#she gets down why lie
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verflares · 8 months ago
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(pre-calam) filling the compendium :-)
+ closeup and the aftermath
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quietwingsinthesky · 6 months ago
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every time i think im okay i remember that the echoes of clara across the doctor’s timeline didn’t know they were echoes. or. no, some of them did, i think, but the more clara gives of herself to save the doctor, the more she loses the sense of who she is. and that’s why some of the echoes just seem like clara, knowing why she’s there and what she’s there to do. and some of them, many of them, don’t. the ones eleven meets don’t. and how many of them didn’t know haunts me. how many of them died just out of sight of the doctor, for the doctor, alone, without knowing why.
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fuumiku · 7 months ago
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Alexa play Washing Machine Heart… Been having that Succession quote on the mind
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jontaro-kun · 3 months ago
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God I love women I wish they were real
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thedreadvampy · 5 months ago
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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americankimchi · 9 months ago
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it's so hard to take star wars seriously nowadays because i'll watch someone get skewered by a lightsaber and then somehow walk it off with a bacta patch and a slap on the ass. like you're telling me a weapon that can carve furrows into foot-thick solid durasteel doors, dripping melted slag in its wake, when applied to the flesh of a sentient being leaves behind nothing more than superficial damage. like be so ffr. "it cauterizes the wound instantly" this is not a little cut. this is not minor burns. you were IMPALED BY A BEAM OF PLASMA. your ORGANS have been COOKED. your BLOOD has BOILED. your BONES were INCINERATED. what are you TALKING ABOUTTTTTT
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goldkirk · 20 days ago
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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haru-chi · 1 year ago
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I've been thinking about why Natsume Takashi's family called "Natsume" his mother and grandmother family name and not his father which normally should've been ??
We've always took this name for granted so we never question it even when we know about his family's history. I speak of myself that I never question it or find it weird till now ><
I feel it was something that triggered this idea suddenly but can't remember which event or scene did, or was it a late realization on my part or was it Seiji's remark in that scene hmmmm
I believe I find it weird because he had the same family name as Reiko herself .. since if Reiko was married then she too would go by her husband family's name thus her daughter too .. but Natsume had the same family as his grandmother not his mother which led to many questions in my mind either about him or Reiko but let's focus on Natsume for now …
It's weird, isn't it ?? or am I the only one that think that ??
It's known that the wife takes her husband's family name after getting married. also, his father is known unlike his mother's mysterious father so there's no reason to use his mother's family name. plus, his mother was the first to die too and he mostly was raised by his father, so it wasn't the other way around for him to maybe had his mother's family name.
Why give him his mother's family name then ?
his name "Natsume" Takashi wasn't passed down by only the yokai to link him to Reiko. I mean this name isn't exclusive in the yokai side of the world for it to make sense why he had this family name, even in the human world he's known as "Natsume".
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Then I remember the orphanage incident that Seiji mentioned … how his relative never put him in one again in fear he might ruin their family image in society given how weird he is that he was kicked out of the orphanage .. "let's keep this disgrace within the family" they said (I so wanna kill them for this remark)
Do you think that's why they changed his family's name after his father's death ? So, they can blame it all on the other family "he's crazy like his grandmother, our family has no such weirdo" or to have an escape route by saying "he's not from the family" .. thus if he did another problem …. oooooooh wait … what if they changed his family name AFTER the orphanage incident ??? so that if he did another big incident or his name get to be known publicly then this name won't trace back to their family or image ?? ( this idea just clicked right now and .. I .. it make sense that I hate it ugh)
I'll stop here, I feel more damaged the more I think or talk about this and sure hope this whole idea in unfounded > - >
can someone tell me it makes no sense and nothing is weird in him going by his grandmother's family ?? T^T
this idea is painful if it's true >-<
NATSUME DOESN'T DERSERVE ALL OF THIS !!!
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yutadori · 2 months ago
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there's nothing like being reminded that my mom does not fuck with meeee
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danielnelsen · 3 months ago
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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beans-and-shet · 1 year ago
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"Welcome home, Aoyama-kun!"
Aka Masaya surprises Ichigo by completing his abroad program and coming home early.
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faaun · 1 year ago
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and also just adding onto that, the recent wave of like armchair diagnosing ppl as npd is sooo annoying. Like its actually a serious condition, you CANNOT diagnose someone as npd with just one story or interaction. Sometimes ppl are not "narcissistic", they're just assholes? It feels like every second story i hear, there's ppl going "thats a narcissistic trait yk :/" and its like just bc its a narcissistic trait doesnt mean they have npd??
yes defintely !! it's so so harmful and i have not seen any other disorder (except maybe aspd?) get as much demonisation and hate as npd has and it is genuinely so heartbreaking bc it is a serious dissociative disorder that does Not inherently make anyone a bad person and yet !! like the term "narcissistic abuse" and also ppl just generally equating [mostly covert] abuse w narcissism is so immensely Harmful .
anyway i think we should bring back calling people mean, assholes, rude, gaslighters, abusers, etc instead of being like "my mother was a narc abuser so all ppl w npd are abusers and will never change!" etc etc bc it does 3 horrible things:
1) implies all people with npd are abusers
2) implies people with npd are not capable of self-improvement just like any other human being
3) offloads the horrible actions of abusers onto a disorder, thereby taking away the responsibility they had/choices they made in the situation and instead blames the (completely inaccurate + harmful!!) perceived invariability/ubiquitous evil of npd symptoms/traits .
"how to spot a narcissist" babe are we birdwatching now for ppl with a dissociative disorder or...???
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heartslobbf · 1 year ago
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loving your brother sososososososo much saying if anything happened to you i’d…… what? what would you do? in what way would you fall apart? how would you put yourself back together afterwards? would you swallow the notion that there was nothing at all whole? would you grow bitter and jaded, would your body finally cease to reject that splinter of cynicism? godddddd. nanami. nanami. i know where those feelings lead. being a child being a baby having done nothing other than be born. thinking youve grown up thinking youve come to understand the world, only understanding a one-dimensional fragment of it. you truly don’t understand screaming sobbing crying until youve witnessed nanami’s world collapse around her in real time in the most cruel and horrific manner imaginable. dont even get me started on how anthy and touga feel about it
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comradecowplant · 7 days ago
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I believe Kamala- despite every word she has ever spoken on the matters- is actually deeply pro-Palestine, pro-trans & overall a progressive hero, because I understand that when democrats say repugnant reactionary things while campaigning they are actually lying! which is good & normal for so-called democratic elections!!!!! if you listen to the gnomes who live inside my walls you'll understand her real values, which she'll totally pinky promise act upon once you reward her lies & elect her! you dumb third party voters would understand this if u payed attention in civics class 💅💅💅
#do you votescold blue no matter whos even hear yourselves#like i say this from the glass house of mental illness i too live in but yall are fucking clinically deranged#'u see the good guys will lie to us to seem like bad guys until the season 4 finale when plot twist reveals thay r good!' LUNACY!!!#santa clause is more real than a promise out of the mouth of a democrat i am BEGGING liberals to understand (and give a shit about) this#sorry i guess unlike the 'injustice sensitivity' many american neurospicies love using as a shield for when they do racist things i just#have boring I Dont Like Being Lied To autism which uh is preventing me from (well a lot!) getting on the imperialism train that many#of you are twisting yourselves into pretzels of cognitive dissonance & ahistorical nonsense in order to cope with!#vote if you want idgaf but stop posting electoral cope!!! stop seeking absolution for the crimes youre cosigning!! you cant have it all!!!!#i'll see you in another 4 years when nothing has been done about climate catastrophe or genocide or lgbtq rights or reproductive rights#bc if- and its still a huge if- kamala wins i know for FACT the usual suspects are already cooking up excuses as to why she cant follow thr#through on any of the crumbs of progressive policy she claims to stand by. its already the senates or SC fault right 🙄#ugh anyway now im just going down the 'every easily identifiable lie of the dems that I'M somehow the bad guy for noticing' rabbit hole#and that leads to nowhere but madness and an afternoon wasted 😤
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youssefguedira · 1 year ago
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RSR: Charlotte, it is interesting that you come from an acting background, given that the film has two incredibly strong central performances. How did you work with the actors and how did your previous experience influence the process?
CV: We wrote a very detailed script. We talked a lot about how Bruno and Pietro would be together, how and when they would sit next to each other, what they were able to say to each other, and what it meant every time they met. We wanted it to be subtle.
We had an incredibly long casting process to find the right actors and put them in the right roles, because, initially, the actors were attracted to the opposite roles. Luca [Marinelli] felt naturally inclined towards Bruno, and it took us four or five months to realise that it should be the other way around. And then it was magic. The two are very good friends in real life, they had just made a great movie together in Italy [Don’t Be Bad, 2015], shared this incredible chemistry and were looking for a project to work on next. They can just have silence between them and understand each other, there’s something really essential about that, something you can’t force. With the kids, we made them run together, and from that moment, there was an explosion of love and energy in the room. We just knew.
via curzon journal
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l0rd-0f-c0ws · 2 months ago
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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