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#she's still gonna try to fuck me tho
tilthedayidice · 4 months
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God dammit I forgot I had this installed...
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choccy-milky · 18 days
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the place me and my roommate were supposed to move into today was so disgusting and uninhabitable we just took our stuff and left and now we're gonna be staying at airbnbs and hotels until further notice/until we can find a new place hopefully quickly...........im in my homeless drifter era y'all!!!😍😍so if im not as active then thats why LMFAO
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1 like = 1 prayer
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bacchuschucklefuck · 4 months
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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jrueships · 2 months
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thinking abt how other wide receivers are dressing josh allen in their drip, and it doesn't even match his dopey bull in a China shop gentle cow doe eyes aesthetic... it just doesn't feel Right. it just doesn't feel like. Them. (Diggs/Allen)
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i would like to stop experiencing the full spectrum of human emotions every day please. putting this out into the universe
#had suchhh a good workday. had hot pot with my roommate where we talked about our quarter life crises#and then came home and had a 3 hour screaming match with both of my parents where i said i was cutting them out of my life#it turns out. my dad still does not understand what the word bi means even tho his fucking wife is bi#he was like 'so you marry someone and six months later you see someone else you like and u go marry them instead?'#like genuinely. truly trying to understand#and that shocked me enough to stop crying#do not reblog please#like in hindsight it is SO funny#and that was the point where i was like. wait is this not malice#this is homophobia but i don't think it's malice#anyways we're all Ok now#we've agreed that i'm going to do what i want#and even if they're unhappy they're still gonna have a relationship with me#and they'll figure out how to adjust#my brother periodically came into the room and also screamed at my parents#i feel bad for them a lil bit. like they're not bad people#after he left my mom told me that a week and a half ago#my brother came into her room and told her that when she died he would bury her in a grave instead#of the traditional last rites (cremation rituals etc etc)#if she wouldn't accept me#and my mom said she was on a bunch of meds cause she's sick so she was so out of it it didn't even register what he was going on about#and then today after that convo she was like WAIT A MIN WHAT THE FUCK DID THIS BOY SAY TO ME#funniest 16 year old u could have on your side#truly he kept coming into the room every 5 min and going HEY HAVE YOU BOTH CONSIDERED NOT BEING HOMOPHOBIC. HAVE YOU.#HEY CAN U TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU STILL LOVE HER MAYBE??? THINK??? USE YOUR BRAIN???#this is why i would die for this kid#he's the best#he's such an idiot most of the time but when he's not being an idiot he's my favorite person on earth#don't tell him that tho anyone please#he'll hold it against me forever and ever as siblings do
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skid-the-mighty-poet · 2 months
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#writing#poetry#2022#October 2022#october 13 2022#You’re Kind of an Idiot#yeah i still like this one#I think i specifically trying to imitate Richard Sikken with the funky formating and view changes or however you call it#the context was I convinced my friends to add me to this group chat that had all this people they were friends that I didn’t know#(I did know half of them tho)#and like this wasnt a decision made by the group chat but just the three in it i had lunch with#originally it was a joke i wasnt in it but then i got them to add me#I thought i might get kicked out by one of the people who didn’t know me once they realized this random guy was in the gc#but i ended up fitting it really well and especially got along with the guy i was most intimidated by#there was a discord server that was the REAL gc and wasnt in it#but there was a vote (using discord emote reacts) for if i was gonna be added or not#I didn’t know how to see who did what react on discord at the time so it was anonymous to me at first#the ones who voted no where ones i knew and they totally did it jokingly but i was afraid i was being too annoying and karen esc about it#anyways i got voted and everything went well#the server and group chat eventually got deleted due to drama to do this this girl who was only there cause she was this one guy’s gf#(She fucking sucked btw. like she was a white girl who made racism jokes. thats the kind of person she was)#(fun fact her and the guy she dated straight up met in a psych ward after he tried to kill himself)#rejection sensitive dysphoria#rsd
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toytulini · 5 months
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saw fanart yesterday that i was ehh on
but it brought me to the conclusion that, if shrek was a lesbian, if shrek was a woman, i think she would be exactly the same as canon movie shrek, actually, and in fact. to the point, she would be so indistinguishable, that i can no longer be convinced that canon movie shrek isnt a he/him lesbian, and im excited to rewatch all the movies through the lens of percieving shrek this way. i think it will be based. excited.
#toy txt post#okay i think this post is sufficiently distanced from dunking on the fanart so i dont have to banish it to the drafts#have you no love in your heart for bald lesbian shrek?#smh turning him into a lesbian should not be that scene in shrek the third where they pluck his brows and put him in a wig#disclainer the fanartist is in their rights to draw whatever they want to draw yadda yadda i know#i simply think the fanartist is wrong ♡ also weird to choose to draw a scene with human fiona. instead of ogre fiona#idk i think i was approaching in slightly worse faith last night when i first saw it and im feeling more forgiving now.#maybe theyve drawn other scenes with ogre fiona and thats just the one that made it on my dash. idk#i did scroll through the shrek the third tag specifically looking for the scene where they dress him and fiona up#and saw the far more unforgivable sin of an edit of shrek with defined abs. far more haunting. no shrek of any gender would ever have abs#fuck i dont even think the human version of shrek that was specifically supposed to he conventionally attractive had fucking abs#i was also being unfair last night in the group chat scoffing at this persons taste in human fiona like why would you not draw like#the badass warrior fiona she was so cool. but thats unfair of me. ppl find beauty everywhere#but also really no ogre fiona? when like a big theme throughout the series is accepting her ogreself as she is and that shes still#beautiful like that?#....im gonna try to find that fanartist and block them so they dont see this post tho i dont want them to feel bad vdjsjdvjsgigdgri#which is why im making a post on my own blog the next day and not interacting with their post
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damnprecious · 1 month
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me: *puts on a wool skirt, an apron, a poofy shirt and a wool vest in a 24°c apartment*
also me: why am I so hot
#noopa rambles#hdjddjd I'm trying to figure out what to wear to a friend's Fancy Tea Party on saturday#the obvious choice was ofc either a full folk dress or some folk dress pieces#I'm pretty sure I won't go for the full dress at this point; esp bc the weather forecast is. not great#protecting the wool skirt from the weather(tm) might be a pain#protecting just the vest is much easier#rn I'm thinking I'm gonna opt for my Kaukola vest and shirt and throw some black pants on to go with it#if anyone wants a reference google 'kaukolan kansallispuku' (the women's version)#I do not have the veil; I have the headband (not sure if I'll wear it for the party but it goes Woosh!!!)#I can't believe the shirt still (mostly) fits; I got it when I was 11 dhdjjd#the sleeves are too short and the hem too but otherwise it was fine???#I remembered that the shoulders would've been tight but they weren't???#the hem is gonna be a bit annoying if I wear the shirt with pants bc it will try to ride up when I tuck it in#the sleeves are fine if my arms are down but they defo ride up when I move them#I should acquire a slightly bigger shirt...#tho the skirt of that dress is simply too small so it might be easier to just sell the whole thing#but the things are so damn expensive so getting a new one would be hard and I'm emotionally attached#I do have a different dress (rautjärvi) that is actually in my size#which I would opt for if I was gonna wear a whole ensemble#tho for some reason the cuffs of that shirt are actually tighter than the cuffs of the old too small shirt???#just how small has my aunt been when that dress was made for her!!!#granted she was a teenager then and not. almost thirty. but dhdjdkd what the fuck man#the only real downside to this whole ordeal is that I need to iron the damn shirt...#it's So Wrinkly#damn this fancy tea party for making me iron shit!!!
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six-of-ravens · 2 months
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Liam has known Alanna for like 3 total days and he's on her case about whether she's decided to marry and have kids and like. I KNOW I KNOW IT WAS THE 80s THIS BOOK IS PAINFULLY GENDER NORMY BUT LIKE. SHES LITERALLY 20????? AND ALSO WHY IS IT ANY OF HIS BUSINESS?????
Not as bad as In the Hand of the Goddess where everyone treats 15 year old Alanna like she's a frigid spinster because she's never had a boyfriend but like. Man oh man I hate these books' trend of having other characters randomly force feminine stereotypes onto Alanna when she's barely thought of them...
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orcelito · 2 months
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ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.
like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo
i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.
#speculation nation#the duality of being a deeply resentful and angry person. and being a person that Tries to be mature and peaceful.#like im not gonna actually Do shit even tho i keep wanting to message her just to yell at her some more again#it's like there's a beast in me that keeps yelling for retribution. she wronged me in such a disrespectful and humiliating way#and yet she just gets to walk away like it was nothing? live her life like it was nothing?#be in 'love' with her new 'soulmate' after cutting me off like a rotten limb?#i feel so DEEPLY angry. i want to spit vitriol and fire. i want to dig my claws into her bones. make her really FEEL how i feel.#i want to wander into her dreams and make her experience what i felt. every miserable second of silence.#the humiliation of admitting you might be falling in love only to be told you were never loved at all.#and i want to knee her in the gut and spit in her face and really make her regret ever fucking wronging me#but unfortunately im a stupid fucking pacifist so all the aggression and anger and violence has no FUCKING outlet#ive been. trying to not think about it too much. ive been trying to just live my life. because i dont want her to run my life.#but the anger keeps catching up to me. filtering in when i dont expect it. endless constant fucking thoughts coming back to me#on and on and on and on i live and i eat and i read and i game and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i hate and i HATE AND I HATE#the greatest injustice is that i cannot make her truly feel every single ounce of my resentment and anger#it's so overwhelming i think i could choke on it. and she gets to live her FUCKING happy little life with her stupid fucking 'soulmate'#i hope it collapses around her and she loses her too so she's single and alone and miserable and regretting all of her fucking impulsivenes#she deserves to have it fail after what she did to me. and all i can really do is hope that karma has its fucking kiss for her.#if only curses were real. what i wouldnt give to put some energy into that karmic payback lmfao.#ok . ok ok ok ok love and peace on planet earth. i am shifting out of vitriolic little shit mode.#just had to let some of the steam out. im still angry but i am going to go back to not thinking about it.#i think i should go on a nice long bike ride tomorrow. to decompress and work some of the steam out.#it's something that she can never take from me. something that is so wholly mine. fuck that stupid bitch and fuck her new girlfriend too#...............................ok NOW im shifting out of vitriolic mode. lol#negative/#WAHOOOOOO i am certainly not taking this breakup well. but i dont think anyone would be lmfao.#all things considered i think im doing a pretty great job at handling this breakup.#bc at least im only recounting unrealistic threats and fantasies on my tumblr dot com instead of messaging Any of this to her.#i may kinda want her to read it so that she knows anyways. but i wont message her directly. bc i am Trying to be at least a little mature.#complaining on my tumblr dot com so i dont message my ex with more vitriol. gotta cope Somehow.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.
#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up#but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones#i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda#positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic#and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even#removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy#but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic#bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this#also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes#just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine#annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol#unrelated
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girl-bateman · 5 months
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Gaslighting, my old friend, I'll fall for you every single time <3
#i have known my dad is an alcoholic since i was literally 4 and my mom told me thats the reason she divorced him#ive been to COA support group twice in my life. i have the horrible personal anecdotes. i have the constant anxiety.#and still !!! with the right amount of ridicule in the right setting ill question everything#a spiral of misery and self doubt and paranoia etc etc#for context: im on a vacay with my dad and sis and his childhood friends#and i published a short nonfiction story where i talk about how isolating it can be when your parent is an addict#and EVERYONE is making constant jokes in reference to this text like 'ohhh like the alcoholic i am *wink wink* im gonna have another beer'#several times a day. and ive just not been saying anything abt it bc i feel guilty abt 'exposing' my dad even tho isnt not even a secret#but seeing as my sister is never on my side abt this and that his friends are obviously on his side i feel like the loneliness girl on earth#and tbh there rly isnt any sides to this bc addiction is just a horrible fucking disease for everyone involved#but he makes it into this awful game where i always come out the loser bc im just a kid and i cant make anyone believe me#im not a kid. obviously. but thats what this feels like. like im the little kid with silly stories no one believes#and the worst part is i wrote the text trying to reclaim what has been a lifetime of centering HIM and his addiction into everything i do#trying to protect him and his dignity#and this was my trying to reclaim my life and talk about how IM affected for once#but once again he ends up being the centre of conversation of my text. which. btw is about a lot more than my dad
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this-doesnt-endd · 6 months
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I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors
#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other#but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other#for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would#which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways#when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest#but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months#we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells#like i knew them that well#it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy#which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession#but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother#and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins#when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged#idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type#going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone#and now its gone and i wont ever get it back#and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too#like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres#im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for#but its not the same yaknow#and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years#like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me#and thats part of the problem#like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend#and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried#but people didnt want to return it#and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself#and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal#and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man
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blinday · 7 months
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Listen dudes this is my first time trying to render something and I have no fucking clue of what to do. My plan is to lower everything's opacity and add the actual colors under the light, shade and enviromental colors, but something tells me it's not gonna turn out the way I want it to.
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What the fuck do I do
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void-botanist · 9 months
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Okay I wanna ask you Blorbo wrapped questions back lmao. I'm also curious about who you thought was coolest, who you rotated in your head the most and who was most fun to write. But also, did you have anyone that was kinda driving you up a wall but then something clicked and you really figured out how to write them? If not, who's still driving you up a wall?
Kendrick! I think you saw that I got too excited and answered my own questions over here but who has been driving me up a wall is an excellent question, lol. There are a few who aren't actively driving me up a wall (what's up with Aza huh) but the people who I still haven't got a hold on are Declan, Horatio, and Sid.
I'm almost hesitant to say Declan because I don't think I have a hard time writing him but I also feel like I haven't fully keyed into the fact that he's an autism creature of a man (and also making it clear that the way the rest of the crew does things behind his back is not them infantilizing him because of it but more complicated than that. They do think he's fragile but that's because of how he's handled his grief). Also like. He literally trusts his crew with his life. But he is so so bad at talking to them and I haven't totally figured out how that all works out.
Oops this got long so here's a cut
Horatio got a character lift in this version. He's always been a sweetheart but that evolved out of him having A Sense Of Justice while also being generally pathetic and wet and soft. Now he has the Standing family deviousness that goes along with it and I don't know how to write that. Because also he looks completely different to Sid, who knows him very well and who he's open with, than he does to Avis, who hates him somewhat for the circumstances of his birth (she tries not to because it's not his fault) but extremely much for being sun-coded in the "cheerful" and "unavoidable and intense" ways. So like, what is he plotting (especially about getting Sorian and Avis back together) and how is he plotting it and how does this dovetail with the happy-go-lucky florist which is equally as much who he is?
Sid on the other hand is challenging in the sense that writing him feels fine. He's a real everyman if you will. Except I don't get his character and I think that's a major stumbling block for AOM as a whole. Yeah, on some level he has to be the sad traumatized guy but like. How does he handle his parents trying to run his life once he takes a massive step outside of their frame of reference? How does this work with Avis's story? (Can I successfully shove these two stories into one thing that is a whole? They have so many themes in common help) In his earliest iterations he was the devil-may-care I'm-doing-my-best guy who mildly tormented Horatio Sense Of Justice and I guess they've sort of flipped? Except Sid is always the Doing My Best guy.
Also when it comes to Anni and Zel, Anni is so easy to write with all the technical stuff and much more challenging with the romance stuff and I don't want it to be that way aaaaaaa
As for who did click, I think I'm getting there with Patience (even though I haven't worked on TFA in a while), Rodney worked better when I just let him be soft, working out Fay's whole divorce history helped make her easier to write (she's not pretending to be the good suburban mom. she just is sometimes and other times she sucks), the fact that Wylie hates himself cracked his whole character wide open, and lately I've realized that a critical part of post-divorce Sorian is that he's tired. He's tired of Avis needling him, always being there but never being there for him. He's not even sure he deserves for her to be. But he kinda wishes she would just leave and move on so he can too.
#'but your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone'#every iteration I get closer with Anni & Zel. I promise they have chemistry. I just don't feel confident in my ability to bring it out#which is probably the real problem. I think I'm gonna just write a ton of them outside of TFA until I get it#also when I start writing Binna again I think she's going to be kind of tough but we'll get there#original Old Canon Sid was a fucking trip (highly affectionate). I think he was dead? and trapped in the time stream?#so he could just go through time and dimensions however he pleased to annoy everybody equally#he and horatio had this unexplored 'menaces to lovers' potential#his methods were questionable but he really was trying to do the right thing. I wish I had written seven million more pages of him#I originally solved Sid vs. his parents with what was essentially a heist plot crafted to convince them he was a lost cause#which was delightful but. I don't think that's how I want to do things this time#it was great catharsis while I was really going through it tho#also throwback to when I mentally got through finals in the spring by just taking a break to write Vy x Wylie smut#thinking about Sorian and mentally going 'aw my baby' and laughing about who I have/would call my baby#anyone is fair game but I usually say it about Dez (cute) - Tirias (fun) - Mirilde (darling) - Sorian (sad) - Fabian (loser)#c: Sid#c: Declan#c: Horatio#c: Sorian#c: Fay#c: Wylie#c: Rodney#c: Patience#rose meta#rose brambles
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orcelito · 2 months
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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