#i hope ppl care enough to read the longer post

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Writing a piece on Miles Morales, Brooklyn and Trap Music

In literal tears at how trap music, aka the 'really really vulgar violent materialistic' rap music is actually like... The purest and most radical form of black art in the recent decades.

Like I genuinely think songs about guns and money and trap houses and diamond chains are incredibly radical because it's a medium made to appeal COMPLETELY and only to black people.

It's made to be so vulgar that it CANNOT be censored. You can't censor WAP. Half the lyrics would disappear.

Trap music and scary black music about guns and gangs and struggle and money and sex and excess - it all COMPLETELY rejects the white ideal. White morality and politeness.

That's why FOX hates it so goddamn much.

Black people openly saying "We're going to be ghetto and loud and sexual. And you're gonna drive the same cars as you. Live in your neighborhoods. NOT ASSIMILATE."

And I know most nonblack people may not take interest in it or might openly judge it but like.. it really is entirely radical and punk as fuck.

And it's a big part of where Miles and ESPECIALLY MILES!42 is from.

Trap music is like Miles!42. Unflinching, full of culture, intimidating to the uninitiated, and DOPE AS SHIT.

Nonblack people - scary violent rap music with 'bad morals' and gangs and stuff is not really scary and it's a vital part of our culture that is censored entirely from modern media.

That's changing and I talk about that in the post, and how ATSV is getting better at it - but we are in no way all there.

I know there might not be an interest in it but I love trap music as an art style and I hope that at least 1 person will be less scared when they hear music like that you know.

Like yes I genuinely think everything Cardi B has released is better written and more important than anything Ed Sheeran could convince ever.

A black woman singing about damaging sex and fellatio on a international scale is extremely radical and something only a black woman in trap music could get away with.

Like - they would not let Christina Aguilera say that. They are not gonna let say dick and pussy and actually put the track on an album censored or not.

Because sexism.

But black women can do it. And that's a radical act.

"But she calls herself a whore that's degrad-"

She's reclaiming a slur.

Trap and rap music isn't scary. It's actually radical simply by existing. And it may seem unrelated to ATSV and Miles -

But Miles and Miles!42 are black guys from NYC. Like... Come on. Trap Music is Miles!42 experience.

[lavend-ler]

tips on how to write cane user Neuvillette from a crutch user

Neuvillette uses a cane - and that's amazing! but increasingly I got worried that the portrayal of him being a cane user could be based on harmful stereotypes. hence I wanted to make a list on tips I can give as an irl crutch user

DISCLAIMER - this is in no way exhaustive list and I am no end all be all authority on this. I'm just a disabled person in fandom who is tired of ableism. of course this list can be used for other disabled characters but I esp wanna focus on Neuvillette (cause I love him)

Neuvillette is an occasional cane user (just like me) and that's totally fine. he doesn't have to use it all the time to be "disabled enough". he probably uses it during the days he feels worse

he holds cane in his right hand - that means it's his left leg which needs support (again, just like mine!)

a lot of disabled ppl are prone to the changes in the weather. I think it'd be interesting to keep in mind esp in Neuvillette's case

as long as we don't have the canon confirmation on what is Neuvillette's disability, all hcs are fair game. personally bc I relate to him I hc him with my own disability - arthritis

don't be afraid to portray him using his cane in combat. mobility aids are often used by disabled ppl not only as a support in walking but also in every day things. for example, he could be pushing buttons with it or helping himself while walking the stairs

bend the ableist stereotypes - make him use his cane and be badass with it. esp since he proudly uses it during his burst

canes make ppl more visible. don't fall into ableism and make characters only care abt Neuvillette when they notice him using the cane. if u choose to do so, make Neuvillette remark back, noticing how ppl treat him differently and unfairly

do not make jokes abt his cane. I have already seen ppl make jokes that he's an old man who needs to use the cane. it's disrespectful and unnecessary. don't bring up him being a cane user only when u talk how he's old

canes are very personal. even if others offer help or to hold it, Neuvillette would be against it

on that note DO NOT MAKE OTHERS CHARACTERS TAKE HIS CANE esp if u want to treat this as silly fun or even worse, romantic. Neuvillette's cane is his business and any character taking his cane from him would be extremally disrespectful

Neuvillette might have to take breaks between longer strolls to sit down and regenerate. again, sth that happens to me a lot

tho every character in Genshin has to be quite active, remember to portray Neuvillette to be relaxing too! he can be badass, active and strong and that won't make him any less when he's relaxing. I absolutely suggest u portray how he relaxes after the day and how he takes care of himself. maybe a calming tea or some ice packs - those are definitely great options for chief justice to relax and ease his aches after an eventful day

HERE is another post that focuses on more on experiences of mobility aid users. I find it very relatable and useful, it's a fantastic further read

hope these will be helpful for u! ablebodies please don't derail. other mobility aid users, feel free to add more things to the list <3

[allaboutmagic]

⭐Heads Up, Seven Up⭐

thanks @seastarblue for the tag!

rules: post seven(-ish) lines from something you're writing, then tag (or try to) seven people.

okay so, i played around with exploring feelings a little more which is why i wrote smth about heartbreak. the following is actually the beginning of a fanfic idea i had but i think its general enough to be used on this blog :) oh and its a little longer than 7 lines but i thought it makes more sense like this. enjoooooy

A broken heart is not romantic. Lying on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night is not romantic. Not being able to sleep or eat, being sad all the time and slowly but surely feeling like you’re going insane, is not romantic. Alas, a broken heart doesn’t care about romance which is precisely why that's exactly what's happening to Mary MacDonald right now. Is it wrong to think that her heart doesn’t care about all the hurt it's causing? Because her head knew very well how this was going to end though her heart didn’t quite seem to fully grasp the concept of breaking. Before, Mary was convinced that she had in fact experienced heartbreak before. That she knew the feeling intimately. She had survived and thus was able to conceptualize it. As it turned out, she really hadn't. And oh boy, how much that would cost her.

I don't have a tag list yet but pls feel free to write me if you wanna be tagged next time! Until then, feel free - open tag! I'm delighted about everyone who engages in any way whatsoever <3

However, @sableglass i'd love to read some of the stuff you've been working on the last couple of days :) and @laisley-writes I saw in your intro that you love writing dystopian themes, which is one of my favorite things to read! Maybe you also got a little something you wanna share :) I really hope you don't feel pressured with this! It was just smth that I kept thinking about <3

Oh and generally, I'm always grateful for any kind of productive and respectful feedback you lovely ppl have for me to keep improving my writing!

[kadextra]

after my previous post, I decided to read ahead of the manhwa now bc I can’t wait!!! and I kinda feel like writing down some liveblog thoughts here while doing it :D

here we go, starting from chapter 184

[ MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!! DO NOT CLICK if you haven’t ever read before. I’m so serious its a lot of spoilers. pls just ignore this and scroll on ]

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ummm dokja saying “oh this scenario will be fine! don’t worry i’m prepared this will be problem-free & so very easy haha :)” + getting all emotional about his friends is setting off my red flag senses so hard. dokja you still have the fate message praying on your downfall….

dokja I’m scared. Dokja I Don’t Like This

ah. hah. the demon king guy is literally dead on the floor 🧍awesome

damn I knew this couldn’t be trusted and some plot twist would happen it was never going to be that simple. someone has to take the position now. I hate you nebulaes how about you catch these hands

OH NO JOONGHYUK?? YOU STUPID IDIOT STOP

my boys are fighting o(-(

yo wait turns out the world won’t reset even if he regresses??? but still :( he won’t be able to see this to the end and will get stuck back in the loop :(( joonghyuk has changed so much from the start and I’ve grown to like him a lot he doesn’t deserve this I’ll cry

OF COURSE DOKJA GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF INSTEAD. ITS HIS FAVORITE HOBBY!

dokja’s self reflection of how the reason he survived all the tragedies in his life is bc of TWSA & watching how joonghyuk never gave up…. the whole “it’s because you saved me so now it’s my turn to save you” from a person directed to their favorite character and their favorite story which was their life companion…. honestly I don’t quite have words to describe the way these lines make me feel. it’s just profound and deeply relatable

gilyoung my poor son he doesn’t want his hyung to die 😭

sighs it’s too late. at least demon king dokja looks cool…. now the wings fanart I’ve seen in passing makes sense…..

he’s a goner

I am going to be completely honest. I genuinely expected to be reading more of an epic shounen-style final battle where he uses all the cool corrupted demon powers and maybe goes a little wacky because that’s usually what happens in stories when the protagonist unlocks an evil power and has to fight his friends. NOT THIS????????

the situation has zero hope and he is just standing there one sidedly taking hits from his friends who are forced to kill him. while guiding them on how to do it. smiling and offering them words of encouragement. this is so devastating I feel sick

URIEL MY BABY seeing her cry is the worst it’s torture

of course his stigma is called sacrificial will

STOP

THAT ARTWORK

THEY ARE HIS LOVED FAMILY…… HE LOVES THEM ALL N JOONGHYUK WAS YHR PERSON HE LOVED MOST I CALLED IT I want to hit something

im full on crying now

all the constellations messages of they don’t wish for his death I’m not strong enough

reading this feels like getting ripped apart limb by limb

NO WAY THE FVGTIFJFJCKN HELD BY THE NECK THING RETURNS A THIRD TIME LIKE THIS??? STOOOPPPPPPPP

uriel T-T

he died

demon king of salvation

need to just lay here for a bit

ok I’m back joonghyuk is disassociating from the grief. relatable

“What if Yoo Joonghyuk went back and there was no Kim Dokja? or what if Kim Dokja never acted like this again? Yoo Joonghyuk was afraid of something for the first time.”

“He met Kim Dokja in his third regression and they became companions. Then he lost Kim Dokja”

he cares for him so much

a scenario without dokja.

whag did I just read

-

UGH that was so good. emotional damage was an understatement now I get why ppl were warning me

why did I decide to do this in the middle of the night…. I need to stop now I’m tired but how am I going to sleep? im haunted with thoughts

it’ll take a bit longer for the manhwa to adapt this part but I’m honestly really glad I continued reading and got to imagine it all myself in detail first- it hit so hard. I’ll let it sit and take a few days break before I continue. excited to see how they adapt it into drawings and cry all over again cause this wound ain’t healing for a while

I have the need to recommend this story to all my friends and family

oh right!!!!

the other day I went through youtube animatics & saved some that I could watch when finishing certain chapters into a note (thank goodness most put a warning of when to watch in the first few seconds!)

since I finished 188, I get to watch this one :D

I just watched it

I cry myself to sleep

[gvtted-ratz]

read all our tags/ratings. they are important and give you all u need to decide if you wanna actually read or not. do not like the tags/rating? do not read.

FEM ALIGNING/IDENTIFYING PPL (unless mutuals/friends) DNI WITH OUR MLM WORKS. fem ppl can still request tho. respect our wishes or get blocked. yes we do read/check everything. we tag appropriately/use tags that go with our posts.

want 2 request? find the rules: here!

want 2 see all the fics? find em: here!

DATE NIGHT

Arkin O’ Brien x GN!Reader

Last Edited: 16/04/2024

TW: none

Anon: Short fluff fic of Arkin x reader? Maybe him taking the reader out on a date? please and thank you :3

Word Count: 962

AO3 LINK -> HERE

Notes: We know who sent that, and thank you for it. This is set before they go on the date but plan to go BTW. And yes, Arkin is 32 in this. In 2009, High Steward was 32 when he played Arkin and that’s all we have to go on for his age.

@rppik (editor/co-writer): I like my pathetic divorced Meow Meows UNWELL /lh /don't use that as my editor's note

You’ve known Arkin for a long time. You worked alongside him during his time as a contractor; you knew about his wife, Lisa, and little girl, Cindy. Finally escaping The Collector to find out that Lisa filed divorce papers after he told her to flee completely broke him. He loved his wife, despite her constant gambling and using Cindy as a way to keep him leashed, and watching her leave him after everything he had done to get back to them destroyed the man.

 You had been there throughout the whole shit show, providing as much comfort as you could. Your shitty flat became home to the recovering man, who slept on your couch more than enough times to leave an imprint. Hell, even your bed had become contaminated with his smell on more than one occasion; on some nights, you insisted he spare his back from sleeping on the old piece of junk. But you didn’t kick him out or turn him away. You couldn’t, not when you had seen the previous fights between him and his ex-wife, or how he talked about Cindy in such a caring way, clearly missing her more than air. You couldn't help but want to help the guy, with his unkempt appearance and dark shadows under his eyes being equal parts concerning and somehow handsome on him. And his witty comebacks always made your day, naturally, you had to admit his company wasn't one you minded keeping, even when he was close to hitting rock bottom some days.

You know he doesn’t care for himself like he should, not when he only cared about seeing his kid. With that no longer possible, thanks to Lisa’s papers and custody battle, he would be lucky to see Cindy at all or even get to call her. His will to get better or take care of himself in any way deteriorated rapidly after the decision was finalized; if it wasn’t for your encouragement to shower or eat a little bit, he would have wasted away in your living room.

Of course, you weren't above abusing your professional connections to help, too. An ask here, a bribe there, and the next thing you know, envelopes to small packages full of pictures of Cindy arrived at your work. You would then bring them home to give to Arkin as some sort of gift to show that his baby was okay. He never asked who you talked with to get the photos, and you never told him, either; neither of you minded crossing some lines if it helped. 

And it did help him– The life in the man started to slowly, but surely, trickle back into his being. His eyes seemed brighter, and he started to take care of himself a bit more. He’d even gone back to his previous job as a contractor. He didn’t move out, though, not that you minded him sticking around. To others, it might have been awful to have someone you had helped get back on their feet not go on to leave your home. For you, however, it was just another thing you had hoped would happen, coming to fruition. 

The man you’ve been pining after for years, a best friend and romantic interest, staying with you? While you should feel awful he had to lose his wife and kid for it to happen, you couldn’t help but feel glad in a way. All the same, you couldn’t help but want him to still have some sort of access to Cindy. He loves her, you know, and wouldn’t take that away from him for the world. Even if it meant using some favours on your part, to see him happy and becoming healthy was all you cared about.

At some point, your feelings for him became an open secret, as sharing a living space with the man meant that little could go unnoticed between you two for long; you had yet to breach the topic explicitly, however, knowing he needed time to recover from his previous relationship. It’s on a day both of you are off work that you spring the idea of a date up, if only to test the waters.

“It can be between friends if you prefer, Arkin. I just thought we could go out,” you tell him. You don’t want to force him into joining you if he really doesn’t want to.

“Depends. Where are we goin’?” He’s relaxed on the couch, looking at some of the blueprints for another bit of decor needed on a house he’s going to be working on soon.

“The museum. The one a few blocks away from the bar you used to frequent before that guy happened,” you reply, hinting at The Collector but not outright saying the mass-murderer’s title for Arkin’s peace of mind.

“Is it any good?”

“Depends,” is your answer, echoing his early answer in a teasing tone of voice. You can hear him snort in good humour.

“We can go. Let me just put away these papers. Do I have to dress up?” You give him a quick look over before shaking your head.

“You can dress down for all I care. As long as you have something to cover your muscles.” The pillow cushion that hits you in response makes you laugh. You couldn’t help but poke fun at the other.

“Alright, alright. I’ll throw on my shoes. But you can’t go teasing me like that, I’m too old for it,” he insists lightly.

“You’re thirty-two, Arkin! You’re hardly old, Asshat.” His laughter from your bedroom gets that warm feeling in your gut to curl up close to your heart. Yeah, you’re pretty lucky to have this asshat in your life, despite the circumstances that brought you two together.

[softxsuki]

Hello hello. 🌸

Its my first time requesting something so i hope im doing it right D:

(sorry for my bad english..)

Can i request a letter for the Valentines day letter event?

I need one with Chifuyu from tokyo revengers with a Fem Reader. Hes been my fave character since i watched tokyo rev for the first time.

I need some Comfort/fluff with him :(. We both go to highschool and we are childhood Friends. I got bullied and used alot and i've been feeling really lonely and sad lately.

chifuyu noticed that im not feeling so good, so he made a decision on confessing his love to me and tells me that i would never be lonley when we are together and that he would take care of the bullies when they dare to hurt me again. He leaves the letter on my desk after break.

A little more about me: My name is Yoona (or Yoonie), Im autistic and i have anxiety so its hard for me to be outside without my headphones on, i need them all the time. Without them ill get a panic attack when it gets too stressful for me. I also cry really fast, you just have to look weird at me and im getting teary eyes. T-T

I hope this is okay and enough.

Thank you, have a nice day and take care.🩷

Chifuyu's Confession Letter to His Childhood Friend

This event is now CLOSED, but you can view the masterlist for the other letters here.

| Pairing: Chifuyu x Fem!Reader | Genre: Fluff, Comfort | Post-Type: Letter | Word Count: 720|

Warnings: mentions of ppl picking on reader

Note: Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you enjoy you letter from Chifuyu :)

The last bell rings for the day, as all the students jump up from their desks and rush back to their homeroom classroom to collect their things, you included. What you didn’t expect to see though was an envelope on your desk. 

The hustle of students rushing to grab their things and run out of their classrooms to leave school continues around you as you take a seat at your desk and begin to read the letter;

Dear Y/N,

Happy Valentine’s Day. Perhaps this comes across as a surprise to you, or maybe even a little sudden…but I like you. I’ve liked you for a while now, I just didn’t know how else to say it to you so I thought maybe Valentine’s Day would be the appropriate time to do so.

Maybe you only see me as a friend considering we’ve known each other since we were kids, but I’ve looked at you as a woman for a while now. Maybe longer than I even realized myself.

I know you worry about people picking on you and all those people in the past who have used you, but I want to be there for you now as more than just your friend. I want to be the man you go to for comfort. I want to be your rock, your support system. I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you. 

You know how hard I’ve held myself back? I can’t help but stare at your lips when you talk to me, I’m just surprised you haven’t noticed yet. 

Please let me be the one to wipe your tears away when you cry. You cry so often, I can’t help but just want to hold you and kiss your tears away. I want to be your safe place, your lover.

So…if you’d like to give me a chance, meet me at our usual spot outside. I’ll wait there for as long as you need me too. But if this makes you uncomfortable, just throw it away and pretend like it never happened. I don’t want to scare you off or anything. See you soon hopefully.

Your hopefully boyfriend soon,

Chifuyu &lt;3

You smile to yourself. Idiot. How could he not know that you liked him back? You thought you made it pretty obvious, unless he thought that was just how you acted around everyone…

Sighing, you quickly collect your things to meet him at your spot outside the school. It was a large ginkgo tree that had the best shade in the summertime. Both of you made it your special spot to hangout whenever you didn’t want to go straight home after classes. 

Your heart thumps in your chest upon seeing Chifuyu sitting against the trunk of the tree, his face stuffed in one of his mangas. Your feet carry you towards him and you plop yourself down beside him with a grin, startling him.

“Hiya,” you beam.

“Hi,” he responds, the tips of his ears going red. He was nervous. “Did you read the letter?”

“I sure did.”

“And…?”

“And…I can’t believe how dense you are, seriously. Of course I like you as well. I thought you would have noticed by now, but I guess that’s my fault. It does take you a while to catch on,” you sigh, leaning your head on his shoulder, the weight of the day catching up to you.

A yawn escapes your lips before you look at him, “I just didn’t mention it really because I thought you wouldn’t feel the same for me.”

That gets him laughing as he wraps an arm around your shoulder. Guess you were both worried about nothing.

“Then is that a yes to being my girlfriend?” He asks, needing the confirmation.

You playfully slap his shoulder with a laugh. “Of course it’s a yes.”

He grins at that and presses a kiss to your cheek, despite how badly he wanted to claim your lips as well, he’d hold himself back until later on. You had just gotten together, he didn’t want to rush things. This was a new relationship he’d savor and enjoy.

Mentally he thanked the romance manga he had read to help prepare him for this moment. It had worked out perfectly and you both couldn't be happier.

Posted: 2/14/2024

[gojoest]

I'm still so tired, jet lag is a real thing 😭

Went to japan last week, this was actually my 2nd time. The first time was when I was still in uni, about 19/20 years old? Which was a while ago 😅

If anyone is planning to go japan, do NOT go during september or the summer if you cant handle humid heat. It got as high as 36°C and it was unbearable! The sun is so hot and air was so thick 😭 Nearly died, I've never used my asthma pump so much before lol

Anyways, enough about that! I was lucky enough to visit 3 cities! Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto ✨

In Tokyo, visited the Meiji Shrine, went up Tokyo Tower, went to a jjk0 themed cafe, tbh this was kind of a let down. It was just a cafe with like the official cafe photos plastered on the walls and themed food. I was expecting it to be more like those kpop group cafes with standees and like a table of official merch to take photos with. I did buy a satoru acrylic stand and a keychain gacha. When I opened the gacha pack, it was CHIBI SATORU 😭💙💙💙💙 I was so happy! Made the whole trip worth it ✨ Also went Shibuya Crossing! Last time I went, it was already busy back then but omg, this time, its waaaaaaay more busier! Like the streets were full, there were no gaps in between people. You just had to keep moving to your destination (No wonder kenjaku chose this place 😭)

In Osaka, went Dotonbori, Denden town, and Sumiyoshi Shrine. Idk if you know about this very popular store called Don Quiote, but Bruno Mars is promoting it, and he has an ad/song that plays on tvs throughout the store. It was so random to see him but then again, he does have that Las Vegas debt to pay off 🤭🤭

Kyoto 💖 This place has my heart 🥰 Its so beautiful and relaxing. So easy to travel, everyone there is so lovely, the food is delicious, the landmarks are breath-taking. If I ever go back, I would stay there longer. I visited the famous Fushimi Inari Shrine, Tenryuuji Temple and Kiyomizu-dera - which the tokyo jujutsu tech college is (supposedly) based on!

I had such a great time! Spent so much on food and souvenirs, I am now broke, but worth it 🤣

I hope you've been doing well Ai, I saw some posts about someone/some people bothering you. Don't let them get to you, you're such a lovely person, I can't even imagine why they would send hate to you. Always put yourself first, and if that means taking breaks from tumblr or turning off anon, then do what you need to. Be selfish, and take care of yourself before anyone else.

If you ever decide to permanently turn off anon, I will literally make an account for satorus soft cock anon to keep interacting with you 🤣

Love you loads girl 😘💙💙💙💙

- satorus soft cock anon

i hope you were able to rest beloved, i can only imagine the toll it’s taken on your body :( but on the bright side, you’ve made so many precious memories!!!

i will note this down! i love summer and i usually don’t have issues dealing with heat but humid heat is an entirely different story 😭 glad you’re safe and sound though, please take care of yourself 🥺🤍

i want to visit japan so bad, the two cities i’d die to see are tokyo and kyoto and reading about your experience there makes me all the more excited >~< (side note, you’re a lucky one for getting chibi satoru waaaaaaah, it must be fate actually and not luck, i swear!! he was meant to be in your possession heheh)

i am sitting here, reading and vigorously taking notes of what to see and where to go AHAHAH i am so happy for you, glad you had such a lovely time there and thank you for dropping by to share your experience and impressions 🤍

i have been well! i appreciate your kind words so much, you and other lovely ppl like you make being here worth it all the more! love you and sending the biggest ever hug your way 🤍

[boydepartment]

jayjay i meant to respond to you ages ago...

i felt Hot Tea With Honey was the perfect length!! i never have much of a preference for length and you always seem to make it a good length 😘

healthy teasing is literally my love language!! but i feel like healthy teasing irl is kind of rare sometimes..i hope you only get healthy teasing from now on 🥲

it's so sad how much people misunderstand riki ☹️ when i actually got into enha i fell for riki immediately and then as i went looking for content about him i saw the things people were saying about him 🤬🤬 i was so mad. like do people actually think belift would post content where a member is ACTUALLY and ACTIVELY bullying and being mean to another memeber? riki is literally so sweet 🥺🥺 and playful 🥺🥺 fr fr my ideal type

i will always come back!! it's not about being good enough! it's about your stuff reaching the right target audience (MEEEEE) many people have varying ideas on what's good or not. i've seen a lot of people talk about being careful with whose advice you take with like writing and stuff. i love your stuff and anyone that doesn't is wrong should read something else!!

i write time to time but my relationship with writing is still in the healing process and most of the time when i have an idea i come to you 👉👈

XO🧈XO

p.s. please tell me you haven't tired of writing friends to lovers yet i don't think i can resist requesting another friends to lovers for much longer

HIIIII BUTTER BUTTER i was just thinking abt you yesterday

i’m so happy you liked what i wrote for you :3 i’m never tired of writing friends to lovers!!!! so pls request whatever you’d like!!!!!

i need healthily teasing so bad LMAO i’ve only had ppl make like borderline mean comments thinking it’s healthily teasing. IDK HOW PPL THOUGHT RIKI WAS A BULLY. like the second he noticed oh i shouldn’t be saying this- he immediately cleaned up his act. that’s what’s important

i’m so glad my writing can connect with you and you come back. it’s really nice knowing what i put out there means something to someone. so thank you for giving me the privilege of having an audience 🫶

you can always come to me with your ideas my dear ❤️ and healing takes time.

i am proud of you <3

can’t wait to hear from you again

[hauntedthoughtz]

Sober pt.2

On 15th Jan 2022 I posted on here saying I wanted to be completely sober by the end of the year… and last week I got my 1 year sobriety chip from my amazing AA group 🥹

Deciding to go to AA has genuinely become one of the best parts of my week now. It's nothing like u see on tv, they're the most wonderful ppl that share stories that leave me feeling so less alone in this world.

It’s funny bc I always wanted to go to AA meetings but I felt like I wasn’t “enough of an addict” but I bought Russel Brands recovery book and read how he talked about “switching one addiction for another just to escape from it all”, and I was like holy sh*t that’s me!! whether it’s drink, drugs, food, sex etc anything to just escape from the pain of this reality.

so I went to my first meeting last year and they welcomed me with open arms and the more ppl I meet and the more stories I hear, the more I relate to everyone, and it really has changed my perspective on life. I’m just so grateful the universe directed me here and for the first time ever I’m happy to be alive.

Life ain’t easy and I had a bad week last week and I felt hopeless again. But I went to a meeting today and someone shared almost exactly how I felt, sharing raw emotions and the pain they felt. It was met with so much advice, amazing advice, that ppl give bc they care and understand how it feels. At the end of the day we are spiritual beings borrowing this human body and connecting through energy. We are stronger together. The energy is stronger together and there IS hope for when things get bad.

I no longer feel the need to escape from reality, but I know I am not “cured” and this feeling can come back again but I’m trying my best and that’s all we can really ask for, isn’t it?

Today I’m feeling blessed. 🫶

[moku-youbi]

(VOTE WANGXIAN)

This whole poll is giving me lots of thoughts on fandom and what can legitimately be said to be influential on fandom as a whole, and what is regional/generational/cultural etc. For example, there are a plenty of sasanaru fans talking about how important it was in the early 00s for online queers and I'm just like "???" because this queer was def. terminally online in that time and in my late teens/early twenties during this period, and even as someone super into anime and manga, I never watched/read naruto, and was only tangentially aware of it. Even my group of younger friends (4-5 years younger, my little bros best friends, almost exclusively queer and majority Japanese) who were more into it weren't *big* fans. We were way more invested in Death Note, Fruits Basket, InuYasha, etc. Of course, this poll is at least in part about *lasting* impact, since it's drawing from the most popular ships on AO3. And some older ships have the benefit of having a huge number of fics created in the pre-ao3 days still being moved over, but they also need to have people still writing in them and keeping them relevant. (In a way, Spirk and MSR have an edge over other older fandoms, in that both ST and TXF continue to have reboots, spinoffs, and new episodes, but that's a topic for another post).

A couple of years ago, Hannigram would've handily beaten Sasanaru in their poll, because our fandom was fucking huge and rabid and were hoping that by showing our passion and numbers, we might get a renewal (ot, but I heard that Hannigram fans were assholes in the comments on that poll, and though I didn't see it, sorry to hear it guys :/ we got plenty of harassment in the past, but that doesn't make it okay to pay it forward on you). Same thing with Drarry or Viktor/Yuuri in their respective heydays. So Sasanaru at least stood the test of time--either retaining enough of the diehard fans, or gaining enough new to keep it relevant--but does it make it the most influential? When there are so many ppl of the same generation who've never consumed it? Who would outright avoid it? Same questions about Wangxian. They are My Ship and I will go down with them, lmao, but I think it's pretty obvious from all the "who dey" comments on their various polls, there's a huge part of fandom completely unfamiliar with MDZS and CQL. (btw, go watch on Viki or borrow the books from your library or find on amazon and change your life with our amazing fandom content for real, I will never stop talking about how good the story is, and how superlative the fic written for it is) Of course, even still their impact on AO3 is still felt, through the tag limit and not being accessible in an entire country. But still. For the people who've never seen it, and relate more to one of the other fandoms, why do they care? If they aren't in China, they aren't feeling the impact of the loss of AO3, and most of them probably aren't actually hitting the AO3 tag limit.

These are just thoughts rolling around in my head, when I see people saying things like "remember your roots." I need to order my thoughts a bit more and make a longer post. But I guess what it boils down is to "my roots are not necessarily your roots." Sure, here in the US, we see ourselves as a giant mycelium network, with Star Trek forming the roots, and then big branching off-shoots from there, with The X-Files being one of the major ones. But it's not global. Fans in other places around the world might have taken clippings and grafted aspects of our fandom onto theirs, added the /, use the word 'ship,' but that was added on to what already existed--it didn't uproot what was already there.

AO3 Top Relationships Bracket - THIRD PLACE

This poll is a celebration of fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

[bowl-of-shortness]

Narrative Foils

I always loved the concept of these two being narrative foils to each other, so here have a drawing of Cinder and Qorbyn until I can post the next chapter

Heads up: chapter 23 (24) of Vendetta is taking longer than what I expected, mainly because I can’t seem to write this chapter in a way that makes me happy.

So I plan to write it out and rewrite as many times as I possibly can. (Reminder: I’m doing this without a beta reader because of my own issues)

I hope y’all can stay patient a little longer, sorry for not having a consistent update schedule. That is, if anyone actually cares enough to read my fic besides my friends :/

Ik my friends can stay patient bc they’re banger ppl like that.

In the meantime, enjoy this piece of art that took me a good month to draw on and off because my motivation has been thrown into the drain

Reblogs are better than likes

Do not repost

[bestiesenpai]

youtuber Sukuna pt2

I wonder what things will happen in this part? I hope there's sparknotes, I don’t feel like reading all these words…

Content warning: *more* mean internet comments, Sukuna doxxing ppl(idk if that needs a warning?? But just in case)

part 1 --- part 3

Being a Youtuber was a lot more work than Sukuna thought it was. When he’d picked you up early in the morning, he wasn’t expecting you to come out with such a fancy camera and microphone. You looked cute as all hell too, hair styled nicely and your outfit was perfect for a day at a countryside cafe.

“Thanks for driving!” You said, climbing into his car and smiling at him. Sukuna could smell your perfume  as it wafted off your body and he immediately felt the urge to buy a bottle as well and spray his pillow with it.

“S’no problem.” He muttered, driving off as soon as you were secure. He’d looked up the place beforehand, reading their menu over and over so he’d know what to order. Slowing down at a red light, he glanced over at you taking pictures.

He wished he could ask you to send them to him so he could save them in the never ending folder he had, but he couldn’t. It would be weird, you weren’t exactly close, and it’s not like you shared any pictures anyway.

“Hey Sukuna, what’s my contact photo on your phone?” The question came out of nowhere and he looked at you in confusion.

“Contact photo? You don’t have one.”

“What, really? I’ll send you a picture then! And add a few cute emojis with my name.” Well, that was easy. He wasn’t expecting you to offer to send him a picture, but he wasn’t going to decline it.

“Okay, I will.” Turning his attention back on the road, Sukuna turned the radio on to fill the silence. “Should I...send you a picture of me?” He had the perfect picture in mind to send you, it was a thirst trap he’d snapped post-shower after a really good day at the gym. A towel hung low on his hips and he still had a few droplets of water on his skin and dripping down from his hair.

“Yes!”

The drive to the cafe was quick and easy, not a lot of traffic early in the morning. The sun was just beginning to settle in the sky and the dew on the grass was fading. The cafe you’d chosen was in a small countryside town, barley fields just a few yards away and farmers with their dogs walking by.

“This the place?” Sukuna asked, pulling into the small parking lot in confusion.

“Yup! I’m so excited!” Hopping out of the car, your camera was immediately put to work filming the surrounding area. It was peacefully silent all around you, the only sound the occasional breeze or dog barking in the distance.

Panning the camera to yourself, you took a quick couple breaths and babbled a few times before speaking properly.

“Hi everyone, as you can see we’re in a different place today! Me and Sukuna are at a cafe in the countryside that I saw online and fell in love with. Say hi Sukuna!”

“Hi.” He was standing at the edge of the lot where a field of wispy tall purple grass started. He waved dumbly, feeling like a dumb kid taken to Disneyworld.

“This is the name of the cafe…” Turning your attention elsewhere, you filmed the rest of your intro. Once again, Sukuna was amazed at the proficiency at which you did things and how smoothly he knew the shots would look.

Looking at the cafe on the outside, it didn’t look like anything special. It was a wooden and concrete building with two large windows. He could see the minimalist decor and furniture inside was wooden as well, probably handcrafted by someone in the town.

“All finished, let’s go in.” Waving him on, Sukuna jogged to be the first to the door to open it for you. Filming as you walked in, when Sukuna entered, he still didn’t understand the hype you’d placed around it.

The air smelt like a strong tea and the humidity was definitely higher. He was right in thinking that all the furniture was handcrafted, all the chairs and tables had a rough quality to them only achievable with a human touch.

“Look, this is what I came here for!” You were standing right at the dessert case, pointing your camera at whatever you were looking at.

“Why is it...?” Sukuna looked at it in confusion. There was an airbrushed cake shaped exactly like the peach emoji sitting in the case with a realistic leaf and stem as well and you looked inexplicably happy over it.

“The owner makes these cakes herself, and she’s doing a cute emoji series!” Bouncing on your heels, you tugged on his sleeve. “I’m totally getting a slice, what’re you getting?” Suddenly, the research he’d done the night prior meant nothing as he looked at the cake.

“I have no idea.”

“You’ve got time to think about it, I’m gonna ask the owner a few questions for the video.” Leaving him at the case, Sukuna saw you go up to the owner waiting at the counter from the corner of his eye. Since the two of you were the only ones here, he could hear your excited voice gushing about the cakes and decor.

Fifteen minutes later, you and Sukuna were seated right in the corner of the cafe, where the two windows intersected on the building. Not one for sweets, Sukuna got a plain poppyseed muffin and a hot tea; the cafe didn’t serve coffee.

Setting up the camera on the table next to you, you took a bite of your cake and loved it, immediately singing its praises to the camera. Sukuna ate as well, trying not to be too stiff as you spoke.

“Sukuna, you should try this too!” Holding up your fork filled with cake, you held it out to him.

“Hm, okay.” Grabbing your hand as well, he expected you to let go of the fork. But as he guided it to his mouth, you didn’t, and you were staring right at him as it went into his mouth. “Why ya staring?” He mumbled, feeling his ears burn.

“I need to know if you like it.” Sukuna didn’t let go of your hand as he chewed and you didn’t make a move to remove it either. You were too focused on his reaction to care, waiting on the edge of your seat for him to say something.

“It’s a peach flavored cake.” He nodded, snorting when you motioned him to say more. “It’s too sweet for me, but if you like it then I like it.”

“Good enough for me!” Finally you pulled away from him and put the fork down, turning to the camera and pointing in his direction. “Can you believe Sukuna doesn’t like sweets? He’s like an old man, he only got a muffin.”

“Please, could an old man deadlift almost 300lbs?” Sukuna scoffed, slapping his chest and flexing his arm.

“That’s so much! You have to train me some day Sukuna, I wanna lift that much!” Your shocked face made Sukuna smirk and he flexed the other arm as well. Your wide eyes got even wider, bouncing between both his arms.

“Anytime, (Y/N).” Sukuna felt confident enough to wink at you, and he saw the way your face faltered at it. Ducking your head away, you pretended to fiddle with the camera, the tips of your fingers shaking slightly.

It was afternoon by the time you finished in the cafe, walking out into the warmth of the sun. Looking out, all the land surrounding the cafe was flat, covered in fields of barley or tall grasses.

“Hey Sukuna…” There you were, touching the purple grass with your fingers.

“What?”

“Will you take a few pictures for me? For Instagram?”

“I don’t think I’ll be any good.” Sukuna barely knew how to take pictures of himself let alone another person.

“That’s okay, just try your best!” Putting another camera in his hand, you grabbed his wrist and tugged him to join you deeper in the field. “That camera is pretty simple, just point and click.”

“Alright.” Holding it up, he immediately snapped a picture of you.

“Wait for me to pose!” You laughed. Sukuna chuckled as well, and when you were ready, he took the pictures. He took as many as he could, clicking the button over and over.

“Take a look.” Twenty minutes later he was handing the camera back at you. Looking through the pictures, you instantly burst into laughter.

“Sukuna, why’d you take a picture of the sun? My head is in the corner, it looks like a toe!”

“I told you it’d be bad!” He couldn’t help but laugh as well. You really did look like a toe in the corner of the screen.

“Oh my god, I’m taking you to a photography class, some of these are too much.” Giggling your way through the rest of the pictures, you put the camera back in his hand. “Let’s take a couple together!”

Sukunas heart leapt for joy. He would be able to take a picture with you. It felt like he was a fan of yours and not someone you knew on a personal level.

“You’re gonna hold the camera, your arms are longer.” Flipping the viewfinder up, you slided up to Sukunas side. He muttered something unintelligible, too busy looking at the two of you together. He could almost imagine you were a couple.

“Sukuna, hold the camera like this.” His hand had gone limp, casting a bad angle on the two of you.

“Don’t face that way, the light will make you look bad.” In one of the pictures, you’d changed poses.

“I know you only take serious gym pictures but smile for this one!” His face had dropped down to a scowl, his normal resting face. After who knows how long, he was finally free from taking pictures.

Wandering back to the car, it was silent as the both of you settled in. You were busy looking over the photos and Sukuna was busy watching you from the corner of his eye.

“Anything else you wanna do here?” He asked after a while of pretending to look on Twitter.

“Mmmm, we can drive around some more! I don’t really know what else is out here.”

Sukuna drove you through the countryside town, marvelling at the farmers and all their animals. You stopped to get a couple handmade candies from an old man, and Sukuna made sure to pick up some food that wasn’t just sweets for you. Eating at a small restaurant, when you hit the road again it was nearly evening.

Driving back in near silence, somewhere along the way you fell asleep. Your head rested against the window, jostled a few times by the road or a turn. Sukuna couldn’t help but look at you any chance he could, and although he felt like a major creep, he couldn’t stop himself from taking a picture of you.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding.” Sukuna groaned as he got closer to the city, coming upon a wall of traffic. Far ahead up the road there was an accident that wasn’t going to be cleared away anytime soon.

“What’s up?” You asked with a loud yawn, stretching out your arms and legs as best you could.

“Traffic.” Leaning his head out the window, he let out another groan. “Might as well put the fucking car in park.” Shifting the gear and sinking low into his seat, Sukuna sighed. It’s not that he hated traffic, but he wanted every moment of this outing to be perfect, and this was seriously hindering it.

“Do you want me to send you some of the pictures we took together for your Instagram as well?”

“Yeah, send ‘em over.” At least Sukuna could stare at the two of you together to pass the time. The amount of pictures you sent him was seemingly endless and included a few he didn’t know you’d taken of him eating and looking out the window.

“How long do you think we’ll be here?” You whined, kicking your feet out in boredom.

“At least an hour.”

It was quiet for a few minutes, the sound of the radio and other cars around you filling the background. Sukuna could see you fiddling with your phone, opening and closing apps. He could see you getting antsy.

“I’m already so bored.” There it was. Your pitiful whine accentuated with your head pushed back. Sukunas fingers itched to reach out and squeeze your cheek, it was glowing from the sun. “I think I’m gonna get on Instagram live or something so I can complain more.”

Laughing at your honesty, as soon as you went live Sukuna got the notification on his phone. Your head was tilted away from him, only your side of the car showed. Waving at the camera a few times, you smiled really big.

“Hi everyone! I’m stuck in traffic!” Your eyes flicked across the screen, reading the many comments coming in. “Hm, what do you mean who’s car am I in? I bought this car!”

“Liar.” Sukuna mumbled with a cheeky grin getting bigger when you tried to hide your own chuckle.

“I swear I bought this car!” You couldn’t keep the lie going, and broke down in giggles the more Sukuna looked at you. “Alright, I’m in Sukunas car.” Panning the phone out, he saw himself on screen.

“Hi.” He waved, reading the comments asking if you were on a date. “Don’t you remember from the last live? We aren’t on a date we’re filming some fucking vlog.”

“It’ll be up soon! You’ll all really enjoy it, Sukuna was a great guest.”

“The best.” He nodded along. You responded to a few more comments, but there were some that kept coming up.

‘(Y/N) kiss Sukuna’

‘(Y/N) kiss Sukuna’

‘(Y/N) kiss Sukuna’

“Stop spamming that fucking message like a weirdo.” Sukuna finally snapped. You had done a great job at ignoring the comment, but it was all Sukuna could see on the screen. “You’re gross to ask us to do that.” But Sukuna did wish he could kiss you. Ever since the first comment came through, he’d taken glances at your lips as you spoke.

“Oof, don’t make Sukuna mad, he’ll kill you.” You teased, and your hand went out to squeeze his arm. “He said he can deadlift almost 300lbs, so watch out.”

“That’s fucking right.” Flexing his arm proudly, Sukuna nearly put it around your shoulder, faltering at the last minute and landing on the center console with a thud.

‘It would be kind of cute to see them kiss…’

‘I bet Sukuna can’t even hug (Y/N)’

‘I bet after today they’ll come out and say they’re dating!’

Now all the comments were talking about the two of you dating, and how cute it would be if you really were. Biting his lip, Sukuna watched your reaction closely. Truly he had no problem with the comments, he wanted them to be true as well, but if you were uncomfortable he was ready to put everyone in their place.

“Gosh you guys ship us so hard.” You seemed okay with it, your face wasn’t tense and you were still making eye contact with Sukuna. “Are you going to subscribe to my channel if I kiss him?”

“What?” Sukunas eyes widened and the comments poured in promising life long dedication to you if you went through with it.

“Alright.” Setting your phone up on the dashboard, you turned to Sukuna. “I’ll be quick, okay?”

“What?” He parroted. His hands were getting clammy just thinking about it and the look in your eyes wasn’t helping. With a nervous lick of his lips Sukuna leant forward and had just begun to pucker his mouth when you loudly kissed your palm and pressed it to his cheek.

“There! I kissed Sukuna!” With a big grin on your face you kissed your hand again and put it on him. “I did it twice! Now go subscribe!”

“What the hell.” Sukuna mumbled to himself, feeling like an idiot for thinking you’d really kiss him. He spent the next fifteen minutes in a stupor, vaguely replying to comments and trying to get over the embarrassment he felt.

Dropping you off nearly an hour past the original time, when Sukuna got home he buried his face into his pillow and let out a short yell. The biting shame he felt at almost making himself a fool in front of thousands of people was still fresh. He knew there’d be fancams of the moment just waiting for him. A buzzing on his phone pulled him out of his thoughts.

(Y/N): you need to send me a picture for your contact photo!

That’s right, the picture. Sukuna didn’t even need to scroll that far to find it, it was in his favorites. Sending it to you without a second thought, he didn’t even have the mind to check your reaction. Leaving his phone on the bed, he rushed to the shower to cool off.

When he returned, there were a flurry of messages from you waiting to be read. Most of them were unreadable keyboard smashes and a few emojis.

(Y/N): SUKUNA!

(Y/N): you can’t just send me a picture like that!!

(Sukuna): why?

(Y/N): you know why!

He could practically hear your flustered little whine.

(Sukuna): enlighten me please

(Y/N): SWSGMLU

(Y/N): you’re such a bully!!

(Sukuna): haha sounds like someone's embarrassed

It was a long few minutes before you replied and Sukuna could see the typing bubbles appear and reappear several times.

(Y/N): I’M GOING TO BED

(Sukuna): you that tired? it’s only 9pm

(Y/N): YES GOODNIGHT

(Y/N): BYE BULLY

(Sukuna): lol goodnight then

In a week, the vlog was up and Sukuna made his debut into the world. He rewatched it several times over, in awe of how well you’d captured the countryside and translated it to video. He even screen recorded some parts, like when he was flexing for you, just to replay your reaction over and over.

In the weeks following, Sukuna watched your channel grow exponentially. Your number of subscribers wasn’t small, but it was nowhere near his, yet you made the leap to over a million and a half practically overnight. And with that new success, came a lot of pressure.

You’d recently taken up streaming, and Sukuna was at every single one. He had made a Twitch account just to watch you and he subscribed immediately, blushing when you read out his name and personally thanked him in a text a few minutes later.

Entering your stream as soon as it started, Sukuna was ready to sit and watch you do whatever. Usually, you played a game like the Sims, but sometimes you’d cook or put makeup on for a stream.

But this time was different. When your face appeared on the screen, you looked down. Almost as if you’d been fighting back tears. Immediately, Sukuna grabbed his phone, ready to call you and ask what was happening.

“Hey guys.” He could hear it in your voice that you were sad. It warbled and broke, and you sniffled a few times.

‘(Y/N) why’re you crying??’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Did something happen? You can tell us, we’re here for you’

“No, don’t worry everyone it’s just…” A stray tear fell down your cheek and you wiped it away with a shaking hand. “I-I- just-” You quickly broke down crying, turning your chair completely away from the screen.

Sukuna was swiftly dialing your number. He had no idea what was wrong, you hadn’t told him anything was wrong, but he needed to know. He was prepared to go to your house if you needed him to.

“I’m okay, I promise.” Feverishly wiping your tears, you turned back to the camera. Taking several deep breaths, you didn’t look at the camera as you spoke. “I’ve just been getting a lot of hate comments recently and you know I always ignore it but-” Your voice caught, and Sukuna was glued to the screen. “It’s just been a lot honestly.”

‘(Y/N) WE LOVE YOU’

‘PLEASE DON’T CRY WE’RE HERE FOR YOU’

‘I bet it’s all of Sukunas fans, they’re so fucking gross’

‘Totally Sukuna fans, all the real fans love (Y/N) and would never do this’

“N-no, don’t blame Sukuna! He can’t control what people say!” It was totally his fans and he fucking knew it. His call had gone unanswered two times, but on the third time you answered. “Hello?”

“Put me on speaker.”

“But-”

“Put me on speaker!” He demanded. Sukunas blood was boiling, rage rolling over him in waves.

“Sukuna’s calling, I guess he has something to say.” Holding the phone close to the microphone, you kept wiping away tears.

“Listen here you insignificant dirtbags, stop leaving shitty little hate comments on (Y/N)s stuff. You’re all fucking piss poor losers who can’t even wipe your own asses, probably jerking each other off in a pathetic circle. Go get a fucking job, worthless pieces of shit. Don’t think this is something you can get away with either, I’m going to make sure you fucking regret the day you were born.” His voice was dripping with so much malice it scared you. While Sukuna was used to talking like this, you’d never heard it in person and you could tell he meant every word.

“Thanks Sukuna, but you don’t have to-”

“Tell me who they are. Where’d they leave the comments?” Angrily setting up a shitty webcam he had, Sukuna was preparing to do a livestream himself.

“I don’t know…”

“(Y/N).” Taking a pause, he stared at the screen. You were worrying your lip as you stared at your phone while the comments begged for you to tell him.

“Alright. Most of them are under the vlog we did together, and there’s a lot under my most recent Instagram pictures.”

“The ones with us together too?”

“Yeah, those are the worst ones.”

“Keep me on the line.” Sukuna had never been this angry in his life before and it showed in his actions. He was slamming things down in a rush to set up his stream and letting out frustrated noises in the back of his throat.

“Sukuna, what’re you doing?” You’d gotten your emotions under control enough to stop crying, your glassy eyes shining in the light of your room.

“I’m setting up my own stream.” Just as he spoke, his face appeared on the screen and he was live. “Tell everyone to send me screenshots of the hate comments, I’m going to teach these assholes a lesson.”

“I think they heard you.” Indeed they had. The phone was still close to the microphone, and now there were comments pouring in telling Sukuna they’d send links through his stream.

Clicking on almost all of the ones that popped up, his screen was bombarded with pictures of people leaving hateful comments on your posts. Many were saying that you didn’t deserve to be alive, to be so close to Sukuna, and many called you ugly or other mean names.

“Let’s see what this fucker looks like.” Going to one of the profiles on Twitter, Sukuna nearly spat on his screen looking at it. “This ugly sack of shit wants to leave some mean comments? Well it’s your lucky day bitch, you’re the first one to go.” It took Sukuna all of five minutes to find the person's Facebook account where they posted more personal information.

“Oh, that’s a pretty high brow uni you’re going to! It would really be a shame if I sent an email to the dean.” Sukuna said mockingly, already typing up a long email. “You’re not gonna be studying to be a doctor any fucking more. Have fun digging ditches bitch.”

Sukuna’s stream easily went from 200 viewers to nearly 40,000 just in the time it took him to dox the first person. The next one was even easier, and it snowballed from there. Sukuna had no qualms about sharing this personal information, from their addresses to their personal phone numbers to where they worked.

“You really don’t have to do all this.” You kept saying over the phone. You’d ended your own stream to calm down, but you didn’t hang up the phone.

“Yes I do.” Sukuna replied instantly. “People have no respect for others, it’s fucking gross. If they think they can get away with this they’re idiots.” So many comments were egging him on as well, with a lot of people promising to harass everyone exposed until they apologized. “I hope every single one of them loses everything.”

“Sukuna…” With a sigh, you sat back and watched him do it. There wasn't anything you could say to stop him, he was on a warpath and intent on causing harm. Eventually, you had to hang up the call as it got well into the night and he was still going.

“Keep sending the fucking links, I can do this all night.” Sukuna repeated several times, fighting off sleep. His eyes burned from staring at the screen for so long and his back had begun to ache but he wasn’t about to stop now. There were still so many people that had to pay.

After nearly eight hours of streaming himself doxing people, he finally stopped after his channel got banned. His manager had emailed as soon as the sun rose, frantically screaming at him to stop what he was doing or he could get sued.

(Sukuna): tell me right away if this happens again I’ll handle it

He texted you right after getting banned. His body hurt from exhaustion, he could truly pass out at any moment.

(Y/N): I will

(Y/N): sukuna...thanks for doing all that. It really meant a lot to know you care about me

(Sukuna): Of course I care about you

Sukuna was about to type out that he liked you, of course he did all of that and risked himself getting sued because he liked you and never wanted to see you cry again. Almost admitting to how he wanted nothing more than to give you a big hug, but stopping himself at the last moment.

(Y/N): you’re such a good friend Sukuna, thank you

(Sukuna): you’re welcome

It hurt to be put into that category, in the friendzone. It made his tongue curl in disgust, a rancid place that he wanted no part of. People that were in the friendzone were spineless and too weak to just confess their feelings - and Sukuna seemed to be one of them.

After that incident, you went on a break from all social media and Sukuna began to patrol your comments sections. He actively posted that he would start doxing people again if they said anything bad, citing all the damage he’d done to the previous victims. Sukuna had gotten what he wanted, all the people he exposed suffered in some way, most losing jobs and friends.

On a run to the grocery store, Sukuna was listening to a podcast you’d been on. He missed the content you posted, and while he did text you sporadically about Youtube stuff, he didn’t feel comfortable messaging you about anything else. His mind always stopped him, questioning him on if what he wanted to say was really worth your time.

“Hi Sukuna.” Standing at the bread section, Sukuna nearly jumped into the air hearing your voice pop up next to him. There you were in a baggy hoodie and sweats, looking every part an unnoticeable member of society.

“(Y/N)? W-what’re you doing here?”

“Hm? I’m shopping.” You chuckled, showing him your handbasket.

“Right.” Nodding slowly, Sukuna eyed you up. Your eyes were still a little puffy and he could see they were red as well. You looked tired and worn down, not your usual happy self. “Hey (Y/N).”

“Yeah?” You were unprepared for the heavy arm that landed around your shoulders and even more at being pulled into an embrace. Sukuna hugged you to his chest tightly, squeezing the back of your hoodie in his hands.

“I…” He could feel you relaxing into his arms, heaving a deep sigh like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. “Don’t feel sad anymore.” Sukuna seemed to have a habit of saying the things he wanted to say in the worst way possible. What did that even mean? To tell you not to be sad anymore instead of offering something else, like his friendship, during this time. He wanted to tell you he’d be here for you.

“Thanks Sukuna.” Hugging him back just as tightly, he could hear you sniffle a few times. The hug lasted for a while, just standing in front of bread, and a good two minutes passed before you started to unwind yourself from him.

Keeping a loose arm around you, Sukuna kept you close, searching your face for any hint that you would possibly start crying. Your eyes were a little misty, and your lower lip quivered just a little, but you sent him a smile that made it all better.

“So, what’re you getting?” He asked, attempting to be casual.

“Well, I’m actually done shopping now and I just saw you standing here.” You admitted with a chuckle. “I know it’s been a while since we last spoke properly.” The last message you’d sent to each other was about a sim card two days ago.

“Don’t worry about it, you were going through stuff.” Shrugging his shoulder, Sukuna grabbed the bread he wanted. “I don’t want you to force yourself to talk to me if you don’t want to.”

“Sukuna, I want to talk to you more though! I know we only talk about Youtube stuff but I want us to be better friends.”

“Really?” Nearly crushing the bread in his hands, Sukuna quirked a brow at you.

“Yeah!”

“Well...alright then.” That made him really happy, like really really happy. You wanted to pursue a stronger relationship with him and while it wasn’t a romantic one like he hoped, he was still ecstatic on the inside.

“I have to go, but can we video call later? I have some things I wanna ask you.”

“Okay.” Giving you a brief wave, Sukuna watched you walk out of the aisle and out of sight. A silly smile stretched his cheeks at the thought of your call later, and it stayed on his face the whole way home.

Later that night, Sukuna was diligently waiting for your call. He kept his phone glued to his hand, something he didn’t normally do, just in case you called. At nearly 7pm on the dot, you called and Sukuna answered right away.

“Hi!” You weren’t in the baggy clothes anymore, it looked like you were in pajamas sitting on your couch.

“Hey.” Sukuna was sitting at his computer doing editing, so he didn’t have to worry about you seeing the lack of furniture in his home. All you had to look at was a blank wall behind him. “So, you wanted to ask me something?”

“Mhmm! I was wondering- well first, Sukuna do you watch anime?”

“Anime?” His face twisted up in mild disgust. “No, that shit is fucking lame.”

“Sukuna!”

“What? I’m not that much of a fucking loser to like anime.” Rolling his eyes, he immediately envisioned a man in his mothers basement jerking off to pixelated tits. “Why? Do you watch it?”

“Yeah…” Now you were embarrassed, and it showed on your face.

“Fine, you’re not a fucking loser.” Propping his phone up on his desk, he tipped his chair back and looked at the ceiling. “At least, not a total fucking loser.”

“Sukuna!” Now you were laughing at him, and he smirked at you. “You’re so mean, you know that?”

“Hey, that’s my brand ba-” He was about to call you baby, the word catching thickly in his throat. Luckily, he stopped himself and slammed his chair back down on the ground to cover it up.

“Well, now I don’t know if I want to ask you my question! You’re gonna say no right away.”

“Tell me.”

“No!” Shaking your head hard, you panned the phone up to your ceiling. “You’re definitely gonna bully me!”

“Who knew you were such a baby?” There, he’d called you baby like he wanted to. Not in the context that he desired, but he still got to say it.

“Am not!” Glaring at him, you exhaled shortly. “I was wondering if you wanted to come to this anime convention with me? It’s happening downtown in a few weeks and I’m a guest on a lot of panels this year. I want you to come with to help film stuff for me so I can make it into a highlights reel for my channel? As sort of a comeback video since I’ve been gone for a while.” It was amazing how you’d managed to say all of that so quickly without taking a breath.

“A convention?” Sukuna had only been to fitness conventions and a few that his manager made him go to.

“Yeah! And I wanted to know if you watched anime because I wanted to see if you’d cosplay with me!”

“Cosplay? What the fuck is that?” It sounded stupid.

“We would dress up as characters from an anime! Have you heard of demon slayer?” No, he hadn’t and his silence told you as much. “Look up Nezuko from demon slayer, that’s who I’m dressing up as!”

“Fine, one sec.” Quickly typing it into his computer, Sukuna’s brow rose seeing the character. “You’re gonna dress up as some BDSM girl?”

“It’s not BDSM!”

“Then why does she have that thing in her mouth?” What else could it be for?

“That’s because she’s a demon and they don’t want her to eat people!”

“God that’s lame.” Looking between his phone and the computer, Sukuna tried to imagine you in this outfit. It was cute, a cute pink kimono with a little hair tie and sash. The more Sukuna looked at it, the cuter it got. “But on you it’ll be cute.”

“So will you dress up with me?” You asked immediately, your eyes shining with excitement. “I already know what character you’ll be! There’s a boy named Inosuke that-”

“No way, save your breath. I’m not dressing up.” Doing a quick search of the boy in question, Sukuna let out a snort. “And why do you want me to dress up as someone with a boars head on? You saying I’m ugly?”

“You don’t have to wear the head!” The opportunity was quickly slipping through your fingers at seeing Sukuna cosplay. “It’s ‘cause you’re so fit and so is he! And you’re pretty similar too.”

“I don’t care if he was my twin.” Shaking his head, Sukuna closed the tab and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll tell ya what, I’ll come to this thing and take all the videos and pictures you want and in exchange, I won’t dress up.”

“Wait, how does that logic-”

“Just go with it. Now send me an email about the thing and I’ll clear my schedule.” Waving off any further questions you had, Sukuna quickly got the email for the convention. It was about two weeks from today, and it was going on for the whole weekend.

“So, do you think you’ll be able to make it?” You asked tentatively, worrying your lip.

“Of course.” Sukuna would definitely need to do some serious schedule rearranging. “I’ll pick you up like last time, just let me know the time.”

“You’re the best, Sukuna!” You smiled big at him and Sukuna smiled back. Maybe during the convention, he could show you he was more than just a friend.

When the day of the convention came, Sukuna got ready bright and early to pick you up. The sun had only just settled onto the horizon and he was chugging coffee before leaving.

“Hey.” You yawned loudly as you got in his car, still clearly half asleep.

“Cute.” Sukuna said in response. You looked absolutely adorable. The pink kimono looked good on you, the sash accentuating your waist well. The little green gag he’d seen earlier was hanging around your neck, and you had a cute pink ribbon in your hair.

“Hm? You like it?” Shuffling around, that was when Sukuna saw how high the slit was on your outfit, coming high up on your thigh. His eyes were glued to the skin that showed, unable to look away.

“I do.” He whispered, glancing at you briefly to see your eyes were closed.

“That’s good, I spent a lot of time on it.” Putting your seatbelt on, you yawned again and pointed lazily out the window. “To the convention!”

It was a short drive to the convention, and you were some of the first people there. With a badge around his neck, Sukuna followed you into the hall. You weren’t carrying the bag of camera equipment you’d brought, Sukuna insisted on carrying it so it wouldn’t ruin your costumes aesthetic.

“We’re here really early to get pictures! I booked with a professional photographer, and my pictures are going to be used as promo for a few brands here today.” You explained as Sukuna followed you into a room with a full photoshoot set up.

“Okay.” He was completely lost watching you begin to take pictures. After chugging an energy drink, you hopped straight into it. Sukuna made sure to watch the photographer closely, looking at the computer as the pictures popped up to make sure they weren’t indecent for you.

Nearly an hour and a half later and you were finally done. Sukuna had begun to film some parts of it for you per your request; his job as videographer started now.

“The convention hall is open now to everyone, it might be kind of overwhelming to see all the people out there.” You told him as the photographer was packing up.

“Eh, I’ll be fine.” With a shrug of his shoulders, Sukuna left the room and stepped out into the main hall. Immediately, he knew you were right. There were so many people already milling around dressed in costume, most from shows and games he’d never seen. The only readily identifiable characters for him were from Nintendo.

“Told you it was a lot.” Bumping him with your shoulder, walked out into the convention space. If Sukuna didn’t stand right behind you, he feared he would lose you in the crowd. There were other people dressed up as the same character and he couldn’t trust himself to differentiate between all of them.

Filming a little bit of walking around, Sukuna could hear and see people looking at him in shock. It wasn’t unknown that Sukuna had a distaste for anime and the whole culture surrounding it. Some of his most popular videos were him making fun of people at the very same thing he was at now.

“E-excuse me, (Y/N)?” A young teenage girl approached you, nervously fiddling with her phone.

“Hi!” You waved, immediately seeing her phone. “Do you want a picture?”

“Yes, please!” The girl's nerves quickly dissipated at your question, but she still looked scared of Sukuna.

“How about we take a few selfies?” Sliding next to her, you put an arm around her shoulder and posed. You and the girl took a numerous amount of pictures, and when she left she had a happy blush on her cheeks.

“Is that gonna happen often?” Sukuna asked, watching the girl disappear into the crowd.

“Yeah, sorry! I posted that I’d be going to this for the second and third day and a lot of people said they were gonna ask for pictures.” Rubbing the back of your head nervously, you sized up Sukunas face. “Sorry if it annoys you, I know it can be kind of tedious.”

“I don’t mind. Let's get going.” With a casual shrug, Sukuna walked to where your first panel was. He stayed off to the side as you talked to the organizers and other guests, feeling awkward that he couldn’t hold a conversation on whatever it was you were talking about.

The people soon filed into the panel, filling the seats and whispering excitedly about you and the other people sitting at the front of the room. Some of them noticed Sukuna and whispered about him too.

Ignoring them diligently, Sukuna filmed your panel from the back of the room. He didn’t need to worry about picking up any sound, you were speaking into a microphone. All he had to worry about was capturing good angles for you.

He did this for a few more panels as well, slowly getting more comfortable with people noticing him there. He even waved at a few fangirls that saw him, their faces erupting in a scarlet flush and giggling silly.

“We have almost two hours before my next panel, do you want to grab some food? I’ll pay.” Waiting in the back of an empty room, you tried to reach for your bag that Sukuna had slung over his shoulder.

“No, you don’t have to pay.” Pushing your hand away, Sukuna kept you at arms length.

“C’mon, you have to let me pay! You’re doing so much for me already!”

“Nope.” You tried to struggle past him and grab your bag, but Sukuna was strong enough to keep you at bay with one arm. “Fine! But I’m buying you a plushie later!”

“Whatever.” With the matter settled, the two of you left the room. Almost as soon as you came out, there was a loud gasp from a few people outside the door.

“Oh my god, your Nezuko is so good!” One of them shouted. Sukuna eyed him up, a young man dressed with a strange green and black checkered overcoat.

“Thanks!” You replied, fiddling with the edge of the brown one you were wearing. “I spent ages on getting everything just right!”

“Y-you’re (Y/N)! I didn’t think I was going to see you today!” Another man had on a similar getup to the first, but he was clad in yellow and orange.

“It must be your lucky day!” Laughing a little at his shocked face, you quickly noticed the third man standing there. “Sukuna look, this is what I meant when I said you should dress up as Inosuke!”

“Huh.” He looked at the shirtless man in front of him. The guy was muscular enough, not nearly as much as Sukuna was though. The brown pants he wore were too baggy for Sukunas liking, but he could see the way you were looking at him.

“Can we get a picture please?”

“Of course!” You quickly got in the middle of the three of them and crouched down, throwing up peace signs and smiling brightly as they took the selfies. Sukuna was watching all of their hands, making sure no one touched you or got too close.

“Sukuna, will you take a group picture for us?” You asked, already handing him a phone.

“Yeah.” You didn’t really leave him with a choice and it’s not like he was going to say no to you anyway. It was harder to keep track of just where these men were putting their hands, and every so often Sukuna would look to make sure that the hand placed on your back stayed there and didn’t go any lower.

“Thank you so much!”

“You’re the best, (Y/N)!

“Bye, please tag me in the pictures if you post them!” Waving cutely at them, you walked away. “Ah, that was so much fun! They were so cute!” Gushing about the pictures, you didn’t notice Sukuna had a vein throbbing in his forehead. He seriously wishes he’d dressed up in that dumb costume with you so you could feel the same way about him.

Quickly eating some fast food - much to Sukunas disgust - you were back in the convention hall. There seemed to be even more people here than before milling about. Gripping the back of your top, Sukuna made sure you didn’t get too far from him in the crowd.

“Let’s go check out the merch!” Leading him to a larger space in the convention center, your eyes sparkled looking at all the different vendors spread out. “Sukuna, is there anything you want to check out?”

“Not really.” The only thing he could see that he knew were some overpriced candies. “I’ll just follow you.” And that he did. You stopped at nearly every booth, rejoicing about how cute something was and how much you wanted a certain figure. Sukuna offered to pay for whatever you wanted, but you staunchly refused.

“Sukuna, which one’s your favorite?” Coming upon a booth filled to the brim with different plushies, you crossed your arms and squared your shoulders. “We aren’t leaving here until I buy you a plushie!”

“I don’t need one.” Not only would it ‘ruin’ his tough image, he didn’t like those things to begin with.

“Yes you do!” Stamping your foot childishly, you pointed at them. “Pick one!”

“Who knew you could be so mean?” He teased back with a flick to your forehead.

“Shut up.” Puffing out air, you grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to the booth. “I’ll even help you decide.”

“O-oh.” You were holding his hand. You were definitely, 100% holding Sukunas hand. Your two hands were squishing his one in your palms, shaking it side to side as you looked at all the choices before you. How was Sukuna supposed to pick something when you were holding his hand so close to your body? He could feel the tips of his fingers graze your sash every couple seconds.

“What about this one?” You pointed your hands to a brown bear with a giant body but a tiny head.

“What’s wrong with the head?” He looked concerned at the doll.

“It’s supposed to be like that!”

“I- okay.”

“Do you like it?” Looking at him hopefully, you squished his hand even more. “It’s so cute, you have to get it.”

“Let me see it.” Picking it up with his other hand, Sukuna stared at the unmoving, smiling face of the bear. Squeezing it in his hand, Sukuna let out a short sigh and put it down. “Alright, I’ll get it.”

“Yes!” Letting go of his hand, you rushed to grab your wallet before he could stop you. “Make sure to send me a picture of you with it!”

Right after you finished paying, Sukuna nearly demanded to buy you stuff as well. He’d seen the way you were eyeballing the figures and some books, and he wasn’t going to be the only one to leave this part of the convention hall with a souvenir.

The bags he was carrying were definitely heavier now when you left to go to your next panel. They put a little strain on Sukunas arms but he wasn’t about to let you carry anything and quickly ducked back to his car to put it all away.

Right in the middle of your next panel, Sukuna ducked out to go to the bathroom. He was keeping well hydrated during this whole day and it was surely catching up with him now. Wandering the halls, he eventually found a bathroom to use and on his exit, he noticed a sign for something called an ‘artists alley’.

“Let’s check it out.” Here, there were people selling things but they were clearly fan made. There were paintings and pins, stickers and fan art everywhere. Wandering between the vendors, his eye caught on a particular booth.

“Sukuna?” The person gaped when he walked up but he wasn’t paying attention to them. On a cork board above them was a moderately sized drawing of you, dressed up in an all red get up.

“How much?” He pointed at the drawing, looking at the red cap you had on that matched with the red jacket.

“The (Y/N) x Cells At Work fan art? It’s $35.”

“I’ll take it.” The artist was clearly surprised, scrambling to grab the drawing and put it in a protective sleeve. “Keep the change.” Sukuna slapped 40 down and turned away. “Oh, and don’t tell anyone I was here.”

“O-okay!” They shouted after him. Sukuna kept the drawing close to his chest and when he got back he quickly hid it in his bag so no one would notice. He started filming again like he’d never left and you didn’t question him on it when it was over.

“Man, I’m so tired!” With the convention over hours later, you all but collapsed into Sukunas car. It had indeed been an eventful day between speaking at panels and taking pictures with countless people.

“Yeah, I’m beat.” Sukuna agreed, taking a moment to sit in silence in the driver's seat. He hadn’t expected to be so tired after today. He’ll have to prepare better for tomorrow.

Driving you home, both of you were like zombies as you departed. Sukuna didn’t even have the heart to properly disrobe when he got home, collapsing into bed with the plush you’d gotten for him still in his hand.

The next day was just as hectic as the day before, the word had gotten out that you really were at the convention and now more people swarmed you in between panels. Sukuna took the pictures for all of them, giving any man that wanted one a harsh glare before he started. He was easier on the younger girls, but he still made sure that they didn’t try to flirt with you or anything. No one could be fully trusted.

“Sukuna, I forgot yesterday but we need to go to the artists alley!” You exclaimed in shock, grabbing his upper arm. “They have such cool stuff!” Oh, Sukuna definitely already knew about it. The drawing he’d bought of you was hanging in his room, by his full length mirror so he could see it whenever he wanted.

He pretended everything was brand new to him, acting as if he’d never seen the pins before or the stickers and tote bags. Coming upon the artist he’d bought from yesterday, he noticed there was more fan art of you there.

“Oh my gosh, that’s me!” You giggled happily, pointing to yourself drawn as a Pokemon trainer. “It looks so good!”

“Thank you so much (Y/N)!” The artist gaped, clearly shocked to see you here. “I-I studied all of your pictures so I could get everything just right!”

“You did a great job!” The two of you went on and on about the drawings and other paintings that were there. Sukuna wished he could chime in and say that he really liked the art he bought yesterday, but there was no way he was explaining to you that he bought a drawing of you as a red blood cell. He would rather die.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, all the panels going by so fast and melting into one another. He didn’t feel the same exhaustion as the other day, but Sukuna was definitely still tired as he walked to the car.

“Sukuna, thank you so for this weekend, it really means a lot!” You were the happiest he’d ever seen you. The footage he’d filmed for your video perfectly captured all the good parts of the convention, with several shots of your smiling face with fans and other panel members. “How can I repay you?”

“Well…” There was something he’d been wanting to ask you for a while, ever since he saw you in costume. Today was the last day of the convention and subsequently the last day you’d be wearing this costume. “Can we get a picture together?”

“What? We never took a picture together?”

“No.” Sukuna chuckled at your surprised face. Rushing to his car, you set up a little stand for your camera on the hood of his car.

“Okay, let’s take some!” As soon as Sukuna was standing next to you, you wrapped your arms around his middle in a tight hug.

“W-what’re you doing?” Immediately, his face began to blush.

“You deserve a hug, Sukuna, you’ve been amazing.” Sukuna could barely breathe. Not because you were holding him firmly, but simply from the fact that you were hugging him of your own accord. His hands were shaking slightly as he moved to hug you back, grinning shyly at the pleased hum you let out when he did so.

The drive home left a bittersweet feeling on Sukunas tongue. He was glad it was over so that he didn’t have to wake up so early and deal with the gross crowds of people. There weren’t potentially disgusting men and perverts trying to take upskirt shots of your costume or grope you that he had to worry about.

Stopping at a light though, he realized how much fun he had as well. Listening to you talk and share your opinions on the panels was interesting and getting to hear others talk to so passionately as well had made him interested in a few shows. He knew you’d be ecstatic to hear that he could potentially get into anime, and Sukuna knew that at the next convention, he’d dress up for you. He also loved the bear you’d bought him even though that was something he’d never admit.

“Thank you again Sukuna, seriously.” You squeezed his arm as he pulled up to your house.

“Don’t mention it. Let me help you with the stuff in the back.” You’d bought even more things today than yesterday, mostly for friends and family that couldn’t make it to the convention. Gathering all the bags, Sukuna walked them to your door and wandered right into your apartment.

“You can put them all near the couch!” Closing the door behind him you quickly jogged over to the couch to help him with the bags.

“Whoa, your place is nice.” It actually looked like someone lived here as opposed to Sukunas place that looked like an upgraded jail cell. There was a fluffy rug on the wall and a few cute figures and small plushies on shelves, you had plants hanging down from the ceiling and it smelled vaguely floral. There was also a space dedicated to fan made art and gifts, with some fresh flowers sitting in a vase.

“Thanks! Maybe we can film a video here someday!”

“Definitely.” Mumbling dumbly, Sukuna was vaguely aware of you staring at him. “What?”

“You’re such a good friend, Sukuna. I can’t thank you enough!” Again, you hugged him. Burying your face into him, you shook his body side to side before quickly letting go. “Anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask!”

“Hey that’s my line.” Patting you on the head, Sukuna let a dumb smile spread his cheeks. He truly had the most fun ever with you, and for a moment he could pretend that you were a couple and that he was going to spend the night here, cuddle up with you and talk about all the dumb little things happened the past few days.

But he wasn’t dating you and his daydream only lived a few seconds before he made his departure. Going back to his own home, as Sukuna stepped inside he got a notification that he’d been tagged in a photo.

It’s one of the ones you’d taken together where you were hugging each other tightly. Your smile was genuine, showing all your teeth. Your eyes were crinkled at the corners, looking at Sukuna’s kind of surprised face with an indescribable warmth.

‘I love my friends’

That was the caption you’d put with a simple heart emoji after. There were people in the comments asking if this meant you were dating now, begging for you to admit it so they could say their ship sailed. Reading the caption over and over, Sukuna bit his lip to contain the feeling spreading in his chest.

‘I love my friends too’

He commented. And one day, he promised himself that he’d get to call you something more than just a friend. Wandering further into his apartment, he smiled like an idiot at his phone, quickly screenshotting the post.

“Ow!” Bumping his shin hard into his plastic foldable dining table, he was faced with the jarring reality of his surroundings. If he wanted to call you his, he needed to get some furniture first.

[xactodreams]

hi, I hope you're having a good day!! I've been reading the tags on my post about asexuality bc I love seeing that so many ppl feel seen & because a few people have sent me corrections. I saw yours re: the term aspec and wanted to reach out. I updated the original post to change aspec to acespec a few weeks ago but the version with aspec had already been reblogged enough that it hasn't been disseminated much :\\. I wasn't aware that aspec was taken from the autistic community, just that it's used to represent the intersection of ace/aro people (like aphobic being against both ace and aro ppl). I wanted to apologize for misusing aspec and thank you for tagging it with your comments!! I don't have much of a community so I really appreciate the information <33

oh my gosh, Hello!

First, I want to thank you for making such a lovely infographic, it’s important information to have and share, and I am glad you did!

Second, let me apologize for essentially being an old dude yelling at clouds in your tags! I’m so used to just yelling into the void there without anyone caring about my input, but that’s no excuse to be rude, so sincerely, I am sorry. It’s not that I didn’t take good faith into account, I just genuinely didn’t think anyone would read or care about my tags.

I do understand why in the last year or so the ace/aro community has decided to abbreviate into aspec, I truly do. And I wouldn’t have any issues with it if the autistic community hadn’t already been using that as a term for themselves for several years now, Much longer than I have seen it used for queer folk.

I do think it is important to recognize, though, that aspec was used originally to abbreviate Autism Spectrum Disorder, which is the official medical diagnosis for autism. As opposed to asexuality and aromanticism which do also exist on a spectrum, but do not actually have “spectrum” in their title.

Both communities are pretty small, and I suspect there’s a lot of overlap, even. So I don’t necessarily think the new use of “aspec” by queer people is inherently malicious at this time. But I would like to let people, in my circles at least, know that we should be careful about co-opting existing terms by other marginalized groups.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me, it genuinely means a lot, and I will go reblog your corrected post. 💜

[ayuen]

Gnostic Chorus - theory time!

Not really, just something that bothered me for a long time. From the first moment I saw this one story it did not left my mind and sometimes new information we get fit... so I decided to have a little fun and write down my own thoughts on it. And since we have little to no information about Kaeya... about that a little later, well, let’s treat it like my little headcannon that may turn out not true but is so fun, so here we go :D

Also some spoliers? about newest Archon quest I guess? it may turn out long, I’m just in a mood for it, so you have been warned. 

So the story starts with this glorious kingdom, established among the heavens:

Khaenri'ah was like Dain said: 

He says nothing about them being underground. 

And well, they didn’t have a god, so these words can be understood differently, like Khaenri'ah being among kingdoms in a heaven in garden of gods.

Next we have this line about a crowned heir, will come back to her later. 

She was tasked to search for the genesis pearl...(genesis makes me think about creation - so here another idea for a possibility like remember Khemia? maybe she was meant to find it, but somehow forgot who she was? And stayed as a ruler of  Khaenri'ah? well, let’s leave it for another time) from the kingdom of darkness. 

So lets’ stop here. There is this theory that Teyvat is upside down. 

Which could mean that what we consider top is actually bottom. So if the lore in the books talks about Khaenri'ah as an underground kingdom maybe it’s just misinformation? Maybe not but if we take into consideration how recent Kaeya’s love poem isn’t without a doubt translatable, truly who can trust in everything that’s written about historical events in the pieces in the game? But if it was in fact turned upside down... also this quest and the theory of a fake sky? From  The Crisis Deepens. This would be too much to write about it, also I read all about it, bc I wasn’t playing the game at the time so yeah, it’s on youtube in any case.

So from newest Archon quest we have this: 

I know it doesn’t say out right that there is someone above our sibling leading Abyss but whatever Paimon says something, it is relevant so we can take it into consideration. Will come back to it in a moment as well. 

And here comes Childe, Tartaglia, I don’t have him so here a part of his story: (And why did I bring Childe?) Well, first we have his story where it’s said that he learned how to fight from a woman in the abyss:

Story 4

“That 14-year-old boy got lost in the snowy forest.

Pursued by bears and wolf packs, he lost his footing and fell into a bottomless crack in the earth's surface.

There, he witnessed the endless possibilities of another ancient world. There, he would meet a mysterious swordswoman...

Or perhaps one should say that this dark realm had sensed the burning ambition in this boy's heart.”

“In those three months, the swordswoman taught Tartaglia how to pass through the Abyss unhindered, and more importantly, nurtured the ability to stir up endless havoc from within Ajax's trouble-mongering nature.”

Also a really nice post on reddit about his transformation.

 https://www.reddit.com/r/childemains/comments/m9nbei/reasons_behind_the_appearance_similarities/

Also there’s another one:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Genshin_Impact/comments/mt8l3i/at_young_age_childe_had_fallen_into_abyssal_and/

For those who prefer to see it all in one post. And in the story line our sibling who leads Abyss is Lumine, it does not fit her fighting style. even before coming to Teyvat she was using a sword, so her style wouldn’t change much, even after traveling through every nation. 

So I’m assuming it’s another person who is higher than Lumine in a hierarchy in the Abyss. So remember this Crowned Heir that was supposed to find the Genesis Pearl? What if she did in fact ended up in the Abyss, she believed to be a queen of the darkness.

Which would also explain why our sibling is not called queen, but princess:

We don’t know how she may ended up in there, but we also know that The Abyss equals ppl from Khaenri'ah. Than why Dain is against Abyss order? 

Like who laid this curse upon him? Not Gods I think, so maybe the queen of the abyss? Since abyss mages fear her more than they fear painful interrogation...

Also The Abyss order and Dain are on different sides. Why? We don’t know what happened there for sure. 

There are also theories (also on youtube) about the cycle and the truth of the word. What if the Genesis pearl is just a knowledge of this word? What if this crowned heir figured it out? And decided to destroy Celestia? And forgot about her orgins, forgot Khaenri'ah? What if what Abyss is trying to do have really not much to do with revenge for for destroying  Khaenri'ah but for all the destruction that Celestia did? What if Dain is on other side because he doesn’t need to fight this order? He doesn’t like gods for what happend to Khaenri'ah but we don’t see him rushing to harm them either. But that’s topic for another occasion.

Coming back to this “theory”. 

The second crowned heir taken on the path where the first have stumbled. 

Here also why I think it’s not about our siblings. We don’t know from where they come from, true. We know they were traveling together, maybe they where searching for something? Maybe they are royals? Now we know nothing about it. We know that:

I’m not putting the whole exchange here but from this we know that our sibling was not send by someone to find something our sibling failed to do. We don’t know what is this destiny Lumine/Aether talks about.

From the Gnostic Chorus we know this about first crowned heir:

But as we see in the newest Archon quest, it’s from Aether being on the side of the Abyss because I play Lumine.

He/Lumine didn’t forget who they are. From this we can see they also searched for their new home, maybe their last one was destroyed too? Maybe that’s why Lumine sides with people from Khaenri'ah? 

But anyway...

Who in the story have a task to do? Who was send with a clear mission we know nothing about? Who is a person about which we actually know less than about Dain? 

Yeah, Kaeya.

We know his father abandoned him at Down Winery with a mission of being their “Last hope” (I will be not posting pictures here about it, this post is long enough). There is a lot of theories about him being a prince or some royal since theories about Dain being a sword are confirmed (see theories about Alberich) not to mention the names of his talents that led us to this conclusion long ago.

For for sake of this theory let’s say that Kaeya is a prince send to find Genesis Pearl. Wouldn’t it fit that he makes friends with criminals? Who is better for a information network? 

Not to mention, he told the truth to Diluc, if he was a treat wouldn’t he kill him? or at last told about him to others? Diluc was respected at the time, who wouldn’t believe him?

So maybe his goal is not to destroy Mondstat?  

I always was wondering about this one. What major decision? maybe I’m thinking here too much from experience, maybe it’s not common approach... but his father left him in unknown land, with strangers. With a mission on his shoulders. And Mond gave him a loving family, Crepus, Diluc other ppl who love him, as it is stated on official side of Genshin Impact. 

Why would it be a hard choice to choose between happiness and duty? Like I said maybe it’s not a common approach, but what does some old kingdom mean when you have a found home? Shouldn’t it mean more? Is it really that hard of a choice?

But what if he have someone to save? Someone he cares about? or loves? Who isn’t guilty but lost? 

You probably can tell where I’m going now with it right?

What if he will have to save his sister? Ok, some will say Aether have to save Lumine from Abyss order but does he? Is she kept there against her will? did she forget about him or their goal? or is she just waiting for him so they can really reunite and continue their journey through words?

I know that this messes with my “theory”:

Teyvat Chapter Storyline Preview: Travail｜Genshin Impact

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAlKhARUcoY

But Dain is against Lumine? He is against the whole Abyss Order, why would be stop us from getting or sister and getting away from Tayvat for good?

The thing that doesn’t fit is that he seems to be talking to Aether here with “You who set foot into this word. Your journey has reached it’s end but one final doorway remains.” And yeah, Aether is travelling, prob the reason why most of NPC call us Traveler instead of using our name. But it can be taken about kaeya as well, if we consider the fact that he come from Khaenri'ah and now he is in Tayvat, which is not considered to be a part of Tayvat. 

Ok, it’s longer than I thought... and I still wanted to put her more but oh well.   

[kellyvela]

Has GRRM ever said in any interview or on his blog that he hates Sansa's complete storyline after 4th season? I dont really follow all of his fan/media interactions but from what I can recall he has spoken abt how LF in books wont give sansa to ramsay or how noone had issue when Jeyne was given the Ramsay storyline in books etc. Asking this question to you bcs you rightly point out how ppl misunderstood his interviews/posts ( sansans/targ stans etc) & I cant recall him ever saying he 'hates' sansa's story in the later seasons of the show ( not s5 in particular but even s6 to s8).

Capclave 2013:

A change that has repercussions for season 4 is Marillion’s tongue removal from the first season. Martin said that the change was made (from an anonymous singer being the victim of a de-tonguing) because they wanted Joffrey to maim someone the audience would recognize. He believes this is an issue because of the part the singer plays in Sansa’s storyline, how he affects her interactions with others in the book, and he doesn’t believe another character will be fulfilling that role on Game of Thrones.

—GRRM talks season 4 & beyond - Winter is Coming - October 13, 2013

2014 Fan Reports about Capclave 2013 (*):

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

I have notes I’ll be responding to (thanks!) but enough people commented about Sansa that I thought I’d share that tidbit, since it happened back in September iirc (was the same panel where he criticized the exclusion of Tyrell brothers)

—starkalypse - June 3, 2014

GRRM’s comments at capclave about Sansa (which I was in the third row for, for those asking about legitimacy) were among others during the panel that had a general theme of dissatisfaction with show changes. He was not in good spirits for that con and didn’t really have anything positive to say regarding the show. So take it with a grain of salt; there are deviations away from the books in the episodes he gets writers credit for, so maybe they’re doing something stupid or they really don’t have a gameplan!

—starkalypse - June 4, 2014

(*) These reports were posted in June 2014, during the airing of Game of Thrones Season 4, about Capclave 2013 that happened in October 2013.

Just after the rape episode:

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one. And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect. Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes. HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds.

There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large (if you doubt that, talk to the Harry Dresden fans, or readers of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, or the fans of the original WALKING DEAD comic books)… but the longer the show goes on, the bigger the butterflies become. And now we have reached the point where the beat of butterfly wings is stirring up storms, like the one presently engulfing my email.

Prose and television have different strengths, different weaknesses, different requirements.

David and Dan and Bryan and HBO are trying to make the best television series that they can.

And over here I am trying to write the best novels that I can.

And yes, more and more, they differ. Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose… but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place.

In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey. Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

—The Show, the Books - Not A Blog - May 18, 2015

Report about the last Game of Thrones Script that GRRM wrote:

No Wedding for Sansa and Ramsay: Without question, one of the most controversial changes the show made in trying to streamline the books was by slotting Sansa into the role of Ramsay’s wife and rape victim in Season 5. In the books, Ramsay marries and assaults Sansa’s best childhood friend, Jeyne Poole—who is being forced to impersonate Arya—instead. (You can actually see Jeyne briefly sitting next to Sansa in the show’s pilot.)

At the time Martin wrote this script, though, substituting Sansa for Jeyne was not yet the plan. Martin has Roose Bolton tell his bastard son: “We have a much better match in mind for you. A match to help House Bolton hold the north. Arya Stark.” It should be noted, however, that in Martin’s script, Sansa isn’t free from menace either. At his own wedding-day breakfast, Joffrey still threatens to rape the older Stark sister—once he’s “gotten Margaery with child.”)

—Game of Thrones: The Secrets of George R.R. Martin’s Final Script - Vanity Fair - December 7, 2018

A month before the Game of Throne S8 Finale:

Sansa’s story, in particular, has really deviated from the books. Ramsay Bolton — that marriage obviously was with a different character. When they start deviating like that, did you initially have any emotional reaction, even though you worked in Hollywood for many years yourself?

GRRM: Well, yeah — of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure. But I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I’ve adapted work by other people, and I didn’t do it exactly the way they did it, so ….

Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here. It’s two variations of the same story, or a similar story, and you get that whenever anything is adapted. The analogy I’ve often used is, to ask how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Do you know the answer to that?

I know it’s different in the book and the movie …

GRRM: Three children in the book, one by each husband. She had one child in the movie. And in real life, of course, Scarlett O’Hara had no children, because she never existed. Margaret Mitchell made her up. The book is there. You can pick it up and read Mitchell’s version of it, or you can see the movie and see David Selznick’s version of it. I think they’re both true to the spirit of the work, and hopefully that’s also true of Game of Thrones on one hand, and A Song of Ice and Fire on the other hand.

—George R.R. Martin on the Stark Sisters and Ending ‘Game of Thrones’ - RollingStone - April 22, 2019

James Hibberd’s Book:

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: Jeyne Poole was included in the pilot—she’s shown giggling next to Sansa—but she’s never seen or referred to again. I actually wrote Jeyne into “The Pointy End,” my first script, when Arya killed the stableboy. I had some stuff with Jeyne running to Sansa being all hysterical and dialogue in the council chamber with Littlefinger saying, “Give her to me, I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.” That was dropped.

DAVID BENIOFF: Sansa is a character we care about almost more than any other. We really wanted Sansa to play a major part in that season. If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it was a character not involved in the show.

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: I was trying to set up Jeyne for her future role as the false Arya. The real Arya has escaped and is presumed dead. But this girl has been in Littlefinger’s control for years, and he’s been training her. She knows Winterfell, has the proper northern accent, and can pose as Arya. Who the hell knows what a little girl you met two years ago looks like? When you’re a lord visiting Winterfell, are you going to pay attention to the little kids running around? So she can pull off the impersonation. Not having Jeyne, they used Sansa for that. Is that better or worse? You can make your decision there. Oddly, I never got pushback for that in the book because nobody cared about Jeyne Poole that much. They care about Sansa.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

I hope it helps you.

Thanks for your message.

[witchvspatriarchy]

Goo Hara's story is one of the most tragic and rough in kpop history. And in light of the recent events, I'd like to share it.

It's pretty possible that most of you (ppl who weren't around for 2nd generation prime) dont know Goo Hara or her legendary group KARA. The group was among the top three girl groups nation wise, and number one in Japan.

But when KARA debuted it wasn't very popular, so when one member left, the company saw the opportunity to revamp the group and they added two new members. One of those was Goo Hara. She was introduced as main dancer and visual.

Hara's integration helped the group. Her innocent beauty in contrast to an effortless sex appeal caused men and women, children and adults, to fall in love with the idol, and this new fandom catapulted the group. Even though before debut she already had many fans, she already had antis too. A big portion of the original fandom rejected the integration of Hara. So from day one Hara had a strong individual fandom, but the group's fandom hated her.

Hara became the it girl of the moment, getting all the commercial contracts - this generated animosity from the fandom that questioned why she was the only one who was given the opportunities and why she did not participate in the commercial activities of the group. This did not weigh much on Hara at first, since she was somewhat accustomed to hate for no reason - in high school she was the victim of such extreme bullying that she had to change schools several times. She had the general public in her palms, so a portion of the fandom hating her was manageable.

But the love and support from the general public didn't last long, as netizens searched the internet to find something to destroy her and succeeded. They found Hara's teenage blog from before she was and idol, and in it they found photos of her in a hostel on her 17th birthday with her boyfriend at the time. They published them saying that Hara had had a romantic stay at the hostel and therefore she had sex while being a minor. And although the company denied it and Hara's friends said it had been a group trip, the netizens sought witnesses to support their accusations and thus began the gossip that Hara was promiscuous. This accusations gained notoriety when her relationship with Junhyun of B2ST became public. And so netizens invented her love affairs with many idols.

The situation reached a climax in Radio Star, when the MC asked KARA what topic they didn't want to talk about, to which Hara replied "dating." The three MCs started joking with Hara's promiscuity in a rather heavy way. And although it is well known that this type of image is harmful to an idol (mostly female idols) the MCs continued with the jokes. Hara tried to laugh it off but it was a comment from Kyuhyun that made her crack, being the gossip expert on the show, he said "if I said what I know, her career would be over." It was then that Hara threw him a bottle of juice playfully and then broke into tears. Hara was accused of being violent, unprofessional and disrespectful by netizens. And when one of the MCs came out in her defense and apologized for what they had done, the netizens said that "Hara's tantrums had forced him to apologize" and they hated her more.

Shortly after this, KARA disintegrated. But despite everything, Hara made a fortune as a commercial model. And there is nothing that netizens hate more than a successful, independent and wealthy woman. Especially if she achieves so despite public hate. And even more, if this successful, independent and wealthy woman is best friends with another successful, independent and wealthy woman (Sulli) that netizens also tried to destroy. And so, Goo Hara moved on with her life, even though the hate never stopped.

On September 4, 2018, Goo Hara (who is 1.64 and is so thin that she has been accused of being anorexic) was accused of beating her boyfriend. For the following week there were no signs of Hara, while the boyfriend appeared in the media several times a day giving interviews about it, and saying that she had gone crazy when he tried to end the relationship. He said he wasn't going to go public at first but when he got home he realized she had "disfigured" him and his face "is a big part of how he makes a living" (he's a hairdresser) so he decided to let everyone know the type of person she is. At some point the guy gave an interview in a hospital gown and connected to serum, despite having given interviews without these things several days before, and the hospital records shows he only had scratches. But despite being suspicious, the netizens did not need more, and cited what happened on radio star, her promiscuity and her friendship with Sulli as evidence of her violence and imbalance, and demanded jail time for Hara.

Time after that, Hara finally appeared on the media, which she had not done because she had been hospitalized due to the beating that the boyfriend (the alleged victim) gave her. Attack that damaged her internal organs to the degree of causing severe bleeding. Incidentally, there was damage to her intimate organs, so a rape is suspected, although it was never confirmed as such. And although Hara presented evidence and a witness, the netizens did not believe her, they said that she paid the witness and that, because she was promiscuous, her word had no worth. It was then that Dispatch revealed that the boyfriend had offered them the premise of the matter, then screenshots of the guy blackmailing Hara with an intimate video that he filmed against her will came to light. Just then the netizens decided to listen to her. The witness (Hara's roomie) came out to give her version of the facts: the guy had entered without permission with the access code and had woken Hara by kicking the bed. The witness and the messages proved that Hara had broke up with him and he wanted to blackmail her with the intimate video and threatened to end her career, Hara tried to take the video, and the guy beat her up. After that, he destroyed averything and anything he could find at the apartment, while Hara begged him not to publish the video. In the week that Hara was hospitalized the guy sent her threats and fragments of the video as blackmail.

For a while Hara had the empathy of the netizens, but the case was never resolved judicially, and the public eventually forgot what happened and attacked Hara again. This year Hara uploaded a photo to her social media for the first time, thanking the support she received in those difficult moments. And the netizens accused her of attention seeking, they said that if she was really hurt she shouldn't be on social media after what happened, and accused her of being unaware of the damage she caused her ex - who could no longer show his face in public. Soon she went to Japan to fulfill previous contracts and they accused her of fleeing, of indifference and said that what had happened hadn't been so serious if she was already working and she had made a big drama for nothing. Meanwhile the ex is active in social media and opened a new beauty salon, which was very successful. And as if that were not enough, the ex-boyfriend, Junghyun (B2ST) ended up entangled in the Seungri/Rising Sun scandal. And although it has been said that he was not an active participant beyond commenting on the videos that JJY sent, the netizens insisted that there were videos and intimate photos of Hara in the infamous chats.

After this, Hara uploaded a picture and netizens accused her of getting plastic surgery. Hara said that she had eyelid surgery for medical reasons and asked people to stop attacking her, but the netizens ignored and attacked her for the surgery.

May 25th 2019, Hara was found unconscious in her apartment. It was said it had been a suicide attempt. This incident, unlike others in the world of kpop, did not have a wave of positive and empathetic comments wishing her recovery, but the comments were insults, offenses and ridicule towards Hara. They even reproached her for her lack of success in committing suicide, accused her of faking it, said that the news were false to get attention and attacked her more than ever.

Soon after that Hara los her best friend.

This news were devastating but they were not a surprise, at least to me. I made a post about Sulli's passing asking people to support Hara, because I knew that she would be next. She had already tried. And she got hate for not succeeding.

A lot of the kpop fandom now wasn't around for most of the second generation mess. We had idols poisoned, attacked, and destroyed by netizens. There still are many idols victims of slave contracts and abuse but back then you saw the proof of those things regularly. With idols passing out and stuff.

Korea, specifically its treatment of celebrities is crap. Its inhuman. As international fans we should spread love for idols. And ask the companies to care for them, we should watch for their best interests as humans. What Hyuna and Edawn are doing, going on variety shows and doing photoshoots together as a couple is huge. What Mamamoo has been doing is huge. What Holland is doing is huge. Please support the idols who are actively fighting to change Koreas celebrity culture. ITS IMPORTANT.

And its important to know the stories of idols like Hara, Hangeng, T-ARA... because this idols were victims and where given nothing but hate. Hate that ended their careers or in Hara and Sulli's case, their lives. Hate kills. Haters kill. Not allowing people to live a plenty life, kills. Not allowing people to make mistakes, kills. I hope you read Hara's story and pay attention to female idols with a bad reputation, they're vulnerable in so many ways. And I hope that, in the future, when an idol survives a suicide attempt y'all wont ignore it like you did Hara.

REST IN PEACE🙏💔💔🙏