#she's so lonely

[thebrokenmechanicalpencil]

@quibble-auk I blame the worms

Remember when I said Pretenders always know pretty quickly who is and isnt like them. Lemme just say the love hits like a train, since them meeting another of their species that is compatible genetically is so slim. Take this with a grain of salt, it was the "Can you feel the love tonight" song and yeah.

If this happened though, Comet is fighting it the whole way.

[decamarks]

Thinking of becoming a guy that thinks wolves are the most badass and aspirational animal, but about ants. Like wearing t-shirts about being loyal to my Queen and training to bench 5x my bodyweight. Studying ant warfare. Posting shit like this

[vampireshaman]

Character Study: Where Love Fades, Duty Remains | Two Journal Entries

"Duty means doing the things your heart may well regret."

A character study of Haeseol, explored through the lens of the four types of love—storge (familial love), philia (friendship), eros (romantic love), and agape (unconditional love)—presents a layered, intricate portrait of her life across multiple incarnations. The quote "Duty means doing the things your heart may well regret" serves as a central theme, as Haeseol��s life is defined by the tension between her personal desires and the weight of duty, shaped by a relentless cycle of sacrifice and reincarnation.

### 1. Storge - Familial Love

Haeseol’s relationship with familial love is deeply entangled with the concept of duty. Across her incarnations—whether as Yueliang, Hae-Ri Jin, Bayan, or herself—the bonds of family are both a source of strength and a burden.

In each life, Haeseol’s connection with her family is marked by loss and expectation. Yueliang’s grandmother, Hae-Ri’s divine lineage, and Bayan’s protective mother all represent the idea of sacrifice for the greater good. These familial figures, like her own grandmother, have shaped Haeseol’s understanding of duty. They trained her, passed on their wisdom, and, in doing so, instilled the importance of fulfilling one’s role within the family and the world. Yet, this love is often bittersweet, as it comes at the expense of personal freedom and happiness.

For Haeseol, storge is not merely about warmth and comfort, but about the inheritance of duty. The sacrifices made by her ancestors in past lives have set a precedent for her own sacrifices. Her heart may well regret these choices—her desire for a normal life, for love untainted by obligation—but she cannot escape the weight of familial duty that has been passed down to her. Even when the love is deep and genuine, it is often overshadowed by the price she must pay to honor her lineage.

### 2. Philia - Friendship

Haeseol’s experience with friendship, or philia, is perhaps the most fragile aspect of her emotional life. Across her reincarnations, genuine friendships have been few, and they often crumble under the pressure of her responsibilities. As Yueliang, her friendships were strained by the political and martial conflicts that surrounded her; as Hae-Ri, she was isolated by her divine nature; and as Bayan, she was driven by her desire to save others, leaving little room for lasting bonds.

In her current life, Haeseol’s relationships are similarly strained by the burdens she carries. Her role as a shaman, a living deity to her people, distances her from those who might otherwise have been her equals. Friendship demands trust and vulnerability, but Haeseol cannot afford to be vulnerable in the ways that friendship requires. Her duty forces her to remain strong, isolated, and always in control.

However, there is a longing within Haeseol for philia, for a companionship that transcends duty and destiny. She yearns for someone who can see her beyond the role she has been given and value her for who she truly is. But time and again, the weight of her responsibilities has forced her to abandon such desires, leaving her heart to regret the friendships that could have been.

### 3. Eros - Romantic Love

Romantic love, eros, has been both Haeseol’s greatest joy and deepest wound across her many lives. The cycle of reincarnation has bound her to lovers in each life, and while her love has been powerful and transformative, it has also been marked by tragedy and loss.

In every incarnation—Yueliang, Hae-Ri, Bayan—her romantic love has been inextricably tied to her duty. Each time, her heart has chosen love, but that love has led to sacrifice. For Yueliang, love meant betraying her duty to her people; for Hae-Ri, love meant giving her body and soul to stop the divine madness; for Bayan, love meant saving another at the cost of her own life. And now, as Haeseol, romantic love is once again a potential source of both bliss and sorrow.

This pattern of eros always demands something of Haeseol—her heart’s deepest desires in conflict with the path she knows she must follow. The romantic love she experiences is always tainted by a sense of inevitability, as though duty will inevitably pull her away from her beloved, no matter how strong her feelings. Even when her heart wishes to surrender to the passion and joy of love, she knows it comes with a price, a duty that will leave her with regret.

### 4. Agape - Unconditional Love

Agape—unconditional love—is perhaps the most profound and most elusive form of love in Haeseol’s life. This type of love transcends personal relationships and speaks to the larger, more universal love that Haeseol has developed over the course of her many lifetimes. It is a love for humanity, for the world, and for the people she is destined to protect and serve.

Haeseol’s role as a shaman, as a protector of her people, embodies agape. In each life, she has sacrificed herself, not just for the individuals she loved, but for the greater good. This is the kind of love that is not driven by desire or personal attachment, but by a deep sense of responsibility.

In all her incarnations, Haeseol has shown a capacity for this kind of love, even though it often brings her great sorrow. She has always acted out of a desire to preserve life, to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and to fulfill her duty as a spiritual guide. But again, this love comes with a cost. Her heart may regret the personal sacrifices she must make in the name of agape, but she cannot turn away from it. It is a love that transcends her own pain and desires, one that requires her to place the needs of others above her own.

### Haeseol and Duty

The quote "Duty means doing the things your heart may well regret" encapsulates Haeseol’s entire emotional journey. Whether it is familial love, friendship, romantic love, or unconditional love, her relationships are all shaped by the tension between her personal desires and the duty that governs her life. In every life, Haeseol has been forced to make difficult choices—choices that her heart often regrets, but that her sense of duty compels her to make.

For Haeseol, love and duty are inseparable. Even though her heart may long for freedom, for peace, and for love unbound by responsibility, she understands that duty will always come first. This sense of duty is not just a burden—it is a defining feature of her character. Her willingness to make sacrifices, to endure loss and heartache for the sake of others, speaks to her strength and resilience.

However, the regret that accompanies these sacrifices cannot be ignored. Haeseol’s heart, shaped by the memories of her past lives and the tragedies she has endured, carries the weight of her decisions. She knows that love, in all its forms, will always demand something from her, and that her duty will always pull her in directions she does not want to go. Yet, despite this, Haeseol remains determined to continue on her path, even if her heart regrets it.

This internal conflict—between love and duty, between desire and obligation—is what makes Haeseol such a compelling character. She is someone who loves deeply and unconditionally, yet she is also someone who is bound by duty, unable to fully escape the sacrifices that love demands.

Journal Entry: Haeseol

The wind was cold today, sharper than usual as it cut through the mountains. Even the spirits seemed restless, their whispers tangled in the branches. I could feel their unease, their confusion, as if they, too, were lost in the world between life and death. The heaviness of their pain, their memories, clings to me long after they’re gone, lingering in my bones like an old bruise.

Sometimes I don’t know where their pain ends and mine begins.

They come to me. These spirits, these wandering souls, desperate and broken. Lost. I let them in—maybe because I’m too soft-hearted, maybe because I don’t know how to shut them out anymore. I see their lives, feel their regrets, their longing to return to something familiar. And, for a moment, I am them. I become their grief, their rage, their helplessness, trapped in the echoes of a life they can’t reclaim.

But when they leave, when they find peace or whatever closure I can offer, I’m left with the weight of their stories. And the emptiness that follows is almost unbearable. How many times have I come too close? How many nights have I stared into the eyes of a spirit more powerful than I could manage, hoping I’d make it through? Too many.

Each time, I wonder if this will be the one that pulls me under, that drowns me in their sorrow.

There are moments when I envy them—the spirits. They have already endured their endings, while I am caught in the middle of mine, over and over again.

They call me a goddess. "Shaman," "Seer," "Healer," "Guide"—each title is another layer I wear like armor. The people come to me, so full of trust, so certain that I hold the answers they need. They believe I can speak to the dead, that I can bless them, protect them, lead them out of their darkness. I don’t know how to tell them that I barely know how to lead myself. But I cannot fail them. I mustn’t. It’s not just my duty—it’s the only purpose I have left, the thread that ties me to this world.

The elders, the officials, even the high-born families—they all look to me with such reverence, their gazes heavy with expectation. Sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating under the weight of their faith. They don’t see me as a girl, as Haeseol. I am an idol to them, a living link to the divine, something otherworldly. The isolation that comes with that... it’s something no one ever warns you about. How could they, when they’ve never lived it?

When I sit before them, giving blessings or offering guidance, I see the way they look at me—like I am more than human. And in those moments, I wish they could see the truth. That I’m not a goddess, not some ethereal being blessed with wisdom beyond my years. I’m just a girl, exhausted from trying to be everything they need. But they can’t see the girl under the mantle. They can only see what they’ve made me out to be.

How ironic it is, that the spirits of the dead are easier to speak to than the living.

There are nights when I wish I could forget it all. Forget the responsibilities, forget the titles, forget the unrelenting pressure. I want to run—just once—to a place where no one knows my name, where no one calls me a goddess, where no one asks for a blessing or closure. Where I can be Haeseol, and nothing more. But that’s not a life meant for me. It never has been.

I’m young, too young for this kind of burden, and yet here I am, wearing it like a cloak that can never be removed. I suppose I’ve become used to the loneliness by now. It's a different kind of loneliness, one that creeps in when you’re surrounded by people who need you, but no one who sees you. Truly sees you.

I think about my past lives sometimes. The pieces of me scattered across time, all of them shaped by duty, by love, by loss. They, too, carried their burdens, didn’t they? Did they ever feel this tired? Did they ever wish for a different ending? Or did they accept their fate without question, without regret?

I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I should.

But even with all the pain, all the exhaustion, I still feel something stir within me when I help someone find peace. When I see the relief wash over their faces, when they thank me for the closure I’ve given them, I know why I continue to do this. It’s what keeps me going, even when it feels like too much. The lives I touch, the ones I save—they make it worth it. Somehow.

I just hope that, one day, I’ll find peace for myself, too. Until then, I’ll keep carrying the weight of my duty, even if my heart regrets it.

The weight of love, in all its forms, presses down on me as heavily as the spirits I carry. There is no separating them, no dividing my heart from the duty that binds me to this world and the next. It would be a lie to say I haven’t dreamt of release—of abandoning the threads that tie me to the past, to lives I no longer live but can never forget. How easy it would be to let go, to stop feeling the pain of others as if it were my own.

But I can’t. I won’t.

I’ve inherited this mantle of service through so many lives, through the blood and tears of those who came before me. They were mothers and daughters, warriors and healers, each one passing down their knowledge, their burdens. I am the sum of their choices, shaped by a lineage that stretches back farther than I can comprehend.

And though I love them for the wisdom they imparted, for the strength they bequeathed me, I sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be just...me.

The people look to me as if I were a goddess. I am their answer, their blessing, their guide through the dark. They come to me with their grief, their confusion, their need to know that their loved ones rest peacefully on the other side. And I open myself to them, letting the spirits flood in—so many voices, so many memories. I become them for a time. I see their lives, feel their joys and pains, and the weight of it leaves me hollowed out, empty, until there’s nothing left but echoes.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve stood on the edge, close to slipping into that other world and never returning. The spirits linger so close, too close, and sometimes I think they want to take me with them. They whisper to me in the night, their sorrow wrapping itself around my heart like tendrils of smoke. And it hurts—feeling their regret, their anger, their loneliness. But what hurts more is that I understand them. I carry my own regrets, my own love that has been sacrificed to this duty. Perhaps that is why I can never turn them away. They are me. We are one.

I wonder, sometimes, if it would be different—if I could love freely, without this constant pull toward sacrifice. Friendship, romantic love…all of it feels so fragile when measured against the weight of the world I hold. I’ve tried to let people in, to find comfort in the company of others. But there’s always that distance. Always the knowledge that they cannot truly see me.

They see what I represent—this sacred figure who bears the burdens of life and death. How could they see past that? How could anyone love me without feeling the heaviness of it all?

I’ve known love in many forms, across many lives. Each time it has been beautiful, fleeting, and always marked by loss. My heart aches for what was, for the love I had to let go of to fulfill my duty. Each time I’ve chosen to walk away, even when every part of me screamed to stay.

I regret it. I regret the choices I’ve made to protect others at the cost of my own happiness. But what is love if not sacrifice? What is duty if not love?

There is a love that is larger than me, larger than all of us. It pulls at me constantly, asking me to give more than I have, to lay down my desires and dreams for the sake of those who cannot protect themselves. It is a love that transcends the personal, the intimate. It is a love for humanity itself. And yet, even this love feels like a chain, one that binds me to a path I can never leave.

In the quiet moments, when the spirits are still and the world fades to silence, I allow myself to feel the weight of it all. I let the loneliness wash over me, the ache of a heart that has given more than it could ever hold. And I wonder…how much more can I bear before I break?

But I cannot break. I cannot falter. Because this is my duty. It always has been.

And duty means doing the things your heart may well regret.

[schemelin]

non-verbal "I Hate It In Here" Lone Wanderer just wants her dad back.

[technically-human]

Valentine's Day!!

The boys finally get a happy moment after going through the canon events

This was a commission for @i-am-as-normal-as-you-are so thank them for the cuteness!

The bonus is completely my fault though:

[awsok]

elphaba (and glinda)

tumblr post, heavensghost / little girl looking downstairs at christmas party, norman rockwell / wicked (2024) / tumblr post, tryworks / all-night pharmacy, ruth madievsky / wicked (2024) / emily l, marguerite duras & barbara bray / wicked (2024) / 300122, ryebreadgf / this is how you lose the time war, amal el-mohtar & max gladstone / wicked (2024) / wicked screenplay, winnie holzman & dana fox / tumblr post, heavensghost

[flocktothelight]

Alice always seems so lonely..

[c-kiddo]

thinking abt this .. the panic :( the way he just holds onto himself :( just tells himself theres work to do : (

also look at the little beetle carapace belle left for him :(((((

[sesamestreep]

I really feel like one of the best details in “A Scandal in Bohemia” that I never see people fixate on enough is that the story starts with Watson stopping in to see Holmes at Baker Street on a complete whim, because he happens to see that he’s home (and Watson is now married and living elsewhere). Like he doesn’t send word first, he’s not invited, he just shows up and surprises Holmes. Which is not that weird but then Holmes is like “oh good, I’ve got a case anyway, you might as well hang out!” which just makes it funnier when the King shows up and is like “I’d really rather speak to you alone, actually” and Watson tries to leave and Holmes is just like “anything you can say to me, you can say to my best friend John Watson, and if you ask him to leave, I would consider it a grave insult, you would be my enemy and I will not help you ever!!” And the king is like “…ok” and just moves on.

like, that is crazy behavior. Holmes is talking about how there’s probably lots of money in this case, and then almost turns away the client for…not knowing who the fuck Watson is?? He’s not even supposed to be there?? He just came to say hi?? “It is both or none”… girl, GET UP.

[thirdtimed]

double life pearl in this fit..

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

Nat’s coronation scene breaks my heart so much because she’s finally getting the love and acceptance she has always secretly wanted and needed. She’s been outcasted her whole life, in her childhood as the neglected and unwanted daughter, in society as the “slut” and the “burnout,” and in the Wilderness as the huntress isolated from the rest by the nature of her role and the skeptic against Lottie’s influence. She has always been alone. And now, she’s being crowned leader, everyone is bowing to her and believing in her, and despite the trauma she has just experienced and the grim circumstances, you can see such a deep craving in her for adoration and warmth finally being fulfilled. It’s so so sad that this is what it took for her to finally receive that. No wonder she spirals so much after they’re rescued; the Wilderness was her only means of receiving love and appreciation.

[mupparts]

Jade reunions!

[attleboy]

[coughs this up like a hairball] it's an angst!! sorry that i made her suffer. you know i had to do it to em

[ladymissfit133]

she's not even allowed a proper farewell, whisked away hastily as her appointed guards watch and judge your every move. You might say it's a matter of time but i don't think so. She's simply not allowed to spend another moment with a person she wasn't bethrothed to. To a person she chose.

And this is also why i don't think this quest could ever work if you could be friends instead. She's allowed to have friends. There would be no reaction from the powers that be if you were merely friendly. But the moment she chooses to love you, then that is something that needs to be corrected, punished. Because that is not allowed. That is not a decision she is allowed to make.

On the subject of my last post about Aelinore, wow that quest is so god damn tragic, huh? Dragon's dogma features a surprising amount of stories centering women trying to navigate a deeply patriarchal society and Aelinore's is one such story. Born a noblewoman, her worth within the society she was born in is completely hingent on her ability to be married off and have children. That is the only existence that is open to her. She has no agency, no power. She is nothing but an object for securing alliances and heirs. Her personhood doesn't exist. (this also applies to Mercedes but that's for another time) So moving on to the events of Dragon's Dogma, Aelinore has recently been wed to duke edmun, a man in his 70's while she's in her early 20's. Her job for her family is finished. She's been used to secure stronger ties between Gransys and Meloire. Now all that remains is securing heirs for the duke. This is all she is. this is all she is allowed. she has no freedom or agency in her own fate. She can but follow the whims of the men who own her. So when she invites you to her chambers in secret that might be the first time she's ever used what agency she does have to do something for herself. For the first time maybe ever she has some semblence of control over her life. And for that tiny taste she's thrown in jail, likely to be executed. So when you come to the blighted manse to rescue her she continues to have agency. she beds you, she decides to follow you, she points out a safe(ish) route out and she gets to spend time with the person she actually loves, even if in danger. The escape from the manse might be when she's the happiest in her entire life. I certainly believe it is. She's for the first time fully free from the shackles of the patriarchal society. For the first time she is allowed to do what she wants for her own sake. And just as you make it out into the light? She is once away whisked away back to her father, to return to her old life of servitude. A truly tragic story.

[spirk-trek]

imagine amanda watching how mothers on vulcan share a telepathic bond with their children and not being able to do this for spock

imagine how it would break her heart, how she might worry they'll never connect when she sees a mother touching her daughter's face or holding her son's hand with purpose, without words

imagine spock melding with her as soon as he's able, showing her he loves her because he can't say it, he'll never be able to say it

imagine her being so proud of her little boy for researching and teaching himself to meld with a non-telepath just for her, all for her

holding him after when he's so exhausted he goes boneless in her arms and she strokes his hair and thanks him

and he mumbles something about it being illogical to thank him before falling asleep and she holds his little hand and feels the tiniest sparks of love still there, so small she might've imagined them before he's snoring softly

[nualaofthefaerie]

!Spoilers!

Sky forgave him and let him go so Jayce can bring him back...SHE LET VIKTOR GO SO JAYCE CAN BRING HIM BACK...two sides of the same coin...they NEVER gave up on him, they NEVER stirred him wrong. They love him so much.