#she could play absolutely any role tbh. the question is would she

[musicalgifs]

i think amy adams could play jenna in a waitress movie musical

[imagionationstation]

random idea I had.

so y’know those role swap aus? Where like…Mikey’s the serious leader, Raph’s the tech guy, etc etc.

what would it be like if we added April and Casey?

like…swap Donnie and Casey? Or something like that? Idk bro. It’s a random idea I had lol

Role swap AU: An AU where characters swap their roles for a period of time with the subsequent story exploring how plot events alter, diverge, or stay the same because of this swap.

So…

I’ve never been one for role swap au’s tbh. I think there was only one that ever caught my attention, but the characters were so insanely on point that I could envision the show in my head. In all the body swaps that I’ve read, it’s Splinter being like “ya’ll could benefit from being in someone else’s shoes. Here’s what we gonna do���

I prefer a character being forced to manage in another’s brain/body for some time. There’s so much potential in those 🤩

What are April and Casey’s roles?

I suppose Casey is more muscle, but April seems to tilt between brains/muscle as it pleases her. She absolutely wants to be seen as a warrior, but she works with Donnie in his lab during research and making connections and whatnot.

“Added April and Casey” implies that the role swap includes everyone, so just swapping Donnie&Casey feels shortsighted. (I don’t mean that to be offensive in any way. I’m thinking outloud.) We could give Casey’s role to Donnie, but with the wide group of people, I feel like Donnie’s role should go elsewhere. If that makes sense?

Yk what April’s taking Leo’s role, I’ve decided. Not because “haha she’d probably be bad at it” but because I think she’d find a potential to be a leader when given the chance and that would be neat.

Mikey can take April’s place bc it would give him the chance to be more involved in things. “You never question April when she says she has a feeling about stuff! “You always let April help out in the lab!” “You let April check out leads solo!” He wouldn’t care that she’s a human or that she has psychic powers. She got to when it came to helping the team so that’s what he gets to do.

Raph can take Mikey’s role because he deserves to know what it’s like for his main role on the team to be bait. He can’t always fight mutants head on because he has to keep them busy so his brothers can take the baddy down. He can’t protect his brothers because he’s meant to headed in another direction. That would drive him nuts. (I’d think it’d be cute if he demanded to know how Mikey could stand it and Mikey’s all chill like “I just trust that my big bros have it covered like they always do” and then he’s utterly humbled.) He’d also be put in the position of having to be the “face man” (of sorts) and make friends with optional allies. Stop being grumbly and glaring for five minutes to hold a conversation. It’ll be his ultimate struggle.

Casey can take Raph’s role because it’s basically his role except he’s not able to play the loner game anymore. The fam always kind of lets Casey do his own vigilante thing during the series, but now that’s not allowed. And Raph makes it very clear on day one. His job is to be by their side when something big is going down. And if being the leader’s second is the way to accomplish that then he has to deal. He can complain, he can whine, he can make the leader’s life impossible- but he has to be there when they need him. PERIODT.

Donnie can take Casey’s role because he deserves to not have to be a big part of the game for five minutes. There’s no monumental role, no impossible task, the fate of everything is no longer on his shoulders- he can just, fight. And when not on the field, he can do as he pleases. He’s not expect in the lab, in the dojo, in any kind of strategy planning- he can pick one or he can hang out. He can snack, he can videogames/shows, he can read comics, he can run away the surface- he has essentially free range when he’s not actively on a mission. (The only downside is that he actually does like having people rely on him and look to him for answers. He likes keeping his hands busy with purpose. And punching baddies 24/7 gets kinda old.)

Leo can take Donnie’s place. He’d be the most capable of taking on the role of genius since there have been scenes where he pays attention to his brother because the mission depends on it. He admits to helping out in the lab on occasion, or he’s seen with Donnie discussing blueprints, and he’s probably the most likely to be able to actually listen to Donnie’s written instructions or notes and not blow up the lab because he got frustrated or decided to wing it. (Plus, Leo should see the kind of stuff Donnie has to deal with on a daily basis.)

But anyway. That’s just my thoughts on the matter.

[forever-will-last]

HEY!! what're your fav cadina fanfics? and do you have any suggestions for new fanfic writers 😭

omg okay so i saw this morning while i was at work and knew this had to wait until i got home to get my FULL attention and then i had to stay at work late so here we go!!! this is LONG so i put it all under the cut!

cadina fic recs (first, some ones from my friends, and then many others i heavily recommend, in no particular order):

Get in, Loser! We're going... to fall in love? - SUPER cute slow burn made by the incredible amazing talented stunning 16Sydd16. Genuinely one of my favorite Cadina fics of all time.

ANYTHING by the Cadina Captain herself, Chisamaya. Maya's been holding down the Cadina fort for YEARS and has 13 INCREDIBLE Cadina fics on her AO3. She's also on Tumblr @chisamayas and posts super cute fanart of Mean Girls and Cadina all the time! My personal favorite fic of hers is Collared (very smutty pet play fic) and I will live and die a Collared stan.

can i come and sweep you off your feet? - super adorable (and angsty at some points, especially for poor regina) fame AU by my very talented friend ninesixtheenths / @girlkisser-wieners on Tumblr! i absolutely also recommend her rugby fic, which is rejanis but is 10/10.

(mean girls) series by anonymous - this is from another friend of mine who posts these anonymously instead of tying them to her account. there are SO MANY good ones in here (12 at time of writing this) including a soulmates au, a superhero au, and some GREAT character studies of both regina and cady. there are a few rejanis fics in this series too but they're all phenomenal.

okay onto fics that aren't from my friends but i heavily recommend, in no particular order:

Mirror Me Back - okay i know i said no particular order but this one's a lie. if you haven't read MMB yet, stop what you're doing and read it right now. it's very smut heavy, however, this is genuinely the fic that got me into writing for this fandom and it is one of the best fics i've ever read across any fandom. every day i perform rituals for an update /j

On Predators and Pack Dynamics - omegaverse fic that is genuinely incredible. obviously very smut heavy but i love the characterization of them here and i also often pray for updates on this one.

if i could tell her (how she's everything to me) - role reversal & arts high school AU from 2020 where cady is the popular one and regina is a little socially awkward. very cute, very sweet, very fun.

Pretty Girls - mean girls 2024 rewrite where cady and regina were anonymous pen pals before cady moved to evanston. really loved this one!! one of the first i read in the tag.

To You, I Can Admit That I'm Just Too Soft for All of It - grad school au that i absolutely LOVE. the chapters are unordered snippets but they are so cute and fun. the author also does some social media stuff with it, i believe on tumblr, so it's a cute little tie in!!

you would find her in a polaroid picture - SUPER good college au!! genuinely recommend anything this author writes tbh i adore their stuff!!

i choose you and me, religiously - once again recommending anything this author writes as well. SO talented. this one is a slow burn idiots in love au and it's just. chef's kiss. muah. i love it.

to answer the other part of your question, about the writing advice, my genuine main piece of advice is to just keep writing. even if it's stuff you don't intend to publish, or a half-baked idea. write drabbles for yourself and just let the words get on the page. i used to publish in a different fandom circa 2017-2019 and hadn't published in YEARS until i started writing a thousand pictures (well, really, don't look for me, but ya know, this all REALLY took off with a thousand pictures). despite the fact that i haven't published in a very long time i never really stopped writing. my google drive is full of folders of assorted drabbles of self indulgent bullshit. snippets from other fandoms, self insert scenarios, some original ideas that with a lot more cooking, could potentially be novel worthy one day. (i am a LONG ways off from that though lol)

my point is, publishing fic can be daunting. even writing coherent or long enough fic to make a cohesive story can be daunting at first. it's better to write for yourself and get the practice of writing even just singular or small series of scenes if you aren't ready for a full fic yet. writing should be fun! make sure you're having fun doing it and trying not to stress the details too much!

if you have any other questions about writing please feel free to ask!! i love talking about my process and stuff and am always willing to share gjsnkgng

[cherryfennec]

what do you think would have happened if Timpani hadn't found Blumiere at the base of the cliff and he would have died? do you think the prophecy would have still happened? if yes, then do you happen to have any theories about who would have carried it out and would they have succeeded?

So this is a very difficult question! The topic of the prophecies in the Dark Prognosticus is just in general one of the more trivial things to consider.

So let's go through over the main scenario: Blumiere falls from a cliff and is probably hidden well under the rubble. Timpani, who happens to be in the area, can't really see anyone under the scarp because of the dirt and rocks so she assumes the pieces fell naturally due to a small earthquake or wind and there's no one there. While she walks away, Blumiere unfortunately is too weak to make it out of the rubble and ultimately dies.

Now...

What would this mean for Timpani and the Tribe of Darkness specifically? Well first of all, neither of them would end up dead/gone.

It is implied through the short snippets of the main villians backstory (which appear in-between chapters) that ultimately after losing his beloved and becoming Count Bleck, Blumiere wipes out his clan, which is rather gruesome but not unexpected for this game tbh. With him dissapearing instead (cause theres a chance they might've not even found him) everyone in the Tribe lives and he himself would be portrayed as an innocent person until the end, the loss of whom only brought sorrow to his family and friends. Other than that the civilization would still thrive for years to come.

As for Timpani: without having met Blumiere, she would've probably spent her days living a normal daily life, not even knowing someone like him ever existed. She could expand her hobbies, travel, make friends etc. She could even find a partner but... it wouldn't be the same and I'll elaborate on that in a bit. In general she would have had more time to discover herself and enjoy the little things.

What does this mean for the prophecy?

The Dark Prognosticus is kinda weird because it describes the future that relies on the book being read. Basically it knows that it will be opened, but because it will be opened the prophecy will happen in the first place, which it also knows. It gets confusing when you think about it too much. In any case the 'end of the world' requires someone to kickstart all the events.

Blumieres and Timpanis love was a very rare kind of love, an extremely strong and dedicated one. And if not for that fact, Bleck wouldn't probably go as far as to destroying everything just for her sake. Now without our specially picked out Champion of Destruction, would it even be possible for the prophecy to happen? As we said before if the Count died at the cliff, the book would absolutely know about it. With this in mind there are 3 options as I see it:

The prophecy couldn't be fulfilled/it wouldn't exist in this timeline. Basically: There was no other person that could play the role of the catalyst nor had the means to obtain the Prognosticus/didn't know it existed and so the danger never arrived and everyone lived happily ever after. (yipie no trauma for the Mario gang and especially Luigi yahoo)

The prophecy could be fulfilled by a new character who also fits the requirements and basically fills in for Count Bleck. Simply put: the book found someone else good for the role and it all plays out as written. This is where the plot is up to interpretation because there are just too many factors to take into consideration.'Who would reach out for help to Mario?', I don't know, maybe this new character could also be doing this for the sake of someone else I and that's who would be our Timpani replacement or something I guess.'Would Mimi and O'Chunks be there to help?', probably not because the reason they joined in on the plan in the first place is specifically tied to the person that the Count was. But you know who would definitely be there?

Technically we don't really need a new character and it's going to be a little obvious who I'm about to mention. The prophecy is much more altered in this scenario, and it basically revolves about Dimentio carrying it all out. So from the gossip you get from the barista about everyone on Team Bleck it is implied that Dimentio was the one who actively sought out the Count, not the other way around. From this we can deduce that he was aware of the Dark Prognosticus's existence and was out to get it by all means. Out of the known to us characters he'd really be the one person who would end up tied to the fate of the book in most cases. So in this scenario he simply steals the book from the tribe and tries to work it out by himself. 'Would he be able to carry it out alone?' I'd say there's a chance he could do it. Being built on deceipt and using others he might've been able to work from the shadows and make his way to the end goal. 'How would Mario learn about it?' Again, I don't know. It's up to the ones interpretation really. Imagine if Dimentio just goes around taking people who have the slightest trace of green on them and thus becomes like this underground villain and no-one knows anything him about other than his existence. He's like this rumour that people like to scare kids with. One day Mario hears about it, laughs it off then Luigi randomly dissapears and the chase is on, during which the red plumber learns about this mysterious figure and it's intentions bit by bit and theres like a side Peach and Bowser plot which ends with Dimentio taking up a fake persona and tricking them into saying their vows to create the Chaos Heart IDK.

I could try writing up a specific scenario for this but it'd require more time to plan out if I were to actually do it, I'd basically be writing a completely new story which tends to be difficult. (I'm currently trying my hand in writing a spm fic based on the 'Bad End Trio' Luigi design of mine and barely reached over 2k words. I'm not even near done and it's already been taking way longer than I thought it would. That's exactly why I very much respect writers.)

[defilerwyrm]

Thank you for posting so authentically and tbh poetically about your transition. I was wondering if you have any gems of wisdom to share about your total hysto.. I was born with a malformed uterus (it is bicornuate) I've always had problems from it and I just want it gone. How was the process? And healing? How has the removal affected you in the years after? I appreciate you bro.

Heya, first off, sorry for taking so long to reply, and thank you! It’s been really rewarding to get to share my experience with others, answer questions, and hopefully dispel some myths. Bottom surgeries for trans men & trans mascs are too often maligned or erased and I’m grateful for the opportunity to fight against that with facts and experience.

The process was kind of funny. The admission and all such were your typical surgery stuff. They kept me overnight in the hospital pumping me full of saline with two jolly nurses watching over me. More or less every hour I woke up needing to piss like a racehorse, and the nurses would gently make fun of my woozy attempts to get up in these marvelous Georgia accents while helping me do so and disconnecting me from the drip, and I’d shuffle off to pee like half a liter (like…literally). This pattern continued until I was able to pass a certain threshold of how much I peed at one time. The purpose of this was to make sure my bladder was working correctly. After that, they let me sleep a bit and then I was released.

Before the surgery I had asked my surgeon if I could see the parts she was taking out, so she took photos for me of my insides during surgery and the whole kit & caboodle after it was removed, and printed them out on nice glossy paper for me. I was frankly astounded by how tiny the uterus actually is. Diagrams make it look like it’s the size of both hands put together or something but it would have easily fit in the palm of one! Also my liver is kinda cute. I still want to frame those photos.

I went home and mostly slept in a recliner a lot for the first couple of weeks. I wore sweatpants and kept an ice buddy (a penguin full of rice my friends got me) on my belly much of the time. I am pretty good at staying ahead of the pain with my meds without taking it more frequently than is safe, so I was only really a little sore and very, very sleepy. Bathing was a matter of wet wipes and dry shampoo for a while. I think I was off work for somewhere between four and eight weeks, and once I was past the first two or so, I spent a lot of time still in the recliner with the ice buddy, but this time binge-watching Critical Role and playing Stardew Valley. My cats stayed as close to me as they could the whole time. I think 4 weeks after the fact I was more or less fine.

Shortly after my spay, I started having hot flashes: since mine was a total hysterectomy (they removed the uterus, both ovaries—which, sure enough, turned out to be absolutely riddled with cysts—and the cervix), my estrogen level went from low to fuck-all, so I basically went through Menopause Lite. The hot flashes weren’t miserable. They were just stretches of time when I looked around and went “Is it just me or is it hot in here all of a sudden? Is the A/C on?” and it was, in fact, just me. Those came and went for maybe 3 months.

(A note for cis women and for trans/nb guys who aren’t on T: I attribute the mildness of my menopause symptoms to the fact that PCOS and HRT were already suppressing my estrogen production. If you have “normal” estrogen levels, there is a non-zero chance that yours will be worse. Ask your doctor for more info about this. If you don’t have your ovaries removed, you won’t go through this in the first place.)

Obviously I am now forever free of the misery of menstruation and the unacceptable risk of becoming pregnant. Both of those things are extremely awesome and I love them forever. Being sterile fucking rules! I’ve wanted this since I was 6 years old and no one can ever take it away from me! \:D/

This last section is about peeing so it goes under a cut!

The one and only downside is that I need to pee, like, all the time. Granted, the fact that I drink about a gallon of water every day does have a lot to do with that. But I’ve found that the sensation of needing to piss urgently comes a lot sooner than it used to. On a normal day, with me sitting here guzzling sweet, unchlorinated, high-quality well water all the time, I have to hit the head every 1-2 hours. If I stop drinking liquids about an hour or two before a road trip I can make a 3-hour drive without needing a pit stop. I asked my mom and a friend, both of whom have also had hysterectomies, if they go through this too, and they confirmed that yeah they do need to pee a lot more frequently than before the surgery. Just, y’know, not as often as I do because they’re not drinking 3-5 L of water daily.

The upside to THAT, actually, is if I need to wake up early, I can just drink a glass of water before going to sleep and I am guaranteed an early wake-up. I am an extremely deep sleeper, much to my own detriment—except where my bladder is concerned.

An odd little thing I’ve found, since my uterus is no longer helping to control where my bladder sits in my torso, is that how I urinate is a little different. Before, it was just the normal muscle movements I’d been doing all my life. Now, I find that urine comes in “waves”: it starts out normal, but then—it’s hard to explain, but I use a slightly different sort of muscle movement, a Kegel type thing, to…it feels like repositioning my bladder a little(???), and then I can feel the rest of the urine pouring down to my ureter, and then it’s normal pissing again. I mean…I’m just guessing at what’s actually going on in there based on what I can feel happening, so I could be off, who knows. It’s a little strange, but it’s not at all painful or anything, it’s just a neutral thing.

I very strongly recommend starting Kegel exercises as soon as you can if you plan on getting a hysterectomy, if you’re not doing them already. These can go a long way to making sure you don’t have problems with incontinence afterward. They were a standard part of my daily life for quite a few years leading up to my spay and so far so good.

[moonleet]

lae'zel & halsin cg hcs? :3

oh yes i can absolutely do that for ya !!

lae'zel headcanons

initially, she has a lot of trouble warming up to the idea of regression. she's not... any ruder than usual, she just doesn't get it. in a strangely validating turn of events, after like. one or two prodding questions she just accepts it as one of the many strange things about faerun's inhabitants

this differs slightly if the little one is another gith'yanki. they'd have to explain it to her in detail - acting out their more ideal childhood, and all that. lae'zel would come to an understanding, then, i think

the minute "the little one" becomes "her little one", it's because she's feeling particularly protective. maybe the little one takes a tumble and stares up at her, sniffly and upset, and she just. helps them up and brushes them off and tells them they're strong and brave - before promptly hacking the branch that tripped them up into little pieces so her hatchling doesn't have to worry anymore

very, very intense about pretend play. you tell her that you need to go hunt down a scary monster together? she's taking her role 100% seriously, helping her little one stalk around and correcting their sword stance because they need to be prepared for anything!!

too permissive - or, really, too confident in her little hatchling's abilities - regarding weaponry. lae'zel sees nothing wrong with it - she could hold a greatsword just fine at that age! she's also corrective enough about proper technique, though, that her little one won't get hurt.

will raze the earth if anyone hurts her little one. she is fiercely protective: one wrong look at she's scooping them up with one arm and brandishing her sword with the other.

lae'zel carries her little one around a lot!!! for one, it means she can keep them safe easier. two, she genuinely enjoys cuddles even if she won't say it ever

does really well with a little one who doesn't mind roughhousing. she can keep up for hours with even the most active kiddos!

has an... interesting approach to the whole affirmations thing 😭 "you are strong and brave, and i will help you destroy any obstacle in your path."

halsin headcanons

oh he's so papa-shaped it's not even funny. he's experienced in caring for little ones, i think - you don't hit his age and his history with people without running into the concept of regression at least once.

completely accepting of any quirks to his little one's regression - why wouldn't he be? there's nothing in the world he can't handle.

while he enjoys play-fighting with more active little ones a lot - especially if his little one has a wildshape, too - he also does well with quieter little guys. he's more than content taking a nap with them in the sun, or reading to them softly, or quiet playing with stuffed animals

so, so good at creating a sense of safety, especially for little ones who are more anxious or reserved. he's very warm and open without being overbearing (ha. bear) and meets his little one where they're at with ease

the absolute best at soothing tears and nightmares!!! his very presence just radiates you'll-be-okay... and he makes sure to validate and comfort for whatever's going on, whether it's a small ouchie or existential horrors

loves loves loves when his little one asks him for help (or, if they're too small to even think about doing it by themselves): he's sooooo gentle and patient with them, and helps to the absolute best of his ability!

he cannot say no to sneaking a sweet treat for his little one. especially when they ask so nicely with their big puppy dog eyes... provided that they're sharing a sweet snack hehe

takes major dad-naps. his snoring can sometimes be a little much, tbh 😭 it's actually slightly better in his bear form, so for little ones who don't do well with the snores he'll wildshape into a big, cuddly, fluffy bear!

[skitskatdacat63]

super obsessed with your art, seb looks soooooooooooo stunning!!! I am now very curious however, only if you feel like going into it, as to which other historical figures you align with which drivers?👀👀

AAAAAA tysm Grace!!!! Though I am so so so sorry for how rambly and long this post is gonna be, but you just asked me abt one of my brainrots!! I will answer your question but also talk about my history alignments and AUs in general LOL

But if I'm making comparisons of F1 drivers and historical figures, my brain kinda forces me to make it an AU because I'm like "this needs to make absolute sense historically and contextually.)

So, tbh of the four historical AUs that float around my brain, only two of them are really specifically about certain historical figures. The four are: Nandopoleon(About how Fernando reminds me of Napoleon), War of Spanish Succession(mostly about that era, but Seb and Nando are supposed to be paralleling Charles VI and Philip V), Napoleonic Hussars(which is about how , in general, Hussars = F1 drivers), and Rennaissance Muse(this just happens to take place in a different era.)

Explaining my AUs and the historical contexts(proceed with caution, its a lot)

Nandopoleon:

Okay so I'm really really am so deranged about Napoleon = Fernando, but I’ve not posted about it too much because I wanna make a well thought out post about it. But basically I think they’re similar people with similar characteristics and motivations. There was this period of time over the summer where I was only brain rotting about how well any of Napoleon’s quotes fit Fernando(with my fellow nandopoleon confidant @/sweatyflytrap haha.) Here’s some quotes as example: 

“Victory belongs to the most persevering.”

“It is not necessary to bury the truth. It is sufficient merely to delay it until no one cares.”(Piasco era lol)

“Victory is not always winning the battle…but rising every time you fall.”

“From triumph to failure is only one step.”

"A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon."(trophies y'know)

"Always carry champagne! In victory you deserve it, and in defeat you need it!"

Tell me Fernando wouldn't use these as instagram captions! TELL ME!!! But the other thing that was driving me crazy is how well excerpts from the personality/image section of Napoleone's wiki line up with testimonials from Fernando's doc. Examples:

"He cheated at cards, but repaid the losses; he had to win at everything he attempted."(Napoleon) "Whatever activity I take part in, I have this compulsion to find the compeititon in it."(Fernando)

"He could rapidly dictate a series of complex commands to his subordinates, keeping in mind where major units were expected to be at each future point, and like a chess master, 'seeing' the best plays moves ahead"(Napoleon) "When you talk to him, his mental capacity is so strong. He's talking to you, but his brain is thinking ahead"(Fernando)

Like c'mon tell me they aren't at least a bit similar??? There's a lot else I find similar about them but I cannot list my whole manifesto here skdjlsd

Anyways this AU would be Fernando as Napoleon and would be Webbonso -> Strollonso. Basically, Napoleon had two wives: his first wife, who was older than him and who he was super in love with, but had to divorce because they couldn't have kids, but he still loved her deeply. And then his second wife , who was much younger thanhim and from the Austrian royal family, and this was a politically motivated marriage but they still got on pretty well!!(also it's funny, before she married him she didn't want to be with him because the public perception of him made him out to be not the best guy, but then she wrote to her father about how loving and kind he was. very Strollonso, no?)

War of Spanish Succession:

Mostly explained it here and here. I'm not too interested in either Philip V nor Charles VI themselevs as individuals, but rather the roles they fufill in the "story." Though I will say, I got hit with a brick while reading Charles VI's wiki when finding out that he apparently had several male lovers! So I guess my AU having an arranged m/m marriage isn't even that far off the mark hahaha. Why did they have a 13 year war, they should have just arranged a marriage between the two canidates sigh sigh. But yeah, mostly Austria vs. Spain, I think it fits well with the Vettonso rivalry!! They would end up being: Fernando I King of Spain and Sebastian I Holy Roman Emperor hehe. Also I sketched some more:

Napoleonic Hussars:

Explained here as well as with art, and more art here. I'm really still proud of the points I made, I just feel very ardently about it!!! Not about any specific figure, but rather a historical group that I think lines up extremely well with F1 drivers. But this one is fun cause I can kinda insert any driver into it and they'll work pretty well. It's fun to figure out what kingdom what driver would be, either based off their nationality or the nationality of their team. I remember vividly staring at a map from this era trying to figure out where Maranello would be....But like Renault = Kingdom of France and RBR = Kingdom of Austria, and stuff like that

Rennaisance Muse:

Mostly just this post, I've not thought about this one incredibly deeply. Mostly just brainrot about how I think Seb looks like The David with his curly hair

[lixenn]

A SECOND ASK FROM ME HAS HIT UR ASKBOX TODAY…!

I'm curious on the method on how she uses her flames to disarm traps! Just from this section, it looks like she really knows her stuff!

"dark blue (the same color as her son’s eyes)" -- AWWWWWWWWW 🥹🥹🥹💖💖✨😭✨ IM SO SOFT I MUST DRAW HER!!! I can imagine that's also the same color as her late husband's eyes?

Does she have any favorites in classical music? Personally, don't get to listen to them a lot but when I do, one of my faves and the one that really makes me soft is Clair de Lune (Debussy); I wonder if she likes that too? She can even play the piano, so I can imagine her playing her fave pieces with that!

not a question but --- If she truly wanted she could have taken an officer position instead of her current job but she prefers being in a support role since that lets her spend more time with her son. --- I AGREE WITH THIS MINDSET. Chill culture >>>> Grind/Hustle culture (Hey Chief Dan, I hope ur listening right now 👍✨)

also dave wtf jsfhshvfshd what happened to dave the first time it happened? like the shampoo-switching? Did Valerie fall for it or did her instincts guide her to avoid the hair-dye?

We got a lot of hm Valerie loves her son here, but I also wonder about the other side. What is Valerie like in Maximilian's POV?

*faces this ask like it's the final boss in a JRPG*

I- I will beat you! YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!!!!!

*insert exterme warcry here*

---

So... Heya Ein! It's been literal fucking months since you send this in but I haven't forgotten 🫡 I just procrastinated the hell out of it because the ask required research and also because Val doesn't tell me jackshit. She's quite the reserved lady... Keeping quiet even to her creator... The audacity!!

Anyways I finally come to deliver some answers! (which will be under the cut because long lmao)

Traps Disclaimer: I don't know traps. I don't know how to research traps either tbh. So I'm kind of winging this answer in the hopes that it makes at least some kind of sense.

Vals's analytical mind, observant nature and love for puzzles make it easy for her to identify and pick traps apart even when she just started out as an assassin. Her engineering studies also gave her an upper hand in the subject. So her disarming of traps is mostly analysing the bigger picture and then disintegrating the part of the trap that would do you harm with her Storm Flames. This means that while she sometimes just needs to take care of a small part of trap (for example the trigger that would set it off) at other times she just needs to get rid of the thing in its entirety or even spring the trap because everything else would be too much of a hassle.

Eyes Thank you for wanting to draw her 🥹🥹🫂💜💜 I haven't tried it myself yet because I'm honestly not sure on how to do her justice (<- this user doesn't know how to draw wrinkles in her style to safe her life) but dear @discendia actually did an absolute fantastic job of it, so now there's a Val visual!! As for her sons eye colour: Yes, he shares the same eye colour than her late husband (may he rest in piece 🙏).

Favourite music This might have been the most difficult question to answer simply because I don't know music OTL. I do enjoy instrumential music a lot but I don't know classics, which made answering tricky. Thankfully @myrmyrtheorca came to my rescue and saved my ass 🫡 You're a gem buddy!

Val has a fondness for waltz because her husband and her often danced together to it so we have:

Dmitri Shostakovich - Waltz No. 2

Aram Khachaturian - Masquerade Suite - Waltz

This one isn't a waltz but it's the kind of upbeat and fast paced she also likes Hungarian Dance no. 5.

Tchaikovsky - Valse Sentimentale okay this piece is less one of her favourites and more kind of a theme song for her and her husband because when I listened to this I got a lot of... bittersweet sad vibes and that reminded me of them.

I honestly don't know if you can play these pieces on piano? I would think if you could she would play them (music is really one of my weaknesses sometimes). But Val doesn't just like playing piano she also likes listening to classical music even going on live concerts for it when she has the time.

Chill culture Unlike certain other people I could name, Val has a very healthy work life balance which is mostly based on the fact that she was unwilling to compromise on her time with her son. It was hard at the beginning but with time and experience she got into a rhythm which she maintains with stubborn determination. She rises and sleeps early. She takes scheduled breaks. Vacation days aren't gathering dust and she will go on sick leave if needed. Unlike Dan who needs to be dragged from the office more often than not (he's also in fact not listening lmao).

Hair dye And it wouldn't be a proper Ein ask with me throwing in a snippet, would it? It's a bit on the shorter side but here you go!

Steaming hot water ran down Val’s back, washing away sticky sweat and doing wonders for the tension in her muscles. Training had been rewarding but her body wasn’t what it used to be, long since worn down by age and numerous injuries. Heat helped but something always complained even on the good days.

That’s the cost of living, I suppose.

Humming a nonsensical tune Val turned off the water and blindly reached for her shampoo bottle. She squeezed some product into her hand, eyes still closed and ready to massage it into her hair when a sharp smell reached her nose.

Val froze.

She gave up scented shampoos and soaps decades ago when subterfuge and stealth took priority over unnecessary comfort. With time reaching for the simple products on the shelf became a habit she never saw the point in breaking. Most of the fancy stuff irritated her skin anyways, it wasn’t a huge loss.

However, this begged the question:

Why the hell did her shampoo smell like ammonia?

Brightly coloured hair and a mischievous smile came to mind. Talking a mile a minute about how she would look great in red.

That little brat!

With a wave of her hand, Flames sparked to life, ridding her off the dye staining her skin. She left the bottle and its nefarious contents alone, better to have some evidence as backup just in case.

She dried herself in record time, put her wet hair up in a bun and grabbed some fresh clothes out of her closet. Her shirt was still half unbuttoned when she reached for her trusty naginata, ready to make a pesky little nuisance regret all his life choices.

---

^so yes Dave got caught and Val was not amused. He survived her warth but definitely needed to pay Varia medical a visit.

Maxi Val's love is equally returned by her son. Their relationship isn't without conflict because even though Val tried her best she was still extremely busy in her early assassin days, needing to leave Maxi with friends for days during her numerous missions. But he learned that he will always be her priority and that she will always come running if he calls her. Somtimes Val can get a bit overbearing because she's super paranoid that someone will take Maxi from her the same way her husband was burtally ripped from her life. Maxi tries to be understanding but he has limits (and he's a teenager) so he sometimes storms of in a huff to sleep over at his friends after they fight.

[trashlie]

hey, how are you doing? 💗 thanks for the link, that was a great read <3 and as usual, you make such great points! it does seem like yu jing's motivation is to stop yui before she harms any more people. i guess that makes sense, since that would also align (at least partly) with rand's goals. still, yu jing is not the type to sacrifice herself. she must have a way to protect herself somehow. given everything we know about the timeline of the story, we can assume the article won't take yui down completely but it WILL be impactful and yu jing will have to deal with the aftermath. and it's yui we're talking about, so i'm expecting the worst 😶 and yes nol's guilty plea changing her plans is very interesting and i have absolutely no clue why :/ there's so much we don't know about yu jing yet: her history with both the brothers, what rand did to help her, the details of her article… aah i can't wait to learn about all that.

what i also can't quite figure out yet is how alyssa plays into this. so she's exposed and her career is ruined. then what? does yui even need alyssa for something other than to control/torment nol? and helping a "problematic" (but also very talented) girl reach fame is probably the least evil thing yui has done, it happens in the entertainment industry all the time, so exposing that wouldn't do much damage to yui. i wouldn't even be surprised if yui immediately drops alyssa once she has no use for her anymore. but then… what would alyssa's role in the story be? idk it might be just me but i feel like there's still something missing here…

"her insistence on being there" that's the closest to what i had in mind, thank you! and i get what you mean. romance that is grand and untamed and consuming like a forest fire is beautiful in its own right. but for people like nolan and shinae, who have faced so much hardship and turbulence, a love that is soft and steady, that has a healing, illuminating glow feels much more monumental in a way. like a quiet, peaceful, comforting place in the middle of a raging storm. and yes i LOOOVE how they're so well-balanced in their mutual efforts and care and how they're naturally gravitate towards one another. and it's especially obvious when compared to alyssa, who only takes without giving back, or even kousuke, who so often disregards the perspective and needs of the other person. that's why i like re-reading the first half of the formal a lot, those dynamics really come to light <3

"all these little moments that could just as easily remain platonic, except they’re stirring something up" YES!!!! i'm glad we're on the same page on minhyuk and platonic gestures, yay! and btw if you ever write that post about shinae and nol, even though it would be a tangent, i'd actually be curious to know what you think dieter's role in all this is. personally i'm undecided if shinae is genuinely crushing on him because she's drawn to his peaceful, calm, drama-free lol nature and emotional maturity (and hands), or if she's only crushing on him because it's safe to explore the possibility of romance with him and he has reassured her that he genuinely likes her at a time when she was so suspicious about whether her friends even like her (she even questioned minhyuk for a moment 💔) (and the sexy hands might be some kind of projection idk). and if verbal reassurance is part of it, then well, we just had the mutual "you're special to me" confession...

RIGHT i wanted to bring up the girlfriend thing too. shinae has been so adamant about making sure things stay platonic, but now alyssa is basically out of the picture, and the lines she drew are getting blurred, so where does that leave her? tbh i'd be overwhelmed and even a little scared if i was her. everything is happening quite fast! she's been closed off for a long time, she met nol like 3 months ago, took a lot of time to warm up to him, they've established their friendship a couple of weeks ago, they've grown close so quickly, now suddenly there is all this, whatever this is? and i'm probably overanalyzing but i do find it interesting that, in the hospital room, she doesn't hug him back. she doesn't object or push him away either so she obviously doesn't mind, and this sort of inaction (?) does read to me like a physical reflection of what's going on with her internally. the feelings are sprouting, but she can't quite process what's happening, and doesn't know what to do with herself just yet. but she also doesn't dislike this so she is just kind of going with it. then again in the very last panel in 219 we can't see her other arm so maybe she IS embracing him this time. one of quim's little details to keep us wondering i guess 👀

and please i was DYING when shinae blurted out she thinks rand is hot in front of both his sons in front of NOL who is a physical carbon copy of rand except younger and orange like girl… LMAO. (and btw yes on that moment between kou and nol; there are a few rare moments where the brothers almost… get along? it's very refreshing but in a tragic way. like a glimpse into an alternate version of the story where all the toxic conditioning didn't happen 💔)

oh god this got sooo long again i apologize!! i will try to make my future asks more concise. for now, i'm leaving you with this quote i found that makes me think of nol and shinae, i'm sure you'll understand why and appreciate it as well: tumblr. com/slavicafire/714146132919500800 (can't link it properly on anon, hopefully this'll work)

alright. take care!! -lil anon 😼

Lil Anon!!!!!! <3

I was holding off on answer this for a little bit because frankly the last couple weeks were trash and I had noooo energy and didn't want to reply until I could do a good one! I'm glad I held off, though, because there's something I can respond to MUCH BETTER now! Of course, that means this has FP 222 spoilers, so hopefully you've read! (or at least you stop here if you haven't, haha!)

It's funny how a couple weeks ago, we were still trying to piece things together "it probably won't take Yui down completely" "is it worth it for Yujing to risk her career and life?" and episode 222 came in like a wrecking ball, oh my god! I said it in my commentary post, too, but I DID NOT anticipate how much this expose was covering! All along we've talked like this is about Yui and perhaps the Hiraharas in general, but it was largely centered on her. Now, we see it's so much bigger than we'd yet realized, that the nasty, gnarly roots go deeper.

I think it's also so much clearer now why Yujing is going after this story - what it means to her, and her quest for the truth. I imagine by the time she was in university, she already knew what she wanted to do, and was already pursuing that path, but I wonder how much what happened to Manli affected her future career? Or did it already exist before that? The school Sangchul attends that's mentioned in the article about the rampant sexual assault makes me wonder if it's the same school Nol attends, that Kousuke and Yujing attended. If that's the case, then Yujing probably knows of a number of girls she went to school with who were sexually assaulted and nothing came of it. Around half of the reports ended in an incident report when the victims couldn't be contacted or refused to speak about it - doesn't it sound like they were coerced into not speaking about their experiences, whether they were paid off or threatened.

So supposing Yujing went to a school with the elite uppercrust, the wealthy, the influential, the affluent, who committed these heinous acts and got away with it. She went to a school where she watched truth crumble beneath power and influence. Her friend was later in one of those same scary situations and it's very easy to assume that nothing came of it. That she, too, lives with the haunting nightmare of an experience out of control, that left her feeling unsafe. Suddenly it makes sense why Yujing is taking it on, it makes sense why she's willing to risk it all. Because now we see that the stakes are even higher than we thought before. This encompasses so much more than just Yui and the company. This is an attack on the Hiraharas and Kims, specifically, but also an attack on the affluent, those who use their privelege to prey on and hurt others for sport, those who get away with everything, because when it comes down to it, they are above the law. They control things. This is their world.

It's a much more risky expose than we'd really considered before, but it makes sense, why it's so important to her. Yujing is dedicated to digging up the the truth - the real truth, not just media play. She wants to reveal the dark and sinister underbelly of those who have money and influence. She wants to illuminate how many lives have been ruined, how many instances of depraved, deplorable behavior has gone unpunished.

I think this also gives insight into why Nol pleading guilty was such a benefit to her story. It didn't make sense at the time, but now that we are more aware of her angle, it's clearer. Nol is being charged for a crime he didn't commit, but one that Sangchul Kim did - Sangchul Kim whose own relative was removed from his role as CEO due to his own sexual misconduct allegations. She's airing the reality - that Nol was framed/charged for a crime he didn't commit. What did the investigation yield? There must have been one, right? I guess it never came to light because he pled guilty at the hearing? Either way, Nol pleading guilty can easily be seen as someone trying to minimize the damage. He knew that even if he pled innocent there was a likelihood that he'd still be charged as guilty and the sentencing would be worse. Although, maybe he wasn't even thinking of it that way. Maybe he simply just wanted to get away and jail was as good a way to do it. But even that is an angle to work with - that the Hiraharas were so unbearable, were so cruel, he was willing to plead guilty to someone else's crime to get away.

This might be where Alyssa comes into play, but I'm still a little leery of this part, and I'll try to get to that. But Shinae's story also reveals a similar scenario of a cruel act going unpunished. Alyssa walked away without any punishment and I imagine the girls who were part of that were never found out, because Shinae certainly didn't say anything and I'm sure Alyssa didn't, either. We know that I acknowledge Alyssa pushing Shinae was an accident, but the point still reasons that Shinae was being bullied and nothing came of it. Shinae got badly injured and it was just. Swept aside. Those teachers quit their jobs. And it seems very likely that Alyss'as parents paid off the school to keep quiet, to keep her out of trouble.

It's not fair, is it? Even though it was an accident, there was no closure for Shinae. Those girls went on living their lives and for all we know, they may never have even felt bad about it. And it's just yet another case of people with money or influence being able to pay people off, of never atoning for their behavior.

Yujing's story seems to be seeking out truth but also justice. She wants everyone to know how abhorrent they are. She wants to reveal the sinister inner circle of the affluent. Someone on reddit said they'd compared Yui and Gun Kim to Epstein and my god that's exactly what it is, and that's the story Yujing is risking it all for. She wants to air what they have been able to keep quiet.

But here's the thing about Alyssa and the yearbook. As far as we know, Nol has no indication that Yujing is working on this story. When he pled guilty, she mused that she was probably giving him too much credit, which sounds like she hasn't said anything to him about what she's working on. From his perspective, the interview she had with him had to do with his hearing, had to do with clearing his name, or at least offering something for the media besides trying to make him seem like a drug-touting rapist. So why did he give her that yearbook? Why did he steal it?

People suppose that maybe he saw something else in the yearbook but I don't think so? Quimchee is pretty good about how she draws the scenes and he didn't seem to really take notice or anything until he saw that math club photo with Shinae and Alyssa and pieced together their history. He didn't have a chance to go through it further because Shinae tried to take it back, so it feels like it must be about Alyssa. But I just don't get it? What does he stand to gain from taking the yearbook? Some people thought he was going to confront Alyssa but... I really don't think so. Is it possible he knows what Yujing is working on? I just... can't see how he'd know? I know he's perceptive and smart, but has he even seen anything enough to indicate it to her?

Was it more that he hoped that by giving her the yearbook she'd look through it and recognize Alyssa and look into it? Even that seems flimsy at best, so I'm still a little ??? about this. I'm sure there's something I'm missing, or just something that's yet to be revealed but I'm at a loss. Like, Shinae's story certainly plays right into what Yujing is writing about, but is that just a coincidence?

You bring up some really good points about Alyssa, too. It does feel like Yui's only use of her is to torment Nol, and that's not really working anymore now is, it it? He's only with her for their mutual benefit. At this point, if he wanted to end things for good, he could, because would he feel bad if she lost everything when she was no longer connected to him? Nol seems pretty done with her - he does not use light words when he talks about his resentment of how she acts and her admiration of Yui, and he's long-since given up on trying to sway her away. Does a part of him remember when they were really friends and he stays so she can have that? But I've also considered that maybe if he's "dating" Alyssa, she's the main target, the main one Yui tries to use against him? That feels flimsy, though, because Yui watches like a hawk and she is well aware of Shinae's affinity for Nol, and that he shares the same feelings, which is why he tried to keep that distance. But I don't know if staying with Alyssa is really protecting Shinae at all, so the questions remain.

Of course, like I said, I think Alyssa's involvement here may be more about her family, and the dirty hush money they may have paid. In that case, the hush money + Yui creating her career starts to look more questionable. But I think, and this is something that makes me feel sick if I think about too long, I worry there may be some... "sponsorship" involved. I desperately hope it's not the case, but I sometimes think about at the Kim formal when Alyssa danced with that old photographer man, because she needs to schmooze and she needs to appeal to the media. Have there been other scenarios where she's had to... rub elbows... with prominent media figures? Has she been forced into anything heinous as a "payment" for getting her name, her group out there? I REALLY hope not because no matter what Alyssa has done, that's too vile for me. But considering the material Yujing has collected, considering the number of cases of sexual misconduct that's been covered up (that's been ENABLED when you think about it), the idea of Yui taking a girl and pushing her into such disgusting situations doesn't seem at all outside the scope of what we're dealing with.

In an old curiouscat post, quimchee was asked which characters are virgins and which aren't, and for Alyssa she used the 😬 emoji. It just feels... hmmmm. Obviously at the time no one was thinking deeper about this and took it as maybe Alyssa has cheated on Nol but... I can't help but worry that this response is more because we'll see something far darker than people were thinking. I hope I'm wrong! But!

that's why i like re-reading the first half of the formal a lot, those dynamics really come to light <3

Oh my gosh, SAME!!!!! I honestly can't remember when I started feeling shippy feelings towards Nol and Shinae, but I think the formal really played a big role in at least creating that foundation. There was just something about the way Shinae found herself seeking security in him, and how he was able to anticipate her wants and needs when Kousuke was unable to, it was the hospital scene showing the way Shinae thinks of others when Alyssa puts herself first, and the way that quietly impacted Nol. It was just seeing the ways that they just suit each other and somewhere along the way it made me go "oh no" lol when I realized the shippy feelings were starting lol. I know I've said it before so it really doesn't need repeating but they just feature so much of what I enjoy in a good pairing, the way they meet those needs and compliment each other, the way Shinae learned friendship by emulating him and turns it around on him. I would love them regardless if there was never any romance, but I'm also a sucker for a pairing that grows out of friendship like this because in so many ways they are what the other one wants and needs.

But we all know what a sucker I am for parallels, so it was only natural I would start to feel so strongly about them lol, that I would delight in them getting these cute little moments together. You are so right that they both have just been through SO much they deserve so much soft, so much warmth. They've had enough stress and excitement lol they just deserve something healing. Clearly we are nowhere near that unfortunately, but I really hope that in time we'll get to see Shinae - and Dieter and Soushi! - become some kind of safe spaces for Nol. Romance is well and good, but more than anything I want to see Nol accept that they are a safe space for him. I just. I LIKE SEEING THEM HAPPY! I WANT TO SEE THEM COMFORTABLE! I know safe is a long way away for them, but god I want to see pockets of safe space, moments of safe space. I want to see them taking refuge in each other I want to see them becoming that pillar of support to each other! This is so far off tangent lol but I've just been thinking and talking about them so much today, and the development of their relationship, the roadbumps they still face, and I just! Want! Them to find safety and comfort in each other ;~; ROARS

i'd actually be curious to know what you think dieter's role in all this is.

GOD I do think about this a LOT and wonder about it. Like, it's impossible to like two different people at once, so I don't want to discount that it's very possible for her to be attracted to both in different ways, but it's also worth exploring because this is so very new to Shinae. She doesn't really seem to have had any experience with this and while it's easy for her to admit when she finds someone hot - like Rand LMAO - that doesn't mean you LIKE someone, you're ATTRACTED to them.

I think Dieter IS a safe space for her, both because he's such an unproblematic person who is very respectful of her boundaries and because he already likes her. This is something I struggled with a LOT when I was younger - how do you know when you like someone vs when you like that they like you? Shinae is very weak to Dieter's affection for her. The "date" at the amusement park revealed this, with the whole don't look at me like that lol. But I do think Shinae's crush has to do with safety, and why I think they could have been SUCH a wonderful pairing (and look if they date I do look forward to it! I may be a Stalkyoo shipper but I acknowledge the ways that Dieter could be a good relationship for her if that was what she wanted). A funny thing about Dieter and Nol is that both of them make her feel special in different ways, it's just that Dieter is actually more open about it. I think she seeks that comfort and safety because her own life has been so tumultuous and they last thing she wants is a tumultuous relationship. And right, he's been this stable pillar for her when she needs it. Everything about them is so fluffy and cute and warm! That's why I have no issue shipping them as well!

I do wonder where he fits into all of this because LMAO FIRST OFF my poor cinnamon roll is RIGHT THERE LMAO Would he ever have had the guts to dance with her like that? He's so aware of his "inadequacies" when compared to Nol (or rather, Yeonggi) who came off so personable and charming and has this easy chemistry with her, and we know he isn't blind, he's observant as hell and he sees it. Is he sleeping? Or is he awake confirming something he was aware of all along? I used to think that Shinae and Dieter would date first, and that maybe he'd go to school back home in Germany (because he's always homesick it just feels to me like he might do that) but I also didn't expect to see Shinae and Nol dancing around their feelings so soon so I have to rethink everything I thought lol. I thought Shinae might run away from her growing feelings towards Nol, especially because he has a girlfriend, but now she knows a. that relationship isn't really one and b. she is doing the exact opposite she has cleaved on to him.

And right, like you said, the I care about her confession is already out there. I was musing to.... someone... somewhere.... lol I've been talking about this a lot lately, aaahhhh! Here it is! That as much as Shinae is obviously more drawn to Nol now that he's not putting on his Yeonggi front, with all those sharp edges, the Nol he has presented to her unsoftened, I wonder how much of it also stems from what he said to Lil Buddy. Is it that his admission that she means just as much to him as he does to her has stirred something in her? Part of what she was struggling so much with was that lack of closure, and now she knows what was eating her up inside - is that part of why she reacts so shyly to his gaze? Because she knows, because they have shared something so vulnerable with each other, she has literally shared her scar with him!

And in that manner, how does this compare to or differ from how she reacts to Dieter's feelings? I think she is more drawn to Nol, but that could just because of the circumstances. I think, if given a choice, she'd want to pick something safe, but that doesn't mean it's where her heart would lean, right? I don't think Shinae is ready to process what she feels towards Nol, but if Dieter is awake, would there even be an opportunity for that? I've wondered if he would do something dumb, like date her even knowing her unprocessed feelings, but that feels rather dramatic for who he is, doesn't it? That feels like a very typical second lead cliche and I don't think that's the sort of thing quimchee would want to write.

Man, I really SHOULD write that post because I clearly have more to say about it than I thought lmao.

the feelings are sprouting, but she can't quite process what's happening, and doesn't know what to do with herself just yet.

Even before getting 222, I was already thinking that Shinae definitely didn't know how to respond at first. I think... like yes there's a lot of unprocessed feelings happening and this is the closest she's ever been with Nol, physically. I wonder if she'd still be like this if she didn't know that he doesn't have feelings for Alyssa, if she'd still be very caught up in all of this, because I don't think she's acknowledging the feelings at this point. If anything, I think there's more surprise about this, because he's always respected that line she drew. She was the one who tried holding his hands that time. When she tried to feel if he had a fever he batted her hand away. Now, suddenly, he's literally leaning on her. I think, too, it's the circumstances. He was the one who made her get up for the dance, but suddenly he's burying his head against her shoulder - she knows something is wrong, but she can only assume it's a result of his injury. Maybe she's already wondering if he was hiding something, like his pain (because I don't think she realized yet that it was his feelings he's hiding).

But yeah I think it's very much that they're in uncharted territory, it's all so new to her. I would lol really love to be in her head later, whenever she does find herself thinking about this. What IS running through her head? What does she think of her inability to hold his gaze, of the way she's flushing and getting so flustered? Is she going to chalk it up to the intensity? Is she going be able to face it? alfjkakfjkafjaf

I wonder lmao if she'll figure out the resemblance to Rand or not. Like, Idk that scene is eternally funny to me, Rand's carbon copy just there in front of her, spewing his drink all over her alfjkafkjafjkafj LMAO I... I wish we had more scenes between Nol and Kousuke like that but. Kousuke :/ never really allowed them huh lol. I get so sad thinking about what they could have been, had Kousuke not been manipulated, had he not been driven to compete for love and affection. :(

Tumblr did NOT want to show me that link btw and I am SAD! TUMBLR PLS LET PEOPLE SEND ME LINKS PROPERLY EVEN ON ANON I WANT TO SEEEEE ;A; But also haha as always no need to apologize for long messages! I... clearly... am not good at reigning myself in either LMAO but that's fine because I love these discussions!!!! Thank you for always giving me something interesting to think or talk about! <3

Edit to add that @amuraas was able to paste the link for me and ;~; Listen I am not kidding when I say this made me cry. It is so perfect, you are right! That absolutely sums up my own feelings about love lol but especially the love between Nol and Shinae. That he could see in her what she was unable to see herself, and just the same, she stays at his side even in this darkest of times to reflect back to him what he's unable to see past. It's absolutely beautiful! One of the things I talk about a lot re: Stalkyoo is the mirroring, and how they can see in each other what they're unable to see in themselves and god this quote just GETS THAT SO WELL. Love is someone who brings out the best in you, but it's also someone who can see the best when you're unable to and god I want to howl about this foreverrrrrrrr. Thank you for finding and sharing that! And thank you again to @amuraas for tracking it down for me when tumblr refused to!

[emcads]

Sometimes I wonder how Jack and Esmeralda’s relationship would develop had the whole Rogue Pirate thing and Jack’s kidnapping not happened. Like would they officially start dating, with Teague and Don Raphael knowing (if they even agree!)? Would it get better or go downhill like most of Jack’s romances?

this is a great question !!  I personally think the two of them could have ended up a very content pirate power couple if christophe hadn’t been an absolute bag of dicks. Don Rafael clearly likes and has great respect for jack even if teague doesn’t, so i think Esmeralda could easily bring him around to the idea of the two of them. Teague may never be happy about it, but I doubt he would try to put an end to it if Don Rafael was on board.  ( do I foresee a lot of warm, cozy christmas’s at the teague’s ?  well ... no.  but possibly at the de sevilla’s! ) if the rogues had never been there,  then don rafael’s death would not have happened ( at least not in the way it did ), giving him at least a few more years with esmeralda and not sending her on her vengeance arc against christophe. she and jack could grow together, in a more or less similar direction, rather than separately, not hindered by grief and revenge.

what i expect is that Don Rafael would treat Jack with a lot more dignity in that situation than Teague does ( provided, of course, he senses more or less honorable intentions with Esmeralda ), meaning that it’s not unlikely Jack would quit Troubadour to join Esme on Venganza for a little while. two birds with one stone, really –– a decent mentor figure and he gets to hang out with his girlfriend. ( plus, earn some cash + free sex whenever. budgeting win ! )

what might cause some issues eventually is Jack feeling stifled by his role beneath Don Rafael + wanting a captaincy in his own right, whereas Esmeralda is very content serving with her grandfather and would not really want to leave him.  & jack is not the most dedicated, committed, trustworthy partner of all time, for all his good qualities. the first issue could actually be solved relatively easily in some happy ending version of all this, where jack gets command of some prize they take and esme eventually inherits venganza,  leading to the same partnership at the end of tpof just the long way ‘round. ( I really actually doubt Esmeralda would have any interest in serving under Jack, though he might be willing to serve under her. in multiple meanings of the word. )   jack’s faithfulness / commitment issues are ...  kind of at odds with esmeralda’s desire to get married,  and even if she tries to play off her jealousy / pretend like she doesn’t care,  enough is enough in a serious long-term relationship if he isn’t willing to commit to her eventually. but i think in that case they would still be able to part as friends / occasional fuck buddies, because they respect each other a hell of a lot.

that said, once he has his captaincy, his freedom, a cool girl he loves, who’s to say he wouldn’t want to marry her ? i don’t see them quitting piracy to settle down and play house tbh ( at least for a loonnnngggg while )  but the two of them doing their own version of a pirate marriage ? yes.  even some kids!  not to say that everything would be smooth sailing.  i think esmeralda’s temper would cause just as many problems as jack’s inconstancy, and they have very different views on religion, status, etc. but overall i think they’re good for each other.  and they would scare every colonial governor within 1000 miles if they were actually solidly partners, which is the most delicious thing.

[my-burnt-city]

If I'm not too late - top 5 performers who haven't done Punchdrunk who you think should join The Burnt City (casting choices for them optional)

This is a REALLY HARD question! Like, give me a finite list of performers (say, current TBC cast members, or TDM alumni) and I will happily go to town with dreamcasting, but I am an interpreter, not an imaginator, so opening the field THIS WIDELY has frankly blown my mind

After a great deal of thought, I did eventually manage to come up with a list of five names. And then, when I realised they were all Hadestown cast members, I went back to the drawing board and came up with a different list of five names

That said, I am keeping Patrick Page. In a ranked list of "Hadeses I have seen in things", he consistently comes near the top, and I'm reasonably confident he could absolutely smash the demands of this particular Hades too, I would very much love to see it

Then I figured I should start thinking about performers I have loved in other things, but who wouldn't be afraid to get up close to an audience, and make an audience feel unsettled while also being impressed at how well the performer is playing their role. Don't tell me that you wouldn't happily kill someone to see James Garnon take on Kronos (or maybe an aggressively chaotic Laocoön)

For the purposes of this thought experiment, I am assuming that dancing skills are irrelevant here as long as the performer in question fits the vibe of the character. And I know there was already a conversation a while back about putting NT Angels In America cast members in this show (and frankly I could have cheated and regurgitated that entire chat for this post) but if we're just thinking about the acting and who I'd love to see, I'd take a James McArdle Neoptolemus very happily

DON'T WORRY, MY ANSWERS AREN'T ALL JAMESES. This next one is even a woman! Please step forward, Gwendoline Christie Clytemnestra! She's regal! She's loving! She's distraught! She's unhinged! She's murderous! And wouldn't you just LOVE to see a woman of that stature climbing on top of the Czech hedgehog?

And then finally, I would like a Simone Ashley Iphigenia. I think she could smash any of the female roles, tbh, but I would particularly love to see her tackle the contrast between sweet virginal Iphy and immortal priestess Iphy (and she would look incredible in the red dress and you know it)

[ghostofpolaris]

Well, I think I am going to take out information down on my gender identity and sexuality as I am quietly questioning (and panicking) over both right now. I will leave my pronouns up for sure still but until I can get a solid feel for both, I feel like it is wrong for me to fully identify a certain way anymore and will take that information down to prevent possible issues. Both seemed like for sure fields tbh for years but I think as I have healed from a ton of trauma, I actually think stuff is probably changing (which is good? maybe?? idk I am scared). Tbh any advice would be appreciated on both matters. I'll explain further on both topics under the cut for anyone curious. <3

More details under the cut:

So, as quick of a TLDR as I can make this out to be, let me explain both: I am born AFAB (please please please for the love of the gods I do not want radfems interaction please and thanks) and for years as a kid especially I felt comfortable taking on "princely" roles when it came to play pretend with girls. I always felt happy being their knight in shining armor (I know it's cringe bear with me) and their prince but I liked mainly feeling closer to a girl and presenting myself in a feminine way. Forgive me btw, I am fairly ignorant on proper terminology because I grew up in a place where getting support for matters like this was next to impossible. I noticed more often than not, I always seemed drawn to girls and fem presenting people IRL. Fictional men were nice, but mainly my focus seemed to be fem-presenting people (I hope I got the term right). I wondered if I possibly was trans too, as a lot of characters I did relate to a lot were characters like Link from Legend of Zelda or now even Stolas from Helluva Boss for example and it was a cycle of, "Do I like this person or want to be them or both?" until I thought, "Oh! I must be genderfluid because using He/They/She pronouns feels right!". That was back around 2019 or so, and tbh I just feel like an imposter now because I noticed my gender didn't feel as "fluid" as others had it. I noticed I gravitated more toward They/She and thought, "Oh wait am I cis after all???" but that didn't feel right either as I notice I don't entirely like using She/Her pronouns either. Once again, I feel almost stuck wondering if maybe I am straight up non-binary or not or if the reason I feel feminine in any capacity is because of my system (I have DID for context) who mostly are feminine in some way. Same thing goes for the sexuality side of things. Especially when I was younger, the first person I truly felt like I had a real crush on was a girl who was actually my bully in middle school (I know I was a fool) who was essentially the Hans to my Anna (I am so sorry but literally I have no other clue how to compare it because the comparison is quite spot on in my eyes). She was someone I was happy to let myself get kicked around for and wait on her hand and foot. I was happy to be a walking carpet for her and sacrifice anything just for an ounce of her love and in truth? I never actually had those kinds of feelings for any masculine kind of individuals.

Fictional men? Oh absolutely fine! Fictional WOMEN??? Even Better (Felicia Hardy you will ALWAYS have my heart tbh). Like, as awful as this may seem, the men I have dated I feel like I only dated them out of pity because they liked me and I felt bad and did not want to say no to them. This tbh led to a lot of trauma for me, yet I still somehow gravitated back toward cis men mostly that I never really felt a genuine connection with. I dated two (At the time) women in my life and for some reason even though I dealt with a ton of bs from them, I felt more inclined to date a woman again versus a man.

Back in middle to high school, I was stuck wondering if I was bisexual or lesbian, and poor poor exes of mine I literally felt so bad I could not figure it out and just assumed I was bi. Though another kicker came in: I really am not that interested in sex. I have had trauma with it yes, and tbh as awful as this may seem, I assumed it was from trauma. Yet I healed, and grew, and that didn't seem to be the case as time went on. I had experimented (tbh I wanted Taco Bell more than I wanted that person soooo oops...) and I figured, "Oh! This means I am Asexual!" Yet I still feel more romantic feelings toward fem people mostly. I stupidly thought being bisexual in highschool was transphobic (I learned better since them) and went with the identity of Pansexual, then Panromantic Asexual when I learned that being Panromantic existed, but now I once again am at a crossroads here too. I notice I have been really feeling my heart flutter seeing pretty feminine people more, and even wondered if I was even demisexual versus straight up asexual. I have done a lot of healing and I wondered if I too was sucked into the wormhole that is comphet but I just don't know. I don't really know who to talk to about it all and I can't help but go, "Oh I can't be lesbian because I am not a cis female" but learned you CAN be nonbinary and lesbian. Then I go, "but wait I can't be a lesbian if I like fictional men right??" but sure enough, I see lesbians who adore fictional men. I almost wonder if Bisexual was correct, but yet it just does not feel 100% right.

I even tried to go on the app Boo to find friends mostly, but I did mention I would be happy to try and date later down the road as I had a lot of healing to do. I met some guys that I figured could be cool friends, but I noticed that the only person I was even remotely interested in that liked me too was a guy in France who dressed in a feminine way and presented himself in a feminine manner. Like, it was to the point that I felt supremely fluttery in my chest and felt a sense of giddiness. It isn't entirely the same as the feelings I had for a friend of mine who is a girl. I almost feel sad thinking on it because I know she wouldn't probably like me back as she has so much going on and she has had friends confess to her and made her uncomfortable and I'd never want to do anything to hurt her, but man I think about her and my heart just soars. If you ever hear the song Heaven's Light from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, this is exactly how I feel about her. She makes me feel like I have a Morticia Addams of my own and thinking about how much my heart almost aches for her is hard to really encapsulate in words. I promise this is not some sappy love confession or anything, I want to respect her and she still lights up my life even though we are only friends. I just do not get the same kinds of feelings about a masculine individual unless fictional. I wasn't sure if it is me or the system or anything like that, but any advice would be great tbh minus the, "Just be patient with yourself! This takes time!" thing. No offense, but I am 28 years old and tbh as a system this I think is different than the average, "be patient with yourself thing". Yet the more I write, the more I wonder if I am answering my own questions too tbh. Sorry for the lengthy post!

[theflytecharm]

YEAH in this au marcias like that is my baby brother no I've never actually been able to physically touch him yes he is from medieval times. I don't see what this has to do with anything. She'd be so offended that any version of herself could ever be mean to him. They r besties who tell each other everything (or. Marcia tells Most things but she does see marcellus very much as a child bc he. Is. She's like 20 when he's maybe 10 so she doesn't tell him Everything but they're super close) and when he ends up in the future she introduces him to everyone as her little cousin from overseas who's parents r dead so he's staying with her. She does tell alther who he actually is tho bc alther figured out where she was disappearing to not long after the start of her apprenticeship and asked her abt it and she didn't want to lie to him,,, she didn't tell him Who she was talking to just that it was a friend and she wasn't at any risk of going through the glass.

And. Yeah <33 they r autistic. Together 😌😌 marcellus knows some basic magyk in this au and marcia knows some physik and a lot of the theory of alchemy. Also I should clarify marcellus stays in the future in this au. He never goes home ever he just lives in the future now,, things in the past play out mostly the same as in canon but marcellus's role is played by a different alchemist who isn't such close friends with julius so there's some suspicion that the alchemy disaster wasn't entirely the alchemists fault and that's why alchemy isn't Quite so hated in the future.

Marcellus being more argumentative!! I think in canon he would have stayed quiet just bc. He wouldn't have seen a way out. Like etheldredda is essentially unkillable and if he ever dares to act out what happened to his sisters could happen to him. But with marcias influence he kind of starts pushing boundaries and asking questions and sneaking around and stealing things because marcias optimism rubs off on him and he's sure that he'll be able to save his sister this time, definitely. If things get really bad he can run away with the money from stolen items. I have a lot of thoughts abt marcellus and etheldredda and maybe one day I'll even elaborate on them abdjdbdjbd

AND. YEAH marcia does get affected by marcellus also <3 ur right she is a lot more tolerant of ppl in general tbh like especially after marcellus is in the future. If she can handle a grieving 13 yr old she can handle anything. She's also a lot more polite?? Like marcellus was taught Court Rules since he was tiny and started teaching them to marcia just for fun and obviously most of them r incredibly outdated but the same principles apply so while she is still bitchy and rude she is bitchy and rude in such a way that no one can ever call her out on it. Most of the time. Sometimes she snaps <3 Maybe she comes across a little old fashioned sometimes but that only adds to the effect,, she has learned Social Skill and by god is she going to use it.

There's also the fact that she considers marcellus her brother + has decided to honour his older bio sister by doing her absolute best to take care of him. When he's in the past this is 100% just talking with him and trying to give advice and steer him away from trouble (she fails miserably on that) and when he's in the future she's a lot more involved,, unfortunately (for her) this means she has a Big Sister Mode that activates every time she sees someone younger than her having a bad time and she HATES it bc all the castle kids literally love her and r bugging her all the time. Anyway I do have more to say but maybe I'll make an actual post with a readmore instead of putting it in ur inbox abdjdnsjfn

I love this au, it's so cute to see marcellus being looked after for once lmao

I wanna see the grown up pair of them start working together on alchemy and magyk too, kinda like julius but without the whole blame and betrayal bit. Alchemy being suspicious but not outright banned is fun too, would it end up being treated kinda like witches are (though with the bonus of hopefully less kidnapping involved)? Or more accepted than that

Marcellus having marcias influence and a way out is v interesting, in the canon it does seem like his only way out is to outlast etheldredda so he puts so much effort into a tincture that actually works. But if he's out would he put so much time and effort into it? Or just let it be and get on with a normal length life this time?

I love Social Skill marcia, she's such a person to learn the rules to break the rules (or bend the rules to breaking point without actually breaking them, leaving room for plausible deniability). I can also see them researching Why different rules and etiquette exist just so they understand why people do what they do, even if it's old stuff that's not really relevant anymore

BIG SISTER MARCIA!!!!! she's such a softie <3

Does marcellus get a chance to grieve his sisters in the past? Not even as in a funeral or something, but did he just have to pretend it's all fine until he got out?

[billfarrah]

the lyrics "this is holy, holy" playing over their love scene. aaAAAhhhHH so weak for that kinda thing

simon covering up for sara yet AGAIN with their mom over the whole august thing 😭 I think he's going to forgive her and get over it pretty fast with what he told wille about not wanting august to destroy families

I was really upset abt wille/felice but I'm mostly over it. It is what it is.

I kinda wish there had been more stakes with Marcus? Don't get me wrong, it was funny how Simon was Not really into him, and they had no chemistry whatsoever, but like... what if they did? What if Simon had actually liked him y'know??

I can't stop thinking about the scene where Wille shows up at Simon's house and tells him he would abdicate for him. For them. It's everything, my favorite scene from the season.

Wille puking when he realizes any chance of leaving his role in life behind is gone!!!!!! 😭

* I love that they used another Elias song and that they used it during a love scene. I had been hoping for the use of Revolution during a sex scene but tbh this was even better

* I don’t think he’s gonna forgive her fast and I don’t want him to. What Sara did was beyond fucked up and I want her to have a good, juicy redemption arc, Simon forgiving her right away totally removes all stakes

* I was upset about Wille/Felice too at first but now that I completely understand the thought process behind it and the message that Lisa was trying to convey as she explained in her live (sometimes you try stuff with friends and it doesn’t work and that doesn’t mean it has to totally ruin your friendship) and I absolutely love their classroom conversation and how Felice called Wille out and wille acknowledged his shitty behaviour. I love that it resolved quickly and their friendship recovered. I love how clear it was that Wille was not using Felice to see if he liked girls or not, because that wasn’t the point - he wanted to see it what he felt with Simon could be replicated with someone else and who better than a close friend like Felice, and this just proved to him that no, I can’t feel this way for anyone else, Simon is it for me, and despite that realization, he still decides to let Simon go. I love the på bordet scene and I love Wille yelling at everyone about how stupid and invasive this tradition is. I love how Simon’s face falls as he realizes wille kissed someone else. I love that it lead to petty, jealous Simon; that was a gift. I also love that Simon never took out his jealousy on Felice or directed it towards her. So as much as I hated watching them kiss - it was yucky - I liked what it caused in the story. It basically sets in motion the switch from Wille chasing Simon to the other way around, which was much needed.

* I disagree about Marcus. There were many angles they could have used for this “love triangle” and this is the one they chose; I think it worked brilliantly. Because the point was never about who Simon was going to choose, and ultimately it didn’t matter if Simon really liked Marcus or not; he’s batshit crazy in love with Wille and nothing was gonna change that. The point with Marcus was that the easier option is not always the best or right option. Like yeah, Marcus likes him openly and there’s less drama and it’s chill, but he’s flawed in his own ways. He’s pushy and manipulative and he doesn’t set Simon’s soul on fire like Wille does. Wille makes Simon creative and passionate and a better person; Marcus just made him feel small. The ultimate question was what was Simon willing to sacrifice for love; his priorities needed to be examined and Marcus existed to give him that push, as Lisa said, and Simon ultimately decided fuck it, nothing is certain in life, I just wanna be with Wille. Simon was far too in love with Wille for Marcus to ever have a chance, so I’m honestly glad Simon didn’t feel anything for him.

* Yes, the scene outside Simon’s house is everything, I LOVE that Rosh and Ayub were there. Wille was so brave to speak his truth in front of them, when we know how scared he is of public speaking. He made that risk for Simon. I also love that he kept his distance and literally gave Simon space, and didn’t try to touch him or sway him with anything other than his honest words. “You have to do what’s best for you, Simon.” Things are no longer just on Wille’s terms, as Simon expressed last season. It’s poetic.

* Edvin killer that scene; I genuinely believed he was throwing up, it was so realistic. His performance this season was god-like.

[lauri-rosehearts]

Soooo…..your girl is back at it again with Villain Parent headcanons.

So….I have no idea why I think this….truth be told I don’t really have evidence to back this up…but its just a headcanon that somehow makes so much sense to me. So in one of my last posts I talked about how in Ever After High, most villains live normal lives and go without punishment after completing their roles. Cause in this society, if its in the name of destiny and playing your part, its not a crime. Look, its no surprise that most if not all the fairytale villains have done some pretty horrible shit. And yet the only one who gets punished at all is the Evil Queen, but NOT because she poisoned Snow White! Nah, it was cause she went off and caused chaos outside of her story. She wasn’t punished for her in-story crime, but she was punished for committing out-of-story crimes. Point is that it really doesn’t matter how terrible your actions might’ve been, if it’s within the scope of your fairytale role, don’t even worry about hiding the evidence.

With that said, for some reason, this makes me think that if EAH had a court system, it would be the high ranking villains playing the judge, jury, and executioner in the situation. I mean they’re the ones who have the privilege of doing morally wrong shit as long as it’s within their scope of in-story villiany. I’d assume they take pride in this privilege and absolutely would not want anyone else without said legal privilege to get away with a crime. Like I’m just imagining some random dude with no particular role in any story whatsoever committing a murder and going to court to proove him guilty, and then the minute they catch him red-handed with evidence, the villains just stand there like “No! You dont get to get away with murder without a villian pass……! Only WE get to do that!” So in a way, thats just their weird twisted motive for serving up tough justice. Not to mention how Villains don’t have empathy or love save for their kids, so if they find the guilty perpetrators, they wont feel bad about giving them a justified punishment.

Like I said, most of this just comes from my attachment to the villain parents in EAH, but even so I have little to no evidence to back any of this up, so if any of this made absolutely no sense to you, tbh I dont completely blame you. This headcanon just randomly appeared in my thoughts while I was rewatching Danganronpa: The Animation, and when I asked my brain “how on earth does that make sense and how can I back it up”, all I could come up with was “It just makes sense, ok? Dont ask how….it just does! Trust me, bro”. So for this one, try not to question my logic cause there barely was any at all.

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those “but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful