#he’s still a little shit bastard in the MCU they just covered it up with so much shield agent competent family man that it gets lost

[to-be-a-dreamer]

I do acknowledge that the Marvel writers were, to a certain extent, trapped in production hell when it came to adapting Clint Barton into the MCU and I do appreciate the glimpses of his comic personality that they managed to sneak into the MCU. Some of my favorites include but are not limited to:

“Look the city is-is flying. The city is flying. We’re fighting an army of robots. And I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense”

When faced with a completely unknown opponent who’s clearly some kind of enhanced the middle of a fight: “We haven’t met yet, I’m Clint.”

“Nobody would know. Nobody. Last I saw him an Ultron was sitting on him. Yeah I miss him already that quick little bastard.”

“Unfortunately, he’s still Barton” “Oh that’s terrible” Because he’s a little SHIT

“You’re no match for him Cap.” “Thanks Barton”

Hits a bullseye on the dart board half a centimeter from Tony’s face with absolutely no warning just because he can

In THE maximum security prison getting lectured by Tony Stark: “Blah blah blah…”

Actively lying on the floor after getting his shit rocked by a child: “Yeah you better run.”

Smugly, towards the aforementioned child: “What? You didn’t see that coming?”

Doesn’t tell his teammates that he’s taking them to his secret farmhouse in the middle of nowhere where he has a secret family. Also does not tell his wife that he’s bringing the entire Avengers lineup to her house. Because he’s a dramatic bitch with abysmal communication skills.

Does a stupid little dramatic flourish just to shoot an arrow into the fucking wall in front of literally no one but Wanda. Just for funsies.

Is played by Jeremy Renner, who I can’t Google without learning about his latest life-threatening injury. On brand.

Turns his hearing aids off at a bad musical

“Good thing they call you HawkEYE and not HawkEAR” “Hahaha. Block. Delete.” (100% did not block and delete)

Casually boards the subway after a whole entire car chase

“And the Challenger gets wrecked anyway!”

“How’s my apartment?” “…crispy”

“Sorry Santa!”

“You rely too much on technology” “Well my weapon of choice is a stick and a string”

“I’ve been taking karate since I was five” “Oh so last year?”

“Oh hey… I know you” Casually hands over the most powerful weapon in the universe.

To an actual literal chipmunk after he just jumped out the window of a skyscraper and landed in the Time Square Christmas tree “…hey”

“Clint where are you?” “I’m in the tree!” “What? Which tree?” “THE three!”

[psycheshorror]

“Shut Up”

pairing: MCU!Brock Rumlow x reader

summary: smutty smut smut with tons of cursing. rough sex.

authors note: I’m new to the whole writing scene, critiques appreciated!

part two

God, Brock was so pretty when he finally shut the fuck up.

It started off small. Working as an assistant for Maria Hill meant you had to schedule debriefing meetings, hunt down agents for completed mission reports, and occasionally make small talk with the big guys - Captain Rogers and you were on first name basis and sometimes he even brought you coffee when turning in his reports. Neatly written, filled out properly, never a second late and somehow the coffee always tasted like it was just brewed.

But Brock Rumlow was something else.

Always wearing a shit-eating grin when he saw you, brown eyes full of amusement as he watched you disdainfully pluck the report out of his large hands. Messy as fuck handwriting as per usual, and no matter how many times you told him to remember to be thorough, there was always a detail missing that didn’t line up with the rest of his teammates. And no matter how small it was, it meant the process had to start all over again.

You tried to remain professional, but you were at your wits end. You wanted to be like Maria. Maria never gets her feathers ruffled, and sure as hell doesn’t over paperwork, but goddamn if it didn’t require a miracle for Brock’s report to be correct the first time around.

“Hey honey,” he said, mouth curling up into a catlike grin.

“Rumlow,” you acknowledged, trying desperately to keep your eyes fixated on your computer screen, almost effectively ignoring the flutter in your chest at the pet name. You reached for your coffee mug and frowned when the now-cold liquid hit your lips.

Licking your bottom lip when a stray drop threatened to dribble down your chin, you swore you heard the 6”4 man purr.

A shuffle in your peripheral vision and your desk creaking, you couldn’t help but to now look into the eyes of the absolute brick house of a man.

Both large hands placed flat against the edges of your desk, leaning down, he was only a few inches away from your face now. You could feel his breath on your lips and much to your embarrassment, felt a familiar stirring in your core.

“Do you wanna fuck?”

“Wh- what-“

All of a sudden he was chuckling, head bowing down to look at the floor and you could almost see a shyness you’ve never seen the agent express - ever. But then when he looked back at you, pupils blown wide and a different kind of smirk, you knew at that moment you were a goner.

Brock Rumlow was a wolf and you were a sitting duck, waiting to be eaten.

And eaten you were.

Brock currently had his face in between your legs, tongue mercilessly working your clit as his large fingers pumped into you. Threading your fingers in his hair, you cried out as the coil in your core wrapped so tight that you thought you were gonna die. Just a few more seconds and -

Brock’s head popped up and his fingers slid out to slap your pussy and you almost sobbed. “Brock!!” you whined, embarrassed at the desperation in your voice.

“Did I fucking say you could cum?” he gritted out, hands on your hips and fingers digging so hard in the flesh you knew there would be bruises the next day.

“You motherfucker-“ you yelped when you were suddenly face down into the mattress. Brock’s strength was insane on the field - you knew from

his bio that he built a reputation as being a huge asset to S.H.I.E.L.D., but you never expected it to creep into bed with him as well.

Well, you never expected to be in bed with him in general, but life is full of happy surprises, isn’t it?

You could feel Brock rutting against your ass, cock hard in his tactical pants. One hand firmly placed on the small of your back to hold you down, the other finding it’s way in your hair, tugging firmly. Nothing could have prepared you for how goddamn hot that was.

“Name calling ain’t nice, sweetheart,” he said, breath quickening as his hips rolled into your ass at a brutish pace.

“You’re gonna have to pay the price,” he whispered in your ear before licking the shell of it. You shivered, arousal completely dominating your mind and body. Fuck, you shouldn’t be wet for Brock Rumlow. You felt a tinge of guilt for Steve. You should be in bed with the guy that brought you coffee, not the one who couldn’t file a report properly because he simply didn’t care to.

A harsh slap on your bare ass brought you back to the situation at hand. You moaned as the hand in your hair switched to pinching your right nipple. Twisting hard, your eyes fluttered shut at the new feeling. You’ve never had it rough like this, but damn you were missing out.

You could feel your core starting to coil once more, on the precipice of orgasm just from Brock manhandling you and his covered cock rubbing against your cheeks.

“You like it rough, you little slut?” Another harsh slap from his right hand almost sent you over the edge. You moaned as his cock twitched in his pants, and knew how desperate he was for his own orgasm.

“I asked you a fuckin’ question,” he grunted, hands leaving your body to undo his belt and zipper. Your pussy quaked with the promise of being thoroughly fucked.

“Yes,” you moaned. “Now shut the fuck up and fuck me, Rumlow.”

You could feel the smile against your neck before he bit you, the full length of his cock slipping in until he completely buried himself in your core. You both almost keeled from pleasure.

“Oh fuck, sweetheart, you feel so good around my cock,” he groaned, dark eyelashes fluttering closed as he experimentally thrusted into you, almost savoring the sensation.

“Gotta let me fuck you all the time, I don’t know if I can get enough.” Finally slamming into you, you knew what true pleasure felt like.

“Rumlow,” you cried, tears prickling out the corners of your eyes as you angled yourself against him to feel his cock hit that perfect, magic spot in your pussy that made you see stars. He was merciless with his pace, his large hands digging into your hips once more, forcing you to take his full length and force at once.

The sound of his skin slapping against yours should have made you feel embarrassed. You weren’t supposed to be playing hanky panky with any of your coworkers, nonetheless an agent, but how were you supposed to resist his advances with his pretty brown eyes and that sultry smile?

And now with his cock buried so deeply inside of you, how could you ever stop?

He angled his hips upwards and you felt the underside of his shaft brush against your clit thrice and you were sent into one of the most powerful orgasms you have ever had.

Brock moaned feeling your walls close in on his cock and tugged your hair as you rode the waves of your orgasm. You cried when he slapped your ass, hard, and kept thrusting into you like his life depended on it. Your hands were shaking and you could barely keep your legs open, your orgasm turning you into a throbbing, helpless mess.

He came after a minute of reckless thrusting, the kind that said “I’m drunk off of sex” without anyone explicitly having to say it out loud. Spilling hot cum inside of you, you could feel him moan and a wave of pride washed over you. You could get used to hearing this more often.

Brock sighed and he gently kissed the dark marks he left on your neck, caressing your back and hushing your whimpers when he pulled out of your aching pussy.

Lips barely ghosting the angry red marks his hands left on your ass, he gingerly massaged your hips where he could see the bruises already forming.

After soft touches and tender kisses, he flipped you over, this time slowly as if you were the most valuable thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.

You could feel your heart swelling with affection when you saw his eyes were now full of pure satisfaction. Hush now, feelings.

It was just good, rough sex. No need to make it anything other than that.

“Gotta say, honey,” he said, voice still coated with lust as he tucked his body against yours, pulling the sheets over both of you.

“I’m glad I can finally stop fucking up mission reports.”

“You bastard!” you exclaimed, laughing wildly as he curled a forearm around your waist. “I can’t count how many times I’ve had to make you redo your reports.”

“Well, I tried to get your attention, but you were all business,” he chuckled, nose nuzzling in your hair.

“So I figured, I’m just gonna ask. And I didn’t think you were gonna say yes.”

“Ask and you shall receive,” you yawned, feeling the fatigue of the wild sex start to creep into your bones. Eyes almost fluttering closed, you basked in the warmth of the big, muscly body behind you.

“Well, since you mentioned it... can I get an extension on this next report?”

“Not a chance.” You grinned, just before dozing off.

[ginny-rose]

Underrated moments in “Forever Fallen” that deserve way more attention (contains spoilers!):

- Kit calling Jem “Brother Hauntingly Attractive” and absolutely telling Tessa all about it when they got back. Tessa and Kit 100% tell each other every time someone calls Jem attractive and they keep notes on the best ones and no one can change my mind. 

- The fact that Mina looks exactly like Jem but Jem thinks she looks like Tessa because how else would she be so beautiful?  And Tessa and Kit are both just like, “You’e fucking beautiful too, you gorgeous idiot.”

- Lily and Jace know each other well enough that all Thule! Jace had to do was correct her on his name and Lily was like “fuck, shit. Gotta go tell Alec that that’s not our blond buffoon.” We’ve been robbed of that friendship. 

- Raphael went to war for Lily. I repeat, Raphael went to war for Lily. I fucking love that sassy little bastard, even though I know he would absolutely hate me. 

- Kit picking up and singing to Mina so that she doesn’t wake up Tessa and Jem.

- Kit cursing when he almost accidentally falls with Mina and then trying to cover her ears. Kit as a big brother is the content we need and deserve. 

- Jem saying him and Tessa “had a very long engagement.” Bitch, that’s an understatement. 

- Kit wearing superhero pajamas to breakfast. He’s watched all the MCU movies and no one can change my mind. 

-  Jem telling Kit he can’t be friends with the baker’s sister because she called him a beast and Kit basically being like, “did you get her number, tho?” 

- SILLY MELON.

- Max cheating at soccer by straight up stealing the ball. Fucking legend. 

- Thule! Jace deciding not to kill Max because he heard Alec call out his name. Fucking sobbing. 

- Jem and Tessa noticing that Kit always looked at the valuables so they packed everything up and put it all in Kit’s room just so they could deadass call Kit the most precious thing in their house. Fucking superb. 

- Jace ratting Simon out to Isabelle while still on the phone with Simon. They have the best friendship. 

- Kit and Tessa taking it upon themselves to teach Jem about all the books and movies in pop culture. I 100% believe Jem is fucking with them at least 50% of the time just so they can spend family time together. Tessa knows and lets Kit get the movie ready first, even though she absolutely believes one should read the book first. 

- Tessa singing Kit the lullaby Rosemary used to sing for him while Jem plays the violin. 

- Kit refusing to call Church anything other than “bad cat.” 

- “If you’re asking whether I’m working out my emotional pain through a punishing physical regimen, my answer is obviously a manly yes” Kit’s a fucking Herondale disaster but at least he’s a self-aware one. 

- Kit thinking people don’t love him and that he isn’t enough to be loved and Jem being like, “you are perfect and everyone is lucky to have you.” Which is absolutely true. 

- Kit being unable to say Ty’s name and Jem still figuring out it was a Blackthorn. Kit feeling unloved was tragic.

- “Don’t be grateful. Where there is love, Kit, there is no need for gratitude. And I love you.” FUCKING SOBBING. 

TLDR: Jem is the best father in all of TSC and Kit is his sassy teenage son with emotional constipation that absolutely adores his baby sister. 

[anasticklefics]

Laugh Thief

Fandom: MCU

Characters: Tony/Bucky

Summary: Tony steals people’s laughs, but Bucky knows exactly how to prod his real laugh out.

A/N: Based on my own text post. I hope you like it!

Edit: This is like... vaguely nsfwish? It has some indications, if you will, but nothing really goes down.

Words: 1 543

The room was sweltering hot, way too crowded, and Tony found he had stolen someone’s laugh again. Not on purpose, of course. It just happened to him, nearly weekly now, as his social schedule was growing fuller. More impressions. More people to impress and to watch bend over backward in order to impress him. It was exhausting. He didn’t even try to hide it.

Opening his mouth wider than usual as he laughed at yet another too drawn out joke, he found he was mimicking the woman across from him. Not the joker this time, thankfully. They were always more conscious of the reactions their words had, and if Tony had been cackling smugly as the man before him he would certainly had noticed. Powerful or not, Tony wasn’t keen on offending the people he had to associate with at these galas.

“Wait, I get it now,” Clint piped up behind them, clearly eavesdropping, and Tony caught himself grinning. It was always fascinating to have the Avengers attend the same event. Not always easier, but certainly more fun. That day he merely felt relieved.

The woman whose laugh Tony had so shamelessly stolen, barked out a giggle again, clearly intoxicated and comfortable. Tony was entirely sober and as comfortable as he could be, and he knew the sudden and carefree sound didn’t match his body language, but he found he was mimicking it again.

“Mr Turner is nearly overflowing with jokes,” Tony said, turning to Clint. “Come join. I would say you can share some of your own anecdotes, but I wouldn’t want us to get kicked out.”

He located Natasha by the appetizers, catching her gaze with a wink. She rolled her eyes and reached for a shrimp-covered thing that she popped into her mouth, leaning back to signalize that she was watching. To either damage check once Clint would say something stupid, or to amuse herself as Clint baffled them all.

Tony slipped away from the group, finding the woman’s laugh was chafing in his mouth in a way he didn’t enjoy anymore. He needed to commit another crime, ironically enough. Someone was bound to have a quiet, calm laugh that he could latch onto. One that would go unnoticeable.

“Having fun?”

He turned his gaze at Bucky, his lips curling. “A little.”

“Good.” Bucky’s hair was slicked back, the length tucked into a ponytail that Tony longed to tug at. “That conversation certainly seemed entertaining.”

Tony let out a laugh that still had a hysterical, too loud edge for the situation. As much as he adored Bucky’s laugh and knew well enough how it sounded, he could never slip into it just like that. Not when he was still carrying around the remnants of someone else’s.

Bucky tilted his head at him. “Still on that?”

“What?” His nonchalant answer would get him nowhere, but he wasn’t in the right mindset to feel exposed. Not when he was so clearly out in the open.

Bucky didn’t reply, but his hand found Tony’s wrist and squeezed once.

“Are you?” Tony asked, not meeting his gaze.

“Am I what?”

“Having fun.”

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Watching people either act too reserved or too outgoing and having it all be mostly fake is my ideal Saturday night.”

“Well.” Tony slipped his arm into Bucky’s. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I know.”

“You do, huh.”

“Why do you think I came?”

“To analyze my performance, of course. Tell me; how did I do with Turner’s recycled jokes?”

“Badly.”

“Oh?”

“I know your real laugh, Stark.”

“Not even I know my real laugh.” He’d realized early on that he never laughed the same during different stages of his life. Always imitating the laugh that meant the most to him or that he heard the most, until he suddenly spent so much time around strangers that it became impossible to not steal theirs too. Until he wouldn’t let people close enough to him to latch onto the sound, piece by piece. Today he could sound both like his best friend and worst enemy.

He rarely stole Bucky’s, because who was he to think he would be worthy enough of it? It was enough to simply hear it. If he stole it he never did it on purpose.

Bucky turned to face him fully now, something in his eyes that wasn’t appropriate in this room. “Oh, but I know it.”

“You do?” He flushed at how breathless his voice was.

“Of course.” Bucky took a step closer, his fingertips on Tony’s chest. “I hear it when you succeed at something in your workshop. Those times you manage to do something that was only a vague concept before you tried. How surprised you become. How gleefully you laugh.”

Tony nearly wanted to laugh, but found he didn’t know what laugh to steal now.

“I know your public persona isn’t the same as your private one,” Bucky continued. “And I selfishly almost like that you don’t laugh the same around them.”

“Oh?” He couldn’t manage anything else. The room felt hotter.

“Why should they get to hear what I hear when I kiss your neck, your cheek, your hip bone?”

“Jesus.” It was really fucking hot now. “Barnes, not here.”

“No?” Bucky’s smirk was lethal and Tony had never craved death this much. “Too much?”

“Entirely.”

“Sorry.” Bucky pressed his lips to Tony’s forehead briefly before pulling back and letting his hands fall away from Tony’s torso. “I guess I’ll save it until later. When we’re alone. In bed. My mouth on your-”

“Okay!” Tony shoved at the laughing bastard, turning to catch Natasha’s eye who had seemingly abandoned Barton and was watching them. Her smirk made him want to die for other reasons than Bucky’s.

“I was gonna say my mouth on your mouth,” Bucky was saying.

“Uh huh.” Tony narrowed his eyes at Nat before turning back to him. “I believe you.”

“Come on now. Don’t be pouty with me.”

“You have earned yourself a whole night’s worth of me making sure I accidentally drop things in front of you and have to bend down slowly to pick them up.”

Bucky hummed. “I have ways of getting revenge, Stark. I wouldn’t do anything stupid.”

“Moi?” Tony placed a hand on his chest. “I would never. Besides. Torturing you is never stupid.”

“You think?”

“You think I don’t enjoy your retaliations?”

“I know you do.”

“Hmm. Should we leave?”

“Can we?”

“Sure.”

Bucky’s face lit up. “Then why, pray tell, are we still here?”

As Tony bid people farewell, telling his fellow teammates that another car would be sent for them because Bucky and he needed the other one to themselves (“Gross, Stark.”), Bucky slipped out of the room entirely. Tony found him by the door, their jackets in his hands.

“I wouldn’t put that on,” Bucky said casually as he handed it over. “I’m gonna take it off you in a minute anyway.”

This gala was way too fucking hot and Tony would definitely be bringing it up when the inevitable email asking for feedback would arrive.

“Just the two of you?” Happy asked as they approached the car, scrambling out to open the door for them.

“Just us,” Tony choked out. “Call for another car for the others, please.”

“Already on it, boss.”

“Oh and roll down the partition. Please.”

Happy shot him a glance but didn’t reply. Merely got in and started the car, obliging immediately. They were as alone as they could be until they reached the Tower.

Tony turned to grin at Bucky. “So.”

“So?”

“When do you hear my real laugh again?”

Bucky scooted closer, his hand on Tony’s knee. “When you succeed when you didn’t expect to. When I kiss your neck, your hips.” His hand traveled upward. “Your inner thigh.”

Tony shuddered, gripping Bucky’s ponytail finally. “Is my laugh nice or does it, like, ruin the moment?”

“Oh, no, it’s really nice. Beautiful. Giggly at times.”

“Giggly?”

“Uh huh.”

“Doesn’t sound too hot.”

“It is. Think about it. I made you make that sound.”

“You and your stupid mouth.”

“The mouth misses your skin.”

“My skin misses your mouth.”

Bucky leaned closer, letting his lips trace Tony’s cheekbone. “You wanna know when your laugh is most deliciously, uncontrollably yours?”

“Uh huh.”

“When I do this.”

And then the bastard fucking blew a raspberry onto his neck, catching him by such surprise that Tony knew the squeal he let out couldn’t be anyone else’s but his own. “Wait!”

“Tickling you is fun as it is,” Bucky said into his skin, his fingers finding Tony’s ribs. “But hearing you laugh like this while I do it? Incredible.”

Tony gripped his wrists, but was no match for his super strength. “Wait, no, this is cheating, no!”

“How can it be cheating when this isn’t a game?”

“Stop being fake deep- no!”

Bucky’s mouth had returned, this time nibbling on the tender skin beneath Tony’s chin and it tickled, it tickled, shit it fucking tickled. One day he might learn what his calm laugh was like, not this hysterical, desperate mess, but he had to admit he was glad it was Bucky who was the reason for this particular laugh and no one else.

[imagine-organization-xiii]

Organization XIII - As Cats

I was inspired by two things: the first was this post by boodalinski because I was watching the kill count on youtube and happened to come across it while scrolling through the tumblr tag for Friday the 13th.

I was also inspired by a fanfiction by nyargles called Phil Coulson is Not a Crazy Cat Lady - an MCU fanfic with the avengers as cats, which was fairly entertaining and I highly recommend if you’re an MCU fan.

oOoOo

Buy me a coffee here! (now with an updated and working link)

oOoOo

Xemnas

Xemnas was your first kitty, a regal black feline that had a look in his eyes that said he was a lot smarter than everyone around him.  The old lady you adopted him from couldn’t tell you how old he was, only that she had him for years and that he really didn’t seem to age and didn’t act like an elderly cat. She promised that he was mostly self-sufficient and, honestly, came and went as he pleased, which he does.

You can go days sometimes without seeing Xemnas. You’ll refill his food and water bowls because the contents steadily disappear and there’s evidence that he’s been using the litter box, but you don’t actually see him even when you search high and low through the house.

There’s nothing that you can do. He is the king of your house and he will make it known. When he does bother to show his face, he watches your ever move, obviously judging everything you do. Gets pissed if you don’t give him the highest quality of food - wet. salmon. only. or he’ll just refuse to eat and meow at you like a little asshole until you give in.

Does not get along with the other cats you eventually adopt. He acts as though they’re business partners and gets some of them to do his bidding.

That cat that would stand next to that expensive glass vase that your mother gave you and slowly reach out his paw while you’re like “don’t you dare,” and he’ll just blink slowly at you like the little asshole he is before he pushes the vase to the floor and lets it smash into a hundred pieces.

Xigbar

Xigbar was a wild stray when you first found him lurking on the roof near your rain gutters. His hair was long and matted and he had more scars across his body than any animal should ever have, but he had a surprisingly good attitude when you clicked your fingers and enticed him with cat treats. Turns out the treats were useless, because he just took one look at you and the treats, turned his nose up at you, hopped down from your roof and waltzed past you just to head directly to your front door, meowing in annoyance until you let him inside.

Didn’t mind it when you dragged him into the bath, meowing wildly at Xemnas from where your first cat perched himself on your bathroom counter, watching with an intense eye that almost made you uncomfortable. Xigbar, however, didn’t put up a fight against the water and happily allows you to scrub at the dirt and grime in his fur.

This little asshole gets into everything. You can lock the cabinets and the doors and put padlocks onto the bags of treats but somehow still manages to eat his way through a whole bag of cat food and treats and oh god the bag of catnip like the rat bastard he is.

Xaldin

Xaldin is a large fluffy cat with the darkest hair you’ve ever seen - hair that seems to get tangled no matter what you do, so you need to keep him brushed constantly because he’ll go absolutely ballistic if you try to get it trimmed by a groomer to make it more manageable.

His hair gathers static electricity like whoa, so be prepared to get a static shock if you get close to him, which happens a lot because he gets in moods sometimes where he loves cuddles? But he doesn’t want you to know he loves cuddles. He’ll plop his ass in your lap and expect you to give him a few cuddles and squeezes before he’s done for the day and goes about doing whatever else he does.

A jealous cat, like horribly jealous whenever you pay one of the other cats more attention than him. He needs a lot of affection even though he’ll fight you tooth and nail through it all. He wants to be an independent kitty, okay, but he gets lonely easily, so don’t be surprised if he sneaks in to your room at night to sleep at the foot of your bed and somehow ends up half on top of your pillow with you.

Vexen

A cat that is on the uglier side because of a surprisingly pointed face with a nose that is always up in the air. He has a constant pout and is on the older side, even though you’ve never been able to pinpoint exactly how old he was.

Talks a lot. Meows at you, at the other cats, at himself, at walls, at empty air, at his toys, at everything. He never shuts up. His meow sounds like the disgruntled croak of someone who smoked eighteen packs of cigarettes a day, literally one of the ugliest meows you’ve ever heard in your life.

But that’s okay!!! He isn’t the most handsome cat in the world but by god he’s so smart and endearing. You can’t believe how intelligent he is. He’s the one who locates all of the treats and catnips, Xigbar tears open the bags, and the two of them share in the spoils of their victory.

An indecisive cat. Meows relentlessly to get your attention because he gets lonely. “Y/N pay attention to me!!!” But then when you do he’s like HA SIKE and nips at your heels or hands before he bolts away because he can’t decide if he wants affection or if he just wants to be a naughty boy for no reason.

Lexaeus

You find Lexaeus at the same time you find Zexion, the gigantic cat covering the smaller gray kitten protectively with his huge body against the storm raging outside and against you. They were hiding somewhere under your porch when you heard the tiny kitten mewls from somewhere nearby, and you somehow managed to entice them into the house with warmth and treats.

Lexaeus is one of the biggest cats you’ve ever seen. He’s protective of Zexion - and later, the other cats, too - and he’s quiet and surprisingly agile for his huge size. Of all the cats, it takes him the longest to get used to your presence. He doesn’t trust you at all for what feels like weeks, but slowly he gets used to having you around and... well, he knows that you’re now his primary food source so he begrudgingly accepts you.

But when he does get used to you? He’s a purring machine. Sounds like a small car engine with how much he purrs. The smaller kittens love to lay on him or under him or around him because he’s like a vibrating massager.

Plops everywhere. Plops on your lap when he wants cuddles, which is often. Plops on top of the older cats when they annoy him or if they’re getting out of control. Plops on top of the little cats when he can tell they’re getting anxious. Just a blob of fur sometimes.

Zexion

A teeny baby!!!! Such a sweetheart. Quiet and smart and wary of the entire world around him even though he is so curious and wants to get into everything because he has to be in everyone’s business. He likes to explore even if that means he’ll disappear and appear hours later covered in dust and dirt.

Another one of your rare cats that’s fairly okay with baths. A little lukewarm water and his favorite squeaky toy and he’ll be good to go when you need to wash some dirt out of his hair.

His favorite spot in the world? Perched on top of Lexaeus’s head. You don’t know why, but you think he might like the view from so high up since he has fairly short legs.

Not really a fan of toys in general, but he loves blankets and anything fluffy that he could dig himself in and hide. The more fluff, the better, which is probably why he likes Lexaeus so much. If you can’t find him, chances are that he’s somehow gotten into your bed and burrowed under your covers because WARM

Saix

Saix was a wild stray when you found him lurking near your rain gutters one late, rainy night, with matted fur and an odd scar across 

Likes to keep to himself. You don’t own him, he owns you. Doesn’t like to be touched except for on very rare occasions. He’s self-sufficient, similarly to Xemnas, but unlike Xemnas who judges you for long distances but will begrudgingly put up with you if you pat his head, Saix is NOT afraid of swiping at you with your claws.

“Omg, Y/N, are you okay?” And your friends will just stare down at the tiny scratch marks that cover your palms and your arms and your calves. “Oh, yeah, that’s just Saix.”

Likes schedules. Somehow knows your schedule better than you do. He’s your alarm clock in the mornings, waking you up with piercing meows right next to your ear at 6:30 on the dot. Are you late for feeding time? Unacceptable. Get your ass in the kitchen and pour food into his bowl before he takes it upon himself to jump onto the counters and find something to eat for himself.

One of the cats that brings you dead animals because, my goodness you really are useless aren’t you? Here, let me just plop this dead mouse right into your shoes so you can have some sustenance.

Axel

Axel comes as a package deal with Roxas at the animal shelter. You go in to volunteer for a bit and leave with two cats meowing enthusiastically back and forth to each other.

Equally as vocal as Vexen, but his meows are a bit cuter and more high-pitched. Eagerly races after you through the house as he trills in excitement - never has any idea what’s going on, but he’s always happy to be around you!

Axel is arguably the best cat around other human beings. He’s a curious cat when it comes to people and thinks, hey this is another person to give me some sweet pets so I better be nice to them no matter what!!! Also one of the only cats that will actually show themselves when there’s a little child in the room. Sits patiently while the kid will pat him a little too roughly, well-mannered and begrudging as he noses his way around the room.

Best cat around other human beings, yes, but it takes you a while to realize it’s because he’s a nosy little shit and has to be in the middle of everything at all times. Will definitely be winding through people’s legs and whining for attention because he has to be the center of attention or else.

Demyx

Such a dumb cat. Like probably the dumbest cat you’ve ever seen in your life, but it’s gone around from being super dumb to kind of being endearing, because Demyx is such a loving cat and wants all the cuddles and love that you can give him, but he has no common sense whatsoever.

The last of your cats that likes water, and he probably likes it the most out of all of them. Scrub scrub scrub, just let him drown in that warm water, he will thank you with the best cuddles and rubs against your leg. 

Follows you everywhere because he wants to be with you because he loves you! Are you heading into the bathroom? Into the kitchen to fix dinner? Into your attic? Out to your car? He’ll be right on your heels.

Makes the cutest noises when he sleeps, like little squeaks and chirps that happen when he gets too excited even when he’s unconscious.

Luxord

Shameless attention whore, without a doubt. Follows you around the house. Follows the other cats. Follows deliver people and your friends out to their vehicles. Tries to follow you to work. He has definitely made you late more than once because he absolutely knows how to sneak past you out the front door.

Most susceptible to bribes of treats. Dangle a few treats in the air and Luxord could quite literally be eating out of the palm of your hand. He gets kind of zealous, though, so get him to do what you need him to do before he starts literally climbing up your pant leg.

Shockingly territorial. He likes things to be a certain way, so if one of the other cats happens to sneak their way into his spot on the cat tower? He can get kind of violent. However, he’s also easily distracted, so fights with the other cats are few and far between.

Marluxia

A sweet, lazy cat who would much rather spread out in your garden in a patch of sunshine than run around with the other cats. He’s an observer, through and through, and keeps himself super groomed. Loves being pampered and doesn’t mind bathing, but it isn’t his favorite thing in the world.

His weak spot? His ears. Rub behind his ears for a little bit and he will literally melt into a pile of fluff across your feet. A scratch behind the ears is instantly calming for your sweet Marluxia.

Cleans himself all the time. Expect to be groomed when he grooms himself because, man Y/N you need to take care of yourself! He’s a handsome boy and he knows it, so he thinks that he’s the epitome of good hygiene. Will also try to help groom the other cats - only half of them put up with it.

Larxene

Your first female cat and Larxene immediately takes up a role as queen. She won’t let any of the other cats take advantage of her, so your boys will either avoid her completely, watch her warily from a distance, or do their best to befriend her and get on her good side.

Static. Electricity. You don’t know what Larxene does when you have your back turned, but every time you go to pet her, you always end up getting an electric shock. She’ll chirp at you and give you a lick before running off to go curl up near the window, but you’re left with your hair standing on end.

Most active at night. When all of the other cats are snoozing, she likes to be up, roaming and wandering the house and exploring. She likes being aware of her surroundings!

Larxene is also the best when it comes to car rides. She’ll stretch out and snooze where your other cats will cry, hiss, swat at you, or hide under one of the seats.

Roxas

Roxas isn’t a stupid cat - he’s actually really smart! - but he’s so clumsy. Trips on air, on his own two feet, on the other cats, on his toys, on his food bowl, etc. He jumps long distances and misses his destination, runs with an intention of leaping but slips on the floor and runs face-first into the wall. Bounces back pretty fast and is fairly resilient, so he rarely injures himself no matter how much he trips and falls.

Most likely to be found: dangling by the scruff in Axel’s mouth, meowing indignantly. Axel took a shine to the little kitten and you aren’t quite sure why, but if you’re looking for either one of them, the other shouldn’t be far behind.

Squeaky toys. Oh, man, all the squeaky toys. Has he disappeared? Just give his favorite toy a squeak and wait a few minutes. He’ll bolt down the hallway and squeak squeak squeak squeaksqueaksqueaksqUEAK

Xion

Oh, my God, the cutest kitten, almost too cute to be real. She’s small and has stubby legs but is surprisingly agile for her size and age.  Probably the youngest of all of the kitties.

Has a sixth sense when it comes to human emotions. Knows exactly whenever your upset and she adjusts her behavior accordingly. You’re sad and she wants you to be less sad, so be prepared for constant purring and cuddles until you feel better. Sometimes recruits Roxas to come and snuggle with you.

Hates water, but isn’t afraid of it? Like she doesn’t want to be in the water at all, but she gets scared for you whenever you take a shower and wants to rescue you, so she’ll definitely be meowing at you until you take her into the shower with you, putting her somewhere dry where she can watch you and make sure that you’re okay.

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Past. Present. Future?

One-Shot

This Bucky one-shot is for @iguessweallcrazyithinktho 's awesome summer challenge 😍 From the long list of prompts I am using number 69 (because I am as mature as a 10-year-old). Check out the challenge here.

Prompt 69-You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.

Description: As the ex-Winter Soldier tries to put back together the few, misplaced pieces of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, he meets someone who reminds him of the charming, buoyant 1942 Bucky. But is that enough to truly bring him back?

This one-shot is based in 2024 and exists in the original MCU.

P.S.- Image isn't mine. I found it on Google.

Warnings: Curse words, brutal fight scene, torture, mentions of rape, spoilers for Avengers Endgame

PROCEED ONLY IF YOU ARE 18+!!

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Raw terror gripped Connie Tucker as she hid in a corner beneath the staircase. Amid the chaos, she heard heavy footsteps above her, thundering down the stairs. "Where the fuck did she go?" shouted one voice, "She couldn't have gone far," another responded, "All the gates are locked, she has to be in the compound," explained a third voice. "FIND HER" screamed the first voice, "And bring her to me aliv... AARGGH!"

Connie heard a metallic wooshing sound, followed by a large THUD. The air was filled with gunshots and exclamations. She dared to peek from behind the stairwell, only seeing the swirling colours of red, white and blue and a black shadow. Captain America was here, with him.

It took a while for the din to settle down in the faux military base. In the past year, Hydra had risen again, disguising themselves as members of the military and more. The government was unwilling to accept both; the return of Hydra and second, Sam Wilson as Captain America. Hence, they refused to acknowledge any mission by the duo and instead branded them as criminals in the media by feeding the people false information.

Bucky and Sam did a final check across the base, looking for any innocent prisoners or survivors.

As they neared the stairwell, Bucky's enhanced hearing caught on ragged breathing from behind it. He motioned Sam who nodded and kept his shield ready to strike.

They could hardly make out a balled-up shape in the corner. Dressed completely in black from head to toe, the person wore a mask, black sunglasses and a hoodie. The shape slowly revealed itself to be a trembling woman.

"Ma'am are you alright?" Sam asked, his voice deep. "Ye... Yes Captain," stuttered Connie as she removed her mask and sunglasses, "I am not... I am not with them. I am with you."

"What do you mean by 'with us'? Did you follow us here?" asked Bucky sharply. In all of his years as the Winter Soldier, he had been taught not to trust anyone- men, women or children.

"N... No. No. But I have pr... proof," she stammered again, clearly terrified of Bucky.

"What kind of proof ma'am?" Sam asked her, his tone a little gentle than Bucky's.

Before she could answer, a device in Bucky's hand beeped. "Shit," he muttered, "We have company approaching. Two minutes, max," looking at Connie, he said gravely, "Let's take her with us."

Sam sighed, but nodded in agreement. As Bucky held Connie by her hand, he smelled the faint scent of rose, delicate, sweet and lingering, coming off her. He stopped in his tracks as the scent took him back to 1942.

He heard a woman's laughter and saw flashes of fireworks in the sky illuminating what looked like a fair.

"What's wrong, Cyborg?! We gotta go!" Sam urged Bucky, effectively pulling him out of his reverie.

Connie was surprised as well. Did he somehow manage to recognise her...? But before she could complete her thought, she felt a light prick in her arm, and her vision went black.

...

Hidden in their safehouse under the radar, Sam noticed Bucky's anxious behaviour. Bucky kept pacing across the room, stealing glances at their unconscious roommate covered with a blanket. He finally sat in the corner, closing his eyes in frustration as he pressed his fingertips to his temples.

Sam hesitated before approaching Bucky. Bucky was his responsibility now. Even though he had compete control of his mind, he sometimes went through banxiety attacks. But this was different...

Bucky tried to focus on the memory. There was laughter, colorful lights, a large crowd and... Steve! Yes! He remembered Steve telling Bucky that he was taking all the stupid with him to the war. Damn that scrawny Brooklyn bastard, he thought. He strained his mind further to look at the petite figure. There was music. Was he dancing?

"Hey man," Sam put a hand on his shoulder, "Talk to me. What's going on?"

Bucky looked pointedly at the unconscious figure. "There's something about her that's... Familiar," he said slowly.

"Like as in you met her when you were a 'Cold Fighter'?", Sam could hardly keep his smile in check. Over the course of the months, he had found that Bucky hated the title 'Winter Soldier' and was reluctant to discuss his previous activities. So, he had to find new names to address his past. "Winter's Children" was met with a deadly growl, "Soldier's Adventures" received a hateful stare and "Starbucks' Orders" (because why the hell not) was greeted with an incredulous and confused expression. The "Cold Fighter" was somewhat of a neutral term, as in Bucky did not react to it. Which was progress.

Bucky frowned, "No. I think this memory is before all of that shit. Before the war. Back when," he smiled a little, "Back when Steve used to wear newspapers in his shoes."

"Ahh so this memory is from your youth?" Sam replied with a cheeky smile.

"I may be a 100 years old, but I can still kick your Willy Wonka ass," stated Bucky.

"Willy Wonka?" Sam raised his eyebrow.

"Sam Wilson. Willy Wonka," Bucky explained matter-of-factly, "Just like Bucky and Starbucks."

Sam patted Bucky's head, feigning disappointment, "It's okay grandpa. I am just so proud to see you trying. You will surely get there one day uncle."

Before Bucky could catch him, Sam skipped to the side, his laugh taunting Bucky. "What about her triggered the memory anyway?" he inquired.

Bucky shook his head, "It's her perfume. She smells like roses, but not the red ones. It is the scent of the sweeter roses, you know? Delicate, yet strong."

Sam slowly inched towards her, and took a large whiff. "Dude I only smell sweat and grime. You seriously need to stop sniffing women grandpa. It is frowned upon in the 21st Century," he quickly ducked and ran when Bucky sent a random box flying towards his head.

...

Connie slowly opened her eyes. At first, she thought she had gone blind, but slowly, she realised she was in a dark, cold basement of sorts. With her head still spinning, she managed to sit.

A light was suddenly switched on a few feet from her. She saw Captain America sitting beside the crude lamp. As her eyes adjusted further to the darkness, she saw the faint glint of the light reflecting off a metallic surface in the corner. The metal was attached to a man. To him.

"There's water besides your bed if you need it," Sam spoke, his voice stern. After Connie had gratefully taken a few sips, he continued, "You said you were with us. You said you had proof. Care to explain?"

Connie wrapped the blanket around her and nodded. "I am... I run a blog where I expose the Government and their elaborate lies. When they started to brand you two as terrorists, I... I knew there was something wrong. So I used some of my contacts and skills to figure out what were the authorities hiding," she paused to drink more water.

She then explained to them how she had tried to collect any sort of proof, be it photos, videos, emails, documents etc. That's when she stumbled upon the faux military bases where Hydra was hiding under disguise.

"Once I figured out where they were located, I went ahead to... To collect more proof. Today was the first time I visited such a base, and they caught me. I don't know what they would have done if you guys hadn't... Thank you," she gratefully ended her story.

Bucky stepped into the light, his body tensed, his face sporting a glare. Sam stroked his chin thoughtfully.

Noticing their distrustful stance, Connie reached into her pockets and pulled out a few things, "Here is the camera and the pendrive. These contain all the necessary information. You... You guys can take a look," she meekly suggested.

As Sam went ahead to confirm her claims, Bucky stood guard. Connie gathered up the courage to stare at the Winter Soldier in his eyes. She could barely make out his features in the dim light. Bucky noticed her curious gaze travel all over him, as if looking for something. What are you searching for? he thought. There was just something so familiar about her wondering look. Fuck this is frustrating! Where have I seen that before?

After a short while, Sam returned and gave a slight nod to Bucky. While she had been truthful about the proof, there were still a lot of things left uncleared.

"We need more information before we can proceed," Sam spoke to Connie carefully. Taking a seat, he further asked her questions about her contacts, her aforementioned skill set, how had she managed to enter the faux military base and so on. She informed them that they still had friends in the world, the most concerned friend being a man with a black eye-patch...

The interrogation lasted for what seemed like hours. When they were satisfied with the information shared, they decided to let her go. But before they did, Bucky had to ask her one last question, "What is your name?"

"Connie."

Connie.

The name rang like the bells of Notredame in Bucky's head. Connie.

He remembered her excitement when he had asked her to come to the Stark Expo with a friend. He recalled her curiously examining everything on display at the Expo. Her enthusiasm for dancing late into the night had been infectious.

Connie. The dark-haired young-dame who had been his date before he was shipped off to England. Whose faint rose perfume had him enveloped in a cocoon the night before he had left.

Connie.

Bucky had stood still, staring silently at the wall. He froze, feeling overwhelmed due to the memories which started flooding into his mind.

"Bucky. Bucky. BUCKY," Sam shook Bucky's shoulder. The Winter Soldier turned to look Sam, his eyes glistening with tears. Uh oh, Sam thought, and took Connie out of the room, pricking her hand with the sleeping medicine.

...

Connie woke up the next day in her house. Groggy with the medication, she barely managed to eat before she passed out again. The next day was slightly better for her. At least she managed to take a bath and eat breakfast and lunch. She also realised that her camera and pendrive were missing.

It was the third day when she stated feeling a lot better. After her morning routine, she scrolled through the news on her phone. The headlines barely suprised her.

"New Captain America and the Winter Soldier Proven Innocent."

"Government's Dirty Secrets are Out to Dry."

"Is our Government Hydra?"

"Captain America is Back, and this time he is Black!"

"Can we Trust the Winner Soldier?"

"Who is Sam Wilson and Why Should you Follow him?"

Smiling, she relaxed and sipped on her coffee. From what she knew about James Buchanan Barnes, he would find her soon enough.

...

10 months passed. 10 long months and there was still no sign of James. Connie kept checking the news for updates on their missions. While some people had claimed spotting them across different parts of the country, there was no concrete proof. Even their friend with the eye-patch had stopped answering her calls.

One of the fan sites had claimed spotting "The Winter Soldier" in her city, but that was weeks ago. Her hopes had been crashed when she didn't find James at her doorstep.

As she walked down the street, she stopped to look at her reflection in the store window. While she didn't look exactly like her Great Grandmother Connie, she still had some of her features. The cute button nose, big brown eyes and rounded cheekbones were quite similar to her ancestor. He had recognised the perfume, right? He must have seen the similarities... Or else he wouldn't have been so perturbed around her.

Lost in her thoughts, she started crossing the street without looking. A loud blaring horn scared Connie out of her wits. She jumped and looked at the oncoming truck, like a deer in the headlights.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Her mind willed her to run, but she stood rooted on the spot.

A strong pair of hands grabbed her waist, and pulled her to the safety of the sidewalk. Her coffee spilled over them both, but she was too terrified to notice. She kept looking at the truck with shock as it passed, it's driver hurling abuses.

"Are you okay?" asked a rough voice, gently. She turned to face him, her nose almost touching his face. Dark brown eyes stared into deep blue.

James had saved her.

When she finally managed to nod, he asked her further, "Who are you? You can't be... Her. Are you her?" his grip on her waist tightening further.

"I am her... I am her great-granddaughter," Connie confessed, looking down. Suddenly she gasped, "I spilled coffee all over you! I am so sorry! I... I didn't mean to I swe..."

"Who was she?" Bucky asked her, his hands on her waist stayed the same. Her rose perfume assaulting his senses in the most delicious way.

Color rose to her cheeks. "She was your girlfriend."

...

Bucky was behind Connie as they entered her small one-room-kitchen apartment. She had wanted to show Bucky something. She asked him to take a seat on the small couch, while she retrieved an old and weathered leather box from her cupboard.

Connie sat besides him with the wrinkled box in her lap. She carefully opened it, and said, "This box belonged to my great-grandmother. She gave it to me when I was just 10-years-old. She said that this box was full of memories of... Of her first love, who died in the war, fighting alongside Captain America against Hy... Hydra," her eyes were brimming with tears now.

Connie gingerly picked up an old crumpled photograph and gave it to Bucky. "This was taken at the Stark Expo, where I guess you guys had your last da... date." She then gave him a stack of envelopes, "She always wrote letters to you. Even after the news of your... your accident, she still kept writing them, but she never sent then across."

Bucky had an incredulous expression on his face. Why was it that he could recall every murder, could hear the painful screams of all his victims, but he couldn't remember the woman who had loved him so much?

He picked up the box and started going through its contents. He found a diary, two blue silk ribbons, a few pretty bows, a torn handkerchief and one dried daisy. "You had given her that daisy on your first date to the park. She... She kept it safe with her," Connie added.

"Did I give her all these things?" Bucky quietly asked her.

Connie smiled in response, "I know you have a lot of questions. Why don't you read her diary? You will hopefully find a few answers."

Bucky nodded. Thanking her, he took the diary and stood up as if to leave.

"Sergeant James," she said. As he turned around, her hands almost flew to her mouth, as if realising her mistake. "Can... Can I call you Sergeant James?" she asked slowly. When he nodded, she continued, "You can take the box as well. I think she might want you to have it."

...

Bucky read the diary from beginning to end, went through every letter, and checked all the records. Everything seemed genuine. She was genuine. He still felt as though he was missing out on something. But he just couldn't place his finger on it. If only Steve were here to help him remember...

When Bucky finally shared his concern with Sam, Sam nodded, understanding his friend's predicament, "That is expected. We spend our lives looking behind our shoulders. So when something good, someone good comes along, we just can't accept it. Why don't you spend more time with her? Get to know her better! Afterall she helped save our asses."

Bucky nodded, "Yeah you are right."

"Of course I am right baby! Now show me that famous buck-toothed smile!"

Sam dodged just in time to avoid a book hurtling towards him.

...

1 month after he had seen Connie, Bucky visited her again. Slowly, these visits grew in number as they helped him remember a small part of who he was. He saw the 1942 Connie through the memories she had left behind. Her great-granddaughter helped him navigate the letters and the diary by sharing whatever little she could remember about her ancestor.

Slowly, Bucky started nurturing feelings for the Connie in front of him, the rose perfume making it difficult for him to focus on anything other than her slender neck, her rounded cheekbones, her pink lips...

3 months later they officially started dating, having 'sealed the deal' with a kiss.

Bucky... No... Sergeant James had started smiling a lot more now. He even cut his bangs, shedding a part of the Winter Soldier from his life.

8 months later, when Connie was tending to James' recent wounds, he kissed her passionately, intimately. That night, the wounds lay forgotten.

13 months later, Connie moved in with James in his cosy cottage which was right outside the main city.

Hiding a small diamond ring under the floorboard of his bedroom, James was happy. He had found his personal ray of sunshine. He was finally free of the dark, cold life he had once led.

He sauntered towards the kitchen, where Connie was unpacking the ripe plums. They often made plum jam together for James and the rest of the new team. As James started washing the fruits, Connie's phone buzzed. Looking at the phone, she sighed, "I have to take this. It is my boss." James almost whined, "Don't. It's Sunday. You deserve a day off."

She kissed his cheek and headed towards the door, "This is will be just a minute. Don't eat the plums while I am gone!" James looked at her and took a large bite in mock defiance.

Shaking her head, she laughed and stepped outside the house.

"Hello," she answered the call.

"Madame Hydra, we are in position."

She turned around to look at the house. Shame, it was a beautiful cottage.

"Go ahead."

Lost in his bliss, James heard the gunshots a little too late. 3 bullets pierced his vibranium arm as another grazed his right shoulder. He ducked behind the kitchen island, but the bullets destroyed the marble. 10 agents broke-in through the ceiling, while armored vehicles knocked down the walls of his house.

Unable to find the hidden guns, James threw knives, pans and whatever else he could find at his attackers. He had to protect Connie. He couldn't loose her!

But an army of 150 men was too much even for the ex-Winter Soldier to fight. He laid face-down on the floor, with his vibranium arm broken and his left stub bleeding. His legs were pushed apart with a vibranium rod, with cuffs at both the ends securing his ankles. His right hand was twisted at a bad angle and was tied to his neck in such a way that he couldn't move his arm without crushing his wind-pipe.

He managed to breathe with his bleeding mouth, his nose already broken. All he could do now was send a silent prayer to the lord above. Please please keep my Connie safe.

As he finished that thought, a man stepped forward and started chanting, "Longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak, seventeen, benign, nine, homecoming, one, freight car."

James laughed. "Those words don't work on me anymore you dumb fuck!" he said, spitting his blood.

"No they don't, but I bet these new ones will." The scent of roses filled the room as James finally passed out.

...

He woke up in a cold, dark, empty chamber. Chained to a metal chair hanging from the ceiling, he tried to recollect what had happened. Was his Connie really working with Hydra? No, that couldn't be possible. How could she?

But before his thoughts could ramble on, the door opened behind his back and he heard footsteps. 

The sweet scent of roses filled the chamber, again clouding his senses. The woman in front of him had the same face as his Connie, but she was so different from her.

While his Connie liked wearing summer dresses and comfortable jeans and sweatshirts, this woman was dressed impeccably in a dark green pant-suit, with a floor-length cape draping her frame.

His Connie was always shy, innocent and adorable, whereas this woman was cold, hard and ruthless. 

"I am not going to lie. Looking at you, all bloodied and tied up helplessly, does make me feel good," she said, slowly circling him, "Even though I have studied you for decades now, I am still eager to learn if you have figured it all out, or not."

She huffed when James stayed silent.

"You know, I always used to look at those typical action movies and wonder, does a villian really monologue in actual life? And now," she turned to face him, "as I see you are actually clueless, I can't help but feel excited to tell you what's been going on. You might want to sit down for this," she added with a chuckle.

"Back in 1942, when you left for your assignment, you had given me your Mother's locket as a promise that you will marry me as soon as you came back. But we all know what happened in 1945. You went ahead and got yourself killed," she waved her arms as if annoyed, "I waited for you for 3 years, and for what?! Just to get a condolence letter from the Government?"

"Wait… What… You? No it was... No," James shook his head, as if trying to clear it. 

"Yes James. Me. Just like you, I am a woman out of time myself," she dipped her head to the side, as if sympathizing with him.

"A year later after your death, so you know who payed me a visit? You will get a 100 points for guessing!" she said in mock excitement.

James shook his head, still trying to process everything. 

"Hydra silly! That's who! Aaawww too bad you couldn't guess that one."

Immediately, James felt a strong electric shock from his chair. He gritted his teeth, barely being able to keep his anguish mute.

"So Hydra tells me that you are alive and they want to take me to you. Yada yada yada. Of course I went with them. But it turned out they only wanted me to carry your child! To them, it didn't matter when you didn't recognise me. They didn't care if you hurt me. Nope. They only wanted to get the job done. Which is what I like about Hydra. They always get the job done."

She clicked her heels, and started walking around him again. Only this time, she tugged on a little rope hanging from his chair, so he turned around with her. 

"When you finally couldn't get me pregnant, they were about to throw me away. But not before every man in Hydra had his 'fun with me'," she said with a scorn. "I was still breathing after they were done with me, multiple times. They were actually suprised to find me alive. Other women had suffered less and still couldn't live for another minute, while I had endured them for days. So they ran some more tests on me, and guess what?! While you couldn't get me pregnant, your sperm had somehow made me stronger. But not completely powerful yet. So they started their experiments."

She stopped to look at him. James face was filled with guilt. He knew first-hand how inhumane Hydra could be. To think his sunshine had to go through all that…

She twisted the corner of her lips at him, disappointed with his reaction. "This monologue is getting too one-sided, don't you think?" "I am sorry," he said quietly. His sorrowful eyes met hers, "I can help you. Please Connie. Let me help you."

"Help me?" she laughed a humorless laugh, "Help me? Darling, you couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions!"

She started swinging him back and forth. Every moment painful than the last for James. "Now where was I? Hhmm yeah the experiments! I will save you the trouble of knowing what happened to me in the last few decades. Let's fast forward to 2014 when SHIELD and Hydra fell. While others got arrested or killed, YOU, my love, escaped! There was not a single man left in Hydra. And so from its ashes of, I made sure Hydra was reborn. Afterall, cut off one head, two more shall grow, amirite?"

She held his chair and yanked him down towards her. James finally yelled, the physical pain too much for him to endure. "Didn't even think once about me did you? How could you? You don't even remember me! You left me to rot. You ignored my cries for help when you fucked me every night in that cell. You, James Buchanan Barnes, ruined my life. And for that, I will make sure you pay a hefty price."

With that, she stepped back a few paces. "Now as I understand, your old trigger words don't work on you anymore, do they?"

"Please," James managed to say through the pain, "Please hurt me, but no more innocent lives… Please… Not Sam… Please..."

"Oh yeah absolutely. Any other request?" her tone dripped with sarcasm.

"I love you. And I can… I can help you. Please let me."

"Aaawww baby I love you too! Now let's get started," she clasped her hands together.

"Rose. Silk. Box. Diary. Tattered. Letters. Daisy. Memory. Rebirth. Connie."

After each word, Bucky's body convulsed with an electric shock. As the words were repeated over the next few hours, the intensity of the shocks grew. Finally, Bucky lost the ability to think and hung his head in defeat.

Standing triumphantly in front of his defeated body, Connie asked, "Winter Soldier, are you ready for compliance?" 

"Rea…" before he could complete his word, they heard a loud explosion in the distance. A few armed Hydra agents entered the chamber. "Madame Hydra, he is here."

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

"Sam," Bucky quietly chucked.

Connie faced Bucky, with venom in her voice, "I promise you darling. We will meet again. Soon." 

As she left with her agents, Bucky quietly promised, "We will, my sunshine."

[jtargaryen18]

Chapter 7 (The End)

Series Masterlist

Artist: (AO3: Chiyume) Author: @jtargaryen18 (AO3:  snowqueen79) Created for the @capreversebb 2019

Warnings: Smut, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit Language, Oral Sex, Fluff, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, Shrinkyclinks

A/N: A friend suggested that I post this on Tumblr for you guys and you can let me know what you think. It’s my first Stucky and first anywhere M/M piece written for a challenge back in the summer. The art? You can find it here. It’s NSFW and incredible. It’s what inspired this story.

This is also, to date, my first MCU AU. This isn’t a dark fic.

Steve Rogers owns a coffee shop in Brooklyn and he needs daytime help. Bucky Barnes is looking for a second chance and landing a good job to get on his feet again is a priority. A job in a coffee shop working for a gorgeous blond? Even better. But will his past end what could be the perfect relationship before it even has a chance?

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

~~~

Epilogue

Bucky watched Natasha and Clint stroll up the sidewalk and smiled. Those two had been conservative amidst all the drinking and moving, going home to their new place. To get busy, as Nat put it.

Steve and he still had Darcy and Ian who were passed out in the living room on the couch and floor. The two of them had drunk a lot. All of them had.

His Stevie had already covered them up with warm blankets, setting water glasses and aspirin out for them.

Bucky grinned as he stopped and looked around.

This was his home now. Here in this house with Steve.

Things couldn’t be better.

He found Steve in the bedroom, sprawled out on the bed and watching television. Waiting.

What was he up to?

“How’s your back?” Bucky asked him, legitimately worried about all the shit Steve had moved around today. Steve kept saying he was fine, but he couldn’t hide the change in his gait. Bucky had caught him more than once holding his back.

“I’ll live,” Steve told him. “I know what would make it better. But I guess we shouldn’t with…”

“With them out in the living room?” Bucky grinned. “We can. If we can be quiet. Can you be quiet for me, Stevie? I’ll make it worth your while.”

The way Steve’s eyes would go dark from zero to sixty? That would never get old. Steve was a gentleman, through and through. But all Bucky had to do was insinuate he wanted his mouth on him or he wanted him naked, and gentleman Steve was out the door.

Stevie, his Stevie, was a horny little bastard. He didn’t think he’d ever get enough of him.

“What are you going to do?” Steve asked him, trying to feign concern. Okay, Stevie wasn’t the best actor.

“Lots of things,” Bucky told him. “And you’re going to be so good for me, aren’t you? So good and quiet for me.”

“We really shouldn’t,” Steve’s gaze darted in the direction of the living room.

“We’ll be quiet,” Bucky told him.

Grabbing the lube from the bedside table, Bucky climbed up on the bed and began stripping them both. He got his mouth and hands on any part of Steve he could, drawing hisses of pleasure and happy sighs from him the whole time. Once Stevie was naked, Bucky manhandled him onto his stomach, pressing him down into the mattress with his own weight. Just enough to make him feel secure because his blond lover got off on that.

With one arm wrapped around Steve’s chest and his chin resting on one of his shoulders, Bucky let his other hand slide over the other man’s back, over the firm globes of his ass. When his fingers slid into his crack, he met with something he didn’t expect at all.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Bucky whispered in delight.

He lifted himself off Steve so he could get a closer look at his handiwork.

Steve had opened himself up for Bucky already, a good-sized plug seated in his ass.

“You been wearing that all day?” Bucky wanted to know, feeling himself go hard as a rock.

Steve turned an adorable shade of red, shook his head. “Nah, while you were seeing Natasha and Clint out, I came back here and…”

“Oh, baby, I am so turned on right now,” Bucky admitted. “You just couldn’t wait to get me in you, huh?”

Steve shook his head. He really was shameless sometimes.

Just for him.

Pressing him back down onto his stomach, Bucky held his neck with his left hand. With his right, he gently played with the plug, working it in and out of Steve in a way he knew his lover would enjoy.

“Buck, you’re killing me,” Steve whispered. “Can you get inside me already?”

“What’s your rush?” Bucky muttered. “We’ve got all night. I wonder how many times I can make you come”

Steve whimpered, a sound Bucky would never get tired of hearing. He made the sound again when Bucky pulled the plug free and tossed it off the side of the bed. The sight of Steve’s ready hole had him wanting to fuck him into the mattress.

But Bucky really wasn’t in a rush. He wanted to warm Steve up first.

Bucky got his fingers in him first, making Steve reach under himself and stroke his cock in time with the movements. When he brought Steve to the edge, he made him stop and put his hands where he could see them. Then he stretched out on top of Steve and began to sink into him. It was an easy glide thanks to Steve’s generous preparation.

“I’ve wanted this all day,” Steve muttered when Bucky bottomed out. “All fucking day.”

“You got me,” Bucky whispered, draping himself over Steve’s back in a way that he kept his weight off. But the position put his chin on Steve’s shoulder, a perfect position to torment his lover as he fucked him. Whispering into Steve’s ear and beginning to thrust, Bucky grinned. “Keep your hands where I can see them, baby. You’re done touching your cock. You don’t need it. I’m going to make you come so hard, you’ll be seeing stars.”

Steve buried his face in the bedding and moaned. It had Bucky’s libido growing fangs.

It was evil, he knew, but he pulled out every filthy thing Steve loved just to make him fight to be quiet. Bucky teased his ear and his neck with his lips and tongue while he fucked him in firm, steady strokes. He told his Stevie how tight he was, how good his ass felt. He restrained Steve’s movements as much as he could without pressing on him more.

And when he really began pounding into Steve’s ass, when Steve was starting to lose himself in the pleasure Bucky was drowning him in, Bucky covered his mouth with his hand to keep him quiet. It drove Steve crazy.

When Steve’s slender body was heated and slick with sweat, Bucky sped up his thrusts. Steve was crying out behind his hand as Bucky pounded into him with a hard, steady rhythm. Bucky knew the moment before Steve came, felt him clench up around him, beneath him.

When Bucky reached his own end, it was bliss. Thrusting in and holding, he felt his release shooting inside his lover and his heart pounded in his chest.

Bucky was home. This man, this beautiful golden man was his home.

Gently he eased off Steve and got them both cleaned up.

The sex was always amazing, but Bucky’s favorite part was what came after, pulling his lover up to hold him. He loved to have Steve’s head pressed to his heart, to have him safe next to him in the night. It was something Bucky had never expected to have or find.

“You think they heard anything?” Steve whispered, dropping head onto Bucky’s chest and making himself comfortable.

“You’ll know first thing in the morning if they do, pal.” Bucky laughed. “Was that okay?”

Steve lifted his head, his gaze locking with Bucky’s.

“You really have to ask?”

“Well, I was a little hard on you,” Bucky told him. “That plug in your ass got me worked up.”

“Yeah?”

Bucky loved the mix of sin and innocent on Steve’s beautiful face.

“Yeah.”

Steve smiled, stretching up to kiss him before returning his head to Bucky’s chest. “Love you,” he whispered.

Bucky’s heart clenched in his chest. That would never get old either.

“I love you too, Stevie.”

They drifted off to sleep together, wrapped in each other’s arms.

[minaminokyoko]

A Love Letter to ‘Knives Out’

Disclaimer: This isn’t even a review. This is literally just me freaking out about what a great movie I just bloody watched and I just need to vomit words everywhere about it. Sorry in advance.

I think the best thing ever is I went into this with zero information. I remember seeing the original trailer months ago, but it wasn’t detailed. Just the short one of the premise, and to be honest, I’m not really into Whodunits. Clue is one of the exceptions and Castle is the only detective-related thing I’ve ever liked and followed religiously (up until the final godawful two seasons), so I have no predisposition to even care about murder mysteries. But then Rian Johnson dangled the juicy carrot of Chris Evans playing against type (because we all know the man is a sweetie and I can personally vouch that he’s great at hugs) and so I decided to add it to my watchlist. Then the reviews came pouring in that it was great, which surprised me, and so I decided to take a leap of faith to see if the hype was real.

Oh God, was it ever.

Y’all know me by now. I’m a hard, cynical old bitch. It’s tough to impress me, but fucking hell, I really loved Knives Out.

It’s not that it does anything new; it’s that it is a fresh, creative spin on tropes we’re used to and it’s also the strong performances that just make it a delightful film. It’s kooky and dark and offbeat. It’s charming. It’s wonderfully political. It’s irreverent. This is the niche kind of writing that I adore. It’s why I’ve loved shows like Frasier or movies like Snatch. I love the interwoven mess between the plot and the characters and everything coming to light in a big explosion.

Spoilers down below for my talking points, naturally.

I want to start with Marta, simply because I love how this movie framed the character as innocent, but not stupid, useless, or weak. I love that she had a great relationship with Harlan. I love that Harlan didn’t have any evil ulterior motives. It was simply a man who looked around and realized that he thought he was providing for his family but all he really was doing was supporting selfish, downright cruel people. That family basically just siphoned off of him and had the entitlement complex that is currently killing this country right this fucking second. It was very satisfying when he left them nothing and gave Marta the money and the choice of what to do. The final shot of the movie is genius.

Which segways into probably my second favorite thing about the movie: the commentary about the entitled upperclass versus the working class immigrant. The whole Trump debate during the party made me groan because we all just wrapped up three holidays, so I know that people were having to go home for the holidays and listen to the broken-ass logic of their Trump supporter relatives. Especially since they dragged Marta into the bullshit conversation. I LOVE the writing of having this girl who busted her ass, who listened, who was a genuinely good person, still being able to be a good person in the end after one hell of an ordeal. I loved how the movie poked all kinds of holes in the fake narrative of inheritance and immigration and patriotism. Fuck that. This country isn’t some holy land. This country was stolen from the people who were born here and then they built a fake fucking pedestal on top of the mass graves and proclaimed it theirs. Fuck that revision history and fuck the people who believe these lies. This movie is so satisfying because it’s a giant middle finger to those people and it’s a reminder that the future is these hardworking, kind people who care about society and they are the ones who have earned all the good things this country has to offer.

I also love the examples of bigotry and microaggressions that were more subtle. The WASPs in this movie don’t even realize the backhanded compliments and the truly insulting shit that they do since they’re so entitled. For example, Richard handing Marta his plate while he was arguing for Trump. That’s brilliantly done. He thinks of her as a servant while he pretends she’s on equal footing: saying one thing and yet his actions prove the opposite. There’s also Meg’s comment of “we’re his REAL family,” showing that those bastards all will smile and welcome you until the second you cease to be useful to them and then they show you just how truly ugly they are beneath those “civil” masks. When the will was read, it was the exact shitshow we all knew it would be. That was a great representation of the upper class. It’s not about being loud and racist; it’s all those subtle, hideous things they do to suppress people of color and the working class so they can stay on top where they think they belong. This narrative is powerfully woven in that regard and I really needed to hear this story in today’s climate, especially since we just started 2020 today, which could be the end of everything all over again. I applaud the writing. As a woman of color, I see this kind of shit every single day, especially now that I work in higher education, so I really hope it opens more eyes to the shit that not only immigrants but working class POC deal with on a daily basis. I likened it to Zootopia, where you came to the movie for one reason but then you were served an absolutely piping hot side dish alongside the entrée. Well done, Knives Out. Well done.

I need to give a nod to this powerhouse cast as well. I forgot Michael Shannon was in this movie so seeing him made me giddy, as I’ve always liked him since he’s so damn sinister. He’s a great antagonist actor and I almost wish he’d been given more to do. Jamie Lee Curtis did great as well.

But y’all know what’s coming. I mean, look at my profile picture. You know I have to stop and talk about my future husband’s performance.

Chris Evans as a villain.

Not only that, but Chris Evans as a GREAT villain.

Oh, God, pass me the cigarette.

We all knew from his work in the MCU that the man can act his fine America’s ass off, but boy, did I really like his role here. I compare it to Chris Hemsworth in the godawful movie Bad Times at the El Royale, because while that is one of the worst movies of the decade, it was extremely smart in casting Hemsworth in the villain role. Why? Because it sold the believable factor. Chris Hemsworth is so handsome and charismatic that he COULD in fact be a creepy ass cult leader. You take one look at that man’s chest and tell me you wouldn’t fight a smelly hippie to jump in his bed. Damn right I’d be in a Chris Hemsworth cult. Point being, Chris Evans as the handsome but cruel Hugh was phenomenal. I really enjoyed seeing everything unfold. He did such a great job. It’s all the more satisfying knowing that in real life, he’s the cutest, sweetest goofball on earth. I’m so delighted he took this role because he knocked it out of the park.

Which brings me to my next point.

I’m gonna be a basic fangirl bitch for a second here. Just hear me out.

I’d LOVE an alternate ending to this movie where Hugh didn’t do it.

I know, I know. That’s super basic and dumb and I know part of it is because I just wanted to like Hugh anyway, but it actually would be a great piece of storytelling if you changed the ending.

In this premise, Marta really did mix up the bottles and accidentally killed Harlan. Well, what I would change is that Hugh really did have a benevolent epiphany and he decides to come back to stick it to his shitass family and he figures out what Marta did and decides to help her so she’ll slip him his cut. Then the rest of the film is Hugh and Marta trying to cover the rest of their tracks so that Blanc doesn’t piece together Marta’s accidental crime. Over the course of helping her, Hugh gets to know her and they become friends, so by the time they pull it all off—mind you, I’m ambiguous in this AU, I’d be fine if the detective works it out but lets them cover it up or if they actually manage to just destroy all the evidence so he can’t convict her and he admits defeat—he’s now invested and doesn’t accept the money when she goes to pay him. Bonus points if he falls in love with her during the cover up. It’s not necessary, but I saw a couple little sparks, so I think it would be very cute if Hugh and Marta hooked up to protect each other from the horrible family and build their own empire together. But that’s me.

Trust me, this movie is brilliant as written. It doesn’t need that alternate ending. But I have to admit it got my mind churning about what a fantastic character arc it could be if Hugh hadn’t been the bad guy and he and Marta learned things about each other and formed a friendship. I’m a writer, it’s kind of a hobby, sorry. I hope I’m not the only one who thought that, but we’ll see.

I’m so glad I started 2020 with this film. It’s a rare gem. I can’t wait for it to get on DVD, because I am gonna snag it asap and watch it again. What a romp. It’s also gratifying in a petty way that J.J. Abrams went out of his way to undo Rian Johnson’s work in the Star Wars franchise and it’s backfiring majorly critically speaking meanwhile Knives Out is getting bomb ass good reviews, so good for you, Rian. Your revenge is at hand. #TEAMPETTY

I can’t recommend this hard enough. If you love murder mysteries or if you just love Clue-style quirky black comedy, please see Knives Out. It’s worth every red dime, to quote the movie.

Kyo out.

[the--sad--hatter]

Frozen Heart (One)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU, DEADPOOL & X-MEN

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION -  

When Nick Fury finally catches the Ex-Shield Agent knowns Black Ice, The Thief with a Frozen Heart he puts her where she belongs. With The Avengers.

You’re not happy about that decision but you’re the only one who’s kicking up a fuss.

Natasha and Clint are happy to have you back in their lives, Sam Wilson is a big fan, Tony Stark just wants you to keep your hands off his stuff and Steve finds out that not only do you have a connection but you were there for him when nobody else was.

Bucky Barnes is one of the few people who doesn’t have a connection with you but he’d really really like one.

Prologue   

                                                                                                                           ANYTHING IN ITALICS IS BEING SIGNED, NOT SAID OUT LOUD

Chapter One - Sixty Seconds

The room Clint had led you to was less of a room and more of a luxury suite. It was decadent and as soon as you opened the door and shoved you through it your jaw dropped.

“I’ll put coffee on.” Clint scoffed cheerily at you and left without waiting for a response, closing the door and leaving you in solitude.

You immediately stalked towards the private bathroom attached to what was now your room, ripping off the clothes Clint had supplied and discarding them as you went. The shower alone was at least four times bigger than your previous bathroom.

You switched the shower on turning the dial up as high as it would go and it didn’t take long for steam to fill the bathroom. The Irony of an ice powered mutant taking a blistering hot shower wasn’t lost on you as you fiddled with all the dials. There was also a drug stores worth of soaps, shower gels, and hair products. Though you doubted any drug store carried these expensive sounding brands.

You spent at least twenty minutes just choosing a shower gel. Eventually you dragged your sweet smelling body out of heaven on earth and wrapped a cloud (it was probably a towel but it felt like a cloud) around yourself and padded into the bedroom.

You forced yourself to ignore the humongous soft looking bed that was piled high with pillows and realised you'd have to put Clint's clothes back on. Unless....

This was it, the big moment. If you opened the wardrobe and it was empty then all hope was lost. But if there clothes in there, clothes in your size and preferred style then maybe Natasha still loved you.

You took a deep breath and swung the doors open.  

There was a cheesy pop song playing in your head ten minutes later as you strutted down the hallway, the black heels clicking against the floor. You smoothed your hands over your hips, smoothing invisible creases out of the tight black top and smirked. Tasha still loved you.

“Black Ice!” Someone called and you twirled round to wave at them.

“Falcon right?” You said, smiling at man jogging down the corridor towards you.

“Sam Wilson.” He said holding out his hand for you to shake.

Sam Wilson was gorgeous, nobody could try and dispute that. His most striking feature though was his eyes and the kindness shining in them. As soon as you looked into them you found yourself wanting to pour your heart out to him and make him your friend.

“Everybody kinda just calls me Ice.” You told him, shaking his hand.

“Cause of the powers right? I never would have guessed it was a power, I just thought the Ice you left behind was like a calling card or political statement.” He gushed.

You noticed the tips of his ears turning red as you blinked at him in surprise.

“Can I see them?” He asked you.

You looked around nervously, not used to this kind of openness about your powers.

“No.” You said, gulping nervously.

He didn’t seem at all put off by your attitude and instead got a conspiratorial look on his face, grabbing you by the arm gently as he pulled you down the hallway and through a door. You looked around the room he’d dragged you into and frowned, it was some sort of maintenance room. Dark, empty, filled with pipes and very very small.

You wrenched your arm away from him and he raised his eyebrows at you, looking taken aback before holding his hands up in surrender.

“Alright, I understand. No touching, that wasn’t cool of me. I’m sorry.” His tone was gentle and sincere.

“Uh, it’s ok. It’s just we’ve only just met and I’m not that kind of girl.” You smiled as you said it, covering your nerves.

You weren’t getting creepy vibes of this guy and didn’t really think he’d pulled you into an empty room for nefarious purposes. You was more curious than anything.

“I’ll buy you dinner next time. I just thought you’d be more inclined to show me your frosty side if nobody was spying.” He prodded with a laugh.

“My power takes a lot of emotional and physical control. Granted I'm not drugged up and being held captive in the desert at the moment but do you really want to risk it?” You asked.

“I didn’t know that’s what happened, I’m really sorry.”He looked crestfallen as he apologised.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Or yours. I didn’t know, I won’t ask again. And just so you know, I’m good with this sort of thing if you need to talk about it. If you don’t, I’m also great at making omelette's.” He told you with a toothy grin.

“I’m really good at eating them.” You said, smiling back at the man you were quickly betting was going to be a friend.

“Well then milady, might I escort you to the kitchen?” He said, opening the door with a dramatic flourish and bowing as you passed.

You laughed at his antics and shook your head fondly, accepting the offer of his arm as he walked you to the kitchen. Where Clint and Natasha were waiting.

“Wilson, hands off my sister!” Clint snapped.

“Your sister?” Sam shrieked, looking between you and Clint, squinting.

“She’s not really my sister, somebody dropped her off at the circus in a basket and I just kept her.”

“Stop telling people that, it’s not any better than the truth. We found her on a job, we killed her parents and decided to raise her to make up for it.” Natasha said.

“They’re both lying. It’s nowhere near that interesting, Clint saved me from a fire when I was a baby. That’s why his face looks like that.” You said.

Sam’s eyes flicked down to your hands but didn’t say anything about you signing as you spoke.

“So, she’s your sister but not?” Sam clarified.

“She’s my sister. Doesn’t matter how she got that way.” Clint said resolutely, making it clear it was a closed topic.

“See, I knew you loved me.” You teased Clint.

“No I don’t, I just don’t share my toys.”

“Ok, looks like we have another bird in the nest!” Sam said excitedly.

“She’s not a bird, she’s a snake.” Natasha said, glaring at you.

“Damn, that was cold even for a Russian!” You responded with a faux hurt expression.

“Vy dolzhny uskol'znut' ot malen'koy zmei.” (Slither away little snake.)

“Natasha, I still don’t speak Russian. And snakes eat spiders so...” You smirked.

“Run.”Clint warned.

Natasha narrowed her eyes at you and smirked.

“Gym in one hour. We’re playing 60 seconds.” She told you and walked away.

You winced and watched her leave.  

“What’s 60 seconds?” Sam asked Clint.

You and Natasha were both stubborn, something you had realised a long time ago. Your arguments used to be legendary and never ending until you figured out a system. It was a system most people saw as barbaric or psychotic. You and Tasha preferred to look at it as cathartic.

Sixty seconds, no holds barred. The wronged party could hurt the wrongdoer however they saw fit, no retribution. It was how you settled all grievances.

It was painful, but worth it. Honestly, it was a system that worked for you both and you were glad she was using it.

You broke out of your reverie when Clint waved a hand in front of your face.

“Look alive, Cap’s coming.” He smirked.

You brightened up considerably, you were looking forward to seeing Captain Rogers again. You spun round with a bright smile on your face as he walked into the kitchen. He held his hand out formally.

“Ma'am, welcome to The Avengers compound. I’m Steve Rogers.” He said politely.

Admittedly it had been a long time since a woman had looked so offended by his presence but the expression on your face was still painfully familiar.

“Gee, you defrost a guy and he acts like you’ve never met.” You huffed angrily, your hands flying about as your frustration came out through your gestures..

“Defrost?” Steve repeated, puzzled.

Clint sniggered and you narrowed your eyes at his shit eating grin and Steve’s confused expression.

“Nobody told him? You bastard! That was literally the coolest thing I have ever done and nobody told him? No wonder he never wrote, never called.” You whined petulantly.

“I’m not following.” Steve said with a frown.

“Me either.” Sam added from his post at the cooker.

You were reigning in the impulse to stamp your foot when Sam gasped and pointed at you with a spatula.

“Ice! He was in the ice. You didn’t?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, I did. What, you think Shield find a man in Ice and don’t ask their Ice powered agent to help out?” You said sulkily.

“Wait, you defrosted me when I came out of the Ice?” Steve clarified.

“Well I had to. If you melted too quickly you could have gone into shock. I had to keep you frozen for days and do it gradually.” You told him.

He was gob smacked. Nobody had ever told him that a person had done it or that it had taken days.

“Thank you.” He said sincerely.

“You are very welcome. You however are the worst brother in the world.” You snapped at Clint.

“Brother?” Steve pressed, back to shocked.

“Adopted, I bought her off a Serbian fella years ago and couldn’t return her.” Clint said.

After breakfast Clint dragged you around the compound, pointing out important rooms. Or rooms he deemed important.

“That’s the smaller TV room but the sofa is comfier and it’s usually empty.” He informed you.

Old habits died hard and despite the fact he could hear you fine with his hearing aids in he slipped back into signing, feeling better communicating with you the old fashioned way. When you were younger you’d delighted in having your own secret way of communicating with Natasha and Clint and now you knew why he signed but it still felt more natural to talk this way.

The compound was sleek, modern and airy and very Stark. Speaking of...

“Where’s Stark? Locking down his valuables?” You asked, sniggering.

“Didn’t have the heart to tell him that wouldn’t stop you.” He smirked.

“Ok, it’s been an hour. Take me to my executioner.” You said with a solemn expression.

He chuckled and slung his arm around your shoulders, steering you towards the gym.

The Gym as it turned out was MASSIVE. At least twice the size of a football field, one side was filled with state of the art gym equipment and instead of 4 walls there were 3 wall and a row to floor to ceiling windows that overlooked an outdoor running track and obstacle course. The other half of the room was covered in training mats, clearly meant for sparring.

That was where Natasha was stood, casually waiting for you. Clint squeezed your shoulder and pushed you towards her. You took a deep breath and stepped onto the mats. You could do this, it was only a minute. You could survive it.

But Natasha Romanov was a cruel cruel woman.

Fifty one minutes later yoy hit the floor, sweat dripping down your forehead. Every muscle you had burned and even ones you didn’t know you had were screaming in protest.

Tasha, lovely kind woman that she was had informed you she was doing a physical evaluation before she cleaned the slate and used her sixty seconds.

You’d been here less than an hour and she hadn’t even touched you yet but you were already thoroughly exhausted. The Russian B...eauty was currently testing your core strength by having you use the salmon ladder.

One handed.

You’d yet to reach the top, having met the floor with force at least seven times by now. Clint was absolutely no help, as soon as Natasha had instructed you to get to work he’d perched himself on top of a balance beam and proceeded to heckle you. His laughter echoed through the room as you pushed herself up from the ground, face burning in embarrassment.

“Weren’t you in the Army the last two years?” He called down in mirth.

You flipped him off but it only made him laugh harder.

Natasha kicked your left leg and you went down ungracefully, your knee slamming into the floor.

“You’re here so I can get a better understanding of your capabilities, not to trade barbs with birdbrain over there.” Natasha told you coldly.

“Hey I resent that.” Clint called out.

Natasha turned her stare on him and he grumbled to himself and got up and wandered away to the target practice area of the room. Natasha turned back to you and you gritted your teeth against the pain and nodded, getting to your feet and picking up the metal bar you were using to pull yourself up the ladder.

“Use the left hand this time.” Natasha ordered.

You sighed and did as you were told, making the mistake of glancing towards Clint to make sure he wasn’t up to anything. You were too caught up in the panel of the wall Clint had just opened to make it onto the ladder and fell again, landing on your feet this time but barely paying attention.

There was an armoury in the wall and your eyes were lit up like a kid at Christmas. Natasha cocked her head at your reaction and smirked.

“Ok, lets test your gun knowledge out.” Natasha said.

You didn’t wait for her to finish the sentence and were already scampering toward the guns. Clint looked up at the sound of your footsteps and the corner of his mouth tugged up at the look on your face.

You weren’t looking at him, your eyes were on the weapons, more specifically on the glock 12 on the table next to him. You picked it up and with practised ease popped the magazine out and checked it before popping it back in. He and Natasha shared an amused look as you strode over to the targets, standing at the furthest point from them and steadily raised the gun in your right hand and fired off 12 shots in rapid succession. Clint let out a low whistle as he looked at all 12 targets that now had a bullet hole in the dead centre of the target.

“Nat she can shoot! Like really shoot!” He whispered excitedly.

Your aim had always been pretty good but you were no Hawkeye, however in the last two years you had given up trying to match his skill with a bow and to your surprise found that your skill lay with guns. You had only a little amount of control of your abilities and halfway decent fighting skills but you knew your way around a gun.

They were your happy place, the feel of cold heavy metal in your hand, your mind blissfully clear of anything except the target.

You switched the gun to your left hand and repeated the 12 shots, hitting the bullseye again every time. You popped a fresh clip into the gun, intending to empty that as well when something whizzed by your head and buried itself into the dead centre of a target.

You turned to look at Clint and Natasha. Natasha was looking on with a blank face but Clint was holding a bow and staring back at you and the challenge was clear. You met his eyes and raised the gun, pulling the trigger on your next exhale, keeping your gaze locked on his. You didn’t have to look to know that you had hit the target.

Clint let out a low whistle of approval but Natasha’s face remained impassive.

“Good, what time you’ll save on weapons training you can put into combat practice.” Natasha decided.

You scowled but dutifully followed the lethal task mistress back to the bars, scowling over your shoulder at a chuckling Clint.

Bucky knew there was someone new in the compound, some former thief who Steve had rushed into tell him about after breakfast. Apparently she was Barton’s younger sister and she had helped Steve when they pulled him out of the arctic. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he saw her but it wasn’t that.

He happened to look through the windows of the gym and nearly tripped over his own feet at the sight of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He was a hundred years old, he’d seen more than his share of dames but not one of them held a candle to the girl in the gym. The one with killer aim. He watched her effortlessly fire off the shots, hitting the targets with minimal effort and it was mesmerizing.

When she fired a bullet straight through Barton's arrow without looking all the blood rushed from Bucky’s head because it was without a doubt the sexiest thing he had ever seen. He had never even met the girl but right then and there he decided she was his soulmate.

“Well you are in terrible shape. I don’t know what they had you doing in the army but it wasn’t good enough. Thankfully you still have your instinct for combat and some strength. An intense training regime should have you in shape in a few week.” Natasha told you as you lay panting on the floor.

Clint wandered over and nudged you with his foot and you were too tired to stop him.

“Kill me.” You begged.

“Did that once, not doing it again.”

You frowned at his response. He was slightly upside down from this angle but that didn’t do much to hide the pain in his eyes. When Clint had helped you fake your death he hadn’t had much of a choice. Neither of you had. As much as you had missed him you suspected he missed his baby sister more. You wanted to tell him you were glad to be back with him, that you didn’t want to leave again.

“Sappy is a bad look on you.” You told him.

“Bleeding is about to be a good look on you.” He responded.

There, now he knew. Thank god for sibling short hand and reading between the lines. He pulled you to your feet and nodded at you.

“Start the clock.” Natasha instructed.

“3...2...1...GO!”

You steeled yourself as she advanced and shut your eyes like the brave woman you were. Her arms wrapped around you and you were pulled into a hug. Your eyes shot open and you shot a helplessly terrified look at you brother.

“Don’t do it again. We missed you too much.” Natasha whispered in your ear and released you.

“Tasha, I missed you so much. Every day.” You admitted, tearing up.

“Good.” She said.

And then she roundhouse kicked you in the face.

You winced and pressed an ice pack to your face as you grabbed a bowl of pasta from the buffet style spread in the kitchen. Apparently team dinners were a thing and there was one especially for you tonight. You leaned over the counter to grab a slice of cheesecake from the back of the table that looked slightly larger than the other slices. You put it next to your pasta and frowned, you could have sworn you chose pasta but there was now a sad looking plate of chicken breast and broccoli looking up at you.

“Part of getting you into shape is changing your diet.”

You whirled round to face Natasha who had an annoying smirk on her face as she plucked the cheesecake away from you.

Natasha kept her smirk as she walked away with the desert and sat at a table next to Clint, pushing an empty chair out with her foot and looking at you expectantly. You gave in and went to sit down, but not before throwing a dirty look at the offending chicken and vegetables.

“Hey Ice.” Sam greeted you as you sat down.

You just frowned grumpily at your table-mates and stabbed at her dinner. Natasha looked smug as she tucked into the cheesecake.

“What happened to your face?” Sam asked you in concern.

“60 seconds.” You, Clint and Natasha said in unison.

Sam looked terrified and rapidly changed the subject.

“Steve’s bringing Barnes down.” He said with a grimace.

“Friend of yours?” You smirked, wincing when it hurt your face.

“Arch nemesis. He’s the worst, you’ll hate him.” Sam assured you.

“Tony is coming down with Bruce. Brace yourself.” Clint told you.

“Hey, it’s not my fault his security is abysmal.” You defended yourself.

“Excuse me? Who is this stray child who has wandered into my home to eat my food and insult me?” Someone behind you demanded.

You turned around and looked at the infamous Tony Stark. He was dripping about as much ego and irritation as you expected while a timid and exhausted looking man stood behind him.

“Wow, it’s actually you!” You exclaimed, getting up and rushing past Tony to offer your hand to the one and only Bruce Banner.

“Oh hello. I’ve been told to just call you Ice. I’m Bruce banner but I guess you probably knew that.” Bruce said nervously buy politely.

“It’s an honour Dr Banner, I’m such a huge fan.” You admitted.

“Oh, you’re into science?” He asked, his eyes lighting up.

Natasha and Clint snorted behind you.

“Yes... and no. I like it, I’m just not very good at it. I think you are amazing, your brain is just so much better than mine. Like so much.” You stammered.

“Should we rescue her?” Sam whispered.

“Oh hell no, this is fun!” Tony insisted.

There was a slight chance that you were a little bit of a science nerd. Minus the nerd part. See you loved science, everything from the human brain to the stars and the fact that they were connected. It was all fascinating to you but you sadly lacked the genius gene.

“Your enthusiasm is wonderful, passion is 90% of science.” Bruce said nicely.

You noticed you were still shaking his hand and pulled away, blushing.

“No, no it’s not.” You said sadly.

He looked bad for you as you sat back down.

“I’m working on a biochemical sample from a rather fascinating species of Jellyfish at the moment. Perhaps tomorrow If you come by the lab I can show you?” He suggested and you sat up a little straighter.

“Careful Bruce, she might steal it.” Tony warned.

“Bruh, I stole an Iron Suit, big deal. That sculpture I left took me ages to make, don’t I get any credit?” You asked.

“No. None. I don’t like you.” Tony said, wagging his finger at you.

“Didn’t you end up redesigning the entire security system and making it even better?” Bruce asked him.

“Not the point Brucey, she’s a little street rat.” Tony scowled.

“I guess that makes you the magic carpet.” You pointed out and he scowled harder.

“Mr Stark I am sorry. I was young and foolish, I’ll never do it again.” You swore.

Tony’s eyes followed your hands as you signed your words, fork in hand.

“Do what again?” Steve asked before Tony could put his foot in his mouth.

You turned around to greet The Captain and promptly had the breath knocked from your lungs.

The dark haired smouldering man next to him was undoubtedly the most intimidating man you had ever seen. From the metal arm to the bulging muscles to the steely eyes and that perfect jawline. This was Bucky Barnes, The Winter Soldier. Barnes, Sams nemesis.

“I’m Sam’s friend.” You blurted out for lack of an actual coherent thought.

Steve looked between you and Sam with amusement but your eyes were still locked onto Bucky who finally looked up at you.

What little braincells you still had wandered away, skipping into the sunset and abandoning you. Bucky’s eyes were like steel traps and you were completely stuck in them. So stuck you didn’t see Steve nudge him.

“Hi.” Bucky said to you in a hoarse, raspy voice.

You may or may not have squeaked and turned your back on him. Well you definitely did but in your defence your brain cells were gone.

Bucky turned around and walked back out.

“I’m not hungry. For food, This food. I’m actually tired. I’m going to go to bed.” You announced and fled.

“What the fuck was that?” You hissed at yourself.

What indeed. There was absolutely no good reason for you to have reacted to Bucky that way.

You had been in a coma for nine days, Natasha had kicked you in the face today. You were overwhelmed emotionally. These were all actually perfectly good reasons when you thought about it.

You just needed to get some sleep, recharge and maybe, hopefully regrow some of those traitorous braincells. In the morning, you would apologise to Bucky Barnes. You would look him in the eyes, his gorgeou...

You would look somewhere in his general vicinity and apologise. Satisfied with your plan you got ready to settle into the massive luxury bed that was now yours.

Unaware that a few halls down Bucky was reprimanding himself for blowing his chances with before he even got to meet you properly. He calmed himself down by convincing himself that you were just a pretty girl with good aim, it wasn’t a huge loss if he never got to spend time with you. In the morning he would just treat you like a team mate and forgot the fleeting silly crush he’d developed.

In the morning, everything would be fine.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So here it is, the first official chapter!! TaaaDaaaa! I really hope it was enjoyable for you guys and I would love to know what you thought, even (especially) if you didn't like it!

If you did like it, tag list is open if you wanna be on it :)

Massive Shoutout to @punitores-corde for holding my hand and walking me through how to address deafness properly! I hope I did ok with it beans, kick my ass if I didn't! 

@shirukitsune @thelostallycat @jsmith509 @buckitybarnes

[ladyfl4me]

A,E,F,G,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z ;o

Okay *cracks knuckles* let’s go! F, M, and S have already been taken from this list, so feel free to send in... B, C, D, or H, I guess. Yeehaw. This is really fucking long.

A: How did you come up with the title to [TMWCIFTC]? -- It started, as many things do, as a bad pun. The novel The Spy who Came In from the Cold was a cold-war spy thriller, about a British spy who goes over to East Germany as an apparent defect, except he’s actually there to spread misinformation and fuck shit up. He falls in love, becomes disillusioned with his superiors, and is shot dead over the corpse of his lover after climbing over to the east side of the wall. Needless to say, this is nowhere close to what happens in TMWCIFTC. I chose it early on because of the literal meaning: there’s a moth(man), he’s coming in from the cold WV weather, boom shaka laka, we have a title. Over time, though, it’s evolved into another meaning. Indrid himself is coming in from an isolated, lonely existence: he’s rejoining the family that cut ties with him, he’s in love, he’s warm and safe. The moth sure did come in from the cold, and hopefully he stays that way.

E: If you wrote a sequel to [TMWCIFTC], what would it be about? -- Hm. Considering my entire TAZ fic career is a tangled hairball of sequels and prequels, I kind of have this base covered. At the moment, TCOS - aka The Children of Sylvain, the sequel to TMWCIFTC - is about three things: a Pine Guard road trip race against time and the feds, the Spanish Sylvan Inquisition That Nobody Expected (least of all Jake and Hollis, who have to set aside their differences and past conflicts to save Kepler - and who knows, maybe they’ll fall in love along the way), and Alexandra the Interpreter getting woke to Sylvan politics and doing what she can from the inside to change them. In other words, it’s going to be a massive sequel that is the finale of the Amnesty alternate universe I’ve created. It’s this series’ Endgame. (That reminds me, I need an actual title for this collection of stories I’m writing. The “Tin Cinematic Universe” doesn’t quite have the ring to it that I’d like.)

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? -- eh, it kind of depends. It’s like a buffering bar on Youtube videos. I outline what I can until I run out of ideas, then start writing, then add outlines to the end, until the outline is complete and I just have to keep writing.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)? -- I don’t have one for reading, but for writing, I fucking love structuring chapters around songs. Classical or otherwise, I love music. All my stories play in my head like a movie screen, and I just do my best to describe what I’m seeing in my head with an accompanying score. It’s not so much a guilty pleasure as it is a writing process. Frankly, I don’t think I actually have a guilty pleasure; the act of writing itself is all the happiness I need.

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic]. -- An alternate ending for The Devil Went Down To Georgia would be... interesting. It ended with Boyd-as-Jersey-Devil scaring the pants off some poor broke college kid, who stole his worthless fiddle; then he changed back, and he and Ned went on their merry way to go break into Aubrey’s house and send everything down the drain. If there was one thing that I could change in there, it would be how fast Ned ran. If he ran a little faster, he would have seen the alley; he would have witnessed Boyd turning into the Jersey Devil, or at least turning back into himself; and he’d get a very rude awakening as to what Sylvans are and that his partner (in crime, and everything that mattered) was a fucking cryptid. God, that’d be a fun AU to write. Who knows, I might go do that someday.

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with? -- At the moment, the only angsty idea that I’m actually conceptualizing is a Hollis/Jake angsty breakup for TSG. (Spoilers, I guess.) I once wrote a very grimdark ending to TMWCIFTC where everyone fell through the ice and drowned. It wasn’t fun. I’ve also mentally killed off each Amnesty protagonist and NPC in various ways, but I never felt comfortable writing them down. I only write angst with a happy ending because those are the kinds of stories I need to hear.

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? -- 9 times out of 10, I just throw it into the void. I write as much as I can in big chunks, and then kind of hope for the best. TMWCIFTC, for example, is a completely unedited, unbetaed vomit draft. I usually do a quick reread of my oneshots to catch grammar and spelling errors, but other than that I just trust myself that it’s fine.

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you? -- Can I get some kind of resolution for To the Edge of Night? Can I please get some kind of resolution for To the Edge of Night??? I was 14 chapters into that bastard before I a) became a more casual MCU fan and b) discovered TAZ. It was such a niche fic with such a niche structure - LOTR as galactic Asgardian propaganda to cover up Odin’s mistakes - that at some point I lost interest in it. I just saw Endgame though, so now I might get some inspiration for stuff to bastardize.

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters? -- Characters. When coming up with character backstories, I can usually find ways to slot their lives together that necessitate a plot. I love character-driven stories, where their actions actually do shit and their words actually mean something, in favor of getting dragged along behind the plot like tin cans behind a car.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?) -- I’m definitely an architect, but in a really messy way. My friends can attest that I do an insane amount of planning for each story - often in their DMs, sorry about that, Fae, Cro, Indy and Aline 😬 - and all that usually ends up in a stream-of-consciousness rant outline on Google Drive. Knowing where the story is going helps me a lot, but the planning I do is definitely just building flower beds in which to sow seeds. Or building a greenhouse. I plan the bare bones of a story, and things get really wild within it, but it does follow a logical plot structure.

Q: How do you feel about collaborations? -- I have a lot of respect for the people who can successfully pull it off, but idk if i’d ever want to do one myself. I get really possessive of my stories and ideas and like to be the one in charge of their execution. That being said, some collabs have produced amazing stories. I don’t mind reading collab fics, but actually being in a collab grates on me more than it should.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence? -- I’m definitely influenced heavily by Neil Gaiman. I read American Gods and Good Omens a lot while I was trying to write TMWCIFTC; not only was it a good brain break, but I was able to pick up a lot of tips on scene pacing, concise yet expressive language, and character interactions. My creative wriitng professors have always told us to read so we know what to steal - not in terms of content, but in execution. 

On the fanfic side, @miamaroo is a huge inspiration for me. I’ve been reading Northern Migration a lot recently, and I love how its canon divergence is so worldshaking and so complex, but is still familiar in nostalgic yet terrifying ways. I read it back in October, went, “Huh, I wanna do something that wild. And if miamaroo can do it then I sure as fuck can too,” and I started planning TMWCIFTC during that one month dead zone the McElroys took last year. Northern Migration is one of the best, most coherent, most stunning, and most incredibly written TAZ Balance AUs I’ve ever read, and if I hadn’t read it, I wouldn’t have been inspired to take the fuckall huge plunge into TMWCIFTC.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist? -- Bed sharing and cuddling, hand kissing, wrist kissing, whump, sympathetic villains. Canon divergent AUs are my absolute favorite things to both read and write. Anything that would turn me into Charlie Kelly slamming his finger on a bulletin board screaming, “CAROL,” is a fic I would give my life for. 

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand? -- Not a fan of a) woobification and b) flat villain characterization, to the point where the story is riding on villain tropes instead of an actual person or plot. Character nuance is always something I look for when I read. I don’t usually get bitter about tropes, though; some stuff, when subverted, works really well. I fully subscribe to don’t like, don’t read, don’t write, which is why I don’t write anything that warrants AO3 content warning tags or an Explicit rating, in favor of focusing on plot. Every author has a reason for what they write and how - be it their level of experience, personal preference, or simply the joy of writing something and getting it out there - and I respect that. Within reason, of course.

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much. -- 

@miamaroo, for reasons I’ve already discussed. My favorite TAZ Balance author hands down. Read Northern Migration and give it the love it deserves, or I’m replacing all the faucets in your house with silly straws.

@transagentstern. Fae has a bunch of absolutely incredible fics and an amazing grasp on characterization. We come from the same place with AUs, in that canon is but the bare planks on which we put the drywall of our plot an characterization. They structure AUs and character backstories from the ground up in believable and emotionally raw ways. Also they have great music taste. I especially like their interpretation of Indrid in Moth to the Flame; he, like all the other characters in the story, is far from perfect, and his character arc is explored in relatable ways that I love to read. 

@keplersheetz. Aline - theneonpineapple on AO3 - researches like a motherfucker and has a wealth of knowledge/experience/viewpoints to draw on, making author-author interactions with her an absolute delight. She’s also doing the lord’s work with rarepairs. Spin a wheel, find a ship, and she’s probably written for it or at least conceptualized it. Reading her character studies and stories of the old Pine Guard - aka Mama’s original crew, before the current PCs joined - is always a delight. I’ve also hashed out a lot of details for The Children of Sylvain, especially for Mr. Boyd Mosche, guilt-wracked Jersey Devil extraordinaire, with her help. 

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? -- Not gonna lie, I’m fine with a lot of stuff that’s out there right now. It’s been a hot few months since I’ve actually stopped to read fic, but from what I recall, most of the fics I’ve read have done a good job of keeping things intact.

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones? -- The vaguer, the better. With really specific prompts, it usually feels as if the story’s been written for me already; with vague, general prompts, I have more agency to explore my own ideas. Some accompanying detail is usually nice, though. For example, the coffee shop/college/flower shop AUs that @transagentstern​ wrote are my ideal prompt for drabbles: premise, a little bit of open-ended detail, clear explanation of what’s going to happen while leaving the rest up to the imagination. Good stuff. If it’s for a long-form piece, though, I prefer full agency, or even just some time to lie facedown in the dirt and wait for an idea to strike me.

X: A character you enjoy making suffer. -- Yes.

Y: A character you want to protect. -- Tim.

Z: Major character death–do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can’t tolerate? -- I do read lots of major character death, yeah, though not always for TAZ. There’s something cathartic about seeing a character die, but sometimes it sits wrong with me in ways that I don’t like. As for writing, I’d rather kill a character for a reason rather than for shock value/for the Feels, though said Feels can accompany the reason. 

[hitchell-mope]

I’m so sorry

Descendants au with magic BUT all the parents are decent competent and normal (ie cruella ain’t a bitch) and there’s no isle of the lost. They’re also all rich

Mal (full name, Mallory Bertha toussaint jnr):

Has to go to auradon prep because of an incident at her old school (you know when you put things like pop rocks in fizzy drinks? Yeah she made that happen in the boys bathroom.) she still maintains it was because she was helping a friend. Has a thing about fairness. Doesn’t hesitate to call Audrey out on the way she treats ben. Get on her good side she’ll protect you with her life and then some (ben jay Carlos Evie doug dizzy gil). Make her mad you’ll never hear the end of it (Harry chad Audrey) otherwise she rather indifferent beside the occasional sarky comment (uma Jane Lonnie). Long purple hair normally down but in a hurry she ponytails it. She does not want to go to auradon prep but her mother is at her wits end and they’ve been blacklisted from the tutoring agencies (Mal kept biting them) magic is green and purple. Wiccan

Jay (last name, arahm):

Appeance is the same. He is not happy about sharing a room with Carlos. Kid freaks him out a little with his pretty obvious crush on him. And jay has the school hierarchy to think about. Carlos is a sophomore jays a junior. Those two are the only reason why jays resistant. There’s also the fact any girl or guy jay shows interest in is threatened with a spotted toothbrush. So his love lifes basically non existent. Carlos grows on him though. Jay dates mal for a time but they soon realise who they’re with the wrong people (he like Carlos she likes Ben). Magic is pure gold. Wizard

Evie (full name Evangeline grimes):

Mommy’s little princess. can do no wrong. A saint in human form. She may be one of the popular ones but she never uses it to get ahead in school just spends her time volunteering when not helping at the school boutique for free. Basically adopted dizzy the moment she saw the girl struggling to open her locker. Hairs a middling blue and reaches her waist. Never wears trousers only dresses and skirts. Piss her off she can end you with a look otherwise a perfect lady. Has a pretty transparent thing for band geek doug and the feeling is more than mutual. Magic is blue and black. Sorceress

Carlos de vil (middle name Oscar):

Again looks the same. Much more well adjusted cause here his mother’s nice and nurturing. He does have a vindictive streak in him though and is very possessive when he finds someone he likes (jay) being younger then the others makes him feel a little self conscious so he’s always trying to prove himself which leads to jay having to protect him (sneaking into a party underage and getting drunk. Stowing away in the boot of the car when ben mal and jay skip class to go to the mall) not as flamboyant as harry cause let’s face it no one is. But yeah he’s gay. Has a thing for fur lined coats. If it weren’t for the fact he’s very obsessed over jay you wouldn’t be able tell. Gets very upset when he finds out mal and jay are a thing. And I mean curls up into a ball covered in blankets upset. Magics black and white. Wizard

Ben (full name Benjamin florian Bach):

World does not deserve him. Really it doesn’t. He is a male version of Evie. Is the biggest devie shipper. Innocent but not naive. Instantly drawn to mal. Attracted to her eyes most of all. Grown rather tired of Audrey and chad. So when jay offers him a seat at jay mal and Evie’s table doesn’t think twice. Must be protected at all costs. Would do anything for anyone within reason. He’s even nice to the assholes (harry cause ben can see how much the birate cares for uma and gil). Dad has a massive share hold in the school so everyone treats him like a prince and you’re damned if you think he doesn’t live up to the nickname. That said he does know when to cut loose (he’s the one to convince mal and jay to skip class). Magics royal blue. Warlock

Doug (full name Douglas Meyer ):

Member of the prominent Meyer Diamond mine family. Nice but has his limits. Utterly worships Evie. Band geek and is damn well proud of it thank you very much. Works in the boutique to be self sustaining cause he doesn’t want to rely on his family’s money 100%. Magics leaf green. Sorcerer

Dizzy (full name Desiree Tremaine):

Pure sunshine. Hurt her and you’ll have Evie rain down the seven circles of hell on you. Her family actually owns the boutique. They’re a very successful tailoring company. Magics mint green. Budding sorceress

Uma (full name uma Danes)

Unquestionably the boss of harry and Gil. Both are utterly devoted to her. She’s a teensy bit like mal in that she’s a natural leader and terrifying when pissed of. Hurt her boys you’ll have her to answer to. Always at loggerheads with Audrey. Both are competing for the queen bee position at a he school. Everyone prefers Uma over Audrey though. Magics turquoise. Sorceress

Harry (full name harry hook):

Doesn’t give two shits about gender norms. If he wants he’ll wear the fanciest dress he can get his hands on. Make ups not as good as Evie’s but considering he’s half drunk most of the time it’s ok. Definitely the one to sneak booze into class. Uma always magics it to lost and found. If he could he’s gladly sashay into hell kill Satan and give the throne to uma. Never misses Gils wrestling practices. Psychotic. Thinks it’s a good idea to pick a fight mal on her first day just cause he’s bored. Needless to say she wins. (Think a mcu fight scene if Natasha and Wanda were one person. That’s how mal fights) She would have killed him if jay and uma hadn’t butted in even as jay pulls her away mal gets a few well aimed kicks in on his teeth. Magics blood red. Sorcerer

Gil (full name gillman legume)

NEVER call him gillman. Other than that he’s Winnie the Pooh in the body of the hulk. So. Damn. Innocent. Once accidentally stepped on an ant hill and cried for the rest of the day. Uma and harry has to buy him an ant farm so he’s calm down. Polite but give him enough malt liquor and his language makes harry blush. Always greets people with a massive hug. Which helps cause he and ben are the welcoming committee. Mal isn’t very accommodating to it though. (Doesn’t help that it’s the benign version of a sneak attack). She reacts badly and that’s what makes harry want to fight her. Gil doesn’t mind though and asks her next time. Like dizzy he’s pure sunshine and like ben the world doesn’t deserve him. Magics bright yellow. Gifted but underconfident sorcerer

Chad (full name chad channning):

Bastard coated bastard with bastard filling. Douche canoe. Bigot. On jay and humas hit list. Never call jay Carlos Harry or Gil the “f-a” word EVER. He’s the human personification of “talk shit get hit”. Which is rather a shame cause his parents are some of the nicest people you could ever meet. The only one he ever shows any semblance of decency to is his cousin dizzy. He has or Evie will gut him like a fish Audrey ben and chad have known each other for years so him and Audrey are very territorial of ben and do not like it when he tries to split off from their little bubble. Magics powder blue. Inept mage

Audrey (full name Audrey briar)

Would be alpha bitch. Thinks she’s all that but she’s not. Has a rivalry with Mal and uma. Mal cause Audrey’s unbearably perky and their parents have been trying to make them get along since they were kids. Uma because Audrey likes to be in control of everyone and everything and people don’t like her but they like Uma. Sickeningly possessesive of ben it comes to a head at the Halloween party where she cannot take no for an answer and mal ends up punching her out after she warned Audrey that “no means no so sling your hook or I’ll break your face” Audrey didn’t so mal did. Quite fitting really mal was dressesd as scarlet witch and Audrey was dressed as lorelai from agents of shield (look up the episode yes men. Harrowing). What’s more is Ben wouldn’t ever break up with her because he’s far too nice and he just wanted to sit down but no he HAD to dance with her cause she said and mal has that thing about fairness and ben did say no thank you so...... Magics pastel pink. Witch

Lonnie (full name li Lonnie):

Wrestling captain. Badass. Mother Hen. Basically just wants best for everyone. bens biggest supporter. They have a sibling like relationship. Bit like jay and Evie and jay and mal once they break up. Does not like Audrey and doesn’t even try to hide it but ben gives people the benefit of the doubt and he just wants everyone to be happy. (Like I said the world does not deserve him). Was prepared to go in to mama bear mode before Mal got there first. Gives mal the “if you ever do anything to hurt them” speech mal says Lonnie has nothing to worry about. Once Carlos has chilled out a little bit she start dropping (not at all subtle) hints to jay that he and Carlos look cute together. Magics emerald green. Wiccan

Jane (full name Jane Dubois)

Has a perpetual deer in the headlights look. Ball of nerves. Nice to everyone but the sentiment isn’t returned cause they don’t really trust her seeing as her mother’s the headmistress. Has absolutely no gaydar. Seriously she thinks HARRYS straight. With Carlos it’s at least slightly more forgivable apart from the fact he’s never shown interest in any girl whatsoever. Poor girl thinks she has a chance when everyone can see he’s mooning over jay. Paralysingly scared of uma and harry (wouldn’t you be). Thinks she’s ugly but really just has a case of the sad eyes and an unflattering haircut which grows out over the year. Magic is periwinkle blue and volatile because she doesn’t trust it. Would be sorceress

So let’s see now

Ben took mal and jay to the mall just cause he felt like it (he knows how to have fun) but Carlos snuck along in the trunk. Lo and behold ben somehow chose one of the 10 malls mals banned from. So notorious she knows all the guards by name (her favourite is Irvin) they manage to evade him till they get to around the middle of the building. That’s when rotten to the core happens flash mob style. Mostly sang by mal and jay. And it’s rather affectionate. And it tears up ben and Carlos inside. They manage to escape and get back to the car mal and jay absolutely tickled pink ben laughing weakly and Carlos with red rimmed eyes. Then they get caught sneaking back in to the school by Verna Dubois Jane’s mother the principal. She is very disappointed Ben jay and Carlos have never had an infarction before and mal has only been there for a month (maljay has been a thing for about a week and a half and they are very much in the honeymoon period). Mals ready to take the blame but Ben won’t hear of it and insists Verna put him and only him in detention seeing as it WAS his idea and males already had a black mark on her record (her nearly killing Harry for trying to kill her on her first day) and another one won’t be good for her personally. Ever the shining knight isn’t he? The only thing verna feels she can do is put all four in the Klink. And joy of joys(!) chad and Harry are there too. Chad as it turns out just cannot keep his bigoted opinions to himself so harry decided to have some “fun” with chad in the halls (read violently and graphically tearing channings limbs apart in full view of the student body). Harry doesn’t even care there’s blood on his clothes so long as he’s defended his boy.

Halloween and Carlos’s tipping point

The party’s only for juniors and seniors so Carlos being a sophomore sneaks in and gets absolutely whammed I mean blackout drunk by the time jay mal and Evie get there (dressed as winter soldier scarlet witch and black widow respectively, Carlos is quicksilver). Carlos thinks it’s a nice surprise for jay cause he knows mal and jay broke up the week before (they’re not who each other want. Mal wants ben jay is developing an interest in Carlos though not for much longer in jays case). So he sees jay walking towards him but doesn’t register the pissed off look on jays face so he takes what he thinks is initiative and tries to kiss the taller boy. And doesn’t understand what’s wrong when jay pulls away and starts yelling at him about how embarrassing it is to have Carlos following him around like a shadow. How annoying it is to have to protect Carlos from himself (the mall the party). How humiliating it is for his dates to be scared off by a kid who’s younger than him. This goes on for some time and through it all carlos is getting more and more scared and desperate to keep jay by his side, clutching at him trying to make jay love him. It culminated in jay just pushing Carlos away from him and the smaller boy crashes into the drinks table so now he’s heartbroken and drenched in booze. Jay can’t believe he did that and tries to apologise but Carlos teleports back to their dorm in tears

Meanwhile mals been sitting down reading her mothers new spell book (Mallory snr gave it to her as a security type thing so she would t be as a nervous of the new school) when ben just flops down next to her tired from dancing. They strike up a conversation ranging from books to music and the like. This rubs Audrey the wrong way and she decides that Ben has rested enough and goes over to them demanding him to dance with her (well she didn’t use that exact tone but everyone in the vicinity knew what she meant) ben politely declines because he isn’t gonna up and leave mal in the middle of their talk (like I said the world doesn’t deserve him) Audrey takes no heed and carries on trying to physically pull ben away. This sets Mal off who says “hey Aud no means no so sling your hook or I’ll break your face” Audrey doesn’t believe her and tells the “neon gutter trash” to butt out because he is Audrey’s not mals. This sets mal off and she goes on the humans aren’t property speech Audrey has no idea what she’s talking about cause all she knows is bens the best and Audrey believes she deserves the best. Mal tries to make her see another point of view by doing that first thing that pops into your head thing. When Audrey looks at ben the first thing she thinks of status. Compared to what mal sees which is a wonderful brilliant person who deserves only good things and deserves to be as far away from Audrey’s bullshit as humanely possible because Audrey doesn’t deserve him no one does. Audrey doesn’t listen and tries to physically drag ben with her. That’s when mal punches her in the face after all mal did say “sling your hook or I’ll break your face”. It’s then ben and mal realise they’ve gathered a crowd Uma Harry and Lonnie are all laughing their guts out (no one likes Audrey). Mal apologies to ben and hightails it out of there. Ben manages to catch up with her outside the girls dorm building. This is when my girlfriend sucks happens. They almost kiss but mal knows ben hasn’t officially broke up with Audrey and she is not going to be the other woman no matter how much she hates briar

Next day at lunch mal tracks down Lonnie and says SHE almost kissed ben (doesn’t want to to put the blame on Ben)

[superfandomdqueensnook]

Do You Know Who I Am(Bucky Barnes x Winchester!Reader) Chapter 4

Fandom: Marvel, MCU, Supernatural(TV show)

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Claire Novak, Reader/You, Steve Rogers, Krissy Chambers,

Relationships: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader, M/F, Claire Novak & Female!Reader, 

Summary: A hunt? With Claire and Buckaroo, what possibly could go wrong?

Word Count: 1,36 oops

Warnings: Swearing, blunt people, mentions of violence

A/N: The fourth chapter. Finally, Y/N and Bucko get to discover more about him. They also get to spend family time with Claire and hunting monsters.

Masterlist 

Chapter 1| Chapter 2| Chapter 3| 

It has three months since finding Buckaroo in Jody’s cabin. Guess what we’re doing now?

He’s become a hunter and on the side we find more about him, but right this instant we’re in a beautiful small town hunting some ghouls with Claire, and eating pie and burgers at their diner.

Y/N let out a moan, taking a bite out of a double bacon cheese burger.

“I think I’m in love.”

That got a laugh out of Claire and a chuckle from Barnes as well as a small smile. Y/N considered that an accomplishment.

“Who are we meeting up with again?” Claire asked, between bites of her burger.

“It is Krissy’s case we’re just giving her a hand. Apparently, there’s like three or four of them,” Y/N answered, keeping the vague as possible while giving a decent answer.

The door jingled swinging open to show Krissy Chambers in all of her glory.

“Hey Krissy,” Y/N mumbled a greeting through her food, raising her hand for a fist bump.

“One, disgusting, two, we’re still dorks,” came Krissy greeting.

“I know, I’ve never bothered trying to be anything else.”

SPNMCUSPNMCU

 Shit, finished the freaking hunt and guess what happened next?! Ugh, why can’t I just have burgers and pie and be happy. Nooo, HYDRA had to show up be assholes and now I’m in their stupid freaking base. The bastards are scared of me, they should be.

Y/N ground her teeth together. Hopefully Krissy, Claire, and Bucky got away.

SPNMCUSPNMCU

 Bucky opened the door to the motel room Y/N and he had been staying in. Claire and Krissy stayed in the next room.

“Y/N?” Bucky called out, something felt off. Bucky gave the burgers and coffee to Krissy who was just behind him, and turned the safety off of his STARK gun. “You here?”

Bucky swung the door open, checking behind the door, in the bathroom, and every other place someone could possibly hide.

“She’s gone.”

Bucky was a ghastly pale compared to his usual fair skin.

“Shit,” Claire and Krissy spoke unison.

SPNMCUSPNMCU

 “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Claire asked for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

“Y/N was taken by HYDRA, I know it. So we’re going to need back up, HYDRA isn’t to be underestimated,” Bucky asked for the millionth time, as they drove down the road to the New Avengers facility, in Up-State New York. Bucky’s plan was to ask Steve Rogers for help.

“If you’re sure,” Claire mumbled, slumping in the passenger’s seat.

“I’m sure.”

“I just don’t think the Avengers will understand what hunters are and what we do, especially ‘Captain Everyone Can Have A Second Chance’. Monsters don’t often work that way,” Krissy spoke from the back seat.

Bucky glared at her in the rearview mirror. Krissy shrugged, unaffected by his glare.

“I was just pointing it out. Y/N can handle herself usually, we’ll probably just be picking her up.”

Bucky didn’t answer, but he agreed he has seen what Y/N can do. The song she introduced him to, ‘One Woman Army’ came to mind when thinking of her. Being that she is a one woman army, like Natalia and Peggy.

SPNMCUSPNMCU

 Bucky pause hand half way to the door about to knock, he hasn’t seen Steve since he pulled him out of the water.

“Oh come on, knock old man.” Claire rolled her eyes, rapping on the door.

The door opened, Steve was there.

“Bucky?” His shock was evident.

He pulled Bucky into a hug. Bucky tensed.

“Ugh, don’t you know. ‘No chick flick moments’, Y/N’s rules,” Claire and Krissy chimed harmoniously.

Bucky’s lips twitched, Steve pulled back now aware of the two girls.

“Who are you?”

“That’s Karen, and I’m Cathy,” Claire introduced themselves.

“Why are you with Bucky?”

“That’s why we’re here, dumbass, we need your help with finding Bucky’s and our mutual friend,” Krissy told him off. “Are you going to let us in or what?”

SPNMCUSPNMCU

 Steve was shocked to say the least to see Bucky standing on the steps of Compound, even more so when he noticed the girls. One looked about 18 or 19 and wearing a black leather coat, dark blue jeans, hiking boots, and a black and red, Gryffindor shirt. The other had dark hair, about 17, gray jean jacket, a Marauders Map shirt, washout blue jeans, and black combat boots. Karen and Cathy, the older girl with blonde hair had said.

“So, let me get this straight. Your mutual friend got captured by Hydra and you want your help to get her back,” Scott stated, looking incredulous at this statement.

“Yeah, basically.”

“Just a side note, she’s not a damsel in distress, she only ever needs a little help when shit hits the fan.”

Both Karen and Cathy were admandent that their friend was just going to need a ride. The two girls seemed to look up to this friend of theirs. Despite Claire and Krissy getting off to a bad start, their friendship grew quickly with shared experiences and opinions.

“What do you think, Bucky?” Steve asked.

“We’re getting nowhere sitting around here flapping our jaws, Barnes.”

Bucky silently agreed with the girls.

“I think we should just get frigging going.”

SPNMCUSPNMCU

 Y/N sat silently, observing the guards stationed in her room. The door slammed open.

“Now, we don’t want our guest to be uncomfortable. Do we?” the man said. Creepy ass bastard, what’s his name, was it Pierce or was it that slimy hairball, Ross. Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross, the little bugger who had to do with the whole shit storm with what happened in Harlem in ’08 with the Hulk. A HYDRA agent, who would’ve guessed, they should’ve.

“Ah, you care about my comfort? Really? I don’t believe that for a second. What is it that you want, jackass?”

The slimy bastard smirked, “I thought you would like some privacy, but it seems you don’t care.”  

Y/N wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk right off of him, but she needed to wait for her moment.

SPNMCUSPNMCU

 Getting was easier than it should’ve been. It put Bucky on edge. The team was made up of Bucky, Steve, Natasha, Scott, and Sam. Claire and Krissy went home with the promise of getting a call when Bucky and Y/N got back and that they wouldn’t make Sam and Dean aware of this.

Walking down the hall, Bucky heard someone speaking. Gesturing the others to come closer they listened in.

At first there was humming, “You never told me why you are so scared of me, ya’know. Why is it? I’m assuming it is because of my rep.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

“Do you know you are terrible at lying? Just by saying lets me know that, one, you do know who I am, two, what I’m capable of before I kicked your guys’ asses, and three, you’re terrified of me. A little bit of advice, never try to con a professional conman.”

“This should be where the security system is at.”

Steve kicked the door open to see a woman covered in blood and tapping away on a computer and a HYDRA agent hogtied on the floor, whimpering and trying to scoot away from her. They were surrounded by dead bodies.

The woman turned shoving something into her pocket.

She tsked,”Bucky you’re late. There’s no heads left to bash.” Gesturing to the agent,  “Unless you count that weasel.”

Looking down at her blood covered clothes, her lips thinned, “Can we get out of here? I’m in bad mood. They ruined my shirt, it was one of my favorites.”

“She’s insane!” The agent yelled, “Completely utterly insane. A psychopath!”

“Nice to know I’m insane, I knew there was something,” she said dryly,” Though I did know that I was a bit pyscho, but if you been through half the shit I have been through you would a little insane too, bub.”

Taglist: @hymnofthevalkyrie @fantastic-fantasy-fanfics @iwillbeinmynest @colie87

[littlespaceporgs]

The Clone Wars Reacts - Part 3

Alternatively, Leah misses daddy Plo, gets annoyed by droids and is thoroughly entertained by Jar Jar Binks while simultaneously simping for Padme.

TA~DA! Welcome to part 3 of the reacts series, where we cover episodes 6, 7 and 8! I won’t lie to you, I actually found episode 6 really boring, 7 was less boring and 8 was maybe a little bit funny and I lowkey enjoyed it so much. So yeah, the first two reacts are kinda boring because I was super bored, but 8 is kinda funny. As usual, major spoilers for season 1 of the clone wars.

Part 1 - Episodes 1 and 2 Part 2 - Episodes 3, 4 and 5

So, lets do thissssss!

Tags (as always, let me know if you want a tag!): @acciokenobi​ @roseofalderaan​ @catsnkooks​ @peacelandbread​ @littlevodika​ @icedcoffeeandgays​ @captainrexstan​ @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky​ @mcu-padawan​ @onabouteverything​ @fractiouskat​

Episode 6: Downfall of a Droid

Notes: since writing these, I’ve discovered that I am 100% without a doubt very much a simp for Plo Koon and it shows.

> Pre-warning, I’m writing this on paper and on the train, so there may be slightly less thots thoughts in this one

> “Suffering serious defeats by Grievous”??????? All we’ve seen for 5 episodes now is Grievous lose????????

> Yeah Anakin! You should listen to Ahsoka!

>> (you need to trust my babey)

> Where the fuck is Plo when you need him? I WANNA SEE HIM

> Maybe that image will tide me over? (we all know it wont but that’s off topic)

> Oh for fucks sake I’ve had enough of Grievous

> YEAH R2, WE ALL KNOW YOURE THE ONLY REASON ANAKIN IS ALIVE!

> “this is too easy” oooohhhhh boy, you say that now......

*Grievous ditches his ship*

> ✨ disappointed, but not surprised ✨

> THERE IT IS!!!!! “I got a bad feeling about this” - bringing the total count so far to 2

> W H A T

>> R2D2?????????????????????????

>>> EXCUSE ME WTF?!?!?!?! DID THEY JUST - R2D2 NO!

> OBI WAN HOW DARE YOU R2D2 IS NOT REPLACEABLE

>> This is one of the few times I am more annoyed with Obi-wan than I am horny for him

>>> Wait no scratch that - i just looked at his face again 💖💖💖💖

> I miss Plo already, can he come back now?

> Oh Ahsoka, you’re so cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

> omg Goldie???? I LOVE IT he’s kinda adorable

> ooooohhh boy R2 is going to be on that dodgy ass ship isnt he?

> hahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahah

>> fart humour, i love it!

> Unique items, huh

> OH SHIT THATS THE TYPE OF DROID FROM THE MANDALORIAN

>> just thinking about the mandalorian reminds me of the new armour/helmet kink i discovered I had and how much i love pedro pascal

> Goddammit R3. oh shit oh shit bad droids BAD DROIDS

> is R2 just a really good droid? or do all of them make this many mistakes???

> hahahaha ‘gramps’, Ahsoka he’s literally only 5/6 years older than you

> *GASP* Anakin, he’s not a lightswitch!

> Oh shit, R2 was on the ship!

>> HA HA I WAS RIGHT

> fuck fuck Grievous no dont take R2 bad droid

> okay, I love obi-wan but he’s being a little harsh

>> mild turn-on but ok 👀👀

> aaaawwww the little stomping when he’s excited

> Do we get to see R2 do a mad escape?

>> WE DO!

> oh no, R2 you were so close

> tracking beacon?! R3, what’re you doing?!

> sorry anakin, they definitely saw it

> R3 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE HYPERDRIVE TOO?

> YEAH AHSOKA, YOU SAVE ANAKIN’S BUTT

> You, know, I’m starting to wonder if R3 is doing all this deliberately??

> lowkey, I want to tally the amount of droids grievous hurts/destroys

> well, i want R2 back in the next episode, please and thank you.

Episode 7: Duel of the Droids

> Okay, all I want is for Anakin to hurry up and find R2, because I want this arc to be over

> I’m going to keep this reacts fairly short because I’m a little bit bored

> All I want is more Plo content, is that too much to ask???????

>> If you can’t tell I have a thing for Plo Koon and I officially joined the simp club for him.

> This trandoshan guy is just.... bleh 🤢

* insert gross shiver* 

> YEAH R2 YOURE DOING SO WELL! HOLY SHIT GO R2D2!!!!

> I said it in part 1, and I’ll say it again, R2′s whirring is a mood

> Okay so fucking R3 just turned R2 down, so I am definitely starting to think this is deliberate?

>> HOLY FUCK I JUST REALISED A THING! DUEL OF THE DROIDS???????? R3 VS R2??????????????????

> ANAKIN IGNORE OBI-WAN LIKE USUAL, YOU GO AND SAVE R2 OK?!

> Rex’s expression when he’s told to carry R3 is comedy gold by the way

> Oh please Captain, kindly fuck me

> FUCK YEAH AHSOKA!

> *sighs* Oh the droid humour

> I mean, it is a type of head adjustment I guess 🤷‍♀️

> ...

>> Did you seriously think grievous, being the slimy bastard he is, wasn’t going to kill you?????

> OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT I WAS RIGHT FUCK R3 MAN

> AHSOKA KICK GRIEVOUS’ BIN CHICKEN LOOKI- oh no she was thrown into a wall, never-mind.

> R2 YES ZAP THAT GODDAMN DROID AND SAVE ANAKIN

> oh this is awkward, I love how R2 is insulted that he got R3 hahahahahahahha

> YES AHSOKA YOURE RIGHT, HE IS A STUBBY LITTLE BACKSTABER

> okay the most interesting point of this episode is ahsoka is escaping grievous

> OH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT AGAIN?! R2 AND R3 ARE DUELLING!!!! I CAN SEE THE FUTURE OR SOME SHIT LIKE A JEDI

> THATS RIGHT BITCH R2D2 IS BETTER

> anakin looking out for R2 is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen

> ngl, i had a small degree of satisfaction when I saw R3 get smashed to bits

> “oh anakin... one day” obi-wan is a mood

> oh thank god its over, alright what’s up next?

Episode 8: Bombad Jedi

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH DOES THIS ONE HAVE JAR JAR IN IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

> please tell me it has jar jar in it, then it will surely be funnier than the last 2 eps

> OH SHIT THIS EPISODE HAS PADME TOO IM SO HAPPY YAY

> oh in the white outfit too, i love this woman so much

> I’m going to put a photo hear so you can appreciate it too

> My horny bisexual senses are tingling

> HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA IM ALREADY LAUGHING AT THE STUPID FROG

>> *for context he already fucked up once and we are 1 minute and 15 seconds into the episode

> she has a point though, C3PO does usually get into trouble

> oh boy, he sounds mad.... I’m getting a sinking feeling about this

> oh no

>> ah shit he’s gone and joined the separatists

> YOU DONT GET THE RIGHT TO CALL HER SWEET YOU TRAITOR

> I am much more entertained nonetheless by this episode

> wait so they fart insults???? it sounds like a fart and i giggled a little

> Oh and now jar jar’s trying to talk to them

> HAHAHAHAH C3 always gets shit thrown at him or shot at, whenever he’s in an episode I get a little bit happy 

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH ITS A FUCKING MAGNET OH C3 YOU POOR DROID

> why does he automatically jump to jar jar’s been killed oh my god so little faith like its a swamp planet???? and jar jar comes from a swamp planet????? of course he gone survive falling into water????

> buta mesa sav-ed you? i love this stupid creature oh my god hahahahaha

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THE JEDI CLOAK OMG

>> definitely 100% anakins, and I love the Padme has the equivalent of one of his hoodies

>>> I want one too

> ooooohhhh this is not going to go well

> oh boy

> I’m guessing this is where the bombad jedi comes from?

> DARTH JAR JAR

>> I am so sorry no its not mine, but I have no idea who’s it is

> wheresa jedi? OH MESA JEDI?

> have you guys seen zootopia? specifically where they trigger a ‘howl’ with the wolves??? Thats what I headcanon the droids are like with ‘roger roger’

> DAMN PADME THATS SOME MADASS CORE STRENGTH

>> crush me with those muscles please

> “There’s no jedi in here, wait there’s no prisoner in here!” hahahahahahahahah

> One day I’m going to have to do a little audio recording so you all know what sound I make whenever I’ve written hahahahahaha

> FUCK YEAH PADME SLAY THOSE DROIDS

> “I’m afraid the ship has been destroyed.” 

>> “Battle droids?” *shakes head*

>>> “... Jar Jar?”

>>>> “Jar Jar.”

> obviously Padme was right, she usually is

> oh boy Jar Jar is your only hope? you’re in for a shock buddy

> Padme is an excellent shot by the way

> OH MY GOD IT ATE HIM TO PROTECT HIM THATS SO SWEET

> “I think Jar Jar’s dead.” “Oh again?” goddamn it C3PO

> YEAH SLUG CREATURE THING GOOD JOB!

> ...

> excuse me????

> WHAT A FUCKING LEGEND HERE I WAS HATING ON UNCLE ANO WHEN HE IS STILL IN THE REPUBLIC

> okay he has my forgiveness now :))))))

alright, I enjoyed episode 8, 6 and 7 were a little lackluster, but I did like 8 a lot actually, more than I thought I would 

anyways, see you next time for 9, 10 and 11!! (I’m pretty sure I saw ventress and kit fisto in the title image, so be prepared for major ass thots because i am very heavily attracted to one (1) assassin and one (1) fish man)

[thekrazykeke]

FANDOM(S): Deadpool, MCU

RELATIONSHIP(S): Blind Al & reader. Deadpool x reader.

REQUEST: Oh it’s cool just some deadpool/reader. Like where the reader is blind Al’s granddaughter(or daughter up to you lol) and she meets wade for the first time and immediately falls for him cause he’s akward and cute and he falls for her cause she’s sarcastic and funny??? If u cant its fine just wanted to ask cause i havent requested anything in a while lol😂

REQUESTER: @keya168 @keya168 (because I’ma fuckin’ clown, m8)

SERIES (ASS BACKWARDS): Part I, Part II, Part III

SUMMARY: Superficial beauty never mattered much in the long run, especially if someone was a piece of shit on a slice of white bread.

This is the last part of this series. I’m not for sure when the sequel will be up, but I’m gonna aim for ‘soon’.

~

Whistling cheerily, holding a few boxes of pizza, under the cover of the night, Wade skipped along the broken and uneven stone steps of Cloverfield Lane.

“Are you fucking serious right now, author?”

Don’t be a pain in the ass and just go with it!

“Okay, okay. I guess since I gotta...”

Feeling all over his body, he used his free hand to slap his forehead, muttering ‘Duh!’ underneath his breath. Leaning down, Wade kicked over a rock and grabbed the key which had gotten embedded in the dirt. Twisting the key in the lock, the chain hit the ground and he pulled on the handle of the warehouse door.

“Help me! Someone help me! HELP!”

Taking his sweet time, Deadpool closed the warehouse door, not bothering with the lengthy process of making sure it was locked from the inside. Gathering up the pizzas in his hold again, he walked down the rickety stairs at a leisurely, sedate pace. 

“How ya doing, Don Lothario, having fun, just hangin’ around down here?”

Admittedly, he probably, maybe, had overdone it. 

The captive had his hands handcuffed and feet bound with rope, a makeshift noose around his neck, which was wrapped around the nail which had been quickly pierced to the wooden frame behind his head; in front of the captive were two keys, which he’d been led to believe were his ticket to freedom.

“I’m never going to tell you where she is.  Never, hehehehe. Never!!! You hear me, you crazy piece of shit?!”

Flipping the lid off of one box, revealing mushroom and pineapple pizza, nonchalantly, Wade pulled at the edges of his mask a little so that his mouth is revealed, and he took a generous bite. Pretending not to notice when his prisoner couldn’t stop staring at the pizza in his hand, “You will,” It’s said with absolute surety and then he took another bite, making an obnoxious sound of enjoyment. “Want some?” Holding out the slice that he’d bitten off of. 

“I know what you’re doing and it ain’t gonna work.” 

He shrugged. “Okay then. More for me.” Flipping open the boxes of the other pizzas, the merc whipped out his favorite switchblade, stabbing at a slice of cheese pizza before bringing it closer...and closer...to his mouth. 

“Fucking feed me!”

“You just said you weren’t hungry, Joey. No take backs, sorry.” Then because he was a shit, he ate that slice of cheesy pizza too. Once finished, he looked up and nearly busted a gut laughing, almost falling out of his fold up chair, at the affronted look on the guy’s face. “You’re really terrible at this game, Sammy. Absolutely no poker face. It makes me wonder why your bosses didn’t just kill you before it got to this point?”

“When my brother hears about this...”

“Ah! Now we’re getting to the nitty gritty of the matter!”

“When my brother finds out about how you’ve been treating me, he’s going to take it out on your lady friend, asshole.” For a single second, Deadpool paused. “Yeah. Maybe beat her up, bruise that pretty ski--AAAAHHHHHH!” The knife embedded itself in his leg. He screamed, flopping about gracelessly. 

“Rule number one of Deadpool’s DayCare.” Pushing the blade in a little more, relishing how the screams hit another level. “‘Show some goddamn respect to your caretaker.’” Roughly removing the blade, he once again ignore the sobbing. Instead, he wiped the blood on the guy’s crusty, grimy shirt. “Do you know what the shitty part of being happy is? Hm?”

“Please...No...”  The serrated edge of the blade caressed his cheek, the cool metal producing chill bumps.

“There’s always that one jealous bastard ready and willing to snatch someone’s bit of happiness away.” There’s a pause and the energy in the room became charged with hostility. “You took my happiness, my light, the only good thing I have left in this world. So I’m going to take your life away.”

“No. No. No. Wait, wait. No. NO. NOOOOOO!”

There’s a wet squelching sound and then...silence. 

Breathing heavily, Wade kept eye contact with the useless waste of space, as he gagged and choked to death on his own blood. As the light left his eyes, the merc’s shoulders hunched up with agitation before he just snapped.

He overturned a table, the chair, threw the pizzas around the room.

Ripping his mask off, he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, a choked off sob clogging his throat. 

Nearly overcome with despair as he was, that didn’t mean he was deaf. The warehouse door opened noisily. Putting back on his mask, Deadpool checked to see if he was carrying his guns (the incident with Dopinder never need be repeated) and he was. 

If someone had found him, then they were going to d--

“Shit, Wilson, turn on a damn light in here, would ya?”

“WOLVIE!!” Flying up the stairs, he launched himself at the feral, unsurprised to get an adamantium fist to the jaw. “’ou ‘ame (Translation: You came)!” Wade’s jaw was dislocated and it stung like a bitch but that was irrelevant. “’Emmmy! ‘Ou ‘oo!!! (Translation: Remy! You too!!)”

“Looks like you started the party without us, mon ami.” Playing with his cards, Remy’s red on black gaze is, as always, hidden by his signature bowler hat. The hellish stare is pointedly glancing at the slumped corpse. 

“I wasn’t for sure if the Professor would let you two out past bedtime. Ow, shit, fuck a duck.” Gingerly, he pressed his fingertips to the tender area. “You still hit like a train, Wolvie.”

“Did this other douche at least have an inkling of where your girl is?” Logan was not going to give into any baiting. 

“Well...” Like a kid with caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Wade poked his fingers together, an air of guiltiness about him.

Remy sighed and Wolverine pinched the bridge of his nose. “Luckily for you, we know where she’s supposed to be moved. Let’s get the fuck out of here. It stinks.”

“Why didn’t you just lead with that? Let’s go!” 

~

Drip-drip-drip.

The room is cold and dark. You’re strapped down to a metal slab and wearing only a hospital gown. Pumped to the gills full of drugs, you go in, then out of consciousness.

“You know, you’re only experiencing pain like a human is because that’s what you’ve tricked your brain into thinking.” The man, this sadist, who’s been assigned to break you, methodically uses his instruments to produce the most pain with the least amount of effort. “That you’re one of us. But you’re not. You’re not. If you were human...you would have died hours ago.”

You had learned less than five minutes in, underneath his ‘tender’ mercies that there isn’t any reasoning with this maniac, he’s a mutant hater and an advocate for wanting the genocide of anyone not purely or totally American (i.e. white). 

‘I’m going to die here.’ 

Perhaps it’s selfish but you didn’t want Wade to find your body. The two of you had been together almost five months, gotten closer and slowly, he brought his friends to meet you. You are certain that you loved him but couldn’t bring yourself to say it aloud, even though you tried to show it with your actions. 

“Oh.” He sounded genuinely surprised. “You’re crying.”

A short scream, turned into a wheeze, escaped your clenched teeth when he poked at something delicate. 

“Don’t do something so human. It’s unnatural.” 

His voice sounded far away, reverberating in your ears then became overlapped by another’s. Blinking slowly, you try to focus but it’s difficult. 

Be human. Be human. Don’t let them find out. Be human.

“Oh ho! Now we’re getting somewhere.”

The door is thrown open and a man? Enters. “The Avengers are here. We gotta move, now, Doc.”

“I’m not finished with my patient, Mr. Rumlow.”

“You can find other mutants to torture and study. You’ve been paid alot of money by HYDRA which means--”

An explosion rocks the building.

“I’m not leaving without it! Let GO o--”

There are two gunshots fired and the sadist hits the floor. The man, Rumlow, approaches your side, a gun raised to your temple.

“Good night, Princess.”

Take my life. When you wake...

Just as he squeezed the trigger, the bullet impossible to dodge at this angle... You closed your eyes, accepting that this was the end. The door bursts open again, revealing Captain America, who immediately flung his shield at the HYDRA operative’s gun. 

The bullet only grazes you.

Eyes opening again, heart still beating in your chest rapidly. Too rapidly. Glancing to the left, you see that your torturer has enough strength to inject you with something. 

Your heart begins to beat rapidly. Faster and faster. Trying to get air is an exercise in futility. Vision going grey around the edges, you try to croak out ‘Help’ but you can’t and fall backwards onto the metal slab again. 

Everything goes dark.

[bewareofchris]

a friend in need

PG-13 | No Pairing Precisely | MCU  | language?  implied violence?  

summary:  rewriting Iron Man 3 to fix the most obvious plot hole, i.e. where the fuck the avengers were.

The phone rang six times before he found it under a pile of newspapers he kept meaning to read (but didn’t).  “We’ve got trouble,” sounded very much like Natasha half-distracted by something else.  The background of her voice was a cluster of voices playing one over the other.  

 “SHEILD trouble?” Steve asked.

 “Turn on the news,” she said.  (Far be it for her to simply explain herself; talking in code and complicating matters seemed to be the only language she employed with any consistency.)  

 Still, Steve turned his TV and was immediately greeted with an instant replay of Tony Goddamn Stark threatening a terrorist. (When he’d asked, yesterday and the day before and the day before that, Natasha and Fury both had assured him they ‘had people on it’.)  “You still got people on this?” he asked.

 “I’m sure they do,” Natasha said.  “I’m not calling as a member of SHIELD.”

 “What are you calling as?”

 Natasha must have shrugged on the other end of the phone, a sort of casual gesture that would have conveyed a lot if only he’d been there to see it.  Through the phone, all he got was a lingering silence that implied nothing.  She worked her way around to saying, “a concerned friend. I thought you’d want to know.”

 There was nothing Steve liked less about Tony fucking Stark than his impulsive-childishness.  There he was, on (inter)national TV giving his home address to a known terrorist.  It didn’t matter (much) how he felt about Tony (as an individual) because Tony was Howard’s son, was a fellow soldier (or at least teammate), was something almost like a friend—and personal differences aside you just didn’t let emotionally impulsive friends murder themselves by promising to kill terrorists.  He didn’t sigh (but he very, very much wanted to), but said, “isn’t Banner on the West Coast?”

 “You want to send Banner,” Natasha said.

 “Well,” he said like he was considering it, “if we’re just being friendly.”

 --

 Bruce caught the news when it was fresh, long before it became a non-stop repeat of the same horrific shit show.  He was sitting on a drab little couch in a hotel room, hand-over-his-mouth, trying to work through how it felt to watch Tony brashly declaring war on the Mandarin.  He hadn’t been in the city (thank God) when the explosion occurred but he was close enough that the gathering fear was starting to grate on his nerves.  

 He didn’t blame them, not at all, because things like explosions and terrorists and death were the thing of nightmares to the average man. But it filled up all the talking space, it suffocated in elevators and coiled itself up into long lines at grocery stores, so every man and every woman was eying the newspapers with an edge of worry, thinking something between oh those poor people and thank God it wasn’t me.  

 It made him itchy.  It made his perfectly human skin start to feel thin and stretched.

 Maybe he’d been working around to thinking he might as well take a drive to Malibu before his phone rang.  There he was, sitting on his drab couch in his mediocre hotel room, staring at Steve Roger’s name on his caller ID, thinking if he just didn’t pick it up he could still walk away.  

 (And what a terribly pervasive idea.  What a nasty little voice in his head, whispering things about how nobody knew he’d ever seen the news.)  But Bruce answered it on the third (almost fourth) ring and said, “I’m guessing you saw the news too.”

 “I’m watching it right now,” Steve said.

 “Are you coming?”  

 Steve sighed like he thought he hadn’t.  “I don’t know how glad he’d be to see me, but I’m making the travel arrangements.  Bruce, you know that I wouldn’t ask you if it was—”

 “I know,” Bruce said.  Steve would never ask him to get involved, not unless it was life or death. Steve wouldn’t call him up like they were friends if it wasn’t important.  (Bruce was just working out, privately, in his head, if that had to do with Steve’s desire to spare him the guilt of unleashing the Hulk, or fear of what the big guy would do.  Not that the motivation mattered when the practical end was the same.) “Someone should be there,” he agreed. “I’m closest.”

 --

 “Sir,” Maria Hill said from the doorway.  She liked to linger in doorways, maintaining the pretense of professional courtesy.  Maybe she’d come to tell him about Zach in IT’s birthday party (it started in five minutes) or how they were over budget (again, since saving the world was a messy, expensive business) or how something else in the R&D lab had exploded and condolences letters would have to be sent again.  Instead she stopped short at the sound of the news report repeating things like:

 ‘Iron Man’ and

 ‘Vigilantism’

 And,

 ‘Invited the Mandarin to his home address…’

 “Are we doing something about this?” Maria asked.

 “Officially?” Fury asked.  He didn’t turn his chair to look at her but turn his head so he could catch how she rolled her eyes.  “What Tony Stark says or does in his free time is his own business.  Last I checked, he was only a consultant.”

 Maria put her hand on her hip, “unofficially?”

 “Unofficially,” Fury repeated, “I feel kind of sorry for the bastard.”

 “Tony?”

 “The Mandarin.”

 --

 Steve was half through throwing some things into a bag, (there just was no telling what one might need to fly across country to comfort or protect a sort of teammate from a terrorist of unknown means.  He had a toothbrush and a clean shirt, while he tried to work out if he could get his shield past airport security these days), when the knock on the door interrupted him.  He zipped the bag and threw it over his shoulder, grabbed the shield with one hand and went to answer the door.

 It was not surprising to find Clint there, looking casual in a leather jacket as he folded his sunglasses up in one fist.  He was-and-wasn’t exactly smiling when he said, “I heard you need a ride to Malibu.”

 “You heard that?” Steve repeated.

 “We’ve got the same friends, Cap.  Come on.  Nat’s going to meet us.”  He waited politely for Steve to close and lock his door and then glanced at his outfit (exactly the same way that Fury always did, like he wanted to say something but decided against it).  

 “What?” Steve asked.

 “Nothing,” Clint assured him.  “We should go,” and once they started walking, “you called Bruce?”

 “Yes.  He’s already on his way.”

 --

 Retrospectively, threatening a terrorist with his home address probably hadn’t been his brightest move.  While Tony had spent far, far, far too much time designing new suits to protect (Pepper) he hadn’t exactly put any sort of thought into beefing up home security.  His house, while a marvel of modern engineering, was remarkably vulnerable. He’d spent the four hours between 2 and 6 AM going over exactly how easy it was to destroy his house with JARVIS, mapping out every conceivable method of attack and discovering that barring a mime showing up with maracas, there was simply no serious attack that his house could withstand.

 At 6:10, just before his body felt like it was going to fold in on itself from exhaustion, JARVIS interrupted his desperate attempt not to panic, to inform him that Bruce was on his doorstep asking to be let in.

 It was 6:15 when he finally dragged himself up the stairs and to the door to open it, and there they were, Tony staring at Bruce rubbing one hand over his other fist, the pair of them looking (very intelligent) uncertain about how they’d come to be here.  “Did I call you?” Tony asked.  (Because for one very unsettling moment, he couldn’t be sure what he had or had not done, exactly.)  

 “Uh, no,” Bruce assured him.  “Steve called me.”

 “Steve Rogers?”

 “Yeah, yeah that Steve.”  Bruce looked around, caught sight of the giant bunny, and pointed a finger at it with an implied question that Tony simply couldn’t bring himself to answer again.  Rather than point out that it was Christmas (and maybe he’d thought it was romantic) he just shook his head.  Bruce let it go at that, “a terrorist, Tony?”

 “Happy,” he said.

 Bruce sighed.  He shuffled farther into the house, looking painfully uncomfortable to be there.  “You could have called.”

 “Yeah,” Tony agreed.  (To cover the fact that he had not thought he could have; or that he should have.  It was really bad enough that he had thrown Pepper into the center of this disaster, there was no need to drag anyone else into it.)  “Steve Rogers called you?  Told you to hurry over?”

 “Yeah,” Bruce said.  “He’s coming, he didn’t call you?”

 Tony snorted at that.  

 Bruce was just staring at him again.

 “What?”

 “It’s just,” Bruce started, “you threatened a terrorist.  A terrorist that has been taking the credit for suicide bombers.  A terrorist that the United States’ government with all its agencies and resources hasn’t been able to locate or stop.  You threatened him.”

 Tony shrugged.

 “Why are you still here,” Bruce asked. He sounded as exasperated as Pepper, as outdone as a preschool teacher during a full moon, exactly the sort of tone of voice a wife would use on her husband when she found him giving the kids a bath in grape jelly.  “Why aren’t you wearing a suit?”

 Tony had reasons.  Just, standing right in front of Bruce, trying to put together the idea that Steve fucking Rogers, the Great American Dream himself was on his way, made all of Tony’s reasons (panic, despair, fear, anxiety, exhaustion, hurt, anger) seem illogical.  He said, “we were planning to leave today.”

 “Maybe leave now?” Bruce asked. “Is Pepper here?”

 Tony did not want to answer that question.

 “Tony,” Bruce said.  It was a point of pain, sweetly poignant.  

 “I’ll wake her up.”

 --

 Natasha was dressed for battle, Clint had his suit in the jet.  Steve was wearing a jacket, a button down and khaki’s carrying his shield in one hand, feeling underdressed in comparison.  He went to knock on the door while the other two waited in the jet, while he stood on the doorstep he tried to think of exactly what he meant to say to Tony that would convey that he was concerned, in a way that didn’t also convey that Tony was stupid to have put himself and his loved ones in danger by behaving so immaturely.  

 It was Pepper that answered the door, looking hassled but lovely as always.

 “Ma’am,” he said.

 “It’ll only be for a few days,” Tony said from behind her, as a follow up to an argument that must have been going on for a while.  He was carrying her bag while she shook her head.

 “It wouldn’t have to have been for a few days if you hadn’t—Tony,” she interrupted herself, “give me my bag.  Is this my ride?  I assume this is my ride.  Do you know where I’m going?”

 “Not exactly,” Tony admitted, “I just want you to be safe.” He was still defending himself all the way to the jet.  

 Steve was left standing, somewhat awkwardly, in front of the open door.  He peered inside to see Bruce standing in front of the windows, squinting out at the glistening water.  Manners dictated that he didn’t just assume he was going to be invited in, but he felt a bit like an idiot standing outside on the porch.

 Tony came back after a pause.  “I love the new uniform, Cap,” he said.  He shoved his door open and motioned Steve in after him.  “It’s less difficult to look at.”  He mumbled more nonsense as he crossed the room to pick up a decanter of liquor, pulled the stopper out, sniffed it, took a brief second to consider a glass and decided to drink it straight from the container instead.  He sat at the piano, folded forward with his elbows on his knees and his head hanging down. “Why are you here?” he asked.  One of his hands was pushed through his hair, scratching at his scalp.  The question seemed to be mostly directed at the floor.

 Steve cycled through a half-dozen options of obligation and duty and protecting your team and settled on, “we’re friends, Tony.  We’re here to help.”

[scrawnydutchman]

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Movie Review

Side note: The marketing for this movie kicks ass. Movie poster with the characters posing like it’s an album cover for an 80s band? Brilliant.

The following review contains spoilers, made evident in bold letters whenever they pop up for the readers convenience. If you still haven’t seen it but still want to read this review, skip those bold lettered bits.

Yet another addition to the ever going repertoire of Marvel’s cinematic universe gold mine. As followers of my blog may know from my post Guardians of the Galaxy: How to Develop Multiple Characters at Once (which you can read here: https://scrawnydutchman.tumblr.com/post/156453073093/guardians-of-the-galaxy-how-to-develop-multiple), the first Guardians is my favorite of the marvel cinematic universe franchise. It’s comedic styling, heartfelt character interaction and development, laidback carefree style and overall lighthearted nature really sold me on characters I had no idea even existed before the film came out, as I’m sure it did for many other movie goers and comic fans. But that said, my opinion is sadly very biased. The truth is, I have fallen very behind on Marvel movies. Never saw Ant-Man, never saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, never saw Thor 2 or Captain America 2, haven’t even seen Civil War (though I’ve spoiled myself with the airport fight scene and it is glorious), and have yet to see Dr. Strange. Part of what intimidates me about this is that the comic book movies are very much following in the heels of the comic books themselves, in that there are so many of them and they’re such a continuation of one larger story that if you try to get into one you risk not knowing what’s gone on in the previous films. I was sort of worried Guardians of the Galaxy 2 would have one too many references to the larger expanded universe I wouldn’t catch and would take away from my enjoyment of the film. Luckily, however. There is none of that. This movie is a continuation of the events of the first Guardians of the Galaxy and nothing more, so those viewers in the same boat as me can be comforted in knowing you can hop into this film fresh off it’s predecessor without being lost. Not only that, but this film is every bit as heartfelt, character driven and hilarious of an emotional rollercoaster that the first one is and is even an improvement in some areas . . . whenever it’s not pulling semi-pandering bullshit that I’m almost positive is some money greedy executive producers fault and not the fault of the director James Gunn.

Plot Summary:

 The Guardians are at it again, on a quest hired by this snobby gold skinned alien race (who get a solid amount of laughs in this film) to obtain some batteries for them in return for Gamora’s (Zoe Saldana)  violent cybernetic sister Nebula (Karen Gillan), so that they may turn her in for her bounty. It was supposed to be a simple job and a simple trade . . . until Rocket (Bradley Cooper), being the mischevious and impulsive little Raccoon that he is, decides to steal the alien races batteries from under their noses, causing the race to hunt them down and shoot them. One thing leads to another and eventually the Guardians run into Starlord’s (Chris Pratt) long lost father (Kurt Russell) and Starlord finally gets some answers as to what happened between his father and mother. Along the way they run into other wacky characters like the return of Yondu (Micheal Rooker) and the emotion sensing Mantis (Pom Klementieff).

Plot Critique:

Those who left the first Guardians film with many questions will be satisfied to know that they have been answered in this sequel. We do in fact find out who Starlords father is and why he left his mother. We learn who or what Starlord actually is and why his father has come for him again. We also get satisfying side arcs for each character such as Gamora and Nebula trying to put aside their differences as quarreling sisters, Drax and Mantis developing a unique and likable friendship with each other, Yondu and Rocket discovering that they actually have a lot in common and finally Starlord and Gamora’s relationship gets a touch more development (even though it’s still going at a glacial pace which I think is fitting). The greatest strength of the Guardians has always been it’s characters and how they play off of each other and that is no less true here . . . that is except for what Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) does in this film but we’ll get to that in a bit.

Now I mentioned before that this film has an unfortunate tendency to pull some pandery bullshit. In certain instances it just feels like some scumbag producers who want to get in as much sponsorship and toy tie ins as possible completely hijack the movie, due to the placement not even being the least bit subtle or integrated well. The film literally opens on a pan & zoom of a perfectly center screen Dairy Queen restaurant. I am not kidding. It is the most blatant in your face product placement I have ever seen in a movie, and I’ve seen Man of Steel.

Nowhere is that point made more evident then Baby Groot’s entire purpose in this film. Seeing as the first Guardians most fondly remembered moment was the end credits scene of a little potted Groot dancing to the beat of Jackson 5′s “I Want You Back”, it seems the films marketing really wanted to showcase that Baby Groot is not only back but he’s just as adorable and hilarious as he was in the first movie. Blech. Personally I was always way more fond of the large hulking Groot, because he was just as sweet and sentimental but was also just as intimidating. Baby Groot is just enough sugar to turn your stomach and more often then not actually impedes on the groups objectives then does anything actually useful. But of course, the opening credits roll to the visuals of Baby Groot doing a little dance as his teammates are getting their asses handed to them by a giant tentacle monster in the background, which granted isn’t an unfunny visual but it’s pretty clear selling toys is the characters one and only purpose. It’s a shame because Groot in the first movie had  some real softspoken charm that wasn’t in your face all the time. It just went too far into one extreme is all.

Actually, there’s a certain reason I like to call this movie “Baby Groot Torture Porn”. Because something I’ve noticed is that for the movies source of cult merchandise and adorable factor, Groot gets abused like hell in this movie. Like seriously fucked up shit happens to him. He’s emotionally manipulated by Nebula into letting her free, he gets put in a little bird cage and is shuck around by some bandits, the bandits later forcibly sow a little costume onto him and force him into being a little mascot. there’s even a scene where the crust of a planet is caving in on him and he cries in pain as he’s about to get crushed. Jesus, this movie is relentlessly cruel to Groot. My buddy Liam who I went to see the film with proposed the theory that James Gunn hated Baby Groot and as long as he was forced to feature him in film this much for merchandising he just decided to torture the little bastard and  . . . yeah, that would explain a lot. It’s kind of unsettling, but it’s not like Groot really offers much in the way of comedy in this film besides that. there’s actually an after credits scene where he becomes a teenager playing a video game in his room and Starlord lectures him about cleaning his room as if he were his father. That joke is dead before you even execute it. The only decent joke Groot delivers in the whole thing involves a severed toe. Those who saw it know what I’m talking about.

Now, plot wise this film is actually better then it’s predecessor in many ways. The most evident way being the involvement of it’s villain. Many moviegoers agree that one of the larger weaknesses of the Marvel cinematic universe is it’s lack of interesting or threatening villains (despite all the fangirls squealing over Loki) and the first Guardians is clear evidence of that claim. I don’t even remember the dudes name or what his ultimate goal was for that matter. I think he wanted an infinity stone and to harness it’s power to .  .. overthrow Thanos? Maybe? Eh, I’m too lazy to look it up.

The villain in THIS film on the other hand, is not at all like that. They’re given a lot of screentime, a memorable motivation, they posed a legitimate threat to the Guardians and to an extent you sympathize with their cause. Not to mention it’s a really good plot-twist I think, unless your familiar with the comics and can sort of guess it after some name dropping.

I’m pretty much convinced James Gunn can make any comic book concept cool and likable at this point, because the villain is goddamn Ego the Living Planet. One of the most frequently mocked villains in the Marvel comic book universe by fans. Not only is he made believable, compelling and to an extent as hilarious as the rest of the cast with a particularly gut wrenching David Hasslehoff cameo, but he’s arguably the most interesting and involved villain the marvel cinematic universe has had thus far, except perhaps Loki. Once again I’m a little biased about that claim but point is, he was pulled off surprisingly well. I suppose I shouldn’t expect any different from the film franchise that made a talking tree and raccoon some of the most likable characters in the MCU. Granted his demise is sort of his own fault, like he would have succeeded in seducing Starlord to join his cause had he just never mentioned that he’s the one who gave his mother the brain tumor (why the hell he even wanted to do that I have no idea) but beyond that he’s a satisfying villain, and the way he’s defeated is actually very fitting too.

It’s also worth mentioning that unlike the first film, this one has real stakes in it. Yondu dies in an actually very emotionally compelling way and he doesn’t come back in any shape or form, unlike Groot in the first film who essentially just becomes reborn. 

Comedy:

But enough about story, because however contrived or tight it might be it’s not the real reason we go to see a Guardians movie. We go for the laughs . . .and this film is chock full of the same good ol’ humor. There are MANY funny one liners, great interaction between characters, wonderful contrast jarringly placed with the drama for best effect without overstepping it’s boundaries to an extent where it makes the drama moot or unlikable. Drax is given a hell of a lot more to do in this film, which .  .thank God almighty for that because Drax was easily the best part of the first movie. He still has the misinterpretation of social ques, the lust for violence, the brutal honesty but the sweet sentimentality. Not to mention the fact that he can’t say anything positive or nice without immediately following it up with some derailing insult. The guy makes me roar in the audience whenever he says anything. Give me more Drax and I will be a happy man.

He’s not the only source of comedy though. Everyone in this film gets a decent amount of laughs . . . again, except for Groot sadly. Rocket is still a sarcastic snarky asshole, Starlord is still a clumsy yet charming lead, Gamora does a great straight man routine with her no nonsense demeanor, Yondu gets some funny bits, Starlord’s dad gets a few good ones. Mantis I think is the next best thing to Drax in this movie as she’s very similar to him in a lot of ways and they end up complimenting each others personalities in a way that really emphasizes the joke.

Anybody who has seen the movie knows that Drax and Mantis are developing something of a romantic relationship. You better believe I ship the absolute HELL out of Draxis. Mantrax? Drantix? Eh, whatever. Some people may not be into another romance developing as the one between Starlord in Gamora is already taking it’s damn time and seems to not serve a purpose outside of itself which . . . yeah I see their point. But in my opinion being entertaining is reason enough to stick around, and while Starlord and Gamora are sort of the stereotypical couple of clumsy charming boy meets stern no nonsense strong girl, Drax and Mantis are just precious together in a way that doesn’t happen often. They’re both misunderstanding of social norms, they both say hilarious derailing things, and Mantis’ feeling sensing powers really add to both the humor and drama of their given situations. The part where Mantis feels Drax’s pain over the loss of his family and begins to weep actually made me tear up a bit. And not gonna lie, when Drax called Mantis beautiful (on the inside, thanks Drax) I gushed a little bit . . and then proceeded to audibly say “Goddammit Drax”. 

Characters and Themes:

Now as I said before, Guardians greatest strength is it’s character interaction; the root of all it’s comedy and all it’s drama. I’m relieved to say it’s just as strong here as it was in the first movie, perhaps more so because it has even MORE characters to juggle all at once then before but pulls through anyway. We delve into a little bit of everybody’s problems like Starlord’s quest to belong with a family, Gamora and Nebula’s sibling quarrel, Drax and Mantis trying to find worth for themselves being outcasts and fishes out of water, Rocket and Yondu’s self identity issues and their tendency to push away the people they love to protect themselves, and finally Groot’s constant battle with trying to be as non-annoying and non-distracting as possible (ba dum tss).

That said, it’s becoming more and more noticeable that keeping up this juggling act is getting difficult, because a lot of characters struggles are basically spelled out for us by characters spouting out monologues basically giving their own character analysis. It’s especially jarring because it tends to happen right after a comedic scene of some sort. Either that or a comedic scene happens right afterwards. Like after the warp speed space travel scene with Yondu and Rocket’s faces getting warped on screen it literally turns right into Yondu ranting to Rocket about how he pretends to be a tough guy to hide the fact that he’s actually really scared and sensitive and as an attempt to not show weakness. It isn’t subtle and there are likely more creative ways to go about it, but it’s still heartfelt and emotional and ultimately I think that’s the main thing that matters. 

Action & Special Effects:

Not a lot to say here. It’s about as good as the first; sort of underwhelming and not anything special or remarkable like other marvel films, but it’s not like this was the major appeal of the first Guardians anyway. If you liked the first movies shots of characters moving in slow motion to hot 70s and 80s jams, there’s plenty of that here too.

Final Verdict:

Anybody who loved the first film will love it’s sequel just as much, maybe even more so. It’s all the same charm, all the same humor, all the same character and heart and personality. It’s even got a bunch of favorite 70s and 80s singles for you to purchase at your local HMV that no longer exists. This movie improves upon it’s first with a better villain and higher stakes, but unfortunately loses some points with it’s bits of gimmicky pandering and laughably forced  product placement, which is so disjointed from the rest of the experience I have no doubt in my mind it’s the brainchild of someone not in the directors chair (but Mr. Gunn gave me more Drax so all is forgiven). I give this film 4 out of 5 stars.