#apoptosis lying & saying shes in it for the other when shes just thinking of herself

[red-dyed-sarumane]

my friend asked me to put together all the ways oumen & apoptosis are connected as songs today & i love those two so naturally ive been on this since i woke up & after really going thru the lyrics Yet Again i think i FINALLY have my answer about tenshi's song right.

so basically we know the nami no ne no motif from aru sekai shoushitsu being present in a song means whoever in the song is still a "person"/still has their free will & gets to continue into the next loop. standard info. in all the other songs this is mixed into the instrumental, the only times its sung are in shoushitsu of course & in oumen mokushiroku. didnt think much of it when the song first came out bc like yeah thats just whats in series songs. but more & more across various songs, shoushitsu, apoptosis, kanon, oumen itself it talks about sacrifice & implies that sacrifice was a permanent death. oumen as a whole is her not wanting to accept that sacrifice role, she doesn't have a choice in it, but she doesnt want it either, (& apoptosis being it was originally that girl who was supposed to be the sacrifice but she pushed it off on someone else, therefore is the reason tenshi's song goes the way it does in the first place)

so then why does she have the motif if everything else including her herself say that she dies permanently.

i propose to u my newest theory.

the whole song is her wishing she had more time, not wanting to do it, she wants to live. so. since she's specifically singing it. im willing to bet its a last wish of hers. that somehow, someway, she still has enough free will to counteract the act of sacrifice, if she wishes hard enough, if she holds enough of her own desires, then maybe against everything, she'll get to live on into the next loop. basically, not a sign that she Does live, rather, just that she desperately WANTS to

[red-dyed-sarumane]

every time i think about the oumen mokushiroku & unplanned apoptosis connections i take damage but in also eating it like candy.

like. current theory with the details i have now. we know the angel was supposed to be a protection figure, either agreed on by the others or just what she saw as her personal role idk which the songs are subjective so its hard to say, & we know she wasnt able to actually do anything about the situation, proven by the fact in all the the songs the whole world ending is still ongoing. she want to help, nothing she can do has made any difference and shes out of options. so, theory, the only thing left she can even try is to give up her retries, to really sacrifice herself so everyone else can keep going & make it out of the whole cycle alive & intact. its different from the other songs excluding aru sekai shoushitsu itself since the motif is in the lyrics not the instrumental but in direct contrast to the og lyrics hers are about wanting to meet again but everythings going dark on her. like in a heavy "this is the end" for her kind of way. maybe by saying it, its her way of giving up her repeats. details are kind of hazy i guess but i hope u get what i mean.

and then u have the direct counterpoint song about the girl whos taking it in the worst way possible. honestly i dont think she was that great of a person to begin with all thing considered but dear god girl got worse on purpose. again we know the two are directly linked bc this girls sitting outside the same window the angel was at, but now its dark & broken, & im willing to bet thats to show the angel's not there anymore. the girl in unplanned apoptosis has the Worst attitude ever, i cant blame her given everything thats happening but also wow she is NOT doing well. the world's ending on repeat, shes experienced the worst how many times, and now the angel went and left her too. having an absolute dog shit time & shes letting everyone know by being a brat about it, lying acting out pretending not to care etc etc. -another detail that ties in. we know from maximizer everyone involved is aware of the risks. we know the characters know they can lose their self so theyre no longer "human" & therefore cant continue.- so whats that mean for her? well shes at the end of her rope i dont think she wanted any of this to begin with and now she's been left all alone (by the angel. the others are still there but theres no contextual reason to believe shes particularly close to any of them) so whats left for her but to do the same and make sure she doesnt repeat anymore either? the "kill myself" line isnt exactly the suicide u'd think. she's not actively ending her life itself. she self sabotaging in every other way possible, digging herself deeper, becoming the worst version of herself so she can cross that "boundary of self" as its called in laboratory so that she can finally die for the last time when the world ends again. but the problem is even with all shes doing & acting out she cant cross that boundary. she still is forced to continue. "just as usual the day ended" for her. even after everything, after permanently losing someone & all the self destruction theres no change whatsoever, thats maddening in itself yet shes still herself so she has to live with it.

which, slight tangent, makes it all the more interesting to find out what the Fuck the laboratory chara did that SHE loses her self & cant continue but the one whos potentially actively trying to do that cant. my best guess rn is that labo got caught up in the details & forgot her personal values in pursuit of an end, where as apoptosis is acting in her own interests with less care on the fate of the world & doing so means she clings to her self but i dont really have the details to back that up rn.