#she could eat me any day :)
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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the OFFICIAL doodle page where I make my incredible breakthrough of how to draw and design humanformer swoop trasformer. waowie!!!!!
#she's so cool I wish trans women who wear massive capes and eat rocks were real#it took me eighteen hundred years to find out how to specifically design swoop's head before realizing I could just give her like a helmet#that was my biggest breakthrough ever with a character design actually. really cool and awesome imo. im very happy abt it <3#my art#transformers#maccadam#transformers animated#tfa#transformers dinobots#dinobots#swoop#bulkhead#tfa swoop#tfa bulkhead#dinobot swoop#humanformers#tfa dinobots#I dont think I've ever posted any other hf art here actually omg#I've drawn hf bulk n bee a few times but im still messing around with their designs. maybe one day!!!!#ermmm umm have a swell time the rest your day/night <33#giggles
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I was rewatching The Stone Forest and I really like to think that Hilda had to pass by the Bell Keeper’s outpost on her way out of the city limits. I like to think that idiot looked at what was happening, shrugged, and said ‘eh, she’s the scariest thing out there’
#“‘the scariest thing out there’?”the girl sends him a look that isn't quite a glare for once; it still conveys her opinion just as clearly#Edmund shrugs. Hilda is still within sight of his binoculars. he watches her run and can’t be sure whether she’s running *towards* or *from#*.He doesn’t think she knows either.#'I mean. it’s not like trolls can harm her at this time of the day.#Don’t tell me you believe in fairies kid.'#And there it is at last: the glare. Meiri looks up from her art project - her new therapist had reccomended it as a way to express herself#and since he'd been helping so much so far she'd decided to grudgingly give it a shot -#“*No*” she states pointedly; to anyone who knew her it was an affirmation. And Edmund knew her better than she cared for#'What I believe in is wolves and recluse spiders and ticks and nettle. And I believe that someone with the spine#to sabotage the Patrol wouldn't have the self control to not lick a pretty mushroom'#“Hey!” Edmund protested putting down his binoculars. “I sabotaged the Patrol! For *you* I might add!”#Meiri's smile turned mean; it was a regular expression for her yet it never conveyed any malice. Just the thrill of a game that never tired#her. “And would you?” she lifted one thick eyebrow; signaling to her dad that it was his move now#The dad in question was unfortunately thinking back to a time in his young teenage years when he figured he could eat anything animals bit#and gave himself a poisoning that had him taken to the ER. But she didn't need to know that. *ever* in fact.#“Obviously I would. Like I'd let a mushroom ruin my perfect sandwich diet”#Meiri groaned loudly. Some games were worth playing. But some wars she'd already accepted she'd never win#“Anyway” he turned back to staring at the outside of the wall as if it was of any interest to him (it wasn't)#“kid'll be fine is my point. And even if she isn't ya know what's the best think about this situation?”#They looked at each other with matching smirks. “none of our flipping business” he said at the same time as she echoed#“None of our fucking business”#He gasped immediatelly. “*Meiri!*”#The chastening was useless. She just shrugged innocently.#He'd really have to limit her library visits#the bell keeper hilda#meirdom#hilda the series#hilda netflix
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omg rm9 was kinda fun To Me. i enjoyed mulder and scully going on a sushi date, scully being SOOOOO embarrassingly down bad for a man she’s known over 20 years, and of course the restaurant attacking them because mulder is a bad tipper. it’s also just nice to see them living life, you know??
i had a blast with rm9 tbh, a classic s11 well! have no idea what happened there! but i enjoyed myself! episode. just talked about it a bit but yes!! just seeing them living life!! literally the majority of s11 isn't even them going on cases they're just like. existing. and falling into Situations. in rm9 all they wanted to do was go to this sushi place. scully is of course always embarrassing as hell but what i loved loved loved loved about her in rm9 (and consequently throughout s11) is that last moment at the diner when they're both on their phones, and she puts hers away and just kinda leans over to his shoulder and takes his hand, and he puts his phone down.
i was so floored to see her do that, to ask for his attention like that. so much of the original series is scully...almost quietly suffocating, sometimes? being on the edge of his myopia and focus? wanting him to see her so bad, and then lashing out (READ: fucking serial killers) to either rebel, or get him to notice? but it's been a long time and he has been many more things to her since and now she just grabs his hand and makes him turn to her. in forehead sweat when she whines that he needs to feed her or she's leaving!! and then she does leave!!! in plus one when they aren't even "back together" yet, and she sneaks into his motel room and asks him to hold her.
scully in the revival has left him. she has struck out on her own, had her own career, lived on her own, been a doctor. and she's back and they're back because there's work to be done, and because, as james wong says: "She’s in love with him that way. She had a different career as a doctor, but she came back, because this is so important to him—she’s coming back to be there for him."
she's back, and they're back, because they're always choosing each other, and they've proven it, and they've done the work. she complains about his stakeouts. she cracks jokes about being sure he's on his meds!! she knows that their son is "guiding" them both, somehow. she doesn't question it.
she's embarrassingly down bad even after 25 years because she's never anything but adored him, but there's so much more availability now. she can openly check him out and invite him back into her room and giggle at him and sleep on his jacket in bars. she used to cry, every single time that he was present with her. she used to be so overwhelmed that she couldn't speak, when he was focused on her. this is the inverse reaction of the stability and peace that mulder has found, there's a steady foundation for scully to grow on.
#i know i have an ask from one of you somewhere to do a post on revival scully. thinking it over i promise#but this is like The Main Thing to me by far#kisses#asks#rm9sbg93zxjz#tbh there's this shift in them after the baby was born that kind of gutpunches me...something is very different and solid#'what are you thinking about?' 'about my son. about his mother.'#she will forever be his son's mother. he will forever be her son's father.#and it's not that this binds them because they've always been bound to each other but it shifts them into a new familiarity and dynamic#something very dependent and primal and solid#but for so fucking long that new dynamic was so drowned in grief and loss that they didn't get to have each other any other way#what do you do when someone is your child's mother but you only got 3 days#when someone is your child's father but you spent your one and ONLY year of parenthood alone#hmph! many epiphanies.#anyway the point is that by the revival they're eating jello and watching twilight zone (or whatever it was) in the same house where#for a decade they could barely speak to each other. they were just haunted.#they're healing and it's bringing them closer to each other in orbits and it's lovely!
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hold on im still too mad at this one fucking guest to take a nap i need to be a hater for a minute
#so when i say hell on earth kinda day i mean HELL ON EARTH kinda day#we had a large bus travel group from slovakia and then some other guests and it was almost a hundred people for breakfast#the bus group all came at the same time they descended onto the buffet like fucking seagulls i swearrrrr#and i divided tasks like i had two helpers with me in the kitchen so one guys job was just to gather dirty dishes + washing + taking clean#ones back out#and the other guy running around the buffet checking whats needed + restockjng the cold food + telling me all the hot stuff that needs#refilling. so i was in the kitchen making all the hot foods on constant rotation + chopping fruits and making smoothies and shit#and like we managed. WE MANAGED. the buffet was never even half empty at any point like yes there was always something that was empty but#dude who cares if the vanilla yoghurt is empty for 5 mins just pick something else.#and everyone was happy with their breakfast and really nice when asking if we have more of this and that etc and then there was one lady#this ONE FUCKINGGGG lady i swear i almost threw hands#she was complaining about everythinggggggggggg#about there not being any more fried eggs (already in the pan. done in 2 mins. but when helper nr2 told her that she said well why did we#run put in the first place) about the bread station being full of crumbs like girl its BREAD. my giy was running up and down the buffet#wiping it off and cleaning as fast as he could but if you allow people to cut their own bread there will be fucking crumbs. the fuck.#then she also didnt like how the butter looked bc OBV people kept using the butter and no matter how many times you go in and make it look#neat again as soon as the next person takes some it will not look picture perfect anymore#like while i was running back and forth restocking stuff with my arms full she TOOK MY ARM and pointed at things and was like#'this looks shit' so does your fucking face but you dont see me getting physical about it#and then when i came out with a big tray of fresh glasses and cups she pointed to where someone had spilled some water at the dispenser and#went 'there is water on the buffet' (far away from any food + literally its just water) and i said 'yes i know' and she goes 'well it doesnt#look very appealing. this is the worst buffet ive ever seen' and i go 'well surely you have seen how busy we are' and she FUCKING GOES#'i dont care. i paid money for this.' and i go 'well that makes two of us for not caring. we'll get to it when we have the time.' and she#said something else idk what bc i was finished with my task and had SHIT TO DO BC PPL WERE STILL EATING#so i just turned and ran back to the kitchen to keep working#actually i got back to the kitchen and said to guy nr1 'i need to go punch something' and then went out the back and started kicking the#shit out of a pile of paper boxes and THEN i continued working#and then she started TAKING PICTURES of everything she didnt like of the buffet like full offense i hope she gets hit by a bus#like with some people you can just tell they never worked a day in the service industry and no matter what you do theyll keep complaining#anyways :) tag limit. apparently. so its nap time now. honk shoo snork mimimi and so forth <3
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always good when you can slide your breakdowns to the weekend instead of letting them disrupt your work week
#elika is down to 4.2 lbs and has barely been eating a few mouthfuls per day this week#despite being on steroids AND an appetite stimulant#I think we are pretty close to the end#she's been spending most of the night on my bed recently even though she hasn't done that for a few years#I can't help but think it's because she understands that one of these mornings she won't be waking up again#and she wants to have been near me in the end#funny though how I literally did just keep on trucking through the work week until I signed off friday around 6#and then absolutely could not contain it any longer#🎶compartmentalizing~!🎶
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if i could change one thing about myself it would be to not hate seafood. cant shake the feeling that somewhere in the future i will be stuck in a situation where this will be a huge detriment. like being stranded on the ocean
#also when i was a gradeschooler my parents did this thing where they didnt let me leave the table untill i finished the meal which often led#to me staying in the kitchen well into the afternoon propably crying and if i told them how i cant physically force it down it keeps coming#back my mom just said if i vomit into the meal she will make me eat the vomit back up too. i dont think this ever happened but i think ther#were a couple occasions where i vomited and got a new portion the size of what was left of the previous one#my mom denies it to this day that any of this ever happened luckily my sisters remember it too#my parents were pretty much allright parents but this is deffinitely a fucked up thing#then one time well into my teenager years she did this again and i was feeling too old for this kind of shit so i just packed the whole meal#into a couple of napkins and fling it out the window. i was aiming for the roof of the house across the street but couldnt throw that far so#it sploshed onto the building's wall and it was winter so it froze there and i could see the petrified remains for years
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ily bakugou katsuki u are the only thing that hasn't pissed me off today
#today i was basically told that i have to take all of my breaks at work back to back to back within one hour two hours after i clock in#which means that i don't get a break at all later during the night so i don't fucking Want that but i have no other choice because#i'm basically being cornered into doing it by one of the managers who texted my department lead and said i tried to get someone to#cover me for my break at “almost 7 when everyone is going home” which is a fucking lie i asked at 6#who the fuck wants to take all of their breaks in one hour two hours after they start their eight hour shift#i asked for someone to cover me at 6 because i had to use the bathroom really fucking badly and she was like#“why didn't you take them while the midshift was here” the midshift has a three hour overlap with my shift and i have to be clocked in#for at least two hours before i take any breaks at all and i don't want to take all of my breaks at once that soon#ONE HOUR BEFORE MY COWORKER LEAVES#and like we both have stuff to do????#all three breaks two hours into my shift then nothing for the next six fucking hours funniest joke i've ever heard in my entire life#except it's not a joke because it's from a manager so if i don't do this stupid ass shit i could get disciplined or fired#because they don't want to send anyone to cover for me#you know what's even funnier? i am the ONLY PERSON scheduled for these fucking 2-10 shifts except for our full time guy#my other coworkers? 4-10. i don't want this fucking 2-10 shift get me the fuck OFF OF IT#EATS MY ENTIRE FUCKING DAY#i woke up at 8:30am this morning and it still felt like my entire goddamn day was stolen from me because i wake up have time to myself for#about 5 hours out of my whole day then i have to get ready and get my ass to work until the end of the fucking day#tag rant#tag vent#bakugou katsuki#i feel like this is something i should call my union rep about but idk
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Why the fuck did 5 pro-anorexia blogs follow my main overnight? Like? I'm blocking all of you, obviously. Had a friend die from starving herself in middle school. I don't fuck with that shit. One of the blogs literally had a post like, "My mom is concerned about how much weight I've lost recently, but she's just jealous that I'm not the fat kid anymore and she still is. Skinny girls don't think about recovery." Like... Please listen to your mother. Holy shit. This is self harm and she's concerned. Your mother is not jealous that she's fat and you aren't. Stop. People literally die from this shit, and promoting an extremely unhealthy lifestyle isn't cute in the slightest.
#proana#block me#literally block me and all my blogs if you're cool with the proana scene#y'all are sick and know you are and will refuse any help#you're killing yourselves but don't even care because you want to look like bones#had a friend die from that shit. it's not cute.#she withered away and no one could convince her to eat. h#then one day she didn't show up to school and we found out she'd slipped into a coma and her organs were failing#literally because of the anorexia#this is the same behavior people with a bad meth habit exhibit. killing yourself but not caring. seek help.#help lines exist for a reason#nobody wants you to starve yourself to death. you can recover and be a healthy weight.#there's a fine line between weight loss because you're health conscious and anorexia#body fat is necessary for you to function properly#you can't build muscle without fat. your brain doesn't work properly without fat stores to pull from.#your body will literally consume nutrients from your bones if you're not getting them from outside sources (meaning: food)
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maybe bsol is that time jen tepper mentions when she was so upset about a review of a show of joe's that she broke a glass (&/or threw it out a window)
#could be anything ofc but i sure went sighhh i'll read the nyt review for science; i'm already assuming it's a piece of shit#(it was; thus predictably; a piece of shit. even the nyt rave for a show i liked was basically a piece of shit)#the only thing that makes raves higher quality is they might have actually bothered giving more info abt the show#& otherwise have devoted more thoughts & less space to just the critic's dogshit directionless griping. but barely; so#anyway i was like oh i can search twitter easily for a word as distinctive as bloodsong (except also a ship name for some videogame)#then i was like oh my god at a post from jenashtep about like oh it's the anniversary of two days in a row Events#first when the nyt bsol review was published second when i went to your apartment to make sure you weren't dead#(wait she didn't say To Make Sure You Weren't Dead she says Because I Thought You Were Dead....throw a glass situations)#like well damn also hmm....(also first thing the nyt would've covered at all i think. tbs never played in ny....or nj evidently)#one can only imagine. bsol is so [it does feel very christmas extravaganzay to me in ways. not the same lord knows but]#that like I'm riled fourteen years later finally listening to a boot which leaping into the arms of someone lifting up an Audio#same as xmas like sure i can't be like oh it's about this that the other precise moment though there are ones that extra rile me#can't say it's so obvious like i could Elevator Pitch explain to a rando why i Gasp or get weepy or just have some very special experience#plus i've never even gone lol. the way they can't stop the xmas show b/c it's a musical that just crops up a weekend a year lol#i'm so already like oh of course this is something i'm obsessed with forever now :) unsurprisingly & like it's so idiosyncratic god bless#(also unsurprisingly bloodsong seems to have been broadly warmly received; save by the Newspaper Of Note(tm) taking a dump & calling it a#day like will was saying abt tbs l.a. like oh audiences loved it local online coverage loved it just the less than halfassed review by the#Big Paper didn't & was like ''why isn't this a whole other thing'' called it a day)#anyway like hey I'm absolutely on fire for Outlaw for Not In Your Soul You Don't for Last On Land for Friendship Song to name a few#for what ended up being my proper angle of entry like oh that means a funny little villain then? (yes) like boy is that a banger alone#think thusly nominated for off bway relevant awards; got more than one nom....hey for one thing fourteen yrs later a rando can be obsessed#like that same rando cherishes the memory a livestream livechat interview where i said Black Suits Forever & they put that up onscreen so#joe had to pause like sorry i got distracted someone said black suits forever that's a line from the show & it's So that that show of mine#that never played in new york....like That's Right lol. i'm slamming the xmas fanart up to your window for year three joe Joseph the Show#(he did also see the bsol fanart which i more discreetly made a reply given he saw that Yay Krampusfucking reply last year lol)#anyway uh um. oh yeah wait also bloodsong is lifechanging sort of to me personally i'm just like. so relatively evenkeeled about it like#well of course :) & it counts as lifechanging when i get anticsful Posting. & it's lifechanging Any shows Any songs that are any kind of#impactful. speaking of like individual numbers in cabaret shows or the entire show or the album or concert or anything#as i reblog Outlaw again yelling or go god damn one Understands how last on land is the penultimate song on album#or i say to myself Whenever I Eat A Noodle; I Like To Think About The Hwheat That It Used To Belong To
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just realised that the first media we consumed that made us REALLY sympathetic for the monster was that fucking point and click Mystery Case Files Ravenhearst game. bc that entire game i was legitimately fucking TERRIFIED of the ghost lady in that game but the second i found out her husband was abusive i doubled down on trying to help her escape. and the ending of that game Did make me cry out of fear but hey at least i did in fact help her escape
#i think that was the first game we ever like. completed. as well#NO it was hidden expedition amazon bc that one was less scary so it was easier to beat LMAO#we had both of those games on a single disc as a kid#one o those like. buy 2 for cheap game discs at like. best buy. i love those cheap bargain bin point and click games#hidden object games were my entire thing from the age of like. 8 to 12#we also had like. three ispy game discs one of which had FOUR separate worlds to go to#which upon my recent googling was like. multiple ispy games packaged into one which i cannot find any record of??#i know for a fact it had a space section the fantasy one and the school days one#and then we had treasure hunt and spooky mansion as separate discs#I FUCKING MISS SPOOKY MANSION i have a download of it but i CAN'T PLAY IT bc it was made for computers older than windows 7#it fucks up the aspect ratio of the screen and the mouse like. shows the cursor being about an inch to the left of where it Actually Is#its weird#anyway complete non sequitur here but I GOT THE STUPID ASS MULTIPLAYER ITEMS IN TERRARIA#i forgot i could just. make a multiplayer world. and not invite anyone to it. and get the items that way#so this can still be a purely singleplayer challenge i just have to click on a different menu to get these items#NOW I JUST HAVE TO FUCKING PAINTING HUNT. HOORAY 😳#they need to make a version of that emoji without the blush. i am not flushed i am fucking STARING AT U LIKE A MADMAN#the fucking. uluru painting. i chewed through 7 ENTIRE LARGE DESERTS FOR THAT FUCKING THING#7 LARGE WORLDS. DCU. DESTROYED ALL TRACE OF SAND. ONLY GOT ULURU IN AN OLD ABANDONED WORLD INSTEAD 😔#and now. now i have to search for fucking WALDO?????? WALDO????? this actually looped back around to the initial topic of the post huh#any hidden object BOOKS i would fucking eat up as well the Can You See What I See books??? i liked those better than ispy actually#walter wick is the one man responsible for my LIFELONGGGGGGG obsession with hidden object games#i LEARNED TO READ with ispy books initially and i fucking LOVED it it was so fun making learning a game#i learned to read like. wayyyyy faster than other kids apparently?#i dont remember what age but i was definitely early bc i knew enough that when i entered preschool i was like. past their starting level#i dont remember the details i just know like. i learned to read really early. and i was a late talker#but neither of my parents think i was. bc both of them were delayed in speaking too so they think its normal--#but like. my mom was Deaf she absolutely was a late talker#and my dad. well. lets just say my mother has less of the tism tendencies to gift to me#and also both were part of very very large chaotic families so like. mild neglect was part of the package yknow
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This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...
There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.
OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!
Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:
It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane
#snap chats#the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying)#potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even..#focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise#like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him#while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic#really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense#OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down !#accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh--#BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show#it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk#dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️#alright im. DELIRIOUS.#to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun !#my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it#i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue#BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there#embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️#ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️#IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch#ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home#so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao
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google, how do I not be so so so so so scared of taking new medications that I make my whole situation worse before I even pick them up from the pharmacy
#//juri speaks#feeling big “[7th guest ghost voice] i want my mommyyyyy” energy lately#even though i know she's of the opinion that i just need to eat more vegetables#i want an adultier adult to help me make decisions and help me be normal#and on god do i want someone who can help me articulate things to a doctor#bc i always leave feeling like they have not focused on what i thought was the larger problem#but not sure how else i could have explained my symptoms to get them to understand#and i have not one but TWO prescriptions im supposed to try for a few weeks#and i havent even gone to pick them up yet and ive been so anxious all day i wanna cry#(i also wanna cry bc i am super nauseous again today and could hardly eat any lunch#which was annoying bc it was kind of pricey and i thought safe food being non-dairy)#anyway. would anyone like to trade bodies with me for a while?#i would love to feel normal for a bit. not like a stressed rabbit.
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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@megatraven
Meg hear me out for a moment. Your screenshot of your Eros x MC angst where he’s like “You’ll die like your mom, but no one will remember you,” hit me HARD (like I said in the ask, sorry for repeating) and my mind was like, “What if…MCs mom was alive instead?” Like she’s still working at HERA, soon to retire tho since she’s like 50 when MC starts working there (most likely 50 anyways). She’s still working there and I see her as the boss at work, but when she gets home she’s Mom™️. Like how Alex said it was hard for Aphrodite to come and be a mother AND a goddess when disciplining them in their S1.
So I imagine Agent Mom (the perfect nickname you gave her lol) being a little biased about the cases MC works especially since she doesn’t have her ring. However, something happens to where only MC can help further the case and she’s paired with Eros. And oh boy I can imagine her being very protective of her. Agent Mom knows Aphrodite, Hades, and a few gods have changed, but she’s still seen their nasty side and knows that a lot HAVENT changed, and she has a feeling that Eros is one of them.
And he is.
So that scene with Eros happens, but instead of it being about her mom being dead, it’s instead about how MC would never be a field agent on her own. She works under Alex (best friend background and forever in love with her), so they’ll have a bias as well to her and may (even without realizing it) help her up (like they said in their S1) and he says that she’ll only be living in her mothers shadow and never be her own person. Which, obviously, RUINS MC. She loves her mother and has admired her, and she won’t deny that she wants to be like her, but she wants to be w field agent by her own ability and not be seen as just a mini Agent Mom and not her own person so it definitely hurts.
I can see MC trying to keep her feelings hidden, but her mom just KNOWS. A mom always knows and she’s no different, and MC opens up about it and ohhh…she’s pissed. Josh said that Agent Mom stepped on many toes during her time at HERA, and she had another set of toes to step on: Eros. She doesn’t even go to Aphrodite, but instead straight to Eros (somehow).
Basically, she beats his ass but verbally and threatens him. She doesn’t even back down (like MC) and she’s willing to throw hands for her children, despite knowing he’s a god. Eros, really processing what he said to MC, kinda apologizes but not really. He still has development to go through, and Agent Mom isn’t having it.
When MC finally tells her mom that she’s having feelings for Eros, I can see her being conflicted as well. She wants her daughter to be happy, but she knows some of the gods past and how some don’t care about humans and will still use them for their own entertainment or will. That first interaction between Agent Mom and Eros is proof enough to her AND her time dealing with Ares and Aphrodite (when he caused a rift for them temporarily) and most likely seeing how he treated Alex when they were young, so she warns her daughter heavily, but she can’t stop her. She’s an adult and Agent Mom has raised her and Josh the best she can, and she knows she has to make her own decisions, so she respects it, even if she disagrees with the couple. At the time anyways.
And when they do get together and she tells her mom, her mom is like, “Aw I’m so happy for you!” And then talks to Eros secretly like, “If you hurt my daughter, I may actually kill you.”
Their relationship develops over time and becomes more positive, but still I can see Agent Mom being very protective of MC and being almost against her and Eros’s relationship for awhile, but she comes around after awhile. And when she does retire, MC gets her ring and is able to become a field agent when another world ending case happens and she’s working with Eros. AND eventually Agent Mom trusts Eros with her daughter and knows that they can do anything, even go against the gods if it’s demanded.
MC wouldn’t have the issue of being chased and threatened for being Hera, and I like to imagine Agent Mom wouldn’t either. Aphrodite and Hades kept it secret, and when she retires, she wouldn’t always be on Olympus anymore or involved with the Gods (other than seeing Hades and Aphrodite once in awhile, or Aphrodite more frequently since they had their situation going on), so it wouldn’t be a problem. Or maybe it’s just bc I like happy endings, I don’t know.
This idea isn’t too well thought out, but I just love talking about her mom because not much is known about her (other than the glimpses Aphrodite and Hades and Josh slip out every once in awhile) and I like to imagine what she was like. She loved HERA and some of the gods, but she loves her daughter and son more, and will do anything to keep them safe.
EDIT: On the topic of mentioning Alex and Ares, I may have a tiny fic based upon that with Agent Mom and Alex because she’s invaded my thoughts now and won’t leave until I talk about her enough.
EDIT 2: Omg quick addition I just thought of. If Eros and MC ever got married, I feel like Eros would literally be terrified of asking Agent Mom for permission (since he’d be old school why not) since how the relationship started, but he’d push past it and get her permission. He can see the warning and a little hesitancy when she agrees, but still he is grateful and swears to love MC as long as she wants and protect her with his life. Ah…..I love Agent Mom and her relationship with her kids.
She’ll definitely be a cheerleader for Josh as well and eat out at his restaurant frequently to talk with him (if he’s available) and just show her support😭😭.
#lovestruck#Astoria fates kiss#Astoria fates kiss Eros#astoria fates kiss Mom#my writing#I’m emotional okay??? it’s almost 1 AM and I’m eating and thinking about this.#forgive me if it doesn’t make sense but basicallt Agent Mom is protective of MC and willing to go against any God that#hurts her whether it be emotionally physically or mentally. she will throw down and only MC and Josh could stop her lol.#anyways I hope this makes sense and Goodnight since I need to sleep and I hope you had a good day💙💙#idk what I’ve tagged her as in the past lol#Astoria fates kiss Agent Mom
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First posted piece of 2024 featuring Ghazan’s older sister Haya, take 2!!
#a.k.a the og version was bothering me so I completely redrew her eyes and added more shadows to make her facial features more pronounced#gonna just copy over my og tags bc I can’t be bothered to come up with new ones#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#original character#seeds of the red lotus#sotrl haya#god... like on one hand yes. she's an awful person. she abused her brother's kids for 16 years#left lasting mental and emotional scars on them to the point that even years after they last see her they're still recovering#even after all the bruises have healed her voice is still in their heads. fear of her still dictates so many of their actions#someone like her doesn't deserve any amount of sympathy. nor after everything she's done#but on the other... the person who did all that is haya in her 30s and 40s. here she's just 14#she just had her whole world shattered in a matter of weeks. she's left with nothing and no one but an empty house and her 5yo brother#she has no one to turn to. no shoulder to cry on. apart from losing her parents she had to quit school and stop hanging out with her friend#sh ehad to abandon any hobbies she might have had. I imagine she was quite like suiren and midori used to be. curious and intelligent#and very keen on trying new things. she had to leave all that behind to work day and night while earning only barely enough to scrape by on#just enough for them to survive. to keep the house. to be clothed and fed. there was no room for treats or luxuries of any kind#how many dresses did she cut up to use as material for ghazan's clothes? how many nights did she go hungry just so he could eat?#and she can't even cry about it. not while he's around anyway because she's supposed to be strong for him.#I imagine she often cried after putting ghazan to bed. just out of sheer helplessness. from how exhausted she was#she cried herself to sleep every night and pulled herself back together every morning#tied her hair back with her mother's kerchief and went straight to work anywhere that would hire her. working until she could barely stand#all for him. I'm not excusing her actions in any way but I understand why she was overcome with resentment after he left her#running away without as much as a goodbye. after everything she had done for him. spitting in her face would have hurt less#so when he resurfaced over a decade later to dump his bastard children on her it didn't take long for all that resentment to find an outlet#and the rest is history... fuck. thinking about her teenage and ya self always makes me cry. she was so much like suiren it's heartbreaking#well. the only reason suiren is like this now is bc of her. but yk what they say. the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself#anyway. I'm really glad I took the time to redraw this. I'm so much happier with it now. she actually looks like a young girl now#this really hits different considering that I straight up killed her in my latest au... granted she was in her 40s there. but still
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