#she has been my best friend for a while
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it's just not going to work it feels bad but it has to happen but breakups that happen when nothing in particular has gone wrong and it's just an issue of like...paths in life/compatibility etc etc, where otherwise you actually rly do love the person, are so hard !! like i care for u i still want to be ur friend it just wont work in a romantic way !!
#its 1yr+ relationship too i care abt her so much#we just both deserve to feel fulfilled and i dont currently feel that way its not rly her fault i think we were just meant 2 be friends#and not lovers but somehow that makes it worse ?? like im glad im not on bad terms w her ofc i love her a lot#but it makes it harder to get over yk#....i hope we can still be friends idk idk !!#she has been my best friend for a while#breakup happening in 1 week from now. i keep delaying this decision but it rly rly has to be done#we r just...fundementally missmatched and we both need to be w ppl who we can grow with#i think we could grow together if we were just friends but aughh its sl ahrd ik being friends after a breakup rarely ever works out#my friends say its like a 50/50 chance if u break up on good terms#anyway being the person doint the breaking up is hard !!!#also i have been doing kind of super badly recently and i think i need some time to figure stuff out w my own mental health too
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i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D
#undertale yellow#uty#my art#<- ifg#spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad#that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways#CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO???#i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly#but THE CUTSCENES?!?!?#JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD#ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO#LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD#BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK.#AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE#n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of#everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS#WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING#AAND THE GROUP HUGG#I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD#AND THE FUCKOGN#THE F U C K I N G#AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD#to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho#and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump#just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece#anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way#this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to#oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig
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Happy Hobbit Day! (I almost forgot and it's technically well into the 23rd where I am right now, but I haven't gone to bed yet since waking up on the 22nd, so we'll say it counts.)
I think if Boromir had survived he should be allowed special permissions to go into the Shire to see his friends in their native habitat after everything is over.
Transcription:
Shire border security guard: "Sir I don't think you can bring those out with you..."
#boromir#the man the myth the legends#one shiny#canon is great and all but what if#/end classification tags#just letting y'all know i'm alive also#i survived the move and stuff has been happening#i got a kitten to keep the calico company since she was getting lonely#i know i vanished for a while there but in fairness i've been gone for longer of periods of time before#anyway i didn't do much for hobbit day personally but i did go for a walk with my best friend and went shopping for food so#those are both hobbit-adjacent activities
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a current day nils and a 90s college student nils who's way too intense about his internship walk into a bar
#hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii nils hiiii 💗🤭#let me get my important tags out of the way so i can write you a novella in the rest of them#ts4#ts4 cas#ts4 edit#the sims 4#nils#i've been exploring his character 🏃♂️#his full name is nils pelletier he's from canada originally he went to nyc for college and stayed there forever#he didn't grow up with much but he was really good at school so he got a scholarship and he was very very determined to become rich#he interned at frankie's dad's company and was offered a full time position after he graduated yayy you made it. i guess :| (evil company)#he's always been very stern very serious very quiet he's never had many if any friends. he was a deeply unhappy child#his parents weren't even bad they're nice and supportive and tried their best#he was married and has one son but he hasn't been married for a while. i don't know if it's divorce or death or what yet#it was the first girl he ever had a relationship with and he was also her first relationship#a very dull marriage but again not a bad one. she was nice and supportive and tried her best#it seemed like it was what they were supposed to do. get married and have a child bam done you did what was expected congrats#they barely ever even argued it was just. well loveless seems a harsh word. and 'well they were friends at least' seems untruthful#anyway he often has to be frankie's handler because frankie's dad is his boss and he does what he's told always#frankie's really difficult though
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I'm not allowed to be on social media for more than two seconds today but I just wanted to say that Laios will absolutely have his own reaction to all this as someone who would die for Falin but has also imprinted on Marcille as his Emotional Support Comphet White Girl Not-Girlfriend along the way
#a little creature#sometimes i look at the way i want marcille to be the closest thing hes ever had to a girlfriend but in a 100% platonic way and im like#is this what they mean by queerplatonic or have i just never had a dude best friend who wasnt like. a super fruity gay twink#anyway its gonna be as hard on him as it is for us bc he loves them both so much#the most important women in his life bar none#marcille probably slapped him when she got back tho. like she just saw his face and all the misdirected anger at him 'taking falin' just#rose up and burst again#its ok tho. you know she immediately broke down crying in his arms again blubbering incoherently bc she felt bad but also shes still mad#and she just doesnt know what to do with herself#the hardest part about this fic is that like. there are SO many juicy things going on offscreen#but. i have to breathe deep and keep calm and let them happen out of falin's POV#the ryoko kui method. what happens in the story happens and what happens outside can be explored in extras if need be#edit: also just figured out why ive been chafing a *little* bit against ppl assuming that it's the fear of falin dying that motivated#marcille's denial of her feelings so far#bc it's technically true but something just didn't sit right and i didn't wanna say anything until i figured it out#in little creature she has in part already realized that falin's passing is going to hurt no matter what she does right now#bc she's already passed the threshold of preemptive grief and sealed her own fate by how much she cares about falin#so it's not really... about that as much as it would have been during the canon story#it's just that. to acknowledge that she has romantic feelings for falin means recontextualizing their relationship in a way where#she has been the one hopelessly chasing while falin didn't realize/ignored her for the most part#and she couldnt allow that to be true both bc she couldnt bear to make falin the 'villain' in her love story#and bc she subconsciously knew the scope of pain would be too much for her to handle#so now my problem is. how do i make that clear in the fic from falin's POV without getting too heavy handed about it
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lately ive been thinking about the contrast going on in Early Lime where hes like "tbh im pretty sure i could have any girl i wanted including mochi i mean i guess if she wanted we could give it a shot one day but i dont really care lol" and then very easily becoming completely unhinged for her the second he gets a tinge of romantic affection
#lime: yeah mochis not a huge deal i mean were friends#af (after affection) lime: *needs to dunk his head in the sink at least once a week trying to snap himself out of thinking about her*#anyway. its been a while since them i miss them#my recent development is taking away limes mochi cuddle time#it makes more sense for the slow burn if he cant cuddle with her whenever he wants#starve him#lime: (why would i like her shes so plain shouldnt i be with like some supermodel or something ??)#lime: (the kind of person everyone wants but cant have??)#also lime when mochi smiles at him: (i want to kiss the shit out of you)#i think there something about limes family where being a goldwood means being expected to be a cut above#where its ingrained they should only be/settle for the best of the best#so lime catching feelings for this (pre-reveal) very normal and plain forgettable girl that no one else seems to give a shit about..#...is a struggle for him#tiramisu thinks its laughable because the goldwoods arent part of the magic community#she thinks its hilarious how they are lowkey obsessed with being successful and top-notch when they literally have no idea whats going on#i dont think the goldwoods are even especially rich#maybe its just one of those (parents being hard on you so you can have a better life than they did) kind of things#but they are known to be a well-connected and beautiful family#any goldwood you meet i the prettiest person youve ever seen#i wonder if they were disappointed or proud of lime when they found out he joined the capitol guard#his sister became a dentist#maybe it was one of those (why would you join the military...youre going to struggle...)#and then he tells them his paycheck and all of a sudden theyre like (we're so proud!!!)#(the capitol guard in general has pretty normal pay but the m-34th gets way more as a specialized unit)
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I'm on an OC kick and also super indecisive so I spun a wheel (thank you for choosing for me, RNG).
Ricardo is a body guard and is bffs with Marlo. Ricardo's current job is watching after a celebrity's daughter who the public doesn't know even exists. She's just a teenage girl vibing with her mom and getting texts and calls from her dad (who loves her a whole lot and keeps her out of the spotlight very purposefully) and has this bodyguard and his weird friend. Marlo is just vibing with his best friend.
(Also Marlo would absolutely laugh if he heard Ricardo say "someone called me eye candy and it wasn't you and now I think you should call me that")
#my characters#i have an ask in my inbox that has me obsessively thinking about drawing fanart#but i just dont have the energy for what i want to draw for it#its been a rough day guys im dying (allergies and lacking sleep)#(why are allergies so bad today i ask after shoving my face into a cat while knowing im allergic to cats)#there are some prices i will always suffer and pay in life and the cat allergy is one of them you cant keep me away from a cat#im shoving my face in their fur and you CANT STOP ME FROM IT and also they kept bothering me#anyway i got to bed at like 6am after a lot of zoomies and restless legs and then#woke up with both cats in the guest bed with me and man i will not know peace for a few days#worth it tho bc i love them and i will take suffering if it means cattention#i dont really have much to say about the ocs tbh theyre just buddies being guys and then theres a teenage girl sometimes#and people suspect ricardo is her dad and she cant really say no my dads (celebrity) since thats the entire point of rico#so she makes sure its not troublesome for him to have people assume things like that and hes just#idc im in love with my best friend and hes not giving me any kids so not like anyone will start drama if im not with your mom#but he is also ! friends with the celebrity and his wife so he does just go on Family Outings with the wife and daughter#and sometimes marlo because the wife knows of him and invites him sometimes but she treats#rico and marlo like sons instead which is a bit weird to the daughter but she likes her weird fake brothers slash dad and question mark#marlo dyes his hair pink if that matters and has been doing so for a v long time
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Here is lady pics from when I was MIA
#alek insanity#using this time to rant about my personal life. my dad had a medical emergency but he should be coming home soon#i spent a while at my aunts house it was fun they have a cat named harold hes so fatness#my stepmom has been staying with my dad up there and magically our heater broke#the hvac guys came (like 10 minutes ago) but they cant really fix it it just needs 2 be replaced atp.#and its been getting below freezing these past few days behhh#but its all good bc im gonna get popeyes soon#doodle (the lady) is sitting on my as i type this#and i decided to start drawing everyday !!! around 2 hours at a time is my goal. i used to draw until id get numbness in my arms#carpal tunnel speedrun? but ive realized its best for my joints if i draw for 1-2 hours. also if i draw everyday im more motivated#ive been trying to pace more too. i used to get 10k + steps a day but kinda. stopped doing that. oopsieeee. just aiming for better habits#fixed my sleep schedule too behhh#my friend has a christmas party on the 21st so im excited 4 that. also christmas in general bc im gonna get a new laptop#mine barely works and is held together with duct tape 😭 and im gonna get a ton of money#my friend is planning a h×h zine so thats exciting + there's a lot of ninjag0 ones around the corner. big things brewing#i think next year will be a good year. this year kinda... started off really shitty#hoping to get my drivers liscense next year. ive been studying for my permit but stuff keeps getting in the way#Also im gonna get new glasses soon after TWO YEARS hfgdhd . idk the future looks bright yall#and i got this fatness woman on me rn so happy times now too#shes trying to sleep on my leg . but ... i have to eat food ... doodleee lady
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made Luffy and Law in tomodachi life like a week ago and im testing their compatibility with the girls (cant be gay in this game 😔) and while luffy best love compatibility is with a gnc lass named Jade Azhure aka Captain aka the fucking sea as person. he has little to no love compatibility with the rest of the girls which is so funny! He also has a 100% friendship compatibility with a guy called hamster (full name Pikimin Popuko).
Law on the other hands as a +90% love compatibility with four ppl including my fucking wife. (my wife and i love compatibility is 40%…..) why is he so popular??? is he going to steal my wife??
Law and Luffy friendship compatibility is fine, they haven’t met each other yet tho, living next to each other.
also bonus:
#undescribed#idk how divorce works in the game but I feel like after having 8 children with me my wife can’t go leave me for law. even though she would#have my full support. also anyone wants to know my family drama in tomodachi? my daughter is married to mod and her bestie is teru.#mob is head over heels for her but my girl has been considering divorce for year. I won’t let her tho cause its mob himself like cmon.#im waiting on grandchildren but i don’t feel like that will happen fjdjdj#mob and tsubomi dated a while back but they broke up and now he’s family. mogami and reigen are best friends.#sans is dating my oc gen which is just amazing as a concept. marshall lee is dating an old lady called granny justice. full name:#June Victoria. annnnd yeah. voilà.#i love this game
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New OC dropped
Well I say new I actually have had him since I was in high school. But I remade him, his names Jeremiah Stein and he’s a mess of a human being.
He might be a super genius but he’s dumb as a box of rocks. Excels in engineering and robotics though.
He’s neither a hero or a villain though he is teetering more on the villain side from choices he’s making. A potential love interest might coax him fully to the dark side.
In the mean time he’s going to continue making sentient robots to fill a void… and also for free labor, but he doesn’t talk about that.
#my art#been a while since I’ve posted art#don’t mind me as I fall in love with my ‘super hero’ universe all over again#been watching this boy make bad decisions since he was 15 smh#his best friend and super hero Amy is tired of his shit and doesn’t know what to do#I’ll have to do a redesign for her too#love her she’s grumpy and angee but she does actually like helping people#Jeremiah used to help her a lot but they’ve been falling out due to who he has been working for#which is unintentionally pushing him more towards being a villain#bleh I could talk about them for hours given the chance#thanks for coming to my Ted talk#my oc#Jeremiah Stein
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✨When you get this, list 5 songs you like to listen to, publish. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite accounts (Positivity is cool)!!🎶✨ /nf
AHHHH CAITIE ☹️❤️ thank u for thinking of me ☹️❤️ u are the awesomest ever 🫶 choosing just five songs was very tough !!! i ended up just choosing 5 of my all-timers :)
#maybe 5 of the best songs ever made#engine notably was my post-grad song this past spring#like i listened to it constantly while pre-grieving all my friends moving off campus and out of town/state 😭#it’s so excellent…#sun bleached flies is maybe my fav off preachers daughter??? but it’s very hard to choose#every song is insanely good on there#album of all time#my biggest flex is i’ve been listening to ethel since 2019#like i’m obsessed with her#i can and i will another post-grad song another song of all time#searows is so underrated everyone should listen to him#his music is so beautiful and he has like no bad songs#sex the 1975 is just like. one of my top 3 of all time.#i think matty healy needs to either become a recluse or die#but god damn#he has made some great tunes#and fatal !!! my fav song ever probably#she and i have so much history…#miw has been one of my fav bands forever they really carried me through middle school#and fatal is their best song and it’s so underrated it makes me so sad#anyway#thank u caitie !!!#not self ship#rye responds !
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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Tears in my eyes and a forced smile on my face as I try to ignore the crippling agony I get cursed with monthly
(Keeping it together cuz I genuinely don't have the energy to lose it)
(No I am not a werewolf)
#remus lupin#🤝#me#and all pussy bleeders#i cant even stand up to get drugs cuz i don't know if I'll make it back into my bed#cant go to sleep cuz the pain is crazy#i say that like i sleep anyway#or like i dont go through the same thing every month#literally just watching marauders edits on tiktok#scrolling though my saved#marauders era#periods#ugh#soneone get me a james potter#i just wanna be loved😭😭😭#i never loved anyone more than i love unhinged cr reg defending james#also cr james and sirius and remus#and also any fic of james and sirius being unhealthily codependent#idk if my bestfriend is still my best friend and im lowkey losing it#i cant tell if im going crazy or if shes genuinely a bitch#like i love her but damn has girl been pissing me off lately#but sometimes i get in a i hate everyone mood#and i love her sm but idk if i can trust her#and i just love pandora😭😭😭#also rosekiller is everything to me#also james and remus friendship is my life#also im still in sm pain#also im having an existential crisis#idk who i kin rn#its been going on for a while now
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Sometimes I feel so left behind? My friends are in relationships or starting to date, and here I am, in love with a married man old enough to be my father. They're experiencing all kinds of firsts, and I've never even held hands with a guy.
#just caught up with my best friend of 8 ish years and she has a boyfriend now#I'm so extremely happy for her and she really likes him and he seems to really like her#but it's kind of messing with my head a little bit?#she's always been soooo against romance of any kind#while I was constantly crushing on someone she never liked anyone and thought me gushing over boys was gross#and she got a boyfriend first#I know that's probably such a horrible thing to feel and say#and I've tried to not feel it#but I cant#I guess I'm a little bit jealous but also not really? because I don't actually want a boyfriend I just like the idea of one#I'd go out with S in a heartbeat but he's not a realistic option for me#and I guess it really sucks because all the things that make me nervous about a relationship with anyone else like#kissing or sleeping together or just *being* together#don't make me nervous when I think about doing those things with him#like 100% realistically if he wasn't married and he kissed me I wouldn't freak out like I would if a dude my age did#I don't know what the FUCK this says about me but#anyways#male teacher crush#teacher and student#teacher crush#teacher crush community#male teacher x female student#teacher x student#male tc#teacher cc#s#teacher confessions#teacher crush blog#teacher crush confessions#male teacher
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i may be doing something slightly problematic wrt my friend group but like it’s for the plot and i know nothing’s gonna come out of it so it’s fine
#one of my best friends at university has his friends from high school in town rn and so we’ve all been hanging out for the week#and like. ngl one of them is very cute and we hit it off and i got his insta and i think he might also like me maybe#like idk i don’t want to get cocky esp bc my other best friend said that she was told he can be a bit of a flirt with everyone but like#who caaaares he leaves in like three days i can have fun while he’s here right if we both know nothing is going to come out of it#idk like i’m not sure what i’m expecting to happen anyway but at the very least i get a friend out of this if nothing else#but like. i think i’m going to make it my mission to hang out w him one on one just once before he leaves#just like for funsies#and like in all honesty in the back of my head i’m like what if i get my first boy kiss this week. what then#mari is irrelevant
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oversharing in the tags time :)
#i think it’s time i go back to therapy#i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend#or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out#backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my#bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy#anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown#it happened just after high school and i was sooooo … unwell. wasn’t out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc#(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf#and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time we’d been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went#to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel#so she started dating a guy. didn’t tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him#then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward#she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times#start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didn’t like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted#in feb 2023. we had tickets for#mcr in march. i had to text her cause she’d blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether she’s there or not#she said ‘yeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too 😎’ she used that fucking emoji#and I haven’t spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man#so I still worry about her#writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better#but I just want closure. it isn’t fair she replied so casually to my text when I said ‘you’ve blocked me’#it isn’t fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK#anyways. I need therapy to get over this#and I haven’t even written about my family issues (im#out and they’re supportive but my god they fucked me#up as a kid)#if you read this hi 👋 hope you are having a lovely day#don’t get in lesbian situationships!!!
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