#it threw me full-force back into my “im going to sleep all the time” phase because. at least towards the end i was terrified all the time

[possibly-eli]

hey guys i think im out of the trauma spiral my ex-quadmate put me in <- he is, in fact, not out of the trauma spiral his ex-quadmate put him in

[pinkykitten]

everything stays

chapter 1 - blood on her hands :: gisela klein [ an aot oc story ] 

note: hey guys i know its been a rlly long time since ive posted anything and u may be rlly let down and underwhelmed that ive chosen to write a aot oc instead of fanfic but its what i want to write and i rlly love my oc and wanna give her some love and some praise and let u a little in how i see her. im sorry i havent posted a lot im going to try to write more and who knows i may or may not finish this but its ok imma try lol but life sometimes is a butthole. i hope you love her as much as i do an tysm for taking time out of ur day to read this story. enjoy!

Even though she knew that this day would have to come and that it was near, it still was a surprise for her. She was taken aback. It didn’t make sense and add up to her; she was trained for this since she was little; preparing mentally and physically for phase one of the plan; and the day appeared through the trees; past the wall; the opportunity was present; the fate of the people were waiting in their hands; and yet she felt a sense of evilness within her heart. Was this right? But there was no time. 

The day was written down in history. The stories were spread around like a disease. Heights, jaws, teeth, feet, stench, the screams. If they survived that nightmare they were seen as a tough soldier; as someone that was applauded because they probably had PTSD and had to see everyday as a reason within themselves or God that they were alive. That maybe just maybe they were saved for a reason; for a purpose. That is what Gisela Klein thought. Maybe there was something greater out there for her to do, to accomplish and that was why she saw another day; breathed another breath. 

But one thing was for sure. Forgiveness would never come her way; she would never expect it. To be a warrior she had to endure the horror; the pain; feelings of worthlessness; and friendships lost. 

This is the story of the 10th finding titan; the Slash Titan.

The pounding of her heart rang through her ears. It had taken everything for her to keep going on this journey; to continue on the path to and through Hell. She felt a loss within her and the light in her eyes died out. The loss of her friend made it hard for her to function. To keep her head in the game and in the plan. 

She sighed as she stared at her hands. Broken and bruised like her heart; scars and scratches scattered on her skin. Her bite mark deeply engraved into her flesh. She heaved a huge sigh. Ready to give death a handshake and make a deal with the devil. Panic was rising in her chest from her stomach, almost ready to throw up. 

As she thought about her family back home she realized there was no other way; she had to do this. In order to be with her family, to save them she had to do the one thing she was trained to do. 

Kill.

A lightning strike shot over the wall. The wall that kept the monsters away and at bay. Something was wrong; the air seemed to change. The lightning strike caused a boom, clap and the ground started to shake. 

Bertholdt drew his leg back and with full force swung his leg forward, knocking a hole into the wall that was impenetrable. Many people flew back from the wind of the blow and some were crushed by the debris of the wall. 

Many were going to die; but it’s what needed to be done. 

The titans were called. 

Finally the titans entered the devils homes and started to rip up their lives. “This is right, this is right.” Gisela had to keep reminding herself. “For my family.” And something snapped within her. The image of her mother, tortured, flashed in her mind. And suddenly everything was worth it. “No regrets.”

Gisela eyed Reiner, an agreement, a sign. She exhaled and in a quick motion placed her hand to her mouth and bit into it. In a spark she transformed into her titan form. Her eyes were much like a cats, sharp. She was made into the slash titan, she was chosen for this program. Her titans fingers were like sharp knives, able to cut any object or person. They hung a little past her knees. 

Reiner then transformed and both stomped past the hole. Many citizens glanced up, horrified. Gisela and Reiner were titans never seen before. 

She nodded to Reiner, bent down and started to pick up debris and pieces of houses to throw over the bigger wall. The chunks started to smash against people. Blood splattering everywhere. Gisela almost wanted to close her eyes from the immense amount of dead bodies piled on top of others, graves upon graves. 

She was hauling boulders as high and fast as she could. Her titan held a high amount of power and strength. Being slim, muscular and as tall as the armored titan and female titan. Reiner took a step back and gained his speed to go onward to destroy the bigger wall. 

“Fire!” Their soldiers cried out. Fear evident on their face. They shot their cannons, not even slowing down Reiner. Gisela continued flinging, wanting to create a path for Reiner. She was faster than before and many of her hits flattened the men in the front lines. Their screams and cries loud. 

“Close the gate!” They tried, it was their last hope to save humanity. But it was not enough. Reiner broke the wall and killed those running and they went flying. They reached even higher than Gisela. It astounded her almost, they seemed like helpless birds flying high in the sky; but that thought was quickly wiped clean because the second they flew up in the air they came straight down with much force that many parts of their bodies broke. 

Reiner did what he needed to do, he opened up a way for the titans to get in and they were swarming by the bunches. 

In the distance, the survivors fled in boats across the river to get into the other walls. Gisela put herself in their shoes for a second. They had reason to be scared. Everything they have ever known was gone; their houses, loved ones, food, a place to feel the most comfortable you can feel despite situations; it was all gone. Gisela shook the thought out, not caring about these cruel humans feelings. They had none. No emotions. Gisela had to believe that thought; what she was told, she had to believe it with all her heart, or else what was real?

They waited till they were able to not be seen and Gisela turned human first and then so did Reiner. The four of them hopped on the boat. Talking amongst themselves. The wind howled through the vacant homes. Destruction everywhere. Gisela looked around her setting and saw a little girl had been crushed because a tree fell on her, her doll mere inches away from her grasp. She died with her eyes open; almost looking into Gisela’s soul through the eyes. Gisela’s body trembled and she threw up. 

“Don’t.”

Gisela looked up to see Reiner wiping blood and debris off his clothes. He picked his sleeve and turned Gisela’s head to look away, he wiped her chin and mouth off the puke. He saw the trauma in her eyes and felt guilty. But it’s what needed to be done. He kept telling himself that the more he did this the more he would understand and get used to it. It was still all new to her and he had to be strong for her. He knelt in front of her small frame. “It’s not your fault. They needed to die. We are in this together. You don’t need them. Look at me.”

Gisela looked into his eyes, away from the sadness. His eyes carried the feeling of wanting to be wanted. That was always what Reiner wanted. But they also had fear in his eyes. 

“Stop acting like you’re in control when I know how sick you feel. I know how afraid you are Reiner.”

He paused and took a look at his hands and others surrounding him. “You’re right. But I made a promise to Marcel.”

They joined the other citizens arriving at the food reserves. The master of disguise was needed in this mission. People needed to see four hungry, depressed children that survived the fall of their homes, not mass murderers. 

Annie was only able to fetch two loaves. “Alright, who's the most hungry?”

“You girls should eat, you’re more feeble.” Bertholdt sat on a crate, pointing to Gisela and Annie. 

Annie tsked, moving a bang from her eyes, “who says girls are more feeble? I recall kicking your ass all those times in training.”

“You guys can eat it, I’m not hungry.” Gisela sat on the other crate and saw the chaos of the crowds. A boy caught her interest. He had dark brown hair, tan skin, and light blue green eyes. He was having bread shoved in his mouth and he seemed to have such a strong personality to him. If only Gisela felt so strongly about her motive and her placement in this life. 

“You really should eat, you need your energy after all you did.” Annie broke all the loaves in half and shared it amongst the four of you. “It’s not much but at least it's something.”

Gisela sighed, “you’re right. Thanks.”

After that day there was land given to only a few refugees but there were too many of them. Luckily the four of them had a piece of land that was enough until further inching themselves within society. Through that whole span each day was getting easier and easier living with the lies and day by day Gisela felt more at sure with herself and knowing that she could fulfill this mission. Pills and alcohol helped the pain and ease the thoughts. She taught herself to put a gap between what she came here to do and feelings. She told herself every day that nobody else mattered except her family and Reiner. She trained her brain to not care, to not have strings attached or any love for anything. It was all a play, all a rehearsal for when the curtain would fall. She was readying herself for that fall. Everyday she educated herself more on these scums. What they liked, wanted, needed, craved for, and what they craved more than ever in their life was freedom. 

She trained her body as if it were her last day, barely getting sleep. The face of her mother haunting her every night making her get up at three in the morning to do pushups or sit ups. Not only was her mind getting stronger but also her body. Even Reiner would make jokes noticing the muscles that would appear. The six pack that formed on her stomach. Her thighs growing tight and firm, her arms growing stronger. The sweat growing on her forehead longer. 

With her body growing her relationship with Reiner also changed. They no longer were the tiny children that didn’t understand anatomy or the air between two people. Reiner and Gisela’s relationship was of being flirty, sharing a few kisses here and there, trying to be a couple but then yelling at each other and breaking it up and realizing maybe this isn’t right a million times. Even Bertholdt and Annie were getting tired of their outbursts. But each time they made up to be friends only and then the cycle started where the feelings came in the way and they wanted to be more. They would tease each other, especially Reiner. They were each other's best friends. Gisela was like one of the boys, loud, obnoxious, burping all the time, Reiner would get a look at her and smirk thinking he taught her well. When Reiner looked at her he felt at home and that everything was going to be okay. Her nightmares continued and each time Reiner would come to her room and hold her, let her cry into his arms. She felt he was the only person that knew her pain. 

Gisela understood many things in life and for once she understood her life here, she understood why she was born and chosen. 

It was the following year and in order to get closer to finding the founding titan the four became part of the 104th cadet corps. 

“Are you ready to train more?” Gisela nudged Reiner, eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean train more? This is going to be a new but scary experience honestly.” Reiner spoke as if he was a different person. As if he didn’t have a life outside of the walls. 

“Reiner?” Gisela placed her hand on his shoulder, steadying him. He looked fine on the outside but Gisela knew the issues were inside, his mind. She knew this was becoming disastrous to him, he was starting to have almost two personalities, two lives, two worlds, two people. Gisela tried to tell Annie or Bertholdt, they saw it too but there was nothing they could do. 

All that Gisela could do was smile as they made their way to the first day of training. 

note: again ty y’all sm!!!! If u liked it lmk and this is kinda new for me cuz I usually don’t post my ocs stories here or much at all but I’m rlly excited for y’all to see her and for y’all to know this oc of mine and hopefully accept her ❤️

Taglist: @witchofinterest @chlobenet @eddysocs @fpxloomis @whctsherncme-archive @ocfairygodmother @fandomchick80 @ocappreciationtag

[thefantasygirl3]

Sleep Deprived Regrets. Chapter 2: Trevor

genre/warnings: Hurt/comfort, Healing.

Words: 2 927

Summary: Once more, Habit is out and about in the habitat, this time after having sleep-walked. This time he finds himself having to cheer up a sad little werewolf.

Notes: Second chapter out. Not sure when I’ll be putting up another one. But I will try my best to make it, as this one proved to be a little bit of a challenge.  

The dentist gave away a big, relaxed sigh as he opened his eyes and let them meet with the sight of a clear blue sky. A sky that had a beautiful sun shining down onto him as he was laying down on something rather soft and comfy. Confusion finally washed Habit’s mind as he tried to recall when he had gone outside. Wondering where he even was, the man sat up from the ground and let his gaze move downward. He saw… a field? He was sitting in rather tall grass, tickling up against his own green fingers as he ran them across the gentle thin blades. Now even more befuddled than before, his tired confusion turned into a slight panic as he started darting his head around, trying to figure out where exactly he had ended up. Doing so, Boris could see… all of his Habiticians. They were all there too! They were sitting in the grass in small groups and were smiling and talking to each other, enjoying themselves in this beautiful sunny field. They were all looking so happy, handing out flower crowns to each other and trying them on rather gleefully. 

Habit was staring in shock at this sight, not able to believe what was happening. But his amazement was cut very short as he heard the grass beside him starting to rustle. Glancing to the side, he saw his ex-assistant walking over towards him with a wide smile on his face, casually settling himself down beside the taller green man. “Hey! Boris! I’m so glad to see you here! We were missing another person!” Kamal greeted his old boss as he gave him a welcoming smile, shifting giddily in the grass beside him while gripping another flower crown in his hands. Habit stared quietly at his old friend as he was so warmly spoken to, finding it rather confusing considering how they left of in a rather… unfriendly way. But despite that, he felt his cheeks starting to redden and a small smile growing on his face.  “Thank u, Kamal. Im verie habby to “be” hear with you! What hav u got der?” he giggled cheerily as he looked down curiously at the little thing the shorter man got in his little mitts. Giggling right back at him, Kamal reacher up and placed the pretty flower crown on the top of his head. Habit gasped and smiled brightly, laughing along with his friend as he took it off so he could take a whiff of that sweet flora smell.

Taking a deep breath in, he felt himself starting to cough gently. It didn’t smell sweet at all! It almost had a kind of heavy metallic smell. Continuing to cough harder, he threw the flowers away and tried to get a word out to the chuckling black haired man. As soon as his coughing fit was over, he opened his eyes and saw the flowers were now withering while producing some sort of gas out of them. Looking over to Kamal instead for help, Boris suddenly yelped and pulled himself away from the man who now had a toothbrush for a head, still laughing like a mad man.

Scrambling to get back up on his feet, he could now see that the air around him was full of that same gas. A gas he could easily recognize from his profession. And through the clouds he could see all the other Habiticians with their heads looking like various other objects, laughing just like Kamal was and starting to approach the scared man who was backing away from them in his pyjamas, which he didn't remember wearing earlier. Continuing to back away from them, he was suddenly met with a concrete wall and was now forced to meet with all the laughing object heads that were coming closer and closer. “No! Please don’t! Stay back! PLEASE! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!” he yelled at them all as he closed his eyes tightly in fear.

Habit’s eyes suddenly shot open as he stumbled backwards and landed on his butt, sitting suddenly in somewhat more familiar grass. Shaking off the shock, he took a moment to take in the surroundings of the carnival he now was in. “What the heck? Why am I down here again?” he asked himself perplexed as he remembered how he had left his room last night when he was unable to sleep. All he could do was assume that he had sleep walked down there again after having gone to bed. Yeah. That made sense to him. As he started to rise to his feet, his thoughts started swirling with the dream he had while wandering through the facility in his slumber. 

Wow that was weird! It all started off so great and happy! But… why would it turn so sinister and scary even though everyone were still enjoying themselves? "W-well it was just a dremm! Dreabs are silly and make kno sense!" Habit tried to tell himself nervously, not really sure how to handle the kind of emotions that dream stirred up in him. It made him feel a little bit unsettled and he just wanted to stop thinking about it. That's when an idea hit him. Last time he went out wandering like this, he found someone else awake and talked to them for a bit. Nat seemed to really appreciate that! Maybe, if he went out again around the apartments, he could do the same that night. 

Yeah. Yeah! That sounded fantastic! The perfect distraction! Feeling satisfied with his great idea, the brunette hurriedly rushed over to the gates of the carnival and made a sharp turn towards the staircase, almost losing his balance as he was running up into the apartments.

Finally he reached the top of the stairs and took a short moment to catch his breath. Maybe he was a little too excited to be talking to someone. He didn't do that a lot on the daily, so it was kind of understandable. But thinking to himself that he needs to calm down, the green man took another deep huff and started looking around the hallway with numbered doors. First thing coming to mind was Nat, since he had talked to her the night prior. Maybe she, just like him, was awake this night too! Reaching her door, he took a moment to hold his ear to the door to make sure she was awake, so he wouldn’t be waking her by knocking or something.

…

Nope. Nothing. Complete silence.

Letting out a disappointed sigh, Habit just turned away and headed down the turn leading towards the rest of the rooms he hadn’t passed. While he was passing a few more rooms, something finally caught his attention. He swore that he could hear the sound of a dog whining, which shouldn’t be the case. “A… dog???” Boris questioned to himself as he moved his ear around from door to door, trying to determine where exactly the pitiful cries were coming from. And soon enough, he could tell precisely where it was coming from and who was making that sound.

“Ah… Trevor Garbo, huh?” he muttered softly to himself as he thought over this current situation. “So, I’m outside the room of a whining teen who thinks he’s a werewolf. At night. After sleepwalking my way here… yeah, that’s about as normal as my usual life” the dentist concluded to himself as he kept hearing the young boy quietly howling inside his room in despair. Deciding this was now his problem, Habit reached out and gently gave his door a knock, trying to not chicken out and run back downstairs. He got a scared yip in response and heard the sound of a small thud. Oopsie doopsie!

He waited patiently for the boy inside to come and open the door for him, which happened after about a minute of shuffling around. Trevor looked up at the person that stood outside his room. He looked absolutely horrified at first, hiding behind the door as he muttered something panicked to himself about “Vampires” and “Smiling dead”. Habit peeked inside concerned as the boy kept mumbling about whatever it was that worried him. As his eyes shifted to the side to meet with the taller one’s, his fear seemed to turn more into sorrow as he became more quiet. After a few seconds of staring, he finally mumbled “... or it’s just Dr. Habit… Checking in on me or something”. He walked back inside his room, tiredly hanging and dragging himself towards the bed as he sat himself back on it. 

Right… Habit almost forgot that he’s not exactly a fan favorite in the habitat. Not sure what else he expected. “Why are you here?” The wolf boy asked the man who slowly entered the room cautiously while he wrapped his arms around his own legs, burying his face between his knees. The smile doctor froze for a moment, feeling unsure over how to respond to that question without sounding weird. 

“Well… I seem to be unable to sleep… and found myself wandering around the habitat. But I thought I heard you crying or something and I got worried. Is… Everything ok with you, Trevor?” he asked him nervously while continuing over to the boy and taking a seat on the bed beside him, looking genuinely concerned for him. 

Looking up at Habit slightly, he gave him this sad pout and just turned towards the window, staring up at the moon. “... no. It’s not! It’s not ok! Because apparently I’m not a real werewolf! I’m just “acting out” and “going through a phase”! Well then I guess all my other factual theories are all false too and EVERYTHING I’VE COME UP WITH IS ALL STUPID NOTHING AND A WASTE!” Trevor started rambling loudly, releasing his legs so that he could angrily shake his hand in front of his face. Now really worried because of the yelling, the older man waved his hands worriedly and stuttered something incoherent in an attempt to calm the boy.

Holy moley! Habit had at least expected him to be somewhat stand-offish or just say "fine" without any elaboration. He wasn't ready for an emotional explosion! It really stunned him, he had no idea what to say at all! He just kept sputtering random “W-well now-” and “No! No! Not at all!”, trying to make Trevor stop whining and growling loudly. The boy, after rambling in a small temper tantrum, finally let out an elongated whine while curled up into a ball on the bed, laying on his side. “Everyone is so ignorant. I am a werewolf. I just… can’t seem to transform, no matter how hard I try or how mad I get. Ugh! And they doubt my theories too! It’s like they believe I’m lying or that I’m delusional! I’m NOT! I’m… I’m…” Trevor started whimpering as his voice trailed off, looking more and more sad as his eyes drifted over towards the window to gaze up at the moon. He then continued on as he regained his voice again before the other guy could think up something to say. “... Maybe… maybe I am wrong. All my theories aren’t… factual”.

Boris gasped and covered his mouth in shock, not able to believe that he had just heard that coming from TREVOR, the biggest conspiracy theorist he had ever met! He would never expect the wolf boy to be completely dismissing all of his theories that he had come up with. It didn’t sound like him at all. Geez. He felt so bad for the poor sad boy, he wished that he could figure out a way to cheer him up. Inconsiderate people, talking down on his interests and ruining his fun! 

“... Wait… hmm…” thinking about it a few seconds, something actually hit him. Maybe, just maybe, if Habit could appeal to his special interests, he could encourage the boy to not give up on himself. Clearing his throat, he tried his best to think up his next response. “Ah… That doesn’t sound like you at all! You… Y-you would never give up on a lead! You’d find a way to work around it and figure out the real truth!” he started with as he reached a hand out and placed it on the boy’s back. Trevor just slapped it away and sat up on the bed, turning towards Boris to give him a glare. “Well I am! I’m giving up and waiting till this “phase” is over!” he barked at the tall green man and just sat angrily beside him, glaring him down with tearful eyes.

Darn! That didn’t seem to work very well! He was still acting all off! “Wait! He’s acting off!” Habit thought to himself as he now was struck with exactly what he should say! 

“You would never say that! Which means… something is… w-wrong! I think… you are b-being… uuuh… ma-manipulated!” he tried to sound confident while telling this to the now confused looking boy, obviously looking unsure over how he would receive the claim. He continued anyways, he had already committed. “I-I mean! Listen! You are a very good theorist and you… come up with such amazing ideas! And I remember the one you were talking to me about! About the… vampires and whatnot! So I think you are being made to doubt yourself by… the vampires?” Habit stumbles his way through the conversation, trying to convince the boy that there might be something more at play. 

Obviously it wasn’t true. But it seemed to at least get Trevor thinking a bit. “Hm… i must have… gotten too close to the truth… so that gartner orchestrated this whole charade to make me doubt myself!” he said as he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, earning a relieved sigh from the doctor beside him. But the boys mood was quickly ruined again as he looked out at the moon again. “But still… I’m not able to turn into a werewolf. There is no way the vampire could have caused that”.

Again, Habit started stuttering nervously as he tried to come up with yet another theory to cheer the wolf boy up again. How could he explain that?! He wasn’t a werewolf expert! But he had to say something! Come on, Boris! Just Bullcrap something up! “Um! Uh! W-well maybe it wasn't a vampire! I mean- Maybe there are more people at play here than Trencil!” he chuckled nervously as his brain started going into overdrive, thinking of several things at once to come up with his theory. 

Trevor looked up at Dr. Habit and tilted his head, looking both curious and unsure as he seemed to be all ears at this point. “What do you mean? Are you saying the vampire… has an accomplice?” he asked as he moved on the bed to sit on his knees, facing the other man. Ha! It’s working! He’s intrigued again! “Well… considering that the moon is the source of a werewolves transformation, I think, and vampires aren't able to survive in space… I think that the accomplice is… AN ALIEN!” the big green man exclaimed confidently as he raised his hand and pointed it at the moon, grinning assuredly. 

Trevor gasped and put his hands to his cheeks staring up at the moon too as he was now fully aboard this theory. “OF COURSE! Aliens would have all sorts of technology! Who’s to say they wouldn’t have a machine to disable the moons werewolf properties! I even bet that my self doubt was because of some sort of mind-altering rays!” the wolf boy started rambling as he was waving his arms up and down excitedly in front of him, having stars in his eyes as he did so.

Habit grinned as he saw Trevor getting so excited about this new theory of his. He wanted to keep this hype train going! “Yeah! That would make sense! Maybe those rays might have side effects! I woke up after having sleep-walked just before! I don’t usually do that, so maybe that is proof of your theory!” he continued adding on as he was also starting to move around his hands in enjoyment of the others joy. 

“Oh my god! Yes! That is definite proof of the rays! Now we have to find some way to protect ourselves against the mind control! I’ve heard things made of gold will reflect rays of all sorts!” the werewolf boy said confidently. Habit wasn’t sure where he had heard that, but it seemed to make him happy, so he just smiled and nodded. Then he looked out the window and realized the sky was starting to brighten up slightly, making him realize how long he had been there with Trevor. 

“Oh dear! I need to go back to bed! And so do you! I’m sorry I kept you up for so long!” he laughed softly and stood up off the bed quickly. “Aw… do you need to?” Trevor asked sadly as he sat up on the bed and pouted at him. “Yeah. Sorry… but hey” the man said softly, earning a curious head tilt. “... I’ll be sure to bring you something out of gold… for protection” he said with a small grin before heading over to the door, opening it and taking a pause in the doorway to look back at the boy. 

“Thank you, Dr. Habit. Goodnight” Trevor said softly as he waved a little at him. Habit smiled and waved back, saying “Goodnight” before closing the door behind him.