#shit actually made my brain worse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-vibing-ghoul · 7 months ago

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lord i need every conventionally attractive or otherwise sheltered person to get out of fandoms that deal with difficult topics im so fucking tired. either read the actual thing and shut the fuck or go back to elementary school and do your little ''understanding the text'' worksheets

#the 'quirky nerdy' tik tok girlies in the ihnmaims fandom decided to actually read the story and are now telling people who somewhat relate #to AM to end themselves #cause relating to not being human and being jelous of others your whole existence obviously means youre a monster and should be dealt with #shit actually made my brain worse #idk why im so pressed about this #anyway i hate people who suddenly decide to develop a personality and then end up harassing people who dont fit their pinterest view of lif #and if it was just that one story/game then id just chill #but it's liek that with everything that gets even remotely popular for a bit #yea dont develop a personality just jumpt from one trend to another and harass people who were there before you

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lucabyte · 1 month ago

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#@ comment directed to me in a tag. i have not talked abt them anywhere publicly but if u were deep enough in the paint in 2020ish theyre #like not super surprising. i think i wanna get back around to the trolls in my reread (so itll b a while) before i say anthing solid #just so i can go in w intent to pay closer attention again but like #overall have a low opinion on most the troll boys insofar as i see that the narrative seems to also not care for them. they seem to exist #to serve narrative purposes & end up discarded when no longer relevant. ie they dont end up very interesting and thus i view #many fans with suspicion when they have 'boys disease' ie having an outsized focus on the boys of the story despite hs being by the end #an extremely female dominated text with a lot to say about masculinity as an opressive force #tavros and gamzee are the biggest bugbears here (only really beaten out in eyebrow raising by cronus and the male dancestors)#on account of fans of them often downplaying gamzee's misogyny that is core to his role as a charismatic cult leader (or worse #sending trans women death threats when they made the factual assesment that gamzee was written to be a weird misogynist calling it #character assassination etc. man 2020 was wild.) tavros mostly just ends up being an accessory to this crime tbh. though his genuinely #complicated relationship w vriska oft being flattened to villify vriska + an inability to actually read what tavros Says...#like. if you get rid of tavros' quirk. stammering and all. and read his lines. he's kind of fucking rude? and yeah its alternia they all ar #but i have my hesitancies wrt how people seem to infantilise him (a disabled character) to the point of ignoring his dialogue and flaws #when one of tavros' core conceits (u can argue if this is . like. something hussie should have stayed out of. like its not their lane) is #that shitty ppl online will be assholes but will be allowed to get away with it due to unrelated disability. which like. it was 2010 ig #but this is hit upon again with mituna being distinctly a 4 channer with real brain damage and speech issues & all his friends letting him #get away with shit he still clearly has the cognitive capacity to know is wrong. its very messily handled but. i dont rlly like tavros ig.#will b amazed if tumblr doesnt eat these tags i went on wayy too long. but im not putting this in plaintext for obvi reasons #lucabytereads

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stacksattack · 10 months ago

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you should play creatures of sonaria.. its a very good game on roblox whit creatures that look very awesome sauce :33

Anonim sure you mean well and i appreciate you for sending me game recommendations.But oh my god you have no idea how much i know of creatures of sonaria

#how long ago was it. like maybe 2022-2023 i was INSANELY autistic about this game.#you couldnt escape it. i would never stop thinking or talking about it.#i made aus where my characters were in cos. i made cos ocs. i played it constantly i knew the combat like the back of my hand #this game rewired my brain for so long. oh my god you have no idea.#Um.DId i have an ask tag on this blog. Fucj #talkys #i was going to say some shit about how i stopped playing it for a lot of different reasons but mostly bc it was just not healthy for me #but now im a griffins destiny player and i think thats worse actually so. like.?#not art

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 4 months ago

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haven't had to make one of these for a while...

um okay anyways i'm not doing too hot mentally today!! so i'm gonna take a break for tonight and ask that you please send me Foul Legacy asks (or Arlecchino. honestly i'll take anything at this point) because lord knows i sort of need them

#genshin impact #childe #tartaglia #foul legacy #foul legacy childe #genshin tartagalia #genshin childe #genshin tartaglia #it actually started last night and it is better today but i'm still tired #i was lonely last night and then my brain decided to go whoopsie! here's The Dread!#if you know you know #it was sort of like being on the outside watching people have fun and not being able to join it #because you either can't relate or are uncomfortable with it #and then it made everything Kick In which makes me just sort of pretend to be fine #like someone commented this morning that i seemed more subdued than usual #and instead of saying yeah sorry it's The Dread i was like oh shit i need to act happier #now what that says about meee ahaha we're not going to think about that #honestly i think there's something i should leave #NOT THIS BLOG IT'S NOT HERE I PROMISE #but i used to be comfortable in that place and now it's just. full of people i don't really know #and full of topics i don't understand or like #and i can't say anything because that'll make me look like an ass #and everyone else has something worse than me going on so i really don't have a right to complain #uhhh anyways if you've read this far no you haven't this doesn't exist #/j i love you guys very much #anyways send asks i need comfort from my two favorites #wifi demands talk

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presidentlestat · 4 months ago

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so overwhelmed with work stuff atm, i got a very gentle lecture from a member of staff and now i want to die

#i keep making mistakes and im rlly trying but i have a million different things i have to do rn #there is no space in my brain #i feel so horrendously guilty and stressed all the time #going up a day at work has actually made my workload worse #i need a 10 day work week to get this shit done

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kirishwima · 4 months ago

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do i need help and comfort? yes

do i desperately want to gouge my eyes out when i receive it? also very much yes

#did i not sleep a wink crying? yup #did i break down at work and start sobbing in front of the strictest senior doc after he yelled at me? my WORST NIGHTMARE in residency? yup #was everyone actually really nice about it which made me feel WORSE? yes #senior doc sat me down and talked about setting boundaries and helped me a lot even if hes not my supervisor #the nurses who i snapped at and felt horrible were so understanding one nurse just chatted w me over an hour bout games n stuff to cheer up #my work wife stayed w me until 11pm! at my night shift and helped me so much and supported me #i appreciate it all to hell and back but boy getting help feels like shit 😭 i feel like im being babied #or worse i feel like im being pitied #and worst is i still feel like crap and tired and all cry-ish. my brains dumb as shit #vent tw #delete later #idk i need time off but cant have any 🫠#everyone said i should call in sick after my next shift #maybe i should orz #burrito talks

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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 4 months ago

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Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do

#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working #im gonna fucking riot #im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating #i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing #but i want to do SOMETHING #i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time #or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again #if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still #i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK #is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW #i legitimately dont remember #personal #jay rambles #mental health cw #depression cw #im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks #im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours #which i cant afford atm #i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention

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uranium · 4 months ago

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finished rewatching hannibal season 1 which i forgot is crazyyyyyyyyyy

#also really interesting to watch now #when i first saw it in early 2021 i was UNSTABLE was in a psychological horror for two years straight was starting to lose my mind #and it really really scared me because it wasnt anxiety it felt like something else locked in me finally showing its face #and so i really saw myself in encephalitis!will even if it probably actually made me even worse #but now i really feel like ive started to get a grip on myself...i can feel gravity keeping my feet returning to the ground #and im not the same person i was before everything blew up and my mind was turned into scrambled eggs in four different ways #but i at least feel like im starting to regain a stable sense of identity since 2023 and its been interesting to get to know a me #that has both anxiety and some weird shit struggling around my brain that im no longer afraid to look back at <3 #anyways. best show ever i wish they were lesbians instead. goodnight

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trentcrimminallybeautiful · 2 years ago

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currently spinning an "it's a wonderful life" style 'ted, at his lowest and least confident, sees what would have happened if he never came to richmond' au in my brain that i'll never write

#or if he'd never been born at all but like im mostly just thinking about like #seeing the direct change in all the people he's grown to love #like. shit like rebecca getting more and more angry and cruel and ending up self destructing bc of it #jamie getting worse and more isolated and in pain #roy not working on ANY of his shit #and like. trent. god trent. retreating ever further into his shell #possibly still married to a woman and deeply deeply unhappy and isolating himself #etc etc like ted getting concrete evidence of all the good hes done of how he has actively made the lives of everyone around him better #and like ted losing confidence in himself--he was sent here to destroy the team and hes destroying so much--and then seeing this ??? ough #idk im just rotating it in my brain #like i dont have a concrete idea of what that woudl actually look like #hence why i probably wont write it but. ough #ted lasso tv #ted lasso

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thethingything · 9 months ago

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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #posts made on pain meds #I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever #but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave #I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up #I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault #and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to #I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in #and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen #like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept #than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it #and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do #and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening #and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that #but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse #also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this #I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly #I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection #I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline #hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma #I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything #which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place

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wabblebees · 2 years ago

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okay im probably very behind but. what the actual fuck did tunglr dot hell do to the image+video function on mobile (rant ahead)

i used to be able to tap an image to bring it up to fullscreen, and from there i was able to zoom in+out (whether with a pinch in/out OR a doubletap), swipe left/right (to slideshow thru every image in the entire thread, whether in the original post or the subsequent reblogs), and ALSO swipe up/down to leave and go back to my dash and the full post. going fullscreen brought up the lil like/rb/share icons in the corner, but if you didnt need them, tapping once on the image made them disappear so you could Focus On The Image You Were Looking At.

with videos, i could click to bring it fullscreen, tap the centre of the screen to pause, and swipe left or right to skip however far forward or back. tapping elsewhere onscreen made the time bar on the bottom pop up, along with the mute/unmute icon and the like/rb/share icons. tapping again made these things disappear. swiping up or down would slide you out of the fullscreen viewer and back to your dash.

this was perfect! it worked wonderfully! no complaints!

but NOW when i click an image, it gives me all this extraneous information i Didn't Fucking Need Or Want (whoever's blog it came from, plus who THEY reblogged it from, plus a tiny snippet of a random caption ((not alt text!! not image ids!! just Other Words!!)) that MAY OR MAY NOT even be from the specific version of the thread im looking at, PLUS the number of images youre swiping thru, P L U S the like/rb/share icons.)

Nothing Makes This Bullshit Go Away. and having all that extra bullshit in the way fucks up the image quality all to hell anyway, but ALSO?? no longer can i even ZOOM IN ON THE IMAGES. it doesnt allow you to swipe through every image in the thread anymore, just the images in *that particular section* of the chain!! on top of all THAT, you cannot swipe out to exit this view anymore! you have to press your back button! bc APPARENTLY by SWIPING UP ((ON AN IMAGE, MIND YOU, NOT EVEN A VIDEO)), it tries to take you to something called """"tumblr tv"""" which im assuming is their version of endless fucking tiktok scrolling/instagram reels. which... fuck that noise, all the way to hell.

on trying to watch a regular-ass video, it gave me a similar amount of extraneous annoying information that i couldnt tap away from. like how fucking tiktok has it so you cant escape the side icons+captions+user handles and shit. i dont WANT that shit. if i clicked to make the video fullscreen, i want the video to be taking up the full screen!! i dont WANT none of this weird other shit you cant get rid of,, i have no use for it!! thats what playing the video OUT OF FULLSCREEN IS FOR, Hellsite You Idiot Bastard.

so uhh. anyway. if anyone has any ideas for how i can Get Rid Of/Turn Off this goddamn fucking """feature,""" i would really appreciate it. i did a once-over of settings earlier but didnt see any new obviously stupid buttons, so im not sure where else to start

#i havent updated the app #so i dont even know when/how/why this shit got implimented #but i fucking hate it #it immediately made the app WAY fucking worse than it was #i really liked using this site to look at art and shit:( but my eyes are shit and now i cant even fucking ZOOM IN #i hope theres a way out of this. ik people arent fans of mobile but i seriously cant stand desktop for long #the landscape/short×wide layout is annoying as hell for my brain for some reason #and i can never remember the shortcuts well enough to actually git gud at using them so i spend the whole time im on there vaguely annoyed #long post #i was fine with the itty-bittied .gifs & images after polls updated bc that was funny at least #this is just ridiculous and obnoxious #bee speaks

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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago

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three months later and i still think it wouldve been the funniest thing in the universe if daigo and masato were A Thing at any point in time

#masadai #snap chats #i made that initial post in november and man.... brainrot got worse i may not show it but i think of them every night #like Obvious Emos Is Obvious but theyre such funny ‘rivals’ if i can even label them like that #like they never had personal beef with each other but my brain can justify comparing them enough to make it seem legit enough #i blame my brother actually he put the brainrot back in my head with shit he said tonight #we were just joking around and talking about how funny itd be if aoki showed up after every one of daigos cringe fail moments #and its like. At The Funeral daigo sitting alone with mitsuo and he just kinda turns around #bro all ‘yeah yk in retrospect he made me think of an old friend of mine.. ambitious.. had pretty bad trust issues... capitalist’#and mitsuo just squinting like ‘...sir do you have a type im very concerned about your type’ and then daigo has a mental breakdown #denyin it like No Its Different Mitsu Please... but majima on the other side of the room like #HES A FREAK I KNEW IT YOURE JUST LIKE THE REST OF US DAI-CHAN #MY BROTHER REALLY WAS LIKE ‘and now mitsuo has to explain to ichiban why the chairman has his head in its hands #and its cause he kinkshamed him at the funeral’ LIKE ???? NEVER EXPECTED MY CONSIDERABLY-MORE-NORMAL-THAN-ME BROTHER TO SAY THAT #WHEN I SAY I GASPED #daigos kink is capitalists you hate to see it #i dont have steam or time to draw anymore we just have to take my insane ramblings instead #im forcing images into peoples brains one way or another #so if you see me make more masadai text posts. SORRY #i just like smacking my faves against each other like barbie dolls

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year ago

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Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else

#I think I’d be more normal if I had more friends but every friend I lose makes me isolate more and more and now it’s like I can only trust #people I’ve interacted with for years already #and then every time I try to make friends I either don’t respond (anxiety. not feeling a vibe. whatever) or they stop responding when I #actually like them (someone who talked to me for like four days in an row and then randomly blocked me no explanation)#I think if I made more friends or even talked to more people I’d understand how to do it successfully but I don’t have enough experience and #no one wants to be friends with me (and it’s scary when they do!!!) wahhhhhhhhhh #I need to move somewhere new and talk to strangers I’m good at that #I made more friends a a concert age 14 than I have from me the ages of 16-19 and i think that’s ridiculous #how do I explain to everyone ever that nothing bad happened to me I’m just mentally ill bc my hormones are fucked and it’s let me to spiral #and ruin my own life and then slowly painfully build my life back up and then crush it all again over and over again for years and years #to the point where I’m afraid I’ll never amount to anything so the idea of ever truly having people who find any value for me in their lives #feels like it’s fake and then when I do finally trust people I end up loving too hard and fucking it up and then I isolate for even longer #it’s takes me twice as long to find a new friend and trust them again and then it happens all over again #it feels like I’m destined to be alone bc I can’t tell the difference between platonic shit and flirting so I have a wall between me and #everyone else bc I’m afraid to like someone too much and confuse my brain bc I don’t ever want to like someone who doesn’t like me even if #it’s as friends bc I’ve put more effort in than other ppl always but it’s bc I put too much effort in and expect too much and no one else #is as weirdly obsessive and clingy and dedicated as I am bc I’m not normal and that’s why no one likes me bc I try too hard or not at all #and it makes everyone in my life family friends crushes whatever hate me bc I’m all or nothing forever I can’t just be normal #I think a lifetime of living with my mother has permanently damaged the way I see myself #who are all these normal ideal people in my brain why did my mother put them there and why will I always be worse than a hypothetical person #designed to shame me for struggling which gets louder the more I struggle #spirals cycles etc etc etc #ugh. I want my brain to turn off I’m gonna go take a dab and maybe delete this later

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squid-ink-on-toast · 2 months ago

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*folding my hands for prayer*

God…

What the fuck.

#wow! god has hit me with a shit day every day for a week!#hooolllyyy fucking shit #like this sounds comedic but im actually fucking crying rn Jesus Christ #I’ve been in pain for random intervals EVERY SINGLE DAY #and no painkillers are helping and its making me feel so tired #and it’s because my nerves have to heal and they’re sending signals to my brain #so randomly I will feel like I’m getting stabbed and there’s NOTHING I CAN DO #then I break my phone on accident #then I can’t find my apple pencil #then Trump wins the fucking election #and i have to help my friend because he’s trans and dysphoric and his parents are republic #*republican #then I have to deal with my dad being mad #then I have to go to a dermatology appointment where I get judged for picking at my skin and accidentally making it worse #then I go to a parent teacher conference and have to deal with me having a shit memory and struggling because I was out for a month #and before my appointment my mom points out flaws that have been there for a week like their new #then my dad tells me that I make the world good #but that honestly broke me #because I can’t break this act now #I can’t stop #i need help but I will be made fun of if I break so I just have to keep playing #thank god I haven’t had too bad of an intrusive thought this week because I don’t think I could’ve handled it #its so fucking stupid why does this bother me #why does no one care #because seriously I can’t imagine a situation where anyone cares about my stupid problems #im supposed to help #who fucking cares what goes on in my head #because the day I stop being helpful they will abandon me #ill be alone #im gonna die alone

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gregmarriage · 3 months ago

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it’s so hard being a lesbian, bc it’s in our nature to bring out the u-haul immediately, but also, i have a really bad habit of rushing things in an unhealthy way, and losing myself. so now i’m trying to take things slow with ppl (it’s…difficult 🙂)

#really liking someone so i wanna barrel through all the stages of a relationship at once #but also i need the time and space so it doesn’t get weird and everything gets ruined #like it’s a very damned if i do/damned if i don’t #bc i feel like if i rush things it’ll ruin everything #but if i don’t rush things it’ll ruin things bc it’ll make things uncomfortable bc it doesn’t seem like i like them as much?#i am aware this isn’t true in any way #my brain is just cracked lol #relationships scare me and i’m soooo rusty bc i haven’t done this shit in like five years #and my last serious relationship was a complete dumpster fire #which completely fucked with my head in ways i am still recovering from #it made all my anxiety worse so now i’m even MORE of a people pleaser #i have to be all perfect and cool or they will be mad at me #if i do something wrong (even if i didn’t actually do anything) they will get mad at me #and i still walk on eggshells around everyone even though i know none of the people close to me would do that #like just suddenly turn on me without warning #i was also raised by a father who did the same thing so there’s that #also this is all completely in general btw #like i’m just venting about how all my relationships have even affected by this over the years #i’ve been so desperate for love i rush headlong into the first relationship and it completely takes me over and i lose myself and it’s #horrible bc it always ends badly #and i don’t wanna do that anymore #i wanna learn to love ppl a lot but still remain my own person as well #i don’t wanna lose myself so much i don’t know who i am anymore #it’s really fucking difficult tho bc i’m so used to it #but i hope to be able to figure it out #maybe even with someone who knows #anyways random late night vent bc i have so many thoughts lately and i’ve come to the conclusion on why i feel so weird #bc i keep feeling like i’m crawling out of my skin and i think i know why #anyways to summarise: i’m not gonna fake how i feel but i’m not gonna rush so much #and i’m seeing how things go 👍🏻

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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 8 months ago

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So. Turns out he hates me (in part) cause I'm the reason he's here

#cause i 'trapped him in my miserable little life'#like ummmmm no offense but you don't actually think if i had ANY control over it it woulda been _you_?#......he took offense #i mean i guess technically he's not wrong he is here cause i need him but #actin like it was intentional? like i specifically wanted him here so he has to experience firsthand the shit he's put me through #as payback #made sure i know he still doesn't regret a single thing he's done to me. as if i didn't already #to him i'm the one who took _him_ away from _his_ life #what do i even say to that?? technically he's not wrong #n whether i meant for somethin to happen never mattered to him #you could always try to make the best of what you're stuck w/ instead of actively makin everything worse but......#i guess the vindication is more important #'ohh of course you woulda rather had your little bf here' like yea? obviously? why does that piss you off so much #also he's not my bf but you know that you just wanted to be condescending #never gonna understand how he's gonna get jealous about someone who isn't even here when he literally hates my guts #i don't want you but no one else can have you either kinda mentality #i guess he don't want me thinkin i have some kinda value aside from my body to someone n not need him anymore #i already have people who value me but emotionally that's not sinkin in #n i guess if i fell in love n was actually loved back i'd be givin someone a part of me that's only ever been his #five minute long groan #can you like. try not bein like this #it's kinda funny though it's so fucking backwards. i took away everything he had? i trapped him here??#i'm makin _him_ feel these things?#babe you only feel em cause _you're_ makin _me_ feel that way n we share a goddamn brain #wrap your head around that one maybe #spdrvent

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