#shitpost paragraphs

[therealaxlrose]

HELP SO U GUYS REMEMBER WHEN GERARD WAY MADE THAT TWEET ABT NOT GAF ABT FANFICS AND THAT WE COULD WRITE WHATEVER WE WANTED AND SAYING THAT WE COULD MAKE HIM INTO A HUMAN CENTIPEDE AND SHI

WELL SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE THAT-

ITS FUCKING HILARIOUS😭🙏🙏🙏

"meanwhile, in the dark cave my centipedeical romance called home, Gerard was still recovering from his forced shower"

IM DEAD

OH AND EVEN BETTER?? ITS FRERARD

"oh leave them be, mikes,' said centipede ray toro. 'Gerard just went through a life or death experience. i mean, can you image being forced to take a shower' she trailed off, shuddering at the mere thought." ... im actually laughing crying what the fuck am i reading/pos yk what imma just copy paste some of it here 💀

“There you are!” cried Robert Ortiz, bursting through the cave door, cackling evilly.  “Thanks to the loud shaking of your minion here, I was able to find your cave of emo darkness!”

“ Excuse me! ” Ray balked, scoffing.  “I am no minion , you belligerent fuck-”

Robert shoved his sweaty palm in front of Ray’s face.  “Talk to the hand.”

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Mikey roared.  “CAN I PLEASE GO FIVE MINUTES WITHOUT SOMEONE WANTING TO FUCK MY BROTHER !”

“Robert,” Ray sighed. “If I give you one of my patented MCR brand vibrators for free, will you leave.”

Robert shrugged.  “I guess,” he sighed, eyes downcast.  “I suppose there’s no way I’ll get to use it on Gerard, is there?”

“Don’t worry,” Ray told them, smiling.  “He won’t be back here.  I gave him one of my special vibrators.  If he tries to use it, his dick will fall off!”

Craig and Ronnie then passionately kissed, blinding everyone with the light of yaoi.  The rest of Escape the Fate looked on them with homophobia.

ok there, uuuhh kinda pasted half the fic- but yeah creds to typhoid_fluu of ao3 😍😍😍😍😍💅💅💅💅💅💅💅💅

im gay

[the-littlest-goblin]

Something that's stuck with me from the Arch Heart's appearance, which highlights a major underpinning of my frustration with C3, is the "Big Doors don't work" comment.

In what way exactly is the Big Door not working?

The purpose of the Divine Gate was to mitigate the gods exerting undo influence on mortal affairs, and according to everything we've seen in all 3 campaigns up to this point, this was a demonstrable success: the Calamity ended, and despite multiple potentially world-ending catastrophes cropping up since then, it has been up to mortals to deal with these threats. They've often done so with divine aid, but I fail to see how that's overreaching on the gods' part when accepting said aid is still dependent on mortal choice.*

Part of the Arch Heart's reasoning for wanting to "let go" is, as I understand it, because mortals continue to rebel against and resent the gods even from behind the Divine Gate. Which, yes they do, but like... the customer is not always right. Not every complaint needs to be catered to, especially the ones based on faulty postulates.

I get that this is not how the Arch Heart is thinking about it; my issue is not with the roleplay of individual characters, but with the narrative whole and the sheer amount of time it has spent, both in the text and extra-textual framing, sincerely entertaining the base axioms of an argument that is so poorly constructed Ludinus wouldn't make it past round one of a middle school debate club. None of the anti-god arguments have given any tangible evidence for the claim that the gods are an oppressive force or that Exandria would be better off without them that is not either:

A. Aeor, which was pre-Divine Gate and in fact the catalyst for the gods to pull back on interfering with mortal affairs, and therefore not all that pertinent to the current status quo;

or B. an event or action that, while it may be done in the name of the gods (e.g. Hearthdell) or directly encouraged by a god (e.g. Opal and the Crown) is nonetheless still contingent on mortals making choices, and therefore not a convincing argument that the gods are infringing on free will,** nor that removing them would prevent these types of situations.

An ongoing motif of C3 has been showing perspectives which challenge the prevailing narrative about the gods as established within Exandria's lore to this point. As a story enjoyer, I normally would eat up this sort of reversal—I love a metatextual play with in-universe narratives. But to do so convincingly requires more substance than a handful of characters going 'Trust me bro.' I'm going to need to see some peer-reviewed studies on Exandrian metaphysics before I take Ludinus "17 ulterior motives stacked in a wizard robe" Da'leth's word over what I've seen with my own brain over thousands of hours worth of game play.

If the message of the narrative is telling me to question the diegetic information it presents, then I am going to do just that. So far every argument that the gods do more harm than good for Exandria has been rampant citationless behavior. I find it baffling and borderline infuriating that we're approaching the denouement of this campaign and I still have yet to see evidence that the core conflict of the story, the central debate which has plagued every in-game and fandom discussion for a year now, is based on an actual problem. Like, at all.

*If you think Vax did not exercise his own agency and free will in every step of becoming Champion of the Matron, you are simply wrong.

**For real, we know there are magical means of straight-up mind control in Exandria. Like, you don't have to approve of it, but the gods engaging in standard issue verbal manipulation does not constitute a violation of free will, and it certainly doesn't make the argument that they are so immeasurably more powerful than mortals that they should not be allowed to exist.

[winterprince601]

good news for all beleaguered starbucks manager jon snow enjoyers: barista/mixologist jon snow is canon

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Does anyone else just love chaotic svsss identity reveals? It’s like a dopamine wild party every time I get to watch Cang Qiong Peak realize Shen Yuan’s a baby.

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

With all the gentleness of a brother for his wounded sibling, Jean Valjean laid Marius on the side bank of the sewer. Marius's bloody face appeared, under the white gleam from the air hole, as if at the bottom of a tomb. [. . .] Jean Valjean, removing [Marius's bloodied] garments with the ends of his fingers, laid his hand on his breast; the heart was still beating. Jean Valjean tore up his shirt, bandaged the wounds as best he could, and staunched the flowing blood; then, bending in the twilight over Marius, who was still unconscious and almost lifeless, he looked at him with an inexpressable hatred.

Marius: *unconscious, bleeding out, actively dying*

Jean Valjean immediately after tearing his own clothing to tenderly tend to this kid's wounds:

[mohgreal]

"the maidenless guy-" HIS NAME IS WHITE MASK VARRE!!!!! 111!!

[lorax-devito]

any layze fans on here?

I need to find my ppl (I’m going to talk about how cute stormy is for hours and how layze is criminally underrated that it hurts)

[sevretalien2]

i struggle so much to come up with a reddoons design and for what?? there’s so many epic ones but all i can see when i think of him is this :

kill this man i’m going to punt him across the room

[auguste-marmonts-only-fan]

POV: me, scheming about how much Marmont content I will release upon the unsuspecting Napoleonic community

[lupeloto]

fiona and lip have genuinley one of the most interesting, complex, and realistic relationships i’ve ever seen portrayed in television and they loved each other so much but could never see where the other was coming from, leading them to always butt heads as they had the weight of their family’s livelihood on their shoulders and in this essay i will….

[mohgreal]

i keep quoting 18 inches of messmer the impaler and no one gets the ref 💔

[katyspersonal]

Hurtful thing about Fromsoft casts of characters is that they can't spend FIVE minutes without making the most attractive characters be canonically taken hhhfdgggf

Like, Gwynevere is fuckin married to some fire guy and they had kids? What do you MEAN by that? Priscilla found a guy and had a daughter with? You just HAD to use her in particular? Rykard is married and it is as devoted as relationship can possibly be? I just can't have shit can I! Midra had a wife he still loves even at the very brink of his sanity? Do you wish my death? Messmer and Rellana are both engaged (to one another)? THIS is what FromSLOP's hatred to fans looks like, and not that Consort Radahn shit!

"But Kat like two of the characters you've listed are canonically sluts due to their status alone" No you don't get it, I am a possessive dragon, but because of my autism if I "neglect" character's canonical love interest I'll feel guilty as if I actually did something wrong!

[rk1kincorrect]

ezio, altaïr’s biggest fanboy: yeah the isu died but honestly altaïr’s been through so much more. the hardships he's faced aren't even comparable to dying to the toba catastrophe. until the isu have done what altaïr has done, i don't feel sympathy.

antonio:

antonio: i asked if u wanted coffee.

[bugwolfsstuff]

I will burst into flames if i dont make at least one reference to Castor's death in one of my fics if theres even a mention of a Dionysus kid in it

I mean im like 99% sure mythologically Dionysus's bloodline (Semele's side not Zeus. ) is cursed (And by Semele's side i am more referring to Cadmus's family than Harmonia because Harmonia's side just traces back to Zeus) so at that point they're just asking for it

[piepiepiemag]

hear me out cake except it's the worst opinions you've ever seen and im criminally insane

[bookwyrminspiration]

i don't care whether teachers reuse assignment descriptions and announcements, but I think they should be required to spend at least 5 fucking seconds to look over them to make sure they've got the due dates right, especially when they're strict about them and claiming people aren't doing their work on time