#she's on that medicated cat life
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Creature Feature, after being given ear drops, again: "I hate you! I hate you all! This is terrible! I hate it!"
Me, holding her kitty go-gurt: "Such a brave baby, you want a special treat~?"
Creature Feature: "...I suppose I can forgive you just this one time-"
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I was crying from pain at the emergency room and the nurses were bitching about me not dying so they couldn’t help right away even if I kept passing out and had been there for a long time, this sweet old Russian lady who was also admitted since earlier stood up and walked next to me and kept comforting me and asking how I was holding up, she kept checking in on me and being so sweet and going around asking if everyone was doing ok or just distracting family members of patients with nice conversations. She called out the doctors and nurses for not caring, she sat next to me and kept making sure I was ok and then gave me her phone number when she got discharged so I’d follow up with her. Honestly my day coulda been hell today but this one lady made it so bearable it’s not going to be remembered as a bad horrible traumatizing time, I got to meet an actual angel and I’m so happy about it.
#pix habla#kindness really goes a long way guys#I’m in my bed crying about this lady#I didn’t know her but that didn’t matter to her#I hope she’s always healthy and blessed#she also xD managed to get the nurses to give her a turkey sandwich after making her wait for so many hours what a legend#I’m not shit talking about medical staff btw I know it’s a hard job#but it got ridiculous the moment my dad got desperate because I was passing out and throwing up foam#and the nurse scolded him and scolded me while I cried about being in pain even though I kept apologizing#the emergency room guard also gave me shit for being on the floor trying not to pass out#like idk the lack of humanity was just 🧍♂️ so much worse than usual#but then I met this lady and she kept me company and kept me distracted from it all#she even got some of the nurses to be nicer and in a better mood somehow#I know it’s not an easy job ;; but compassion and kindness they go a long way#and that’s so important#Alissa you’re my cat scan Twinsie for life#tw hospital#I was high on morphine telling my friends about her and telling her they thought she was so sweet and she was so happy about it#augh#she blew me a kiss when she left too 😭#guys I swear … I met an angel#like#what else could she have been#(๑′̥̥̥▵‵̥̥̥ ૂ๑) ok ill shut up now im just really emotional about her forever
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this beautiful idiot went to live with someone else and honestly, both of our QOL are much better HAHA
#she just could not vibe with a house full of other animals#her anxiety manifested in insatiably eating everything#not just food#cardboard plastic you name it#i had to lock cupboards and put books on the bin so she couldnt open it and rummage through it#she screamed for food constantly#she innappropriately toileted constantly#to the point where i bought two automatic litter trays so they were always spotless in case that was the issue#she was medicated and given daily enrichment#but nope#anyway after over a year of kind of hating our life together#i bit the bullet and rehomed her#her food obsession has disappered and besides peeing on their bathmat once#she has used the litter tray without issue#we make a commitment to our pets yall#but do not force yourself to keep them if you are both miserable#i wish i was brave enough to have done this sooner#anyway#rehoming is not the devil#and you can do it responsibly#bye ferg i'm sorry to say i don't miss you#but i'm so glad you're finally happy#fergie#the cat edition
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merry christmas and a happy new boob
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#tf2#tf2 ocs#tf2 fanart#juliette moreau#herbert ludwig#piper conagher#the only one here who isnt an oc is red medic lol#blu spy oc#red medic#blu medic oc#i promise lmao#my art#piper conagher my beloved#didnt do anything for christmas but i did draw this#piper is dells kid and she/he/it and the blu medic#the blu spy is my darling juliette moreau <3 she/her but oh boy is she not out lmao#oh yeah ludwig did do pipers top surgery.#he also did bring her to life after she died but thats. entirely related to the top surgery#piper and juliette are best friends btw i love them#they coparent 2 cats. gingy and siffy. short for gingivitis and siphilis. piper named both.
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Here is lady pics from when I was MIA
#alek insanity#using this time to rant about my personal life. my dad had a medical emergency but he should be coming home soon#i spent a while at my aunts house it was fun they have a cat named harold hes so fatness#my stepmom has been staying with my dad up there and magically our heater broke#the hvac guys came (like 10 minutes ago) but they cant really fix it it just needs 2 be replaced atp.#and its been getting below freezing these past few days behhh#but its all good bc im gonna get popeyes soon#doodle (the lady) is sitting on my as i type this#and i decided to start drawing everyday !!! around 2 hours at a time is my goal. i used to draw until id get numbness in my arms#carpal tunnel speedrun? but ive realized its best for my joints if i draw for 1-2 hours. also if i draw everyday im more motivated#ive been trying to pace more too. i used to get 10k + steps a day but kinda. stopped doing that. oopsieeee. just aiming for better habits#fixed my sleep schedule too behhh#my friend has a christmas party on the 21st so im excited 4 that. also christmas in general bc im gonna get a new laptop#mine barely works and is held together with duct tape 😭 and im gonna get a ton of money#my friend is planning a h×h zine so thats exciting + there's a lot of ninjag0 ones around the corner. big things brewing#i think next year will be a good year. this year kinda... started off really shitty#hoping to get my drivers liscense next year. ive been studying for my permit but stuff keeps getting in the way#Also im gonna get new glasses soon after TWO YEARS hfgdhd . idk the future looks bright yall#and i got this fatness woman on me rn so happy times now too#shes trying to sleep on my leg . but ... i have to eat food ... doodleee lady
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got to say it kind of heartens me that every time my mother's semi-feral cat gets a mat behind his ear that she just. Waits For Me to visit and deal with it. I am the cat-whisperer.
#she also waits for me to show her how to best get new medication into her elderly cat#like Imma teach her the new oral health/dentistry gel how you rub it on their gums#she uses my pill-giving strategies#I just find it really sweet that like. she's had cats longer than me!!!!!!#she's had cats longer than I've been alive!!!!!!!!!!!#And Yet I am the one who can get tHESE AREN'T EVEN MY CATS THEY'RE HER CATS to do anything#vibe-checked by the cats and Found Worthy#my life
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When nearly dying yesterday is not enough to put you off ball today.
Someone is feeling better.
It's amazing what steroids and a day of opiates can do for a dog.
#Rogue dog#the real life adventures of Cat#Cat's dogs#Yeah like she is better but she's also still really sick#A lot of this is medication and she doesn't understand why I won't play with her when she finally feels like playing#but god I nearly cried when she picked up that ball for the first time in a week
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Don’t let her fool you (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#I blame the character creators I was using at the time for the shirt lol - that was an actual option obviously I had to choose that#She's a teddy bear! It only makes sense that she'd wear a shirt with no pants! That's what all the plush bears do! But also what no??? Lol#She's not shy but she also literally has nothing /to/ be shy about - what sense would shame make for something she doesn't have#She'd probably also make the argument that for-real-life bears also don't wear pants lol#Anyway mostly just a bunch of silly things ♪ More stuff based on the character creators#There's actually a good handful of picrews that have plushie options? Very cute#Including one cursed (intentionally) horror-themed Care Bear maker? Very good would recommend haha#I have a couple old ones of Cure-but-human that never Quite suited her but it's still funny to see her smug face#She would knife cat#I couldn't decide what kind of mask she would wear so why not a couple! She doesn't have a respiratory system the heck#I wonder if Build-a-Bear has mask options these days :0 Since they were always big on upselling with clothes#So I looked and apparently they mostly offer branded masks for their human customers - disappointing - but they do offer one (1) bear mask#It's just a generic medical mask but it's something!#Hhhhh this is just making me want to go to Build-a-Bear wagh that wasn't the goal!#I can't say Cure's not at least a Little inspired by Build-a-Bear tho she absolutely is#She's a plush bear! She pulls from all the iconics and classics#Including of her just being straight up a teddy bear in that second to last one lol#Can't say she's not cute ♪ She definitely is#By design :)#Hey wait a second! I was browsing the BaB clothes and they have a ''Sun's Out Buns Out'' shirt!! She's Build-a-Bear fr!
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I’m currently very upset about the American healthcare system. Like I hope they know that they are making people actively sicker 🫶
#don’t read the tags if you don’t like skin related stuff although I’m not going into major detail but I felt like I should warn people an#anyway*#autumn rambles#so basically I had a regurlar cyst on my lower back which isn’t abnormal for me and wasn’t causing me any pain until like a week ago when I#say down on my bed but I did it in a way that I think made this minor cyst burst inside my skin and now it’s definitely infected because#the skin around it is swollen and red but my cat also recently got put down so I felt like such a burden that I didn’t want to tell my#parents but eventually the pain got so bad I caved and told my mom on Sunday night and today she called to try and figure out if I could go#to my primary care this week but since I haven’t been in three years (which I know sounds bad but I see my other two doctor every six#months PLUS I have my double infusion every month so I’m fucking burnt out on seeing doctors so yeah I’m not going to go to my yearly#appointment like I’m supposed to because I’m fucking tired of it PLUS my primary care goes through doctors like crazy and I was tired of#having to explain my life story every time I go to get a regular check up)#but anyway since it’s been 3 years I have to fill out a new patient form in their office before they can even let me know if they have an#appointment available this week like how fucked is that??? why can’t I fill it out before my appointment???#also they had the audacity to say to go to urgent care when the whole reason I called my doctors office is because my info is all there in#the system where as the urgent care people are likely going to have no access to my medical history and they won’t know anything about my#chronic conditions#I’m just so mad because the cyst hurts so fucking bad right now#I had to put a bandaid on it because it’s slightly beginning to burst and I’m terrified of taking the bandaid off#I’m just so torn on what I want to do#like I need to suck it up and go to urgent care but we need the car to get there and my dad has plans tomorrow night and Wednesday is#thanksgiving prep and I hate feeling like this huge burden#it’s the middle of the night rn so I can’t do anything about it and I’m just sad#like I should have stopped being a baby and went after supper but the cyst didn’t hurt as bad then
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it's looking like our 15 year old cat is reaching the final stage of her life.. she's not eating much anymore and she's just as skinny and lethargic as my dog was the month before she died a couple of years ago.
#apparently once you have one senior animal reach that point in your home/life you can identify it really well afterwards#my partner and i are.. ok. not really but we will be#i adopted our cat when she was 9#before my partner and i had met#as much as i wanna say it's her thyroid.. it's not. her medication was working really well until it didn't and now she wont eat more than#a few bites even with her medication#hopefully she'll make it to christmas but honestly it's not likely with how rapidly she's declining#for those wondering how old my dog was when she passed. she was also 15. 15 and a half to be exact#and i had had my dog since she was 8 weeks old.#tw pet death#they speak#tw: pet death
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sorry if I'm annoying u all with cat updates: but we got to see my little joonie, and although she seems really dazed n out of it - she licked both my mom n I's fingers, and seemed to recognize that we were both there
#she did have another (almost) seizure while we were there#but the doctors were able to give her medicine in time and stop it from fully happening. we talked to a different doctor (that isn't the ma#and#although joonie isn't an outdoor cat#she is a rescue#and something like this couldve been dormant thru her first few years of life n then just happen. the doc said that its treatable#but it may take a month of treatment (i.e. giving her meds straight 4 a month) which made me#feel better. when we left she was zoned OUT from the medication they gave her#so hopefully she'll be able to get some rest#even if it's thru meds. it seems like everytime she tried 2 go to sleep by herself is when the seizures happen :(((( poor baby#2020#joonie
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Just a note to say thanks for bearing with me. ♡
#this has turned into more of a hiatus than i expected#i've not been putting pressure on myself to be here#so i've just been peeking occasionally#on the other side of the screen things have been a mix of good and bad#i've been settling into my new job#throwing myself into renovations#doing all the prep for christmas#attending my pottery class#minding my neighbour's cat while she's away#trying to get into the habit of using my art tablet#( when i git gud i'll share something and maybe start drawing our blorbos )#also just trying to be more ' present ' in the everyday#tw for medical and terminal illness but my uncle was recently diagnosed with multiple system atrophy#we thought it was parkinson's ( which is what took his father ) but it's actually so much worse than that#he was an avid cyclist just a few years ago and working as an aerospace engineer#now he's in a wheelchair and recently broke his hip for the third time#there's not much i can do but i want to be there for my family as much as i can#so thank you for your patience#rest assured i adore writing and roleplay is a very important part of my life#it is my main creative outlet and i value the friendships that spring from it#i hope to get the wheels turning again in the next couple of weeks#i'll be spring-cleaning behind the scenes#you are always welcome to reach out if you want to check the status of anything but just be aware i'll be slower than usual to reply#i hope life has been treating you all kindly – sending you my love ♡#◈ — ooc; saddest little baby in the room
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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It's amazing how I never want to go ANYWHERE but the moment I can't wear a bra or shirt properly I want to be OUT of this HOUSE like, NOW. NO I DON'T HAVE ANYWHERE TO GO I JUST WANT TO LEAVE.
But I can't with how little I'm able to dress rn. Or at least, dress without pain.
Unrelated: cat, I don't know what's specifically wrong with you. Please either learn to communicate better or be quieter.
#bren medical#bren does life#as far as the cat's concerned she probably has crystals again#there's nothing they've been able to do about it though
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i miss my dogs so fucking much besides obviously loving them to death i had no idea how much they helped my anxiety and depression and got me outside before i lost them now i just want to fucking die
#lololol. everything that makes me happy or gives me any worth is fucking gone#what is the point#i miss my cat too but somehow that was easier#probably bc it was a medical issue and she lived a good long life whereas i had to give the dogs up once my dad died bc i can’t have dogs#here nor cld i afford them by myself#god i fucking hate living it is just a cruel goddamn joke#has been all my life and im pretty positive that won’t change
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I’ve been having a rough few days, but I’ve been feeling a bit better so I decided to make some lil thingies for some spiraling upwards kitties :3
#keese draws#warrior cats oc#spiraling upwards#I’ve posted art of ratstar and pigeonbillow before but the other three I haven’t I think#but yeah these are some more of the minkclan founders#and by that I mean two of them are and one of them was a kitten at the time#lightning is haveniris’ mom but she didn’t trust herself to raise him so her clanmates sort of collectively raised him#and by that I mean mostly pigeon and two other old ppl that aren’t included here#light did end up opening up to him more and acting as more of a mom after he chose to become a medic tho#the two have a complicated relationship for sure but they still care abt each other a lot#oh yeah and literally all of these guys are dead by the time murtle rolls around except for haven#pigeon died about two years before the other two and raincinder has been dead since before minkclan was properly founded#which is unsurprising given she’s such an old withering woman#she mostly made it that long because she was given a guide sponsor life#so long story short not all starclan cats actually get to use the cool starclan powers and those who do are usually ‘sponsored’ with an#extra life and a cool star like marking#this isn’t a well known thing tho and even within starclan only higher ranking cats rly know anything beyond knowing that every now and#then new guides are chosen#now usually what’s supposed to happen is that the sponsored cat has a close eye kept on them and if they are deemed worthy they’re allowed#to keep their mark and become a guide once they die the second time#the main flaw in this system is that the cat who sponsored them has to be the one to revoke it#so if they refuse to revoke it for whatever reason there’s not much that can be done about it#or in raincinder’s case her sponsor ended up fading before they could judge her fully#so even though by all means even the most rebel friendly guides would revoke it easily she managed to keep her mark til death#this was ofc largely helped by her living til 19 fucking years dear god woman#but hey I guess it means minkclan gets a guide even though she’s a rly shitty one#rly that mostly only matters for the sake of nine lives and the sake of travel between starclan and the living territories#which actually does cause a lot of problems when all the guides decide to go haunt a child instead#oh also guides also pass on their mark to leaders who’s life ceremony they hosted#not the guide role tho each guide gets a new mark
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