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#she has since been. idk she isnt there anymore
storm-of-feathers · 8 months
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Dgmw as annoyed as I am i know my pharmacy is in a drug heavy area in a state SUPER impacted by the opioid crisis so im sure they do genuinely deal with people being like "hello yes I'd like to buy 1 fentanyl please" so I'm sure when I'm like "hey can I have my things" It's always possible (to them) that that's what I'm trying to do
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ryuseitai · 2 months
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so nervuos for tmrw bc im seeing my cousin
#i love her so much But#Its my dads side of the family and i dont see them often at all and everything is always so awkward and#they dont know i dropped out of school and everytime my grandpa sees me he asks about school#and i havent seen him since before i Would have graduated this past may#like i would be graduated hs right now but#im not SO IF AYNYNE ASKS ABOUT IT IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT#god#hopefully my grandparents just wont be there Idk why they would bc im just going to hang w my cousin#but they tend to jumpscare me sometimes when i go out to see her#Gahhhgaaahhhhhahhaooouuoououou#i could just tell the truth bc idec about them knowing i dropped out its just embarrassing bc i lied for so long#buti just did bc when i first stopped going to school my mom told me not to tell anyone on that side of the fmaily..so..#i dont think shed care anymore either but its just been so long and ive never told them Augh#and my grandpa really wants me to go to college which i straight up just dont wanna do. not rn at least#and id need to get my ged first which ive been procrastinating on the entiire year Oopsies#my aunt always tells me not to listen to him thoughand that i dont have to go to college if i dont want to i am grateful for her..#shes always protective of me from him LOL i love my grandpa and he means well and stuff but#he will just say anything#and he always makes me cry in public or at family gatherings bc he starts talking to me about my dad#i knowppl just aska bout like school and plans for the future and stuff bc they care but i wish they wouldnt bc i do not know anything#i dont know a single thing about how my future is going to go or what i even want it to be or how im going to live and its stressful enough#already when im not being interrogated about it#Like lets just talk about something else. Lets talk about enstars#Isnt it crazy that shinobu has gone going on 15 months without a new 5*?..i think its a little crazy and i miss him
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arielluva · 2 months
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grief is such a weird emotion bc i can be fine most of the time even if it think about it, but then sometimes thinking about it digs it up all over again
#in regards both to my cat and my grandma though i was mostly thinking about my grandma when i wrote this#i was fine the next day after she died bc like. it was expected. she was in hospice for several months#and a nurse had been staying with her 24/7 for the last 2 days. the nurse told us it probably wouldnt be long on the last day.#we knew it was coming so i didnt feel too bad right after it happened. it was only when the mortician showed up that it sunk in#but the next day i was fine. if she got brought up in conversation id get a bit sad but i was mostly fine after that day#and its been. like. a little more than 3 months since then#i havent been thinking about it much but idk. sometimes it just pops into your head and you get reminded that she isnt here anymore#sometimes i still feel like shes still there when i walk into that room. it still partially smells the same#i turn on the light and feel like im somewhere im not supposed to be until i realize that we cleared out her stuff months ato#you wouldnt know that someone was bedridden and in hospice in there just from looking at it#but sometimes i just get that mental image of her being in there. or when she was in a nursing facility for a time and mostly normal#when we thought she was just almost septic and not nearing the end#the stupid doorbell we had her ring when she needed something that made us all jump whenever we heard a similar sound#the fact that the last blanket she ever started crocheting is still in that room and never finished#her rocking chair that has been sitting empty for probably over a year now#the haunted lamp in what used to be her bedroom pre-hospice that keeps turning on#the fact that her cars no longer in the driveway#idk. thinking about it doesnt like. actively make me cry or anything. but it is like. a lurking feeling#like ive been aware and fine with the fact that shes gone. and has been gone#but sometimes i really... remember that shes gone#i still forget that its like. a permanent thing and that shes not just in the hospital again#i wouldnt say i feel too much grief about her dying. i feel more about my cat that died 8 years ago.#but it is a weird feeling to recognize. maybe i only felt sadder about my cat bc (to me) it was unexpected#idk.
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recreationalwordsayer · 11 months
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i remember this time i was abt 17 i had left spanish lessons with my mom n like my face went kind of numb one side of it i dont remember all the details now but i think i also cldnt speak or smth like tht n i just kept walking beside her as these weird sensations happened on one half of my body n then it passed n i was scared i had or was going to hv a stroke or smth bc tht was all i knew associated with such symptoms but nothing happened after i was fine i mean clearly i didnt forget abt it but i also didnt worry over it again tho it is always somewhere like in my easily accesible memories n now i kno tht might hv been a focal seizure?
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be-good-to-bugs · 6 months
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maybe i WILL get to move back home
#the bin#i talked to my mom and things might go ok but idk#i just have to wait and see but i desperately hope i can move. i need to see a doctor so bad. my whole body feels horrible all the time#and my tooth has gotten so much worse. i can deal with it if thres an end date. i cant deal with it indefinitely. and i cant afford to get#it fixed without insurance. i would rather die than deal with this shit for another however long i have to i CAN NOT do that#esp bc i would need to go to work while experiencing it. idk. im shaky literally ALL the time and my insides alwyas hurt and my joints#hurt so much too. and half the time im at work my chest hurts and i cant see straight. i cant fuckin do this anymorew.#apparently my dad might be getting a new job so their landlord might be more willing to renew but idk. she said she should know on april 1st#which isnt that far away but idk. i mean. its not impossible theyll renew. who knows. i hope so.#i know at keast thst i have a way to get there if there is a place for me to live so thats good. my health cant take this anymore. and im#also not able to emotionally. idk what other option i have but. god. its hard enough as is. im having like a perpetual panic attack since i#found out i probs wont get to move. im tryna be optimistic. i dont think im physically capable of staying here any longer#it was hard enough to stay herenthis extra yearm ive been having breakdowns repeatedly over it. and my physical health keeps worsening#i miss my little sister. i wanna be able to see the people i care about. theres so few people in the world i enjoy being around and i dont#get to see them ever. instead i have to see my second least favorite person in the world in order to even just get groceries#hhhh. i want the time to pass so i can know for sure but i also desperately dont wnat it to cause im so scared itll be bad news#whatever. i will hope and believe that itll work out until i know that it wont. hhhhh. worst case scenario i guess ill just have to save up#and figure out moving there later on but like. i was really happy to NOT have to worry abt rent or working so i could focus on my health and#then i could go back that that stuff. oh well
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arolesbianism · 7 months
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hey, me again. I finally managed to beat the jorge questline and made quite the realization- the log about the sandwich being stolen and something tracking dust everywhere is most likely actually referring to jorge, considering the context you get it in and the fact that we know jorge is from pre-earth-explosion.
The log in question-
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I think this does give some sort of idea as to how big a dupe is, because obviously he'd have to be small enough to not be noticed in his sandwich thievery... ik youve probably combed thru these logs dozens of times by now but as a fellow lore enjoyer i feel like you'd find this interesting
Ive never thought of the idea that dupe Jorge could have been the one stealing the sandwich, that's a cool theory! I personally always assumed it has something to do with one of the previous logs for the hermit story, but looking back on it, it is called a pod entry, which would imply the crashed thing they're extricating resources from was a printing pod related vessel, which means that dupes might have been on board. As such, it would make sense if one of them survived, and was sneaking around stealing food to survive. I had always assumed that B577 was Jorge's doner, explaining Jorge's relevance, but that's actually a rly good point you made and this has helped me understand this log a lot better! I will say though, on the topic of dupe size I tend to be pretty iffy on size speculation given that a lot of ppl tend to ping them as Much smaller than they likely are, as while they're definitely smaller than normal humans they're most likely not like teeny tiny, more likely being roughly half of their donors height based on the very few direct pieces of dialogue we have about duplicant height in relation to human height. I do imagine that a small height likely played a role in his ability to stay hidden, but I think it'd be a rly neat detail if B577 was Jorge's donor and that also contributed to him staying under the radar, with him looking similar enough to get away with being caught at the edge of someone's vision for a moment, especially since he seems to have actually been kind of attached to Ren and Banhi, given the toolbox description and the description of it holding sentimental value to Jorge. Perhaps he was lonely there, and saw the others as friends in a strange way?
Either way this actually lines up a lot more with my initial idea of what his deal probably was, I had thought of him as smth of an escaped dupe who was in hiding before everything went down. Neat stuff!
#rat rambles#oni posting#you see this is why I need to finish that log collection because I hunger for different perspectives on these logs#a lot of ppl tend to misentrepret stuff but well. so do I.#and together we can all account of eachothers misenterpretation or smth like that idk xhdmhdjdh#but yeah the main thing that misinfo gets spread abt is dupe biology and lore#like for example many ppl use the hibiscus log as a point of reference for duplicant height when is most likely isnt abt duplicants#the main two points of note being that both the printed subject and the donor have the same listed size#and just the way that the subjects are described and the fact that theyre both 42cms lol#and also its an olivia log meaning that its almost certainly another rodent since theyre what she mainly works with#olivia does almost certainly know abt and has helped develop duplicants but most likely only in the early days#she isnt directly involved with that specific project anymore likely because she left due to conflict in that project and she just#generally works with animals more so than humans when it comes to bioengineering#now I would say this means she might have not known abt the dna stealing but the dna stealing has been happening since before the printing#pod was even developed as a new way of cloning space colonists#stinky's log taught us that one even if we dont take the scrapped version into account#and given that olivia is the biologist of the two itd be strange if she wasnt directly involved in these early stages of the project#so while Id say she likely doesnt know the complete extent of the duplicant project the dna stealing is still a thing shed likely know abt#anyways that was a tangent appologies for this taking a second to respond
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neroushalvaus · 10 months
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Tumblr in the 60s
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☮ monkeewholock follow
🎉🎉CONGRATULATIONS UNITED KINGDOM 🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉BYE BYE GROSS INDECENCY!!!!🌈🌈🌈 62 countries have now legalized sexual activities between men🌈🌈🌈
🐞 homophilespock follow
SPIRK CAN FINALLY FUCK
🚀 starrfleet follow
They are American, not British... But I'm pretty sure spirk has always been able to fuck since the show is set in the future.
📻 lesbianbobdylan follow
Christ, this is not about your cutesy uwu yaoi otp, go outside and smoke some grass
10,8 t. notes
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🌻 flowerpower follow
Politicians are not your friends but damn Kennedy is fine, I look at one (1) picture of him and my head literally explodes
🌻 flowerpower follow
...i just woke up, why is my askbox full
🌻 flowerpower follow
WHY IS HE TRENDING I'M SCARED
🌻 flowerpower follow
guys stop reblogging this it's been like five years i've changed
290,9 t. notes
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🎹 nixonsafascist follow
do you think they call him little richard because he has a little. Richard
🎹 nixonsafascist follow
easy website
58,1 t. notes
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🇻🇳 shirellesofficial follow
Being the only lesbian in your friend group sucks so bad. "beatles or stones??" i will kill you
🗣 lavendermenaceisreal-deactivated72537262
Disrespecting female social groups for male validation? Typical lesbian behaviour.
🇻🇳 shirellesofficial follow
Mike Jacker isnt gonna fuck you
🇻🇳 shirellesofficial follow
Oh no I think she couldn't handle that
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✌ draftdodgerdyke
DM me for the addresses of my Swedish and Canadian friends. Do not put your personal information in the reblogs.
🙍‍♀️ silvermilk follow
You should be ashamed of yourself.
✌ draftdodgerdyke
huh??
🙍‍♀️ silvermilk follow
I said, you should be ashamed of yourself. You disgust me. I assure you, when the commies attack us, you will not find your silly little post "groovy" anymore.
✌ draftdodgerdyke
Jesus, don't flip your wig
🙍‍♀️ silvermilk follow
My father fought in ww2 for you ungrateful degenerate.
✌ draftdodgerdyke
Don't see what your daddy's unsexiness has to do with me and my lads taking a sexy sexy trip to Sweden.
#anyway only hot guys dodge the draft
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🪕 prostitutesandlesbians follow
in every interview i watch of the beatles they are so DONE and trolling everybody, these fucking annoying BITCHES, i need them inside me so badly
🪕 prostitutesandlesbians follow
#this but not john lennon #i just can't forget the heinous things he said about jesus
idk I actually think it was very sexy of him, stop trying to cancel john in my post
✝️ jesusrevolution follow
The reading comprehension on this website is piss poor. John literally didn't mean he was greater than Jesus or better than Jesus, he was just trying to make a point about the world becoming more secular. Cancel culture has gone too far.
🚷 to-hell-with-the-beatles follow
How dare you say we piss on the poor?? Jesus died for Mr Lennon's sins and it's not "cancelling" to send him a few respectably worded death threats to remind him of that. He cancelled our Lord first!
✝️ jesusrevolution follow
Girl Jesus literally said it's cool, I dropped acid yesterday and saw Him and He told me.
🪕 prostitutesandlesbians follow
help the girls (christians) are fighting in my beatles thirst post
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🛼 donovandyke follow
I will be glued to the tv today. If you don't want to hear about it, just blacklist #moonlanding !!
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🗣 claudeberger4ever-deactivated98975287
Hi I'm new to the Hair musical fandom so I'm not super invested in the whole discourse, but I just felt like this needed to be said: Friendly reminder that not being against the war in Vietnam does not make you a bad person!
🥁 ringoforpresident follow
it literally does tho
✌ draftdodgerdyke
Another win for us hot guys
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maplesyrupsainz · 9 months
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙love is never logical | 2023 grid˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pt3
pairing: 2023 f1 grid x nepo baby y/n prost reader (she/her)
genre: social media au, friends to lovers
warnings: spoiled nepo baby:)) 3rd & final part!! fluffy af probably
summary: in which everyone's favourite nepo baby finally feels ready to share her love story with the world ❤️
a/n: last part tehehe this was so fun to write LOL it feels so silly & ridiculous fr but hope u like it i tried to make it not super obvious who her man is but idk if it worked
request!!!: I would love a smau with reader who’s a nepo baby but is everyone’s fave nepo because she’s just living life aesthetically and the grid loves her and she’s hinting at a soft launch (idrc with which driver)
fc: gracie burns
my masterlist
part 1 • part 2 • part 3
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instagram ->
ynprostupdates
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liked by user12, user38, and 219,938 others
ynprostupdates an image of daniel ricciardo holding a mystery woman in an embrace from last night has been circulating, rumours saying it was y/n prost. could daniel be the mystery man that y/n has been soft launching on her social medias the past few months?
view all 18,283 comments
user1 NO WAY
user2 i thought daniel was with heidi? 😭😭
user3 well that definitely isnt heidi 💀
user4 well duh
user5 where my y/ndaniel shippers at
user6 all rise
user7 nooo i really thought it was lando
user8 where's that one y/nlance truther from twitter at right now
user9 bit of an age gap
user10 you must be new here
user11 💀💀💀
user12 that could literally be anyone, also it's ONLY A HUG!!
user13 🤔
messages ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by landonorris, heidiberger_, and 847,192 others
yourusername my fwends
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user14 obsessed with y/n subtly setting the record straight about daniel 💀
liked by yourusername, heidiberger_
danielricciardo i meant what i said y/n, you are banned from drinking alcohol
landonorris i second this
yourusername since when did men think they could tell me what i can & cant do? 🤔
danielricciardo since you became a danger to urself & others perhaps
heidiberger_ im on ur side btw y/n/n
yourusername knew i could count on you
user15 this feels like such a random group of people to hang out separately
user16 i dont think so they're all friends arent they?
user17 tbh i think everyone loves y/n but she does this thing every so often where she hangs out with wags & i think it's to make sure everyone knows she's not overstepping or anything
user18 y/n is my favourite (potential) wag
yourusername posted a story
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liked by alex_albon, landonorris, and 538,293 others
landonorris since when were you in ireland
yourusername since like 2 hours ago
landonorris why
yourusername never been
landonorris you know a race weekend starts tomorrow right
yourusername you know we're not f1 drivers right?
danielricciardo bring me a guinness back!
yourusername y/bff/n said she'll bring it in her mouth & feed you it like a little bird
danielricciardo dont want one anymore
user19 Y/N WHY ARE YOU IN MY COUNTRY
twitter ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by lance_stroll, lilymhe, and 792,103 others
yourusername no one panic we're back on time
view all 6,294 comments
user21 was lance in ireland with her
user22 no just lily y/bff/n & some other girls apparently
landonorris slay‼️
oscarpiastri are you relaxed now
landonorris urm. yes
yourusername LOL
lance_stroll everyone cheered
lilymhe 😌😌😌
user23 i want y/n's life
user24 i just want y/n
alex_albon can i have my girlfriend back now?
yourusername for now yes
yourusername posted a story
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liked by lilymhe, lance_stroll, and 827,183 others
lilymhe omg y/n
lilymhe this is so hard launch
yourusername 😭😭😭 DONT SAY THAT
lance_stroll 😧😧😧
user25 THERE'S NO WAY YOU GUYS ARENT DATING
user26 OH MY GOD IM SCREAMING
lewishamilton congratulations to you both😊
yourusername THIS WASNT MEANT TO BE A HARD LAUNCH
maxverstappen1 only took him almost beating me for you to hard launch
yourusername you STILL got no bitches max
yourusername sorry for being mean im overwhelmed right now
maxverstappen1 it's all love 🤔
twitter ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by lance_stroll, maxverstappen1, and 1742,893 others
yourusername & i fell for you like water 💧
tagged: lance_stroll
view all 43,204 comments
lance_stroll i love you ❤️
liked by yourusername
lilymhe FINALLY
yourbff thank god coz i cant keep anymore secrets
danielricciardo anymore? what else do you know?
lewishamilton congratulations for real this time!
maxverstappen1 congrats on pulling
yourusername 😘
landonorris 🎉🥳🍾🎁🎈🎊
charles_leclerc i miss you y/n please get rid of this man and return to ferrari immediately
carlossainz55 i second this
scuderiaferrari we third this
yourusername for you guys i just might😌❤️
alex_albon officially graduated from third wheel status
liked by yourusername, lilymhe
lance_stroll
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liked by yourusername, yourbff, and 828,103 others
lance_stroll this is me flexing
tagged: yourusername
view all 34,193 comments
yourusername 🫶🫶🫶
liked by lance_stroll
pierregasly kika is celebrating rn
yourusername my girlll😊😊
fernandoalo_official congratulations to you both 🎉‼️❤️💚
user32 this is so personal to me
user33 she is so amazing
yourbff OMG PRETTIEST GIRL ALIVE
liked by lance_stroll, yourusername
THE END 🤍
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lovelookspretty · 1 month
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not so bad
college!rafe cameron x reader au
— in which rafe and y/n absolutely despise each other in public but crush in secret. rafe is failing his humanities class & is assigned y/n as his tutor . . . maybe all it took for this relationship to form was just a bit of forced proximity and some time.
warning(s): cuteness, lore, kisses
authors note: SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE but eeee we get a clear hint that y/n lived in figure 8 back home with rafe !! also in this au, rafe and y/n are aged down to 18-19 while everyone back home in obx are still 16
++ also sorry !! if u havent been added to the tag list yet ( even though uve asked ) its mostly been because i cant tag u. idk why tumblr isnt letting me but ill try to tag in comments for anyone who cant be tagged in my posts !!
one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine
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rafe had agreed to join you at the dining hall for breakfast alone to talk about last night. you’ve felt guilty since you read his message, but at the same time the sight of rafe going upstairs with that girl has you upset. you’re conflicted. you barely got any sleep last night because of it.
“i miss the waffles i’d have back home,” rafe was telling you as the two of you enter the dining hall and head straight for the food. “now it’s just sad.”
you look over at the waffle station that’s accompanied by a line of students. it’s usually this way and you can tell he means he doesn’t eat waffles anymore because of it.
“is there usually not a line leading to breakfast cooked by the private chef in your abundance of a home?” you ask him, and you approach the bagels to toast one.
“jealous?” rafe puzzles, to which you raise your eyebrows at.
“never that,” you say with a shake of your head, and you lean against the counter.
once you’ve collected all that you want to eat, you lead rafe to an empty table. the hall is loud and active, but you do your best to find something in a corner where there’s the least amount of people. you set your food down before settling down simultaneously.
“sorry for telling you to get out last night,” you start with, and you watch as rafe prepares his food. “i didn’t see your text ‘til after you fell asleep so . . . just wanted to talk today and hear you out.”
“thanks,” rafe mutters as he grabs his cup of juice, taking a gulp of it before placing it back where it was. he leans forward, crossing his arms on top of the table. “i’m assuming you saw that girl.”
“right.”
“that was . . . someone i talked to when i first got here,” he tells you, using his hands slightly to explain himself. “i met a girl the first day i was moving into my dorm. we talked for maybe like . . . a week, and then classes started and i just found other hobbies.”
you pick at your eggs. “do you mean hookups?” you ask him, and without having to look at him, you can tell he’s grimacing.
“we never even made things official but i guess she was hoping that to happen. haven’t given her a single thought since the first day of school but she caught me at the party,” he continues, and you lean back in your chair. “honestly when she brought me upstairs she was just yelling at me the whole time. i don’t know if you heard—”
“the music was loud rafe, no one heard you, i’m sure,” you tell him.
he gives you a slight glare for interrupting him. “whatever. i told her what she was saying was bullshit and she got mad at me,” he says. “i thought i should’ve told you ‘cause i . . . i don’t know. enzo and lara know about her but you don’t. didn’t want you to think i was just gonna have sex with some random girl.”
“you can do what you want rafe, it’s not like it’s any of my business if you choose to do something like that,” you say. he stares at you in silence and it’s a little concerning. you can’t read the expression at all. “but thanks for telling me anyway.”
“yeah,” rafe murmurs as, just on time, lorenzo and elara approach the table once they find you two there. you send them a smile as they come over, but rafe is still staring at you, guilt still glinting in his eye, “anytime.”
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“how does morrison explore the concept of memory and its effects on identity in ‘beloved’?” you read a question to one of your assignments out loud. you’re sitting in rafe and lorenzo’s dorm with the two boys, all spread out across the room.
with an uneasy look on his face, rafe scratches the back of his head, “i don’t fuckin’ know.”
“maybe we should take a break,” you suggest, to which the boys agree to immediately. you lift your ipad off your lap and settle it down on the spot on the floor beside you, and you lay down. “i could go for some . . . something to drink maybe.”
“café?” lorenzo asks and you hum in approval. he checks his phone for the time, “i could dr . . . oh shit. no, i have to meet up with lara like now. i can’t make it guys. sorry.”
he gets up to grab his bag, and you look over to rafe to see if he’s still okay with going. it’s only five. you doubt he has anything else planned today.
rafe gets up from his bed. “i’ll drive,” he volunteers.
“let me go change first,” you say as you grab your slippers and leave to your dorm since it’s cold out. “bye lorenzo!”
“bye y/n!” you hear him call from his dorm as you slip into yours, throwing on a hoodie and changing your bottoms to wear some sweats, then pull your sneakers on. you put your hair up before heading outside where rafe is already waiting.
he’s fiddling with his keys when he spots you, and he points behind him, “let’s go.”
you follow rafe out of the dorm building and to the parking lot to find his car. this is your first time being inside. you slide into the passengers seat quietly and put on your seatbelt. within moments, rafe backs up out of his spot and drives you two out of the lot.
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“thank you,” rafe says to the cashier after your order is complete and paid for, thanks to rafe. you turn around and head for the first table you see, but rafe seems to find more interest at the table in the very back corner against the window. you have no choice but to follow him.
you settle down in the chair and pull your phone out of your pocket, just to check any and all texts from family. you look like a fool as you keep checking the message app and your lockscreen notification for something, anything. rafe can tell you’re just trying to fill the void.
“remember that time when we were kids and they were hosting that charity gala,” rafe begins to recall, and your gaze slowly falls on him. “there was that ballroom dance and our parents paired us up.”
“you stepped on my foot,” you remind him.
“you were so serious trying to dance while hobbling around on one foot,” he returns, and the memory of 6-year-old you makes you smile softly. “the step was an accident by the way. i didn’t know my lefts from my rights . . . or— or remember the school play we did in 5th grade? where i was the prince and you wore a dress?”
you deadpan. “‘cause i was the princess,” you say, then shake your head. “i remember you forgot your line and i had to tell you what it was.”
“i thought you were so annoying for that,” rafe’s words causes you to laugh, and he grinned from ear to ear. “like i told my sister how much of a know-it-all you were. you showed me up in our play.”
“i remember summer camp,” you add on to the list of memories.
for a moment rafe has to think about it. “what?” he says, a little confused. “when?”
“the first year we went,” you say like it’s obvious. “the tug-of-war had me on edge for months.”
“oh!” rafe laughs when he realizes what you’re talking about. “yeah you were talking all that shit, then you guys lost and you accused us of cheating.”
“‘cause you probably were,” you play along with the bit that you’re still mad, and thankfully rafe sees right through it because he laughs again. “i couldn’t stand even looking at you after that ‘cause i felt so humiliated.”
he shrugs, “don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
“shut up,” you say, kicking at his leg gently. he only smiles as his name gets called out at the front. you get up and follow rafe to the counter where he checks for both of your drinks, handing you yours, and then grabbing two straws.
rafe bites the paper open and pulls the straw out of it, then sticks it in his cup. “come on, i got something to show you,” he says with a wink, and he leads you outside quickly.
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after driving just ten minutes and damn near finishing both of your drinks in the process, rafe leads you out to stairs that lead down.
from the car already, you can see a bunch of string fairy lights that go from tree to tree. it leads down a path to walk on but on one of the sides, past the concrete shoulder of the sidewalk there’s the ocean.
it’s getting darker and the blues from the sky and water just look so perfect.
“it’s beautiful out here,” you say with furrowed brows, surprised that you’ve never seen this before. “we’re just ten minutes from campus?”
“that’s what i said,” rafe agrees with you, and you laugh as you lean into him for a moment. your gaze falls upon the few people walking in either direction down the path, most are families though. you can’t help but think of yours.
you’re hoping to plan a day where your family comes down here though. it’s been in the works. so far it’s just been facetimes when everyone’s free but seeing them would feel so nice. they would love a place like this too, you’re sure of.
rafe has bitten down on his straw but he’s looking forward around the area as the two of you walk. “i spy with my little eye . . .” he trails off, and before he continues, you erupt in a laugh. “something green.”
your smile fades when he says this. that’s the worst color he could’ve picked for this game.
“oh, i wonder,” you say, sarcasm laced through your voice as you look around, pretending to think about it. “the grass. the trees. my drink.”
“you can’t go three times,” he tells you before you guess your fourth. you continue to walk beside him, taking in the fresh air. “it was your drink.”
“who could’ve guessed?”
“can you just shut up?”
soon it’s been an hour of roaming the city, with the both of you giggling and exploring your new home some more. you’re sitting on a park bench staring at the water when you and rafe walk all the way back to where you were before.
you’ve leaned your head against his shoulder as you chew on your straw, even though you’ve already finished your drink.
“did you and enzo meet just from being roommates?” you ask him after a bit of silence, and you lay your head on him a different way to look at him a bit. or try to. all you can see is his jaw and cheek. “is that how you met lara?”
he thinks about it for a moment. “yeah that’s how we met. i didn’t even wanna have a roommate but you know . . . and enzo’s a great guy. he’s never really left my side even when i told him to go away. he met lara at some party in august or something.”
“that’s cute,” you mumble, lowering your head to position it where it was before, and you stare at the water. “they’re really cute. when i met enzo it was like i couldn’t even tell he had a girl like that. but when i met lara for the first time it all just made sense.”
“they’re each others best friends,” he confirms, and it brings a smile on your face as you pull your straw away and gaze down at it. “do you miss home?”
“like every day,” you answer honestly. “every second of every hour of every day, probably ‘til i graduate and probably ‘til i die.”
“you’re not moving back home after college?” rafe asks you, and you shrug.
“was never really in my books to go back home. after i committed to this university i just assumed i’d . . . i don’t know, find a home here,” you say. “your sisters were pretty cool though.”
“you’re too old to be sarah or wheezie’s friend,” rafe says with a light scoff.
you scoff back and sit up, looking at him. “you’re friends with people like topper,” you tell him since he can’t be the one to talk. “isn’t he sarah’s age?”
“please,” rafe mutters as he averts his gaze elsewhere, “he was always just trying to get in my good graces ‘cause he likes her. or loves her. whatever.”
“they’re dating now, no?”
“before,” he says. “think she’s with that pogue now. john b.”
“pogue,” you repeat, scrunching your nose. “you can’t use that word anymore. we aren’t back home.”
“it describes him perfectly,” he says in an ‘as a matter of fact’ tone, before murmuring under his breath, “among other things.”
“they’re just kids. leave them be,” you say, and you lay back down to lean your head on his shoulder again, getting comfortable. “i’m really glad you got accepted into the same college as me, rafe.”
these words come in just a bit above a whisper, though he hears you perfectly, and it comes to a bit of a shock for him. he looks down at you quietly, before carefully moving his arm that has been resting on top of the bench to pull you in for a hug.
“me too,” he mumbles.
you get up again and lock eyes with the boy immediately. you can see him underneath the lamp post lights perfectly, just at the right darkness but just at the right brightness.
your gaze flickers down to his lips and back up to his eyes. out of impulse, you consider what feels like the craziest decision to make in that moment and lean in, but what surprises you is rafe takes advantage of the opportunity.
his hand comes up to hold the side of your face as he pulls you in, and your lips press together. it’s not a soft kiss, it’s not a gentle kiss. it’s a desperate, hungry kiss filled with all the emotions he’s been holding back.
you’re kissing like you’ve been starved of oxygen and the other is the only one who can provide it. his lips move urgently against yours, his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you closer. he doesn’t care about anything else in the world at this moment, just you and this kiss.
when rafe pulls his head back to see your eyes, he feels like he fucked up. he stares right at you, and your thoughts seem to be going behind his eyes. he starts to pull away, about to apologize, “fuck, sorry y/n, i didn’t—”
“just shut up,” you murmur before grabbing his collar and pulling him back in for another kiss. he moans softly when you do, his hands gripping your waist tighter. he loves the feeling of your lips against his, it’s almost unbearable.
his second kiss is just as desperate as the first, but this time he tries to slow it down a bit. he breaks the kiss to catch his breath, his forehead pressed against yours as he looks into your eyes. “y/n . . .” he begins, his voice shaky. “you have no idea long how i’ve been wanting to do that.”
“kept me waiting long enough,” you say as you stare deep into his eyes with a soft smile, and rafe shakes his head as he grabs your jaw and guides you to his lips again.
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@svnsetcrve @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @lalalalala33 @darkcolorexpert @babyflockaaaa @lifeofleasaasa @ilyrafe @mkiverd @wxn-drlst @maybankslover @wearemadeofstardust0 @thepopcultureaddict @mounthings @mfcouture @ijustwanttoreadlols @karmasloverrr @lilithblackkk @drewsdirtyslut @rafesno1bae
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iikatsukii · 2 years
Text
3:15 (breathe)
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synopsis: story inspired by the song 3:15 by russ
pairings: lo’ak x metkayina!reader
warnings: angst to comfort & minor violence
word count: 6.6k
a/n: ive been writing this for too long but im back with a present 🫶🏾 (also i know this one isnt shortened by a read more thing im sorry guys i tried idk why its not working but hopefully when i get my laptop charger back ill be able to fix it but pls just bare with me just this once)
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you had been staring at the roof of your marui for about 20 minutes now. you were dreading getting up. you've felt like this for the past few months but couldn't pinpoint exactly when it started. being the youngest daughter of tonowari and ronal is like asking every boy in the clan to court you. when you chose rotxo, all the boys in the clan were heartbroken. you and tsireya found it kinda funny, to be honest.
you and rotxo have been dating for about half a year now. everything leading up to the relationship had been amazing. the fleeting glances, soft touches, the surprise dates. he had courted you perfectly, so he was over the moon when you finally said yes. his loving actions continued three months into the relationship. then suddenly, you started to notice a shift in his behaviors.
he wouldn't surprise you with dates anymore, he only hung out with ao'nung and his friends, he wouldn't make time for you, and when you did ask to spend time with him, he would brush you off, saying he was busy.
of course, your siblings didn't know about this. rotxo told you not to tell them. "i mean, what would ao'nung think of me? he would never want to be friends with me again," he told you. you sighed, "you're right, rotxo. i'm sorry. i won't say anything." rotxo pulled you into a hug, holding your head to his chest so you couldn't see the smirk he held on his face. on the other hand, you held an expression of self-doubt. like you knew the choice to not speak up was dumb, and you wished you could take your words back, but you couldn't bring yourself to do it.
so you remained in rotxo's arms day after day, putting on a show that everyone believed. never saying anything to anyone. never saying anything about all the harsh words rotxo would say to you, about the loneliness you felt, or about the scars he left on your heart.
tsireya, your twin sister, suspected something was off about your relationship because of how differently you had been acting recently. ever since rotxo started treating you poorly, tsireya would hear you cry yourself to sleep every night. still, when she confronted you about it, you would brush her off, saying she was probably hearing things from how tired she had been. and the thing is, nobody else seems to hear it, so it's not like tsireya can have someone to back her up.
you finally gathered the energy to get up, 2 hours later than you were supposed to, and you groaned, knowing your father was going to kill you. you quickly get dressed, rushing to find someone, anyone who can tell you where your father is. finally, you see a huge crowd, what looks like the entire clan, gathered at the shores of the beaches.
"uturu has been asked.." you heard faintly. as you made your way to the front of the crowd, where you heard your father's voice, you caught the tail end of the conversation. "toruk makto and his family will live among us. my children will teach your children the ways of the water so that your family does not suffer the burden of being useless." you hid behind your father. as he spoke, you looked over to who he was talking to.
a group of 6 darker-toned na'vi were standing huddled together. 2 parents and 4 children. you analyzed each child, still hiding behind your father. the smallest, youngest na'vi was holding her mother's hand, hiding behind her leg, similar to how you're hiding behind your father. the older female, who looked about your age, had an annoyed look on her face. you giggled at her expression, being able to tell that she wanted to be anywhere but here.
then you looked at the taller, assumingly older brother. he looked tight-laced, like he was the perfect child. a golden boy, if you would. not really your type but eh, who are you to say anything. you have a boyfriend, for crying out loud. you shouldn't even be thinking things like this in the first place. you rolled your eyes, ignoring the annoying thoughts in your head, as you looked at the other boy standing next to the eldest son.
that's when you noticed the eyes that were staring back at you. they were the prettiest amber color you've ever seen, accented by… is that hair above his eyes? his eyes glowed in the sun, and his markings? don't even start; his markings running along his body were mesmerizing. but the one thing that interested you was the look he held in his eyes. nobody had ever looked at you like that, and of course, that makes it harder to pinpoint precisely what makes you feel this way. while you were entranced in the visitor's eyes, you failed to notice your own boyfriend noticing you. once the clan's people started to disperse, your sister grabbed your hand and dragged you over to the new family.
rotxo was going to approach you, but he was stopped by ao'nung, who nodded his head back to the water, where they would later meet you, tsireya, and those 'freaks' for lessons. ao'nung missed the furious expression his best friend held. rotxo was quick to fix his face, though, playing nice. he saw the looks between you and that forest boy, and he was not happy about it. he decided to observe from afar before confronting you about anything, not wanting youîu to know that he noticed anything.
as you and tsireya approached the family, you got to take a closer look at the boy before you. your thoughts, though, were interrupted by your twin, "let us show you to your new home," as she and you guided the new family to their home, you could tell their father was trying to stay positive, but the way their mother dropped her belongings when she saw where they would be living was comedic to you. you couldn't help but chuckle at her reaction, not maliciously, of course. you're not like your brother ao'nung and boyfriend rotxo.
"sister, i was late to the gathering. i have no idea who these people are or what's happening." you whispered to your twin. "oh right! where were you, by the way? i had to go through ilu training with the boys alone! it was horrible." she groaned. you sighed. yeah, you're definitely gonna get your ass beat when you get home. "father didn't happen to notice, did he?" you said, already knowing the answer. tsireya just laughed "skxawng." she said, hitting your shoulder. "hey!" you said defensively, ready to hit her back until a hand caught yours. you turned around to see one of the new na'vi boys. it was the younger one.
"as amusing it is to see two sisters-" he started
"twins," you and tsireya corrected at the same time. it freaked both boys out, but they thought it was cute in a way.
"as amusing as it is to see twins bickering with one another, i believe a lesson is in our near future? per request of your father, that is." the tone he used was teasing. how could he speak to you with such confidence when he didn't even know your name? rotxo had never spoken to you like that. his words were always soft, almost shy as if he didn't want to scare you with how loud you knew he could be. for some reason, though, it made you like rotxo more.
but with how things have been going well recently, rotxo isn't that soft-spoken boy anymore. hell, he barely acts like your boyfriend now. so maybe it won't be wrong to get to know someone new? only as a friend, though. you would never dream of cheating, let alone act on it.
you looked down to see that the younger brother, whose name you still had yet to find out, was still holding onto your wrist, waiting for an answer.
oh shit, he's waiting on an answer.
you had zoned out, daydreaming about the boy who was gazing at you equally as curious. thankfully you guys had an energetic little girl to catch your attention. "LAST ONE TO THE WATER IS THANATOR BAIT," she said as she jumped into the water.
you and your sister giggled at the young girl's actions, deciding to jump right in after her. the remaining na'vi jumped in as well as you and tsireya swam, guiding them to where you would have this supposed lesson. as you and your twin swam, she explained everything that had happened while you were sleeping using your clan's sign language. it was making more sense now. this family fled their home, seeking a safe place to stay… uturu…
as you had gotten to the rocks by the beach, you noticed that your brother was there, which could only mean one thing. rotxo was here, too, great. you didn't really feel like pretending to be happy with him around people right now, but you slapped on your usual fake smile, praying to eywa that these newcomers were as easy to fool as everyone else on this island.
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you had begun your lessons as usual, you and tsireya being paired up with the youngest son as he was having the most difficulty.
"breathe in. breathe from down here," tsireya said as she placed her hand on lo'ak's stomach. you placed your hand on his heart to check its speed as you continued, "breathe out." you sighed again. "lo'ak, your heartbeat is fast," you said, looking up at him, happy that you had learned his name because now you could address him by his name.
"sorry," he said,
"try to focus," tsireya added, his eyes meeting hers as she spoke. you noticed that when his eyes shifted, his expression remained the same bright, curious look he gave you; he also held with your sister.
maybe that's just how he looks at people, you thought as you continued to help him.
you felt eyes on your back, knowing it was rotxo staring at you. you looked over your shoulder and made eye contact with your boyfriend, smiling and waving at him, getting nothing but a stone-cold look in return. nobody seemed to notice, so the embarrassment was yours alone. or so you thought until you turned back to lo'ak, seeing as he had seen the whole interaction between the two of you. nobody had ever noticed something like this happen. you tried to read the forest boy's expression but couldn't. all you knew was that he didn't have that same bright look in his eyes as he looked at rotxo.
so maybe he doesn't look at everyone like that…
the exchange sent a shiver up your back. you had a feeling nothing good would come of these two interacting, but over the months, rotxo had diminished your self-confidence, finding yourself seriously doubting your judgment. so you ignored the feeling, not thinking it would be worth risking the normalcy in your daily life.
with lessons finally ending, you excused yourself from the rest as you walked back to your marui, knowing that your parents were about to beat your ass. you walked into your home with your ears flat against your head, tail between your legs, and head hung in shame.
"y/n te ronal'ite," your mother sneered.
oh yeah. you're fucked.
"father, mother, i am sorry i do not know why i overslept this morning–"
"this is the fifth time this has happened, child. you do not know why you have overslept five times this month?" your mothers' words were harsh; you knew she was very upset with you because of how you had been acting recently. you also knew she didn't like your relationship with rotxo, no matter how nice she thought the boy was. to her, something was just off, she could hear eywa whispering to her about it at night, but when she awoke in the morning, it became nothing but a second thought as all her tsahik duties became a priority as she started her day.
"mother, i am sorry. i do not know why this is happening, but i promise it won't happen again," you said, falling to your knees and begging your parents for forgiveness. you hated when they were upset with you, from when you were a kid until now—especially your father.
you were a daddy's girl; you couldn't help it. your father was your safe haven, and you hated when he was disappointed in you even more than you hated when your mother was mad at you. so when you looked into his eyes and saw concern and not disappointment, you knew something was wrong.
"ma y/n, what is the matter? ite, if something is wrong, you know you can tell me." your father tried.
this was the one thing you couldn't confide in your father for. usually, you have little to no trouble telling your father what's wrong, but this was different. you couldn't bring yourself to tell him. so you just looked up at your father, tears in your eyes, and said
"nothing is wrong, father. i have no excuse for waking up late, so please issue my punishment. i have to finish my chores for the day," hearing your voice so cold sent a shiver up your parents' backs. that was what made them realize there really is something wrong. no matter how much you deny it, they can finally see past the facade that you've been keeping up.
how have they never noticed? how long has this been going on?
ronal looked at her husband, silently asking him for help. for once, the tsahik didn't know what to do. as attuned to eywa as she was, the great mother can't outright tell her what is wrong or how to solve it, thus leaving ronal feeling hopeless.
useless.
a tsahik who can't even help her own child. what good is she?
tonowari cleared his throat, drawing attention to himself.
"two weeks, ilu keeper. you are to bring and return the villager's ilus as well as headcount the north, south, east, and west pens before the eclipse to ensure all ilus are accounted for. you are dismissed," your father's tone was equally as cold as yours. you knew the game he was playing, and you wouldn't fall for it this time. you knew your father was just trying to reciprocate the attitude you were giving him so you would crack. so you quickly left your home, knowing that if you stayed any longer, you would burst into tears and beg your father to hold you in his arms.
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your depression had continued for months after the day of the sullys arrival. things with rotxo had only gotten worse, and to you, it seemed like nobody was noticing your depleting health. but in reality, everyone knew you were sad, but nobody knew why.
except for one person
you were so grateful for lo'ak. he was the only person who noticed. he saw everything and sat you down, saying you couldn't endure this abusive relationship anymore. he saw all the scowls and rolled eyes your boyfriend sent your way when you were looking and when you weren't looking. he also saw stuff that you hadn't seen. like rotxo entertaining different girls throughout the village. all of those girls being the ones who you said were your very good friends, but more specifically, it was your best friend.
you and your sully boy were walking along the shore, deciding to go for a walk after he had returned from his daily chores. the walk was silent, but you noticed the furrowed eyebrows above lo'ak's eyes, indicating that he was thinking.
"if you think too hard, you may end up hurting yourself, forest boy," you teased, giggling at his reaction. the boy had rolled his eyes, relieving his eyebrow of their stress as he nudged your side with his elbow. "hey, watch it," he said, laughing along with you.
then he got serious again, you noticed the stress return to his eyebrows, and you couldn't help but stop walking, concerned for your friend.
"lo'ak, what is the matter?" you asked, voice quiet, almost a whisper. lo'ak had barely heard it over the sounds of the tide washing up against the shore. he was silent for a while, debating on if this was his place to say anything, but the boy was worried for you so he spoke up.
"as your friend, y/n, i cannot allow you to continue to be in this relationship." his words were firm. you knew this was coming, and you were hoping you could avoid it, but in the end, it seemed inevitable. you sighed, exhausted, dropping your facade.
"lo'ak, please. don't say anything to anyone. i am fine, okay? rotxo is just busy, is all–"
"yeah, busy suckin' face with your so-called friends, y/n," lo'ak huffed, tired of seeing you endure this treatment. you perked up at his words, though. what was he talking about?
"what do you mean?" you said as you stepped closer, wanting to look deeper into his eyes to ensure he wasn't lying.
"your boy has been cheating on you with all the girls you call your 'friends', especially your best friend. whenever he says he's busy with ao'nung and the guys, neteyam tells me he sneaks off halfway through. and i've personally caught him with so many girls y/n. he's been cheating on you." the words echo in your head.
cheating?
with your friends?
your boyfriend…
your boyfriend.
a new feeling had blossomed in your chest. it felt like a raging fire in your chest, out of control and blazing with heat. oh, you were pissed. so lo'ak hatched a plan for you.
"take this," he said as he reached up to his neck, taking off his communicator and giving it to you. "wear it tomorrow. and right before eclipse, i want you to go to the west ilu pen. but be quiet when you get there. that's usually where rotxo meets your best friend." the words squeezed at your heart, but the fury in your chest overpowered it all.
"fine," you said as your eyes met his once again. you moved your hair behind over your left shoulder as you turned around, signaling for him to put the communicator on for you.
once it was secure, you turned to face him again, knowing that this would be the last moment of peace you would have until the storm you had been so severely trying to avoid.
"thank you," was the last thing you said to the forest boy before you made your way home. knowing the next day would be one of the worst days of your life.
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it was a few minutes til eclipse, and you were waiting in a hidden spot near the west ilu pen just like lo'ak had told you. you had been waiting here for 15 minutes, and neither rotxo nor your best friend had shown up. did lo'ak lie? what reason would he have to lie? it's not like he likes you. lo'ak always uses phrases like "as your friend…" and "friends don't treat friends like that," insinuating that he, too, thought of you as a friend and nothing more, so what reason would he have to lie. you were about to radio him, pressing the button on your neck, because you were getting annoyed waiting here for so long. but then you heard a familiar laugh.
that's your best friend's laugh.
you turned around, peeking through leaves to see rotxo and your best friend holding hands, laughing with one another. keeping your hand against your communicator, you tried to get as close as possible without revealing your hiding spot so that lo'ak could hear everything happening.
"are you sure this is okay, rotxo? what about y/n? you know she's my best friend." your best friends laughter had died down as the two came to a halt.
"ma yawne, you need not worry." your boyfriend reassured.
"but what about her? you guys are in a relationship, and she is olo'eyktans daughter. if we get caught, we're done for. plus, she's been looking so sad recently. i can't help but feel like she knows." tears sprung to her eyes and you couldn't help but roll your own.
"mawey, my love. she does not know. besides, she has been ignoring me recently. i've been left alone, wondering if she's okay. i ask her every day to talk to me and tell me something; i reassure her that i'm here for her and that she can talk to me about anything. she brushes me off, not even giving me the time of day. it is like she has completely shut me out. i feel so left in the dark," your best friend just coos at the boy, pulling into a hug in an attempt to 'hug' him when she really is just trying to push her boobs against his chest. his hand placement wasn't any better. he had his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to himself if even possible.
OH, BOO FUCKING HOO, IS HE FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW??
it was taking every molecule of self-restraint in your body not to blow your cover and strangle the man you call your "boyfriend." upon hearing his words, you could only scoff. this is what he's been doing? while he's been ignoring you, leaving you lonely and hurting, he's been out in the village, cheating on you and playing victim, making everyone think you were ignoring him.
you could only roll your eyes as you walked away before you were discovered. you were furious. you knew exactly how you wanted to approach this, thinking based only on your heated emotions, throwing all rational away. as you walked away, your hand fell from the collar around your neck, knowing lo'ak had heard enough. he was probably on the way to your parents' marui right now to tell them everything.
you walked to rotxo's family marui; glad to see the rest of his family is still out doing whatever they do. you could care less. he and anyone related to him could perish, poof into thin air, never to be seen again, and you wouldn't bat an eye. in fact, just the idea of it brings a smile to your face. a smile that instantly dropped when the flap of the marui was pushed aside, revealing your boyfriend and your brother.
"ao'nung, leave. i need to talk to rotxo," you said as soon as you made eye contact with your older brother. you knew he was clueless about what had happened because he was hanging out with his friends all day. supposedly, so was rotxo.
"sorry little sister, but you're going to have to leave. rotxo and i are–"
"AO' GET THE FUCK OUT!" you screamed at your brother, eyes falling to the floor, knowing he wasn't the target of rage, so you probably shouldn't be treating him like this.
your brother was surprised you raised your voice at him but listened anyway, knowing that this wasn't his problem and he honestly didn't care about your relationship as long as rotxo treated you right. and to his knowledge, his best friend is treating you right. rotxo, you told your brother that it was you shutting him out, so ao'nung just assumed this would be another one of those 'irrational arguments' that rotxo always tells him about.
watching your brothers back retreating toward your home, you turned your attention to the man of the fucking hour.
"my best friend? are you serious right now, rotxo?" you asked him to get straight to the point.
rotxo rolled his eyes, groaning because he realized you knew he was cheating on you.
"y/n, don't be like this. my family will be home any minute–" you cut him off.
"i do not care. you are walking around telling people i shut you out? cheating on me? you are out here forcing me to put on a smile, fake happy, so your reputation doesn't get ruined, and you have the nerve to try and bring mine down with you? saying i'm leaving you in the dark. making yourself seem like the goddamn victim?! you're cheating on me, rotxo. FOR FUCKS SAKE." the english word that the sully children had taught you felt like the only word that could adequately convey your feelings.
"using the words that sully boy taught you, huh? you know you've been spending a lot of time with him. you're lucky the only rumor i spread was that you left me in the dark. be grateful that i'm not telling everyone how you've been spreading your legs for that freak." you gaped at his words. how did he know about how much you've been spending with lo'ak? of course, he's completely wrong about what you guys do but he's always busy with his friends, blowing you off, cheating, and not caring who you're with or what you're doing. regardless of how he knew or not, you and lo'ak were friends, and that's it.
"we are just friends. i would not even have to hang out with him if my own shitty boyfriend actually acted as if he fucking likes me. we hang out as all young na'vi do, free diving, ilu racing, sea shell collecting. things i've done with you, my siblings, and countless other friends, like the bitch you are cheating on me with, so why is it a problem when i do it with lo'ak? hmm, rotxo? what's your fucking problem? are you projecting? is that it?" you were blinded by your rage, not even realizing that you had approached your boyfriend, but it felt like your words weren't getting through to him. he still held this shitty condescending smirk on his face, and you were sick of it. so you pushed him with all the strength you had in your body. rotxo fell to the floor pretty hard, groaning in pain as he landed funny on his wrist.
"ah! ha–" rotxo graoned in pain as he gripped his wrist. his gaze met yours as he spoke again "look, she's finally snapped. what? are you going to go, run to your little demon blood? are you going to let him cheer you up like the little slut you are? might as well prepare yourself for tomorrow because when ao'nung asks me what we argued about, i'm telling him i found out you were cheating on me with that sully boy," rotxo stood from his place on the floor, holding a look you had never seen on him before. he walked towards you menacingly as you matched his pace, walking backward until your back made contact with the wall of his home. his hand came up to your neck, squeezing, not noticing that he had once again pressed the button on your collar so lo'ak could hear everything.
“y/n? what's wrong? what's going on?" you heard his voice in your earpiece but kept quiet, not wanting rotxo to know he was about to get caught.
"you're so easy, huh? playing hard to get for everyone in the village when really you just wanted to be a whore for a half-breed freak who has only brought problems and war to our home–" you pushed him off of you, running out his marui with your head down, not wanting him to see your tears as if he hadn't already.
as cruel as rotxo had been to you, he had never called you such degrading names like this.
as angry as you were, hearing someone you once loved say things like that to you felt like a bullet to the heart.
you ran to a hidden oasis within the forest line of awa'atlu. only you and rotxo knew of it, but recently you've found yourself coming here alone much more than you would come here with him.
falling to your knees in front of the river before you, you allowed the dam to break, letting all your pent-up emotions out. you couldn't help but cry to yourself. you hated life like this. you hated living a lie, not wanting to bare this pain anymore. you cried, sobbed, screamed, wailed, anything to get this hurt out of your heart.
rotxo had broken you. he had taken your pure, innocent heart and smashed it to pieces. no matter how much you tried to love and care for him, you realize he would never really love you. it was all just a ploy to get in with the olo'eyktan's daughter. he was just like every other stupid boy on this island. but you fell for him, and you hated the feeling.
and for him to cheat with your best friend, of all people? how could he? did he even love you?
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to say lo'ak was worried was the understatement of the fucking year. he was basically having a panic attack rampaging the island after he didn't find you in rotxo's marui when they arrived. lo'ak had come with his family and yours, everyone having heard the cruel words that rotxo had spat at you thanks to lo'aks communication device.
jake and neteyam personally held lo'ak back from killing the metkayina in front of him.
"YOU FUCKER! YOU CALL HER A WHORE WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE STICKING YOUR DICK IN ANYTHING THAT HAS A FUCKING HOLE, YOU PUSSY–"
"lo'ak, that's enough," jake said, trying to restrain his youngest son.
"NO, HE'S RIGHT! DAD, LET ME GO! LET ME BEAT HIS ASS!" lo'ak looked over to see tonowari and another warrior holding ao'nung back, but the look on tonowari's face showed that he was seconds from ripping rotxo limb from limb for what he had said to his daughter.
that's when lo'ak noticed you weren't in the marui. pulling himself from his father and brother's restraints, he ran out, immediately going to all your favorite places on the island, trying to find you.
he searched the shallow reefs on the east side of the island. he visited the ilu pen on the south part of the island because that's where you kept your ilu. he checked the floral shoreline on the northwest part of the island, knowing that you loved getting all your flowers from there, whether it was for your hair, a top, or a gift for the new boy on the island.
lo'ak noticed a forest line near the floral shores, so he also decided to check within that area in case you were wandering around there.
walking through the forest area kind of reminded lo'ak of home. he had been reminiscing on the flora of his home when he heard what sounded like crying—very loud crying.
immediately arming himself, prepared to protect himself or someone else. lo'ak stepped into the clearing, seeing you kneeling over the stream, fists clenched into the ground beneath you as you let out the most heart-twisting cries he had ever heard.
you were crying so loud you hadn't even heard the forest boy approaching you. feeling arms engulfing you, you began to panic. whoever it was immediately tried to soothe your struggles, and much to your surprise, you listened. you felt warmth, security, and comfort. things you never felt around rotxo, at least, not anymore.
"mawey, y/n. mawey. try to match my breathing," it was a familiar voice, but with all the physical and emotional pain clouding your senses, you couldn't pinpoint who it was. regardless, you tried your best to match his breathing, your heavy breaths slowing to quiet sobs and whimpers. it felt like your heart was really breaking. this realization was painful. rotxo didn't love you. he was using you.
you just wanted to be loved, and rotxo made you feel that way for a while. but that was the problem; it only lasted a while. then everything went to shit, and you were left cold and alone while rotxo was out cheating on you and forcing you to fake a smile for everyone around you so that you wouldn't ruin his reputation.
your cries had died down, and you were resting within the hold of the person behind you. his hushed words of comfort hadn't stopped, praising you for controlling your breath as he soothingly rubbed your shoulders. when you calmed down enough, you turned to look at the source of your comfort. it was honestly one of the last people you expected it to be.
you would've thought your brother or sister would find this secret spot before the forest boy did.
"lo'ak, what are you doing here?" you asked him, trying to escape his grasp and wipe your tears at the same time. lo'ak was quick to grab hold of your hands, preventing you from moving away from him.
"mawey, y/n. just relax. i'm here for you, and you can cry all you want to, sevin. i am not going anywhere." his voice was so comforting as he pulled you back into his embrace. you just sighed as you felt another wave of tears coming to your eyes. so you cried it out, relieving every sob, scream, and cry you had ever kept in, and lo'ak stayed with you through it all. never once letting you go and never stopping his whispers of reassurance.
when your sobs died down again, you noticed he intertwined his fingers with yours. you hadn't noticed his hands before. you weren't aware, but your ears perked up a bit, and your tail started to rev to life a bit when you saw he had five fingers instead of four. you wordlessly detangled your hand from his, causing the boy's ears to fall flat to his head.
you noticed his hands. did you see him differently now? his thoughts started as a drizzle quickly forming into a hurricane, but when he felt both of your hands grab one of his pulling it closer to your swollen eyes so you could examine it better, he chuckled. he thought it was cute, seeing you fiddle with his fingers as your soft sniffles continued. if this was distraction enough to keep you from crying, then lo'ak would let you play with his hands 24/7.
you didn't know that lo'ak's hands were his biggest insecurity, so the way you played with them and looked at them with wonder and not worry made his heart swell. lo'ak had not thought his life would be turned upside down like this, being forced to move away from his home and learn new ways of life. he hated it. but willingly getting to know someone and maybe even starting to fall for her had to be the best thing on that list. lo'ak knew he liked you for a while but never made any advances as you were taken. even though he could've been treating you so much better.
he loved how your hands felt in his and how your smile brightened up an entire room. he loved how attuned to nature you were. you hadn't even realized the school of fish swimming around your ankles rested in the river before you. it was as if the animals were trying to comfort you, too, somehow being able to sense your distress.
“y/n. do not listen to him. he is nothing but a lowlife who derives pleasure from others' pain," lo'ak started ranting, not caring if you were listening. he just wanted to speak his mind. "you are beautiful, y/n. the most beautiful, strong, loving, kind, graceful na'vi i've ever had the chance to meet. if moving away from my home means i get to find a new home here, with you, i would fly, walk, jump, or crawl my way here a hundred times over. i would do anything to be with you properly. i want to heal you from that asshole's mistakes. i want to show you what it feels like to be loved. not because you are olo'eyktan's daughter. but because you are you."
his eyes remained focused on yours as he recited every word. but you could tell he wasn't speaking something memorized or forced; he was speaking from his heart. you could hear it, as if eywa herself was whispering it to you. but you were hurt. could you trust someone so soon?
almost as if he could read your thoughts, he spoke up again.
"i know your trust is weary right now, but let me prove it to you. i will court you properly, meet your parents officially, ask for their blessing, i–" lo'ak sighed, almost as if he didn't want to continue, but he did. "i'll even stop fighting with ao'nung." that got a laugh out of you.
"lo'ak, are you sure about that?" you asked, looking up at him through your tears, flashing the first genuine smile he had ever seen on you. he was amazed. if he thought your fake smile lit up a room, then your genuine smile could bring light to an entire clan.
"i would do whatever you want me to do, syulang. i just want to be with you. i want to love you if you'll have me. we can take things at your pace. i'm in no rush because, for you, i would wait forever," he yearned for you, waiting patiently to see if you'll accept him.
you couldn't find any reason not to. this boy had to have been sent to you by eywa. he was meant to be the remedy to heal your heart after this tragic breakup. you were crying, but they were tears of joy and relief. you were finally free. free to feel love. free to feel happy. free to be you.
in the heat of the moment, you felt something wiggling under the ground beneath your leg. looking down, you see a glow worm inching up your leg. most do not know, but since the metkayina spirit tree is underwater, these little glow worms come up from the sand or appear on or around you whenever eywa tries to give you a sign. they're the metkayina equivalent of a woodsprite.
you could only gasp at the sight of the tiny creature. so he really is eywa sent? you thought as you saw a glow worm crawling up lo'ak's shoulder. this caused you to laugh, seeing as he also noticed the glow worm on his shoulder and started to panic, trying to flick the bug off his shoulder without hurting it.
"kehe, don't do that," you said as you grabbed his hand to prevent him from hurting the poor thing. you carefully placed your hand in front of the glowworm, allowing it to crawl into your palm. you took lo'ak's hand in yours, facing his palm up to allow the glow worm to walk from your hand to his.
"what is this?" he asked as he brought his hand closer to his face turning it as the glow worm walked around.
"i've heard about omatikaya woodsprites from kiri. they are like that but for the reefs. they are sent from eywa, meant to be wordless messengers," you explained to the forest boy.
your forest boy.
lo'ak couldn't help but smile at you, processing the words you had said. as he spoke again, he held nothing but love in his eyes, "y/n, i see you. oel ngati kameie," he gently held your face in his hands to ensure you made eye contact with him as he said it to you. you cried even harder because rotxo had never said that to you. and you're glad he didn't because you wouldn't have been able to say this back,
"oel ngati kameie, forest boy."
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ganondoodle · 10 months
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you know what i just saw some more of that weird ass reward for getting all shrines in totk, and tbh im still so
what is that?? there are no dog like sentient species in this version of hyrule?? the most is the sonau themselves but they got no tails??? i dont think anything in this hyrule has a tail like that? and sonau legs are pretty normalish human too areant they? they dont even have proper claws, just veguely longer fingernails- i guess there are the statues in the underground that kinda look like it (they dont got tails either tho do they??) but like ,,, theres nothing you can learn about them right? its never mentioned or even hinted at despite there being so goddamm much of the sonau still just up and functioning- their lil "material deposits" in the depths arent even withered beyond some plants growing on them, all their 'tech' (isnt it just .. magic tho? where the mechanism actually? its usually just some stone animated by green swirlies ... but ill mention that in another post) just runs perfectly like it was made yesterday
where does that thing come from?? and its supposed to the the HERO FROM THE TAPESTRY???? huh????? and its decked out in sonau clothing head to toe with clear gerudo refs too?? that so weird bc youd feel like there would have been some mention of this, especially considering that that thing is on the tapestry and impa(was it her? or purah?) RECOGNIZES ITS THE HERO FROM THE TAPESTRY???? like, CASUALLY even?? like a well known fact ?? did i miss some big lore part somewhere that talked about that dog gerudo sonau thing?? and if its on the tapestry that means it wasnt that long ago really (i mean ... all the sonau shit is still pretty much fully intact so arguing that they came and went in the time between totks past and botws past isnt that plausible either imo ..??) o how come you never see anything from that and yet its somehow completely known for them, and you cannot tell me she saw the abstract version of the hero and then looked at that armor and went thats the same bc two colors veguely matched or what?!! also given that its fully clothed in sonau stuff .. like the arms are literally raurus bracelets .. thingies, but then the sonau where supposedly a complete and unknown mystery until it suddendly came all raining from the sky and revealing its been there and EVERYWHERE the whole time apparently? with the most we knew was some flimsyly made stereotypical barbaric armor set in faron in botw? which i guess is also fully undone by totk since it shares absolutely zero in desing to the 'actual' sonau stuff we got in totk
and if it where some sort of descendant from the mix of kids rauru and sonai kinda .. must have had (unless they did away with zeldas bloodline stuff too .. which .. why even call it zelda anymore at this point lol) then again, where did those features come from (like the tail and red hair, the strange googly eyes? is there a mix of goron in there too??) and how was it then not documented or seen anywhere else?? youd imagine the mutant kids of the first tragically dead king and queen of this hyrule would be known in some way .. that is assuming it was that, but given the weird features no other species has still is ... it just doesnt add up
(i had the awful thoguht for a second that it might supposed to mean the gerudo came from that but .. the gerudo are already there LITERALLY the 1:1 same as in the present, just like all the other species ... which is also disappointing as hell, like seriously? not even different feather colors for the rito? literally the same clothing for the gerudo as in botw but white with golden stuff instead?? some vaguely different zora features? idk ? anything? also the hero would never be gerudo, we know only evil comes from that *explodes*)
if its supposed to be a mystery then they absolutely failed in making it any interesting or intriguing but still something that feels like its part of the world, like botw was very good at giving you mysteries you wanted to talk and theorize about that still felt organic, harmonic with the world, but in totk its all either boring answers or just ... completely out of nowhere and just kinda stumps you (in a bad way)
*sighs* yet antoher ramble rant, this game could have had it all, it was right there on the plate in front of them all they needed to do is grasp at it, why wouldnt you ..
totk will never not frustrate me huh ಠ_ಠ
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ouchsharks · 3 months
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yap alert about jenny and the first time she smoked with mikey post-squip:
ok so i do think that jenny also smokes, just not as much as mikey. i think being high calms mikey down and shes super chill, laid back, yk , cool, jenny on the other hand ..
being high calms her anxiety but since it calms her down it makes it alot harder for her to ignore certain thoughts that she chooses to push down when shes not high, mainly guilt. its happened before but on numerous occasions she is found dissacociated and upset due to overwhelming guilt, with things like her mother leaving and such.
well post squip, the guilt is EXTREME. and it definitely takes a long while for mikey to be able to convince jenny to smoke again, as jenny is afraid of doing anything that could mess with her mind (she will never ever drink mtn dew again)
but similarly to alcohol being a depressant and shutting the squip off, mikey tells jenny that weed should be okay for her, so, they get together to hangout.
they smoke, get high, mikeys chill, playing video games when all of a sudden jenny just starts sobbing??? breaking down. the guilt of everything that happened with the squip and mikey and brooke and such is killing her so she just starts bawling. mikeys like ??? oh my god are you okay jen whats wrong?? and jenny explains that shes so so sorry and shes so upset and everyone hates her and mikey tries comforting her but fails as shes .. really high, so. mikey says she will call christine and explain, jenny of course, being upset by all of this doesnt want christine to know she smokes weed (another thing she is guilty about) but by time jenny can mutter "no dont tell her im smoking weed 😢😢😭" christine has already picked up the phone and heard this (she doesnt care lmao) shes worried ab her gf and mikey asks if she will come over.
christine comes, jenny sobs some more and says how much she doesnt deserve her and all that blah blah, christine takes it all in and isnt bothered, she just wants jenny to feel better. they eventually lay in mikeys bed and christine cuddles and comforts jenny as she falls asleep (weed makes her sleepy lol) and she manages to get up and leave without waking her, asking mikey to text her when jenny wakes up to make sure shes okay.
sooo. jenny sleeps for nine hours 🤔 and wakes up completely sober, a little confused as to where she is then realizes shes at mikeys, mikey, who stayed awake the entire time, is there to be like oh youre awake! jenny forgets completely that she even smoked, their convo would pretty much go like this:
j: oh gosh how long was i out for?
m: oh yk like nine hours
j: NINE HOURS?? oh my god?
m: hey are you alright?
j: yeah??
m: youre not upset anymore?
j: i was upset?? what do you mean?
m: yea dude i mean i really didnt know what i was gonna do you seemed like youd never STOP crying
j: i was crying? so you put me to bed??
m: i didnt. christine did !
j: chrstine???? but im at your house??
m: i didnt know what to do so i called christine!!!!
j: you did WHAT?! why was i upset why was i crying?? why did christine come here?? why did i sleep for nine hours??????
m: okay okay jen woah youre getting hostile 🤔🤔 listen, we smoked some weed. you! got really weird. i was super high. so i called christine, and you were like "dont tell her im smoking weed" but she was already on the phone and totally heard, so then she came over and you kept crying and were like "waahhh christine i dont deserve you" but she knew you were high and was okay with everything and she just , yk, waited until you fell asleep and then she left! oh i gotta text her by the way, let her know youre awake and alright.
j: well idk if im alright... (embarrassed)
then mikey obnoxiously takes a flash photo of jenny, who is sprawled in mikeys bed, confused and embarrassed as hell
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christine, whos been FIGHTING to stay awake (not a night owl at all) waited the whole time for that text and as soon as she responded she CRASHED, out, sleepytime.
sorey for such the long post i just fucking love jenny and my au so somuch i wanted to share this with tumblr i doubt yall will care but thanks for reading if you made it down here
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sapphosdickandballs · 3 months
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WAIT omg. im not gonna answer that ask you sent just yet about the book recs so they remain fresh in my mind omg. thank you!!!! AHH. im still very new to finding wlw books so like im trying to consume and find as many as i can?? like if it seems fruity im down. that sort of thing.
ive read a couple so far but nothing has really gripped me as much as "she gets the girl" and "one last stop" has. for some reason i just love those sapphic meetcute romcom feels idk lmao. def do rec. "She gets the girl" btw its literally so cute??? and i love molly and alex so much???? i could go on about their dynamic but most of it would consist of me just screaming (/pos obv)
for some reason its always just been such a struggle to find wlw books. ESPECIALLY as i was growing up and first realizing i liked girls. i ofc wanted to read ya wlw but the majority of what was out there felt strongly of just mlm rep. which isnt bad!! i understand thats needed for those who want it, but in terms to wanting to find something i can find relatable and enjoy thats not necessarily the content im trying to seek out.
which brings me to your ask!!! thank you!!! im definitely gonna see if my libby app has any of these. if you have any more recs LET ME KNOW TOO omg.
have you ever read gideon the ninth/tlt series?? i must know since we are on this subject.
I have been in a terrible reading slump lately mostly cause I like just reread seven husbands so I wanna take my time to find a good book, but if I read anymore wlw books I like I’ll tell you! I believeeee I read all of those books on Libby but she could be spreading misinfo
and yeah I feel you! I feel like a lot of the wlw books are like fantasy? And I like fantasy don’t get me wrong but I wish there was more rom com type books
Gideon the ninth is on my list, as is the criers war which I’ve heard from many people is good. I just need to get into a reading mindset (I say as I close out of my ao3 tab)
I haven’t read she gets the girl yet! I tried to start it but i was in a weird headspace so. I should try to read it again tho!
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flightfoot · 4 months
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Ur a pretty fair voice in my opinion when it comes to the whole mess in miraculous. Would you mind telling me what your favorite things are about Marinettes appreciation of Chat Noir in Canon? Not fanon, CANON.
I'm still grieving LadyNoir and recently I'm feelin very down in life in general and now I don't have my comfort show and ship anymore the way I used to love them for.
The way Marinette treats Chat Noir in and outta her transformation never stops hurting my poor broken LadyNoir heart n as much as I wished I could love the potential of her love for him as I once did, it just feels so paper thin and shallow to me now after everythin this show did.
The show is clearly trying to have her feelings for him be smth now, but for me it never seems to go beyond her infamous vague heart eyes the show likes to hav her throw around for damage control & surface level appreciation of his presence when she has to. But if you'd tell me that she still has no real feelings for him, I would believe u, cause he as a person doesn't truly matter at any given moment her words have to MEAN something more than a vague "<3" she's never asked to back up with anything worthwhile (srry, I know you've heard that complaint a million times before. It's at least comforting to know that others feel the same)
Wasn even her taking any interest in Chat for his person in the first quarter of season 5 only caused by Marinette wantin to proof Alya wrong and that her love for him instead of Adrien is real and valid? That's so disheartening...
Going through the tags isnt helping either, cuz most i find it is either much more fanon than Canon, or it's in line with Chat prrty much being her servant now instead of her finally giving care back
Idk, I hope I'm not bein too much of a downer. So imma get back to my question now. Maybe u can help me see Canon in better light again.
Could you tell me what you like most bout Marinettes and Ladybug's connection with Chat Noir? Things she does for him, what she values in him and so on and so forth?
I like the times we see her getting upset when Chat's hurt, or when she comforts him when he's clearly not feeling good. I adored how angry and upset she got in Timebreaker when Chat was "killed" in front of her for the first time, how she suddenly became more vicious. She doesn't want to lose him.
Or like, for times when she's comforted Chat, I adore how calmly and patiently she spoke to Chat in Reverser, after his courage was taken away, how she gently coaxed him where he needed to go. I took great solace in that, the first time I rewatched that episode, since I'd been exposed to a lot of Saltinette at the time, and I needed the reminder that Marinette does, in fact, care about people, even when it's inconvenient.
While I wish that Marinette had really thought through Chat's potential reaction to someone new showing up with her Miraculous without warning, I DID love that Marinette had this long list of protips. I especially liked this one:
Marinette: (v.o) Protip 33: When Cat Noir tells a joke, try to laugh at it even if it isn't funny. It makes him happy.
Even in episodes where I have a problem with the way Marinette conceives of Chat Noir, I generally still like elements of it. Like even in Ephemeral, while I think it was very, very wrong for her to try to trick Chat the way she did, she WAS doing it because she didn't want to risk Su-Han taking Chat's Miraculous from him. Or in Kuro Neko, when she didn't want to give the miraculous back to Plagg to give to Chat Noir, because she was afraid they'd end up back in this same situation, and she didn't want to keep hurting him.
At her core, Marinette cares about Chat's feelings and wants him to feel good, to be happy. The issue comes from her not seeing things from his perspective, from being terrible at reading him. Marinette has a lot of compassion towards Chat Noir, she just doesn't understand him.
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hiroshotreplica · 3 months
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im sorry you probably dont want this in your askbox but i dont really think it makes sense to talk about madness and leafi the same way for a lot of reasons. Idk maybe im just seeing a transgirl getting relentlessly dogpiled because of old screenshots and having an over-empathetic response but fuck man she was 13 when those screenshots were taken. Shes not even 18 right now shes crazy young for her level of play (like literally should be community banned for lying about being 13 for multiple years during splatoon 2 to get around discord community guidelines but thats a tangent). She said in her apology she was trying to fit in with a real shitty group of people she doesn't associate with anymore and fuck man im probably giving herself way too much grace cause i seeing a terrifying exaggeration of something i went through on a public scale but like people are editing HER face onto memes and talking shit about HER and constantly misgendering her when madness is not only an actual adult but has been ACTUALLY DOING THIS SHIT RECENTLY. im not saying the shit she was saying wasnt heinous but fuck man this isnt gonna help her and i dont want the dumass bullshit she said when she was a middle schooler to ruin the rest of her life. sorry for the white girl mental illness blast but there is important context in this ranty anxiety and projection goop
anon asked for a tldr for the situation w/ jackpot as a whole, which included leafi's part in the situation. as the post was about how jackpot as a team has made racist statements. i chose screenshots that put my point clearly, which just so happened to be screenshots with madness and leafi. i'll go more into it here, though
i did not mean to compare her to madness when including screenshots of her old statements. i was compiling the most blatant screenshots from the thread i had originally linked in a prior post. i was going to include other things, but didnt have the time to compile them and was beginning to get stressed about being the source of this info on tumblr.
i was also going to include this video of her saying racist statements in 2024, but i didnt want to include a twitter link for an anon that couldnt access twitter. im realizing i shouldve done so
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i do feel bad for her getting involved with a group of people THAT bad if she was truly that ignorant when she was younger, but thats where my sympathy ends. she still acted racist and still associated with clearly racist people even when she was older and more mature. ive learned since making that post that she was born in 2007. 16 is still an age where you should be mature enough to understand that those comments are racist, even with america's shitty public education system glossing over racism.
i definitely see why this can look like people dogpiling on a trans woman though, and the people doing memes and editing her into them in general about this situation are disgusting. i had no idea she was trans and that people were misgendering her. anyone making this situation about her being trans are awful and not people i stand by.
but all of that, including her being skilled despite her age, still doesnt forgive or erase her actions. nothing like that does for the other members of jackpot that have also stated racist things. nothing like that does for any other comp splatoon player that has said anything similar. the apology she put out was needed, but from what ive heard from others, it wasnt the best. she is writing another apology, though, so it couldve just been rushed.
no one has to accept her apology, either. as a white person myself, im not one that should even be one to accept her apology. it wasnt an apology for me, and it isnt one for you, either (if you are white as you say but i might be misreading). people should not be painted in a negative light for not accepting her apology even if it were an amazing one.
the way some people are reacting to this situation is not okay, but she still did awful things that she should be held accountable for. the other guilty members of jackpot are not better than her, but theyve all still said fucked up things. none of them have done anything to prove they arent racist, and theres only more evidence coming out that proves that they have been, so its hard to process at the moment.
could things change? yes, of course, but as of right now, leafi has stated racist things as recent as 2024 and put out a poor apology trying to defend herself. people are handling it poorly and trying to make it about her identity and making memes on it when it is not the right thing to do. these racist claims are being put w/ other racist claims made by other jackpot team members so it was included in my tldr post about the entire situation.
i apologize for poor wording in this, im not the best w/ these kinds of posts
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itsbebebrainrotting · 7 months
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Okay so idk how qtubbo dying works (especially since we know he cant die because he isnt alive) but I think it probably is a "motivation to persist" kind of deal. Not a want to come back but a want to not shut down.
We know qtubbo has been suicidal for a long ass time but for a while he wasn't dying because he had to take care of sunny. He was one of the only people who could for a long while, and anyone else had their own kids to look after as well.
But then prison happened and sunny met her pop slime and the reset happened and she met her ma lenay and sunny (technically) had other people. And Tubbo didn't even have create, which was the only other way he really felt he could make himself useful. So he didn't really have a reason to persist anymore. A reason to stop his body from fully shutting down.
But he couldnt just die. So he spoke to the eggs and gave himself a challenge. A challenge he could use as an explanation to not come back. Limited lives No one else liked it but "it was what chayanne said and hes the boss". Or at least that what Tubbo would tell everyone.
And then he did die, he came back and he got a bit weird for a while before returning to a bit of a norm. But all of a sudden now Sunny isn't waking up. And sure, Tubbo has create but create wasnt his purpose in the first place. So why should he persist again?
Hes back on one life. And if you're mad then qtubbo wants you to blame Chayanne. It doesnt matter that there was no agreement this time around!
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