#she is so serious its so unfunny

[vahloksekelle]

emerging from my hiatus to post some works that’ve been sitting in my files … have some elder scrolls art of my dovahkiin, Xiryna, and her owl Tsun. bro would def have rather stayed in sovngarde

[kwangyanese]

seeing a lot of koreans hating on/complaining about the sm game caterers #twinning

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 10

part 1 | part 9 | ao3

cw: recreational drinking

When they get to Eddie’s trailer, Steve’s mom is sitting on the couch, eyes unblinking as she watches the TV.

There’s just static on the screen.

“Steve?” she slurs when she finally realizes they’re there. Sways a little when she stands. There’s a dreamy quality to her voice, a blank look on her tired face: agreeable but distant, a smudge of campfire smoke curling far over the trees.

Double-dosed her pills again. Jesus Christ.

“Oh, Stevie, baby, it was just awful.” She reaches out for him, and he wishes he could find comfort in the way she cups his elbows with delicate hands. Wishes he could lean into her touch and offer comfort in return, but her tone is so dull and mild that bile rises in his throat. Chemical calm bullshit, and Steve has had enough.

“Ma, just…” he sighs, shrugging her off. Scrubs a hand over his face. Too young and too old for this. “Just go home, okay?” The street is quiet again, all the neighbors tucked back in their houses now that the show has run its course. He doesn’t think anyone will notice her stumbling across the road. “Get some rest. I’ll be over in a bit.”

“Sure, baby.” He leads her to the door, and she turns there on the threshold, eyes glassy and unfocused; looks through him like he’s a ghost. Then her gaze shifts around the room — the hats, the mugs, the clutter; the lived-in explosion of color that Steve’s annoyed he likes so much — like she’s just seeing it all for the first time, and absently, she murmurs, “This place is dreadful, isn’t it?”

“Mom.”

“Hmm?” she asks, but she’s already drifting out the door.

Steve’s face is on fire. He stands there for a moment, just staring dumbly out into the dark. What the hell is wrong with her??

Behind him, Eddie snorts. "Oh, she’s on the good shit, huh?”

Steve whips his head around. Eddie’s eyes are full of mirth, his dimple peeking out, and it startles a laugh out of Steve. He thinks maybe he’d take offense if he weren't so busy being mortified.

But also, like.

It is a little funny.

Or maybe it’s so unfunny that it circles back around.

“Jesus, man,” he huffs, “Sorry. I don’t— I don’t know why she…”

“S’fine,” Eddie says with a casual flick of his wrist. Seems like he means it. He rocks back on his heels, hands in his back pockets, just sort of eyeing Steve up. Assessing. Running his tongue over his lips. They're big, for a guy's. “…You want a beer?”

“Fuck.” That sounds so nice. “Yeah. Please.”

“Have a seat.”

Steve takes the offer when Eddie nods at the couch, too tired to do the whole song and dance of ‘oh heavens no, I couldn’t possibly impose.’ Who’s got the energy for that?

The couch is old. His skull thuds against the un-cushioned back when he sinks down into it, but he’s too tired to care. Worn out as the lumpy springs under his ass, the frayed fabric beneath his arm. A wave of exhaustion rattles his bones, reverberates in his teeth. He thinks he could sleep for sixteen years.

Eddie clears his throat when he comes back with the beers, a sudden cautiousness about him as he hands Steve an unopened can like Steve might claw him in return.

"Sit down," Steve rolls his eyes. "I'm not gonna bite."

Eddie makes a strangled noise. The springs bounce as he plops onto the seat beside Steve, sitting sideways with one leg up on the couch between them, his arm resting on the back. "So, ah...." He gives a wavering chuckle; pulls a lock of hair across his face to hide himself. "Is this the part where I formally apologize for trying to knife you?"

Ugh. No the fuck it isn't. Steve’s too drained for it, absolutely at capacity for more serious shit this evening, thanks; and besides that, it was...

Whatever. It's old news.

Instead of giving a real answer he reaches into his pocket, snicks his own knife open and pretends to brandish it at Eddie, asking, "Eye for an eye?"

Eddie's eyes go huge. "Dude, what the fuck??"

"Just fucking with you," Steve laughs, lifting the can up to his mouth. "But there; now we're even. Shoulda seen your face."

“Ah—!” Eddie’s jaw drops in offense. “Ex-cuse you!”

God, of course he’s more dramatic than all the kids combined.

Steve jabs the knife into his beer, pops the top and starts to chug, throat working as he gulps the whole thing down in four big sips. It tastes like frothy, bitter piss, but it's cold and it soothes the scratch in his throat.

Eddie lets out a low whistle. "Well, goddamn, Harrington."

"Is that supposed to impress me?" "You're not?"

Steve grins and wipes his mouth.

—

They get drunk pretty fast (Eddie refused to be upstaged in his own house, so one shot-gunned beer became two became four), and somewhere along the line the conversations get weird; hilarious and dumb. Saying shit just to say it, chipping away at the ice wall between them with bare fingernails.

Eddie hollers some shit like: "What are you even talking about?" and his arms fling out wide, almost spilling his beer. "The deep sea is so much scarier than the mountains!"

"Are you joking?" Steve throws back. "The mountains have, like, giant cats and shit! Birds of prey with wingspans the size of your van."

"Yeah, and the deep sea has eldritch monsters that live in volcano vents and hunt with no eyes and eat their young for fun or whatever the fuck. You ever heard of an anglerfish? Or a phantom anglerfish? Tell me that shit isn't right out of a Lovecraft story."

"A what story?"

"How am I the one who hasn’t graduated yet?"

Then later:

“Dude, Batman? Seriously?”

“He’s the world’s greatest detective!”

“He’s a greasy little weirdo. You only like him because of your whole…” Steve gestures at his tattoos.

“Whatever, Spiderfan.”

And later still:

"Okay, okay, okay. Fuck, marry, kill... Shit. Y’know this would really be easier in a town where so many people hadn’t died."

Steve grimaces at himself; expects Eddie to call him out. It’s too insensitive, too soon.

Eddie just cracks a grin and suggests, "Fuck, marry, revive?"

—

They talk for a long time. Eddie's kind of charming when he's not being a dick. A nice smile, deep laugh lines. Steve can almost see why the kids are so obsessed with him. He's never met someone so animated; feels like he's talking to a Saturday morning cartoon. The conversation mellows out after a while, and he doesn't realize he's dozed off until Eddie shakes him awake.

"Hey, man," he says, voice just above a whisper. "I'm going to bed. You're welcome to crash on the couch, but, uh,” he scratches the back of his neck, “I mean, your back is probably gonna hate you for it."

Steve rubs his fists against his eyelids and blinks himself awake. Feels jittery and weird, yanked out of the start of a bad dream. When he looks up he sees that he’s got his shoes up on the couch; and there’s dried drool on his chin, and all at once he feels embarrassed, off-balance and panicked like he missed the last step down a steep flight of stairs. Of course he's overstayed his welcome. He's being fucking rude. "My bad," he mutters as he jumps up off the couch. Stands up way too fast, makes his vision tilt and swirl. "I'll get out of your hair."

Eddie reaches for his arm. "Dude,” he says, “you're fine. You can stay if you want.”

Steve moves out of his hold. “Nah, get some sleep; I’ll see ya around.”

Eddie frowns at him, a little furrow between his brows, and somehow Steve feels like he’s in the wrong, like Eddie isn’t the one who just kicked him out.

Like maybe Steve’s just running away for a second time in one night. Always back and away, this guy.

Who's the fucking coward now?

—

part 11

y'all know the drill, tagging whoever commented on yesterday's installment provided your tumblr settings let me <;3 @thealwithnoname @violetsteve @manda-panda-monium @stuftzombie @bronwenmarie @aliea82 @slowandsteddie @acedorerryn @anne-bennett-cosplayer @ahsokatanoss @steveshairspray @hallucinatedjosten @estrellami-1 @ppunkpuppyy @stevesbipanic @silver-snaffles @yourmom-isgay @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple @zombiecreatures @im-a-disgrace-to-humanity @faery-god @hotluncheddie @runninriot @a-little-unsteddie @teatimeeverybody @newtstabber @pearynice @hellion-child @cuips-not-cute @steddieas-shegoes @steves-strapcollection @loguine-linguine @griefabyss69

[comicaurora]

YOU WATCHED CENTAURWORLD?!

YOU USED IT AS AN EXAMPLE IN THE TROPE TALK!!!!

It is my favorite and I require to know your thoughts on it.

It's. Hm

So I think it absolutely accomplished what it set out to do, which means it is a successful work of art. But I think what it was aiming for didn't work for me?

In its efforts to play with centaurworld's ridiculousness versus the gritty nightmare of the "real world", it tonally undercuts almost all of its profound moments and then tries to get profound character moments out of squeeky-toy inflatable cartoon characters. Of the main cast, Horse and Wammawink are basically the only ones who get sufficient development to feel like real characters capable of carrying impactful moments, and the rest of the crew are basically walking punchlines - even speedrunning their respective Tragic Backstories doesn't do much to strengthen them, because in the present of the show they're fundamentally joke characters incapable of emotional subtlety. It kinda feels like if a Looney Tunes episode randomly dropped a flashback to baby Daffy Duck being moses'd into the bullrushes as if that mattered to how he functioned now. Plus, once we start jumping back to the Real World again, it turns out all those characters are also wacky in their own way - lots of very quippy dialogue and self-referential humor. Instead of Horse feeling broadly representative of her world's tone, she feels like the most serious character in the entire show - at least until season 2 where her dialogue starts being 50% fart jokes by volume.

Overall I think I loved what they set up in season 1, but not how they paid it off in season 2. There's the themes they establish in season 1 of how centaurworld has a cartoonifying effect on everyone who comes there, and the way this plays to Horse early on is full on cartoon body horror - a realistic horse slowly and inexorably transforming into a parody of itself. I thought that was a fascinating way to frame it, and it was nightmarish to contemplate! It comes to a really strong head in the Whaletaur Shaman episode when her friends seem to finally realize how much she's been struggling and suffering and how, despite it looking like a big joke to everyone, it's profoundly unfunny to her. But while she gets a nice emotional resolution at the end of that episode, the underlying horror is never addressed again. She still seems unhappy with her new cartoon body, but the transformations are from this point forward framed as uncomplicated positives that everybody thinks are funny.

It's purposefully blending comedy and horror together, but the execution feels like the disparate ingredients are hindering each other's effectiveness. The horror stuff rarely gets sufficient gravity and is just left as Hey Look Horrifying Implications, and the jokes are often undermined by all the seriousness left lying around. It's a flavor combination that doesn't work for me.

And then the stuff with the Deertaur and the Princess is incredibly interesting and profound and tragic, and I don't understand why it's happening in the same show as everything else?

Also, this is a minor nitpick, but the musical numbers were astounding in the first season but seemed to experience some sort of weird categorical downgrade in season 2. All the solid numbers were reprises from season 1.

Centaurworld was doing something very much on purpose, and I just don't think I got what that something was.

[emeraldspiral]

Something I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone talk about before is how Invader Zim is one of the funniest goddamn series ever created and it hardly ever relies on snark or sarcasm for its humor.

Like, people talk about the Whedonizing of modern media where everyone is constantly snarking and quipping at each other and undermining their own narratives with bathos and winks to the audience to let them know they’re self-aware about how stupid everything is so we can think they’re cool instead of “corny”.

But IZ never does that. IZ doesn’t care about making its characters look cool. They’re supposed to be losers, so it’s okay for everyone to be unabashedly, passionately self-serious about everything, no matter how stupid. GIR, the character most beloved for generating the most laughs, is never sarcastic at all. He is simply not capable of it. All the jokes surrounding GIR are based on him acting like a hyperactive puppy combined with a hyperactive toddler. Zim and Dib do not "trade barbs", they throw lame schoolyard insults back and forth and taunt each other with threats of a horrible fate. They do not make smug, snide remarks about how stupid everyone else is, they rant and rave about how disgusted they are with everyone's stupidity. Even Gaz, whose main character trait is apathy, doesn't really make sarcastic comments or "quips" often. Most of what she says is just variations on "You're bugging me, go away". And it's not for the sake of being cool. Gaz isn't self-conscious and putting down Dib's dorky interests to distance herself from him, she's just genuinely annoyed. She's not truly detatched and dispassionate. She is constantly teetering on the edge of losing it because she actually does care, a lot. It's just that what she cares about is being left alone with her video games, her pizza, and her dad.

The only character on the show I’d describe as habitually sarcastic is Ms. Bitters, and her apathy isn’t meant to be “cool” either. She’s just punching down at children to demoralize them because she’s a miserable old bitch.

Ironically, IZ came out with FOP, and 80% of Butch Harman's sense of humor is making bad, unfunny puns and then having characters groan and sigh and roll their eyes at how bad the puns were as if that makes it any funnier.

[nexility-sims]

𝐍𝐎. 𝟒   ❛ 𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ❜   |   LEONOR'S APARTMENT, MID MARCH 1991

❧  𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲  /  𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠  /  𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬  /  𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭.

❛ Lleida had made her name as a funny girl who could lull Uspana’s beautiful people into a kind of conviviality that dissipated their guard. Even the most reticent fell into revealing laughter under the push and prod of her humor. She asked hard questions with the concerned forwardness of a good friend, too. Her knack for levity wasn’t just disarming; it made her guests candid, smoothly masking vulnerability with amusement and self-deprecation. These people, she knew, appreciated such a mask. They were keen to be seen but never truly visible, entertaining but never exposed. They loved to laugh—with, at, rarely alone. Lleida, possessed of a demeanor that was as much innate as mastered, threaded that needled for them. They unspooled, and she led them to the point.  Princess Safya had never required such cajoling to give people what they wanted, perhaps because it allowed her to do so on her own terms.

❧ this is another post (prose included) that came together months and months ago ... it was actually the first television excerpt i planned ! it's not perfect, but i like it well enough. in retrospect, i should've focused the prose on what's happening at the end of the scene, but i ran out of juice and also time :^) if u can believe it, we're onto fun stuff after this, i promise !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞𝐝 & 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭 ↓

Before her life ended some months ago, Safya had sat on Lleida’s well-lit set and flashed back to the moment that brought her there.  Aides always filtered the requests from bookers that made their way to her office. Most failed to make it past the larger press office where most intended for Safya went directly into the trash. She logged scores of appearances in a given year, but they were all picked with thought and care. Most sprung from established relationships or trusted recommendations, and it was easy to reject the frivolous requests. This particular one had arrived in a slim, unnecessary folder. On its cover, a sticky note held on. The single sheet of paper inside turned out to be a transcript from an answering machine message. Lleida’s assistant producer had left a brief, bold proposal: ‘Princess Safya is supporting a large, expensive overhaul of the educational system. We don’t really care about that, but Lleida would love to talk to her, and we’re thinking our princess would love to talk about her little project. Consider it? If it helps, we also heard our queen loves Lleida. Thanks.’

Selma, Safya’s principal aide, had stood around waiting to give further explanation, but the princess didn’t need the follow-up. The note’s handwriting was unmistakable. Indeed, it read simply, ‘I will tune in either way.’

TRANSCRIPT:

[L V.O.] Tonight’s programming is a reairing of a special interview from last year that most of our viewers will remember very well.

{Intro music plays, volume increases}

[L V.O.] My guest tonight is a treat: our very own Princess Safya.

[L V.O.] Are you happy to be here?

[S] I love late night television. I’m thrilled.

[L] May I push you on that? [S] Sure. Please.

[L] We don’t make it easy for you, do we?

[S] Is it inconceivable that I laugh along with you? {Lleida chuckles}

[L] We poke fun at superficial things, but we get serious, too. Some topics must be sensitive—unfunny to you.

[L] We poke fun at superficial things, but we get serious, too. Some topics must be sensitive—unfunny to you.

[L] Is that thrilling, is what I’m asking. The audience is locked in! Look at them. You’re looking. We’re waiting.

[S] You’re working a theory. What do you have in mind? [L] How about this: you are not your mother. We know. Do you? [S] [Hums] That is a concern, isn’t it?

[S] It doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t bother her. I’m humbled to say that the majority of you seem to find it untroubling.

[L] Running a country is hard work. Your persona is— [S] Soft. I know. Old hat criticism.

[S] It’s been forty years. I like to think being that way is a choice. [L] To be soft? [S] To be gentle. To trust myself and who I am.

[L] Not every queen needs to be a warrior to be taken seriously?

[L] If you were on Tello’s set, he would ask if that was traditional. [S] I would tell him it is. [L] A woman-queen who leads

[S] {Chuckles} I would call it respecting the decisions of our elders, but maybe Mister Tello has a different definition of tradition.

[L] I think I got a rise out of her. A little one—a “gentle” one, as it were. We have to take a short break, but our princess has even more educating to do when we return! {Outro music plays}

{Television static noise}

{Leonor weeps}

[flower-boi16]

Just rewatched Western Energy:

2 minutes and 30 seconds in and the episode already has a major fucking plot hole. If Striker could hear Stolas talking to Blitz on the phone WHY tf didn't he destroy it the second Stolas started to call? If he did that than I.M.P would have never been notified that Stolas was in danger in the first place

Small contradiction: the episode establishes that the nurse that Blitz talks to can't read...then 30 seconds later she is able to read a list of names when searching for Blitz's name. Funny how Viv forgets even the smallest of things here

Dear god the tonal issues this episode are at their worst. So many serious scenes are just interrupted by unfunny sex jokes, and the episode constantly switches between serious and comedic scenes out of fucking nowhere. The tonal whiplash here is insane.

The entire fucking scene where Striker tortures Stolas is the biggest example; Striker stabs Stolas a few times and its constantly interrupted by him making an unfunny sex joke. There's nothing wrong with inserting jokes into serious scenes but you need to do it in a way that doesn't come across as tonal whiplash. This episode is FILLED with SO much tonal whiplash it doesn't make me feel anything in any of the serious scenes

The pacing is also bad here as well. Everything feels like it goes by waaaaay too damn fast, and the tonal issues make this problem even worse

The final scene. Once again the show's pacing issues and tonal problems make this serious scene have no impact. I don't feel ANYTHING while watching it.

And then there's the reveal that Stolas and Blitz's feud in Ozzie's god was resolved with a fucking blink and you'll miss it text message. That's such a lazy and underwhelming way to resolve this conflict. Ya, this was the moment I officially lost my patience with season 2.

Well, this episode was just as bad as I remembered it being. This might actually be worse than Oops, but I'll wait until I rewatch that one.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Today's episode was Protection, the one with the... oh gods, it's the Ferris wheel episode. Whhhhyyyy???? It's also the episode where Kagami gets akumatized because Lila somehow convinces her that Marinette is pretending to be a mess around Adrien and, oh, if only.

Real talk, did anyone find the Ferris wheel scene funny? I know people complain about seasons 4 & 5 turning Chloe into a caricature instead of a character, but they're doing it to everyone. The class has gone from Marinette and Adrien's friends who would like to see them together, but still have their own lives to the Adrienette squad whose sole purpose in life is shipping. It's creepy, unfunny, and frankly makes them all look like terrible friends. Even 8-year-olds would know this plan would never work. Who wants to have their first kiss with a captivated audience? It's just gross.

Adrien is also a victim of this. He's always been underdeveloped, but this season reduces him to Marinette's Perfect Boyfriend and it's.... not great. But I'll make this its own post because I don't wanna get too serious here since the episode is anything but.

Then we move on to the funniest thing that season five did: the introduction of the "arranged marriage" plot. Aka, the scene where we learn that Adrien and Kagami are supposed to end up together. Which is hilarious when you actually look at what Tomoe and Gabriel did to get Adrien and Kagami together:

Raised them on separate continents

Did nothing to introduce them beyond sending Kagami to Adrien's fencing team to try out

Did nothing to get them to start dating

Did nothing to support their relationship once it actually got going

Sent Kagami to a different school

Until this episode, I honestly had no clue that Gabe and Tomoe even knew that Adrien and Kagami had started dating. The way Lies presents the relationship, I thought it was a massive secret. Why else would Kagami have to lie about their fencing lessons to get alone time? If these two are supposed to end up together, why were they never sent on parent-approved dates? Were the senticouple designed to just go at it as soon as they saw each other, but Adrien was defective? It would explain Kagami's out-of-nowhere crush on Felix. He activated her Adrien-programming!

This is also another case of the writers forgetting that Emilie is supposed to be a good mom unless we're supposed to think that Gabe only came up with this plan after Emilie was gone? If so, how is he going to explain any of this to her?

Then we get to the part of the episode that actually could have done something clever: Lila tricking Kagami. As-is, Kagami looks like she's breathed the stupid gas that Lila emits for her lies to work. (SO's theory is that Lila is an ancient sentimonster who makes people believe her lies which would make more sense than my gas "theory") If the writers had been smart about it, this was where we could have introduced Lila's multiple identities. Have a random girl "from Kagami's class" be giving Kagami advice. Then the audience thinks it's an objective third party misreading Marinette and not Lila manipulating Kagami for... reasons? As-is, it's just dumb. Why would Kagami believe Lila? How did they even meet? I have questions....

Mild credit where it's due moment: This is also the episode with the Adrienette picnic date and while Marinette showing up in her pajamas felt super forced, Adrien matching her was super cute and I liked their almost kiss. The writers clearly can write these two cute, the hand raise scene shows that, they just chose the drama route instead. Unfortunately, they suck at drama and so does this episode.

[genlossneg]

i watched gen loss yesterday because i’m a huge jerma fan and i heard jerma was in it. i only somewhat knew who ranboo was. the pacing just seemed so bad, the cooking bit in ep 1 took 30 minutes and featured zero funny moments or important details. the whole show seems like it was not thought out much, but maybe my expectations were just too high, after experiencing the jerma dollhouse live. and there were so many things that just went nowhere or had no explanation. was i supposed to start with some prior knowledge?

jerma is the only funny character and obviously the only person who can improv. oh and slimecicle but hes unfunny. austin said one thing and kept saying that thing until he died. so boring. nobody was acting like how a real person might in these situations. i think its because some of them including ranboo are being mind controlled by showfall but bad acting is still bad acting even if you are acting as someone who is bad at acting.

the show just wasn’t scary at all too. i thought it would be a horror experience but i can’t take this seriously when none of the charcters do. nikki seemed to be the only person behaving how an actual person might in that situation on the carousel, but suddenly she is happy and fine? did she get mind controlled while i blinked?

what is this show trying to do? i honestly dont know. there are jokes, but few are funny (aside from jerma being the best character in the show). its called horror despite the fact that it is not scary. i cant take this seriously as horror media when none of the characters do. this is equivalent to the three stooges if they tried to present their act as a serious depiction of getting bonked on the head, and they were also not reacting when getting bonked on the head.

in summary jerma is funny and the show is bad.

[marshmallowgoop]

one last call

Part of the DCMK Fanworks Server April Fools Exchange! For koscheib.

————

It's the first of April when Mary Sera receives a phone call that's every bit an unfunny joke before she even picks up. She lets it ring once, two times, three, the sound a fake, generic replication of the past, reminiscent of spinning fingers through numbers, twirling twisted cords. The bustle of the cafe is almost enough to drown it out—forks hitting porcelain, boring, unobjectionable music played quietly on speakers surrounding white-clothed tables, gasps of chatter from other patrons. It's not like Mary ever keeps the ringer volume loud.

But it feels loud, that afternoon, in the early spring sun, the wind carrying with it the reek of freshly cut grass and fertilizer. It feels like her oldest crying in the night, only days old. Like a gunshot that doesn't belong.

She shouldn't pick up.

It rings a fourth time, and she does.

“What?” she asks. There's a screech of her metal chair against concrete as she leans back. Her hat should shield her from the heat, but it still feels too warm. “You need money? Your husband run out on you? Kid leave home and tell you that they're joining the circus?”

The voice that answers is brimming with a weariness that should make Mary pause.

(She does not.)

“Nee-chan,” it sighs, exhaustion lined with melancholy. “It's nothing like that.”

“Someone's dead, then?”

“No.” Another sigh. “I just wanted to talk to you.”

Mary could laugh. She doesn't. “You didn't want to talk when my second son was born. Or after Tsutomu got so sick that he couldn't stand. But you want to talk now?”

“Yes.”

Mary waits a moment, two, three. But there are no apologies this time, no excuses melting under the weight of too many tears. There's only an ordinary phrase, something said to casual acquaintances when you unexpectedly cross paths at a grocery store. There's only a sharp intake of breath, a pause, a, I hope you've been doing well.

For a moment (two, three), Mary says nothing. She looks to the clock situated by one of the many speakers (still softly blaring the blandest, most unobtrusive music that feels suddenly mocking now in its syrupy inoffensiveness). The structure strikes her as falsely old-fashioned as her ringtone—curled golden numbers and a just-audible click as the seconds tick by. It's six and a half minutes past the time when he was supposed to be here.

She should hang up. Say that she has company now—the kind who doesn't call her once in a blue moon and act as though no time has passed.

There's nothing stopping her. Nothing, except a tired voice that continues, “It's been too long since we last talked.”

It's said like she's on the brink of tears. Like they're children again, attending school in Japan, and classmates had called her scary, monstrous, mocked her golden hair.

But Elena would never admit to it. Not her own pain. Even now, Elena will never admit to it.

Mary despises the memory.

“But something happened today, in Japan,” her sister continues. “I work with such... serious individuals, but today there was a case on the news, and—oh, you might have heard of it all the way over there in England, actually, because he first appeared in France, but today, it was a whole event, a big spectacle right here in Japan. He put out this notice—this thief, I mean, there's this thief in a flashy white costume that they're calling Phantom Thief 1412, or Kaitou Kid—there's an author who coined that name, I think—but anyway, he said he was going to steal this jewel today, and I think maybe my coworkers actually cracked a smile about it.”

“It sounds like you did, too.”

“Maybe,” answers Elena quickly, as though afraid that Mary would hang up. (She should hang up.) “It reminded me of a school play we did. Do you remember? Memoirs of Itaro, the Detective, it was called, I think. It focused on a similar character, the Edo Kid.” Something like laughter rings in Mary's ear. “Kaitou Kid's gimmick is magic, though, not acrobatics. But there's that same charisma, cocky attitude...”

Elena trails off, and for a moment, there's nothing. Only the repetitive music, the ticking of the clock, the heat of the afternoon beating down on Mary's skin.

Classmates used to always find Elena frightening. She spoke so little that people wondered if she even understood Japanese. Mary always found it a ridiculous notion. Once you got Elena talking, she would never stop.

It was just a matter of getting her to start.

Mary shouldn't have picked up.

“The detective's name was in the title of the play,” Elena says now, and there's still that hint of laughter to her tone, the kind that says she's crying-laughing, but the tears aren't ones of mirth. “So you're supposed to think he's the good guy, right? But...”

Elena can't compose herself. She erupts into giggles, guffaws, big, loud howls that drown out her words. There are several moments of wheezing, struggling for air, and Mary removes the phone from her ear, finger hovering over the end call button, only for Elena to regain herself and say, “But when you played the role, you were so scary that everyone was rooting for the thief! No one even felt bad when you made the wrong deduction.”

The laughter dies away, and Elena's voice takes on a note of seriousness as she adds, “Good thing they got me to play the Edo Kid when my class did the play a few years later. Everyone thought the detective was so cool then. Who played the role...? I can't remember anymore, but—“

“I know you didn't call me to talk about a stupid school play from over two decades ago.” Mary crosses her legs, thinks better on it and uncrosses them, leans forward and leans back. No one approaches her table, not even a server pitying the empty seat. The seconds tick on and on.

Elena falters. "N-no," she says. "I guess not, but..."

But what? Mary wants to say. She almost does. It's on the tip of her tongue—impassioned, angry monologues about how Elena has no right to call her now, after everything, but she hesitates, and looks to the white umbrella that may as well be absent for how little shade it casts on her, and Elena takes advantage of the silence, continuing, very quietly, "It just... reminded me of simpler times, you know? That Kaitou Kid. A criminal who doesn't seem dangerous, who steals but gives people smiles, or... I don't know."

There's a rustling from the other side. Mary imagines her sister brushing her hair out of her face, wiping cheeks still stained with wet tears.

"Real life isn't like some primary school play," Mary tells her, commanding, matter-of-fact, like she always is, like she has to be. "I haven't concerned myself with this phantom thief of yours, but a criminal is a criminal, no matter how 'fun' they might seem."

She keeps herself from adding, And that was exactly the purpose of Itaro's story. Loathe as she might be to admit it, she too had never forgotten the tale.

"You're right," says Elena. "You're right. But the way the exact same lines can be read so differently depending on how they're said... how a thief can seem to be a hero..." She trails off again, and Mary imagines her shaking her head as she makes out a familiar figure in the crowd.

"Look," Mary starts to say, eyes fixated on the man coming ever closer, "I have to—“

"I know you're busy," Elena interrupts. "And-and-and I don't want to take any more of your time, but..."

"Then don't," answers Mary.

She hangs up. She stands. She doesn't smile at Tsutomu, and he doesn't smile back.

[redswaberkez]

NOW CAN I HEAR UR HCS FOR P1 AND P2? >:)

NHGRRRR STRAINIG MY BRAIN our hcs also kinda same buutt anywayyyyy

there is kindaa a longread sooo

P1

- Among all dudes only P1 and sch.. sc.. SHTOPOR were at war (p1) or served in the army (shtopor (airbone)) - has sufficient paramedical skills due to military service - his hobbies are playing guitar and singing. Punk-like singing. Grunge-like singing. Not even singing, I would say SCREAMING - he doesnt understand almost all jokes. And if hes trying to make a joke probably its gonna be dark as hell\unfunny\scary\obscure or dad puns*tm (rare) - "You cant sleep now. Monsters are nearby" - can speak german - "Demonic voice wont shut the fuck up. Please help me." - P1 is very diff in comparison to other dudes. He is so serious. He is the one at party who stays in the corner (meme ref they dont know that [...]) - scary mask amd skary voice is only a cover. Deeply inside he is very gentle and caring. But nobody knows this. - He IS an antihorny. He HATES nudity - my todays dream is revealed that he has Cain (like cain and abel ykno) vibes. Im not joking. It was in my dream. and Im gonna stick to it. I DONT KNOW BIBLE THO!!!!!!!!! my mom just once mentioned cain yesterday AND HERE WE GO - he struggles with religion SO MUCH. (im not gonna explain it rn. im doin a fcking comic on it) - Hes always on the verge of a mental breakdown. But he perfer to not think abt it and go VIOLENT that let his true emotions out - migraine survivor - imo he is a cleany one, and his own hygiene is GOOD, altho he doesnt use hairbrush that often. - "Gifted but lazy kid" in the past. "Academic perfomance flew off. You need to show him to a doc. He Could If He Wanted To." - p1 doesnt smoke or drink. He actually doesnt do all these unhealty stuff - oh GOD LORD am NOT your STRONGEST SOLDIER😭

P2

- Can you gib me an ibuprofen. My head are exploding rn (literally) - homophobic bisexual - lit had married his wife cuz he didnt know his bi and thats the reason why their marriage is SHIT - postal dudess (i dont like word doe :/) is his younger sister - he would kill for her and she would kill for him. I love them sm. - also has struggles with religion, but less intense than p1, p2 actually solved them later (gonn explain it laterrrr) - his organism is a fucking garbage but somehow his addictions doesnt damage him that much. - stinky rat. Shower? more like shower of deodorant AHAHSHAH - Hes always perked up, always joking and funny and unfunny, horny, shit, sarcastic etc jokes. - His language is Sarcasm - "im gonna кмs in front of them just to switch trajectory of their lives LMAOOOOO" - Also Lazy Gifted kid*tm - "Evil as weekend entertainment)" - Would like to play drums - p2, p3 and shtopor would drink together - His sunglasses is his trademark, he doesn't go anywhere without his sunglasses. - AND OF COURSE he has his own OPINIONS ON EVERYTHING. Even if hes wrong. He is stubborn as fuck. You can't argue with him. - He can sleep literally anywhere. Even in a ditch (he did). And you cant woke him up. - The three S bingo*tm - stupid sadistic and suicidal - Jack of all trades, master of none - He is very private, when it comes to touch, altho he has a touch starvation - therefore ^ his love language is touch and tactile connection

Idk for now thst all 😖

[areyouafraid]

hazbin hotel is so genuinely bad. the plot i guess isnt a horrible concept but the writing is bad, the jokes are unfunny, none of the characters are remotely likable, they spent all this money hiring these broadway people to make the songs and the songs still arent good, it prides itself on being an "adult cartoon" but its handling of serious issues is miserably bad, no matter how i approach it i just find it to be unwatchable. angel dust's abuse and relationship with valentino is again handled miserably, like its fucking unreal how callously the topic of sexual assault and rape is handled. also knowing vivziepop's past work relating to this topic i genuinely dont think she has any intent of taking it seriously i dont think she understands the weight of what shes depicting and i do believe shes just jerking off on angel dust being abused

and like there are other indie cartoons that i dont like / arent really my thing but i can still be happy for the team for being able to get recognition and share their stories but vivziepop is also such a genuinely unlikable person from so many angles that that doesnt even apply here

[initiumseries]

that makes sense about the production value, i think what probably made me associate the two shows in my head is that they're both about supernatural creatures even though its in different ways. but more than that, when i was watching wednesday i was reminded of first kill because both shows had an atmosphere that was so.. childish? like at the same time these are shows that you're not supposed to take seriously but also they do want to seem dark and smart (and fail badly on that front) so the tone is just.. confusing and aggravating. ive told people irl about this and they also don't get it, so it is probably just a weird me thing lol

Yeah tbh it does sound like the similarities you're seeing are superficial. Definitely, both shows take themselve seriously, and you are, as a viewer, meant to take these shows seriously. It's filmed that way. A show that doesn't take itself too seriously, but also trusts its audience to understand that, and find the humour in that, does things like this:

or even an earlier iteration of the Addams family. It was charming because it wasn't at ALL serious:

What makes Wednesday so JOYLESS, is it tries to recreate the Addams Family charm in dialogue alone and not in delivery (slight raise of the eyebrows, half smirk etc), set up, tone, acting choices, and even camera, lighting (how does Morticia have a permanent light casting across her eyes? So fun!). So we just get...

It's dry, deadpan, unfunny, and she has...like zero timing or delivery skills. No emotional range (within Wednesday's character, and she CAN be played that way). Ex: 

 This ridiculous dance sequence could've been a fun, quirkly moment, where you're like, lol Wednesday is SO weird, but because of how it's shot, it's meant for you to say "wow, Wednesday is SO cool." But...she's not. That's supposed to be the point.

The show takes itself so seriously it won't even let you laugh at/with/for the main character. Which makes it a lot less fun, because there's literally nothing else to laugh at.

The OG Addams family is genuinely just funny, because it wasn’t taking itself seriously, but it also was just making accurate observations absent the “after school special” moment. 

THAT, is how you handle the fucking weird Pilgrim stuff! 

Anyway, from what little I watched of First Kill, it doesn't have any atmosphere to speak of. Like half of the gifs I see from First Kill are during the day, and it's just shot like...yep, it's day time. That's it.

Elena meeting Stefan in a misty graveyard, with the spindly trees, directional lighting, in the middle of the day...is atmosphere.

But you're right, First Kill would've benefited from leaning into how terrible it was, how mismatched the leads were, etc and being FUNNY. It's like writers have forgotten self awareness can be funny! And people LIKE funny shows! This movies is TERRIBLE, but shit like this makes it SO clear that it doesn't take itself seriously AT ALL, and it's the saving grace in hindsight.

If First Kill had at least made me laugh, I might not have hated it as much. But that's the problem with most TV these days. It all takes itself SO seriously, it's joyless, humourless, chemistry-less chaff that just makes it horrible to sit through. A higher budget just...lessens the terrible. Sometimes.

So yeah, I agree, FK and Wednesday both take themselves seriously, and are both supernatural shows, but that's really just...more coincidence, and a sign of the times of current television, and not anything that actually makes them similar to each other in any meaningful way. :)

[cruelsister-moved2]

Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….

And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 

Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(

hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.

the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.

and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?

and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.

one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.

the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀

9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly

[marithlizard]

Things I wasn’t happy with about Helluva Boss s2e3 (in its own post because the last one got long):

- We didn’t get a reason for Millie to leave King Crimson alive, an incredibly stupid thing to do.  At least show us her deciding not to do it out of a misguided belief that it would hurt Moxxie.

- I could believe either that Moxxie would text Blitzo and Millie and come up with a plan overnight, or that he would feel so helpless to resist the powerful man who abused him and killed his mom that he’d give in.   But I cannot believe he would defy his dad like that with no plan. What did he think would happen?  He was putting Millie in danger - I honestly thought Crimson would threaten to start cutting bits off her.  

- The writer didn’t seem to know what to do with Loona.  Leaving her sitting around the office and being almost entirely ignored by the others has been the default for a lot of episodes, and it’s not a good default.  She’s overdue for a spotlight episode where she gets to move forward with her life.

- We’re also overdue for a Millie episode. She’s great but mostly we see her as Moxxie’s Badass Wife. She dated Chaz too, and she’s more violently angry at him than we’ve ever seen her, but she doesn’t get to share her memories - nobody even asks. 

- I’m not gonna say “fridged mom stereotype”, but it doesn’t thrill me that both Blitzo and Moxxie have moms who tried to care for them despite abusive dads,  died (as far as we know) leaving their kids traumatized, and never get a line of dialogue.

- The completely unfunny fat jokes don’t bother me as much now that I realize they’re not jokes but a bullying tactic.  But they’re still not funny and they’ve gone on long enough.  Moxxie and Loona’s feud needs to get acknowledged and resolved.

- The emotional and interpersonal aspects of this show are often well developed and very serious and sincere.  Balancing that with the goofy, bizarre, hyper, sordid energy that is HB’s signature is not easy and this writer in particular isn’t doing a great job of it.  It pulls me out of immersion in the story when practical details like “can anyone fly a helicopter” or “how is Blitzo going to magically have his coat back next episode” sometimes matter and sometimes don’t. 

I loved “The Circus” and if season 2 can work its way back up to that kind of storytelling, I’ll be very happy. This one was an improvement over “Seeing Stars” IMO; fingers crossed the next one is better still!

[ghoulsbeard]

8 5 and 7 :^)

thank you frances :^) 💖! sorry this took me forever and a day…

You can know how to look between the false fronts, the blind alleys, the veils of honeysuckle, and still miss the door to Wyvern’s Head; it takes years of practice or a nosy disposition.

Past the crooked door and the narrow black passage one must inch through side-wise— or not at all— the rest of the tavern is low-roofed, dark and serpentine. Her taller associates tend to crack their skulls on the ancient crossbeams.

Tonight Julien bids farewell to the dingy hole: its whisky, its wine, its years of merry nights with strange friends. On paper she is here to give Lawrence and his green charges the will of Weisshaupt. And to look at him… wrinkled at the eyes, grey at the chin and temple. He’s in danger of becoming an elegant old fox.

“To dearest Jules and Nico,” she says, and he laughs and lifts his bottle. Ruth— too fresh a warden to have met the pair before they vanished with Genevieve— drinks dutifully as Julien knew she would, while Caronel reserves his judgment. She likes him. She likes his scruples. Rare stuff in their ranks.

“To Jules and Nico,” Lawrence sighs. “And is this why you sail to Jader? In search of your other half?”

An unfunny, overdone joke— fallen flat without Jules there to cackle and Nicolas to roll his eyes. Julien laughs anyway, because she is getting soft in her old age, and she will never see these faces again. “Perhaps I have. Is that so terrible? Ferelden has its charms.”

Ruth frowns, sober as ever. “There will be little welcome in Amaranthine.”

“Give the constable her credit!” says Lawrence. “She can be very persuasive.”

“I was told the Fereldan Order died at Ostagar,” Caronel speaks suddenly. He regards her with a haunted, heartsick stare, and she remembers again how he came to them. “Is that true?”

Julien waves a hand. “The Order will not dissolve on a whim. There are wardens at the Vigil yet. And it pleases the powers pacing in Weisshaupt hall, that I should see what is left.”

“You’ll be very popular,” Lawrence drawls.

“Yes, yes, another round,” Julien decides. He snickers into his beard; she hides her own grin behind her cup, studying the recruits. What a charming young pair — both so stern and serious for their age— by the beards of the sleeping dead—! she would have relished watching the two of them grow into their boots.

The third drink loosens Caronel’s posture and Ruth’s stiff shoulders; she cheers when Lawrence begins making requests of the bard.

Julien takes a long look at this Denerim boy sent northward for the rest of his days. Her Fereldan is rusty, and she isn’t sure how she likes herself in the language. But Lawrence prefers Trade; Ruthie learned Fereldan from Jader chanters, and never speaks it unless she must. Besides they have both descended into raucous Royeaux airs à boire and Julien can’t stand Lawrence when he’s tipsy and maudlin.

She smiles at the boy to catch his attention; inclines her head. Listen here. She knows a little of leaving home forever.

“Caronel.” He straightens in his seat. His eyes slide over. “You will do this more justice than I.” She releases Nico’s griffon pin from her cloak and offers it in her open hand. “For good luck.”

“I see…” Caronel bends over the pin to study its regalia, worn soft by ages of absent fingers. In the dim air his curly head gleams burnished gold. “What is this?”

“You are a brave man,” Julien says. “I believe you will turn the Order to great things. We are… ah… coup de… Tsk! It is a good thing you have come to us. This is a gift from we who— are gone. We will walk behind you.”

He stares; his mouth works. “Warden…”

“That is your name now.”

In his face — his eyes — she sees the weight of the oath he drank. He takes Nico’s memory from her hands. It fits well in his. They would both be pleased, her old friends. “In peace.”

“May it last.” She clears her throat. “In death.”

There is another piece of her spirit she must give away before she is prepared for the Roads and her long sleep within the gangue; but it may have to die there with her. She hoped Duncan outsmarted ruin where the others did not. But she has had no word, no word…

…An old rogue’s old foolishness. Here at her shoulder is the shining face of the new age. She watches this young hero fumble and curse with the griffon’s clasp and her heart breaks in joy.