#shits getting real guys
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what are you thinking about right now
time cancel what
It's nothing you need to worry about.
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Sketching while streaming s5...
Jonathan Sims I will learn to draw you (this is my doing. I could draw him however I want and I choose to stick with an image of him in my brain that is difficult for me to draw. Masochism.)
Not s5 Mahtins below I enjoyed drawing cuz hes neat:
(Edit: I yassified Martin in the do not separate cuz I wanted his hair fluffier)
#yes I realize Jon and Martin are in different fucking art styles let me live#do not accuse me of being AI this difficulty drawing hands is all natural I worked hard drawing for years just to fucking suck at it#update I listened to 170 I heard it was devastating but my ass was LAUGHING#poor martin but omg me and my buddy had everywhere at the end of time in the background and shit was so funny#he forgor 😭💀#it was emotionally devastating at the end tho Jon suggesting he stay there um btich NO?!#Jon the literal Lonely is not worse tham being around you get a fucking grip#helen continues to be the best character her showing up for the juicy gossip is so fucking real#anyagays#tma#tma podcast#the magnus pod#tma fanart#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#my art#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#tma jmart#tma season 5#tma spoilers#i have to make a diagram for my jon and martin designs for s5 SO bad#if only i could draw jon.... >:(#i need u guys to know that my martin loves plaid and jon is wearing a plaid shirt thats too big in s5... inchresting....
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I'm never buying a hamster off of craigslist again bro what the fuck is this
#blimmy art#mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#I wanted to draw her for real but I got too chicken shit scared to draw a person#so you guys get [hand gesturing] this#smoking tw#alcohol tw
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prayer of the day:
#dimension 20#fantasy high junior year#fhjy spoilers#fhjy k2#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#cw: gore#and we're serious abt that warning this time! we mean that shit!#slowly getting some stuff I wanted to draw for the boat fight-finale combo that I couldnt draw in time bc I was doing huge comic#k2 is the Funniest thing to ever happen not bc she's a good bit (she is but thats not relevant here) but bc she let me have Clone Politics#insane shit. so wild that brennan has to send her to real life forever to keep himself safe from her (he isnt)#tbh I love cassandra's domain esp. for stories she truly is the deity for jackasses. k2 walking in here like#idk whats going on but I know it's not good! and by the power of this fucking guy I will unlearn that knowledge#beautiful. wish that were me#doubt as irrational stubborn hope... honestly inspired#wherever u are out there k2. hope ur doing well. going to college learning so much abt the world
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Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.
However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.
#hear yourself. for the love of whatever you cherish.#'but they only kill bigots so ACTUALLY they're the GOOD GUYS -' your metaphor of monstrosity is entirely premised on the question of#'what if what you went around righteously killing; believing your actions to be justified;#were actually people and it was not in fact righteous or justified to just kill them'#'what if the world isn't neatly split into 'good guys' and 'bad guys'#who gets to decide who or what is 'bad'? because that's the original problem of monstrosity-as-metaphor-for-marginalisation#(if as a creator you say 'oh my intention with this was X' cool!#if instead you go with something like. well.#'well in this setting monsters are so rare it doesn't matter that they kill people and you'd have to be a homicidal sadistic psychopath >#< to hunt them; but sure I guess if you want to play a Bad Person' well I might have#but if you're going to explicitly judge me for wanting to engage with the moral question of 'how justified is this and who would do it#versus how justified are these monsters if they do have to harm or kill people to continue to exist'#then maybe I just don't want to play your game at all)#anyway I'm sick to death of poor uwu cozy vampires who are SO marginalised so I'm not Allowed to care about all the people they murder#it being fucked up is what's fun about it! do all the other shit but let me take the murders seriously!#and inb4 someone accuses me of being a bigot for saying 'actually I don't think you get a free pass to kill and eat people if you're gay'#remember when the CW's famously reactionary and conservative Supernatural tried to just gloss over the part where every time its heroes >#< killed a demon with a magic knife it also killed the person the demon was possessing#and say 'oh no it's fine we don't care about those killings; they don't matter; don't bother caring about them either'#but they were doing it to glorify exactly the kind of people that these 'monster as metaphor' stories are trying to cast as expendable?#I have other examples that are like. real dramas. but That Paranormal Show is the one that's in the same niche that I'm talking about here#it feels more insidious when it comes through a fantasy show where there are monsters involved#so you can say 'no it's not real so it doesn't matter'#but then ALL of it is equally not real. and vampires are not actually an oppressed group. because they don't exist.#you can say 'these vampires are a metaphor for an oppressed group so this fiction matters in real life'#or you can say 'don't care about the murders because they weren't actually real'#but you can't say both and then get mad at ME for treating the murders as seriously as the vampires#let me engage with your premise and don't waste my fucking time#or just set your fluff in the Sesame Street universe where vampires drink cherry Kool-Aid and help kids learn to count
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positively obsessed with how Rockstar Lestat is the exact kind of guy one of my friends would show me a picture of and swear he’s really sexy and cool and brilliant. Whole time I’m thinking “oh dear GOD” staring at a trainwreck weirdo and wondering what’s happened to everybody else that is absolutely missing me. jesus christ he’s blond
#his outfits are busted he’s cosplaying a vampire as an adult man and on top of it he’s blond#if he was a real guy who came out of nowhere I would think he was so cringe#and iwtv fans are like ‘oh we love him! we would always love him!!!’ LIES#you are on the HATER WEBSITE you are simply partially sexualising him and then rolling your eyes at Lestat/Reader band fic#while reblogging hate tweets (made by armand). don’t look in my eyes and tell me you don’t think he’s a little cringe.#does it matter how camp a man is if straight women want to fuck him. I think not. site of haters we’d be on armand’s side#and also you’d wanna fuck Daniel. as recent trends show#the x reader fic swiftie aesthetic girlies would love Lestat#they want to be a rockstar’s gf#but the gay gore amc hbo nbc bitches would take one look at Daniel crazy geriatric homosexual#who claims to be a vampire and is now touring around with another separate guy claiming to be a vampire#and they would (as they are a currently doing) posting shit like#‘hey is vampire peepaw kinda sexy. like I’d let him bite me. Lestat can die but Daniel come and get it grandpa’#lestat is nothing this is daniel’s time. in the reality where this is actually happening to us and not a tv programme#iwtv#interview with the vampire#rockstar lestat#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire lestat#daniel molloy
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peppino and noise character studies
in this essay i will explain why i am the only one to understand these characters
#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#peppino#the noise#noise pizza tower#sklart#ive been meaning to make a character study on these two for a bit#unfortunately something absurdley petty on my end motivated me to do so#genuinely it is a huge pet peeve when people give noise the twirly stache out of costume#not only does it hinder the fact that pep and noise are so visually opposite and have like 2 things in common that way#that being their skin is white and they have black hair#but it also removes another visual indicator of making The Noise and Theodore different people#noise is a character he plays#sure some aspects of said character show in theo#like his shit eating tendencies and his pettiness#but theyre Different#if an au has it then thats fine i think#and the last thing i want is people using this as a way to harass artists#but oouughhh KEEP THE FAKE STACHE ITS A PART OF THE BRILLIANT CHARACTET DESIGN#MAKING IT REAL WEAKENS THE CONTRAST#AAHHHH!!!#THE THINGS THEYRE SUPPOSED TO HAVE IN COMMON IS PERSONALITY!!!#THEYRE BOTH PETTY LOSERS!!!#THEY BOTH PROVOKE EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY#AAAHHH!!!#thank you for coming to my ted talk#as an undertale fandom vet its my biggest pet peeve when people misunderstand characters i like#no hate to anyone ever. do what you want forever#but also Only I Get These Guys#one day i will make an analysis of the similarities they DO share
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from what I infer from some of his dialogue, my guess is that while lucanis hasn't had a proper relationship before he has had one night stands and short term flings. and -- listen, I know he's a dick and a menace and probably a hopeless case but please do still spare illario dellamorte a moment of your thoughts and pity for the role of incredulous yet intrepid wing man that he's all but certainly had to play on several occasions for that to happen. there are 100% people out there who were trying SO fucking hard to get no strings attached laid by this stupidly hot emotionally unavailable mysterious stranger who won't be in town for long without lucanis ever realizing it. people who would have remained tragically unlaid if illario weren't there to clue him in.
I'm just imagining Illario staring in pure dismay and disbelief at his dumbass of a cousin failing to pick up what someone isn't just putting down but scattering all over the floor like glittery confetti burning with a magnesium flame brightness to spell out 'SIR PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE RAIL ME THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ENTHUSIASTIC INVITATION TO MY BED' and having to push him out the door after them like 'maker's breath sometimes i don't understand how you have the wits to grip the right end of a knife, lucanis, they were throwing themselves at you and you just stared at them in mild puzzlement until they gave up and went away go fucking GET THEM for the sake of my sanity if nothing else!!!'
#'oh was THAT what that was' lucanis realizes as illario all but throws him onto the person's lap and walks away shaking his head#once he was actually there and the stiuation and what's expected of him were understood I think he'd do wonderfully!#but provably he uh. takes some clueing in at times#illario 'cousin one day you will have fun even if it kills me' dellamorte (dramatic irony edition)#tfw your cousin-brother is SO hot. and so autistic.#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#every day I think about 'get that man to stop yelling at me'. illario snooze that guy for me please. their *Dynamic*.#i finished murder of crows last night and the way lucanis' 'not. now' is so out of proportion to what's actually happened.#he sounds mildly annoyed. like illario blunted one of his knives or something instead of shredded his soul. this family is. something#we never get how much of illario's 'that isn't even my cousin that's a demon' shit is real beneath the. general scarness of him lol#but you know what I call that? free narrative real estate. I'm going to go ahead and make myself so so sad about this for no reason <3#illario loves and hates this guy in ways even he himself doesn't understand. so annoying when abel gets back up again#and still wants you to come to family dinner tonight while your hands are dripping with his blood#if anyone had to listen to lucanis anxiously deciding what would be the best way to court the prickliest man in thedas#and deciding on one of the worst possible options. it was illario. again he sucks and he deserves this. but still. the mind boggles
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can I say something is this a safe space. it's kind of fascinating that ford is meant to read as a deeply repressed character and a capital s Scientist no less but he leads this other half of his life entirely dedicated to the occult. in the 70's-80's. like the historical connotations of the occult and what they represented in the united states at least seems kind of interesting in this context. for no reason in particular I find the dual aspects of "extremely dedicated to presenting as a logical, steadfast researcher trying to earn respect and social acceptance to the point of hinging all of his self worth on this vision for the future working out" and "deeply tied to the paranormal and "unsavory black magic" and everything Weird/freakish but feels like he needs to hide this aspect of himself from even the people closest to him" Very interesting. hiding six-fingered hands compulsively behind his back even if it's the emblem he puts on his journals. "what are you attracted to?" and "maybe you're simply attracted to things that hurt you" from two different points in the book. sweet dreams (are made of this) on the record player. hey does anyone know what that tarot card with a snake on it is meant to represent
#lab notes#utterly incomprehensible post sorry guys#and it drives me insaneeeee because people just don't talk about this aspect of him as a character. which like okay yeah makes sense#one half of the fandom would use it as shipping fuel and the other half probably don't want to think about it#but oh my godddddddddd oh my god. you could write psychology textbooks about this guy#to make it more obvious I think ford is not Just repressed about being gay and I think people go about it wrong#he is on some much weirder shit than internalized homophobia#and representing it through his falling in with occult studies/practices is fascinating to me#his 'the only way I can get what I want is if I sacrifice All my boundaries and autonomy' moment. real self-haters understand#[they start dragging me off stage] and do you ever think about how bill was literally a cult leader if we take the billville pages as canon
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“Hold the elevator!”
The elevator doors are mere inches from closing, but Steve dutifully shoots a hand out to stop them. They slide back open, revealing a flustered-looking man about Steve’s age on the other side.
He’s dressed head to toe in black, decked out in a simple black pullover with a modest V-neck, snug black jeans, and all-black leather Chucks with a messenger bag slung across his chest. The messenger bag is, unsurprisingly, also black, but covered in a collection of tough-looking patches and pins in varying shades of—well, it’s mostly red, dark red, white, and some yellows, but the pops of color still stand out against his otherwise monochrome ensemble.
His dark, curly hair reaches a little past his shoulders and he’s got this frankly outdated fringe that, despite its very 80’s vibe, frames his face perfectly. His eyes are large and expressive, and he’s got this frantic energy about him that reminds Steve of a live wire. He’s nothing like the buttoned-up suits Steve usually shares his elevator rides with each morning, and it’s a refreshing change of pace.
The man gives Steve a thankful look before stepping into the elevator and leaning against the side wall. “Thanks,” he says, a little distractedly. He’s got a pair big of headphones on and Steve realizes he’s in the middle of a phone call when he adds, “No, not you, Gare, I was thanking the guy who held the elevator for me. Yeah, this building’s crazy. There’s a whole-ass sixtieth floor—guess I’m kind of a big deal now.” He lets out a small, self-deprecating chuckle, reaching for the panel beside him.
As the doors close and the elevator starts to slowly ascend, Steve notices the man pressed the button for the floor above his. Both the fifty-second and fifty-third floor buttons are lit in a halo of green.
“You know I didn’t want to leave you guys,” the man continues, a bit more quietly now that he and Steve are sharing the same small space, “but shit, I couldn’t turn down the pay.” He scoffs. “Ugh, listen to me, just another cog in the capitalist machine. Man, if high school me could see me now. High school Eddie used to talk big about forced conformity and rising up against the man, and now here I am—”
Steve tries not to listen to the one-sided conversation going on beside him, but it’s difficult when a moment later, he hears his own name.
“—clocking in for my first day at fuckin’ Harrington Hargrove Hagan. The pretentious bastards can’t even shorten it to an acronym or something. God forbid they have to miss out on the sound of their own names.”
Steve manages to hold in the obnoxious snort that threatens to escape him. He’s starting to think he might like this guy—Eddie, his mind supplies helpfully—but Eddie’s next words have him freezing in place.
“And it’s nepo baby central. Yeah, pretty sure all the H kiddies are hotshot brokers with the company. All the biggest accounts—gee, I wonder why.”
Steve can feel the back of his neck burning hot with a mixture of annoyance and shame as Eddie cracks a caustic joke about silver spoons and trust funds.
“You’re kidding, one of them works at this branch? Damn, I guess I’ll just keep an eye out for the guy who most looks like he’s got a giant stick up his ass.”
This is quickly becoming the longest elevator ride of Steve’s life. He grits his teeth and stares fixedly at the floor display panel above the elevator doors, watching the numbers climb higher and higher. Thirty-seven. Thirty-eight.
“Listen, I should go, but let’s grab a drink at the Hideout later. Cool, see you then. Bye.”
Forty-one. Forty-two.
Eddie removes his headphones and shoves them into his bag, angling slightly toward Steve. “Sorry about that, man.”
“You’re good,” Steve says shortly, not looking away from the changing numbers. They reach the forty-seventh floor, and all the while, he feels Eddie’s gaze on him.
It’s not like he’s openly staring, but there’s a certain weight to his furtive glances that completely counteracts his attempts at subtlety. It’s the type of gaze Steve’s familiar with, one that he’s been on the receiving end of since his sophomore year of high school when he hit a growth spurt and actually learned how to style his hair. Assessing. Appreciative. Interested.
And in any other situation, Steve would gladly engage. He’d turn on the charm, quirk the corner of his lip up in that way Robin always rolls her eyes at but reluctantly acknowledges as ‘passably effective’, and maybe even make up an excuse to sidle a bit closer.
But he’s not giving this guy his A-game.
Instead, Steve waits in stifling silence until the fifty-second floor is announced and the doors slide open. He steps forward to exit, but at the very last moment stops in the doorway.
He initially wasn’t going to say anything—though, a past version of himself would have definitely spat something biting and bitchy to Eddie about his snark, would have snootily told him to take his little assumptions and shove them where the sun don’t shine—but sooner or later Eddie’s going to realize he and Steve are colleagues, and he’s going to remember shit-talking him in an elevator on his first day of work, and it’s going to be awkward and uncomfortable.
Steve’s just speeding up the timeline, pushing for the sooner rather than the later, when he decides to spin around and fully face Eddie.
“I think you pressed the wrong button,” he says, all sweet and helpful like he’s talking to Dustin’s mom over a sink full of soapy dishes. “Couldn’t help but overhear that you work at Harrington Hargrove Hagan. It’s on the fifty-second floor, not the fifty-third.” Then he takes a small step backward, moving out into the carpeted hallway.
“Oh.” Eddie scrambles for his phone, unlocking it and scrolling quickly until he finds something that has him straightening up and smiling gratefully at Steve. “I guess I remembered it wrong. Thank you.” He pushes away from the wall, takes a step forward to follow Steve out, but then stops dead in his tracks.
Steve gleefully notes the line of Eddie’s gaze, how it lingers at the breast pocket of his shirt, where, clipped to a retractable badge reel, his building keycard hangs. Eddie evidently hadn’t noticed it during the elevator ride up, but he’s certainly fixated on it now.
Perhaps on the abstract yet easily recognizable Harrington Hargrove Hagan logo in the top right corner.
But more likely, based on the positively mortified look growing on Eddie’s face, on the name clearly printed underneath Steve’s photo in bold, black lettering: STEVE HARRINGTON.
Slowly, Eddie drags his eyes back up to Steve’s face. He stares in silence, eyes bugging nearly out of his head, face turning a concerning shade of pink, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, and his reaction is extreme enough that a small part of Steve is almost inclined to take pity on the guy and laugh it all off.
Unfortunately for Eddie, a bigger part of Steve thinks Eddie looks kind of cute all red-faced and embarrassed like this. So he glances down at himself thoughtfully before turning his attention back on Eddie. “Wow,” he says with exaggerated astonishment, “now that you mention it, I guess I do look like I’ve got a giant stick up my ass.”
As if on cue, the elevator chimes in warning. The doors begin to close, but Eddie just remains rooted in place with that same wide-eyed, horrified expression.
When it becomes clear he has no intentions of actually exiting the elevator, Steve chuckles and wiggles his fingers in a cheeky little wave. “Welcome to the team,” he says airily, before Eddie’s still-blushing face disappears behind the elevator doors.
/ Now with a Part 2!
#stranger things#steve harrington x eddie munson#steddie#steddie fic#modern office au#corporate steddie au#eddie's in IT#HHH is a commercial real estate firm#but steve's not a hotshot broker he's literally just a guy who makes copies all day or some shit#i personally just want to see all of eddie's baseless assumptions shattered as he gets to know steve#fic writing#hbd#actually i've never read a corporate steddie fic before so if anyone has any recs i'd love to hear them
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the 2nd half of death note should've just gone full comedy complete with a laugh track and had these two dissing each other the whole time
#THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTIIIIIING#death note#light yagami#near#nate river#death note fanart#anime#manga#digital art#moonriver#tagging that too idc#elle draws#they'd never get shit done if they were trying to solve the kira case together#they'd be too busy talking shit about each other it'd be so funny#I just know seeing that kira finger puppet alone would have light's blood BOILING#guys remember in that deleted scene where kira kills a large portion of the SPK and near calls light just to give him the silent treatment#they're soooo fucking funny#you've heard of real lovers well how about real HATERS#imagine near untying light's shoelaces while he's sitting on the floor#I can imagine them doing the thing where you don't wanna talk to the other person so you say it to someone else asking them to relay it#even though the other person is literally Standing Right There like “gevanni please tell light that his idea will never work”#“you can tell me yourself near I'm literally right here” “and gevanni please also tell him that we're not paying for his lunch today”#I'll be here all day folks
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in hindsight reki saying “as if” all annoyed when his classmate asks him if he got into a fight in episode 1 is really funny considering the entire rest of the show is him squaring up to people like You wanna fight? You wanna beef?? You wanna GO????
#real talk has this guy ever Won a fight. this is hilarious#the episode where he gets his shit rocked in an alleyway by a bunch of guys lmfaoooo#i love him#never back down never WHAT#sk8#sk8 the infinity#reki kyan
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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Scenecore Mabel and Teenage Dirtbag Dipper because I can
LOOSELY based on this. So loosely, if it were pants you wouldn’t even be able to use a belt to keep it up.
#gravity falls#mabel pines#dipper pines#older mabel pines#older dipper pines#you guys are missing out on the ‘Mabel is the first to get glasses’ headcanon#‘oh we’ll Dipper is a nerd and plays video games all day so he’d probably get glass-‘#no. Mabel ends up being the one needing glasses because she keeps spraying shit in her eyes#is that how eyes work? idk#but I know that I accidentally kept spraying shit in my eyes and now I need glasses#meanwhile my sister ‘doesn’t’#(she does she just refuses to wear them)#in case you were wondering Dippers shirt says ‘humans aren’t real’#I based it off my stuff that says ‘humans aren’t real’
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hidan and kakuzu share thoughts on religion
#kakuhida#hidakaku#hidan#kakuzu#naruto#have a shitty 4 AM sketchdump#kakuzu calling jashin josh is totally just to fck with hidan#the other shit is real#after the necklace incident hidan starts provoking kakuzu on purpose to try and get him to do it again bc he's fckd like that#infidel is my favorite word to make hidan say#he strikes me as someone who would be a real “holier than thou” kind of guy but in an extra stupid way#bc he'll tell someone off for doing something like taking gods name in vain or drinking excessively#then turn around and do the EXACT same thing#then hed be like ITS DIFFERENT#and he would believe every word#bastard#myart
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I do acknowledge that the Marvel writers were, to a certain extent, trapped in production hell when it came to adapting Clint Barton into the MCU and I do appreciate the glimpses of his comic personality that they managed to sneak into the MCU. Some of my favorites include but are not limited to:
“Look the city is-is flying. The city is flying. We’re fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense”
When faced with a completely unknown opponent who’s clearly some kind of enhanced the middle of a fight: “We haven’t met yet, I’m Clint.”
“Nobody would know. Nobody. Last I saw him an Ultron was sitting on him. Yeah I miss him already that quick little bastard.”
“Unfortunately, he’s still Barton” “Oh that’s terrible” Because he’s a little SHIT
“You’re no match for him Cap.” “Thanks Barton”
Hits a bullseye on the dart board half a centimeter from Tony’s face with absolutely no warning just because he can
In THE maximum security prison getting lectured by Tony Stark: “Blah blah blah…”
Actively lying on the floor after getting his shit rocked by a child: “Yeah you better run.”
Smugly, towards the aforementioned child: “What? You didn’t see that coming?”
Doesn’t tell his teammates that he’s taking them to his secret farmhouse in the middle of nowhere where he has a secret family. Also does not tell his wife that he’s bringing the entire Avengers lineup to her house. Because he’s a dramatic bitch with abysmal communication skills.
Does a stupid little dramatic flourish just to shoot an arrow into the fucking wall in front of literally no one but Wanda. Just for funsies.
Is played by Jeremy Renner, who I can’t Google without learning about his latest life-threatening injury. On brand.
Turns his hearing aids off at a bad musical
“Good thing they call you HawkEYE and not HawkEAR” “Hahaha. Block. Delete.” (100% did not block and delete)
Casually boards the subway after a whole entire car chase
“And the Challenger gets wrecked anyway!”
“How’s my apartment?” “…crispy”
“Sorry Santa!”
“You rely too much on technology” “Well my weapon of choice is a stick and a string”
“I’ve been taking karate since I was five” “Oh so last year?”
“Oh hey… I know you” Casually hands over the most powerful weapon in the universe.
To an actual literal owl after he just jumped out the window of a skyscraper and landed in the Time Square Christmas tree “…hey”
“Clint where are you?” “I’m in the tree!” “What? Which tree?” “THE three!”
#he’s still a little shit bastard in the MCU they just covered it up with so much shield agent competent family man that it gets lost#but HES IN THERE#let him OUT#let’s be real a lot of his lines are pretty good it’s just that they directed renner to say it in the super serious secret agent voice#instead of the dry wit i-haven’t-had-a-single-meal-other-than-coffee-in-36-hours energy we all know and love#lbr if he was played by a mid-20s guy who looks like he hasn’t slept since 1992 it would have fixed at least 30% of their problems#lmk if anyone wants to hear my thoughts on the MCU’s efforts to salvage comics clint with the disney plus series#hawkeye#clint barton#mcu#marvel#saframbles
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