got to go back to practice and playing some games although you still got to work from home. Over lockdown, you do feel like you gained a bit of weight (which you didn’t pay much attention to since didn’t everyone gain some weight?) 

However, today you were scrolling through twitter, smiling fondly at the recent tweet ‘tsumu made about you;

@ ThebetterMiya: ‘Remember this @ *Insert your twitter handle here* ‘ 

It was a picture of the two of you in high school in your second year, with you giving Atsumu a hug just after his game against Karasuno. The memory made you smile, but your positive thoughts stopped after seeing a particular comment... “Y/N has definitely let herself go” it read.

 To your surprise Atsumu even liked the comment, you didn’t want to overthink things as you know that Atsumu just unconsciously likes comments and tweets without thinking all the time. But you can’t lie and say you didn’t agree with the comment. 

For the rest of the day, you spent your time googling and searching personal trainers and gyms that were open for you to go to and new healthy diet plans to try

.Atsumu came home a while later, tired and grumpy claiming that coach worked him extra hard in practice. Because of your newfound idea to start eating and being more healthy, you decided to have one last day of ‘letting go’ so your ordered yours and ‘tsumu’s favourite take out.

Whilst eating dinner, you were going INNN as you should  because this is basically your ‘last meal’ you were going to have. ‘tsumu caught onto your cavemen-like way of eating which made him chuckle a bit. “Hey babe, woahh you’re really hungry aren’t ya?”��

His comment threw you off, even though you know that he probably didn’t mean anything by it but from the comment on his twitter earlier and how you already feel about yourself it just didn’t help.

“Well what do you mean about that?” you say a little agressively “you think i’m getting bigger right?”

Your question threw him off guard since he didn’t mean that “well Y/N I know you’ve kinda let youself go a bit and you’re obviously not the weight you were when we 16 but-” before he could finish you get up out of your seat and rushed to your room with tears in your eyes, missing the end of his sentence which was “but I still think you’re beautiful” he murmurs.

He decided to give you some space for a bit, and before approaching he see’s your phone ringing (lets just say you and Atsumu have ultimate trust so you can answer eachothers phones :3) “Hello is this Y/N L/N” the person on the otherside of the phone asked 

“No, this is Miya Atsumu” your boyfriend replied 

“Oh! Miya-san i’m a big fan of you!” he started making Atsumu chuckle “I was just calling Y/N to say i’m available next week saturday to start training”

‘Training?’ Atsumu thought “Can I ask what training you’re preparing for with Y/N” he asks

“Oh I am a personal trainer.” he replied “ Well that’s all I can say, can you please tell Y/N-san to call me again so we can work out times.” he ended the call.

Atsumu goes into your shared-bedroom where he finds you on your laptop looking at ‘weight loss’ tips. He goes over to you and closes your laptop lid and pulls your hand to lead you to the mirror in the room. He stands you in front of it and puts his arms around your waist and his head on your shoulder.

“You’re beautiful Y/N” he says, sparking more tears in your eyes “I think you misunderstood what I said earlier, you. are. goregous. babe” he says punctuating every single word. “Even, if you feel like you gained weight, or lost weight or whatever I will always think your beautiful. If you feel like you want or need to change I will definitely support you along the way, but I think you’re amazing Y/N.”

“Thank you ‘tsumu” you start “ I do feel a bit insecure about the way I look right now, and I’m sorry for my abrupt leave at dinner but I do feel like my body is gross but I do want to try to see myself the way you see me.”

After many efforts from Atsumu, you definitely fell back in love with your body wether you were bigger or small you didn’t care cause you knew you were beautiful either way and so did Atsumu which he reminded you of that every single day.

AN: Can someone give me a synonym for beautfiul lmao cause that’s the only word I can think to use lol.

Suna:

You and Suna have always surprised people when they find out that you’re together.

Since your loud and talkative personality mixed with his quiet and nonchalantness is that a word? seems to not work well for other people

But opposites attract right?

You just finished the last episode of Kakegurui and were excited for your boyfriend to come home so you can tell him about it. You and Suna have been dating for a few years, after you confessed to him in front of all the boys in the gym in your 3rd year.

Suna enters the house mumbling a soft “Hi Y/N” to which you responded back with “Hi suna” rushing towards your boyfriend with a big hug. 

He slightly recoiled back out of your hug making you frown, to which he used the excuse of ‘I smell bad from practice let me take a shower.’ Whilst he was in the shower you decided to make some dinner for you both since it seems that Suna is a bit ‘grumpy’ today.

Once he exits the shower, and gets changed, he sees the table set out with the delicious food you made. You exit the bathroom to see him sat down already eating his plate. “How do you like it ?” you ask him wanting to know his opinion on your food.

“It’s good” he mumbles, continuing to shove food in his mouth. A bit bothered by the lack of response, you decide to talk about the newest episode in the hopes of lighting the mood. “Last episode of Kakegurui was great Rin, you should’ve seen it I really love mary. She’s great, I am a Mary Saotome simp through and through I still didn’t get the game they played but who cares? I can’t wait for season 3 to come out, I’ve already ordered the first 3 volumes of the Kakegurui twin manga, do you think it’s as good as the manga since I do think it’ll probably be better since it is Mary-centric and who hates mary since she-” You ramble on not taking notice of the bubbling annoyance that Suna seemed to have.

“Can you just shut up Y/N” he shouted making you flinch “ You’re so fucking talktative gosh” he got up and left the house slamming the door shut making you jump again. 

Instead of wallowing in your bed you decide on going out the library to go and read a good book (something that always makes you feel better) forgetting the harsh tone that Suna used with you. You were only trying to lighten the mood...

You got too engrossed with your books to notice how the sun is now gone and it was pitch black outside, the librarian notified you that it was time to go, you figure that if Suna was back at home he would’ve cooled down now so you can have a proper conversation which to be honest, you didn’t really want one.

Once you enter your house, Suna rushes towards you enveloping you in a big hug murmuring a “Oh thank god I was so worried” he tried to give you a kiss on the forehead but you recoil out of it, just as he did to you earlier. 

“I think i’m going to go to bed Rin” you say quietly trudging towards your bedroom and getting immediately in your bed. Suna stood there in the spot you left him in feeling bad for what he said to you at dinner. He goes into you bedroom and see you on your bed and silently gets into it next to you.

“Y/N I know you probably don’t want to hear me right now, but I am sorry” You don’t respond but slowly move closer to him letting him put his arm around you. Because of your silence Suna continues to speak “Umm...I watched the last episode earlier and you were right Mary Saotome is the goat but.... yumeko is better” he said teasingly 

This made you smile, as this is what you wanted a nice moment with your boyfriend talking about the last episode of your favourite show. You spend the rest of the night arguing over which character is better and decide to start Demon Slayer together, with Suna enjoying your after episode talks that you have.

AUTHOR NOTE: I was really excited to write for Suna and Atsumu but I have a fat migraine so i’m so sorry for it not being thattt gooood today :// but I hope you enjoy it regardless 

[everythingsinred]

pls just understand this: type one and type two diabetes are two entirely different illnesses (they are both called diabetes bc the disease was named before scientists fully understood the causes and illnesses properly). first, lumping them together under “diabetes” (as in the joke and also treating them like the same disease) can be very harmful! the confusion can result in misunderstandings at best (like my sister not being allowed to eat cookies at parties even tho. yes she can eat cookies.) and misdiagnoses at worst.

type 2 diabetes happens gradually and usually later in life, bc the insulin is overloaded into the bloodstream over time and the cells stop responding as much to it, which means the diabetic isnt getting energy despite eating it. it can be potentially reversible with great effort but it can still be dangerous. changing your diet and exercising more helps a lot but it can still be harmful especially early on before diagnosis. 

VS type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease, usually diagnosed in childhood (hence why its sometimes referred to as “juvenile diabetes,” but bc it doesnt GO AWAY once ur an adult, that name is misleading), and it makes sufferers more susceptible to other illnesses. usually undiagnosed type 1 diabetics are severely underweight. basically your body is KILLING itself trying to destroy the insulin-producing beta cells bc it has been confused into considering them as enemies. 

so associating sugar overload with diabetes is stupid bc 1. type 2 diabetes happens over a long period of time, not from one sundae or whatever! and can be actually a backhanded comment tbh and is used to shame ppl for eating sugary foods. and 2. u begin to have dangerous misconceptions about the diseases, particularly about type 1. 

even doctors dont always understand the difference! my younger sister (dearest zoe), displayed all the obvious symptoms of type 1 and was severely underweight. my parents took her to the hospital and her pediatrician told my mom to try and fatten her up! my grandpa (a retired doctor from serbia) suspected that she could be diabetic and told my mom to get her tested and her pediatrician said theyd run the tests but that she probably wasnt diabetic (bc he was thinking of type TWO!!! TYPE TWO!!! shes so skinny how could she be diabetic??). my mom was literally making batches of fudge (!!!!!) to feed six-year old skinny zoe when she received the call that zoe probably had type 1 diabetes, with her pediatrician apologizing profusely.

we were lucky that our grandpa knew what type 1 was. other kids might not get a proper diagnosis bc for some reason not even doctors know all the info about these illnesses. (even tho theyre pretty common. ugh) zoe has had many issues with knowing more abt her illness than the doctors who are supposed to be treating her.

and in the us so many ppl die from diabetes (especially type 1) bc they RELY ON INSULIN TO LIVE (non-negotiable especially with type 1, even if you go on a “diet” so shut up about that) and when they run out because they cant afford it (even tho it is very cheap to produce and the inventor of synthetic insulin wanted it to be available to everyone) they fucking DIE, in their sleep or from ketoacidosis which is an incredibly painful condition. 

so before you make a stupid fucking “DIABETES” joke try to consider all the people suffering from it and how often children are misdiagnosed. think about how my sister has literally every rando idiot telling HER how to manage HER disease when they dont know SHIT who make the same dumbass jokes you do. shut up with the diabetes jokes im gonna skin u

[mediocre-writerr]

all for us [the wilds girls]

the wilds girls x platonic fem reader

requested: I love your imagines a lot, you’re an amazing writer! I had a promt where maybe the reader is the youngest of all the girls and basically the younger sister they all never had and they all care and love for her very much (maybe short flashbacks with moments of her and the girls) and once their quarantine is over they realize she’s missing and it turns out she got internal injury or something else quite angsty and the girls do everything they can for her

*not my gif*

“So tell me about Y/N Y/L/N.” Agent Young says.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” Leah asks and Agent Young nods, “Where do I even begin?” 

You were the youngest of the group. Not too much younger than them, but still younger. And just like regular siblings being the youngest had its perks and downfalls.

For one, you could never go anywhere alone. Even to pee, the girls would not let you out of their sight. 

But, you got away with almost everything. The girls couldn’t stay mad at you for too long, not even Toni could stay mad at you. And she could literally stay mad at anyone until the day she died. 

“I’m taking you and her were close?” Agent Fader asks.

“Yeah, she was close to pretty much everyone. She’s like a little bean we all wanted to protect. You just wanted to squish her cheeks ever time you see her.” 

“Leah? What are you doing up here?” you ask her, plopping down onto the sand further away from everyone. 

She shakes her head staring out at the sun that was just beginning to set, “Just reading the notes he left me...again. I know I’m pathetic.” 

“I wasn’t gonna say that.” you reply and she looks at you wide-eyed.

“You weren’t?” 

You shake your head, smiling at her a little bit, “You were in love. I’ve never been in love before, but when you’re in love you’re in love. And he dumped you which wasn’t cool. I don’t support your relationship with him, but it’s only natural to be heartbroken over it.” 

“You’re wise for your age.” she says, ruffling your hair.

“If I ever meet Jeffery, I’m gonna kick his ass.” you warn her, looking at her dead in the eye.

“You probably can, if I’m being honest.” Leah states and she lets out a small laugh. 

Yes, mission accomplished.

You nod with your fists up, pretending to block, “Hit him with that one, two, punch. Pow. Pow pow pow!” you mimic, punching the air in front of you.

Your fake fighting causes her to laugh a little louder and harder. So you decided to take it up a notch, get her distracted a little more.

You get up from where you were standing. And lift one leg up, like Daniel did in Karate Kid, “Finish him!” you yell, making your voice a little deeper. 

Kicking your feet up in the air, however you don’t stick the landing. You fall onto your back letting out a small groan and the sudden hit. Leah starts laughing uncontrollably, releasing a little snort.

That small snort causes you to start laughing along with her. Jeffery long forgotten. 

“We heard from Leah that Y/N was close with everyone. Is this true?” Fader asks. 

“Oh yeah 100%.” Rachel says with a nod, “It was like having yet another younger sister to take care of. Or well...them taking care of me.” 

“You think you can beat me in a swim race.” Rachel asks, staring at you like you’ve just grown two horns.

You hum in response, “Yep!” 

“Fine you’re on! From this point to those rocks.” she says, pointing at the rock figures in the middle of the ocean.

“Who you got?” Dot asks, Toni.

Toni looks at her with a small smirk on her face, “I’m gonna bet on the underdog this round. I got my Diet Coke on Squirt here!” Toni gestures to you, using your annoying nickname that the girls named you after. 

They gave you the nickname after the turtle from Finding Nemo. You pretended to hate it, but you secretly loved your embarrassing nickname.

“You’re on!” Dot says, shaking her hand.

“On your mark, get set...GO!” Martha yells sitting along next to Marcus.

The two of you take off swimming. You start off a little slow at first trying to maintain your energy, but Rachel was the opposite. She was using everything in her power to get their as fast as she could.

When she finally started slowing down, that’s when you pushed on the gas. Moving your arms and legs in a perfect motion. Slowly, but surely you started passing her just as you made it to the rocks.

“Hell yeah!” Toni yells.

Dot groans before throwing Toni a Diet Coke. 

“How the hell did you do that?” Rachel asks you, out of breath as the two of you sat on the rocks.

“Honestly, no idea.” you say with a laugh and she rolls her eyes.

“Race you back!” she yells, jumping into the ocean.

“Cheater!” you yell before diving in after her. 

Dot was slurping down her milkshake. While the two agents waited for her to stop drinking. 

“Can I have another one of these?” Dot asks and Fader nods with a laugh. 

“Who do you think you wanted to protect most on the island?” Young asks after Dot finishes her ten course meal.

“Y/N, hands down. I think that would be every girls answer.” Dot explains, plopping another fry into her mouth.

All of you girls were relaxing on the beach. After two days of scavenging the jungle for any sorts of food and firewood. This was the first day all of you could just relax.

“I just came up with the best idea!” you exclaim. 

It was just you and Dot. The rest of the girls were scattered all over the beach, doing their own thing.

“What is it?” she asks as your eyes had that mischievous glint to them, “Oh no. I know that look!” 

“We’re already stranded on a deserted island, what if we pretended we were on an episode of Naked and Afraid?!” you say, excitedly.

She releases on of her famous hearty laughs, “You want all of us to strip down naked? You really think the girls would be up for it?” 

You nod your head, multiple times, “I bet at least 6/9 of the girls here have at least imagined one of us naked.” 

Dot raises her eyebrows at you, “Are you one of those 6?” 

“No comment...” you state.

After much convincing, you got the girls to have a pretend episode of Naked and Afraid. Everyone was stripping down of their clothes, looking at each other, trying to stifle a laugh. 

The air was awkward, yet comfortable at the same time. The only awkward part was standing there unsure of what to do next. 

“Y/N, you have a cute butt!” Fatin exclaims, giving you a high five.

Toni sidles up next to her to get a look, “Awe it looks like a little peach.” 

You throw your face in your hands, shaking your head as a chorus full of aw’s fill the air. 

Toni sat there with her arms crossed over her chest, not wanting to talk about anything to these phonies. 

“So we’ve been asking the girls their opinions on everyone else, we’re gonna go one by one on the list and you’ll say one word to describe them.” Fader says and Toni just nods.

“Leah Rilke?” 

“Over-thinker.” Toni replies.

“Rachel Reid?” 

“Driven.” 

“Dot Campbell?” 

“Resourceful.” 

“Shelby Goodkind?” 

There was a moment of silence, trying to find the right words to say, “Complex.” 

“Martha Blackburn?” 

“Sister.” 

“Y/N Y/L/N?” 

Toni laughs to herself softly, “Squirt.” 

You and Toni were out in the shallow waters of the ocean. Dot sent you and Toni on an experiment to see if watch she saw on TV actually works. Where you stand out in the water and catch a fish with your bare hands.

The two of you didn’t quite know the logistics on how it works, but you volunteered anyway. You were standing out, not too far away from the shore just reaching down trying to grab a fish to eat.

Each time you tried you came out short, “You look like an idiot right now.” Toni says, laughing at you flailing your arms in and out of the water.

“Shut up!” you say, splashing her with water. 

“You guys aren’t doing it right?!” Nora yells from the shore, “You need to stay still and patient so the fish will come to you.” 

“We literally picked the worst people for this job.” Shelby says and you and Toni flip her off from where you were standing, “You guys literally can not stay still for the life of you. And don’t even get me started on patience.”

“That’s rude!” you yell at her, “God can hear you! You’re supposed to be nice!” 

“I’m also supposed to be honest!” Shelby shoot back and you mock her actions, before she gives you the bird herself.

“Hey that’s not allowed!” Toni yells at her girlfriend. 

You start laughing with Toni, pushing her slightly. She pushes you back playfully, before it turns in to a full on battle to see who can get the other to fall first. But Toni being Toni decided to just tackle you. 

“Ahhhhhh!” you say letting out a little screen, “Something’s touching me!” 

“Pick it up! It could be a fish!” Toni exclaims.

You pick up the creature and yell a little louder when it bites you, tossing it in the process, “It bit me!!” 

“Y/N, it’s a baby turtle!” Toni exclaims, “You were scared of a baby turtle!” 

“Shut the fuck up.” you joke with her, but give her a serious look. 

Toni picks up the turtle examining the cute little guy. She looks at the turtles face and then back at you doing a double take. 

“It kinda looks like you.” she says, before letting it go back into the ocean.

“Fuck you.” you tease, tackling back into the ocean.

“We really picked the worst people.” Shelby says to Nora.

Both of them shaking their heads in disappointment.

“Thoughts on Y/N Y/L/N?”

“Oh intern for being the baddest bitch out there.” Fatin says with a smile on her face.

“Intern for who?” Fader asks.

“Me of course.” 

Nora and Rachel were currently fighting to the death. Neither you, Leah, or Martha knew what to do.

“Y/N come over here!” Fatin says, gesturing for you to go where she was standing, “Take this bottle of lube!” 

You catch the bottle of the lube she tossed you. And you raised your eyebrow up at her. 

“Just follow my lead.” she brings her toothbrush up to her mouth, “Nora has Rachel pinned on the ground.” she mocks an announcer you would hear on ESPN.

“But Rachel is not giving up too easily folks!” you go along with your guys’ bit, “I don’t know about you Fatin, but I have never seen a girl fight this interesting in my life!” 

“Agreed, usually it’s just a bunch of-HOLY SHIT that was a knee to the tit ladies and gentlemen!” she yells out. 

“Is Rachel out for the count?!” you add on watching the fight unfold in front of you. 

It’s probably not the best time to make jokes, but you all need to let loose once in awhile.

“Wait...she’s getting up!” Fatin yells.

“Oh my gosh she’s not...OUCH! That was knee to the twat!” you yell wincing at the pain that was just brought upon Nora.

“Y/N, how do you feel about this fight?” Fatin asks.

You shake your head, “I don’t know you have two amazing fighters going head to head for the very first time. We have Rachel, olympic diver, very strong and very determined. But then we have the underdog of the hour Nora who is small and scrawny, but she’s packing quite a punch. It could be anyone’s game.” 

“You’re absolutely right Y/N! But Rachel now as Nora pinned to the ground and she can’t seem to get up! This fight might be over everyone!!” 

“Hey there.” Shelby says, sitting down at the metal table. 

“Hello Shelby, can we get you anything?” the two men ask and she just sit back in her seat, shaking her head.

Fader nods, “Well let’s get started, shall we?” 

The three of them have a long conversation before Shelby ultimately decides to stop the interview all together. 

“Wait just one question!” Fader exclaims as Shelby stands up, “How do you feel about Y/N?” 

At the sound of your name Shelby freezes in her spot, “My favorite person on the island.” fear and worry start to fill her body at why the sudden question about you, “Is she okay??” 

You were trekking in the jungle looking for some source of food. All of you ate all the food when the rescue plane was coming, but it’s not coming anytime soon so here you were.

Shelby, Toni, and Martha said they were gonna go out looking, but none of them were to be found. So you decided to go on a little expedition to find them. You heard rustling coming from the tree up ahead, so you decided to follow the noise.

Only to see Toni and Shelby basically naked under a lychee tree, “Oh my god!!!” you yell, covering your eyes with your hand.

“AHHH!” the two girls scream, but you couldn’t see what they were doing.

You turned around facing towards the direction you came from, “Sorry sorry. I was just looking for you guys and food. I uh I didn’t mean to.” you say, shaking your head.

“Jesus Y/N you scared us!” Shelby yells and you can hear rustling. 

Hopefully, they were putting their clothes back on. 

“Damn it I was getting laid!” Toni says jokingly and you could hear a smack hit her arm.

“Leave our daughter alone!” Shelby jokes and you laugh softly.

“Can I turn back around now?” you ask meekly.

“Yes.” the two girls say and you release a sigh and turn around to face the two girls.

You look at their flush faces, “You guys couldn’t have gone a little farther away?” you ask, “Thanks to you I’m more traumatized than I already was.” you joke. 

“Oh c’mon you know you liked it.” Toni nudges your shoulder as the two of you walk back to the camp.

Your face flushes as you put your head in your hands, “Stop corrupting her!” Shelby yells at her. 

“Let me see her!” Shelby yells at the two men.

“We can’t let you do that. You girls aren't allowed to see each other yet. Not for awhile.” Agent Young says.

“Can you at least tell me if she’s okay?” she asks, looking at the two men with her eyebrows raised.

“She’s fine.” 

That didn’t relieve the feeling in Shelby’s chest that something could possibly be wrong. But she couldn’t do anything, even if we tried.

The girls didn’t know how long they were quarantined. It felt like months and it probably was a couple months. They finally let all of the girls hang out together in the small courtyard.

All of them hugging one another, super glad to see each other. Knowing that everyone’s okay. Well...everyone who made it.

“Y/N? Where’s Y/N?” Leah asks, looking at all the other girls.

“She was okay when we left. She should be here.” Dot adds on. 

Shelby face was flushed with worry, “They wouldn’t let me see her when I asked about her. I asked if she was okay, but they said she was fine.” 

Fader was standing there with a guilty look on his face. Toni’s blood was boiling at the look on his face. She runs up to him, pushing him against the wall, holding onto him by the collar. 

“Where the fuck is she?!” she yells.

Which causes Agent Young to burst into the room, “What’s going on here?” 

“Where is Y/N?!” Toni yells again, but at the other man.

Agent Young locks eyes with Fade and he subtly nods, “She’s in the infirmary. Her heart was in bad condition, so she needed open heart surgery. The surgeons are working on her right now.” 

“You told me she was fine when I was being interrogated.” Shelby says in between gritted teeth, “Did you lie?” 

The two men don’t answer. They just stare anywhere, but at the other girls. The silence spoke louder than any words did. Fatin scoffs at the men’s actions.

“That’s why you wanted to know huh?” Leah asks, her imagination running wild, “You wanted to know about her because you were wondering if she was worth saving. Isn’t that right?” 

Neither of the men decided to speak again.

“Let us see her.” Rachel says, staring at them intensely.

“We can’t do that. She’s in surgery right now.” Young says.

Toni pushes Fader up against the wall yet again, “You’re gonna let us see her when she’s out. No excuses. No bullshit. You’re gonna let us see our friend.” Toni threatens.

The girls sat in the waiting room of the infirmary. Leah paced back and forth chewing on her fingernail. Toni was trying to console a worried Shelby. While Dot, Rachel, and Fatin sat in the seats waiting impatiently.

Agent Young filled the girls in on your condition. You had a heart disease before you came onto the island. And your parents gave you a little trip to help because of the depressive state you were in. Little did they know you would be trapped on an island with none of the medication that was needed to help you survive.

All of the rigorous activity brought your heart to a weaker state than ever before. When the girls got saved, you were already experiencing symptoms of heart failure. And you were put under immediate watch when you reached the facility. You were getting better, but then your heart gave out and you needed to get an artery reconstructed.

“We already lost too much.” Fatin whispers in the tense silence of the waiting room. 

“Nora, Martha...” Rachel draws out.

“We can’t lose Y/N.” Toni adds. 

“The girl who loved the most has a heart condition. How ironic is that?” Dot asks.

“I’m scared guys.” Leah whispers.

“She’s strong, she’ll pull through.” Shelby says, trying to boost their hope, but she’s losing faith herself.

After God knows how long the doctor finally came out. All of the girls looking up at her. Tears brimming all of their eyes, scared for the answer they were about to get.

“She’s okay. We managed to repair it without too much trouble. You guys can see her now.” the doctor says and everyone lets out this huge breath.

A smile breaks out on Fatin’s face as tears spill from her face. The six girls walk into your hospital room where you were laying peacefully. Your eyes somewhat open, you had a soft smile on your face as you stared at the girls.

“Hey guys!” you exclaim, as excited as you can.

Dot lets out a small sniffle, “You scared us, asshole!” 

“Why didn’t you tell us about your condition?” Fatin asks, tears still streaming down her face.

You shrug, “We already were going through too much. I didn’t want to worry everyone more or get treated any differently. Rachel, if I told you about my heart would you have raced me?” 

She shakes her head, “No.” 

“Exactly.” 

Rachel, Dot, and Fatin take a seat on the foot of the rock-hard hospital bed. You scooted over so Leah could cuddle in next to you. While Shelby and Toni pulled up a chair right by your side.

Leah rests her head on your shoulder, “We thought we were gonna lose you Squirt.” Toni says, ruffling your hair. 

Shelby was still crying, looking at you full of worry. You look at the blonde beauty who was now bald, but she still looked beautiful.

“Come here.” you whisper to her. You scoot over closer to her Leah, making room for her.

She sits next to you, crying into your chest, “Hey. I’m okay Shelby.” you look at all of the other girls who still had worry on their face, “I’m okay guys. We’re all okay.”

But the girls don’t look convinced.

“Listen to my heart Shelby, it’s still beating. Just focus on that okay?” you tell her and she nods. Even Leah could hear your heart beating from here. 

“You’re really okay?” Shelby asks and you nod.

“I’m okay. I promise.” you say, giving each of the girls a look, They all nod with small smiles, “Now how the hell do we get out of here?” you whisper.

And each of you give each other a small smirk, “Time for the Great Escape.” 

[knuffled]

Just Practice - Chapter 14

here’s the latest chapter! hope you all enjoy it! if you could leave a comment, it would mean the world to me! not that many people commented last chapter sadly. 

ao3 link for people on mobile

Out of all of Annabeth’s friends, Piper undoubtedly had the largest house. It was a beautiful three story house with a modern minimalist aesthetic, but it somehow also managed to retain a homely atmosphere. As an aspiring architect, Annabeth thought that it was a feast for the eyes, but Piper had never liked it, mainly because her father was hardly ever home. That was ideal for someone like Annabeth, but Piper was a huge extrovert so she found it unbearable having such a huge house to herself. Piper did her best to circumvent that by having friends over whenever possible, a role that usually fell on Jason’s shoulders, but Annabeth had dropped by after school instead to work on a partner project that they had been assigned for their history class.

Piper greeted her at the front door, practically half-asleep. She was wearing pajamas that had smiling cartoon cupcakes printed on them, her choppy hair was thoroughly disheveled, and her eyes were dazed and unfocused. Annabeth was particularly amused by the impression left on her face from sleeping with her cheek pressed against the seams of two sofa cushions.

“You look positively glamorous, darling.”

Piper half-heartedly rolled her eyes and led her to the living room. “Shut up, I was doing hot girl shit.”

“I didn’t know napping qualified as ‘hot girl shit’,” Annabeth said, making air quotes.

“There’s a reason they call it beauty sleep, babe,” Piper said.

They stopped at the living room, and the sight there only made Annabeth’s smirk widen. It was a complete mess, strewn about with empty bags of cheetos, bottles of kombucha, and half-empty oreo trays. Annabeth crossed her arms over her chest and gave Piper a significant look, wondering what sort of excuse she would come up with, but Piper just flipped her off and dove belly first onto the sofa.

“Before you ask, I was too busy to clean,” Piper said, voice muffled by a sofa cushion.

“Busy doing hot girl shit?” Annabeth prompted innocently.

Piper turned her head to glower at her. “You’re such a bitch sometimes.”

Annabeth bit back a smile and lifted a half-empty bottle of kombucha from the coffee table. She gave it a ginger sniff and gagged at the fermented smell.

“I don’t know how you can drink this stuff.”

“It’s good for your digestive system,” Piper said, sighing.

“I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think it’ll be enough to offset the fact that your diet consists solely of flaming hot cheetos and oreos.”

“I’m seriously like ten seconds away from kicking you out of my house,” Piper warned.

Annabeth laughed and said, “Alright, alright, I assume that means you’re ready to start working on the project then?”

Piper groaned into the sofa and forced herself to sit upright. “You’re an absolute menace.”

Annabeth rummaged through her backpack for her laptop and the project rubric instead of looking at her. “I love you, too.”

Piper sighed melodramatically and cleared the coffee table of its aforementioned debris so that they had a place to work. They spent nearly two hours researching content for their project, and Annabeth was happy with the amount of work they were able to get done. For all their bickering, she and Piper had always made an excellent team, and this project was no exception. That being said, by the end of the two hour mark, Piper was beginning to burn on fumes.

“God, why on fucking earth did I ever think taking AP Euro my senior year was a good idea,” Piper groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Spring break can’t come soon enough.”

“It’s still over a month away,” Annabeth laughed. “We could take a break if you’d like.”

Piper looked up at her abruptly with wide eyes. “Who are you and what have you done with Annabeth?”

Annabeth rolled her eyes and said, “We got a lot of work done, so it’s fine if we chill a bit.”

Piper pressed a kiss to Annabeth’s cheek before she could react and beamed at her. “Want something to eat? I’m getting hungry.”

Annabeth scowled and rubbed her cheek. “Uh, do you still have Oreos?”

“Of course, I do,” Piper grinned. “I’m not a heathen.”

“Milk?”

Piper pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. “Oh, Annabeth, I am so proud of you.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Annabeth laughed, shoving her.

Piper danced to the kitchen and came back a short while later with a fresh box of oreos and two glasses of milk. Annabeth’s step-mother was a health nut, so they never had junk food at home. She also had to adhere to a strict-ish diet because she was an athlete, so this was the first time in literal years that Annabeth had had the chance to eat an oreo.

“These are a lot better than I remember,” Annabeth said.

“You’re goddamn right. Oreos are gods gift to humanity,” Piper said.

Annabeth smiled. “Now, I wouldn’t go that far.”

“So ungrateful,” Piper sniffed. “You can get sent to hell for that sort of thing you know?”

“For not being obsessed with oreos?” Annabeth laughed.

“For having bad taste,” Piper said, giving her a significant look.

“Guilty as charged,” Annabeth sighed. “I mean, I’m friends with you after all.”

Piper groaned and shoved her. “Bitch.”

“You started it,” Annabeth laughed. “I was just enjoying my oreos in peace.”

“I have been nothing but a gracious host, and yet you come into my house and insult me and my all time favorite snack for good measure,” Piper said, shaking her head. “This is why whites don’t deserve rights.”

Annabeth raised her glass of milk. “I’ll drink to that.”

“Sometimes, I honestly wonder how Percy puts up with you.”

“Easy, he’s a lot nicer than you, so I don’t feel the need to sass him,” Annabeth said, shrugging.

“Sounds fake, but okay.”

“You’re just in denial,” Annabeth teased.

Piper rolled her eyes and said, “How is he doing by the way? I haven’t talked to him lately, but I know State is around the corner.”

“He’s doing okay, I think,” Annabeth said. “I haven’t really asked him about it.”

“No Valentine’s Day plans, I’m assuming?” Piper asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Nah, I don’t want to break his concentration,” Annabeth said, shaking her head. “How about you and Jason? Got a hot date lined up or something?”

“We were just thinking of getting dinner some place nice,” Piper said, shrugging.

“So that means Taco Bell is a no, then?” Annabeth asked, grinning.

“Very funny,” Piper said, narrowing her eyes. “I think we’re going to some Japanese place downtown or something.”

“Hmm, sushi sounds nice.”

Piper shook her head and said, “It’s honestly impressive how you somehow always forget that I’m vegetarian, even after all these years.”

Annabeth’s face turned pink. “Oh, right, sorry.”

Piper knocked elbows with her instead of saying anything and reached for another cookie. Annabeth watched her dunk the cookie in her glass of milk a little too vigorously, causing some of it to spill onto her pajama bottoms, and couldn’t help imagining how Jason would have chided her for it if he had been here. It was still endlessly bemusing to her how two people so diametrically unlike one another had so much romantic chemistry together.

“You ever think about how wild it is that you and Jason have been together for four years now?” Annabeth asked.

Piper laughed and said, “Definitely have a lot more since graduation is coming up soon. It’s pretty insane to me too.”

“What’s your secret, oh wise one,” Annabeth asked teasingly.

Piper rolled her eyes and said, “We just communicate really well, ever since day one. Neither of us hide anything from each other. If we are bothered by something, we talk about it. Sometimes that means we get into fights, but it’s still better than bottling everything up.”

Annabeth’s heart squeezed a little in her chest. In contrast, she and Percy hardly ever spoke openly anymore. The weight of all the things they had both left unsaid had snowballed and taken on a line of its own. She didn’t think it had brewed into bitterness, but it felt like ice on the surface of a pond. Shallow and liable to break at any moment.

“We also just genuinely like each other too,” Piper said. “There’s no way we would have lasted if we hated each other’s guts or got bored of each other. Kind of the opposite honestly. The more I got to know him, the harder I fell for him.”

“How could you tell?” Annabeth asked. “Was there a specific moment you realized or something?”

Piper hummed under her breath and stared up at the ceiling. “Hard to say. It wasn’t anything big or dramatic, just little things piling on top of each other, until one day, I just knew. Kind of like getting taller or falling asleep. You don’t notice it when it happens only when you look back.”

When Annabeth was silent, Piper continued and said, “I will say that the first time I can remember consciously thinking it was after a meet sophomore year. Don’t remember how it went, but I can still picture how he looked after the race. He was all gross and sweaty and caked with mud, but his cheeks were pink from all the running and it just made him glow. And at that moment, I just remember thinking ‘Wow, I’m actually in love with this guy.’”

There was something about the way Piper spoke that even Annabeth could hear how much she loved him just by her tone, that it made a lump form in Annabeth’s throat.

“I’m so happy for you two,” Annabeth said softly. “You are both two of the most amazing people I have ever met, so I’m glad you are together.”

Piper laughed and said, “It’s weird to hear you pay me a compliment, but thanks.”

“After that shameless display of ungratefulness, I would suggest you don’t get used to it,” Annabeth said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Piper rolled her eyes and sank back into the sofa. “Is there something going on with you?”

Annabeth furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

“You tend to ask lots of questions when you’re upset about something,” Piper said, shrugging.

Annabeth blinked. She had no idea that she did that.

“Nothing in particular,” Annabeth said carefully. “Just wanted to hear from someone that’s been in a relationship for four years. I’m still new to it, and I don’t want to fuck everything up.”

“Learn anything useful then?” Piper asked, raising an eyebrow.

Annabeth was quiet for a while and tried to choose her words carefully. “The part about communicating was helpful.”

Piper gave her a knowing smile. “Really? Well, I’m glad to hear that.”

“I feel like it was easier when we were only friends,” Annabeth said.

“Hmm, Percy was just doing a lot of work behind the scenes for you to make you feel that way. Now that you’re in a relationship, it’s harder for him to do that, so it’s only exposing issues that were already there,” Piper said.

Annabeth frowned. “What do you mean?”

Piper shrugged and said, “Well, part of it is that Percy is stupidly empathetic, so he would anticipate your emotional needs and provide for them with you having to do much. The bigger problem is that you don’t really understand the way he thinks, so you are incapable of doing the same for him.”

A spark of anger lit in Annabeth’s chest. “Well, why don’t you spell it out for me since I’m apparently so ignorant?”

“Annabeth, chill. I’m not saying you’re a bad friend or that I know more about him than you do,” Piper said, holding her hands up in surrender.

“Then what are you saying?” Annabeth hissed.

Piper sighed again and said, “Look, I love you and everything, but you don’t fully understand that other people don’t think or see the world in the same way you do. I’ll give you an example. What do you usually do when you’re really upset about something?”

After a moment, Annabeth said, “I give myself some space until I am ready to talk about it.”

“Exactly,” Piper said, nodding. “Percy is not like that. When he’s upset, he wants someone to press him about it, like really press him. There are a lot of reasons for it, but one huge reason is that he doesn’t feel like his problems are worth anyone else’s attention, so you have to convince him otherwise.”

Annabeth was stunned. That had legitimately never occurred to her. She had always assumed that Percy would come to her if he needed to because that’s what she did whenever she was upset. She whenever she had given him space in the past, thinking it would help, it had looked like callous silence to him instead, a sign that she didn’t care enough to hear what was going on.

Her mind raced. How many times in the past had she fucked up monumentally because this had never occurred to her?

“Do you get what I mean now?” Piper prompted.

Annabeth nodded slowly and said, “I- I had no idea. I just sort of assumed he was like me.”

“That’s a perfectly normal thing to do,” Piper said. “Like I said earlier, I’m not telling you this because I think you’re a shitty human being or whatever. I’m telling you because the way that you and Percy communicate has some really deep, fundamental issues, and that it has been that way for years now.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything sooner?” Annabeth asked, trying not to let anger creep in her voice. “I could have done so much more to avoid hurting him.”

“Because you wouldn’t have listened to me,” Piper said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Your relationship with Percy is something sacred to you. You take pride in being close to him and knowing him really well. If I had said something contrary to that, you would have gone ballistic. You getting mad earlier was more than enough proof of that. I can only tell you now because you’re finally starting to notice issues for yourself.”

Annabeth grit her teeth and stared down at her lap. Piper was right. She was right, but it was so crippling to hear that Annabeth had been such a god-awful friend. Annabeth did take great pride in how well she thought she knew Percy, but ever since they had started fake-dating, she had started realizing she had deluded herself the entire time. It was incredibly jarring for her to realize that her vision of him compared to reality was so off, especially when she prided herself in the keenness of her judgment and intellect.

Piper squeezed her shoulder and said, “Look, I know this must have been a lot for you to hear, but you’re not alone. Almost everyone has trouble seeing people distinctly, as they are. People like Percy who do it naturally are the rare ones.”

“Then what should I do?” Annabeth asked tersely. “I feel so stuck.”

“Don’t assume so much. If you’re upset, tell him. If you want him to open up, ask him to. The only way to know what’s on his mind is to ask him. You don’t have to try so hard to read his mind for him,” Piper explained.

Annabeth nodded curtly and said, “I’m just so mad at myself.”

“I get it, but it’s not all on you. Percy also shoulders some responsibility, but it’s hard to blame him. Lord knows how much he has done for us,” Piper mused. “Besides, he has his own issues that he needs to deal with.”

“I-I’ll do what I can,” Annabeth said.

“If it’s you, I think you can do it,” Piper said, smiling softly.

As nice as it was to hear that, Annabeth had no self-confidence in her ability to be a good friend, not anymore. Still, Piper was right. Percy had done so much for her. If this could help him somehow, then she was determined to do her best.

After a few more minutes of silence, Piper said, “We should probably get back to the project.”

Annabeth smiled despite herself and feigned wiping a tear from her eye. “I never thought I’d live to hear the day you’d say that.”

:::

In keeping with tradition, Annabeth still somehow managed to find a way to be late to the State Swimming Championship. It was held at a neighboring high school not far from Westwood, but she had stayed up all night the day before painting a sign for Percy, which led to her sleeping through her alarm. She had brushed her teeth and taken as quick a shower as she possibly could before dashing out of her house, sign tucked beneath her arm.

By the time she made it inside, the first heat was already over. Annabeth scanned the bleachers and found all her friends sitting next to Sally. She took the steps three at a time and took a moment to catch her breath before she took a seat between Sally and Piper.

“Where’s Estelle?” Annabeth asked.

“Paul took her to go back some snacks at the concession stand. How have you been, dear?” Sally asked.

“I’m good. School is getting busy, but I’m getting by,” Annabeth said. “How’s Percy doing?”

“He seemed ready. Cautious, but focused,” Sally said.

“That’s good to hear,” Annabeth said.

Estelle and Paul returned with bags of snacks for everyone. They passed them around to all of Percy’s friends and squeezed past to sit next to Sally. Estelle was thrilled to see Annabeth and threw her arms around her neck.

“Annabeth!” Estelle squealed.

Annabeth laughed and hugged her back. “How have you been, Stella?”

“Good! I just lost a tooth last night. See?” Estelle said, giving Annabeth a toothy smile.

“Wow, did you get a visit from the tooth fairy?” Annabeth asked.

Estelle nodded vigorously. “I got five whole dollars!”

“What are you going to spend it on?”

“She used her money to buy snacks for everyone,” Paul interjected.

“Daddy!” Estelle huffed.

Paul held his palms up in surrender. “Oh, sorry, she told me not to tell anyone about that.”

“Thanks, Stella!” Annabeth said, smiling. “She’s a good kid.”

“She is,” Paul said proudly. “It’s the Jackson genes, I’m telling you.”

“Oh, hush,” Sally said, though she looked pleased anyways.

Paul grinned at her and turned to Annabeth. “It’s been a while since we have had time to catch up, Annabeth. I heard you got into Berkeley! That’s amazing!”

“Yeah, thank you,” Annabeth said, hiding a smile.

“It’s a wonderful school. I’m sure you’ll love it,” Paul said.

Annabeth was about to thank him, but they were interrupted by an announcement that the next heat was to begin for men’s free style. The State tournament was different compared to other tournaments held during the regular season. There would be a preliminary round of ten heats of six swimmers each, and then the top six swimmers would be selected based off their times to participate in a final round. The winner of the final would win the entire competition. It was therefore possible to have the best time in the prelims and still lose if someone placed higher than you in the last round. Annabeth had never been a fan of the way the tournament was run, but there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Percy was going to be in the penultimate heat, so there was still time before he participated. In fact, he wasn’t even out of the locker room yet. Annabeth knew that he was staying inside to maintain his focus until the start of his heat. She recognized one of his teammates that was in the next heat, so she paid attention to him even though it was hard to feel interested.

After the heat began, Annabeth was once again reminded of how much fiercer the competition was at State compared to the other meets. Percy hadn’t competed against many of the swimmers here because they lived on the other side of the state. It might have been a function of the fact that it was her first time seeing some of them, but the competition looked stronger this year than it had in previous ones. They were so skilled that Annabeth wasn’t sure Percy was a shoe-in for first like she had initially thought.

There was one swimmer in particular from the sixth heat, Castellan, that was particularly scary. The effortless, graceful way he swam reminded her a lot of Percy’s form, and he managed to win his heat by a wide margin. She had never seen him before in any of the other meets or from previous years either. He must have moved to the State sometime this season. Nevertheless, it sowed a seed of worry in her mind that continued to take deeper root even after his heat ended.

Eventually, Percy finally made his way out when his heat was announced. Annabeth was relieved to see the familiar cold intensity on his face that she was accustomed to. After the last meet, she had been afraid that his focus would still be shaky when State finally rolled around, but instead Percy looked more focussed now than she had ever seen him before. Everything about him gave off the impression that he was going to win.

When his heat finally began, Percy dove into the water clinically and quickly pulled ahead of the competition. Annabeth and the rest of their friends cheered loudly for him as he touched off the other side of the pool, almost a full body’s length ahead of the person in second. The rest of the race only solidified Percy’s lead as he pulled further and further ahead.

Once he touched the opposite wall, Percy burst out of the water and took a moment to catch his breath, but then he looked over to the opposite end of the pool and pressed his lips in a thin line. Annabeth was confused at first because his time was fantastic, and he had done so well in his heat, but then she realized his time had been slower than that swimmer from the sixth heat. Although it wasn’t an indication of how the finals would go, it was still damaging to realize that someone had done better than you in the prelims.

Annabeth worried her lip and turned to Piper when she felt her hand on her shoulder. “Why does he look so annoyed?” Piper whispered.

“That guy from the sixth heat, Castellan, had a better time than he did,” Annabeth muttered.

Piper blinked and looked back down at Percy. “Wait, really?”

Annabeth nodded. “Yeah. It’s not the end of the world or anything, but it’s gonna pile some extra pressure onto his shoulders.”

“He’ll be fine,” Jason ventured, from beside Piper. “If he keeps his cool, he can put up a good fight. Besides, I don’t think their times were off by a lot.”

“True,” Annabeth agreed. “It would have been a lot worse if it was a blowout.”

“There’s a break before the finals start right?” Hazel asked, speaking across from Jason.

Piper looked at the meet schedule and nodded. “Yeah, there’s a half hour to give the competitors from the later heats time to rest before the finals.”

“Should we go see him or something?” Hazel asked.

Jason shook his head and said, “No, there’s a chance that we just make him lose focus. Besides, there nothing we can really say to help him.”

“Well, that fucking sucks,” Rachel huffed.

Hazel nudged Rachel with her elbow and whispered, “Don’t swear! Estelle is here.”

Rachel winced and said to Sally, “Sorry, Mrs. Jackson.”

Sally gave her a mischievous smile and said, “You should be, dear.”

That got a laugh out of all of them, much to Estelle’s confusion. They talked amongst themselves during the break before Annabeth realized she needed to run to the bathroom. Annabeth wasn’t gone long, but on her way back, she ran into someone walking the other way.

“Ouch.”

Annabeth stumbled back and rubbed her shoulder. “Sorry, are you okay?”

“Oh, hey, look who it is,” Percy said, smiling down at her.

“Oh, hey,” Annabeth said, blinking. “I was just coming back from the bathroom.”

Percy laughed and said, “Yeah, I kind of figured.”

There was an awkward pause where Annabeth debated if she should continue talking to him or if that would break his focus. His body language was relaxed, but Annabeth could tell that there was some tension in his shoulders. The way he lingered there gave her the impression that he wanted to talk to her, so she figured it was alright to say something.

“How are you doing?”

Percy coughed and looked away surreptitiously. “Fine.”

Annabeth crossed her arms over her chest. “You don’t look fine to me.”

Percy blinked like he was surprised she had called him out. In the past, Annabeth would have ignored the signs under the assumption that he didn’t want to talk about it, but after her conversation with Piper, she didn’t want to keep making those mistakes anymore.

Eventually, Percy sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Did you get a chance to see that Castellan guy from the sixth heat?”

Annabeth nodded and said, “Yeah, he seemed pretty good.”

“His time was pretty insane,” Percy said slowly. “Better than my PR.”

“It wasn’t that far off though,” Annabeth said, leaning against the wall.

Percy rubbed his chin. “That’s true.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I would say you don’t think you can beat him,” Annabeth said softly.

Percy looked up at her abruptly with wide eyes. “Uh...”

“Guilty as charged, huh?”

There was a pause before Percy laughed humorlessly and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. Usually, I never think about that sort of thing at meets. I’m only focused on doing my best. But now, I can’t help wondering if my best would even be enough.”

“I wish I could be super peppy and say that it definitely is, but I’ve had those thoughts too many times to say that to you. It would feel fake and you’d know it,” Annabeth started.

“That’s not exactly making me feel better,” Percy joked half-heartedly.

“Shut up, I was getting to it,” Annabeth said, knocking elbows with him.

Percy made a show of rubbing his elbows, which made her roll her eyes before she continued.

“Remember how you told me after the invitational that I had to believe that I hadn’t hit my limit yet, that I could still do better? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately, and I’m realizing that you were right. I’m killing any chance of improving if I believe it can’t be done. At the end of the day, I still want to keep competing, so I might as well believe in myself and keep trying.”

Percy was silent at this, so Annabeth continued. “My point is, you’ve gotta have faith in yourself. If that guy is better than you, make him prove it. Don’t do that work for him. You’re an insanely good swimmer. I know you can beat him. That’s not me saying that as a friend, but as another athlete. I know you have what it takes. Only question is: do you?”

“It’s not that I don’t think I’m good,” Percy said. “If it was just me, I wouldn’t be so worried, but so many people have put so much effort and faith in me that I can’t let them down. Like, I’ve always disappointed people, all my life, and there’s a voice in my head that tells me this time won’t be any different.”

“Fuck everyone else,” Annabeth said vehemently. “The people that care about you just want you to try your best.”

When Percy remained silent, Annabeth framed his face with her hands and forced him to meet her eyes. “Listen to me: all you have to do is go out there and swim. Nothing else matters. Okay?”

Percy was quiet for a while before he nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“You got this,” Annabeth said, squeezing his shoulders. “Give ‘em hell, Perce.”

“I will. Thanks, Annabeth,” Percy said, smiling. “I’ll see you after the finals are over?”

“I thought that went without saying,” Annabeth grinned. “There’s a chocolate milkshake from Martha’s with your name on it, after all.”

“Finally, something worth fighting for,” Percy sighed melodramatically.

Annabeth laughed and pushed him towards the locker room. “Alright, get going, champ. I’ll see you on the other side.”

Percy took a deep breath to steel himself and gave her one final nod before he made for the locker rooms. Annabeth waited for him to leave before she headed back to the bleachers. Piper gave her a questioning look as she sat down, as if to ask what took her so long, but Annabeth shrugged and remained silent.

The participants of the final heat left the locker room shortly after and stood in front of the pool. Percy’s lane was in the middle, right next to Castellan, from the sixth heat, but he looked composed and concentrated.

The swimmers stepped onto the diving boards and took their starting positions, bodies taut with anticipation. At the official’s whistle, they all dove into the water in unison. Percy and the other boy both quickly pulled ahead of the other four swimmers, but Percy lagged behind him ever so slightly. Annabeth leaned forward, forgetting to cheer, and worried her lower lip. She could tell Percy was trying to surge ahead of Castellan, but no matter what he did, the distance continued to remain unclosed for the first hundred meters.

Before they both touched off the wall for the final fifty meters, Percy seemed to lag further behind than he had all race. Annabeth’s heart sank, but somehow Percy surged forward on the last twenty meters and managed to pull alongside Castellan. At the end of the race, it was too close to tell who had won because they both appeared to finish at the same time.

Annabeth whipped towards the board on the far end of the pool and waited for the times to show, heart thundering in her chest. The subsequent seconds stretched like an eternity, but then numbers suddenly flickered on the board. It took Annabeth a second to process the results, but once she did, her heart soared in her chest.

Percy had won, but it had been unbelievably close.

Immediately, she looked back down for Percy and noticed the incredulous look on his face. It took his teammates tackling him for him to realize that he had won, a dumbfounded smile blossoming across his face. Annabeth clasped her hands in front of her mouth and tried to ignore the way her face hurt from smiling so hard. She could hear Piper and the rest of her friends going crazy beside her, but the noise felt distant like sound traveling through water.

They all made their way down to him, and Estelle and Paul were the first to speak to him before Sally pulled him into a fierce hug with misty eyes. After that, Piper jumped on his back and cheered while Jason congratulated him. Rachel and Hazel went next, followed by Frank and Leo, and through it all, Annabeth watched off to the side and tried not to tear up.

She felt so incredibly proud of him. All those years of grueling practice, nights spent staying late to get in extra laps at the pool, managing the pressure of his captaincy - all of it had paid off in the end, and she was so happy it had. He deserved all of it.

Finally, Percy locked eyes with her and slipped out of the arms of their other friends and wordlessly opened his arms. Annabeth didn’t even realize she was moving until she tackled him in a hug. He was still sopping wet from the race, so her shirt got wet but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Annabeth buried her face in the crook of his neck and squeezed Percy as tightly as she could.

It was hard to say how long they stayed like that, but eventually, she pulled away from his arms and looked up at him with a stupid grin on her face. “You did it! I’m so happy for you!”

Percy offered her an incredulous smile. “Somehow.”

“Shut up, you deserved to win. One hundred percent,” Annabeth said, poking his chest.

Percy’s ears turned red, and he tried to look away from her. “It was all thanks to a certain someone’s pep talk.”

“You’re giving me too much credit,” Annabeth said, but her heart felt ten times larger in her chest anyways.

“Seriously, I was really freaking out,” Percy said earnestly. “So thank you. Seriously.”

Annabeth bit back a smile. “You’re welcome. Seriously.”

“You never make things easy for me, do you,” Percy said, sighing melodramatically.

“Of course not,” Annabeth said. “I thought you would have figured that out after all these years.”

Percy shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a slow learner.”

“At least you’re not a slow swimmer,” Annabeth teased.

Percy rolled his eyes and said, “So what next? Martha’s?”

“You sure you want to celebrate with me and not your family?” Annabeth asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh don’t worry about that,” Percy laughed. “I know they’ll monopolize me later today. But first, I want that chocolate milkshake you promised me.”

Annabeth bit the inside of her cheek and tried not to get carried away by what he was saying. Still, she couldn’t help the feeling of exhilaration washing over her.

“Alright, Martha’s it is,” Annabeth said. “Go finish your shower and get dressed. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Percy nodded and left to tell his family their plans and to say goodbye to the rest of their friends, who were getting ready to leave. Piper gave her a knowing look on her way out, but Annabeth made a show of pointedly ignoring her.

A short while later, Percy met her at the entrance to the parking lot, his hair still wet from the shower. They drove to Martha’s in silence, only accompanied by the feeble radio in her dad’s car. The sun was just beginning to set, diffusing pink and blue across the spread of the horizon. At that proximity, Percy smelled distractingly of body wash, making Annabeth’s face prickle.

“I meant what I said earlier, you know?” Percy said, breaking the silence.

Annabeth glanced at him. “Hmm?”

“What you told me really helped,” Percy said.

“You’re being too nice,” Annabeth said.

“No, seriously, I was pretty sure I was gonna lose. Like on the last hundred meters, I kept thinking that it was only natural that I would let everyone down again, but then I heard your voice in my head, saying ‘All you have to do is go out there and swim’. I don’t know how or why, but that got me out of my own head and helped me win,” Percy explained.

Annabeth’s throat was dry. “I’m, uh, glad it helped.”

She caught his soft smile in the mirror. “Yeah, me too.”

“It’ll be your turn in April,” he said. “You’ll win State too, and then I’ll have to be the one buying milkshakes next time around.”

“Damn straight,” Annabeth said. “I can’t rest until I kick Reyna’s ass.”

“I can’t tell if you hate her or adore her,” Percy said, smirking.

“A little of both,” Annabeth admitted. “People that have never lost once in their lives piss me off, but Reyna’s a good person and fun to be around.”

“I did beat her at the batting cages,” Percy pointed out.

“Doesn’t count unless I’m the one doing it,” Annabeth said, shaking her head.

Percy’s grin grew wider before he turned away from her, making Annabeth scowl. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, I just thought that was a very ‘Annabeth’ thing to say,” Percy said, shrugging.

“Is that a good or a bad thing?”

“Hmm, I wonder,” Percy said, still grinning.

“Asshole,” Annabeth huffed.

There was a lull in the conversation while Annabeth began to turn something over in her mind. At first, it had seemed like a stupid idea, but the more that she thought about it, the more she wanted to go for it.

“H-Hey, I know you said you’d get me a milkshake if I won and all, but is it cool if I ask for something else instead?” Annabeth asked, fingers curling tighter around the steering wheel.

“Your wish is my command, your majesty.”

“Shut up, I’m being serious,” Annabeth laughed.

“Sure, I don’t see why not,” Percy said, shrugging. “What did you want instead?”

Annabeth swallowed and said, “I’ll let it be a surprise for now. Just promise not to chicken out when the time comes.”

“You’re not gonna ask me to like run around school naked or something right?” Percy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Annabeth barked a laugh. “Tempting, but no.”

Percy hummed to himself for a while before he sighed and said, “Well, I suppose I’ll just have to trust you not to make me do something embarrassing.”

“Don’t worry so much. I promise it’s not that bad. Just wanted to ask you something. Besides, there’s no guarantee that I’ll even win, after all,” Annabeth said.

Percy yawned and curled up in his seat and closed his eyes. “I don’t know, I’m pretty certain you’ll win.”

Annabeth glanced at him. “Yeah? What makes you say that?”

“Dunno, I just believe in you,” Percy said simply.

Annabeth bit the inside of her cheek and resisted the urge to tell him that he was making a mistake. Honestly, she didn’t think she had a snowball’s chance in hell of beating Reyna at State, but she would still try her best to repay Percy’s faith in her. As a fellow athlete, he wouldn’t say something like that just to be nice. If he thought she had a shot, then maybe he was seeing something in her that she couldn’t.

The sky continued to darken, and Annabeth found herself thinking that even if she couldn’t believe in herself, maybe she could believe in how much Percy believed in her instead.

[literaturebf]

kevneil headcanons:

these are all platonic btw, but u can choose to interpret them differently if u want.

matt introduces neil to a video game at some point (i dont know any video games insert your own) and neil introduces it to kevin. at first they just play for fun but nicky wonders out loud who would be better at the game which is. a terrible decision really. suddenly neither of them can sleep bcs neil really wants to beat kevin just to see the look on his face and kevin just wants to beat neil because. hes kevin!! the two of them dont sleep for 2 days and only get up for practices they have a best out of three thing going on and it only ends because andrew flings the controllers out the window.

each of them have an allotted amount of time set aside in their schedules just to watch exy games together. they literally have an entire set up neil brings snacks and kevin downloads games and then they sit and BINGE old exy games that they stream on the tv. for hours. it's not healthy at all but they have SO MUCH FUN.

on mandatory fox movie nights both of them really love making unnecessary comments about every little thing they see. everyone will be watching in silence and kevin will just go: "hey that dog is cute" and neil WILL NOT REST until the rewind and he finds what dog kevin is talking about. it pisses everyone off so much but they sigh and do it anyway.

they get into such big arguments on the court ohmygod these two are so annoying. neil will tell kevin to work on his form and kevin's all: "SAY IT TO MY FACE, JOSTEN" and neil goes: "FINE I WILL" then leaves his position for the sole purpose of standing on his tiptoes and yelling at kevin. then they start ruthlessly insulting each other nd everyone expects them to start beating each other up, but then andrew walks over and pokes neil in the shoulder, once. this shuts him up and he walks away

throughout the whole week they continue arguing again but in french and then game night rolls around and both of them are doing post-game press and a reporter makes a comment about kevin + the ravens and neil + his whole backstory thing. both of them go quiet until neil just fucking. RIPS into the reporter and after a few seconds kevin does too. she gets verbally eviscerated and wymack is watching on the sidelines and begging for a quick death.

(their arguing stops after that)

the night practices still continue, but some nights the two of them just sit in the middle of the court, cross legged with their racquets in their laps. they talk about exy, they talk about classes, it's like an update session on each other's lives because no matter how much it might not seem like it, they do care about each other and want to know what's going on in their lives.

none of them know how to live functional lives. kevin over compensates on everything he does and micromanages everything and neil does the bare minimum to make sure he keeps living and passes his classes. it's a terrible combination and somehow they make it work??! they'll go for team dinners and kevin will deposit vegetables into neil's plate and neil eats it without complaint. neil sees kevin cutting down his diet and stressing too much over food and neil sits him down, drops a tub of ice cream in his lap and tells them they'll do extra practice that night.

they go for runs, in the mornings. they don't talk on these runs, but they use them to think and just be in each other's company. neil will get up at 5 every morning and andrew will just glare at him, but kevin will roll out of bed to go make coffee. they have a routine and it's very relaxing, especially for people like them.

the nights are hard sometimes. the nightmares come, and kevin wakes up with a silent scream in the back of his throat, and neil wakes up with his face on fire. kevin will wake up and go to the kitchen, pour himself some water and go to the couch. neil will get up, see kevin's empty bed and decide to get out of bed.

he'll join kevin in the living room, and kevin will start talking about whatever, and neil will join in. neither of them really want to talk about their nightmares, but eventually kevin starts whispering about riko, and neil quiets down. he does nothing except listen, he doesn't move, he doesn't talk, he doesn't offer any words of advice until it's over, and kevin is done talking. then, all he says is one thing.

"you're better than him, you know that. queen, remember?"

and kevin doesn't say anything. neil gets up to leave, after a bit, and then kevin talks.

"you're not him. you'll never be him, neil."

kevin has a knack for pulling all nighters, especially when exam time comes around. it's the ravens mindset that leaks into his brain and doesnt leave, and kevin doesnt know how to escape it. neil, on the other hand, does. he strolls into the room while kevin is studying, sets a cup of coffee down on the table and takes away kevin's textbook. he pulls out a laptop prepped with exy games and doesn't say anything. they have a staredown until kevin finally caves and leaves his revising for another night.

they only ever hug twice, because they don't like hugging all that much and have other ways of showing they care. the first time is at neil's graduation, kevin is the first from the foxes to reach neil when the ceremony is over. he just scoops neil into his arms and neither of them let go, and all he says is "i knew you would make it." and neil goes, "i know you did." and that's it.

the second time is at the olympics, when they win gold. this time neil is the one who hugs him, and both of them are laughing and they've really never been happier.

these two are best friends, they are brothers and anyone who says differently can kiss my ass.

[eyeofthedrgn]

A Heavy Battle Symphony

Chapter 2

Here is chapter 2 to my Rowcan fic!

Chapter 1 can be found here. (BTW, I'm still new to Tumblr, and I'm using my phone to post everything. Once I get my laptop up and running, I'll go and make everything all pretty!)

TW: language, mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, violence, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, self harm, self-esteem issues, bullying, sexual abuse (only alluded to briefly in future chapters), just a lot of trauma, angst, smut - lots of lovely gay smut

Word count: 1288

One Step Closer

I find the answers aren't so clear

Wish I could find a way to disappear

All these thoughts they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance

Nothing seems to go away

Over and over again

Lorcan woke up to a steel toed boot to the gut. All the air whooshed out of his lungs.

"Why wasn't the laundry done yesterday, you bastard born half-breed!?"

Lorcan had darker skin than the rest of his family, according to Maeve. He rather liked the tone of his skin, it was golden, though lately it was a little sickly from having such a poor diet. It also tended to be something he would hear other kids comment on. And not in a nice way.

Another kick. Lorcan wheezed. Fuck. James Perrington grabbed Lorcan's hair and pulled him up, Lorcan still wheezing. "You are a worthless little bastard."

Lorcan's eyes welled from the pain both physical and emotional. "Fuck you," Lorcan breathed through gritted and bared teeth. Doing his best to not pull away and make things worse.

Wrath filled Perrington's face. Lorcan hadn't meant for those words to be audible. He was promptly backhanded across the face, the ridiculously gaudy ring on his chubby finger ripping open his lip.

"Not his face, you dimwit!" Maeve stood in the doorway. Then as if nothing had happened, Maeve said, "No breakfast today, Lorcan. We have an early meeting." With that, both of them left.

After the front door shut, Lorcan closed his eyes and tears leaked out. He went to the bathroom to examine his lip. There was a lot of blood on his chin, neck, and shirt. Leaning over the sink, he hung his head and watched as the blood dripped from his face onto the porcelain.

---

By the time Lorcan started walking to school, his face was starting to bruise and his lip was swollen. He tried icing it, but it hardly helped.

As he approached the school, he tugged his hood forward and pulled his sleeves over his hands and shoved them in the pocket. He went straight to math and was promptly ignored until P.E. where his day went more to shit.

During flag football one of the bullies of the school took it upon himself to consider it tackle football when Lorcan had the ball. The teacher started yelling at them to break it up, so the asshole bully took it upon himself to make it Lorcan's fault by yelling, "Don't touch me, you queer!" Before the other boy stood up, he whispered in Lorcan's ear, "Faggot." They were both pulled out of the game and sent to sit on opposite sides of the bleachers. That was fine with Lorcan. He fucking hurt.

During Lorcan's short life, he had been called a lot of things before, but 'queer' or 'faggot' had never been on that list. He wasn't quite sure how to feel. Lorcan thought he had kept his closeted side well hidden, so hidden in fact that he was just a shell of person with no physical desires. The only time he ever acted on said desires were when his morning wood just wouldn't go away.

He was the last one to the locker room, luckily it was mostly cleared out by the time he opened the door. The asshole wasn't anywhere in sight. Lorcan's shoulders sagged with relief. Being bullied was a new thing for him. Most people ignored him, but that had been before his growth spurt. Now, he was harder to ignore in general since he tended to tower over people.

Lorcan gingerly eased his gym shirt over his head, careful to make sure his long sleeve under shirt stayed in place. He didn't need anyone to see the bruises that had bloomed on his stomach in the last few hours.

"Cairn is a real prick. Are you okay?"

Lorcan whipped around and was greeted with a shirtless, silver haired boy with beautiful pine green eyes. Lorcan just gawked, he felt his cock twitch and his cheeks heated. Fucking Hellas. Why wasn't he invisible anymore?

Lorcan flatly said, "I don't see how it's your business." The gorgeous boy in front of him just pressed his lips into a thin line and threw his shirt on.

"I'm not heartless and I don't like bullies." The boy shouldered his bag. He stood there for a minute, probably deciding if he was going to talk more. "Elide told me that you move a lot, but we would still like to be your friends." His voice was quiet. They were the only two left in the locker room.

Lorcan's brows stitched together. This boy was friends with Elide, interesting. "No." He then turned away, quickly got his shit and stormed out the door.

++++

"That definitely could have gone better," Rowan said to himself as the locker room door shut. When he had seen the dark haired beauty walking through the hall between classes earlier in the day, he noticed the split lip and bruise on his jaw. The way he moved during P.E. made him believe those weren't the only bruises he was sporting.

Then he saw Cairn ram him into the ground and after being caught tried to blame Lorcan by playing the 'queer card'. Rowan had seen red after that asshole called Lorcan a faggot. He had clenched his fists and was about to stalk over to Cairn until someone called his name. A growl released from his throat and instead had stalked back to the game he was in.

Rowan went to the cafeteria, he wasn't very hungry after the things he just witnessed with Lorcan, but he needed to eat. Everyone was already at their table, he dropped off his bag and went to get his food. On his way back to everyone, he saw Lorcan in the corner, by himself, hood up, just staring at his tray.

He went over to the table full of his friends. The twins, Fenrys and Connall were bickering with each other, Chaol was idly shoving food in his face without taking his eyes off his book. Dorian, with his arm around Chaol's shoulders, Aelin, Lysandra, Vaughn, and Aedion were all listening to Elide's newest story.

Sitting between Connall and Chaol, he got lost in his thoughts. He couldn't stop seeing the altercation between Cairn and Lorcan. It just made him frustrated.

"Rowan, you okay?" He turned to see Fenrys leaning over his brother, brows furrowed in concern. Rowan wasn't one to be quiet, especially when he could pick on the twins for their bickering. With a sigh, he told the twins what he had witnessed.

He hadn't realized that he had gained the whole table's attention when he finished his ranting. They all hated Cairn and bullies.

"I fucking hate Cairn!" Aedion was seething.

They had all been bullied by the asshole at some point.

"Cairn really called Lorcan a faggot? And Mr. Brullo didn't say anything?!" Lysandra was shocked.

"He was on the opposite side of the field."

Everyone in the group had Lorcan in one of their classes, but had never interacted with him besides himself and Elide. But they could all tell his home life was less than desirable and after hearing Elide's short conversation, they wanted to befriend him.

---

Lorcan got home as quick as he could after the last bell rang. He was thankful that his class with Elide didn't leave time for talking today. He had seen her with her group of friends at lunch sneaking glances at him. Obviously, the silver haired boy was talking to the group at what happened on the field. And the way he acted yesterday around Elide made him feel like he would tell her his deepest, darkest secrets even if she didn't ask.

Chores (plus extra chores to prevent another morning kick in the gut) and schoolwork done. Wounds nursed. He was asleep before the evil adults returned.

_______

Thanks for reading! If you'd like to be tagged, let me know. (Hopefully the tagging is working. 😕 I'm still learning!)

@thenerdandfandoms

[michaelgambons]

Baseline Romantic

Chapter 7

Warnings: poor mental health, hospitals, cuteness overloads

Y/N woke up late on the Sunday morning, and spent a couple of minutes scrolling through twitter before groaning slightly and getting up.

Voices were coming from the kitchen, she could recognise Ben’s, but the other voice was unfamiliar.

Y/N detoured away from the kitchen to the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know who was in the kitchen, but she sure as hell didn’t want to meet them looking quite as messy as she did right now.

Entering the kitchen a few minutes later, face washed and hair tied back, Y/N saw Ben with his back to her, busy with the toaster, in his joggers. At the table was a young, tall, blonde haired girl, who was wearing one of Ben’s sweaters.

‘Hi!’ Y/N said brightly as she came in.

Ben swung round, and smiled at her brightly, looking almost relieved to see her.

‘Hey, Y/N. This is Bella’ he said, gesturing at the blonde girl sat at the table.

‘Nice to meet you Bella! Is there any chance of some toast Ben? I won’t intrude for too long, I’m meeting Charlie at 2’

As Ben turned round to the toaster, you sat down at the table.

‘I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere’ Bella said. Thinking she was referring to Ben, you didn’t glance up from your phone.

‘Y/N, isn’t it? Yeah I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere’

‘Me? Sorry, I’m so used to people asking Ben that. Um, maybe, I’m on the news quite a bit - I’m a political commentator’

‘That’s it! We always have News24 on in the background at work- I must have spotted you then!’

You smile vaguely at her, with limited desire to prolong the discussion. ‘Where do you work Bella?’

‘I do PR. That’s actually how we met last night’ she giggled slightly and turned to Ben, who smiles vaguely at her, before quickly turning away. ‘I did the PR for the event we were both at’

‘Oh nice’ Y/N said vaguely.

‘I’m just going to hop into the shower, will you be ok Bella? Help yourself to any food while I’m gone’ Ben said, already out the door.

Bella smiled at him as he leaves, resembling a hungry chiwawa.

‘So, I can imagine Ben brings loads of girls back here’ Bella said turning back to Y/N. Feeling slightly annoyed to be being talked to again (did this girl not understand mornings?) Y/N said ‘only about as many as I bring back myself’. She winked at Bella, who looked taken aback.

You mock checking the time. ‘Oh shit, I need to dash. Really lovely to meet you Bella’

‘Yeah, you too! Hopefully I’ll see you again’ Bella called after you.

You smiled to yourself as you went back to your bedroom. You knew the likelihood of that was next to nothing.

—————-

After making sure that Bella had left, you drifted into the living room and sunk into a sofa. Ben sulked in after you, towel slung around his waist and droplets of water falling down his chest.

After lockdown had ended, it had been agreed that Ben would move in permanently with you and Catherine. You were more than happy with that. You loved having Ben around, loved the domestic fluffiness of it all. Only, with Ben moving in had also come the trickle of women who fell out of his bedroom.

‘A blonde named Bella who works in PR. Really Ben? You’re becoming some sort of seedy playboy- are you sure you’re not batman by night?’

Ben laughed, but looked slightly embarrassed.

‘I hope we didn’t keep you awake last night. Bella was really loud’ he says.

You snort. ‘No don’t worry, I was out like a light; fucking shattered. My new pills are knocking me out like clockwork. Anyway, just loud makes a welcome change to that squeaky one a few weeks back’

Ben laughs. ‘Christ, what was her name?’

You shrug at him. ‘If you can’t remember I’m certainly not going to. She could definitely remember yours though’. She imitated Ben’s squeaky one night stand ‘ooooh Ben, yeah just there- eeeek!’

Ben chucked a cushion at her. ‘Shut up, you’re triggering too many memories’ he laughs.

‘All I’m saying is I think you need a better vetting process’ Y/N said as she left the room, pausing to ruffle Ben’s hair as she left.

Y/N sat back on her bed. Absentmindedly her hand crept towards her panties, and slid beneath her waistband. It wasn’t a coincidence that the first thing that came to mind was Ben’s glistening post shower abs. She imagined that instead of going back to her room, she had instead gone over to him, and stared him straight in the eye as she pulled his towel away from him. Sinking down on her knees she had engulfed his dick with her mouth, and looking up, had seen him staring down at her, eyelids fluttering. She was still picturing his face as she came, quickly, brutally, writhing in her bed, his name on her lips.

This wasn’t the first time she’d got off to Ben whilst they’d lived together. In many ways it was quite useful having such a cache of material wondering around the house she could select from. She’d got quite good at telling herself she was just physically attracted to Ben. She loved Ben as a friend and a small part of her wanted to spend the night with him again. That wasn’t so unusual. Friends slept together all the time. Maybe if she could sleep with him again she could stop thinking about him. You laughed at yourself the first time it occurred to you. It was ridiculous and stupid and so unlikely to help. And it wasn’t as if she would ever act on it. He clearly wasn’t interested.

—————

That evening, it was just you and Ben in the house, Catherine was away staying at a yoga retreat in the Peak District. You’d been feeling increasingly unwell as the night progressed, and at 9:30 had muttered your excuses and headed to bed. As you were stood brushing your teeth, you suddenly felt incredibly light headed and before you had had the chance to sit down or steady yourself, you had fallen to the floor.

You came to a minute or so later, Ben peering over you looking concerned. As you opened your eyes his face flooded with relief. As you raised your head off the ground you realised he had placed you in the recovery position.

‘What happened?’ You asked, groggily, putting your face in your hands.

‘I’m not too sure. I just heard this crash from the bathroom, and shouted to see if you were ok. When you didn’t reply I came to check on you, and found you on the floor. You can’t have been out for very long- have you hurt yourself at all?’ He asked.

‘I don’t think so. I feel awful though, like I’m going to faint again’

‘Ok, I’m going to help you get into the living room,’ Ben said.

He gently lifted you to your feet, and as you steadied yourself, wiped a strand of hair out of your eyes. He cupped your face with his hands and your eyes met, yours glassy from your faint and his wide, full of concern.

Established on the sofa, you felt much better. Ben insisted however, on calling 101, much to your derision.

‘I’m calling them whether you like it or not, Y/N. Whether you speak to them or not is your choice, but I want to make sure you’re ok’

————

‘This is all such an overreaction’ you complained as Ben bundled you in his sweatshirt and helped you on with your jacket. ‘I fainted! It happens to people all the time. I don’t need to go to the hospital’

‘You heard what the woman said. She was worried it was a reaction to your medication. Come on, our Uber is here’ Ben said, offering you his hand to lead you out the door.

You held onto his hand the entire short journey to the hospital. You couldn’t quite place why, but it was comforting, warm, and he didn’t seem to resist. Once inside, checked in and sat on cold, hard backed plastic chairs, Ben had made sure you were settled before heading off to find a vending machine. He returned a few minutes later with a Diet Coke for himself and a bottle of water for you.

‘I thought caffeine was probably a bad idea until you’ve seen the doctor’ he said, registering your displeasure as you looked at the water bottle he had handed you.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and must have dozed off because the next thing you knew he was nudging you awake.

‘Come on, Y/N, they’ve just called us’ he whispered gently, helping you to your feet.

In the consultants office, you both sat down, and you handed your coat to Ben.

‘Y/N Y/L/N, right? And this must be your partner-‘

‘Flatmate’ both you and Ben said in unison

‘Sorry, flatmate. What’s been the matter today Y/N?’

You briefly explained the evenings events, looking to Ben occasionally for him to fill in any blanks you couldn’t remember.

‘The 101 lady thought it might be a reaction to some of the medication I’m on. I’ve just upped my dose of Zoloft, and she wondered if that could be it’

‘Do you mind me asking what you’re on that for?’ The doctor asked.

‘You name it, I’ve got it!’ You said brightly. ‘I’m on the Zoloft for my PTSD and depression, and until recently I was on beta blockers for my anxiety, but they were interacting with my asthma medication too much so my doctor took me off them and upped my Zoloft dose’

‘So you’re now on 150 a day?’ The doctor said, flicking through his notes.

You nodded.

‘I reckon that’s what it is, if I’m honest’ he said, turning to you. ‘That’s a big dose, and while it’s clearly what you need, it’s likely to have a few side effects with it. Fainting, or feeling light headed is quite common. If it doesn’t subside in a couple of days, I’d go back to your doctor, but for the meantime I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

You and Ben were silent in the Uber home. You were exhausted from the nights events, and still not feeling very well. Ben was staring out of the window, seemingly lost in thought.

‘Are you ok?’ You finally asked, as you took your coat off, glad to be home at last. ‘You’ve been quiet for the past 5 minutes which is completely out of character’.

‘Yeah I’m fine. Just glad you’re ok, it was quite a shock coming in and finding you like that... I didn’t realise just how bad your mental health was either. I know we’ve talked about it in the past, but you’ve always been quite blasé about it’

‘Yeah. I guess I don’t feel like there’s much to talk about. I just try and get on with it. No point burdening your friends with it unless you need to’ you said.

‘It wouldn’t be a burden though, not at all. I don’t want you to feel you can’t talk to me about things. I mean, I tell you all sorts of random shit, it’s definitely my turn to listen to you’

You yawn widely.

‘You must be fucking knackered’ Ben said. ‘Get into bed and I’ll bring you some tea’.

As you headed to bed he shouted after you ‘Do you want a hot water bottle too? It’s really cold tonight!’

You smiled slightly to yourself at his fussiness before you responded.

[whatbigotspost]

A helpful 101 guide to rooting out fatphobia in yourself:

•Stop commenting on or bringing up other people’s weight changes. Seriously, full stop. There’s no way to do this well. “Compliments” about weight changes do not exist. Just. Don’t. Comment. On. Weight.

•Simply don’t point out, talk about, mock, or make fun of fat people, NO MATTER HOW FAT THEY ARE. (I can’t believe I have to say that.)

•Stop commenting negatively about your own body size/shape. If you need to speak with someone about this, like a therapist, please do. Society is fatphobic as fuck so it’s natural to have internalized fatphobia and have bad body feelings. But to the absolute best of your abilities, do not pollute public air space with your body negativity. This mentality is often LEARNED from others and you don’t need to be another voice in the chorus teaching fatphobia.

•Stop commenting on other people’s food choices, diets, etc. It’s not your place.

•ENTIRELY remove the words “obese” (based on junk BMI nonsense) and “overweight” (over WHAT weight?) from your vocabulary.

•Do not place morality on simply eating. Stop saying things like “I’m being bad today” when eating a treat or saying you feel “guilty” for eating certain stuff. (Or the opposite that you’re being “good” when you eat a salad.) Eating is necessary for your body! And it’s allowed to be enjoyable.

•STOP FRAMING EXERCISE AS PUNISHMENT YOU INFLICT ON YOUR BODY FOR EATING. Exercise because you find activities you enjoy! Exercise because working out your body makes you feel strong or powerful! That’s all great! Shut the hell up about “working off that donut.”

•If someone not fat uses fat as an insult or says they “FEEL FAT” (god I hate that phrase) shut it down. It can be as simple as “That’s not cool, please don’t use fat as an insult.” If you don’t feel comfortable shutting it down then literally just do not say anything. Don’t encourage or engage in the discussion. AND! Please! For the love of god! Don’t be all “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful.”

•If someone who IS fat says they’re fat for the love of god again DON’T SAY “you’re not fat, you’re beautiful.”

•Understand and accept that your body is fully yours but ONLY your body is yours and you have no right to judge what someone else does to theirs. Have I mentioned that society is fatphobic as fuck...so judgy thoughts about other people’s food or clothing choices happen, but when these thoughts emerge, remind yourself: that is THEIR body. Not yours.

•Accept that there’s no wrong way to have a body. Everyone already has a “beach body” or a “bikini body” if they want to. An “athletic body type” is any body playing a sport. YOU might think “she doesn’t have the body to pull off that outfit” but SHE obviously disagrees, so mind your own business.

•If you are not fat yourself, shop at size inclusive retailers. If you won’t shop from someplace that someone who wears a XXXL can’t shop from, you’ll develop some empathy for this topic reeeeeal quickly.

•If you are not fat and you’re going out with friends/family who are, think in advance about how they can be accommodated. Has your fat friend commented on the uncomfortable, narrow booths at the restaurant you’re meeting her at for dinner before? Request a table and not a booth when you check in at the host stand. Or asking your fat friend out for a shopping trip—does the store have things she can buy too?

WHAT ELSE??? Feel free to chime in!

[storiesforallfandoms]

a regular guy ~ andrew siwicki

word count: 2245

request?: yes!

@acscvf “You’re such a good writer! Loved your Andrew Siwicki one please do another with him? Maybe where he falls in love with a famous actress and she loves how he’s just a sweet regular guy.”

description: when the squad is invited to a red carpet premiere of a movie, andrew finds himself falling for the leading actress, and is surprised to find her returning the feelings

pairing: andrew siwicki x actress!reader

warnings: swearing

masterlist

If anyone told me when I started filming and editing videos with Shane that I’d end up invited to the red carpet of a Marvel move, I never would’ve believed them. And yet here I was!

I was stood wit Shane, Ryland, Morgan, and Garrett, who was freaking out the most in our group. We had received the invite just days before and of course were all beyond excited for the opportunity. Just two short years before, we were just a group of friends making videos for YouTube, and now we’re on a red carpet!

I wasn’t sure how I should be acting. There were so many big named celebrities walking the red carpet, looking professional and like they belonged as they posed for the cameras and signed autographs for fans.

“Oh my God, I think that’s Samuel L Jackson!” Garrett exclaimed excitedly as another celebrity started walking the red carpet. I tried to keep my cool, but he was right. it was totally Samuel L Jackson.

“What do we do?” Ryland asked. “Do we walk the red carpet?”

“Are we even famous enough for that?” Morgan asked.

“Well, we can’t just keep standing in the corner like losers,” Shane said. “Let’s walk and see what happens.”

The minute we started walking, fans started calling for pictures and autographs. The paparazzi took our pictures, although we could tell that they weren’t really sure who we were. We were being treated like big movie stars. It was a weird feeling.

Suddenly, all the attention turned to the start of the red carpet. I recognized the actress getting out of the limo as the star of the movie. (Y/N). She was mainly big within action movies, and was a newbie to the Marvel franchise. I wasn't one for super action-y movies, but Garrett loved the Marvel movies and had me watch them all with him.

To say I had a crush on her was an understatement. I was completely star struck as I watched her walking towards us, smiling and waving to fans.

“It’s her!” Garrett exclaimed, grabbing on to my arm. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s her! Do you think we’ll get to meet her?”

“We can sure as well try,” I told him, pulling my arm so I could lead him down the carpet. I’d love to stand there and watch (Y/N), but we were already getting weird looks.

The place where the premiere was being held was a theatre that had been shut down specifically for the premiere. The lobby was set up with snack and drink tables for the guests. Now that awe were inside, we were thrown into the mix with the other celebrities. I was feeling much more nervous now.

“We have assigned seating,” Shane told us. “So we can go do whatever now, then meet up when the doors open.”

We agreed and broke off. Garrett and I immediately went to one of the snack tables. I expected it to be mostly those foods that you see rich people eating in TV shoes or movies, but it was a lot of good looking snacks; some sandwiches, fruit and veggie platters, cheese platters accompanied by some crackers.

“Do you think one of these tables will have any Cheez-Its?” Garrett asked as he stuffed a whole grape into his mouth.

I started laughing, about to tell Garrett that Cheez-Its definitely were not a snack you’d find at a movie premiere (although I wouldn’t doubt that he had brought some with him) when a voice said, “God, I wish. I could devour some Cheez-Its right now.”

Garrett yelped as I looked over my shoulder. I came face to face with none other than (Y/N), smiling brightly at us both. I found myself suddenly tongue tied, unsure of what to do or say. This felt like a dream, it couldn’t be real. There was no way she was actually there in front of me.

“You eat Cheez-Its?” Garrett finally asked after a moment of silence.

(Y/N) laughed. “I love Cheez-Its! They’re my favourite snacks. I don’t get to eat them enough because I’m supposed to be on a strict diet for workouts and stuff.”

“I think I’d die if I had to give up Cheez-Its for exercise,” Garrett commented. I was shocked at how calm he was being, but I could tell by looking at him that he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m Andrew, by the way,” I said, finally finding my ability to speak. “This is Garrett.”

“Oh, I know,” (Y/N) said, Just as quickly as she said it, her face turned red. “I - I mean I’m a fan of you guys on YouTube, Shane too. God, that sounded so stalker-y didn’t it? I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s an honor to know you watch us,” I said.

I shared a look with Garrett and I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was: Holy shit, she watches our videos!

“I’m gonna grab a drink,” Garrett decided. “Then I’ll be back to discuss ways to sneak Cheez-Its while you’re on your diet.”

(Y/N) laughed as Garrett walked away. Her laugh was beautiful. I couldn’t help but smile at her.

“Don’t tell him, but I already sneak Cheez-Its,” she whispered to me. “Don’t tell anyone, really. If my trainer catches word that I sneak snacks she’ll make me do the most extraneous exercises she can think of for a week straight. I won’t be able to walk for at least two weeks.”

“When people talk about how strict their diets and their trainers are, it makes me not want to work out anymore,” I commented.

“It’s definitely not easy,” (Y/N) confirmed. “Especially when your technical days off from workouts are days that you’re shooting action movies, so out of technicality I’m always working out.”

“Wait, do you do your own stunts?”

(Y/N) nodded, a proud smile on her face. “That’s why I have such a strict diet that I try and follow all the time. I want to make sure I can actually do the stunts I have to do. The one’s that aren’t terribly dangerous, that is. If it’s something that’s way too dangerous I have a stunt double.”

We started talking for a while about all (Y/N) had done for the movies she was in; besides the strict diet and her workout routine, she had also learned different types of martial arts so she could accurate do her own fight scenes, such as karate, taekwondo, Jiu Jitsu. Basically, she knew how to fight and how to defend herself.

She told me the rigorous process of her first audition or an action film; the casting director thought she looked too young and not looking strong enough for the role (”Just a way of saying I wouldn't get it because I was a young woman,” she told me). Due to this, she started practicing martial arts and started ending in video after video of her fighting, and of her workout routines. Finally, the director called her and told her they had made a mistake in turning her down and casted her in the role.

After a while, she stopped mid sentence and smiled. “I’m sorry, I’m talking all about myself.”

“No, don’t apologize. I’m enjoying listening to your stories,” I told her. “I don’t have anything to talk about that’s even close to being that interesting.”

(Y/N) shrugged. “You don’t have to try and top whatever I’ve said. I just want to know about you.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Was filmography always your passion? Did you always want to make movies or videos?”

I shook my head. “Growing up, doing anything within the entertainment business was seen as a farfetched dream. I went to college for psychology, I have three degrees, actually. It wasn’t until YouTube started taking off that I realized that making videos as a job could actually be possible.”

(Y/N) was smiling at me as she picked up a snack from the table and ate it. She was looking at me as if every word I was saying was the most interesting thing on the planet. Although I figured I was just imagining that because she’s a fucking actress! There’s no way she could think anything I was saying was interesting.

Garrett returned with two fancy glasses of champagne then. He passed one to me and addressed (Y/N), “I didn’t have enough hands to bring one for you, too, and I almost knocked one over just taking two so I didn’t get the chance to bring you one.”

(Y/N) chuckled. “That’s alright. I’m not a fan of champagne anyways. I’m more of a beer or a rum and coke sort of girl, but they never have anything like that at these fancy events.”

“I love a good beer,” I admitted. “I don’t get a lot of time to go drinking lately because of filming and editing and stuff.”

(Y/N) opened her mouth like she was about to say something else when suddenly someone announced that the screening was about to start. They warned about cell phone usage during the screening and asked us to keep what we witnessed tonight a secret for at least two weeks after the movie was released. Suddenly, all the people in the lobby began moving towards the theatre, getting between (Y/N) and myself and Garrett.

“I’ll see you after the screening!” she called as the crowd of people started moving her towards the doors.

Garrett and I found Shane, Ryland, and Morgan, and as we walked to our seats we told them about meeting with (Y/N). When we sat, we realized we were only two rows behind her.

“I’m gonna throw food at her till she notices us,” Morgan decided, taking a handful of the popcorn that was provided for us.

“Don't you dare!” Ryland scolded, grabbing hold of her hand.

It didn’t take food throwing for (Y/N) to notice us. She turned around, scanning the seats behind her until her eyes landed on us. A small smile spread on her face as she waved. I smiled and waved back.

The movie, as expected, was really good. It got a standing ovation when it ended. (Y/N), her cast members and the crew stood to bow and to thank everyone for coming out. They made quick speeches, talking about how the film was dear to them and they were glad we enjoyed it, but asked again for us not to speak of it with anyone else until after its release.

The whole time, (Y/N) was looking at me. Whenever I locked eyes with her, she’d smile. I couldn’t help but smile back.

When the event was over, the Squad and I stood to exit the building. I had just walked out of the theatre when I heard a familiar voice say, “Andrew!”

I turned around to see (Y/N) pushing through the crowd towards me. “Sorry, I just wanted to catch you before you left.”

“That’s alright,” I said. “The movie was really good by the way. We all loved it.”

“Thank you!” she said. “Listen, you said you haven’t had the time to go drinking lately, but do you think you’d have the time sometime this weekend to go...with me?”

I was shocked by the question. I could hardly believe she actually asked. I was back to believing that this whole night was a dream. How could I, just a normal guy that liked making videos on YouTube, go from just that to being at a premiere for a Marvel movie, and being asked out by the lead actress afterwards? This was crazy!

“Really?” I found myself asking.

(Y/N) giggled. “Yes, really. You don’t believe me?”

I shrugged. “Honestly, not to stereotype, but I figured you’d already have a boyfriend. Someone who’s in your profession. You’re incredibly cute and you have a great personality after all.”

Her face turned red again, matching my own no doubt. I couldn’t believe I had said that. What was this night?!

“I’ve dated guys in the business,” she admitted. “But I’d rather date someone who’s...not. Don’t get me wrong, you are incredibly famous, but you’re also still a sweet, down to earth, normal guy. Most people who hit this level of fame let it go to their head. Most guys I’ve dated are so full of themselves, or they only date me for leverage on their own career.”

I shook my head. “You deserve someone who wants you for who you are, not for what you are.”

(Y/N) looked down as she admitted, “If you want to, I’d kind of like for that to be you.”

I’d be crazy for turning down that offer. I meant what I told her, she did deserve someone who saw her for the person she was, not for the fame she had. She was beautiful and had an amazing personality. If I said no to this beautiful woman asking me on a date, I’d be completely insane.

“I’d like for that to be me,” I told her. “I’m free Saturday night for a drink. I could pick you up wherever you’re staying, we can go somewhere quiet where you wouldn’t be recognized.”

(Y/N) looked back up at me, the brightest smile I had ever seen on her face. “Okay, I’d love that.”

This is kinda shit, I’m so sorry

[teacupfulofstarshine]

LOVELY, DARK, AND DEEP: CHAPTER 6

cw: mentions of existentialism, nonspecific discussions of death/the afterlife, minor angst, brief moment of panic

chapter 1 // chapter 2 // chapter 3 // chapter 4 // chapter 5 // read it on ao3! 

word count: 6784

“What is that?” 

Virgil looks up, lunch hanging out of his mouth. “Wh’s wh’?” He tears off a bite of his sandwich, chews, and swallows. Logan watches him intently from his shallow tank the entire time. “What’s what?” 

“That thing you are consuming.” 

“It’s a sandwich.” 

“That is nonsensical,” Logan says, frowning. “From what I understand, human digestive systems are far inferior to ours. You require your fish to be consistently heated until all the flavor is gone and you have many other diet regulations that we do not. Yet even we cannot digest sand when it gets in our food. How are you doing so? Explain, please?” 

Virgil gets the sense that he should be slightly insulted by what Logan’s said, but he isn’t. “There’s no actual sand in this, Logan.” 

“Then why is it called a sandwich? Why do humans insist on calling things what they are not? I will never understand . . .”

“I think it’s named after some guy. Some earl or something, the first guy to make a sandwich. So now we call them all sandwiches even though there’s no actual sand in it.” 

“That does not make sense,” Logan says, frowning. 

“Listen, I don’t know what to tell you. You’re right, but I can’t exactly go around and change what a sandwich is called. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.” Logan makes a confused face. 

“So it is not sand?” 

“No, Logan. It’s not sand.” Logan scratches at the bandages wrapped around his arm, and Virgil swats his hand away. “Hey! What did I say about touching your bandages?” 

“That I should not do that because my wounds could become infected and require a prolonged stay in this miniature human ocean,” Logan recites. 

“And what are you doing?” 

“Touching my bandages.” 

“I’m gonna have to put you in a cone of shame at this rate.” 

“What is a cone of shame?” 

Virgil pulls out his cell phone and taps at the screen until an image of a dog wearing a cone appears. Logan hisses at it when he sees it. “You will not put that on me!” 

“Well yeah, obviously. It wouldn’t stop you from fiddling with your bandages, and I don’t have a cone of shame for you. Plus, it’d fuck with your gills since they’re on your neck.” Logan shudders, reaching up to touch his gills where they lay flat and closed against his neck. Virgil remembers how they’d found him, slumped on the beach and barely breathing, gills pinned shut. “Hey, Lo?” 

“What is it?” 

“I have a question for you.” 

“You have already asked me a question, but feel free to ask another.” 

“Why don’t you have gills on your torso?” 

“I am confused by the word ‘torso.’ Please elaborate?” 

“Patton has gills on his neck, like you, but he also has them here.” Virgil sets his sandwich down and presses his hands to his ribcage, approximately where Patton’s larger set of gills is. “Roman has two sets of gills, too. But you only have one. Why is that?” 

Logan frowns, touching his ribs. “I . . . do not know. Dad and Roman have always had two sets of gills. I have never had gills on my - torso, did you call it? - and until recently I never saw a reason for them. Now, of course, I can see where they may be beneficial . . .”

“So you’ve just . . . never had any gills other than the ones on your neck?” 

“No, I have not.” 

Virgil frowns. “That . . . seems strange . . .” 

“I am sure it is, but I do not have any explanations to offer you.” 

Logan swishes his tail restlessly in the shallow tank, glancing nervously towards the entrance to the ocean cove. Thomas had taken Roman and Patton out hunting earlier, leaving Logan and Virgil to wait around in the lab. “Are you okay?” 

“Just anxious for my pod to return. I find that having them out of my direct line of sight makes me . . . incredibly uncomfortable.” 

“Yeah, I get that.” 

“Virgil?” 

“Hmm?” 

“May I see more of those . . . ‘draws’ that you make, please?” 

“My drawings?” 

Logan’s cheeks flush just slightly, and Virgil has to forcibly stop himself from squealing at how adorable it is. “Yes. I find them . . . intriguing. You create such detailed, lifelike images with a few fancy sticks, and it is aesthetically pleasing. I enjoy them.” 

Now it’s Virgil’s turn to blush. “I - wow, uh . . . thanks, L.” 

“It is no trouble.” 

Virgil picks up his sketchbook and holds it open for Logan with one hand. Logan leans forward to squint at the drawings, tilting his head to the side. “What is this a drawing of?” 

Virgil peers over the sketchbook, trying to figure out what Logan’s looking at. “Oh. It’s the night sky, the stars and stuff.” 

“What is a star?” Logan asks. “What is a sky?” 

Virgil frowns, setting the book aside and reaching for his laptop. “You’ve never seen the sky before? You’ve never seen the stars?  You have to have seen it at some point, right?” He pulls up a photo of the night sky and turns it around to show to Logan. 

“Oh! I know what that is.” 

Virgil hums. “So . . . what do you think that is, then?” 

“It’s the Upper Ocean,” Logan says matter-of-factly. 

“The Upper Ocean?” 

“Yes.” 

“I’ve never heard of that before.” 

“It’s where the Seven Mother Goddesses live.” Logan points to the full moon in the picture. “That’s their palace right there.” Virgil blinks. 

“It’s a what now?”

“It’s the palace of the Seven Mother Goddesses. They live there, in the Upper Ocean. They’re the ones who blessed us with the oceans. Before, there was no water at all, just hard, dry land. The Seven Mother Goddesses took pity on us. They brought a jar of water from the Upper Ocean and spilled it on the land. Everywhere the water touched, an ocean sprung up. They created the oceans for us to live in, and then sprinkled droplets of water over the remaining land so that those who lived there would have lakes and rivers. But all water sources connect back to the oceans, because the water from the Upper Ocean wants to collect back together.” 

“Did these Seven Mother Goddesses stay here?” 

“No. They returned to their palace in the Upper Ocean. They watch over us from up there.” 

“So what are all these, then?” Virgil gestures to the stars. 

“Those are the death palaces.”

“The what now?” 

Logan looks at him as though he’s just asked what two plus two is. “The death palaces. When mer die, our spirits leave the ocean and are carried to the Upper Ocean. Each of those little glowing places in the sky is a death palace, where our spirits spend the rest of their afterlife. They’re at peace.” 

“Oh. So it’s your heaven, basically?” 

“What is a heaven?” 

“Where you go after you die, if you’re good.” 

“You go to the Upper Ocean if you’re bad, too,” Logan says. “But you don’t get a death palace. You just disintegrate. You’re reabsorbed as part of the ocean waters. You stop existing as you.” 

“Damn. That’s harsh.” 

“That is reality.” 

Virgil isn’t in the business of arguing with the metaphysical beliefs of other people, especially merpeople that he’s only just gotten onto good terms with, so he lets it go. Logan continues looking through his sketchbook, periodically making comments as Virgil finishes his sandwich. “Can I try?” 

“The sandwich? I hate to break it to you, but I already ate the whole thing, so . . .”

“Not the sandwich. The draw. I want to try.” 

Virgil blinks. “You - you want to try drawing?” 

“Yes. Is that an issue?” 

“No, not at all! I just - I’m gonna have to go get some supplies. That’s all.” 

“That is fine. I will wait here.”

Virgil puts his sketchbook down and hurries off upstairs, poking around for art supplies that he doesn’t mind sacrificing to this noble and very homosexual cause. He finds a stack of scrap printer paper, some old pencils that don’t produce the good quality graphite, and a stack of towels so that Logan doesn’t drip seawater all over the paper. He’s going to have to prepare Logan to suck at drawing (God only knows he did when he first started) and he’s not really sure how Logan will take it, but he’s going to have to try anyway. 

He returns to the lab to find Logan attempting to heave himself out of the water and onto the floor. “Hey, hey, whoa whoa-whoa-whoa whoa, hey! What’cha doin’ there, buddy?” 

“Attempting to remove myself from the tank. What do I appear to be doing?” Logan hisses in pain when he drags his scraped tail over the edge of the tank, flopping back into the water with a splash that only soaks part of the floor. 

“Agitating your injuries and making your stay in the lab a lot longer than you want it to be?” 

Logan’s tail swishes unhappily, but he doesn’t try and launch himself out of the tank again. “If you don’t wanna draw in the tank, I can move you onto one of the lab tables. You gotta tell me what you want, though. I’m not a mind reader.” 

“I would prefer to be moved onto the table, please. It has become apparent that if you drop the draws into the water, they do not survive.” 

“You got me there,” Virgil sighs. “That’s why I brought the towels. I can move you onto a table, and then we’ll make sure we dry you off thoroughly before you start drawing. Oh, and just a fair warning? You’re probably gonna suck at it at first.” 

“What is . . . ‘suck’?” 

“It means you’ll probably be really bad at it, since you’ve never done it before.” 

“Were you ‘suck’ at it when you first started?” 

“What you meant to say was did I suck when I first started, and yeah. I was terrible. The only reason I’m so good now is because I took a lot of classes and practiced for years. It’s okay if your drawings kinda suck. I’m not gonna judge you for not being good at it.” 

“Good,” Logan says. “I find the idea of you thinking me incompetent distresses me a great deal.”  

Virgil rapidly turns his back to Logan before he spontaneously combusts from the Gay. “Right! Well! I’m just gonna go ahead and wheel that lab table over then!”

“Alright.” 

Virgil drags a rolling table over and locks the wheels, covering the surface in towels. “Are you ready over there?” 

“Yes, I am.” Carefully, Virgil reaches into the tank, and Logan reaches his arms up to loop them around Virgil’s neck. Virgil lets one arm wrap around Logan’s back and slides the other one down to where his tail naturally bends in the middle. He very deliberately does not think about the fact that if Logan were a human with legs, his hand would be dangerously close to his ass right now. 

Virgil quickly drags his head out of the gutter before he can wonder what that would be like. Logan flicks his tail up out of the water, coiling the end to drape around Virgil’s forearm. “Careful!” Virgil yelps, wobbling on his feet and nearly overbalancing. “What if I fall over and drop you?!” 

“You will not,” Logan says, and wow his face is close to Virgil’s. His eyes are wide, and almost eerily luminescent under the fluorescent lights. The midnight-blue scales littered on his face (clustered around his eyes and nose, almost like freckles, like a mask) gleam, twinkling almost like stars, drawing Virgil in. “I have faith in you, Virgil. You will not drop me.” 

“That’s a lotta faith to have in someone you wanted to kill a week and a half ago,” Virgil breathes. Logan smiles, huffing out a soft breath through his nose. 

“You have not dropped me yet, Virgil.” 

Virgil hurries to set Logan on the lab table before he loses his grip.

“You are pulling my hair!” 

Logan pulls his head away, wincing and rubbing his head. Virgil gently sets the towel on the table, setting a hand on his shoulder; it’s absurdly warm, Logan notes. “I’m sorry, Lo. I forgot you’ve never used a towel before. Here, I’ll be gentler this time.” 

The towel comes back, softer this time. Rather than wringing and pulling, it pats and squeezes gently, carefully smoothing his hair and pulling the water away. “There you go,” Virgil says. “All dry.” He smiles, and Logan feels something very strange begin to move in his heart. He leaves the towel draped around Logan’s shoulders and hands him another one. Logan carefully wipes down his arms and hands and torso while Virgil dries his back and tail. 

It’s strange, feeling someone else’s hands on him. Logan is used to touch - he’s used to sleeping intertwined with Roman and their dad, he’s used to play-wrestling with Roman and hugging his dad, he’s used to his dad smoothing his hair out of his face and carefully applying seaweed over injuries from hunting or battles. He’s been touched, of course he has. Still, there’s something strange about the way he feels when Virgil touches him. 

Virgil’s hands have power behind them. Logan knows that at any point, Virgil could snap and hurt him. This isn’t his world, after all; it’s Virgil’s. If Virgil wants to keep him and his pod in this lab for his own sick amusement, there’s very little he or Roman or even his dad could do to stop them. Fear of the humans has been drilled into him since he was a guppy. They have the power to tear his life apart and destroy the pod he’s worked so hard to build. Logan should be terrified. He should be trying to kill Virgil, or at the very least stun him. 

He is not doing either of those things. 

Logan allows himself to grow distracted, slowing down in his towelling of his arms to focus on the way Virgil dries his tail. He applies pressure to soak up the water, but he’s still gentle. He carefully moves the towel so that he’s not pressing on the tender bandaged areas. His lower lip is caught between his teeth, and he worries it with his upper teeth as he works. 

For some strange reason, Logan can’t stop staring at that lip. He wonders what it would be like to smooth his fingertips over it. Would he be able to feel the indents from Virgil’s teeth in the skin? Would it be soft or chapped? What would it feel like to lean over and press his mouth to Virgil’s? To pull Virgil’s lower lip from between his teeth and suck it between his own? Would Virgil taste like the sea, or would he taste like that “sand witch” he had been eating? 

“Uh . . . Logan?” 

Logan startles, blinking rapidly and looking at Virgil, whose gaze has shifted from his tail to his face. “Are you okay there, buddy? You were kinda . . . starin’ at me.” 

Virgil’s cheeks are faintly pink. Curious. 

“I apologize. It was not my intention to stare at or confuse you,” Logan says, hastily turning his attention back to the towel wrapped around his forearms. “I merely found myself . . . what is the human expression? ‘Lost in thought.’ I did not mean to alarm you.” 

“I mean, same,” Virgil says. “I do that all the time, and then the Doc asks me what the hell I’m doing staring at him. Don’t worry about it. I was worried I’d hurt you or something.” 

“You would know if you had hurt me,” Logan says. “But you have yet to do so, and I am reasonably confident that you will not.” He feels his heart rate begin to pick up, unsure why it is doing so. Virgil’s cheeks get pinker still, and he quickly turns away, breaking their eye contact. 

For some reason, this distresses Logan slightly. 

Virgil finishes drying him off and places a stack of paper on the towels in front of Logan. “Here’s your paper, and here’s your pencil. Oh, fuck, wait - do you know how to hold a pencil?” 

Logan takes the strange draw stick from Virgil, squinting at it curiously. “I . . . have never done so before. Perhaps if you were to demonstrate, I could copy your technique?” 

Virgil pulls up a chair next to the table and props a sketchpad against the edge. “I mean, you gotta remember that I have years of practice doing this and you don’t,” he says, “but if you want, I can try.” 

“That would be beneficial.” 

Virgil pulls another draw stick from behind his ear and presses the non-draw end against his lip, humming. “What should I draw?” 

Logan’s mouth moves before he can stop himself. “You could create a draw of me.” 

Virgil’s eyes snap up to meet Logan’s. “You - you would be okay with that?” 

“Your draws of me are very good,” Logan says. “And - and I do not mind when you create draws of me, and I am - I am right here, am I not?” 

“You are . . .”

Virgil looks away, and Logan feels his face begin to burn. He is confused, but his confusion quickly fades when Virgil begins to make his draw. Logan studies the way he holds his draw stick, making sure that he’s not staring at Virgil when Virgil’s gaze flicks back up to him. He adjusts himself about seven times before leaning down to start his own project. 

He quickly learns that Virgil was right - creating a draw is much harder than he makes it look. The draw stick is awkward in his hands, and as hard as he tries he can’t move it around easily like Virgil does. 

“If you have a mistake,” Virgil says, glancing up again, “use this end.” He taps the pink end of the draw stick. “It’s called an eraser, it gets rid of the marks. Here, I’ll show you.” He makes a random line in the corner and then rubs the pink end back and forth rapidly, brushing the page off to reveal that the mark is gone. 

Logan turns his draw stick around and tries to remove some of his mistakes from the paper. It takes him a few tries to get the hang of it, but he finally manages to scrub away his mistakes and start again. “Will . . . will I be able to produce a good draw, do you think?” 

“Today? Probably not,” Virgil says, not looking up from his pad. “Eventually? Maybe, if you’re committed to getting better. It’s gonna take a while, and you are gonna hate your work at one point. You’re gonna wonder what the point of doing it over and over again is if you don’t seem to be getting any better. But then, one day, you . . .”

His voice takes on a faint, nostalgic tone. “One day, you’ll be looking back through your old work and you’ll compare it to the stuff you’ve just did that you thought was horrible and . . . and you’ll . . . you’ll realize how far you’ve come. And you’ll realize that even though you thought you were so, so shitty . . . you’re not. You’re improving. You’re getting better.” 

“Are you alright?” Logan asks. “Your eyes are leaking.” 

Virgil brushes the leak off of his face. “I’m alright,” he says. “I’m just . . . overwhelmed with emotion. I’ll be okay.” 

Logan reaches out and gently brushes some of the leak off Virgil’s face with his fingertips. “I am sorry that I made you leak, Virgil.” 

Virgil stammers. “I - uh - you - it - it wasn’t your fault.” He tilts his head, just a little, and presses it into Logan’s hand. The sensation fills Logan with light. “What are you trying to draw?” 

“I am not sure. I have not ever tried to create a draw before, and I do not know what I should make. Perhaps I should make you?” 

“Wh - you - draw - draw me?” 

“Why not? You create beautiful draws of me all the time. It would only be logical to return the favor. If you would prefer that I do not, I can find another subject, but -”

“No! I - uh - that is - you can draw me I don’t mind!” Logan smiles brightly, curling the tip of his tail happily and pulling his hand away from Virgil’s face to pick up his draw stick again. 

“It won’t be very good,” he says. “It won’t be as good as your draws of me. But I might be able to make one of you.” 

“It’s okay if it’s not perfect,” Virgil says, still pink-faced and staring. “It’s allowed to be shitty. It’s allowed to suck. You’re allowed to do a bad job, you know that, right?” 

“But I do not want to do a bad job,” Logan says. “I - I want -” He cuts himself off. He does his best not to voice his concerns, generally speaking, because they tend to be pointless and unresolvable. There is no point in bothering Virgil with his silly inadequacies. 

“What?” Virgil says, looking at him. “What do you want, Logan?” His voice is very soft, and when Logan chances a quick glance in his direction he sees that Virgil is smiling softly at him. “You can tell me.” 

“There would not be much point in doing so.” 

“Are you sure? Even if there’s nothing I can do to actually make you feel better, sometimes just knowing that someone else is there for you can make you feel better. You know?” 

“I . . . do not . . . want to bother you,” Logan says, looking down at the table and fiddling with his hands. He startles when he feels someone touch his tail. 

“Hey,” Virgil says, gentle. “You’re not bothering me. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know, would I?” 

“I suppose not . . .”

“So if I did ask, that must mean that I do want to know, isn’t that right?” 

“That would make logical sense, yes.” 

“So tell me what you want. Even if I can’t give it to you, I can at least listen.” 

Logan feels his cheeks heat up. “I . . . do not want to do a bad job. You always do such a spectacular job when you make draws of me, and they make me look much more pleasing than I do naturally. I do not want to repay such a favor by creating draws of you that are unflattering. I want to give you something that I can be proud of. I want you to like it, even if you do not like it as much as I like the draws that you make of me. But I will never be able to create something like that. Certainly not today, at any rate, and possibly not ever. And that . . . makes me . . . feel . . . sad . . .” 

Virgil reaches out and gently touches his hand. Logan wants to look at him, but keeps his gaze fixed firmly on the blank paper in front of him. “Lo, it - it’s okay.” 

“How is it okay?” 

“Well, for one thing, I think you’re pretty great looking already. You don’t need my drawings to make you look different or better or anything. Your scales are so cool, you look like the night sky! And as far as the unflattering drawing aspect goes, trust me. You couldn’t possibly create anything that looks any worse than I do on a daily basis. I look like a corpse that the Doc resurrected for the sole purpose of doing grunt work in the lab.” 

Virgil snorts, laughing, and Logan finds himself laughing a little too, in spite of himself. “You . . . you do not look like that,” he manages. “I think that you look very nice. And I . . . appreciate what you say in regards to my . . . my scales. That was kind of you to say.” 

“Well, it was true, wasn’t it?” Virgil smiles. Logan picks up the draw stick again, frowning at the paper. “You know that you don’t have to draw if you don’t want to, Logan.” 

“I do want to,” Logan says, readjusting his hand around the draw stick. “I really do want to try and make a draw for you. I still do not think that it will be very good, but - but will you really be interested to see it no matter what?” 

“I really will,” Virgil says. “And I can make a drawing of you while you make one of me. We can swap them afterwards!” 

Logan looks up at him and smiles, and when Virgil smiles in response he feels a fresh surge of motivation.

Virgil jumps when the cell phone sitting on the table begins to buzz, rattling back and forth with such force that he snatches it up quickly for fear that it’ll fall to the floor. Logan snaps his head up from where he’s been bent over his sketchpad with intense focus. “What is that?!” 

“Just my cell phone, don’t worry about it -”

“What is a cell phone?” 

“It’s something that lets me talk to the Doc - hang on - Doc!” 

“Virgil? What took you so long? You normally never wait more than two rings before picking up, I was worried something happened!” Thomas jokes. 

“Doc, that’s not funny!” Thomas laughs anyway. “I was distracted, okay?” 

“By what, the cute merman?”

“Doc! Keep your voice down! Are you coming back from hunting soon?” 

“Well, I can’t fit any more fish on this boat, so I guess we are. I - what are you - stop that!”

“Uh . . . Doc?” 

There’s a lot of rustling and shouting from the other end of the phone, causing Virgil to hold it away from his ear and squint at it in confusion. Logan looks up from his sketchpad, keeping it tilted towards his chest so that Virgil can’t see it until the drawing is complete. “What are you doing?” 

“Trying to figure out what the fuck is happening right now.” 

When the commotion from his phone finally dies down, Virgil pulls it back towards his ear. “Hello?” 

“Human!”

“I have a name, you know.”

“Let me talk to my brother!” 

“Not unless you ask nicely.” 

“Human, let me talk to Logan!”

“Not unless you ask nicely. And use my name, for God’s sake!” 

There’s a smacking sound from the other end of the line, and the melodic screeching that Virgil has come to recognize as Patton speaking when he’s partially out of the water. “Virgil,” Roman grits out, clearly having been freshly chastised, Can I please talk to Sharkbait?” 

“Of course you can, now that you’ve asked me nicely,” Virgil taunts smugly. He sets the phone down on the table and quickly switches it to speaker mode. “Lo, there’s someone who wants to talk to you.” 

“Oh?” 

“Sharkbait!” Roman calls. “Dad and I are done hunting! We caught so much fish for you!” 

“Really? Did you find my favorites?” Logan’s eyes light up at the sound of his brother’s voice.

“You bet we did! We caught so many! Don’t worry, we’ll bring plenty of fish home to you!” 

Logan smiles, gently touching the cell phone on the table. “I know that you will, Roman. Did you have fun in the open ocean today?” 

“Yeah, but hunting’s boring without you here to compete with. Dad doesn’t understand the way we compete to catch the most fish, so it’s not as much fun. Plus, he always wins the races because he’s so much bigger than me, and if I win it’s because he lets me.”

“I am sorry that I left you all alone like that,” Logan says softly. “I promise, I am trying my hardest to get better so that I can come back to the open ocean with you.” 

Virgil pretends that the thought of Logan and his pod leaving doesn’t fill him with sadness. “We’re going to go and swim right back now, okay? We’ll see you soon, Sharkbait!”

“I will see you very soon indeed, Roman.” 

When Logan hands the phone back to Virgil, he hangs up and slides it into his pocket. He picks up his pencil again, letting the tip rest against the line he’d been in the middle of drawing. It’s the overall curve of Logan’s tail, coiled neatly beneath him as he rests his arms on a haphazard rock pile on the water’s edge. Virgil’s never seen Logan in this position, but he can picture it quite easily. 

Against his better judgement, he speaks. “Hey . . . Logan?” 

“Yes, Virgil?” 

“I just . . . I have a question for you.” 

“What might that question be?” 

“When you get better, you’re going to be able to swim around the open ocean with your pod again, right?” 

“That is the goal, yes.” 

“So, when that day comes, will . . . will you leave?” 

“I do not wish to remain confined to a human lab for the rest of my life, Virgil,” Logan says, raising an eyebrow. 

“No, that’s not what I meant! I know you want to get back home to the ocean with your pod, I’d want to go back too if I was in your position. I just wanted to know if . . . if you would ever come back.” 

“What do you mean, come back?” 

“To visit, I mean.” Virgil’s hand tightens around his pencil. “Would I ever see you again? I know that you want to go back to the ocean where you belong, but I - I dunno, you’re really cool, and I - I wanna see you again. I wanna hang out, even if you’re not here healing. And I could maybe keep teaching you to draw, if you wanted, but - but if you’d rather not, that - I’d understand, but I -”

He cuts his rambling off at the feeling of something resting gently on his knee. He looks up to see Logan, looking at him with a strange sort of intensity. “Would you like that?” Logan asks softly. 

“Would I like what?” 

“If we came back to visit you. Would that be something that would interest you?” 

“I mean, yeah. You’re really cool, and I like hanging out with you. I know that you’re not really super into the whole ‘being-friends-with-humans’ thing, but . . . but I really wanna. Be friends with you, I mean. And you’re super fascinating, not just because I’ve never met a mer before, but because you’re a cool person to be around in general!” 

Logan’s cheeks are slightly pink. “You . . . really want to be friends?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I - I would have to speak to my dad and Roman, of course,” Logan says. “They might not want to spend so much time in such close proximity to humans. But as for me . . . I think that, perhaps, visiting you on occasion would not be . . . the worst thing in the world. If nothing else, I would also like to continue learning to create draws with you.” 

He shyly presents the sketchpad he’s been hiding to Virgil. It’s a fairly rudimentary drawing, but there are still several distinct markings that make it easy to tell it’s Virgil. There are carefully marked freckles on the face, with smeared blocks of graphite beneath the drawn and redrawn eyes to symbolize his eyeshadow. His shirt is drawn as baggy, with a weird lump at the back that Virgil suspects is supposed to represent him wearing a hoodie. He’s smiling in the sketch, and there’s a rectangle in one of his hands and a stick in the other. 

“Am I . . . holding a drawing pad? And a pencil?” 

“It seems that every time I see you, you’re carrying a draw stick and making even more wonderful draws. It seemed only fitting that I put them in my draw of you. Was that the wrong thing to do?"

“No, it was - it was sweet. I’m touched, Lo, really. This drawing is great. I love it” 

Logan smiles at him, showing off his sharp, white teeth. Only a week ago, Virgil would have been terrified that he was about to lose a hand. Now, his stomach flutters at the sight of such a joyful smile. “I am glad that you enjoy it, Virgil.” 

Before Virgil can respond, there’s a clattering noise from the hallway that leads down to the ocean. “Oh! Doc and your pod must be back from hunting already! I’ll go help him get your dad and Roman and all the fish back into this room. Will you be okay here on your own?” 

“I think I will manage,” Logan says. “Oh, and, um, Virgil?” 

“Yes?” 

“Thank you for everything. I truly appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart. It was thanks to you that I did not die on that beach when the net washed me ashore, and it was thanks to you that I was reunited with my pod again. I cannot thank you enough for all that you have done for me.” 

Before Virgil can stop himself, he reaches out and gently touches the top of Logan’s head. His hair is slightly damp, and coarse from centuries of salt water exposure. Logan’s eyes blow wide, and his mouth drops open in a small “o” shape. “It’s no problem, Logan, really. I was happy to help.” 

“Oh,” Logan manages, cheeks flushing scarlet. 

Virgil flashes a quick smile at him before pulling his hand back like he’s been burned and all but sprinting down the hallway. He turns the corner so fast that he nearly slips and falls, bracing himself against the hard concrete wall. 

“Hey there, Vee,” Thomas calls, tying a rowboat overflowing with freshly caught fish to the small dock. Roman twists up out of the water and flops “elegantly” onto the dock. Virgil can see a large, dark shape swirling around in the water that he assumes must be Patton. 

“Hey, Doc. You guys get a good haul today?” 

“So much,” Roman brags, bristling his spines and grinning. “Almost half of this was me!” 

“That’s a lie and you know it, three-quarters of the work was Patton,” Thomas says. There’s a melodic shriek from the water, as though agreeing with Thomas, and Roman pouts. “Anyway, Vee, I figure we can take the mer into the lab first and then come back for the fish?” 

“No, take the fish first,” Roman instructs. 

“Bossy,” Virgil says, crossing his arms. “Why do we need to take the fish back first, anyway?” 

“Because Dad and I both ate a little while we were out hunting, but Sharkbait hasn’t eaten anything all day. He must be starving,” Roman says, eyes suddenly serious. Despite his initial misgivings, Virgil can’t help but be touched by Roman’s concern for his younger brother. “Make sure he gets fed, and then you can bring Dad and I into the lab. He’ll be alright waiting to see us for a little while longer, but he needs to eat.” 

“Yeah, that does make sense . . . I brought the cart because I assumed we’d be yeeting you into it, but we can throw your fish in instead.” 

Roman tilts his head, looking like a lost puppy. “What is a ‘yeeting’? Is that a weird human word?” 

Thomas laughs so hard that he nearly over-balances and falls off the dock. A large hand shoots up and braces itself against the small of Thomas’s back, pushing him back up onto the dock. He stumbles forward a little, throwing his arms out, and turns around to look at the water in shock. The arm extended has fingers tipped with sharp claws, but when Virgil frantically runs over to check on his mentor, he sees that his coat is barely scratched. 

“Doc! Are you okay?!” 

“I’m okay, Virgil, don’t worry. Patton caught me! Thank you, Patton!” Thomas calls. The arm waves a little before sinking back beneath the water. Virgil sighs, going back for the cart and wheeling it over. 

“Let’s get this over with . . .”

It takes them almost ten whole minutes to load the majority of the catch into Virgil’s cart. They end up with about three-quarters in the cart before it’s full. “I guess we’re making a second trip?” 

“Don’t bother,” Roman says, swishing his tail lazily. “Dad and I will eat what’s left here, and then when you come back we’ll go with you to the lab where Sharkbait is.” 

“Are you really gonna be able to eat all this in the time that it takes us to take this cart to the lab and back?” Virgil asks. Roman grins, baring his own set of gleaming fangs. Unlike earlier with Logan, however, Virgil feels a shiver of fear run through him. 

“Don’t doubt our appetites, Virgil. We’ll be done in no time.” 

Virgil grips the handle of the cart tightly and leans his entire body weight into it. It takes him a few tries to get the heavily-laden thing going, but once he builds up a little momentum he’s able to struggle down the hallway. He hears Thomas talking to the other mer, but he focuses on getting back into the lab. 

Logan looks up from his sketchpad, sniffing the air eagerly. “Food?” 

“Yep!” Virgil grunts. “Your pod caught a whoooooole bunch of stuff, and it’s for you!” He finally gets the cart into position near the lab table, kicking at the brakes to engage them and lock the wheels. “Lemme take your sketchpad and stuff so that they don’t get messy while you eat.” 

Logan appears vaguely offended at the idea of being a “messy eater,” but he gets over himself quickly when Virgil swaps his sketchpad and pencil for a fish. He eagerly sinks his teeth into the side, and Virgil quickly turns away. “I’ll be back!” 

He puts the sketchbook and pencil down on a clean table and grabs another cart, wheeling it back to the little grotto. “Hey, Doc, how are we filling this thing with seawater? Do I have to go get the pump, too?” 

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Roman says, waving a hand dismissively. “Dad can do it. Hang on -”

He shoves his head under the water and says something in the mer language to Patton. Virgil jumps back in shock as a column of water rises up from the ocean, pouring neatly into the cart. As it nears the top, he frantically cuts in, “That’s good! That’s enough!” Roman sticks his head underwater again, and the column tapers off. “Thank you, Patton. I didn’t know you had that much control over the ocean. Do all mer have that?” 

“Just Dad,” Roman says. “He’s an elder mer, so he’s been around forever. He’s got all kinds of weird fun tricks under his fins!” Virgil wonders if that’s the mer version of “having tricks up your sleeve.” 

“Who’s going in the cart first, you or your dad?” Thomas asks. Roman opens his mouth to answer, but he’s cut off by a terrified scream echoing from the lab. 

“Was that -”

“Sharkbait!” Roman bristles all of his spines at once, teeth baring, pupils shrinking to slits. “That was Logan, what did you do to him - ”

“Nothing! I left him on one of the tables eating fish, he was fine when I left! I promise!” Virgil says. Roman throws himself into the cart, tail swishing awkwardly until he finally shoves his head up above the water. 

“Take me in there, now! I have to know what happened to him!” 

“How are we going to get Patton in there if you’re in the cart?!” 

“Good point . . . carry me!” Roman sticks his arms up, and if the situation wasn’t so dire Virgil would think it was funny that he was asking to be carried like a petulant child. 

“Put your fucking spines down first, I’m not getting poisoned today!”

“I’m worried about Logan, this is as flat as I can get them!” 

Logan screams again, and Roman’s spines bristle uncontrollably before he very visibly forces them to flatten a little. Virgil thanks his lucky stars that he’s wearing a particularly thick jacket today and hoists Roman into his arms. 

“Go!” Thomas says. “I’ll get Patton!” 

Virgil takes off down the hallway as fast as he dares to go while carrying a mer who’s dripping seawater all over the floor and also not the lightest thing in the world. He isn’t sure what he’s going to see when he makes it into the lab, but he’s steeling his nerves. He’ll be prepared for whatever it is. He’ll handle it, or the doc will handle it, and everything will be okay. 

When he bursts into the lab, he nearly drops Roman in shock. “L - Logan?!” 

“Sharkbait?!” 

Logan looks at them in terror from the lab table, shifting around so they can very clearly see the very human legs that have completely replaced his long, elegant tail. 

“What’s happening to me?!” 

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[hearthandhomemagick]

Cottage Witch Journal Entry

I have a longing for Tennessee. 

I have a pure, unadulterated and wild attraction to the Tennessee Mountains. This is a dream I’ve had, and a yearning I’ve felt, for years. A need to be hidden deep in the mountains in a tiny cottage/cabin of sorts. I’m sure this is an affinity very popular in mainstream culture today, and all I can think of when I hear people say they want a cottage or cabin in the mountains is, “How the Hell does everyone expect to FIT on these mountains?!” But, this is my Shadow Self, the over realistic and overthinking side of myself. And I easily get discouraged from my own wants thinking of others wants. 

This is a side of me to notice in myself. I need to be able to move past thoughts of, “If everyone wants it, I’ll never have it.” and move forward with thoughts of, “This is something I want for myself, and I deserve to work hard for it.” And that’s a goal I have with myself. 

You see, this post isn’t just about my want to be in Tennessee in the woods, it’s much deeper than that I feel. It’s about improvement and wanting to grow. 

I bring up Tennessee because that is not a goal I can easily obtain within a couple of weeks or even a month. But, it is something I want to build up to obtaining. Something I want to do right so that everything is exactly as it needs to be. And I can’t fully accomplish this until I accomplish other goals that take precedent first. For Example, my physical health.

As a witch, I truly believe in loving every part of yourself, the good and the bad. The exciting and the terrifying. The understood and the neglected. Part of this acceptance process is learning what is and is not acceptable for my body. Now, I have struggled with my weight and how I see myself since I was a child. I remember a little boy seeing my tummy in a bathing suit in 1st grade and him telling me I was fat and that his dad said fat girls were ugly. Comments like this, stares and whispers were constant when in regards to my weight. It felt like an overwhelming amount of attention was directed at the way I looked, even if no one was looking at me I felt as though everyone was thinking about it. Over the years, this mental state took a tole on a lot more than I expected, even affecting me today with my Significant Other. The consistent attention to my own weight pulled me into depression, our of depression, into anxiety and out of anxiety. What I mean is I had an up and down relationship with my tummy. 

I felt abandoned most days. I would get this idea that I was too much and not enough all at once. A gentle and cooing tone from my toxic thoughts led to a lot of issues and concerns for me and my health. Some days, I would read something that made me feel as though I was a Queen. A bad bitch lurking in this cruel world and taking it by the throat to stare it in the eyes and say, “I love my body fat.” 

The sad part is your heart, mind and body know when you are lying to it. I didn’t love my body. Not in those confident moments and not in those depressed moments. I was locked away in a cage in my mind that gave me two illusions to choose from, while hiding my third option under the rug. I neglected my feelings because I didn’t want to experience them. I neglected my health because I didn’t want to deal with it. And I neglected my body because I hated it. 

Reality here is that this is the only fucking body I have. Do you understand that? Let me repeat this so maybe you can understand how harsh of a reality this was to me. 

I am on this Earth for goodness knows how long. 50 years, 20 years, 72 days. I don’t know, and no one does. I was literally forced into owning this body, whether I like it or not, it is mine. I can move houses, I can get a new car, I can get a new job. I cannot get a new body. 

I heard this in High School and started what I called my weight loss journey. I lost maybe 20 pounds while attending a workout-boot camp of sorts and trying to maintain a healthy diet. That sentence resonated so much with me that I repeated it every day to myself. My motivation was on point. Then, I stopped going. There are multiple reasons why I stopped, but none of them are rightful excuses.

I just stopped. 

Now, during those days I had lost weight, I was starting to gain confidence in myself and was attempting to genuinely look out for my health. I had more energy and felt amazing! But like I said, I had stopped for terrible reasons. 

Fast-forward to college and you will find a very anxiety filled, sleep deprived and mentally exhausted Carly. Some nights I wouldn’t sleep but for 4-5 hours. Other nights I didn’t sleep at all. I believe my stay up streak was 3, going on 4 nights. All due to homework. My coping technique has always been eating food, too. So when you have a sleep deprived student settled next to a 24/7 pizza joint with half baked cookies, you gain 30-40 pounds. 

At 245 Pounds, I was at my heaviest. This weight gain came on as my roommates were saying I was fat, stupid and were making me question myself frequently. Self hate festers among others who don’t value your worth, remember that. So, through those years of college I weighed an uncomfortable amount of weight that made my body start shutting down physically. 

Mental Health had a lot to do with my physical health, here as well. When I was in a really bad place, I would stop moving completely and just sit still. If I had a terrible feeling, I’d cook something to make myself feel better or would just grab a processed, quick snack. It was a pattern of mine. I’d get just enough motivation to do one or two things, and then I’d stop all together and feel as though that was enough for a few weeks. 

Eventually, when I was done with college, I started back on that rollercoaster of healthy and unhealthy. I’d lose 5 pounds, then gain 7 pounds right back. I started detail critiquing myself and stressing myself out. My weight never could get under control, and I couldn’t break the 200 mark to save my life. I would see pictures and videos of myself and feel as though I had eaten an entire buffet. Not too long after getting with my S/O and starting my job as a Sexual Violence Outreach Advocate, I got sick.

It started as a birthday dinner at a Korean Barbecue in 2019. I was with my two best friends at the time and having a blast. We all ate the same food, but when I woke up the following morning I was throwing up everything in my tummy. 

The throwing up went on for 4 days before I was taken to the hospital, only for them to release me saying it was virus. My personal doctor couldn’t figure out what was wrong and it eventually became an everyday thing. I would wake up between 3-6 in the morning, go to the bathroom and be sick for hours before pulling myself together to make it to work. 

Weeks turned into months, and months turned into a year. 

I lost 50 pounds from this thing that no doctor could seem to figure out. I got x-rays and everything, but nothing and no one could tell me exactly what was going on with me. I couldn’t eat anything friend, only raw fruits and veggies, or broth. I only drank water and ginger based drinks, and could not for the life of me stop what was going on with my body. Many doctors tried to pass it as a virus, stomach ulcers, GURD, or even Heart Burn (?). None of them were right. 

After a long time, my mom finally confessed that every woman in our family has Endometriosis. If you don’t know what this is, it is the build up of scar tissue on the outside of your uterus. This leads to nausea, ovarian cysts (which they found on me in x-rays) and sub or infertility. No doctor can diagnose it, either, unless you have a surgery to see if there is scarring. So for many, suffering on your own is easier than seeing a doctor. 

I discussed this with my doctor, and it was as if a light flashed in her brain. This is a disease she cannot say I have, but can say it sounds very much like that. It is hereditary and once you have it, you have it for good.

After this information entered my line of though, I decided the stress from my job was too much for too little pay, and chose to leave. Leading up to my leaving the job, I was sick almost every second of every day. The moment I left, I felt better.

I still feel pain in my ovary area, but because I don’t have the money to see a doctor, and can control my pains with eating habits and physical influence, I choose to work through it alone. 

I said ALL THAT BACKGROUND BULLSHIT JUST TO SAY THIS!!!!!

This is the part that marks my new journey. It is the Journey to Strength and Well Being. The Journey to Feeling Good. The Journey the Choosing my happiness over anything else. And the Journey to choosing the health of my body over my insecurities.

I wrote this because a couple of days ago I had a very graphic and vivid dream about my boyfriend falling in love with the woman I wanted to be. In other words, I seen him with a woman who literally presented all of my insecurities to me. Small, lithe and dainty, gentle and calming, and everything I wasn’t. She was beautiful. And he seen this, and did things for her that he never did for me. I woke up almost in tears, because my emotions were raw, but I had no idea that my insecurities were still very deeply rooted. 

I pondered over the last few days of this dream. What it could mean, what I should do, how I should feel and I have finally come to a conclusion.

This dream is a depiction of my fears. My brain was saying, “You need to address this shit right now.” and did it in the most face slap kind of way I could think. 

I still, even after learning to love myself genuinely, have image issues that need to be nurtured and tended to before I can move forward in my life.

So, I’m making 1-3 goals every month that are attainable and reachable. This will be a brick road to my obtaining that cottage/cabin in the Tennessee Mountains. 

This months Goals start today! 

GOAL 1 -  Learn to do a split, find a healthy yoga sequence, be able to do 15 pushups, & 30 Squats by the end of December. 

GOAL 2 - Make a conscious effort to what you eat/making a new dish once a week to try.

GOAL 3 - Save $100.

This is a process, and I am only human. I don’t want to fall back into the habits of toxic mentality. I don’t want to neglect myself or how I feel and I don’t want to lose myself in to the world in the process of searching for freedom from myself. 

I expect myself to exude self control, self love, and empowerment. I expect to expect better from and for myself, and I expect to accomplish my goals.

I manifest it here, I can do a split. I have a healthy maintainable yoga sequence that I have committed to growing expanding and changing. I can do 15 push ups and 30 squats. I have 100 dollars saved up already and make concious decisions that better my health rather than hurt it. This is part of my lifstyle now! 

And it is for the better!

Thank you to anyone who read this through. These entries are more for my benefit and thought process, but appreciate anyone who recognizes it or even relates and wants to talk about it. It’s personal to me and means a lot. I intend on being on here more often to update my challenges and express how I use my witchcraft in the process of this Journey.

I love you all! Stay safe, warm and full to the brim! Later Witches! xx

[blackcatfromthevoid]

Why the fuck do family members always feel the need to comment on your weight?

Like I haven't been eating properly for the last few months like no shit I lost weight. But you care more about the fact I lost the weight than how. Like this wasn't pleasant or done in a healthy way and I feel fucking terrible all the time yet you can only think

"wow they lost weight! I wonder how much weight they lost?? I wonder what they look like in some other clothes...etc"

Why are you trying to hype this up? I feel like shit constantly and even shittier when you just make off colored comments about me losing weight.

Like seriously how hard is it to just shut the fuck up?

Not only this but you have to comment about the foods I eat too? Like I'm trying. I try harder than you think to eat just a meal a day instead of fruit and graham crackers. Yet you always are like "Oh you're only gonna eat that? That's all? Too much of that is bad you know? You should probably go to a doctor to get checked...etc"

Like yeah I'm fully fucking aware that eating the same thing everyday is extremely unhealthy. Not only that I definitely do feel the physical side effects from it. I want to eat normally instead of it feeling like a chore, trust me I do. I'm tired of this. But what you're failing to realize is that I FUCKING CAN'T.

And if I gave you the reasonings as to why I resort back to eating what I find comfortable you'd just tell me to stop being dramatic and just eat the food there's nothing wrong with it.

Everything combined makes me stay on this horrible diet that I want to break but you're really not helping me.

Like damn for people who are supposed to be family you can be quite oblivious to what's really happening...

[kariachi]

So on Sunday my brain decided to throw Gwen/Mike/Kevin/Argit at me for some reason and today decided to continue with it, so.... Have a couple thousand word double feature.

~~

The house was smaller than the one Mike had been living in when they met, but just as if not more grand. Enough so that even Gwendolyn, nonetheless Kevin and Argit, had to stop as soon as they were out of the car to stare at its white stone walls, intricately paned windows, and the sheer amount of well-tended greenery and flowers. For all they had been told this wasn’t the normal place for family get-togethers due to being ‘not fit for hosting’, they simply couldn’t see it. It was still huge and gorgeous. No wonder Mike had been rolling his eyes when he said it. They couldn’t have been stood there gawking long before the front door opened to reveal a small woman dressed to impress.

“Mikey!”

“Monie!” And immediately Michael Morningstar- who in the three years since he’d gotten clean and the two he’d been a part of their little quartet had not engaged in displays of affection more grand than jewelry- bolted across the lawn, scooped the similarly excited woman up into a spin, and hugged her fiercely as soon as her feet had touched the ground.

“Remind me to get him to spin me at least once during this relationship,” Kevin grumbled as he and Gwendolyn rounded the car. “I don’t care if it happened right before he drops me into a volcano, as long as it happens.”

“Jealous, much?”

“Don’t be a hypocrite, Red. And stop scowling, she’s his cousin for fuck’s sake.” Something that was easier to tell as they came closer. There were plenty of differences- golden toned versus pink, tall versus short, blond versus grey, blue eyed versus green- but a few key features stood out. Their eyes were the same shape, they were of similar narrow build, and they carried themselves with the same proud bearing. The woman- Monie- stepped back as they approached, flashing them a toothy grin as Mike turned to present them.

“And these are my…” He goes quiet, mouth twisting and hand curling shut. They’ve never really worked out terms. Kevin and Gwendolyn were boyfriend and girlfriend, Kevin and Argit were partners, but Gwendolyn and Argit? Any of them and Mike?

“Yours?” his cousin offered in fond amusement. Mike nodded.

“Mine. Kevin Levin, Argit Levin, and Gwendolyn Tennyson.”

“Monette Morningstar,” she introduced herself, stepping around Mike and towards them. Gwendolyn stepped forward to offer a hand to shake, only to be wrapped in the same fierce hug Mike had gotten, and for Monette to quickly do the same to Kevin and Argit. “It’s a pleasure and an honor to have you here.”

“It’s a pleasure to be here,” Gwendolyn answered, still reeling a bit from getting a warmer welcome than she got from a fair chunk of her own family.

“We were beginning to think Sparkles was lying about having relatives,” Argit continued, “to make himself look better.” Kevin and Argit only had family in the Amalgam Kids and Cooper, who were always around, and they all were practically tripping over Tennysons, but Mike was the only member of his family he interacted with in their area, and the three times he’d gone to family events since they’d gotten together he’d insisted on going alone.

“Not surprised,” Monette said with a nod, “most of the others already hate you.” Gwendolyn snorted derisively while Kevin groaned beside her. They’d been warned the entire drive up, but still. “He doesn’t shut up about you, you know. Well, he hasn’t shut up about you since he was twelve-”

“Monie!” The woman kept her same easy, welcoming smile as he and Gwendolyn both went red around the edges.

“-but he’s even worse now. Shame, it would’ve been so fun to see him just drop you all on the family at once.” Stepping forward, Mike scowled at her.

“I am not putting them through that,” he said with finality as Argit snickered.

“Of course not,” she replied, waving off the very idea. “It’ll still be the funnest holiday since you ran off.” With another flash of perfect teeth she gestured them towards the house, falling in behind the little group with light steps. “Now come on, lunch is all ready and you kids must be starving-”

~~~~~

~~~~~

They had claim over the master bedroom whether they wanted it or not, their hostess more willing to eat her own legs than to risk them being crowded in one of the smaller beds. Not that it was much of a concern. Kevin had always been a tactile man, Argit had been born for piles of people, and between them it wasn’t at all difficult to cram the four of them into a space smaller than they had available.

It just meant they got to stretch out a bit, was all.

Gwendolyn was taking up as much space as possible, her legs hanging off the side of the bed and her head on Kevin’s chest. Meanwhile Mike had pressed the whole of himself against Kevin’s other side, stretched over him just enough so he could hold a tablet in place for he and Gwendolyn to read the book on it together. Argit didn’t even bother with distractions, content to doze splayed out across the boys’ legs, tail wrapped around Gwendolyn’s wrist. This was the norm for them, and Kevin had long accepted his destiny to be a mattress, generally working on a project or a book over the others’ heads until one of them groggily forced him to set it aside and go to sleep.

He’d already set it aside himself tonight.

“So,” he said into the quiet, fighting back a smile, “are we just not going to mention the whole ‘mine’ thing?”

“Yes.” Ears twitching, Argit snickered.

“Good. I’d much rather hear about how you talk about us all the time.” Mike groaned, shifting forward to bury his face in long red hair.

“Gwendolyn, lovely, perfect Gwendolyn-”

“Sorry, it’d work with Kevin but you know I can’t shut Argit up.” She shuffled away, just enough that she could turn her head and crane up to plant a kiss on his cheek. “It was nice to hear though. You’re harder to get an ‘I love you’ out of than Argit.”

“Because I don’t love you, Red,” Argit cut in cheekily, as Mike heaved something between a huff and a groan, “I tolerate you for the men’s sakes.”

“Uh-huh,” she replied, fidgeting with his tail, “you keep saying that.” Beneath them, Kevin chuckled as he reached out to tug gently at a lock of blond hair.

“We love you too, Sparkles.” In response Mike just pulled away with roll of his eyes and a huff, as if he wasn’t going red for probably the fourth time just since they’d pulled into the drive.

“I hate you all,” he answered with far less bite than he likely intended, “and one day I’m going to eat you out of pure spite.”

~~~~~

~~~~~

The first day of their holiday was definitely the best one. A nice, if simpler than expected, lunch with Monette. Meeting Mike’s Uncle Hector (Zombozo. Mike’s uncle was Zombozo. Zombozo, who wanted to start over fresh because apparently his line in the sand was risking making things harder on his nephew.) They’d had fresh pasta and baked apples at dinner, spent the evening exchanging stories, watching movies, and looking at pictures of Mike from birth to his teen years. Pictures Mike assured them, with a pained expression, had not been gathered for this event. His cousin and uncle were just exactly the types to have them on hand.

Monette’s parents had shown up on the second day and things had started getting tense. They loved their daughter, that was evident from the first moment they’d arrived, but otherwise… Nobody could really blame them for being openly unimpressed by Hector- excepting the younger Morningstars, apparently- but they treated Mike the same way some of Gwendolyn’s relatives treated her. Loving, but with the sharp edge of impossible expectations. The rest received polite distance, like they were some fling Mike’d drug along rather than people he’d been with several years. Still, they managed a nice, if awkward, dinner, and sat up late listening to embarrassing stories of Monette and Hector’s childhoods. It wasn’t fun, but there were fresh desserts and the evening wasn’t any more painful than larger Tennyson gatherings.

The third day though, that was Thanksgiving proper, and it brought the rest of the family. The middle cousin, Teddy, and his fiancé. His parents. Great-aunt Winnie. And suddenly, like a curtain was flung open, you could see how Darkstar happened. You could even see how Zombozo started.

These people did not like mutants.

They did not like aliens.

They did not like bastard children.

It hurt to know that the two had been outnumbered for so long.

Dinner was beyond awkward. Passive-aggressive comments flew to a degree even Argit hadn’t seen before, and he made it his job to antagonize Gwendolyn’s mother’s family whenever they met. Both sides threw jabs back and forth- about people’s jobs, people’s diets (never before had Kevin been seen passive-aggressively giving someone food but the moment Winnie had said something about Mike’s appetite it had been war), people’s lifestyles, people’s taste in clothing. Nothing, it appeared, was off limits, with the exception of a single “while you’re around” comment batted at Gwendolyn that’d had Mike tensing on the other side of the table and Monette putting her foot down as hostess. What sort’ve jab it had been was unknown to the non-Morningstars in the room, but it took a good forty seconds for people to begin talking again after the snapped reprimand.

By the end of dinner nobody was in a good mood. There was a steak knife lodged to the handle in the far wall of the dining room, from where Kevin had lost his temper and flung it at Teddy’s head (in his defense, he had warned the table about making any more comments about his partners, and Monette treated it no differently than if he’d had the misfortune to drop it on the floor), Argit was muttering about “no wonder you didn’t bring out the good cutlery for these people”, Mike, Gwendolyn, and Hector evacuated the room as soon as it was polite to do so for their own mental health, and Monette had a smile on her face that was sharp enough to cut glass. It was amazing nobody (namely Winnie) had been thrown out a window and most likely that was only because they were really nice, presumably expensive, windows.

The rest of the evening didn’t even have the decency to be entertaining. Just a slog they got through with tight-lipped politeness and a healthy dose of passive-aggression before heading to bed- ignoring the pointed comments about ‘making’ Monette give up her room as they went. Mental and emotional exhaustion had them sleeping soundly, waking at first light. They stayed long enough for coffee, breakfast, and Mike to hug his proper family members goodbye before heading out before anyone could wake up enough to start in again.

They were an hour down the highway when Kevin pulled over.

“Okay, I’m saying it now,” he announced in a tone that brooked no argument, “Monie can visit anytime, your uncle is a maybe, but I am never sitting at a table with the rest of those fuckers again in my life.” The others nodded at Mike in agreement, though Gwendolyn at least had the decency to try to look sorry.

“You know,” he replied, honestly looking like a weight had been taken off his shoulders- and with how Gwendolyn could be about her own family it probably had been- “I think I can live with that.”

[quackeroos]

ONE WEEK || Day Two

Pairing: tom holland x dying ex!reader

Summary: you were dying, and tom still loves you. now he plans on loving you ‘til your last breath, and maybe get you to say those three words back to him.

Warnings: swearing, angst

Words: 3.4k

General Masterlist | Series Masterlist

MONDAY. TIME CHECK: currently 3 am. Tom was sitting on the couch next to y/n's bed. She was already sleeping, the television left open with the remote in hand. Tom had been with her all throughout the day, and he was thankful that she had let him stay. But of course, Y/n had still been distant. She would occasionally ask for things like food, her phone, water or call for Jamie. Y/n's little sister was already passed out on the couch at the other side of the room. Her head laying on a pillow with a textbook in her lap, glasses on and notes open. It was obvious Jamie was dead serious about her studies. But despite y/n giving him the cold shoulder, he didn't mind. After all, he was only here just to help with y/n getting better.

Lies.

Deep inside, there was a part of him that wanted to build the relationship they had when they were sixteen. Where nothing but romance and laughs filled the air they were in. But now, everything turned upside down. Tom sighed and stood up from his chair, making his way towards the cupboards to eat a midnight snack. He passes by Jamie, who was still sleeping on the couch, mouth slightly agape. Tom walked to her laptop and shuts off the device. He pulled the blanket over her, making sure she was warm and comfortable. Tom took out a cup of instant noodles and decided to have it, since it was the only food available.

He heated up a cup of water and waited for it to boil. Over the past few hours, Tom had learned that y/n has been admitted in the hospital since Wednesday, and that she had a daily routine whenever she stayed in the hospital. In the morning, she would read a book while eating her breakfast, in the afternoon, she would go to the hospital garden using her wheelchair and would stay until the sun sets. Sometimes, she would even stay until the stars were out, according to Jamie. But given her condition, she needed rest, which was the only thing she had been doing for the past four days.

In the middle of her routines, doctors and nurses came to check in on her, give her medicine and her food diet. During the time her lunch came, y/n had been picky, because hospital food didn't sit well with her. Tom knew what she would've liked, a big serving of lasagna, a plate of buffalo wings, and a glass of beer. She had a big appetite, most specially for sweets, and if she could have it her way, she would've liked to have at least one day to do it.

Tom took a seat on his usual chair, bringing a foldable table along with him to put his snacks on. He took out his phone to look at his notifications. 5 messages and 2 calls from Haz, 2 messages from Tuwaine, and 3 messages from Sam and Harry. Apparently, they were supposed to be going out yesterday, and the boys had been asking about his whereabouts. He hasn't replied to any of them since he left his phone off while taking care of y/n, until today.

***

Y/n woke up early as usual, at exactly 8:30 am, her eyes would open to a quiet morning. But today was an exception, because she heard whispers and shushes from a couple of people in the room. At first, she thought it was Tom and Jamie, that was until she sat up, only to see three boys standing around her bed. "Good morning y/n!" they greeted, making her flinch at the sudden number of visitors. She honestly did not expect them to visit her, nor did she know how the three men knew she was here. Her eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and disbelief before saying, "What in the world are you idiots doing here?"

"Tom told us that he was busy taking care of something. He didn't tell us that it was someone." Harry wiggled his eyebrows, a goofy grin plastered on his face.

"It's good to see you, y/n." Haz spoke up from the side of her bed. He was holding a balloon that said, 'Get Well Soon!', while Tuwaine and Sam were holding a bouquet of sunflowers and a box of Krispy Kreme donuts. "You Divs! I've missed all of you! C'mere!" Leaning in towards her small figure, the boys tried not to squish her in between the hug. It really has been so long since they've last seen each other in person. They would sometimes see each other's posts on social media and text each other from time to time, but they never saw each other the day after Tom and y/n had cut ties.

It was a touching moment, most specially for Y/n, because seeing the boys made her happy in the most depressing room she's in. "How long have you been here huh? You look like shit!" Sam said putting down the bouquet on the chair beside her bed. "Thank you for the unnecessary comment, dickhead. I was here since Wednesday, and the hospital's been treating me like a baby. Wouldn't give me even a bite of anything sweet."

"Well, you're in luck, darling. Coz we bought Donuts!"

"She's not eating those." A voice called from the door.

Tom had just arrived, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. He was carrying two bags; one was his backpack and the other was a paper bag of food for him and Jamie when she gets back. "Y/n, you're not allowed to eat anything high in sugar, remember?" He puts down his backpack on the sofa and the paper bag on the countertop table. He turned towards the four boys. "And didn't I tell you guys not to come by without me here?"

"Jeez, you could've thanked us, you know. We looked out for y/n while you were gone. Where were you anyway?" Haz asked.

"Went back to the apartment to get a few things." He pointed to his backpack. "I'm staying here for a few days."

"You're what?" They asked, looking at him then back at y/n for confirmation. She sighed and nodded. "Jamie has exams coming up, so she asked him to look out for me while she was busy. Mum and Dad were out on a business trip, and hopefully, they'll be back tonight."

"So, if you're parents are coming home..." Harry trailed off. "Then shouldn't you be staying here until tonight only?" he pointed towards Tom, who was busy tidying things up. He was oddly quiet and didn't answer his brother's question. So, y/n was left to answer it. "It's kind of complicated. I'll tell you when I have the time. So, how about those donuts, yeah?"

"Oh no, you will not be having those. You are on a strict diet, so stick with it." Tom had taken the box of donuts from Tuwaine's hands before they even got to y/n's grasp. "Mate, eat this else somewhere, please. Or else she wouldn't be able to help herself."

"I can eat whatever I want, Tom. So just stop pretending to be my dad for once and let me have a little freedom." Y/n had snapped. "Tuwaine, gimme some of those."

"C'mon y/n. Why do you have to be so stubborn? You gotta sacrifice these if you still wanna live."

"Well, I'm dying anyway! I might as well die happy rather than letting you and this fucking hospital treat me like shit!"

The boys' eyes went wide, not expecting for her to snap. Tom had let out a stressed sigh. tired because he slept at around 4 am and woke up at 6 to head to his apartment and get the things for his stay, and tired for dealing with y/n's stubbornness. It's only been a day, he thought, what more could the other days bring in the future?

"I'm gonna get some fresh air. I'll be back in a few." He said looking at his watch before grabbing his wallet. "Guys, look after her for me. Okay?" and before the boys could talk back and protest, he was out and gone. Their stare lingered on the door, sympathetically. Before a few moments of silence, Haz spoke first, clearing out the awkward tension in the air. "You know, y/n, you shouldn't be too hard on him. Tom really is trying his best."

Y/n diverts her eyes away from the blonde and stared towards the window. “You’re just saying that because you’re his friend."

"I'm telling you this because BOTH of you are my friends." He held her hand and smiled encouragingly. "Don't be too hard on him. Okay? He only wants you to live a little longer. All of us do. So don't say your goodbyes just yet."

***

Tom got back at around ten in the morning. His hair a little messy and tousled. He just came back from a long walk around the hospital, trying to clear his mind out. He wondered what y/n thought of his sudden walk out. Did she think he was angry? But he wasn't angry, he could never be angry at her, not at a time like this. A sigh escapes from his lips.

During his little time out, he thought of possible ways to keep y/n from thinking about dying, or if anything, her being gone from the face of the earth.

He planned on ways to keep her happy and away from any negative thoughts, he searched on his phone for possible cures for Friedreich's Ataxia, any possible ways that could keep her breathing was all he could think of for the past hours he's been here. Because, no matter how much pain y/n had brought upon him, all he wanted was for her to be back. The lively, amazing, and unbelievably glutinous Y/n that he knew and loved. And to live for as long as she could.

Once he had closed the door, he heard laughs. And it was no doubt that it came from y/n and the four boys. They were laughing at an episode from Brooklyn 99, a favorite of y/n's, with the boys sitting at both sides of her bed.

They only noticed Tom when he sat at his usual chair, with his script for an upcoming movie in hand, his reading glasses on. Harrison took notice of his arrival. "You're back. You've been gone for a while." Tom had looked up shortly before grunting in reply, not in the mood to talk as he was busy memorizing his lines. Haz nudged y/n's arm and nodded towards Tom's direction, giving her the 'go-do-what-you-have-to-do' look telling her so. The other boys also had them, and they mouthed her to 'go talk to him'.

Words got caught up in her throat. It took y/n a few moments to gather up the courage and call out his name. "Tom?"

He looked up from his script, looking at y/n as he sets down the bundle of pages of paper. "Can you take me to the garden? I really need to get some fresh air." Tom looked at the whiteboard with the medication and meal schedules written in black marker. He looked at his watch before replying, "It's almost time for your lunch. Are you sure you want to go now?" Without a second thought, she nodded and smiled a tight lipped one.

Tom stood up from his chair and took out her wheelchair, parking it at the side of her bed. He carried her like a bride, only she was wearing a green hospital cotton gown, instead of an extravagant white one with intricate designs decorating it. Finally placing her on the chair, he pushed her towards the door and led her to the rooftop garden.

She breathed in the fresh air of freshly watered grass and flowers when the two of them arrived. It was morning so the air was slightly dewy. Y/n pulled her jacket tighter to give the warmth she needed and smiled as the rays of the sun hits her face, along with a cool breeze.

The rooftop garden was perfect. Flowers and grass covered the area along with a few potted plants. Benches scattered in each designated place, a fountain was placed in the middle of it and a brick road guided the path.

Tom picked the bench that was across the fountain and where the sun could be seen when it rises. He picked her up again and gently placed her on the bench, sitting at the other end to give her enough space to be comfortable. To pass the time, he decided to memorize his lines and let y/n be with herself and the nature around her.

Y/n looked at Tom as his eyes scan every letter of the script. The glasses he was wearing stood on the bridge of his nose and was slightly slipping, making him push it back every now and then. "Haz said you were working on a new movie. Is that why you're reading your script for the time being?" She spoke. Her sudden question made Tom pause for a little before he replied with a light, "Yeah." And goes back to reading.

"Care to tell me more about it?"

"It's actually a book adaptation. It's a story about two teens overcoming something that they call a 'Noise-germ' and searching for a cure while running from bad guys." He tore his eyes away from her and proceeded in memorizing.

"It's a good book actually, you'll probably like it."

"Maybe you could give me a copy. I just finished a book last night and I have nothing else better to read anyway."

He responds with, "Sure." and closed the topic in an instant. Y/n bit the inside of her cheek, feeling the guilt get to her. Now she felt bad for how she treated him yesterday, today, and how she ended things with him out in the blue. There was a reason behind it all, of course. She still loved him, that will never change. But there's fear behind her love for Tom. She breathed out to release the uneasy feeling inside of her before speaking.

"Tom, I'm sorry."

He froze hearing those words, it caught his attention. He puts down the papers and turned his head towards her. She continued speaking. "I'm sorry for pushing you away, and for what happened three years ago." Her head bowed; eyes glued to her lap as if there was something interesting about it. "There's a reason why I did those things to you. And I'm sorry that I ended everything between us without a proper explanation. It was the only way to keep you from getting hurt even more if you found out."

Tom was silent for a moment. He didn't expect her to say those, he expected for her to push him away even more, like how she had done three years ago and yesterday. This was something refreshing for Tom. He directed his body towards her, his right leg resting on the bench.

"I'll admit, three years ago, you breaking up with me out of the blue? Really shocked me, and it hurt me more than ever. But then I realize..." He sat closer to her, setting down his script on the bench. "The thought of you, gone from this world, without telling you how much I love you? That's my worst fear yet, and that'll hurt me more than you ever know." He held her pale hands, they were cold and soft, slightly thin than they were before.

"I know you're scared of leaving behind the things you love. But pushing them away won't solve anything. I'm glad you let me stay and take care of you. Because, honestly, keeping you alive is all that matters to me right now." He leaned in his head, landing it on top of hers. They were so close, y/n could already feel his breath hitting the little hairs of her upper lip.

She missed having this though. Having him near her, feeling safe and protected, and not having to think about death, like when they were still sixteen. She couldn't remember the last time they were this close to each other.

Tom began again, "So please," as he held her hand in his and locked his eyes with hers. He whispered the next few words. It was a bit inaudible, but it was enough for y/n to hear. "Stay alive. If not for me, then do it for Jamie, your parents, Harrison, Tuwaine and the twins." Y/n could feel her cheeks heat up, tears welling up as he continued.

"I love you Y/n Kingsleigh, so damn much. Don't say your goodbyes just yet. Because I'm not ready to hear that from you again."

***

The trip back to y/n's hospital room was quiet, but it was the 'comfortable-kind' of quiet. Y/n fiddled with the hem of her jacket on the way back. The pair passed by different faces of doctors and nurses, rushing about as they briskly walk through the busy hall, nodding as their eyes meet. "Tom?" She called, he responded with a hum. "Have you ever wondered what our future would be like if I didn't have this?"

"Hmmm... I prefer the word 'planned' actually." he answered back, still pushing the wheelchair.

"Why is that?"

"You'll see, love. Soon." Tom turns the knob and pulled the door open, pushing her in and closing the door behind him. One they were inside they noticed that the room was crowded and is very quiet.

The boys were sitting on the couch, Jamie was standing, listening closely, and there stood in front of her was their parents, both still in coats with their luggage tucked away. Y/n and Tom heard their hushed voices as y/n's parents and her doctor converse of what seems a very serious matter. Out of instinct, y/n held Tom's hand tightly, fear washed over her and she knew what the three were talking about. Feeling the need of comfort, he knew what he had to do. Tom rubbed his thumb over her hand and held it tightly.

"I know that this is a lot to take in, Mr. and Mrs. Kingsleigh. The procedure is risky, but there is an 80% chance she might survive if we do the surgery. I'll give you time to think about it. But it'll be best if we do it within the week to help her control the symptoms. The earlier we do it, the longer she can live." the doctor excused himself as he exits the room.

Everyone wore saddened expressions as the news dawned on them. Y/n's mother broke down in tears as she embraces her husband for support. Jamie lets out a heavy sigh as her eyes wells with tears. It was still unbelievable for them to accept the sudden news, and it pained everyone in the room, most specially for the two. Y/n had to undergo surgery, a risky one at that. And there was a high chance for her to die while on it.

"Mum. Dad." y/n called out, her voice so soft almost as a whisper. They turned their heads towards her and wiped the remaining tears. "Sweet Pea, you're here... And with Tom?" their attention diverted from hers to the man beside her. "Uhm yeah... me and Tom just went out for some fresh air." She gave him a grateful glance, smiling as she does. Tom returns one too before pushing her wheelchair towards her bed and laying her gently on the cushioned bed. Once y/n felt the soft mattress hit her back, she lets out a relaxed sigh.

As she opens her eyes, the sight of worried parents and gloomy friends greeted her, bringing her back to the thoughts she didn't want to talk about just yet. "You heard it, haven't you? From the door?" Her mother asked. Y/n looks away and hums in response. "There's nothing else we can do, huh?"

"Doc. Allen said it'd be best if we do the surgery this week, Hun. You're getting worse, and it'll damage you even more."

She lets out another sigh, and looked up at the ceiling, "I'll take whatever chance I can get. Alright then."

Shocked by her sudden submission, her parents walked towards her bed, hugging her both as thanks and comfort. Tom watched the family in each other's arms. He caught Mrs. Kingsleigh's eyes and she mouthed a 'Thank You'. He wasn't sure what it was for, but he acknowledged it.

Maybe it was for taking care of her while they were gone. Or maybe, it was for putting up with her stubborn attitude. But one thing's for sure.

Y/n was not giving up.

And neither was Tom.

-

day three of One Week

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[justseveralowls]

Rant/Facts about ED Recovery and Diet Culture:

Alright, so this is J and I have been scrolling through Pinterest and am pissed the fuck off about the sheer amount of diet culture polluted bullshit I have been seeing. So I, a recovering bulimic in a system with three people struggling with or in recovery from anorexia is about to go off. SO here is a list of FACTs plus sources for your trouble. I know my grammar may suck, I know, but I get word/letter order fucked so bear with me. There will be swearing because this is me we are talking about.

1. BMI IS THE SINGLE BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT EVER

BMI was made by a mathematician, not a doctor, medical professional, nutritionist or otherwise. It does not take in muscle mass, body type, actual physical health, and other very important factors.

BASED ON MATH FROM THE 1830s, (Can you say classism, racism, and sexism much???)

Personally, the body we are in was nearly a ‘healthy’ BMI when our heart and kidneys were starting to shut down (this was confirmed by a doctor)

2. Extreme hunger/ Intense preoccupation with food is NOT normal.

 It’s a sign that your nutritional needs are not being met and is a major red flag for an eating disorder.

R and D both experienced this and both thought they were just ‘gross’ or weird. It took three weeks in inpatient treatment to realize that was because of the extreme restriction

3. BINGE EATING DOES NOT MAKE YOU GROSS EVER OR AT ALL

People who restrict their food intake, whether sporadically or chronically, tend to binge eat. 

Binging is NOT because of a problem with ‘self-discipline’ but because the body has decided they are in famine mode meaning it’s crucial to eat whatever/ as much as possible because the body doesn’t have any idea when there will be food next. (hence why it’s the stuff that’s convenient or close by, even if you hate the stuff.)

Even people with ‘strictly’ restrictive eating disorders can experience binging. In fact, it’s even more common.

4. CARBS ARE THE BODY’S PREFERRED SOURCE OF ENERGY

Carbs are easy to turn into glucose/easily usable energy. This means that our bodies crave/like these because it’s the easiest/ most efficient fuel for our bodies

While our bodies need every nutrient, there is a reason we crave carbs. Every freaking culture (at least that I can think of) has a heavy emphasis on carbs (rice, wheat, barley, corn...). THINKING ABOUT IT I THINK EVERY CULTURE HAS A BREAD OF SORTS

Our ancestors survived off of a LOT of carbs, and that was because they were and are necessary.

EXCLUDING diabetes, certain metabolic/medical conditions and dietary needs, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE SCARED OF CARBS

5. REMEMBER MY CARBS RANT??? Well, guess what? Fats are important and necessary too!

6. Cutting out food groups, unless medically necessary and or recommended by a doctor is NOT a good plan.

Excluding allergies/intolerances or medical problems, you will not benefit from removing food groups from your diet.

The gluten-free diet trend is a really great example

Now. I HAVE CELIAC. Meaning I have eliminated gluten to keep myself safe, healthy and prevent myself from being violently sick or becoming malnourished. I know allergies and intolerances are real and debilitating and that is not what I am talking about. I am also excluding Vegetarian and other sorts of choices because there is medical evidence that in MOST cases you can do in a safe and healthy way.

If you do not have an intolerance, allergy or otherwise. There is no reason or benefit from switching to a gluten-free diet. Trust me from experience it is a huge pain, makes eating out, travel, and meals in general so much more stressful.

7. Eating chocolate, or more frowned upon foods is NOT bad and should not make you feel ashamed or guilty

THERE IS NO BAD FOOD UNLESS IT IS POISON, WILL MAKE YOU SICK, OR IF YOUR ALLERGIC TO IT. (looking at you bread and fudging peanuts)

Treats or food you enjoy is good, and not bad. Hell, anything in moderation or without disordered intent is FINE as long as it doesn’t harm you.

Again to reiterate FOOD IS FOOD AND FOOD IS IMPORTANT

8. Extreme/Rapid weight loss is DANGEROUS regardless of your starting size/weight

I have seen way too many articles that boast things about losing weight fast and that is terrifying because that is dangerous!!!!

I am not saying that everyone who ever has lost weight ever is in horrible danger, but specifically fast and extreme changes in weight is scary. And can indicate serious medical issues or an eating disorder.

9. For the love of God, stop commenting on people’s weight, whether gain or loss

When we as a system left treatment we were back to a healthier weight but the constant commentary of ‘oh you look great’ or just weird looks made things so much fudging harder.

Two weeks before we were hospitalized we had people asking how ‘we did it’ which unintentionally or not, encouraged the habits that were killing us.

You CANT know how/why someone’s weight has changed. They could be really sick. They could be struggling. SO just hush up and don’t say shit.

10. Your body is made to function, keep you alive, and keep you safe. NOT to be aesthetically pleasing

Your set point or the place your body naturally needs/wants to be weight wise is based on biological factors and needs, there is nothing wrong with it being higher than ‘average’, or where you or society wants it to be.

Some people have certain features that are glamorized as attractive. But this is NOT possible for everyone. (It’s not discipline, workouts, or diet. It’s fucking genetics, bone structure, and physiology)

All the ‘negative features of the human body (body fat, pouch on the stomach, weight distribution) Have a purpose and are necessary.

YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY IS WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN STUPID SOCIETAL IDEAS.

You owe it to yourself to be able to have a healthy relationship with food and your body. You do not need to earn the right to eat or appreciate your body, it is a right. You can have a healthy, productive and happy life without a ‘perfect’ or even ‘attractive’ body. You do not have to justify the things your body needs to function in a safe and healthy way. You are more than a number, more than a measurement, and more than an arbitrary idea of beauty. You are human, you are enough, you are lovable, you are worthy of life and happiness. You can do this. You so loved.

Self-care mother fuckers,

J