#she’s my only other one all caught up
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Ooo the flirtier flirt with Theron has at least minor changes based on your class, that’s fun.
#queen in space#swtor spoilers#went with eisza#I really wanna get a mando through#she’s my only other one all caught up#and she had a different phrasing for that flirt than Vica did :3#if it is different for each class it’s lucky I have one of each for him Hehehe
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Hello! I'd like to request "There's an 80% chance of this working out" from List 5 with Mahiru and Mikoto! Horoscope Girl and Tarot Boy...what will they do...
Ooh this one was so fun, thank you!! It was really neat learning about tarot :0 (It'll take a bit longer, but I got carried away with the idea and also started writing something of Mikoto doing a reading for Fuuta hehe). It always makes me sad that Mahiru doesn’t trust Mikoto at first, so it was really fun to picture them bonding over things like this during T1! I never thought of them having that in common and my mind has been opened to this duo asdfsdfds
“Alright, I’m going to need you to manifest your energy as hard as you can.”
Mahiru squeezed her eyes shut. Her face scrunched up in concentration. She let out a little hum of effort as she poured all her emotions into the card deck under her fingertips.
“Uh… maybe not that hard, Mappi.”
She looked up with a giggle. “Right, right! I’m just so curious!” Well, she was curious about how a tarot reading itself would go, not about what it would tell her. Mahiru was fairly confident of her upcoming verdict, and the cards would only confirm it. So far only one prisoner had been named guilty, and everyone could see he was just a bully. Mahiru was nothing like him. She would be forgiven. She just knew it.
Mikoto started shuffling the cards. “Are you ready?”
“Oh, yes!”
To be honest, she’d had her suspicions about Mikoto for a while. His smile was too perfect at all hours of the day. (Even someone as cheery as her knew a smile like that couldn’t be consistently real.) She’d seen enough cheaters who chatted as easily as he could with everyone here. His nicknaming habit was a cute one, but she was keeping her eye on how informally he acted with little basis for friendship. She knew for sure he was a dangerous flirt when he’d grabbed her palm to read her fortune, launching into talk of life and love lines. However, none of that meant he was lying about his tarot expertise -- so who was she to refuse his offer to read her cards?
Her eyes glimmered as she watched Mikoto lay out three cards before her. Though he used the same theatrics he had for the others, she was just as entranced. It was just so magical, she thought.
Mikoto circled his palms over the cards. “We’re going to begin by looking at the past and present to get a bit of perspective before we move on to what your future will hold, alright?” He’d already explained that the cards couldn’t read one’s future as much as they offered self-awareness. He said it was all about being in tune with oneself, and the world. She was sure someone like him was already perfectly aligned within himself, but she could admit her heart carried her away at times…
Mahiru held her breath as he flipped the first card. She studied his face for any trace of negativity. Seeing her worry, he slipped back into his usual smile. “For the past, we have the Reversed Page of Cups,” he said. “This suit deals with emotions and intuition.”
Mahiru nodded, excited at the accuracy. Her past certainly had its share of intense feelings.
“This card in particular may mean emotional insecurity, or immaturity. It could also point to an avoidance of reality, something that’s not being faced head-on.”
She nodded, with a little less excitement this time.
“It also represents a specific person who influences you.” His face lit up, recalling Mahiru’s favorite topic. “Pages can represent a companion! Is there a romantic someone in your life who may have been causing some emotional insecurity?”
Picking up on the way her face paled, he said quickly, “or maybe not! They could be a messenger, or a childlike figure, or…” He reached for the next card. “Moving on, uh, to the present. Ah! This is a really good sign.”
She perked up.
“Here’s Justice. It’s fairly self-explanatory, representing the consequences that follow your actions. It’s about cause and effect, and accountability. It means things are happening according to karma, which is natural.”
He turned over the last card. “And finally, when looking to the future, we’ve got the Two of Swords. Swords deal with the mind -- conflict and communication. That’s… interesting.”
Mahiru’s eyes grew round. “What’s interesting?” She slid the card closer to herself, studying the picture. A blindfolded woman with two swords. There was water, and the moon. Was that bad? Was the woman unhappy? She was all alone. What did that mean?
“Don’t worry,” Mikoto soothed. “It just means you’ll make a big choice. Well, actually, it means you’ll get stuck, so you need to make a choice. I just thought it was funny, we’re here wondering about Es’ decision, but it turns out you’re the one who needs to make a decision.”
“Ah,” she breathed a sigh of relief.
“Now we can look at the big picture. It seems like some of your past problems may have come from emotional issues, so you’ll want to keep an eye on your emotions going forward.” Mahiru shifted. “The fact that we pulled Justice should reassure you about being here. I’ve heard some of the others complain that they don’t belong here, or it’s all a mistake, but this card is showing you that it’s just cause and effect. The events of your life are running their natural course.”
It was true, even she had been unhappy that her actions were being labeled that of a murderer. After all, those were an entirely different breed of people, right? Someone like Fuuta, who was guilty. People like her and Mikoto could never raise a hand to another. It was good to know, then, that this was all meant to be.
“And going forward, you’re gonna want to make sure you’re being decisive. Face your problems head-on, and communicate. If you can do that, things will be alright.” He folded his hands on the table, finished his reading.
Mahiru thought for a moment. A smile crept onto her face, growing larger and brighter by the second. She clasped her hands together. “That’s wonderful! Thank you so much for doing this. It’s told me everything I need to know.”
“Yeah?” He picked the cards up, shuffling them back into the deck. She pulled a slip of paper from her pocket, pointing to some lines scribbled down.
“Yes. I’ve been jotting down some birthdays, see? I’ve had to make a few guesses until I get more information, but if Es is either a Scorpio or a Virgo… as a Capricorn myself… we’re very compatible, look! Capricorns have excellent communication with both of those signs, and you said that’s what I’ll need to get through this tough decision.” She turned the paper over to reveal more notes. “On top of that, my extraction is scheduled right before my birthday, during Capricorn’s governing period. At that time, things will be aligned more in my favor.”
Mikoto’s eyebrows raised at her notes, impressed. “Wow! You have this all worked out, huh? If that’s the case, you seem very prepared to have a successful interrogation.”
She steepled her fingers. “I’d say there’s an 80% chance of this working out!”
“Definitely!”
He returned her beaming smile. Things would be perfect. Nothing to worry about.
#milgram#mikoto kayano#mahiru shiina#*narrator voice* and then she didnt communicate or face her conflict head-on.#it was too late to switch pov but im obsessed with how many tarot resources talk about being in tune with yourself and your identity#being secure and aware of your own mind#and just how clever it is that the symbol was chosen for mikoto...#tihtbilwy released just a few days before her birthday - thats so cute!#featuring @snakes-and-fluff's hc that mikoto can do palm reading and other things! i really loved that#there must have been such a crazy atmosphere in the prison during mahirus interrogation/verdict#halfway through all interrogations and only one person voted guilty - and hes the most obviously brash and loud one#i feel like everyone would be feeling really safe -- an then someone as sweet as mahiru gets her verdict. everyone would start to worry#if anyone who knows more about tarot/astrology sees any glaring flaws let me know lmao -- i did my best looking things up 👍#thank you so much for the request!! it was such a blast#(though also im yelling at you for sending it because ive been roped into reading my partners grandmothers cards possibly daily after#she caught me looking stuff up 😂😂😂)#drabbles
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neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"
#yesterday i was At Work#i opened alone (we are so fucking understaffed)#at like 945 (coworker came in at 10) these two women-#who until now have done NOTHING managery. they have walked around and talked to each other and asked questions#come up and in a pissy voice like um why hasn't group started#i say i'm the only one back here#'well can't you start ONE group?'#no...im the only one back here#'can you start individuals?' yeah i'll ask [host lead]#(annoyed voice) 'um why do you have to ask her?' because i'm not a lead so she's in charge?#(angry voice) well WE are GENERAL MANAGERS and we are TELLING YOU to do SOMETHING like START INDIVIDUALS#like. chill i am literally just some guy and i am the only guy back here#i also feel its worth noting that apparently since they caught me in the hallway they assumed i hadn't been doing anything#when in reality i hadnt sat down since i got to work. all i did was doing things. there is more to my job than Watch Dogs. especially when#im the only guy doing any of the anything#and i couldnt start individuals immediately because i had to do spot cleans. because i prioritized Not Letting Dogs Sit In Their Own Shit#before dog getting some playtime#like. yes i am a Lower Level Employee. yes i havent worked here that long. but i have worked here longer than you#and im gonna take a wild guess that i care about the dogs more than you#also worth noting that i got no breaks that day (if you work a 6+ hour shift you get a 30 and a 15 at my work)#so i sat down for a total of 5 minutes and that was to take a piss#for context. i worked 7 hours. 6:15am to 1:15pm.#so i have a Bad Feeling about these new general managers. really hope im wrong and this is a one-off thing but. ohhhhh boy
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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“Hearts on Fire,” Moon Knight: City of the Dead (Vol. 1/2023), #2.
Writer: David Pepose; Penciler: Marcelo Ferreira; Inker: Jay Leisten; Colorer: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Moon Knight: City of the Dead#Moon Knight comics#latest release#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Scarlet Scarab#Layla el-Faouly#after all one of my favorite themes of Moon Knight comics (and some of my other comics) is people not really living until after they’ve die#died at least once that is#and what a classically Marc way to downplay all the great moral and ethical development that went down before he ‘caught the wrong bullet’#but since Layla brings it up makes me wonder exactly how much she knew about the system#or perhaps she only ever got ahold of some old medical records or his discharge papers????
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The most openly bratty/fussy Alhaitham anyone can ever get is when he is sick, send tweet-
#hc; alhaitham#//He feels so gross & icky; everything & anything gets So overwhelming; he LOATHES getting sick so much#//WILL make it anyone’s problem if they try pushing him for whatever reason; even if he’s the slightest bit sick#//The only person he’d actively try NOT to ‘inconvenience’ is Kaveh#//But that’s bc he’s WELL aware Kaveh would try & make him being sick his business anyways if he found out#//Even if Haitham would rather he not—bc he knows 1) Kav’s got a lot on his plate & 2) Kav WILL get sick in the process#//Kav surprisingly does Not get whiney or anything when sick—rather; mans LOCKS TF IN#//He got so used to being alone and taking care of himself; mans would NOT ask for help until he is practically passing tf out#//And even THEN it’s begging whoever caught him to finish his task for him; not asking to be taken care of. Would be MORTIFIED if sb did#hc; kaveh#//Bc that’s there now jfbfb#//ANYWHO back on subject#//Haitham gets VERY clingy when sick. VERY clingy; VERY dependent and Vulnerable#//Around his trusted people; anyways#//But ye—if you’re friends; chances are he WILL hunt you down first above all when sick; esp if he had to go in for work#//And he WILL need a little help and attention; any and all of it that can be spared#//Or at the very least suggestions to help with the Ick until they are free to help him more#//In my mind's eye; Nahida is his most sought out friend in such times#//He'd curl up in the Sanctuary of Surasthana and nap the day away the Instant he gets inside. Esp bc she’d never turn him away#//She’d be fucken ECSTATIC to have him there; even make him a nice little place to sleep & everything; dim the lights & not let ANYONE in#//Best of all; she can’t get sick (by regular means) so she’s p safe. He wouldn't be as worried abt her catching anything he'd got#//Would dote so much on him; he’s like a baby brother to her#//Everyone in the rescue squad is basically just as well family to her too#//But he’s her favorite#//dendro god’s specialest boi (after Wanderer; ofc)#//Shh; no one tell the others jdhfbf#hc; nahida#//Whoop there’s that too hebfb
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some people really still treat drugs like it's a fun little thing and im trying SO hard not to get mad about it
#like okay so the set-up is this my flatmate (F) is chronically ill and is on immunosuppressants as well as a fuckton of other stuff#and she started smoking weed bc it's the only thing she's ever found that even touches her pain#ive NEVER had a problem with that ive never had a problem with WEED even IVE done it a couple times#but me and her have VERY different attitudes towards drugs#i came from a hometown where we were between two notoriously drug-high towns/cities and we get caught in a lot of the trading#between those towns so naturally my town just generated a fuck ton of dealers starting when they were like. thirteen years old#i saw it through my entire year i was exposed to class A drugs when i was like. fifteen at parties and shit#it's HUGE in my town i seriously can't express how much it's crippled the youth of my town#like my childhood best mate's brother literally got glassed bc he got into debt with dealers it's just everywhere#so that alone makes me very wary of drugs and like. the novelty of them is just NOT THERE for me at all i actively dislike them#AND THEN there's all the kids in my year that have died bc of substances. there's the phone call when i was AT A PARTY#that my seventeen year old cousin had OD'd. like that just summed it up for me it's so prevelant that i was at a party with drugs#while he was dying. so yeah wholeheartedly i couldn't give a shit about drugs i wont touch anything stronger than weed and even that#im not keen on. my flatmate however? she DOES drugs like she smokes regularly and she likes edibles#but she doesn't come from a druggy place so it's a weird combo of me (doesn't do drugs) knowing more than her (does do drugs)#and bc she's the one who actually does them she pure WONT LISTEN TO ME#and do u know what happened last night? this girl on IMMUNOSUPPRESSANTS got completely fucked#like drank 2/3 of a big bottle of vodka within an hour. and then she fucking went and did ket#and i literally was like 'that would be an awful idea anyway but ket you're REALLY supposed to not mix with alcohol'#like obvs mixing any high class drugs is bad news but ket is renowned for going bad with alcohol#i think it's bc it shuts off the opposite side of the brain that alcohol does? so taking both increases risk of shutting the whole thing of#or smthn. like people forget than an overdose isn't always fatal and i think bc they associate overdosing = dying#they assume the risk is EXTREMELY low especially when ur young and feel untouchable#AND THEN she smoked some weed as well. like i literally sat sober with her and her mate the entire time and again in the kitchen#bc i thought id distracted her from the weed and sitting with her she thought i was just hanging out#like NO BITCH IM MAKING SURE YOU DONT KHOLE BC YOU WERE TOO STUPID TO LISTEN TO ME#and i hardly slept last night bc i convinced myself when i woke up she'd be dead in her room#and we had such a nice day planned today like it's super sunny and me F and another mate are spending the whole day at the park#but she's just cancelled bc she feels too shit and im just. TRYING not to be angry about it#WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE SO DUMB
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ugh there it goes
#our promotion 😢😢#1st place is gone#today was tough our opponents were all way better than us#we only won 1 match out of 6#now they're leading our league well we should at least win our last matchday and get 2nd place#the no1 seed was in another league from ours 6:0 6:0 altough she's quite a good player at our club#we only won one doubles match altough they were not as good by far as their other players#and all the matches were quite one sided they were also way higher rated than us#i also lost my match 😫 altough it was quite close actually but that is even worse sometimes idk#i certainly could have won idk why i didn't i mean there were not many chances but they were there#i lost 5:7 4:6 ugh 😭#maybe with a better serve i would have won#but i was 5:4 up and i didn't win that point like that's when you have to be there and make it#i think this might just be one of my weaknesses i'm really good at conebacks and believing in that i'll win but i have to be more effective#and 'cold' when it matters sometimes i'm quite wasteful with my chances#i often make the craziest most difficult shots which are 'impossible' to get back but then fail at the easiest one's#especially in the crucial moments maybe i should play it safe more and be more patient#nah but winning that first set would have changed everything because 3rd sets are more likely to be my advantage with my speed and fitness#and in the 2nd i was just always one behind i always caught up but never went ahead#my serve also wasn't really there today and my 2nd serve is still too weak opponents take advantage and if i have a bad 1st serve percentage#like today it makes it difficult to win my own serve and i also made many double faults (4) 😕#i aced her once tho 🤪#but my serves are sometimes great but very inconsistent dependent on the day (the 2nd one always bad)#my backhand also wasn't as good as usualy i hit a lot of them out but it got better altough then i took many with my forehand which worked#and my opponent had riddiculous stops they wouldn't go up the ground again 🫠#and she was so good at net and also whenever i went there she'd pass me or lob me 😅#i gave up doing that very soon my best shot at this was just hitting winners and hitting balls deep to her forehand#i succeeded at that a couple of times but it was not enough#i mean i didn't play badly but what a shame#she was very nice though and very fair it was a pleasant match and she told me she was the best opponent she encountered in the league
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hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.
and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.
i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.
where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).
but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?
#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady#but i don't ACT on it#and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human.#and at work we're stuck together#the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness#that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever.#bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't#i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention#i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you#you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it#it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments#to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy#and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you#that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit#like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to#modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind#and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill#3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO.#i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen#and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way#and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her!#'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!!#and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused??#like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ?#personal#*exhales* okay i feel better now#i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!!#but until i process it i can't let go#and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow#it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!
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there is literally not a worse feeling that exists than the feeling that you just annoy people.
#just doesn't exist. I'm so fucking isolated right now i absolutely hate it. and the people that ARE close to me?#i feel that i annoy them the most and one of them is actively pushing me away#i can't find anyone to be friends with me IRL here in Jersey. it's been almost nine months here#and I don't have a single IRL friend. i try online apps and support groups but nothing clicks#and the people that chat with me on the apps stop answering after 2 messages.#my own best friend of like 8 years won't even fucking talk to me. not bc she hates me or anything#but she is so fucking caught up in her own head that she literally avoids me. so that sucks!!#i know she's suffering bc she is so worried about me but. it's a really big slap in the face that#we've supported each other thru thick and thin the past 8 years. and i dropped everything for her more than once#but in my time of biggest need when I'm the most alone I've ever been in my adult life???#she cannot show up for me. that fucking sucks.#and I've distanced myself from my only close family bc they've severely mistreated me so.#all i have is my partner. who means the world to me and sacrifices so much to help me!!#but it comes at the cost of CONSTANTLY feeling like a huge fucking annoyance to the only person in my life#who is genuinely able to show that they love and care for me. that's literally awful to feel.#we just had our 5 year anniversary and i needed something really celebratory so badly.#and it didn't happen and our ''anniversary'' was just at home#and our official anniversary of starting dating is on veterans Day. and we won't even be in the same fucking region#so I'll be alone with my shitty family.#i hate it i feel so unappreciated and unwanted and like nothing about me is ever enough.#negative#audio
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Are you friends with any of your colleagues in the local "struggling indie drummer" scene? Like Stephen Stills last drummer, Cole? I guess Trasha Ha is maybe too young to properly be friends with but she seems cool.
Eh, not really? I mean, so far as Cole goes, we can hold conversations, if we have to. We talk about Stephen sometimes- all his little neurotic behaviors.
Not in like, a bad way, to clarify. We just like giving him shit. It's funny, and something besides drumming that we have in common. Anyway, you don't throw stones from glass houses.
As for Trasha...
Ugh. Maybe hate's a strong word. She's like, what. Eight? Something about her fills me with an ungodly rage, though. I can't really help it.
Her name's Trisha by the way, I think. Trasha is just her stage name.
#“dont hold grudges against the 8 yr old kim” I'M TRYING OKAY?#ugh. so fucking annoying#Not a struggling indie drummer but I was mildly interesting in talking shop with Lynette#that was before we all caught her making out with todd at the show though#wonder whatever happened to her? i dont think she ever came back for that arm... maybe she just considered it forfeit at that point#pine.txt#rp#spto#sp comic#spvtw#spvtwtg#kim pine#asks#anon#(ooc: ty for the ask! kim has beef with other drummers i think)#(ooc: in my notes i only have one instance of cole popping up trying to check if they interacted at all at least)#(ooc: also her beef with trisha is so fucking funny to me. girl. she's not even twelve)#(ooc: trisha would crush scott at drum mania btw. ik i said scott was good at those games but she would leave him a broken man)#(ooc: no one can beat her high score. no one.)#drunk kim
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not me getting sick on top of all of this, please just give me a break world?
#fae’s vent#i thought my throat hurting earlier was bc i hadn’t had water/something to drink all day but i think i was wrong#i have a slight cough/sore throat now which i think i may have caught from my sister#bc just yesterday my other sister texted us saying that our oldest sister IS sick & it’s a sinus infection#so it’s either from airport travel or her#either way i don’t really have time to rest. at least until thursday#and yeah i’m up late but i had to work up the courage to run to the kitchen and grab dinner bc of bad roommate being the only one here#besides me and i think maybe a guest? idk but she has one over 99% of the time so#anyway i’m gonna eat and head to bed#wish me luck for grabbing breakfast#but one more day until we can (hopefully) move!!
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my friend asked me to put together all the ways oumen & apoptosis are connected as songs today & i love those two so naturally ive been on this since i woke up & after really going thru the lyrics Yet Again i think i FINALLY have my answer about tenshi's song right.
so basically we know the nami no ne no motif from aru sekai shoushitsu being present in a song means whoever in the song is still a "person"/still has their free will & gets to continue into the next loop. standard info. in all the other songs this is mixed into the instrumental, the only times its sung are in shoushitsu of course & in oumen mokushiroku. didnt think much of it when the song first came out bc like yeah thats just whats in series songs. but more & more across various songs, shoushitsu, apoptosis, kanon, oumen itself it talks about sacrifice & implies that sacrifice was a permanent death. oumen as a whole is her not wanting to accept that sacrifice role, she doesn't have a choice in it, but she doesnt want it either, (& apoptosis being it was originally that girl who was supposed to be the sacrifice but she pushed it off on someone else, therefore is the reason tenshi's song goes the way it does in the first place)
so then why does she have the motif if everything else including her herself say that she dies permanently.
i propose to u my newest theory.
the whole song is her wishing she had more time, not wanting to do it, she wants to live. so. since she's specifically singing it. im willing to bet its a last wish of hers. that somehow, someway, she still has enough free will to counteract the act of sacrifice, if she wishes hard enough, if she holds enough of her own desires, then maybe against everything, she'll get to live on into the next loop. basically, not a sign that she Does live, rather, just that she desperately WANTS to
#aru sekai series#no joke ive been tearin up over her all day why is her song so painful#SHE DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY. WHY DID IT HAPPEN LIKE THIS. WHY#<- literally the end of apoptosis#apoptosis just looooves to cause problems until the one person she refuses to admit she cares about get caught in it#apoptosis is her own beast & u put the two of these together & im just in emotional overload.#apoptosis lying & saying shes in it for the other when shes just thinking of herself#until the other gets taken away from her without a chance to even say anything about it#& she just cant handle that#& u have tenshi who wants nothing more than to make it out alive with her taking her place & dying & in the end it changes nothing#im so fucking upset she wanted to LIVE she tried to lie to herself & say at least it might absolve everyones sins of carrying out this#project & it doesnt do a damn thing#she was SCARED she DIDNT want this she just desperately wants to live & see the other again & THEY KILLED HER......#honestly apoptosis is so in the right to have a breakdown over it. its like half her fault but like. a breakdown is#the only correct response i think#kanon feels guilty but she doesnt seem to outwardly show that very much#so like. yeah i would also lose my mind if someone i was close to got killed for no reason & everyone just acted like it was nothing#i feel like im finally starting to come to terms with like labo's & yamete's deaths but god tenshis is just so........... awful.
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still sobbing my eyes so never having a weed free night again
#personal#my door got caught on my laundry basket and crutches and i crashed against the walker i got my dad#and i want to yell at my brother how awful he is - which? either of them but mainly the broken door one#but i’ve done that and it doesn’t change anything let alone how i feel#and i wish my mom understood but she just hates me#and she can say she doesn’t and she buys me gifts but then hangs it over my head bc we’re broke#but it’s like i’m in the wrong for my brother violently breaking my door and then is upset i’m upset he still hasn’t fixed it#and this only came up bc she bought me a door accessory. BUT WOULDNT LET ME BUY A DOOR WHEN IT Orginally broke#like life is fine and all till i’m sober and remember my family is actually doesn’t like me and is super mean to me#and i feel like i’m so burnt out from everything i can’t even think about moving out#even tho i said fuck it that one time a few months ago#and i can’t move in with either of my brothers bc they’ve deeply hurt me and i can’t trust them like that#like do i think i would be safe with them and they would house me yes without question#do i think i would sooner kill myself over the pride issue of them constantly treating me like shit i can’t imagine living with#or being thankful to them while still feeling like#i don’t even know what i feel other than not liked or respected by my family#i know it’s lack of weed period and then just also generally living a bad life and having bad family relations but oh my god#gun to the back of my head rn please. please.#but in all seriousness first night i’ve been like huh. i could definitely buy a gun. really bad since the whole dad situation#like other night i punched a mirror when i got charged from my dentist from something two years ago with no warning. no notice#like 200 bucks. so. i already dealt with that it’s some insurance shit im seeing if i can do payments or whatever but never fucking working#with them again. didn’t even answer my question on why i wasn’t given any notices when i had them send me the bill and insurance claims
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i... am overthinking this ship idea list asdfg can y'all tell me if it'd be better if i just gave a list of dynamic tropes that'd suit each muse, or if you'd prefer detailed descriptions?? or should i not do a list at all--
#i just like shipping and i thought maybe it'd be easier on others as far as making choices go#but i'm getting caught up in describing those who click well with each muse asdfg#i'm still on chiyo and she was the first one i started with ;v;#i'm also looking at my list like that's way too long my friends i'm only gonna do it for certain muses i think#either way i'm getting flustered bc i always do when i talk about ships on here bc i still worry i'll come off as someone who only wants#to ship and that's not it at all!! i get excited and have a lot of fun with romance but i love platonic and familial ships so much too ;;;;#anyway lemme stop rambling i'm embarrassed asdf#get ready to ramble | ooc
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my hair reaches past my knees and it drives me crazy everyday BUT it's the only thing I get complimented on so she gets to stay.. for now 🤨
#i have been on the fence for 3 years just ahahah i should cut my hair#and then i almost do but then i get a sense of but what if its my only good feature#my boyf thinks im ridiculous and tru i am HOWEVER i am also very mentally unwell and ive put my worth in my hair#its like i see it as the one thing i have a good hand in and it gets proven to me every day i go out and i have my hair down#but im trying to work on it cause one of my big fears is my hair getting caught in something and like yknow#that risk increases every day my hair inches down#and also cause i wanna actually try to give my hair personality like the length it is now ghere is no such thing as styling it#styling it for me means putting it in a bun or ponytail and thats all LMAOOO#this shit is also rlly fucking heavy man like i out it up to go gym and it literally drives me insane bc of how heavy it is 😭#its also pin straight#my tita tries to heat curl it and by the time she gets to the other side of my head the side she started on is practically straight again#i used to do bobs and pixie cuts but my parents didnt like it so after the second cut i grew it out of spite#and now ive put myself in this dilemma of like i want to cut it but i dont#just ranting cause im trying to stall getting started on my homework LMAOOOO#but i should get to it slcause the sooner i get it done the sooner i can draw 😭😭 but i dont wanna do ittttt#rant#matamisin talks#i forget what my tags are lol
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