#sure Diego has his flaws

[pepperf]

Pop quiz, hotshots! Which would you rather have:

A relationship that, when it goes wrong, you can tell the other person that you need a break to reassess your relationship, and they will discuss this calmly, let you go, and then go away and think about what you said, agree that they were in the wrong, and start working on ways to fix their own behaviour;

OR

A relationship that, when you want to leave, they tell you that you don't really want to go, that you're happier with them, that you should isolate yourself from your family and friends so you can stay with them - and when you disagree and tell them the relationship is just a matter of necessity, they start in on your other relationship (which they have apparently decided is the reason you're going back, despite you making no mention of it), telling you that it's broken, that you shouldn't go back to him - and when you tell them to butt out of your personal business, they tell you they're entitled to have an opinion because you've been stranded alone together for a long time...

Is that or is that not what happened? Because I remember Lila making herself pretty clear on these points, but apparently a bunch of people think we should disregard a woman's expressed opinion about her own life, and go with what she's being told. Because Five knows best, amirite? Gosh he's so smart and clever! And he deserves this - he deserves Lila, no matter what Lila herself says. He's owed it by the universe, because he had a bad life.

Lila did have another relationship like that, where she was told what to do, kept in the dark, told that the other person knew what was best for her...and it wasn't Diego.

[maibeenot]

Last one about TUA season 4, for now.

(I talked about this in the tags of one of my RBs before but I wanted to elaborate)

I don't like how they keep trying to make Five a badass.

I find it especially frustrating as doing this constantly, bogs down any form of character development we could've had from Five.

For whatever reason, the writers seem to be allergic to acknowledging Five's biggest character flaw, his arrogance. Five always has to be right. He always has to be capable of everything and never needs any help. Despite the fact that Diego also has a very similar flaw (and is punished for it consistently), Five's seems to go completely untouched.

(A part of me thinks that the reason why they punish Diego so much more is because he comes off as the hot-headed impulsive one. While that's true, it certainly doesn't negate Five's ability to make mistakes or be incompetent)

Instead, they keep trying to invent a new flaw for Five in that; he is obsessed with the apocalypse. In reality, he's not obsessed with the apocalypse. He's obsessed with keeping his family safe. It just so happens that their most immediate threat (in his eyes) tends to be the apocalypse. (I really don't understand what they're trying to get at with this, especially considering the fact that he already has an extremely apparent flaw)

While this isn't an issue I take with season 4 specifically, it has definitely amplified this issue like crazy. Five's arrogance is vaguely addressed by his siblings in season 1, but it never seems to get him in trouble? Or at least he doesn't seem to have learned from it (except for the time-travelling thing from when he was 13, and when he bled out also in season 1)

Season 1 (and 2) handled it the best out of the four. Five never seems to ask for or accept help unless backed into a corner (telling Viktor about the apocalypse, asking Klaus to help him get the prosthetic eye). Or if he is literally incoherent or unconscious (him passing out from blood loss, him being drunk and telling Diego and Luther about what's happening).

And outside of that, Five's arrogance still had brutal consequences within this season (him not noticing Viktor's declining mental state because he was so sure about the apocalypse (but this was partially because this man tunnel-visions like crazy)).

(there are probably more instances of this with s1 & 2, i just can't think of them off the top of my head so tag them if you'd like)

Season 4 is extra mean with this. From the 'Five getting to work for the CIA at 19' to 'Five randomly figuring out what's causing the end of the world with a bunch of other Five's' while he was off moping.

And when he does make mistakes, it's not because he's actually not capable of everything and anything.

Noooo, Ben really really sneakily stole the marigold and spiked the sake. Five couldn't have possibly noticed. (and none of the other siblings for that matter)

Noooo, it's because Luther is actually super smart in figuring out that Five's boss is a Keeper (no shade to Luther btw, I like him. They just don't treat this moment as Five being a complete dumbass).

Oh no! Five (and Lila) can't figure out a way back from the metro! Never mind, another Five managed it.

Five being a homewrecker? That's him being an asshole, not incompetent so it doesn't count (lighthearted).

Five's arrogance one of his defining flaws, yet it's not really challenged. The fact that he gets away with a lot of bullshit is simply because he can! When he doesn't face failure, he doesn't find growth. He doesn't learn to stop being self-destructive just because he thinks he can do anything. He doesn't learn to reach out.

This stunt in growth is obviously not only present in Five but also everyone else. I just find his to be particularly grating since he's my favorite.

Feel free to add your thoughts to this, not just about Five's fucked up character growth but everyone else's too!

(I'll make long a ass post/video essay going into detail about all of them one of these days)

I'd love to read them :)

[ereardon]

Before I Knew [Jake Seresin x Reader] Chapter Three

A Jake Seresin unexpected pregnancy fic

Overview: On your first night after moving to San Diego to spend more time with your brother Bob, you unknowingly have a one night stand with his teammate Jake Seresin. For the first time in his whole life, Bob has a closely knit friend group and you’re desperate not to rock the boat. But an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy upends your world, forcing you and Jake closer together, against Bob’s wishes. What will happen when you find yourself actually falling for the father of your unborn child? 

Pairing: Jake Seresin x Reader; Bob Floyd x Sister!Reader 

Warnings: Pregnancy, cursing, eventual smut, alcohol

Chapter summary: Y/N grapples with her pregnancy; Phoenix alludes to a previous relationship with Jake; Jake is shocked to find out he's going to be a father

Masterlist here; previous chapter here

Your first thought when the test turned positive was what Bobby was going to do to Jake. 

Your second thought was how sorry you felt for Jake to pull him into your disaster of a life. 

Because that’s what you were. A disaster. Bob said it in not so many words and always with a compliment attached because the two of you were Southern and you didn’t outright flaunt people’s flaws to their faces. But it was no longer cute to be out of work and aimless. 

Especially since you were about to be pregnant on top of all of it. 

***

“Can I borrow your truck again tomorrow?” you asked, swirling a piece of spaghetti around your plate. The smell of the tomatoes was making you sick, but you refused to show it. 

Bob nodded. “Sure. What for?” 

“Job interview.” 

“For what?” 

“Librarian.” 

Bob frowned, chewing his garlic bread thoughtfully. Then, “Is that what you want to do?” 

You sighed, putting your elbows on the small dining room table. “I don’t know. I need a job. I like books. How bad can it be?” 

He paused. “I can float you for a while,” Bob said quietly. “You don’t have to take a random job. I’d rather you find something you’re passionate about.” 

“I don’t want to be your burden.” 

“You’re my sister,” Bob said. “And I love you and I want what’s best for you.” 

“I’m a big girl, Bobby,” you whispered, a tear springing to your eye. “I need to figure out how to take care of myself?” 

“Why?” 

You shook your head. “I just do.” 

***

“Floyd!” Bradley clapped Bob on the back as the two of them headed back toward the training room. “You coming out tonight?” 

Bob shrugged. “Not sure. Y/N is acting a bit odd. I don’t know if she’ll want to go out.” 

“Odd?” Phoenix popped out of the corner door, shaking out her hair from her helmet. “How so?” 

“I don’t know. She’s normally pretty bubbly, happy. She’s been sad almost. I think she’s stressed about finding a job.” 

“Didn’t she go to Sewanee?” 

“Yeah. But she got a history degree. And it’s more than that.” Bob poured himself a cup of tea and sat down on one of the nearby couches. “She’s aimless. It’s not that she doesn’t have a job. It’s that she doesn’t know what she wants to do or who she wants to be.” 

“Do any of us?” Phoenix asked. 

Bob frowned. “I’ve wanted to be in the Navy since I was six.” 

Bradley nodded. “Same here, but younger than that. The first time I remember seeing my dad in his flight suit.” 

From across the room, Jake added, “I’ve wanted to be an aviator my whole life.” 

Phoenix rolled her eyes. “You three are so cliché I want to throw up.” Bradley laughed. “She’s twenty three. Don’t you meatheads remember what it was like being twenty three?” 

“She’s different,” Bob said quietly. “She acts tough, but she’s still just a little girl.” 

“Maybe you just see her like that because you’re her brother,” Jake interjected. Bob shot him a dark look. “What? I have sisters, I know how it is.” 

“You have no idea,” Bob replied. 

Phoenix raised her eyebrows. “How about I take her out,” she said. “Girls night or whatever.” 

“That'd be great.” 

She smiled at Bob, before shooting Jake a glare. “It’s a date.” 

***

“So, what made you move to San Diego?” 

You and Phoenix had exhausted the usual questions within the first twenty minutes of your friend date. What your favorite color was and if you liked Taylor Swift and whether or not Bob snored when he slept. You tapped your fingers against the table as the two of you waited for your drinks to come. The waiter shot you an impatient glance over his shoulder as he delivered a dish of calamari to the table three down from yours. “Spend more time with Bob,” you replied. “Change of pace.” 

“What’s Tennessee like?” she asked. “Bob doesn’t talk about it too much. He talks about you, but that’s it.” 

That felt like a loaded question from the way Natasha was looking at you. There were two ways to answer her question. You could talk about the mild weather, the hordes of bachelorette parties in Nashville, Graceland, how good hot chicken was, what it felt like to drive through the mountains. 

Or you could tell her what she actually was curious about. Why Bob was the way he was. The fact that he had practically raised you as his own child, while being a child himself. That your mother was a single mom, an ER nurse by day, and sometimes by night. That more than once, Bob had been the person to go out to the store to buy mac and cheese and stir it for you while you finished your homework at the chipped kitchen table. How the two of you had become a team, united, from a young age. 

“What do you really want to know?” you asked, leaning across the table. 

Her gaze softened as she said, “How you’re doing.” 

How were you doing? You were twenty three and pregnant out of wedlock, a secret that no one yet knew. Usually, Bob was the first person you told your secrets to. But this one was too big to burden him with. 

Instead, the secret was weighing you down. A small, egg-shaped secret buried within your center. “Tell me about Jake,” you said.

Phoenix leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. “I told you, you don’t want to go there.” 

“Humor me.” 

She sighed. “Jake is Jake. He’s cocky. He’s confident in himself. Too confident. He’s a bit of a jackass.” 

You heard something in her voice. “But?” 

“But underneath it all, there’s a guy who wants people to like him. Who is desperate for it. That’s what you don’t see at first. It’s why he gets dismissed or boxed up as simply an asshole.” 

“Did you love him?” you asked. 

Her gaze found yours. “No. But I probably could have.” 

You nodded. “What’s the story between him and Bobby?” 

“That I don’t know,” she said as your food arrived. “You’ll have to ask your brother.” 

“He won’t tell me. He’s weirdly coy about that kind of thing.” 

“Then maybe it’s best you don’t know.” 

“Maybe.” The smell of the chicken in front of you, which had sounded delicious on the menu when you ordered it twenty minutes before, made your stomach churn. You felt a wave of sickness running through your stomach, up your throat. “Excuse me.” 

You dashed out of your seat, Phoenix’s voice trailing after you as you practically jogged toward the bathroom, bursting through the open stall and emptying your stomach into the basin. The wave of nausea subsided and you leaned back against your heels, wiping at your mouth. Thankfully, the bathroom was empty and you rested your head against your arms, breathing in for a moment, collecting yourself. 

Back in the dining room, Phoenix looked up, eyes wide with concern, her veggie pasta cooling in front of her, uneaten. 

“Are you alright?” she asked. 

You nodded, sitting back down, draping your napkin over your lap, hoping to God that you didn’t smell like vomit. “Yeah, totally. Just really had to pee.” 

Phoenix’s eyes were laser sharp as they scanned your face, searching for the lie. But instead of calling you on it, she turned her gaze to the plate in front of her and started eating. 

Keeping this secret was going to be harder than you thought.

***

“Sure you don’t want to come?”  

You looked up from where you were sitting on the couch wearing a pair of sweats, a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of you. “Yup.” 

Bob stood in the doorway, frowning. He had on a button up shirt and a pair of jeans and boots, hair combed neatly, glasses crooked on his nose as always. You took a mental photo of him in that moment. Once he found out about the baby, nothing would ever be the same. 

“I’m fine,” you assured him. “Go, please. Meet some girl, buy her a drink. Enjoy being a cute Navy guy for once.” 

Bob rolled his eyes. “Text me if you want me to come home early, OK?” 

“Go have fun.” You waited for the sound of the front door shutting softly before melting into the couch in an exhausted heap. You were tired all the time. And nauseous. 

27 Dresses played in the background as you dozed in and out of consciousness on the soft couch. It wasn’t until the scene in the bar when you heard the doorbell ring, waking you from your light slumber. 

“Fuck off!” you groaned, closing your eyes but the ringing picked up and you grunted, pausing the movie and pushing yourself upright toward the door. “What?” you exclaimed, tossing open the door. 

Jake stood in the doorway, eyes wide. “God, you’re crabby.” 

You stepped back. “Oh, it’s you.” 

“It’s me,” he replied. “Can I come in?” 

You frowned. “I guess.” Stepping back, you let Jake in before closing the door. Your hips pressed against the kitchen counter as you crossed your arms over your chest. “Well?” 

“You really don’t like me, do you?” he asked. 

“Like has nothing to do with it.” 

“Then what is it?” Jake demanded. 

“What are you doing here?” “I came to check on you,” he replied and you felt your heart leap in your chest. “Bob was worried. But he also was talking to some girl and hitting it off, so I said I'd save him the trip home.” 

“And he let you?” 

“She was pretty hot.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Well I’m fine. So neither of you has to babysit me.” 

“You know what?” Jake ran one hand through his golden hair before pulling it down over his face, massaging his temples with his eyes closed. “You’re fucking hot, too. But you’re absolutely insane. You sleep with me. You tell me to pretend it never happened. Then you jump me in the Hard Deck bathroom before running away. Now you act like you can’t stand the sight of me. I don’t even know what I’m doing here to be honest.”

Jake turned, putting one hand on the door. Your voice stopped him. “I’m pregnant.” 

He turned, slowly, green eyes wide. Terror filled every inch of his beautiful face. “Is it?” 

“Yes.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m not a slut,” you snapped. “You’re the only person I’ve been with in six months.” 

Jake was as frozen as a statue. You watched the color drain from his face. “I have to go,” he said, grabbing for the door handle, yanking it open. “I’m sorry.” 

And then he was gone, disappearing into the California night. Your breath in your chest felt heavy. And that’s when you realized you were going to do this alone. 

Please follow my library page @ereardonlibrary as that will largely serve as my tag list. Anyone I previous promised to tag is here:

@bobfloydsbabe @blue-aconite @wkndwlff @mamachasesmayhem @mandylove1000 @djs8891 @clancycucumber230 @rosiahills22 @buckysteveloki-me  @kmc1989 @gigisimsonmars @eloquentdreamer @mjisbby @shanimallina87 @seresinslady @seresinhangmanjake @blackwidownat2814 @yanna-banana @bbyvanessaa  @mrsjobarnes @midnightmagpiemama @ingoaliesitrust @rockbottomphilosophies-blog @iangiemae @joaquinwhorres @boiolay @sometimesanalice @spinning-away @mycobrakai1972 @xomrsalliej4787xo

[my-shields-are-down]

Take the Long Way Home…

*** NOTE - my writer’s brain is coming back online and with that I’m receiving bits and pieces of stories, so I am posting them as they hit. Ficlets if you will….I’m hopeful they’ll trigger full engagement so I can finally finish my incomplete stories before Season 7 happens***

—————

Tim Bradford made his way back to his cabin on the luxury train in the hopes of writing a chapter or two. He’d spent the past few hours zoning out while gazing upon the mountainous view from the back of the train.

His publisher was getting itchy over the paid out advance vs his lack of new book submission. Much like that TV show character Castle, he had killed off his wildly popular main character and was looking for his next muse. He could feel the stories forming in his head, filling up the space like cotton balls in a glass jar on his mom’s vanity. He just needed the spark to turn his thoughts into action and write the blasted thing. He needed his muse.

A former LAPD police officer, Tim had left the force after killing his last rookie candidate in a violent shootout. Killing his Rookie - who had aimed and then fired his police issue firearm directly at Tim with the intent to kill two days before he would have completed the program - has messed with his psyche almost as badly as being shot had messed with his body.

Once he got out of the hospital, Tim had gone to mandatory therapy and his therapist made him document his healing journey (he rolled his eyes at the memory). Dr Judy looked like someone’s grandmother (she had 9 grandkids herself), but had blue blood and a spine of steel and didn’t let Timothy off the hook. She dug into his pain and worked with him to forcibly remove and burn it into nothingness. Despite using all the latest healing modalities, it was the simplest one that did the trick - journaling.

As luck would have it, once he started writing, he really couldn’t stop. His anger at his abusive dad, frustration with his mom who never escaped, the horror he saw at war, the pride he took at training the next generation of cops, everything - it all poured out of him. This same therapist, connected him with a publisher (her nephew) and a New York Times best selling crime author was born. He wrote ten books in seven years using himself as the flawed detective and used the cases that still kept him up at night for inspiration.

Tim chuckles at the memory while unlocking his suite. His long ago friend from the police academy had given him her baby moon trip from San Diego to Key West, FL via Canada on the maiden voyage of this fancy schmancy train ride. Her husband was a kajillionaire, so this train and his suite were decked out - luxury to the max. Once inside, he flops onto the sofa and closes his eyes but instead of silence, he hears a woman’s beautiful singing voice coming in from his neighbor’s radio.

“They say Rome wasn’t built in a day…but hey.. they’ve got nothing on the patience that it’s taking me to wait…”

Tim let’s the sexy voice wash over him, when he notices the shower running and realizes he’s never heard his neighbors before and that’s HIS shower running. There was a naked, singing woman in his shower. Probably. Or an assassin waiting on the other side of the door to kill him.

“See the sands of this hourglass, are slipping through your hands.”

Tim’s eyes pop open, and he scans the cabin, noticing the fire engine red suitcases tucked under the desk, the low heeled boots next to them on the floor, the black leggings and aubergine tunic laid carefully on the armchair across from him and his last book sitting on top of an iPad case.

“Every grain has got to hurt you, takes you further from your chance.”

He leans down and pulls his carry on bag out from under the sofa upon which he sits, and pulls out his off-duty gun. He checks to make sure it’s loaded, slides the suitcase back and waits. Body feigning relaxation while he’s really on high alert. He grips the handle of the weapon on the butter soft leather of the sofa and closes his eyes.

“I’ve been holding on, for way too long (way too long)…..either you’re in or you out.”

Tim doesn’t hear the water turn off or the door open, but he does feel the small temperature change and burst of hot, humid, jasmine scented air as the mystery woman steps into the room.

“You’ve got four and twenty hours… just one day to prove to me…that your love has got the power… to make me believe… you’ll take me where you wanna be. Four and twenty hours, and that’s me.”

Tim opens his eyes as she stops singing, and raises his gun to match the one pointed at him - and in that instant he sees the most stunningly beautiful mostly naked woman of his life with tawny skin, full lips, stunning amber eyes, and pin up girl curves. He can also tell she’s a cop by the way she holds her weapon and that she’s recovering from a serious beating- yellow/green bruises on her cheek and hips, bandages wrapped around her leg, a fire engine red cast on her left wrist and forearm.

Tim smirks to himself, slightly jealous of the TO who turned this spitfire into a disciplined cop. She’s magnificent, fierce and trembling from the pain in her shoulder. He’s guessing she’s got faded bruises on her back as well.

There she is, he thinks. My muse. The heroine of my next series of books, Detective Sava Wu.

When she finally speaks she simultaneously impresses him again, and triggers the flames of desire within him. “why don’t you lower your weapon handsome, tell me your name and explain to me what you’re doing in my cabin. I don’t remember ordering you with my dinner. I’d remember that.”

———

Featuring “Four and Twenty Hours” by Joss Stone, from “The Wedding Date” soundtrack

[micamicster]

Micaaaaaa I am in need of a good TV show. IWTV left me craving for some good writing, please help 💙 I know some of your all-time favourites are Black Sails and The Wire, I gave them a try, but I'm afraid they're a bit too bleak for me :(( Any good recs?

Bestie this is a great question and im honestly a terrible person to direct it to because the truth is I really don't watch a ton of tv! But I'm gonna do my best!

Beneath the cut find a list of shows I think are particularly well written, divided into vague and confusing categories based on how similar to iwtv they might seem?

<3 <3 <3

(Totally get Black Sails and the Wire feeling too heavy. The wire in particular is imo the single most upsetting thing thats ever been put on television so I completely get not being up for it. But if anyone else is looking for shows I think are really well written those would be good places to start! Black Sails would be my first rec for iwtv fans tbh)

Dramas with syfy/fantasy elements:

Russian Doll: for literally anyone other than you (who's already watched it!) this would be my number one rec. One of the best (and specifically best written) shows of all time, has those spec fic surrealist elements, combines comedy and drama, just love it.

Andor: I know, I was surprised too. But despite being a star wars tv show it actually has writers that do a? good? job? And Diego Luna is spectacular. (If black sails was too grim this might also feel that way given our knowledge of the main character's fate, but it might be worth checking out anyway)

I forgot what i was going to put here

Not sf:

Reservation Dogs: Taika Watiti can be hit or miss for me, but this show is the best of his particular combination of humor and pathos. Also he's just really good at writing kids? (I would be remiss if I didn't point out that he has been (rightfully!) criticized for the antiblackness of couple of minor characters who appropriate black culture pretty egregiously, iirc they don't feature after season 1? But it is a flaw to be aware of). Why didn't I put this with the sitcoms? My mind is mysterious even to me

Bad Sisters: great 1 season irish show about a group of sisters trying to murder their sister's abusive husband. Again a really strong writing combo of humor and genuine emotion!

The Get Down: still not over this cancellation it hurt me in ways I can't even begin to explain... anyway a great show about the birth of rap in 70s nyc with beautifully thought out costumes, music, writing, visual style <3

The Americans: two russian spys undercover as an american suburban couple in the 80s is actually a vehicle for a probing exploration of marriage and intimacy. Also pretty grim (the cold war. yeah.) so idk if it would be for you.

The Knick: nobody ever watches this when I rec it because it's too gorey but I don't care! I love it! Period drama about a public hospital in early 1900s new york.

Sitcoms!: (sorry I know you've watched half of these just wanted to include them in case anyone else looked at this list!)

Derry Girls: this show is just hit after hit. Best written show about teens in the world!

We Are Lady Parts: See this entire blog. Genuinely one of the best shows ever made

American Vandal: Ok technically this is more of a mockumentary than a sitcom but i wasn't sure where else to put it. Season one in particular is some of the best tv show writing I've ever watched it is perfect in every way!

MASH: 70s sitcom about a US military field hospital during the Korean War. At its best it's hysterically funny, absurdist, and bitingly furiously anti-war. (At its worst it's racist, sexist, and boring. It was the 70s) This show was a cultural phenomenon, but it has literally over 200 episodes so I would recommend just googling for a best-of list and watching a handful to see if it works for you.

Atlanta: Donald Glover's surrealist sitcom about trying to manage his cousin's rap career in Atlanta. That's such a bad explanation of what this show is about i'm sorry but I'm not sure how to do better.

Shows I've watched between 1 episode and 1 season of, thought to myself "wow! this show is amazing!" but can't in good conscience recommend because I never really watched enough of them to qualify as an expert:

The Sopranos: everyone says it's the best tv show of all time and i watched season one, said wow they're right! and still haven't managed to get back to it! The pilot itself is so fucking funny like... mobster goes to therapy for his anxiety had to have been the pitch of all time

Station eleven: LOVED the book, heard really good things about the tv show, thought the pilot was amazing, got busy and couldn't finish it.

Babylon Berlin: this has the darkly romantic, opulent qualities of iwtv so it might be for you! Unfortunately I've seen less than half of it so I can't promise it doesn't go off the rails.

Breaking Bad: people are right! it's good! It's also (at least in season one, the only season I've watched so far) like someone made a slapstick comedy about a man cooking meth. In a good way!

You might want to just watch a couple gothic romances to scratch that iwtv itch! Check out an adaptation of Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights!

WOW this is too hard. Just watch supernatural i guess

[strawberrystainedd]

Hi!! Got excited when I saw your comment on the Queer Christians unite post, about sharing christianity through a queer lense!! Exactly what I've been looking for as a bi Christian looking for the vouch-for-queer-community-through-the-bible :):) Any tips?

hi so sorry for taking so long to answer!! this ask makes me so happy:) i’m answering this one on this acct but just btw i have a religion sideblog @blessedjudas which is what i usually post all my christianity stuff on!

my biggest tip is to look up churches in your area, find a queer-affirming one (they will usually say it on a website/have a flag in front of the church), and join a group there. my church in san diego is AMAZING and honestly the diocesan events and youth group in hs saved my life and relationship with god!! truly i doubt i would still be a christian if it wasn’t for them!!

if you can’t find a church community near you that is queer affirming, finding a community online is the next best thing!! just finding other people who are queer christians (and queer religious people in general) is the BEST thing you can do- it reminds you that queer christians exist!! and can love god fully!! without sacrificing any part of yourself!! and you also end up learning SO much from them. if you feel safe to do so, you can also try to create a group in your town!! i’m sure it would help other people in the area who might not feel comfortable being the first to reach out.

reading books is also great! there are so many that analyze the bible from a queer lens. here are just a few:

- called out by e carrington keith

-tenderness by eve tushnet

-god and the gay christian by matthew vines

- this i know by jim dant

-hearts ablaze by rolf nolasco

if you have instagram, following people on there is also such a comforting thing. some of my fav accts:

-belovedandqueer

-belovedarise

-marymagdalenestan

-liturgy (my old youth leader from hs/ms actually:))

-andhersaints (who also has a tumblr!! @and-her-saints )

-blackliturgies

-liberating_christianity

when you surround yourself with people who are deconstructing a very white, cishet pov of christianity, you start to realize how anti-jesus that rhetoric truly is. there are so many bible stories and quotes that just aren’t even taught because they aren’t deemed “important” (they are). nowadays i read passages of the bible and find so much more LOVE in it than i used to, because i’ve joined communities of people who truly care about love for the sake of love. once you realize it’s ok and holy to love always, you find so much more love in the bible in so many places!! (you also get a reality check on how flawed the bible can be, and how not everything should be taken literally as it was written by ancient human men in a different language. doing research to find true translations is also a great, if difficult, thing to dig into!!) it just makes me feel so much more connected to jesus and god and the holy spirit, and that feeling of true love is what keeps my faith.

when i was younger i kind of felt like i shouldn’t take the bible very seriously at all because it was so fallible- but now i view it differently, because the more i studied it with other queer people, the more i realized how truly wonderful it is and how warped it had become in translation by american christianity. context is sosososo key when reading such ancient texts and it should not be taken lightly!! pretty much all of those passages that alt-right christians use only make sense in certain context or have been mistranslated. i view the bible as a diary of christians in the past, and in a way i find that even holier. it’s a treasure and the gospel feels even more real to me because of that!!

things just started to make so much more sense when i looked at the bible with a queer eye. when two women who lived together are blessed, that turns from a seemingly pointless story into a story about a romantic couple being blessed by the lord. when it’s mentioned that two men who live together are very close and do everything together, it makes so much more sense to think that they were together. everything just clicks into place! and it fits the image i have in my head of jesus so much better: someone who preached radical love and kindness of COURSE would never say it was a sin to love ANYONE, no matter who it is.

ok this was really long post and honestly i could go on for so much longer but i hoped this helps!! ily and if you have any other questions/musings feel free to ask!!❤️

[ocedy]

Grand Hotel is amazing and underrated

Today I wanted to talk about one of my favorite TV show : the spanish soap opera Grand Hotel. I've known this show for 6 years but I'm rewatching it so all the great feels are back. It is full of mysteries, plot twists, romance and humor and the main couple is one of the best on TV. I am talking about Julio and Alicia and I wanted to mention why this relationship is compelling and entertaining.

First of all, both characters are amazing. I could read about them on their own which is quite rare. They are very sympathetic, well-written and have qualities and flaws. Julio's charm is convincing and his falsely innocent personality when searching for information is endearing and funny. Alicia is split between her heart and her duty and I love how she balances it out. She is pushed to marry Diego, whom she does not love, but who is a good match for the family's interests. It's never a question of Alicia loving Diego and of a love triangle but the difficult choice of family vs love. Alicia's and Julio's determination are what pushes them to stick to their own values while helping the other. And nothing would have happened if Alicia wasn't so close to the downstairs staff in general. Her affection for the domestics and her empathy is her most beautiful trait.

Then, their chemistry is off the charts thanks to the beautiful acting : the way Julio looks at Alicia melts my heart. I love how he so obviously loves her and does not try to hide those emotions. Alicia also has incredible moments such has the time where she is with Diego but keeps her eyes on Julio. You can feel the pull and the longing between them. The difference of social status and the fact they had to keep their relationship secret helped making it spicier and more exciting.

Another important point is that they have more time on screen as a couple than pining. Their pining is succulent but they are anything but boring together. What a good surprise was that kiss near the end of S1. Earlier than what is expected in this kind of show but necessary to make their relationship progress. After that point, it was all about hiding their relationship from others and it might be even better than pining. They continue to fall more and more in love with each other as time passes. I love how the relationship's interest didn't stop at the kiss but was merely a step in their journey together. They have real discussions and communication. And sure there is angst because of the situation and sometimes their interests conflict but I thought it made the show more interesting (and longer which was appreciated). Their relationship is based on a need to help the other and they solved mysteries together. I love that there is substance to their connection and that we can feel why they love each other.

This couple feels real, not born out of pure lust or toxic attraction but something deep and sweet. They compliment each other very well as they both fight for the truth but Alicia keeps Julio grounded while he offers her a trust and freedom her family never gave her. He gives her the opportunity to use her intelligence to her full potential during their mystery solving and she makes it someone better because she keeps him from making some bad decisions. They evolve in an exciting environment, surrounded by danger, and yet they always find a moment to share their discoveries together. There is some angst sparkled across their romance and a few moments they could have broken up but they way they make up feels genuine and never out of character. I love how nor Alicia nor Julio play hard to get and how they are generally open about their feelings.

They also have a lot of moments shown on screen. Be it hugs, kisses, longing glances or small intimate moments that made the relationship very convicing and beautiful to rewatch again and again. It's obvious that they truly love each other. You can see it in their eyes, their gestures, their actions, their words. Their love is so strong you can only wish to live it. I love how they overcame the difficulties and the adversity together. Plus they have a totally happy ending and I'm a sucker for those.

So that was my rant xD if you didn't watch the show, I'm sorry for the lack of context but this post is mainly here to give great points about them so that you can discover the story by yourself :) Of course, Julio and Alicia are not the only good part of this show which is very captivating in general. I wish more people talked about it! The fandom is very small and deserves to be known.

[obsidianstrawberrymilk]

oh defo agreed on leonard, part of why viktor frustrates me sometimes much as i love him because it feels like the tua writers keep trying to make him *the* main character (despite it being a cast show) and they keep bringing up the fact that he has trauma, and they erase his flaw’s because they’re telling you more that he’s a dysfunctional and traumatized but sympathetic character without actually showing that

like viktor having what’s effectively a mental breakdown in s1 finale and deciding to cause the apocalypse (imo he was trying to cause the apocalypse ((esp since he literally killed a guy for honking at him and went to the concert knowing his powers feed on sound)) once his siblings started attacking him but the exact way he caused the apocalypse was an accident) but that’s not really brought up and when it os, they talk about it like he took his dad’s car and had a joyride and accidentally crashed it, not causing the literal apocalypse

Viktor’s trauma w leonard isn’t addressed, nor is him literally getting tortured by the fbi (absolutely not surprising given klaus’ torture not being addressed, but not any less frustrating), his anger issues and bit of a victim complex, and his years of anger and resentment towards his siblings are magically wiped away thx to the fact that he has powers now apparently

the latter bits are esp frustrating, bc y’know, wiping away his flaws is wiping away a good chunk of what makes him interesting. I feel like s2 really dropped the ball w the amnesia storyline bc it just served as a reason to not address s1. imo it could’ve been good, if they played into the “oh viktor’s amnesiac and all his problems are solved now” and have the siblings kind of think that when they see viktor happy w sissy and carl but then they slowly realize viktor defo vv much still has his resentment issues. the only reason they didn’t see it is bc who pr what does viktor have to be jealous of the farm (or maybe viktor could be jealous of carl not just bc of sissy but bc of him being important at his job but i digress)

like diego mentions having to save keneddy and viktor’s like “what so you can get patted on the back for being extraordinary for saving the day?” And instances like that which make the siblings realize that viktor’s issues defo aren’t a quick and simple fix, they’ve always been there and it’s not something they can blame solely on leonard. leonard was merely only the one who lit the match to the bomb, he didn’t create it. and if they really wanna address viktor’s issues they have to address their own and the family’s issues as a whole

You just outlined basically all of my issues w how Viktor is treated in the show.

It's like the showrunners have forgotten who he was in S1, tbh: Viktor is angry. He's angry, he's kind of ruthless, he's selfish. He destroys the world because he's angry at his siblings and doesn't give two shits about who he could hurt. Was part of that Leonard? Yeah, sure. Was it also years of repressed anger just bursting out? Yep.

He thinks he had it the worst out of his siblings, he thinks he was the only one who's trauma really matters and he's a victim, and like... the show never addresses or even contradicts this?? It's like they want us to think he's right, that Vik was the only one with trauma and it justifies everything he does.

The thing is- Viktor is kind. He's sweet, he's passionate when he finally gets off his pills, he's a good person. But he's not perfect. He's far from perfect. Those flaws I outlined above? They didn't make me hate him at all. They make him interesting. They make him realistic. Abuse isn't pretty, trauma isn't pretty - they're awful and people have to work to get away from the affects of them. That's what we saw with Allison in S1, what we should have seen with Viktor.

I've mentioned before that I think S2 and 3 sanitized a lot of the characters, and this is what I mean.

Look, Leonard was horrible for Viktor. He was manipulative and abusive and terrifying towards the end. How is he just... not affected by that? How does he not close himself off even more, even subconsciously, terrified and wary of someone treating him like a tool to manipulate and use again? Or maybe he does the opposite: throw himself into love just to try and get rid of it's association to him?

And for that matter: how is Viktor not affected by anything from S1?? Holy shit, he ended the season trying to murder his siblings!! And yet when he meets them again they're all... fine? No resentment? No anything?

I feel like S2 was trying to show us who Viktor could have been; the person he could've been without the abuse and trauma, and yk, I do appreciate it. But if that was the case, then S3 should've been when it all came back - all the resentment and anger and abuse. But it... wasn't?

The narrative treats him with kid gloves, ngl. And that's so, so bad for his character, bc it robs him of the complexity that made me love him. I love Viktor because he's angry and selfish and good anyway - because he has his flaws but he's kind, but he's patient, but he's trying to figure out this family with everyone else.

But the thing is, the show doesn't show that. Because Viktor's flaws are suddenly gone, his trauma isn't addressed, and everything is now a joke. His powers aren't explained or elaborated on, most of his development is just a suggestion.

I love the idea you had about the resentment that Viktor could show even with his amnesia, tbh. Small things here and there - easy enough to brush of but that could explode later, just to show us it's not gone, not (totally) healed, because you can't just fix trauma by ignoring it. That resentment is still there. That's fantastic.

Something interesting, imo, could have been that Viktor was faking his amnesia. Like, he's suddenly in the 1960s without any idea where anyone is, and now he's staying with a woman he's growing to love, and a kid he really, really cares about. There's no one to compete with or feel inferior to, no siblings he has to sort out his emotions about, and no one to hold him accountable for ending the world.

Why would he want to leave?

It could sort of be like what Allison learns pre-S1: you have to take responsibility for your actions, and if you want to make up with people, you have to take steps as well. You have to be the one who wants reconciliation, not just the other people, or else relationships can never fix.

Also Viktor Allison parallels did I mention how much I love them yet-

Anyway, yes, you're absolutely right. The show has watered down everyone ngl, and that very, very heavily includes Viktor.

[mylifeincinema]

My Week(s) in Reviews: January 1, 2023

First and foremost... Happy New Year!!

Okay... now let’s get into it. I’m keeping these short because I have little to say about them or they’re going to be featured in My Best of 2022 shortly, anyway, so let’s just go with the old three things format for most of these, yeah? Good.

The Fabelmans (Steven Spielberg, 2022)

1. Wholly feels like the film Spielberg’s been working toward.

2. That final shot is the reason (as if I needed another one) why Spielberg is my favorite director.

3. I’m going to be genuinely shocked if this lands anywhere other than on top of my top films of 2022. - 10/10

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (Rian Johnson, 2022)

1. What a cast!!

2. A ton of fun, and it chooses an approach and sticks with it. If you’re underwhelmed with the ‘twists’, that’s kinda the point.

3. Seriously, though... what a cast!! - 8.5/10

Babylon (Damien Chazelle, 2022)

What a clusterf*ck…

It’s very clear Chazelle lost the thread about 40% in. Cutting that whole Tobey storyline would help. Also cut the opening scene, just start on the party. Tighten up Margot’s arc, we didn’t need that snake shit. Cut Jovan’s arc complete, there’s enough there thematically for a separate film. Give that to someone who can tell it in a way that’ll actually resonate. Leave everything with Brad Pitt alone. He was fantastic and his arc is the only one that felt like it progressed and ended naturally. Beautiful, tragic, interesting shit, right there. Actually loved the ending, but a bunch of other late moments for Diego felt sloppy/rushed. The phenomenal editing helps some of the more upsetting issues throughout, but can’t save the film from the total loss of cohesion in the those final acts. Despite all its many flaws, though, I still pretty close to loved about 65% of this film. - 6/10

Avatar: The Way of Water (James Cameron, 2022)

1. Visually stunning. Probably the easiest VFX win since the last, right?

2. Someone should give Fincher the money for his 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea... if this film is anything, it’s proof the tech has reached the point where Fincher’s vision is not only possible, but feasible.

3. Has James Cameron actually ever heard two people talking to each other? My God, that dialogue is atrocious. (The screenplay all-around, really.) Yikes. - 6.5/10

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story (Eric Appel, 2022)

1. This is not only the perfect approach to a Weird Al biopic, I’m pretty sure it’s the only approach to a Weird Al biopic.

2. Very funny if you’re familiar with Yankovic as a person, downright hilarious if you go in only knowing his music.

3. Evan Rachel Wood as Madonna... I repeat, Evan Rachel Wood as Madonna. My God! - 7.5/10

Emily the Criminal (John Patton Ford, 2022)

1. Aubrey Plaza is really damn good.

2. So is just how terribly things go in that third act.

3. The rest... not so much. I really don’t get all the hype. - 5/10

Black Adam (Jaume Collet-Serra, 2022)

1. This is a very bad movie. Very easily one of the worst of the year.

2. Any promise Dwayne Johnson had every shown has been tossed in the garbage for terrible line delivery and tough-guy stares.

3. Pierce Brosnan deserved better than this. An interesting character and perfect casting completely wasted in favor of whatever this shit was supposed to be. - 2/10

The People We Hate at the Wedding (Claire Scanlon, 2022)

1. Not a good movie by any stretch.

2. But Kristen Bell.

3. And Allison Janney. - 5.5/10

A Christmas Story Christmas (Clay Kaytis, 2022)

1. Corny as f*ck.

2. But the type of corny I can get behind.

3. And that Christmas morning was the obvious tear-jerker material I’m a sucker for. - 6/10

The Shop Around the Corner (Ernst Lubitsch, 1940)

1. James Stewart really is one of my all-time favorite actors. Just always so damn good.

2. Love me some Lubitsch, yet for some reason I have so many blind spots with him.

3. I know we live in completely different times, but even looking through the scope of the time, that ending seemed a bit forced. Still a delightful film overall, but she must’ve been really desperate to let the shit he pulled go. - 7/10

Elvis (Baz Luhrmann, 2022)

1. Significantly better than I expected. But painfully overlong.

2. Austin Butler is fantastic. Tom Hanks is (somehow) borderline awful.

3. Baz Luhrmann’s direction is god-awful. But there’s a shit-ton of it, so I guess the Golden Globes look at Directing like the Academy does editing, now. - 5.5/10 (Almost all of those 5.5 are for Butler and the early performance sequences only.)

Enjoy!

-Timothy Patrick Boyer.

[conduitandconjurer]

I posted 3,402 times in 2022

561 posts created (16%)

2,841 posts reblogged (84%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@merrilark

@i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky

@stcndupeight

@positiveautistic

@resplendent-ragamuffin

I tagged 2,259 of my posts in 2022

Only 34% of my posts had no tags

#ooc - 562 posts

#s3 spoilers - 247 posts

#ic - 156 posts

#sexy trash (self) - 149 posts

#show me my silver lining (self) - 129 posts

#klaus hargreeves - 87 posts

#meta - 81 posts

#face (robert sheehan) - 80 posts

#dumb puppy (nathan) - 75 posts

#sobriety is(nt) overrated (recovery tag) - 64 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#he's so desperate to get everyone on board with the character that he still doesn't like but whom he (mistakenly) believes has faith in him

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Okay but I’m going to cry at Klaus’s inherent selflessness.  For years the character has been accused of being the most selfish of the siblings, and I have never grasped where that comes from, aside a societal bigotry against addicts, an ableist victim-blaming mentality, but how can you watch the scene where he is dying, again, in excruciating pain, but using his ability to conjure to help Luther say goodbye to a woman they both just met like a week ago--and STILL call him fundamentally selfish?   He uses these bewildering abilities that have traumatized him all his life, to give comfort to his loved ones. 

I know Klaus is disastrously flawed (aren’t we all) but.  Please do not tell me Klaus is anything but ride-or-die for his family, and one of the most astoundingly accepting, compassionate people in the world. I think what’s so beautiful and compelling about it is that it can also be deemed a flaw--to be so forgiving and trusting that you would even let your primary abuser back into your life, thinking he could be “better now.” Being inevitably betrayed by Reginald again, in the most painfully resonant way, and STILL! STILL! Virtually MOMENTS later, having the capacity to show kindness to your brother so he doesn’t have to feel the pain you felt, of never having closure to say goodbye to the person you adore, and only having dog tags to remember him by. 

I love you. There is no courage quite like compassion.  You are braver than anyone knows. 

211 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

#4

I’m trying to figure out how to articulate how gutted and desolate I feel about the wedding reception scene, where Klaus goes to every single sibling shy of Allison and tries to convince them to figure out a way to save the world with Reginald.

I’m trying to understand why it makes me nauseous and weepy that he asks Five, and Five is for once the one who has given up and is seeking solace in substance abuse, and Klaus lets him with the first expression of annoyed disappointment I’ve ever seen on his face toward a sibling. 

I’m trying to process how I feel that Lila treated him like an agent of malice and threatened to torture him if he spoke to Diego.

I’m trying to not actually outright sob that he called Luther “baby” and “Lulu” and begged him as desperately as during the days when he was stealing money and valuables for another fix, to consider his new addiction--a fictitious, delusional idea of a real bond with their father, in order to “find his purpose”--and Luther is so desperate to not spend the end of their lives in any form of discomfort (understandable and actually, an interesting mirror) that he bellows at Klaus so loudly, that Klaus ends up curled into a ball, ears covered, audibly whimpering.  It was an exact replica of the times in S1 (in the rave) and S2 (being shot at by Commission agents) when he was covering his ears and freezing from a PTSD flashback.  The way when Luther apologizes and hugs him, he just hangs there in his arms and immediately placates with “sure, that sounds nice,” the way he is just USED to being dismissed out of hand by loved ones, even when they have not even a day of existence in all the universe left....

I’m trying to explain to myself and anyone reading this why this makes me sadder and sicker than the actual “bus-ball” scene in which he repeatedly killed himself to find that sense of purpose, of human value. 

How desperate do you have to still be, to be valued by somebody else, anybody else, that you’ll be complicit with your cardinal abuser, and help him to recruit your siblings in perpetuating that abuse? 

I’m the first person to say Klaus has grown in leaps and bounds this season. And yes, I know that his suicide in the White Buffalo Room marks that he has broken free of Reginald and really is beginning to grasp that he has value irrespective of all Reginald pretended to offer. But it’s still AGONIZING. 

And it makes me sad. It makes me sad that he still has this IMMUTABLE capacity to LOVE.  That he goes to Sparrow Ben and softens him and comforts him, gets him to “open up his kimono.”  That he, ONLY he, pays any attention to Allison, and escorts her onto the dance floor, WITHOUT snubbing Viktor:

That he treats Sloane with unreserved happiness, with compassion, and officiates the wedding.  Like look at his face in the bg when she comes off the elevator: 

See the full post

256 notes - Posted August 5, 2022

#3

If he didn’t believe this about every single person whom he loves, he’d be so much better off...but then he wouldn’t be Klaus <3 

283 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

#2

I know a thousand other people have articulated it better than I have, and I miss the days when people listened to my character meta (on other blogs) but it will never get old to me how Klaus cheerleads and emotionally supports others--sometimes deservedly, and sometimes not-- with the blind adoration of the biggest idiot,  yet you can tell it’s 100% pure and with 120% conviction: 

See the full post

299 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Klaus Hargreeves’s REAL superpower isn’t straddling both sides of the Veil or resuscitating and regenerating bodily damage or astral projection or levitation or even conjuring and exorcising ghosts....

It’s being able to get along with ANYONE and EVERYONE, lol.  It’s making people who hate everyone find him tolerable. It’s his irrepressible affability. Ingratiating is too strong and negatively-connoted a word, but it’s in that ballpark.  Got a new dangerous foe? Just send in Klaus, the funky queer Human Hug, to charm them into feeling relaxed, heard, and valued. 

“Why am I smiling and when did I start smiling?” they think, baffled. Because Klaus, that’s why. The “King of Death” is better than anyone else at making others feel ALIVE. 

961 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jytan2018]

That's a nice interpretation but respectfully, you can't dismiss the "it spits in abuse victims' faces" narrative just because you personally choose to indulge in an interpretation that isn't supported by the show canon.

Let's look at what S4 has shown us when it comes to the Umbrella siblings "healing" and "letting go" of the versions of themselves Reggie created:

- Five not only starts an affair with his sister-in-law and withholds their escape plan from her for MONTHS , he never once apologises for ANY of that and spends his last moments being sad that Lila went back to Diego, not to mention he just goes, "Oh, of course! My family's the problem" when his character in previous seasons was defined by his stubborn unwillingness to sacrifice his family. What your theory describes as "letting go" is actually closer to "ditching the flaws directly caused by abuse so the show doesn't have to bother addressing them".

- Diego did learn to prioritise his family and that was a nice bit of development, but it wasn't connected to his abuse at all. The whole reason he was so obsessed with crime fighting as a profession is because he grew up chasing the title of Umbrella Numero Uno (and by extension, Reggie's approval) and he's falling back on old methods of affirming his self worth. But instead of him learning to detach his profession from his worth in order to for him to become more family focused, which would've allowed him to pursue crime-fighting jobs in a healthier manner, we get a scene that implies Diego was stupid for ever prioritising his sense of purpose over his family.

- Lila's problem was similar to Diego's. Just because she grew up without a family, doesn't mean starting one will heal her and I was so happy that the first few episodes addressed her disillusionment! But then Lila doubled down on her kids being her reason to go home, and she died as a woman defined entirely by her connection to her kids+Claire, Five, and Diego.

- Luther essentially died the same man he was in S1, but himbo-fied. Yes, he was the one who figure out Ribbons was a Keeper, but calling him smart for that is like saying he's the tallest dwarf among a bunch of characters who were clearly dumbed down just to make him seem clever. You'd think the deputy director of the CIA would think twice about getting a distinctive cult tattoo in a position that shows every time he shakes someone's hand, OR that Diego would be smart enough to figure out they were in the legs and eggs department without Luther having to tell him. If the writers really wanted to go the "letting go of your abused self" route, Luther would've learned to reclaim the skills that made him Reggie's Number One and use them to unite the family, instead of him never using them again in fear of misusing his power.

- Allison never had to reckon with her tendency to abuse her rumor powers. In fact, she just never rumors anyone again for the entire season and goes for telepathically busting balls instead, a power I'm pretty sure she did not have before. We could have had a poignant arc where she self-reflects and makes sure she does not become a mind-controlling abuser herself (thus addressing the theme of abuse victims perpetuating the cycle of toxicity in a more meaningful way than just making the siblings be assholes to each other for laughs), but noooo. We got Allison embracing violence and Klaus forgiving her for violating his no-marigold wishes, just because she dug him out of that coffin.

- Klaus's attempt to be more involved in Claire's life was portrayed as a sad thing simply because he became germaphobic, and the plot forcibly restored his "superpowered junkie" persona just for one last "Klaus gets kidnapped and the family has to save him" gag. He, of all the Umbrella siblings, was closest to actually healing by staying powerless and sober (remember how he didn't drink the spiked sake while everyone else got drugged?), but he ended up getting dragged back into his role as the family's damsel in distress.

- Sparrow Ben was a crypto bro that drugged his whole family without consent, and then ditched them to become obsessed with Jennifer, all while never having to grapple with the impact of OG Reggie or his Reggie's abuse on him. What was he even letting go of here? The "S4 was teaching them to let go" interpretation completely falls apart with him because OG Ben's already disintegrated and Sparrow Ben's traumatic past was never addressed at all.

- Viktor got ONE rant to S4 Reggie's face, and that was it. He then proceeded to willingly spend the rest of the season with him alone (The same man who left to start a bar in Canada instead of being with his siblings at the beginning of S4? Him? Come ON). Not to mention he softened up the moment he got a crumb of belated validation from someone who, by his own admission, is not the same man who was responsible for Viktor's abuse.

- In fact, I'd argue NONE of the Umbrella siblings ever got real closure for this exact reason. They've been going off at AU versions of Reggie every season, but they never actually get to equalise the power dynamics and take back control of the narrative. S4 still exonerates Reggie by saying, "You hesitating to kill Ben proves you're a good guy, and you not knowing the extent of your action's consequences completely absolves you of the need to make things right". Maybe the writers thought they were cooking when they made Abigail slightly nicer to the siblings but at the end of the day, she had no issue starting the Cleanse because she wanted to keep her "dying as penance for creating durango" timeline. The Umbrella siblings were just unwanted side effects of her not getting the redemption arc she chose for herself, and she certainly treated them as such when she kept insisting she was to blame for their problems instead of Reggie, as if she had been holding a gun to his head every time he chose to traumatise them even further.

- "The Brellies are alive, the marigolds are just the abused parts of them" is reassuring to think about but again, the show canon does not support that at all. The marigold didn't mutate already-formed fetuses, it brought about 43 immaculate insta-conceptions in a way that suggests they never would've been born if it weren't for the marigold. If I HAD to twist the canon in your favour, we could maybe chalk up Claire+the kids' existence in the Cleansed timeline to them being:

A) someone else's kids before the marigold retconned them into being the Umbrellas' kids. Maybe Ray/Patrick had Claire with another woman, or the woman that Lila's parents DID have had Grace+ the twins with another man.

B) Diego, Lila and Allison have doppelgangers without any of the traumatic experiences that make them Diego, Lila and Allison

But the problem with both of these theories is that the first one still sends the message that the kids would've been happier with different parents, and the second one straight up suggests abuse victims could be happier if they were never abused in the first place. Because remember, the Cleanse resetting the universe to before they were born WAS THE WHOLE POINT. Your theory isn't even going, "Let's not take things too literally" anymore, it's giving "If my grandma was a bike, she'd have wheels" energy.

And let me be clear, I'm not saying you're not allowed to interpret it as an empowering "let go of our abused selves" narrative. God knows we all need a shit ton of fix-it fics that blatantly trample over canon to give the Brellies any semblance of justice. I'm just saying it's bloody disrespectful and insensitive to invalidate the most canon-compliant interpretation in the fandom (which is that S4 has repeatedly robbed its characters of their agency and insisted they were better off erasing themselves from existence than actually trying to distance and heal themselves from their superpowered but incredibly traumatising pasts) and calling everyone else dumb for being hurt by it.

I'm still interested in that theoretical post about the Umbrellas just being coping mechanisms in people suits, by the way. Them just being manifestations of Reggie's messed psyche is actually an interesting take on trauma. Just get out of here with that "Your take makes no sense" shit because if we judged takes based on how much sense they made, you're not gonna like how yours looks from here.

So I'm going to go on a little tangent here. I usually don't do the whole symbolism is the actual meaning thing because it doesn't make sense to me most times.

But I keep seeing the take that the ending of the Umbrella Academy is telling abused people that it's their fault and they have to die for the sin of being abused. I don't think this is what the show was telling us at all, if we're going down the route of things not being taken literally.

When Five goes to Max's diner and meets all the other Fives, they're distinguished by one word in front of their name, which implies that they're not really all that different from each other. Otherwise, they would have chosen other names for themselves. This is an important part of my theory for what the ending actually meant.

The timelines fractured when the marigold was released and created the forty three kids. I believe that because Marigold is such a strong element that literally warps the environment it belongs in (In the comics Allison created a giant John Wilks Booth to kill the Abraham Lincoln statue that had come to life, Klaus can basically raise the dead, Diego can warp space to make things turn and move, etc.) it also fractured the bodies that it inhabits. It created life inside of those women and thus it's not that far of a stretch to assume that each timeline has a part of the people it created instead of it being the standard timeline nonsense.

I mean, if it were the standard theory with timelines (i.e. the timeline is always divulging with each action or inaction that we perform) then Five wouldn't have said they needed to come together. We have always trusted Five when it comes to timeline stuff before, he was intelligent enough to have created the Commission after all.

So if the timelines hold a part of the forty-three, then they have to come together for all of the Marigold Holders to be whole. Their souls may exist in the singular timeline where the durango has consumed the marigold, but we don't know that for sure.

Thus, because each timeline represents a fraction of our beloved characters, the ending where they die is not actually telling them that they have to die because of their abuse. It's telling them (and us) that to recover from abuse and become a non-fractured person, you have to let the version of yourself that your abuser created become a part of you or die off. I know that I had to let go of the person that my abusive ex-girlfriend made so that I could feel more like my true self.

We see Lila and Diego's three kids, Claire, and Lila's parents playing in the park in the end-credits scene. Umbrella Academy isn't a stupid show, it already showed us what happened when kids without parents are born. So it implies that some form of at least Lila, Diego, and Allison exist in the final timeline.

Thus, the ending is not telling us that abused people have to die to stop causing pain or whatever the inane take is, it's telling us that to heal you have to come to terms with all the parts of yourself and let go of the bad behaviors that you exhibit. I could do a whole other post about how the Umbrellas aren't really full people, they're defense mechanisms walking around in people-suits. Our Umbrellas aren't gone, they're existing in a better form and without the pain that Reginald caused them which would fundamentally change them as people and make them unrecognizable to us.

The flower represent the abused part of them, the powers and the Academy and the end of the world and the Commission and Oblivion, that still exists but is so small in their healed selves that they don't even have to look at it if they don't want to.

[thinktank909]

I am NOT smiling with Cargile

As a local activist who was a county party committee member due to running in the past for State Senate in our shared district, I wanted to make sure that my vapid Congresswoman Norma Torres (D-Pomona) had a challenger. I signed the petition for Mike Cargile to become candidate for Congress in his first run in 2020 not knowing how much of a loose cannon he is. I was one of his nomination signers during that run not knowing that he was outside the establishment where he would later gain national attention for having his endorsement yanked by the state party.

I thought it was unjust for him to have his endorsement yanked by the state party in the first place because he symbolized the base of the party. However his social media was the bane with individuals such as Jessica Patterson, the two term chair of the state party where she felt he was a liability to our statewide ticket. They were afraid of his viewpoints would be smeared to the other nominees like Jay Olbernolte and Mike Garcia. He fairly won the primary and I felt the first yanking of his endorsement was just a way to weaken him in the general election and she wanted to decrease the number of potential delegates he may earn in the year ahead.

I can agree that the state and county parties are not representative of the grassroots, but the fatal flaw of Cargile and his friends is the lack of inclusion. I noticed that when the meetings in Rancho Cucamonga were held in a church that has doctrine beliefs that were not inclusive to non-straight people, which was a sign that perhaps I was wasting my time associating with Cargile and his friends even before his diatribe before the second time his endorsement got yanked. I defended him the first time, but I was about to defend him a second time until he wrote his diatribe before the hearing to yank his endorsement, using the party’s first transgender delegate Regina Roberts of San Diego County as a wedge issue saying that transgenderism is a perversion of truth, yes you can disagree with leftist LGBT people like the health official in the Surgeon Generals office Rachel Levine, but Regina believes in many issues that most Republicans could agree and support on such as the second amendment.

Not all of us in the LGBT community agree that smutty graphic novels belong in our public K-12 school libraries or public libraries in the children or teenager department. Not all of us in the LGBT community agree that teenage girls should get their breasts lobbed off at the age of 15. Not all LGBT people believe that we should let kids see drag performers do sexually explicit content no matter if it’s a monologue or a dance routine. Painting people like Regina Roberts in a broad brush is very irresponsible.

Mike wants to run for Congress for a third round, but before that could happen he wants to run for State Party chair. The job pays a decent wage and I can agree that he can motivate the Republican voters better. However the problem I see, is he wants to shoe horn the political culture of Oklahoma and Idaho into California. I agree that there are systematic failures in the California Republican Party. We have done a horrible job in statewide elections since 2006, we have done a horrible job in voter registration, a horrible job in getting candidates elected into the state legislature and a horrible job in places such as San Diego County where NO Republican is representing the San Diego city council, the majority of the Board of Supervisors has been lost since 2018.

I am worried that if Cargile had a prayer of winning, that he would want to get rid of the Log Cabin Republicans charter, the platform plank I helped put in with Reagan’s son-in-law will be yanked and all the clauses with animus to LGBT people will return. Cargile and his friends will basically tell someone like me that they are not wanted in the party, but political parties are operated like an orchestra where its not just one element that drives its success. I seriously do believe in the mantra that “Inclusion Wins”, if we want to reach out to young and highly educated voters in places such as CD-27, CD-41, CD-47 and CD-49 we have to bring the inclusion of Jessica Patterson and the reformer attitude of Mike Cargile.

Unfortunately, you cannot separate the best elements from both leading candidates for Chairman in the election in March 2023. We must choose Rob Bernowsky our 2022 Secretary of State nominee for chairman. Sadly, the California Republican Party is a trainwreck and the casting office should have delivered us someone more worthy to be elected chair of the state party like Harmeet Dillon.

[specialability]

I finished rereading like the entire last 1/3rd of Jojo Steel Ball Run last night because I couldn't sleep and then I wrote some stream of consciousness rambling about Diego Brando aka Dio aka DinoDio, a real blorbo of mine

I love Dio from the original universe too, but I have a special place in my heart for DinoDio. In the original universe, Dio is still arrogant and vengeful, but he is "changed" by the mask at a pivotal moment. And he actually became something other than human. This Dio didn't. He is still strictly human, with human ambitions. I mean I love DIO, there seriously are no villains doing it better. He is the epitome of the "ore-sama" character. DinoDio is still excruciatingly aware of the fact that he is inferior. No matter how much he wins as a jockey, he is still disposible to people with real power. He is one of those people who have suffered so much from people who have power that all he can think about is taking that power for himself, not eliminating the power altogether. No one cared about him or his mother, so he won't care about anyone. Perhaps there is a universe where Dio becomes an anarchist. If there are infinite possible universes then there must be.

One of the reasons why DinoDio is my blorbo and gets my especial fascination is because of course he turns into a dinosaur. We have established that I like reptiles and I especially like feathered dinosaurs, for many reasons. Dio does not turn into anything that might remotely be called an "accurate" depiction of a dinosaur, but in general you cannot expect realism from Jojo. Also Araki is criminally bad at drawing animals, like sometimes I think it must be on purpose because it's clearly not a lack of skill.

But what really caught me is the "cracking" of his skin right before he changes. I have psoriasis so things like that attract my attention. I wish I could crack all my skin off and emerge as a dinosaur. I mean I absolutely love the early scenes when he's just transforming for the first time and is making weird sounds in his throat and eating rocks and can't see the coffee mug but won't admit it. He's being unquestionably very weird but also refuses to acknowledge it in any way. Like if you think something's wrong with him maybe there's something wrong with you, eh?!

Dio's main quality, his fatal flaw, is his self-conviction. He absolutely 100% believes that he is come out a winner in every situation. And the fact is that he is very intelligent, he now has superhuman physical abilities, and the conviction to reach his goals no matter what. That's really attractive in a person don't you think? His complete lack of self-doubt. Like you can say it's a sign of a very deep-seated self-loathing, but even as he is literally cut in half laying on the train tracks he thinks "I won". That is how he has gotten so far. Every time he has lost, he has turned it into a win somehow. He never loses his pride. It is a sort of delusion, but in the same way that hope is a delusion necessary to life.

He is ruthless towards other humans and is perfectly happy to kill someone or let them die while using them. But even when his horse gets exhausted during the race he chooses to rest it and doesn't choose to pull any tricks like trading it for a new one. He is more likely to use another human being to reach his goals than endanger his horse. He really is still that kid who grew up in a stable. Like, sure, there are rational reasons why he would be careful to take care of his horse in order to win. He lets his little dinosaurs die, but he also praises them when they do well. You can see how he would attract followers. He's kind of like another ore-sama character, Gilgamesh from Fate/Grand Order (not the historical/mythological one). Gilgamesh, especially Caster Gil, is a ruler but if he is going to be a ruler he is going to be the wisest and best ruler on the planet. His people are going to be the most prosperous and happiest. His city is going to be safe and strong. It doesn't matter how much effort it takes from him, this is absolutely essential. Achieving that through something like brainwashing would be cheating and beneath him.

[gravity-barbie]

(Platonic) Protective Hargreeves siblings HC's

Aka: The Hargreeves reaction to their sibling dating a pattern of trash men

Set season one

(A/N: this is very loosely based on Euphoria’s Cassie Howard)

Masterlist

Luther Hargreeves

-Luther is the most overtly protective, afterall he considers his siblings his responsibility

-You've received a lecture from him about every boyfriend you've had but he's so overbearing that it can do more harm than help

-Would be the type to forbid you from seeing someone but it never works since you know he doesn't have any actual authority

-He's actually very socially awkward so if he met one of your boyfriends he probably wouldn't say anything but he'd give them a dirty look

-Unless they did something completely out of line in which case he'd take full advantage of his stature to scare them off

-Hes tried to verbally explain to you that you could do better than that type of men but it never comes out right

-Despite all his flaws you know that if things got bad and you needed anything you could rely on him

Diego Hargreeves

-Diego is just as protective but he pretends he doesn't care

-Whenever you see each other he inquires on the state of your relationships in a disinterested or even mocking way but really he's trying to make sure you're doing okay

-He gets background checks on the guys that seem particularly shady

-Has straight up got one of your boyfriends arrested

-He insults you for your awful taste, sometimes in good fun and sometimes quite meanly

-He's definitely the first to get violent if your boyfriend does anything to hurt you

-He doesn't have it in him to give you a pep talk but he would ask Grace to

Allison Hargreeves

-Allison was never a very protective person during your childhood but that changed once she had her daughter, especially over you and Viktor

-Early on she'd try setting you up with nice guys that seemed like better alternatives but they never worked out

-She constantly tells you that you deserve better or that you should spend some time being single

-She invites you on all kinds of hang-outs to clear your head

-Venting about your shared men problems together is a nice little bonding experience

-If she ever got a especially bad feeling about one of your boyfriends she'd make it her life's mission to expose him

-She's the best person to go to if you're going through a hard time

Klaus Hargreeves

-Klaus falls a bit more into the 'needs to be protected' than protective camp

-Mostly you two get drunk and vent about your problems

-He'll rant about how much your current boyfriend sucks and tell you why you shouldn't forgive them for whatever they've done this time

-Though all his hatred for your partners is based on what you yourself have told him

-He attempts to be comforting but since most of your heart-felt talks happen when he's high it comes out as jumbled nonsense- still the laugh is good to lift your spirits

-He's not especially confrontational but he has no qualms insulting your various boyfriends to their faces

-Or doing some spooky stuff to psych them out

Five Hargreeves

-When Five gets back the last thing he wants to do is deal with his siblings romantic drama

-He's vaguely aware you're unhappy in your relationship but doesn't pay it much mind

-You complain about your boyfriend in passing but he doesn't take it seriously

-But if he actually sees your boyfriend acting up it's a whole different story

-He might have a bad case of tunnel vision but his priority is always his siblings well-being and he is very protective

-He will wound and sincerely threaten to kill the man to get him out of your life

-Afterwards he makes it a point to tell you that you can do better- in a unemotional, backhanded-compliment kind of way

Ben Hargreeves

-Seeing you be mistreated and down in the dumps is especially hard on Ben since he can't do anything about it

-He doesn't want to confront any of the guys he just wants to comfort you

-He was always great at giving you advice when you were kids and you had often wished he was there to talk to as you grew up

-He's had a motivational speech for you brewing for nearly fifteen years

-But the closest you come to hearing it is Klaus saying "Ben, shut up, she doesn't need to hear that soppy stuff right now."

-Little do your boyfriends know, whenever they're near Klaus there's a ghost in the room glaring at them

-Within the day of realising he can touch things he starts trying to write you a letter

Viktor Hargreeves

-Viktor (assuming you actually keep up a relationship with him) is a thoughtful and sympathetic listener

-He tries to give you advice but its nothing you haven't heard before

-He's the sweetest when you're distressed, holding you and telling you how great you are and that he wishes he was more like you

-You didn't think he had it in him but when he met your boyfriend and he started acting like a jerk he actually told him he needed to leave (you couldn't protest, too amazed by his sudden confidence)

-You're experience makes you suspicious of Leonard

-But because you've been in Viktor's place so often you accept it when he tells you to drop it

[brionysea]

See, to me, Diego is as good as it gets when it comes to Klaus being the boy who cried wolf. You really never get the vibe that he thinks Klaus is lying (unless he Literally Is, like when he's in withdrawal and starts talking about summoning Patch if Diego lets him go to do more drugs, which is a self-defeating claim), but it's very true that he always... underreacts. Does Diego believe that Klaus is talking to someone he can't see in the back of his car, that Klaus is a veteran, that Ben is there? Sure. But he's gonna do as much about it as Ben is, and at least Ben has the excuse of being a ghost whose agency is tied to Klaus's... I don't know, willpower, maybe? His willingness to stop being a hot mess and get his life together. Because I love Klaus, and he's deeply flawed, and his own participation in being a hot mess absolutely plays a part in all of this. (Relatable.)

A line about where Klaus fits into this trauma response study they call a family really jumped out at me recently. I never noticed it before because the next one is so good that it immediately distracts me, but it's at the bowling alley when Luther says to Klaus, "Is there a way to silence that voice in your head that screams out to be the centre of attention?" It reminded me of a book I read recently (it was my favourite as a child, which says nothing about me). Content warning for teen suicide. It's about a pair of sisters whose family moves to a boarding school out in the country. Their mum is abusive, but she only ever hits the oldest sister, and everyone loves the younger one more. The oldest constantly acts out - she flirts with older men, messes around in class, tricks money out of her dad by claiming it's for new school shoes and then buys high heels instead, gets piercings and dyes her hair crazy colours - because this is the only way for her to get attention. There's a lot of compounding factors throughout the book, like being her dad's favourite but he's never around to give her any positive parental affection, her little sister's attention being divided as she starts to grow up and makes her first real friend besides her big sister, and a lot of quite vicious bullying at school. It ends with the older sister falling out of a tower window in her high heels, with the whole school watching, and the very heavy implication that it was suicide. Because to her mind, that was the only way to get the attention and validation of her suffering that she was consistently being denied at home.

Season 1 having the Hargreeves as adults does tend to trick you, I think, into forgetting what the story's about. There's this artifical distance when you look at these fully grown 30 year olds with their adult problems, but it's fundamentally a story about child abuse and childhood trauma. I can see so much of little baby Klaus in that girl. They all know that Klaus acts out for attention, even if none of them know what it means because Klaus himself is the most familiar with death. (And Ben, obviously, but Ben's in a similar thematic position as Five: holding on in an impossible situation for years in the hopes of getting back to his family because he knows that the hope is worth it. Klaus doesn't have any of that. Klaus opens the show by flatlining in the back of an ambulance.) It would also be illegal for me to say all of this without mentioning Klaus's complete confidence in the fact that kidnapping him is a useless endeavour because his family won't even notice he's gone. How many times did he get locked in the mausoleum before they stopped asking where he went? When did Klaus disappearing become a fact of life, something not even worth mentioning, and if he complains about personal training again he's just being dramatic?

I think that Klaus is one of Five's favourites. I also think that they've all been conditioned to never take Klaus seriously (like the conditioning to never include Viktor - we all saw how well that turned out). As a result, their interactions in season one swing wildly between being surprisingly sweet and startlingly dismissive.

My favourite example is the scene in episode 5, which starts with Five being concerned by the blood on the floor, expressing that concern and getting Klaus to open up to him by calling on a shared experience, only to lose his temper when he finds out that Klaus destroyed the briefcase. Klaus walks out of his own room rather than stick around and be snapped at after a severely traumatising experience, and Five seems honestly confused and disappointed to be left alone in his apocalypse mission, despite their last interaction being Five telling Klaus to get out of the van.

It's difficult to separate out. I'm sure some of it is just pride and a failure of communication, like Five refusing to admit he wants Klaus around (Klaus doesn't have the same problem, getting one of the few "I love you"s of the season and directing it at Five), despite seeking him out repeatedly for their little side quests and being Personally Offended (along with Diego) when Klaus doesn't want to go to Harold Jenkins's house with them. But some of it is just the ghost of your father worming its way into your head and poisoning your thoughts, like Grace still having Reginald programmed into her head. Luther was the biggest example, but you can see it in all of them if you look, because being manipulated by your abuser is not a moral failing.

[mrcrawly]

more umbrella academy headcanons cuz im lazy and id rather do this

🌕 Klaus is an insomniac. the ghosts often keep him awake and he often doesn't like to fall asleep when they're loud because it often causes him to have nightmares.

🌕 Five has nightmares, but he loves sleep. he can't function without at least 5 hours, even with coffee. since he and Klaus tend to be up at the same time during the night they spend time together then. since Klaus usually isn't tired (or at least not as much as Five is), he keeps him company. sometimes he reads to him, but usually just rambles and stays in his general vicinity until one of them falls asleep. usually, it's Five, and being around someone helps him to not wake up screaming during the night.

🌕 Ben writes poems. or, he comes up with the words, and Klaus writes them down for him.

🌕 Diego really likes romance novels. not necessarily because he's soft or whatever else, but because he likes just reading about two people who are very different falling in love despite their flaws.

🌕 Klaus likes enemies to lovers books (or fanfics) for similar reasons. he likes the idea of two people knowing all the awful things about the other person but still seeing just enough good to fall in love with them despite all the others bad things about them.

🌕 Five really likes 80's music, especially Billy Joel and Queen. he also likes some Frank Sinatra, but only certain songs.

🌕 maybe i'm projecting, but i kinda like the idea of autistic Five. i do not support "functioning" labels because i think they're kinda ableist just in their premise, but i guess you could consider him being a high-functioning autistic? or he's just used to masking it constantly? whatever you wanna think. or you can disagree, fine with me.

🌕 Luther has a sweet tooth, but doesn't know how to bake very well. he once tried to make Allison her favorite cake for her birthday, but it was really dry and he couldn't get it out of the pan because he forgot to grease it. it didn't taste bad, to his credit.

🌕 Vanya is anxious (which comes as a surprise to nobody). but a lot of her anxiety comes from failure or not measuring up, because she feels a need to prove herself, even now. so when she tries something new and isn't good at it almost instantly, she gets really frustrated.

🌕 surprisingly, Allison and Diego are the most understanding of her issue with perfectionism. Diego once found her in frustrated tears because she was trying to teach herself to sew so she could mend something for Five (an old quilt that ripped that he was really attached to, but never had time to fix). he was confused at first and she was really embarrassed, and tried to brush it off, but he just sat down with her and taught her the basics and she picked the rest up herself.

🌕 Allison noticed when she realized that Vanya didn't really play the violin anymore like she used to like to do, so she asked and Vanya told her about how she didn't feel like she was any good at it, and they talked about it a little.

🌕 Five not only has issues expressing affection openly, but also has a hard time being open with his emotions. he has a sort of complex about protecting his family from things, and he worries that it'll upset them. but he ends up bottling up frustration and anger and sadness until he snaps at people. he feels really bad when he makes his siblings upset by doing it, so he tries to compensate by doing things for them and picking up slack (doing chores for them, helping out with things, spending time with them, making sure they eat).

🌕 a lot of the time, Five tires himself out trying to deal with all his emotions. nobody knew how to push him to talk about it without upsetting him. then one day, Five came up to Vanya when she was up reading one night and said, "can I talk to you?" in a way that wasn't hostile, or guarded, or nervous. so Vanya let him and listen to him finally go into detail about the things that happened to him when he was gone. she didn't really know what to say about it, so they just kind of sat like that until Five fell asleep in a chair across from her bed. it was a little better after that.

🌕 every once in a while, Klaus conjures Ben in front of the family so they can talk to him. it gets easier every time they do and Klaus can keep him in the physical realm for over half an hour if he concentrates.

🌕 Ben talks during movies and shows and tends to get really excited. a lot of the time when they sit down to watch movies Klaus is going "shhh!" even when no one else is talking, but they already know who he's talking to

🌕 Ben still has a lot of things he likes and tends to ramble about them. Klaus always humors him and does his best to listen since he doesn't have anyone else to talk to. Klaus never mentions it, but he notices that when Ben rambles about his interests, he tends to pace around the room, pull at the strings of his hoodie, rocks back and forth, sometimes he flaps his hands a little or bounces on his toes. it doesn't bother him, and Ben doesn't seem to notice when he does it, so he just listens and nods along. he wants Ben to feel like somebody cares about him and wants to listen to him. he may not be alive anymore, but Klaus still loves his brother, and he thinks it's important that he shows that whenever he can.

🌕 Ben sometimes asks Klaus to conjure him for a couple of seconds so he can have a hug, and Klaus always does. it doesn't take too much strength anymore, and Klaus needs a hug as much as Ben does some days.

🌕 Ben is really physically affectionate, so not being able to touch anyone or anything without Klaus around kinda sucks.