#shit's going down soon
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Emergency Commissions
One of my checks was a couple of days late last week, and the more lucrative of my 2 proper jobs has given me only one day of work this week (seems to be system issue?? I'm waiting for a reply from my higher up, there seems to be a queue of sorts) I have no idea when I'm going to get my check this week, either. Although it's supposed to come in on Tuesdays, I have heard from coworkers it is likely to be delayed again. On top of all of this, I have had wifi issues for a week, and I work from home.
I was already going to have to do some commissions to make rent this month before the reduced work hours and wifi issues. I have to pay rent on Saturday, and I do not get a grace period. I cannot emphasize how screwed me, and both of my disabled roommates are if my check doesn't come in on time, which is apparently not likely to happen.
I am setting this goal for $600 which is how much I am going to need for rent if my check does not go through in time. I will update this post accordingly, and turn off rbs if I get my check before rent is due, but tbh if i thought that was happening I wouldn't be making this post.
Anyone who help with this can contact me at my art blog @theartistrans for art like you see above. There may be a bit of a wait because I have 2 jobs and this, but I will mail you the piece if you pay the shipping also.
Dm me for proof or more details. More details are also in my tags.
$C V PP Kofi
#for those wondering i am the main provider for a 3 person household bc im the least disabled of the 3 of us#with one of us going thru the courts for diability for over a year now literally unable to work#and the other still working on recovering enough mental functionality to hold down a job after years of severe life-threatening health shit#we are growing our own food to reduce costs and are harvesting cucumber rn and tomatoes squash eggplant okra and peppers soon#we are working so hard to get by
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I made a new OC, say hi to Cassia :)
And some other doodles (and self portrait)
#ff#ffxiv#sesame#Kaiien#saffron#Cassia#I’m going crazy rn#Literally made Cassia today#and Sesame Kaiien Saffron if they went on vacation heh#not that they will anytime soon…..#anyways#Cass has joined out merry little band of weirdos…#not a great time tho because shit about to go down but hey! better late than never!#……maybe
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supernatural s1e16 shadow (w. eric kripke)
I want us to be together again.
be still my beating heart part 2 of ∞ || will he stay or will he go part 1 of ?
(aka the first time i had a full-tilt meltdown over this show)
#supernatural#eric kripke#spn 1x16#sam and dean#sam winchester#dean winchester#mygifs#spngifs#sam and dean mush#how to feel about your brother#willhestayorgo#samdeanheartsquish#like watching soon to be exes-the relationship is clearly over and one flaying themselves open showing their squishy insides#trying to make it work but the other is gently shutting them down and saying it's over#wholly lost my shit about this. late enough in s1 where we know this is A LOT of (too much?) emotional vulnerabilty for dean#but also way too early in any show's run to expect this level of emotional vulnerability and guts being strewn about#truly threw me for a loop. but it certainly set the stage for where they would go with sam and dean over the years#Dean's little eyebrow raise to the “I'd do anything for you” and sad half smile “could be” just punch me in the gut#and that sweet open expression talking about being together and a family again. ugh. such a rarity to see that on him#and Sam's “i don't want them to be” absolutely crushing. in the kindest manner.#but by the end dean's got his walls back up. oh my heart.
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Pop quiz, hotshots! Which would you rather have:
A relationship that, when it goes wrong, you can tell the other person that you need a break to reassess your relationship, and they will discuss this calmly, let you go, and then go away and think about what you said, agree that they were in the wrong, and start working on ways to fix their own behaviour;
OR
A relationship that, when you want to leave, they tell you that you don't really want to go, that you're happier with them, that you should isolate yourself from your family and friends so you can stay with them - and when you disagree and tell them the relationship is just a matter of necessity, they start in on your other relationship (which they have apparently decided is the reason you're going back, despite you making no mention of it), telling you that it's broken, that you shouldn't go back to him - and when you tell them to butt out of your personal business, they tell you they're entitled to have an opinion because you've been stranded alone together for a long time...
Is that or is that not what happened? Because I remember Lila making herself pretty clear on these points, but apparently a bunch of people think we should disregard a woman's expressed opinion about her own life, and go with what she's being told. Because Five knows best, amirite? Gosh he's so smart and clever! And he deserves this - he deserves Lila, no matter what Lila herself says. He's owed it by the universe, because he had a bad life.
Lila did have another relationship like that, where she was told what to do, kept in the dark, told that the other person knew what was best for her...and it wasn't Diego.
#lila pitts#diego hargreeves#tua#tua s4#tua s4 spoilers#the umbrella academy#I don't mind them portraying unhealthy relationships#but I am 100% serious when I say you shouldn't romanticise that shit#just because you think Five is dreamy#sure Diego has his flaws#but he and Lila had an adult relationship where they both made choices#and they consistently take on board what the other one says#whereas apparently Five and Lila never once had a conversation about where this was(n't) heading#because they were at total odds when it finally came down to a decision#never mind Diego - did Five actually think she was going to forget about her kids just to stay there with him?!#the arrogance! he was acting like a 20yo in his first real relationship#and Lila was acting like a woman making the best of a bad situation#wanting to end it as soon as she was able - literally she got up and walked away the second she found out#it's not about 'cheating' or whatevs#(all of tua fandom needs to grow up about that one)#it's about Five being a toxic little shit#enough red flags to run a circus#pepper gets salty
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when camping in lovely clearings, make sure to keep an eye out for hungry giants. looks like christopher decided to give these folks a warmer tent. how thoughtful.
#soft vore#vore art#g/t vore#multiple prey#open ended vore#mass vore#male pred#unwilling prey#willing pred#i LOVE it when preys have flashlights that can like. either get slowly sucked down with them through the pred.#so the pred can tell where they are the Whole Time.#or OR#when they gradually n slowly go out as the pred digests good shit#chris tag#mdni#im gonna learn how to draw people Soon sorry if he is Uncanny ghlskdldsjd
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So.. that new episode huh (45 spoiler alert)
"owls don't eat people boys"
YES THEY FUCKIN DO
#i have so many thoughts#expect to see more 45 art soon cus WOAG i have so many thoughts on it#also i can draw owls now#if im wrong abiut what i thibk is going on ill feel so silly but i can onky identiy base themes and suck at spotting stuff so gbdbd#but HOLY SHIT THHRGGHHRGRHRHRGHH EVIL#ill write them down somewhere dw#malevolent podcast#malevolent#malevolent spoilers#malevolent 45#arthur lester#arthur lester malevolent#john doe#john doe malevolent#alexander the owl#my art#zag's art#traditional drawing#id in alt text
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Whenever I want to start a new show, movie, book, etc, I do a quick search on Tumblr just to get the VibeTM
And whenever said fandom has a shit ton of vaguely (or explicitly) religious symbolism in their fanart, i know i'm in for a treat
#fandom#personal#im talking about all the shit going down in the pmmm community#lets go mentally ill lesbians lets go!#as soon as my wacom comes in i will be contributing#also whatever the hell is going on with bungou stray dogs#especially fyodor chuuya and atsushi#go NUTS#and all the vaguely catholic stuff we got from the toh fandom with belos hunter and emperor!luz (in watching and dreaming)#love it <3#pmmm#madoka magica#puella magi madoka magica#bungo stray dogs#the owl house
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I guess the ultimate thing that kills CF for me - or at least nudges it away from me saying I definitively like it - is just how much Edelgard is clearly written with the player in mind before she's written with her character in mind.
Because on all of the other routes, there's a power to Edelgard's presence. Even on BE, there's a sense that for as lonely as Edelgard might be, she still ultimately will do whatever it takes for her to get what she wants. Be that be killing her citizens (or otherwise letting them be killed), endangering her friends, assisting in kidnapping people, allowing Byleth to support her only when they have the Sword of the Creator, covering for TWS - no bar is too low for her to limbo under if doing so means she's even a step closer to her goals.
She's manipulative! She's deceitful! She doesn't care for the lives of her people! Even her friends are forfeit if they try to stand in her way! And this happens no matter how close you, the player, get to her, in the case of BE - C+ ain't stoppin' Remire, and going to the coronation ain't stopping the Holy Tomb.
And in the war phase, she is dominating the field. She has the Kingdom completely on the ropes, down to a few houses standing against Imperial rule, and the Alliance is stuck in neutrality - she may not be able to do much to it, but neither can they do anything to her (to say nothing of the Alliance houses who stand with her). She's far from the underdog in this race, and she shows off how threatening she can be.
CF? Her route?
She scweams at scawy rats. She gets embawwassed when you find her dwawings. She's just so wonewy, and she's just so gwad that you chose her. She somehow fails to capture Rhea, or frame Dimitri for regicide, and so now has to deal with that on the Kingdom's side of the war. But that doesn't stop Elly Welly-kins fwom twying to find her pwecious teacher, because you're just so important to her. She cwies and hugs you when you meet her in the Goddess Tower!! Because she missed you so much!!
It's like... Dimitri and Claude certainly show different sides of themselves on their respective routes. It's the whole point! You grow closer to them and thus see how they treat those close to them, as opposed to being the Kinda Neat Teacher they see run along every now and then. But, like... Claude doesn't become a blushing maiden whenever Byleth speaks with him on VW. Dimitri doesn't scream at scary rats and get called cute for it on AM. They don't get Basic Bitch Gap Moe Traits slapped onto them that are only ever shown to the player and only on their routes. Unlike Edelgard.
Dimitri's endearing trait is that he's this big huge dude who can bench-press forests and arm-wrestle god who still wants to learn to sew and who teaches kids to protect themselves and who buys candies for his friends. Claude's endearing trait is that he's this mastermind planner who has contingency and lie and obfuscation as three separate legal government names who still wants everyone to be safe and happy and hold hands and be friends.
Edelgard is strong, confident, and willing to do some of the shittiest things known to man for her goals. Her endearing trait is that her screams are cute. She's shy about her drawings of the player character. She blushes over the player potentially joking about having sex with her per her JPN version of her C support; you know, the one about how Byleth walks in on Edelgard muttering in her sleep from a nightmare about her tortured family? Perfect time to joke about fucking her! Dimitri and Claude's endearments are, well, endearing; Edelgard's are all straight up embarrassing for her.
Hell, even the smaller stuff is affected! Claude's passion for poisons and mushrooms are things he has no qualms about having others know about, despite how weird they are. Dimitri laughing at shitty jokes brings him no personal discomfort or embarrassment, despite just how loudly he laughs at them. They have traits to them that can easily be uwu worthy, and they don't care! Of the lords, only Edelgard does! Because, it feels like, the only way for a strong, resolute female character to come off as approachable is if she's knocked down a few pegs for specifically and only you, the player.
And that sucks ass! I'm sorry, but when I'm playing Edelgard's route I don't want to deal with her hiding herself away in her room for a month IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING WAR because she's just so embawwassed! It is so fucking insensitive that Edelgard is literally the only lord of the three who can have her trauma openly belittled at any point in the story by Byleth, all to have some cheap cutesy uwu moment about her fear of rats (calling her screaming in fear cute and INSISTING that it's really cute which is just. Fucking ew man)! Why can we fucking mock Edelgard's manner of speech during the MASSACRE OF REMIRE?
This shit doesn't happen to Claude or Dimitri! And saying "oh just don't pick those options then" is bullshit because no equivalent options exist for the male lords! It's piss-boilingly annoying that the second you choose to see things from the strong confident villainous ambitious female lord's perspective you can reduce her down to this bumbling moeblob just for you (sometimes unavoidably!) like!! Dude!
#legit not even sure what to tag this because for once I'm going to bat for Edelgard LMAO her writing treats her BAD when it comes to this#this is also a huge thing that fucks me off from liking Edel/eth because Byleth can be SUCH a huge fucking dick to her for no reason#and can be UNIQUELY mean to her for no reason. off the cuff i can't think of another character you can have Byleth act like this to#and most of this shit is well before Byleth as a character has any real reason to actively dislike her so they're just.#bullying Edelgard for fun?? I guess??#among uh. other reasons the ship doesn't exactly Work Out lmao#but yeah for CF it really REALLY brings down my ability to enjoy it fully despite me REALLY wanting to#because it encapsulates just how like. shallowly Edelgard can be written?#because it's not just that no character can meaningfully react to everything she's done (though that is a huge factor too)#but also as SOON as the writing wants you to REALLY like her it goes out of its way to diminish her powerful presence and UwU her#and not to say that she doesn't have her powerful moments - she does! and they're really great to see!#but that her cutesy moments stand out SO much BECAUSE the other two lords very noticeably have nothing akin to that for them#like. you can't jokingly call Claude a loser for having no friends growing up due to the racism he faced#you can't pretend to be one of voices Dimitri hears to fuck with him#you straight up CANNOT joke about their trauma which like. duh?? why would you??#but Edelgard just woke up from a horrible nightmare and that's just the perfect setup for a sex joke#and it's perfectly fine to joke about forgetting what Edelgard said about her trauma she opened up to them about cuz ''she said to forget''#and it's a-okay for Byleth to brush off her opening up about why she has a rat phobia to embarrass her over drawing them#WHY CAN YOU DO THIS. or better yet WHY *CAN'T* YOU DO THIS TO THE OTHER TWO.#it is just so brazenly sexist and i hate it every time i think about it 😭
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The more I think about it, the more I really want to know how Tetsuji managed to keep the fact that the Ravens are a cult under wraps, considering that even Neil was having trouble functioning normally after only 2 weeks.
Like, it isn't even the physical abuse that causes the biggest problem. It's the 16 hour days, inability to do anything other than exy, social isolation, and the dictated nutrition and choices. They learn none of the skills that a typical young adult learns in college- cooking, cleaning, time management, money management, networking, etc. Not all of the Ravens can be rich enough that that sort of thing just doesn't matter. They basically get dropped into the world after college with no idea how to get a place to live, feed themselves, pay bills, or anything required of an adult and with no support network to help.
And including the physical abuse, all of these athletes suddenly have to have a miriade of health problems due to over-exercise, lack of sleep, violent playing styles, and I'm assuming physical abuse from Tetsuji and/or Riko.
All of these athletes are apparently signing with pro teams and there can't be that many that they only have one or two athletes a piece. We know from Lucas that the drastic change to their personalities is very noticiable to anyone who did know them and they're mentally unstable enough to off themselves after being forced to leave the campus, so how has no one noticed that all of the players that get signed from this one college team are barely functional, incredibly mentally unhealthy, and insanely violent?
#im just saying#as someone who was raised in an environment where i encountered similar problems#(to a much lesser extent but that just reinforces my point)#it is incredibly difficult to navigate the world and people absolutely notice#if it was one or two people it could definitely get passed off as stupidity or naiveté but more than that? people would start to take note#im not surprised ichirou immediately shut that shit down as soon as he looked into it#especially once the “perfect court” went pro if he had forced them to return to Edgar Allen#Tetsuji was a power hungry idiot with no foresight who was going to get the family investigated by the FBI all by himself is my point#void rambles#tsc#aftg#the sunshine court#all for the game
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liam: specifically makes orym a character that is actively biased and brings up his bias on a near-constant basis to goad other party members into challenging his viewpoints but has insofar failed to get anywhere outside of introspection he takes upon himself because they're all convinced he's supposed to be the moral core of the group rather than someone they need to question because he's comparatively "normal" and his problems/traumas are more grounded than theirs
matt planning on taking out orym's kneecaps with a bat come thursday:
#🍃#critical role#critrole#cr spoilers#pry open his teeny little eyes at the horrors of the world he's missing#there is SO MUCH SHIT that these people can and will get mad at them for that he's positive they'll be cool with. his hubris#like such as 'the gods are just like us!' aaaaaand you're toast#will he 180? lmao no i doubt he's coming down from thinking he's melora's specialest lil boy any time soon but!#you worry he'll never change but i say I Think Being Threatened By Multiple Heads Of State may potentially affect a man#also no i don't blame everybody else for not pushing the little guy because he's kinda going along with it
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hi everyone <3
I have a bit of a life update. To make a long story short, last week I was diagnosed with PTSD. I have been having a... very hard time coming to terms with that. For most of my life I believed I just had a bad anxiety disorder, but I am now realizing that is unfortunately not the case. The past couple months I have been in a near constant state of fight or flight, fear, panic, whatever you want to call it- without really realizing it. and man. it has been exhausting, mentally, physically, spiritually. I just thought it was normal to feel like this all the time. i assumed everyone felt like this. my therapist has helped me realize I am in a lot of pain right now and it is not normal. so. the good news is that there is an intensive trauma therapy that I will be doing for the next couple months that is going to really help me recover. i love and trust my therapist with my whole heart. there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i am finally getting the help i need. so. unfortunately I am going to step away from tumblr for a bit. i dont really want to do this, i love being on here. i love interacting with all the friends i've made here. kink has become a very important and healing part of my life. but it is just a little too much for me at the moment. I'm not sure when I will return, could be a couple weeks, a couple months. I'll return when I feel right. I feel like this may be a little odd to share here, but it's important to me to acknowledge and share that I have been having a really hard time. i tend to downplay when i'm in pain. i feel like people usually don't care about me (i know this is very very much not the case. im trying to convince my brain of that too.) its really hard for me to tell people when i am struggling, especially in my real life. so i am taking baby steps and starting here. so, until I return- chase your tails for me, roll in the grass, bark at the squirrels. take care of yourselves. if you are struggling, know youre loved. get the help you need. i will be curling up in my dog bed and taking a nap in the sun. ruff ruff. wag wag. much love to all of you.
#agh personal posts. i know this is mainly a dogboy kink blog and some people will not care. but this is my blog and i will share what i want#i am safe and okay. i am just.. struggling to accept that i am very very sick right now. i was raised to just push that shit way down.#im done doing that. i am going to have to feel all the pain to heal it. nervous but excited. ready but hesitant.#anyways. hi. i love what this blog has done for me. for what this community has done for me. i will be back. you cant get rid of me!#will be keeping an eye out for messages for the next couple days. but this post is mainly to give myself permission to take a step back.#its weird. i feel obligated to post here and am feeling guilty for putting myself first. but thats the trauma i guess!#anyways anyways anyways. if youve read all of this i love you. thank you for listening. see you soon.#jasperbarks
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IVE BREACHED CONTAINMENT (I'm finally dispatched from the hospital)
#but i gotta stay at my parents for like 2 days b4 i can go back to my apartment 👁👁harrowing stare#but at least that peice of shit pathetic excuse of life is out of town so i dont have to deal with Her thank god the most perfect timing#aight ANYWAY my strength is growing soon i will be unstoppable now that im not shackled down by my appendix#im so fukocng greasy and smelly i couldnt shower for like 5 days my goD
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I’m finally biting the bullet and contacting a therapist today after being ambivalent ab it for so long… this hellsite has its many disadvantages but one thing I can say is it has truly helped me be less scared of pursuing therapy. Silver lining etc etc
#And to be clear I have nothing against therapy. I’ve seen it do wonders for other people#I think the reason it’s a point of defeat (just a little) for me to be like ok. I need a therapist. Is bc I’m admitting to myself that I#need one to begin w. And I get it’s not healthy but I always liked to think I could handle anything by myself#That was even the whole point of this blog. It was supposed to serve as a conduit for these feelings#And I’m not saying I don’t have a support system. I do. I have many wonderful friends#But I struggle to be vulnerable at all tbh and whenever I am I’m guilty ab it bc#I understand so many people have busy lives & I feel like an emotional burden on them by venting#Despite them telling me that it’s totally fine. Obvi a therapist is literally paid to listen so no guilt there#And I think that’s what I need#I’m not like on the brink of a psychotic break or anything but it’s just little things. I think it’d be nice to sit in someone’s office for#One hour a week and just go. That did bother me actually. I am tired actually. I do feel that way actually.#Rather than just burying my feelings w school and a busy schedule#I don’t think therapy will make me any less of a workaholic anytime soon but it’ll at least allow me to slow down one hour a week#And also not bottle shit up so fuckin much#But ya all of this is to say I’m drafting the email to her RIGHT now .#Starting the day off strong by oversharing on tumblr dot com
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between (q)cellbit putting the knife in his off-hand like 2-3 minutes before leaving and him telling richas something we couldn't see yeah this man is definitely planning something i don't trust this calmness and neutral/feel-nothing attitude
#richas going 'puta merda 0_0' and momentarily crouching himself against the wall? SUS#i don't think we'll be getting regression type shit like when the workers died and purgatory qcellbit but#something is definitely gonna go down presumably soon#i think doied could be a tilting point#very curious (and nervous) about what's to come o.o#qsmp cellbit#qsmp
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aliea!fubuki's alias would be blizzard/hailstorm and atsuya's alias would be temper maybe wildfire??
also hitomiko and fubuki would have talks like hitomiko would just be there to listen to fubuki vent because everyone else assures him what theyre doing is harmless and fine even though what actually goes down in aliea's matches are NOT harmless OR fine
also its around the time that diamond dust and prominence join to create chaos that fubuki slowly begins to merge with atsuya's personality and gradually he becomes less aggressive during matches
— 👽❄️ anon(because aliea fubuki)
hailstorm & wildfire would be cool names!!
the way Hitomiko can't explain anything to Fubuki to easen his burden, but she still does her best to be there for him... they both know the train's heading to a dead end but it's already going too fast to jump off the ride...
good ending: there will be balance between Prominence and Diamond Dust, as well as with Atsuya and Shirou! I really dig the idea that the merge is slow and needs some work, unlike the *snap* in the anime, maybe there even is a period of a few steps back where he's a total mess and mentally worse than ever before? but everything turns out well and he's balanced and confident and an absolute powerhouse on the field!
#at the time of drafting I'm actually rewatching s2 and someoka just left and I think shit will start to go down with fubuki soon#own art#inazuma eleven#(at the time of posting: shit has indeed gone down with fubuki and I love it)
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.
#i know im still in the aftermath but i cant stop fucking coming back to this#i feel what he did to my body with the stress he put on me every fucking day#good days never feel like healing#they feel like brief breaks#just why did he have to go and take it over the edge#when he kept the abusive behavior down to a level i could at least justify to myself then i also got to enjoy all the ways he took care ofme#the ways he was good to me#'abusive behavior' i still cant bring myself to just call it abuse#then he went and had to take every stress he had out on me with the meanest shit that still rattles around my brain#and then when i finally ended it and he got his feeling hurt checking this fucking blog#he used every tactic hed learned would scare the shit out of me over the previous 2.5years and did it all in one afternoon#he came home and had a big yelling freakout just like his ex did to him cause he knew just how scary and traumatizing that shit was#and then i had to fucking steep in that apartment for nearly another 2 months#god i want to get to a point where i dont feel this in my literal bones#but i wont anytime soon#i just miss having someone who at the very least holds me and soothes some of my pain#even when he was the cause of it
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