#she stuck to her guns vs he gave in

[milkcos]

defiance/relief in the face of a dying sun

[joels-shitty-puns]

I'm gonna make a request again (sorry your last one was too good for me not to ask again) but this time for a jealous Joel! Maybe the reader and him have been friends for a while and she's oblivious to his flirting and she finally lands a date? How it goes from there can be up to you! I just love the jealous and possessive trope.

The Jealousy Bug

Pairing: Jealous!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Hi!! I'm so sorry this took me so long to write, but thank you for the request!! I hope you like it!! I got a lil carried away... hope its not too much smut.

~~~~~

(Reader and Joel live in Jackson, amid the apocalypse)

Word count: 6.8K (oof)

Warnings: 18+ only, MDNI!! Smut smut smut. P in V sex (likely unprotected but not specified. Its an apocalypse, yo.), masturbation (m and f), sort of dubcon? voyeurism?? sorta?, kissing, talk of genitals and arousal, horny behavior. Explicit language and mean names. Alcohol. Violence: infected, guns, punching, mention of a knife. Joel is kind of a jerk sometimes. Possessive. Mentions of loss and grief (all within S.1 of TLOU). I haven't played part II yet so we're just gonna ignore what we know happens there. Joel and Ellie are happy in Jackson. Joel and Reader are friends and sort of neighbors. Clueless idiots in love. A total asshole of a guy in the town. Lil bit of fluff/romance? Mention of bugs (pill bugs), but not in a gross way. If I missed anything, please let me know, and I apologize!

Other Stuff: Avoidance of reader descriptors, other than reader is AFAB. Mentions of having hair on the noggin. She/her pronouns. Reader is clueless and also clumsy as hell. Reader also drinks coffee and alcohol. Italics indicate thoughts.

__________

It was around 4PM when you filed into the community center for another mandatory patrol meeting. It may be an apocalypse, but even now, you wished this meeting could have been an email instead. Alas, that was a thing of the past, and you were unfortunately stuck listening to the usual spiel about necessary vs. unnecessary items to raid… The importance of remembering to ABC, “Always Be Cautious,” plants that can and can't be eaten, etc.

You sat in your usual spot, the back row next to Joel Miller. A year ago when you first moved to this town, first started patrol, you came into this very room not knowing anyone. Friend groups stuck together, each of the two front rows filled, yet a few empty spaces here and there. Instead, you walked towards the back of the room. A handsome man, who you soon learned was named Joel, sat by himself, three rows back, behind the last full aisle. He was alone. The whole aisle of chairs was empty. He sat with his arms crossed, and you could tell based on his posing that he was not the social type. 

You were feeling a bit nervous, having finally found a sort of civilization in this mess, and hoping the people of Jackson accept you and not just shoot you, like most camps do when they see unknown faces. Unsure where to sit, you continued to head towards the back, slightly drawn to the gorgeous gray-haired man in the last row. Not wanting to intrude, you sat at the far end from Joel. You could feel his eyes on you as you sat, but you didn't dare look over and make eye contact. Years of survival instincts have told you that, especially when someone doesn't want to be bothered.

_____

When you first walked into the room, Joel looked up. He sat in the back row, as usual, not wanting to get close to anyone. However, even if he did, nobody gave him the time of day. They have heard stories of what he’s done, they have seen him around town, often grumbling about something. They could tell he wanted to be left alone and they had no interest in testing how badly he wanted to be left alone.

Joel found it easier to not form connections. Tommy kept telling him to make friends, come around more, socialize in the town. But Joel had learned over the years why making connections never ends well. All he has is Tommy and Ellie, and neither of those were his initial decision, but Tommy is his only family, and somehow he let himself care for Ellie.

But when Joel saw you… there was a flash of longing. He saw you smile gently at Tommy with a small wave. He could see you shrink walking to your seat past the cliques. You were beautiful, and if it were pre-pandemic, you'd be the exact type he'd probably take interest to.

But those days are over.

Or… so he thought.

He set his eyes back down on his hands in his lap, avoiding eye contact with you when you sat down at the end of the row from him.

Why did she sit so far away? Am I that horrible to be around? His heart questioned.

You don't want to be near people anyway. Good she sat far away. Leave me alone. His brain tried to argue.

Tommy droned on and on, the meeting nearing an hour by now, and you could feel Joel’s eyes on the side of your face every few minutes. You don't know why he kept staring, but it made you feel nervous. Did you have something on your face or clothes? Did you smell bad?

Tommy knew his brother well, sometimes more than Joel likes to admit out loud, and as he talked, he took note of Joel’s staring. At first his expression looked confused, maybe irritated or disgusted. Then it looked slightly… disappointed. But he kept stealing glances your direction, and so with a smirk, Tommy assigned the two of you to be on patrol together. Joel questioned his reasoning afterward, but he knew there was no point arguing with his brother.

After that day, you patrolled together. You both went to the bar with the group after meetings. You sat closer and closer to Joel. You managed to get some words out of him, and he listened to you chatter on. But it was when you brought him a cup of coffee before patrol one morning that he finally let down his guard. His heart had betrayed his defenses.

“What's this?” He asked, gruffly.

“Coffee, Joel…” you replied with a joking eye roll. ���It's black. I know you don't like anything in it.”

He took a sip, shocked to taste that you actually knew how he took his coffee. “How did you know that?”

“I notice things Joel.” You patted his shoulder, walking towards the group.

_____

Now, a year later, the two of you were very close friends. You still surprised him with things you remembered or noticed, but much to his chagrin, the one thing you didn't pick up on were his advances. He'd call you pet names, be sweet to you, treat you like a gentleman, flirt a little, and it was like talking to a robot. You were clueless.

Tonight's meeting finally ended, the large group heading outside to the chill fall air. “You wanna get drinks with the patrol squad?” you asked Joel. 

“Wouldn't miss it,” he winked at you, putting his leather jacket on his shoulders.

Although you went as a group, ultimately you and Joel spent most of the nights in your own little bubble, occasionally making space in your circle for Tommy, or Maria if she joined.

Tonight, the two of you sat at the bar, the patrol group spread throughout the room at different tables. Joel excused himself to use the restroom, and while he was gone, Jimmy, one of the other patrol members approached you. Hurrying before Joel returned, he flirted and asked you out on a date. You told him you'd think about it, that you weren't sure if you were ready for a relationship after years of caution.

Not technically a lie, you thought. Although you really just weren't ready for a relationship because your heart was already taken by your handsome best friend. 

Joel returned just in time to see Jimmy walking away. “What did he want?” Joel grumbled. “Ah nothin, just wanted to say hi while getting a drink,” you lied. Joel accepted this answer and the two of you drank into the night. At the end of the evening, you seemed pretty drunk. Jimmy offered to walk you home, but before you had a chance to reply, Joel replied for you.

“I'll take her home, thanks.” He bit, turning you away from Jimmy. “I don't like the idea of that boy walkin’ you home. Don't trust ‘im. ‘Specially not when you're in this condition,” he wrapped an arm around you, shuffling you toward the door.

“You don't think I can handle myself, Joel?” You asked him, pulling away, a little bit irritated at him treating you like a weakling. “I seem to do just fine on patrol,” you argued.

“I know that, sugar. I didn't mean it like that. I just don't trust that guy. Heard how he goes through women. Don't want him trying’ anything with you,” he brushed his hand over your hair, causing you to soften at his words and actions.

You gasped lightly. “Is THE Joel Miller… jealous?” You knew he wasn't, but why not test the waters?

“What? Jealous? Of what? No ‘m not.” he balked. “Just lookin’ out for you…”

“Mmhm… you just wanna be the only big strong man walking me home, huh?” You teased, tripping over your own feet. 

Joel caught you in his arms. “Big strong man, huh? ‘S that what you think of me?” 

Shit… did I say that? You panicked. Maybe I'm more drunk than I thought…

Deciding to tease it off, you replied, “well you do always seem to catch me when I fall…” with a wink.

Falling in more ways than one… you thought, frustrated.

He rubbed his neck with the hand not holding you upright. You could almost see a pink tinge to his cheeks.

No, that has to be the lights playing tricks on my eyes… you thought. No way Joel Miller was blushing at your words.

“I kinda have to, ya big klutz. Practically a liability. I oughta tell Tommy to add a safety section on patrolling with you,” he bantered.

“Ah, shut up” you laughed with a push, causing yourself to lose balance instead of Joel. He just gave a knowing look, causing you both to laugh as you continued walking, now side by side instead of him holding you up.

After a few moments of silence, you spoke up. “You know, I could've walked myself home, Joel,” you stumbled, giggling.  

“Whoa there, sweetheart.” He wrapped his arms around you again, propping you up. “Don't worry about it. Let's just get you home. You've had way too much to drink.”

“You're so sweet Joel,” you pouted at him, booping his nose. “Joelly Joel.” You giggled. “Jolly Joelly.” Another giggle. “I dunno why people think you're so grumpy. I think you're just a big teddy bear,” you closed your eyes, leaning your head on his shoulder while he stumbled forward, trying to keep you upright.

“Who says I'm grumpy, darlin’?” He tilted his head towards you, smirking. “The whole town, silly. Silly Joelly. Joely-poly.” You gasped abruptly, causing Joel to jerk and turn to face you. “What? What is it?” His hand reached for his knife on his hip. Old habits die hard.

“Joely-poly!!” You squealed. “Awe! Roly-polies. Remember those!? I used to love them when I was little.” You pouted. “Before this whole world went to shit.”

Joel thought back to the little pill bugs, playing in the dirt with them when he was younger. Teaching his own daughter about them. His heart aches for what he lost, but he also thinks of Ellie. He bets she would love the little bugs too.

“That's a cute nickname for you,” you smiled. “They're so cute. Just,” you booped his nose. “Like.” Boop. “You,” you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him tight. Another gasp from your lips.

He flinched again. “Darlin’, if you don't quit that I swear-”

“Joeeeel!” You pouted. “Do you think the roly-polies all died off with the infection!?” Your eyes welled up.

“Oh, sweetheart, don't cry. There's probably still some out there. Bugs could get cordyceps long before the fungus attacked humans, and they were still alive back then.” You looked up into his deep brown eyes through your fluttering lashes. “You really think so?” You leaned in, placing both your hands on his cheeks. His breath caught in his chest. “Darlin’, you drank a lot tonight-” you cut off his sentence, running your hands down his neck, resting your palms on his chest. His heart was beating a mile a minute. If he didn't know better, he'd worry his heart would leap out and fly away. 

Your eyes lit up and you slid off his chest, lowering clumsily to the ground and gripping his sides for balance. You were now on your knees, eye level with his crotch, hands on his hips. His breath was ragged and his stomach full of twirling butterflies. “Wh-what do you think you're doin’?” He asked nervously. You looked up at him with big eyes, your hands slowly falling down from his hips to his thighs as you tried to balance yourself in your drunken state. He couldn't help but feel his pants begin to tent at the position you were in. He would never take advantage of you in your current state, but trying to ignore the desire brewing in his body after so many months of unrequited feelings was challenging. Did you finally see his advances for what they were? Feelings instead of friendliness?

You grinned up at him, finally regaining balance. “I'm gonna go look for ‘em!” you turned and waddled away on your knees, heading a couple feet away, towards a patch of flowers off the path.

She just needed to use me as a ladder, or what…? Joel thought to himself with a sigh and shaking his head in disappointment, his sexual frustration at its breaking point.

You crawled forward, falling onto your hands and knees in the soft dirt. Joel quickly stepped forward to try and grab you but realized, despite your lack of grace, you meant to do that. “Ugh… darlin', it's dark out here. It's cold. You're drunk. Let's get you home.”

“I'm looking for buggies, Joel!!” You leaned towards a leaf, arching downward so that your face was closer to the ground, ass up. 

“Oh, have mercy…” Joel groaned under his breath, his eyes drifting downward. Your ass was up in the air, facing him, the fabric of your dress having fallen forward towards your front. Your light pink panties were on full display for Joel, leaving little to his imagination in this position. Joel subtly adjusted his pants, looking up to the sky and shaking his head in a silent plea. 

You whined. “Joel, I don't see any.” You leaned farther forward, wiggling your butt somehow higher. Joel looked around, panicked at the thought that someone else might see you in this position. But luckily, you were close to your house and it was just the two of you out here. He turned back to you again. “I think it's time you get up and we go in-” you moved further forward, the streetlight shining above you and illuminating your ass. Joel tried to be a gentleman, but his eyes betrayed him. As he snuck another glance, he couldn't help but notice a little wet spot over the crotch of your panties. “In-inside…” he finished his sentence, words catching in his throat. He gulped, trying to divert his eyes. 

Taking a shaky breath and stepping forward, trying to ignore the throbbing need in his pants, he lightly grabbed your arm. “It's time to go sweetheart. The bugs are sleepin’ I think.” 

You looked at him and smiled mischievously. “I know, Joel,” you winked. Jumping up, you scampered towards your house, leaving Joel to wonder what the hell just happened.

“Woman's gonna be the death of me,” Joel muttered under his breath to himself. He caught up to you, just as you both approached your house. “Joel, I don't wanna go home. Can't I stay with you? And Ellie?” you batted your eyelashes at him. He rubbed his neck. “Ellie's with a friend tonight. But, you do have a point. You probably shouldn't be left by yourself in this state. Don't want you gettin’ hurt, or sick, and bein’ all alone.”

“Such a gentleman, Joel.” You touched his bicep, the two of you walking towards Joel's house across the street.

Hardly, he thought, grimacing at the reason he was aching in his trousers, feeling like an old creep, and a terrible excuse for a friend.

Once inside Joel's house, he gave you a baggy sleep shirt and a glass of water with some crackers to help with the alcohol. You changed, brushed your teeth with a spare toothbrush, and used the restroom. He let you have his bed, while he took the couch down the hall, scrunching his legs up to barely fit.

_____

Joel tried his hardest to ignore what he saw earlier and just go to bed, but the aching only continued, making it impossible to sleep. Sure that you must have fallen asleep by now, tucked away in his bed down the hall, he quietly reached into his pajama bottoms and boxers, pulling out his rock-hard penis. Even the mere touch of removing himself from his pants caused him to hiss, so worked up he could have cum just watching you bent over earlier.

He was a gentleman, but he was still a man, and one that hadn't been with a woman in a very long time. With as many people as he'd lost by one means or another, he'd told himself he wouldn't get close to anyone else. Sarah's mom. Sarah. Tess. Bill and Frank. Sam and Henry. He almost thought he had lost Tommy before Jackson, too. It was against his wishes that Ellie crawled her way into his heart, and then he almost lost her as well. He was beginning to think maybe it was him. He was cursed, doomed to have anyone he loved ripped away from him.

Which is why when you came to Jackson, he tried his best to ignore you. But you always greeted him, cheerful and sweet, like a little ball of sunshine that was somehow untarnished by the storm clouds of an apocalypse.

He was irritated to realize that he had made room in his heart for you. You caused an ache in his heart that yearned to be filled. A missing piece in his soul. A place for him to someday fit, tangled between sheets and loving words. It had been about a year since you moved to Jackson, and he still feared getting too close to you, yet he would try his hardest to woo you the way a gentleman should. Sweet nicknames, flirting, gentle touches. You never picked up on it. Whether or not you felt the same, he stupidly fell in love. Unsure if it was mutual, yet pretty sure it wasn't after all this time, he tried to ignore the dirty thoughts revolving around you when the late-night urges would hit him. Somehow it felt wrong.

But tonight, it was hard to avoid. Having you touch him. His face, his neck, his chest, his hips, his thighs. Kneeling eye level with his crotch. Slinking away, sticking your barely covered ass in the air, letting your wet panties be shown to him and only him. He couldn't get you out of his head as he stroked himself. First slowly, but then harder and faster, trying to reach his climax with the thought of him burying himself in that sweet spot underneath your wet underwear. How he longed to see you with his own eyes, begging for him.

He tried to be quiet, to keep himself hidden from you down the hall, but the noise of skin on skin grew slightly louder with each of his quiet moans and panting breaths that managed to slip from his lips. Imagining himself buried deep inside you, taking you from behind in the same position he saw you in earlier, imagining the tight grip around him and the slick noises he could only fantasize about. He could practically hear you moaning and sighing, the sound seeping from his subconscious to the living room. He pumped harder, swirling his thumb around the head, drooling with precum, as his climax grew closer. He could feel his strokes becoming less controlled and his balls pulling upward as he began to shoot load after load of white hot release up under his shirt onto his stomach. Stroking himself through it, he milked his last few ropes of cum out before laying back to catch his breath, slowly tucking himself back away in his pants.

Coming back to his senses, he realized the sounds of your moans and whimpers that he was imagining were still happening. Taken out of his fantasies when he finished, there was no reason for the sounds to still be in his head. Needing to grab a cloth from the linen closet down the hall anyway, he walked, nearing his bedroom door, and heard the unmistakable sound of you pleasuring yourself. Quietly, he padded down the hallway, closer to the door. He could tell you were trying to be quiet, but could still hear you, soft whimpers and pants, surrounded by wet schlick noises.

Fuck, he thought. He could feel himself already getting excited again, despite having just released a few minutes ago. He desperately wanted to join you in his bed, or at the least, stand by the door and listen to your sounds while pleasuring himself, but he wasn't going to be a creep, nor scare you to death. You were still his friend. Even if he did want to move the couch across the living room to hear you better.

_____

Meanwhile in Joel's room, you had tried to sleep. You really had. But tossing and turning, each roll causing your nose to be surrounded with his scent, you were thrown into a frenzy, like an animal in heat. Each smell of his cologne, shaving cream, deodorant, and natural body scent that you picked up from his bed sent a wave of arousal directly to your core. You wondered how many times he'd pleasured himself in this bed and how frequently. You wondered if he ever thought of you while doing it, imagining himself buried deep to the hilt inside of you, each drag of his cock more perfect than the last, much like you were imagining now.

You would be lying if you didn't say there were a lot of handsome men in Jackson. Granted, you had been without romance for a very long time, but still. Many of them were single, and some of them were very sweet and friendly. Yet for some strange reason, your heart had been drawn to Joel. The first moment you saw him, with his silvery curls and his grumpy face, his shining brown eyes and his patched beard, you were smitten. You were a bit disappointed that he seemed to be a massive grump, but despite what everyone said, he was always nice to you. Granted, you were always nice to him, so why should he be anything less, right?

He was always a total gentleman, calling you names like darlin’ and sweetheart, his southern drawl pulling you in like a lasso. His care for his unofficially-adopted daughter warmed your heart, and you could see he was a real family man from both their relationship, and the one he shared with his brother. It warmed your heart, especially when you befriended Tommy and Ellie, getting to hear them talk about Joel. Seeing the love they feel, even if they give him a hard time sometimes. You didn't see how people felt Joel was cruel or heartless, even with the stories you heard. Times were rough, and people did what they had to for survival. 

You were always too chicken to make a move, and you figured he wouldn't be interested anyway. Surely him calling you those names and being sweet with you was just his Southern gentlemanly nature, right? You were nice to him, he was nice to you. 

So tonight, when Jimmy, the local heartthrob in town, asked you on a date, you told him you'd think about it and let him know. Yeah, you claimed you weren't sure how you felt about relationships after all the world had become. Truth was, you wanted a last chance with Joel before throwing in the towel and settling for Jimmy.

Sure, Jimmy was handsome. Blonde hair, blue eyes, rugged, yet boyish. Several of the women in town had crushes on him, and he had had several of the women in town. You weren't clueless to the rumors about his playboy behavior. But it had been a while and well, you weren't getting any younger. It might be nice to have a partner, even if he did only want a short little fling. 

So throwing back a few drinks, you decided you needed the liquid courage to finally make a move at Joel. One last effort to get his attention. You still didn't want to say anything to him, lest it ruin your current friendship that had grown so strong, but you could certainly use your body to entice a little. Drinking just enough to be brave, yet not so drunk that you were completely out of it, you gave an impression you were much drunker than you were, and needed Joel to help you out. Jimmy had almost been the one to walk you home, to your disappointment, before Joel stepped in, seeming slightly irritated about Jimmy's offer.

Yet after practically waving your ass in his face, showing him your panties (which you were sure looked wet), being inches from his crotch at knee height, and hanging on him all the way home, to now sleeping in his house and his bed, you were quite sure he didn't feel the same. Obviously his gestures were pure gentlemanly charm if he didn't bite after tonight's show.

So you tried to sleep, still a little drunk, but getting drunker off his scent. You tried to ignore the ache between your legs but the thought of him in this bed, groaning as his hand pumped his member to completion, made you throb. Soaked and antsy, you finally gave in and stuck your hand under the waistband of your panties. You let your imagination run wild, picturing him taking you in this bed, bringing you to bliss more than once. You could practically hear him groaning and panting, the sound seeping from your subconscious to the bedroom.

Tomorrow you would likely tell Jimmy yes. But tonight, you would try your best to get Joel out of your system, one stroke of your fingers at a time. But as you finished, coming with a whisper of Joel's name under your breath, you could still hear the groans and pants from Joel. Climbing out of bed, you moved to the door, pressing your ear against it. You could just barely hear the sounds of him panting and groaning, intermittent with the fapping of skin on skin. Delightedly surprised, you listened harder, feeling your pussy drool at the thought. How desperately you wanted to go out into the living room and climb on top of him. But he might not want that… he probably just couldn't sleep. Probably nothing to do with the scene you put on earlier. So instead, you slinked back to his bed, opting for round two.

At some point, the two of you fell asleep, panting and writhing with the self-induced pleasure, and the sound of each other through the door.

_____

The next morning, you awoke, walking down the hall to see Joel in his pajama bottoms and no shirt, making coffee. Your eyes scanned his broad shoulders and back, naked and tan. Bringing you back to last night's events, you felt your breath catching in your chest. 

“M-morning” you stuttered out, nervously.

Joel jumped, having not heard you. He turned, greeting you with a good morning. A faint blush crept across his cheeks and he quickly turned his head to pour a cup of coffee, offering you some as well. Thanking him, the two of you sipped in silence, both stealing glances at the other and thinking of the night before. Both of you felt like you had a dirty little secret the other didn't know. 

“Thanks again for taking care of me last night,” you added. In more ways than one, you thought.

“Of course, darlin’. Couldn't have you walkin’ home all alone or getting sick in the middle of the night. You're always welcome here,” he smiled.

“Well, I guess I better head to my house now,” you sighed. “See you later at patrol?”

“Course. Take care, sugar.” He brushed his hand over your arm. That's new… you thought. But still, probably friendly, unfortunately.

____

Hours later, you show up to patrol, noticing Joel hasn't arrived yet. Still a few minutes early, you look at the map, thinking over the route. You felt a tap on your shoulder, and turned around to see Jimmy. 

“Hey, Jimmy,” you greeted, feeling slightly awkward. You assumed he probably wanted (and deserved) an answer. You rubbed your arm nervously, staring at the ground, wondering what to tell him. He was handsome, you thought, and you weren't getting anywhere with Joel. 

“Did you, uh” Jimmy scratched behind his ear, “give any more thought to that date?”

Geesh. Not a lot of thinking time here…

“I did,” you replied. “I think… My answer is yes. I'll go out with you.” You felt a pang of regret in your stomach, but you wanted a connection, and you just weren't getting that from Joel, despite what you wanted to think from last night.

Jimmy grinned. “Really?” He picked up your hand, holding it in his. “That's great. I know you have patrol today, but maybe Friday? I'll meet you at your house at 6?” 

“Sure,” you gave a small fake smile. “Sounds great.” He still held your hand, warm and soft and nothing like the rugged, large, callused hands of hard-working Joel. Although Joel has never held your hand, the times he's touched your arms, or held you up on your walk from the bar, he left a trail of goosebumps and butterflies in his wake, despite being warm to the touch.

Jimmy went to kiss your hand, just as Joel walked up. “What’s goin’ on here, huh?” He asked, seeming almost… angry, looking from Jimmy, to your connected hands, over to your face. “Joel,” Jimmy dropped your hand, giving Joel a curt nod.

“Jimmy..” Joel replied, teeth clenched. 

“I'll see you Friday,” Jimmy smiled at you, touching your shoulder before walking away.

“What did that little asshole want?” Joel growled.

“Geez Joel, chill out. What's your problem? I'm not allowed to talk to people?” You crossed your arms.

“I toldja last night. I don't trust that kid. Too busy sleepin’ around with the whole town. What's he talkin’ to you for?” Joel furrowed his brow, looking over at Jimmy across the room, now talking to some of the other patrolmen.

“Gosh Joel.. seriously what is wrong with you? First of all, he's hardly a kid. He's at least in his thirties. Second of all, everyone he's been with, I'm sure has been consensual, otherwise Tommy would have kicked him out of the town. And lastly, but probably more important. What do you mean “what is he talking to you for?” You mocked in a deep voice. “Like I'm the only option he has left? Like I'm not deserving of a man talking to me? Not that it’s any of your business, friend, but for your information, Jimmy is taking me on a date on Friday. So fuck off, Joel.” You started to stomp away angrily, grabbing your pack off the desk.

“The fuck he is,” Joel muttered under his breath, so quiet you didn't hear and grabbing his pack as well.

_____

Five hours. Five hours of riding in complete silence, checking out abandoned buildings in complete silence, and taking breaks in complete silence. Even your first patrol wasn't this quiet, and you couldn't help but feel like he was somehow angry at you.

As irritated as you were with him, not talking to him somehow felt worse. This wasn't like him. Is this the grumpy side everyone talks about? Is this Joel, the asshole you have yet to meet?

Feeling confused, your eyes started to cloud, slightly teary with anger and sadness, yet also a bit of dread at going out with Jimmy. You blinked your eyes, sorting through the abandoned drug store you and Joel were in.

Finding some condoms on a shelf, you threw them in your pack. “What're you doin’?” Joel asked. “Those can't be sold, didn't you pay attention to Tommy? They're rarely effective this old.”

“Yes I paid attention, Joel. I know they can't be sold. They're for me. I figured it's better than nothing,” you replied bitterly. “I have a date in a couple days, I want to be prepared,” you scowled. Joel’s jaw clenched, but he didn't say anything, instead turning to look the other direction of the aisle.

Crouched down to search the bottom shelf for other items, Joel was still turned away from you, keeping lookout on the other end of the aisle. 

You didn't even hear the stalker leap around the corner from the shadows and pounce on you. It opened its mouth, fungal strands spreading from its mouth towards your face. Pure fear pulsed through your veins.

“Joel!!!!!” You cried out, using all your strength to try and push the infected off of your body, but it was too strong. 

You screamed and kicked, struggling to break free, when Joel fired his shotgun, shooting the enemy in the head and immediately running over to you. Throwing the infected off of your body as if it was weightless, Joel scooped you into his arms. His lips moved but you heard nothing. Your ears rang, high pitched squeals from adrenaline, fear, shock, and the bang of the shotgun.

Joel pawed over your body, roughly inspecting you for bites and wounds in a frenzy. When he didn't find any, he held you in his arms again. “It's okay baby, it's okay. You're alright sweetheart. Come back to me, it's okay. You're okay.” Your hearing must have returned. He rocked you, tears welling from your eyes and his. “You're okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.” He kissed your ear and the side of your head, still rocking you in a hug, sitting on the floor, inches from the now-dead infected. The two of you needed to get out of here, but neither of you could move yet.

Finally you spoke. “Why are you sorry Joel?” You asked with a sniffle. You wrapped your arm around his back, the other hand finding the back of his head, gripping his curls gently.

“I'm sorry for how I've been actin’ all day. I'm sorry I didn't see that stalker before he attacked. I'm sorry for being so possessive earlier. I'm sorry,” he held you tighter.

You pulled back to look into his eyes. “Joel, you couldn't have heard or seen that stalker. That's what they do best. You saved me and that's all that matters. As for earlier, you were being an asshole, and it did really hurt my feelings. All this time people have said you're such a jerk, and I didn't see it,” you pulled away from his grip, “but today I did.” You looked at your lap. “Don't I deserve to go on a date? Don't I deserve to have someone love me?” You picked at the hem of your pants, avoiding his eye contact.

“Oh, darlin', I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to feel that way. I just - you deserve something real, not a hookup like that guy wants. I know his type. He'll sleep with you and toss you aside. You deserve to be treated like a lady.”

You snorted. “Yeah, Joel. That's how things are nowadays, too. Gentleman just waiting to sweep me off my feet. Shit, you literally just saved me from near-death, something that happens all the time today, and yet you're saying I deserve love? To find romance? Yeah, right.”

Joel didn't say anything. He just looked into your eyes, lips pursed and moving to the side in thought. His eyes drifted to your lips and back up to your sight.

You continued. “I don't even like Jimmy,” you said quietly. “I like someone else, but I just got tired of waiting and wanted some kind of connection. Even if it's just a night in bed.” At the last part of your sentence, Joel grimaced, almost in pain. And then he thought.

“Wait,” he sat back a little, scanning your face. “Who do you like?” 

You gulped. Why not a little more adrenaline? “Well, it was you, until you started acting like an asshole. But I realized you probably didn't feel the same way a while ago. Especially after I practically threw myself at you last night.”

“Threw yourself at me last night? What are you talkin’ about? You were drunk,” Joel answered.

“I wasn't that drunk, Joel. My movements were pretty planned. The placement of my touches on your body. My ass angled up in your direction. I wanted you,” you added, pointedly.

Joel looked like he was solving a complicated math problem. “So you… last night when you… I heard you, in bed, pleasurin’ yourself. Were you… thinking about me?”

You looked up at him in shock and panic. “You heard me?” You asked in a frantic whisper.

“Yeah, I uh… I did. I got up to get a towel and heard your uh… sounds” he cleared his throat.

“I guess I should tell you then that I heard you too,” you said with a smirk.

Joel swallowed, hard. “Y-ya heard me?”

“Yep” you replied, popping your lips on the p sound.

Joel had nothing to lose at this point. “I was thinking about you,” he proclaimed. “Thinkin’ bout that wet spot on your panties when you flashed your ass in the air. Wishin’ I was buried inside you.” He ran his hand across your thigh.

Your breathing picked up. “I was thinking about you too. Wishing you'd bust through that door and take me in your bed, running my nails down your back as we came together…” you mimicked the motion with your fingers down his jacket-clad back.

“Fuck,” he hissed, eyes closing. You glanced down at the noticeable bulge in his jeans. “I like you too, I just never thought you felt the same. Y’never seemed to pick up on any of my sweet talkin’ or my names for ya.”

“I just figured you were being nice,” you replied, glancing back into his eyes.

“You should know by now, I'm only nice to you,” he growled. “I'm sorry I ruined that today,” he glanced at your mouth, licking his lips. “Was just jealous. Want you all for myself,” he stroked your thigh again.

You sighed at the feeling, pulling him by his collar to kiss him deeply. The kiss was frantic and rough, both of you trying to get as much of each other as possible, a year of build-up boiling at the surface. Teeth clashed and tongues danced and you pulled each other closer, grasping at clothes and skin. 

The two of you broke the kiss, needing a gasp of air. You started to take off your shirt when Joel stopped you. “Whoa, darlin'. I want you just as bad, but not here,” he gestured to the old building. “It's dangerous, not to mention gross in here. I wasn't kidding when I said you deserve romance,” he stood, pulling you to your feet. “We're about a 20 minute ride from base, let's head home. Make your fantasy of fuckin’ in my bed come true,” he winked, giving a smack to your ass. 

_____

The 20 minute ride felt never-ending as you both stole glances at each other, your panties still wet with arousal, and him still sporting the tent in his pants, which was hard to miss. 

Finally making it back to the stables, you both quickly undressed the horses and put gear away, about to head out of the barn when Jimmy and his partner rode up. “Hey, babe,” he called to you. It sounded wrong from his mouth. Joel tensed at your side.

Dismounting his horse, Jimmy strolled over to you. “Hey Jimmy, I was thinking. I don't think I want to go on that date after all. I'm sorry, I just don't feel the same way.”

“What?” Jimmy asked in disbelief.

“I know, I'm sorry if I hurt you. I- I like someone else. I just didn't think they felt the same way,” you replied sheepishly.

“Fuck you,” he spat.

“What?” You were in disbelief.

“Fuck you, bitch. One of the few women in this town who won't fuckin’ put out. I was even gonna take you on some shitty date before I got you into bed, and now you make a fool of me? Nah, I don't think so,” he stalked towards you angrily. 

You stepped back, worried what he might do, but Joel stepped in first, nailing a punch at Jimmy's nose. “Don't you dare talk to her like that,” Joel yelled.

Tommy came running in, hearing the commotion. After hearing what happened, it was decided that Jimmy wouldn't be welcome in this town any longer.

Satisfied, you grabbed Joel's hand. “Why don't I show you who I really belong to?” You looked up at him, biting your lip.

“Lead the way, baby.” He pushed you forward, smacking your ass.

The two of you stumbled into his house, kissing with little regard for objects. Luckily, Ellie was still at a friend's house. The door slammed closed and you kissed furiously, undressing as you walked. Finally you reached his bedroom and fell onto the bed, where he made all your fantasies of the night prior come true. The two of you enjoyed the taste of each other's mouths, kissing and licking, while he pounded into you, leaving you breathless and screaming his name as you both came.

“That was even better than I imagined,” you sighed, rolling over onto his chest.

“That's my girl,” he cooed, kissing your head and rubbing your back.

“Mine,” he whispered.

[cherrybean]

Lana Del Rey songs that remind me of the BB & BCS characters

!!!Spoilers for some of them!!!

Domingo/Krazy 8

- Queen of Disaster

- Lyric: “got me spinnin’ like a ballerina, feeling gangsta’ every time I see ya”

- Mainly the little twinkle sounding beginning of the song reminds me of Krazy 8 because he has beautiful big eyes 😩 the first time I saw him I felt like he never really fit into the harsh world of drugs because he seems like a more timid/sweet person ☹️

Tuco Salamanca

- Ultraviolence

- Lyric: “he hit me and it felt like a kiss”

- This man is VERY violent 💀 need i say more

Eduardo/Lalo Salamanca

- Million Dollar Man

- Lyric: “you’ve got the word, but baby at what price?”/“Youre screwed up and brilliant”

- Another beautiful man and the song is about someone who is so irrevocably in love with someone to the point they’ll ruin themselves for them, aka me for him 🫶🏽

Ignacio Varga/Nacho

- Get Free/ Dealer

- Lyric: “sometimes it feels like I got a war in my mind, I wanna get off, but I keep riding the ride”/ “gave you all my money, I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna give you nothing”

- A very sad man, I love nacho so much and I feel like he is stuck in the world of drugs and sadly is his demise in the end😭 my heart aches for him

Jesse Pinkman

- Black Beauty/ High by the Beach

- Lyric: “life is beautiful, but you don’t have a clue”/ “I’ll do it on my own, don’t need your money, money to get me what I want”

- Jesse seems like a very sad soul who is still very bright and hasn’t let his past experiences dim his light, the second lyric is mostly what I think he’d think of Walter

Walter White

- Money Power Glory

- Lyric: “but that’s not what this bitch wants, not what I want at all, I want money, power and glory”

- Literally his endgame 💀 he wanted money, power and the glory of doing it all

Gustavo/Gus Fring

- Fucked My Way Up To The Top

- Lyric: “I fucked my way up to the top, this is my show”

- Literally infiltrated and killed every last person who did him dirty/killed his friend/lover. Truly is HIS show

Howard Hamlin

- National Anthem

- Lyric: “money is the anthem of success, so before we go out what’s your address?”

- Show never really tells if he actually comes from old money, but guessing from his name being on the law firms business and his fathers (?) I feel like this is a fitting song 😩 I still loved Howard though 🥲 plus the way that Kim and Jimmy despise him for having a silver spoon in his mouth

Kim Wexler

- Ride

- Lyric: “I’m tired of feeling like I’m fucking crazy”

- My queen 🫶🏽 love her and she can do no wrongs. Feel like her younger life and even adult life people would tell her who she is or what kind of person she was/wasn’t and this one line stuck out to me

Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill

- Cruel World

- Lyric: “got your bible, got your gun”/ “everybody knows that I’m the best I’m crazy, yeah yeah”

- First lyric reminds me in my interpretation of Jimmy being split between him and his alter ego and doing good in law vs playing law as his game, kind of the contradiction of having a bible and a gun (don’t come after me please). Second lyric more of him going a bit crazy in some scenes with his speeches 🤨

[ivanttakethis]

End of Round 6 - Tov’s Log

Vermillion vs. Aurien - ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR

————————————————————

Solei had been the sun to Aurien’s moon for as long as Tov could remember.

Their light illuminated every fiber of Aurien’s being. She shined because they shined.

But after Solei disappeared, after Aurien’s daylight gave way to endless night, she let the darkness swallow her whole too.

She was never quite the same.

Even the way she sang was different.

It was haunting.

To the audience, it probably sounded beautiful.

But Tov knew the ghost behind Aurien’s voice was real.

Vermillion sounded haunted too, though in a slightly different way.

His ever present charm had melted away, raw emotion flooding his voice as he sang.

Tov knew right away that this round would be close. Aurien would have to give everything and then some to avoid a repeat of Round 3.

She couldn’t watch another friend die.

She couldn’t.

But Vermillion was Aurien’s friend too, right? Tov didn’t know if Aurien would ever betray a friend in the way that was necessary to win.

She ground her teeth.

The song finished, and the scoreboard totaled the points.

Vermillion 54. Aurien 46.

Her heart thudded once, hard enough to bruise. She stopped breathing altogether.

The moon would crash to the planet’s surface, and the tide would rise wild to meet it.

Tov thought of Solei. For the first time since they disappeared, she hoped they were dead.

If only so Aurien could reunite with them sooner.

“Vermillion Win” was projected in big letters on the scoreboard.

Then the screen went black.

“What the—”

A gun fired.

An emergency alarm started blaring.

Then the audio cut out too.

No! Aurien!

Something fast and sharp shot through Tov’s system, seizing her still weakened heart in its brutal grasp.

It wasn’t adrenaline, she knew that chemical reaction well.

No, this was something different. This was something worse.

Cassio, her mind screamed, I need to call Cassio now.

Tov fumbled for the phone and punched in her guardian’s number with a bit more force than necessary.

She held her breath as the line rang.

As soon as Cassio picked, Tov was assaulted by the panicked cacophony in the background.

Aliens were screaming, guards were shouting orders that fell of deaf ears, and that damn alarm was still wailing too loud to think.

“Tov?”

“Cassio.” Tov never thought she’d be relieved to hear their voice. “The broadcast lost the video feed and then there was a gunshot. Is everything alright?”

“Alright” definitely wasn’t the right word to describe the lead up to Aurien’s execution, but she couldn’t think of anything else.

“Everything’s gone to shit.” They hissed. “Someone cut the power to the whole complex and triggered the emergency alarms. There’s a stampede of aliens trying to get out of here and I’m currently stuck in the middle of it. We’re all trying to get to the backstage tunnels now.”

Tov’s mind was spinning. Was there an attack on Alien Stage? If so, what — or who — were they after? The judges? The audience? The contestants?

Himei and Tallis were still there.

What if something happened to them?

What if something already had?

She would have no idea until the lights came back on and someone sorted through the carnage.

Tov’s medical band beeped.

“This place is swarming with AREPH agents.” Cassio muttered, yanking Tov out of her spiraling thoughts.

AREPH. The Agency for the Recovery of Escaped Pet Humans.

Tov remembered a few AREPH agents showing up at Anakt Garden the morning after Solei disappeared.

The agent who interviewed her wore a silver badge with the agency’s seal. She could still recall what it looked like; how it gleamed when it caught the light.

Tov frowned.

Why would AREPH agents be there?

“Oh fuck—” Cassio’s voice shook.

“What? What is it Cassio?”

Their tone turned grave, “Tov, I need you to listen to me very carefully. I’m only going to say this once, and then I’m going to hang up.”

“What’s going on—”

“JUST LISTEN TO ME TOV!!”

Tov recoiled from the receiver. Cassio had never so much as raised their voice at her before. Her medical band beeped again.

They took a deep breath to compose themselves, then spoke in a very deliberate and deathly even voice, “Lock the doors. Turn off all of the lights in the house. Draw the blinds.” They instructed. “Don’t make any noise. Don’t pick up the phone. And don’t answer the door for anyone. Stay put until I get back.”

Tov finally had a name for the emotion that had a vice grip on her heart.

Fear.

She’d felt it so infrequently in her life that it was hard to identify amidst the chaos. But she felt it now.

Strong. Overwhelming. Terrifying.

A chill ran down her spine. Ice surged through her veins. She couldn’t move.

“Why?” Tov could barely get the words out. “Why do I have to do all of this?”

Cassio took pity on her.

“It’s about Solei. They’re here.”

And the line went dead.

————————————————————

Round 6, amirite?? <- (is definitely failing to cope)

Shit got real this round. Lots of chaos. Lots of blood. Lots of thoughts and feelings. Honestly I’m still processing most of it.

It’s a good thing Tov stayed home for this round too because the ensuing panic probably would’ve given her a heart attack (not joking btw).

If you’re wondering how Cassio knew it was Solei at the competition, they passed by a monitor backstage that had the emergency message from this post flashing on it and recognized Solei’s ID number.

They tell Tov to act like she’s not home because AREPH agents could come looking for her since she is thought to be withholding information about Solei’s Anakt Garden escape.

Aurien belongs to @aurienneirua and Solei belongs to @solei-eclipse.

Himei, Tallis, and the Agency for the Recovery of Escaped Pet Humans (AREPH) belong to @lookatmysillies!

[summery-captain]

AuADHD Traits in Dirk Gently - S1E3 - Rogue Walls Enthusiasts

Hold on thight, this is a much longer one!

S1E1: Horizons

S1E2: Lost and Found

- Farah looks around the “room” she was stuck in previously and looks around intently, then says: “Take me to the house” in a very serious tone. Dirk then looks at Todd and does a thumbs up very enthusiastically while smiling really widely, meanwhile Todd and Farah look very defeated - he has a hard time “reading the room” and reacting “appropriately” due to the misread of tone/situations

 - “I spoke to the police!” (in a tone indicating enthusiasm and importance), “What did they say?”, “...go away.” - trouble with intonation/expressing himself in a way that implies something else.

- “I gave the bad guys my number” “You gave them your number?” “In self defense!” - same as before, his tone indicates purpose to Farah and Todd, and then he explains what he meant and they’re confused. In the same scene, Rimmer’s number is saved as “bad gun man”, which is both funny but also very relatable, because of the hard time we have remembering things, it’s very common for us to save numbers as name + where we know the person from to facilitate identification

*- Farah says in a very stressed out tone, “Everything I own is there [Spring’s mansion], my clothes, my gun-”, giving examples of why it’s important to her to go back there. Dirk immediately replies: “You look good” smiling and in a reassuring tone, misreading Farah’s concern to be about her appearance (more obvious) VS what she means subtextually (her life is in the mansion)

- When Todd freaks out unexpectedly, Dirk gets very startled and looks from Todd to the way Farah went back and forth about four times very quickly - unexpected changes can be very confusing / hard to process 

*-  Right after that, Dirk and Todd have the following dialogue: “Wait a moment!” / “What?” / “Are you… mad at me?” - it’s incredibly hard to read other’s emotions, especially when in relation to us. Dirk takes a moment to check in to clear things up because he isn’t sure where Todd stands about him.

 Then, when Todd answers “Yes– No– I don’t know. I don’t know what I am at you”, Dirk reacts very positively, saying “Good” and patting Todd’s shoulder, immediately running away to Farah after “resolving” the situation and taking Todd’s confusion to be best than a very certain “I’m mad at you” - It can be reassuring to be told someone isn’t angry at us when reading other’s tone and intentions/reactions is so hard, especially from someone who means a lot to us.

  Not a Dirk scene, but something I find important to mention. In between Dirk scenes, we get to see a conversation between Col. Riggins and Friedkin where Riggins says: “Blackwing had one mission: to seek out, codify and collect individuals with sensory perceptive abilities beyond the normal human range”. Meanwhile, Dirk repeatedly states throughout the show and especially to B.W. agents that “This isn’t how it works, this isn’t how I work!” and they never ever take him seriously, believing themselves to know better than the subjects do about themselves and their abilities.

 With that in mind, I draw an important parallel between how Black Wing works and how the ableist medical community works, specially in the timeframe where Dirk would have been in when he was in being held by them - With blackwing being created in 1988, the general belief that Dirk is in his 30s, and Dirk being one of the original subjects, that places his captivity in the 80s-00s, being there from about age 5 until 12 years old and getting out in 2000, because with the show happening in 2016, and when Riggins confronts him at the Ridgley Dirk says: It’s been 16 years, that’s a general timeline. 

 TRIGGER WARNING FOR FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH: ABLEISM, THERAPY TO “CURE” US

xxxxxx

 All of this to say that the way Black Wing is shown to operate both in S1 and S2, with tests, general subhuman conditions, “exposure” therapy, electric shocks, cruel testing and impossible standards, I see a very big connection with how some facilities and programs conduct behavioral “therapy” towards autistics, now too but even more so in the timeframe Dirk was a subject originally. The similarities, albeit in a very sci-fi esque aesthetic so to speak, are clear between black wing’s “program” and ABA “therapies”/Experiments/”Research”.

xxxxxx

Continuing on, Farah and Dirk going to the Spring mansion:

- Dirk doesn’t swing his arms when he’s walking, very common in autistic people and neurodivergent people in general because of our commonly comorbid lack of motor skills + different center of balance from neurotypicals which means we don’t usually need to move our arms when walking to “balance out” our leg movements because we also tend to walk differently.

*- “You’ve never met him” / “Yes, he seems like someone I’ve never met” - Very funny line but also very relatable when you realize Dirk constantly makes “small talk” by stating the obvious.

- “Isn’t that… Interesting”, Says Spring’s lawyer, to which Dirk promptly replies: “I get that a lot” - I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told the exact same thing or similar stuff, whether neurotypicals consciously realize this or not they seem to pick up very quickly we’re not like them on a very fundamental basis and WILL give backhanded compliments such as saying we’re interesting or quirky or anything like that. It took me a WHILE to realize this is what was happening and that they usually never mean it in a positive way.

*- When Spring’s lawyer gives Farah the letter saying that Spring instructed him to only give it to Farah when in the presence of someone named Dirk Gently, he says “Well it’s lucky I’m here then!” in a very chipper tone.

 Then, when Farah is having a breakdown and tell him she didn’t think he was still in the room, he says “Why would I leave the room? All of the good stuff is happening in here!”, and only THEN does he pay closer attention to how Farah is and asks “Were you and Patrick… close?” - He has a really hard time “reading the room” as I’ve said, and specially in relation to things that he considers more “obvious” like the case he’s working on. 

 AND THEN, when Farah says she is a bunch of negative things, Dirk goes, tentatively, “No, no, listen, you’re only SOME of those things” and she reacts by letting out a scream and sitting down forcefully, and he becomes even more unsure of how to act, starts trembling and pats Farah’s shoulder and then pokes it, gives up and sits down next to her. - It’s very hard to comfort people when you have a hard time reading other’s emotions, and I think that although Dirk didn’t do a very good job on comforting Farah he did try his best in a confusing situation to him, and ended up helping her nonetheless, taking us to:

*- “I don’t know anything, ever. It’s really quite relaxing. It’s how I work, I..follow fate around. It’s how I found you.” - there is a LOT of freedom in accepting you’ll most likely never have the in’s and out’s of reading others and that you can really only try your best in navigating life without having all the pieces other’s seem to have access to.

- When Farah opens the envelope Spring left her Dirk YOINKS it from her, then when he reads the “You” says “This doesn’t look like you, he’s got the hair all wrong!” - very funny moment and also shows two traits: impulsivity and literal thinking.

*- When they’re trying to follow the map, he nervously follows Farah around in the most autistic way of walking ever, it’s so relatable it’s comical honestly, the slight tip toeing, swinging side to side, just !!! he’s just like us fr

*- Farah starts analyzing the wall and he goes on a rant trying to figure out what she’s doing, interpreting the way she’s acting very literally, “It’s a wall.. Did he enjoy walls? Did ever mention a LOVE for walls-” and immediately SCREAMS and jumps backwards when Farah makes a loud noise by breaking the fake wall down with the iron, trembling the whole time - sound seems to be one of his most intense sensory triggers.

*- “How… did you do that?” / “With my hand!” - He’s SO literal I love him

*- “Dirk? I’m starting to think you’re actually a pretty good detective” - his face goes, rapidly: happy, proud, he shakes his head, aloof, uncaring.   Dirk frequently schools his expressions out, trying to make the “correct” face in regards to the situation at hand, which shows two different things: he has a hard time figuring out right away which one is the “correct” expression AND he has been conditioned to think his initial reactions are always wrong/unnaceptable.

*- When Todd reaches Amanda after running to her house, he says “Dirk doesn’t know anything. In fact, the amount of things he doesn’t know are stupefying” - slightly ableist although it makes sense within context where Dirk knows a lot of things about “random” or seemingly (to others) unimportant stuff but has a hard time with “simple” (to others) concepts/things

- Autistic funny AND sarcastisc moment when Dirk goes “Oh.. is that why you’re here?” when Todd states that this is MY apartment.

- Amanda says, “I don’t go out much”, and Dirk says: “Me neither!” - it’s common for us to not really go out that much because going out can be very overwhelming in many many ways

- When he and Todd have the discussion on the hallway, he’s very direct and vulnerable with Todd, even if he doesn’t know him THAT well, saying “I want your help”, for example, instead of just hinting at it or dancing around the subject just because it’s a hard one - we’re often direct with our intentions/feelings

- As he goes downstairs after convincing Todd to help him and to get the everbulb from his car, he does a little celebration by jumping a bit and pumping his fists, which isn’t NECESSARILY a stim but could be read as one! - stim: from “stimulation”, when we do repetitive things based on the major five senses to express happiness and also regulate our emotions, like jumping or singing for example.

- When confronted by Riggins and Friedkin he has a ‘slight’ meltdown and after getting tackled holds onto the stairwell’s bars, shaking. - I do know it’s a common reaction given the situation but also fits pretty well with mine and other autistic people’s experience in regards to what our specific reactions to overwhelming situations can look like.

As always thank you for reading and let me know if you want to be tagged in future posts/When I make the masterpost after finishing all of the episodes! I took a long time from E2 to this one because I changed jobs and had a really hard time adapting but am now more stable and have a bit more of free time!

 Tagging: @clockworkcheetah @urlocallesbiab @generalized-incompetence @amber-angel @silverhardt @weiwuxiankinnie

[outpost51]

💧Rain - What's the most emotional scene you've ever written? 👀👀

🌨 Sleet - What's the most you've ever written in one sitting?

🌙 Eclipse - What's the most common / reoccurring theme of your WIP(s)?

WIP Weather Asks

gonna answer these out of order so i can put the cut at the end c:

🌨 Sleet - What's the most you've ever written in one sitting?

fuck, like 10k or something, and i want that mojo back

🌙 Eclipse - What's the most common / reoccurring theme of your WIP(s)?

daddy issues family dynamics/blood vs chosen/etc? i think

💧Rain - What's the most emotional scene you've ever written?

this one smarts pretty bad but since it's adjacent to the actual wip, for your delectation:

cracks knuckles

Pup’s soft snoring was the loudest thing in the room. The ceiling fan ticked rhythmically, mixing with the crackling speakers. They created a harmony in the pin-drop silence as I thumbed through the rolodex of questions filling my brain. He’d told me next to nothing; Dad was a bad liar and even worse at it when he was drunk. He was withholding a lot, and whether it was because I was so young or because he just didn’t want to remember, I didn’t know, but I deserved the truth. I deserved to know why we almost starved. I deserved to know why he left a twelve year-old alone with a toddler. I deserved to know what happened.

But I could see the ghosts lurking in the shadows of his eyes. I knew I couldn’t push too much.

I swallowed. “Did you find her?”

Dad’s voice was thick with grief when he answered. “Yeah.”

I didn’t want to ask the next question burning the tip of my tongue. I deserved the truth, but I wanted to keep my naive hope that maybe Mom was just tied up in a warehouse somewhere. It fell from my lips against my will. “Where… is she?”

Dad took a deep drag from his cigarette to quell the warbling in his chest.

--

Omega Station, one week ago

Talus hobbled his way to Dock 12, stopping periodically to slump against the grimy walls to rest. He was covered in blood, his own and everyone else’s, and ozone sharpness and whatever greasy shit coated the entire station. He didn’t deserve to set foot on his wife’s ship, especially because the Galatea was as spotless as the day she left port. It made him uneasy. She should have had battle damage, a missing engine, anything at all to indicate a fight.

Sitting pyjak.

It should have been him.

The denizens milling about gave him a wide berth. He stifled the keen rising in his throat as he keyed in Fira’s autolock code — their anniversary.

He’d smelled death before. Blossoming rot wasn’t an odor someone forgot easily.

But those were bastards who deserved it, either because of sheer stupidity or because they were standing on the wrong side of his shotgun. They were targets on a map, shakedown marks who got a little smart with the wrong enforcer, things that might have been people once lying broken at the bottom of a mineshaft.

They weren’t his wife. Beautiful, wild, indestructible Fira Cassi, the mother of his children and love of his life and the one thing grounding him in reality.

They weren’t Valetoria Marcetius, who he followed home to Palaven and stole away in the middle of the night and married somewhere in unclaimed space with no one but his best friend and an old krogan to bear witness.

They weren’t his partner in crime, who followed him all over the galaxy and into the Suns and looked so gorgeous in armor with a gun in her hands it made his heart skip.

The airlock swooshed open. Talus swayed on his feet as the gut-wrenching stench of putrefaction hit him with the force of a charging krogan. It grew heavier in the air with every staggering step forward. He gagged, pushing through the molasses-thick foulness to the source of the assault on his senses, down, down, down to the belly of the ship. The cargo hold was crusted with patches of deep navy that stuck to his boots and painted a bastardized wedding-aisle through the row of crates leading to the gooey pile of armor and bone and rotting plates that once ran by his side.

Flashes of Fira in her secondhand gown, the one she saw in a window that they nicked later the same night, her small hands wrapped in his and tied together with a sapphire ribbon, fought against the pain of what he thought might be a shattered right femur, a cracked rib, still-forming scabs ripped open anew and dripping fresh cobalt like flower petals on the bloody carpet, his injured leg carrying him faster and faster to collapse like his lung in the carnage, gather what was left to his chest and scream and scream and scream, his bondmate, his falling star, his life, his —

--

“Dad!” I shouted, rousing Pup from its slumber. Dad’s trembling hands shook ash everywhere, his glassy eyes fixed on some point far beyond the dividing wall. His functioning mandible twitched sporadically and his whole body convulsed hard enough to jostle both me and the varren. It looked like one of Mom’s seizures, but worse.

Much worse.

He snapped back to the present with a gasp.

“Where’s the body, Dad?” I asked again. It wasn’t fair of me to get frustrated at him in the state he was in, but it wasn’t fair of him to leave me hanging for ten minutes while he went somewhere else and left me behind again.

He keened in short bursts every time he tried to speak. I felt bad, then, for rushing him. He eventually managed to get a grip on reality. “I called in a favor,” he wheezed. “One a’ the few people I still trust on the station. Runs an incinerator to fund his food stall. Did our c—” His voice caught in his throat and he cleared it with a grunt. “Did our ceremony.”

I worried my lower lip between my teeth, shutting my eyes to brace against a fresh wave of grief — both his and mine.

A beat passed between us. “She’s in a box. All that’s left is dust and bone.”

“Her ship?”

He pressed a key into my palm. The bright, anodized metal burned my skin and the plush vau dangling from it mocked me with its matted fur and embroidered smile. “She’s yours. Scrubbed clean, ready to go when you’re big enough to see over the dash.”

My lip quivered. Tears tingled behind my eyes. I couldn’t tell if they were out of anger or pain.

I rose, standing next to his chair, frozen in place with my fists clenched at my sides. My mind raced to stop the angry rant in my heart from spearing Dad with more arrows than he’d already taken.

“Pup’s yours too. He came outta the trash behind Foodshack an’ followed me back to the docks.” Dad inhaled shakily. “Didn’t have the heart to leave ‘im. Not after that. Named ‘im Fishdog.”

I stared in disbelief at Dad’s addition and the cork popped on my self-control.

“So that’s it, then? You vanish for a month on some stupid, half-assed vengeance spree, you leave me here, alone, to take care of your son while you go gallivanting off to your old stomping grounds to play the holovid action hero, and you bring me a fucking varren pup as if it’s gonna fix everything? You crashed through the front wall, Dad, or does your pathetic, drunk ass not even remember that part? I had to watch Doc re-inflate your lungs and saw off your fucking leg while he was also blitzed out of his plates!” My hands shook. The key cut into my palm.

“C’mon, Fishdog,” I huffed. The pup flopped out of the chair and followed on my heels as I stormed towards the stairs. He didn’t ask to get dragged into this mess, and Dad deserved to be alone with himself for a while. I paused on the landing. “Fuck you, Talus.” I spat his name onto the dingy carpet like a curse.

Had the room been any louder than dead silent, I would have missed his soft, “I’m sorry.”

I split my lip with my teeth. I couldn’t bear to look back at him, because I was raw, and hurting, and I might have forgotten I was angry with him. “Tell that to Mom’s ashes.”

[mixing-bowl-of-stories]

How would Noah and Pandora describe one another, vs how they describe themselves?

Noah: uhhh Pan? I mean there’s not much to say that you probably haven’t heard from other people already.

She’s got an impressive role, she’s pretty, she’s strong, she’s nice, all that sappy shit.

…She’s like, really patient. Waaaaaay too patient… I mean, I pointed a gun in her face once and she yelled at me, sure. But otherwise? Nope, she stuck around. I hurt her so many times but she stuck around.

I guess it’s that De La Dáinn stubbornness I keep hearing about.

She’s a lot more compassionate than I am, and a great teacher.

She’s strong but not in that power based way, I mean in the mental way. The capacity to go through death, live in the aftermath of your relatives’ deaths, go through way more shit than you should have to, that all takes a level of strength most people don’t have.

A level of strength I don’t have.

I gave up and gave in because of what I went through, started hurting people, starting destroying things people loved. That’s pretty weak if you ask me.

It takes a special kind of weak to become just as bad as the people who hurt you.

I’m not nearly as interesting or special as Pandora is, I’m not even flesh and blood.

I’ve got… what’s did she call it? “Sins of the father” I think it was, but mine is more “sins of the parents”, judging by what my mom has told me about my dad.

I’m just as guilty as my mom, because I helped, because I did the same shit she did to other people. But, I’m trying to make up for it, trying to atone by getting rid of her and her associates.

But yeah. Nothing more to me than that. I’ll probably shut myself off when I’m done with the job.

Or not.

…I haven’t decided if that might do more harm than good now that somebody cares about me…

[ he sighs ]

Just a horrible person and complete asshole who isn’t even living. That’s what I am…

Pandora: Oh? Noah? I think he’s pretty great.

He’s the one thing that gives me faith in people, that people can change. He’s come so far and done a lot of good, even if he doesn’t see it, even if he does it in a way that’s not typical.

He’s super strong, mentally and physically. And I’m pretty honored to have him as a friend.

He just needs a little help, someone to teach him, someone to be patient with him. No child starts walking without falling or crawling first, it’s stupid to expect people to be perfect immediately.

As for me? I don’t really know what to say haha

I’m just me, just a person, sure I have a lot of important things about me, but usually that stuff involves who I am to other people.

A champion,

A De La Dáinn,

But I’m just me. Just Pandora. Always have been and always will be just me.

I don’t think there’s anything special about me besides what I am to other people.

I don’t see why I should be celebrated for doing the right thing that most people should already be doing, but oh well, it’s not like I’m not thankful for that sort of thing.

But I’m more into the most honest moments, like what I get with The Crux.

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI - 3.09 - The Big Payback (the real review)

Higgy in danger and her boys doing everything to save her - check

Magnum basically going “let her go and you can do whatever you want to me” - check

Miggy hug - check (OMG!!! It only took 49 episodes!!)

Rick getting a girlfriend - check

Angst-y Magnum about doing the right thing years ago because it got Higgy in trouble(!!!) - check

Juliet deciding to just squeeze in between Rick and Thomas even when there wasn’t really a place for here there...because of reasons - check

Adorable Miggy early days flash back - check

Gordon being all ’I might be a cop but I’m gonna be here for my BFFs’ - check

It’s like someone grabbed a bunch of my favorite tropes and just made a salad with them (or an ice cream sundae, because I hate salad). I legit just want to re-watch it ten times today (but I can’t because I have so much to do *grrr*.)

I mean we get this

I’m not sure what to say because I just keep getting stuck watching the gifs for this over and over. Like come on, how can you be so adorable?

Still, I’m going to try to have some coherent thoughts.

So yes, obviously I enjoyed this episode. Even though it l def. lacked Miggy working together and bantering and being their normal adorable selves I can handle that when we get gems like Magnum just basically going ‘okay shoot me as long as she goes free’ and Miggy hug and Juliet being all “that night in the wind cellar was the moment I knew you were a good person who truly wanted to help people” at the end. 

I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that Magnum and co. actually broke the guy out/ extracted him, though.

Like they did it with as little damage and blanks in their weapons but still....

Part of me LOVES that they were getting their Higgy back, come hell or high water but ramming police cars and using automatic weapons is kinda different from their normal rule breaking. Like maybe there should have been one more “are we really doing this?” from Rick or TC with Magnum being all. “I can’t lose her. I know it’s not right and I can’t ask you to-” “You don’t have to. We got you.”

Or more of an attempt to find Higgy? Like they go to the guy’s house and he has a camera, threatens Higgy and because the time is almost up they don’t do anything more about finding her. But what if they’d actually hedged their bets and told Gordon they’d manged to find a lead (but not how) and asked him to look into it more? IDK, I guess they were scared. 

Also during on of the phone calls I would really have liked a “I need to talk to her” proof of life sort of thing because at this point they’re just doing the whole thing and hoping Higgy is alive. The guy could have just killed her, planing to kill Magnum during the exchange, right? Right???

Also, why not just shoot both Higgy and Magnum at the exchange? That would have made sure neither one of them followed. I mean if I was the bad guy, that’s what I’d do. Or I’d shoot one of them in the stomach/leg to force the other to focus all their energy on saving them. It worked great in the premier so I really think if I was a bad guy, that’s the way I’d go! #evilgenius #missedmycalling 

I mean, I love that we got Magnum being all sacrificial, putting his gun down, and telling her “it’s gonna be alright” when they took him (I need gifs of that, pretty please! and her looking after him! My babies! )

But if we’re being honest, Higgy was right... not smart Thomas!

Probably I if I was a bad guy (but not that bad) I’d just leave them both there alive with a broken down car. Like come on, Magnum had already told the Dad he knew he killed his ex-wife and thus the dad should not have wanted him along if he was worried he’d tell his son about it, right? 

So if they really wanted a hostage, keep Juliet. She’s smaller and not a Navy SEAL!  Even if she’s clearly resourceful (unsure how easy it would be to get info on her past as an MI6 agent, but not very I think, so they wouldn’t know just how good) she should seem like the better hostage of the two.

Whatever, it gave us Miggy hug so I don’t even care if it don’t fully make 100% from the bad guy’s POV! I just love it anyway!

Side note  - Juliet has her OWN horse????? I mean we knew she rode but...

Do you all know freaking expensive horses are to keep? And like how little they bring to the table? Like seriously, Higgy, sell that gorgeous beast, be sad and stop having money problems. I’m telling you, horse vs. huge estate - horse is more expensive (okay no, it’s probably not I’m still kinda surprise there is a stable and an actual horse belonging to Robin’s Nest. I’m assuming the horse is Robin’s and like the cars she’s trying to keep everything without selling it but goodness, a horse? Rich people are so weird. It’s a very cute horse though...)

Next note.

I really like that we’re getting Suzy + Rick. Legit, it was on my season 3 wish list (for Rick to date a girl working at his bar!) I wonder if Higgy getting kidnapped was on there too? I should see if I can find it!

BUT...maybe they should have had one or two episodes more of them just being adorkable at the bar in the background before this. Mostly because I’m not sure this episode felt like the most fitting one. 

We got Rick going “I’m nervous to ask a girl out” while Magnum is all “My soulmate (who is currently dating a rich kinda- handsome doctor) has been kidnapped and will be killed unless we break a guy out of prison in 4 hours.” 

Stakes don’t quite match somehow. 

But it’s nice, getting another female character that might be semi-reoccurring! She and Rick (Zachary) are married in real life (?) hopefully she will be around a lot!

I also loved the whole: 

Suzy: “What are we celebrating?” 

Juliet (having been kidnapped and then watching Magnum get taken, legit happy no one is dead...except the bad guys):“How about being alive?” 

Suzy: “As good as any reason!” 

Over all I really don’t know what to say, other than this episode makes me question if I even need to keep writing fan fics. The show runners seem to be itching to steal my captain’s hat and sail my ship for me! And honestly, if we keep getting what we’ve been getting in season 3, I’ll be happy to let them!

Cheers!

Also happy birthday to Jay today!

[abitofafatass]

Updated: Red vs Blue Injury masterlist, as of Season 18 (Zero)

Only three people got updated on this masterlist because this is the Reds and Blues and their Freelancer parents’ post. As per usual, please message me if I missed something

Red Team

Sarge

Sniper round to the head

Got pinned to Red Base by the remote control Warthog

Doc drove into him twice

Fell down in the Caves below Blood Gulch

knocked out with a railgun, suffers “bruised ribs and a broken hip”

drove off a cliff repeatedly in his attempt to fight gravity

  PSAs

-Burned alive in Fire Safety

Donut

Grenade to the face

tripped over the Spleen Ball

got his hand stuck in the warthog’s machinery

Sister’s ship landed on him and he fell down into the caves

nearly died of dehydration in the dessert

Shot in the chest by Washington and nearly bleeds out

Had a grenade explode behind him and knock him unconscious

Was “ripped apart and put back together” after being zapped by the time machine

Became an unwitting Shisno

PSAs

-Had fingers blown off by fireworks

Simmons

Ow, the back of my head!”

“Ow, the front of my face!”Became a cyborg

Shot himself in the foot

Shot by Sarge right before leaving for Rat’s Nest

Sets off a mine in the minefield in the dessert (but doesnt say how he was injured)

Electrocuted himself (Epsilon!Simmons only)

Beaten up by aliens (Epsilon!Simmons only)

PSAs

-Burned alive in Fire Safety

-Beat up by Tucker and Grif

Where There’s a Wall miniseries 

-crashed a pelican into the Wall

Grif (who has a full wiki page dedicated to his injuries, btw)

Run over by a tank

Shot by sniper round while hiding on the top of the canyon

Is shot at the beginning of all of Red Team’s emergency plans

nearly died because of an allergic reaction to cleaning solutions

was set on fire

Was blasted off the top of Valhalla (”I think my knee caps are shattered”)

has had AT LEAST 11 (eleven) punches and kicks from TEX directed at his groin

smashed face first into a wall thanks to the malfunctioning speed unit

nearly overheated thanks to that same speed unit

Shot by the tank when Sarge was remodeling Red Base

Got shot by Sarge while running drills

Beat up by the Fed and New soldiers because he didnt do drills (Thanks Wash)

beaten up by aliens (Epsilon!Grif only)

Mental health declines after the Reds and Blues leave him completely alone. This includes

-being so lonely he goes full Castaway and makes the BGC out of volleyballs

-possible hallucinations

-hyperactive talking and new speech tics

fell on his face when he attempted to swing in for a rescue

Deathmatch: Carolina v Meta

-Hit with his own Grifshot by one of those deathmatch guys

-shot by caboose with the tank during deathmatch debate

-knocked out with his own grifshot during deathmatch debate

-shot in the back during the deathmatch

Imaginary

-killed and his dead body used to gum up the giant windmill

-killed at the end of season 6

PSAs

-Got burned alive in Fire Safety

-Grifball kills

Where There’s a Wall miniseries

-was in the Warthog when it was being launched at the wall in order to break through it

-hit by Simmons’ pelican while on the wall

Blue Team

Church

Was tortured and fragmented

Self-destructed in Washington’s head (Epsilon)

team killed via tank

had a bomb literally go off in his stomach

Improper use of the Man-Canon at Valhalla sent him skidding across the damn map

Was killed by an EMP (Alpha)

Shot in the foot by Tex (Epsilon)

Red team shot him in the foot so he could talk to them (Inside the Epsilon unit only)

Blew up when the rocket he was attached to hit the ceiling (inside the Epsilon unit only)

Fragmented himself (Epsilon)

PSAs

-Had a hole drilled into his ass by those NASA probes

-blown up by a nuke

Tucker

Crunchbite beat the hell out of him

An alien parasitic baby literally clawed himself out of his stomach

he was shot in the back by O’Malley or Church that one time in season two with a rocket launcher 

rock landed on his head and laid him the fuck out

Stabbed in the gut by Felix

Stabbed in the gut by Phase

PSAs

-Was run over by the warthog by Carolina, Kimball, and Doc Grey

Caboose

Church shot his toe off

He had three AI in his head and then had them violently removed = brain damage

Massive blood loss when Junior bit his arm and drank his blood

Got shot in the shoulder running from Tex (”Last time I got shot, I got a purple heart…”)

Delta was torn from his head = MORE BRAIN DAMAGE

The time he stepped on a mine and got blown sky high

landing on the ground after being blasted sky high

Caboose’s helmet was offline for almost two hours leaving him without air (no air for extended amounts of time kills brain cells)

drank gasoline

Fell off a cliff and landed on his head (the part that was most used to being hit)

PSAs

-Got burned alive in Fire Safety

-Jumped off the side of the canyon

-had Asian Bird Flu

-Church tears out his heart and sticks in back in every Valentines day (may be metaphorical)

-Fell out of the sky that one time he “went into the campaign”

Tex

Got blown up by Donut’s grenade

Shot in the ass by Tucker’s sniper rifle

killed by the EMP (Beta)

Stabbed in the helmet by the Meta and sucked into the Epsilon unit (E-Beta)

Epsilon “forgot” her and let her memory go (E-Beta)

Doc

Tea bagged by the Flag Zealots

Attacked by Crunchbite and knocked out

punched into a wall

blasted out of the wall

blown up in Tex’s mine trap

Long term exposure with Omega gave him Dissociative Identity Disorder

Became an unwitting Shisno

Kaikaina “Sister” Grif

Was apparently under the ice for several hours and came out of it with no lasting effects

nearly strangled to death by Lopez

“Jilled it so hard I got a friction burn”

Washington

Epsilon committed suicide in his head

Shot in the back by South

Shot while at the Freelancer HQ

Run over by Grif with a Warthog

Blown up by Sarge and the fusion coils

Blown up in Tex’s mine trap

Beat up by the Meta

Hit with Locus’ rail gun and knocked unconscious

Sliced his palm open in the Purge fight

Spent eight days in armour lock with no food or water

shot through the neck

-caused Cerebral Hypoxia, meaning his brain was without oxygen for several minutes

-brain damage with severe memory lapses and amnesia

-He now has some sort of cybernetic enhancement to cope with these issues

Unclear what sort of torture Zero had him put through but it did leave him unconscious and in a coma again for a while

Carolina

possible broken ribs after using the speed unit during the Sarcophagus heist

Eta and Iota potentially caused brain damage in the fight against Tex

Tex punched her so hard she was knocked unconscious

coma

The Meta ripped Eta and Iota out of her head = brain damage and damage at implant site

tossed off a cliff right after having AI ripped out of her head

Stabbed in the leg by Felix

twisted or broken ankle in the first fight against Sharkface

fell off the cliff and through a bunch of tree branches in that same fight

Fell out of the monorail in the second fight against Sharkface. There were no lasting injuries visible, but she was definitely holding her ribs

slash across the back (shoulder to hip) with an energy sword

Spent eight days in armour lock with no food or water

broken arm

Uncertain what injuries she did get, but she was kind of embedded in a wall after Zero’s blast

fell from about 10 feet up after that blast. She was clearly limping and needed support after that

Deathmatch vs Meta

-slash across front (shoulder to hip) with bruteshot

[craziigamerchick]

Tommy x Grace - Tommy x Lizzie Anti-Parallels

I wanted to make a breakdown post about how both relationships have the same things happen (baby, marriage, May, working for Tommy) but have totally different outcomes. This is really long. Just warning you.

lets start with season 1:

The church confession vs sidewalk pickup

Similarities

He sets them both up for failure. “You’re a good catholic girl aren’t ya?” and “That’s 8 bloody pounds.”

Offers them a job. Grace - book keeper and Lizzie - prostitute (she’s supposed to have quit). They both accept.

They both get upset when they realize he is calling them out. “you pull a pint like someone who’s thinking about it” “John will make his own decision but he will have all the facts”

The face caress. This actually what made me realize how similar these scenes were.

Differences

He takes Grace from the street to a church while with Lizzie he just stays on the street.

He’s happy Grace accepted the offer but upset Lizzie did.

When Grace gets upset and goes to leave he stops her but with Lizzie he lets her go.

Him and Grace kiss after the face caress where Lizzie slaps his hand away.

In the scene with Lizzie he constantly has the upper hand but with Grace, she knocks him off balance a bit “and perhaps mine”.

END RESULT: GRACE - Tommy leaves first and both are feeling pretty good. LIZZIE - Lizzie leaves first and both are upset

season 2:

Sex scene with Lizzie vs sex scene with Grace

Similarities

SEX. I think this is the only similarity but I could be missing something.

Differences

L&T are almost fully clothed where G&T are naked 

L&T have groaning. G&T there is only music.

Lizzie does most the talking afterwards in their scene. Tommy does most of the talking with Grace.

Tommy leaves Lizzie right after and stays the night with Grace

The lighting is more warm with L&T and more cool with G&T

Pays Lizzie money and not Grace.

END RESULT: GRACE - he stays the night with her  LIZZIE - he leaves right away

First scene after both women have accepted the job

Similarities

Tommy wants a letter delivered

Differences

Tommy tells Lizzie the information of the letter and she is actually the one that writes it. With Grace he doesn’t let her in on the details of the letter he wants her to deliver.

Grace is brought up in the scene with Lizzie (her letter from NY). Lizzie is not in G&T scene.

Tommy and Lizzie are together when scene ends. Tommy leaves during scene with Grace.

Grace asks questions. Lizzie none, just relays information.

Lizzie seems to be awed by who the letter is to (churchill) and Grace comes off as suspicious of him having her deliver a letter to his sister.

Grace over steps her bounds with the champagne and Lizzie does everything pretty much perfectly

END RESULT: GRACE - Tommy leaves and Grace is upset with him. LIZZIE - Tommy stays and him and Lizzie are in good spirits with each other

Using Lizzie at the end of s2 vs using Grace with Kimber (both are at the races)

Similarities

Tommy uses both women. Grace to close the deal with Kimber and Lizzie to get Russel alone.

He instructs them about their apparel. Lizzie to undo 2 buttons. Grace to wear a red dress.

Neither lady is too pleased with him and both let him know it.

Differences

Tommy makes it in time to save Grace from getting raped but not Lizzie

He never planned on saving Grace but did where as he planned on getting to Lizzie on time but didn’t

Once he seen what Kimber was doing to Grace he rushed in but when you could clearly hear what was going down with Lizzie and Russel, he kept at the same pace till he made it to them (wtf though. this will never fail to piss me off. like you can clearly hear Lizzie in pain and he can’t even run to her)

There was dancing and flirting with Grace but none of that with Lizzie. Lizzie tried to convey her feelings to Tommy but he wasn’t even paying attention.

Grace kept her voice a whisper when told what to do even when pissed. Lizzie raised her voice and even threatened Tommy.

Tommy kills Russel but not Billy Kimber (not then)

He tried to comfort Lizzie (she ain’t having it) but not Grace

Tommy made it to Grace because he came early where with Lizzie he would have made it in time even though he had to go around if he wouldn’t have went to Campbell to just to gloat about Grace’s feelings for him. 

He put his plan in jeopardy to save Grace and put Lizzie in jeopardy to gloat to his enemy.

MY THOUGHTS: There has to be way more that I’m missing but these aren’t just one scene each and there is so many layers behind all of the scenes.

END RESULT: GRACE - Doesn’t get raped and leaves with Tommy. Lizzie - Gets raped and leaves separately from Tommy

Season 4

Lizzie with May and Grace with May

Similarities

both women have little snark fest with May over Tommy

May comes to the area both are already at

The women that start the snark are the ones that Tommy favors the least at that moment

Differences

May is the aggressor with Grace in her scene whereas Lizzie is the aggressor in her scene with May.

Grace wins/has the last word with May whereas May gets the last word with Lizzie

After L&M had words Tommy still tried to hook up with May but after G&M had words Tommy never tried to hook up with her again (while grace was alive)

Tommy is pissed with Lizzie about it but we never find out what he thinks about G&M

END RESULT: GRACE - Has the last word and May leaves instead of waiting for Tommy. LIZZIE - Lizzie doesn’t get the last word and May waits for Tommy

Pregnancy announcement  

Similarities

both announce to Tommy they’re pregnant when he has other things on his mind

both tell him he’s the father and he believes both of them.

“a baby Thomas” and “a little you and me”

Differences

At first he tells Grace to pass it off as her husband’s but implies to Lizzie to get rid of it 

He’s shocked with Grace and lost for words but just stone faced with Lizzie

Grace tells him I love you but Lizzie never says anything like that

He tells Grace he will figure out what to do later whereas he tell Lizzie how it’s going to go down right away

He gets lost in the moment with Grace but with Lizzie his mind is still stuck with what happened (killed 3)

He plans on Marrying Grace (after he doesn’t die) and plans on just giving Lizzie a house and Money

He leaves WITH Lizzie but leaves Grace to keep with his plan

MY THOUGHTS: Tommy isn’t in a good headspace for the news with either one. He seems happy about it with Grace but to me it’s more happy that she loves him than that she is pregnant. I don’t think he came across as unhappy with Lizzie but more like oh ok we’ll deal with it. I definitely think it showed the disconnect between Lizzie in Tommy this scene but more on that during this next section.

END RESULT: GRACE - He’s happy and the scene ends with them going separate ways with future unknown. LIZZIE - He’s not happy (not mad though) and the scene ends with them leaving together and future plans known

Garrison murders aftermath vs I killed 3 (during pregnancy announcement)

Similarities

Tommy is in a bad mental place because of what just happened

Both try to give comfort (Lizzie the handhold and Grace the hug)

Differences

Grace is able to bring comfort to Tommy (the closed eyes when they are hugging) whereas Lizzie tries but it doesn’t work. 

Grace seen what Tommy did but Lizzie only heard about it

Grace brings Tommy comfort because they just saw each other murder someone and can understand what the other is feeling whereas Lizzie hasn’t done that yet and can’t connect on that level

Grace and Tommy are interrupted by Moss whereas Tommy breaks it up with him and Lizzie

Grace kind of puts Tommy in that situation whereas Lizzie has nothing to do with it (not directly at least but it did all start because she was dating Angel)

MY THOUGHTS: Grace brings Tommy comfort for this sort of thing because she’s seen him at his worst and vice versa and she understands. They just get each other on a deeper level. Lizzie tries to comfort him with the handhold but when she bends down to him they bump heads (ouch) and she doesn’t know what to say to bring comfort. They also don’t keep the forehead touch going on like G&T do. She brings up the baby but that’s not what he needs right at the moment. It’s telling right before she goes in to tell him, he is looking at Grace’s picture. Longing for comfort from the person who gave it to him before. This scene is where Lizzie also tells Tommy if he thinks she would get rid of their baby he doesn’t know her (showing he doesn’t really know her. which is also shown in the “WTF was that” scene about May). Yet, he’s told Grace they “know each other”. 

END RESULT: GRACE -  Moss breaks up their hug and Tommy is still upset and not hiding it. Then he walks her home and they share a cigarette (showing they’ve become closer as it’s more intimate).  LIZZIE -  Tommy breaks up the hand hold and pulls himself together even though he is still upset and drives her home but we don’t see it.

Season 5

Lizzie shoots gun vs Garrison murders

Similarities

Both women are wearing maroon

Both walk out with the gun and start shooting

Tommy is stunned both times

There are 2 other men involved

Tommy’s life is threatened both times when each woman comes out 

Both shoot twice

Both save Tommy’s life 

Happens at night

Differences

Lizzie doesn’t shoot anybody, just in the air but Grace shoots and kills one of the men

Lizzie speaks and then Tommy. For Garrison murders, Tommy speaks and then Grace.

Lizzie keeps the gun pointed at Tommy but Grace never points it at him (towards him at Byrne but not at him)

Tommy looks hurt that Lizzie is pointing gun at him and upset with Grace for shooting when he told her to just point

In the pub both men are IRA and at the house both men are Gypsies

Both men live with Lizzie but both men die with Grace

Happens inside with Grace and outside with Lizzie

Grace and Tommy get hurt but Lizzie and Tommy are both fine

Tommy and Lizzie help both men (Lizzie calls ambulance for Aberama and Tommy helps Johnny inside) whereas Grace and Tommy kill both men

Lizzie walks inside during scene and Tommy heads that way too but Grace and Tommy both just stand there till the next scene

Lizzie was shaking holding the gun but Grace was steady (she has training)

L&T sex scene in bedroom vs G&T sex scene at Ada’s

Similarities

close up on their faces at the beginning

the lighting is similar in color

the kissing is very audible in both scenes

the hand gripping the furniture

Differences

Lizzie lays down how things are going to go whereas Grace is trying to figure out

Grace touches Tommy’s face but Tommy is the one touching Lizzies face

Tommy focuses mainly on Lizzie’s body but focuses only on Grace’s face

the music is loud during G&T scene but low on L&T

heavy moaning during L&T during the sex but music takes over during G&T

G&T kiss most of the scene but L&T there is only a bit of it

Tommy throws Lizzie on the bed but walks Grace to the couch carefully

bed vs couch

there is some stripping in L&T but putting the clothes back on for G&T

Grace wants to make sure there is nobody else and Lizzie is ok with their being others as long as he follows her rules

MY THOUGHTS: The Lizzie and Tommy scene also reminded me of the May and Tommy scene from season 2. Lizzie and May are both wearing the same color of nightwear and they go the desk then the bed in both scenes. Which could also parallel the wedding episode where Grace and Tommy start kissing at the desk but move to the bed also. He is more gentle with Grace than the other two and there is more kissing. Grace is also wearing purple where the other 2 appear to be wearing light pink.

END RESULT: LIZZIE - Her and Tommy seem to have a deal in place about how their relationship is going to be going forward. GRACE - Her and Tommy’s future is still uncertain

Lizzie’s Birthday vs G&T Wedding

Similarities

A big party with lots of people at the arrow house

they keep guests waiting while they have sex

enemies are in attendance

someone gets shot

Neither woman knew about the enemy until the party

Tommy does business during the party

after sex we see both ladies pulling up their stockings on one leg

Differences

Tommy doesn’t want the Russians near his house but invites Mosely there

Worries about Grace being embarrassed and threatens his people over it but let’s Mosely embarrass Lizzie and says nothing (she has to save face by saying Mosely fell asleep early even though Lizzie just told Polly they fucked)

Polly is friendly with Lizzie but not with Grace

G&T dance but we watch other people dance (swans) instead at Lizzie’s party

the person that gets shot at the wedding dies but Linda lives 

Lizzie interacts with the enemy whereas Grace doesn’t

Tommy tries to hide the stuff from Grace but doesn’t Lizzie

L&T have sex once whereas G&T have sex twice

Loud moaning during sex with L&T, none with G&T

Sex is fully clothed with L&T but with sex scene we do see G&T are completely naked

Tommy warns Lizzie about the enemy beforehand but Grace has to get the information out of Tommy after it’s started going down

Enemy has ties to Lizzie but Russians have nothing to do with Grace

END RESULTS: LIZZIE - Tommy gives her more information about what’s going on and gets comfort from her (they end the scene together). GRACE - Her and Tommy get interrupted during sex and he goes to take care of their son and look out the window (a sign of worry/anxiousness)

So that’s all the scenes but here are some other details where they are the same but opposite:

Had a child with Tommy. GRACE - a boy and named after a real actor. LIZZIE - a girl and Ruby because she might grow up to be an actress herself according to Polly (also Ruby is red and Grace was wearing a sapphire which is blue and we all know red and blue are opposites).

Tommy asks Lizzie if she wants to fuck (also uses that vulgarity on other women) but never uses that vulgarity with Grace. 

Lizzie has threatened Tommy with a Gun 2x even though they have never been enemies but Grace who was his enemy never did.

In S5 Lizzie represents the black swan (she has it on her coat in episode 1) and Grace the white swan (there is an article about it). Now go look up the ballet Swan Lake....

Tommy has insulted both of them (”I still pay for it in my head” and “you’re used to be undercover”), Lizzie takes it while Grace smacks him.

Both are/were his wife. Lizzie is alive but Grace is dead.

His wedding ring with Lizzie is a plain one but a special one with Grace (can anyone tell me what’s engraved on it?).

He makes promises to both of them and breaks them. Lizzie gets angry and storms out whereas Grace says something about and Tommy makes her come with him (scene with RIP Charlie)

When the women order drinks, Grace ordered the champagne and Lizzie the Vodka tonic. 

He’s given them both gifts. He gave Lizzie money as a gift in 4x1 and Grace the sapphire in 3x2

RANDOM OBSERVATION:

When Tommy introduced his wife to Mosley he called her Elizabeth (he calls her Lizzie right after that). Her and Polly are both standing there and both of their names are Elizabeth. It felt like that was on purpose by the writers (Polly’s actress even says she is like his wife but without the sex). His work wife (who he is related to) and real wife share the same name...ughh gross. I know Mosely already met Polly and everything but the writers love to show us about how Tommy and Polly are the Head of the family. It just felt wrong. 

Which I also think the only reason Polly likes Lizzie for Tommy is because she knows she’ll never lose him to her. She knows Lizzie has no sway over Tommy and she can stay his true wife/partner. I say “true” because Tommy does tell Lizzie things but as we see in S5E1 he tells Polly more (and Lizzie is not happy about it).

[wedreamedlove]

Bai Qi’s Vitality [Character Study]

Essay train chugging away at full speed here, haha. This comparison came into my mind while I was ruminating over Xu Mo's post and it was actually what made me jump the gun to push out Xu Mo's before I read his Prison Date (more accurately Imprisoned Dreams Date...) because this essay for Bai Qi jumps off of Xu Mo's post.

Disclaimer: I use CN translations and also spoiler warning for R&S synopses for end of Season 1.

First, I want to quote some lines from weibo user @我写文太差被关了起来 (lit. "My writings are so bad I got locked up" LOL) whose post I don't really agree with, but she wrote these three lines for Bai Qi that sunk its claws into me and won't leave:

"If I can only choose one word to describe Bai Qi then I would choose 'vitality'."

"He doesn't wish to love this world."

"He has always loved this world."

If Xu Mo both yearns for companionship [Loneliness] but is innately separated from the world [Into Your World] and ruthless to himself in accepting that furthering his goals may continue to keep him alone, then Bai Qi is separated and aloof from the world by choice.

If Xu Mo has a detached view and an intellectual curiosity or fixation on the abstract concept of survival of humanity, then Bai Qi is down on the ground experiencing the world in its natural state and trying to protect it, individual by individual.

I'm not saying one is better than the other (they're both my biases) but it's neat to contrast them. I've mentioned here and there that the LovePro men are foils for each other in interesting ways.

Anyway, I wrote this piece [Price of Freedom] but there was a missing link I had a hard time articulating and now it's been delivered to me! So, while Bai Qi has made MC his home and the North Star he always goes towards, he can actually survive on his own because of his innate core of justice.

I know it's a common thought that Bai Qi revolves around MC too much and she's like a goddess placed on a pedestal because she gave him a new life, but what I want to argue is that while she did give him a new lease on life she isn't the sole meaning of his existence.

MC is incredibly important to Bai Qi, but the quote below shows what she really gave him when he awakened his Evol from her piano playing.

"His existence didn't need a so-called father, what people called friends, or an accepted meaning." [Campus Date]

He becamse self-actualized right then and there. He doesn't need to rely on anyone or anything to live now except for what he himself decides on.

Now, I'm going to plop an entire scene from his [Fullmoon Date] because it's going to lead into my next points. Please keep in mind the words from the weibo user at the top:

(But also, why did Elex translate the entire date into present tense? Ballsy LOL. Not only does it break consistency from their previous dates but the source text was in past tense and not written for present tense.)

The full moon was reflected in his eyes and in my muddled state I could faintly hear the growl issued from his throat.

His claws slowly grew and tore into his palm. A blood-red light gathered in the center of his hand and it became a sparkling crimson heart-shaped crystal.

Wizard: Bai Qi, do you really think you can defeat me?

Wizard: If you could, then you wouldn't have chained yourself here together with me for so many years.

Bai Qi: It's different now.

Wizard: What?

Wizard: Haha, don't tell me you're going to throw away your humanity? Then you really will become a monster that is neither human nor beast!

Bai Qi: I don't care.

Bai Qi lowered his head and looked deeply at the girl in his embrace, a tenderness in his eyes that he never had before.

He softly brushed the hair on her forehead and leaned close to her ear, gentle but unwilling to say goodbye.

Bai Qi: I'm very lucky.

Bai Qi: That, right before I fell into the darkness, there was someone who caught me.

Bai Qi: Whether it was apple pie or lemon pie, the things you made... they were all delicious.

Bai Qi: I wanted to lie down on the grass with you and take a nap. I could have also lent you my tail as a pillow.

Bai Qi: I wanted to be able to grab your hand every time you ran, not as a hunter and their prey and not for training.

Bai Qi: Thank you, [MC].

Wizard: What are you mumbling about?

Bai Qi didn't concern himself with the wizard's provocation and he carefully placed the girl's body in a safe corner. The next time he raised his head, his face was filled with resolve.

In the next second, he crushed the crystal in his hand.

Pausing here to point out the epic callbacks Papergames always does. I checked the ENG and while there was no problems there, the CN text echoed the same structure entirely.

"Then I'm very lucky. There was someone who caught me right before I hit the bottom." [CH7.18]

"And you saved me. Don't lower your head, look at me. Don't feel insecure and don't feel like you're useless. You caught me again right before I hit the bottom." [CH15.7]

"The day I met her, there were gingko leaves drifting and falling slowly through the air, and it was the most beautiful time in late autumn. It was also the darkest time of my life. But she was the one who caught me tightly when I fell." [Spring Festival Date]

Returning back to the [Fullmoon Date]:

I slowly stood up, shivering uncontrollably, but I did my best to keep up a smile and carefully walked towards him.

Bai Qi: Stay away from me!!

MC: ......

His voice was hoarse and rough. The snow gradually lightened and softly fell onto that enormous body, like a sad but gentle embrace.

Bai Qi: Don't...

Bai Qi: ... Don't look at me.

My mind was filled with Bai Qi's face and, before today, I couldn't have imagined the close calls and fights he had experienced.

He would wag his tail in happiness and, when he was displeased, his ears would twitch back and forth, selling him out.

His hair was soft and his hands full of calluses, but when squeezed they were warm.

MC: Bai Qi, now I finally know why you were trapped here.

MC: You locked yourself up, right?

Bai Qi: ......

MC: All these years, it was to protect the townspeople and to fight that wizard.

Bai Qi tensed his body and I slowly raised my voice, repeating my conclusions again.

MC: You chained yourself here to protect others.

MC: In order not to let people come close, did you spread the rumors about eating Red Riding Hood yourself?

MC: Everyone is terrified of you, hates you, and calls you a monster, but you still protect them.

I approached him, bit by bit, and the snow fell into the corners of my eyes, slowly dripping down.

MC: This Big Bad Wolf of yours... you aren't qualified at all.

Bai Qi: ... These are just your guesses.

MC: Then you can tell me.

MC: No matter how many times it's said, as long as you talk to me, I'll listen.

Bai Qi: NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE A MONSTER!

MC: I believe.

MC: Besides, you aren't a monster.

MC: Let's go home. I'll bring you your favorite apple pie tomorrow.

Bai Qi slowly turned around and the snow fell into his pained eyes. I saw him remain in place.

Bai Qi: ... You aren't scared of me?

MC: I'm scared.

Bai Qi: Then why...?

MC: But I... want to understand you, little by little. I want to understand the real you.

It was impossible for me to imagine how many times he had once been misunderstood and been attacked. He sifted through this heap of suffering, again and again, but all he managed to save up was a bit of sweetness.

Yet he relied on this sweetness to solidify himself into a voiceless and silent blade, standing up steadfast in the abyss and never wavering.

My hand finally touched Bai Qi's "hand". His claws were pointed and held no warmth.

MC: You defeated that wizard, right?

Bai Qi: ......

Bai Qi: Mm, he's gone.

MC: Fairytales always write about knights and a prince on a white horse defeating the evil wizard and protecting the peace of the country.

Bai Qi: I'm not as great as you say and I've never thought about changing the way others look at me.

Bai Qi: I just use my own way... to be who I want to be.

Bai Qi: I'm not that prince on a white horse written in fairytales.

MC: Prince Charming certainly wouldn't be like how you are now.

His ears trembled and it was like he suffered a bit of a blow.

MC: Prince Charming always has to ride on a horse, wear a stylish cape, and wield a golden glittering sword.

MC: He has to always be graceful and maintain a heroic appearance.

Bai Qi: ......

MC: He wouldn't be like you, in such dire straights and so miserable, even giving up your own freedom.

MC: Even being beaten black and blue, with a bloody nose and swollen face, and yet crawling up out of the mud to go and protect other people.

MC: How is this a prince on a white horse?

His claws trembled slightly and his tail drooped down. His gaze was stuck to the ground, as if he were waiting for some sort of judgment.

MC: Bai Qi, you're a hero.

After he heard my words, his head shot up and those amber eyes were filled with doubt and shock.

MC: Even when you're covered in injuries and your clothes are ripped and torn, you still continue to stand in front of everyone.

MC: Even if there was no glory or reward, you would continue to use your own way to protect them. To protect me.

MC: You're the most foolish of heroes.

MC: But you're also... my hero.

First, more callbacks to Bai Qi's view about other people:

"At that time he said to me, 'Since you can't change the way others look at you, why not just follow your heart and do what you want to do.' These words had a great impact on me." [Campus Date]

"When did I ever care about other people's views? Except for yours, I don't care about any others." [Wish Date]

HONESTLY, the entire prince vs. hero speech the MC gave was just so darn good. The bit about how he crawls through the mud, battered and bruised, to continue protecting people? I had to take a moment after reading that and recalled the weibo user's line about how she would describe Bai Qi with just the word "vitality". The crazy thing is that they wrote this BEFORE Halloween was even announced.

Now, coming back to this essay, this is showing how he can live without the heroine. That was exactly what he was doing in [Fullmoon Date]; she gives more meaning and softness to his life, but he wasn't living an empty life before her either. Like he said, he was just doing what he wanted to do and being the person he wanted to be.

(whispers) He doesn't wish to love the world. He has always loved the world.

The winter world version of him shows this incredibly well. Yes, he was cold and curt towards MC throughout the whole thing but he also had that unchangeable core of kindness and justice and, as I mentioned in my Xu Mo post, MC draws her strength from how Bai Qi is always the same.

[Rumors & Secrets: Lost]

"How is he?"

Bai Qi's voice sounded and everyone in the rehearsal hall turned their heads to look in the direction of the door. The man's wounds had already been treated simply and there was a small gauze taped on his left cheek.

The female team member, who was in charge of comforting the man, gave a forced smile: "Not too good. I think he still needs..."

Before she finished speaking, the man suddenly shuddered violently. He gripped the blanket on his body tightly and tried to hide himself inside. His eyes shook and his expression was guarded as he carefully stared at Bai Qi's movements. The look in his eyes was as if he was watching a monster. The female team member nodded her head, a bit awkwardly, at Bai Qi and hurriedly brought the man away. When they passed beside Bai Qi, she heard that man muttering to himself.

"Monster..."

Bai Qi also heard it, but he only looked at the piano beside the window indifferently. That spotless white color was stained with blood, looking extremely wrong.

"Clean everything up."

Everyone who was stunned in their place came back to themselves and rushed to resume their actions. The short man sidled over to Bai Qi and it took him a long time before he could say: "Captain Bai, don't mind that..."

Bai Qi didn't say anything and only lightly nodded his head. He really didn't put what had happened just now in his mind, or perhaps one could say he was already used to it.

He saved many people under the hands of different criminals: some would thank him, others would be terrified to the point of being unable to speak, but the majority of them, after seeing his power, would see all Evolvers as monsters.

Look! LOOK! He continues doing his job even without knowing the MC and protecting others, despite whatever people think of him and say about him.

MC's presence in his life gives him:

"She's the one who told me I could live more strongly, and she's also the one who told me I could live more gently." [Spring Festival Date]

Her love gives him the sweetness his world is lacking, but he doesn't need it either. Again, I want to emphasize that it doesn't make it any less important and they're probably both halves of the whole that makes up the Bai Qi we all know and love, but he won't have the gaping hole and conflict that Xu Mo is going through LOL.

Okay, now we're going into extreme spoiler territory where these R&S synopses show Bai Qi's perspective before the end of the world and Season 1.

[CN Weibo Topic: Before the Comet Strike]

Looking up at the clear sky, before the world was displaced, the memories imprinted on our minds would not be erased.

[Frontier: A Message Unable to be Passed On]

At the last second, he was still quietly organizing and protecting this city.

The words he ordinarily wouldn't say in front of you turned into gentle whispers that melted into the night breeze.

The answer and door at the end of the world would surely be revealed in the near future.

[CN Fearless ER - Rumors & Secrets: Frontier]

Bai Qi leaned against his motorcycle and suddenly felt that what he had always protected in the past—what that girl had always protected in the past—was not only the entire city and this world, including the people who weren't willing to give up on anything, but also the most ordinary and small things in life.

It was to have a not-so-big place, a hot steaming breakfast in the morning, a light for him when he returned home late, and the one phrase "Welcome home".

"It would have been nice if that could have lasted a bit longer."

I can't translate this entire R&S because there's too much context and build up missing, but the important takeaway is his utter conviction in the MC and how he wants her to continue running forward without looking back and his belief in how their destinations will always overlap. If they continue to move forward, he believes they'll definitely meet again.

MY HEART. BECAUSE HIS DESTINATION IS ALWAYS HER!

I've always mentioned that MC and Bai Qi parallel each other so much that they're almost like mirrors. They both prioritize justice, the lives of ordinary and innocent people, and they are each other's source of courage, motivation, and determination to keep moving.

They add to each other's lives, but they don't need each other in order to keep getting up after falling and fighting for their belief of protecting the world and their loved ones.

Lastly, to finish off my new ode of love for Bai Qi, I'm going to end with the weibo user's words again:

"He doesn't wish to love this world."

"He has always loved this world."

[nomimits7]

Cold Phoenix | 1

Title: Cold Phoenix

Pairing: FBI BTS x Gang/mafia member (named) reader

Genre: Mission au, FBI au, Gang au

Warnings: Angst, manipulation, riddles (sorry), betrayal

Summary: Being born as the Taboo child between the good and the bad of this world, Zebah grew up believing she was just another one of the stolen. But just like the moon that needs the sun to shine, seven FBI agents enter her life with the promise of freedom. Before long Zebah realizes she is just another pawn in the game of Mafia vs. FBI. Will Zebah ever learn to trust the seven men that betrayed her to get what they wanted? Will she ever believe the truth behind her own birth? Or will Zebah fall alongside her family that lied to her from the start?

A/N: This story is told in the third person. Try to guess who the narrator is! Also this is my first time writing in this style. Please do tell me what you think. Should I keep to it or not?? The bold words are flashbacks of past scenes. The normal words are what the narrator tells.

@kookmin9795land​ Hope you like it 

*-*

“It’s done. Mommy made the big bad mistake go away. Now, remember what mommy said. You made this mistake…” The woman with grey hair points to the new-born baby in her son's arms “and whatever mommy had to do in there is your fault. If she ever finds out about her true identity, mommy will have to ‘fix’ that to” The woman concluded as she exited the hallway, ordering some of the bystanders to clean up the mess. She was the wife of one of the most feared mafia bosses out there. Ruthless and heartless, even towards her own son's breaking heart. No amount of tears could break her, even if she silently felt joy seeing and holding her first grandchild.

“Don’t worry angel, even if you might never know the truth… Daddy will always love you and protect you from afar” He whispered close to his newly born daughters’ ears. Regret and sadness the only available emotions as he watches the others remove the love of his life’s lifeless body. A silent sacrifice to save her life. A sacrifice she would only come to hear about when it’s far too late. His mother has removed the sun in his dark life, fortunately, he had his daughter to fill the void, even if she, like the moon, would only reflect her mother's brightness.  

Growing up in the mafia Zebah always thought she was one of the stolen. You see there were just too little children born into the mafia to maintain sufficient numbers, so some of the mafia leaders decided to steal what they needed. Reinforcements. At first, they stole teens, they were young and could learn fast, but they also had grown to the extent where they wouldn’t forget their past lives. They would rebel against the mafia, causing more problems than fixing them.

Soon the age decreased, toddlers were kept under lock and key and even baby cribs had alarms on them. People started living with the fear that their child would be next. Once Phoenix took them, they would never be seen again. The only time they would be found, is when they have already reached skeletonization.

Once the children were old enough to talk and walk properly, their training began. From handling knives to shooting with their eyes closed. They were trained to become the best of the best. The best at hiding, the best at stealing, the best at killing. Even though they knew children would sometimes make mistakes, they treated it as a game of baseball. Strike one was a warning, strike two a punishment, and strike three meant you were out. Out of the mafia and out of society. How they killed off these recruits depended on the day, but luckily Zebah never got to experience such an event. She barely had one strike to your name.

It’s been sixteen years since her training started and twenty-one years since she started breathing. Zebah was ruthless and feared amongst the mafia members. Even some of the rival mafias kept their distance from her. She was still young, but since her skills surpass most of her seniors, Zebah quickly became a favorite. Even her best friends and partners in crime envied her position. Alex and Ray barely left her side. Even with her skills, they knew Zebah was still just a young girl stuck in the mafia world. Physically feared but mentally broken. All of them were, their upbringing wasn’t exactly normal.

Most of the mission they were sent on went without fault, but they were still learning. This fact alone was why the big boss never sends them on ‘more important’ missions. The risk was just too high, the FBI and even some rival mafias would take any chance they got to take down Pheonix, even if they would have to deal with Z. Luckily they always failed, and as cocky as that sounds that may be exactly what lead to their success in the end. One thing nobody realized in the beginning was just how fragile the minds of the young ones are. Phoenix simply focussed on the hardcore stuff. They barely trained their minds to withstand temptation. This was one of the biggest mistakes Phoenix could ever have made.

So why this is important you ask? Well, you see every story has a start and the very birth of the taboo child leads to the downfall of Pheonix. She might have been born and raised in the mafia, but her heart was pure and believe me when I tell you she wanted out. None of her friends shared her desire and Zebah learned that the hard way. Now I won’t bore you with the boring stuff, so I’ll cut to the very boys who granted her, her freedom. I have to warn you though, this story doesn’t have the usual ‘enemies to lover’ enigma. This story includes heartbreak and betrayal with a dash of blood for taste.

You won’t believe me when I tell you that it was seven FBI agents. You heard me right, seven FBI boys. These seven were compiled of three hackers and four specialists. Now I know in the FBI all of the agents get trained in how to handle a gun and how to investigate and all that nitty-gritty shit. But here’s what sets these seven men apart. Their leader is a genius. Not in the sense of he can solve a crime within 5 seconds, no he’s extremely smart in the strategic sense. I think he mentioned once he had a degree in philosophy or something like that. The oldest hacker came from a criminal background. Both his parents were cyber thieves and they taught him everything he knows. One of the specialists was a chemist, the other two are experts in human behavior. The other two hackers just did it as a side job to get through college.

So in short, these individuals make up one heck of a team. Maybe that’s why their superiors gave them the mission to take Pheonix down. But the funny part of this whole story is that they never made a move. It was like they were the mafias and were waiting for their target to slip into their trap. At the time Pheonix didn’t even know they had a new target on their backs. Typical if you consider what idiot the leader was.

“Boss. We worked through the entire list of known mafia members and identified 3 candidates we can consider as possible insiders. All male, all young and naïve” Hoseok said as Namjoon walked into the office. This was not great news. Naïve-ness leads to failed missions and that’s one thing they could not afford. They had an image to maintain after all.

“You know that’s not a good start at all, right? We need insurance. Someone willing to take down the only family they know.” Yoongi casually stated as he cleaned his weapons. None of the profiles were stable enough to use. They all held the risk of failure. Some of them the members were too high up and other members were to low down to trust. It was nearly impossible for them to find an in.

“Maybe we’ll find something tonight. There’s a small gathering down at the docks and if my sources are correct, there will be a deal going down.” Seokjin said gaze still firmly attached to his screen.

“And how do we know your sources can be trusted Jin? People lie all the time to get what they want” Namjoon asked somewhat frustrated that his team’s not getting anywhere. It’s been a whole week since the big man told them to take Pheonix down and the man wants answers. Nothing made Namjoon more pissed off than someone nagging him for progress, especially in a high-profile case like this. Taking down Phoenix would be considered one of the most impossible tasks to ever cross an agent's desk. Many have tried in the past, and all have failed.

“Seriously Joon? I’m a hacker for goodness sake. I saw the text messages with my own eyes. Before you say anything I know it’s illegal that’s why I had Kookie send in an anonymous message leaving the tip for us to follow” Seokjin said as he finally made eye contact with a ‘shocked but not surprised’ Namjoon. He has done this before, once a criminal always a criminal. Seokjin, like the others, lived for the thrill.

If there is one thing you should know about this group of seven it’s this, they play by their own rules. I still believe that if it weren’t for their leader to keep them in check or his ability to legalize their actions, they would have been very cunning criminals.

Part 2

A/N: I know its short but there’s a reason...A good one. Let me know if you want to be added to a taglist! thank you for reading <3 

[trixterdark]

UH OH, IT'S THE OBLIGATORY SALTY RWBY S8 POST

☆Spoilers lol☆

This. Show.

Omg. It's like there's a twelve year old that they bring put of hyper sleep every year since volume 3...He reads the script and goes, "IT BEEDS TO BE EDGY! ITS NOT DARK ENOUGH"

- Fs in the chat for Emerald and Neo. Neo joined Cinder to get revenge and now she's stuck working for Salem. You could see it in her face that she wanted bo part in being someone else's pawn.

Meanwhile Emerald has even worried about Cinder this whole time and gets shut down the minute she sees her again...Typical for Cinder's behavior, but this seen could have been played differently. Cinder could have just raised a hand to stop her said something like, "I won't be vanquished that easily" or whatever she's really dramatic.

I wonder if Mercury's and Emerald are ever going to do anything plot relevant again...Also remember how they showed us Neon and Flynt in V7 and then poof, they disappeared? That was...something.

Oz and Oscar hiding stuff from the team thi? Those personalities are melding together quick huh...

I'm glad the team went back and improved the models for Blake and Weiss' hair. The chunk braid had been smoothed and Blake's haircut resembles her artwork better now.

-Also screw Amity, like who the hell cares. The tower element is dumb and I've been against it from Day 1.

-Moving everyone to the crater slums beneath Atlas just seems like a terrible idea ngl...Like...You know Salem wants the relic, maybe don't move people directly under something that can fall on them if she steals it

Do you think from the two key spots in the Opening visuals, they're trying to insinuate that Nora will either A) Die or B) Be a maiden because that's the feeling I get. I hope it's the latter because character death does not equal good writing bro, I would gave hoped the writers learned that the first 3 times but you guys keep using characters for trauma points and it feels like I'm reading someone's fanfiction from the sixth grade.

After seeing Neo and Tyrian they have to know something is up in Atlas/Mantle and therefore the likelihood that someone is gonna try steal the scepter is highly likely.

And Ironwood...They really don't want us to like him anymore, do they? Having him *oof* that council member seemed really uncalled for and hella extra, like...They pick the wildest times to let characters use their guns. Even in hours of desperation I couldn’t see Ironwood doing that...

Also...Clover. The way his medal was used in the OP, while visually striking, felt like poor taste. I hope they don't use him the same way they used Pyrrha for 3 seasons by just bringing him to go "looook isn't this saaaad!?" And it won't feel right because we only knew him for 5 minutes before they made him canon fodder.

And the OP.

We really went from Trust Love to Happily never after? Good grief. There were some good ideas but honestly I wish they spent more time on the production because it looks so messy, just like the V5 OP. They were already working on Volume 8 while Volume 7 was airing...And it shows. Slow. Down.

Good or bad, there's a reason why shows come back after 1-2 full years of production. You need time to iron out scripts and storyboard before you take them to the animation stage. We've already heard from people who have left the production for one reason or another, and I think the time crunch is effecting the quality of the show.

Nice. I heard the models were updated after V7 finished airing so they might look different on the home release but this is what it looked like while the show aired vs episode 1 of V8.

I'll probably be back with something else salty next week lol

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Darker Stains

Also on AO3 

TL;DR: 

Being a villain might run in Izuku's family, but that doesn't mean he needs to be the same type of villain as his dad. After all, the world doesn't need another All for One.

But I could do with another Stain.

AKA: Izuku, stubbornly follows Stain around until the guy warms up to him, all while he slowly poisons his gen ed class against the concept of heroes. Iida is stuck in the middle of all of this and finding himself begrudgingly agreeing with the kid who seems too sweet to be a villain.

Basically, deku is stain's apprentice

Ok less apprentice, more like "kid he cant get rid of"

izuku has afo and is sensei's kid and its kinda been his mission to get stain onside, but he just kinda started staning stain

so he said "love u dad but can i just like, follow this guy" and his dad said "you know what, its good to broaden your villainous horizons" So he makes a deal w stain: the heroes don't have to die, but izuku will take their quirks from them

in this AU izuku can "borrow" a quirk pretty quickly but needs a solid minute of contact to fully take it

izuku goes to ua, hes a gen. ed. student! he's there to get connections/blackmail but he only shows up around 3 days a week because of "family matters" but he’s holding great grades so they haven’t pushed too hard about his attendance. the only quirk izuku is listed as having is minor telekinesis, its all he uses in school but he gets pretty far in the sports festival, all the way to the tournament but has to forfeit his match because he needs to do something

(it was against bakugo. he honestly could have fought it but bakugo would be way angrier not being allowed to fight him so he left a little early)

so bakugo has always been kinda,,, scared of izuku. he lives w his dad, his mum lives in europe or something, bakugo isn't sure (afo told her it'd be safer for her to leave the country because all might vs him would be dangerous. She agreed but asked that he A, look after izuku and B, she be allowed to give her quirk to him as a gift to keep him safe. its izukus favorite quirk) and izuku has always let off a creepy aura. he had a "weak" quirk but did a lot of unexplained things, was too smart etc and his dad was creepy as all hell

bakugo would never admit it, but he was kinda glad he didnt have to fight izuku

Iida doesn’t get the call from his mum until later so he gets his medal and everything.

turns out? tensei was stopped by the hero killers, they don't "kill" people but they do kill heroes, tensei fought, lost and lost his quirk

so everything happens as in canon up till hosu (mirio has ofa) so izuku knows iida a little, was on his team with todoroki (replaced kami, his quirk was great for grabbing headbands). He actually picked iida's team because he wanted to know more about him before they took on ingenium

he wasnt 100% onboard with the removal of ingenium because he wasn't all that bad but he wasn't perfect for stains ideology because he was pretty profit-focused, had no other heroes on team but loads of sidekicks who make lower rates than heroes and give his agency a funding boost and was from a Hero Family so it wasn't super likely he wanted to be a hero just to save people

but he was a nice guy and put his life on the line for people so izuku thought he was pretty ok but stain was sticking to his guns and izuku didn't want the guy dead,,, so he said sure. so, izuku kinda,,, knows iida is going to come after stain. he saw all the people who put in internship forms, he saw where iida put down and put 2 and 2 together. but, thing is? he really likes iida! every time he's met iida the guy has been super nice to him, if a little uptight. during the cavalry battle he even took a hit for izuku he didn’t need to and izuku liked that so he’s trying to steer stain away from where he knows iida is probably going to end up because fuck endeavour and he's in Hosu

(plus izuku wants that sweet sweet fire quirk because he's not allowed to take dabi's)

also: relevant but only just, izuku has a really cutesy villain costume and isn't linked to the hero killer (like, think bunny poncho)

so izuku is wandering around, trying to work out how to lure endeavour into a dark alley and not having much luck because the nomu are L o u d and he ends up getting pushed to the ground and trampled in a person stampede

which he's a little salty about! but, iida, a knight in shining armour, stops his search for the hero killer to help izuku up and ask if hes ok and izuku blushes despite himself because even tho hes trying to steal the number 2 heroes quirk hes a big fan of heroes and iida? pushing all the heroic buttons

so yada yada, stain ends up taking native because endeavour wasnt leaving the crowds and izuku goes over to take the quirk for him and iida shows up

He steps between izuku and stain (assuming stain ment to hurt izuku) and says hes going to get revenge for his brother

and stain just fucking,,, sighs because he can see izuku's blush from here and the kid is all starry eyed over baby ingenium but like, the kid is vengeance-y and that’s not great for a hero, so he thinks the least he can do is rough him up a bit to teach him what a hero should be doing, because he’s trying to make a point more than anything he doesn’t use his quirk yet and tries to explain his point to iida

izuku is sitting off to the side with native and just watching this go down (he,,, may also be stealing native's quirk,, because fuck that guy but thats not the point)

anyway, iida is losing, and pretty badly too because the kid is angry and alone. izuku has finished taking native's quirk, who still hasn’t realized because hes stupid so he hauls iida over his shoulder from where hes a little concussed on the ground and runs off with him, leaving stain to sigh because what has his life come to

izuku talks to iida about stains ideas while patching him up, admitting that he thinks iida's brother was actually a pretty good hero and that stains a little strict. iida cant help but understand stains way of thinking, even though hes mad at himself about it. he tries to ask izuku what he was doing but he just gets shushed

izuku kinda dumps iida on todoroki and runs

(todoroki swears there was something familiar about the rabbit costumed kid)

so, izuku like comes up to iida during school, says he heard ab. stain and that it was really impressive that he did all that yadda yadda, and then leaves, 20 minutes later todoroki sees iida trying to flex his arms and grimacing. iida admits his arms are a little sore but its nbd

during hero training iida collapses a little and ochako runs over, hes trying not to scream because his arms hurt so bad.

he heads to recovery girl and hes? ok? but now also got engines where his brother did? and todoroki and ochako are so lost. todoroki turns to iida and says "i know this is off topic, but didnt your involvement with stain get suppressed from the media?" and iida freezes

iida trying to find this gen ed student but he doesnt really remember izukus name. hes just "green boy w minor telekinesis who knew too much"

i want izuku ducking behind his bestie shinso to hide from the big bad hero student. shinso is ready to throw down for izuku honestly. izuku confided in shinso ab. his villainous quirk and shinso is honestly shaping up to be his righthand man. together they'll show the world what heroes should really be, by tearing the system to shreds

iida is trying to find "green boy". short skinny green boy who hides behind his tall angry friend and is only on campus like, half the week. 

needless to say iida is having some trouble

so iida, honestly losing faith in heroics (in this au, todoroki told iida about the quirk marriage) goes looking for stain

iida: “where is izuku”

everyone in gen ed: 💪🏽👁👄👁👊🏽

iida, now in tears: “what are you  say i ng”

basically in this au izuku has managed to poison the gen ed. kids against heroics. some of them cant stand their teachers anymore, none of them want to transfer, they fake gag when they see the heroics students and some of them have even dropped out but no one suspects izuku because the kid loves heroes!!!

mic is his homeroom teacher

ooooOOOH TRAITOR MIC TOO

so mic is also the traitor

but hes like,, stupidly in love with aizawa and izuku kinda loves eraserhead so izuku makes his dad promise to not hurt 1a/aizawa so in this au? aizawa doesn't get smashed by the nomu. aizawa was trapped by stains quirk so the guy has tr a u m a but he's not in pain. afo is honestly trying to kill allmight but izuku likes all might so they fight about it but like, a soft fight? and it's disturbing even shigiraki because you should not be lightly bickering over the life of a man

shigaraki s in the corner tears in his eyes because izuku just gave afo permission to “lightly maim him” like goddamn kid what’s wrong with u

stain runs into iida and he's like "god please i dont wanna fight you again the boss' kid will cry" and iida is like ",,, so tell me about izuku" and stain fucking glares at him w such intensity iida is both 1, sure he's correct 2, scared for his life

so stain calls kurogiri and throws iida into the bar and izuku jumps like, 6 feet in the air like a cat and is clinging to the roof but he calms the fuck down and iida is so shook that the only thing he can think to say is ",,, we are too young to be in a bar"

and izuku busts a gut and hes like, crying laughing "you're right we are way too young, why don't we go to another room?" dabi wolf whistles, then has to dodge izuku's now flying milkshake iida n izuku just chat! n iida is a little creeped? because izuku is charismatic and charming and iida agrees with him 100% but he shouldn’t be? he should be nervous or angry or at least a little confused but hes just so charming and bubbly its a little odd. honestly, all the stuff izuku pointed out? iida starts to see how bakugo can get away with acting like an ass but shinso can’t even look at someone wrong without getting set upon

iida is making massive leaps in his training because his quirk has doubled in strength! but, it feels like hes stolen something from his brother

but thats not possible, right? you cant give and take quirks.

of course not

...

right?

iida starts wondering what midoriya's quirk really is, exactly. he never named it. just said "i can use telekinesis on light stuff" but, he hung around villains and seemed to be respected by them, without any visible training, weapons or strength

and shinso, when prompted, said he empathised with midoriya, which iida thought was an odd word choice?

anyway, iida doesnt feel great during hero training. all might's villain costume feels almost offensive? and the profiling aizawa has them do feels wrong, like making assumptions based off the quirk, not the person. it just feels gross and wrong and he's starting to feel really conflicted. because stain hurt people. izuku hurt people.

but he agrees with them

[heresathreebee]

Garrote part 10

[Starz Power Diego Jimenez x Jazmine Mann (Black!OC)]

Word count: 3.1k words

Warning(s): Mature | Gun phobia, stalking. Diego and Healy get POVs in this one while Jazmine gets some R&R with the help from her mother. This is a plot only chapter, sorry. Previous Masterlist Next

Author’s Note: No beta reader and I’m far too exhausted to edit properly. After this story, I’m gonna adjust exactly how I format my fics. My million other fic ideas plus my debate over participating in NANOWRIMO this year have been keeping me from working on this too much, I figured it was time to put this up since the last chapter was posted in September... 

The rest of the day went by with a subtle ease. The temperature was just perfect for a coat and Diego seemed to have nowhere to be. Bordering on the miraculous, it was the man himself who asked her if she wanted to go out and have fun. Feeling caught off guard, Jazmine elected to throw caution to the wind and suggest something other than a fancy nightclub to hang out in. And when Diego heard the name, his jaw dropped. 

Two-Bit’s Retro Arcade. 

He did not ask why (though he did scoff, but more so in amusement than derision). Julio was elated to hear the address (apparently he’d been before), and Miguel looked crestfallen to have to stay at the penthouse. The journey from ritzy apartment to 25 cent arcade felt like being washed in time, stepping backwards into her past with a piece that didn't belong in that memory. 

The place was decently busy, there seemed to be no parties bigger than five. A collection of young kids took up the classics section, rotating between Dig Dug, Pac Man, and Tapper Light. The young man who played pinball every day was there. She didn't know his name but she knew his three letter handle because he had the highest score on every pinball machine in the arcade. The rest were small and easygoing groups, buying beers and gathering around prize winning claw games or Dance Dance Revolution. 

"Do they have air hockey?," Diego asked over her shoulder. He was dressed down per her request, in a simple hoodie and jeans. She kept glancing at him, feeling drawn to the simplicity of liking a simple man. 

"Over here." She had no intention of hiding how familiar she was with this place. Diego gave Julio a nod and the man dissolved into the background but was never out of sight. Suddenly, Jazmine became very aware that there were now at least two guns in this public space. Air hockey was... occupied. "Looks like a college tournament. Come on, we're not going to be able to play for like a week." 

She grabbed his arm to guide him away, but the man didn't budge. He stared those college boys down, looking for a fight. If he started something… 

"Diego. Diego! Please… it's just a game, I know a better one we won't have to share." 

At last he acquiesced and followed behind, never more than a foot away. She didn't realize she was holding her breath and wondered if those guys noticed his staring… they probably thought it was normal though. 

Jazmine brought Diego to the darkest corner of the arcade where nobody was or needed to pass by. If she stopped dead in her tracks, Diego would have tripped over her immediately for how close he was, but now that he had her exclusive attention, she didn't mind. She gestured to her favorite game and smiled. 

"Welcome to Marvel Vs Capcom: Clash of Superheroes," she announced. "Nobody plays this version because there's a huge glitch that sometimes makes one character untouchable." 

"OK." Diego wore a sly grin. No doubt he intended to find the cheat character and win all matches, but Jazmine knew all of this game's little secrets. 

Unsurprisingly, Diego's first pick was Wolverine. Jazmine refrained from rolling her eyes and let him work through the board of player characters, picking her own at random and sometimes picking the one she knew would fair better against his character to make it an even game. She watched his brow grow tighter and tighter as he couldn't find the broken character. He even switched up strategies– picking the characters that looked the least strong and working up from there (the opposite of his earlier choices). At last, he picked Chun-Li, having not noticed Jazmine picked it three times already, and he glanced at her face once more to see if she reacted, but the woman gave nothing away. Not until he looked towards the screen did she crack a smile. 

The way the smugness drained off of Diego's face made her smile broaden. He looked at the controls as if they were to blame, then to Jazmine and back to the screen where Chun Li had walked off of the edge of the screen. Annoyed, he leaned over the controls menacingly and waited for an explanation from the Cheshire cat grin on his partner's face. 

It took her awhile to answer him– she was trying really hard to fight the bubbling laughter in her belly. "Yeah, that um… that's what I was talking about. If you play the same character four times, the game breaks. You can't be hit but you also can't hit and you need to hold down the joystick to keep from walking off the edge of the screen… if you let them get away, well… you have to unplug the whole system." 

Diego looked pissed. He stared her down for so long she gulped but eventually, he freed her from his penetrative gaze. His hand slipped under her jacket and found a home at the base of her spine, and suddenly she was being whisked away towards the bathrooms. 

"Where are we–" 

Diego wasted not a breath and pushed her into the women's bathroom (unsurprisingly closet sized), before crowding her space to step inside and lock the door behind. Her heart began to pound against her chest as he turned and fixed her with a commanding glare. He moved as sly as a big cat, forcing her to find purchase against the tiny wood counter with the sink and leaning over her with his lips pressed to her nose. 

He said something softly in Spanish that she didn't understand, but it sounded sultry and it sent a pleasant shiver down her back. She thought he was going to kiss her, but then there was something hard and heavy he pressed into her hand. 

A gun. 

Her eyes bulged– glancing quickly between him and the shiny dark metal of the killing contraption– and shook her head minutely. 

"Take it," he said. She just kept shaking her head, hiding her hands beneath her arms and feeling dizzy, on the verge of passing out. He growled. "I wasn't asking." 

If he wasn't pressed against her, she would be rocking for comfort. Jazmine did not like guns. Her eyes misted over as she whispered, "why?" 

"They've been following us since we left." He slid the wretched mechanism up along her arm and let it rest just below her collarbone. "Haagen's men probably. They're getting bolder– probably by their master's orders." He tilted his head as if he was speaking of something completely mundane as he said, "did you really think those air hockey guys were college students? It's a Thursday." 

Jazmine didn't mean to whimper, but she managed to keep her tears at bay long enough to touch a finger to the gun, not quite taking it, but letting him know she would. She let him show her the safety and slipped it into the back of her pants, careful not to hurt her and demonstrating an awareness of her southpaw. He was almost hugging her when he finally stepped back (as far as the little toilet would allow). When his heel clinked against the porcelain, he turned to make sure he hadn't stepped in a mess, and Jazmine bolted. 

~

"Hello?" 

There was no one else's voice she wanted to hear more than that of Lashawn Mann. Jazmine felt guilt well up alongside the anxiety that had been threatening to consume her for weeks. 

"Mama?" Her voice sounded so small in her own ears. "Can I come over and see you?" 

"Of course, baby. You can come see me right now: I'm at your place." 

Jazmine caught a cab from Essex street home, and though Diego possessed an acute lack of awareness for personal space or feelings, he did leave her alone for a while. No SUVs with fake licenses trailed her home, no voicemails and no texts came through. She put it in airplane mode to make sure things stayed that way. She had a thought to drop Healy's hearing aid down a drain but put it in her pocket instead. 

Lashawn was waiting with Hercules. The tiny bit of annoyance Jazmine usually felt about getting slobbered on washed away the instant she saw her furry grey friend. The woman plopped her butt onto the ground and let the dog run amok in excitement to see her again. 

"Mom…" Hercules settled down in her lap and weighed her to the earth like an anchor for a ship at sea. "If something happens to me, will you take care of her?" 

"What do you mean 'if something happens to you'? Child, I ain't heard from you in two months and you come back with that?" Lashawn sat down on the floor despite her bad knees and leaned on her daughter's shoulder. "Baby, what's going on with you?" 

~

Estupido. She shouldn't have run away like that. 

Diego was overthinking in the backseat while Julio sat in perfect silence. The driver would have preferred the radio on, but his boss demanded the proper atmosphere to brood in. Taking what little he knew of the woman, Jazmine was probably going to retreat to her apartment since he lived in the only other place she was safe. Whatever– she would return in her own time. Unless her own time hindered their operation. 

We can't lose this opportunity. We are so close to Porsche and revenge. Hurry up, cariño. Make our next move. 

Diego was stuck deep inside his head even as he stood with his sister hours later in yet another huge warehouse with examples to be made of. Alicia wiped the blade of her knife onto her bodyguard's sleeve, then turned the blade over to her brother. 

"Finish the last one, will you?" 

Diego hummed, distracted by the conversation at the edge of the half circle. He did not like what he heard. He dug the blade straight into the crying man's heart, then cut his throat just for good measure. The blood on his hands was drying before he was able to speak again. He and Alicia were sat in her limo across from each other. She tactfully ignored his piercing gaze, while he worried the stickiness between his fingers mindlessly. 

"What's this I hear about you staying in New York?" 

Alicia glanced coolly up from inspecting her nails. "What do you mean? Someone needs to run the business." 

"That's what that idiot and your little fuck toy Dre are for. They deal with shit here while we get Porsche back, and then we go home. Together." 

"No," she shrugged. "Dre can't be trusted, Diego. I'm staying, you're going back to Mexico. We can split parent: the girl comes to live with me for a while and then with you. Every month or so…?" 

Diego's hands ball into fists and his teeth hurt from the pressure of keeping his jaw closed. Fucking puta, he thought as the car slowed to a stop. Exiting the car, the man pulled himself up to his full height and reveled in the brief moment of fear that registered on her face. 

"I'm not your errand boy, hermana. I don't do things because you think it's convenient. And I won't be sent away like an annoying pest so you can trounce about in luxury while I'm stuck doing peasant work. Am I the only one worried about that little fucking girl?" 

Through the marble stonework of her mask, he saw the cracks in her armor. "We can talk about this later, Diego." 

"Do you even want her back?," he sneered. 

"Stop it!" 

Alicia pushed him out of her way and disappeared quickly, her entourage scurrying to follow her. Diego looked to his men to find them with their eyes cast down as if they were witness to something they should never see. He stormed away with his head full of rage and more questions than answers. 

~

Meanwhile in a stuffy police office space, Healy was getting chewed out. His superiors figured him out, and now he was sat in interrogation with a furious pair of agents awaiting an explanation and disciplinary action. 

"You took it too far, Healy," his boss said. "I mean, you have really outdone yourself this time." 

"Yes sir." 

"Fucking A, right!" Agent Brasa slammed her hand on the table. No doubt she was chewing a huge wad of nicotine gum and gunning for his immediate firing. "This was our case, Healy, ours. Mine and Holbrooke, not yours!" 

Holbrooke remained ever brooding, silently leaning against the wall and watching the scene unfold. Though they made remained neutrally poised, he could tell by the pinch in their brow they were just as angry as Brasa. Healy had given up trying to talk to Brasa, and instead appealed to Holbrooke this time. 

"You two have every right to be angry with me–" 

"Oh do I??" Brasa cut in, "I didn't realize I needed your permission to be pissed off!" 

"-- but I did it because I had an 'in.' I saw an opportunity that only I could have seized, and–" 

"Are you really going to let him get away with this, Stahlworth?" Brasa looked accusingly at their boss, who merely scratched at his neck and closed his eyes as if keeping them open pained him greatly. 

"Brasa. Holbrooke. Out. I'll handle this the way I see fit– and don't argue with me, Marie, or I'll put you on suspension." 

The two stormed out into the hall, and finally Healy was able to breathe. As soon as he had been confronted by Stahlworth, he had come clean– setting up a covert op without agency permission and using a civilian to distract the perp while he slipped a mole into the organization and collected information. Brasa and Holbrooke had done amazing work– they discovered Haagen was the head, profiled the victims, and knew many of the locations of the exchanges– but they couldn't get any further to seizure warrants or when the exchanges were taking place. 

Healy looked pleadingly at Stahlworth. "They didn't have the resources to cover all those locations with proper 24 hour surveillance, Jack. Haagen is always one step ahead of them– of us– anyways because someone in this very organization is on his payroll. I don't need the glory, I don't want the case to myself– I just want this fucker behind bars. If you have to suspend me, I understand, if you have to fire me, I get it– but please don't throw out my evidence. People's lives are on the line, and Brasa and Holbrooke need this info–" 

"Who's your informant?" Healy snapped his mouth shut as the dreaded words left Stahlworth to hang menacingly in the air. "Healy? Who. Is your. Informant? Who are you working with? Give me a clearer picture of what you've been up to, and maybe I'll ask the DA to go easy on your ass." 

Healy gritted his teeth and dug his heels in. "I can't tell you any of that. A mole for a mole, I can't afford to trust that the eyes and ears in this very room are sound. Now if you want to pass this case back over to the agents it belongs to, I just have a few conditions concerning the safety of–" 

"Is this about Meghan?," Stahlworth asked. 

Healy's voice died in his throat. A lump formed and he had to swallow it down before it consumed him completely. Standing from his chair, Healy buttoned his coat and came face to face with his boss. 

"This is about the kids I can still save. Sir."

~

After LaShawn helped Jazmine pack her belongings, the daughter decided to take Hercules to the park for some fresh air. Her mother had made it clear she wanted Jazmine to move back in with her since she'd lost her job, but what she didn't know was that before Healy and Haagen, Jazmine was two months behind on rent, and she should have lost the lease to her apartment weeks ago. As it stood now, the landlord hadn’t bothered her once– so someone was paying her bills. Exactly who would remain a mystery as Diego, Healy, and Haagen possessed the means and the interest in keeping her in New York City, so she tried not to think too hard about it. 

Jazmine picked a spot in the grass and let Herc off the leash. She threw a beat up tennis ball with a little cheap plastic arm and watched her happy grey pupper zip around picnickers and other dog walkers, always stopping to be petted by every little girl and boy who squealed happily to see her. The woman was jumpy and constantly on edge, but for some reason she barely flinched when Diego sat down next to her. 

"I'll be honest, I'm glad you're here," she said without looking his way. 

He took the plastic arm and threw the next ball watching Hercules trot over hill and dale for this throw. "Did Healy tell you about Porsche?" 

Jazmine turned to see the dark bags under Diego's eyes. "He said something about a missing baby… is that what you mean?" 

The man leaned into her shoulder. "Yes." 

"I'm sorry, Diego." 

"I want my baby back, Jazmine. I want to watch her grow up happy and healthy and loved." He turns to look at her with an expression of maturity she didn't think he was capable of. "That's why I need you. We need you. You're probably scared, but you can't be more scared than that little girl is right now." 

It felt like a punch to the gut. Part of her was annoyed by his dismissal of her fear, but for the most part she understood. It wasn't hard to figure out what happened to older girls and boys in Haagen's ring, but what the fuck was he doing with babies? The thought twisted her stomach until her head ached from nausea. 

Diego continued, scratching at his eye to cover the build up of tears that threatened to spill out. "Healy said he found evidence of sales for kids under 13 that looked more like adoption papers than anything. Requirements for private education and a separate bedroom, things like that. He said he has a stack with no names but six of them are around her age with the name of the adoptive parents on it. It's a start." 

"It's a very good start." Jazmine placed her hand on Diego's back and let him curl into her side with a sigh. "It means she's still alive, that's fantastic... do you think Haagen noticed the papers were missing? He probably has so many…" 

Diego shrugged noncommittally and dragged her down to lay in the grass with Hercules. As he did, she felt the gun in her pants dig into her back, tightening that fist clenched around her heart. She was safe for now, in this moment. But would she ever be again?

@mental-bycatch @nicke0115 @1zashreena1 @girlpornparadise @kid-from-new-zealand​

[be-dazzled]

Sore Loser

Pairing: Mirajane Strauss, Laxus Dreyar Series: PAINtball Series GRUVIA version (It Won’t Hurt)

Writer’s Corner: So, this was a really cute, just passing series while we are stuck with a bad case of writer’s block. So far, I only have two chaps for this series but who knows inspiration might strike. Maybe the girls win again? Hehe. Enjoy!

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Mirajane Strauss was a kind-hearted, easy-going, all-smiles woman. In other words, she was just a little ball of sunshine who got along with everyone. Until, you throw her into the battle field. Then, welcome to the dark side.

“Laxus!” cried Natsu. “Take your girlfriend away!”

“You pussies!” The woman shrieked, running havoc at the Fairytail Paintball Playground.

Despite winning this year’s ‘Boys vs. Girls Paintball Game’, the guys had to crouch behind the makeshift barrels, hiding from the crazy woman running the paintball gun at anyone in sight. It didn’t matter that the guys won. Mira felt cheated. So, she conveniently ignored their cries of surrender and open-fired at them.

Watching his five-foot-three-inch girlfriend go psycho at the guys like some kind of avenging warrior, it kind of made Laxus feel proud. His little goody two shoes making all those sons of bitches cry, putting fear in their trembling hearts. To top it all off, she was spewing cusswords at all the guys, some of whom were twice her size. Laxus was grateful he had to serve as mediator in this year’s game. Otherwise, he’d be hiding behind the barrels too.

“TAKE YOUR CRAZY GIRLFRIEND HOME!”

Loke demanded, covering that sensitive part targeted by Laxus’ psycho girlfriend, writhing on the ground in pain because he made the mistake of walking up to the fuming monster.

“Or no one in here will have kids. Ever!”

If he wasn’t burying his head on the ground in pain, Laxus was sure he’d find tears rolling down the Casanova’s religiously moisturized cheeks. But the biggest flirt of the century was right. If Laxus wouldn’t put an end to it, he’d be there the rest of the day watching the guys get their balls served to them. Laxus had better things to do, such as claiming his prize a.k.a the Dark Side Mirajane shooting the paintball gun indiscriminately. So, he walked up to the other half of the monster duo, wrestled the paintball gun out of her hands and hefted the hostile Mirajane over his shoulder.

“That’s enough, Mira.” said Laxus, patting her cute butt as Mirajane wildly wiggled over his shoulder for freedom.

“Not until I give them a piece of my mind!” refused Mira, throwing a fist at the guys behind the barrel. “You wimps! Why are you hiding now?!”

Laxus audibly sighed. “I think you’ve given them enough.”

The woman stopped struggling from his hold as Laxus carried her back to his car but she focused all energy calling the guys names. “Cry babies!” yelled she. “You don’t have balls! Hah. You don’t even deserve one!”

Laxus bit down a laugh. The woman was heartless. He reminded himself never to get on her bad side, ever. He realized the guys have finally discovered him taking care of their ‘problem’ since they started coming out of hiding and shouting back at his angry warrior.

“Well, what now? You sore loser!” He could place that voice everywhere. The same voice begging him to take out the avenging girlfriend – Natsu.

“We beat you this time!”

“Oh yeah?” retaliated she. “Put me down, Laxus. I’ll show them what ‘beat up’ supposed to mean.” Mira turned to him, propping a hand over his shoulder, ready to climb down him to smack someone. “Those spineless bastards.”

Laxus tightened his hold over her, slapping her butt this time to get her to keep quiet.

Didn’t work.

“Wait ‘til I get down from here you insolent bastards! I’m going to kick your balls up to your–”

That’s when the screaming started again. He didn’t need to look back to know what was happening. Chose not to. Because the cries gave him a clear picture of what was coming down in that battle field - a bloodbath. Some begged for their lives, some screeched in pain, and some just lauded the sacrifices of their fallen comrades.

“Yeah, that’s it Erza!” Laxus’ little monster cheered on. Whistling and yeah-ing at the other half of their monster duo.

Laxus shook his head. He was just a few steps away from where he parked his car. His friends called for him, pleading for his help. As much as he wanted to take care of the redhead too, he got his hands full of one sore loser.

“Give them heeeell!”

…

“Are you still pouting?”

“No.”

Obviously, she still was. But Laxus kept his silence as he pulled and led Mirajane into the lobby of his building.

“That freaking bastard!” She erupted after stepping into the elevator. “What a sly bastard. I didn’t even think Gray’s capable of that.” She spewed, crossing her arms underneath her chest. “What a sly bastard.” She mused, her brows meeting in the middle, eyes boring a hole at the steel doors.

“You would have done the same.” His voice was low and easy to miss except that Mira easily caught on to it.

“What?” She stared at him with disbelief. “What the… how could you even… hah. I can’t believe you’ll take their side.”

He wasn’t actually taking anyone’s side. Laxus was stating facts. But just like that, all of Mira’s anger was directed at him.

“Unbelievable.” She shook her head, hardening her jaw at his betrayal. Then, an outraged gasp bounced around the closed box. “So that’s why you get to have me as prize?” Mira concluded. “But you didn’t even join in the game.” Even if Mirajane’s height only reached his shoulders, she still stared up to him as if they were equals. Laxus loved that about his woman.

Laxus turned to face her, that accusing little thing glaring at him with questioning eyes. He bridged the gap between them, his purposeful strides intimidating her into taking steps back until there was no room to step back to. “Well, baby…” He planted both arms on either side of her head, resting his body against hers. “I saved those crybabies from this crazy woman shooting at them,” his lips hovered over her parting ones. Laxus pleasingly watched as his almost-kiss melted that angry expression on her face.

And oh how much she was anticipating that kiss.

With triumph in his voice, Laxus leaned into her ear. Slowly, he whispered, “Mine to do,” and he spoke the next words in that way he knew did things to her. “Whatever. I. Want.”

Mirajane jumped at the sound of the elevator ding. She marched out of that really, really cramp and really, really hot elevator before she forgot all about her anger and his betrayal. When did it get so hot in there? She asked herself as her feet brought her to his unit. All the while, fanning her reddened cheeks with her own hands.

A few minutes later, Mira was standing in the middle of Laxus’ apartment, confusedly staring at that golden, she dared call bikini, Laxus presented to her.

“You want me to wear that?” She questioned, expecting him to change his answer.

“Yes.” But of course Laxus has made up his mind. Handing her again the garments, this time more insistently, he reminded, “Don’t forget the hair too.” He totally ignored the way she narrowed her eyes at him and plopped to the couch to wait for Mira to get changed.

When it looked like he wasn’t going to cave in, Mira gave up and started for his bathroom.

“Fvck Gray.” She cursed under her breath.

“No, no, no, babe. You know I get jealous when you say some other guy’s name after fvck.”

Mira stopped and turned around.

“That wasn’t what I meant.” She quickly denied. But with a teasing smirk, Laxus waved her to move along and get changed into that sexy costume. It cost him a fortune but Mirajane in a Princess Leia golden bikini? Totally worth it.

One secret fantasy all the guys his age had was about to come to life and Laxus couldn’t wait to get his hands on it. He didn’t have to wait long as Mirajane materialized before his appreciative eyes, clad in the whole ensemble: copper brassiere, red loincloth, gold-plated arm-wrap, and last but definitely got the gears going was the gold-plated collar around her neck. And as Laxus demanded, Mira had her long silver hair parted in the middle and pulled into rolled buns on either side of her head. She watched the movie with him, albeit reluctantly. Mira had a faint idea what she was supposed to look like.

Laxus’ own Princess Leia. All the nerds at their parents’ basement must have died of jealousy.

Laxus ran his tongue over his lips like a predator about to devour his prey. Mirajane didn’t miss that, the way he bit his lip and how he was seemingly undressing her with his deep brown eyes. She felt her stomach knotted with the hot gaze that drank her in and she tried to ignore her own lust that flooded her body.

Undeniably and quite clearly turned on, Laxus walked up to Mirajane, holding her blue eyes captive. He stopped in front of her, mere inches away that the cups of her brassiere brushed against his hard chest. He had that half smile, that smirk that told Mira he owned her. At that moment, she thought that he might be right because Mira could hardly keep herself standing with that undeniable electricity bouncing between them. And when Laxus ran his fingers over her exposed skin, she felt the static surged through her veins. A light touch with an explosive effect.

“Your skin is so beautiful.” He said in a low rumble, only taking his eyes off of her to see where he was touching. “I wouldn’t want to ruin it.”

Mira didn’t understand what he was driving at until she watched him take out a rope from behind the couch and a camera. One thought crossed her mind and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it. But her heart was pounding loudly than it did earlier than when they were inside the elevator.

“Laxus… what are you…”

“Oh, this?” He dangled the rope in front of Mira’s stunned blue eyes. “Just a little payback, my slave.”

“P-payback?”

Mira matched Laxus’ measured strides with a step back but he was quick to catch on.

“Remember when you enjoyed hitting me with that whip of yours?”

Vividly.

Last year, when the girls bagged their second win and Mirajane got Laxus as her prize, the sweet and innocent girlfriend had the opportunity to show another side of her that not even Laxus has seen before – dark and domineering – who secretly enjoyed a little bondage and discipline, dominance and submission. She not only made him wear a crop top which read ‘Mira’s Little B*tch’ but Dominant Mira introduced him to a whole new world. He would be lying if he said the bondage and the whips didn’t scare him at first. It freaked him out how this alter ego enjoyed inflicting both pain and pleasure, something his Mirajane would never take delight in. The girl couldn’t even kill a bug! Or so he thought. But later, he seemed to have understood. He, a proud man, suffered through her dominance and now, Laxus was ready to give Mirajane a taste of her own medicine.

Well, sort of.

“Now, give me your hands.” ordered he, to which Mirajane complied.

Laxus watched her intently while he bound her wrists with the rope. Mira couldn’t handle the heat; she shifted her gaze and stared at her hands being wrapped together.

“Just remember my safe word–”

“–Bunnies. Your safe word is ‘bunnies’.” finished Laxus as he finally tied one end of the rope. Then, he took a step back to take a look at his masterpiece. Laxus took in her perfection, nodding satisfyingly to himself before he took a photo to memorialize this moment.

“Laxus!” complained Mira, dazed at the bright flash that almost blinded her.

But the master took his time waiting for the photo to develop and dry out. “Just a little remembrance.” said he. He looked at the Polaroid of slave Mirajane and frowned. Unfortunately, pictures couldn’t capture the perfection that was in front of him. Slave Mirajane was even better than any dream he had of this moment. But on those nights that he’d like to look back fondly on this very moment and Mirajane wasn’t around to do an encore, those photos would serve as substitute, albeit poorly.

“Now,” he threw the camera and the photos behind him, landing on the cushion of the couch, “let me remind you of who I am.” He grabbed the other end of the rope and wrapped it around his hand as he bridged the gap between them. “I’m the master, you’re the slave. That means I can do whatever I want.” Then, he pulled hard on the rope, jerking Mirajane towards him. He stole a quick peck from a surprised Mira and reminded her once more, “Whatever. I. Want.”

His deep brown eyes were full of promises – hot and wicked. Mira understood her role and, as an obedient slave, she averted her eyes away from him, cheeks turning hot and rosy.

“Yes, Master.” She consented with a small voice.

“Good girl.”

Holding on the rope, Laxus led his slave into his bedroom where a whole night of dominance and submission awaited them.