#she reminds me of my little sister in that she would commit war crimes if given proper motivation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

robininthelabyrinth · 4 years ago

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CQL-Verse: Wen Ning did a whole lot of risky stuff saving JC and the bodies at Lotus Pier. What if NMJ hears and gets talked into helping protect him and the Wen remnants by the Jiang bros, because even if he's a wen, he still 1. whole ass poisoned wen chao 2. straight up commited treason and was punished for it to protect sect heirs and 3. is extremely baby brotherable. you can fit so much h/c into this bad boy

ao3

Untamed

Wen Qing was angry about the trials, but Wen Ning thought they made a reasonable amount of sense.

After all, how was the rest of the cultivation world supposed to know what they did in the war without a proper trial? It was only reasonable for them to make certain assumptions about them based on their surname, the same way everyone assumed that those surnamed Jin were rich, those surnamed Lan were beautiful, those surnamed Jiang were bold to the point of arrogance…

The Nie were supposedly known for their tempers, but Wen Ning hadn’t seen much evidence of that so far.

In fairness, his only experiences with a Nie were, firstly, with Nie Huaisang at the Cloud Recesses, which he was fairly sure didn’t count, and now, during the trial, with Nie Mingjue.

Nie Mingjue laughed the entire trial.

“You poisoned the wine,” he sniggered. “At their own celebratory feast…! And then you just went straight to Yiling, where your sister was in charge. And it still took him how long to find you?”

“Weeks,” Wen Ning meekly admitted.

“Can we go back to the bit where you saved Wei-xiong from the giant dog beast using stolen needles?” Nie Huaisang asked.

“No, we cannot,” Nie Mingjue’s deputy – a somewhat long-suffering looking man that they all called Meng Yao – said. “He’s already gone over it four times, Huaisang.”

“But –”

“No.”

“Spoilsport! Look at how much fun da-ge’s having; it’s not fair.”

“He’s the sect leader. If he wants to hoot like a shrieking monkey, he’s entitled to it.”

“I’m not hooting,” Nie Mingjue protested. “I am recognizing talent.”

“Talent.”

“Exactly. Talent.”

“At…what, exactly?”

“Causing trouble,” Nie Huaisang volunteered. “I recognize it from Wei-xiong, I could spot it anywhere.”

“Could we possibly proceed with the trial?” Meng Yao asked, obviously deciding not to continue with that discussion. “We have six more to finish today. Can I assume that given the evidence of Wen-gongzi’s subversive activities and his subsequent imprisonment throughout much of the Sunshot Campaign, he is absolved of all crimes and allowed to go free?”

“You spoilsport,” Nie Mingjue said, rolling his eyes at him. “Yes, I think so. Wen Qionglin, you are free to go your own way – though if you wish to stay here in Qinghe as a guest cultivator, we would be glad to have you for however long you wish.”

Wen Ning thought that sounded all right.

The Nie sect were known for their tempers, and justly so, but Wen Ning quickly figured out that he didn’t need to be afraid of Nie Mingjue’s occasional outbursts (quickly roused, quickly doused) or Nie Huaisang’s temper tantrums (petty) and occasional grudge-holding (rarer but much more dangerous).

No, Wen Ning figured out very quickly in his first weeks that the one to be afraid of was clearly Meng Yao.

Wen Ning had been weak and sickly his whole life in a sect that valued strength above all; he had survived hiding behind his sister, but she couldn’t always be there for him, no matter how she tried. He’d soon learned that surviving on his own meant being quiet and obedient, never making trouble or drawing attention to himself, and it also meant being extremely attuned to the minute expressions that might signal the difference between Wen Chao being angry enough to throwing a teacup at his head and being angry enough to order him to be taken outside and beaten until unconscious.

The same skills helped him in the Nie sect, where people were very often angry. Wen Ning could tell the difference between Nie Mingjue raging to let out steam (moderately common and generally innocuous, easily ignored) and being actually upset (typically only dangerous to the furniture, which was a nice change, but more worrisome in the sense that he might go and do something stupid afterwards), and he could tell that Nie Huaisang’s true anger, so rarely triggered, tended more towards the cold and hidden (definitely a sign he was going to do something, but unfortunately for everyone involved it’d invariably be far more malicious - enough to make you long for stupid).

He could tell that Meng Yao was, despite all his smiles, very often angry.

Like Nie Mingjue, Meng Yao’s temper was easily roused to the point of fury; like Nie Huaisang, his anger lasted a long time and usually called for some malicious action before it could be properly assuaged.

“Senior Meng,” Wen Ning tentatively said one day when his curiosity got to be too much for him. “Could I ask a rude question?”

Meng Yao’s temper, hidden deep in his eyes, flared at once, preemptively, and Wen Ning shivered and looked down at the ground. He had known what he was risking, but he hoped that asking permission in advance might allow him to get the question out with minimal reprisals – cold meals for a few days, perhaps, or being assigned to the training yard only when the most sadistic training-master was supervising, but only for a week or so.

“Of course, Wen-gongzi,” Meng Yao said, and he sounded nice and pleasant and like no question could possibly be rude enough to cause him any disturbance. It was a little frightening how good he was at that. “I can’t imagine what you would want to know that would be rude.”

“Are you related?” Wen Ning blurted out. “To Sect Leader Nie, I mean – his family –”

Meng Yao stared at him. His mouth was slightly hanging open.

“…it’s a stupid question,” Wen Ning concluded, feeling ashamed. Of course Meng Yao had been promoted entirely on merit; it was only his imagination getting away from him. “I’m sorry. I’ll go –”

“No, wait,” Meng Yao croaked. “Related – to the Nie sect – forgive me. How did you reach that conclusion?”

“I mean, you’re obviously treated as part of the main family,” Wen Ning pointed out. There were plenty of Nie cousins that weren’t treated anywhere near as well; both Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang were not only protective but almost possessive over Meng Yao’s time and dignity - surely by now everyone knew that the surest way to get them each angry in their own ways was to slight Meng Yao. “You wear Nie braids like them – you wear clothing like them – you have a temper like them –”

Meng Yao started laughing.

“…did I miss something?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t go to the Lotus Pier after you’d been absolved,” Nie Huaisang said, tapping the weiqi piece on the board a few times before making a move. “Given your fondness for Wei-xiong and all that.”

“Wei-gongzi’s very nice,” Wen Ning said vaguely, staring down at the board. He’d played a lot of weiqi in his life – including against Wen Ruohan when the man had still been remotely sane, mostly because he’d been the only one stuck back at the palace with him more often than not – but playing against Nie Huaisang required all of his attention. The first time he looked away, he’d get lured into a trap. “Very kind.”

“And yet you stay here,” Nie Huaisang prompted. “In Qinghe, with us, when even your sister picked the Lotus Pier.”

Wen Ning had never been without his sister this long before. He knew that she still expected him to come to the Lotus Pier. She hadn’t expected him to last the week without her; she’d said as much when she first went, huffing at him for being ridiculous – a Wen as a guest cultivator in the Nie sect, of all places? – and telling him, in between reminders to take his medicine on time, that she’d prepare a place for him there so that he would be comfortable when he arrived.

Her letters, in the weeks and now months since that time, had never overtly asked when he was going to finally get around to moving there, and had recently developed an almost quizzical tone, as if she’d finally realized that he wasn’t.

“I like it here,” Wen Ning said, and moved his piece.

Nie Huaisang moved his own almost immediately in response, which meant that Wen Ning had made a horrible mistake that played straight into Nie Huaisang’s hands. Not an uncommon occurrence.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said. “We like having you here, too.”

Surprised, Wen Ning looked up.

Nie Huaisang was smiling at him – he smiled nearly as often as Meng Yao, but unlike Meng Yao, he never smiled if he didn’t want to, so his smiles were actually sincerely meant each and every time. He had a wide range of smiles: nervous smiles, cheerful smiles, devious smiles…

Wen Ning was good at reading expressions, but he had to admit he’d never had to work as hard at it as he did with Nie Huaisang.

“We’re a very nice sect, really,” Nie Huaisang said, and even seemed to believe it. “We’re always open to people who are like us. The only thing we can’t tolerate is injustice and betrayal; as long as you stick with us and put us first, you’re ours, and we’re yours.”

That sounded nice, Wen Ning thought, and moved a piece blindly. “You think I’m like you? My sister doesn’t think so.”

“I think you fit in very nicely,” Nie Huaisang said, and his smile had teeth to it. He moved quickly, again. “You’re angry and resentful, but you don’t let it get in the way of what you want - just like us. Your sister probably doesn’t think that about you, either, but then again, that’s why she’s in the Jiang sect, with their heads in the air, dreaming of the impossible. I bet she never even noticed that you had a temper.”

She hadn’t. Wen Ning had been her baby brother and nothing else for a long time; he never had to defend himself as long as she was around.

He’d never had the chance to defend himself.

(He didn’t resent her for that. He didn’t. She was his big sister, his favorite person, and he loved her so much that he didn’t mind the way that all her fussing sometimes made the world feel cramped and small, as if he were being forced into a place that he’d long since outgrown.)

“Do I have a temper?” he asked, and moved another piece.

“Oh, yes,” Nie Huaisang said. “You’re like me – slow to boil – and like Meng Yao, hiding it behind your eyes. You’re even a bit like da-ge: you don’t need to be the one get the frustration out as long as something deals with it, but if nothing does, it nags at you and wears at you, like a thorn stuck in your flesh, until you can’t be silent any longer. Until you have to do something, or else you’ll explode.”

That sounded about right, Wen Ning thought. He’d never really had a chance to explode in the Wen sect, out of fear of what they’d do to his sister if he did, and he’d been sick with it – he’d limited himself to little rebellions, nameless pranks, right up until he met Wei Wuxian, who was kind to him, and couldn’t stop himself from helping him. He sometimes thought, in the days he’d spent in the dungeons, that if he died he’d come back as a fierce corpse, soul-calming rituals or no, and he’d might even enjoy it if only for the opportunity to finally vent his feelings – to finally pay back every single injustice that he’d ever seen, each one marked down in his heart in an indelible list of regrets.

Maybe Nie Huaisang was right.

Maybe that was why he stayed here, in the Nie sect, the sect of do not tolerate evil instead of the Lan sect’s chivalry and righteousness or the Jiang sect’s attempt the impossible.

Maybe he wanted to fight back for once. To have a temper, to have rage, to be something more than Wen Qing’s shy, stuttering shadow.

“I like it here,” he said again, but if his words were the same then the flavor was different: he meant it this time.

He understood, this time, what he meant by it.

Nie Huaisang smiled at him and moved another piece. Winning the game, Wen Ning noticed.

“Good,” he said. “Now move over – sit in front of the mirror. I’ll show you how to do your hair right.”

“Really?”

“Really. Also, Da-ge’s been practically champing at the bit to teach you saber, and Meng Yao has been making grandiose plans about redoing the way we recruit and train doctors with you leading the charge, so if you’re not up for either of those, now’s the time to say something.”

Wen Ning settled down in front of the mirror.

“No,” he said. “Those sound good to me.”

#mdzs #wen ning #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #meng yao #my fic #my fics #be happy #plotdesigner

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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years ago

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hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist.

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right??

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless......

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :(((( )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho)

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

#literally if you got through this i just respect you #this is mainly just for the people who sent me an ask in the past few mask #i hope your ask is in here :)#sorry for everybody else #ask #bataranswers #this took me 4 hours to do so i hope youre happy #also sidenote #does anybody know the latin translation for 'to become'#bc i just used future of 'esse' but it could be a different verb #who cares tho latin is a dead language #big congratulations to everyone who translates my sentence #here's a bonus sentence: tuam matrem futueram

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luminous-shifting-vibes · 4 years ago

Text

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

34 notes · View notes

a-byronic-heroine · 3 years ago

Text

Kly as an in-game companion

RECRUITMENT

• She can be found in the jail beneath the Chantry in a cell after the “Wrath of Heaven” quest and title card. The first conversation occurs when the Inquisitor finds her. They discuss her presence, how she got there and who she is. The Inquisitor can continually approach her for conversation.

• After “Champions of the Just”, Kly is very angry and pacing. She warns the Inquisitor of the consequences of this. If the Inquisitor is dismissive, Kly warns them of the consequences of their actions. If the Inquisitor investigates, they learn more of Kly’s backstory. If they agree or remain neutral, Kly warns them they’ve made enemies and to watch their back.

• After “In Hushed Whispers”, if approached in her cell, Kly asks about the future the Inquisitor saw, and offers her sincere gratitude as well as appearing pensive and uneasy. The Inquisitor has the option to investigate and learn more of Kly’s backstory.

• At Skyhold, she is a subject of a Judgement. The Inquisitor can to give her to the Chantry and Orlais in an act of diplomacy, make her an agent of the Inquisition and companion, or give her to the Templars as executing her in Skyhold itself is deemed too risky without a greater templar presence. If she isn’t recruited, a War Table mission becomes available saying she has escaped custody and fled. She joins Corypheus along with the Underground without the positive influence of the Inquisitor and becomes an enemy.

• Kly can be found in the infirmary area of Skyhold as a companion. Ambient NPCs will occasionally mention “the blood mage” healing them or curing ailments.

CONVERSATIONS

Hostile greetings:

“You again?”

“What now?”

“Do you ever leave?”

Hostile farewells:

“Yeah.”

“And a merry fuck off to you too.”

“Finally.”

Neutral greetings:

“Ah, Inquisitor.”

“Yes?”

“Are you here for healing?”

Neutral farewells:

“Good day, Inquisitor.”

“Farewell, Inquisitor.”

“So long.”

Warm greetings:

“Ah, hello.”

“It’s good to see you.”

“All is well, I trust?”

Warm farewells:

“I quite enjoy these talks.”

“Come see me again soon.”

“Be well, my friend.”

Romanced greetings:

“So forward.”

“Yes, dear?”

“You look particularly lovely today.”

Romanced farewells:

“I’ll meet you in your rooms later.”

“What? No goodbye kiss?”

“I already miss you.”

DECISIONS

• She greatly approves of helping Ferelden citizens, killing templars and siding with mages. If she goes to Ferelden, she’ll sometimes give little tidbits of information like the origin of the mabari, the Blight’s affect on the land, history, noble houses, etc.

• She greatly disapproves of conscripting the mages or siding with/aiding any Templar forces. She only disapproves of disbanding and conscripting Templars.

• She approves of talking with spirits and demons, including the demon Imshael, instead of just immediately attacking them. Though she greatly disagrees with any deals made with them.

• She cannot be taken as a companion to Val Royeaux, as she’s considered a terrorist. During “Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts”, Kly can actually be found there, tough she is in disguise. If spoken to, she’ll say she’s there for “no reason” and cannot be spoken to again.

OPINIONS ON THE OTHER COMPANIONS

• She greatly disapproves of Vivienne’s recruitment. Anytime they’re in the same party, they’re particularly malicious with each other. She usually doesn’t even use her name when asked about her. She’ll call her Vivisection, Vasectomy or Venereal when asked about her. Kly will say “she was hot until she opened her mouth”.

• She distrusts Blackwall because “no one is that nice naturally” but otherwise gets along with him. She approves of his recruitment, and after his betrayal will disapprove of him becoming a warden. She is neutral towards romances with Blackwall. Pre-Ranier she’ll say “I guess it works. No pregnancy, limited number of years available for them to betray you. Quite the neat package”. Post-Rainer, she’ll say “It’s noble to forgive him for what he did. I only wish others could be as forgiving with me.”

• She approves of recruiting Dorian. She also approves of romances with Dorian. When they’re in the same party, they usually talk about how ridiculous they think Andrastianism is. If Dorian is romanced she’ll say it’s “nice not everyone hates mages”.

• She approves of recruiting Cole. She’s neutral to whether he becomes more or less spirit-like. She treats Cole a lot like a child when they’re in the same party, so she’s extremely gentle and patient with him even when he does “that mind thing I told you not to do”.

• She gets along well with Solas. If they’re in the same party, they’ll often discuss magical theory and what Solas has seen in the Fade. She approves of romances with Solas. If he romances the Inquisitor, she will mention it in party and say “I understand why you only like elf girls. I quite like them, myself. First crush I ever had was on a Dalish girl”.

• She disapproves of recruiting Iron Bull because he follows the Qun which is just as bad if not worse than the Chantry in her mind. If he becomes Tal Vashoth, she gets along well with him. If Bull romances the Inquisitor and he’s Tal Vashoth, Kly approves, mentioning the forgiveness thing she does with Blackwall’s romance post-Ranier. If Bull is still Ben Hasraath during a romance, Kly will warn the Inquisitor to watch their back. If they’re a mage, Kly will take them aside to try and dissuade them. In parties, Bull usually jokes about blood magic with her, claiming it will do fantastical things, and she’ll usually laugh and correct him.

• Kly dislikes Varric because he “asks too many questions” at first, though her relationship becomes more amicable the more they interact. His nickname for her is usually “paper cut”. In parties, he’ll ask her things like what she did in Kirkwall, where in Ferelden she’s from, etc. Kly will usually be truthful, but when he gets too close to an uncomfortable subject, she’ll just say “no, nope, not telling. New question!”.

• She’s neutral towards Sera, though Sera will disapprove of her recruitment. Sera’s relationship with Solas is similar to the one she has with Kly. Sera will tell Kly her magic is gross, Kly will offer her situations where it’s saved lives and Sera will blow her off, that kind of thing. Kly actually appreciates Sera’s pranks, even when played on her. She says they remind her of a simpler time though she never elaborates. Kly is neutral on romances with Sera. She’ll say “She’s certainly cute, but when she speaks, I can rarely keep up. It’s exhausting”.

• For obvious reasons Kly and Cassandra don’t get along. They often bicker about issues of religion and the Chantry when in the same party. Kly will bring up the times the Chantry uses blood magic or has committed mass murder and Cassandra will bring up blood mage crimes, even hinting at the one involving her family. Kly will take the Inquisitor aside if they’re a mage and pursue a relationship with Cassandra to try and dissuade them. She’ll usually remark “how does that work with that stick always up her arse?”.

OPINIONS ON ADVISORS

•Josephine reminds Kly of her mother in many ways, she’ll say as much. She’ll also say she find’s Josephine’s attempts at peaceful approaches to situations refreshing after all the war she’s seen. Kly will approve of a romance with her. She’ll say “I hope you’re ready for the most ridiculously lavish engagement parties you’ve ever seen”.

• In her opinion, Sister Nightingale has always had her fingers on the big moments in history. She’ll wonder aloud if that’s a good or a bad thing given these turns of events. If a Cousland was the Hero of Ferelden, Kly will remark on the relationship she had with her sibling whether it was friendly or romantic. If Leliana was killed in DA:O, Kly will not mention her.

•She’ll say she “knew of” Cullen at Kirkwall as he was rather notorious. If asked about Kinloch, she’ll say she has no idea if he was there during her tenure there. She will say he’s changed his tune, but she will still doubt his sincerity on the matter. If Cullen comes off lyrium, she’ll occasionally mention his blood feels like he’s not a Templar though she will not investigate the matter. If the Inquisitor is a mage, Kly will take them aside if they pursue a relationship with him and will try to dissuade them.

COMPANION QUESTS/CUTSCENES

• Kly’s first actual companion cutscene is at Skyhold. Just after her Judgement. She can be found doing blood magic to transfuse blood between soldiers. She is glaring at a very conspicuous Templar watching her. She asks if he’s a necessary precaution; the Inquisitor in some way reminds her she’s on thin ice. Kly says nothing would ever absolve her in the Maker’s or Chantry’s eyes before asking if the Inquisitor believes in the Chantry after what Corypheus said.

• After “Here Lies the Abyss”, Kly asks the Inquisitor how they’re faring. She does a check up and talks about what she was doing during the last Blight and admits she’s sympathetic to the Wardens’ original intentions. If a Cousland was the Warden, Kly mentions it and her family can be further inquired about. A WT quest opens up with Fergus Cousland inquiring about rumors relating to his sister. The Inquisitor can send a missive being honest about her presence (Josephine) or they can lie to keep Kly’s presence secret (Leliana).

•After “Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts”, the Inquisitor asks what Kly was doing in Orlais at the ball. Kly speaks vaguely about a job for someone. It’s implied this is the Mage Underground. There are no approval changes. A WT mission opens about a string of dead nobles and Chantry officials in Orlais. Leliana’s spies know it was Kly. Leliana mentions many of the assassinations were helpful. The Inquisitor can send money to the families and Chantry with anonymous donations (Josephine), can put allies in the positions that need to be filled (Leliana), or a detail can be assigned to keep an eye on Kly to see if she tries anything else (Cullen).

• Kly’s companion quest starts with Kly mentioning she received a missive from an acquaintance and asks the Inquisitor to come with her to Redcliffe. The cutscene goes to the docks where a Tranquil mage is waiting. Kly speaks with the Tranquil, asking if they remember her and “the pact”. The Tranquil will mention they had been waiting for her. Then she will kill the Tranquil. The Inquisitor will be stunned and ask why Kly killed them. Kly will explain that this was an agent for the Underground and they fought during the war together. She talks about the promise they made to kill each other if one ever became Tranquil. If the Inquisitor disapproves, Kly will tell them she trusted them with this but was wrong to do so and she will greatly disapprove. If the Inquisitor approves, Kly thanks them for their understanding and asks if they can help bury them.

• Back at Skyhold, Kly will barge into a meeting of the Inquisitor and their advisors saying they have a problem. Kly shows them a missive explaining that the Underground has allied secretly with Corypheus. She’s been given orders to murder the Inquisitor. Kly has decided the Underground is no longer the force for good it originally was. There is an option to remove her as a companion. If this is done, she just disappears somewhere in Ferelden. If the Inquisitor is supportive of Kly, a War Table mission for Leliana opens to purge the Inquisition of Underground loyalists with Kly’s help.

#dragon age verse #headcanons #headcanon #long post #game spoilers

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barnesandco · 4 years ago

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Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (12/14)

Story Masterlist

The plum seller at the farmer’s market saves Bucky from being captured for the attack at Vienna that he didn’t commit, but is she really all that she appears to be, or are ulterior motives involved?

This is an entry for @star-spangled-bingo 2020. Word count: 1374. Square filled: “I’m turning into you. It’s like a horrible dream.”

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Cryostasis, some anxiety about the future. Overall, less angsty than the last few chapters lol.

A/N: It’s finally lightening up lmao sorry for putting everyone through all that angst. There are still two more chapters left!

The room is white, clean, and well-lit, and doctors and nurses move about with practised, calm movements. A scene like this, with the location changed to a slightly darker area, might have thrown Bucky into a panic just months prior, but here, he is calm, looking at the woman who brought him to Wakanda in one piece as she talks.

“You sure you want to do this? I bet we could figure something else out,” she is saying, wringing her hands, standing impatiently in front of him. He begins to shake his head but she is already continuing: “We could go into hiding again. You don’t need to go into cryo.”

Bucky smiles up at her. “I wish that was true, honey,” he tells her, the endearment slipping out of his mouth easily. They have been in Wakanda for over a month now, the distinct lack of imminent danger facilitating a warm friendship, one that Bucky is relishing in. He has, slowly, started to reacquaint himself with Steve as well, but, as she is the one who has been on this journey with him, she is the person he is most comfortable around.

Tilting her head, she looks at him with melancholy eyes, sad but hopeful, trying not to let the sorrow seep through. These are the moments when Bucky wishes he didn’t know her quite so well, so he can’t read her like a book. “I’ll visit,” she says, putting on a braver face.

“And watch me while I’m asleep? You creep,” he teases, although he appreciates the thought.

“Like you didn’t do the same when I was down with a GSW,” she scoffs, and Bucky senses a blush rise on his face.

Recovering quickly, he says, “Touché.”

For a while, they consider each other and the room. Princess Shuri is operating a panel that controls the cryostasis chamber set up in the middle of the room. In the hallway overlooking the labratory, T’Challa is leaving Steve after what seems to be a serious conversation to enter and talk to his sister. Steve’s eyes are fixed on where Bucky sits.

She clocks this, and remarks, “Alright, Steve is starting to look impatient. I think he’s getting jealous.”

“Who wouldn’t be jealous of anyone who has the pleasure of my company,” Bucky says, not missing an opportunity to make her laugh, and she does; releases the stress of worrying about Bucky in a chuckle that makes Bucky smile so wide his face aches.

“Don’t make me glad you’re entering a coma,” she teases back. The frown lines have been coming and going in the past few weeks, and they’re absent now, but smile lines crinkle at the corner of her eyes when she grins at him.

He has learnt that she enjoys grinning when she isn’t in life-threatening situations. In the time since she has recovered from her injury, and in between the times Bucky has been planning going back into cryo, he has taken pleasure in relearning her.

He knows that this slice of bliss cannot last forever. Wakanda is a bubble, but only physically. News is constantly filtering in and the United States are not happy about Bucky’s presence in Wakanda, or about the refuge granted to those who failed to comply with the Accords. Bucky has not been able to sit in on all that many intelligence briefings, but the general knowledge is that the Accords themselves are failing to provide accountability, especially considering that half of the known individuals they apply to are refusing to obey them by either operating under their jurisdiction or retiring completely.

Steve has gone out on a few missions since he brought Bucky to Wakanda. Enough of them to inform the world that he is still working, even if no longer under the title of Captain America. America itself has found another thing to divide itself over; are the Accords right or are they not, is Bucky Barnes the longest standing POW who deserves rehabilitation and a hero’s welcome or should he be extradited for crimes of murder and treason?

The woman in front of him has been reassuring him that he is the former. A good man who bad things have happened to, and he’s still trying to convince himself that he deserves this treatment, and people’s help, but it’s hard to believe it. It’s hard to believe that someone as good as her can stand up for him, can have so much faith in him. She’s a good person. A kind woman, he thinks, looking up at her, studying her features with the intent to memorize them. “I’ll miss you,” he says, drawing his eyes over the shape of her eyes, their glistening hue.

“See you soon, Bucky,” she says, leaning down, and kissing his cheek. With a wave, she walks away.

Steve takes her place. “You two are getting along well.” Bucky rolls his eyes, shuffles uncomfortably.

“Shut up, Rogers,” he responds. The lack of the weight of his left arm has left him disbalanced, otherwise he would have stood up to be at eye level with his old friend. That phrase has taken some getting used to, but he’s adjusting.

“I’ll shut up when you talk to her. She’s a keeper, Buck,” Steve tells Bucky, as if he doesn’t already know that. Bucky regrets being readable enough that Steve knows how he feels about her. Steve on his own isn’t so bad, but get him and Wilson in a room together, and they’re all wiggling eyebrows and hidden smirks, while Bucky either sputters or pretends he knows what he is doing with the kind of charm he can scarcely recall.

He has vague memories of victory curls and red lips, dance halls and clicking heels, skirts swishing and small giggles behind small hands. None of those women made butterflies take off in his stomach the way she does.

“I used to be good at talking to ladies, didn’t I?” Bucky says, thinking of the lines he’d drop with winks to punctuate every sentence, honey sweet and charm heavy.

Steve, nods, putting his hands in his pockets, his eyes going somewhere very far away. “And I was the worst,” he reminisces.

“Well then, I’m turning into you. It’s like a horrible dream,” Bucky says, now intentionally pulling forth the same words from a decade ago, in a London bar about to head out for war again. Agent Carter in her red dress, her eyes fixed on Steve, the first time Bucky realized how little Steve needed him now.

Steve must see the memory travelling through Bucky’s mind, because he reminds Bucky that he is still needed. “I’ll miss you, Buck.”

Bucky doesn’t want him to, so he looks at Steve with an open smile, preparing to bid farewell with another joke. “Don’t be too happy about it. I won’t be gone for long.”

“I’m countin’ on it,” Steve replies. They look at each other for a moment more, and then Princess Shuri is approaching the examination table Bucky is sitting on. There is a tablet in her hands, and she has goggles over her eyes, and she has reassured Bucky that this procedure will be nothing like the last.

He trusts her. She’s an intelligent woman, reminds him of Becca and her dreams to go to the moon, and with that association, there is a sharp ache of grief that always comes with recollections of family members he has lost without knowing, but Bucky concentrates on what he does have. Right now, he has a team of people willing to help.

“Are you ready, Sergeant Barnes?” The princess asks, and Bucky stands, steadying himself with his right hand on the edge of the table behind him, until he is stable enough to stand on his own, and Steve is no longer looking like he wants to offer his arm.

“Yes, Your Highness,” he says to Princess Shuri, and she turns, beginning to guide him to the cryostasis chamber. As he is strapped in, he breathes slow and deep, and just as the glass starts to fog up, he opens his eyes one last time to see his friend waving goodbye. Her eyes are shining, and she is smiling, so Bucky smiles, too.

#SSB2020 #ayesha writes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #mcu #marvel #avengers

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excutient · 4 years ago

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It gets lonely as hell at the top of the world.

Lucky for Fuyuhiko, he’s never really alone.

Or maybe it’s not luck, because he’s found himself sat on the edge of a skyscraper with the two craziest fuckers he knows. And who’s luckier than Nagito, anyway? Or Servant, Fuyuhiko guesses, because that’s what his friend keeps insisting he goes by now. Fuyuhiko thinks it’s fucking weird, but Nagito likes weird, and who is he to judge anyway?

But Kazuichi isn’t anyone to judge either, but he’s still got shit to say about it, “But for real, what the hell is with that collar? I can’t say I get the whole ‘servant’ thing, but it’s not like you’re their pet. It’s even got a leash for crying out loud!” It’s not like Fuyuhiko disagrees though, the chain linked leash is pretty fuckin’ weird.

“I’m certain it would make you feel better if I told you it were to sell the bit, but the truth is I’m rather fond of it!” Nagito sighs as he twirls the chain in his hands, the far off look in his eyes like always, “You don’t have to be here visiting me anyhow, you know? I’m sure it’s absolutely boring and a waste of time to be hanging around trash like me.”

“If it was boring, you know I wouldn’t even fuckin’ be here.” Fuyuhiko barks back, and it’s true. He can’t sit around wasting his fuckin’ time being bored. It’s honestly one of the reasons he’s here anyway. Peko’s gone off on a mission with Ibuki, but only after making sure a million damn times that it was okay with him, that he knew she’d be back. Of fucking course she’ll be back, but she kept insisting she would because she belongs to him. It drives him fucking crazy to do that constant back and forth with her, but she’ll always insist she’s a tool, and he’ll always insist she’s not. Honestly though, they need that fight just to keep from being bored. Just to feel shit.

Everything is so fucking boring if it’s not on fire or bleeding, but that’s what makes it so damn delicious to finally see everything go up in flames. Still, that’s why he couldn’t just sit around and wait for her to come back, so he dragged Kaz along to Towa City. He knew Kaz was bored as hell without any more executions to maintain, without that damn killing game, and Fuyuhiko wanted to make sure a certain lucky bastard hadn’t gotten himself killed yet. So, here they are.

It seems like Kaz really is just as restless too, because he twitches impatiently while they sit up there, “You know, I really thought you would be up to something crazier. You’re just making milkshakes while you watch kids murder adults. And Makoto’s damn sister is running around with a Megaphone as a weapon?! It’s weird for sure, but is it really fun for you?” Fuyuhiko doesn’t know why Kaz even asks. At least Nagito has the decency to make his hope-fucker speeches new and improved every time he gives one, but it’s easy as hell to tell that’s where this is headed.

Of course Nagito is predictable as he always is, it’s somehow real endearing and real fuckin’ annoying all at once. But at least it’s interesting, “Well of course you have to go through all the ridiculous set up in order for the grand finale to play out! If I want hope and despair to clash in a show of beautiful fireworks, I have to do my job and be patient. When Miss Komaru aids this city in rising from the ashes, it will be a most wonderful hope! I can’t bear to miss it.” Nagito wraps his arms around himself tightly in the way that he does when he gets real lost in himself. His eyes get so vacant, like the only thing that exists inside his head is the constant crashing of waves of hope and despair, and Nagito is just riding his lucky lil’ surfboard.

Looking at Kaz though, it’s plain on his face he’s just as lost as ever, “I mean, I guess, but you didn’t really answer my questions. Is it fun?”

When Nagito turns to look Kazuichi in the eyes, Fuyuhiko can already tell that pressing the ‘fun’ factor was a big fucking mistake.

“Ah, so it’s about fun for you, is it? You indulge in horrible crimes against humanity as a fun game? I see,” Nagito chuckles to himself, getting up to fully stand on the ledge. He grabs two backpacks and throws one in each of their directions, “Well, then let’s have some fun!” He grabs one backpack and looks at it, contemplating it for just a second before looking between his two friends. His eyes land on Fuyuhiko, and he throws the backpack at the other’s chest.

Then, Nagito just winks at him before dropping backwards, falling from the skyscraper.

Kaz, being the dumbass that he is, scrambles trying to get up and get on his backpack, “You’re such a jerk, you know that?!” And he immediately jumps off right after. Fuyuhiko just sighs, throwing on his backpack as he throws himself off along with them.

It’s a tall ass skyscraper, and a long way down. Fuyuhiko falls and falls face up through the thick fog made of pure pollution, feeling it fill his lungs to blacken them. He just stares at the sky, endlessly red and looking like it could swallow him absolutely goddamn whole. For a moment, he feels like he’s falling up. The sky calls to him, pulls him in and threatens to consume him in its crimson. It’s the same way the crimson of blood calls to him, reminds him he can’t live without it’s constant spill. The sky calls, promises to him he’d never have to spill himself again. If he just drowned in this, then he would forever be in a euphoric despair. If he just let himself fall, the split crack of his bones would sing his ass to sleep.

The sky’s voice sounds just like Junko’s, and that’s not at all surprising. He’s sure as shit she can see it all through her eye that had been forced into his right socket. She can see it, and she wants to fucking feel it, and she wants him to feel it all with her. She wants to watch him fucking give up what little he has left, wants him to die next to his dumbass friends. She wants Peko to tear herself apart looking for him, and when Peko finally does find his broken body, blood dried a long ass time ago, Junko wants to envy the all consuming despair that will come from that. Fuyuhiko doesn’t want to leave Peko, he’s never fucking wanted to leave her side, but if he could give her this.. If he could let himself crash and give her that despair, would he finally have been worthy of her?

All of that stops dead in its tracks when he finally catches up with Kaz and Nagito. Fuyuhiko suddenly remembers himself and springs into action, grabbing Nagito mid air and forcing the parachute on his back, “You’re a fucking asshole, you know that! This ain’t luck, you’re only gonna get out of this shit alive thanks to me!” Fuyuhiko tries to scream over the wind, but Nagito just gives him a cheeky ass look and shrugs. Fuyuhiko just rolls his eyes as he pulls the strings to release Nagito’s parachute, before him and Kaz pull their own.

They all just hang out in the air, drifting down the rest of the way while Fuyuhiko fantasizes about all the ways he could absolutely fucking kill Nagito. He doesn’t know if that’s enticing because he’s furious at the bastard, or because he cares about him so damn much. Maybe it’s both.

Once they get to the ground, safe and laying on their parachutes, Fuyuhiko stares up at the sky again as he catches his breath. It doesn’t say anything to him, just watches. He kinda wishes Junko would say something, but she’s gone now, some of the only pieces left of her kept by two of the most fucked up bastards in the world just laying here on the pavement. But Fuyuhiko can’t see out of his eye, and Nagito can’t move his hand, and even that’s so damn despairing in its own way.

Suddenly, Nagito starts laughing hysterically, and Fuyuhiko turns to face him. He’s laughing, but his eyes are swirling again, and tears are running from his eyes too. It’s honeslty a beautiful fucking sight, seeing how overcome and torn apart Nagito is by hope and despair constantly at war in his brain. Nagito is always pretty but… but this is so damn breathtaking.

“Well? Wasn’t that fun?!” Nagito asks after his laughter dies down. Kaz looks like he’s about to commit a fucking murder right then and there, but he just starts screaming at the bastard instead. Fuyuhiko watches the scene for a moment, before rolling his eyes and rolling back over to stare up at the sky.

In its own horrible and fucked up way, it was fun. But that’s the only kind of fun Fuyuhiko has these days anyways. It’s the only kind he wants, he craves this feeling, which is why he shoots and cuts and burns just to fucking feel something. He doesn’t know if he’s happy or not that all he had to do this time was fall from a building. He didn’t even fucking break anything.

“Well,” Fuyuhiko snaps out of it when he feels Nagito nudge him, “You look like you had fun!” Nagito beams at him, but his eyes are still puffy and a tear rolls down his face. Suddenly, he’s moving towards Fuyuhiko, and brushes his thumb against the other’s face. It’s only then Fuyuhiko realizes he was crying, too. When the hell did that happen? He can’t really think about it too hard, not when Nagito is staring at him so damn intensely while he waits for an answer. His eyes are clear for the first time in.. well who fucking knows how long, and Fuyuhiko can’t make himself look away. Nagito’s hand is still on his face.

But then Kazuichi breaks the moment, squawking at them both, “Hey! Can you guys please not be weird right now, we seriously almost just died!”

Shoving Nagito away, Fuyuhiko yells right back, “Yea well it’s all fucking thanks to me this bastard is even alive.” But he’s ignored as Kaz keeps yelling at them, and Nagito just laughs. God, Fuyuhiko really can’t fuckin’ stand his friends.

He doesn’t know what he’d do without them.

#muse; fuyuhiko kuzuryu #muse; nagito komaeda #kaz is there too #i just want this here #remnants of despair stuff #also they jump from a building but everyone lives. just wanna put that out there #tw abuse #tw manipulation #basically just effects of junko's manipulation #lmk if i should add tags #i wrote this during a work commute idk what im doig

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thirdmagic · 4 years ago

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i was going through some files and stuff and found a profile and my room lines for an older david alt i wrote up around two years ago, and i read it over and decided that i still like it so i’m going to dump this here and run away

My Room Lines

1 There is only one, in this world or any other, who I truly serve. Oh, but don't take this to mean you don't have my full cooperation. Rather, it would be more suitable for you to treat me as I were a general in your army, or a military advisor, more than a Servant. I would be more useful to you this way, rather than a single individual solider.'

2 For you, the leader of your army, to be staying in your room, bored, while your troops go off to work and make war... Master, such situations never lead to anything good, you know? It's a terrible waste of valuable time. Come, now, let's be off. There is a great deal to be done.

3 This is quite the role reversal for me, actually. You're like me in life; the head of a great and powerful army, and me, a soldier in the midst of the battlefield that you survey. It seems I've taken the role of your Joab, in fact... perhaps in the end I'm really meant to serve much more than to lead.

4 I will serve you, of course, to the best of my abilities. But I have no intent to stay silent, or go along with it blindly, if you act incorrectly. ... Of course, I do not expect you to act flawlessly at all times, either-- in your position, one often has to make difficult choices. Just keep it in mind.

5 (Archer David) Yes, yes, I know that other me is here. Please, don't remind me. Honestly... what's he doing, that stupid old man? Running around in the body of our younger self... does he miss our youth so much he's trying to recreate it? Delusional old pervert, that's what he is... don't trust him, Master. That he is a useless, frivolous slacker makes him seem harmless, but he's much worse! He's cunning and duplicitous and-- why are you laughing?

6 (Sheba) Ah, this woman-- I know of her. As a fellow monarch like her, and her rival, I respect her. As Solomon's father, I am wary of her, and hope she did not lead his heart astray. There will be some time before I can accept her into the family. Though, that said, if this is any indication of his taste in women-- well, now! Not bad at all.

7 (Avicebron) A great poet and philosopher, and a wise man. But one whose soul was deeply troubled, and who struggles with actions that have soiled his hands. But I won't disrespect him with my pity. All I can say is that I understand. True wisdom, after all, brings the heart a great deal of trouble.

(Bonus: I wrote this profile way before Atlantis/Olympus happened so I guess these don’t really work now but)

8 (Solomon) ... Master. For both our sakes. Please, do not urge me any more to talk to the boy. I realize you mean well, but nothing good will come of it. More than for myself, I've no doubt he'd rather I keep my distance. There is no room for me to interfere in his new life. -- And that's all I have to say on this topic.

9 (Goetia) So this is the... ah, creature? Who possessed my son's body and went around doing all sorts of undignified things in it to ruin his reputation... Hm? Why am I not angry over the attempted incineration of humanity? Well, I'm a little cross over that, but as long as he understands and takes responsibility for these actions, it's fine. It's not for me to judge him. But the other thing is just disrespectful and irresponsible! To mar Solomon's good name with actions he didn't even commit!

Likes Good food, good drink, and a warm, comfortable bed. Even though I am a spirit now who has no need of them, it's such simple, physical needs that are all I need to be satisfied. ... Oh, what other physical needs I enjoy? Haha! Now, that's something I'll tell you about when you're older.

Dislikes There once was a certain man who served me. A skilled and strong warrior whose resourcefulness and cunning I relied upon, and he, giving in to his bloodlust and self-interest, had betrayed me. You do not need to know the details, but I cannot and will never forgive him, and so, swear you one thing: that I will never act towards you as he did towards me.

Holy Grail I have no single wish, but I do have things I desire. None of these are things I would ever ask of the Grail, however. Many of these things are... just daydreams, and the rest are meaningless if I don't achieve them on my own.

Event I've heard that you've landed upon a rare opportunity; don't waste it. We must go see to it at once, Master.

Summon Ruler-Class Servant, David. I have answered your summons. Now, then, we have no time to waste. You have an important task ahead of you, and my intent is to ensure it comes to completion.

Bond

1 Hm. You're a fair bit more young than what I'd expected of the last remaining Master tasked with the world's salvation... I mean, in this era, it's unusual for people your age to take upon such heavily responsibilities, isn't it? Yes, you clearly require all the assistance I can provide.

2 You know, even if I was a king in life, you needn't treat me now as if that were still the case. After all, I have no country to rule over. Before I am a king and before I am a heroic spirit, I am a mere instrument of the Lord's will. And now, I fulfill my duty in this world by aiding in your cause.

3 You're like me, aren't you, Master? A young person, perfectly average, perfectly humble, thrust into the hands of destiny and put into an overwhelming role of massive responsibility. I said you're young, but truth is... I misjudged you. Whatever child you were once is gone. When I look at you, I see the eyes of a soldier, one worthy of being called a true warrior. How do you feel about it, I wonder? Are you angry? Sad? Frustrated? Does it pain you? I see you keep fighting, but is it with reluctance, or do you humbly accept that responsibility and put personal feelings aside, whatever they may be?

4 I apologize for my callous remarks earlier, Master. Oh, don't misunderstand me. I meant what I said. But I should not have been so callous and spoken so freely, and-- well, maybe I was really thinking of myself more than you. But what I said of you as a soldier and a warrior was the truth. You should take pride in your journey and all you've done to this point. As a Master, you have nothing but my respect and loyalty.

5 Master, do you know what makes a Ruler, in this system? Not simply a saint. An impartial, just person who can cast true judgment and perform their duty with no personal desires to get in the way. Don't you find it strange? To cast in this role a hedonistic king such as I, I who have fallen to my personal desires at the expense of my duty? And yet the generations after me, the world itself, all depict me as a righteous and pure man, an impartial judge. That is the man is who they all know me as. It's ironic. It's so ironic I don't know if to laugh or cry. But you know, I should like to do my best to be this sort of person, if I am to honor my descendants as they have honored me.

Profile

Default King David prefers to be summoned in the form of the young shepherd he was when he defeated Goliath, but here he's been summoned from the prime of his life the King of Israel. A great and powerful king who has brought about peace and prosperity through years of conquest and war, he has accomplished much within his reign.

Bond 1 Height & Weight: idk, taller than archer david, less twinky though, higher weight too Series: FGO original Source: The Bible Region: Israel Alignment: Lawful Neutral Gender: Male The skill 'Harp Of Healing' has been lost permanently in this form.

Bond 2

A brutal warrior and an eloquent poet. A just idealist, and a ruthless, coldblooded pragmatist. A dutiful king, devoted to God above all else, and yet a hedonist weak to material comforts and attractive women. A shrewd and cunning businessman who's always attentive to all goings-on around him, and an unfocused slacker who would happily spend all day up to afternoon lazing off in bed. Such is the sort King that the shepherd boy David became; a man full of many such contradictory traits coexisting within him. The earnest shepherd boy who defeated Goliath has since matured and wizened into an experienced warrior and become a true king, and with it, it seems as if his heart has hardened. His personality is aloof and distant, and rarely does he show anything of the carefree, friendly shepherd he prefers to be summoned as.

Bond 3

Among David's many actions as king, one of the most famous would be the incident of his adultery with Bathsheba, wife of Uriah of Hittite.

In order to cover up their affair and Bathsheba's resulting pregnancy, David attempted to persuade Uriah to lay with her again after returning from war. Upon failing, he would order his men to leave Uriah behind to be killed in the battlefield.

For this crime, David's family would have a divine curse placed upon it. Much of his later life would be marked by tragedy.

The child Bathsheba conceived from their affair died after only a few days, and his son Amnon would sexually assault his half-sister Tamar. In revenge, Tamar's full brother Absalom would conspire with his fellows to kill Amnon, and this act would have him be exiled by David in his grief.

He would return only to lead a rebellion and attempt to usurp the crown, which drove his father out with his armies for three years, and in the final battle to retake the throne, he was killed by Joab, the commander of David's army and his right hand man, against David's explicit orders to spare him.

Bond 4

The Lord's Anointed A

A form of Charisma that applies the skill of Divine Protection towards the leader's army and allies. The skill of Divine Protection has been lost to this David when he had a divine curse placed upon him, but in exchange the protection can be applied to all allies outside of his blood family.

Curse On The House Of David EX

A crystallization of the curse placed upon David's family line directly by God. An embodiment of the path of bloodshed that has led to much success and victory as a ruler, yet a great deal of personal loss. The Servant container allows him to re-purpose this curse into a lethal weapon; the amount of power it grants him correlates to the damage it also automatically inflicts upon him, though the limit is that it cannot exceed what he himself cannot survive and it will ensure to keep him alive.

David himself, for his part, does not consider the self-inflicted damage neither penance nor some form of terrible suffering; rather, he stoically accepts it as a natural, unavoidable consequence.

Bond 5

Sacrifice NP description, too lazy to copypaste

Interlude

It's impossible to get any true answers about his feelings on the best of times. He finds is as difficult to understand his own heart as he does the hearts of others, and any moment he allows himself to be truly open only ever comes on his own choice and his own terms, often with great reluctance even then. Any question of his feelings that he does not want to speak of will be met with a distant, emotionless non-answer through which only a little bit of the truth slips through the cracks.

But it perhaps speaks of a certain immaturity still remaining that he is quick to express his emotions very openly and loudly the moment he does choose to open up. In spite of how he looks, he's actually very earnest and sensitive, and cries easily when upset. He'll talk about his feelings very beautifully and poetically in the heat of the moment, and afterwards go right back to closing himself off completely again and pretend nothing happened.

This all makes him sound terribly troublesome, but he's a loyal, dedicated Servant to any Master he finds worthy. It's not difficult to win his appreciation and respect so long as the Master is genuine and does their best to be righteous-- it's his full trust that's another matter entirely.

#fgo tag #the sword shall not swerve #thinky thoughts

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letroadecjustice · 4 years ago

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“Justice Speaks,” vol. 5, issue 001

100 copies of this issue were left on the table in front of the library’s noticeboard Time: 6.20am

My dear readers, today I woke up late, at 6am. I had spent the entire evening finalizing our first issue of the semester. As my more dedicated readers may know, I have recently become concerned about the town lore, and thus this volume must reflect that. While I am quite certain about my research on the lore, there are bigger things at stake here, such as drama and gossip. So, let’s dive in.

TOWN NEWS:

A protest against the Vietnam draft is scheduled to take place this Friday, September 18th at noon in Baker Hall’s courtyard. All attendees are encouraged to bring signs. This protest is organized by le Troadec’s Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC).

This Saturday at 9pm, Topped Off is hosting a slam poetry evening. Entry is free and all participants get free coffee. Please go read your terrible haikus you wrote in your 100-level English course, I need a good laugh.

The parks department would like to remind all students that swimming in the Bayou is prohibited and that you will get eaten by an alligator. Again, it would be great for me if you did the opposite of what they said. Don’t let them impede your free speech! It’s your right to get eaten by an alligator.

GLOBAL NEWS:

The Beatles made waves last Friday by refusing to play in Alabama if their concert was segregated. As much as I hate the British, I would like to commend them for refusing to give into the South’s unbridled racism. That being said, they are scheduled to play TOMORROW in New Orleans and are coming from Cleveland, so there just might be a chance we’ll be seeing them driving through our own little town - keep an eye out.

Last Tuesday, Walter Ulbricht, leader of East Germany, allowed for elderly East Germans to cross the border and visit relatives in West Germany. We can imagine this is nothing but good news for our own geriatric East German, Dr. Dominick König.

Passed this summer, the Civil Rights Act finally went into effect for schools this past week, which had many opening their doors for the first time to an integrated student body.

I would like to remind all students of voting age to register now, as the election is only two months away! Check in with the SNCC to learn how to do so, and don’t forget to vote LBJ.

ACCORDING TO SOURCES:

While I cannot confirm these, I cannot deny them either. I just believe they are good enough to print, as always, if you’re mad about it, just put the newsletter down. It’s that easy.

Meredith Locke is the first cousin of Nikita Khruschev, leader of the Soviet Union.

How exactly did Dan Mercier get into le Troadec? Well, it wasn’t by test scores. His parents bought his way in.

The university’s current dean, Clarence Weinzapfel, is a closeted homosexual. I would say power to him, but we all remember how he shut down the gay rights protest last year.

Eros Illiades is a draft dodger; he submitted fake medical records in order to avoid being sent to Vietnam.

Emmett Clermont regularly abuses tranquilizers and spent one year of his youth at a rehabilitation center in central Montana.

Anyone notice how Charlotte Broussard wasn’t present in theology yesterday? That’s because she’s been booked on charges of conspiring to commit domestic terrorism. On top of that, she’s in a lesbian relationship with her roommate, Eve Hansen.

Sister Carlene, head nun, used to be an exotic dancer in New Orleans. I can confirm this one, this rumor was submitted with photographs that I have omitted for feminist reasons.

Natalia de Leon is currently taking antibiotics for a yeast infection she gained from having sex in S.L.U.G. Better luck next time.

and what I know all of you damn try hards with no lives have been waiting for...

UPPERCLASSMEN RANKINGS

Due to this being a new volume, I would like to let all new readers know that this is 100% accurate information, as I have an informant in the administration.

Emmett Clermont, 3rd year Philosophy + Meredith Locke, 3rd year History (a tie!)

Charlotte Broussard, 3rd year PoliSci

Jonathan Shimony, 4th year Engineering

Acacia Buchanan, 4th year PoliSci

and of course, closely following: Park Dae-Jung, Leonard Ramone, Natalia de Leon, Rue Pickens.

JUSTICE REPORTING

If you followed my paper over the summer, you will already be caught up with my research on the town’s mythos. However, if you’re a freshman or someone who isn’t a resident, you likely weren’t reading. So here’s my weeks update:

I still believe that the town legend of witches returning to walk the earth is based in fact. As I uncovered, witches truly were executed in Lucrece and there was a mysterious emigration among a large percentage of female residents immediately following. While I thought perhaps the day of reckoning would be in the future, I now believe that it is upon us right now. Has everyone else felt a shift in the air? Astrologically speaking, 1964 is not a good year for our town. Signs point to major upheaval. Perhaps this has to do with the Vietnam War, but reported sightings of spirits in the Bayou have gone up this summer.

As the full moon on the 21st gets closer, I recommend everyone wear some piece of silver jewelry and avoid walking alone at night.

AND LASTLY...

At the start of the term, I received a rather odd letter in my mailbox. It was the first direct interaction the administration has made with me, and I feel compelled to share its contents.

To the writer and publisher of “Justice Speaks,” Your circus has gone on long enough. The university has endured five semesters worth of libel from your publication. Your remarks on the university’s administration as well as the United States government could constitute as treason. Your so-called dedication to “justice” and “truth” is anything but that! You regularly publish rumors without evidence, as well as the class ratings that we have no idea how you’ve obtained them. There is clearly crime at hand here and we, as a university, are urging you to quit before you get into real legal trouble. Should you continue publishing, we will uncover your identity, you will be expelled, and referred to the police. Sincerely, Dean Clarence Weinzapfel

Well, Clarence, it’s been five long semesters and you haven’t found me yet! Here’s my response: get bent.

Have thoughts on the newsletter? Drop a note in my mailbox.

#| newsletter |

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herald-of-dirthamen · 4 years ago

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@liliumsunshine said: May I ask why?

Honestly... where do I start.

I suppose, if I were to put it in a very brief way, it’s because the natural instinct is to fear magic and hide it away, unless they can find a way to use it.

I was lucky to be born among the Dalish, where we see magic as a gift, and treat it as a part of everyday life instead of something to be locked away and feared. We’re taught how to control our magic without it being surrounded by fear and disdain, treated not as if we’re ticking timebombs that are doomed to inevitably become a demon abomination and therefore to be watched under lock and key 24/7, forbidden to venture into the outside world unless you either have money or you have extremely special circumstances that require your skill, such as the potential of the end of the world, but instead treated as though we’re people like anyone else who can make their own decisions and will not make a deal with a demon at any chance they get, which we won’t, if we’re treated with basic respect and dignity instead of mistreated at almost every step.

Like... no one is denying that magic is dangerous and requires respect. Magic can be dangerous, precisely like how fire can be dangerous, or even a basic tool can be dangerous, if used the wrong way. I’ve heard people argue that mages think our magic cannot be dangerous, and it’s like-- who are you talking to that even says that? I use magic casually and trust me, I know that it takes a great deal of focus and control, which does get easier with practice, but that’s because you learn precisely how much focus you need to shape Fade energy to do what you want it to do.

Er... I should probably... cut this post. It’s very long, I’m very sorry.

But I guess I’m going a little off-topic there. It’s just. Frustrating because some of these people act like we don’t know we’re dangerous, and it’s like... how can we forget that, when we’re constantly reminded of that every step of the way?

It’s just... everyone acts like only mages, or only this race, or only this country can commit atrocities when the fact of the matter is that everyone is capable of committing atrocities, and it feels like they forget that because they think they’re in the right, that they’re doing it for the greater good, that what they’re doing is protecting people at the cost of so many other lives.

Like... gods. There are humans who waged war with my ancestors because my people didn’t help enough. Were worshipping our own gods instead of Andraste. None of them remember the people they’ve killed and most of them don’t care because it was a religious war, an Exalted March, and because we didn’t want to give up our culture and give up our gods, what little of them we remembered, they came and they slaughtered us and they put up statues and memorials dedicated to their prophet in what used to be our homeland and they said it was Good.

...I keep going off topic. I just... there’s a lot and I don’t know what isn’t important and what is so I’m giving as much context as possible, I guess.

It’s just, so much of their fear of magic is rooted in how their prophetess was killed, but she was killed because she was leading a slave rebellion, not because... it’s just... yes, I know Tevinter, ruled by mages, is also a horrible place. I know slaves are still allowed there. I know many of them practice blood magic even if it’s technically “illegal” because they view that as the most powerful school of magic, I know so many magisters there are awful and sacrifice thousands, I know, I know, I know, but there’s a BALANCE that has to be struck, and clearly they’re just as imbalanced as the non-magical countries.

And I know now that... apparently my ancestors, back in Arlathan, were just like Tevinter.

But that doesn’t mean that treating mages like potential abominations, murderers, slave-owners, and so on and so forth is okay. You learn that history. You take that history to heart. And you try your hardest not to repeat it. And you can only do that by knowing the history and the ideas borne in it.

It’s just. Hard for me to not be afraid. People act like it’s such an unthinkable idea that we should be treated like anybody else. “What will you do when they commit crimes? Who should judge them?” I don’t know, gosh, maybe a jury of their peers? Magic and non-magic?

This fear of magic is so prevalent that people have even written books about how to prevent magic from manifesting in your children. Superstition that encourages you to do things like place leeches all over your infant’s limbs, before burning said leeches without breathing in the smoke, and wrapping your child’s limbs in cloth specially blessed by a Chantry sister. Superstitions that encourage you to nearly drown your child showing signs of magic, holding them underwater until they almost lose their breath, saying that if their magic is weak, that the magic will die before your child does. Families are so ashamed of having mages in their family that instead of sending them to Circles, they’ll simply lock them away in their homes and ignore them, refusing to let them even learn how to control their abilities until it’s too late.

It’s so hard not to be afraid when those tasked with protecting the common people from mages - and even if they say they protect mages from the rest of the world too, it can’t help but feel like a lie - do horrific things. Abusing us, blackmailing us, even going so far as to cut our connection to the Fade and rendering us as people who can no longer feel or have desires and barely any self-preservation instinct and can’t effectively say no to anyone and being abandoned and left to die. They kill us for not passing Harrowings where they deliberately summon demons to tempt these mages, and some people are so afraid of being unable to pass that they’d rather just be killed then and there.

In fact, if a Circle is deemed too out of control, too beyond saving, they’re allowed to pass a Rite of Annulment, where they just kill every single last mage, every man, woman, and child, and just... start anew. Because most Circles think it’s better to do that than do anything else.

And templars would raid my clan to drag mages to their Circles, their prisons, or would kill us if we proved to be too hostile, too resistant. I’ve lost family to these raids.

And then everybody wonders why so many mages turn to making deals with demons, turning to blood magic... they’re scared and they’re desperate. They’ve decided that if the world is going to treat them like monsters, if the world is going to always treat them like this, then what hope do they have? What else do they have to lose? They decide things can’t possibly get that much worse. That no matter what happens, even if they were good, that they’d never get to be treated like a person because someone will always find a reason to hate us.

Even if all mages are free of Circles now... how long is that going to last? With the war, even though I resolved it... people aren’t going to just forget four years of templars and mages killing each other, killing innocent people, ruining so many lives because it was inevitable that eventually things would come to a head and explode and now there’s even less of a reason to treat us like people.

It’s. It’s just. I don’t know. People have every reason to be afraid of us but by treating us the way they do, they’re only just... causing a vicious cycle, one that I fear has been going on for so long that it might be impossible to break, no matter how hopeful and optimistic I want to be.

It’s just. It’s funny. I’m one of the lucky ones who was treated like a person worthy of respect when I was growing up, my family celebrated when I developed magic, I know I didn’t experience the worst of things for a mage. I know I was born lucky to not grow up in fear of myself and my own abilities.

But I’ve had to learn how to act in the world outside of my clan, and... so many people want me dead for the abilities I have. So many people act like I’ll go out of control. And it’s... how can I not be afraid? Truly?

I’m sorry, I know this meandered a lot and went to a lot of places. I’m not... much of a professional when it comes to writing. Or talking. And there was a lot that I felt was important to share.

I just think that... at least here, for your average person... they may be afraid of us, they might hate us, they have valid reasons to, but I don’t think they’re ever going to quite understand the terror we feel knowing that they’re never really going to want to see us as people who are just as scared as they are.

#liliumsunshine #revas blogs #slavery m ///#abuse m ///#{dear god i do not know how to tag this}#{ALSO GOOGLE DOCS SAYS THIS IS OVER TWO PAGES LONG.}#revas never getting to the fucking point m ///

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bellemorte180 · 5 years ago

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Just Good Business Chapter Five

Caroline Salvatore, married into one of New York's most brutal crime families.

Niklaus Mikaelson, a notorious mob boss who is hell bent on taking down the Slavatores.

It's an affair for the ages.

Warning: There is graphic descriptions of violence below.

Chapter Five

Caroline woke lazily. It had been a long time since she had such a good night’s sleep. She stretched and felt the silk sheets graze over her naked body. She sat up slowly and looked around the room. She was alone in the bed and pouted slightly. She never had the chance to sleep in the same bed as Klaus and was looking forward to waking up next to him.

Apparently, he had other ideas.

She turned and searched for her purse; noticing that it was still on the floor from the night before. Caroline laid down on her stomach, not wanting to leave the bed, and reached for it. She struggled for a moment and eventually pulled it to her. Once she had ahold of it, she dug through it and pulled her phone from it. It was dead. She pulled the charger out of her purse and plugged it into the wall; attaching it to her phone and letting it sit to charge

She pulled herself from the bed and picked up Klaus’s Henley he wore the night before, slipping it over her head. She walked into Klaus’s bathroom. It was the same bathroom with the big round tub she sat in with Klaus nearly four months ago, plotting Stefan’s demise. Everything changed that night. No longer were they in the middle of some trifling affair; Stefan started a war he could not win the moment he left bruises on her.

Caroline shook herself from those thoughts and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess; her curls were twisted and knotted. She ran her fingers through her hair in hopes of claiming the mess. Once done, she searched Klaus’s medicine cabinet and pulled out his toothpaste. She picked up his brush and cleaned her teeth. Once done, she spit into the skin and wiped off her face. She was going to have to ask him about picking up some everyday supplies for her.

She leaned against the counter; looking at herself and she noticed that for the first time in a very long time, she woke smiling. The woman in front of her was happy. Yes, she cheated on her husband with someone who was just as despicable as him; but this man never laid a hand on her. Never forced himself inside her or made her wonder if jumping of a skyscraper would be better than being alive.

And Klaus was the father of her child.

The thought of her pregnancy made Caroline smile. She placed her hand on her stomach, biting her lips. Before a few days ago, she never even considered the fact that she was pregnant. Her period was not consistent and with the stress she was under, she assumed that was why she had not gotten it. She suffered no real typical pregnancy symptoms, no nausea or vomiting to make her mind wonder to that possibility. If it was not for the doctor’s confirmation and seeing it firsthand, she would not have believed it.

Pulling herself from her musings, Caroline headed back into the bedroom and walked back to her phone. It had enough of a charge for her to scroll through it. She winced at the amount of text messages from Stefan demanding to know where she was. He called her multiple times and it appeared that Enzo is MIA as well. He would have to be.

Its past 11 Caroline, where are you? Caroline. Home. Now. You better get the fuck home now. Why is your phone off? Where are you? Why the fuck can’t I track you? Did you run off with your bodyguard? How fucking cliché.

Most of the messages where the same. Threats of bodily injury and harassment. She would have to show Klaus these and groaned at the thought. Stefan also left a couple of voicemails, vocalizing his anger. Once these would have scared the shit out of her, but she no longer felt any fear from him. Perhaps it was foolish, but it was how she felt. She was not going to let her husband stand in the way of her happiness. If that meant she was going to have to lay low for a while, Caroline was willing to do that. On impulse, Caroline opened the string of text messages and replied.

I’m leaving you Stefan. I’m not coming home.

She hit send and placed the phone on the bedside table, allowing it to charge. Caroline stood up from the bed and walked out; hearing her ringtone go off. She just kept walking, listing to the tone fade away in the bedroom. She knew that he would continue to call but there was no point in picking up. It wouldn’t end well.

She found Klaus in his home office, looking at his screen intently. She admired him for a moment as he worked; she liked the way his eye crinkled just slightly when he appeared annoyed or how he squinted at the screen to see something better; or how his lips curled up when something distasteful appeared. Upon that look, Caroline’s sense of hearing registered what the noise from his computer was. It was moaning, the slapping of skin and cries of pleasure.

“Is this going to be our life together? Me waking up to an empty bed only to find you watching porn?” Caroline teased and Klaus’s eyes turned to her. His eyes took in the sight of her, messy hair, wearing his Henley and bare legs. He gazed at her completely unashamed and Caroline couldn’t help but bask in his desire.

“Yes.” Klaus replied in a bland tone as though he was talking about the weather. “You’ve found out my dirty little secret. I’m a porn addict.”

Caroline snorted at that. Porn would be the least of Caroline’s worries given that he commits murder on a regular basis. Klaus held out his hand and she made her way around his desk; Klaus pulling her onto his lap. Caroline took a good look at what was on the screen and crinkled her nose.

“Ugh.” It was frame after frame of various positions and sex acts of Stefan and Elena. She knew that there were cameras littered around the mansion, but she never actually considered the fact that she would have to see them having sex on screen. She saw it once in person and that was more than enough for her.

��Trust me Sweetheart, there is nothing arousing about this in the slightest.” He leaned down and kissed her head. He held her tightly as though to remind himself that she had finally come home to him. “I would have much rather have stayed in bed with you, waking you up slowly. I thought about it.”

“What stopped you?”

“You looked peaceful.” His tone was soft, and he could not help but kiss her forehead again. “You finally appeared ready to rest after everything you had been through; I didn’t want to disturb that.” Caroline gave him a warm smile and leaned up to kiss his lips. “Besides, you are the woman carrying my child and you must get your relaxation.”

“Oh no. You’re not going to be an overbearing father-to-be are you? I’m pregnant not an invalid.” Caroline asked in mock outrage. Klaus just shrugged; giving her a dimpled smile. He was going to be. Caroline could tell. “So, you dragged yourself out of bed to watch my husband have sex with his sister-in-law?”

“I’m working.” Caroline cocked her eyebrow and he rolled his eyes at her. “This ends now. I’m done waiting for Elijah and the feds to bring a case against Stefan. It’s been dragged out for months because Alaric Saltzman is to damn good at his job. I’m going back to the very beginning. To our first plan.”

“Turn brother against brother.” She whispered. She looked towards the screen and realized what he was doing. “You’re compiling them. All the videos of Stefan and Elena, and you’re going to send them too Damon.”

“Yes.”

“When are you sending it?” Caroline asked. For so long, her focus had been getting out of that house. Gaining the courage to walk-away and take back control of her life. Sitting in Klaus’s lap, she realized that she could have left sooner; that she didn’t need to get in the middle of this war by becoming involved with Klaus. It would have been hell and Stefan most likely would have tried to track her down, but she could have done it. She could have run far and wide. It just was not that simple. Yes. She hated Stefan. Yes. She was terrified of him. Yes. He did terrible things to her; but for a long time, she thought she deserved nothing better.

She thought that there was nothing else out there for her.

Until Klaus helped her pick up those pieces. He showed her what it meant to be loved. How she wasn’t just some trophy to be won and that she could be a strong woman, standing on her own two feet. Yes, she jumped from one mob boss to another, but if she told Klaus she wanted to walk across the Grand Canyon on a tight rope, he would cheer her on the entire time. It just took the life now growing inside her to wake her up to that fact. She would kill anyone who tried to hurt this child.

“Not sure, yet. Elijah is coming over this morning to come up with the best course of action.” Caroline bit her lip, she had a feeling that Elijah was going to try and talk them out of sending the videos to Damon. Damon was unpredictable and while she knew he would lose his mind to learn that his wife was unfaithful, Caroline was just unsure exactly what lengths he would be willing to go to. “I told him. About the baby I mean.”

“Oh? And what did he say?”

“I think you’ll find, Sweetheart, that when it comes to Elijah, the one thing he cares about above all is family.” Klaus replied, he placed his hand on her stomach and left it there. “This child is not only have us Caroline, Elijah will burn the world down before anyone tries to hurt our baby. And if something were to happen to me...”

“Don’t.”

“Caroline, listen. Please.” His tone was serious and his gaze soft. “I’m not immortal, love. If something were to go wrong and something were to happen to me, you take our baby and you run to Elijah. He will ensure your safety. He secured passage for Rebekah in order to keep her safe from Stefan and Damon, he will do the same for you.” He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, not wanting to hear this. “We failed with Kol. We won’t fail again.”

“You didn’t fail Klaus.” Caroline whispered. “So, Elijah is happy to be getting a new family member?” Klaus nodded and Caroline smiled. He returned to the screen, muting the sound but continued compiling the images. She curled up in his lap and just let herself relax in his arms. She couldn’t help but look at the screen to see Stefan’s face. “Stefan has been blowing up my phone.”

“That is not surprising.” Klaus replied. “I would not be surprised if he has men roaming the city looking for you. Those friends you have…those spoiled little rich girls you see on occasion.”

“Haley and Aurora?”

“Yes. Them.” Klaus waved his hand, dismissing their names. “He probably sent men to their houses and tore it apart. He probably went to your childhood home also to see if you went back there. Trust me love, he is searching and won’t stop until he finds you.” Caroline felt a shiver run down her spine. “He won’t find you, Sweetheart. I won’t let him, but it does mean you might have to stay in the penthouse for a small while.”

“Okay.” Klaus looked down at her in surprise. He was expecting more of a fight, but she just smiled. “I don’t like it. I spent years being a prisoner in my own home, I don’t want to have to do it again, but this isn’t just about me. Like you said. We have a baby to protect.” Klaus’s smile melted Caroline’s heart and she couldn’t help but kiss him. “Although, you might need to have some clothes and other stuff brought here because I can only wear the same pair of jeans and your Henley’s for so long.”

“That can be arranged.”

“And…I might have texted Stefan.” Klaus’s body froze and his eyes darkened. “I told him that I was leaving him and that I wasn’t coming back. Then I walked away, and I have no idea what he said. Probably threating me or something.” Klaus pulled her closer. She knew that he would not like the idea of her speaking to Stefan, but she felt like she needed to do it.

“No matter. He won’t find you.” Klaus’s resolve was final and absolute. Caroline nodded and stood from his lap. He pouted slightly when she pulled away.

“Don’t pout. I’m going to shower before Elijah shows up.” She leaned down and kissed him again before walking out of the office. She padded barefoot through the penthouse, feeling more at home than she had in a very long time. She entered the bedroom that she assumed she would begin sharing with Klaus and went into the bathroom; ignoring her phone that was still ringing.

Once she was done in the shower, Caroline went to the dresser. She did have a few items there, mostly lingerie that Klaus bought her. There were a few other items, a couple of tank-top and a jacket, that would last her a few days, but she would have to get more. She pulled out a pair of racy red panties and slipped them on. She pulled on the matching bra before pulling on her jeans from the day before. She walked over to Klaus’s closet and pulled out a grey Henley.

Klaus could deal with her stealing his shirts for a bit.

She grabbed her phone, which was fully charged, and checked it. Stefan called her nearly thirty-six times and the number of messages he sent her were ungodly. She rolled her eyes and pocketed the phone. As she left the bedroom, running her hands through her damp curls, Caroline could hear voices coming from the kitchen. Klaus and Elijah were sitting at the kitchen counter, Elijah drinking a cup of coffee; listening to his brother speak.

“That is reckless Nikaus. The last thing we want is the Salvatore’s to be able to trace your location back to his penthouse.” Elijah reasoned. Klaus scowled but nodded. Elijah turned to Caroline and gave her a warm smile. “Hello Mrs. Sal-“Klaus hissed at his brother for the address. “Caroline. I believe congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you.” She pulled a cup out of the cabinet and went to the coffeemaker and poured herself a cup. She turned to see both Klaus and Elijah’s eyes on her, watching her. She narrowed her eyes at them and put her hands on her hips. “Oh no. I may be pregnant, but one cup of coffee is not going to hurt me or the baby, so if either of you try and take this from me, there will be hell to pay.”

“We said nothing, love.”

“And keep it that way.” Caroline muttered and felt the phone in her back pocket vibrate. She pulled it out again and groaned. Stefan was calling her again. She declined the call and turned her phone on silent. “I need a new number.” She tossed the offending phone on the counter. “So, what’s the plan?”

“Elijah and I were discussing the manner of how the videos should delivered. I was just going to send them off in an email and let the pieces fall where they may, but Elijah believes that they should be mailed but that leaves room for them falling into the wrong hands. Or Elena checking the mail and coming across them first.”

“Can emails be encrypted?”

“It’s possible yes.”

Caroline paused, thinking. There were so many possibilities and while their goal was to turn Damon against Stefan, that would only be a temporary solution. It would only get rid of half the problem; but only if Damon acted as they predicted he would. Once that storm blows over and Damon is left standing, then what? She understood that Elijah was only trying to protect them for what comes at that point. While Damon would be distracted with the news of his wife and brother’s betrayal, they did not want him to have information that could potentially be an issue later on.

“I have an idea.” Caroline replied and the two of them looked at her. She sat her coffee cup on the counter and picked up her phone. “I’ll send them. This phone is encrypted, and Klaus ensured that it can’t be traced. If anything, it will bounce back to my old phone because the number is still the same. Damon already knows my email address, so it won’t be coming from an unexpected source.”

“Would he even check an email if you sent one?” Elijah asked.

“Probably not. Although, they are out looking for me so it’s possible he might.” Caroline paused and thought. “But what if I tell him to check it.” Klaus began shaking his head, as though he did not want her to have anything to do with either of the Salvatore brothers anymore. “Hear me out. I call him. He probably will answer because Stefan is on a wild goose chase looking for me. I will not come in physical contact with him and he will be so focused on the email, that he won’t even be worried about me.”

“I see why you like her brother. She has quick mind.” Elijah gave her a rare smile. Klaus still looked unsure but there was a hint of pride behind his eyes. “We should do it sooner rather than later. Caroline, are you sure you want to involve yourself in this?”

“I’m already involved.” Caroline looked at them both. “Damon will assume I am a heartbroken wife who is confessing her husband’s affair with his wife. He isn’t going to think that I am connected to Klaus. That way when the time comes to take down Damon, which will be easier once Stefan is out of the way, he won’t see you coming. He won’t suspect my involvement with you.”

“Very well. Shall we?” Elijah stood, buttoning his suit jacket as he did. Caroline nodded. Klaus picked up Caroline’s phone and held out his hand. The two linked their fingers together and headed towards his office, Caroline enjoying her coffee as they went; Elijah trailing behind them.

Klaus scrolled through the messages from Stefan and Caroline could see his features grow darker. Message after message were threats of what he would do to her when he got his hands on her. She could tell that the images of her bruised body were flashing through Klaus’s mind. She squeezed his hand to remind him that she was there with him, safe and despite the chaos, she was happy.

Stefan’s name flashed up on the screen again and Klaus quickly ignored it. He went into Stefan’s contact information and blocked the number so at least the messages and calls would stop. There was no point in putting Caroline through that harassment; it served no purpose. Klaus thought that once this was all done, Caroline would have to get a new number and start fresh. Once they entered the office, Klaus handed Caroline her phone and went behind his desk. Caroline moved to sit on the edge of the desk while Elijah made himself comfortable in one of the other chairs.

Klaus typed away on his computer and after a moment, Caroline heard a notification go off; informing her that she had an email. Klaus sent her the file that contained Stefan and Elena’s sex videos and Caroline scowled at how massive it was. She quickly downloaded it onto her phone and deleted the email; and for good measure, erased it from her trash bin as well. She also did a quick password change to be safe incase Stefan decided to try and hack her email. Once done, she opened up a new email and composed one to Damon, attaching the video now stored on her phone.

“Ready love?”

“As I’ll ever be. I guess.” Caroline pulled up Damon’s contact information and hovered over it. She rarely ever called him. In the last few months, Stefan had been monitoring her text messages, phone calls and emails to ensure that she didn’t reach out to Damon at all. Even if she wanted to speak with Damon, Stefan made it nearly impossible for her to do so. After a deep breath, Caroline dialed Damon’s number; putting the call onto speakerphone. She listened to the phone ring a few seconds before Damon’s voice came onto the lie.

“You really are asking to be punished, Blondie.” Damon answered, his voice having that hint of sarcasm that he was known for. “You do realize that Stefan has a man hunt out for you right now? I just left that feisty red-heads house. She bit me.”

“Good for Aurora. Did you leave her alive?” It was cruel, Caroline knew, but she felt no remorse if Aurora met a tragic end at Damon’s hands. She wasn’t exactly a good friend nor were they close. The ‘friendship’ she shared with both Aurora and Haley were superficial and lacked depth; something Stefan liked about them. They posed no risk but still showed the world that Caroline had a life; a façade.

“She isn’t our concern right now.” Caroline rolled her eyes. “Listen. Tell me where you are. I’ll come and get you and maybe I can keep Stefan from putting you in the hospital. The longer you hold out, the worse his temper will be.”

“I’m not coming home Damon. Stop looking. You won’t find me.”

“Give us time.” Damon chuckled. “If you don’t want to be found, why are you calling?”

“It’s a curtesy call. That’s all.” Caroline flashed a look to Klaus; whose eyes were black and dark. “I’ll make this quick. A few months ago, when Stefan lost control and cracked one of my ribs and chocked me. I lied to you. It wasn’t because I was out with a friend all night. It was because I caught Stefan in bed with your wife.” Caroline could hear how still Damon went on the other line. “Stefan and Elena have been having an affair for months and I figured you should know.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am I?” Caroline replied. She quickly typed on her phone and sent off the email. “Check your email Damon and you will see how honest I’m being. Do what you will with the information. I’m just the messenger.” She could hear Damon typing on his phone and she assumed he was pulling up her email. “Goodbye Damon. Stop looking for me.”

With that, Caroline hung up the phone. Both Klaus and Elijah sat back in their chairs with nothing to say. There really was not much to do at that point. They made their move and now it was time see Damon’s reaction. It could be instantaneous, or it could take days. While she could predict that Stefan would act on impulse, Damon was a wild card. He could act immediately or stew on the information for days.

“I’ll keep men eyeing Damon’s home in case he goes after Elena first.” Klaus replied. “I’ll monitor the security feed to see if Damon come to seek out Stefan.” He paused thinking. “Perhaps we should have them tailed? Damon is smart enough to know when he is being followed but with this, he may not care.”

“I can put a few agents on them both, with instructions not to intervene if the two would clash.” Elijah replied. “They already know that the FBI is investigating them, therefore it would not come as a surprise if they are noticed.” Klaus nodded and Elijah pulled out his phone, sending off message after message. “Now I supposed we wait.”

It took longer than Caroline expected for Damon to react. Days passed and they heard nothing from any of the men that were tailing either Stefan or Damon. Stefan was searching every inch of New York looking for Caroline. However, she did not leave the penthouse; pleased at the fact that Klaus had balconies and rooftop access if she felt the need to go outside.

Klaus had a minion shop for Caroline and by the next day, she had an entire new wardrobe, bathroom supplies and essentially moved into the penthouse with Klaus. She even made an offhand comment about adding a few throw pillows and fluffy blankets to the living room; those were ordered and delivered before the week was out. Klaus wanted her to make herself at home and she did.

It was the following Sunday night that she was curled up on the sofa; the fire going and buried under one of the blankets Klaus bought that they heard something. She was staring at the ultrasound in her hand, imagining their child running around the penthouse. She thought on whether or not she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom or do something else with her life. Stefan never allowed her to have a job or finish college. Klaus would want to her to follow her dreams and she let her head wonder at the possibilities.

“Caroline.” Klaus replied, his head peeking out from his office. He waved for her to follow him. She pushed the blanket of off her and made her way into Klaus’s office. He had been taking the surveillance of her old home seriously. While he still went into the office, in order to keep up appearances, he spent more time at the penthouse with Caroline than he had previously. During the hours that he could not be watching the cameras, he had someone do it for him; either Elijah, an agent or even Enzo.

When she entered the office, she moved around the desk and saw her old living room. It looked messy and trashed, probably from Stefan’s temper. She could see bottles and bottles of alcohol littering the floor. Beyond the shot the camera provided, Caroline could not see much more. Stefan and Elena were in the middle of the room arguing about something. Klaus turned the sound up and the two of them to hear their conversation.

“He knows Stefan. I don’t know how he figured it out. He has been acting off for days. I caught him today tearing through my things. He took my phone and read everything” Elena stated urgently. “We need to go. Now. Pack a bag and let’s go.”

“I can’t!” Stefan stated, pointing at the ankle monitor.

“Cut it the fuck off!” Elena whispered harshly. “Once Damon gets ahold of us, the feds will be the last thing we have to worry about.”

“It’s not the fed, Elena. Its Klaus. He is the one doing this.”

“Fuck Klaus. Pack a bag and let’s go.”

“Do you really think that wise Elena?” Both Stefan and Elena’s heads whipped around. Neither Klaus nor Caroline could see him, but Damon’s voice was unmistakable, and Elena’s terrified face told them exactly what they wanted to know. “We were not done with our discussion Elena; a wife should not run out on her husband.”

“Damon…”

“Then again, a wife does not fuck her husband’s brother. I didn’t believe it at first when I learned of your affair, but the proof was undeniable.” The words were biting and harsh. Elena froze in place. “Cortez, do me a favor and escort my wife to the car. Keep her there. I need to have a word with my brother.” A man who Caroline recognized as someone who worked close with Damon came on screen. Elena backed up slowly. Stefan stepped in front of her, but Cortez continued to approach.

“Maddox.”

Maddox stepped into the frame and quickly pulled Stefan away from Elena, allowing Cortez to grab Elena. She started streaming and hitting Cortez. She bit his arm and in response, Cortez slapped her across the face with enough force that she stumbled to the side. Stefan tried to move but Maddox, who was bigger than Stefan, grabbed him by the throat, holding him in place. Cortez picked Elena up from floor and tossed her over his shoulder, carrying her from the room while she kicked and screamed. Once Elena’s screams died down, Caroline could hear a shuffle on the auto and Damon appeared on screen, carrying two of her dining room chairs, placing them across from one another and what appeared to be a golfing bag. Damon sat down, crossed his legs and looked at his brother.

“Have a seat Stefan.” Maddox roughly forced Stefan into the chair that Damon sat across from him. “I spent the last view days watching you fuck my wife in various locations in this house.” Damon drawled slowly. “Then, I talked with your men. Maddox here was more than happy to tell me all the times he saw Elena come and go from this house; without me.”

“Maddox works for me.”

“Not anymore. I offered him three times what you pay him to help me with our discussion.” Damon replied. He motioned to Maddox, who moved off screen only to appear seconds later with a large bag in his hand. “Now, Maddox has been itching to do more field work. No more guard duty but the problem is, he needs practice. I figured that now would be the perfect time for him to gain experience.”

“Is this your game? You’re going to torture me?” Stefan replied. Maddox reached for Stefan’s coat and pulled it off, along with his shirt. He did not move, instead keeping his eyes on his brother at all times. Neither were willing to flinch.

“I’m not. Maddox is.” Damon motioned for Maddox to open his bag. He pulled out some kind of can, shook it and then pulled out a lighter. Maddox looked at Stefan thoughtfully before setting clicking the lighter and spraying the can. A burst of flame appeared, and Stefan screamed, deep burns appearing on the side of his chest. It went on for several minutes; Maddox burning various parts of Stefan’s body. “When did it start? The affair.”

“Fuck you.”

And thus, began the interrogation. Damon would ask question after question regarding his relationship with Elena. Stefan would refuse to answer, and Maddox would start to burn him. Once Maddox grew tired of the smell of burning flesh, he switched to sharp wooden picks. He inserted the small picks under Stefan nail’s, pulling upwards until a nail was completely ripped off. Damon would ask other questions and if Stefan’s answer was not sufficient, Maddox would rip another nail. Eventually Stefan had no nails let and Maddox switched to knives…and then blunt objects. Damon never took his eyes away from his brother.

Caroline watched the screen, unable to take her eyes away from him. Klaus slipped his hands into hers, never letting go. Part of him wanted to pull her away and shield her eyes but he knew she needed to witness this. So, instead he stayed silent, watching as Caroline took in every scene before them. She didn’t blink or move. She stood there with her shoulder’s back and an unreadable expression on her face. Her free hand still clutching the ultrasound picture.

“Stop.” Damon’s voice commanded. Maddox withdrew the knife he was using to cut a large gash over his chest, slicing open the burns on his chest. Damon stood from his chair. He opened the golf bag and pulled out a golf club. “Remember how dad loved to golf? Every Sunday, like clockwork we would go to the course. Remember how you killed him? Your very first kill was our father. I still remember looking at his detached head. I buried his body. I covered for you. And how do you repay me? You fuck my wife.”

With the last word, Damon swung the golf club; hitting Stefan on the side of the face. Blood spat from his mouth, splattering across the white leather couch Caroline purchased after her wedding. With one swing, it was like a tsunami crashed into land for the first time. Damon let loose. Swing after swing, hit after hit; Damon would not let up. Stefan fell to the ground and Damon continued to beat him with the golf club. When he stopped, Damon looked down at his brother and spat on him. He tossed the club to the side and walked away, never looking back at his brother as he left the house. At first, Caroline thought that Stefan had died right there, but when his body twitched, and he pulled himself up slightly; she was surprised.

“He isn’t dead.”

“No but he will be. An hour, maybe two.”

“Take me to him.” Caroline stated and Klaus blanched. He was about to protest when Caroline held up her hand. “Take me to him. I won’t be alone if you come with me, but I need to see him.” She sucked in a breath. “I need to tell him that it was me. That I was the one who put him in that position. I want to be the last person he sees when he dies, knowing that I was responsible. I want to watch him die.”

Klaus looked unsure of himself; thoughts going back and forth about what the right answer was. He wanted to keep her from Stefan at all cost, even during his final hours of life, but he knew that Caroline would go without him; and he would never stop her from anything. He would prefer to be with her instead of her going alone.

“Okay.”

The drive through the city was quiet and Klaus did what he could to avoid most of the traffic. It was snowing and Caroline could not help but think how beautiful it was. There was an almost romantic feel to it, in a way. Caroline got married during a winter snowstorm in the middle of January almost two years prior and seeing how the marriage was ending; she felt that the snow was fitting.

When they reached the mansion she once viewed as a prison, she couldn’t help but notice how dead it looked. Not a single light could be seen through the windows. The front door was kicked down and it honestly amazed Caroline that the place was not swarming with police. Then again, the house was huge and the distance between the houses were significant. When she entered the house, the foyer seemed like it always had; cold.

“Please, stay here. He can’t hurt me.” Caroline placed a hand on Klaus’s chest and pleaded with him. “If I need you, I’ll let you know.”

“I’ll be right through the archway, no farther.” Caroline nodded, agreeing to the compromise. He did not want to put her in danger but understood that she needed to do this. She turned from him and made her way into the living room. Unlike the foyer, the living room was destroyed. It was far worse in person than on computer monitor. Beside the liquor bottles and general mess, it appears that Stefan must have flown into a rage when Elena told him that Damon knew about their affair. He must have torn the room apart. The chairs were in the same place as they were when Damon had Maddox torture Stefan. The man in question was resting against the sofa, having propped himself up; unable to go any further. Caroline strolled over to the chair Damon had previously occupied, stepping over debris and bottles as she went, and sat down; looking at Stefan.

“Hello Stefan.” Her voice was gentle but there was a layered mirth behind it. Stefan was worse for wear. His injuries were far worse up close than she expected. Parts of his skin were covered in blisters from Maddox’s flames and there were at least a dozen gashes cut deep into his skin. He was covered in dry blood; some of which was seeping out of his mouth. His eyes held a slight glaze to them, but he was focused completely on her. “That looks like it hurts.”

“What do you want?”

“Can’t a wife come check on her husband?” That caused Stefan to give a humorless laugh, which was followed but the grabbing of his abdomen; almost tumbling over in pain. “In truth, I came back because I have a confession to make.” Stefan looked like he didn’t really care about whatever Caroline had to say, and that made the moment almost sweeter. She was the last person he wanted to be with when he died. “I’ve been having an affair.”

“Let me guess, the bodyguard?” Stefan coughed out. She could tell he wanted to roll his eyes but was in too much pain to do so. “I’ve suspected that the two of you were sleeping together. Always using him when you left. Figured sticking you with multiple guards would stop that. If I discovered for sure, I was going to kill the both of you and be done.”

“It wasn’t Enzo. He covered for me, but I’ve never had sex with him.” Caroline replied, a wicked smile graced her lips. She wanted to see the look on his face when he realized the gravity of his foolish mistake. Stefan underestimated her and Caroline that no one would do so ever again. “Ask me who I’ve been sleeping with.”

“Honestly, I don’t care.” Stefan replied. Caroline stood from her chair and knelt down beside him. She viewed a gash that ran over a burn mark. She reached out and pressed her nail into it. She twisted it, feeling the blood surge around her finger. Stefan locked his jaw, trying to prevent himself from screaming. Caroline enjoyed the sight of him suffering from the pain she caused him.

“Ask me who I have been sleeping with.”

“Who have you been fucking Caroline?”

“Klaus Mikaelson.”

That visceral reaction Stefan tossed her was worth every second of the misery she suffered at his hands. Stefan jerked towards her and she jumped back slightly; a look of triumph on her face. Stefan was huffing and blistering, blood spurting from his lips. His eyes held a fire inside that would have terrified Caroline if Stefan was in his right form.

“You bitch.”

“It’s hitting you isn’t it? All those times you and Damon discussed your plans in front of me. Letting details slip here or there? I heard it all. You thought I was empty headed and weak. No. I listened to everything. Remembered everything.” Caroline sat back down in the chair and crossed her legs. “We’ve been sleeping together for at least ten months. The first time he fucked me was in his office, after I told him you were in love with Elena.”

“Elena and I were not together ten months ago.”

“No. But I knew you loved her. All those times you whispered her name in my ear? I figured it out. I told him that the way to take you down was to drive a wedge between you and Damon, using Elena. And then I took my dress off for him and let him fuck me just because I knew it would piss you off.” She cocked her head. “I’m pregnant and you’re going to die. Elena most likely is going to die. Klaus will hunt Damon down, and he too will die. The Mikaelson family lives and grows inside me, while the rest of yours die. I win Stefan.”

With that, Caroline watched him. He couldn’t speak and she could tell that he was in agony. His breathing started laboring and she knew it would be soon. Stefan tried to look away from her, but Caroline would lean bend down and make him look at her. She was going to be the last thing he saw on this earth. It didn’t take long; less than an hour after she arrived did Stefan take his last breath. His eyes glassed over and soon there was nothing left.

And just like that, Caroline became a widow.

She stood from her chair, giving Stefan’s body one last look before turning and heading back out to the foyer. Klaus was still there, leaning against the wall; a proud smirk on his lips. She knew that he heard every word. Not being able to help herself, she walked over to him and pulled him into an embrace. She kissed him deeply, pouring every ounce of relief, passion and bloodlust she felt in that moment. Klaus understood what she needed.

“I’m done here.” She whispered when their lips broke apart. “Take me home.”

#klaroline fanfiction #caroline x klaus #klaus mikaelson #caroline forbes #fanfiction #klaroline

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that-shamrock-vibe · 5 years ago

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Movie Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: I am posting this review the day the movie is first released in the U.K, so if you haven’t yet seen the movie do not read on until you have.

General Reaction:

It's difficult with today's movie going audience to predict how movies like Sonic are going to perform and be received. Especially when the ad campaign did absolutely no favours for this movie other than convince Paramount that Sonic needed a more truthful redesign than what they originally put out.

Here's the thing. Sonic the Hedgehog to me is trying to be 2020's Detective Pikachu capitalising on that nostalgia of a beloved classic franchise.

However, I do feel that the haters and internet trolls out there are not going to be able to get past the comparisons this movie draws to 2011's Hop, which was a live-action/CGI-hybrid movie starring James Marsden who becomes the companion of a somewhat overbearing CG creature.

But, I encourage all movie goers, including the haters, to go into this with an open mind...particularly if you have any history with Sonic because you will get some enjoyment and walk away afterwards feeling happy overall.

My personal history with Sonic is slightly less-so than I would like. I played the original 2 SEGA games countless times and did watch some episodes of the earlier animated shows.

Having said that, my main Sonic fandom actually comes from the mid-noughties series Sonic X, which I feel this movie could have adapted but alas. Also I played the Shadow the Hedgehog spinoff game and more recently Smash Bros where I actually won as Sonic recently.

Now this movie reminds me of those shows and games practically in no way. I mean there is that opening sequence where you see Sonic running around and looping like he does in the SEGA games, I do also feel like James Marsden's character could easily be an older version of Chris, the boy from Sonic X, but aside from that, the gold rings and Robotnik...there's not a lot for the Sonic fans to spot.

I can't say this is a perfect movie, because it really is not. There are a lot of super speed gags and some of them do stick but some just fall flat and at times feel repetitive.

The worst crime this movie commits in my opinion is stealing Quicksilver's gimmick of speed scenes. By which I mean there are not one but two occasions when time is slowed down to almost a halt and we see Sonic running around still. They even have songs specific for these scenes.

Also, because I'm not fully aware of every Sonic incarnation, I did not understand why Sonic is effectively The Flash with being able to generate lightning. I mean I understand the laws of physics of generating enough friction can create static but I have never known Sonic to have any electric attacks.

I did like how the static electricity was preserved in his quills when they fell off though. In animation and the games you don’t think about Sonic’s realistic hedgehog qualities such as having quills so it was a nice touch.

I am also aware that Sonic has turned Super Saigen before with the help of the Chaos Emeralds I believe, so the fact we see a similar transformation here is quite good to see for that reason.

In terms of story I do think this is a simple plot that has been done numerous times, Hop is definitely one example that comes to mind, but I feel it’s also a very accessible story for non-Sonic fans.

I don’t know if Longclaw the Owl is an original character or one from Sonic mythology but I did not really vest much interest in her. Baby Sonic I thought was cute, but I refuse to accept anyone saying he is cuter than Baby Yoda as no one is cuter than Baby Yoda.

On the subject of age, it was good to see them acknowledging Sonic’s age for a change as opposed to just presuming because up until now I did always think he was some sort of teenager but this confirms it. If Baby Sonic is around 5-9 years old then Sonic in present day is late teens which makes sense with his temperament.

The gold rings being used as teleportation devices, I don’t know if they’re meant to be in the games but loved their use here.

I enjoyed the use of technology in this movie and particularly Robotnik’s commentary on how technology is more reliable than people which ties into his ultimate fate of being stranded alone without another soul on the planet he is sent to which forces him further into insanity.

The fact Sonic’s story is about fitting into society while James Marsden’s character is about figuring out what’s right in front of him are great parallels and do balance each other out rather well.

Also where he ends up with effectively being part of a family as well as a town hero was a nice way to wrap things up.

However, that mid-credits scene showing the arrival of Sonic’s faithful protege Tails to the real world looking for his friend screams for a sequel, especially if this means that more of Sonic’s companions could be introduced in the future like Knuckles, Shadow or even Rouge the Bat.

Characters:

Dr. Robotnik:

I don’t want to say he is the best character because I feel all four of the main cast members do a great job, but my favourite definitely is Jim Carrey as Robotnik. This is Carrey back on form and there were so many great shades of back when he was at the top of his game in the 90s with work such as Ace Ventura, The Mask and The Grinch.

From his first scene he stole every scene he was in. You could tell that he was taking the role seriously while also having the time of his life with it and this is why, back in the day, he was on such high form.

He may not have been the overweight bald megalomaniac, at least with the latter two not until the end of the movie, but he was the evil genius and mad scientist and almost every line he delivered he nailed.

I think “rockonnaissance” is going to be the new “joygasm” for him but it worked for The Riddler and it works for Robotnik.

I’m also happy he was nicknamed Eggman in the movie by Sonic because of the shape of his drones, I thought it was fitting. I can’t wait for Sonic to see the new bald version.

Sonic:

Yes Sonic is second but I said it before, there were times when he was overbearing.

Ben Schwartz by the way does a fantastic job voicing the character, I know he voices Dewey in the new Ducktales series and also for some reason voices BB-8 in the Star Wars sequel trilogy, but this is my favourite role of his voice is so realistic for a wide-eyed and somewhat innocent “alien” hedgehog.

I enjoyed how when he first came to Earth he was this urban legend around Green Hills who spent those 10 years people watching and either making up nicknames for the citizens while also longing to fit in with them but knowing not to.

Also the movie’s comedy was never as vulgar as Ryan Reynolds or immature as Russell Brand. I think they had one fart joke in the movie but the rest was generic comedy movie material which was hit and miss in comedy.

It was quite touching also that he was so protective of Green Hills and the status quo so much so that when Tom said he was planning on leaving to move to San Francisco, he was so offended and I thought it was going to be that trope of “Oh now they’re going to separate only to discover they need each other later” but instead it was a few digs and then they got over it.

I am so happy they did redesign the character because the movie’s original look for him was horrendous and did make Cats look reasonable whereas this is more like the Sonic everyone knows and I did not realise he didn’t have his traditional running shoes until Jojo, the niece of Tika Sumpter’s character, replaced them for him.

I will keep saying I want a sequel just because I am interested to see where Sonic’s story takes him next, especially with Tails now on Earth and the potentiality that others could join.

The Wachowskis

Again I thought James Marsden and Tika Sumpter did very pleasant jobs. This is my favourite James Marsden performance to date. Up until now his roles have been either corny or simply bland for me but here, yes there were a couple of dodgy jokes and moments but overall I thought Tom was a very likeable character and at the very least a driven character.

His wife Maddie, first of all props to the movie writers for having a mixed-race couple front and centre in the movie. But also, Maddie, who is also an accomplished career woman alongside her accomplished career husband, did not weigh Tom down or the story down as simply being “just the wife”.

I also enjoyed Maddie’s sister and niece, Jojo is quite cute and for the little screentime that she has does well with it for a child her age. While Natasha Rothwell continues to grow in my estimations after her fabulous turn in Love, Simon as the very sassy teacher.

Others:

As for the rest of the cast, this was a great who’s who for spotting the great jobbing actors as Lee Majdoub, Neal McDonough, Michael Hogan and Adam Pally all have minor supporting roles that do not go unnoticed.

Meanwhile Colleen Villard (née O'Shaughnessey), who voices Tails in the video games as well as voicing Wasp in The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes series and Sora in the Digimon franchise, reprises her role as the anthropomorphic fox in an uncredited mid-credits scene. I am hoping she returns for the sequel because it is good to hear her acting again.

Recommendation:

I do see a future for this movie in terms of a franchise. I do not quite see it crossing over with Detective Pikachu as I know there were rumblings of some sort of Super Smash Bros. movie cinematic universe.

However, if the movie does warrant a sequel, and with a current Rotten Tomatoes score of 64%, considering this seems to be a deciding factor for some cinema goers, I don’t see why not. I am hoping the future of this franchise does see the introductions of Knuckles, Shadow, Rouge and even Amy.

Potentially also spinning off from this franchise, there could be Donkey Kong, Mega Man and maybe even Mario to create that Super Smash Bros. universe.

Overall I rate the movie 8/10, it’s a great movie and definitely has some rewatchability to it.

Having said that I can see where some cinema snobs or even haters may come from as they inevitably target the movie but I encourage everyone not to be taken in by other people’s opinions, not even mine, make up your own minds and see it for yourself.

So that’s my review of Sonic the Hedgehog, what did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Movie Reviews as well as other posts.

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freudensteins-monster · 5 years ago

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A Banner Reunion

A WinterShock follow up to A Banner Day. Set post Age of Ultron and Ragnarok, not really Civil War compliant, and there’s no Thanos or looming Infinity War. Also posted on AO3.

The first person Bucky Barnes met as he stepped off the last quinjet out of Wakanda was Darcy Lewis. She looked more uptight than her file photo would suggest (Bucky had read the files of all facility staff on the flight over, and Darcy’s maybe twice), and seemed to have taken Pepper Potts as her style icon. The wavy brown hair from her file photo was pulled back in a tight bun, and the colourful sweaters and jeans had been replaced by a sharp business suit and sharper heels.

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes. I’m Darcy Lewis. I manage the upstate facility and act as the team’s PR manager. I’ll also be acting as a liaison between the facility, your legal team, and other interested parties. If you have any questions, day or night, please don’t hesitate to contact me.”

She handed him a crisp white business card. Bucky took it with his shiny new Wakandan arm, noting a complete lack of reaction from Miss Lewis.

“Science Wrangler?” he read aloud.

“I have new ones on order,” she replied with a long-suffering sigh.

“Thank you, Miss Lewis,” he smiled, tucking the business card into his jacket pocket. “But all I really want to know right now is which way to the mess hall?”

Miss Lewis smiled, but before she could respond Steve clapped him on the shoulder and led him away for a second breakfast.

Over the next couple of weeks he received dozens of updates via Miss Lewis from his legal team about their attempts to have him cleared of all charges relating to the crimes he committed as the Winter Soldier (and the few he committed after), but he never saw her outside of their meetings. Not in the mess hall, not at team movie nights, not even in passing. According to Steve she was drowning in work and pretty much lived in her office. She needed help but had refused to hire assistants, not trusting the vetting process with all the enemies the Avengers had accumulated.

Feeling guilty, and just a little too curious for his own good, Bucky went in search of her office. He heard her before he saw her. It sounded like she was having the argument of the century with a disgruntled voice that reminded him of his old drill instructor. He was going to leave her to it and try again later when he heard his name being thrown about. He crept closer, keeping out of sight of Darcy and the holograph she was arguing with.

“How can you stand there denying the dangers posed by enhanced individuals when you’re harbouring the fugitive James Buchanan Barnes, the most prolific assassin in living memory?”

Bucky winced but Darcy narrowed her eyes at the hologram and stood her ground.

“Sergeant Barnes’ location is not a secret, nor is he a fugitive. He surrendered himself to the Wakandan authorities and per the agreement his legal representation made with the US government - which you’re well aware of, I remember how much you bitched about it in the press - he is on house arrest at this facility until his trial commences, if it ends up going ahead at all. And if you think he’s going to give up what little freedom he has now and could have in the future and sign this joke of a document, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Her opponent sneered. “Last I checked, Miss Lewis, you weren’t a lawyer.”

“Not yet, anyway. But I did pass my Civics 101 class, and I watched a lot of SchoolHouse Rock! as a kid: This is not a bill, or a law, or an official policy of the US Government. Even if it gets ratified by the UN, you cannot enforce it as it goes against the Constitution and violates a US citizen’s 4th, 5th, 6th, and 8th Amendment rights.”

“Wanda Maximoff-“

“-is a dual Sokovian-US citizen; I made sure of it. And if you can somehow round up a bunch of asshole commandos willing to enforce this PR nightmare to appease your bruised ego, the governor of New York - who gifted this land to the Avengers - and all his friends on Capitol Hill are going to have something to say about it. Especially after the so-called World Security Council tried to nuke his hometown while the Avengers were risking their lives to save his constituents from aliens. So,” she continued, tossing the intimidated stack of paper aside and waiting for it to hit her desk with a satisfying thump before continuing, “until you can put together something less offensive than this pile of crap, we don’t have anything more to talk about.”

“Listen here you little-“

“Sorry Thad, you’re breaking up. I think your country club is going through a tunnel.”

Darcy disconnected the holographic video call with a wave of her hand and fell into the closest chair with a dramatic groan.

“Wow…” Bucky remarked, stepping into her office. “I take it we don’t like that guy.”

“We really don’t like that guy,” Darcy concurred, tossing her heels across the room in irritation.

“What’s his deal?”

“General Ross’ deal is that he wants all the power. And since superheroes have lots of power he wants them, preferably conscripted into service of the US government or locked up in a submersible military black site paid for with taxpayer dollars that he thinks I don’t know about. He’s been this way ever since Bruce’s accident.” At Bucky’s lack of recognition she continued, “Bruce was trying to replicate the supersoldier serum for the US Military, reporting to General Ross. Things went boom, Bruce turned into the Hulk, escaped Ross’ clutches and went on the run. Under the guise of bringing the Hulk in, Ross approved another human trial of the supersoldier serum. He ended up creating what the media dubbed as “the Abomination” – twice the rage of the Hulk, none of the ability to reconnect with his humanity. And while Bruce was forced to go back into hiding for the next five years for his part in destroying Harlem, General Ross didn’t even get knocked down a rank. The bastard shouldn’t be able to breathe in DC’s direction, let alone have a hand in policing “enhanced individuals,” so naturally he makes a perfect choice for Secretary of State,” she scoffed.

Bucky watched her for a moment before reaching out to help her up from her chair. “You look like you could use a drink. C’mon, I’m buying.”

“Dude, it’s like 10am,” Darcy argued, but took his hand regardless.

Two floors down and one building over in the facility cafeteria Bucky watched on with barely disguised amusement as Darcy made love to her Mocha Frappuccino.

“Oh, yeah, that’s the stuff.”

She’d put on some flats and discarded her jacket before leaving her office, and once they were seated and waiting for their drinks she set her glasses down on the table and took down her hair.

Bucky loved the way she smiled when she was able to let go of the stress of her job, even if it was only for a moment, so he did what he could to give her more of them. Tuesday morning coffee breaks became a regular occurrence, and if she missed dinner Bucky would check in on her to make sure she took a break and ate something. Eventually he asked her to schedule all their meetings and anything to do with his legal issues as her last tasks of the day, that way if she was snowed under and running late he had an excuse to invite her to join him for dinner afterwards. He was working up the nerve to ask her to dinner without the pretense of work when the Asgardians arrived.

Steve stood beside him, watching as the huge ship landed just beyond the facility's - and Bucky’s - boundaries.

“So it’s true?” Darcy asked, out of breath from the short run from the administration building. “He’s really back?”

“Yeah, Thor’s back. You were there when he crash landed the first time, right?” Steve asked.

“She tased him,” Bucky informed him with a smirk. “I read the report.”

“Yeah, I totally tased him. And introduced him to Pop-Tarts. But I also lost him in the breakup – it’s been, like, almost two years since I last saw him.”

It didn’t stop her waving like a lunatic the moment Thor ambled down the spaceship’s ramp, a small village worth of people following close behind him.

“Oh, this is going to be so much paperwork…” Darcy muttered as the god caught sight of them.

“My friends! Lady Darcy!!”

“Thor! What the hell happened to your eye?” she asked when he wrapped her up in one of his godly hugs.

“It’s a long story, lightning sister.”

“Did you bring all of Asgard with you?” Steve asked as he and Bucky watched the strangely dressed visitors make the most of the sunshine and soft grass.

“As many as we could save,” Thor admitted somberly. “I know that their arrival will cause some problems for your world’s governments but any aid you could provide my people in our time of need would be gratefully appreciated. A new homeland, perhaps?” he added, managing to do pretty decent puppy dog eyes even with only one good one.

“I’ll make some calls,” Darcy offered, flashing Thor an indulgent smile.

“Thank you, my lightning sister. And for your efforts, I have brought you a souvenir.”

“Space souvenir? Cool!”

“Aye, very cool,” he smirked, putting a hand around her shoulders and directing her gaze to where a man wearing psychedelic monk robes was trying to make his way through the crowd of Asgardians.

Darcy’s expression fell and Bucky almost rushed to her side.

“Bruce?”

At the sound of his name the man looked up and regarded Darcy sheepishly.

“Hey, bunny.”

“Bruce!!” Darcy was off like a shot, shoes abandoned in the grass as she all but threw herself on the new arrival. “What the hell happened to you? I hacked everyone trying to find you but not even Phil had eyes on you. Why didn’t you call me!” she cried, hugging him so tightly Bucky was worried the guy might not be able to breathe.

“I’m so sorry Darcy. I was stuck in Hulk mode up until a couple of days ago. He was like a gladiator on this trash planet in the outer reaches of the universe. It was crazy.”

“Not as crazy as these clothes, dude,” she teased with a sniffle, tugging on the gold vestments.

“Yeah, they’re a lot. But I had to Hulk out again on Asgard and these were the only spare clothes lying around on the spaceship. Oh, I gotta introduce you to some new friends,” he exclaimed excitedly, leading Darcy back towards the spaceship.

Bucky watched her go, his heart breaking at the sight of her reuniting with her fella. She’d mentioned Bruce a few times, but he hadn’t realised they had been an item. Maybe, since he’d apparently disappeared on her, it had been too painful for her to talk about. Bucky left Steve and Thor to organise the SHIELD agents that had descended to deal with the alien incursion, and left Darcy to her reunion.

In the weeks that followed Bucky hardly saw Darcy at all. She was spearheading talks with the Norwergian government to establish New Asgard within their borders and spent the rest of her time managing the needs of the refugees who had set up a temporary camp in the field where they landed. She was also fending off demands for the arrest of Thor’s brother, who apparently was more hated and feared than the Winter Soldier was.

In an effort to reduce her workload Bucky had offered to deal with his legal team directly, even though he hated how they talked down to him when giving him updates. But it made Darcy’s life easier so he took it on, often bringing Steve in on their conference calls to act as a buffer when he felt he was close to snapping at one of his condescending but very, very good lawyers.

Now that he had no reason to bother Darcy he saw her even less than when he first arrived, though he did hear that Bruce had dragged her out of her office once or twice for a late dinner. They never seemed as touchy feely as they had when they were first reunited and they hadn’t spent any time alone together behind closed doors (not that he’d checked security footage). Maybe they weren’t together any more - a lot can happen in two years, Bucky mused. Maybe Bruce had moved on - he was always gushing about that intimidating and frequently drunk Valkyrie woman. Or maybe, Bucky hoped against hope, Darcy had. The question was keeping him up at night, and since Darcy was too busy to be bothered with his insecurities he sought out the famous Dr Bruce Banner.

Bucky found him a few days later, after another postponed coffee date, in one of the facilities labs, looking over some holographic schematics.

“Sergeant Barnes, it’s nice to see you again. What can I do for you?” Bruce greeted with a smile.

“I’m not interrupting?” he asked, gesturing at the complicated calculations.

“Not at all. It’s just a project Tony wants a second opinion on. It’s his way of saying “I missed you too,” he jested.

Bucky bit the bullet. “It’s about Darcy.”

“What about her?”

“I just… I feel like a real shitheel asking, but I gotta know; are you and Darcy together?”

“Together like…”

“Dating. Are you dating?”

Bruce’s eyes almost bugged out of his skull. “Did Tony put you up to this?”

“Stark and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms,” Bucky admitted.

“And Darcy never mentioned me? She said you two had been hanging out a lot before she got sidetracked with all the Asgardian refugee drama.”

“She mentioned you plenty. She just never mentioned that two of you were an item.”

“And she also never mentioned that I’m her father, I take it,” Bruce replied with a smirk.

“...What?”

“I’m her biological father. I am not dating her,” Bruce reiterated. “But I take it you want to?” he teased.

“Uh… yes?” he winced after his brain came back online after processing this new information. “Did you not want me to? I would understand,” he murmured, gesturing vaguely at his shiny new arm as though his bloody history was written on the metal plates.

“I don’t get to have a say in the matter,” Bruce remarked, not unkindly, as he returned most of his attention back to the glowing calculations. “and I’m kind of the last guy who should be giving you grief over things you did when you weren’t in full control of yourself. Besides, you’ve probably known her longer than I have at this point.” He smiled sadly at Bucky’s confused expression. “The first time I met Darcy was when she and Jane moved into Tony’s tower. She told me I was her biological father about two weeks later. Before that moment, I hadn’t even known I had a daughter. We had maybe three months of getting to know each other, eating takeout in my lab once a week, and then Ultron happened. I quite literally disappeared off the face of the earth. I come back, and she’s all grown up and practically running the world,” he laughed. “She’s also crushing pretty hard on a certain supersoldier, in case you were wondering.”

“Yeah, well, Steve is pretty cute I guess,” Bucky mused, ducking his head to hide the blush in his cheeks behind his hair.

Bruce smiled. “Ask her out, Sergeant.”

Bucky delivered a Mocha Frappuccino to Darcy’s office that night and asked her to have dinner with him whenever she found the time. She blushed something fierce as she said yes, and Bucky committed the image to memory.

A month later they were officially a couple, but with Darcy’s crazy workload and his looming trial they were taking things slow. He’d only kissed her goodnight a couple of times but he’d stopped resisting the urge he had to wrap Darcy up in his arms the second she was off the clock.

He was indulging in said urge the night of the Asgardian farewell party - the Norwegian deal had gone through pretty quickly all things considered, and Thor and the last of the Asgardians were heading out to New Asgard in the morning - when Tony Stark made his trademarked grand entrance. He had barely taken two steps out of his latest Iron Man suit when he pointed a finger in their direction.

“What’s the murderbot doing with his murderarm around my niece?”

“I’m not your niece, Tony,” Darcy called over everyone else's scolding.

“What are you talking about? Bruce is your bio dad, I’m his science bro; you’re totally my science niece.”

Darcy giggled. “That’s not a thing, Tony. And to answer your totally offensive question; we’re dating.”

“No, I forbid it.”

“You don’t get to have an opinion.”

“Of course I do. Everyone loves hearing my opinions.”

“We really don’t,” Bucky heard Steve mutter into his beer.

“I don’t want to hear them, Tony. I’m a big girl and I make my own choices.”

“You make terrible choices,” Tony mumbled petulantly.

“I tell Pepper the same thing all the time,” she teased.

“How dare you!” Tony gasped, feigning offence. “Do I at least get to give the Russian menace the shovel talk?”

“No, no shovel talks. I don’t want you scaring him off.”

“If the Hulk didn’t scare me off, doll, nothing will.”

“Awww.”

“That’s not the way I remember it,” Bruce chimed in.

“Shut up,” Bucky retorted over Bruce’s chuckles. “Besides, I already got the shovel talk from Valkyrie. She takes her role as angry-mom very seriously.”

“Who’s Valkyrie? Wait, did you say mom?!” Tony squawked, turning to demand answers from Bruce.

“Hulk like angry girl,” Thor teased.

“Where is she? Is she here? I have to meet her.”

“Tony! Tony, stop. She went to New Asgard two days ago. No! Step away from the suit!”

As everyone one laughed at Bruce trying to keep Tony away from his suit Darcy leant in close, sending a shiver down Bucky’s spine as she whispered in his ear.

“How about I say goodbye to Thor and you walk me back to my room, Sergeant?”

Bucky smiled. “Whatever you want, doll.”

#a banner reunion #darcy lewis is bruce banner's daughter #not that bucky knows that #wintershock #darcy lewis/bucky barnes #darcy lewis #bucky barnes #bruce banner #thor #steve rogers #tony stark

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