#sex ed isn't scary

[fandomsandfeminism]

I honestly think that the lack of non-sexual nudity in public spaces has done horrific damage to American society.

We deeply struggle to understand the natural diversity of bodies because we only see naked bodies in a sexual context. We are taught that seeing nudity is somehow inherently harmful, especially to children. We struggle to differentiate between sexually suggestive and sexually explicit material.

It fucks up the way people think about and talk about sex ed. It fucks up the way people think about and talk about breast feeding. It fucks up the way people think about and talk about queer folks. It feeds into fatphobia and ableism and is all rooted in this deeply harmful puritanism.

Like, I need people to understand that seeing a bare titty in public is not going to hurt a child. Seeing a man in a banana hammock isn't inherently traumatizing. I would argue, in fact, that adults treating those things as dangerous and gross and scary is going to do way more damage to a kid's psychology than seeing the nudity in the first place.

[kaonarvna]

Every now and again, I remember that my disability (EDS) isn't invisible, actually. People are just uncomfortable when they can see it. People don't want to see it. People like to ignore it. Other people just stare at it, and don't even look at me. All they see is a pile of bones and fascia and something to pity.

I've worn a shoulder brace the past week, because it subluxed horribly a week or so ago. Still healing. Visible.

I always have compression sleeves on my arms, full coverage. Bicep to wrist. Visible.

I have soft braces and compression kit for every joint imaginable. Visible.

I'm covered in KT tape. I've worn it on my goddamn face after a jaw sublux, for that little extra support and proprioception help. Tape. On the face. Very visible.

The people I've worked with for years are used to it by now, the good ones, at least. They don't remark when I take a minute to stretch. They know I'll say something if I'm not okay. They know I'm in a constant state of variable dysfunction. They've seen enough, they're used to it.

But then there's people who aren't used to it. People who see me stretch on the ground, watch in discomfort, then they ask someone else if I'm okay. I can hear them quietly mutter it to other staff. I hear them go, "oh, he does that". I can see their discomfort with me (just existing as I need to exist). I can see the discomfort in these new people who aren't accustomed to bodies with slightly different needs, and it's a visceral reminder of being "other". I wonder, how terrible and scary and different I must be, for them to not even have the fortitude to ask me themselves.

And then there are the new people who see it and ask too many questions. The ones who go "but you're so young!" as though my connective tissue has a concept of social expectations for people under (arbitrary age). They go "but you look great!" as though I'm not covered in bruises and held together by tape (nevermind the implication that the disabled must look "bad"). They go "but you never call in!" as though I'm not often two seconds away from doing so, before the fear of losing my job sets in.

...and these are the ones who seem to wish not to see it the most. The ones who ask questions like I should be on display, and as soon as the conversation ends, so does my disability. They'll ask the same questions the next time, and the next time, and the next. It always ends with statements of pity, or something pity-adjacent. If I'm "lucky", they might even make an inappropriate comment about how I shouldn't be working, or sex must be "interesting", or act like I'm some eldritch horror that shouldn't exist.

And I'm reminded of the training I was once made to sit though. A ninety minute training, where you sit and watch the PowerPoint for ninety minutes in a too-small plastic chair, while someone reads the PowerPoint. The presenter started with a cute little "haha I know it's long, feel free to get up and walk around, or stretch".

I did.

I got up, walked myself to the side well out of the way of the tight chair lines, and laid down to stretch (a good spinal twist, loosen things up).

And she stopped the presentation.

She asked if there were any first-aiders present.

She was going to keep going on and on, until I heard someone say, "oh, he's fine, he does that." and a few "that's just (name), he does that". She started apologising profusely, waffling about how she thought there must have been a medical emergency, how people don't usually get up. She seemed baffled by the mere concept that someone would actually need to get up, and couldn't sit for ages. Her statement was entirely performative and insincere.

Today, after the day was effectively done, I laid down on the clean, carpeted floor in my classroom to just...be horizontal for a moment. Find some way, any way, to get my lower back to move and function and not feel like it was being clawed apart from the inside. Relieve myself a little, so I could finish the day without abject misery. And this very-new member of staff sat on the other side of the room, presumably watching me. When I got up, she asked very quietly, "Is something wrong with you?" and all I had the energy to say was "I'm fine". I'm tired of explaining my body. I'm tired of explaining my needs. I'm tired of justifying taking care of myself.

Someone recently told me "You're very brave. I think I'd rather die than live like you."

I didn't respond. I didn't have the energy to break down that she'd effectively told me I should die. I didn't have the energy to tell her that it's not bravery to live "like this".

It's my only option.

I know nothing else.

And I'm just tired. And hurting.

I'm grateful for the few good ones, the ones that are used to it. The people who have stopped asking me if I'm okay when I stretch, or need a little break, or get out the tape and scissors.

They know I'm not okay. That's why I'm on the ground. That's why I'm checking my range of motion, or feeling a joint, or holding pressure on a digit that's come undone. I'm not okay, and I'm trying not to get even worse.

I'm not okay, actually. I'm never okay, and that's fine. I'll never be your version of "okay", and that's fine. I've no choice. Thank you for knowing that I'm not okay, but that that's normal, and that if something was seriously, horribly wrong, I'd do something. Thank you, for just going about your business and talking to me as normal when I'm taking care of myself, instead of sprinkling eggshells on the ground for your own personal crunching.

I'm just tired. I'm visibly disabled if you look for ten goddamn seconds. I'm a person if you look for twenty. I'm a fetish if you just keep staring and staring and asking about my body like you're entitled to my flesh. I just want to sleep for more than two hours without my body waking itself up to remind me it hurts. I'm so tired.

[hippiegoth97]

Beautiful Boy, Darling Boy: Eddie Munson x Reader

Collage by me :)

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Description: You've been with Eddie for years, and just six months ago you came out to him as transgender. He's nothing but supportive, and after a long day of work, he helps you through your daily/weekly rituals and has some intimate time with you...

Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: smut, smoking, male reader, trans!reader (FTM), gay!reader, bisexual!eddie munson, mentions of transphobia, family issues, deadnaming (marked as D/N), arguing, one use of the F slur and T slur, crying, LGBTQ+ references, struggles with gender/body image, fingering, handjob, unprotected sex, praise/degradation, dirty talk, slight brat/dom dynamic, choking, spanking, rough/aggressive sex, consecutive orgasms, overstimulation, fluff

Word Count: 8.8k

divider by @firefly-graphics

Beautiful Boy, Darling Boy

"Go ahead, baby. I know you can do it." Eddie says, his hands on your hips as he stands behind you in the bathroom of his trailer. You're looking at him through the reflection in the mirror, holding a long chunk of your hair in one hand, and a pair of scissors in the other. You've been standing here for what feels like hours, trying to get yourself to cut your hair.

"You don't think I'm being crazy, Eds?" You ask as a tear rolls down your cheek. You know you want to do this, to feel more like who you're supposed to be. But you can't help wondering if this isn't the right choice. You don't know how your parents will react, let alone your friends and coworkers. They've known you as D/N for so long, as a girl and a woman. Will any of them accept you as Y/N, as a man? Your heart pounds, and your stomach is doing somersaults. Your hands tremble terribly as you wait for the first cut to come.

"Not at all, Y/N. I know it's scary, but you can't worry about what others are gonna think of you. Because as long as you're true to yourself, the right people will love you no matter what. Like I do." He leans forward to give you a light kiss on the cheek. His affirming words calm your nerves slightly.

Eddie's made every step of this process as easy as he can for you. The second you told him that you're trans, he immediately started using the name you gave him to call you. He's helped find resources for you to get a good doctor to start your transition. He gave you some of his clothes until you can shop for your own. He's helped you with binding your chest using bandage tape until you can get a real binder. But most of all, he still loves you and wants to be with you. There hasn't been a single second where Eddie let his affections waver, despite you being his 'girlfriend' for almost three years. He knows that he's meant to be with you forever, and he wants you to be happy above all else.

"Okay." You say with a small smile, before closing the blades of the scissors around your long locks. The metal slices through the hairs, making them fall in a big bunch in your hand. "Holy shit." You exhale, dropping the hair on the floor and inspecting the place where it used to be attached to your head. You suddenly feel euphoric, invigorated. You start cutting off more chunks, doing your best to keep the sides even. Luckily your years at beauty school come in handy in this scenario. Happy tears flow from your eyes as you chop every offending inch and end. It gathers on your shoulders when it doesn't pile on the tiles below. When you've taken off enough to satisfy yourself, you clean everything up so it doesn't look like a total disaster. Once you're finished, you brush away as much of the dead hair as you can.

"Wow. You look so handsome, baby." Eddie coos as he looks at you in wonderment. He means every word he says, you truly are the most gorgeous man he's ever seen.

"Thank you, Eddie. For everything." You smile like an idiot, admiring your new look while Eddie peppers your neck and shoulders with gentle kisses. But of course he gets some loose hair in his mouth, dramatically trying and failing to spit it out. "Jesus, what am I gonna do with you?" You ask with a laugh, setting the scissors down on the sink.

"Love me forever?" He asks, chuckling lowly when he gets the little cuttings off his tongue.

"You got it." You reply, leaning back against his chest. His arms move to wrap around your middle, holding you close in this joyous moment.

This happy little snapshot took place six months ago, but the rest of that day was far from pleasant. After you'd showered the itchy stray hairs off and gotten bound and dressed, you and Eddie went to your house to come out to your parents. The second they opened the front door, shit hit the fan.

"Oh, D/N. There you are, we were wondering when you were coming home." Mom says, her eyes widening as she looks you up and down. She ogles your chest, wondering where the swells of it have gone. And then she sees your new haircut. "Jesus, D/N! What the hell did you do to your hair?" She asks, almost angrily.

"I'll explain everything, Mom. Can we all talk in the living room?" You say sheepishly, feeling very self-conscious.

"Okay?" Dad says, a puzzled expression on his face. The four of you go inside, your parents sitting on the couch while you and Eddie sit in chairs across from them. "So, what is this about?" He asks while crossing his arms.

"Well, I've recently figured something out about myself. And I really hope you'll love and accept me for who I am." You pause, looking at their neutral faces to see if they change at all. "I...I'm not a woman. I'm transgender, so I'm a man. And I would like to go by Y/N from now on."

"What? Is this why you ruined your beautiful hair, D/N?" Mom asks in an interrogating tone.

"It's why I CUT my hair, yes. And please, call me Y/N." You speak as politely as you can while standing your ground.

"Oh, this is just ridiculous, D/N. You're not a goddamn man! You don't have a penis, I should know! I was there to cut the cord when you were born! You're a woman, end of story!" Dad shouts, his face growing red as he shoots down your identity.

"I don't have to have a dick to be a man. This is who I am, why won't you listen?" Your voice raises as you hold strong, though you can feel tears welling up in your eyes.

"Because you're talking crazy, D/N! You're a girl, regardless of what this freak you insist on dating may have told you." Mom chimes in, shooting Eddie a glare.

"He didn't tell me anything! I figured this out on my own! All Eddie has done is love and support me! Unlike you!" You shout, the tears coming down through your anger.

"Well, of course the psycho Satanist would support this insanity! D/N, I've always told you what a bad influence he is! Now, cut this shit out, stop squishing your breasts, and go put on some fucking girl clothes!" Dad orders, pointing upstairs at your room for you to go change.

"NO! I'm a man, and my name is Y/N! There's nothing you can do about it! I'll transition whether you like it or not, and I'm not going to stop seeing Eddie. I'm a fucking adult, and you can't stop me!" You scream, standing out of your chair.

"Fine. You're right, we can't stop you. But since you insist on deluding yourself, you can't live here anymore." Mom says calmly, a sickening smile on her face. She's convinced that this threat will make you give in to their demands.

"Fine! I'll go live with Eddie, then! I don't need this, and I don't need you!" You retort, taking Eddie's hand. "C'mon, let's go pack up my shit." He stands with you, though he hasn't said a goddamn word this whole time.

"You have ten minutes, and then we're calling the police. So make it snappy." Dad says, hammering the final nail in the coffin that signifies the end of your relationship with them. You don't care at this point, it's not worth putting up with their ignorant bullshit anymore. They have never been supportive of you or what you want in life. They've belittled your relationship with Eddie, and your pursuit of becoming a hairdresser. And any hobbies or clubs you enjoyed as a child were quickly squashed with their comments and criticism.

"I'm sorry, I guess I didn't even ask if I could live with you." You sigh, pulling your old suitcase from your closet. You remove any passable masculine clothes from the hangers and drawers, shoving them into the suitcase.

"It's fine, Y/N. I was going to offer anyway. I'm sure Wayne won't mind, and I'm certainly not letting you live on the street." Eddie says calmly. But you can tell he's boiling with rage beneath the surface. He goes to the linen closet in the hall to find some trash bags, asking you if there's anything he should focus on packing. You're mostly looking for clothes or anything with high sentimental value. Turns out it doesn't amount to much, but you don't mind leaving all the girly things in your overly-pink bedroom anyways. You definitely don't need them anymore.

You go back downstairs, placing your gathered things at the front door. "Mom, I need my legal documents." You state simply, knowing you'll need things like your birth certificate and social security card in the future.

"And why should I give them to you? They have our daughter's name on them, not yours." She replies, pleased with her snark.

"I am aware of that, but I'm going to need them and you damn well know that. They are my legal property, and I'll call the fucking cops myself and tell them you're withholding them from me. Or, you can hand them over right now." You cross your arms, staring her down.

"Alright, fine!" She gives up, heading into the study to retrieve the little folder where all such documents are neatly organized. She comes back, practically throwing the bundle of papers at you. "Here. Now, get out!"

"I will! And thanks for nothing, you are truly the worst parents ever. You have never supported me, or loved me. You just want to control me. And to that I say, fuck you!" You open the front door, stepping outside. Eddie loads your stuff into the van, and your father comes over to say one last thing. Something that neither you or Eddie will ever forget.

"This is all your fault. You corrupted our daughter, you fucking deviant. I just pray she'll see the light one day, and come back to us once she realizes what you've done to her." Eddie's face hardens, but he doesn't respond. You imagine he'd just end up punching Dad square in the face if he tries to speak.

"And one day you'll realize how evil you are for kicking out your own child instead of accepting them." You retort, helping your boyfriend shut the back doors to the van before getting in the passenger side. He turns on the engine, squealing out of the driveway to go back to his place. You can't help bursting into tears once the house you grew up in is no longer in view. "I'm sorry, Eddie." You sob, your face falling into your hands.

"What for, sweetheart?" He asks, looking over at you with concerned eyes.

"For everything. I know you didn't sign up for this. I'm just making your life difficult, and now I'm going to take up your space when there's already not enough to go around." Your chest heaves violently as you cry, you feel so many emotions at once. Anger, heartbreak, fear of what comes after this. But you also feel shame, and like you're burdening those around you.

"You cut that shit out right now, Y/N. I signed up for loving and supporting you no matter what. And I damn well intend to do it. You aren't taking up anything I haven't offered to you willingly. You're my boyfriend, and what's mine is yours. Okay?" He reaches over to rub his hand on your back, trying to calm you down.

"Okay." You say quietly, trying to slow down and breathe. It doesn't take long for Eddie to pull up to his trailer, and you find Wayne sitting on the steps smoking a cigarette.

Wayne notices you crying as you get out of the van, along with your new haircut. He's noticed you dressing differently the last couple weeks, but he's been waiting for you to tell him what's up in your own time. "What happened?" He asks, coming over to you.

"Y/N's parents kicked him out." Eddie says without thinking, and your eyes widen at him saying your new name in front of his uncle.

"Oh. Y/N, huh?" Wayne questions, giving you a once-over. You feel a lump forming in your throat, worried you're going to be kicked out of yet another home today. But Wayne just smiles, pulling you in for a bear hug. "It's nice to finally meet ya, Y/N." He says with a sniffle.

"Thank you, Wayne." You hug him back just as hard, unable to hold back even more tears. These ones are much happier though, it feels so good to be accepted by someone you've always considered a second father.

"Of course, kiddo. Let's get your stuff inside." He says, pulling away slowly.

"You really mean it, I can stay here?" You ask, somehow still doubting you're welcome to live here.

"Yes! You're always welcome here, Y/N. For as long as you need, forever if you want. You're pretty much family, for fuck's sake!" Wayne laughs, giving you a kind smile.

"I appreciate it, Wayne. You have no idea how much this means."

"Alright, alright! I'm lettin' you stay in a shitty trailer, it's far from The Ritz. C'mon, that's enough sappy shit for one day." Wayne insists, moving on to help with your stuff. 

And just like that, you officially became a part of the Munson household. Eddie emptied a couple dresser drawers for you, shoving his own clothes into the already overflowing ones. He made sure you had room for your toothbrush, shampoo, and other similar items. Anything else was given enthusiastic permission to be prominently displayed around his room, he wanted his space to become yours. Within minutes, this room he'd lived in all alone for years fell under the term he so lovingly calls 'ours'.

"How was work today, babe?" Eddie asks as you walk through the front door. He's relaxing on the couch, his head laying on the armrest. One leg is bent at the knee while the other stretches almost to the other end of the sofa. He's wearing nothing but some pajama pants, the waistband of his boxers poking out to say hello. A half-gone cigarette sits between two fingers on his right hand, and he brings it to his lips for a long drag.

"It was alright, got a couple odd looks from clients today, though." You sigh, putting your wallet and keys on the table. You've been working at the hair salon downtown, getting the job shortly before coming out to Eddie. Your coworkers are nice, sweet older ladies that took you in with open arms. Customers give you sour stares at times, or make the occasional comment. You try to ignore them, truly. But it's so hard to shut out the bigots when they make it a mission to let you know you don't belong. It's even worse outside of work. People often cross the street to avoid you, or call you 'fag', 'tranny' or 'freak'. Luckily Eddie isn't around much when that happens, you know he'd be getting arrested for assault left and right if he was.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. People are jerks." He gets up from the couch after stubbing out his cig, walking over to give you a comforting hug.

"It's fine. It's not so bad." You say unconvincingly. You nuzzle against his chest, trying to forget how awful today actually was.

"Y/N, I know what this podunk town is like. You don't have to pretend it's okay for my sake. I'm here to take care of you. So, if something's bothering you, please tell me." Eddie says sternly, giving you a serious look.

"Look, obviously it bothers me when people stare or call me names. But what can I do about it, Eds? We both know the people here are going to think what they want to. We're outnumbered. All I can do is pretend it doesn't get to me, otherwise they win." You reply, frustration lacing your tone.

He sighs, nodding in agreement. "I know, love. I just hate to see you treated so poorly. If people only got to know you, they'd see what I see." He smiles, raising a hand to cup your cheek.

"And what do you see, baby?" You ask, biting your lip through a smirk.

"I see a handsome young man, with the biggest heart in the world. A man who's kind, and thoughtful, and deserves everything he wants." He says sweetly, leaning in to give you a tender kiss. Your lips meet, and you melt against him instantly. Your arms go around his shoulders, pulling him closer. His hands rest on your hips, squeezing your sides through your clothes. You stay like this for a moment, your heads turning languidly as your tongues roll against one another. He tastes so good, like tobacco and the candies he snacks on all day. He pulls away, remembering what time it is. "C'mon, darling. You've gotta take your binder off, and it's 'T' day." He gently reminds you.

"Do I really have to take it off? I don't wanna see them, Eds." You hold back a sob at the thought of being faced with your breasts again. You want to get them removed, but you haven't been approved for the surgery yet. And it's gonna be quite some time before you make it to that step in your transition.

"I know, sweetheart. But it's not safe to keep it on for so long. You know that. But I'll sing to you, 'kay?" He coos, brushing away a stray tear that's fallen down your cheek.

"Okay." You nod, your bottom lip quivering. As much as you love returning home to your boyfriend, this is the one thing you do every day that feels like torture. But he's right, you're already feeling the uncomfortable squeeze of over-use compressing against your chest. He leads you gently by the hand, all the way to your shared bedroom. He closes the door, standing in front of you.

"You ready, babe?" He asks, checking your eyes to make sure you're comfortable with him helping you. So far, you've allowed him to assist you every time in removing whatever you've been using to bind your chest. Whether it's bandage tape, or the proper binder you managed to get, he's made a ritual out of it. His hands will carefully remove your clothes from the day, and redress you in some comfortable pajamas. He sings to you the whole time, a semi-modified version of "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon.

"Yes." You exhale sharply, waiting for his hands to reach for the hem of your shirt. He begins to sing, and you let the velveteen words flow from his lips to your ears. You focus on how gorgeous they sound coming from him, and appreciate how they're sung just for you.

"Close your eyes, have no fear. The monsters are gone, they're on the run and your love is here." He recites softly, pulling your shirt over your head. You lift your arms to help out, closing your eyes to avoid looking at your chest. "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy." He continues, tossing your shirt on the dresser so you have it for tomorrow. He gets closer to you, caressing your sides with his fingertips.

"Keep going, Eds." You say, barely above a whisper. Your arms sit awkwardly, a couple inches outward from your body.

"Out on the ocean, sailing away. I can hardly wait to see how much you change. But I guess we'll both just have to be patient." Eddie slides his hands to the bottom of your binder, just barely slipping beneath the thick fabric. You breath hitches, another couple of tears falling down your face. You keep your eyes squeezed shut all the while, frantically nodding to tell him to just do it already. He lifts the sides of the binder, avoiding touching your breasts whatsoever as he pulls it over your head. A fresh rush of oxygen enters your lungs, but you can feel the lumps of tissue bounce against you. The feeling makes your heart ache, longing for the day where you'll never have to feel it again.

"Fuck." You mutter through clenched teeth, your stomach turning slightly.

"I know, angel. We're almost done, just bear with me." He soothes, his heart breaking at the pained expression on your face. "'Cause it's a long way to go, a hard row to hoe. Yes it's a long way to go, but in the meantime..." Eddie keeps singing, which slowly relaxes you. He reaches for the baggy band tee he set aside for you, unfolding it to bring over your head. "Arms up, Y/N." He asks politely, and you obey. You feel the comfortable material slip over your torso, large and loose enough to obscure the fact that you have anything on your chest at all.

"Thank you." You exhale, opening your eyes.

"We're not done quite yet, babe. But at least this next part isn't so bad." He takes your pajama bottoms from the dresser, and climbs into bed. "C'mere, love." He says, spreading his legs for you to sit between them. You do as he asks, after removing your shoes and hair-covered jeans.

You get in position, and Eddie hands you the little syringe and dose of testosterone for the week from the night table. You remove the cap from the needle, and bring the syringe to the top of the vial. You pull back the plunger to fill it expertly as you've done many times before. "Okay, all set." You state, putting the empty vial beside you on the mattress.

"Before you take your 'T', take my hand. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans..." He trails off, reaching for your free hand to hold for a moment. You squeeze it tightly, taking a deep breath before you let go. You grab hold of your thigh, pinching the skin so you'll inject into the right area. Your breath shudders as you bring the needle to your desired mark.

"Mmm." You grunt as the thin metal stings when it punctures your skin. Eddie holds your sides again to keep you calm.

"Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy." He finishes his song, watching as the syringe empties into your body. You pull the needle out once you're finished, sighing in relief as you toss the vial and syringe away in the trash beside the bed. "Good job, baby. My brave, handsome man." He presses a kiss to your neck, holding you close as a few more tears escape your eyes.

"Thank you for helping me like always, Eds. You're the best boyfriend in the world." You say as you wipe the salty tracks away, sniffling lightly. You reach for the pants Eddie prepared for you, slipping them over your legs.

"It's the least I can do, darling. You mean everything to me." He keeps kissing your neck, setting your skin alight with his plush lips. "So, should we order some Chinese for dinner? We can get those massive egg rolls you like." Eddie suggests, as he does every Thursday, to reward you for being so courageous.

"You've read my mind, Eds. I'm starving." You reply, your stomach gurgling in agreement. You both leave the bedroom, and you plop onto the couch while Eddie places your usual order. Sesame chicken, with extra fried rice, and two orders of egg rolls. Your mouth waters at the thought of it. Hawkins may be lacking in many vital areas when it comes to cuisine, but if there's one thing it does perfectly, it's Chinese take-out. It takes about an hour for the food to arrive, and Eddie pays the delivery guy at the door.

"Dinner is served, darling." He says sweetly, taking the paper containers out of the bag, distributing them onto the kitchen table. You take a seat across from one another, pecking away at the food with your chopsticks. You chew mouthful after mouthful in comfortable silence for a while, allowing your hums and grunts to be sufficient conversation.

"So, what did you get up to today?" You ask as you start to feel full, realizing you'd forgotten to earlier. Eddie doesn't seem to mind, but you want him to know you prioritize him as much as he does you.

"Uh...not much. Did a few deals, took a nap. But other than that, I've just been waiting for you." Eddie replies, smirking before he takes a big bite of chicken.

"You're always waiting for me, Eds." You chuckle.

"Mmhmm, I'm a kept man now. All yours, baby." He laughs, setting down his container of food. "And I dunno 'bout you, but I'm ready to move on to dessert." He swallows, reaching across the table to take hold of your hand. Simple a touch as it is, Eddie's flesh meeting yours is absolutely electric. His eyes align with yours intensely, asking if you want to move things to the bedroom.

"You got it, babe. Just help me clean up." You smile, packing up the leftovers to shove in the fridge. Once everything is cleared away, Eddie swiftly pulls you into him. Your arms collide with his chest, and you slide your hands upwards to rest on his shoulders. "Still hungry, huh?" You ask, biting your lip playfully.

"You know it, sweetheart." His own hands wander down your back to squeeze your ass. You moan quietly at the sensation, quickly heating up in your pajamas. Eddie roughly presses his lips to yours. Another muted moan escapes you, and he pushes things further. He's slowly walking you backwards to your room, still kissing you the whole way. He moves on to your neck, nipping and sucking your flesh until the backs of your knees hit the edge of the bed.

"Eddie." You whimper, savoring the warmth and sting of his tongue and teeth working your skin into dark purple marks. You let yourself fall onto the mattress, taking Eddie down with you. You don't even bother to close the door, Wayne's long gone for his shift at the plant tonight. You bounce slightly as you land, and you ignore the feeling of the sacks of fat on your chest moving with the rest of you. You don't want to stop enjoying this for anything.

"You doin' alright, darling? We can put your binder back on if you'd be more comfortable." Eddie offers, noting your body stiffening slightly after you landed on the bed.

"I'm fine, Eds. Just don't stop, please." You beg, wanting him to keep going. You're becoming very aroused with every passing second. You've noticed your sex drive has turned up significantly since starting your treatments. Eddie doesn't make a big deal out of it, but you can tell he enjoys it immensely. You two have always been pretty active, even prior to your transition, but the last couple months have taken things to a whole other level.

"I love it when you beg for me, such a good boy." Eddie says huskily while his lips brush against your chin. "Tell me what you want, babe. I'll do anything you ask." He says, his boner poking into your inner thigh.

"I want your fingers inside me, love. They feel so good." You whine, suddenly becoming very needy. You want him in every possible way, he's your everything. Your mind is swimming with lust-drenched thoughts. The anticipation of having Eddie touch you in all the ways you like builds rapidly within you.

"Take off your pants, baby, and lie down for me." Eddie says in a gentle command. He stands up, allowing you to get in position. You remove your pants and underwear, leaving your shirt on. You scoot backwards to lay your head on the pillows. He follows close behind, crawling over you on his hands and knees. Eddie looks over you, letting his eyes wander down your body. He focuses on your gorgeous face and lower half, noting your arousal on full view for him as your legs spread open. "So turned on already, and I've barely even touched you." He observes aloud, his gaze trailing back up to yours.

"Just for you, Eds." You reply, staring helplessly up at him. His hair hangs down on the sides of his face, brushing against you in a ticklish manner. You reach a hand up to cup his cheek, inviting him to touch you again. He leans down, pressing his pillowy lips to yours. One of his hands rests at your hip, while the other travels to the place you've been wanting him this whole time. His long, calloused fingers graze your enlarged bundle of nerves ever-so-slightly, and you moan loudly against his mouth. He slowly drags his digits around the area, eating up every desperate sound that escapes your lungs. It's heating up quickly in here, a sheen of sweat beginning to lather itself along the backs of your knees and under your shirt. He breaks away from your mouth, moving on to your neck again.

He spreads your slick around, repeatedly sending jolts of pleasure through you. "I love your sexy noises, Y/N. They drive me absolutely crazy." Eddie coos between kisses on your throat. His cock is unbearably hard, leaking precum into his boxers as he waits to have his turn. Hearing you moan and whimper his name pushes him further and further toward losing it altogether.

"Please stop teasing, babe. I need you." You whine, bucking your hips upwards when he runs over your entrance. He firmly presses you back down with his free hand.

"Of course, darling. Anything you want." He says, before pressing one finger into you. He watches your face twist in pleasure, curling his knuckles within your walls to stroke your sweet spot.

"Eddie. Give me more, go faster." You moan, holding his stare as he gradually picks up speed. He does as you ask, feeding another finger to your hungry insides. He amps up the pace as well, wet noises mixing in the air with your vulgar exclamations.

"Such a good boy for me, taking my fingers so well." He praises, smiling down at you lovingly. "You're so handsome, and sexy, the most amazing man I've ever known. Life meant very little until I met you, Y/N." Eddie has a habit of getting rather sentimental when he showers you with affection. You love every second of it, knowing that you both mean so much to one another is a powerful thing.

"And you're all of those things and more, Eddie. You've been so supportive of me, helping me every day as I become the man I want to be. I don't know where I'd be without you." You reply, keeping your thoughts straight to meet his adoring words with your own. You pull his head back down to yours, kissing him hard to turn up the temperature. Your other hand snakes between your bodies, running down his bare chest and stomach, feeling every ridge and curve of muscle and soft skin. You keep traveling downwards, ghosting over his throbbing erection.

"Fuck, baby. Want me that bad, huh? So goddamn needy." He groans, continuing to work you over with his fingers. "Gotta be a good boy and cum for me before I fuck you. You know that, sweetheart." He breathes out with a dominating smirk, his lips just barely brushing yours as he speaks. Your mouth falls open, taking his hot exhales in. Your head lightens at the limited oxygen between you, and you fully take hold of his dick through his pants.

"I just love how you feel, darling. You fill me up so well. My big, strong man." You goad him, building yourself up towards your prerequisite orgasm. You can't get enough of everything you and Eddie do together. Groping, kissing, dirty talk, among other things. It's like a drug, leaving you craving another hit again and again. "Take your clothes off, baby. I wanna touch you." You plead, feeling your high approaching at a steady pace.

"Well...if you insist." He chuckles, reaching down to pull his pants and underwear off with one hand. He kicks them away, and you immediately take his exposed cock in your grasp. "Shit, you weren't kidding." Eddie groans, making you laugh quietly as his eyes roll back into his head for a moment. He's already so wound up from hearing and touching you, it won't take much to make him lose control.

"C'mere." You say abruptly, lacing your other hand into his thick hair. You get a good grip, and yank his head downwards so you can have access to his neck. You latch on, sucking a large hickey onto his supple skin.

"God, you're gonna be the death of me." He whimpers, savoring the sensation of you attacking his neck and jerking him off while holding him down. You stay like this, letting yourselves focus on every single thought and feeling that bubbles up from your animalistic movements. You're getting so close, and you can't stop moaning against Eddie as you keep biting and licking him as he did earlier to you. He can sense your insides fluttering around him ever-so-slightly as your body prepares for release. "Almost there, sweetheart. Be a good boy for me, we can cum together." He huffs, his body coated in sweat as his stomach begins to tense. He's going to make quite the mess, and he definitely looks forward to it.

"Just a little faster, baby. I'll be such a good boy for you. I'm so fucking close." You whine in his ear, waiting for the knot within you to finally snap. It's just seconds away, all you need is a little push. He obeys your request, thrusting his fingers deeper and harder into you. "Oh, god! Just like that- fuck!" You cry out, the tangle of pleasure splintering off into thousands of flaming strands throughout your body. Your hips buck upwards, causing you to brush against Eddie's dick in your proximity. His fingers slip out of you from your squirming, and your juices manage to spill onto his length in the process. The feeling of the warm fluid, along with your fucked-out expression sends him flying over the edge.

"Y/N!" He grunts as his pelvis jolts against your hand. Eddie's eyes screw shut, leaning on his arms to keep himself upright as his orgasm takes over. His load lands warmly on your abdomen, marking you as his in sticky streaks of white. The idea of this gives you an intense thrill, to know you belong to him, as he belongs to you.

"I love it when you cum on me, baby. It's so fuckin' hot." You pant as your high recedes into nothing, letting Eddie's head and dick out of your grip. He gulps in air, rolling over to lay beside you while he catches his breath.

Your knees are still tented, legs spread open lazily. Eddie reaches over to the night table, pawing for one of the many packs of smokes he has lying around the trailer. "And I love frosting you like a donut, darling." He chuckles, pulling two cigs out of the pack. He sticks them both in his mouth, flicking his lighter to ignite the ends. He passes one off to you, which you gladly take.

"Must you always be so crude, Eds?" You laugh, taking a long drag of your cigarette. The nicotine hits you swiftly and easily, dizzying your head.

"'Fraid so, hot stuff. What you see is what you get. You know you love me for it." He smiles, turning his head to look at you.

"I love you for lots of things. Well...everything, actually." You clarify, exhaling a large cloud of smoke up towards the ceiling.

"Everything? Even when I'm being an ass? Or when I'm all grumpy because I haven't eaten all day? Or when I hide your keys, so you can't go to work unless you make out with me?" He asks, providing many examples of behavior he exhibits that may or may not irritate you to no end.

"Yes, Eddie. Even with all of those things, I love you more than I ever thought humanly possible." You say kindly, taking his empty hand in yours.

"I love you too, Y/N. You're my whole world." His thumb runs over your knuckles. You both continue to smoke, laying beside each other just like this. The minutes tick past, the paper and tobacco dwindling down to nothing as a gray haze fills the room. You put your spent butts out in the ashtray, and Eddie returns to his spot between your legs. He gazes at the mess he made on you minutes ago, wiping up one of the thick droplets with his thumb. He brings it to your lips, waiting for you to lick it off. "Open." He commands.

You listen to his orders, keeping perfect eye-contact as you accept his release into your mouth. Your tongue wanders around the pad of his thumb, rolling to taste the salty fluid. "Mmm." You moan as you swallow, he's always tasted so good.

"Good boy." Eddie praises, slowly pulling his thumb out of your mouth. You take his dick in your hand once more, finding he's already rock hard again. "Fuck, Y/N. Someone's getting greedy." He chuckles through a groan.

"I can't get enough of you, baby. Can you blame me?" You say sweetly, giving him a loving look.

"I guess not, my love. You're pretty damn addictive, too, if I'm honest." He replies, moving your hand to take over. He brings his tip to your dripping hole, rubbing against it to amp you both up for a moment.

"Eddie, please don't tease." You whine, your hips stuttering as you're still sensitive from earlier.

"Then beg, Y/N. Use your words, and you'll get what you want." He says darkly, continuing to spread your slick around with his tip. He moans at the sensation, using all his willpower to hold back from plunging into you.

"Please fuck me, Eddie. I need your cock inside me, so fucking bad." You plead, finding no reason to hide the intense desire in your voice. Eddie would probably keep holding back if you did.

"You got it, sweetheart." He replies, smirking at your whimpered assertion. He pushes his dick into you, taking his time. You moan as he fills you to the brim, stretching your walls deliciously. His breath catches at how warm and tight you are around him, swallowing hard as he bottoms out. "Shit, you're so perfect inside, baby."

"You always say that, darling." You reply in a cheeky tone.

"Well, pardon me for paying you a compliment." Eddie laughs, lowering his head to pepper kisses on your neck while you adjust to him. You run your hands up and down his back, tracing his shoulder blades and spine with the tips of your fingers. You sigh blissfully at how tender he's being, worshiping you with his lips as your insides relax.

"Mmm, wouldn't mind a few more while you're at it. Preferably after you start moving, though." You say in playful attitude, which draws his head up to look at you with a dangerous grin.

"Someone's bossy today. I thought that was my job." He almost growls, pulling out and slamming back into you on his final words.

"Fuck." You moan out at his tip hitting your sweet spot perfectly. Your nails dig into his back, crescent-shaped marks sure to be left behind. "Sorry, babe. I'd hate to put you out of work." You giggle, waiting for him to pick up the pace.

"You make me sound like a prostitute. Should I be offended?" He chuckles back, thrusting roughly once more.

You gasp, finding it difficult to keep up this flirty conversation. "Not at all, Eds. I'd never be able to afford you if you were."

"I'm that good, huh? Maybe I oughta start charging." Eddie thrusts again, just as hard and deep as those before it. He's warming you up, distracting you so he can blow your mind to bits when he really gets going.

"Charming as always, darling." You quip, rolling your eyes. You're hoping he'll speed up soon. All this buildup is driving you insane.

"Man, you're acting brattier than usual. Do I need to punish you, angel?" He asks, half-warning, half-asking you to let him release the darker side of him that he keeps tucked away most of the time. You can see in his eyes that he really wants this, and you'd be lying if you pretended you don't want it just as much.

"Do your worst, Munson." You smirk, prepared for whatever he has in store. His hands abruptly move to grip your waist and your throat, making you gasp in surprise. His rings dig into your hip, firm enough to leave bruises. His other hand waits patiently to squeeze your neck, biding its time for the opportune moment to choke you.

"You're gonna regret that, sweetheart." He says in a husky tone, suddenly thrusting roughly into you and setting a cruel pace.

"Jesus- fuck, Eddie." You moan, wrapping your legs around him to bring him closer. His dick slamming into you feels amazing, but you want more. "You gonna use that hand, or is it just for decoration?" You're working overtime in antagonizing Eddie, pushing his buttons. The way it makes him frustrated, and have to put you in your place, gives you a massive rush.

His jaw tightens at your taunting words. Eddie's eyes bore into yours intensely, and he wants to wipe that smug smile off your goddamn face. He begins to squeeze the sides of your throat, harder than he usually starts with. Your head lightens at the lack of oxygen, making you groan as loud as you can around his large fingers. "Naughty boy, you know better than to talk to me like that. But I wanna hear you say it. Who's in charge, baby?" He demands, continuing to fuck you senseless as he waits for you to answer him. He loosens his grip on your throat so you can speak.

"You are." You reply, still smiling wide as you don't really mean it. He knows you're still messing with him, so he takes hold of your chin. He squishes your face in his grip, almost hurting you. He puts himself as close as he can to you, raw, animal instinct taking over. You feel like a rabbit caught by the foot by a wolf, utterly helpless to your demise. Your heart pounds beyond belief, adrenaline pumping through your veins.

"Who's in charge, Y/N?" He growls, clenching his teeth. He can feel how wet this little game of yours is making you, and the sensation of you lubing him up more with every shove of his cock into you is melting his brain.

"You are." You reply, poking your tongue out to lick one of his fingers. You still haven't submitted to him, if anything, you want to keep going further.

Eddie grunts in frustration, pulling out of you altogether. He flips you over onto your stomach, pinning your torso down while your ass is angled upwards. Before you can fully register his actions, his hand comes down onto your left ass cheek. It lands on your flesh with a loud crack, making you yelp. You would squirm, but Eddie's holding you firmly in place using all his strength. "You've been a bad boy, sweetheart. Now, I want you to tell me who's fucking in charge here." He says, before smacking your other ass cheek just as hard.

"You are, Eddie." You say as the buzzing sting sits on your flesh. You imagine there's large, red hand prints on your behind. And all you can think is how much darker you want them to be.

"Again." He demands, spanking you again, a little gentler this time.

"That one was weak, Eds. Try harder." You retort, and he sure as shit gives you what you ask for. He slaps the other side, even harder than the first time. "Fuck." You whimper, the pain from his calloused hands smacking you is exquisite.

"Had enough yet, baby? Or are you still misbehaving?" He asks, leaning down to speak in your ear. His tone is low and feral, waiting anxiously for you to surrender. But you can't give in that easily.

"I think you're holding back, darling. You wanna be in charge? Then fucking do it." You say seductively, and you know you've got him hook, line, and sinker.

"Your wish is my command, angel. Don't say I didn't warn you." And without another word, he rams his cock into you with extreme force. He takes hold of your waist, still pinning your torso to the bed. Your face presses sideways into the pillows, making it hard to breathe.

"Oh, god!" You cry out, eating up every way Eddie uses your body. He fucking you unbelievably hard, possibly harder than he ever has, though you've driven him near this point a few times before. Your hands fist the sheets and blankets below you, trying to keep a good grip. Eddie's hands alternate slapping both sides of your ass as he jackhammers into you. You moan and call his name helplessly, finding your second orgasm sneaking up around the corner.

"Do I need to ask you again, or are you gonna be a good boy for me?" Eddie says breathlessly, sweat dripping down his forehead as he goes harder than he ever thought possible. You've made something within him snap, unlocking an entirely new side of him he didn't know he had. He's always been rough, and dominating, but this is different, primal.

"You're in charge, Eddie. You're so big, and strong, and you fuck me so good. Keep going, baby. I want you to ruin me, tear me apart." You whine through your moans, you truly don't want him to stop until you've snapped in two.

"Good boy, that's what I like to hear. Gonna fuck you til you can't walk, fill you up with my cum. You belong to me, angel, nobody else." He spews filthy words at you, which mingle together with the slaps of glistening skin and the loud smacks of his hands landing on your ass over and over. Tears fall from your eyes, he's gonna make your butt so sore you can't even sit down. And you're gonna thank him for it.

"Only you, Eddie. No one else can make me feel this good. No one else can satisfy me like you." You reply, your lustful confessions pushing him further toward the edge. His thrusts are growing unfocused, and you can tell he's almost there. You're close behind, but you need him to do more to get you there at the same time. "Choke me, Eds. I wanna cum with you, feel you mark me as yours." You beg, hoping he'll give you what you want despite disobeying him tonight.

"Only because I love to hear you beg, sweetheart." He chuckles, laying his body over yours. His elbow keeps you trapped in place, while his hand creeps up to your throat again. He cuts off your oxygen, amplifying every sensation as you feel a wave of ecstasy washing over you. You let out a strangled moan, your knees buckling as your high takes you down into pleasure-filled depths. Your walls squeeze on Eddie's dick, milking him for all he's worth. "Fuck, Y/N. Such a good boy, soaking my cock." He groans, his hips bucking erratically into you as his load spurts into your throbbing hole. Your release mixes with his, threatening to spill out once he leaves you. You both can't wait to taste it, it's always sweeter than honey.

Eddie lets go of your throat, allowing your noises to be heard at full volume. He's still thrusting into you, turning your fluids into a sticky paste that's dripping down the insides of your thighs. "Jesus, Eds. You're gonna make me cum again if you keep going." You warn, your legs trembling in the aftershocks. You're still sparking, which can easily turn into engulfing flames if he doesn't stop.

"Don't threaten me with a good time, angel." He says, taking your words as a challenge. He loves making you lose it as much as he can, licking you clean afterwards is one of his favorite things. He thrusts faster again, groaning at how sensitive his dick is. It's threatening to go soft any second now, but he can't help himself. He needs to feel you lose it again.

"Eddie, oh, God! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" You shout, clamping down on his cock as your third orgasm makes you explode from the inside out. Another dose of your arousal flows out, making even more of a mess that's already run down your legs. You can't breathe for a good ten seconds, your eyes rolling shut as you almost black out.

"Shit, that's a good boy." He groans, allowing himself to fall out of you. His body goes backwards, landing like an exhausted starfish behind you. Your ass still sits in the air, and you pulsate helplessly around nothing as stars block out your vision. You can't think, or speak, all you know is spent bliss. You both lay in your current positions for what feels like hours, breathing heavily while you try to get your hearts to slow down. "You good, Y/N?" Eddie asks, bringing his head up to check on you. You still haven't moved, and he can see the streaks of cum gleaming all over your entrance and thighs. He watches your hole clench beyond your control, forcing more of your cum out of it in lazy drips. "Holy shit, that's a pretty picture." He says in awe, his eyes dilating with lust.

You feel his weight shift on the bed, and are taken by surprise when he starts licking all around your crotch and thighs to clean you up. "Fuck!" You yelp at the overstimulation, not expecting Eddie to use his tongue on you, especially so hungrily. Your body jolts every time he brushes your bundle of nerves, and you make endless whimpers in the process.

"We taste so good, baby." He groans, bringing his fingers over to scrape some of the nectar off your leg. He crawls up the bed, slowly presenting his digits before your lips. You open your mouth without thinking, and you suck away every last bit of the fluids. You moan at the musky flavor, allowing yourself to lay down flat on your stomach as your mind returns to reality. 

"Well, that was amazing, to say the least." You finally speak, though you're still feeling rather foggy.

"It sure was, babe. I'll be right back." He says, standing up off the bed. He walks down the hall completely naked, returning with a damp cloth from the bathroom. "Roll over, Y/N, I gotta clean you up." He says kindly, kneeling before you as you flip your body. Your ass rubs uncomfortably against the sheets, making you wince. "Sorry, love. But to be fair, you did ask for it." He chuckles, bringing the warm cloth to your lower half, wiping away any excess cum and sweat.

"Oh, I know I did. And I have no regrets." You smile back, slipping your pajamas back on once he's finished. He tosses the rag into the hamper by his dresser, and closes the bedroom door. He climbs back into bed beside you, lighting another round of cigarettes. "You were fantastic, by the way. Remind me to piss you off in bed more often." You chuckle, taking a long, deep drag from your cig.

"Please do. I had a lot of fun doing that. I wasn't too rough, was I?" He asks, worried he may have gone a tad too far.

"No, not any more than I wanted you to be. I would've told you to stop if I couldn't take it." You reply, scooting as close to him as you can possibly get. You plant a warm kiss to his lips after he inhales from his cigarette, allowing him to blow the smoke into your mouth. You accept it into your own lungs, before letting it flow out through your nose. "I love you, Eddie." You speak sweetly, giving him a meaningful look.

"I love you too, Y/N." Eddie says, taking hold of your free hand.

"Forever and always." You say together, smiling brighter than the sun in your contented afterglow.

The end.

[phalangemedes]

CAMPAL LIT ANAL 🔥🔥🔥

To start off with, a personalised character debrief, of sorts, so the nonsense I'm about to spout stems from my known perception of them rather than just inherent batshit:

PALAMEDES SEXTUS: Tall ergo mouse faced man with the jokes and no brain shut off button. Burdened with gifted kid ego AND gifted kid guilt. Disabled even for a necromancer (not genetic turbo cancer for the nuke blast creation of thanergy but allergies, aerospace thick specs, lingering hint of the 'tism (social cues whomst, Mr that evil nun who thinks I'm a murderer is now my BEST FRIEND. Decided he was going to marry a girl because he liked that she was puzzley. His life partner is low emotive and he's never noticed.) (RE:marry Dulci the man is a glutton for a hyperfixation. 12 years and he's like 'we'll be married, Cam's my best man, I love them')). Bred for necromantic psychometry and groomed for Wardenhood (I used "groomed" because he was a literal child when they lauded his intellect as sufficient enough to egregiously test him to see if he was worthy of the title of Master Warden (spoilers, a 13 year old is a tiny baby child, no matter how cute, clever OR smug they are) This neatly slots into the "gifted kid" issues in that his parents ALLOWED this to happen, nay, encouraged it as an accolade. So I wouldn't say he was actively abused, but neither was he "cared" for, which is prime reason as to why he latched onto the only emotionally available peer AND was self sacrificial to a scary fault (re: ka-boom)

CAMILLA HECT: Tall TANK with too much inside to contain without fidget. Burdened with an inferiority complex 20 miles wide and a dunces hat of imposter syndrome. (Some of this is that The Sixth don't really respect swordhands, some of it is that in the capacity they DO respect it, she isn't ranked the most highly (RE: Not an Alexandrite. I assume Epeids? Cause she will class herself as competent and I think the Sixth aren’t stupid enough to put her in the spec ed class once she’s a Cav Prime.) Low EXTERNAL emotion, high energy, Palamedes is patently the words and she's happy with that. (As we go through HtN and NtN it reads more and more like alexithymia, more so when she just finally bursts the fuck into tears). Focuses a little too hard on being "useful", to the point and beyond of harm/self harm. Treats loyalty in a similar manner. A 0% or 100% kinda bitch. Close with her sister, but NOT her fathers, which is an interesting one because we have minimal backstory on that one, but it very much READ as a "forbidden" thing to be with Palamedes not just in the act of lyctorhood ascension but a 'They never understood' way. So her choosing to be Cavalier Primary was her choice AGAINST the wishes of other, societally and inter-familially.

ADDENDUM to Cam: She is a Carer, not in a motherly carer role, a Carer with a capital C. She cares for those with disadvantages in a MANNER I have witnessed IN the caring profession. This is MOST notable in the dynamics with Nona but she does the same with Pal. Where Pyrrha gives Nona fun dad treatment, with no less care, and Palamedes is the voice of gentle reason, consent and options, Cam is loving enforcement and active encouragement. It’s a theme. I’d like it highlit to those of you that have never had one or interacted in what is a COMPLICATED dynamic, a Carer is not a SERVITOR, they are a companion, they see you at your weakest and tackle ills with compassion. Is it a CHOSEN role.

Likewise Cam being raised female and not necromantically inclined (on planet eugenics and Your Eggs Are So Useful To Us BabyGirl) has just had humility beaten into her, but there are various places (Dr Sex coming to mind the most vividly, Pal trusting her with reconstruction of his skeleton, him trusting her opinion on things HE is looking at necromantically) where she is AS bright as him, but is not afforded the same societal perks as him as a necro.

tl;dr

Golden boy brain box who is struggling to live up to it, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Cam's trust in him.

Black sheep who is struggling to perceive herself as worthy, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Pal's faith in her.

Cool, we got it? ONWARD.

GENDER; PERCEPTIONS AND CHANGES:

Pre-Canaan through Canaan:

Palamedes Sextus, Master Warden of The Sixth House is a seeker of knowledge, his pronouns are forgot/to/eat (j/k.) I don't think he perceives himself as much of anything, until he's forced to. He is a man as The Master Warden and for Dulcinea, but I wonder how much of that is the "breeding program" ethos of the Sixth and how much of that is his OWN perception of himself because he's not a TRADITIONAL feeling man, even compared to other men in the canon. When I joke he's a he/him lesbian it's because he FEELS, not female, but feminine. In how he interacts with space and people, with the touchy-feeliness, with the way he expresses himself vociferous and poetically. 'Male' to him seems to be a mantle he wears above the neutrality of who he is and the femininity of his affections.

Camilla Hect, Hand of the Library, is a swordswoman and a cavalier and a hand. Cam is beautifully ungendered, but not in the same way as Palamedes is more of a... I feel like she'd be shocked to be told there's a binary? Just generally. She's practical, but butch, she's just Camilla. A she/her in the same way as a ship or a car. Not like a mother but like a deity -- and THAT is from Palamedes' perception of her. If he's a good boy, she's the Goddess he lays his altar out for. She’s not a ‘woman’ for anyone, not her house, not him. I think that’s important.

New-Rho:

I know there're alotta trans allegories here, but I'm gunna be a party pooper and say this is QUEER but not trans, not because it doesn't follow the path but because I don't think there is a Tomb binary to start with. There's a fluidity and flux IRL doesn't have (because people like their lil ticky boxes). And Pal doesn't feel different IN Cam, he feels the same. More him. He's more outwardly affectionate, he's more fussy and stroppy. He's him but Settled. I think he likes being whatever he is as Camilla. I think because he always liked Cam more.

Cam remains Cam. And I am delighted with this because Palamedes' influence within AND without is the same? I fucking love this woman, she popped out the womb like this and she's just keeping on trucking. Someone thinks she's a sex worker? Unfussed. Someone thinks she's fucking Crown? Mild distaste but that's more on the fact Corona is a biiitch. Dual daddying with Pyrrha? It's a TITLE, Cam seems to like titles. Maybe that's what it is, Camilla's self expression is a list of titles given to her by those who love her. The only one she’s picked for herself is Cavalier.

PAUL:

LEAST they/them they/them in the world. OBSESSED with them, they have the feminine energy that Palamedes carries but in Cam's body?? But the siege weapon threat of Cam?? Obsessed to get to know them more. I sense I shall kiss them on the mouth.

THEM AS CHARACTER ARCHETYPES VS "PEOPLE":

I think in part some of the issue with Palamedes and Camilla is how, on the whole, they seem to have been type cast as Male Boss and Female Minion. Because a tall dude with some authority and a quiet woman are put together and people get weird about that. (Even IRL. ‘Which one of you’s the fork?’ well firstly, she’s the knife, SECONDLY… that’s my tall glass of baby girl that speaks in a countertenor)

And this is a two fold issue:

THE FIRST: The Necromancer and Cavalier dynamic as portrayed by Muir.

It's seen as crass to dick down your cavalier (From Abigail and Magnus, through to Judith and Marta with canonical romantic refusal and LATTERLY Judith's SECONDARY canonical refusal of Coronabeth. Interestingly I don't see much shit about Isaac and Jeannemary but that's another hillock to rot on.).

But that doesn't seem to be the main issue WITHIN FANDOM or (more) people would be coming for Abigail and her lovely ottery meat shield.

Or Griddlehark.

Harrow and Gideon are lauded as the greatest romance of all time and the power dynamic there is TRULY whack. (affectionate)

Heir to the throne and indentured slave?

Necromancer made of a bajillion babies and a Base Level Not-Even-Squaddie.

Abuser and abused.

FORCED cavalier and necro?

Witness and sacrifice.

Even if you view them as a complicated sister dynamic... there are ABUNDANT issues there and a staggering co-dependancy that plays out in a sapphic lobotomy. So we have a base line of what, in the Nine Houses, classifies as a Fuckin' Ride Or Die of a relationship.

(this is without the fact that the NORM is for a baby to be specifically born for a Necromancer. Either RE:The manyfold uncles or like Babs being chosen as a zygote. Which do I have to explain how eugenics and baby-promises are worse than two people choosing each other or NAH?)

THE SECOND: People see a man and a woman and they give them preordained gender roles, which they then do some A/B/O level gymnastics to make them negatively fit into the necro and cav dynamic. It's funny because they're grey librarians who look like librarians. They look similar, they act similar but for some reason the fact Cam has tits gets some WILD hottakes.

(My favourite (said with spite and loathing) was someone asking if Cam fancied Harrow because she let Nona touch her… I.. I just??? She was letting Nona express herself in a safe way, Nona, who is a VULNERABLE ADULT with sensory issues. (yes this was reddit how did you guess))

Which.. is peculiar when you think of how we meet them, in an investigative role where they are immediately, companionably mocking each other? Where, out the gate, Cam lunges to protect Pal and as quickly as that happens he calls her back to protect her?

The Cavalier is there to protect the Necromancer. And yet he is IMMEDIATELY portrayed as a shield.

There's also an inherent, and non-canonically spoken of trust about what Pal EXPECTS of Camilla. It starts off with her with the rapier and how although adept with it, it is not her main skillset. And it's played against the bum rush way Gideon had to give in the two hander, but it's also, OBVIOUSLY, something Camilla has done forever and a day. So their roles are already non-traditional, with the basics of 'your cavalier should be your sword' cause girly pop let his barn door have two because she patently WANTED THEM.

Likewise, when hoorah boot clack salute, stick up her arse, repressed lesbo challenges them for their keys Cam is hot to go, but she waits for him to catch up. And he was erring on denial, he was erring on losing KNOWLEDGE, which is his main gain from any situation, to make sure she didn't get injured. But he puts her in that fight for HER HONOUR first, not his, not the Sixth's, Camilla Hect.

When she's injured, other than a brief moment of being a catty princess to Jody and Marta who lol DESERVED, he CHECKS Cam. He's frightened, he's fretting, he just wants her to not have been stabbed quite a lot, and PATENTLY blames himself. He is a PHYSIOLOGICALLY ADEPT necromancer and he FEARS for her injury, because of the pain not the complications of healing. It's an obvious show of how he perceives her as an extension of himself but NOT a tool.

Likewise, the only thing Pal ever did wrong and honestly, Dulci you aquatic-bint your way out of that river and give him a SLAP, was that he left her when he went to nuke Cytherea. He did it as a kindness, he didn't want her to see, he THOUGHT he did the right thing. And he didn't, and there wasn't a right thing, but oh my god dude.

He acted like a cavalier to guarantee her safety.

And I see a lot of 'oh well he did it cause he was upset about Dulci' like?? Cytherea SPOKE to them about the Avulsion trial. He had to look "Dulcinea" in the eye when she asked him to siphon Cam. Do you not think he wasn't already turbo pissed off? Hurt? Upset? Do you not think he was already mourning her, that he chose Cam over her, because he said “no”?

Which is a good segue into 'Paul is problematic'. First up, buckle up my darling little babies, spiritual cannibalism isn't exactly a fuckin' jolly holly time anyway, cause it was made by a man with the moral compass of a rabid wolverine and tits covered in biscuit crumbs.

At no point does Palamedes not feel dreadful for squatting inside Camilla. He is the (un)embodiment of a nervous friend sitting on a mostly full sofa trying to make himself as small as possible and wincing whenever he accidentally touches someone. He is there ONLY because it's what she wanted. And we know that because they discuss it, PRIVATELY, and it overheard by Nona. He also offers Cam the choice, they keep going as they are, or they do something else. But it is together, whatever they do is together. And she chooses to not suffer alone. And that some a y'all shit on that is a choice.

Harrow TBI's herself to not lose Gideon, but when two people enter into togetherness with consent it's a no?? They had a big ol’ adult chat (or 50 off screen, who knows, babygirl can’t shut up so I imagine it was more) and there’s booing and hissing.

Wah wah they're co-dependent it's not healthy, SURE, but it’s extreme circumstances, it's grimdark space heresy. Cam is a victim of torture, starvation and other such New Rho hells. Palamedes was in the purgatory of river isolation post suicide and his only hope of survival was Cam. They are the reason the other kept going. Paul is them keeping going, Paul is their promise to the other that it'll be okay, because they're there. Yes, they're co-dependent but they are each other's reason for being.

Even in the real world, when everything is subterranean, sewer level shit, you are told to find a reason to keep going. It can be a concert in a few months, or your ageing cat, it can be your mother or your tomato plants. And it's not long term, but THEY don't have long term.

And they BOTH chose. Palamedes had no promise of what would happen once he was booted back out of Babs, did he go back in Cam and risk her soul, or did he try another body? Was he already compromised by Tridentarii taint? But he was willing, if it was for her.

Likewise she was at the precipice of a wound that really needed a necromancers attention (look how BoE left Judith, like jesus colostomy christ the woman is a menace but shoving a carrier bag in her then blood letting her to refuel your stolen tesla is rough guys). It needed HER necromancers attention. And that wasn't happening. And she couldn't take not having him any more.

And they didn't go into it blind, The Sixth as a house patently had more knowledge on the melange of souls than most (via all the secrecy that was shared with BoE etcetc), and Pal had just learnt more, first hand, shoved up inside Naberius feeling their edges bleed together. And they had felt what it was to be Them before. They BOTH experienced that, like, blood-sweat and worried daddy lap aside, they both knew it would hurt her, and I have no doubt it cut Palamedes up, but it ate some of him too. 'Oh it hurt her more' my DUDE the man was already bone dust and fuck all else all that COULD be hurt WAS hurt.

THIRDLY (I realise there was not initially three points but there sure fucking is now LESSGO):

SACRIFICE. I've seen it said, repeatedly, they have an uneven power dynamic because Cam 'sacrifices' herself for him.

WELL. Let's break that down with a direct comparison.

Gideon Nav, a woman who had never been loved, but had sometimes been useful, sacrificed herself for a chance to die with the knowledge of being wanted. She knew and wanted to be eaten, absorbed, nothing more than her sword. This was seen as a rejection by Harrow for reasons even GIDEON was aware of, poor kid.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, woman who, understandably, thinks she's cursed as all fuck, refused to take the sacrifice of Another Body and in the process made Gideon think she was being rejected. I think she is less aware, but not totally unaware. And it was in desperation. And she is so young, they both are, they were scared and staring at a bone wall or forever death.

But my point is their togetherness, no matter how complete, was born of VIOLENCE and the eradication of one of them, the violence of need, of desperation to belong, to not be torn from the one consistent point in their lives : each other.

Camilla Hect saw the buckshot shrapnel of her life partner embedded in Canaan's masonry (this is an actual sacrifice, he sacrificed himself for her safety) and chose to take the red string of fate and GANK IT until she got Palamedes back. Because they had a (theoretically possible) predetermined get-out-of-jail-free plan for if something took him first. They planned to never be apart, this was one plan of many.

And Palamedes Sextus, for his part, did everything he could to keep them safe, keep her safe, to make sure, even in the end, they would be together in the safest, sanest way possible. He dredged her from death both times they were shot, he sewed her back together from within the cage of her body. He resurrected them. He was a god FOR them, so they could stay them.

Was it actually safe and sane? Compared to gutty stabs and being consumed by a IANTHE, honestly, yeah.

Was it ideal? No, but it was better than death.

They lived, together. Discussed it, chose it.

If Palamedes is Decisive Consent and Camilla is Patient Protection, Paul is a Conversation with a lil line of kisses at the bottom. They're not made from love, they're made from necessity, but they are born BECAUSE of love, gentility. The difference between rabid hunger after suffering food scarcity and spending 14 hours cooking a meal for someone you love. They are both acts of consumption, but the tone is so vastly different.

✨anyway yeah hi I fucking love Cam and Pal and this is the hill I've chosen to climb and repeatedly die on✨

(I'd like to postface this with I love ALL these characters, I slag them off with the love of literary analysis, and none of them ever did anything wrong they are my tiny angel baby war crimes whom i wub them a normal amount.

...And I'm not getting the books out to quote shit so you're gunna have to embrace the Vibes.<3)

(shout out to @grievingbovine this is (partially) their fault *heart hands*)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi! Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to answer everyone’s questions - it’s been a BIG help.

The other day, I experienced a certain situation that FREAKED ME OUT, but then I remembered you had answered an ask about something similar, so I dug through your posts until I found it; seeing your explanation about that situation really helped reassure me that there was nothing major to worry about and that all I needed to do was look after myself a little more in the future.

Thanks again!!

YAY I'm so glad! this is one of my favorite things about doing sex ed the way I do here on tumblr, where one person asks but anybody can see the answer. you never know when having that info might come in handy later and help you realize something isn't as scary as it seems :)

[acetypeface]

Random TUA Headcanons, Pt. 1

I was thinking about what sort of uncles (and aunt) the Hargreeves siblings would be. Since we may get to see those dynamics in s4 (the Klaus and Claire pic has got me hyped) it's time to share my silly thoughts.

This isn't speculation; I don't really do that. These are merely random ideas of mine (and all very soft because I can't be an angst writer all the time). Enjoy! ^.^

Below the break.

LUTHER

Helps teach them how to drive, and really enjoys it, too.

Has karaoke sessions in the car with his nieces when he drives them around. He tries to sing all the parts and makes them laugh.

Takes them to planetariums, rocket launches, and shows them how to work a telescope; he'll map the night skies with them for hours.

Was always the favorite when it came to playing hide-n-seek or tag; he invented a game called "crazy monk" where he makes scary faces and chases them around the house.

Could carry one niece on each shoulder easily; they loved it.

DIEGO

Is there for them after their first break-up. He takes them to a rage room and they have a grand time smashing things to bits.

Teaches them self-defense, as well as how to properly throw a knife. He may have gifted them their first knife a little too early, though.

Attends all of their sports games and track meets, and is there to scream and cheer from the sidelines (or shout at the ref if needed).

Learned how to style hair so he could give his daughter and niece all sorts of fun and dramatic hairdos; on speed dial for "crazy hair day" at school.

ALLISON

The one who takes them out for their first drink when they turn 21.

Likes to buy a lot of little presents for them, although they'll occasionally get jump-scared by something huge, like a new car.

Loves to go on trips with them; was definitely their travel companion for their senior graduation trip.

Helped them get ready before prom and took way too many pictures, all of which she cherishes greatly.

Would absolutely be the one to give "the Talk", because all of her brothers were too awkward to do it for their own children. Is excellent at giving a quick and concise sex ed course.

KLAUS

Would love to take his nieces to get their nails done (he'd get his done, too).

Loves to go get ice cream, boba, and other little treats with his nieces.

Is definitely the one bringing home puppies, kittens, hamsters, etc. as birthday presents.

If any of his nieces/nephews were to come out as queer, he'd be wildly supportive. He'd go with them to get their hair cut and buy new clothes if they were trans, or support them at Pride, or just overall be the coolest uncle ever.

FIVE

Acts like he could care less, but remembers all of the tiny, insignificant details such as their favorite color or favorite flavor of ice cream.

Will pick them up from anywhere, no lectures, no questions asked. Also won't tell their parents if they don't want him to.

Became very distressed the first time one of his nieces was bullied; his siblings had to remind him that he was not allowed to murder a kindergartner.

Unironically refers to them as his siblings' "spawn" and "offspring".

Asks his nieces for help when it comes to using his phone.

Would take his nieces to Starbucks or Dutch Bros (is this too niche to my area?), even if he thinks their coffee tastes like shit, because he likes to see them smile when they drink their overly sugary drinks.

(UMBRELLA) BEN

The absolute best at reading bedtime stories. He'd do goofy voices and end up keeping his nieces awake because they'd be too busy giggling.

Helps them study for tests and exams (they always get the best grades when Uncle Ben helps them).

Is an extremely good listener and gives some of the best advice. He never judges them for their mistakes, but always suggests how they might grow and move forward.

Happy to help his nieces on their curiosity voyages; likes to take them to museums and other places of learning.

VIKTOR

Would attend every musical, dance recital, talent show, and performance his nieces were in. He'd be in the back with big bouquets of roses and whistle and cheer at all the right moments.

Likes to take them to do the ordinary, menial things he wished he could do as a kid, such as going to the zoo or an amusement park.

Loves to talk and FaceTime with his nieces; he never misses a single call.

Is happy to pay for any artistic hobbies his nieces want to pursue, such as music lessons or drama camps.

Have any other headcanons about the Hargreeves as aunt and uncles? Lemme know in the replies or the reblogs!

[three--rings]

Okay so I know we're in this big anti-sex cultural moment.

And I know my own personal standards on this issue are way out there. I am a sex first relationship later person. It's just how I roll. So I'm biased.

But I have to say, everyone talks like it's definitely for sure that it was a bad idea for Ed and Stede to have sex when they did.

And honestly, like, I'm not even arguing with that. It was a very understandable time for them to have sex. There should have been some more talking either before or AFTER about how they were both feeling. But it wasn't ideal perhaps.

Still I want to be clear: I don't think them having sex is the fucking problem here.

Ed is overwhelmed and unsure of where he fits right now. He's been through a lot of trauma recently (and caused a lot of course.) So it's understandable why he'd feel unprepared to add sex with Stede on top of it all.

However, they both do very much want to have sex with each other. And when two people are in love and really attracted to each other and really want to have sex, even if they have other reasons why they are holding back from it...well, eventually they're going to have sex. Sooner or later, but probably sooner.

Time in this show is very difficult to gauge, especially this season. So some time has passed between the moonlight scene and the beginning of ep 6. Ed had his leathers back, he's not wearing the bell, things have changed and progressed. It's not the next day. Probably.

We don't get to know how much time it's been or what has been said in between. Ed seems basically in the same place mentally. If not a worse one. Progress is not being made.

It's easy to criticize Stede for initiating a rather aggressive pounce on Ed in the wake of his trauma. But he's clearly not thinking. That's his issue, separate from the question of whether Ed is ready, so I'm not going to get into it. But he does pause, and he looks to Ed for permission, which Ed gives before enthusiastically and passionately joining in.

They both just went through a scary time. They both are seeking comfort in each other. It means sooner comes rather than later in the inevitable 'they're GOING to fuck' race. I know that sentence is a trashfire but let's move on.

Ed is happy in the morning. He's a little nervous, with the breakfast, but he feels good about dumping his leathers. He's come to a decision. Even after he starts to get nervous after Stede talks about their career, he's mostly fine when they go eat. Relaxed, happy about what happened.

And then all the fame stuff starts and he's fine at first. He talks to Jackie and is fine about it until Jackie is like yeah but you have a problem with your man. He talks to Izzy.

Now he's REALLY done a 180. He doesn't see his desired life and Stede's desired life matching up. Stede apparently doesn't understand Ed and where he's at if he thinks they're going to be pirates together now.

This is the problem. This is what upsets Ed. he spirals for hours. He's running scenarios and coming to negative conclusions. He's not valuable or loveable if he's not Blackbeard. Stede doesn't want him if he doesn't fit into that life. He needs to move on. He is panicked and freaking out.

Then he talks to Stede, after already making the decision to leave and go fishing. Like, let's be clear, he doesn't decide that during their fight. He's decided and signed on. He's just saying goodbye.

It's only then that he brings up the sex. He does throw blame at Stede for it a bit, which I think is mostly fair. But he also isn't accounting for Stede's state of mind at the time. They were both off tilt. But he digs into that, and to me, I think he's using the sex as an excuse.

He didn't have a problem with the sex itself. He was happy in the morning and after. Smiling, smug, cute, loved up, having heart to hearts about mermaids and letters.

It was all the life/identity stuff that crashed in that shifted him. But he doesn't know how to talk about that. He doesn't know how to explain it or be vulnerable about his worst fears and self-worth issues.

So he goes on offense and says hey, actually, this is your fault. He picks the issue he has words for, the only one they've actually talked at all about.

Stede is NOT wrong when he identifies Ed as panicking and wanting to run. Stede is recognizing the behavior from himself.

Just like it's not about Ed wanting to fish, it's not about them going too fast. It's about them not communicating about their deepest needs and desires and fears.

They can have sex or not have sex, if they're not communicating it won't work. They could continue fucking like rabbits and have long talks in between sessions and get really really far. Or do what they've been doing which is NOT having sex and also not communicating which can go on forever and they won't get closer to happy.

I feel like fandom has latched on to this one thing as The Problem, because it's all Ed SAID was a problem. But we have lots of evidence otherwise.

I mean, even the conversation...Ed says it's too fast, Stede is like...okay well we can do whatever. He doesn't get defensive even though he's hurt. But that's not good enough, because that's not actually the problem. But at that point Ed really starts running away.

And they start getting more heated, both being sloppy at expressing themselves. (Stede is unfortunately pretty freaking drunk.)

I think they are both very avoidant personalities when it comes to this kind of thing, this kind of deeply personal conflict. Their anxieties keep them from being honest. And so the sex combined with Stede's killing of a man, and newfound fame, that all became a crisis that forced them to confront these issues. I think ultimately probably for the best, instead of not addressing them.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Writing a piece on Miles Morales, Brooklyn and Trap Music

In literal tears at how trap music, aka the 'really really vulgar violent materialistic' rap music is actually like... The purest and most radical form of black art in the recent decades.

Like I genuinely think songs about guns and money and trap houses and diamond chains are incredibly radical because it's a medium made to appeal COMPLETELY and only to black people.

It's made to be so vulgar that it CANNOT be censored. You can't censor WAP. Half the lyrics would disappear.

Trap music and scary black music about guns and gangs and struggle and money and sex and excess - it all COMPLETELY rejects the white ideal. White morality and politeness.

That's why FOX hates it so goddamn much.

Black people openly saying "We're going to be ghetto and loud and sexual. And you're gonna drive the same cars as you. Live in your neighborhoods. NOT ASSIMILATE."

And I know most nonblack people may not take interest in it or might openly judge it but like.. it really is entirely radical and punk as fuck.

And it's a big part of where Miles and ESPECIALLY MILES!42 is from.

Trap music is like Miles!42. Unflinching, full of culture, intimidating to the uninitiated, and DOPE AS SHIT.

Nonblack people - scary violent rap music with 'bad morals' and gangs and stuff is not really scary and it's a vital part of our culture that is censored entirely from modern media.

That's changing and I talk about that in the post, and how ATSV is getting better at it - but we are in no way all there.

I know there might not be an interest in it but I love trap music as an art style and I hope that at least 1 person will be less scared when they hear music like that you know.

Like yes I genuinely think everything Cardi B has released is better written and more important than anything Ed Sheeran could convince ever.

A black woman singing about damaging sex and fellatio on a international scale is extremely radical and something only a black woman in trap music could get away with.

Like - they would not let Christina Aguilera say that. They are not gonna let say dick and pussy and actually put the track on an album censored or not.

Because sexism.

But black women can do it. And that's a radical act.

"But she calls herself a whore that's degrad-"

She's reclaiming a slur.

Trap and rap music isn't scary. It's actually radical simply by existing. And it may seem unrelated to ATSV and Miles -

But Miles and Miles!42 are black guys from NYC. Like... Come on. Trap Music is Miles!42 experience.

[strugglingatart]

Jr Year ep 3

This is me live blogging bc I need to get thoughts out also would love fandom friends full spoilers bellow the cut just so no one accidentally reads anything they don’t want to this will be long

EX GIRLFRIEND I will legit fight Brennan why did we at least not see it....

btw me saying I will fight brennan is mostly a joke like I get why we made all these changes, I don't actually love everything but I do trust all these people enough that it will serve the story and play out great

Immediately clocking the fairy festival (Frosty whatever it is I'm so sorry Brenan says it and then it's immediately out of my head) connection we love

love love looove the aguefort projections, so many Arthur statues!

Riz's manic energy is such a vibe, not exactly healthy but a vibe I get

the astral realm where all the dead gods go

lowkey love that Gorgug and Fabian are solid like the boys lowkey play them so dumb but that's just teenage boys for ya (also thought maybe Fabian would be in less trouble but still some so this makes my anxiety relax a bit, only issues we already knew off)

Actually for the wizards I'm really chill is an A+ and also probably true sentence

ah the answer I needed about Fig's multiclass

Ah the society of shadows again, and a college for sad alone adventureres lol

their record is bad but it should be worse when talking about the one person sports team is SO FUNNY to me

the friends bit is so good, everythig about it, all the laughing, Emily failing intentionally, Ally letting it work even tho it shouldn't, perfection

Lydia still making half orc meals we love and stan

Adaine-Riz friendship is SO IMPORTANT to me

the sibbling energy our girls have are amazing

the Thisstlesprings will literally just go into sex ed and Gorgug's reaction is gold everytime

"Can I run from you?" LMAO

ok I'm getting the silly energy they were talking about now

listennnn we are gonna get into Gorgug isn't a good barbarian according to his teacher again aren't we? it's why it wasn't pre approved? I will fight this teacher he literally saved the world twice as mostly a barbarian let him be a chill barbarian

WHY DID GILLEAR NOT TALK TO FIG

yes Fabian make Fig go to class

yay new lunch lad

also I legit thought the time quangle was just an explain continuity errors away and also get rid of the agueforts who break encounters thing but it might be related to the plot now that it's come back up in the recap and in the intercom in story

Fig has Gillear's luck confirmed ok

Zac's physical comedy continues to be SO GOOD

the sillies really are here I'm laughing so much

straight away this lady is insane

four different dogs is such a good burn, love agro Kristen

do not trust this people at all

ohhh skullcleaver, Katya's aunt? cousin? I don't recall the seven mentioning that

listen Fabian's house being party house is lowkey dangerous

Kristen being a disaster gay even when trying to help friends flirt is a mood and a half

ooohh I like mazey

don't trust the attomaton tbh

also yes I just thought of this now so it's late but going back to Kipperlilly whatever her name is, like homegirl can't make big institutional changes youre class president not on staff

rules always being followed to the letter is tbh scary there has to be room for interpretation, perfect order doesn't exist

YES PLOT love how it's already too much bc mood and "yeah I cannot think about that right now" and "embodyment of writers block" oh this season is gonna continue to hit me in the face

Wanda Childa is wild

she was a turncoat, more importantly she was a mirror

why is Ally's hey girlie voice so terrifying

fully forgot porter was the barbarian teacher and I will fight porter LET GORGUG MULTICLASS...

aaaa I'm going into a worry is here, legit thought it was gonna be in battle but I love Gorgug's energy here bc I've been there where you do things kinda nontraditional way and have teachers make the achivements sound so much worse just bc i didn't get there through the path they wanted me to take

love terpsichore immediately

they get 30's fairly often now we love level 10

fabian is such an arsty kid at heart and always was like Lou wanted to make a jock maybe but never did

listen trashbag sandwich is worrying but it was indeed fine

I get that Riz is type A but he is the non annoying kind

homegirl who desn't like technicalities and ppl gettign away with stuff got out in one huh? also I have no idea what that means the teacher found her? what?

Jawbone I love you and also I worry about how much I relate to Riz

I so hate this girl I'm with Adaine, she's the worst we've had

oh no the Applebee's

ok so I have a huge like essay somewhere about both why I don't like how Kristen is dealing with Cassandra but also how I 10000% understand her as someone who abandoned religion but was then forced to still be in similar roles and religious enviornments after that somewher in my head buut also who cares but just know it exists

omg Bucky giving her a hug I cry

Kristen is not doing well but that was actually a pretty good parental confrontation tbh I'm proud

oh damn poor Adaine I'm sosorry my dear you don't deserve this

Brennan really went you know what? we are not having your wildness work for you this time Emily, your shit is catching up to you

yay fig went to class finally

we got SO many designs with all the teachers and such and they are all so great

oh nooo Kristeeen, each step I take the step behind me vanishes is such a raw ass line like this poor teenager is legit so lost like someone help her please (also that was a relatable little monologue.. am I ok?)

love the cleric teacher a lot

ok but i love cassandra alright twilight, mystery and doubt are such a cool ass domain you can sell it and embrace it Kristen I belive in youuuu

but also again: a good ass teacher

awn I love that they're back in the forest

again Siobhan promised no taers and I have cried twice now maybe three times in three eps??? rude af

the bad kids should've helped with the whole Cassandra stuff I just realised I'm so sorry

oh shit not Kalina again.... I feel like i got stabbed in the heart

oh I am sooo pumped for next ep!!!!!

[dareactions]

Can we get some headcanons for bull and dorian (separate) with a male lover whose in their first mlm relation ship?For sfw maybe their concerned about wether or not the relationship should work differently than mlw And for just tapping into nsfw (no need to go into it) their worried about not being able to actually do anything good, and they start considering simply telling bull and Dorian to go find someone else for such things?

if you saw this get posted by accident, you didn't. Tumblr's new shit system messed me over.

the nsfw-esque bits under the cut :) !

Iron Bull: It's kind of cute in a way, honestly. Bull can't remember someone being that anxious about dating in years, especially not when it came to him. But he also has to wonder what goes on in that brilliant mind sometimes that shit like this takes such a large space in his everyday thoughts. It all reaches a point where Bull puts a hand on the Inquisitor's back one day in passing, leaning down to speak in hushed sentences as they glance at the chargers training. ''You know you're overthinking, right? Like a fuck ton.'' He starts with a laugh, and the Inquisitor's huff is just a bit too fucking cute. ''It's not different whatsoever in the romance department, trust me. It's not like we have to follow those shitty stereotypes people like to make up- we have to just exist, not much more. So stop worrying so damn much, you'll knock yourself out at this speed.''

Dorian: It's a relatable anxiety, in a way. There's not really any proper guides or books about it and he feels the gnawing need to do something but being unaware of what exactly to do. He knows that sometimes words aren't enough. But Dorian does know his lover, he knows his partner. So he gently takes his hand one night when they're sitting in the warmth of a fire and just lets the man he loves absolutely dump every piece of worry and anxiety on him about it all. Long winded sentences that make little to no sense make it into the mix and Dorian just stays quiet for a moment, sighing and smiling - because it's all a little bit funny in a way. ''It's not that different, really. We love the same, don't we? You're overthinking, an understandable thing, but you are overthinking this. A relationship between us are no more complicated than it would be if we were a man and a woman, maybe we'd get one less stare in our direction- and a few less scornful comments or whatever else. But this is as complicated as we make it, so get out of that thick skull of yours. We'll be fine.''

Iron Bull: Now, this fear he gets a bit more. While sex to him was about as scary and new as well- his reflection maybe? he gets it. He can recognize the anxious expression anytime his hands start wandering a bit too much and Bull will be damned if he doesn't know how to soothe anxiety regarding sex at least. ''Now, if you actually want this to be an open thing, that can be discussed- but I'm not just going to go fuck someone nilly willy because you're clearly not actually fine with it.'' He'd had arrangements like that in the past, in the end the romance department was more new to him than anything else. It's not like he had actually been in a relationship-relationship in the past really. ''But I'm not sure if you've been told this, but sex is awkward. It isn't going to click instantly, that's fine- the fun part is figuring things out and being able to laugh at yourself about it. You're going to do fine, you're going to learn and adjust and even if you figure out it isn't your thing sexually- we'll figure it out. Now take a deep fucking breath because I think you're about to pop a blood vessel.'' This was followed with far too many sex ed speeches, probably.

Dorian: When the Inquisitor suggests taking other lovers, Dorian almost feels a bit offended. Really? Other lovers? Did he look like he was that clueless to the Inquisitor's anxieties? ''You don't actually want me to do that, do you?'' He asks, glancing up over the spine of his book entirely unimpressed as the Inquisitor stares for a moment, glances away and shakes his head. ''That's what I thought.'' And he puts his book away and sighs. ''I understand being nervous, it's nerve-wracking with new partners. But I'm not quite sure if it's as complicated as you're making it out to be. It'll be a bit clumsy probably, for sure, but I think that's kind of fun in a way, don't you? Learning each others bodies, what makes the other tick.'' Well that is an interesting reaction there, the Inquisitor's nervous glance at his lips. Sadly Dorian had absolutely no intention of letting this go just for a quick make out session as tempting as it is. ''We'll talk through it, if you need to. I am actually an expert on gay sex, believe it or not- don't laugh, it's true. I'm an expert, we'll figure it out, one step at a time. Now get over here and lets figure out what concerns swimming in that skull of yours that I can quell.''

[youremyheaven]

I'm gone for three days....3 DAYS! And you got the 🍑 ate by balded brotha and arm guy (who I thought had ed game-y potential) poofed! Idk if I should cry or slap my forehead.

How you holding up dearest? Idk who gave nazar, but I hope he gets a cramp on his arm and dick 🖤 (Conspiracy theory: what if it was bigbro™ giving nazar on armguy™? Like you know ‘Maybe I have no competition, let her be mine 👁️👁️’)

JAJSJSJJSJWJSJ

I knew i could count on u guys to cheer me up 😭🤣🤣🤭🤭

But soooo much has happened that I haven't shared yet 👀🫣🫣

Arm guy is giving mixed signals rn 😮‍💨😮‍💨

But ngl having sex with two different Bharani men who act SUPER SIMILAR IN BED, it was so weird, scary, deja vu like and 💀💀💀💀 a few days apart was crazyyy 😩😌🤪 no ragretssss

The baldie was lowkey better at pounding tbh and his 🍆 is bigger 🥺😩 when he was pounding me doggy style, i literally floated up to heaven 😭😭😭 but unfortunately he couldn't stay hard 😔 which i actually didn't mind that much. Like I'm not an orgasm obsessed person, I feel orgasmic as I am. For me sex isn't just about the orgasm, it's about pleasure and I genuinely enjoy every aspect of it, be it giving or receiving head, being pounded or him manhandling my body 😩😩😩I loveeee being touched 🥺 in bed like 😩 the baldie held me close and told me "you have such a sensitive body" 🙈🙈🙈bc he'd literally touch me anywhere and I'd be like 😩😩😩😩and I'm like duh🙄

How do I feel? I feel like I've healed a lot of sex related traumas and started to see sex as just another part of the human experience which is nice 👍🙂

WHOEVER PUT NAZAR ON ME 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

lmaaaooo I wouldn't put it past him tbh, he's OBSESSED with me like GENUINELY, he donates money to charity in my name 😭🥺🫶

Arm guy adores me (or so i thought 🙄😮‍💨😒) but he's an Uttaraphalguni Rising and i don't think Solar men are capable of obsession 🙃🙃they be too chill for that

[infinitenatones]

Let me be your stress relief

Steve's had a very boring Saturday grading papers and starts to remember one of the many times he and Eddie had Sex getting himself very worked up. But when Eddie gets home fuming from a shitty interview they both have the same idea on how to help Eddie get his frustrations out.

Explicit

Tags & Warnings - Smut, Mean!Eddie, Dom!Eddie, Sub!Steve, Rock Star!Eddie, Teacher!Steve, Anal Sex, Face Fucking, Spanking, Blow Jobs, Rough Sex, Degradation, Aftercare

5.8k words - Also on AO3

If you like this please reblog it really helps!

Minors DNI or I'll steal your kidney!

It has been a particularly long and boring Saturday so far. Steve has spent the vast majority of the day grading his students papers and watching trash tv. Eddie has been out since morning doing an interview and photo shoot to promote the band's new album. “Finally, last paper done” Steve sighs as he places the final piece of work on top of the stack. He looks at his watch, 5:36pm perfect time for a glass of wine, desperately needing something after all that work. He could have a joint, Eddie had pre rolled a bunch before he left this morning, but Steve isn't a fan of smoking up by himself anymore. It's more enjoyable with Eddie and he always makes sure that Steve doesn't get too stoned, stress makes him chain smoke which is not a good idea, especially if it's joints he’s smoking. 

Steve shuffles to the kitchen, grabs the wine glasses and pours some merlot. “Shit” Eddie isn't back yet and he has instinctively poured him a glass. Well it’ll be ready for when he gets home, shouldn't be too much longer anyway, Steve thought as he walked over to turn the TV off and put some music on instead. He searches through their collection of tapes looking for a specific one. “There you are!” He smiles as he pulls out a rather scruffy looking cassette, the words, Songs for Stevie, scribbled on the paper surrounded by weird little doodles. It’s the first mixtape Eddie had ever made for him, was he a massive fan of all the songs? No, no he wasn’t, but Ed’s had put so much thought into it and he is missing him terribly today. Setting the music going Steve walks back to the kitchen with Judas Priest singing ‘Eat Me Alive’ reverberating round the apartment. He takes both glasses over to the coffee table, setting Eddie’s down for later and going straight in for a sip of his own barely making it onto the couch before the dark red hits his lips. Steve lets out a sigh and sinks into the couch as the gentle warmth of the wine trickles down his throat. 

The mixtape brings back so many memories from when they first got together, driving around in Eddie’s old van, getting high at skull rock, other sweet moments and of course the first time they kissed, soundtrack for that moment courtesy of Metallica. All the emotions and feelings from that period in time come flooding back to him. It was a scary yet exhilarating time for Steve, he’d never been in love with a guy before, didn't even realise he was into guys, but Eddie, oh Eddie, he made Steve feel things he’d never felt before and Eddie loved so loudly and much deeper than Steve knew what to do with at first.  It’s been years since they got together but Eddie never fails to make his heart flutter, he always seems to know exactly what Steve needs, often knowing him better than he knew himself. Their relationship had only gotten better with time, which Steve didn’t think was possible. But the years together had meant they had both learnt so much about each other, likes, dislikes, little habits they do, what makes them tick and the exactly what buttons to press to get the reaction they wanted from the other man. 

It's not very often that Steve’s home alone, apart from when Eddie is on tour, which is a horrible time to be Steve and an even worse time to be Eddie's band mates. Heaven help whoever Eddie is sharing a room with during that time as the phone calls Steve & Eddie have whilst apart are completely filthy and incredibly frequent. He’s not even away for long at all today in comparison but boy is Steve longing for his man. Now maybe it’s the large glass of wine or maybe it’s the mixtape, perhaps it’s both, but his mind starts to wander down the more intimate paths of memory lane. 

He drifts to one of his favourite memories, the first time he bottomed. Eddie very quickly quieted his nerves, he was so sweet and comforting, making sure that Steve knew that they could stop at any point and guaranteeing him that he would take care of him from beginning to end and after. He remembers the electricity that surged through him the first time he felt Eddie’s talented tongue worship his entrance. The way he ate him like it was the first meal he’d had in weeks. The feeling of his metal rings pinching his thigh a little as Eddie’s strong hands held him open, those same rings at his hole when Eddie slipped his fingers in for the first time. His cock twitches in his jeans at the memory, the fabric now incredibly tight against him. Steve’s head falls back and his eyes close as he reaches down to start palming himself through the denim, desperate for some relief but wanting more than anything for Eddie to be the one to provide that relief. He stays in the memory remembering the insane tidal wave of pleasure that consumed him the first time Eddie hit that sweet spot inside, a pleasure so intense that it threatened to tip him over the edge before even having Eddie’s cock inside him. When he did feel Eddie’s cock push inside him that first time it was painful, he was much bigger than Steve expected, the pain very quickly turned to pleasure though. Every time Eddie thrust into him was pure bliss, he had come undone with such intensity that it felt like he would never come down from the high. Eddie’s sweet kisses and gentle circles on his thigh helped him to relax and float back down. 

Steve’s jeans now feature a very prominent wet spot from his pre cum. Palming himself just isn’t doing it anymore, he wants to feel Eddie, needs to feel him. To have Ed’s  hands roam his body, his lips leaving marks claiming him, the dark chocolate curls wrapping around his fingers as he pressed Eddie face closer to him. A sinful moan fell from his lips mixing with the music of the mixtape. He was so lost in the moment and his desire for more that he almost missed the noise of keys being fumbled with by the door. Eddie’s gravelly voice muttering a string of  curses pulled him back into the room, his man is finally home and he seems pissed. Steve doesn’t mind though, having sex with Eddie when he’s annoyed is a delicious thing. Letting Eds use him to fuck out his frustrations was always intense and animalistic and Steve absolutely loved it. Plus the after cuddles were always so sweet and cozy, even when he was being used like a slutty little fuck toy Eddie made sure to remind him after of just how much he adored him.

The door swings open with such force that it threatens to come off its hinges. Steve's eyes dart over to the doorway and he is gifted with a vision of leather, mesh and ripped denim. His eyes drink in the man, slowly going over every inch of him until he reaches Eddie's face. His skin is flushed, brow furrowed and dark eyes made even more fierce by the eyeliner framing them. Steve was right Eddie is definitely pissed off about something, and anger just looks so sexy on him. Eddie turns around to close the door and by the time he's turned back Steve is right there, pupils blown wide with lust, handing him the glass of wine. 

“Shitty day handsome?” he asks as he drapes his arms around Eddie's neck, pressing a quick kiss just below his jaw. “That fucking interviewer!” Eddie snaps before taking a large swig of the wine. “He clearly didn't give a crap and had done no research into who we were at all!” Steve hums in response to Eddie, the harshness of his voice going straight to his dick. “He didn't even know all of our names, like what the hell dude?! I was so close to knocking him out, luckily for him Jeff was there to keep me somewhat level headed” He rants, all the while Steve is nuzzling his neck and placing soft kisses all over it. Eddie is so tense his body is practically vibrating from rage, he’s thankful for the wine he was given by Steve but he needs something else, something stronger, something guaranteed to get all the frustrations out. He continues his rant, the anger still bubbling inside causing him to barely notice Steve’s lips making their way to the sensitive spot behind his ear. It’s not until Steve subconsciously grinds onto Eddie’s thigh that he is enlightened about his boyfriend's current rock hard state. A wicked smirk spreads across his face, he’s just found the perfect stress relief. 

For the first time since he got through the door he really looks at Steve, his eyes are half lidded with lust and a crimson blush is spread across his cheeks. He looks incredible, gold rimmed glasses framing his beautiful hazel eyes, hair kind of messy and his oversized knitted sweater making him look oh so cosy. “Are you even listening to me?!” desire now mixing in with the frustration in his voice. “ ‘m listening…interviewer was shit, did no research” his words are lazy and half formed. He scoffs, almost laughing “You were barely listening at all! Do you even give a shit about my day?!” Eddie pushes him away and takes another large gulp from his glass of wine. Steve, upset at the loss of contact, takes a few steps back out of Ed’s space. “I care! It’s just, um well I…” Steve’s voice trails off as he shrinks into himself. “Were you touching yourself before I came home? Just couldn't wait could you, you little whore!” Steve dips his head in shame and he replies without words, just a little whimper confirming what Eddie already knew. Steve knows Eddie doesn’t mean what he said, it's all part of the game that they’ve entered into, a game both participants are very very happy to play. 

Eddie strides over to Steve backing him up against the kitchen counter, he slams one hand down onto the marble and puts down his glass before using the other to grip Steve’s jaw with just enough pressure to make a point. “What got you all riled up then huh? What’s got my slut so desperate and hard?” Eddie sneered inches away from Steve's face, his hot breath sending tingles down Steve’s spine and right to his core. Eddie doesn’t let go of his face as he stares him down waiting for a reply, his own arousal making itself known as it painfully presses against the rough denim of his jeans. Steve shuffles a bit under his gaze before answering, “Well, I was listening to our first mixtape and my mind kind of wandered to, well I started thinking of, um, the first time I, I bottomed” his voice trembling a bit, not from fear or embarrassment but from a deep hunger for the man in front of him. “Is that what you want huh, want me to fuck you?” Eddie slots his leg in between Steve’s thighs, the pressure causing him to whimper and grind his hips onto Eddie. “Cos I promise you this Sweetheart, if I fuck you tonight you won’t be able to walk for a fucking week” It’s a promise growled into Steve’s ear. His knees go weak and his hands instinctively grab onto Eddie for support. “Please, need you so much, use me, fuck out your frustrations, please Eddie!” he begs desperate and whiny, needing him so much right now. “Bedroom, now.” and with that Eddie steps out of his space and Steve practically runs to their room.

Eddie was pissed off but not at Steve, not in the slightest, getting to come home to him was the only good thing about today. He finishes his drink before heading into the bedroom, ready to give his man what he wanted and take what he needed in return. As he enters the dimly lit room he's greeted by his greek god of a boyfriend on his knees in the centre of the floor waiting for him so patiently. His grey sweater discarded, he presents himself in only his jeans and glasses knowing full well the effect it will have on Eddie. Steve’s eyes focus solely on Eddie as he slowly takes his leather jacket off and gently places it on the chest of draws. Eddie takes his time going purposefully slow which drives Steve wild, he wants Eddie and wants him now, he cant wait any longer. He wants Eds to rip him to pieces and put him back together again, to be completely engulfed by him and feel Eddie’s rage being thrust deep into his core. Eddie leaned up against the door allowing Steve a full view of the outfit he wore for the photo shoot. Ripped black denim jeans, shiny black Doc Martens, his signature guitar pick necklace and the pièce de résistance, a black mesh crop top leaving nothing to the imagination. Steve’s eyes dance over his body, every second spent staring makes him harder as he drinks in every inch of skin showing. His defined pecs, the tattoos that contrast so beautifully to his milky skin, the scars covering his torso and the tantalising strip of dark hair leading his eyes down to the bulge he wants to free from its denim prison. Steve is practically drooling and about ready to pounce on Eddie but he knows that's not the plan for tonight, no tonight he is Eddie’s plaything, his toy to use until every ounce of anger and frustration has exited his body.

After what feels like an eternity (it was barely 30 seconds) Eddie makes his way over to Steve, placing himself so his groin is mere inches away from his face. He takes Steve's chin and tilts his head up to look at him, he can see the desire clear as day in those beautiful big eyes. “Tsk, tsk, stripping without permission slut, do you need to be reminded of your place?” he teases, Steve nods in response purposefully breaking one of Eddie's rules in an attempt to rile him up more. “Words” he hisses as he tightens his grip on Steve’s face, he’s already pissed off the last thing he needs is a bratty Steve adding fuel to the fire. “S-sorry, please remind me Eddie”, before he can fully register what's happening Eddie is pulling him up to his feet and marching him over to the bed. Eddie places himself on the edge of the mattress, legs spread just far enough for Steve to stand between them. He leans back looking Steve up and down as a smirk spreads across his face, “Strip, underwear too” Steve goes to step backward to give himself more space to remove his jeans but Eddie firmly grabs his hips. “Oh no Sweetheart, you're staying here.” he chimes as he presses his fingers into Steve’s skin just enough to hurt a little. Staying where he was put Steve turns around so his backs to Eddie before undoing his jeans, bending forward to remove his clothing he feels a sudden pain on his ass. He immediately shoots upright and swings his head round to see what happened, Eddie is sitting there with a wicked twinkle in his eyes. “Did you just bite me?!” Steve shrieks, a small laugh escapes Eddie’s lips “How could I not? Your ass was right in my face and it looked so very tasty, besides I think it's very clear you liked it.” His hand ever so lightly grazes Steve’s rock hard erection, teasing him, they both know Steve isn’t going to get his release any time soon. 

With his hands back on Steve’s waist he guides him so he's stood to one side of him before placing his hand firmly in the centre of his back and pushing him forward so he’s fully bent over Eddie’s lap. “Now I think 10 spanks is a fair punishment for your behaviour so far tonight, don't you?” The thought of the impending punishment causes Steve’s dick to twitch, he doesn't like to admit it but he really does enjoy pain every now and then. “Yes Eddie” he responds, turning his face to try and look at Eddie.  “Oh, my boy has finally remembered his manners.” he coos before sharply delivering the first hit. Steve's hips buck forward and he bites his lip in an attempt to stop his moan being audible to Eddie. “Color?”, “Green” Eddie may want to use Steve and fuck him raw tonight but he was gonna make sure Steve enjoyed it too. Regardless of what scenario they were playing out they’d regularly check in with each other using their system.  “Good, now count them outloud, or is 10 too high of a number for your little brain?” His tone is condescending and he rubs small soothing circles over the site of impact. “ ‘s not too high, can count them for you” Steve’s words are breathy, longing to feel the sting of Eddie's rings against his soft flesh again. Eddie spanks Steve alternating between cheeks and having no rhythm to the hits so as to keep him on edge with anticipation. Steve counts out every hit and he can't help but writhe and buck with each sting, Eddie quickly uses his free hand to hold on to Steve’s waist and keep him still until all 10 hits have been delivered. 

“Took them so well for me, such a good little slut.” The praise goes straight to Steve’s dick and Eddie definitely notices the way it twitches against his thigh. He braces himself on Eddie’s thigh as he tries to stand up, his legs wobbling beneath him like those of a newborn lamb. He falls to his knees with a resounding thud landing in between his boyfriend's legs. The dull ache from the smacks, the fresh burn of the carpet scraping his skin and the desperate desire to cum, all causing tears to prick at the corners of his eyes threatening to spill over. It was too much and not enough at the same time. He peered up at Eddie through damp lashes, his eyes silently pleading with him for more. Eddie gently brushes his knuckles along Steve’s cheek taking just a quick moment to provide some comfort before taking Steve exactly how he needs to. “Seems like you’re a mind reader sweetheart, you fell exactly where I wanted you.” he teases as he runs his hand across Steve’s jaw until his fingers reach Steve's mouth. He presses his middle and index fingers to Steve’s bottom lip demanding entrance into the wet heat. Steve opens willingly and savours the feeling of calloused fingers pumping in and out, the digits dancing with his tongue as he laps over every inch of them.

Eddie pulls his fingers from Steve with a pop and chuckles as Steve whimpers at the loss. “Please” he whines, hands flying to grab any part of Eddie he can reach but they’re stopped before his fingers can even get close to grazing the man in front of him. Eddie’s large hands wrap around his wrists and hold them firmly in place, “Oh baby, so fucking needy! Tonight is about me getting what I want, what I need. And what I need is to fuck that pretty mouth of yours. Doesn't that sound like a great way for me to get some frustration out?” he cocks his head and a crooked grin pulls at the corners of his mouth. Reaching down to firmly place Steve’s hands on his thighs, their mouths get so close together that they’re sharing the same breath. He leans further into his space to whisper a single word in Steve’s ear, “Stay” a simple word that holds so much weight. Steve knows to obey lest he receive another round of punishment. He waits so patiently as Eddie stands to his full height towering above him, he stares as Eddie's long ringed fingers deftly undo the handcuff belt buckle and the buttons holding up his jeans. His eyes practically burn into Eddie’s flesh as his cock springs free, fully erect and teasingly glistening at the tip from pre cum. Steve licks his lips and salivates at the site of his long awaited prize, regardless of how many times he’s seen this perfect dick it always amazes him. The sheer length of it was impressive alone, then you mix in the girth and the way it curved towards the tip, oh that sinful curve, it’s enough to drive a man wild. 

Eddie carefully removes Steve's glasses and sets them aside making sure they're out of the way and aren't at risk of being damaged. He turns back to his boyfriend and cards his fingers through Steve’s silky locks admiring how soft his hair is before tightly grabbing a handful of it at his crown and giving a sharp pull forcing Steve to look up at him. Steve hisses at the pain but it's quickly forgotten as the floaty feeling of slipping fully into subspace creeps in. He absolutely delights in the times he gets to sub, loving the feeling of completely handing over control to Eddie, being able to just exist without worrying about anything and the beautiful fuzzy out of body experience of subspace that only heightens his pleasure. “Hands on my thighs, I don't want to feel them leave my body. If they do, I'll assume you're touching yourself and you will be punished.” He places his hands as requested and brushes his thumbs over the soft flesh happy to finally be permitted to touch. “Good boy, now eyes on me the whole time and if it's too much, pinch me, hard.” 

Keeping one hand in Steve's hair he uses his other to grab the base of his cock and tap the head on those rosy lips. Opening his mouth wide he flattens out his tongue and takes a deep breath before Eddie slides himself into him. He starts slowly at first, gently rocking his hips and staring into the hazel pools of lust below him that are framed by a deep crimson blush. The sight is too much for him and his hips snap forward and his eyes roll into the back of his head as his guttural moan fills the room. Steve gags slightly at the sudden hit to the back of his throat. He has no time to recover before Eddie starts his onslaught of thrusts deep into his throat. Looking up at the blissed out face above him fills him with pride as he knows he’s giving Eddie exactly what he needs. Eddie’s eyes flit back down to the man below him taking in the full sight of his man taking his length so perfectly. “Deep breath”  his sex drunk voice graciously giving a heads up and letting Steve know exactly what's coming. He’s incredibly thankful for the warning as next thing he knows the firm grip in his hair is pushing him completely flush against the dark curls at Eddie’s base. Taking a deep breath through his nose he’s hit with the full musk of Eddie Munson, the scent adding to the medley of his senses. His earthy yet sweet smell mixed with the taste and weight of him has Steve moaning in ecstasy. The vibrations travel through Eddie and hit his core full force causing the knot in his stomach to tighten with pleasure. 

Eddie pulls Steve off him with one quick tug of his hair, both men's breathing shaky and shallow. They take a moment to calm their breaths and Eddie’s grip loosens ever so slightly in Steve’s hair. Steve’s hands never leave Eddie’s thighs, he so badly wants to touch himself to alleviate the ache growing in his groin. But deep down he knows that waiting for Eddie to bring him to orgasm will be far better than anything he could do on his own. “Color?” he puffs aware of how rough he’s being with him and although Steve hasn't tapped out he needs to make sure that it's not too much. “G’green, v’very green” the raspiness of his voice sends shivers down Eddie’s spine and nestles deep in his heat. Deep in his blissful subspace Steve instinctively opens his mouth again ready for another round. “Show me how much you need me, put that talented tongue of yours to use” Eddie hums as he strokes the back of Steve's head. More than happy to comply, Steve sets to work on bringing Eddie as much pleasure as possible. He licks a long strip from base to tip along the thick vein running up the underside of Eddie's shaft before giving his tantalising head the treatment it deserves. Taking him into his swollen lips he swirls his tongue round the sensitive tip and laps at the slit eliciting a cacophony of moans and curses from the man towering above him. Setting a steady pace Steve slides his mouth up and down Eddie's erection using his tongue to add a light pressure exactly how Eddie likes it. 

It’s not long before Eddie reaches his limit and the knot in his core threatens to snap. Without a word he pulls Steve up to meet him and crashes his lips against him in a bruising kiss. Steve’s eyes flutter shut and he whimpers into the kiss, his jaw going slack allowing Eddie to push his tongue in and devour him. The kiss was harsh and needy, teeth clashing and hands exploring each other's bodies. Eddie slides his hands round Steve’s waist and picks him up before turning around and throwing him onto the mattress. Steve’s eyes shoot open with shock, his pupils blown wide and sweat beading on his forehead and pecs. Quickly grabbing a bottle of lube and a condom from the bedside table Eddie crawls onto the bed and positions himself between his boyfriend's thick thighs. He leans over him and starts to suck bruises down Steve's neck and onto his chest. Steve’s head falls back onto the pillow “F’fuck Eddie!” he wails, his nerves lighting up like fireworks as he’s finally being touched how he’s wanted all evening. 

Eddie splays his fingers and trails his hands up Steve’s torso until they reach his pecks. His thumbs flick over his already hard nipples, pinching and rubbing at them causing Steve to writhe beneath him. “ ‘m gonna fuck you so hard.” he whispers between sucking and biting and Steves flesh. His body presses against Steve’s cock providing some much needed friction, Steve’s hands slide under the mesh crop top to grip and claw at Eddie’s back. Eddie lets out a primal groan before tearing himself away from his boyfriend's body. He grabs the lube and goes to pour some on his fingers but Steve reaches out to stop him. “No, need you now, don't wanna prep”, Eddie’s hand speeds down and delivers a sharp swat to Steve's cheek.  “Since when does my fuck toy get to demand something from me?! You’re supposed to be getting rid of my anger, not adding to it.” There’s a darkness in his eyes and a passionate fury in his voice. “S’sorry Eddie, just need you” he snivels whilst delighting in the stinging pain radiating across his face from the point of impact. “‘S gonna hurt, you want that huh? Want me to hurt you Stevie?” Steve’s hand grips at Eddie’s forearm “Please Eddie, please!” he begs. 

Eddie removes Steve's hand from his arm and places it on the pillow above his head. He puts down the lube and grabs the condom, tearing it open with his teeth and carefully rolling down his shaft, Steve stares in anticipation. Picking up the lube he squeezes a large amount directly onto Steve's entrance, the cold gel causing shivers to travel through Steve. Grabbing his erection he slides it through the dripping liquid making sure to cover himself generously. Using one hand he grips onto the beautiful boy's hip to stabilise himself as he lines himself up and slowly pushes in. 

Having no prep means that pushing in is somewhat difficult, Eddie’s thick cock stretching Steve wide as he forces past the tight ring of muscle. It burns as Eddie enters but it’s what he asked for, what he needs, he is however incredibly thankful for the frankly obscene amount of lube Eddie used. Steve relaxes as best he can, knowing the more relaxed he is the easier it will be for Eddie and the less it will hurt for him. Eventually Eddie bottoms out and Steve lets out a blissful sigh at the sensation of being completely full, Eddie stills giving them both time to adjust to the feeling. But not one to waste a moment he leans forward and takes one of Steve's nipples into his mouth biting and sucking at the sensitive bud the stimulation leaves Steve mewling. After feeling Steve completely relax he starts thrusting into him, slowly at first, enjoying the warmth and pleasure of Steve’s velvety walls tensing around him. But it’s not enough he needs more and by the look on Steve’s face he needs more as well. 

“Hold onto the headboard and don't let go” he growls before grabbing the back of Steve’s thighs and pushing them up towards his stomach allowing him to get a better angle. Eddie’s new pace is relentless and every harsh thrust hits Steve perfectly in that sweet spot. The room is filled with the symphony of skin slapping against skin, harmonising moans and the practically religious chanting of Eddie’s name. All the pain of the unprepped entry slipped to the back of his mind and was replaced with pure ecstasy, after needing to be fucked all day he was finally getting what he so desperately craved. “So fucking tight, fuck, God fuck!” His fingers gripped tighter onto Steve’s thighs, his rings pinching at the tender flesh. Steve hopes he leaves marks, handprints seared onto him as a secret reminder that he can carry around with him. 

“So close” Steve’s voice barely above a whisper, his orgasm within reach as his mind floats deeper into another world entirely, focusing on nothing but the sensations of Eddie, being completely enveloped in him. Eddie lets go of Steve’s legs and stretches one hand wide to restrain Steve’s wrists on the pillow above his head and the other wraps around his throat. The rough calluses, caused by years of endless guitar playing, squeeze the soft sides of Steve’s throat. The lack of oxygen causing him to float ever deeper, well and truly in his subspace. He comes undone, hips bucking up towards Eddie. Eddie releases his grip on his throat and Steve screams Eddie's name as the hot ropes of his release spill onto his stomach and chest. 

Eddie doesn’t slow down his pace, he continues on chasing his own high. Tears fall from Steve at the overstimulation, he wriggles underneath him but Eddie has him firmly pinned to the bed. “Such a good l-little slut for me, m-my slut, say it!” He fumbles over his words, the knot in his core ready to break. “ You’re slut, n-no one else's, all yours” Steve breathy words tip him over the edge. His thrusts falter and the knot snaps, he collapses on top of Steve as his orgasm fills the condom. They lay there for a moment in silence revelling in unbridled bliss, their hot breaths dancing across sweaty skin. 

Eddie pulls out and quickly removes and ties off the condom before throwing it into the trash. He gently presses a sweet kiss to Steve’s forehead “Gonna grab you some water and a towel to clean up, I’ll be right back I promise.” he whispers into Steve’s ear, he gets just a small mumble in response Steve is still fully lost in his own head. He returns as quickly as he can and places the glass of water on the bedside table. “Stevie ‘s okay if I clean you up?” his voice is so gentle and full of compassion. Steve simply nods and Eddie sets to work gently swiping the cloth over Steve’s stomach cleaning him up as best as possible. He finishes up and collapses on the bed next to his man. He pulls him in close and strokes a hand through Steve’s hair and over his cheek. Steve snuggles into Eddie and sighs before allowing his eyes to flutter open. “Hey pretty boy you back with me?” He looks into Steve’s eyes and he swears he can see the entire universe in them. “H-hey handsome” his throat burns a little from Eddie’s earlier onslaught and the noises that forced their way out of him.

Eddie sits up on the bed and gently moves Steve to sit between his thighs, his back slumping against his chest. He reaches for the water, gives it to his boyfriend and encourages him to drink. Steve sips the cool liquid, it soothes him as it trickles down his throat. Once he’s done he sinks further into Eddie and reaches for his tattooed arms to wrap around himself. “How’re you feeling handsome?” Eddie asks as he places sweet kisses into Steve's hair. He nestles further into Eddie wanting to be completely consumed by his embrace. “I’m amazing, but, but how’re you? Not angry?” He can't help but giggle a little at Steve's question, it’s so genuine but how can he be anything other than happy right now? “No Sweetheart, I’m not angry anymore.” Steve can hear his smile, he intertwines his fingers with Eddie’s and without a thought Eddie starts rubbing small soothing circles over Steve’s knuckles. “Did I do good, was I a good boy for you?”, “Oh Stevie, Stevie, Stevie. You were perfect baby, so very good for me.” 

Eddie can tell Steve is tired before he yawns, He moves Steve so he’s laying down and quickly takes off his top before joining him and pulling up the covers. Steve turns to face Eddie and wraps himself around him like a Koala clinging to a branch. They lie there limbs tangled up in each other exchanging multiple of the most loving kisses. He smiles wide as he looks into Eddie’s eyeliner smudged chocolate eyes “So glad I could be what you needed”. Eddie smiles like a cheshire cat and his eyes twinkle with pure unadulterated love. “Maybe you’re students will piss you off this week and I can return the favour” “Oh I’m counting on it!” Steve chuckles, Eddie kisses the tip of his nose and squeezes him tighter. They stay linked together listening to each other's breathing as they drift off into the most peaceful sleep.

[senilthesynth]

Don't want to hijack any posts about KOSA specifically, though please please please if you are a US Citizen resch out to your senators AND representatives because it WILL eventually go through there, because this is more of a general thing that KOSA happens to fall under.

The TL;DR: One should always, ALWAYS, treat any bill claiming to be for ”protecting the children” as bullshit. They never EVER do what they claim they will. They're always a way to lock down spaces even more than before, and companies will always go with the strictest law to apply to everyone to make things easier on themselves. Do not trust them, fight them every chance you possibly get.

Just about every time a law claiming to "protect the kids" passes - or even that argument is used in general - the vast majority of the time it's made up bullshit designed to appeal to a certain group of people who will hate you for not supporting something meant to protect children. My home state had a bill (that I think passed, thankfully) re: expanding sex ed down into grade school. A TON of people freaked out, thinking they were going to be teaching eight year olds about anal sex or whatever (it was similar claims to that idfk).

They were, of course, dead wrong. You could literally look up the proposed curricula and grade school? Was focused around consent, asking permission to do things like hugging, that of stuff. The kind of thing that will actually protect children should they find themselves in an abusive situation, because they'll hopefully ALREADY KNOW that this is a scary person who is not asking them to do these things and you aren't saying yes to any of this. Hell, even saying no and realizing the abuser isn't listening could ring that alarm of "this is somebody not listening to me or my boundaries. I am being Abused" or something like that.

The thing the nuts claimed wouldn't protect children because they thought sex ed for grade schoolers would be the same as sex ed for high schoolers would, in fact, actually help children by virtue of education. Of knowledge. Of knowing what boundaries are, how to set them, and how to ask to do things.

The same shit applies with bills such as KOSA. The goal is never to actually protect children. It's to indirectly harm them by making knowledge access harder. In a time where libraries are actively getting slammed and underfunded, online resources and communities are sometimes the only vaguely safe outlet someone has. It might be the only way a queer kid out in rural flyover country finds solace in being queer, is able to freely be queer. "Protecting the children" (from those filthy queers) means gating off those spaces from people. From letting people find those spaces where they can be free.

Let's not forget the way this can easily gut activism work too. Often these bills are ways to delete spaces for the "outcasts" of society, and once one group of "outcasts" is dealt with, they'll find another. We've seen this "protect the kids" line when it comes to trans people (especially trans women), when it comes to drag, or any form of queer expression. "Cis white men holding hands in public" is seen as damaging to children.

"Protect the children" is effectively (if not outright) a dog whistle for "this law or whatever is actually meant to target a specific group of people, set of actions, etc. without us saying it does that because saying what we actually want to do would mean nobody would like this thing." KOSA specifically can and likely will gut online activism organization, gut queer spaces, black spaces, whatever kind of minority or leftist space you can think up of. It has the power to do that.

And its effects will almost certainly be felt globally, because again. Companies will go with the strictest possible approach, if not outright blocking access from places stricter than they care to manage. Twitter being affected by a bill such as KOSA will affect people worldwide because they have to comply with a strict as fuck law, and it's infinitely easier to apply the basics to every user they legally can (IDK about how GDPR plays into this specific bill).

There's a reason companies cracked down on queer groups after SESTA/FOSTA became effective in 2018 (which, FYI, is likely a large part of why Tumblr moderation routinely cracks down on queer people, trans women in particular!). Because queer people are, by default, seen as more "sexual" and whatnot, that those groups are more likely to get a company in trouble legally speaking. So, they try to suppress those groups as best they can without making it blatantly obvious (usually failing the latter part but they don't care).

"Protect the children" will only be used, and continue to be used, as a way to mask the actual intent. Bills like KOSA do not protect children. If they do, it's purely a coincidence. Their real goal is to crack down on whatever "undesirable" they want to send into hiding next. That's what it's used for. Is the internet, in ways, shittier than it was 15, even 10 years ago? Oh absolutely, and it was still shitty then too. I definitely found myself in spaces I absolutely shouldn't have as a kid. But the solution to that isn't to lock everything up real tight. It's a good education about these things.

Nobody told me that, if I ended up a little too sensual towards an adult, it doesn't matter if they didn't know I was actually 15 and I'm making the advancement and they had no way of knowing my age. They're still the person in trouble here. Mind you, I was just smart enough to stick to the sidelines, maybe make comments in stuff, but that was it. Nobody told me what to watch for, why things were maybe Bad, etc.

I was punished for *gasp* having porn (furry porn) saved to a deviantArt account that I had an app for. This did absolutely nothing for me. Nobody said anything about why it was bad (or could cause problems to the artist). I was just yelled at and grounded. "Protect the children" just results in that happening. In kids and teens getting punished for not knowing things that nobody would ever teach them because "they're so delicate, they aren't old enough to know this yet."

Fuck this "protect the kids" bullshit. Fuck this bill. Fuck every bill like it. Fuck every legislator who supports it. Fuck every court that even dares to uphold it. Fuck whichever US president signs it off. You don't protect children by banning drag or outlawing any form of transition before 18 or whatever. You don't protect children by removing their spaces online. You don't protect children by indirectly empowering their abusers by making sure they never know what they're going through is Wrong and Bad.

I'm pissed off that this needs to be said, that this is even a topic worth bringing up. That this is even NECESSARY to say.

[ateezivy]

nice meeting you

era: preebut ( 2017 )

where ivy meets her potentially new members...

olivia sat patiently in front of the staff members as they chat about scheduling and everything else, she wasn't really listening. she was too nervous to listen. the managers seemed to be strict, which wasn't anything new for her. it's the ceo's that always scare her the most. jyp was an experience like no other, and while she's grateful for it, she's glad she doesn't have to see the staff or jy park himself any longer.

"olivia," a mans voice booms in the meeting room as the door closes and opens. the girl immediately stands up and bows.

"hello sunbaenim" she says respectfully

"hello, thank you for coming" gyu-uk is a nice man. intimidating but what ceo isn't. "please, sit"

"thank you for having me" olivia smiled and sat down.

"of course, now, straight to business." the man chuckles "we are beyond happy to have to training here olivia, truly. so when we heard you didn't want to debut solo, we had a few different plans. first plan was to obviously have you debut in a girl group. and the second plan was to have you debut in a co-ed group with eight boy and eight girl. but unfortunately, the only four girls training here had ended their contracts. which leads to either a solo debut, or... you debuting as the only female member in a group of eight boys"

olivia was a little shocked to say the least. even though one opposite sex member isn't a new concept, it never really worked out in the past for other groups.

"will- will that even work out?" she questioned the older man

"we understand that past groups like this had trouble, however, you are already well known olivia. you are currently trending just for leaving jyp and coming to a smaller company. that alone gives everyone here hope that this idea will work. of course though, it is your decision. we just want you and the members to feel comfortable" the ceo gave her a smile, a very hopeful smile.

olivia thinks for a minute. "can i meet the members first?"

"of course. i believe they are at their dorms right now?" gyu-uk questions his staff members

"yes, they will be here for practice in roughly 20 minutes"

"okay, go ahead and give them a call, let them know that i need to speak with hongjoong-"

hongjoong?

"-and then she will meet all of them later today"

after the meeting, olivia was sent back to her lonesome dorm and began getting ready to meet her new potential members. meeting new people was always scary, but that was a fairly important part of this life she stepped into. within a couple of hours, a staff member came to pick her up in a van, with the ceo in the passenger seat.

"olivia! great news. i spoke to the leader of the group and he said that they would love to meet you and have you be apart of the group!" the ceo says cheerfully. olivia smiles and claps lightly as the car starts driving back to the kq building.

the staff, ceo, and olivia walk through the familiar halls and to the practice room. "this is where they are practicing, i will introduce you all and then let you all chat."

the girl nods and anxiously waits for the ceo to open the door "sorry to interrupt, but there's someone that would like to meet them" she stood behind her boss as he spoke with the instructor. she would glance around him, seeing a group of sweaty and exhausted boys. "you all get catch your breath a little first, alright?"

a chorus of yes' broke out through their panting. olivia stand there awkwardly, surrounded by multiple staff members before they finally walked in the door. the members all stood in a line looking confused, except a shorter member who smiled. that must be the leader.

"i thought hongjoong said we were meeting a new member?" one of the taller members asked the one beside him, the other just shrugged.

"gentleman, i'm sure you all know olivia, olivia this is hongjoong, the leader. jongho, hes the youngest, yunho, seonghwa, hes the oldest, mingi, wooyoung, yeosang, and san" they all bowed to each other and said their greetings.

"hello" the only girls in the room smiles at them all

"not to be rude, but i thought we were meeting a new member today?" the one named wooyoung asked after greeting her

"and you are, olivia will, hopefully, be your new member" gyu-uk says with a smile

seonghwa and yunho look over at their leader who has a proud smile on his face. "did hyung know?" yunho questioned

"of course" the boss man said "i will let you all socialize for a while, be nice" and with that, he left olivia to the wolves.

"welcome" seonghwa smiled and gestured the girl not to stand so far away "how long have you been at kq?"

"o-oh, just a week..."

she continues speaking with members when she overhears hongjoong and wooyoung's conversation. "hyung, we can't have only one girl be in our group, that's just not going to work."

"wooyoung, she is so well-known because of produce and i.o.i, this will help us in the long run."

olivia felt uncomfortable, like she wasn't wanted there at all. which she understood, she would probably react like wooyoung if she was him. "uhm, i think i should get going, but it was very nice meeting you all"

taglist: @atolua @skzfairies @itzy-eve @cixrosie @stopeatread @alixnsuperstxr @smh-anon

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey sex witch! This is a sex ed related question that’s a bit detailed if you don’t mind.

I’m an afab trans man. When I was about 13, I discovered gay porn, and for some reason could only become sexually aroused while holding in pee physically when I had these fantasies about being the penetrator. There is no psychological aspect to this; I do not have a piss kink, and I find the idea of holding a full bladder during sexual acts puts me off significantly.

Much later at 18, I had a revelation and felt desires for being penetrated, and experimented with it, but it went away after a while, and I no longer feel like it’s for me. Notably, however, I did not need to have a full bladder to feel sexual arousal in this case; in fact it did the opposite and made me less aroused.

I have been regularly holding in pee for years because of this. I identify as asexual and have a very limited libido, but I suppose I got used to doing it since it gives me free happy chemicals.

This is definitely not healthy and I don’t want to do it anymore. I also want to be able to experience arousal without that physical sensation. Is there anything I can do about it? Everything online is about how do safely have sex with a full bladder and that’s the opposite of what I want.

I guess I’m also curious as to how something like this can even happen; how can it be that a physical sensation is sexually arousing in one context but repulsive in another?

Sorry for this long ask, and thank you so much!!

hi anon,

I always feel like a bit of a shart when someone writes out a very long and detailed question and I reply with something comparatively short, but.

if you want to stop masturbating with a full bladder then the way to do that is to. you know. stop masturbating with a full bladder. if you're in the mood for that free dopamine go to the bathroom first and proceed from there.

it will absolutely feel different at first if you've really trained y our body into this, but habits are rarely broken without some amount of annoyance and discomfort. don't expect everything to feel exactly the same right away, and let yourself explore what masturbation can feel like without that particular type of stimuli. focus on chasing what feels good, but don't worry about results beyond that. orgasm isn't a sign of success; it's just one of many possible outcomes. if you want something similar that doesn't necessitate holding in urine, try practicing your kegels - tightening and loosening the pelvic floor muscles. if you're not familiar, they're the muscles you flex to stop peeing mid-stream, and are the same muscles that contract during orgasm. flexing them purposefully can cause all kinds of fun sensations.

as to your second question, about why something can feel good in one context and not another - well, the context kind of is the deciding factor there, and that's true of most things. why does food brought out from a restaurant kitchen look delicious but food laying on the middle of a sidewalk doesn't? why is getting bitten in a sexual context fun but a stranger biting me on the street would be horrifying? why is watching a scary movie fun but getting chased by a for real ghost would suck? different vibes, man. nothing is good all the time.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

For the fanfic directors cut, I would LOVE to hear any extra commentary you would like to share about Eight Nights. That is without a doubt one of my FAVORITE fics of yours! I've re-read it a few times.

Oh sure!! Eight Nights wasn't my first pwp fic but it was definitely the longest and most intense I'd ever shared at that point, so it was very much a technical challenge for me at the time.

So, whenever I sit down to write a porn without plot fic, I try to focus on one big emotional throughline. In Eight Nights, it's "safe surrender." I wanted to explore writing a still new and tentative dom/sub angle in a very well-established and loving relationship, with all the fun and exploration that entails. The biggest challenge with this particular fic was always finding a way to push a little past Ed's comfort zone as a guy more used to vanilla sex - writing scenes that are exciting but don't go too far.

If you look for themes throughout the fic, you'll notice a lot of Ed learning he really likes feeling safe enough to beg just to beg, even when he knows Stede is just going to let him beg fruitlessly unless he safewords. It's about the absolute mutual trust of it all, Ed trusting Stede to keep him safe and Stede trusting Ed to let him know if he needs to do anything differently.

My absolute favorite chapter of the fic, and the one that really helped the tone of the whole fic come together, was the one where they experiment with anal for the first time. I love that chapter. In the fic, Ed's had anal sex in the past, but he hated it and was always with guys who made it an unpleasant experience for him. So him trusting Stede enough to know he wanted to try it again, and the two of them learning that it could be something they could have a lot of fun with...that's it, isn't it? Taking something that had been scary and unpleasant but the love and care makes it fun now? Huge fan of how it turned out.

Also, my favorite little thing about this fic is that when Ed's being a brat Stede can always snap him right back into sweet submissive mode by jingling the bell on his collar. I just think that's really fun.

Ask me for a director's commentary on a fic!