#sewing the wounds

[vismundcygnus]

Journal 6.2.23

I don't know how to fit into this world. It feels like I'm a foreign organ surgically implanted, now being rejected by its body. Other times it feels like I'm a parasite, leeching and feeding and never giving and it tears me up inside.

I don't know where you went. You were so close to me, inside of the walls, but now there's a void and it feels so lonely and I never appreciated you like I should have, I was never able to hold you or save you and I feel like I'll never figure out what happened.

I'm so afraid for myself.

[raepliica]

(content warning: blood)

Sewed Up Heart

[ID: A Trigun comic done in grayscale with red accents. First, an anatomical heart gushes blood, forming a puddle which shifts into Vash's coat. Vash's gloved hands can be seen sewing up a tear at the hem.

Vash raises his hands, which are now bare and covered in blood. He looks sweaty and distressed, and he raises his coat to his face and cries into it. His clenched hands rip the sewed portion apart, and the red thread leads to a heart whose own stitches are tearing apart. The background gets darker and darker, and the red looks brighter and starker against it.

Then the background returns to white, and brown-skinned hands using embroidery scissors snip a red thread. Wolfwood holds up Vash's repaired coat, grinning proudly, and does a happy thumbs-up in Vash's direction. Vash lifts his head, seeming distant.

Wolfwood holds out the coat. As Vash puts out his hand to take it, the cloth is replaced so Wolfwood is dropping a sewed-up heart in Vash's hand. Vash rubs the coat against his face with a teary smile. End ID] ID CREDITS

[letitbehurt]

Personally I love it when the whole team is captured, waiting for interrogation, and the first thing Whumper does is break the medic’s hands.

[liamdni]

cuddles

[1ncend1ary]

inconsolable.

au where after the netherbrain fight, durge demands to go back for gortash's body (and uses a scroll of revival bc idc its d&d)

[dxxtruction]

its probably meant to be somewhat ambiguous but it seems most likely that armand was gaslighting louis so that he didn't trust himself and daniel didn't trust him. he also seemed to basically get what he wanted by instigating a fight and igniting some passion, we see by next ep's start it probably got resolved with sex and absolution. idk the talamasca angle is not as interesting a story

Ask is in reference to this post: HERE

That's cool. You're able to hold that I'm able to hold mine. Interpretations are just that. I will say it doesn't matter whether Armand planted them, or not, because he still ends up gaslighting Louis in the 2x04 argument anyway. It’s effectively gaslighting even if they are telling the truth here as they see it because of how things stack up and what's said.

It is basically how you said, and I'll just go ahead and expand for anyone who might not see it so clearly. Initially, it seems he's more or less trying to just get Louis off his case for the photos, and is willing to throw him, his mental state, and character under the bus, to do so. But Louis already straight up knows him of doing manipulative things, of this exact sort, in the interview before this event even occurred - Namely that Armand is making himself look far more approachable, and better to Daniel, even after they'd both agreed to basically tear this guy to shreds, which makes Louis look worse by default, and goes against what they agreed to both do. Armand has a repeated tendency to fall through on his promises, or promise things, but then take it his own direction when it suits him. In all cases, he does keep obstructing Louis interview, especially when it comes to Daniel, and won't fully admit to it. - this is why Louis' so reactive, among just the fact he has trauma related to being denied his own interiority, fullness, and freedoms, because he's Black, and in society, seen less human. Armand simply doesn't help his case by denying it, even if it were actually his truth that the photos weren't his doing. (Note; Armand has also faced horrific dehumanizing traumas, but in such a differing way I don't think he's able to empathize with the same way Louis been dehumanized in life. I argue a little if Louis is even able to do more than simply hold a lot of sympathy for Armand, as they really are not a lot alike in both their interior and exterior reality. I don't think that sympathy goes both ways often.)

The way he's also keeps behaving like the bigger person in this reinforces the belief Armand wants out of Louis, making him 'see' it, and probably also to Daniel as well who's definitely overhearing this (this particular part has a chance of being unintentional however, if he was only really intending to deescalate, but it still keeps the same effects).

Not only making Louis look like he's crazy to assume it, but denying he'd been doing anything wrong of the sort (by simply at no point coming forward and saying something reassuring of Louis reality along the lines of, 'I have been doing those things, it's just not this, and those weren't my intentions to hurt you with it, I'm sorry' or simply 'okay, I did it, sorry'). As well, it doesn't matter how much Armand's truthful, Louis is someone who necessarily does need reality checks like that, because he suffers from hallucinations, and as he's finding out, memory lapses, and not providing them will make him jump to presume it could be his own symptoms. Also, at one point in the argument, he actually throws out that Louis is insane, if it needed to be anymore obvious. Which is derogatory, if arguably true, though reinforces that Armand's behaviors to 'stop or aid his madness' in prior instances were all a-okay, and all necessary. There's nothing wrong with him, and what he's doing, its all Louis. (His intentions to deescalate, if anyone wants to take on that idea, would've changed by then. It reads as a pattern to me mimicking of the promises falling through.)

Anyway, I'd be saying in my interpretation that him willing to keep this up, even though the photos had nothing to do with it, just shows how much he'd actually use any situation that arises to manipulate/control Louis, and mess with Louis interview, as opposed to orchestrating or planning situations, so he can then also manipulate with it. With all intentions or not, it doesn't really matter. Which makes his manipulation more realistic, honestly. A better portrait of who Armand is tbh.

I don't claim this transcript as 100% accurate, but it's as close as I can get it:

L: Four Fred Steins in the album, four. You made me look foolish. 

A: You just assume it was me. 

L: Well, it wasn’t me. 

A: You sure about that? 

L: Excuse me?

A: I take it back. 

L: Take it way fucking back. 

A: It was probably an honest mistake from the staff.

L: You think I need to be coddled, hyped up, lied to? 

-cut-

A: You’re being Lestat! 

L: Go call on him, see what happens. 

A: A little ridiculous… It's the staff, dear.

L: I’m being ridiculous? You wanna see, you wanna see ridiculous? 

A: No, Louis, it was an honest mistake. You knew it.

L: AAAH

A: You weren’t here- 

L: LA LA LA LA

A: -And more and more of them-

L: LA LA

A: They got through! 

-flashbacks-

A: This isn’t about Lestat! 

-more flashback-

L: You lobbed at Daniel, and disrespected me. 

A: no no no no no no.

-flashback-

L: and over and over and over it’s always the same damn thing. 

A: You trying to trick me?

L: I don’t know I’m just your God now. The abandonment, and aren’t we both cut throat? 

A: You won’t believe me, when I was here. I’m the one who can see! 

L: Alright, first off, first off. 

A: You are insane! 

-fb-

L: You always do this! … We’ll be done with Daniel any day now. Now, knock it off. Its about the record, this is my interview. You hear me? The whole interview that will be heard by me. 

A: In a future that you won’t see!

-fb- 

L: No more! Will you go to speak without asking first. No more! Will you ever flirt around on your years. 

A: Oh, come to Dubai, Louis says, but not me. 

-Then I can’t make out anything-

Sex and absolution I do agree with as well. Like they did do that. I don't think either were expecting it to go that way from the beginning, though, as in neither started or orchestrated a reason for argument just to have makeup sex. That being somewhat normal for them after a big argument like that would not surprise me however. A certain interpretation I take of them having sex after (given the argument) was more that (it seems to me) part of the accusations here is that Armand is 'flirting' to win over Daniel's favor, and trying to get with him? Maybe even back together with him? (Centered a lot around Armand telling him his little love story with Lestat.) If not, just turning him against him. So having sex could reinforce Armand had/has no intentions of leaving, further obstructions wrt Daniel, and/or infidelity. That it's 'me and you' and not 'you and him'. (Which could be the real lie depending on how you want to take it here lmao. And is so bound to fall through because... Armand doesn't keep his promises, not even to himself it seems since he turned Daniel).

Again all interpretations are just that, so long as it can be legitimately supported by the text, and isn't grossly insensitive. The Talamasca just adds to the whole scene to me more than it detracts from it. The outside world necessarily has influenced both of their inside worlds, and further how they interact with each other in both, and is the cause behind of a lot of their behaviors and reactions. Talamasca causing those to erupt sort of points to that. It's real. The whole narrative actually feels more concrete and like there's a world outside who can still influence them if they were the one's doing it. Sometimes I feel people want to center Louis a bit too much in the story, which is fair, it is his story, he has a narrative that should be centered, but it is also other people's story as well. They are playing roles here in it.

Also this is why I really wonder if they'd ever revisit this? I'm a little peeved about it being so hidden tbh. There seems like so much added context and we're denied most of it from the music and constant flashbacks. Fingers-crossed maybe Daniel was recording it? IDK.

[oxidized-joan-of-arc]

A pocket altar I made for a friend that im super proud of:)

[melit0n]

It came to me in a dream

[improbable-implosions]

A little mend here that I was pleasantly surprised worked, I fixed the fraying bits on my book-shaped wallet! Figured that red thread works quite well with the themes of War of the Worlds.

First up, we've got some simple stitches perpendicular to the edge of the wallet, think a blanket stitch but the thread doesn't run through the loop created. Honestly, there are probably more complex ways I could have stitched that vinyl "leather" back onto the fabric and cardboard of the book structure, but I figured these simple stitches would be faster, and work just fine.

Second, on a slightly larger tear on the "spine" corner, I did some randa stitching! This actually draws from a style of embroidery I'm almost completely unfamiliar with, most popular in Brazil, so I may be labeling it wrong. If you know better, let me know! It's a sort of baseball-stitching like process, I was roughly following this video as a tutorial: https://vm.vxtiktok.com/t/ZT8TNMKw9/

and also this one to understand how to get started: https://vm.vxtiktok.com/t/ZT8TNrMML/ (Excuse the tiktok links, but I am not immune to the allure of short video on occasion! I even have posts of my own, every now and again)

I actually need to do similar rim-lining on the other three corners, as the adhesive is starting to come off, and that'll hold it still enough to solve the problem.

Also, some miscellaneous adventures in hemming patches properly! A process that proved MUCH simpler once I found my rolled hem foot. These two patches came out quite good, actually! straight stitching, for the most part, and relatively even folds.

It was much simpler to get the hems just so on a larger patch like this one, thankfully! I'm actually really pleased with the way this one in particular came out, and hopefully, I can make something pretty with it on the thigh of the jeans it goes with. (yes, that's why the patches are numbered, so I can keep track of where they go in the stack!)

Even despite how well things went overall with the patches, I still fumbled, got a bit hasty in trying to get the corner of one of the later patches through the machine. Said haste had me trying to shove shove, cram cram the fabric through the foot to get it hemmed, turns out, don't do that! Results in bending the needle on my machine! Oof!

Luckily, the machine came with some spare needles, so it only slowed me down a little bit!

[alister312]

christophe owning a giraffe plushie as a child my beloved headcanon

[vismundcygnus]

Journal 4.14.23

I don't really know what's wrong with me. Like, I have guesses, but I can't really relate to anyone at all, or at least, that's what it feels like.

I'm strongly emotional and empathetic, but suppressed and cold. I'm glad to offer help, advice, and comfort, but stumble and feel detached from other's strong emotions. I feel strong guilt from how detached I am, from the world, from people, from happiness. I'm just hollowed out, like there's nothing inside. I desperately want to be able to be "normal". I want the pain to go away.

I fear hurting people with how much I withdraw. I feel like a feral animal. I feel evil. It took me a while to understand just how painful it is for someone to watch me slip away from them. I fear that the few relationships I have will become too much to handle, that I will withdraw, and that I will inevitably hurt them.

I do try to seek out social situations, but only when I can keep people at arms length. The internet makes it easy! I never keep any consistency with my usernames and identities, and can easily slip out of communities when they are no longer fulfilling, and no one chases after me. I can share things about myself that others might see as private, but I'm so detached from those parts of myself in the moment that I don't even care. The most important things are the ones I've hardly told anyone.

I even fear the reactions I might have to my partner. It's manageable in an online relationship, but what happens when things get too close for comfort? Will I hate it? Will I be disappointed in myself? Will I be able to handle everything outside of it: their family, their obligations, their affections? I can't even connect with my own family. The idea that I won't be able to be a fulfilling partner makes me feel guilty, too.

Anxiety and inferiority comes in waves. Anger and sadness can be strong and explosive. I don't care for being around people and I enjoy being alone, but I know it's good for me to keep a small circle around. Sometimes I fear judgement, but it's really just that I feel like I'll be immediately noticed as a "freak", that I will be subjugated, or that I will be condescended to. I lash out unnecessarily because I think that all people will see me this way.

I've joined a whole discord and socialize pretty heavily in it and I'm very happy about it, unlike pretty much any other community I've ever been a part of. I feel like we enjoy what we do for a lot of the same reasons, that we have the same thoughts and ideas about the media. So, I don't feel like a "freak". The fact that it isn't in real life helps considerably, because It feels like I just... cannot function around other people without being drunk or high sometimes. I get detached, distant, aloof.

Who knows.

[dummerjan]

where the fuck does my fear of failure, the paralyzing fear of messing up come from?! because it's not from how my parents raised me

[numbaoneflaya]

I agree with 99% of anti ai use especially in fandom- I must however confess to using ai for let’s say, the worst rp situations for which there exists none to satisfy the specific situations of which I want to enact. And I would not want to make an actual person be on the other side of said rp, because I am not evil.

[ohnonotthehorrors]

but what if Double Life Pearl was bare foot? First to better feel the cold, and cause more damage to Scott, then because her feet were so numb she just... forgot. Cuts and scrapes start to build up- the frost bite starts to set in. By the end her feet are mangled and more scar tissue than skin.

To the others its just one more sign she's going insane- that she's becoming a Witch. As wild and dangerous as her wolves.

(And what if... what if the Mounders made her shoes? At the very beginning, when hers broke or tore or something. What if Bdubs and Mumbo pooled their resources and made her nice boots that are a bit clunky and sad looking, but that she refuses to take off for the rest of the series)

[rivangel]

this might be obvious and just me, but i never really absorbed the extent of levi’s injuries after the thunderspear because that one frame in the anime is straight up traumatizing.

like he looks dead. no light in his colorless eyes, barely opened but seeing nothing. that frame more than ANY other before or after screams how tired levi is the loudest. the space around his eyes is shaded and just. heavy.

plus of course he’s covered in blood. the wounds are superficial but head wounds bleed. a lot.

but there’s a lot of blood around his mouth as well which is part of my belief that the explosion (like explosions tend to do to a person) caused internal bleeding. he also coughs up blood later.

so like Levi is not okay. but this time i looked at the frame and noticed just how much wood shrapnel is in his face. one side is just lambasted with it. it’s just😭😭

POOR LEVI😭😭😭😭😭😭

[sluckythewizard]

TURBO WIP ALERT

THIS IS MEANT TO BE THE 2ND PAGE OF 4 PAGES. BUT BECAUSE A WARRIOR OF MINE HAS BROUGHT ME A SUFFECIENT SACRIFICE, YOU ALL GET TO REVEL IN THIS EARLY ACCESS. NO REBLOGS THO. HA!!!! THIS IS BETWEEN ME N U CUNTS

HOPE U ENJOY THIS THUSFAR, BUT ALSO I AM TAKING FEEDBACK. DOES IT FLOW OKAY? DOES IT LOOK GOOD? LET ME KNOW