#she had our back CONSTANTLY
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Replaying Queen B and oh my god yeah no we did not deserve the angel that is Zoey
#she had our back CONSTANTLY#she seriously stuck by us literally the minute she met us#she put up with so much shit for us#Zoey is goated#zoey wade#queen b#choices queen b#qb#choices qb#choices stories you play#playchoices#choices stories we play#pixelberry#pixelberry studios#playchoices fandom#choices stories you play fandom#choices stories we play fandom
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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.
#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#primrose everdeen#hunger games#batcavescolony reads the hunger games#suzanne collins#'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl#and this isn't negative just bffr girl#your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is#old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU#...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in#CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the#reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously#shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent#so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to#district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie#and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give#them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like#some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12#cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact#that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good#these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the#hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to#comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but#of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.
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early series Wolfe and students dynamic is insane. he wants them all to fuck off forever. he sees his younger self in them. he’d rather be doing anything else. he’ll throw hands with anyone who threatens them. he sent two of them home on the first day by random chance and didn’t care. they’re the future of the library. they’re just kids. he’ll take a bullet for any of them without hesitation. if he has to answer one more stupid question he’ll walk into the sea and never return.
#solreefspeak#the great library#i maintain that he is a decent professor and a very smart person but he is NOT a good teacher lmao#reminds me of my third grade teacher who complained about us to our faces constantly#and one day she got so tired of our stupid questions that she straight up walked out of the classroom#and we just had a sub for half the day until she came back and she never mentioned it again#that said i think the difference between her and wolfe is that she would probably have sent us into a war zone with zero hesitation
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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known we were a system for about 7 years now, probably been a system for far longer, and just realised. we got an intrusive self-fakeclaiming thought today and laughed it away
#it does get better it does get easier eventually you will not fear being wrong or out of place#the thought felt like it just rolled away like a little creek washing over stones#it used to be a tsunami size wave that would throw us around and leave us feeling like we're not fitting in or even in the right place#and now we're just. solid and sturdy and the water's calmed to a tiny trickle#this is the first self-fakeclaiming thought we've had in i think months#and honestly probably only brought on by very new system members not being used to being alone in front#(it's rare for us. we're almost always cofronting. but sometimes it happens and it's so jarring)#rejecting the idea that we could possibly be faking this gives us this massive sense of wholeness like. this is who we are. and it's right#it feels right it feels like. we're real again. we're healing and able to learn. we're doing better. we feel whole like this#sharing this body with a million others will only ever bring us joy this is home this is love this is healing this is right#i love being plural#i love having a system#i love my headmates#we're so so close to hitting our real milestone of being functionally multiple#our challenge kinda. the goal we have to say Yes we feel we have functional multiplicity now#is to just. be able to connect all the sidesystems and have dormant people come back now and then and recover lost headmates#(TOBY WE *WILL* FIND YOU EVENTUALLY)#and it's starting! we've discovered people from BEFORE the syscovery we've brought back Blank and Ro multiple times#we talked to Bee once!!!! Bee literally hasn't fronted since fucking 2020!!! AND BEATRICE CAME BACK AND SHE'S TALL NOW??#and Siren came back!!!!!!! he was so so so fucking scared of falling out of the front rotation bc he thought he'd be lost forever but!!!!!#system wise i cannot believe how far we've come EVERYONE can feel the difference Ro and Blank get shocked by how much more cohesive we are#they were used to a constantly terrified proxy host and gatekeepers that loved to section stuff off and no communication#now it's like walking into a real place for them. they aren't used to headspace being this solid#when we started out WE DIDN'T HAVE ONE we had to manually build it and it took so long and so much focus#now it's as easy as closing our eyes#god i fucking love this im so happy right now
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Hate having adhd went to go work on my fallout modpack, got distracted while going to disable the steam overlay, ended up in the points shop, went to go edit my profile, decided to change my pfp, found a buried folder I forgot existed, found some old Veneer art I forgot existed, spent 45 minutes looking at all the old photos, STILL HAVE NOT TOGGLED ONE SIMPLE OPTION THAT SHOULD'VE TAKEN 30 SECONDS AT MOST
#I'm shocked I have these drawings scanned on my pc I don't remember doing that I must've done it before I left in case my mom threw all my#Art out again#Anyway at age 12 I was writing a better '3 merpeople go on land to find a 4th one that has been disguised as a human all his life' story#Than Ma/ko Merm/aids EVER did so uh. Take that Jonathan#God it sucks so bad that kid me would've LOVED MM if it just DIDN'T HAVE THE STUPID GENDER WAR BULLSHIT#Literally the entire first and second season is just. So fucking stupid. I wrote a God damn essay about how they fumbled Erik's story SO BAD#I don't even LIKE Erik BUT THEY DID HIM SO DIRTY#THE CHARACTER POTENTIAL AND WRITING COULD'VE BEEN BETTER THAN ZANE B. S1 OF H2O BUT THEY THREW IT AWAY AND FOR WHAT!!!!!!!#Seriously you're telling me a kid who was abandoned his entire life for being male didn't have a bigger impact on the pod than FUCKING ZAK?#That plot twist of 'oh actually Zak was a merman all along' was 100% so they could guilt free write Erik out#Instead of like. Having him face his actions or redeem himself in like. Any way. He just fucks off. THEN the pod is like lol Zac were sorry#We're sorry for literally not doing anything to you because you were privledged enough to have a mother who was super ultra powerful#So you were never really affected by our actions until JUST now. Unlike that other fuckface Erik who suffered his whole life alone#Also then in s3 there are STILL no mermen in the pod. Not even little mermen babies. No kids and teens they've welcomed back n apologized to#NOTHING#God. Mm pisses me off dude#AND I STILL HAVENT TOGGLED THAT FUCKING OPTIONS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#Cruddy rambles#God I'm not done I'm sorry fallout can wait YOU ARE TELLING ME THE GUY WHO TELLS US HOW SHITTY MERMAN BABIES R TREATED BY THE POD. IS NOT#THE SAME ONE THE POD APOLOGIZES TO IN THE SEASON FINALE BECAUSE THEY WROTE IN A SHITTY PLOT TWIST?#AUUUUUUUHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#It's so bad. It's so fucking bad. It's so needlessly gendered and for what. They could've just had 2 rival warring pods#What pisses me off the most is that s3 (4) completely pivots and never really follows thru with the s1 and 2 story arcs#The writers just kinda wash thsir hands of that because 'hey the pod said sorry to zac' BUT THEN NOTHING ACTUALLY CHANGES!!!!#Maybe instead of having a constantly rotating cast of characters s3 (4) could've instead focused on Ondina and Erik's relationship a bit#Maybe have Ondina tell him she wants to just stay friends because she can't trust him. Have him IDK grow and change as a character?#Maybe so you can show kids nobody is born evil and we all need support systems and healthy relationships to grow and become better people??#THAT would've been a GOOD FOLLOW THROUGH#But no instead u just write him out of the show and never show any OTHER mermen who were exiled being welcomed back#Like u had Ondina becoming a teacher... Why not have Zac become a teacher for all the new mermen who were just recently welcomed back??
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#i literally this close to ruining a friendship with confessing my feelings for my friend 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣#i mean it's kind of a well known secret that i have feelings for her :)))))#tonight i drank some wine and we had a convo about how im waiting for her and if she'd asked me out i would be to shy to say anything at all#and all that shit. the usual back and forth halfhearted flirting we've been doing for years#but it's fuckin killing me right now because a few months ago i realized i actually do have feelings for her :DDDD#and like. she knows it i just never said it outright. but she fuckin knows. everyone fuckin knows who knows us that there's something lmfao#and im literally this close to just telling her it all#and im pretty fuckin sure that would ruin everything because she's been together with her boyfriend around the same time we met :)))#and even if she has feelings for me then what bro? she'd never drop him and I don't think our friendship could go on if i confess :)))#even though it super obvious:)))))#i dont even know what im taking about anymore im just fuckin sad and heartbroken bro#I've only had deeper feelings twice and both were for my best friends who are in relationships#but oh my god this time it feels so much fucking worse#i ghosted her last a week because i just couldn't deal with constantly feeling like shit and being jealous every time she mentions ger bf#AND IT FEELS LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT TO NOT BE HAPPY FOR HER??? SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND I SHOULD BE HAPPY FOR HER HAPPINESS#BUT I CAN'T BE A 100% HAPPY AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY AND BAD#i just need like a car or sth to take me out bro i can't do this 🥲🥲🥲#I just want these feelings to go away oh my god how many months will it be#i really feel like I can't keep this to myself anymore. and that would just ruin everything#oh my god just kill me#ÁGNES IF YOU SEE THIS FUCKING POST THEN NO YOU DON'T#not like I don't cry to you about this every 3 days#anyway im sorry. next year i will get to the requests in my inbox aye? :'DD#shut up vivien no one cares
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my favourite subject at school was theology not necessarily because of the subject itself but because both the teachers i had for it were like sitcom characters. one of them was this blisteringly sarcastic 90 year old guy who made us all watch "passion of the christ" in class (i assume to weed out those who weren't sufficiently committed to the subject), and the other was this kind of goth/punk lady with purple streaked hair who drove a harley davidson to school and claimed to be on the run from the KGB
#she would constantly drop completely unhinged details about her life into the conversation#and we'd all be like HI can we go back to the bit where you were shot in the thigh/had a friend get possessed by a demon/ate human flesh?#and she'd be like oh it's a boring story really. you don't want to hear it. back to the lesson#on our last day she was like btw this isn't even my real name anyway good luck in the exam!#i still don't know how much of it was true and how much was just her being incredibly committed to the bit#be shh now
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hey guys i think im out of the trauma spiral my ex-quadmate put me in <- he is, in fact, not out of the trauma spiral his ex-quadmate put him in
#minding my own business when i out-of-nowhere remember the multiple times she caused me to panic by dumping a lot of heavy#terrifying things onto me which made me terrified of enjoying any free-time i had because “what if something goes wrong while im away”#it threw me full-force back into my “im going to sleep all the time” phase because. at least towards the end i was terrified all the time#because at any point something could go Wrong and i would have to fix it#she broke the promise we made about telling each other about any quadrant stuff#and entered a moirallegience with someone without fucking telling me#she got mad at me for doing what she wanted because. fucking thats just a thing shes allowed to do#left me to think she killed herself twice despite the fact she was watching me the entire time while i fucking panicked#and then said she “didnt want to/didnt enjoy it” as if it just HAPPENED and she didnt fucking Plan that#knowingly put me under tremendous stress despite knowing i have a cardiovascular condition that has placed me in heart attack-range before#reportedly shit-talked me behind my back the entire time we were together (and i whole-heartedly believe the person who told me#because thats the kind of shit she did)#and nobody else in her system even thought to say “oh yeah lol this is like. bad. this guy is being abused by our sysmate”#i went for almost an entire year in invisible on discord because i was terrified of people messaging me#i STILL have all discord sound notifs turned off because it makes me panic#i barely spoke with my friends and had to constantly check discord /while in school/ because of her#and like. even disregarding all the shit she did to ME. she was just a fucking awful person#just. genuinely terrible to be around#but yk#whatevs
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HOWEVER !!!!!!!!!!
#i recognize that not everyone we're soulmates with are meant to be in our lives forever#sometimes it's a couple years. sometimes a lifetime. sometimes it's days. regardless i'm doing better than i was then#in so many ways#but i have a lot more growing to do of course. as we all do. i've been trying to reflect. i constantly feel drained and i haven't had a job#idk what's wrong with me or what to do with myself or my life man#it feels like i'm a chrysalis#i'm in this cocoon barely existing while i think and grow#but i hardly feel human or like i exist and i haven't since my dad died#and i lost rae and my home and my friends and their cats and all their family members at once#i feel like i took a ride on the wings of another only to come crashing back down. but with way more knowledge and experience than before#because i'm in the same spot. living with my mom again. it's not that big of a deal ik it's almost impossible to get your own place now#but i'm not spending so much on food and eating way too much anymore#and i'm not as stressed daily as i was living there#i can't say it was better than here. but i miss it#i don't think i'd trade it though. i'm content here in comparison. i just wish some days that she had stuck by me#but it's okay. she wasn't in love anymore and knew our differences#i'm a lot better now it's just hard to look at it all in the mirror#personal#words
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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if i go to jail for strangling my brother, just know he tried to kill me first by bringing over his girlfriend 's cat all the time, knowing i'm allergic
#me talking#vent#rant#for legal reasons this is a joke#but seriously i have not been able to smell and/or breathe right almost all year cuz of them#the excuse is her door doesn't lock so she's afraid the dogs might hurt the cat#BUY A FUCKING LOCK#OR STAY AT HER HOUSE TO WATCH THE CAT AND NOT COME TO OUR HOUSE#like i was nice at first about it cuz i thought it would be an infrequent thing and that he'd keep up with cleaning his room#but the cat lives in his room half the time now and he doesn't keep up with cleaning#and i'm just constantly stuffy and feel on the verge of being sick a lot of the time#and i had to renew my asthma inhaler prescription for the first time back in the spring#after not needing it for like 7+ years#and when i once asked him to vacuum his room while his gf could hear#apparently that upset her and 'made her not feel welcome here' and that i had to apologize#i did not apologize cuz fuck you! you're the ones not allowing me to breathe in my own home!#my brother is a fucking idiot#i'm so tired of playing nice with them#i might just send him a link to how cat dander travels along with where to buy door locks#i hate my brother sometimes i really do
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realized ricky is not only canonically polyam, but rep for polyam survivors who are abused for being poly, and i am having a lot of feelings about that which i plan to write up a post about but also wow in hindsight it put some shit from an abusive ex-friend into perspective.
#whosebaby talks#SDMItag#abuse cw#polyphobia cw#there is just. still a lot that i am unpacking about how deeply abusive her muses were in ~healthy relationships~ with mine#which was really fucked up to put me through by itself but was also *deeply* telling about our friendship in general#a major aspect being how she constantly went back and forth between being very clear that she was repulsed and disgusted by my queerness#and pretending she never said that; while playing olympic-level gymnastics for any possible bullshit alternate explanation she could find#and i'm just like. in hindsight it has become deeply cathartic to write/engage with stories where the polyphobic abuser#is openly and intentionally and maliciously abusive; and framed as such#after the relentless gaslighting and queerphobia of ~healthy OTP relationship~ where a poly muse i had put a lot of myself into#brought up the subject of whether his partner would be alright with him pursuing a relationship over feelings he was Just Starting to Have#and wanted to get ahead of things and ask the moment it became relevant; specifically because he knew the partner had jealousy issues#and the poly person Absolutely Fucking Daring to Have Even the Beginnings of a Crush at All Without His Permission#sent the partner into a massive wailing nauseous spiraling self-harming world-ending inconsolable breakdown#and going practically catatonic with jealousy and ~pain and betrayal~#and the ~healthy resolution~ was the poly muse apologizing profusely for it; comforting him; and promising it would never ever happen again#'he has BPD and jealousy issues and it hurts him sooooo so bad 🥺' i hope otto cheats on him with ten people and then dumps his ass#BPD doesn't make you abusive or polyphobic even if you're mono#and it's so fucking gross that her non-BPD-having ass used pwBPD as an excuse for passionately hating poly people#but yeah there was just. so so much more horrible shit along those lines just In General with those characters alone#and it was constantly dressed up in a veneer of ~healthy relationships uwu~ and in hindsight that's another reason#i have such an extremely strong reaction to 'no see this dynamic is good and home-grown organic wholesome and healthy uwu'#'[most abusive/bigoted/etc shit you have ever seen in your life]'#and why it is honestly such a fucking relief to be able to engage with a dynamic where the abuse is mask-off and openly Intended to Harm#just call me a slur and get it over with etc#anyway it's just. a Lot.#that person was a fucking nightmare and writing with them was a fucking nightmare#last i heard they were part of that fandom's resident anti crowd and mocking/harassing disabled people for dietary limitations lol#and i'm glad they're out of my life and that apparently i've got enough distance from them to be comfortable processing it through fiction
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"You're like my grandma's dog, Priscilla. Very sweet and tiny and will come up to you with her tail wagging, but almost constantly trembling with the biggest, saddest eyes." -My friend, talking about me. :')
#And after I started laughing he also made sure to mention that she barks a lot and is very loud.#I'm paraphrasing obviously as I'm not typing that whole convo from memory lol#He doesn't have a tumblr but he basically called me a “sad wet cat” and I had to share because that's just really fucking funny#he didn't mean it as an insult. he's fine. I gave him shit right back. I just wanted to share it as it's funny.#I'm weird about constantly making eye contact and that's already a joke within our friend group#It sounds like she's an elderly dog? She was a mutt so they don't know what breed she is but she looks like a terrier of some sort#Mad rambles
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today moodboard
#everything is pissing me off!!!#my roommatr who literally always goes on her phone or doesnt listen and then butts back into the conversation w a 'wait what' and expects us#to explain it to her. every single time#and the way shes like constantly thinking she knows better or more than us even on things i verifiably know more abt#i love her but omfg its so annoying#literally had to retreat to my room so as to not snap and ruin my life#but like. GOD. god. can you please listen to me when i talk for once in your fucking life#and think about the fact that ANYONE else exists and has an opinion#and actually regard us with importance#outside of pretending to be our mom#jesus fucjing christ
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Pining hell
#in recently memory i have not wanted something with the intensity that i wanted to close the distance of 5 centimeters and press our sides#together. we were SO close. gravity was literally on my side we were sitting in a playground slide hiding from the sun my legs were swung#over the side she sat at the base and all i had to do was relax a little and i would have slid right into her#and she would have let me#when i saw her again for the first time in years she called to say she was walking down the street towards me and we would see each other#soon and i ran. i wanted to see her so bad so i ran and we ended up on opposite sides of the highway with no crossing#hi#from across the telephone line#and we talked like that until we got to the traffic light and she crossed to meet me and i wanted to hug her and look at her all at once#i looked at her. she'd lost some weight. she wears flat shoes now instead of the heels she adores. she cut her bangs#some time between the shared plate of french fries and the rose bushes we walked past time started moving again and i thought about the#future. for once looking forward to it. where would i go? what would i do? i didnt know before but i knew then i wanted it to be with her#ive always kind of known that#i used to think about her constantly#over the years i thought about her less and less but still often enough to maintain contact#hi it has been *checks timestamp* SIX DAYS?!#only six days since i wrote all the above and istg i felt time slowing down and stopping the longer i went without her#until i just kinda. settled back into living without her#six days ago it was unbearable#now im just as i have been for the past several years#and its kind of sad seeing that play out#but also by nature of getting used to it i cant even really get sad about it#its like listening to someone else distant from me talk about a foreign concept#love‚ i think i understood it just a little bit a week ago#it seems to have felt great#i dont remember it all that well anymore#talking tag
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