#showing up for myself and my writing??
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i got into the mfa program 🥹
#melanie lives#personal#grad school???#showing up for myself and my writing??#anyone know how to speedrun self worth??
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Gotham has always been weird, so when the groundskeeper at the cemetery noticed the Wayne kid’s plot was disturbed, he just chalked it up to more of the same ol’. Alright, so ‘disturbed’ may be a tad too light of a word, but what’s an empty grave in the grand scheme of Gotham? God knows in a city like this one, they could use all the burial room they could get. He figured he’d just jot it down on the website and hope nobody noticed for a while.
Too bad he didn’t account for the 13 year old boy in Bristol who periodically checks the cemetery’s website when he’s feeling particularly lonely.
Plot Removed.
Tim Drake stared at the two words under the heading for Jason Todd’s plot number. Removed? What do they mean ‘removed’? They can’t just remove a plot? That’s a person down there! That’s Robin down there! You can’t Remove Robin!
Calm down. Deep breaths. Assess the situation.
Robin has been dead for 5 months and 14 days. There is no reason for a grave to be removed that early, especially one of a member of such an affluential family. Chances are likely it’s a simple clerical issue. He can call first thing in the morning and make them aware of the mistake. He can have it all fixed in 5 hours.
Just a phone call.
In 5 hours.
…
Tim hates talking on the phone almost as much as he hates waiting.
Well it won’t be the first time he’s snuck out to head to Gotham proper at 1am. It can’t even really be considered sneaking out if there’s no one home to catch you.
Buses stop running at 2, so he layers a couple sweaters under his coat and grabs his best running sneakers so he can comfortably make the trek back.
Just a quick trip to settle his nerves. Maybe get a few shots in if he spots Batman, but really he just wants to see with his own two eyes that things are okay and Jason can rest.
It’s 1:37 by the time he gets to the headstone reading ‘Here Lies Jason Todd’ and the gaping, muddy pit in front of it.
This- This doesn’t make any sense. This is not removal. This is destruction. Desecration. Somebody did this. Somebody-
Assess the situation.
A hole in the ground, approximately 1.5 feet in diameter.
Mud and grass flung outward but with little force.
Large chunks of earth turned over and shoved away.
No signs of tool marks or clean lines of entry into the dirt.
Dragging claw marks.
Staggering, shuffled pairs of foot prints in the mud.
A trail of dirt.
Something… Something large clawed its way out of the ground here. Something large and bipedal and- and humanoid.
Tim refuses to jump to any conclusions he can see all the facts laid in front of him. He’s going to cautiously follow the trail and simply hope to any god listening that he isn’t the world’s first line of defense against the zombie apocalypse.
He’s been walking for 23 minutes and there’s good news and undecided news. Good news: he’s closing in on the target and the trail isn’t taking him out of the way so his trip home won’t be prolonged. Undecided news: The potential Zombie Robin is heading directly for Wayne Manor.
As zombie apocalypse news, this is very bad. From Tim’s collected observational evidence, his not-so-professional opinion is that Batman, faced with a horror movie level zombie of his dead son, would not respond well, and would likely not fight back.
In Batman and Robin news? Tim’s unsure. If Jason is simply back? What could that mean for them? Batman can have his Robin. He wouldn’t have to continue nearly killing others and himself every night in his grief. Jason could-
No. Stop. Do not jump to conclusions.
Hope only brings heartbreak.
What would Batman do? Get close and see if the target is a threat.
Target is male. Mid-teens. Dark hair. Pale skin. Leaning against surfaces as he walks. Appears injured and disoriented.
Minimal risk assessed. Approaching and attempting contact.
Target identity confirmed: Jason Todd.
“J-Jason?” It comes out as a croaked whisper. Jason shows no sign of acknowledgment.
Tim clears his throat, steps right in front of his path, and tries again.
“Jason. Jason, stop I want to help you.” Still nothing.
“Please, Jason. I can help, I promise I can help!”
Why isn’t this working?! Why can’t he just do something right for once?! He wants this to work, he wants to help Bruce, he wants to fix Batman, he wants to not be alone, he wants-
“Robin!”
Robin jerks to a stop.
Tim reached out his hand.
“Robin. Robin please, I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s really scary, I’m really scared. But I just want to help you. Help you find Batman. Help you get home.”
Jason just stares at him. Of course he does. Of course it’s not going to work. Why did he even bother hoping he could help?
Hope only brings heartbreak.
His sight blurs as his eyes fill with tears and he starts to lower his outstretched hand.
His arm is slowed as a cold hand weakly grasps his own.
“Don’t… scared… Bat… help… Dad… help.”
A relieved sob tears out from Tim’s chest and he gathers himself together. He yanks his extra sweater off and gently pulls it over Jason’s cold shoulders. Jason lets Tim drag his arm over his shoulders to try and carry some of his weight.
“Okay, Robin. Yeah. Your dad will help us.”
Batman will solve everything once Tim gets Robin home.
#Hello Mr. Batwayne forgive me for waking you but I brought your Jaybin home#Tim: I’m not jumping to conclusions!#also Tim: Holy fuck it’s the zombie apocalypse we’re all going to die#I know it seems like Tim might have some bat detective training but really he just watches a lot of cop shows and asks ‘wwbd?’ all the time.#writing this is the first thing I did as soon as I turned 27.#this was my birthday present to myself ig#not a ship pls n thx#batfam fanfic#batman#dc robin#dcu#batman and robin#jason todd#tim drake#red hood#ficlet#batfam#jason todd and tim drake#robin#red robin#shut up grandpa#fanfiction#‘’JASON! JASON STOP! LOOK AT ME! look at me. please. this isn’t you’’ ass dialogue 🙄
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Five billion octopath 2 scribbles i feel sick
#i know what you are wouldve made more sense w temenos i just really wNted to draw castti <\3 west continent crew my beloved#this isnt chronological at all. besides the first ones thats the first octopath i ever drew#like seconds after i finished castti and hikaris first chapter.#infected my brain so quickly i feel like a new person#i could write an essay on my octopath thoughts and rambling omfg.play octopath#art tag#octopath traveler 2#oh my god theyre all here ok#castti florenz#hikari ku#agnea bristarni#partitio yellowil#throné anguis#osvald v. vanstein#temenos mistral#ochette#dolcinaea luciel#veronica octopath#she didnt get a last name.SAD#i have more of these by the way.so many#ORIS HERE I GORGOT#ori octopath#i love ori. if i had to sacrifice myself but remembered how nice paritio was last minute i would also change my mind#oh ym god elenas here too#elena vanstien#shout out to you know how getting added to cotc im so happy.im scared if i say his name thisll show up in his tag and he isnt even here#he looks beautiful. and alive. awesome#the cotc artstyle is soooo pretty i saw castti and felt emotional#anyway. ot2. this is where ive been the past few months.#oh castti can inquire people. i know what you are does make sense for her heh
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i found a bad post i made months ago in the privacy of my own home and now i need to air it out in public because it's getting mildewy and moths are eating it
#i realise having light as my icon doesn't help me out here but i have to preserve the post in its true form#rookposting#anyway this was the bad post i was referring to in that other post. this is the fandom au it would be#im not going to write this. i refuse to write anything that would make me learn more about omegaverse than ive already learned against my w#ill. on principle#death note#i dont want to tag this one because i dont want it to show up but unfortunately i want my blog to be organised.#im making myself very vulnerable in posting this do you all understand. i mdoing it for the bit#eta: i cant stress enough that this post was not me trying to write like light yagami#this was my real brain process that i went through at work#eta2 reblogs are off stop talking about the bible#not everyone grew up religious i am not loving being insulted for not jumping to the bible
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i love how much chiller and more comfortable she's gotten when sleeping, but also how they show that that instinct hasn't just gone away
#but hey maybe callum's woken her up enough that she's just adapted to that specifically#mark my word i WILL write a fic that shows her Normal-Person Sleeping progression#please hold me to that i don't trust myself#rayla#tdp rayla#rayllum#tdp spoilers#tdp s6#tdp s7#nova#startouched#tdp#the dragon prince#continuethesaga#giveusthesaga#be still my parallel loving heart
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@tapakah0
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This little bunny means the world to me
#I can write a thousand word dialogue about someone else’s feelings#But I can’t fuckin express myself#However#Tapakah I want you to know#that you have absolutely huge influence on me and my art#You are so fucking important to me#too#important to mee too#yes I saw your ask#no I’m not showing it anyone It’s my personal treasure#I have a special folder on my tablet#it called (keep going mate)#It is strait up what it sounds like#my collection of the reasons to keep making art#to keep improving searching creating fighting reading writing#literally…uh#I’m sure you got the idea#you are in this folder too#because sometimes when I feel like I don’t have strength to hold my pen#I go to tumblr and search for you#And everything becomes a bit easier#thank you♡
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fellas is it gay to remember your lover as a corpse of the man he used to be?
#silco#arcane#zaundads#young silco#screenshot redraw#slightly... i gave up with the glass#it started off as practice#this show does that doesnt it?#and then seeing everyone's brilliance#i am so amateeeeeeeur but i'm finally enjoying myself drawing#its a good thing vander is built like a mountain#with all that fucking guilt he's carrying#viktor knew his whole backstory with a touch#i would love to write a fic of him exploring#the part of his psyche where silco is clearly kept#or maybe there's a fic out there?#anyway corpsy silco is one of my favorite looks ngl#my shit
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Happy Anniversary In Stars and Time!! Have some Friend Quest based drawings :D
(These have specific quote picks related to them! And there's also a long ramble on why I like those specific quotes below if interested)
(And by long, I mean roughly 2k+ words of proper ramble total, so be warned before clicking keep reading this link right here to the rb!!)
#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#<- edited now this is just act 3 spoilers for the art LMAO#isat mirabelle#isat isabeau#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat siffrin#<- i promise this is the last time in a long long time i tag someone who only shows up with their back turned#but in my defense they also are here four times so i think the tag is justified SADASFA#time for a messier secondary post underneath the first WAHOOOO#to start!! random art tidbits!! no one is looking at siffrin in these!!#mira and isa are looking away while odile and bonnie have their eyes closed#in my minds eye these are the A4 versions of the FQ so siffrin internally is Not Having A Good Time#i just thought itd be fun to incorporate somehow as an extra easter egg detail kinda!#also i tried to make the bgs mildly accurate to location in game and its the reason why isa got to have one (1) singular tree in the bg#laaast art tidbit is that i took a bit of a creative liberty with bonnies#well i did with all of them but still#since its not explicitly stated sif god up immediately after tripping they get to stay on the floor in the drawing#i just thought itd be fun for the drawing!!#moving onto general tidbits in addition to the time fun fact i also decided the posting time#specifically so itd be in the middle of me having back to back to back meetings so can't second guess myself in posting this HAHA#every time i post any form of text based ramble on characters or even headcanons i Fear#and YEAH i am probably just being overly nitpicky towards myself on analysis that can prob be read several diff ways cuz interpretation#but i really really really dont want to fumble so badly to the point of mischaracterizing anyone since i like them a lot!!#still working on getting over that but hey at least i am trying and thats all i can ask of myself i think!#okay now time to Lie Down im writing these tags after stream#tag talk over into q u go :]#partial pin
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"your ship will never be canon give up"
bro if they make sun/eclipse canon im ripping my house apart dont they DARE touch my otp
all my shit will never be canon and it should STAY like that
#birdcage rambles#sun and moon show#sams#the sun and moon show#tsams#eclipse x sun#sun x eclipse#i dont trust them man#im possessive over my ships#leave that shit to be fanon#i fucking beg#can they not put them in strangely homoerotic situations? they absolutely can and its fuel to the fire#but dont make it canon man#(all very light hearted im just annoyed when ppl try and tell ppl to stop shipping things bc it ''wont be canon'')#(like pls. dont EVER become canon)#this isnt even considering that multiple would be just straight up abusive and i doubt theyd allow that#bleh shut the fuck up (directed at myself)#i need to keep writing my gay fics
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here’s something
#i’m gonna rant down here heads up#depression’s been kicking my ass y’all#i just feel miserable i guess#but i made this after being inspired by a david cho youtube video#i tried to paint for the actual fun of painting rather than copying an image#so there’s a lot (like a LOT) of things i really don’t like about this painting#but also i’m impressed that it looks this cool at all given how i got here#i painted it on one layer which i literally never ever do#and had just a real good time making it#i don’t think it’s finished but i don’t want to work on it anymore#i know this is a super popular macdennis shot but i think that makes a lot of sense aside from the obvious#for one thing the whole episode is just a lot of fun (one of my favorites)#i was going to make more points but i’m realizing as i type this that i don’t care about sharing them anymore#like you’re looking at macdennis fanart you of all people get it#anyway i’ve been watching solely youtube for the past week and maybe that’s contributed to my low mood#i haven’t even watched sunny anymore because i don’t know how to do so casually#i just feel too much watching this show you know#which feels stupid but again you get it#maybe i burned myself out watching it constantly last year but i really hope not#this beautiful racist awful show is so important to me#it helped make me want to write and create and analyze media#can i add a million tags or does tumblr have a limit#okay whatever bye#macdennis#iasip#dennis reynolds#mac macdonald
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hi! i'll keep this short
i came to the realization everytime i've disappeared from tumblr to "take a break" i never really have because of other things going on in my life (which, duh, this isn't my whole life) but! i also realized that if i never actually take the time to recover and rest and think about things i should be writing i'll never feel better. so! i'm (once again)(but now more formally) going on hiatus until maybe may! i might pop in for spring break or earlier if i feel like it, but until then, not really any writing from me! with that being said, i'll still be around, doting on my moots (i.e. like, dorothea <3 wyr <3 and bug <3) because i love them so much and i will probably also post chapters of present ever so often! the reason being (i'm going to try to make this make sense but it may only make sense to me but i'm aware of how contradicting i am to me five seconds ago when i said i need to take a break from writing) present is a very personal fic for me that i've worked on for years at this point. what i'm posting now are chapters i wrote months ago after I've read over and edited them (or in the case of the upcoming chapter, i did randomly add it in and had to write it from the ground up last week lmao) but if it isn't obvious, present is a work i'm very passionate about and am just posting in case anyone else enjoys it but it feels like it's a work that is very individualized just for me and it doesn't cause me any stress or anxiety. on the topic of individualization, although i am of course so so thankful for all of the support and people that follow me, i do sort of miss when my blog and world were a lot smaller. it's something i feel like i only get when i get to reply to people in comments, but other than that, all the numbers and people on my feed give me a lot of anxiety. the hq (smau fandom especially) fandom or at least how much i'm (was) involved in it has grown exponentially and of course i'm happy about that but it's a bit too much for me. i'll be taking a huge step back from the fandom and any hq works i've written at least in the meantime, but that's not to say they'll never be finished! but i either need to grow to handle the bigger audience that now reads my works or wait for things to grow a little smaller again :) i hope to still be able to read my moots works but forgive me if it takes me a bit or i never get to them! i think at the least i'll still like them to show my support <3 thank you if you read my long ramble! i love you all <3
oh also i'll probably post self ship moodboards and the beginning of my reading list (thank you again dorothea for the idea <3)! but again, I think you get the idea by now; I want to go back to doing this for me! so this is a tiny little goodbye now i'm leaving for you all with forehead kisses and flowers and love notes and mwah <3 i'll see you around!
#that was not kept short#tldr; i'm taking a long break from writing (probably around may or so) and will not be super involved in the hq fandom anymore#i'm planning to try to go back to my roots! where i often really only ever posted when i uploaded fics and then i'd disappear again#idk what i'm doing!#or maybe i just need to wait long enough for people to sort of forget about me 😭 (IN A NOT SEEKING ATTENTION WAY SORRY)#but i just need to like! just do stuff for myself again!#last january or so i believe is when i started posting and i'd just really nervously hit the publish button#and then never look at tumblr again bc i was so scared#and i didn't have to worry about notifs from anyone and it was a very small and personal blog where no one knew me and I didn't know anyone#and while i sort of miss that i'm also not trying to say i'm not greatful for the friends i have made! i am very thankful for them#so that's instead why i'm settling for a middle between what my blog used to be and what I feel like it is now!#even just posting that dazai fic a little bit ago made me realize how much i missed just showing up out of the blue posting something#in a fandom that has literally basically never heard of me#and leaving again 😭#i'm happy to give out my socials if anyone wants them :3#okay bye bye!
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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spencer/reader + southern gothic aesthetic "I'm just a child, but I'm not above violence My mama raised me better than that..."
the mosquitoes and frogs sing their discordant symphony above the rustling oak leaves and Spanish moss that drape over branches like abandoned wedding veils. you push your toes on the damp floorboards and the rocking chair tilts backward, and your stomach lurches as you sway forward. the old book on your lap with yellowed pages and a musty scent lays open like a vivisected hare. a gnat lands on the corner of the page and you try to flick it away. you accidentally killed it and your brows furrow softly. the hinges on the screen door squeak and you break your monotonous rhythm, the rocking chair sway cut short. "garcia says we're lucky we have cell service," spencer says, with his hands in his pockets, before his eyes flick to your lap, "what're you reading?" "mm." you nod. "nice of the chief to let us use his house." you close the book and self-consciously wipe the title with your hand (the one that killed the gnat). "did you know that franz kafka didn't want bugs on the cover of his book?" "you're reading 'the metamorphosis'," he guesses. "it's a comfort read," you say, shrugging, your toes pushing the floorboards again. spencer slowly sits in the rocking chair beside you and you silently return to the symphonies of the moist, summer night. at least - you do until spencer starts talking about his interpretation of the novel and you listen, your eyes focused on the harsh, slice of darkness where the porch light doesn't reach.
#my edits#my edit#moodboard#ONCE AGAIN making a moodboard to stop myself from writing a fic#!!!!!#this is all bc im obsessed with ethel cain and the aesthetic of true detective (season 1) which is a good Show too Also#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#i feel like i fucked up the spacing but i am TOO lazy to fix@#i have a vague idea for a backstory for the reader#but i keep flip flopping between the ideas sooo#like she is either a) daughter to a homicide detective who struggles with alcoholism and smoking and is a general misogynist#with an emotionally absent and negligent mother#OR b) she just in general had Not Great parents which ultimately led to an early life of Poor Choices but eventually#she becomes an informant for the FBI to break apart a sex trafficking ring#and that inspires her to climb her way tooth and nail into the FBI sex crimes unit#do they have a sex crimes unit?? i don't actually know but whatever
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Part three of their date: an unconventional visit to a nearby alley so Light can clear his head and try to get to the point of the outing. The events lead him to becoming confident enough to move onto the next stage...
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First
Master List
Transcript
#drawn by me#my fancomic#The Chain#Death Note#lawlight#L#Light Yagami#saucy shenanigans#smooch#Light’s Kira is showing#those face-sucking images were very intimidating to do#but they were fun after I got over it lol~#I may share my other drafts of them making out and getting intimate that I did for this#it's pretty embarrassing XD#I gave up on the backgrounds. all that matters is that they're in an alley and there's a stack of boxes/wooden crates they utilize#happy early birthday L~#they are macking normally I suppose#but I just couldn't bring myself to write the sound effects. you all know what making out sounds like yes?#wanted to write “smooch smooch smooch” but it felt ridiculous and probably would've killed the mood lol#the kissing does actually serve a purpose. Hint: It's why Light feels better about going to the next location#maybe I’ll get the next installment out before the end of the year. 😑
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Bringer of Demise - Chapter 1
[MAKAROV'S FATE COMIC] [AO3]
When I say I've been thinking about this ever since finishing part 1...
I'm very excited to start a new multi-chapter story, doubly so with revenant AU! I'm not sure how long this will be, but I have a feeling it will be longer than part 1 :)
For those that skipped the side-stories, some details in this chapter refer to them, they're not a must-read to understand, but I heavily encourage it! You're also welcome to read the comic, it shows Makarov and Fate's reactions to the events of part 1...
Now, before I start rambling again... Chapter 1: The Labyrinthine Design of Fate
He always had a sort of scorching at his chest. A never-ending flame, bugs beneath his skin. As if he was burning alive.
As if he never escaped his self-made grave.
Even now, he could feel it, little legs of burning moths climbing up and down his arms, an overwhelming sensation that hasn’t left him in six years-
Except… There, a hand slides over his. Cool, a running river between his fingers. A breath of the void in a world so loud.
Soap smiles. Simon.
“Finally awake, Johnny?”
He buries his face into the pillow, hiding his growing grin. The hand continues to hold his, and that’s all the reasons he needs to continue sleeping.
“Gonna be like that, hm?” the voice hums thoughtfully, “I went to a zoo last month. Wouldn’t recommend, all they had was some dog.”
Soap frowns. He isn’t going to…
“It was a shitzu.”
He groans. “Ye didn’t…” Soap cracks open an eye, staring unimpressed at Simon’s crinkling eyes.
Simon pulls at his hand, making him sit up, “should be honored you’re waking up to my wonderful jokes.” he lets go of him, turning back to his desk. Soap notices the half-filled reports covering it.
Even several weeks later, the 141 is practically sinking under the mountain of paperwork that dropped on them as soon as they returned to the UK.
Soap flops back onto the bed, “rather be sleepin’ than hearing that shite.” Simon doesn’t give him a response, his pen gliding once again on the paper. “Is this one above my clearance as well?”
“No. Just forms to apply for changes in our Revenant documents, again.”
“You’d think they’d figure it out by now…” he turns to stare at the ceiling, an odd feeling in his chest.
The day they met… Lumity, Soap was ecstatic. It was a proof of his and Simon’s eternal connection, breaking the final barrier between them, showing that even the Reapers themselves couldn’t keep them apart.
He’s still glad of that, mind. He would never ask to be separated from Simon. But…
But it’s not something they could hide. As much as Price and Laswell cover for them, to conceal the existence of a whole new Reaper was beyond them.
It’s that uncertainty that scares him. The higher-ups haven’t done anything with them yet, the whole taskforce grounded until the dust settles, but Soap is sure it won’t pass by quietly.
When it comes to him, nothing ever does, it seems.
He turns his head to stare at Simon again. The man he was fated to kill. The way he looks when they’re like this, hidden away from the world and the realms beyond it, when they’re just Johnny and Simon, never stops to mesmerize him. He thinks, if they were perhaps a little different, maybe this would’ve been permanent.
Then again, were they any different, they’d likely be dead by now.
The question ‘why did it choose me?’ is usually screamed in his mind when phantom blood covers his hands, when the answering thought is often ‘it shouldn’t have’. Soap asks himself again, but with curiosity.
How much does Fate know?
“You’re not sleeping again, are you?” Simon asks with a smile in his voice.
Soap gets up, stretching his back, “nothin’ else better to do, is there?”
“Could always help me with reports.”
He side-eyes Simon, “like I said, nothing better to do.”
Simon scoffs, and Soap opens his mouth to goad him to another round of bickering, when a sort of buzzing goes up his spine. Simon’s shuddering back tells him he felt it as well.
“Our Reapers-” Simon locks eyes with him, when the world melts away.
When Soap comes to, the realm is dark. Cold. Words he’d never use to describe his Reaper.
Speaking of… where are they?
“S-Simon?” Soap looks around, finding him a few paces away, his head tilted up. His brows furrow, and he follows his line of sight.
Soap stumbles back, his heart pounding, “what- Buanaiche…?”
Lumity hangs above them, their body twisted, features broken by dark red. Pulled in different directions by the strings, it is as if something was trying to rip each limb apart, as if to separate… Ladder-like patterns and moths weave around the trapped being, light itself bound by crimson lines.
“What happened to you, Reaper?” Simon whispers, fear evident in his voice.
“FATE…… The invader… IT DARED ENTER OUR REALM…”
“Fate did this to you?” Soap’s eyes follow the red strings, where they disappear in the dark fog of Lumity’s realm.
Lumity’s head twitches, and gleaming white light drips from their neck. Soap asks himself, absentmindedly, if Reapers can even feel pain.
“LISTEN CLOSELY REVENANTS… Fate is plotting against us… Against your allies…”
A deafening sound cracks through the still air, making both Soap and Simon clutch at their ears. One of the strings snaps, only to loop back around one of Lumity’s many arms.
“A man with two faces will approach you… He will be an agent of Fate… YOU MUSTN’T FOLLOW HIM.”
“B-Buanaiche…” Soap winces when Lumity lets out a sound no words in any human language can describe, “what is Fate doing to you?”
“I will not bow down to it… I WILL NEVER BOW DOWN TO IT… This is nothing but a show… A petty show…”
Simon pulls at his sleeve, and takes his left hand, squeezing it tightly.
“Be vigilant, revenants… Fate is not alone…
IT IS NOT ONLY US THAT GAZE UPON YOU NOW…”
Before Soap could take another breath, Lumity’s realm swirls, and the only thing left is that which holds his hand, shaking with the same terror as him.
They collapse to the floor, Soap’s breath hitching in his throat. Simon grunts, bringing a hand to his ear to check if it’s bleeding. He looks up at him, and shakes his head minutely.
“We…” Simon starts, swallowing thickly, “we need to find Price and Gaz.”
Soap nods, pushing himself up to stand on numb legs. His mind feels like it’s pulled apart like his Reapers, thoughts forming only to dissipate.
He follows Ghost out of his barracks, his steps loud and sure, even if his fists still tremble at his sides. The hallways are silent, most soldiers out training at these hours. Ghost directs them towards the fields now, where Gaz should be supervising recruits.
As they get closer, a few of them run into the building, their faces red with exertion and heads swiveling around.
Soap spots Cooper, one of the FNGs he often trains, and calls out to him, “what’s going on with you lot? Why are ye not in drills?”
“Sergeant MacTavish! Lieutenant!” Cooper shouts, the words leaving his mouth in one hurried breath, “They- the revenants on base, they’re all-”
Another recruit butts in, “they all just stopped moving, they’re not reacting to anything!”
Ghost scoffs, pushing between the soldiers to get to the doors. The rookies snap their mouths shut, staring with wide eyes at them as they exit to the training grounds.
Soap didn’t want to believe them, hoping to dismiss their worry off when seeing it himself, but it was exactly as they said.
Most soldiers are moving, gathered around still figures. He can see Gaz from here, his face slack. The few other revenants on base, the majority of them belonging to the Reaper of Flesh, are as motionless as him.
“They’re all…” Soap mutters.
Ghost’s eyes narrow, “in their Reaper’s realm.”
“Think Fate got them too?” Soap walks towards Gaz, Ghost right behind him.
The recruits surrounding Kyle part for them, Ghost glaring at the ones that tried to shake Gaz, “no, but it can’t be a coincidence.”
Gaz stares at the horizon unblinking. The sight unnerves Soap, even if he knows he looks exactly like that when his Reaper summons him. He can’t recall if he’s ever seen a revenant in this state.
A movement catches his attention, and Soap takes a step back when Gaz’s hands start twitching, his body floating a few inches off the ground, muscles taut. One soldier from the small crowd around them asks, “i-is that normal?”
A moment later, as if an invisible cable snapped, Gaz falls to the ground, knocking the hat off his head trying to dig his fingers into his scalp.
Soap instantly crouches in front of him, noticing in his periphery how the rest of the revenants come to as well, “Gaz? Ye alright?”
Ghost snatches his hand when he goes to place it on Gaz’s shivering shoulder, and addresses Kyle, “Garrick, give me sitrep.”
Gaz shakes his head, a few muted sobs escaping him. “My… My Reaper…” he heaves, “it told me to c-choose.”
“Choose?” Soap prompts him.
“Between Fate and Lumity. Between Makarov… and you.” Kyle finally looks up, his eyes red and tearful, pupil blown, “I chose you. I would never- but my Reaper…” his face contorts, “it was… furious, or not- I don’t know-” he lets out a frustrated huff, “all I know, it wasn’t happy with my choice.”
Ghost offers Gaz a hand, and helps him up. He then turns to the rest of the recruits and snarls, “what are you standing ‘ere for? Get the fuck out of my sight!”
Their little crowd disperses like a flock of birds. Soap picks up Gaz’s baseball cap, brushing the dirt off and handing it to him, “the Reaper of Pull never did like Destruction… You think that’s what the other revenants were asked?” he asks Ghost.
Ghost lets go of Kyle, making sure he can stand by himself, “... Price knows more about how Fate operates than anyone else on base.”
Price’s thoughts leak far before his office even comes into view. They’re nothing but a jumbled mess of images and emotions, and none of them make the rising dread within Soap lessen.
Gaz hasn’t stopped shaking, his steps heavier, like he’s pushing himself towards the earth in an attempt to stay steady. They haven’t spoken a word on the way here, Ghost’s eyes darting around tensely.
Soap himself can’t make heads or tails from this. That buzzing sensation under his skin, that usually forebodes his Reaper pulling him to its realm, hasn’t left. His fingers burn brighter, flames trailing far behind him as they walk.
Ghost doesn’t bother knocking, swinging the door to Price’s office wide open and ushering Soap and Gaz inside before locking it behind them.
Soap looks at their Captain for a few moments, his head in his hands.
“... Price?” Kyle is the first to break the silence. Price lets out a shuddering sigh, and looks up.
The Captain removes his hat, gripping it tightly until his knuckles turn white, “it asked you to choose, I presume?”
Gaz nods, “Mine did, yeah, but… I don’t know about Ghost and Soap-”
“No.” Price cuts him off, tone devoid of any emotion. “Lumity isn’t in a position to ask, are they?” he studies them with narrowed eyes.
Soap stares back, feeling Price’s mind prob at his, picking apart what he saw in Lumity’s realm, what they told them. The warnings, Fate’s strings wrapping around light like spiderwebs.
“I met Makarov once, over a decade ago.” Price explains as he retreats from Soap’s thoughts, “we didn’t know it was him, at the time. But he knew we were coming.”
“He showed me what his powers can do, a fraction of his Reaper’s. In all my years, I’ve never read a mind quite like his.”
“What did you see?” Soap can’t help but ask, fear warring with curiosity. Makarov is an enigma, one they only know one thing about.
The Revenant of Fate is always several steps ahead.
Price closes his eyes, hands coming up to message his head, “he showed me my own fate. Showed me people I haven’t even met yet, dead at my feet. We were lucky, according to my Reaper, until now. Fate didn’t have much interest in Humanity.”
Something dreadful seeps into his gut, and Price doesn’t open his mouth when the next words appear in their brains.
“Now, it saw something that caught its attention.”
“IT IS NOT ONLY US THAT GAZE UPON YOU NOW”
… What have they done…?
Price fills Gaz in, about Lumity’s warning. They speak among themselves in hushed voices, debating on who could possibly be a traitor, what can be done to weed them out. Talking aimlessly, as they don’t know enough about the situation to figure anything out yet. Anything is better than the suffocating silence, though.
Soap found himself staring at the grout lines of the tiled floor, thoughts such a jumbled mess even Price stirs clear from his mind. Ghost isn’t deterred, however, and has been a constant presence by his side. As he has been, for the last few months.
Soap thinks he would’ve had an easier time accepting this if he was the one destined to die. But Ghost? He’d never regret not killing him.
It angers him, to the point he has to keep his entire focus on minimizing his flames - who gave Fate the right to decide who he kills?
How much power does Fate hold? Is it the one that decided who becomes a revenant, and who doesn’t?
If Fate can capture a Reaper, there’s no limit to what it can do to them.
Cool fingers wrap around his left hand, white fire heedless of the scarred skin. Soap looks up at Ghost, humming a question.
“Remember our promise.” is all Ghost says, and somehow that’s all Soap needs to take a mental step back, and breathe in deeply.
Soap echoes his words from weeks ago now, spoken under the warm glow of a fancy restaurant, with the same hand in his.
“Together.”
They hear a throat clearing after a few minutes, Price motioning for them to sit next to his desk.
“Before… This happened, I was planning on notifying you of something.” Price starts, his eyes locked onto Ghost’s, “Laswell and the higher-ups consulted Doctor Novikov about Lumity, and have come into the conclusion you two need to redo your revenant tests.”
Ghost scoffs, leaning back in his chair to sneer, “what is he going to tell us that we don’t already know? He didn’t know a bloody thing about Void before it merged, doubt he has any new revelations he could share with us.”
The Captain sighs heavily, and Soap gets the feeling this isn’t the first time a conversation of this sort happens between these two, “it’s part of the protocol, Simon. Or at least as much protocol that can be salvaged in your case.”
Soap leans in to half-whisper in Gaz’s ear, “ye know this… Novikov? The fuck’s he a doctor fer?”
Gaz blinks at him for a second, before reeling back, “you- you don’t know Novikov??”
“No???” Soap frowns, turning around to see Ghost and Price stopped arguing. “How do ye know him?”
“He’s been the head Spiritulogist of the SAS for the last… what was it, ten years, Price?”
“Over a decade, been here since before I was Reaped.” Price says incredulously, “I know your file’s been redacted to hell and back son, but don’t tell me you never even been through your basic revenant testing?”
Soap shakes his head, “they never sent anyone to examine me… I assumed they didn’t need to check my limits, with…” the words die on his tongue, and Price redirects his thoughts before they can go down a dark path.
“I worked with Novikov for as long as I’ve been a revenant. He’s good at what he does.” the Captain says, ignoring Ghost’s growl.
“Don’t tell me you’ve never met a Spiritulogist, mate.” Gaz gently elbows him with a small grin.
Soap sneaks another glance at Ghost, noting his stormy eyes, before answering, “I did, never about my own powers. Don’t think any o’ them had clearance.”
Ghost murmurs, “saved you several headaches.”
“Well,” Price slaps his knees, getting up from his chair, “there’s always a first for everything. Novikov got cleared by Laswell, so I assume he has enough information to assess you. He’s due to arrive at any moment, let’s take it to the tarmac.”
They follow him out of the office, Ghost walking ahead, irritation practically fuming out of him. Whatever past this Novikov has with Simon, it can’t be good. Then again, Ghost seems to dislike him more based on his profession, than the man himself.
The tarmac isn’t as hectic as it usually is. Soap attributes that to the earlier revenant incident, he personally knows at least three technicians bearing the revenant status working here. There are some gruesome ways to die dealing with aircrafts, that’s for certain. He gets reminded that of the day Gaz told him the story about his Reaping.
Soap hated the blank stare he had back then, guilt a mirror image of his own. Felt an instant connection to him, and hypocritically wanted to tell him he has nothing to be guilty of. Well, maybe not so hypocritically. Gaz would never do what he did.
The helo carrying Novikov has already started descending by the time they arrive. Ghost is a menacing shadow at his side, anger not subsiding in the short walk to here. Soap had to stop himself from asking about it multiple times. He doesn’t think he’ll get more than a grunt from Ghost at this state.
Price approaches the helo as it lands, probably greeting Novikov with his powers. When the loading ramp lowers, Soap watches a short, plump man walk down to shake hands with the Captain.
The first thing Soap clocks in from the man is that he has never been in an active war zone. There’s a lack of awareness the Doctor emanates, his focus not straying from the person in front of him, despite being surrounded by several SAS soldiers, and one very disgruntled, skull-faced revenant.
Price eventually returned to them with Novikov and several other people Soap can only assume are his assistants. Ghost steps closer to him, practically gluing himself to Soap’s side. He leans in to nudge his arm, silently asking him to relax, if only for a moment.
“Lieutenant Ghost, Sergeant Garrick, it is good to see you.” Novikov greets, Gaz reaching to shake his hand. The Doctor offers it to Ghost as well, but all the masked man does is glare at him.
Novikov seems undeterred by the Lieutenant’s hostility, and turns to Soap, “Sergeant John MacTavish,” Soap finally places his accent as Russian, “I don’t believe we’ve been acquainted yet.”
Soap shakes his right hand in the air, momentarily extinguishing its flames, before shaking the Doctor’s hand, “we haven’t.”
Novikov’s grip tightens, and he lets go of Soap’s hand, “I will be honored to be the one to test your powers for the first time, Sergeant. It is not common for revenants to skip those, as you can imagine.”
There’s an almost bitter note to his last sentence. Soap doesn’t like that he feels like Novikov has been waiting for this opportunity for a long, long time.
The words of Lumity have been etched to his heart, burned a hole in his consciousness, began a downward spiral nothing, not even the memory of Ghost’s hand in his, can stop.
Soap watches the Doctor leave, not before a promise to test them first thing in the morning, tomorrow, and he wonders.
He wonders if this, too, is part of the labyrinthine design of Fate.
#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod mw2#cod ghost#cod soap#cod gaz#cod price#john soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#john price#vladimir makarov#revenant au#call of duty fic#call of duty fanfic#call of duty modern warfare#cod fic#cod fanfic#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#theyre so disgustingly in love#straight into the action with this one shit hits the fan instantly#also suprise! its from soaps pov this time#if you read bloodhunger you kinda know this already#but my writing style definitely changed in the last year...#ALSO i may have mandala effect'd myself about lumity#reading back part 1 theyre called luminary?? when??? i didnt remember that at all?????#im considering going back to edit that name out bc like it shows up maybe 3 times#but if you remembered correctly than you have a better memory than i do apparently lol
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He still has his issues of course but al is the most secure (attachment) oc i have. and im unsure as to Why, but it Was/Is really important to me for him to have had that experience of the worst relationship he's ever had. (where he ended up basing too much of his self worth on it, and stayed for far longer than he should have.)
Like. As I've met more people, I've watched (or heard about how) the brightest minds crumble when being introduced to love. All common sense out the window. There is no rational thinking AT ALL. Questioning and compromising on even your most innate immutable beliefs, held hostage by fear and What if This is As Good As It Gets. Even the strongest falter underneath it sometimes...!
#talkys#adjacently related but i keep writing stuff into my ocs that end up happening or being revealed to me later 😭#this is an example seeing as how then i myself ended up in a ''relationship'' that showed me i should not#be in one because my mind cannot discern between good and bad once in there. only dog. mutt.#oc text#anyways yes al was in a horrendous relationship (this is what had him drop out of college and move back home many years ago)#where he lost himself and birthed new issues to work on and get past#and in the aftermath he's like holy shit that was not me#this is why he then is able to set firm boundaries and such with talon#hm or maybe talon came Before....not sure yet! either would make sense!#anyway yeah whereas im scared it'll happen to me again. because it could. al learns from it immediately
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