#she's a psychiatrist who specializes in adhd

[truthunwinding]

I read about this recently in a book on adhd. Couldn't find the exact quote, but to paraphrase:

When it comes to a lot of everyday tasks (cooking, cleaning, etc.) people with ADHD take longer to develop autopilot than their neurotypical peers. A person with ADHD tends to do these tasks manually to a larger degree, which is more mentally demanding as it requires focus.

Hi I was today years old when I realized some people truly don’t have to think about every single thing they do. They don’t have to have an imaginary set of rules (I’m not allowed to put on my bra until I’ve brushed my teeth) to function.

[zero-caloriememes3]

Finally got prescribed Ritalin!

[copperbadge]

how did u psych urself up to go to therapy? my executive function has been awol for like 2 years and it's gotten to the point where it's wrecking my ability to do anything. i'm scared to waste a bunch of time and money going and getting told i'm just lazy or that the problem is just me

Happy to talk about that! But this is really two issues, so I gotta do a fly-by real first on "scared of getting told I'm just lazy". :D

It sounds to me like you're aware intellectually that laziness isn't the issue. You know this is an executive function issue and not a personal flaw, but I definitely get that it's hard to internalize that. So I'm going to drop links here to some discussion of "laziness":

How do you know you're not just lazy? (ask sent to me -- it's long, but you can skim for the laziness bits if you want.)

Lack of motivation means you are avoiding pain (second ask in response to the first)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

These are essentially my proofs when I want to remind you that laziness is a label that stigmatizes an innate behavior -- inability to act is real, laziness is not. If a therapist tells you that you are lazy, and ESPECIALLY that you are the problem, you should fire that therapist. Don't even stay the rest of the session if you don't want to, just say "I see we are not compatible," and bounce. I don't think the odds are high that you'll encounter that, but on the off-chance that you do, that's a bright neon sign that they're a bad therapist.

In fact I would open with that pitch: "I'm struggling with executive function and the self-perception that I'm really just lazy. I need help with the actual executive function issues but also with how I view myself because of them." The therapist's response will tell you a lot about whether they'd be a good fit.

So with that out of the way...

I eased myself into therapy with the speed of a small child entering an extremely cold lake. It helped a lot that all of my therapy has been virtual via Zoom, so a lot of stuff that would have been a barrier, like going to the physical appointments, discomfort in a strange space, etc. were swept away.

I didn't even want to see a psychiatrist for my Adderall prescription, but I knew I needed help and medication seemed to be my best option, so with the assurances of several people that it wasn't therapy so much as mental health maintenance, I saw a psychiatrist. And he was lovely! (I just met with him yesterday to go over my next few months of scrip.) For a while that was all I did: talked every month to a kind person who asked specific and measurable questions about my mental health -- mood, sleep patterns, ability to work, hobbies -- without getting especially personal. I thought, okay, I can handle this, I can probably handle more, so I asked him for a recommendation for a therapist.

He looked at the network of independent practitioners he belonged to (Clarity Clinic Chicago, if you want an example of a good network) and found me a couple of options. I got extremely lucky to find someone I felt was appropriate for me right out of the gate, though some of that was also knowing what criteria I had: I wanted someone who explicitly stated they specialized in adult ADHD and disability, and who seemed like they were interested in addressing a whole person and not a single issue. When we met she seemed nice, wasn't pushy or judgey, was familiar with spoon theory and disability activism because she also has ADHD, and didn't blink (or ask overly invasive questions) when I said I was very uneasy about therapy because of past experience. She was comfortable with the ambiguity I brought -- I basically said "Look, I think this is something I need but I'm not entirely sure what my goals are yet, it's just I only recently found out I have ADHD and I am rethinking a lot of stuff," and she was like fine, let's rethink it together.

It still took me a long time to start talking about anything meaningful, but she handled the non-meaningful stuff as if it was serious and important, which helped. Admittedly I have really good insurance so I pay $20 a session for therapy, which also helps; it's pretty negligible in terms of health costs for me. I can afford to dawdle.

So, all that said...my path may not be an option for you, but I think it indicates the kinds of options you have. You don't have to jump into serious and heavily emotional processing first thing if you don't want to. You can shop around for therapists and you can drop any bad ones you encounter speedily, or if you find one you immediately like you can still spend time getting comfortable before dropping into the heavier stuff.

I would suggest that if you have a prescribing psych or doctor for any kind of mental health meds, ask them if they have a recommendation. If you don't have that, ask around people you know or believe have access to therapy and see what they think. If those aren't available to you or you're uncomfortable with that, I'd do a search for licensed therapist and your health insurance, or see if your workplace has an employee assistance program that can recommend you someone.

Good luck! I hope you get what you need. Lord knows I've been there.

[blacknedsoul-blog]

A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

So I had this six fucking hour trip. On a bus. Alone. And I was bored out of my mind, because sitting around being bored is as close to mental torture as it gets for me.

Fortunately, the light at the end of the tunnel: I was inspired. Away from the burnout I have with fanfics, I remembered that I've mentioned this headcanon several times on Nevermore's Discord and just thought, what better time to talk about ADHD than when I'm having a pretty ADHD moment?

But before I start, there are a few little things that need to be pretty clear on the table:

I'm being a bit hypocritical here: in general, I'm deeply against diagnosing fictional characters for two reasons: first, it's an impossible task to distinguish between character traits and symptoms to such an extent that you can go around forever without coming to a real conclusion unless the author of the work confirms it, and second, even if you have the disorder you're talking about, you can fall into the trap of perpetuating stereotypes or generalizing, thereby invalidating other experiences. So even if the tone of this review sounds very assertive, it is because of my writing style. I am in no way diagnosing Annabel; this is an analysis of her character through the lens of a possible disorder.

In relation to the above, where I point out an event in the comic that can be read as a symptom, I am not reducing it to "this only happens because she has ADHD". You CAN'T reduce a person's personality to "they has a disorder," and when I point out these examples, I'm not doing so with the intention of denying the background behind it, but rather pointing out how, under the magnifying glass of having it, it might exacerbate that behavior.

I am NOT a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a neurologist: I am a woman with ADHD. One who has done a lot of research on the subject, been in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the disorder, and talked extensively about it both with friends who also have it and with professionals. But I don't have a career in mental health, I don't pretend to, and everything you'll read below is a mixture of research and personal experience.

You're going to see a lot of "we" or "those of us with ADHD" because, as I said, I have it too, but this is all a generalization made for the sake of flow. The symptoms of this disorder can be expressed in many different ways, and not everyone has all of them (for example, there are some that I don't have, but it would be strange to change the voice of the text just because of that, it makes it harder to read). If you have ADHD and read a symptom and think "hey, I don't get that", that's perfectly normal. Your experience is valid and I don't want to pass it on. But it would be exhausting for me and for the reader to use tentative phrases all the time.

If this text resonates too much with you, I strongly recommend that you see a professional, if you're able, and not self-diagnose: ADHD has many symptoms in common with autism and other neuro divergences, don't risk misdiagnosis.

If you have a different opinion than mine on this subject and want to share it with me, I'll be happy to read it, if I don't answer it's because I forgot (forgive me?). But you can be sure that I will read it.

Anyway, let's get started.

What is ADHD?

According to the NIH (National Institute of Mental Health) website, this is the definition of ADHD:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Here is an impression that needs to be clarified: ADHD is more about an inability to regulate attention than a lack of it. A neurotypical person may choose to focus on a task to get it done, we may procrastinate to death because even if we want to, we can't focus on it, or stand there absorbed in it ad infinitum until the house falls down around us (and we may still have trouble noticing). This is understood, Understanding all this, here is the list of Annabel's behaviors that could be interpreted as symptoms.

Hyperactivity

One thing that not everyone knows is that hyperactivity is not about running around like an uncontrolled animal. It can manifest itself in many ways, and there are many types: physical, mental, and even emotional.

In Annabel's case, she seems to be the first two types.

Perhaps due to her difficulty in expressing emotions, it is quite obvious at this point in the comic that her moods are made explicit through gestures: playing with her rings when she is happy or nervous, touching the ribbon around her neck in moments of anxiety, or playing with her hair almost as a default state.

Annabel.

Doesn't.

Sit.

Still.

Never.

It is also clear that Annabel is always planning something. Always.

This can be read into the logic of mental hyperactivity: when you have it, your brain just doesn't stop. Ever. And that's something that resonates with this lady.

Emotional Dysregulation

The part of the brain that regulates our moods works…erratically. Not to say it doesn't work at all.

This leads to a painfully common problem in women with ADHD: lack of emotional regulation is seen as drama, and instead of being taught tools to deal with it, we are taught to repress and bottle up emotions.

Annabel has highly internalized this as a defense mechanism. But here's the thing: if repressing emotions instead of learning how to deal with them in a healthy way is harmful, being biologically unable to regulate them can be even worse.

It touches the right nerves, and if you catch us flying low, it can cause explosive outbursts.

Possibly violent reactions to feeling offended or uncomfortable.

Or completely over-the-top reactions that we can't control.

And it's not just anger that's affected, it's the whole emotional spectrum. Another emotion that is very noticeable is fear. If we don't develop tools to help us calm down, we don't get scared, we panic.

If this happens too often, we can become prone to developing severe anxiety or frequent attacks.

We may also have great difficulty dealing with frustration. Our brains love rewards, and feeling that we're not getting them because of our own inability to do something can be downright annoying. And if we don't have the tools to express our frustration appropriately, we can have quite childish reactions, ranging from temper tantrums to…pouting.

I find it funny how several of these pouts are caused by Lenore, a bit like "Oh, come on, honey, what are we talking about?"

Another important thing to note here is that one of the most fucked up and notorious symptoms of this lack of emotional regulation is RSD, short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, defined as "a problem that interferes with your ability to regulate your emotional responses to feelings of failure and rejection. While rejection is almost always unpleasant, people with RSD experience overwhelming levels of emotional pain. This can lead to long-term mental health problems, fear of failure, and behavioral changes that negatively affect them throughout their lives."

Rejection and fear of failure are a problem for us. So much so that we may seek strategies to avoid it as much as possible, even when it causes us problems (such as not completing a task for fear of doing it wrong). This is an issue that can tear us apart emotionally.

Annabel is terrified of being rejected or despised. Her whole life has been built around appearances and getting the right people interested in her. If she can't do that, what good is she?

And that's something that comes up a lot in her relationship with Lenore. Repeatedly, in fact, but my favorite has to be this one:

Annabel thought it would be the smart thing to do to break that bond because she knows they're never going to see each other again. But the look on her face when Lenore calls her a "damn liar" is just painful to watch. I think ripping her heart out with a rusty spoon would have hurt less.

Finally, on the subject of things that aren't so funny: that thing Annabel does about biting her fingers when she's in a critical situation is something I used to do, too (only I'd bite my knuckles or palms).

My psychologist explained to me that when you feel like you're losing control, you immediately look for something to ground you, and unfortunately, physical pain is often a quick (if damaging) way to do that.

Codependency

Okay, here's a thing: it's not that we have a tendency as such to codependency, but this is a situation that can occur due to bad practices within a relationship. Especially a couple one.

As it stands out, people with ADHD can have a lot of problems with micromanaging ourselves, remembering things, dealing with our emotions, etc, etc, etc. And it is natural for close friends, family or our partner to help in those processes.

The problem arises when that help starts to become a parentification process where the partner who is providing support starts to do this on behalf of the other person, infantilizing them in the process.

This is a cocktail for resentment on both sides: the party calling the shots can easily feel that the other is putting a huge burden on their shoulders and not trying hard enough, while, on the other side, no one likes to feel like they are being treated like a child. Let alone that the person doing it is your partner.

But at the other end of resentment, there's codependency.

The constant feeling that you are a burden, insufficient or even disposable.

And that means you have a lot to make up for. On a regular basis. So much that you put yourself in a situation where you have to make horrible decisions so that someone else doesn't have to because somehow you owe it to them, who hasn't had that happen?

What I mean is that yes, Annabel feels like she owes this to Lenore because she only remembers the part where Lenore came kicking in doors to save her from a marriage she didn't want. And if she can't do this for her, she doesn't deserve a relationship.

Feeling inadequate, that your partner is doing you some kind of favor by tolerating you and ending up idealizing their in the process is obviously not unique to the neurodivergent experience.

But we try, we try really hard and, like anyone else, we like to feel that the effort we put in is seen and valued.

If we are not careful about that, we do indeed fall into the risk of becoming codependent. The desire to feel loved or valued becomes a constant hunger for validation from which it is difficult to escape because we are aware that our brain will never function in a different way. And if that is mixed with RSD, it can become an even bigger problem.

Novelty, games, challenges, and rewards

Producing dopamine on a normal basis is one thing our brains aren't very good at (one of the reasons we can be prone to depression, for example), but you know what they love? Challenges and rewards.

New things feed our endless curiosity, but for some reason unknown to me, our brains really love challenges and dares. They give us dopamine like we're on a high.

So much so that some people use it as a tactic to perform tasks they don't like: "How many dishes can I wash before my dinner is ready?", "If I can finish this in less than 30 minutes, I can go get chocolate."

One medium we may like very much for this reason is games. Board games, card games, or virtual games. It doesn't matter. Games provide a very good balance of challenge and reward.

If you see that Annabel seems overly interested in how this works, it's because there may be a part of her that thinks "aside from the deadly situation we're in…this is like the most hardcore escape room ever" and inevitably there's something here that stirs her bug.

It may be something she loves about Lenore. As a good hypocrite, Annabel despises the rules she knows so well, so when Lenore comes along with this gimmick and completely changes the paradigm of what she knows, there is inevitably something that appeals to her. Others who are good at the game look down on Lenore's disdain for the rules, to Annabel it is fucking appealing because it offers a range of unexplored possibilities that she fucking loves.

Erratic Communication

When our brains are running at full speed, communication can become a challenge, and we tend to exhibit erratic patterns.

One of these is info-dumping. Touch a topic we know about or are interested in and it's like stepping on a landmine: we explode talking about it. Non-stop. You'll have to hit us to shut us up.

Another thing is that we can have a bad habit of interrupting. A lot. It's not malicious, it's just that we're really into the conversation and want to participate as much as possible.

That said, even if we're extroverts, it can be a nightmare to withhold information or participate in a conversation if it doesn't grab our attention. It's not that we want to be disrespectful or anything, it's just that, again, we have no control over our ability to pay attention and we're swimming against the tide to hold on to whatever it is you're telling us.

This scene is something I've seen in friends with ADHD and have been told I do: stare at people while doing your best to do the hamster run to remember what they're telling you because you know it's important, even though your brain is putting it together with junk information because it's not engaging your attention in the right way.

Ignore the murderous stare part, it's not that common - at least I hope not.

Drinks that are like a pill

Our brains are not designed to produce certain hormones naturally or, in some cases, they produce them under other circumstances. For things like that, we can take pills, develop strategies to help our brains produce hormones.

And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

Caffeine can be extremely relaxing for us because it can actually help our brains keep functioning, you know that stereotype of the highly coded ADHD character who drinks coffee like it's his life? Well, that's because.

You know what other beverage has a similar effect? Tea. Theine is also a natural activator, perhaps less aggressive than coffee, but it can have a similar effect.

If you're interested in describing this topic in fanfic or touching on it in fanart, tea should have a relaxing effect on Annabel and even help her concentrate.

Boredom

We get bored. A lot. And we get painfully bored. Here's what happens: boredom is caused by a lack of stimulation, and our brains aren't stimulated just because we can't regulate our attention to seek out that stimulation.

Add to that the fact that when we are bored, without dopamine hitting our receptors, our executive functions diminish and we function like shit.

Boredom

Is

Fucking

Murder

Because our brain starts desperately asking for dopamine and we can fall into really unhealthy behaviors like fighting, being chronically online, or eating because we can't find anything better to do. This also contributes -again- to our depression or anxiety.

Conclusions (and if I don't make the joke, I'll die)

In the book ADHD After Dark (a study of ADHD, relationships, and physical intimacy), Ari Tuckman draws some interesting conclusions, one of which is that on a statistical level, people with ADHD seem to be more likely to have what he calls "sexual eagerness": kinks, fetishes, a tendency to be adventurous in bed, and the like. Again, our brains love play, and both intimacy and flirtation can involve a lot of it.

So…

Um…

…well, I think Lenore will be happy. Good for her.

Anyway, this has been a seriously long explanation. Thanks for reading this far.

[lwjsbedtime]

So I remembered the song Quiet from Matilda, and it made me think of little ADHD Babyxian being adopted by the Jiangs.

He's not doing so well to be honest. He's messy, and too far ahead of his classmates, and doesn't do his chores on time because his nose is always in some book he has no business reading.

Auntie Yu has had enough. She tells JFM it's Cloud Recesses Boarding School or the little brat is going back out on the street!

Little A-Xian hears this and he doesn't quite cry, because Mama always told him it feels better to smile, but he does sniffle a bit before falling asleep.

In the morning when Uncle Jiang asks if he wants to go to a new school he says yes.

And then he's being shipped off halfway across the country - away from grumpy JC and sweet JYL, who he'd only just met - to a school where he doesn't know anyone.

Of course, he gets in trouble. He always does.

He doesn't mean to. He thinks maybe he's just bad.

Headmaster Lan Qiren seems to have something personal against him, but his teacher - Lan Qiren's nephew, Mr. Lan Xichen - is really nice.

He's soft with little A-Xian, seeming to understand him better than he understands himself.

He says A-Xian is a good boy.

WWX isn't sure he believes him, but Mr Lan Xichen is almost always right about everything so he doesn't question how he knows A-Xian is good.

The thing is, Lan Xichen is right. The difference between him and A-Xian's old teachers is that he pays attention to A-Xian. He sees him.

And what he sees breaks his heart.

It may not be the same exactly, but his little brother is around A-Xian's age - just a grade higher - and so, so similar - if in the opposite direction.

Where A-Xian is boisterous, little Zhan-er is too quiet. Where A-Xian is so interested in learning, needing to know everything about EVERYTHING, right now! Zhan-er has a few special interests that captivate him.

He seems standoffish, so the other children exclude him, but Zhan-er knows ALL about rabbits, for example, and reads poetry far beyond his age level, and - oddly enough - can answer any question about ancient blacksmithing techniques you throw at him.

Both boys are very smart, and so very different from their peers.

For Zhan-er this is because he's autistic

Lan Xichen thinks A-Xian might also be on the spectrum. He tries to contact the Jiangs about gaining permission to send him to the in-school psychiatrist, but receives nothing in reply.

It is...deeply concerning.

Lan Xichen brings his thoughts up with his uncle, who grumbles a little, but accepts that maybe it might be possible WWX needs a little extra help.

The next day Lan Xichen asks for A-Xian to stay after class alone. A-Xian is a little scared he's going to be scolded, but Lan Xichen bends down to his level and asks if he would like to meet someone really special.

"Yes!" A-Xian exclaims, excited.

Lan Xichen takes the boy's hand and leads him out the classroom, down the path to the old clan homes that still exist behind Cloud Recesses' campus

As they walk, Lan Xichen explains the history of his home, and A-Xian takes it all in with wide eyes.

Then, finally, they reach the-

"Bunnies!" A-Xian exclaims, already surging away from Lan Xichen with the slipperiness of a professional escape artist.

Lan Xichen chuckles under his breath.

They have arrived at the bunny field.

Zhan-er, who had been told they would be joined today by another boy, frowns at his brother with betrayal, a rabbit held firmly in his arms.

Lan Xichen can see already he's close to tears, so he catches A-Xian's hand and whispers to him.

"We must be very quiet. Bunnies are scared by loud noises."

A-Xian nods at him with wide eyes, closing his mouth tightly like he might even forget to breathe.

"This is Lan Zhan, my brother," Lan Xichen directs A-Xian's attention to where Zhan-er sits scowling amongst the gentians.

"Hello Lan Zhan," A-Xian whisper-yells. "I'm A-Xian."

Lan Xichen hides a grin as Zhan-er nods and points at one of his favourite bunnies - a small Holland lop called Orchid.

"She will play," he murmurs, and then he turns back to the bunny in his arms, hiding his face in her soft fur.

For Zhan-er it is as good as a seal of approval.

Lan Xichen watches as the boys play together and feels a pleasant warmth swell in his stomach. They do get along so nicely. He hopes they become good friends.

As he predicted, the playdate is not a one off event. Soon enough it becomes a daily occurrence, with A-Xian getting antsy if it is cancelled, and Zhan-er getting close to a meltdown.

The boys are friends - best friends - and while they sometimes clash, their troubles are soon forgotten.

They are good for one another - mindful of each other's limits and differences.

Lan Xichen has never seen his brother so open, nor so happy.

Which is why when the Jiang family decide to pull A-Xian out of Cloud Recesses due to financial difficulties, he must protest.

His words fall on deaf ears.

A-Xian cries when he hears the news. He grabs onto Lan Xichen's leg, begging not to go. Zhan-er however goes quiet…

…Before he starts screaming with the lung capacity of a professional opera singer.

It is ear-splitting.

This is how JFM finds them half an hour later, when he arrives to take A-Xian with him.

"Please," Lan Xichen begs. "Can't we do anything to allow him to stay?"

JFM looks between the three of them - the distressed LXC; the red faced A-Xian and Zhan-er (currently sobbing as he bites chunks out of his own arm).

He goes quiet for a moment. He sighs.

"Are you sure you want him?" he asks, as if hoping the answer will be no.

Lan Xichen almost sobs. "Yes. Yes, yes, more than anything."

With a torn expression, JFM offers up A-Xian's adoption papers.

The process is surprisingly easy, and takes little time to approve.

And then, A-Xian - WWX - is theirs.

When Zhan-er hears the news he runs up to A-Xian and hugs him like one of his bunnies.

"Mine," he says seriously, landing a sloppy kiss on the apple of A-Xian's cheek.

A-Xian giggles and returns the gesture.

"Lan Zhan's!" he declares shyly.

And…hmm.

Lan Xichen will cross that bridge when they come to it. For now, he really needs a nap.

And an appointment for A-Xian with the school psychiatrist.

(He does, indeed, have ADHD, and performs much better with the proper accommodations in place to aid him)

--

This is the song, by the way. The first time I heard it, I cried so hard my dog came and stood over me. I think he legit thought I hurt myself 😂

[areyoudoingthis]

what I really love about this show is that not only is it great but it also manages to be open and honest about mental health and every time I go back to it I get reminded that we are all constantly trying to figure out who we are and how to live our best lives and we all need help on the way there

I'm having a very rebecca bunch moment about my diagnosis

[antiendovents]

Sorry for sending so many vents in succession but I also recently told my mom about an idea to subtly show who's fronting in public without saying anything and she went "But you don't have multiple personality disorder"

...woman... why do you think you've been taking me to the psychiatrist.. who specializes in this... also it.. isn't called that.. || I should mention this isn't the first time she's done this. When I was a kid and got diagnosed with ADHD, she would always tell me it wasn't an actual disorder and that I didn't need to take my medication. So I didn't. And because I didn't, it got worse. She's consistently done this for every diagnosis I've ever had.

Anyway said idea came from the fact i own an absurd amount of necklaces and earrings and it was basically that each alter would choose a kewlery as "theirs" and we'd just wear the jewelry based on who's fronting

thats just .. so confusing. Your mother sounds like an idiot. I'm sorry you have to deal with that

But on a lighter topic that idea is really good!

[hismercytomyjustice]

Today’s therapy session went a little like this…

Therapist: You have to feel and acknowledge your feelings.

Me: no, 💖

But in all seriousness… Yet again found myself being like “Yay, the OCD spirals have been almost nonexistent lately!”

Only to, in the middle of talking to her about something, realize “…oh shit, my drive for perfectionism is another OCD spiral isn’t it..?”

My Therapist: ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

GODDAMMIT.

But I also found out last week (when I finally saw a psychiatrist at my therapist and doctor’s behest) that the typical dose for OCD of my current meds is 2-3x higher than what I’ve been on for the past like two years. Apparently that dose was more suited to “generalized anxiety” and not, in fact, for “OCD brain ghosts.”

So that’s getting bumped up. And my Adderall is probably going to get bumped up too. It hasn’t been doing much for me for a while now and I’m on a really low dose for it.

The psychiatrist also said we need to figure out whether or not I have autism because that’s going to greatly impact what she prescribes. Basically she wants to help me rather than medicate my brain into submission lol. Which I def appreciate!

I also met with the autism specialist my therapist recommended (whaaaat having OCD means you’re more likely to have autism???) who kept asking me things and was just giving me very “uh huh” looks the whole time accompanied by “Yes, that’s an autistic trait. That too. And that.”

But like, she’s asking me questions to sort out stuff like special interests and I’m just like what qualifies as a special interest and not a hyperfixation or a normal amount of interest? What is a normal amount of interest?

Same with questions like “are you a picky eater.” Like, what does that mean? By whose standards? What is the scale we’re working with here?

It does not help that a good chunk of my family and friends bare minimum at least have ADHD. Because I’m sitting there comparing myself to them and I’m pretty sure it’s a bit of a “Spiders Georg” situation.

Like…what is a normal amount of research when it comes to things you’re interested in? Because I don’t know everything about Mount Everest. But for like a month or so there, I was trying to learn everything I could about it. Wouldn’t that be a hyperfixation then? But I only eased up because I wasn’t coming across much in the way of new info, so IDK.

Same for like…what is considered a normal amount of liking a particular piece of media? Doesn’t everyone have stuff they enjoy and want to learn more about? And like…there are plenty of people who know more about POTO than I do. Not among my immediate friends and family, but I’ve seen them out on the internet. I know they exist.

What’s an ADHD level of sensory issues vs an autism level? And what’s an OCD level of liking things to be the same way vs an autism level? (╯°□°）╯

She can’t give me a formal diagnosis, as she does more like…autistic life coaching, but she did say she has someone she recommends for full blown testing if I want to get a second opinion, so that’s something I can consider.

It would just be the bee’s knees if my OCD didn’t keep sending me into spirals over this. I have had multiple qualified people tell me I probably have it now, and the ONE person who I got an actual assessment from (who never met me because she was just the assessor’s supervisor) is the only one who’s like “eh, not enough.”

Which just keeps sending me in “it’s not autism, it’s just the perfect combo of OCD and ADHD to make people think you have autism” loops.

God it’s so fucking annoying being in my brain sometimes.

Most times.

All the time.

But hopefully over the next few weeks I can get a solid answer on that front one way or another so I can stop ruminating on it. Whaaat reassurance seeking behavior??? In this economy?!

[bigmammallama5]

mammallama if you have energy how did you find your adhd dr? I know I could use one but I'm trying to fight the inertia of getting a dr because of all the experiences of previous medical professionals not listening to me. thank you for reading!

Hey, I've got a little energy! You get my one level seven spell slot for the day lol

I am very fortunate that I have a primary care doctor that takes my concerns seriously and pointed me in the direction of my current specialist. I also have two very wonderful best friends with ADHD who gently slid my wig back and told me "go get tested, you sound like me". I recognize not everyone is lucky to have doctors that listen to them so this answer will be based off of my limited experience and local healthcare in my state in America, so please keep these as general suggestions! And I know it's hard to advocate for your own health, trust me I get it lol, but please stick with it. It's worth it to get the answers at the very least so you can start adjusting.

So if you have a PCP try asking them for places that are in your insurance network that could help you get tested/write you a referral letter if needed. I would suggest first looking for a behavioral therapist that specializes in diagnosing ADHD (like mine does) and treatment. I can't get actual cognitive behavioral therapy from them but they help me keep track of my ADHD and navigate my medication stuff. The extra special thing about my doctor is she was also diagnosed as an adult, so she truly understands to a certain degree of what I'm dealing with. Looking at her during my first visit was like looking into the future of the person I can be with the right help. Having a doctor that has what you have is incredibly valuable.

If you can't find a specialist, I would suggest looking for a psychiatrist that specializes in diagnosing and treating ADHD. You can also get diagnosed by a psychologist but I don't think they can actually prescribe medications? But either of those professionals will be able to test and diagnose you!

If you have trouble networking, my therapist suggested looking on Facebook (I know I know) for local/state groups that can help you connect with doctors in your area. You'd be surprised at how ready people are to help others find the care providers they need! You may not even have to ask, there may be a list of medical professionals that you can look over.

I will warn you that depending on where you go it's going to probably cost a fair amount. Even with my therapist's office taking my insurance my testing was still over 400 bucks, but in the end it was worth it for me. I will also warn you that some testing can be quite lengthy from what I hear, taking multiple sessions depending on the professional you're seeing. My testing and diagnoses took a little less than three hours and that's why I'd suggest looking for an ADHD behavioral therapist first. They know exactly what they're looking for and know you're there specifically for that test.

Another tip I can give you is frame your reason for testing as simply needing answers to improve your quality of life. Have that in writing. Don't even mention medication other than "I would explore that if you deem it a viable option for treatment." Getting medication right now is difficult if not downright impossible for some of us, so I would frame your needs on getting yourself picked up and put together. That's really what you need first anyways. Answers.

Be warned ADHD may also come with a side of fries (other general disabilities like OCD/OCD tendencies, anxiety, depression, ect ect that are often the result of untreated ADHD).

ADHD is legally considered a developmental disability and protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Know your rights!

In the meantime I always suggest taking a look through https://www.additudemag.com/ for information about symptoms and research and all that stuff. This is a trusted source that my therapist's office shares with all of their patients! The articles are kept up to date as new research is made available and is laid out in such a way that it's easy for people with ADHD to read and navigate. It's also a great source for parents that have kiddos with ADHD, so pass that around if you know someone who's struggling!

I do hope that your past experiences with poor doctors won't keep you from seeking testing. I can promise you not all of them are like that, and I hope you can find someone who will listen to you and take your concerns seriously!

[the-cookie-of-doom]

I'm taking Mental Health Nursing this semester, and it's going to be fun. I have been struggling to get treatment for my depression bc

1. I spent a long time not wanting to get on antidepressants 2. got on antidepressants and then felt worse 3. got on Adderall which helped some things but still didn't fix the depression (shocker) and 4. now that I'm ready to get back on antidepressants, can't, bc they react very very badly with Adderall

I really need an actual psychiatrist (y'know, the people who specifically specialize in psych drugs? and their interactions?) which is impossible to find out here, to the point my school director almost committed me to the ER last fall just so I could get seen by someone in patient. I told her thank you very much but they will not let me leave, ma'am. and I have tests on Tuesday.

A family practice NP, not my usual, tried to put me on Wellbutrin when I went for my Adderall refill. Wellbutrin does very bad things with Adderall. Like. You are specifically not supposed to combine them. Which she would have known if that was her specialty, which it isn't. Ironically I was also there asking for a psych referral to avoid this exact thing. (She kept pushing the drug on me despite repeated refusals, then wrote the prescription anyway, and now I keep getting notifications to pick it up even though I told them I didn't want it/wouldn't take it. like 3 weeks ago.)

Lucky for me, being a nursing student and having a special interest in pharmacology/medications, I knew better than to just take what was given. I'm in a place where I have the knowledge to self-advocate. I may not know what I do need, but I definitely recognize the things that will hurt me.

But now!! With Mental Health!! Which has a ton of focus on drugs!! I'm starting to make some progress. It's helping me learn what to look for/ask for and I'm v excited, bc now it feels like I'm closer to being able to get the help I need.

I found an antidepressant that was developed specifically to treat ADHD and !! It's exciting!! Bc it should also help treat the depression, too. And if it does work well enough for the ADHD I wouldn't have to keep taking the Adderall, but I'm reluctant to get off it bc it was so hard to get that prescription in the first place. I would rather be depressed but still able to study, then get on another med that doesn't help at all.

Anyway. Healthcare is fascinating and drugs are cool <3

[copperbadge]

ADHD anon here (by the way, i'm not that young, i'm just not in a position to leave). thank you very much for your very clear, very thought out response. i will try to follow your advice, although i think, for her sake, i'll still insist on her reading up on the subject. maybe she'll do it eventually? i think it would help her if she understood more about it than just "ADHD=bad" and "nothing can be done about my problems", which seems to be her idea.

i would just like to mention that she's never, like, forgotten meals or to cook for us or anything. outwardly she's always -seemed- very organised and put together (well. screaming at the drop of a hat aside), which is why it took until now, when it got worse, for her to be diagnosed, i think.

again, thank you very much. you gave me a lot to think about, and a useful-looking resource, too.

I mean, I certainly wish you luck of trying -- for one, I genuinely hope your mother is able to see that she's harming you and put a stop to it. If I were in your place and wanted to still try and effect change, I will say I would put emphasis on finding a doctor willing to try medication and giving it a shot (look for psychiatrists who specialize in medication management and adult ADHD). It really has been a life changer for me and other late-life diagnosis people I've spoken to.

I'm glad to hear your physical needs are met; one of the things I was concerned about was that impulsivity and lack of emotional regulation can make people do very risky things with their own lives and those around them as well. It's still very wrong of her to treat you as she does, but I don't discount the value of bare-minimum physical safety.

I hope you do take to heart that this isn't your fault and that even if you can't leave, there are buffers you can put into place. (Sorry about the assumption of youth -- I did wonder if I was going a little hard on that in the response.) I sympathize with not being able to leave.

In any case, I hope the diagnosis leads to only good things for both you and her! And clearly the readership here is pulling for you, so you have people wishing for a strong outcome.

Normally I might wait or queue the response but this is context people may wish to have if commenting on the earlier post, so I thought it best to get it out there sooner rather than later.

[dollsonmain]

Saw another instavid by a person who may or may not have been the type of person they claimed to be (psychiatrist specializing in children of narcissists) and who had a very intense, non-blinking stare which I find unsettling in a way that must be deliberate, but she did get me thinking.

The gist of her video was "Why aren't we nice to narcissists?" even though narcissistic personality disorder is a personality disorder that comes into being due to trauma, and went on to explain that we're nice to people with developmental or personality disorders that result in similar behaviors like BPD, ADHD, Autism, etc. but there's no pity or

I've lost the actual word she used

no leeway or we aren't kind and patient with a narcissist.

Why is that?

She went on to say that it's because, unlike everyone else, a narcissist is causing harm to others on purpose. She mentioned studies but didn't cite them.

There have been times where I've questioned whether or not That Guy's cruelty is deliberate manipulative control tactics or stems from unchecked anxiety, but then she said that if you tell a narcissist that what they've said or done has hurt you, they'll say something like "That's your problem, not mine." because hurting you as a tactic to control you was their intent.

That kind of made me stop, because I can remember trying to tell That Guy that the way he acts was hurtful for the whole time we were together (it's been a long time, and yes if I were able to safely do so I'd have left already. no one stays in a situation like this if they don't have to) and every time he'd respond with something like "You're over it." or "Just don't get mad." like me being angry about something was the problem and not the something he did.

That lady may or may not have been a psychiatrist like she claimed, none of the "doctors" on instagram can really prove they are doctors at all, so I take everything they say with a grain of salt but often they hit the nail on the head.

[autism-unfiltered]

Am I being crazy? My online male friend does not believe that I have autism because his friend who he claims acts exactly like I do online got tested and he doesn’t have autism………

But like…….. I suffered and struggled a lot in school making friends and keeping them, excelled academically and had special interests, didn’t realize I was being bullied and riled up, my high school classmates thought I showed signs of autism, my classmates literally asked their special Ed teacher if I had it and she said maybe but I don’t know, I literally have medical records stating it was inconclusive that I have it, my therapist who only knew me for nine months said I show a textbook case, and my psychiatrist believes that I have it as well judging from our interactions for months……… my medical records misdiagnosed me as having speech handicaps when I was and am hyplexic and echoloc and all that like how am I supposed to prove anything but medically that I 99% have autism? I have the genetic component as well since my dad likely also has it…….. wtf am I supposed to do? That’s weird right? It’s not like I had tiktok and was like yeah I’m autistic this was a years thing

You're definitely not being crazy. Your experience and feelings are valid, and it's important to trust your own understanding of yourself, especially when it's supported by medical professionals.

Autism is a complex and highly individualized spectrum disorder. It presents differently in each person, making diagnosis challenging. The fact that you've been identified by a therapist and psychiatrist as likely having autism based on your interactions and symptoms is significant. Moreover, your struggles in social situations, academic performance, and the observations of your classmates all align with common experiences of those on the autism spectrum.

Your medical records indicating an inconclusive diagnosis are not uncommon in such complex cases. Additionally, considering the potential genetic factor – with your father likely having autism – it's important to acknowledge that if you are female, the likelihood of inheriting autism might be lower compared to males due to genetic variations. Furthermore, in families where autism is present, there can be a higher occurrence of comorbid conditions, such as ADHD or anxiety disorders. This means that even if autism is not inherited, other related conditions might be more common in these families.

Regarding your friend's skepticism, it's crucial to understand that no two individuals with autism are the same. Just because someone else shows similar behaviors but doesn't have autism doesn't invalidate your experience or diagnosis. Each person's brain and life experiences are unique, and what holds true for one person may not apply to another.

In terms of what to do, continuing to work with your healthcare providers is key. They can offer the most personalized and professional guidance. Remember, your understanding of your own experiences and feelings is valid, and it's important to prioritize that over the doubts of others, especially when it comes to your mental and emotional health.

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

so I keep learning about The Horrors™️ of American healthcare and I keep hearing Americans talk abt this shit like it’s totally fine and let me tell y’all. It’s not. Apparently and ADHD or Autism test costs like 500$ for you guys? And then when you do get diagnosed you gotta think abt shit like “okay but do I actually need meds?” Bc apparently that’s a financial decision? But it,,, it shouldn’t be right? Right okay bc

I live in Europe, specifically Austria, and this is how healthcare works here: if you have a job you have healthcare. Your employer pays for it. They have to. It’s absolutely illegal and unheard of not to. They do take about 20% out of your pay-check every month to pay for that and other legal things that I don’t quite understand (my dad explained it to me once but I’m 20 so I still don’t get it bc I don’t really have to but every cent they take out benefits me I think so it’s fine).

Now irl this is a lot more complicated but basically, you have public healthcare and private healthcare and then just stuff that’s up to the government (like ambulance rides, I think. Even if you don’t have insurance u don’t pay for that. I know this bc an American friend of mine didn’t and had to go to the hospital and called a cab and when they told me I was like “??? BRO WHY NO AMBULANCE” this is also how I found out that Americans have to pay for ambulance rides. wtf.)

Basically your insurance covers all medical expenses from doctors who are in your network (public practice). This is your GP, hospitals, and pretty much all specialised docs (dentist, internists, cardiologists, etc.). However, the public offices are much busier than the private ones (obvi) so if you’re in a rush, want special treatment, or just be a little fancy you can CHOOSE to pay for private doctors. And even then you can hand in those bills to your insurance and you get part of the money back (abt 30% which you receive abt 4 months after handing the bill in).

If you keep your bills for private care doctors you can hand them in to,,, someone somewhere somehow (idk man) and get a bigger tax return. (bc we don’t calculate our taxes ourselves. it just gets taken out of your pay-check by your employer every month and then at the end of the,,, fiscal year??? I guess?? Idk man idk how shit works — you get any money that was like,,, extra (????) back)

Now you might ask yourself: “phi, why would I pay for doc if I can go to free doc?” Which is an excellent question. Again, for most people it’s about waiting times but there is one field where it just really makes more sense: mental health services. Private practitioners have less clients and more high quality care than public ones because they choose their own funding, which, surprise surprise, is better than public funding.

I will now take you through my own personal journey so you can have a practical example of how good healthcare CAN AND SHOULD BE (keep in mind here I have parents who after messing me up and being terrible but learning their lessen once I became an adult and told them how horrible they were are very supportive of me pursing my mental health)

When I was about to turn 20 I went to my GP and had a conversation with her about how I think I might have ADHD. She asked me about my complaints and agreed there definitely are symptoms indicating it. She wrote me a referral to a Psychiatrist. When I got to my Psychiatrist she tested me and because of the referral she could tell the insurance company that this test was necessary and not elective, meaning insurance payed for it in full and I never even saw that bill.

Now I had a diagnosis all but a week later. I spoke to my parents who agreed to support me in finding private care. My Psychiatrist charges 160€ (insurance returns 48€) per appointment which my mum graciously pays for. I see him once every couple of months to check in on my use of medication and how I’m responding and to see if my dosis needs adjustment. If and when I need a refill, I only have to write him an email. Before he could put me on medication I needed a blood draw and cardiac test, to ensure that I qualified for a stimulant, since they can be harmful in some cases. He wrote me referrals and I went to my GP and a public cardiologist for those tests, which were all free of ANY charge.

I was then cleared to take my meds within a few weeks (cardiologist had a bit of a waiting list). I was prescribed Ritalin and some sleeping pills by my psychiatrist. He gives me the prescriptions and a letter to the insurance company asking them to cover the cost, as I have a diagnosis which he confirmed again in his initial assessment of me. Now that I’ve gotten approved, all I pay for is the prescription, not the actual medication. Which is about 6-7€ for the Ritalin and 4-5€ for the sleeping pills (monthly supply each).

My Therapist is also a private doctor. She charges 120€ per session and I go twice a month, which is 240€ per month. My dad contributes 100€ and my mum contributes 30€, which means I’m down to 110€ per month. Insurance pays 30€ per session (so 60€ per month) so I pay a grand total of 50€ or 25€ per session.

So my medical treatment each month costs me just about 62€ AT MOST (since I don’t always need my sleeping pills refilled).

Now, just for fun, let’s assume my parents don’t support me and I see both my therapist and my psychiatrist in the same month and need both my meds refilled. This would come to just about 304€ (because of insurance deductions).

But you have to consider that I DON’T see my psychiatrist every month, so the more realistic monthly cost would be 187€. And should I decide I can’t pay for that I can still get on a waiting list for public mental health practitioners, in which case the only thing I’d ever need to pay for are the prescription costs for my medication which would still be up to 7€ for the Ritalin and up to 5€ for the sleeping pills putting the grand total at 12€ PER MONTH.

My family and I simply chose the quicker, more efficient option, but no one twisted our arm into paying this amount of money FOR BASIC CARE.

And yes, it’s a lot of bureaucracy (it took me WAY too long to spell that) and paperwork, but I’d much rather that than have to decide between mental well-being or being broke.

So, my conclusion: Cancel America, move to Europe, OR just tell the American People In Charge Men that it is that easy and they really should try a little harder and you citizens shouldn’t settle for the shit you have to put up with right now because wtf

if you wanna cry a little it’s okay lemme know I’ll come sit with you and offer a hug but you can say no if that’s not your thing

anyways love ya

phi

[theoldaeroplane]

Man; this last year has been so strange for me in terms of my perception of myself.

It has been not quite a year since I said to my [redacted] that my fussiness over people at my work not following any sensible structure in their code was so strong that you would almost think I'm autistic. I'm not sure why it was that idle thought, specifically, that made me start researching what having autism actually looks like. It was such a tremendous breakthrough for me once I started reading, in a way it hasn't been for some friends that have offhandedly mentioned they thought they might be autistic. (It's possible they're having their own breakthroughs in private, but I don't think so.)

Suddenly I had Explanations for why I am the way I am. I had the language. I didn't have to constantly fall back on "I guess I'm just overly sensitive" or "I'm weird like that" with no obvious cause.

On the heels of this, and I mean like three weeks after I started reading, I began to suspect I might have ADHD as well. I've suspected this in the past, I even took a test, but I was told I didn't have it. And they were the professional, and I paid hundreds of dollars for that test, so surely it meant I didn't have it, right? My problems with time and attention and memory must just be quirks. I must just not care enough.

Buddy.

Earlier this year I finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist, who asked me some questions and gave me a prescription. It had to change a few times before we found one that balanced side effects and symptom relief.

I can't tell you how strange it's been to watch my perception of myself change. For most of my life, I was told I was weird, lazy, that I didn't care enough, that I was too sensitive, that I needed to try harder, that I had so much potential I wasn't living up to, that I was acting different on purpose, that I thought I was so special. I internalized all of it. I believed all of it. What else could I do? I was a kid. Something was wrong and the adults in my life decided it was those things.

No one ever thought I might be autistic. No one ever suggested I might have ADHD. Not even my dad, who also has ADHD, who is probably autistic himself.

I do my best not to be bitter. The world was different when I was a kid. Information was hard to come by and we were poor. For all that I've come to hate my mother I understand that she herself was struggling heavily with her own mental health. I'm angry I slipped under the radar, but I don't know if anyone can really be blamed. And being angry can't change the past. All I can do now is move forward.

I have to remind myself, often, that I am a good person. (The fact I was raised to believe that all people are inherently wicked is another post.) That I am trying my best, and operating under a fundamentally broken system that is intolerant to people who don't fit its borders. That if the screaming and shaming and self-flagellating were going to work they would have done so by now. That my brain is built in such a way that causes it to constantly feel both over- and under-stimulated. That I'm not broken.

I was, as the story goes, a cygnet being raised by ducks, who simply got more and more frustrated when their strange duckling did not act the way a duckling should.

Well. I guess I'm a swan now. A swan with baggage, which is a funny image. I can't quack, but I can trumpet. And I have wings so powerful that they can break bones. (Just go with the metaphor.) More importantly, I know I'm not a duck, and I'm learning I don't have to keep trying to be one.

[hismercytomyjustice]

Lmaoooo.

Met with the psychiatrist for the first time today solely regarding getting my meds sorted (since OCD and ADHD meds don’t always get along). And at the end she was just like “You’re checking a lot of boxes for AuDHD, though I know we’ve only met once so far.”

SO I’M NOT COMPLETELY OFF BASE IN WONDERING.

I’m meeting with yet another lady next week who specializes in autism, so I’m hoping she can give me the final say on that front. So far I have 3 out of 4 therapists/psychiatrists who are pretty confident I have autism lol. The only one who said I “wasn’t autistic enough” never met or spoke to me.

So. Whee~!