#i also have stuffing in his wounds to really emphasize how he is losing humanity if that makes sense

[liamdni]

cuddles

[etlunainmorte]

Very brief mention of abuse and bullying. Read with caution. Thank you!

***

📷 Memories 📷

***

"I'll be home soon, Kyrie. I promise. Okay." Nero placed his cellphone back to his pocket just in time to see Nico's mysterious black - haired friend glancing at something outside the window of the trailer.

"See something you like?" The young Devil Hunter asked, his eyebrows knitted in confusion at the way the man stared.

"She has been at it for almost an hour and a half,..." The man answered with a low voice.

"I told ya, don't mind what she does." Nico, who was fixing the broken camera at the back of the trailer where her messy workplace was situated, answered almost harshly. She gave a quick look at her friend, saw him still staring outside the window, and rolled her eyes in defeat. Then, with a slightly irritated look at Nero, she added, "See? He just won't listen!"

"What are you looking at, anyway?" Curious, Nero finally gave a glance outside the window to see what the man was staring at. And lo and behold, he saw Mary sitting at one of the old benches outside not far from where the trailer was parked, doing something really,... unusual. "Oh, this is something new. What's she doing?"

"I saw her taking out a sketchbook from that bag of hers. And she started,... scribbling." The man answered.

"Huh. Really?" Nero scoffed and collapsed at the chair opposite V. "Well, that's something new. At least she's doing something really productive for a change."

"Meaning?" It was V's turn to ask a question.

Ever since he arrived at the location, V couldn't help but feel that there really was something very odd about what was happening. At first, he thought that Nico was only exaggerating things to make him come out of hiding, hysterically saying stuff like Demons appeared here and there, did this and that, and that she needs his knowledge to get to the bottom of this. Now, years of extensive studies on Demonology has taught V that the evil creatures would not appear and wreak havoc on the surface unless they are ordered to do so by a higher, sort of high - ranking, Demon. Or if they are seeking something of utmost value. Regardless, when V arrived, he proved Nico's words to be the truth. Demons did appear here and there and did this and that.

However, he can't say that his knowledge about Demonology is enough to solve this mind - boggling issue about these creatures appearing out of nowhere.

And Mary's odd behavior, and most probably his guilt of wrecking the damn camera, didn't help with the situation, at all.

"You see," Nero began. " ... Mary was - "

"Hey,... " Nico interrupted all of a sudden. The two men both looked at her and saw her pointing at something right outside the window next to her. " ... that's Morrison!"

Morrison? Thought V as the Artisan went out to greet the new visitor,...

***

It's unmistakable. Marsha heard the girl crying. And she has never even heard or seen the child do so.

The tall and perfectly poised woman abandoned her knitting and sped towards the living room to see her niece trying to patch up what looked like wounds on her palms with bandages.

And not just any wound,...

"Mary?!" Marsha called. The little girl almost jumped in fear as she heard her name being called and tried to hide her hands behind her back.

And this only made Marsha even more suspicious.

The woman sighed, strode closer towards the girl, bent down and grabbed her niece's arms. "You don't hide things from me, young lady!"

"But, Marsha, it's nothing!" The girl hopelessly argued, for she knew she was losing. Marsha finds out about everything, and that was a fact.

But, the older lady was having none of Mary's arguments. Marsha pulled her niece's arms from behind her back, held out her little hands, and saw, in utter fright and disgust, the lashes and blood painting the girl's little palms.

And the sight infuriated Marsha to the bone.

The next morning, Mary found Marsha knitting again on her little space in the huge library.

"I'm going to school." Mary announced with a loud voice over the Doris Day song that was being played on a vintage record atop one of the antique tables next to the shelves to her left. It was Marsha's favorite song.

And to what Mary just said, the older lady looked up from her handiwork and only raised an eyebrow. Raising her wire - rimmed glasses above her pointed nose, she said, "Oh, you're not going to school today, young lady."

Mary furrowed her eyebrows in disbelief. "Why?"

"Because, I said so!" The woman answered, her facial expression as stoic as ever. "Now, do come here and keep me company."

The little girl, although doubtful of Marsha's decision to not drive her to school that one particular morning, obeyed, putting her bag on the floor next to the iron table and sat across her aunt. 

Looking at the many colorful yarns and several unfinished projects on the table, Mary asked, "How about tomorrow?"

"No." Marsha answered, her eyes never leaving her craft. Her answer remained the same for a week that Mary finally took up the courage to pick up one of the green yarns and a pair of darning needles from Marsha's knitting kit.

And this did not go unnoticed by Marsha, herself. Looking at Mary's freshly bandaged hands, and the needles she's holding, she nodded, and said, "Very well. I could teach you if you want. ONLY if you want."

Mary gave a sheepish smile and placed the yarn and the needles back to the basket before her. She, then, took out her sketchbook and some coloring materials from her bag and went on to finish that Venus art she's been working on for a week since Marsha forbade her to come to school.

It was not until another week when Mary finally found out that Marsha tried to press charges to the school and that awful teacher who gave her those wounds. Getting little to no justice after what happened, Marsha gave up and, instead, had Mary enrolled to a different school that was very far from that accursed place full of bullies, not to mention that devil Burns ( who only received penalties so light it's ridiculous, considering what he's done ) still on the loose and freely roaming about that campus.

It was also during that time when Mary almost memorized all of Doris Day's songs about love and heartbreak, and how not to question Marsha's decisions ever again.

***

" ... please, call me, Mary. I'm so worried about you - "

With furrowed eyebrows, Mary ended the voicemail from her aunt and made her way back to the trailer where she found, yet, another visitor sitting on a chair across that tall, black - haired man who stepped on Nico's camera.

Stuffing her cellphone back to her pocket, she saw the new visitor standing up and offering his hand to her.

"I'm Morrison." The man graciously introduced himself as he shook Mary's hands. "And you must be Mary Suermann! New accomplice of Nico?"

"Ah, yes, you might say that." Mary answered quietly as she took her hand from his, trying to ignore the fact that she could feel someone staring at her from behind her back. She carefully turned around without having to face V and stood next to the door, seeing that her companions were discussing something.

"So, let me get this straight," Morrison began as he settled back to his chair. " ... strange Demons began appearing randomly in some specific locations in this city? And not just any Demon, you say?"

"Yeah." Nero, who was sitting on the sofa next to V, answered. "Ahh, V, what did you say that Demon's name was, again?"

"Niddhogg." V answered, his low voice sending shivers down Mary's spine. She would never, ever, forget that voice, no. "But it wasn't particularly a Demon. It was a parasite that lives in an evil tree called the Qliphoth, which thrives on Human blood."

"And this Qliphoth tree," Morrison spoke. " ... are there any of those growing around here?"

"If there is,... then this city could very well be done for." V answered, successfully drawing all eyes on him in curiosity. "You see, this,... demonic tree,... grows quite,... let's just say,... rapidly. But, never mind that. The point is: there should be no Niddhogg if there is no,... Qliphoth,... to begin with."

"Niddhogg,... " Morrison mused as he rubbed his stubble. "I'm not gonna lie with you but, that is the first time I've heard of that thing. I don't even know what that looks like - "

"Exactly why Mary had to take pictures of it!" Nico added, emphasizing on the name like she was some kind of a criminal who committed such atrocious deeds. "Isn't that right, huh Mary?"

With a deep sigh, she took out her sketchbook from her bag, opened it, and handed it to Morrison, who gazed at it with such unmasked awe.

Not that the Demon illustrated in it was such a looker, no.

"Magnificent!" Morrison exclaimed. "Are you the one who drew this, Mary?"

With a little sheepish smile, she nodded, and answered, "Yeah."

Morrison looked up from the sketchbook, held it up for the others to see, and asked, "Is this the one?"

And to this, V's eyes widened for a fraction of a second. It truly was an exact and very detailed drawing of the demonic parasite Niddhogg.

Who knew this girl had some kind of a hidden talent?

"Indeed." V answered, a bit of admiration getting past his monotonous voice, which Mary didn't miss.

Nico, who was leaning against her jukebox, took the sketchbook from Morrison's hands and stared at it with widened eyes full of wonder and disbelief. This made Mary smile a bit, and V, who was observing this entire scene, didn't miss the little gesture.

"Whoa. Ya really are an artist!" Nico exclaimed.

"Why?" Nero butted in. "Don't believe her?"

Even before Nico could fire up her own response, Morrison cleared his throat and said, "I want to take a picture of that illustration, if I may. I would show it to my associate in the Devil Hunting business and see if he could crack any sort of thing, anything, regarding this demonic parasite."

Seeing that Morrison's statement was directed at her, Mary nodded, giving her full consent. And as the man began taking photos of her Niddhogg art with his cellphone, Nero asked, "Where were you going, anyway?"

"To the office of the said associate in the Devil Hunting business."

"You mean, Dante?"

"Right you are." Morrison handed the sketchbook back to Mary and placed his cellphone back to his breast pocket. "I have some things to discuss with him. About a man who was found dead in his own house just this morning."

"What happened?" It was V's turn to ask a question.

"Reports say he died of cardiac arrest. Not that big of a deal, to be perfectly honest. Except that this man was linked to the disappearance of a few children in the last decade. There are no sufficient evidence to prove his crimes but, investigations are underway after they found some curious things in his home right after his body was taken."

"And those are?" V pried even further, and it was honestly making Mary a bit nervous.

"Some trinkets and clothes that belong to children. Apparently, they were hidden in a small compartment just behind his fridge. The authorities found the man's body, and some emptied bottles of water, right next to it."

"Maybe they belonged to his kids, or something?" Nero tried to explain.

"Yes, except that this man had no children, or relatives living close by. And the only people he knew were his colleagues in a school he was teaching at. Now, don't you worry about this thing. You have your own problems to deal with. But, just to be sure that my hunches are wrong, I will speak to Dante regarding this - "

"This man," All eyes, including V's, all turned to see Mary looking wide - eyed and horrified as she stood near the door. " ... who was he?"

"His name," Morrison began as he stood up and gathered his things on the table. " ... was Roger Burns. He was a teacher at - "

"I know." Mary heard Nico's little gasp at what she just revealed. "He was my teacher."

"Oh!" Morrison exclaimed and put a hand on Mary's shoulder. "I'm so sorry for the loss of your teacher - "

"Actually, I'm not in the least bit sorry. In fact, he - "

"He?" Morrison and the others waited as Mary held out her hands to show them something. But, then, something made her stop as she somewhat stared in disbelief at her own hands.

V, who stood just in time to see what Mary was looking at, saw nothing but her smooth - looking palms.

"Girl, what are you trying to say?" Nico, who was getting a bit impatient, questioned.

Mary looked up, smiled, and brought her hands down. "Nothing! Just,... nothing."

"Alright, then! I'll take my leave. I'll see you around." Morrison, who pretended to not be weirded out by what just happened, tipped his hat and finally left the trailer with more questions than answers.

"Are you alright?" Nero, who placed a hand on Mary's shoulder, kindly asked.

With a smile, she answered, "Never better."

However, V knew that was a lie. Mary was hiding something from them. It was very clear to him. But, what was it?

And why should Mary open up to them in the first place? They wouldn't believe her if she told them that the scar caused by her now dead teacher was all but mysteriously gone!

***

📷📷📷

***

[marisakage]

Hi there, Abby! @yunsoh I think this is my first time ever talking to you. Technically, this is a recommendation-turned-into-an-analysis post (I hope you don't mind).

So the other day, I came across a vocaloid music video called Bitter Chocolate Decoration.

Now that came outta nowhere, right? It has been ages since I've last listened to a vocaloid song but surprisingly enough this one resonated with me to a big extent.

You'd wonder why would this particular video hits real close to home. Well, that's simply because I regard this as Yuki's perspective towards society and his toxic relationship with his mother/Akito.

When you look into the lyrics, it clearly visualizes impossible-to-express emotions and emphasizes the arduousness of fitting into the world.

The kid in the MV was basically taught by his mother/caretaker to be a flawless person despite him not being comfortable with it.

He tried so hard to be what society always expects us to be, humble, altruistic, social, and selfless.

But being perfect made him unable to express himself which pushed him into shutting down his emotions, bottling up his feelings and suppressing his own thoughts. He ended up imprisoning himself and as time passed by he grew to accept the collar that has been choking him as a reality of his life resulting in him losing his identity.

There are instances in the MV where you can spot the kid wearing a VR headset and wires basically scattered everywhere. It's my own interpretation but I think they might signify the fact he has always borne the thought his whole life seemed real but in fact it was fake all along. The wires are what keeps the VR functioning and metaphorically speaking that might represent our society.

The visuals reminded me of how abusive Akito was towards Yuki. This might be not subtle at all but it's almost as if the caretaker in the MV is stuffing food into his mouth against his own will. Food represents what society expects us to be, in other words idealism. The kid was reluctant at first but later he felt so hopeless and gave up.

He followed everything meticulously in order to become an 'adult' while trying to the best of his abilities to maintain his sanity. Because being an impostor drives one insane and being someone else other than yourself is suffocating. This has turned him into a controlled puppet, a marionette or for a better choice of words a slave.

I'm not trying to imply that Yuki is like the kid from the MV but rather the noxious relationship both parties share.

Yuki has been abused by Akito all his childhood. The stuffed food you see in the MV represents that kind of sick and ill treatment Akito has been displaying.

Being ostracized, having to endure harsh and discouraging words on a daily basis, getting rejected by your mother and your brother when you especially seeked help from them. All of this has caused Yuki to have a very low self-esteem. No matter what he does, he remains convinced that he's a good-for-nothing person.

So faking his own personality while suppressing his needs and keeping a distance from others is what he resolved to do.

The only authentic and real feeling he's been expressing so far is his jealousy towards Kyo. He probably didn't want to end up being a shell devoid of emotions so the only thing he wanted to hold onto is what he feels towards Kyo. Kyo has always been a scapegoat after all (I feel so bad for him). But besides the point, Yuki's been trying so hard to please everyone in fear of getting rejected the way he did by his mother and his brother. Just the thought makes him feel nauseated. He's been not only bound by the curse but also by society and how it regards him.

The scars and the wounds made by Akito and his actual mother prohibited him from moving on. Almost getting an anxiety attack in a closed space is proof that he's always been haunted by them which shows how nasty and agonizing their kinship is.

It's been obvious how he tries to escape from the shackles; Akito; by picking his highschool and later deciding his future career. Normally, everyone would want to fit in but in his case it drastically went for the worst aggravating his self-deprecating. That's why being a perfect version of yourself can drive you insane and having to shoulder expectations coming from every corner is torture to say the least.

He didn't snap or anything because he thinks he has no rights to express himself, after all he's a pathetic and a worthless person who doesn't deserve people's attention and empathy let alone the affection everyone craves for.

Yet witnessing before his eyes the way Kyo and Tohru interact with each others made him realize how superficial and fake his life is (throwback to VR and the wires) and how his efforts will never bear fruit.

He struggles to please everyone but at the same time he thinks he's undeserving of feeling loved. It really is lonely but what makes things worse for him is that he; a despicable being; strives to have that kind of connection. That goes to show the depth of his wounds and how emotionally scarred he is. To belittle himself to that extent really proves how traumatizing his experience with Akito is.

And frankly speaking if it wasn't for Tohru, he would have ended up like the kid from the MV a lifeless "puppet" dominated by both society and Akito. He attempted everything in order to break free from their grasping fangs but his efforts were futile leaving him in a rather exasperated state.

But you know what, that's one of the many things that I appreciate about Yuki's character and that's because he didn't want to lose hope. He struggled in his own way to find meaning in his existence even when he knows that he's not worth it, he's human and having such a humane feeling is absolutely normal.

Everyone seeks to find their own purpose and so does he hence he projected a subconscious image that prompts him to do so: "hatred".

He doesn't care so long it serves him as a purpose because he's scared of living meaninglessly but it turned out that what he's been missing out all this time was "love"

Love as in supporting someone else who's as flawed as you. He's been the only one receiving love and he's thankful for it but now that he grew accustomed to this foreign feeling, he started to strive to be the kind of person Tohru is. A person who gives meaning to someone else's life cuz definitely that act in itself will give a meaning to yours.

The act of repairing the other's broken pieces will definitely repair yours in return. That's what love is, it's staying by your most important person's side and helping them chin up regardless of how low they think of themselves while at the same time coming to terms with your tragic past and healing your scars. Loving someone else equals loving your own self, it's an indirect way of pampering your injured soul. An endless cycle.

Sharing that sacred feeling is what gives people a purpose in life and this is what Yuki has realized after receiving it from Tohru. He wants to become that person even if he's scarred and flawed. He wants to support whoever's in dire need and prevent them from falling in the depths of darkness so they don't end up like him, and that person happened to be Machi. Both of them saved one another, Machi gave purpose to Yuki's life and Yuki helped Machi open up and accept the fact that nobody is perfect and that having flaws is what makes us humans.

I don't even know how I ended up deviating so much from the main point but simply put that MV reminds me a lot of Yuki from when he was a child and how sickening and revolting his bond is with Akito and society in general. I apologize for this wall of text but I really couldn't help sharing my thoughts with you especially when you're one of my favorite bloggers.