#she doesn’t even have feminism yet babes

[gladiatorcunt]

Can you do a dom Tashi fic with a female reader? Need her! Lol

cw: went kind of wild with this, blindfolds, orgasm delay/denial, puppy play, mommy kink, slight bdsm, implied masochistic reader, stoplight system, shirt used as bondage, mentions of ropes/gags/fucking machines, infidelity, pain play, you can decide if the bonus implied poly part is canon to the story, feminization (one good girl bc i couldn’t hold it back), patrick catching strays 💀, canon typical mind games, extreme spanking mention, tashi being a good dom (+ off screen aftercare, trust), mention of cleaning her strap with your tongue, slight degradation, unedited, afab reader

“Mmfh- Tashi, slow down…” You whine, pausing your makeout session to her immediate disapproval. “I don’t think we should be doing this anymore.”

She rolls her eyes but she humors you and pulls back to sit on her heels. Tashi wonders what’s got you so worked up this time, but she knows she can take care of it and you’ll be back on her strap where you belong. Regardless of any “boyfriend.”

“What are you talking about?” She coos, rubbing your cheekbones with the sides of her thumbs and admiring how your eyes clearly want to flutter shut. “You’re not doing anything wrong, don’t worry about it.”

You bite your lip, stuffing your hands in between your thighs so you won’t want to chew on your nails, “But what about Patrick? Isn’t this cheating? I thought you guys were together.”

She doesn’t immediately say that you had your tongue all up in her pussy even when you apparently had that idea in your head. You’ve been fucking for months, so it’s kind of silly to be getting your panties in a twist over morals this late in the game. But you just don’t get it yet, that’s all. You don’t have the mindset for these kinds of things, not like Tashi does.

“How can we be together if he’s not here? What we had is as limp as his dick. Not like us, you’re so much better than him, babe.” She whispers, sliding her hands down to massage your shoulders “If he hasn’t gotten the hint by now, then that’s his own fuckin’ fault, you got that?”

The venom in her little speech by the end wasn’t directed at you, it could never be, but you’re taken aback by it all the same. You’re not the kind of person who’d take pleasure from knowingly helping someone cheat, but Tashi Duncan doesn’t need help to do anything. And at least you’re worth something to her, unlike Patrick who at least deserves a lazyily written instagram dm.

You decide to chalk it all up to whatever the fuck seems to be in the college air, “Yeah, Tash’ , I got it.”

Tashi bucks her hips and rubs the tip of her strap against the sheets, pulling you into her lap to straddle it. She captures your lips in a second, sloppier, kiss and smooths her palms over your ass. You keen at the sharp smacks she gives you as you grind on the fake cock, sucking on her tongue and clutching onto the back of her neck.

It’s Tashi who interrupts the kiss this time, to grab the nearby silk blindfold and slip it around your eyes. After a reassurance from you that you can’t see anything at all, she tugs your button up shirt down to tie your wrists behind your back. Not anything too tight, but the fancy ropes, toys, and gags are back at her place.

You give her the okay to keep going after wiggling around to test your restraints, rolling your eyes behind your blindfold when you rattle off the stoplight system like she asks you to. You’re grateful that she can’t see it, you would be bent over her lap and your ass would be black and blue if she did. Sometimes you ask for that type of play outside of you being a brat.

Tashi tells you that you did a good job and your pussy jumps at the praise. She laughs meanly at the sight and digs her nails into your ass cheeks, moving your hips into a slow grind.

She pats you on the ass, “Up, puppy. Time for your treat.”

You obediently lift your hips, hearing her move around so she can position the head of her cock at your entrance. Despite how much you want to just absoutely slam your hips down on her length and feel your ass jiggle around it, you know she wants you to go slow even though she prepped you with her fingers earlier. Your pussy’s genuinely so tight and has trouble with penetration, you need to take your time for Tashi’s peace of mind at least. Especially since your cock slut hole likes the more monster looking dildos.

“You’ve got this puppy, just relax for me. That’s it.-” Tashi says, keeping a firm grip on your hips and eyeing the inches of her strap being slowly devoured by your greedy cunt.

Not being able to see your surroundings hightens the feeling of Tashi’s cock spreading you open. You whine when you’ve finally taken all of her, thanks to your determination and her fingers playing with your nipples. You accept the quick kiss she lays on you and start bouncing without her go ahead, earning you a slap across your heaving tits that gets you wetter than when she had you go on a fucking machine.

You enjoy being able to moan freely, shrieking like a porn star as Tashi alternates between playing with your tits and your ass. She doesn’t even have to move, you need her so bad that your pure instinct is driving you to cream on the thick cock inside you. You’re slicking it up already, so when Tashi rubs furious circles into your clit and she knows you’re clenching, she harshly grabs your face.

“No cumming until I say so, you remember the last time you were a bad puppy don’t you?”

You do, she made you orgasm so much that by the time it was over, gun to your head you would’ve sworn that your clit fell off.

“I-i’ll be good, fuck! I can hold it, mommy, promise!” You babble, feeling tired already but keeping up your unsustainable jackhammer pace.

Tashi leans back on her hands and enjoys the show. Your eyes covered and your arms held behind your back, basically being unable to do anything but fuck yourself on her huge fake cock. She reverntly rubs your thighs up and down, hitting you when you need it and soothing the sting afterward. She keeps you dangling over the edge for what feels like hours to you before you’re tempted to embrace whatever punishment she’ll dish out after you cum.

Just when you think that you’re to fall apart beyond repair and all recognition, Tashi squeezes each of your tits and takes them into her mouth. She brings her fingers back to your clit and you could cry in relief because she only pulls out all the stops when she wants you to give her a nice long orgasm.

“Good puppy, you can do it, cum for me. Gush all over mommy’s cock, make her proud- just like that… oh, good girl, that’s it, let it all out. I want you to make a big mess for me, I know how much you like to clean mommy’s strap.” She coos, talking you through it while you meet God.

You fall asleep giving Tashi’s cock a tongue bath.

Bonus:

The latest texts between Tashi and Patrick are pages and pages of entire essays about what you look and sound like when you cum. They’d knew you’d feel too guilty about coming in between them to go after you together, so they’re working on a sort of trial run. But what Patrick doesn’t know is that Tashi could care less if you warm up to him like you have to her, she ‘saw you across the room and loved your vibe’ first. She’d still have you if you succumbed to Patrick’s eventual “I can’t believe she dumped me” sobbed story anyway.

She does love you, you’re her baby. Patrick’s a fun experiment in how desperate a man can get.

[befemininenow]

Deconstructing the sissy in you (part 1)

Note: This note contains a lot of sissy captions from blogs that no longer exist. This isn’t meant for sissies who are still into the “lifestyle”; everyone has their thing. It’s for those who wish to distance themselves from something that does not correlate with their femininity, but has trouble shaking away their past. Being feminine is something rewarding and should never be humiliating. It’s part of who we are as people. However, take this note with a grain of salt. If you need real help, please consult an actual therapist in your area who is specialized in gender identity.

You ask yourself in tears “How did this all started? What can I do to go back?” as you’re viewing yourself in the mirror all dressed up in pink and frills, blonde wig, heavy makeup, and a cast down there. Your desire was to look as feminine as possible, not some kind of doll that others would poke fun at and admire. You know in your mind you’re a girl, a trans girl. But out of fear of being ostracized by everyone, you wish you can go back, burn every trace of the “sissy lifestyle” you were lured into, and come out to the world as a vanilla trans girl. Well, I’m here to tell you the truth: You can’t go back (theoretically speaking). However, there is a way for you to freshly start over again (realistically speaking). And it all starts by jogging your memory to the beginning.

You always had a thing for “feminization”, which is the process of incorporating feminine aspects towards any person regardless of identity. For a while, you enjoyed viewing others submit to “forced feminization” through transformation sequences because of a sense of dominance. It wasn’t until you realized that you deeply wanted to be like the “victims” and started to visualize yourself as a girl.

You secretly had feminine characteristics that you tried to oppress to avoid being called names. You know the ones: “sissy”, “f@ggit”, “wimp”, “pussy”, “girl”. That last word is what you hated being called, yet you did “manly” activities to prove your maleness. Outside, they saw you as a potential alpha. But inside, you were somebody else.

The MTF transformations in your feed weren’t enough anymore and suddenly you wanted something a little more real. Shortly later, you found out about trans women models and actresses in the underground scene and it threw you off at first. “They exist? I thought they were just fiction?”. Then, you started looking at MTF timelines, articles about trans people, and even a few videos about the transitioning process, including surgeries. It feels intense and scary; you don’t know if you want this. How painful would it be to give up “down there” for a rack “up there”? “Is there any alternative safer than that?”

Then, out of nowhere on your social feed, you see this image:

It resonates with you! That’s who you wish to be inside! She’s hot, and a dream babe! But more importantly, you wish to have a body like hers!

You click on the link and wonder where this image came from and you realize you’re in a blog full of “feminization captions”. You’ve always been a fan of TG captions and are open-minded for anything new. All of a sudden, you find another caption you like:

OMG! Another hot chick! “But why do I feel like I want to be her instead?” You look at the caption folder and they seem intriguing. Eventually, you found your answer:

“Feminization? I need that now!” You sent a DM to the caption blog’s inbox and asked how the “feminization process” works. The person behinds it send you this picture:

You thank the person so much and ask if they are this person or if they know them. Although their blog doesn’t exist anymore, they ask you to find a “mistress” who specializes in feminization. It took you a while, but you eventually found a sympathetic one and not too long after, the process slowly began.

At first, they’re quite innocent and truthful. You are a guy after all.

Then, they became a little more deep.

A little too deep...

Soon, they started to make you think deeper...

They’re right. Trying heels isn’t “gay”, nor is trying on her set.

Soon, your dreams became more “feminine” after several hypnos, captions, and training.

In a matter of time, your desires started to change...

“Wait, that’s not true! Or, maybe it is now, idk.”

“Sissy!? Ok, I need to stop this now. I am not a sissy!”

“Well, I do like being a girl, but I’m not sure about being called a sissy...”

“Umm.. mmm....”

Your sexuality started to shift. Men were suddenly so hot...

You never thought yourself with a guy, but then you started dating them, pleasing them, getting rammed by them, daydreaming of them. Your attraction to girls eroded as time went by.

But something has also been in your mind as you went deep into the “sissy lifestyle” these mistresses and besties encouraged you be part of. Something that resonates more with who you really want to be. Something more serious and life-changing:

You realize all what you have did was more of a distraction and less of what you deem “feminization”. Sure, the pleasure was great. The makeovers were amazing. The name callings were quite flattering. But what you really wanted to be was more in touch with your feminine side. What you really wanted was to become a woman:

(stay tuned for part 2)

[imthebadguyyy]

maybe something like interviewer asking her sexist questions and the boys stand up for her , after that interview she feels insecure and the boys comfort her . that's just an idea you don't have to write it !! <33

I hope you like it, and I'm so sorry about the delay 😭 I couldn't find my footing with this one, and I hope it's what you wanted ! Have a lovely day 💙

The One Where They're There For Her

Pairing - One Direction x Reader (6thmember!female!reader)

Fandom - One Direction (Directioners)

Summary - A particularly sexist interview decides to reduce you to just a sexual being and makes no effort to hide his misogyny. But the boys are there to support you.

Warnings - sexualization of the lgbt community, sexist comments, swearing, (honestly I hated myself for writing some of the comments here,and I'm so sorry)

Being a part of the biggest band in the world comes with certain responsibilities. Not responsibilities that come along with signing a recording contract, but those that a person deems themselves responsible for. For example, as the only female in a boyband, a female with a fanbase as large as yours, you took it upon yourself to always stand up for what's right, and to be an ally for the causes close to your heart.

That meant that your social media was often flooded with information about important causes, or your opinions on issues like feminism. Was it always well received? Heck no. There were people filled your feed with hate and comments calling you the most horrible names and labelling you a 'man hater' and a 'bitch' But you didn't let it get to you. On most days. On days like today, it was all you could do to keep it together. It had been a tiring few days, touring, recording, performing and doing an endless amount of interviews and photoshoots. It was safe to say you were on the last of your nerves, having battled your way through a makeup artist who had insisted on pointing out your flaws and had used a shit ton of makeup to cover them up. You had battled a photographer who had not hesitated to tell you that if you didn't look more feminine people would think you were turning into a man.

Before you could retaliate, Paul had dragged him away and told management to cancel the photoshoot, and find another photographer before grabbing the six of you some sandwiches and had let you all go back for a quick power nap at the hotel. Then in about half an hour he had woken you up, to get you ready for another interview. That's how you were here, in a white jumpsuit and a black blazer jacket, paired with black heels. Another day, another interviewer that got on your nerves. But this one, this one was different. This interviewer was different, but also the same. Another misogynistic man who thought he was entitled to stare at your ass and cleavage, and eye fuck you as you settled into a seat in between Niall and Zayn.

Settling in, you crossed one knee over the other, plastering a fake smile onto your face, as the man leaned back in his chair, throwing you a sleazy smirk. Noticing the look, Zayn shifted so you were out of view of the interviewer, but in view of the audience. It was in moments like this that you were a 100× more grateful to have your boys. They were well aware of how sleazy some interviewers could be, having had plenty of experience with them, and Zayn and Louis in particular were very protective about the way you were treated. Squeezing your thigh softly, he leaned back a little, lips settling into a thin line as he looked at the interviewer with a cold look. A little behind, Louis threw the interviewer a dirty look.

"So, One Direction! Congratulations on the album, as you all know its out on November the 22nd, with eighteen new songs, including the singles Night Changes and Steal My Girl Speaking of stealing girls, do you think I could steal your number Y/N? And may I mention, you look ver, very hot in that outfit" The interviewer joked, throwing you what he thought was a sexy smirk. (P.S - it wasn't) Answering with an awkward laugh, you shook your head, as Niall tensed up beside you. "Aww come on, your'e a pretty girl, I'm a handsome guy, let's go out sometime" he pressed on, ignoring the growing anger in Harry's eyes. "That's umm, nice. But no thanks, I'm not going to go out with you" was your answer, as you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. Picking up on your nervous tic, Zayn moved his hand to rest on your knee, stopping it from bouncing up and down.

"Aww come on baby, what is it? You like girls or something? Because I wouldn't mind being a part of that action either" the sleazebag chuckled, ignoring the disgusted look Liam sent his way. "That's rude" Liam said, while Zayn tightened his grip on your knee. "Oh come on lads, are you telling me the idea doesn't appeal to you? Two women together, mm, makes me all excited just thinking about it, especially if one of them's Y/N" That comment was all it took for Louis to stand up, turning to the man and saying in a voice much rougher than his usual voice, "Alright, that's fuckin' enough, what the fuck is actually wrong with you?" he was backed up by Liam, who stood up, going to tower over the interviewer, whose eyes had lost some of the sleazy look in them. "All you've done since we walked in here is make those disgusting comments about Y/N, and it's sickening. Have some fucking respect" he practically spat.

Behind him, Zayn took your hand in his and pulled you to your feet, noticing the slight glossiness in them, leading you back to the dressing rooms, while Niall, Liam, Louis and Harry stayed back to continue to snap at the interviewer. "That is no way to treat a woman, and not only are you disrespecting her, you also made those god awful events about seeing women together. Your'e a shame to every single person in this room by talking like that" Harry continued, glancing over his shoulder to check if you were okay.

"And no, it doesn't excite us, because we are not assholes, and you are, a disgusting sleaze who does not deserve the job he has. Fuckin loser" Niall chimed in, standing up and storming out. Louis stood up as well, turning to directly face the cameras and the cameramen and sound technicians, who had all looked shocked when the man had made his comments towards you. "I sure as hell hope you have that on record, so you can see just how fucking sexist this industry is to women. Y/N does the same job as us, works just as hard and has the same number of awards, nominations, and records and yet you decide to only focus on her body, clothes, love life and sexuality. Get a fucking life" he spat at the camera, before walking away himself, eventually followed by Harry and Liam, who apologized to the outraged fans before leaving themselves. As they made their way to the dressing rooms they could hear the audience telling the interviewer to apologize to you, their anger at the way you were treated echoing through the building.

Walking in, Harry caught sigh of you curled up in one of the armchairs, with Louis sitting beside you, while Niall and Zayn talked to a furious Paul. "He had no damn right to treat her like shite, and you need to make sure that he knows those comments were un-fuckin-acceptable" Niall was saying, looking angrier than Harry had ever seen him. "And to make those sickening comments about wanting to get action? Can't we sue him for something?" Was Zayn's reply, glancing over his shoulder at you to make sure you were still okay. "We can't sue him, atleast I don't think we can, but I'll have someone let the smug bastard know that he needs to learn how to respect a woman" Paul said, before leaving the room to give the six of you some time together before you had to head back to the hotel.

"How're you feeling darling?" Louis said, moving over and patting your knee so you moved. "I'm okay" you mumbled back, letting Louis settle in next to you, leaning back to rest on his chest. "He had no fuckin right to say any of that, and don't you let it trouble you for a second" Zayn added, pouring out a cup of tea for you and for Louis and Harry. "I don't care about what he said, I couldn't care less, but it was just so frustrating, sitting there and listening to him just sexualize a whole community of people. You've got to be in a really sad place to think of shit like that. That's what annoyed me. You think I give a damn about what he said about my clothes or wanting to take me out on a date? It was the way he was talking, like he was sure any woman would be glad to have him that irked me. He's really tiresome" was your reply, as you reached forward for a sip of your tea. "That's the right attitude love. Haters gonna hate" Harry said.

"I know that. But I just wish I could punch him once, which sounds mean, but he does kind of deserve it" Niall said, earning a laugh from you. Niall was never usually aggressive, and even now, he wasn't particularly rude but it was rare to see him wanting to punch someone. "It's okay Niall, you don't have to. I can do it myself, but I won't" you replied, leaning up to squeeze his hand. "Besides, Ni, if you went and punched him, I'd do it too, and then we'd all go to jail" Liam chimed in, scrolling through his twitter. "Twitter isn't happy either babe. #stopsexualization and #Y/Ndeservesbetter is trending already" he added, showing you his phone. "If it means some of these sexist asses get their heads out of the sand, I'm happy. But I dont want to to think about it now" you replied, cuddling closer to the warmth radiating from Louis's body.

"Okay, we won't talk about it. Do you want to go back to the hotel?" Harry asked, standing up and walking to the door "No I want to go to Nando's. Anybody else hungry?" You asked, to nods of assent from the boys. "I'm starving. Those stupid sandwiches didn't fill me up at all" Zayn said, standing up to grab his coat and wallet. "I know and I'm craving some hot Peri Peri chicken with some fries. Do you think they'd let me put the lemon and herb sauce on the fries?" You asked, standing up yourself, earning a laugh from Louis. "Your'e an international superstar babe, I think they'd give you some lemon herb sauce" Liam joked.

Laughing, the six of you made your way to the car, with Harry and Niall squishing you in between them, as Louis sat in the back with Liam, and Zayn sat in the front with Paul (he was driving thank GOD) "I'm proud of you darling" Harry chimed in suddenly. "I am too" Niall added. "You know I am" Louis said, before Liam added "Always babe" and Zayn turned to smile at you before adding, "We are all proud of you, and we always will be, not only because you do a damn good job of not listening to the haters, but because you do what you think is right" "Awh come on, your'e gonna make me cry" you mumbled, leaning into Niall's shoulder. "Almost makes me feel bad for teasing you about having an extremely low spice tolerance the last time we were at Nando's Haz" you smirked, earning a roar of laughter from the boys.

"That chicken was spicy love!" "It was lemon and herb with no peri peri!" "And it was spicy!"

And just like that, you were back to messing around with each other. Sleazy interviewers would come and go, but your boys were always there to support you. Always.

-------

A/N - Thanks for reading ! I'd also like to apologize on the behalf of this fictitious interviewer I made up, I felt so bad while writing some of this 😭 anyways, I hope this is what you wanted! Enjoy !

Tags - @zaynkissbot @gucci-hazza @bxtchboy69

[bisluthq]

I think the grammy gate thing stings more for me personally because while I think the rules are a bit bullshit and he did deserve the physical grammy, it speaks more about taylor’s willingness to go along with the system until it doesn’t benefit her. Like, I know she’s a very privileged white woman so I don’t expect much from her in that regard, but I do expect her to care more about crediting issues and awards validity because she’s explicitly talked about and shown numerous times about how those are important issues for her. She was the first woman to win AOTY 3 times, that’s an incredible statistic and she deserves to be rewarded. But thinking about all the Beyoncé’s and Kendrick who have yet to receive even ONE general field award (combined!!!) and her complete silence when Abel was talking about the Grammy’s corruption the same year she won just sours the whole thing even more for me

Ya I mean I think that’s the thing. If Taylor had PUBLICLY CHAMPIONED A RULE CHANGE even using her and Joe’s privilege to leverage for it by being like “okay but my genius partner wrote all these songs and helped the direction of the album into a more fictionalized way and it wouldn’t have been the same album without him and here are all the other people who agree and also here are other bullshit rules” I’d have been like “go off queen”. If she’d just written him in as producer from the get go like I’d have been like “I mean he was in the room because he was fucking her but that doesn’t mean he did nothing” - btw I don’t think he did nothing.

It’s the shadiness and the duplicity and the lack of comment on other Grammy corruption and unfairness and shit.

Like she legit doesn’t care as long as she and Baby Boy are taken care of and that’s fine and fair but then don’t come cry about like artists’ rights every five minutes and don’t release The Man. You don’t care about ARTISTS’ rights lol babe you care about YOUR rights and that’s very fair but 🤷🏻‍♀️💀

Again, I hate how Grammygate is discussed pretty much everywhere outside this blog and even by some of my anons because like the issue isn’t that he did nothing on the album and the issue isn’t that he’s not WB and the issue isn’t that he’s talentless. It’s that she scammed the rules in a shady way and given her history of like “SPEAK OUT ABOUT INJUSTICE” and “YAY FEMINISM” it feels fucked she went about this in such a shady way to secure a statuette versus a deserved certificate for the man she’s fucking 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[kurtanaaa]

Hi I love your chatfics please could you give me a list of the new directions’ private stories and who can see them?

YES I CAN AND I CAN ALSO GIVE YOU A KISS ANON I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS

okay this is going under a cut bc i am going to talk A LOT!!!! oh i am so excited jfjdjfjksls

so i’ve made a list of what i thought their private story names were before but that was before i really started writing chatfics regularly so this is a great chance to do it again!!!! lets get into it!! this isn’t gonna include the newbies bc i’m setting this before s4 :/// sorry yall

Brittany: my private story -miss girl doesn’t really like private stories with weird names. they confuse her :/ how is she supposed to know what it is if it’s named something weird like 99.9 virgin radio? that’s just a radio station babe! -everyone in new directions is on her story, along with lord tubbington (she made him a snapchat account), a bunch of vocal adrenaline kids she made friends with by accident, some of the haverbrook kids, a couple warblers (trent. she likes him a lot), and most of the cheerios! lauren zizes and matt are also on it!!! -she has banned all football players except the glee guys from her private story. they don’t get her fun times.

Santana: real lesbian girl shit -she’s a megan thee stallion fan and also gay. not much else to it!!! -again, all the new directions are on it, except occasionally she removes finn just to test his patience. she also has lord tubbington bc she loves her girlfriend. all of the cheerios are on her story and she uses it to make announcements to them sometimes (every time a cheerio leaves the squad she boots them from her story). she does NOT have lauren zizes (still salty over the hallway fight) but she does have matt!!! that’s pretty much it tho she doesn’t like to be too public with her crap

Mercedes: TOTS -bitch loves her tots and she made the story when she and kurt were bitching at each other about them. she won’t change it ever. -EVERYBODY is on cedes' private story bc everyone loves cedes. she’s got lauren, matt, most of the warblers that she met through kurt and blaine, a bunch of haverbrook kids, a good chunk of mckinley that she’s met through classes and such, sunshine corazon, even a couple girls from that all girls acapella group at season two nationals. unique is on her story too!!! she keeps up with everyone!!! -she has ALSO banned most of the football players. it is a point of soreness for the majority of them that they don’t get the privilege of being on her story.

Kurt: i diagnose you with gay -he saw a meme that said this once and laughed his ass off so he had to use it -kurt has a surprising amount of people on his story. he’s got all the warblers who were at dalton when he was, he’s got all the new directions plus lauren and matt, all of the cheerios who were on the squad when he was, a bunch of haverbrook kids, sunshine, a few mckinley students he made friends with, unique for SURE, and even some of the nicer football players. he also has karofsky on his story (bc hes too nice for his own good), sebastian smythe (so he can post pictures of him and blaine and make him jealous) and jesse st. james (so he can bully him directly). for some reason coach sylvester is also on his private story. no one except kurt and sue know why and they’re not revealing their plans to anyone. it is terrifying.

Sam: The Blackbird -he named it after the plane the x-men fly bc he is a Geek Bitch. -anyway sam is ALWAYS posting to his private story. every day there's five new videos of various hudmel shenanigans. he likes to record things just in case he has to leave again and he needs memories of his friends. -since he’s a sweetheart and doesn’t like people to feel left out, he’s got a fair amount of people on his private story. obviously the new directions and lauren (and matt! he met matt through mike and they hit it off), and some students from his old schools. he’s got some warblers, a chunk of the football team, some mckinley students, and lord tubbington. it’s a good time!

Puck: VIP ZONE -this idiot just likes everybody on his private story to know that they are SPECIAL and APPRECIATED if they’re there -he posts the most wack shit on his story bc he’s always getting up to something stupid so he keeps the amount of people on his private story low so he doesn’t get ratted out -so pretty much only the new directions are on it, plus matt and lauren and a couple of the more tolerable football guys. he has jake on his story too!!! (in my glee cinematic universe they met earlier and they’re bros) he also has jeff the warbler on his story for reasons known to no one, not even jeff and puck.

Rachel: 🌟Rachel Berry Exclusive🌟 -do i even need to explain this one. -rachel does NOT understand the concept of a private story. pretty much everybody who has her on snap is on her private story at this point. she does not give a shit she wants everyone to know what she’s up to all the time. this means that practically everyone she’s ever met is on there

Finn: cooler than puck's -this man is always competing against puck a lil i know it. puck thinks its hilarious. -not a lot of people on finn’s story! he’s got the usual suspects plus some football guys, and david warbler and wes warbler. they hang out sometimes!!! he thinks they’re fun dudes. he also has jake on his story bc he’s met him a couple times through puck and he seemed chill. also jesse st. james so finn can make him jealous bc he’s a little shit

Blaine: Sometimes Turnt -his story posts are usually very basic but when this man gets drunk he goes off the RAILS on his story it’s crazy -blaine’s another one whos got pretty much everyone he knows on his private story. all the usual suspects and all the warblers are on there. he doesn’t have jesse, lauren, or matt, but that’s bc he just. doesn’t know them. he’s got a couple people that he made friends with at mckinley on there too!! -cooper is NOT allowed on his private story. he is explicitly banned.

Tina: former goth bitches anonymous -’nuff said. -tina has the BEST stories. everyone wants to be on her private story - except for when she’s having a breakdown and keeps posting screenshots of sad songs on spotify. but the thing is she keeps her private story on LOCKDOWN. she’s got her new directions and lauren and matt, she’s got a couple haverbrook kids, some warblers, a goth guy she met at a hot topic, and sunshine!!! but NO ONE ELSE. everyone else is PROHIBITED. NO FUCKING ENTRY!

Mike: The Fuck -mike didn’t know what to name it :/ so he decided to name it after what he’s thinking every time he posts a video of his friends doing something stupid -everyone loves mike. everyone is on his story. thee whole mf gang. the new directions, lauren, matt, jesse, sunshine, the whole football team, all the cheerios, haverbrook kids, warblers, vocal adrenaline dancers, the works. he doesn’t know how they all wound up there considering he hardly ever posts, but he just keeps making friends with people and they’re like "hey you’re very sexy and hot. want to be on my private story" and of course he has to return the favour!!!

Artie: Artie's Priv -short and simple! -everything he posts is edited RIDICULOUSLY. like with stickers and filters and video edits, the works. everything. -he doesn’t have a lot of people on his private story mostly because he usually uses his public one, so he just doesn’t think to add people to his private story. but he’s got the new directions, he’s got lauren and matt, he’s got a few other mckinley students, and... that’s pretty much it. he just doesn’t think about it!

Quinn: Don't let my Catholic guilt see this -this one. i haven’t gotten to use it in a fic yet. but i will. its also fairly self explanatory -quinn is another gal who keeps this shit shut DOWN. almost nobody gets in bc a lot of her stories are just her RANTING about feminism or her life or SOMETHING that's pissing her off that she needs to vent about -she’s got the new directions, she’s got lauren and matt, she’s got some cheerios, and that is IT. nobody else gets to see this shit.

THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUN TO WRITE OUT OH MY GOD I AM SO PLEASED!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS I HAVE NOT FELT THIS MUCH EUPHORIA IN A LONG TIME!!!!!

[astudyinfreewill]

What do you think of Blue? I actually dislike her but thats cool if you dont!

i actually quite like blue!!

but i should qualify that it’s not uncritical and unconditional: yes, i like blue as a character, while having problems with her character arc; and i like blue as a “person”, but i have issues with some of the iffy stuff she does.

i just feel like the key word for blue, ironically, is “potential”. the blue we meet in trb had a lot of promise... that isn’t necessarily followed through on in the other books.

some of the problems i have with blue’s character arc: 

first of all... what character arc?

no, seriously. we are told from the start that she wants something different, something special, something more. but... does she get it?

blue is set up to be the “protagonist” of trb, but she gets quickly sidelined in favour of characters with more active storylines (ronan and adam both have plot-heavy story arcs, but even gansey arguably gets more development than her, even if it’s just dying and being reborn)

which is... bitterly ironic for a character whose main magical power is to support others’ powers (there’s nothing wrong with supporting others, but there’s something very annoying when the only female character in the group is stuck with a magical version of ~emotional support~ for the male characters around her)

i had high hopes for her -- and i mean, buzzing-with-excitement high hopes -- when gwenllian introduced the whole “mirrors are witches” plot thread... which went absolutely nowhere (but i know that stiefvater was struggling with serious health issues while writing the raven king, so... i’m gonna give it a pass).

we find out that she is literally half-tree... and nothing else gets done with that. like, that’s why she loves trees... i guess...?

even her more “ordinary” dreams, like going to college and studying conservation/ecology, are kind of nixed by the end? she basically gets told by the narrative, “yeah but you have two rich boyfriends now, you can just travel with them”. and while i’m all for blue spending the shit out of gansey’s republican money, that’s not quite satisfying from a narrative point of view.

in short, blue has a ton of untapped potential -- she is truly the page of cups -- and in another world, we get a book where she’s free to explore her tir e e’lintes heritage, to discover her actual powers as a witch, and to follow her dreams. in this world, that’s not the book we got, and at this point i’m kind of beyond caring, because both ronan and adam have been given far more compelling story arcs that i am actually invested in.

now, as for blue as a “person”, or rather as a character, irrespective of story arc... blue is far from perfect. that’s actually not a problem for me - she’s not always a great person, which makes her a great character. blue is brave, generous, kind, accepting, resourceful, smart, curious; but blue is also hypocritical, dishonest, impulsive, and opportunistic. 

the negatives don’t erase the positives: humans are flawed, and a flawed character is realistic. but i feel like the problem with this fandom is that often it does the opposite -- it erases the negatives to only focus on blue’s positives, which essentially turns her into a manic pixie dream girl, and even more of an accessory to the boys’ development. 

see, i don’t want blue’s negative traits to magically disappear; it would be nice if she could grow and improve on some of them, but since personal growth is a gruelling, time-consuming process, i would have settled for her reaching self-awareness of her mistakes and taking accountability for them... which unfortunately the narrative never gives us (again, lots of stuff happening in the raven king, written and re-written in difficult circumstances -- i have accepted it; it’s just still kind of disappointing, is all).

some of the problems i have with blue’s character:

blue’s feminism is performative at best and damaging at worst, as i have discussed at length in this post. please note: this is not uncommon or unrealistic for a teenage girl. but i wish she had been given a chance to work on it, by bonding with one - one - female character she’s not related to. hell, even orla would be a start.

blue has a lot of internalised classism -- which, again, is realistic; adam has a lot too. the difference is he gets to acknowledge and analyse it, even though he clearly hasn’t overcome it yet. we see blue have a lot of resentment for rich people while at the same time subconsciously looking down on the “wrong kind” of poverty (adam’s) and she never reflects on that bias. we have so many discussions in adam’s pov of how he both envies and resents rich boys, yet in the end he comes to realise that even though he thought he wanted to be one of them, in reality he doesn’t want the kind of superficial, oppressive, entitled life they live.

meanwhile, the only “enlightenment” blue reaches in the final book is  that oh hey, she actually kind of likes rich people (the same begrudging awareness adam had pre-series and then outgrew) and in fact she’s fine with hanging out with them. blue, babe, i hate to break it to you, but you have been hanging out with them for 4 books and loving it... how is this a revelation?!

and last but not least, the hot topic: blue’s treatment of adam. blue refused over and over to be honest with him about the curse; actively cheated on him -- both emotionally, with gansey, and literally, with noah -- yet refused to break up with him; and when he finally confronted her, reacted not with honesty but by getting angry and trying to turn the issue around on him and how much he liked gansey (see above: hypocrisy)

now, again: this is not unrealistic or ooc. it’s bad behaviour, but it doesn’t make blue a bad character, nor overall a bad person. it’s something that could have happened and she could have moved on from... the issue, again, is that she never reflects on this. her immediate reaction is to start seeing gansey behind adam’s back, and neither of them tell adam the truth until they are basically forced to

essentially, blue runs into the same issue that gansey does: they’re good, but flawed, people, who are very bad at self-reflection, and so never quite understand why they’re hurting the people around them. i can buy that. i can love a character in spite of it. my issue is that the narrative lets them get away with it. and perhaps that’s just due to time-constraints and the fact that there is more of a focus on adam and ronan’s growth -- but it leaves gansey and blue as characters who never fulfill their potential. and while that doesn’t mean i dislike them, it means that unfortunately i just don’t care as much.

[dame-mas-princesa]

ELECTRA HEART BY MARINA

1.) BUBBLEGUM BITCH

“Oh, dear diary, we fell apart. Welcome to the life of Electra Heart”

i cannot express to you how much i LOVE this album. it follows the life of electra heart and has many themes the main one being identity. even though this song says i’m YOUR bubblegum bitch it’s not even in a submissive way. it’s like i’m YOURS and you have no choice about it. this is a GREAT intro song to the roller coaster of a story we are about to follow.

2.) PRIMADONNA

“Get what I want 'cause I ask for it. Not because I'm really that deserving of it”

this is what i wanted, want, and will want to be. this is “BIG EGO!! BIG PERSONALITY!! ME ME ME ME!! ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!” the beginning of what will be a down fall which she references in “the primadonna life, the rise and fall” i didn’t give too much on what it means cause honestly with this album she is pretty straightforward and you can just tell what she is trying to convey. this song is a mf BANGER 10/10

3.) LIES

“You're too proud to say that you made a mistake. You're a coward till the end”

now we get into the deep shit. this song i fucking SCREAMED cried to. this reminds me of mitskis songs when it refers to not wanting to think of the bad when you know it’s hurting you. this is like the step after that. you are STILL trying to bargain but you also acknowledge that the person is an asshole. when i cried to this song, i really never thought i’d one day relate to it but. yeah. pretending that a relationship is going well is not a good solution.

4.) HOMEWREAKER

“I'm the image of deception”

again, electra heart is a story album. you are following a chain of events (she has music videos of them). in this song she talks about how all you want is trust, love, and laughter but you can’t escape the past. the relationship from the past three songs is what caused electra heart (the protagonist of this story) to start seeking revenge in hopes to have a brand new start. she is only happy ‘when i’m on the run’ she is only happy when she isn’t attached to that previous relationship.

5.) STARRING ROLE

“When you are not a starring role in someone else's heart”

oh but electra is still OBSESSED with the past relationship. this song goes well with the events of lies. the feeling of only being loved when you’re having sex or drunk. i also used to cry to this a lot. i have a horrible relationship with getting possessive and if i don’t get that main attention, i feel EXTREMELY upset. “you don’t love me, not a big deal. i’ll never tell you how i feel” just !!!!!!! it’s EXACTLY how i feel in regards to relationships. “sometimes i ignore you, so i feel in control. cause really i adore you and i can’t leave you alone.” as well. this song is just has mari written all over it.

6.) THE STATE OF DREAMING

“Yeah, I've been living in the state of dreaming. Living in a make-believe land”

THE EPITOME OF LIVING IN YOUR MADE UP SCENARIOS!!! this song is JUST THAT!!! living in a world that you have created because people can be so cruel and life is just hard. it isn’t real!! fuck that!!!!! this goes along with the wanting to live in a pretend world/ relationship.

7.) POWER AND CONTROL

“Think you're funny, think you're smart. Think you're gonna break my heart”

#girlbossmoment but like fr this is straight up “you have no power OR control over me” this also goes with sexist ideas that men have control over women and that women are weak. she states that all her life she has been controlled. BY MEN. jk idk,,, ANYWAYS yeah it’s the giving a little and expecting a lot because you are a man. “you may be good looking but you aren’t a piece of art” yes you might be a good person but you aren’t worthy of everything without a price. you can’t just stand there and expect everyone to admire you???

8.) SEX YEAH

“All this time was fighting for what I believe. All my life I've tried to hide what history has given me”

YEAHHH FUCKING BANGERRRR. i totally forgot this song existed. this song really talks about how history (mainly sexuality) has impacted us. women are seen as always submissive and used for sex and such BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAT THEY DONT TEACH YOU!!! historically women serve men but no longer BABES!! fight what history has given you!! the thought of what a woman SHOULD be. FUCK YEAHHH FEMINISM

9.) TEEN IDLE

“Ain't youth meant to be beautiful?”

undoubtedly marina’s most popular song. covers many topics such as su1*1de (gonna use ‘scd’ when referring to it) and eds. she wish she was the beauty standard, she wished she would’ve been a prom queen. she wish she had lived that ideal life of a teenager, a teen IDOL. never thought that one day I’D be sixteen and feeling super, super, super scd-al. she talks about her regrets of her adolescence. i should’ve taken this as a warning but it’s not done yet. we continue.

10.) VALLEY OF THE DOLLS

“Born with a void hard to destroy with love or hope”

she is living with identities that do not belong to her. this song basically covers how it is to adapt to each person. she is faking the person that she shows to everyone because in reality she feels like no one. there is a permanent void that cannot be filled with love or hope. she says “i am ready for the last hurrah” which y’all know is referring to death. she is not saying she wants it but that she is ready. she feels empty, there is nothing to preserve. not even herself because, once again, she doesn’t even know herself.

11.) HYPOCRATES

“So hypocritical, overly cynical. I'm sick and tired of all your preaching.”

this song i sadly relate to. someone you love preaching to you how you should do and what you shouldn’t be doing. telling you who to be!! though, i fall guilty to this as well. this song just resonates with one point of my life very well. someone telling you what you should and shouldn’t be and believing that they did no wrong. sigh, BUT all is good.

12.) HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER

nvm this is marinas most popular song. honestly. not many thoughts though i strive to one day be able to follow these rules hehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehe

13.) RADIOACTIVE

“Oh baby I want you to die for, for you to die for my love”

this song has mari written all over it too. this is “be obsessed with me” song. your heart is full at night and empty by the morning, you NEED ME. this is also the bad type of be obsessed with me. this is like be obsessed with me so that i can burn you. this is why her love is radioactive. burn to a crisp fuckerrrrr!! though at the end of the song she states “ready to be let down. ready for a meltdown” big uh oh

14.) FEAR AND LOATHING

“Baby you don't have to live your life in fear”

this is more of a recovery song from the meltdown from before. this is a song talking about you don’t have to live in your fears or IN FEAR of being hurt. you don’t need to feel anything really. this leads to numbness. she references her other songs “i’m tired of trying to having it all and ending up with not much at all” (power and control, starring role) she also states a sense of hope when she says “i know a light will burn on when they blow me out” there is that fiery hope deep inside her. i feel like this song really feels like a message to death or about death?

that’s the end. this album is GREAT and to really understand it you GOTTA follow along with the music videos that are made in parts so you know which follows what. 10/10 might do froot next

[hopeshoodie]

wait can i ask if ur american bc if not u don’t have to answer this but i was thinking the other day about which s2 LI’s would be democrat’s or republicans and i know my baby Lucas would be a republican 😔

Yeah I’m American (hence my inability to understand English school systems and how yall don’t?? just drive for 6 hours??? to go see a friend on the weekend?) I’m a Midwesterner babey- which just means I’m poor, depressed, and statistically more likely to meet a serial killer lmao.

You’re 100% right, Lucas would be a republican. He’d be one of those annoying guys who says “I’m socially liberal but economically conservative” and then argue against food stamps and nationalized healthcare. A real ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ kind of person, despite his parents paying for his education and first car.

The other people that stick out in my head as republicans are 

Rahim- he says he’s a libertarian but... like he’s not anti-military or anything he just likes guns. He definitely is super condescending about welfare ‘if they want my money they need to be drug tested, have a job, have a home, and I get to pick what the foodstamps apply for’.

Jo- I see her as a ‘I’m not like other girls, I’m not a feminist’ kind of person. Rahim definitely likes that about her. 

Graham- idk, that’s just his vibe.

Blake- maybe this is unfair to her, but a lot of the super catty mean-girls I’ve met are evangelical and/or conservative. I can see her being a Girl-Defined-esque person, constantly saying “I’ll pray for you” and judging other women.

Hannah- I forget which blog said it, but Hannah is ABSOLUTELY a rich, horse girl. She makes me think of MacKenzie Bezos- comes from a rich family, gets to go to an elite college and STUDY UNDER TONI MORRISON, but then she’s not actually that great of a writer despite thinking she is. Hannah’s generally just mediocre despite all the advantages she’s been given, and yet still thinks that she worked hard for what she has.

Centrists/non politically active characters would include 

Gary- he just doesn’t engage with political thought much.

Priya- for the same reason as Gary

Rocco- he’s pro-legalization but that’s his only political position- he doesn’t even care about releasing those with drug convictions from prison, he just wants to be able to smoke.

Jakob votes third party.

Carl- he knows that the healthcare system, education system, and prison system need to be reformed, but he doesn’t really engage with it because it doesn’t directly affect him. He’s anti-union because that benefits him. Sorry babe, but when we eat the rich I’m coming for you.

The liberal Islanders are:

Hope- she’s a huge Clinton fan. Big on girl power- she wants more lady CEOs rather than not having CEOs who exploit working-class women. DEFINITELY owns a pussy hat.

Henrik- He always votes blue and generally agrees with the mainstream democratic positions, he just doesn’t talk about it much.

Marisol- same as Hope. If you’ve seen all the tiktoks making fun of millennials, I think Marisol is peak millennial. Lots of “lol I’m adulting” and lip-biting in selfies and “you wouldn’t like me before my coffee”. She thinks Obama is the best president we’ve ever had.

I’ve already said I think Noah is a liberal (which for a leftist like me is frustrating because he believes in reform over revolution), but he’s super educated about issues like intersectionalism, feminism, and neo-colonialism. He’s a huge AOC fan. He’s a progressive democrat and thinks the future of the party is people like Ilhan Omar and AOC.

and finally our comrades in arms 

Shannon- she’s a progressive, but still a liberal. Definitely voted for Bernie both times. She’s a huge fan of Elizabeth Warren (and like girl, same)

Kassam is absolutely a low-key leftist boy. He’s read all the theory and if I had to guess I’d pin him as a Trotskyist.  

Lottie!!! My anarchist queen!!! Lottie knows that the healthcare, political, policing, and education system all have deeply rooted racism and classism and believes a de-centralized state is the only way to correct that. Lottie’s one of the witches casting protection spells for BLM protesters. 

[inyournightmares97]

Thursday

Confessing your feelings to the guy you like is easy... right? 

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: College!au. No plot whatsoever, just awkward fluff of the worst kind. A lot of strong language because reader is frustrated.

(Note: Happy Birthday, Yugyeom! I know this is early but I’m not gonna be around tomorrow so you guys can have this today. Please don’t hate me because I already want to strangle myself from the shameless, unadulterated fluff in this. Eurgh.)

Thursdays were the day you saw Kim Yugyeom. 

You weren’t sure when you had started waking up a little earlier on Thursdays to pick out a nice outfit and do your hair, or why you went to class early. Most days of the week, you merely dragged yourself out of bed and ran to class after brushing your teeth and yanking on a pair of jeans. 

But you didn’t do that on Thursday. 

On Thursday, the world just seemed like a nicer place. 

“We need to start working on the research paper for Mrs. Lee,” Nari reminded you with a groan as you both walked to class. She looked tired and sleepy. “It’s due on Sunday. I think I’ll have to stay up all night to finish it. How far are you?”

“I haven’t started,” you replied simply. 

Nari frowned. “And you’re not worried?”

“I’ll deal with it tomorrow,” you replied casually. You worked well under pressure and you knew that the paper wasn’t something worth worrying about. At least, not now. You didn’t want it to ruin your Thursday. Thursdays were nice. 

“If you say so,” Nari replied. The road was filled with university students walking to class and you spotted a familiar face approaching both of you. It was Hyemi, one of your friends from Economics. She hurried over to you with wide eyes. 

“Hi,” you greeted Hyemi, but she cut you off. 

“Guys, I have a problem. You’re not going to believe this, but Choi Youngjae texted me this morning asking me to have coffee with him after class,” Hyemi squealed. Her cheeks were flushed red and she was holding up her phone excitedly. “He has something important to talk to me about and he wants me to come alone. Why does he want me to come alone? Do you think this is a date? Or is he going to ask me to date him over coffee? Why else would he ask me to come alone?"

"Huh. Sounds interesting," Nari replied with a smile. "You've liked Youngjae for a while, right?"

Hyemi nodded eagerly. "I can't believe I came to class in sweatpants today. Should I go back home and put on a skirt? I might be a little late for Lit but it's worth it, right?"

You rolled your eyes. " Come on. He's not going to care what you're wearing."

"Really?" 

“Of course not. He either likes you or he doesn’t, I doubt he’s going to change his mind either way based on your sweatpants. Stop freaking out and just go have coffee, you’re making a big deal out of nothing,” you told her firmly. 

Hyemi pouted. “But it’s Youngjae. Have you seen Youngjae?”

“Yeah. He’s kind of baby-faced, isn’t he?”

Nari chuckled and bumped your shoulder playfully. “Come on. Don’t be mean to her. The guy she likes asked her to coffee. Let her enjoy herself a little.”

“It’s just stupid,” you pointed out. 

“What’s stupid?”

“Why does she have to agonize over it? She doesn’t even know if it’s a date yet,” you pointed out. You turned to your worried friend. “Hyemi, ask Youngjae out yourself if you like him so much. What’s holding you back? There’s no reason you should have to sit around waiting when you know what you want. Make the first move. Don’t wait for a guy to do it!”

Hyemi blinked. “I’m all for your feminism, babe, but confessing your feelings to someone isn’t as easy as you might think.”

“Why not? There’s nothing to be ashamed of! Liking someone is natural, and everybody goes through it! The worst that can happen is that you get rejected; but that’s life. At least you’ll have an answer and you can move on. Things will be in your control. If you just sit around and wait, you might never get to experience all the possibilities!”

There was a brief pause and Hyemi bit her lip nervously. “You kind of have a point. Should I just tell him?”

Nari let out a loud snort. “You’re going to take advice from her?”

“Why not?”

“Because this lady has been madly in love with Kim Yugyeom ever since the beginning of the university and she hasn’t had the guts to say a word about it. She lives in the darkest, murkiest pits of the female friend-zone. You do not want to be taking what she says too seriously,” Nari explained. She turned to you with a laugh. “You are such a hypocrite with all your big talk about confessing!”

You avoided her gaze. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You’re going to deny having a crush on Yugyeom? After you got drunk just last weekend and admitted that you tried to steal his leather jacket because it smelled like him? You only gave it back when he caught you red-handed trying to take it home!” Nari cried. “Dude, don’t be an idiot. Everyone knows you like Yugyeom. Even Bambam has you figured out and he’s the least observant person I know.”

You flushed a furious red. It wasn’t as if you were too shy, or scared to confess to Yugyeom. Who would be? No matter how sexy he might act with his leather jackets and expensive car, Kim Yugyeom was the sweetest person you knew. He was the most approachable, friendly, non-judgmental guy ever. Nobody could be afraid to tell Yugyeom anything. 

“If I wanted to ask Yugyeom out, I would have done it by now,” you replied confidently. 

“Right.”

“I just… don’t want to date him. He’s a friend.”

“Right.”

“Why are we even talking about me? Weren’t we talking about Hyemi? Are you sure you want to go meet Youngjae in those sweatpants?” you demanded. Hyemi’s eyes widened and she slung her bag over her shoulder. 

“Oh my god, you’re right, I should go change. I’ll see you guys later!”

You nodded and waved goodbye, ignoring the knowing smile that Nari was giving you. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday was the only day of the week that Yugyeom and Bambam had lunch with you. 

Of course, you had a class with Yugyeom on Tuesdays mornings too, but he mostly sat with some of his other friends, only giving you a toothy smile and a friendly wave. On Thursdays, you had the blissful advantage of having the same lunch break as Bambam and Yugyeom, and the cafeteria served chocolate pudding. 

Yugyeom never missed the chocolate pudding. 

And you never missed Yugyeom. 

You grabbed your tray and sat down at an empty table with Nari to dig into your food. Lunch break wasn’t as long as you would like and you were starving. Just as you started to dig in, your phone buzzed on the table with a message from Hyemi. You checked it and smiled to yourself. 

“What happened?” Nari wondered. 

“It’s Hyemi. Turns out Youngjae wanted help organizing Yugyeom’s surprise birthday party on Saturday. He wanted to know if she could get them a discount on a birthday cake, since her mom owns a bakery.”

Nari sighed. “She must be heartbroken. She definitely thought it was a date.”

You pocketed your phone with a sigh. “I still think that if she likes him so much, she should just ask him out. He’s not going to eat her alive. Youngjae is a nice guy. And Hyemi’s really attractive too, she doesn’t have much to be afraid of.”

Nari leaned forward in her seat and smirked. “Is that your problem? You don’t think you’re attractive?”

“What?”

“Is that why you won’t confess to Yugyeom?”

You scoffed. “Excuse me. I’m perfectly satisfied with my appearance. I’m a natural beauty,” you replied as you flipped your hair over your shoulder dramatically. “We’re the most dangerous type, you know.”

“So why won’t you confess to Yugyeom?”

“I told you, if I wanted to do it I would have-”

“Oh, look, here he comes!”

You froze and turned around. Nari wasn’t lying. Yugyeom walked over towards you with his lunch tray and a big, cheerful smile on his face. Your heart skipped a beat when he chose the spot beside you to sit down. Yugyeom’s tall body was too large for the small cafeteria chairs, but he never seemed bothered by things like that. Bambam followed closely behind. 

“Hey! What are you guys talking about?” Yugyeom asked.

“We were discussing a friend of mine,” Nari replied, taking a sip of her juice coolly. “She’s liked this guy for a long time but she’s having trouble gathering the courage to ask him out. Well. Actually, it’s difficult to get her to admit she likes him at all, she’s that shy.”

Bambam laughed. “Aww, girls like that are cute. Who is this person?”

“Just a friend of ours you don’t know,” you replied hastily while glaring at Nari. “But I can’t blame her for hesitating to ask him out. A lot of guys have this stupid male ego, they need to be the one to make the first move or they feel emasculated.”

“What?” Yugyeom asked. “Who told you that? That is not true!”

“Exactly!” Bambam agreed with a nod. “I would never be picky about that. I’d be happy that the girl likes me enough to make the first move. Even if I didn’t like her enough to go out with her, I’d still be flattered because it feels good when someone tells you they like you, right? That’s not a guy thing. Anyone would feel nice if they received a genuine confession.”

Nari grinned. “What do you think, Yugyeom?”

Yugyeom barely looked up from his tray as he swallowed a huge mouthful of food. “Hmm? Oh yeah, I agree with Bambam. It’s great when the girl makes the first move. It’s a shame that they’re often too nervous to do it.”

You looked down at your food. You’d lost your appetite. “Yeah. A shame,” you muttered. 

“Haven’t you tried talking to her?”

“Huh?” you looked up at Yugyeom and met his soft brown eyes awkwardly. “What, me?”

He nodded. “Yeah. You’re a pretty confident woman. You should give your friend some advice and talk to her.”

Nari sniggered. “You think she’s confident?’

“Of course she is! I don’t think I’ll ever forget that one time some guy tried to touch her ass and she threw her bag at him and chased him down. The guy nearly peed his pants that day. If you can do that then asking a guy out should be a piece of cake for you,” Yugyeom said with a laugh. He nudged you in the side playfully. “Your crush isn’t going to beat you up for saying you like him!”

Nari nodded and looked at you meaningfully. “Sure. Asking someone out should be easy for her.”

You clenched your fists nervously. Was this how the others saw you? You were a confident person and you always had been. You stood up for your friends and confronted people when they were wrong. If you could yell at a dangerous stranger on the street, then what was a simple I like you in front of a boy you knew and trusted? Confrontation didn’t scare you. Silly emotions shouldn’t either. 

Besides. You liked Yugyeom. You liked how positive and friendly he was. How he tried to act cool and suave but could never hold back his laugh. You liked how Yugyeom was loud and silly, yet he could also be soft and sensitive. You liked his broad shoulders and towering height, and the way they contrasted with his childlike smile. You often felt the urge to wrap your arms around him, to inhale his familiar scent or run your fingers through his soft hair and kiss him. 

You slammed your fork down on the table. “You really think I can’t do it?” you demanded. 

Nari flinched. “What-”

“I’m not a coward or a hypocrite so you can wipe that smirk off your face,” you  told her firmly. Adrenaline was pumping through you and you were hit by a sudden burst of confidence and determination. You stood up and turned to your crush. “Yugyeom, come outside. I need to talk to you.”

Yugyeom blinked and pointed at himself weakly. “Me? I’m eating, though-”

“Just come outside now,” you insisted, grabbing his arm and tugging. You weren’t strong enough to actually lift Yugyeom out of his seat, but he put his spoon down and allowed you to pull him to his feet with a small whine. 

“Dude, it’s lunch, what is all this about?” he complained as you led him outside of the cafeteria. His hand was warm and despite his protests, his fingers closed gently around yours and made no attempt to pull away. You walked him a short distance away from the cafeteria where there was a small bench next to the lawns and then released his hand. 

“Sit,” you ordered him. 

Yugyeom folded his arms across his chest and pouted. “This had better not take too long, Bambam will eat my chocolate pudding by the time we get back.” 

You took a deep breath. “I… have to tell you something.” 

“Okay. Spit it out.”

You took a deep breath but something caught in your throat. How do I look? You wondered suddenly. You hadn’t looked in a mirror since you left home in the morning. Was your hair all right? What if there was something on your face? How could you look Yugyeom in the eyes and tell him you liked him if there was something in your teeth and he was laughing at you the whole time? 

“I’m… I’m going to talk facing this way,” you said suddenly, turning your back to him. 

Yugyeom, who had taken a seat comfortably in the park bench, raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to talk with your back towards me? Why?” 

“I just… just don’t really want you to see my face when I’m saying this.” 

“… Okay.” 

You clenched your fists tightly and squeezed your eyes shut. You could do this. What was the worst that could happen? Yugyeom wouldn’t be cocky or mean about it. He was a sweetheart. He would be kind enough to turn you down without hurting your feelings. 

But what about after that? Would you be able to stay friends? Could you laugh and joke around with him the same way if he knew that you liked him? How were you ever supposed to act the same way again? Wouldn’t you constantly feel humiliated by the memory of his rejection? 

Yugyeom blinked. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” 

You cleared your throat. “I…” 

“You’re acting really weird.” 

“Just shut up and let me think,” you snapped, closing your eyes. No. You couldn’t think of these things now. If you were going to do this, then you were going to do it coolly and with confidence. I like you. Yugyeom, I like you. 

But didn’t that sound too childish? Saying I like you like a teenager? Shouldn’t you sound more mature? But what else could you say? I have feelings for you? That felt too formal and awkward. Your eyes were still squeezed shut. You were painfully aware of Yugyeom waiting behind you and you felt a sense of panic rise up. I’m taking too long. I must look so stupid right now. Hurry up, say something, anything! 

Yugyeom’s large hand came to rest on your shoulder gently. He turned and walked around, standing in front of you and bending down so that he could see your face. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, with a slightly awkward smile. “Wow, you’re all red.” 

You looked up at him nervously. “Don’t- go away-“ 

“What has you all worked up?” Yugyeom wondered. He looked down at you for a moment, before his eyes widened a little. “You’re not… I mean, this can’t possibly be…” 

He knows. He knows I like him, he knows this is a confession, what else could it be? How could you be so obvious? You felt your head spin and blood rushed to your face. You couldn’t look up at Yugyeom, couldn’t face him. You wanted to disappear into the earth. This is a dream, you found yourself thinking. This isn’t real, you’re not about to humiliate yourself in front of Yugyeom. 

“Hey! What’s going on?” Yugyeom was waving his hand in front of your face, looking a little worried. “What is up with you, why are you like this?” 

Your held your hand up. “Just shut up for a second.” 

“Okay?” 

Your heart dropped into your stomach. Yugyeom was looking down at you worriedly, with his adorably confused expression. You were struck with the vivid image of Yugyeom giving you a forced smile, of him telling you awkwardly that he had never thought of you that way. 

That thought terrified you more than anything in your life. 

“I can’t do it,” you whispered. 

Yugyeom blinked. “What?” 

“I- I can’t. I don’t want to. This was such a stupid idea, I can’t- I should have let Nari- I have to go, I’m sorry,” you blabbered out, panicked. Yugyeom looked surprised but stayed silent as you pushed his arm away and ran, your face burning.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Nari opened the bedroom door loudly.

“A thank you would be appreciated. You left all your stuff in the cafeteria when you ran off. I brought your books and even protected your chocolate pudding from Bambam,” Nari scolded you as she entered your room and put your stuff on the desk. She turned to the large lump on the covers that was her best friend. 

You were lying on your stomach on the bed, face pressed into a pillow. It wasn’t a very comfortable position. You slowly raised your head from the fluffy pillow and blinked calmly.

“Nari, I want to die.”

“You poor thing.”

“It was so humiliating. I had no idea what to say! I couldn’t think of anything so I started panicking and to be honest, it felt like some enormous weight was crushing me. And then everything just went blank. Like, who am I? Why am I here? Am I really alive?” you burst out, clutching the pillow to your chest tightly. You let out a loud groan and banged your head against the mattress repeatedly. “I must have looked so stupid- stupid- stupid- stupid!”

“I told you confessing wasn’t that easy.”

“I want to die. I can never step out of this apartment again. Oh god, I must have looked like a complete idiot. Yugyeom must have been laughing at me. Do you think he knows? That I like him?”

Nari laughed. “After all that? Definitely.”

You jolted upright, eyes wide with horror. Your stomach twisted in embarrassment. Oh, why had you gone and behaved so stupidly? Couldn’t you have kept your fat mouth shut? 

“What did he say? Did he say something after I ran off? Did Bambam say something? What happened?” you demanded.

“You’ll just have to ask him yourself. He was trying to call you, you know.”

You groaned and squeezed the pillow tighter. “How the hell am I supposed to answer his calls? I can’t. I’ll… I’ll change my number. And preferably transfer colleges. Do you think I can transfer mid-semester? What if I just give up on my education and go back to my hometown?”

“Sure, go ahead.” 

“Why aren’t you being more supportive?” you demanded, upset. 

Nari chuckled. “Because you deserve every moment of this agony. Good luck figuring out what you’re going to do, because it’s not like you can avoid Yugyeom forever. You’ll have to see him again soon.”

You bit your lip. “Not until next Thursday! We have a class together on Tuesday but I can skip that. Thursdays are the only day our schedules coincide too much to avoid him, so I have until next Thursday to sort out my affairs and find a painless way to die.”

“Actually…”

“What now?”

"Did you forget Saturday is Yugyeom's birthday? We're planning a surprise party. In our house. You promised Bambam and Youngjae that you would decorate!" 

Your heart sank. 

Oh fuck. 

--------------------------------------------------

You snuck around campus on Friday, terrified that you would run into Yugyeom somewhere. You knew perfectly well that he was busy on Fridays and that the two of you didn’t share any classes, but you still kept imagining that you could see him out of the corner of your eye. 

It was like seeing ghosts, except you kept seeing Yugyeom’s cheeky smile. 

“Hey!”

Your heart nearly dropped into your stomach as a friendly hand landed on your back. You whirled around to see Bambam standing behind you with a big smile; your throat closed up until you scanned your surroundings and confirmed that Yugyeom was nowhere to be seen. 

“Relax, he has class,” Bambam told you with an amused laugh. 

You flushed. “Fuck off.”

“Why are you getting mad at me?  I didn’t tell you to completely embarrass yourself in front of him. What is wrong with you, anyway?” he asked. 

You groaned. “Seriously Bambam, leave me alone.”

“No, sorry, can’t do. I’ve been looking for you all day, we need to talk about Yugyeom’s surprise birthday party, remember? I’m going to take him out to a football game on Saturday morning so that you guys have the time to decorate your apartment and Youngjae will bring over the cake and streamers and stuff. I’ll bring him over to yours at 6 pm, so get everybody ready by then.”

You swallowed. “Uh, Bambam…”

“What?”

“Can the party be someplace else?”

Bambam frowned. “You know what? I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, because this surprise party was your idea and we planned this because Yugyeom is our friend and we want to make his birthday special. You can be annoying at times but I’ve never thought of you as flaky, so don’t disappoint me now.”

Your heart sank. “Right.”

“Don’t worry. It’ll be great. And stop freaking out, you know Yugyeom is the nicest guy ever.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Awesome. Stay in touch. 6 pm tomorrow, keep everything ready!”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn’t breathe, and you weren’t sure if it was from blowing too many balloons or because you were having a miniature panic attack. 

It was 5:45. Bambam had texted you guys on the group chat (a special one excluding Yugyeom) that he was on the way to your house with Yugyeom in tow. The streamers and balloons were all in place, you had hung a huge banner that read Happy Birthday Yugyeom in the living room and the cake was on the dining table with the candles in place, waiting to be lit as soon as you heard the elevator come up. 

Everything was ready except you. 

You were absolutely not ready. 

“Whose lighting the candles?” Youngjae demanded. “Should I do it?”

“I will,” Nari volunteered. “Youngjae, you and Hyemi stay near the light switch and the rest of you guys can find places to hide. We all jump out and scream the moment Bambam opens the door, so stay alert.”

“Okay, got it.”

You sidled over to where Nari was standing near the cake and tugged on her sleeve nervously. 

“Nari…”

“What?”

“I feel sick,” you mumbled. 

“Well, don’t throw up on the cake.”

“No, I’m serious.”

She noticed how white your face had turned and sighed. You were clearly freaking out. Nari wrapped an arm around your shoulder and gave you a friendly side-hug. 

“Hey. Everything’s going to be fine. Forget about what happened, okay? Don’t think about it. It’s Yugyeom’s birthday and we’re all here to celebrate. We’re going to surprise him, cut the cake, and then you can sneak out if you’re still feeling uncomfortable. He’s a sweetheart. He’ll understand.”

You nodded. “Okay.”

She smiled. “You really like him, huh?”

You couldn’t respond. You merely tried to distract yourself by looking around the room. Youngjae and Hyemi were waiting near the light switch to surprise Yugyeom and you suddenly noticed that they seemed closer than before. 

Hold on. 

Were they… holding hands?

You grabbed Nari’s sleeve again. “Am I missing something? Since when are those two so cozy?”

Nari turned to look at Youngjae and Hyemi’s intertwined hands and giggled. “They’re dating now. She took your advice and asked him out on Thursday. It went really well, apparently, he really likes her too. Isn’t it great?”

“Yeah,” you muttered bitterly. 

Great. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes, you wondered how Yugyeom could be so adorable. 

His face turned a furious shade of red as soon as everyone jumped out at him and he let out his usual flustered laugh. His eyes shone delightedly as everyone rushed to hug him and wish him a happy birthday. 

Jackson placed a party hat on Yugyeom’s head and Mark had brought a whole load of confetti that now covered Yugyeom’s hair and clothes. 

“Come, on, let’s cut the cake!” 

Nari lit the candles and set the cake down in the living room. You awkwardly joined everyone as they crowded around it and shoved Yugyeom to the front so that he could blow out his candles. Everyone fell silent. 

“Make a wish,” Bambam reminded Yugyeom as he leaned forward to blow the candles out. 

Yugyeom’s dark eyes flickered upwards and met yours. 

“I already know what I want.”

You clapped along with everyone as they sang Happy Birthday and the cake was smashed into Yugyeom’s face before anyone could take a single bite. He roared in outrage and tried to rub some off on Bambam, only to have his friend shriek about how expensive his shirt was. A cake-fight ensued; one that you really wanted to join but somehow couldn’t. 

Fuck. 

You liked Yugyeom so much. 

What were you going to do? How would you ever get over this? Every tiny part of you was screaming out to go join him and laugh with him and rub some cake into his face like everyone else but your stomach kept twisting and turning unpleasantly.

Had you screwed up an amazing friendship? 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were lucky that nobody noticed you disappearing into your bedroom. There were a lot of people out there anyway, since Yugyeom had so many friends, and one person missing wouldn’t make a big difference. It was fine.

You could hang out here until everyone left and then come out just to help clean up. 

It would be fine. 

There was a knock on the door. 

“Hey!” Nari’s voice called out, muffled. “It’s me, open up. I brought you some food.”

You sighed in relief and went to open the door. “Thanks, you’re the best-”

You opened the door and came face-to-face, not with Nari but with a sheepishly smiling Yugyeom. He had tried to wipe the cake off his face but there was still a little icing and confetti in his hair. His lips curved into an embarrassed smile and he waved at you awkwardly. 

“Hi. Can I come in?”

You swallowed. “Y-yeah.”

“Why are you hiding in here?” he asked you innocently, stepping into your room and closing the door behind him. The apartment was noisy but the moment Yugyeom shut the door, you couldn’t hear anything except for his voice.

“I-I just…”

“You’re avoiding me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” he mumbled as his dark eyes met yours. 

“S-sorry.”

“Aren’t you going to finish what you started?” he wondered. Yugyeom’s arms were folded across his chest. He was wearing his soft blue sweater; the one you loved on him, the one that made his shoulders look broad and made you want to cuddle into his arms. 

“Finish what?”

“You started saying something and then you flaked out on Thursday. Remember? At lunch? I’ve been calling you for two days and you haven’t been answering. You didn’t even wish me a happy birthday today. I thought you would at least send a message in the morning. It’s not fair, I didn’t do anything wrong,” Yugyeom insisted with a pout. 

You felt guilty. “Sorry. I-Happy Birthday.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“I got you a present. Hold on- I have it somewhere here, I was just going to give it to your later when everyone gave you the presents, I think it’s in my closet because I didn’t want it to get messy-”

“Hey,” Yugyeom cut you off. He had a soft smile on his face, one that made you heart skip a beat. “You can give me the present you bought me later. Can I ask for something? Since it’s my birthday? You have to give me whatever I want.”

You swallowed. “Yeah, sure.”

Yugyeom took a step back and then opened his arms wide. You stared at him for a moment, not understanding, but he simply stood there patiently and smiled as he held his arms out. It took a few moments for your brain to descend from its state of panic and understand that he wanted you to hug him. 

“Oh-”

You stepped closer and Yugyeom’s arms closed around you tightly. 

He smelled wonderful; you couldn’t help but inhale the familiar scent that was his and your heart skipped a beat when his strong arms wrapped around you and he nuzzled his face into your neck. You could feel his warm breath on your skin. It was comfortable. It was both incredibly familiar and incredibly exciting and you melted into his embrace. 

“Hey,” Yugyeom mumbled against your shoulder. 

“Yeah?”

“I need you to finish what you were saying on Thursday.”

Your heart skipped a beat. 

“Huh?”

“Just finish it. I could always finish it instead, but I know you too well. You’ll beat yourself up forever if you flake out entirely, and I don’t want that to happen. You’re strong and confident. You can do anything. ”

“W-what if I can’t?”

Yugyeom pulled back and smiled. His brown eyes looked down at you softly and he lifted a hand to gently stroke your hair. He chuckled and bit his lip. “Then I’ll be disappointed.”

You squirmed. “I-let me go-”

“No, no, I’m sorry,” he apologized with a laugh, as his arms tightened around you. “Fine. If you don’t want to say it first then I’ll say it. Okay? Do you want me to do it instead?”

You looked up at Yugyeom’s soft expression and your heart sank. 

Ah, fuck. No. You didn’t want him to say anything. 

It didn’t matter what Yugyeom felt or didn’t feel. You liked this man standing in front of you. You liked every single part of him, from his confetti-covered hair to his long legs and adorable cheeky smile. You liked his passionate and carefree nature. You liked Yugyeom and it was a nice feeling and you decided in that moment that it was nothing to be ashamed of. 

“Yugyeom,” you said quietly. 

“Yeah?”

“I like you.”

 His cheeks flushed red and he looked down at you with a giddy smile. 

“Me too,” he mumbled shyly. 

You felt every single part of your body relax. 

“Oh-”

Yugyeom suddenly leaned down and placed a quick, chaste kiss on your lips. It was over in a heartbeat but you could still feel the soft imprint of his lips against yours. Yugyeom’s ears turned red and he looked equally embarrassed when he let go of you and took a step towards the door. 

“Come on,” he told you, flushed. “Before they finish whatever’s left of the cake. You’ll have to help me fight Jackson.”

You nodded, holding back a smile, and followed him. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

[mackenzieparker]

ok lets do this one more time, yeah? for real this time. this is it. my name is nika (she/hers, est). i like to write and hang out cool communities like this and for the last first time, i have brought a brand new muse to y’all. below you’ll find all the details on a ms. mackenzie “mack” rae parker, plucky country gal and badass babe. please love me and her and smash that like button or send me a dm (discord ichoosenikachu#4859 )  to plot.

( tw: drunk driver, death, sexism )

B A C K S T O R Y →

meet mackenzie rae parker, born august 17, 1989 in grove, oklahoma. mack (as she’s gone by since she was a kid and it won’t be changing anytime soon) was born to two loving parents Steven and Margaret Parker, the youngest daughter of three boys: morgan, matthew, and merritt. yes, her parents did have a thing for m names--and no, it didn’t help her momma remember her name any better, like they told their kids growing up. 

Maggie and Steve loved their daughter--their whole family, really--to bits and pieces. It had been Maggie’s dream to have a little girl when the couple first got together and when they had first received the ultrasound, well, they were overjoyed. When Mackenzie came into the world, there was cause for joyous celebration and laughter. Everyone was happy the Parker’s finally had a little pink bundle of joy. 

Little Mackenzie’s personality was--well, let’s just say she had never been one to shy away from an exciting situation. Her brothers’ had taught her early on that life wouldn’t always be easy so she had to be tough enough to take it head on. In fact, they made it a point to remind her whenever they had a chance. Buts she was also their little sister, and fiercely protective of her. And while it annoyed Mack to no end, she adored her brothers endlessly. 

Mack may not have been the strongest Parker in the household, but next to her Momma she was the wittiest. Her comebacks were always sharp and as she grew up, she honed her sarcastic, dry wit in addition to her own athletic talent.

Mack loved her Momma. In fact, if she had to pick favorites her Momma would have won every time. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her father. Her father was a good man--he was a local mechanic at Grove Automotive, always greeted everyone with a smile and cared deeply for his family. But Mack and him were never as close as she was with her momma. Maggie understood her daughter’s firey nature but compassionate heart and saw the way it warred within her--especially after she’d gotten into a fight with one of her brothers. 

( tw: drunk driving & death ) When Mack was twelve, though--tragedy struck. Maggie was on her back from work after parent teacher conferences; she was the local kindergarten teacher at Grove Elementary, when a drunk drive t-boned her car and Maggie was killed on impact. thankfully (if one can say that in this situation) no one else was in the car. but suddenly the Parker family had lost its matriarch and Mack, the one person who might have been able to understand her. 

She had always grown up as a tomboy--a fact that even her momma, a woman who had been raised in South Carolina to rather traditional parents couldn’t stamp out of her. But even so, after Maggie Parker passed on, Mack became even more of one, almost shunning all that was feminine away from her, as if any reminder of her mother would be the end of her as she knew it. And, for her, it might have been. It was no secret she had been the closest to Maggie--and her death hit her the hardest. Mack got rid of all her dresses, all her skirts, anything that reminded her of her mother--save for the small box of photos and momentos she kept heavily hidden under her bed. On her worst days, she’d pull the box out and talk to the photo of her Momma--it was the only time the blonde ever outwardly expressed emotions, specifically crying. 

To distract herself from the grief, Mack threw herself into everything she could in high school--archery, debate, robotics club, anything to keep her mind off of the encroaching cloud that now lived around her heart. It was in Robotics club, though, she learned she had a real knack for using her hands. She had learned early on about cars and the like--her father’s occupation and brothers’ fascination with the thing gave her unparalleled access to a number of cars being torn apart and rebuilt from the ground up. But Mack--Mack was always more excited about what flew above their heads than right next to them. A junior in high school, she had made the choice that she wanted to be an engineer--one who would eventually design an entire new fleet of Boeing Jets for commercial use. She had only ever flown on a jet once--to see her grandparents after her momma’s passing--but it had been the only thing to give her relief from her sadness that day. It’s where her love affair with aviation began. 

Mack graduated top of her class (nerd, her brothers would always joke) and soon found herself enrolled in the University of Oklahoma’s prized engineering program (boomer sooner!). Of course, she wanted to stay close to home--one, to keep the costs down but two, leaving her family felt wrong, even six years later. And for the most part, Mack loved it. She got involved in all sorts of things--engineering clubs, intramural sports, and even, yes, a sorority. It went against all the things she hated in relation to femininity, but her mother had spoken so highly of her experiences in the organization, and Mack felt a pull to join her. To her surprise, she didn’t hate it--and it was with those women she really started to learn about feminism. 

You see, when Mack would go home, all the women in town would ask her about if she was seeing a boy. Mack had never understood why it mattered so much if she had a boyfriend or not--she was getting her degree in mechanical engineering, wasn’t that a tad bit more impressive than whatever guy she might be seeing? But soon, it occurred to her that the women in town would never understand anything other than her finding her future husband at school. The fact shocked her, considering it had never occurred to her in the slightest that she’d ever go to school to get a husband in the first place. After the shock worn down, it enraged her and made her work harder. Because now, she was getting disparaging comments from the folks back home and the men in her internships and co-ops. Women can’t build things--they’ll break a nail. Why are you in pants? Your legs would look better in a skirt. Mack had never been one to bit her tongue, and on more than one occasion was able to test out what her brothers’ had taught her growing up. No one was going to tell Mack what she could or could not do. And certainly not because of her gender. 

Mack eventually graduated college--though deeply in debt thanks to all those added fees for science labs #thanksUofOklahoma--but realized that going back home would never be realistic for her. So, she packed up her truck, Betsy, and headed west. Originally, she had meant to go to Seattle or Portland--that’s where Boeing was, that’s where her dream landed. But something about Charming, CA caught her eye--and she found herself intrigued. Plus, it sure didn’t hurt that no one seemed to care when she applied to work as a mechanic in their autoshop. Now she’s been here about 8 years and she hasn’t grown sick of it yet. She still has dreams of working for Boeing, but as she grows more comfortable in Charming, they seem to be slipping to the wayside. 

Mack’s vibe is...well, she’s a loyal friend, a good listener and kind, though not sunshine and rainbows. Growing up without her mom really changed her--she still had a compassionate heart but it’s not as obvious as it once was. She’s still sassy, sarcastic and witty, but she is friendly as well. Smart too--and a bit of a nerd, loves herself some comics and documentaries. all around, she’s genuinely a good egg, just a little...rough around the edges at times. 

H E A D C A N O N S →

Mack never, ever goes by Mackenzie. In fact, you’ll never know its her full name unless she drops her ID. The only person you’ll ever hear call her that is her father--or brothers--when something is wrong. 

Her favorite food is chicken cordon bleu. She knows it sounds fancy but literally, her favorite is the one where you buy it frozen and pop it in the oven. She is a simple gal, truly. 

Her favorite shoes are her various pairs of converse, although for work she can be seen wearing docs so she doesn’t get oil all over her shoes. 

Betsy, her truck, is very special to her--she takes extra good care of it. She’s a 1967 Chevy C10 Pickup in a robin’s egg blue color--and her pride and joy.

Even though she loves her truck no matter what, the woman has worked on enough bikes for the various motorcycle clubs around town to know that if she had even gotten enough money--she’d get herself a nice bike. Flying down the road on open asphalt? Doesn’t get better than that. 

Mack loves classic rock. Like love loves it--but also the women of the 90′s like Alanis Morisette, Liz Phair, The Cranberries--she loves a good women rock group. 

P L O T S →

friends

exes

situationships/flirtationships

fwb

slowburn

coworkers

any connections to the motorcycle gang

literally i suck at listing plots out, just hit me up and i’ll be EXCITED TO PLOT!

[namjoonchronicles]

robes | nj

↳ genre fluff, domestic au, namjoon husband au, marriage au ain’t no smut inside i think? is that scene considered smut hmm no idea

↳ words 4k

↳ summary the ordeals that females face everyday isn’t something new to talk about, but it’s an issue that needs constant reminder. everything is fine and dandy until namjoon heard first-hand, how it actually sounds like. and the event that followed suit is a bonus intended soothe the heaviness of the first half, you’re welcome. prepare to be a ball of mush

↳ warning slight suggestive content, catcalling, feminism, public indecency, sexual harassment (so you know what it looks like), disturbing descriptions regarding masturbation; public transport, corn dogs is a food, mentions of pornography, heart goes boom-boom material--what even is these warnings, but it’s all true so, you’ve been warned don’t come whining at me kim gyeongmin is also namjoon’s baby sister’s actual name, i know bc i asked him.

↳ namjoonchronicles’ honorary tag list @kai-tashi @joon94net @yoongiseesaws @yourlocalalien @mentallycryinghanriver @majestikblue @septemberalien 

↳ special thanks to @fangirlaholicxx for she’s having an exam week and still deliver, a dependable wife indeed; she liked this, that’s why i’m posting it... also I’m in need of my readers’ blood

↳ song maisie peters ‘feels like this’

How does Namjoon react to you being catcalled? Not great. Not great at all, really.

He is sitting anxiously in his own office, after sending you off alone to get some things Gyeongmin needed for her big day. Because he was so stricken with the need to protect you constantly, he had to give you a call and hear your voice to make sure you’re alright.

“Hello…” chic voice, business-only tone. “Hi, it’s me, are you anywhere nearby the office?” he asked, finding random excuses to get you home earlier than you plan. The closest building he could think of, being his own office. “I’m just walking out the store, why? Is there something you want me to get you?” you asked, genuinely concerned that he might be needing something and because you’re not far away from the store yet, you turned around to head back where you came out of.

“No, I just…” and then he heard it. A raunchy voice, whistling and moaning out loud.

“Hot stuff, where you going looking nice like that!” “You look like my future baby mama…” They howled. They clink bottles. They stuck their tongue out. And attempt to get near. “Who you callin’? You have to get off the phone, and get off of me, pretty princess!” “I hope it’s not your boyfriend… I’ll be so sad.”

Namjoon held on his phone, tight. His lips felt dry, he clenches his jaw and balled his fist. He was only hearing this, and it felt disgusting. You, on the other hand, were experiencing it, as the phone call progresses.

“That looks heavy, can you carry it? Do you want my help, lady?” the grouchy voice is mocking. Namjoon straightens up in his seat.

“Just what? I can’t hear you, these dumbasses are speaking so loud,” you covered one ear and spoke louder through the phone. “She just calls us dumbasses!” a roar of laughter followed  suit and Namjoon let out a sentence in harsh rasps, “Just get to my office as fast as you can.”

You stared at your phone while the catcallers showed a derogatory moves, by moving their hips and rubbing their manhood over their jeans. You shake your head and continued your pace. It sucks. Walking along as a young woman, sucks. And it’s sad. Sad because, it had become the norm. It’s upsetting to say, “They’re like that, because I’m a woman.” It’s unsettling, terrorising and degrading. To feel like you’re at fault, because you’re a women and was treated like that.

But you had a fair share of it. You know, the moment you stepped into the office, Namjoon will want to talk about it. He didn’t have to sputter a word, because his face says it all. His aura, his body-language, everything is so clear. Namjoon, when it comes to you, bares it all. You set the bags down, next to your purse, then placed the take-outs on the wooden coffee table Namjoon has in his studio. Ridding your cardigan, you sat with a huff and Namjoon replaced a book in his shelf. Today, he decided to reread his favorite page in ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ by Malorie Blackman. He glanced over his shoulder at you and saw how you were biting on corn dogs on a stick, playing with your phone on his couch.

Impatient, he dashes, “It doesn’t bother you?” “What?” you mumbled, chewing mindlessly. Lying, feigning, fabricating the fact that it did. You were doing what every other girl did. Well, what every other powerless and unnerving girls who go through this every day, would do. Ignoring it. Moving on.

“They said some pretty obnoxious things, babe,” he turns to face you, standing up.

“It’s normal, why are you so worked up by it… it’s what they do when they see women walking alone,” you swallowed in a hurry and smacked your tongue, only to gnaw another bite. The way you replied shows how you neglect the weight of the conversation. He was afraid for your safety. Your well-being. Your condition when he’s not around. 

“Corn dogs?” You took one for him and held it out. “How are you so… relaxed?” Namjoon joined you on the couch and took half of the corn dog into his mouth. He is angry, and hungry. It’s a bad combination.

“Listen,” you mashed your lips together before continuing, “It’s what I dealt with, every single day when I was single. I stayed in apartments alone, walked home from work alone, I get catcalled. It happens to me, it happens to everybody. And you know I stayed single longer than you. Before you, I was not in a relationship. I had to commute by train. I could be in my own car and still get catcalled. The things you hear, aren’t even half of the things I’ve heard before…”

“You’re telling me, it’s actually a lot worse?!” he exclaims. The sauce get smeared on the corner of his lips and you thumbed them away before licking them off your own thumb, grinning and resuming your horrifying ordeal with catcalling assholes. Namjoon looks like he’s in an on-going horror movie, except it’s real life.

“One time, I was commuting the train and didn’t sit because I wanted to stare out the windows, this random dude came from behind and starts nuzzling his ding-dongs on my bum… and another time, I did find a seat but this old pensioner starts tapping his manhood, smirking at me with his knees spread wide… I just look away, that’s why I carry backpacks all the time. So they can’t touch my bum.”

Namjoon stopped chewing, and placed his half-eaten corn dog down. He was visibly upset. “Let me finish that for you…” you took his corndog without hearing his reply.

It shouldn’t have been like that. It doesn’t matter what you wore, what girls wore, they should be able to roam the streets freely, without feeling like they’re being watched all the time. The world should have been safe for them as well. But here we are…

“If you ask me why it is so, man are used to jerking off on images of women, they’re looking for more thrill by jerking off on a real person, in a more public setting. It’s in the nature of man. A symbol of power, domination, jilted bravery. Playboys, Maxims, Victoria Secrets, they’re all tools to that. And for people who couldn’t find satisfaction out of it, they engorge into a more fronting situation, and then that leads to rape. All kinds of rapes, date rapes, club rapes, rapes. When things aren’t readily for them. And if that doesn’t fulfill their fantasy, they kill. Like Ted Bundy. Obsession turns to murder. And it all began with a somewhat ‘harmless’ pornography. That’s why I’m against it. Objectifying women. We are more than our curves, more than our boobs and womanhood.”

More. Namjoon listened to you attentively. He doesn’t intrude, doesn’t speak over your voice, he welcomes all your opinions. It’s why he married you after all. You and him are equals. Although he wasn’t the one having to fight daily over catcallers, he has a number of women in his life who went through this and wants to protect them. Feminism was not about freeing the nipples, it’s about being respected as a human being. What good does freeing the nipples bring to feminism? We are more ridiculed than ever because we’re feeding into their desires. To see us bare without a thread of clothing, freely, without doing anything, like the girls in Playboy magazine! It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense at all.

Namjoon is reminded about the article you wrote in your blog a few years back, “All that feminism should be is to celebrate women’s freedom to creativity, to earn and to be a part of the mechanism that brings forth a better city, country, world. That’s what image of feminism is. It’s not about having equal physical strength, wearing a cloth that resembles a man, because we do not need to be reminded about the very creature that denounces us. We wanted to be us, not them.” He felt empowered by it. Because he too is a public figure, he can’t say certain things out loud, but if he’s looking for a feminism icon, he’s looking at one, and lucky enough to marry her. That itself is enough to make him blush.

What irks him the most is that he couldn’t be with you 24/7; but he forgot that there are others in the world who couldn’t be there for their loved ones too. Protectiveness is the ability to provide a safe environment for everyone. It is not just about shielding a person from physical harm. Because harm exist in many forms: verbal, mental, spiritual. He decided that the first thing about being a feminist is to have courage. Courage. Courage is not slaying a dragon with a sword the size of a child. It’s the ability to do what you can, with what you have, where you are at the time. That is one of the many thing he finds attractive on you. The ability to speak out, to remain so calm at the time of panic, the dire need to change the world, armed with your resilience.

“God, I love you,” staring at you, in tunneling gaze. He shrinks himself, sitting sideways to watch you eat your third corn dog, his hands sandwiched between his knees, “And I’m going to get you another can of pepper spray.”

Your eyes travel up, behind his head, on the wall where both of his robes are hung, never really realizing that they’ve come home from travelling.

“Are you free this Saturday?” he whips out his phone and began scrolling down his contacts, and stopping at Jungkook’s number. “Why?” you smacked your lips together, running your tongue along the length, focusing on your food instead of your husband. “We’re taking boxing classes...”

But I already know how to box, Namjoon… He learned that fact, the hard way. Good thing is that, you went easy.

All he had to do was touch your thigh. And you’re a whirlwind of a mess within. The traffic looks awfully busy from the view of your balcony this morning but once you embarked on your journey, it wasn’t as bad. Namjoon, as per usual, begins fiddling on the car radio to plug his aux-in with some good music of your taste. And that means, a whip of good ol’ Hozier.

“Work song?” he asked as you shut the back door and you spat, “Yeah...” Fixing your glasses, you tuck a lock of hair behind your ear, pressing your lips together, smoothing your one piece pinching pink dress that enunciates your figure to a whole new level. To Namjoon’s dismay. But he lets it pass because it’s a special day. And it’s in a private setting, no catcallers there. Even if they were, he’s ready to knock them unconscious, if he needs to.

As soon as the chorus hits, your phone rings. Namjoon pressed them on his ear, knowing that you can’t answer the call, he breathed in a sing-song voice, “Hello~”

The car reverses and cornered right, before motioning straight to leave the parking lot.

“We are just leaving...” Namjoon spoke through the phone, flinching at you once in awhile. Hands on the steering wheel, clawing on a perfect 10-2 position on the clock, he could sense that you were anxious and trying to keep the situation as chill as possible.

He covers the phone with his hand and leaned over to the driver side, murmuring softly, “They’re asking if you took the pins.”

“Yup, it’s in the bag on the backseat,” you blurted in one breathe. Passing a smile to hide your nervousness. It’s a very big day. On the contrary of yesterday’s topic, where you stood brave and resounding, today, you’re gentle and exquisitely charming. As the event fits.

The call ended with, “We’re on the way...” and you suddenly reminded that you were wearing shoes instead of heel so you kept your eyes forward and ask your handy husband to check if you brought your heels under the seat with his long arms. He reaches under your seat easily, and takes them out. He confirmed that it most definitely there.

“Gosh, it’s a long way to the halls though...” you whined against the steering wheel, hitting your forehead on them at the red light. You know the place quite well and you know that there’s no parking close enough to the hall, you try to prepare yourself mentally. There’s nothing more you hate than to walk in heels. Namjoon was all smiles since morning. He was humming a melody and was tranquil ever since he woke up. It didn’t take a lot to wake him today and his excitement is highly contagious. Which was news, considering that it was pretty strenuous late night workout he had with you. No hickeys this morning, unlike usual. He was always pretty gentle. Floating touches, airy kisses, like he’s handling a glass sculpture. Making love is art. It’s hard to register the image of this suited handsome man and his expensive Rolex, staring forlornly out the window of the moving car,, the same way he was last night; all hot, sweaty and heavy. But here we are… The contrast was baffling and pleasing.

“Check the dashboard and see if there’s tissue mini packs,” patting on his knee repeatedly, urgently. He reaches for it while mumbling, “Why do you need tissue packs.”

“Oh you’ll see.”

When you arrived with Namjoon, you kicked away the shoes and traded for heels, balancing yourself by putting your hand on his pecs. Getting a good grab at those defined muscles and perky clothed nipples. He holds your wrist and handbag, his stance barely staggering at your weight. His eyes drops to the view of your hand on his chest and he bit the insides his cheek. His lips protruding like a baby chick's.

“You’re enjoying this,” Namjoon grins. He’s not necessarily hating the attention. It was his wife and as dirty minded he was, his wife was double that number. The universe ain’t lying that it created two pieces of the same soul when Namjoon met you. “I most certainly am,” you switch to the other feet and, “what good is your husband thick pecs if its not for grabbing?” You tilt your head to one side and claw his tiddies through his cloth. He winced away, giggling. “I’m suing you.”

You walked away from him and, “Okay, do me a full view and tell me is everything in place...” He crossed one arm on his chest and rest his elbow on them, to purse his lips, “The ass is definitely there.” You marched at him and grabbed your handbag with a playful slap on his stomach. “I fucking hate heels,” you growled, and he shot, “Did I ever tell you, you look fucking hot when you curse? But today, extra hot. I think it’s the dress...” “No honey,” you shake your head with an angelic smile, locking hands with him, “I look hot because it’s me.” He was stunned, like a light bulb lights up in his head and he goes, almost trance-like, “You’re right. You’re so smart I love you...”

Once you got there, Namjoon is holding onto your bag, standing against the handrail, next to his dad and Gyeongmin’s boyfriend, watching you take over. Gyeongmin looks dazzling in her long dress, teal green, and her hair in a regal bun— absolutely exquisite. She had to continuously bow down because you were too short and you needed to pin her graduation robes in the right place. “Are you getting a calf workout, Gyeongmin?” Namjoon joked.

And Gyeongmin pressed her lips together so that her smile doesn’t get bigger than it is. Couples that tease each other, stay together. You bit your smile and threw him the car keys that you couldn’t give him before because you began to fix her robes the moment you found her.. He caught them with one hand with a smug smile.

“Alright, the colored band goes underneath the hook, and if it rode up as you walk, all you have to do is tug it down hard,” you instructed her. You’re the busiest person there. Her mother helps carry her things, her phone and watching you groom her daughter to perfection. There’s several graduands around but only Gyeongmin earns your attention. She was 75% per cent ready.

“It’s going to be heavy, and it’s going to be warm but later in the halls it will be very cold,” you reminded her and in a glance, you caught her shimmering eyes, impending  tears about to fall. You noticed them but you look away.

“Why...” you sang. And Gyeongmin sniffed. “I’ve nev—“ “A-a-ah, no crying allowed,” you gently scolded her and changed the subject, “Did you eat anything today? Did you pee? It’s very important, it’s very difficult to pee with robes on.” “I had bread...” she sniffed and seemingly recover from the tiny breakdown. Namjoon caught your flapping hand, “There’s mint in the bag, can you take that out?”

When he came, he was already chewing one mint. “Those are not for you...” you slapped his thick bum and made Gyeongmin giggle. Of course, laugh, smile—it’s your happy day. Unwrapping one mint for her, you popped them in her mouth but your loving husband, unwraps one for you and pops them in your mouth while you pin Gyeongmin’s robe in place

“The mortar board please?” you asked and you know that she was too tall for you to put them neatly so you dragged Namjoon by the sleeves again to have him placed the mortar board on her. He does so very carefully, as if she’s made of glass. Her boyfriend smiled proudly at her. Her doe eyes looking up from the view of Namjoon’s nostril and a smile is stuck on her face. They weren’t very close growing up. Namjoon chose a demanding job at 15, producing and writing lyrics, and the only memory they shared was when they’re teenagers. Young adulthood was also not very promising. The relationship grew even more estranged because they’ve become completely different from each other. While Namjoon travels the world, Gyeongmin is a full-time student, studying in the US. You decided that on Gyeongmin’s graduation day, everyone should play a role. You helped Namjoon reconnect with his family, especially Gyeongmin.

No longer is he the boy who picks on his sister, no longer is he the one to take away all the umbrella in the house because he was fighting with her.

“Namjoon hyung is very lucky,” her boyfriend  sighed, reclining next to you, “Hot sister, hot wife... hot mom.”

“You’ll fit in the family right away, but Namjoon is very scary, especially to male subordinate,” you wiggled your brows at him, fetching the bags. Gyeongmin wanted to take photos before the scroll receiving ceremony because she’s all prepared now. You suggested it. Namjoon’s all smart with his black suits, and brown vest, Prada cufflinks.

“Hello handsome,” you tiptoed and fixed his tie, smoothing down the vest. He tucks your hair behind your ears, “You wore the earrings I bought you.”

“Ms. Kim Gyeongmin’s family?” the photographer called. You unknowingly pushed yourself aside, next to the pillar, holding your bag, standing behind the camera until Gyeongmin calls out your name but you were too occupied with the crowd going behind you to listen. When you turned your head in her direction, she was waving her hand for you to stand beside her but your husband was not in view.

“What are you doing... you have to be in the family photo, you dumb-dumb,” he was actually next to you now, sliding his grasp down your arm and stopping at your wrist, he practically led the way. “But I-I’m not,” you stammered needlessly.

“Like it or not, you’re a Kim now,” your father in law beamed at you. You let out a breathe you didn’t know you were holding in. The photographer aims for the shoot but he stopped momentarily. He pushed a step for you to stand on. And Namjoon covers his mouth, snickering, earning disapproval from the rest of the family. You pouted and looked down your feet.

“Why are you so mean…” “Don’t tease her like that!” “Namjoon, be nice.”

“Can I have everyone looking at the camera please?” The photographer commands and that’s when Namjoon whispered to your ear while his eyes was glued to the camera, “Thank you for marrying me...” his forefinger hook themselves around your pinky, “Mrs. Kim.”

Sweet. A moment there. Where everyone else disappears.

“Cheesy...” you rolled your eyes. “Fun sized” he teased you.

“3...! 2...! 1...!” The camera flashes.

As guests are allowed inside the hall, you waddled to the entrance. On your way, you noticed something strange. All eyes were following Namjoon, you had to swivel to the side shyly, or so you thought, until you realise that he wasn’t there. You spun around in dire panic. Suddenly a pair of large hand settled themselves on the curve of your bum, startling you until you see the face of those brazen hands. The equally brazen smile decorated his face.

“You notice they’re staring at you?” He gushes with a wide grin, standing tall and proud next to you. A hand resting above your hip line, as it should, he controls his pace to match yours. He glances at you, warm and affectionately.

“And Gyeongmin?” You asked. “Taking pictures with her friends,” he passed. “She should. She really should. There won’t be time to meet up again,” you tattered, reminded of your own graduation in the past.

Namjoon was deeply in debt to you. He never enrolled college and because of that, had never worn a graduation robe like you did. He wouldn’t know how to put the robes on for others so he was grateful that you were there. You’ve worn them before and knew what was iffy about wearing them. Gyeongmin isn’t missing out on anything. Despite having a brother who never went to university.

Namjoon holds the phone up for a selfie with you looking at him. He gives his legendary ‘v-sign’ pose, looking absolutely dashing in his suit. Smelling expensive too.

There’s a poke on your hip and it made you turn around, but before you could make sense of who it was, Gyeongmin wraps you in her arms, resting her chin on your shoulder.

“Thank you so-so-so much for being here... for fixing my robe, for making sure everything goes well, for marrying my idiot brother,” she hums, closing her eyes and gave you a tiny squeeze. Namjoon looked very offended, squinting his eyes at her. His mother came to rub your back as well, patting Namjoon’s arm right after.

“You lucky punk,” his father delivered a hearty slap on the back on his shoulder. “Dad, my shoulder will get dislocated...” Namjoon whimpers. “Okay, it’s Gyeongmin’s day, let’s not overshadow her, yes?” You warned Namjoon with the eyes.

“Why am I getting bullied today?” Namjoon whined. “Because you look too handsome and is making people staring at us...” you pushed your sides at him. “I didn’t know being handsome was a crime... Seokjin hyung lived just fine...” Namjoon had to be taken away because he doesn’t stop talking. With another selfie with the family, it signifies how the day of celebration comes to an end.

All that’s left to do is to wait for Gyeongmin to take the scroll. She received a distinction award and delivered a speech because she held the Chancellor's Award for Best Student of The Year. In the speech, she thanked her family members, her professors, and friends for being a fuel that drives her forward. And towards the end, she mentioned her famous older brother, Kim Namjoon as a role model and a figure to stand behind—his morality, determination and poise.

“Despite the difficult path that you created on your own, you remain strong and agile,” Gyeongmin adds, “Relentlessly, and in the peak of your youth, you’ve disregarded your teenage years, for the greater good, your ideas and thrived... you are not just my inspiration, but to everyone else who knew what you fought for.”

Namjoon’s eyes glimmer in pride. He held your hand tightly although his face on the screen doesn’t show how nervous he was. He filled the gaps of your fingers with his own, squeezing them tight before the camera pans away and he brought your knuckle to his lips.

“You want tissue?” You teased him, pressing your forehead on his shoulder. “I will need no such thing,” he sniffed, “But maybe just one.”

Pause. “You helped her write that, didn’t you?” “I most certainly did not,” you chuckled. “You so did,” he shot, “Who in their right mind writes ‘but to everyone who knew what you fought for’ if it wasn’t you?” “I suggested,” you reclined, protesting, “But I didn’t think she was gonna put it in!” You shrug your shoulder, giggling with a smile all the way to your ear.

Namjoon was seated on your left, and he stretched his arm all the way for his hand to cap on your right knee and slid up your thigh. “Don’t put it there,” you gritted your teeth, and removed his hand at once.

“Why not.” “Just don’t.” “What happens if I do?” “Namjoon, I swear...”

All he had to do was touch your thigh. And you’re a whirlwind of a mess within.

“You want to go home, straight?” He quirked an eyebrow at you. One look at you, and he squawks, “Let’s go home, I know you want to go home... I got you.”

“Shut up, oh my god,” you bewildered.

You pushed him till he stumbles to the side, waddling out the hallway outside the hall with your sleazy husband.

“What the fuck is wrong with you...” you contorted your face in feigned disgust. You kick your heels away, muttering, “I can’t deal with heels anymore. That’s the limit.”

Namjoon picks those heels up as you walk away barefooted as if you didn’t leave anything behind.

“Good thing is that we don’t need heels for what we’re about to do…” “And what is that…” “You know what it is.”

copyright © 2019 namjoonchronicles do not repost, or I’ll sue you 

[justkimberley]

HSMTMTS Thoughts Episode 1

Episode 2 Episode 3 Episode 4 Episode 5

Ms. Jenn watching HSM in her car is a mood

Ricky seems so excited to “start over” (oof)

She sounded neutral, that’s good right”

Ok, here’s the thing though… announcing that you love someone FOR THE FIRST TIME should be a private thing, not posted for the world to see (in my opinion).

Oof, Ricky’s face, that baby is not sure how to deal with love

“oh,”

So here’s the thing, at this point the audience doesn’t know this yet, but as I am rewatching this, I know what’s going on and Ricky at this point has no frame of reference where “love” works. He thinks that his parents are still in love (or at least he hopes), but his mom has been going away for long periods of time, he knows that their marriage isn’t doing too hot, and he is in the middle of it. Of course he couldn’t say it.

“It was a BREAK it wasn’t a break UP.” “ I’m sorry Ricky, but it’s a break UP now.”

*strong independent Nini face**sad and confused Ricky face*

Ok so like, I love Courtney and she gets better as the season goes on but the “I’m dismantling the patriarchy this year, and I’m not afraid to start with you,” was just,,, I don’t know I guess it just reminds me of the people that I went to high school/worked with that were all talk and buzzwords and no actual sustenance

The “interviews” where Nini’s like: “everything is great” and Ricky is like; “everything is terrible, love is dead” is hilarious and I love it

I love Big Red 

Ugh… Miss Jenn is too much, (she might be my least favourite character I’m sorry) “triggered as a millenial” line also gross, thanks

Carlos - BABEY

Nini has some serious imposter syndrome

Carlos is NOT a HSM historian. You can’t have only seen the first movie all the way through and not seen the other ones.

BROADWAY

Mr. Mazzara, the epitome of my least favourite type of teacher

“We don’t call colleagues sweetie,” you know what? Point to you Mr. Mazzara, that is a thing we shouldn’t do. Very patronizing.

I feel like Mr. Mazarra would be more likable if he didn’t have a mustache? Weird thought but okay

“Looking this fabulous while also fighting for intersectional feminism IS my job” again, buzzwords and no sustenance

V hudge - uhhhh??? No one says that.

All the talented senior girls graduated last year” that is probably the most realistic line in the series

Yay finally good Courtney, actually showing us a little bit about who she is

EJ noticed Nini two years ago, why did he not talk to her until the summer?

I know what he does later is not good, but he does really like her and he cares about her, so at least that counts for something

Natalie! I forgot about her, I wish she had a bigger part in the rest of the show

Nini’s grandma and her moms!

Nini’s imposter syndrome returns

Ricky’s dad! He’s trying so hard to give Ricky’s mom space, and he’s stressed and obviously Ricky is aware, but at least his dad is trying to be reassuring “it’s gonna be fine bud”

Also why does nobody talk about how what Ricky’s mom is doing is kind of really shitty? Like she left her child for weeks at a time, without explaining what was going on?

“Shouldn’t he be fighting to save this?” *goes to fight to save his relationship*

“I’m actually bummed that we don’t have any competition here” - also a very realistic line but the cockiness needs to go (I’m guessing it might be a major point in his redemption. He’s definitely used to getting what he wants all the time, so it would be good to see him start to accept that that’s just not how life works)

Gina! - Sofia Wylie’s dancing, so good

Also, who is the guy with the grey/white hair? He’s one of my favourites.

Also how do they think that Gina should be Gabriella? She’s definitely more of a Sharpay, and if they want to go with a boy for Sharpay (we love Seb) then she should at least be Ryan (why not genderbend the both of them?). She should be someone who is super out there and has lots of musical numbers so she can dance and show off her talent and personality, Gabriella just isn’t that kind of character.

Also miss Jenn’s type casting is really not my thing (you look like a Taylor, you’re a Chad, etc. Should they not just choose who they want to audition for and then be put where they actually fit?)

“I dabble…” (Ashlyn, we love you) also why would Miss Darbus have a power ballad?

“This is my nightmare” *getcha head in the game on repeat *

That Armie Hammer comment is creepy, Miss Jenn

Once again, Gina is too much of a powershow for Gabriella. She’s not showing the vulnerability

Also a look into Gina’s home life that I forgot about. “If you’re not the best don’t do anything at all,” Yikes, total stage mom living vicariously through her daughter? Maybe?

That british accent thing is very strange and also never addressed again (so far) whyy? Why did they do it?? Does anyone in real life actually do this?

“That is why I love you” - *wide eyed flashback* also EJ, its been like one month, slow down tiger

“That’s a really big thing to post online” my thoughts too, Ricky

Okay so here’s my thoughts about Ricky calling the break. His mom has been away for a long time (because of the whole divorce thing) so in his mind, being far away from each other means that the love thing will kind of be messed up and also like his mom texts him right before and definitely reminds him.

It also gives us sight into what Ricky thinks will happen with his parents. He thinks as soon as his mom comes home for good that it will all be fine with his parents, and that’s not what happens (as we know from episode 4). This is also mirrored in Ricky and Nini’s relationship.

Also long distance for teenagers? (grade 10s going into grade 11 at that point) like that isn’t something they’ve ever been told could work

I’m not saying that Nini’s reaction isn’t valid, I’m just trying to explain what I think is going on with Ricky

Although Nini is the only person Ricky goes to for advice, so shouldn’t she kind of be aware of these issues? Although I guess Ricky’s not even very aware of what’s going on at this point either

“Troy would have arrived on time” incorrect - many people have mentioned this but like, Troy was always late. It’s a major plot point in all of the movies.

EJ’s “You got this babe,” is what caused Miss Jen to spill on the light thing and then made the lights go out → metaphor? EJ is actually stifling Nini by being so “supportive” (by accident)

“I’m not thrown,” queen! Literally 1. Boyfriend tells her he loves her causing slightly traumatic flashback 2. Ex boyfriend runs in to auditions for something he’s said he hates and 3. Lights get messed. We stan. Not thrown, what a legend. (and then proceeds to sing and face her dream fears)

Ricky! With the flashlight first, because he believes in her, EJ with his light because he needs to one up Ricky.\

RED! Coming to support his friend.

Temp -tress girl → then immediately improvises lines just to tell Nini that he loves her

“Was this in the movie?” Miss Jenn and Carlos → fake fans

“Cause that’s like not even a word your parents say to each other anymore” → he’s trying to explain his actions (or lack thereof). Also ow, that is a hard thing to hear.

I like Ricky’s version better than Nini’s oops

Also Nini is charmed by it, even though she doesn’t want to be → cue jealous EJ

Everyone subtly impressed, and also are like “awww”

“Don’t not love you” so quietly, this boy has emotional intimacy problems and he needs to talk to a therapist or something cause his parents are really messing him up with their divorce, or “legal separation” I guess. I don’t really know what the difference is.

Ricky’s face when Nini tells him he broke her heart → immediate regret

“I… don’t… not… love you,” oof

Nini and Ashlyn’s faces, my babies are so excited they got their parts!

Gina, shocked

“She thinks I’m a ChAd?”

Ricky looks so impressed with himself and he’s also like *play ball, let’s go boys*, Nini’s like *uh oh*, and EJ’s like *maybe I’ll slip him a rotten egg too*(oop ep. 4 spoilers)

[straightedgecrf]

Don’t watch The Flash

I used to really love The Flash to where I told my friends that they should watch it.These days are different because I’m telling people not to watch due to it going from The Flash to The Trash there’s 2 reasons why.The first one is due to the poor writing of WestAllen because Barry is supposed to be the hero of the story and yet he turns into a jerk when his mind is on Iris West.Remember their first kiss?He was dating Linda and she was dating Eddie.That basically shows that he cheated on his girlfriend and violated the buds before babes code since him & Eddie were supposed to be friends.Another season 1 example was Barry giving all of the credit of The Flash existing to Iris just after helping him beat Grodd when he wouldn’t be alive or able to help the other metahumans if it wasn’t for Caitlin,Cisco and even Wellsobard who helped train him and heal him only for him to give all of the credit to Iris after one time helping just because he wanted to find any way to get into her pants in the future.When it comes to season 2,he was only supposed to go to Earth 2 with Harry & Cisco to rescue Jesse from Zoom’s layer only while pretending to be his doppleganger found out he was married to Iris on Earth 2 which caused him to care about what’s going in that life more than finding Jesse and even said to Harry that he still thought of her as Iris even if they’re on a different Earth which showed that even a different Iris is more important than the only reason they were there in the first place.Then when they come back,Iris starts wanting to be with Barry due to finding out that they were married on a different Earth and remembering the future article showing she’s married to him although she told Eddie it didn’t matter to her.She’s now saying “why not since the universe is telling me too”.Yeah that’s how you get this “Gold Standard” couple together.Then during Flashpoint,Barry spends months stalking Iris until he’s ready to ask her out.Isn’t that a little creepy?What’s sad is the 1st part of season 3 is the last part of the show where Barry Allen is who the show revolves around.Starting in the 2nd half,it’s all about Iris where he swears to her on his dead parents that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep her alive due to seeing her get killed in the future although he let Patty go to keep her safe from Zoom.They even made the whole “there’s now Flash without Iris West” look true by showing that she’s dead in the future and Barry decided to give up being The Flash because he didn’t feel like fighting crime anymore.Yeah there’s your hero.A guy who gives up being a hero to the city just because the woman he’s been obsessed with since he hit puberty is dead.Season 4 became the start of The Flash becoming Iris Knows Best since the show became all about her due to the people in charge going with a feminism scheme by having Iris be team leader when it was supposed to be Cisco which backfired.Iris became an even worse character by taking over the place and the writers nerfing everybody to make her look like she’s needed in the lab when she’s not.Barry doesn’t need Iris no matter how hard the writers try to make it look that way when it’s really Iris who needs Barry to have a reason to stay on the show.Now season 5 when their daughter Nora took over the show and when Barry decided to send Nora back to the future where she came from after not being able to deal with her working with Thawne,Iris so mad to the point that she defended Thawne and admitted that she didn’t care that their daughter was working with him.Yes that’s exactly what I said.The woman who is supposed to be the love of Barry’s life is defending the guy who murdered his mom.This is the most toxic ship I have ever seen on TV.The other reason people shouldn’t watch The Flash is because of the fandom.It doesn’t matter which side you’re on,neither side is full of saints.There are people on the SnowBarry fandom who say racist things towards Candice when they should just accept that an African American actress plays her and the WestAllen fans think just because somebody ships SnowBarry or doesn’t like Iris,they’re officially referred to as a racist without them not even knowing anything about the person.They just assume because Iris is played by an African American actress.They just can’t see how horrible her character is.What’s sad is I don’t think any of the cast would approve this type of behavior because it’s just a TV show and people in the fandom are too into their ship to realize it.That’s why I simply suggest that nobody watches this show and watch the cast members in movies along with other TV shows they’re in.That way they can support them without having to deal with any of this

[thediverismylove]

LOVER TRACK BY TRACK REVIEW

i forgot that you existed — don’t like the beginning she sounds like a robot lol. “in my feelings more than drake”??? girl no thank you. not a big fan of this song. 3/10. fave lyric is “it isn’t love / it isn’t hate / it’s just indifference”; least fave is “in my feelings more than drake, yeah”.

cruel summer — love the production on this one! her voice sounds really good and i love the way she sings “cruel summer”. 8.5/10. fave lyric is “so cut the headlights / summer’s a knife / i’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone”; no least fave lyrics here!

lover — the TENDERNESS of this song! love how easy and pretty and acoustic it it is. 9.5/10. fave lyric is “my heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue / all’s well that ends well to end up with you”; no least fave again!

the man — okay “when everyone believes you / what’s that like?” wig! also when she’s like if i was a man…….then i’d be the man…….and the synths do That in the background? it does feel very Feminism 101 in the verses but the chorus is fun! idk i expected more from this one and it’s def fun but not an all time fave. 6/10. fave lyric is “i’m so sick of running as fast as i can / wondering if i’d get there quicker if i was a man”; least fave is “and they would toast to me, oh, let the players play / i’d be just like leo in saint tropez”.

the archer — SO gorgeous and vulnerable! love the gentle and introspective vibes of this one and how simple the backing track is. her voice is so pretty in this one! would love to hear this totally acoustic. 9.5/10. fave lyric is “i cut off my nose just to spite my face / and i hate my reflection for years and years”; least fave is the pre-chorus bit that’s similar to humpty dumpty you know the one lol.

i think he knows — ugh hate the intro again talky-singing works well for her sometimes but it really doesn’t work here. very bored by this one. it feels like it’s trying so hard to be fun but it doesn’t have particularly interesting instrumentals/synths/whatever and her voice is way too talky-singy for me here. the last chorus is kinda fun but not enough to fix the whole song. 4/10. favorite lyric is “he got my heartbeat / skipping down sixteenth avenue baby”; least fave is “he got that boyish look that i like in a man / i am an architect, i’m drawing up the plans”.

miss americana & the heartbreak prince — pretty intro! the talky-singing works a little better for me here. the pageant/prom conceit is fun. very amused by her still comparing her adult life to high school prom considering she left high school at like what 15/16 for music? jdeasjkkjcskjn it’s fun tho this song is fun. i have a feeling this one will grow on me. 8/10. fave lyric is “we're so sad, we paint the town blue / voted most likely to run away with you”; least fave is the “she’s a bad bad girl bit” lol 

paper rings — ooh fun intro! like whatever effect they have over her voice. this one has a really cool beat. like the kiss me once/kiss me twice bit. the chorus is really sweet! the tune is very dance-worthy. i could def see this being played in a romcom (cue me adding it to the playlist for my gay summer camp romcom). didn’t expect to like this one so much but i’m enjoying it a lot so far! idk abt the lyrics im not even listening that closely jfekwjakjnkjn i just love the beat and the effect they have over her voice. also can’t stop thinking about when rey @theglowpt2 said “wrap your arms around me, baby boy” sounds something the try guys would shout at each other lmfao. 8.5/10. fave lyric is “darling, you’re the one i want / and paper rings and picture frames and dirty dreams / oh, you’re the one i want”; least fave is “wrap your arms around me, baby boy” bc of aforementioned try guys energies making it humorous instead of cute as intended for me.

cornelia street — like her voice in the intro it sounds very pretty and soft! don’t like the weird synth thing going on at the beginning tho it’s giving me a headache. don’t like the way she launches into the chorus it feels very abrupt. “we bless the rains on cornelia street” lol is this a toto ref? this one is pretty underwhelming ngl. her voice is pretty in some places here though. would probably enjoy an acoustic version of this a lot more. 6/10. fave lyric is “and baby, i get mystified by how this city screams your name”; no least fave lyric but i hate those loud synth things at the beginning more than anything.

 death by a thousand cuts — totally thought this was gonna be a song about like. bitter ~haters~ or smth by the title. her voice is really pretty after the “my my my” bit! love the synths in this one. the line about the traffic lights…...wig! okay totally expected to not like this one but i kinda like it. laughing at her going “UNITED WE STAND” tho lmfao. this one will def grow on me. 8/10. fave lyric is “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright / they say i don’t know”; least fave is “our songs, our films, united we stand / our country, guess it was a lawless land”.

london boy — oh excited for the absolute INSANITY of this one girls! DID SHE JUST REFER TO HER HOMETOWN AS SOCAL GIRL YOU ARE FROM PENNSYLVANIA!!!!! also so amused about she needs to reference the fact that she is american and her bf is british so many times. if i heard this song out in public i’d have to die. did she make a p!atd ref lol. unfortunate as hell but it’s kinda fun. 4/10. fave is none of it; least fave is all of it. 

 soon you’ll get better — oh this one is gonna make me SOB i just know it!!!! the vulnerableness of it all. thank you for a song about family ms taylor! the harmonies w the dixie chicks i’m ascending. this one is so so gorgeous and heartbreaking and the first song off this album that actually really made me Feel Something. 10/10. fave lyric is “the buttons of my coat were tangled in my hair / in doctor’s office lighting / i didn’t tell you i was scared”; no least fave!!! She’s Perfect

 false god — intro is fun! i like her voice in this one it’s #sexi. the line abt being nyc is funny lol…..girl what does that mean you are not a town what does that MEAAAAN. taylor swift said YES i fuck what about it in this song. the line about being the west village…...what does that mean? he’s expensive??? 6.5/10. fave lyric is “the altar is my hips / even if it’s a false god / we’d still worship this love”; least fave is “staring out the window like i’m not your favorite town / i’m new york city, i’d still do it for you, babe”.

 you need to calm down — i REFUUUUSE to listen to this song all the way it’s so corny and ridiculous. taylor rly thot she was doing smth w this one. 3.5/10. no fave lyric; least fave is like. ALL of it it’s very cheesy.

 afterglow — pretty vocals! love me some vulnerable songs. not much to say about this one lol. i like the chorus a lot. 7.5/10. fave lyric is “fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves / chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us / why'd I have to break what i love so much?”; least fave is “tell me that it’s not my fault / tell me that i’m all you want / even when i break your heart”.

 me! — unpopular opinion but i actually prefer me! to yntcd. idk why i just feel like me! knows how ridiculous and silly it is but yntcd does not. maybe that’s just me tho? 4/10. can’t believe she killed the best line of all time aka “hey kids spelling is fun”...that was HILARIOUSLY BAD AND WONDERFUL AT THE SAME TIME. that would’ve been the fave; least fave is the awkward uncomfortable space where “hey kids spelling is fun” used to be.

 it’s nice to have a friend — very forgettable. her vocals here are pretty but the song overall is nothing special imo. do like the dreamy vibes tho! 4.5/10. fave or least fave lyrics tbh it’s just boring to me pretty but boring.

 daylight — WHY is taylor swift so obsessed w/ mentioning that some of her friends turned out to be dicks. absolutely OBSESSED w/ that edit that’s like “i wounded the good and trusted the wicked” over katy perry and karlie kloss respectively it’s peak comedy. very pretty vocals but has some unfortunate lyrics! 5.5/10. fave lyric is “i, i just think that / you are what you love”; least fave is “i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked / clearing the air, i breathed in the smoke”.

overall: probably like a 6.5/10? had some really great tracks like lover & the archer & soon you’ll get better but also some BAD ones like me!, yntcd, and i forgot that you existed. it was a fun time but not an all time fave. in terms of tswift album rankings i’m not sure where i’d put it yet get back to me on that one. anyways i’m gonna go listen to lucy dacus now bye

[llamamakethisveryclear-blog]

Sex Segregation in Sports

So, I’ve read posts arguing about why or why not sports should be separated on the basis of sex. In one, who I can’t remember OP, they state that if it truly was a matter of ability, sports would simply be split up based on the objective measurements of ability. The post concluded with a “the real reason sports are split by sex is because boys can’t handle being beaten by a girl”. 

When I was in high school, I argued with my teacher about this very fact. If a girl is capable of competing at the same level, why shouldn’t she participate in guys sports? If she’s that good, wouldn’t they want her on the team? My teacher at the time answered in two ways: either she won’t get any play time (because just because she made the team doesn’t mean she’s as good as the other people who managed to make the team), and if she does get play time, she will likely be targeted by the other team on the basis that she is a girl. Being only in grade 10, and having the half-formed thoughts of feminism that I’ve only recently begun to grasp, I let it go. 

The thing is, knowing more about systemic sexism and having the ability to articulate it, I can see how wrong this is. A teenage girl, Jackie Mitchell, struck out Babe Ruth. Katie Ledecky is such a good swimmer that the Olympic guys team could not practice in the same pool as her. I’m sure there are countless more examples of how women can perform just as well as men or even better. So while it’s possible that the girl who used all her power to make it to the guys baseball team really is the bench warmer - OR the guys team is terrified of her becoming the best player, and rather provide her with the same playing opportunities and coaching that they have, they force her to sit on the sidelines out of fear. 

As for girls being targeted in contact sports? To an extent, maybe it is that they’re rougher, but again, if a girl is truly in the same skill set, she’s no more breakable than any guy playing the game, and to think otherwise is belittling. OR maybe the people targeting her based on her sex are sexist. They see a girl trying to play with the “big boys” and they decide to teach her a lesson, to use more force than they ever would have checking or tackling another guy. 

And maybe this does all come back to the fact that if women were given the exact same playing field as men, they would do better, and to men that’s a terrifying thought. But it has everything to do with institutional sexism. 

When we’re kids, sports aren’t separated and everything is fine. Sure the skill level isn’t there yet, and let’s be honest, it’s not very fun to watch your tot play soccer two times a week when they can’t kick the ball. But by separating sports in the first place, it creates a rift. It allows men to assume that “even though the girls team wins every game, it’s because they’re in a weaker league. They’d never be able to beat us”. It creates that difference. (It’s also worth noting that feminists were the ones to even get women’s sports teams at all, because women were never, in our history, allowed to play against/with men). 

So, thus completes my rant. The only reason girls can’t play with guys of equal or lesser skill level is sexism, by either preventing their training or by singling them out as a target “to put in their place”. 

[crqstalite]

pt. 1, unexpected (andronikos && mierrio)

this is gonna be bad, i’m just warning you now (i also think everything’s bad, but you be the judge of that). but i really wanted to write mierrio n andronikos to kick off the heritage universe, so this happened.

lowercase intended, primarily for aesthetic n bc i’m lazy sorry.

written 7.6.19. word count: 2,839.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

mierrio usually didn’t need a lot of prompting to relax. the ghosts are finally quiet (still binded to her, but hey, they could have some power she might need in the future), and the fury is a nice ship. with some particularily frivulous updates by her hand, it’s more like a castle than a ship to be completely honest.  feels like her own private getaway, if she didn’t share it with five others.

and she adores it. running a brush through her hair, her eyes flicker to the dress she’d picked out, sparkling in the dark light of her cabin, a gorgeous purple that she’d saved specifically for him. tonight, she’d asked khem to keep ashara and xalek under a watchful eye (she didn’t care what talos did as long as he didn’t tear her ship apart), because she and andronikos were going out tonight. a small miracle, after not even having a proper marriage ceremony (becoming a dark council member and finally getting rid of thanaton was a good replacement though), and she intended to enjoy it without any interruptions.

not that ashara and xalek were much of any bothers. ashara was always willing to learn and xalek was often… quiet at his post, the best any master could really ask for. talos mumbled away to himself in the cargo bay and khem kept to himself in the crew quarters. that left her and andronikos plenty of time to get up to things that would most likely make her mother roll in her grave, wherever she was. she didn’t know what it was, maybe his uncanny charm, maybe the way he made her scream his name in the darkness of their quarters, she didn’t know or care. she figured the dress would give him enough provocation to continue on with her after they returned to the ship.

satisfied with her hair, she pinned it back into the small bob she was now known for. she was going to shave it like andronikos had once suggested, but decided to keep it short and around her neck for now. privately, she’d told him he’d have nothing to pull on in a fit of passion, and that changed his mind quick enough. mierrio liked this look, being a darth often meant not running through trials and finding artifacts for a madwoman, so longer hair was no longer an issue. she found she loved showcasing her feminity and not being threatened or predated on for it, and her hair and choice of clothing was just one of those displays.

as a slave, she previously had no choice. now, she was as free as she’d ever be, so she took anything she could get.

stepping out of her cabin, she wraps her arms around herself underneath her poncho. it’s a little chilly, nothing she can’t handle, but personally she likes her room a little warmer. it takes a moment for the temperature change to settle in, but she catches the tail end of ashara’s cloak as she quietly steps out of the hallway leading to the exit of the ship. mierrio had been aware her apprentice had been out today with andronikos (doing what she didn’t remember or have enough willpower to care), but hadn’t been aware they’d need to sneak around to return. “ashara? i wasn’t aware you’d be back so soon.”

ashara froze, andronikos behind her as she held something close to her chest underneath her outer robes. “master! ah, i’m sorry i didn’t call ahead, something…came up is all and i needed to get back!”

“what came up?” now she’s curious. what could’ve prompted ashara to be so worried to drag andronikos all the way back to the ship? it could be heat stroke, but she doesn’t look terribly sweaty or hot. they’d gone out with plenty of water this morning, but they weren’t supposed to be back for another few hours. it must’ve been important, especially if andronikos didn’t stay out by himself.

she opens her mouth to inquire, when the…thing underneath ashara’s robes wriggles. mierrio freezes mid-step just before she’s about to reach her apprentice and husband, and locks eyes with her, stifling her yelp of fear. “ashara. what was that?”

“uh…nothing master!” she says a little too quickly, making moves to step backwards into the engine area, where she usually resides during the day, andronikos attempting to block mierrio’s view of her.

narrowing her eyes, mierrio raises her voice a bit, crossing her arms over her chest. “ashara zavros, what did you bring aboard my ship?”

she and andronikos nervously make eye contact, almost having a whole conversation between just those looks. and mierrio revel hates being left out of anything. however, her apprentice doesn’t need any more prompting before undoing the top of her robes and tenderly pulling out a tanned, yellow blanket. it’s clearly covering a bundle of some sort as mierrio tiptoes forward, brushing a loose hair away from her face as ashara hands it to andronikos softly, muttering “you explain it to her.”

“explain what?” she asks, almost getting a glance of what was in the bundle as andronikos holds it closer to his chest just out of view. “andronikos…”

“i’ll explain in a minute, sith. just promise you won’t have my head.” he says defensively. she gives him a look that makes him blush a bit in the dark lighting before she sighs, and nods.

“i won’t have your head, not for now at least.”

ashara visibly gulps as andronikos pulls a sliver of the blanket off the bundle. beneath it, is a sleeping green twi'lek infant. it’s tiny fists are balled up, close to their face, clearly dreaming as they breath softly, barely audible among the other sounds of the ship. they’re face is darker than their hands, so she figures he must’ve been out in the sun unprotected for a while (not unusual on tatooine at all) before they’d brought him back.

“andronikos revel, you brought a baby onto the ship.”

“yes?”

“why?”

“well, it’s kind of a long story.” he shifts the bundle to cradle them better as mierrio cocks a suspcious eyebrow, her eyes continually being dragged back to the baby as they shift ever so slightly against andronikos’ arms. “we were out in the dune sea, right? out there looting some of the pirates, business as usual. then, ashara wandered off, so i had to go find her,” ashara jabs him in his side (a move mierrio had once taught her during basic training without a saber), light enough not to make him drop their visitor, but hard enough to make him yelp ‘ow’. “not hard, obviously, but when i found her, she said she heard crying somewhere. so i followed her for a bit, and in a little camp nestled away near a cliff, we found a tent. that tent had this one in it.”

“there was nobody there, and with closer inspection, no one had been for a couple of days. to put it plainly, we figured no one was coming back for him.” ashara shrugs. “i’m sorry master, but we couldn’t just leave him out there all by himself.”

mulling over her present thoughts, she took a deep breath and exhaled. “and what did you intend to do with him once you arrived back on the ship?” they surely didn’t have the supplies to be raising a baby, they’d been running on fumes since they landed in mos ila. now that she thought about it, she had forgotten to remind the rest of the crew of that.

“well, we didn’t get that far once we got back to the spaceport. our immediate concern was making sure he stayed cool and hydrated.” ashara responded. “andronikos suggested raising him ourselves.”

“you did what?” she asked, quieter as she steeled her eyes on her husband.

“ashara suggested giving him to an orphanage, and i agreed.” he said, stepping back a bit from her nervously as she puts her hands on her hips. “'less you had another idea?”

she could hear the hope in his voice, that she would have another idea and possibly agree with his original suggestion. “my room, now. give him to ashara, we need to talk.”

“good luck.” mierrio could hear from her apprentice as she turned around, stalking right back to her room (well, their room, but it was difficult referring to it as such).

“nice knowing you, jedi.” andronikos responded, following after her.

-

“alright, what do you want to talk about, mier?” she must be giving him a sour look, because he’s trying to butter her up again. “c'mon babe, you’re not actually mad are you?”

“mad is an understatement, andronikos.”

“okay.” he takes his arm away from around her shoulders as she leans back against the wall in their quarters. “look, maybe not my best moment, but you sith are all about family right?”

“is that what you intended for us and this twi'lek to be? a family?” she sounds completely and utterly sarcastic, and she doesn’t care either. “stars, what’s gotten to you?”

“well, you don’t have to be so upset about it, sith.”

“i’d be less upset if you’d told me first.”

he rubs his temples as she’s trying to keep her simmering anger from boiling over. he had no bad intentions, she knows that. andronikos has never tried to hurt her, and she doubts he ever will, but for her to…to. to be a mother? is that what he intended for her to do if they did take this baby in?

oh stars. she can barely keep her own crew (much less herself) out of harm’s way. much less an infant that couldn’t even wield a blaster yet, and depended on her to keep them safe and warm and fed.

she panicking unnecessarily now, she can tell, but having to take care of the children of the dancers had when she was still a slave on nar shaddaa hadn’t ended well. she missed those that survived, and often felt that she’d failed them in some way. and while she’s not a teenager anymore, she’s also aware there’s at least a decade seperating her and her husband. something they’d never discussed, but something she was always mildly aware of.

“look, mierrio. i know maybe this isn’t…well perfect-”

“far from it.”

“but i mean, not saying it’s always been a dream but i like entertaining the idea of you and i…y'know raising a kid or two. you don’t have to say yes, i’m not forcing you to, taking him back to dromound kaas probably isn’t advisable. but-” he’s searching for words as she goes through her own thoughts. she’d never taken andronikos for a family man (he’s a pirate for star’s sake, and she’s a sith. either of them could die, leaving the other a single parent or in the worst case scenario, leaving their child as an orphan), but she’d be lying if she said she never entertained the idea of children as well. especially after all of the talk about leaving a legacy behind when she was dead. maybe force-sensitive, maybe not. darker skin, lighter skin. brown eyes, green eyes. black hair, brown hair. an adventerous little girl, a quickshot little boy. she’d never gotten over the idea of having one of her own, holding an infant in her arms with the surname revel and part of the kallig legacy.

them being hers. being theirs. being a product of her love for this insufferable pirate.

“i never said no, andronikos.” she eventually says, breaking the silence.

“i-what?” he looks stunned for a second.

“i never said no. i just said i’d be less upset if you’d informed me of your…find, earlier.” she muses for a moment, before continuing on, partially daydreaming (also very slowly realizing his comment about sending him to dromound kaas held some truth with him being a twi'lek), “it is true, sith do value family. and while i am most definitely not ready to carry ours… i would be willing to raise this one as our own.”

“you would?” it’s not elation in his eyes, or maybe it is, but he’s most definitely happy. something that sometimes takes a bit for mierrio to figure out if he’s not directly smiling (she’s always been bad with emotions, apparently having a resting bitch face and more oblivious than she’d like to be). “means a lot, mierrio.”

“oh, i know.” she smirks, sidling up to him as she leans up against his body. his kisses are like fire as they battle for dominance for a moment, though as always, she let’s him win. “alright, don’t get yourself too excited, andronikos.”

“fine, fine.” he doesn’t pull away from her though. some days she feels like his eyes stare into her soul, and unlike other men, she welcomes it. she has nothing to hide from him, and she’s not afraid he’ll wound her if she says something wrong. he brushes a loose strand of hair from her face as she kisses him again. there’s one of those mischevous smiles on his lips again, and it’s absolutely infectious. “we might as well get back before your apprentice assumes i’m dead.”

“if we have to.” she responds, as her eyes wander to her small cabinet that stored her more…personal effects, almost groaning as she imagines the dress. “you also ruined my evening, andronikos.”

“ah, i’m sorry sith. know you were looking forward to it.” one hand snakes down her hip, and she smirks, figuring what he’s implying. “guess we have one more thing to celebrate tonight, don’t we?”

“it seems that way, doesn’t it?” she asks, allowing herself one more kiss in the darkness of their room. her entire life has just changed, most likely for the better, hopefully. she hasn’t met a lot of other mothers, especially those that are sith, so she’s going in blind. she’s praying to whatever deity that’s out there she doesn’t get herself or this baby killed.

-

returning the communal area in the ship, ashara still has the baby with her, but talos is with her now, as well as khem and xalek lurking a few feet behind her. she’s seen ashara smile before, but there’s something absolutely whimsical about seeing her smile at the twi'lek infant. she looks up once she sees mierrio return, though her smile fades to her disappointment. “master.”

“ashara.” she’s mulling over how to respond, sitting down next to her as her apprentice straightens rigidly against the couch. she’d have to talk to ashara later, and possibly xalek about not being as afraid of her as they seem to be. softening her features requires a bit of concentration, but she does so. “may i hold him?”

“yes, of course.” she says, carefully handing her the small baby. she seems as if ashara truly does not want to let him go, so instead of heading back to her quarters as she’d originally wanted to, she stays on the couch.

he’s a cute little thing, with startling purple eyes that stood out against his jade green skin. she’s not sure whether he’s even directly looking at her, as they wander from person to person. but, mierrio can feel herself internally relaxing, allowing herself a smile. it becomes more and more of a reality that this is her son, or at least would be legally once they registered him as such.

“he’s cute, ain’t he mierrio?” andronikos asks, standing behind the couch as he leans over to look at him. “told you we wouldn’t die, ashara.”

“i had my concerns, i’ll admit that.” she says, smiling.

“what shall we do with him, my lord?” talos questions.

she scans the others faces, ashara’s hopeful, much like talos’. khem…well khem doesn’t seem to have any, nor does xalek. however, she tilts her head backwards to meet andronikos’, who while surprised, understands her. it’s a brief kiss, one that leaves her wanting more, but she figures it’s enough of an explanation. it’s the first time they’ve ever kissed in front of the crew, but turning back to them, she smiles. “we’ll keep him.”

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god this is so bad. i’m actually crying with how bad this is. i can’t promise it gets better but i can promise more of it.

i also like to headcanon my companions bonding together. the companions of the week? mierrio’s apprentice n her husband. i headcanon andronikos as very,, per se chaotic at times. ashara is most likely still pretty gullible,, but also p chaotic in her own right.

tl;dr i think they’d be good friends, bonding from taris to hoth without anyone else but khem val n his possession by zash.