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unconventional-lawnchair · 2 months

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We'll heal together: Chapter Seven

Not Strong Enough Boygenius

Sirius Black x Reader / Remus Lupin x Reader (Ambiguous-Past)

Masterlist

Summary: Remus confiscates the map and sees a name he never thought he'd ever see again/how Remus lost the reader

Cw: Use of {Y/N}, Mean Remus, Jealous/Jerk Sirius, Harry with hurt feelings, mentions of death, mentions of character death, cusses, mild sensual content (please reach out if I missed something}

Wc- 5963

If you were asked in school when was the first time you had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting the eldest Black brother, you probably would have told them your first year when you met with James to be sorted into your houses.

The Grand hall was magnificent, it looked as amazing as you had always guessed, with so many faces you had never seen before, and such a warm feeling that came with it. You looked around, eyes following the floating candles that cut down the middle aisle and tried to stop you before you could reach James.

You were bouncing on your heels, holding James’s arm, and swaying. Sirius didn't say anything to you, but he stared. Stared the whole time James introduced you to Peter and Remus, telling you the story of how they met, luggage mixed up after several of the suitcases on the platform had been knocked over.

You and Lily shared a look and amused snickers at that.

When James got to Sirius, you two shared a look but nothing else. There was a tension in the air, as you twisted your lips into a skilled and annoyed pout that James knew very well. Sirius just scoffed and looked away from you, stepping closer to James.

You gave a small huff, it felt like you were watching a dog lay claim on their favorite human. You grabbed James’ arm tighter and Sirius in turn wrapped his arm around his shoulder. You glared at Sirius while James stood there with a confused but content look.

“James Potter.” Professor McGonagall called to the front, and he wiggled himself out of your grasp, You and Sirius still remained tense. You looked up at James with a hopeful smile, and your jaw dropped as the hat announced ‘Gryffindor!’ and the kids adorn in red cheered.

You also cheered. Then when Lily was called, you gave her a thumbs up as she glanced at you. With your reassurance, she walked forward, nose upward and full of confidence. The hat hardly touched her head before it boomed out the same house. You lit up as Lily looked over to Snape. The boy slowly nodded, as she hurried off to the red table.

“Severus Snape!” She called forward and the boy climbed the steps. He sat down and his face twisted with determination, before the hat gave a scoff. “You can't just ask for a house, boy! There is more to it than that!”

Snape's face fell but his eyes remained closed.

“Slytherin!” The house called and you gave a worried look at how distressed that seemed to make him. You heard a pompous laugh beside you, turning to look at the gray eyes of Sirius Black.

“Don't be cruel.” You hissed at him and he simply stuck his tongue out at you. You gave a gasp and before you could retaliate, the assistant headmistress called you forward.

At the sound of your last name, a few students looked at you wide eyed. Ignoring the attention had become a useful skill you picked up on when you were younger. You walked up and sat on the stool. Closing your eyes tight, you listened. Praying for Gryffindor. The hat gave the best impression of rolling his eyes. “Hm.. A {L/N}, you have some legacy here. Brave, wise for such a young child. Loyal and ambitious.. Oh, very ambitious.” He muttered and you twisted your face. “You, small child, are an interesting one. Mind is nothing like your father’s years ago..”

You slowly peaked your eyes open, looking over at the red table and smiling as James and Lily met your gaze. By chance, you glanced over at the Slytherin table, eyes locking on Snape who seemed so awkward and out of place, People talking to him and he didn't respond, staring at Lily. You frowned and the hat seemed to notice something in you shift, before the rim curled and he bellowed. “Slytherin!”

Your face fell and your jaw unclenched in shock. Standing up you walked over to the Slytherin table, ignoring people as they tried to call out to you sitting by Snape. He snapped his head up as if he was about to snap at you, before he paused. You both held a look at each other before he huffed and laid his head on the desk. You were content with the silence.

You always told everyone that was the day you were cursed with the parasitic knowledge of Sirius Black. For the trained eye, however, like Lily Evan’s, you two clearly knew each other before that.

“So.” Lily mused as she laid in your bed, facing the canopy above her, and legs curled up. One thing you loved about being Prefects, was your dorms were not but a few yards away from each other. All it took was a silencing charm and James’s cloak to get you and the girls together.

Mary was on the floor facing your mirror, using the back end of your comb to line up her eyeliner while Marlene, her usual make up partner, was distracted.

Dorcus, your fellow Slytherin Prefect, was sitting on your bed by Lily, looking down at Marlene who was laying her head on her lap and biting her lip. Trying to flirt with the usually stoic girl. You raised your eyebrows in surprise when Dorcas actually smiled back. James is going to owe you so much money.

“So?” You asked, sitting on your desk and reordering your record collection Lily had slowly smuggled in for you over the years. As it was Lily’s gifts, it mostly consisted of ABBA and Queen, but all songs you adored.

“Well, I’ve been meaning to ask you, when did you meet Sirius?” Lily asked and your face twisted up in confusion. “What?”

“Don't ‘what’ me, there is clearly history there even before you met in the first year. There is so much hate in that boy's heart for you it's unrivaled. I sometimes wonder if James is the only thing keeping you away from meeting the other end of his wand.”

You gave a bitter laugh and rolled your eyes. “As a training Auror,” The girls collectively groaned and you giggled. “I could totally land him on his arse, thank you very much.”

“You're deflecting.” Mary sang from her seat on the floor and closed her makeup, turning to face you four. You bit your cheek as Marlene snickered. “And clearly there is something going on in that pretty head of yours.”

“I have to agree.” Dorcas called over and turned to face you, hands still on Marlene’s face. The glossy almost transparent lipstick stains all over Marlene’s face did NOT go unnoticed by you. You contemplated honesty, biting your cheek before you groaned.

“It's.. It's stupid, really. I know why he hates me, and it's not complete rubbish.” You sighed and set one of the records on to play with a wave of your wand. “He is just a child. Still thinks he's the only one suffering regardless of the situation. Narcissistic and cruel.”

The room was quiet for a moment before Lily gestured you over to your satin green sheets. You sat down and turned to look at her, as she squashed your cheeks together and Mary, feeling left out, hurried over to practically shove you across the bed. You guys fell down, head to head, looking up at the ceiling, and with another glance at Lily you caved. “Well, I may have met him one other time.”

“Where?” Mary prodded as she shifted to her stomach.

“At our engagement party?” You winced out as you cautiously looked at the girls who were all giving you serious looks of appalled shock.

“You're what!?” Lily finally shouted.

~~~

You couldn't have been more than five, maybe six, when you were told by your father that you were engaged. You were sitting in your room, having just finished your cleaning and making sure there were no blemishes to be seen. Your father and mother came in for their nightly overlook.

You stood in the center of the room, head held up, back straight, and your nose turned so you looked like a presentable young lady. Your hands clasped behind your back as your father walked around you and ran his finger along one of the tops of your bookshelf.

“We are going to the Blacks tomorrow, do you understand?” Your mother’s piercing bird-like voice filled the quiet dark room. “The house elf will dress you, but after your next birthday we expect you to be able to do it yourself. Understand?”

“Yes mother.” You mumbled. You hated the Blacks’, Mrs. Black was always so.. cruel. You couldn't imagine her home would be much better.

“What is the occasion, mother?” You asked in a faint voice.

Your father went to stand by her and began to lead her out. “Your engagement to Sirius Black, her oldest son.”

You had to fight to keep your expression even. Oh.

“You will be on your best behavior, understand?”

“Yes sir.”

As promised, mid afternoon next day, you were dressed in a complicated black dress, with frills and feathers to match the Black’s matriarch. You stood at the door, hands in front of you as you presented your full self, as your father always said. You had to fight back the tears as the door opened and it revealed a rather cruel looking house elf.

“{L/N}s, we welcome you to the noble house of Black.” He drew in a slimy way. You pouted and followed him in, your parents following close behind. Your father took off his coat as Kreacher took off your mothers, then yours.

The first thing you noticed when you entered the house was the smell. It was awful. It was a burning rotten stench, like when your father would come back from his meetings with the dark lord. You would speak more on it if you knew more than the hushed whispers between him and your mother. Everything around you was so dreary, so depressing. All black and dark colors, it made you feel smaller,

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts, you didn't notice as the Black family made themselves visible at the entrance of a rather large ballroom.

“Mr. and Mrs. {L/N}, how lovely to see you.” Mrs. Black called out to the three of you dripping in fake honey. Looking at your parents, your mother nudges you with her plastic smile, moving you both forward. “Mrs. Black, lovely to see you again.”

Their little interaction fell on deaf ears as you looked at the boys across from you. The taller one, who you assumed to be Sirius, was standing in front of a shorter boy, Regulus. The younger black was clinging to his brothers tailcoat and half behind him

Sirius was glaring at you, as much as a seven year old could glare. The look made you slowly lower your gaze down to your feet. What have you done? Only two minutes in and your future husband already seemed to hate your guts.

You winced as your father gave you a firm pat to the back of your head when he noticed your head down. You quickly raised it and looked towards the boys. Slowly, you offered your hand. “{Y-Y/N} {L/N}. It's a pleasure to meet you. You waited for Sirius to offer his hand in return, but it never happened,

Your father sent Walaburga a look, and she twisted her lip and smacked Sirius rather hard, and the boy hissed out in pain, rubbing the spot before he took and shook your hand.

That night was spent mostly clinging to your mothers leg as Sirius avoided you. Getting congratulations and proud looks from people you didn't know, and frankly, didn't want to know. Even Beatrix, Narcissa, and Andromeda Black came to congratulate you. Though, the eldest, Andromeda seemed more sympathetic than actually happy for you. The other two didn't have a truly readable look, but Narcissa kept her eye on you for the rest of the party.

When it was time to go, you were at the door waiting for a proper farewell from Sirius, but even at his mothers insistence, he refused to meet your eyes. You didn't really want this to work, you didn't want to marry someone as mean as Sirius. All you could think was that you wanted to see James and hide away at the Potters. They were the only truly comforting family you knew.

“He just kind of.. Hated me ever since. As a kid, I think I can see it. He has associated me with his family since that night. I don't know much about them, but I could make a few guesses.” You rattled on and sniffed, you didn't even notice you began to cry until Lily ran her thumbs across your cheeks. You puffed up your bottom lip and Lily gave a faint laugh at that.

“Why didn't you tell me?” She whispered and you shrugged, moving to sit up. “I don't plan to marry him, you know that. I just have to push it, avoid it until my seventeenth birthday and I have left Hogwarts.” You declared, self assured.

“I will have access to my vault then, and when I move it to my own account I can go back to the Ministry as an Auror, my own person.” You sat up straight as your eyes landed on one of the many books you had read about your hero, Alastor Moody. You scrambled to your feet, past the girls and their sympathetic looks. “I learned not to hold onto it. Sirius will thank me eventually.”

You pulled out a book and flipped a few pages, down to the ‘dedicated to’ page that had Moody’s signature. The only gift your father ever gave you that wasn't about his preset image of your future. The one thing he ever gifted you that showed you he knew who you were. Even if he seemed to hate it.

Dorcas and Marlene shared a look before Mary laid down flat against the bed with a huff. “I never figured Sirius for that kind of person.” She mumbled into a pillow.

“Really?” You, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas asked in shock, making you guys sputter out a laugh. Easily diffusing the tension of the room.

~~~

It had been a few days now, of you sneaking away from the Weasleys to go and watch Harry simply… live. It was the best feeling, watching him exist in the walls you once called home. It was nostalgic, gave you a bit of pride to watch him make choices you knew James never would, and acted with so much of his mothers patience and bleeding heart.

His friends, Merlin his friends, that Hermione girl behaved so much like Lily you caught yourself doing doubletakes whenever she would say something that sounded a bit too much like the red head. Ron, he was like a balancing act, shy like Peter, but his personality reminded you of his uncles. Particularly like Fabian.

You were quite fond of them, following them around almost everywhere you could. Eventually you cut the visits to every other day, you needed rest at some point. So, here you were, following after Harry with his two friends, listening to their complaints about a rat of some kind. The simple reminder of the animal had you huffing.

Apparently, you were a bit too loud. Harry, who was behind his friends, turned his head to look into the forest. He spotted you again, and you simply stared. This time, he smiled at you, and you gave a happy shrill. Your entire body wiggling, from your nose to the tip of your tail. He gave a laugh, and mumbled. “Hello again.”

“What was that?” Ron shouted from down the trail, and Harry only looked away for a moment, but when he looked back, you were gone. He frowned a bit before he hurried down the trail to catch up with his friends.

You followed them all the way down to the river, your ears rotating around as you watched them meet with Hagrid. You tilted your head, curious about the impromptu meeting. You remembered Hagrid vaguely, he was a charming man, but you didn’t have much time to spend with teachers casually. Like… well, a normal student. Hagrid was probably the only exception to this in your eyes. You admired the guy, but he was basically an overgrown child. Didn’t make him any less appealing.

You slipped past a few sticks and twigs to keep your volume to a minimum. That was, until you heard a few snaps behind you. You quickly turned to hide under a bush. You had run into too many wolves and other creatures who were looking to make a meal of you to take any chance.

Your thoughts were derailed when you saw it, however. A muggle dog, larger than average, black and matted, he looked like a stray riddled with mange. You lowered yourself closer to the earth, but then, something clicked. No… truly? That silky fur you knew from his constant pampering, his full coat and frame had been whittled away to nothing, but you knew him. You knew that mutt anywhere.

You took the chance. You ran from cover and bit down on his tail. He gave a yelp and whipped around with a snarl. You held his eyes, it felt like he was moments away from pouncing. You took a shaky breath before you turned sharply and dashed off deeper into the forest. It wasn't long before you heard his heavy footsteps behind you. You ran for a while, until you were positive no one else could see you. You jumped down into a miniature cliff that was once a rushing river that had run dry. The second you jumped down, you transformed back. You raised your wand to the dog before you.

Sirius, those eyes, they were his. He stared at you, and you returned the blank sentiment. He slowly shifted back and you saw him in all his tortured beauty.

He didn't look much better than he did as a dog. Hair patchy, you assumed from neglect, He did always have a hair pulling problem when you were younger, you couldn't imagine what that did for him in Azkaban. “{Y/N}...”

Your name sounded broken coming from his lips like that. He walked closer and you stepped back, He didn't relent, walking you straight against the dirt walls that encased you. He only stopped when your wand hit his chest. He looked from your wand, looking up your arm, and to your face. He gave an almost crazed smile. “Scared of me, pretty girl?”

His voice was haunting. It put a weight down your throat, even in this state he had an effect on you that you could never understand. Your hand began to shake, and he took your wrist, lowering it and stepping forward. His dirty hands took your head so gently. You both stared into eachothers eyes and he gave a crazed and desperate laugh. His grip on your cheeks growing harsher. The dirt that was on his palms and under his fingers stained your skin, “Sirius-”

“Again.”

“What?”

“My name, say it again.”

You stared at him. His voice was so strangled, likely from under use. He wet his lips and you took a shuttered breath.

“Sirius.”

He let out a sound that you were sure only a dog could make. Grinding his teeth, he dug his nails into your cheek and jaw as he forced you to look completely up. Into his eyes. “Where have you been, vixen?”

You raised your hand to grab his wrist in warning, but the crazed man seemed to have come to terms with it. “I have.. Quite the tale for you, Sirius.” You breathed, and he slowly nodded, Hands lowering to your sides and you bit your bottom lip. Looking away from him. Giving him the chance to lean into your ear to speak. “Better make it quick, Vix.”

You almost forgot how to breathe. Struggling to hang onto your anger. This man had gone after Peter alone, told no one, not even thinking about how he was abandoning your godson in the process. Your mind was suddenly fogging once more when his thumbs pushed hard against your waist and his nose found its way to your neck.

You pushed him back just a few inches, turning to face him again, “Let me start from the beginning.”

~~ Harry’s POV~~

He saw the name, he knows he did. Peter Pettigrew. He knew something was off, walking down the hall alone. The steps were getting closer, but the name tag had disappeared. He ran his thumb over the sheet as he stood still in the hall. There was a tense moment, where he was sure Peter was getting closer. He flinched at his own reflection.

He was going mad, looking at this old parchment. Surely, it was mistaken. He had gone on a wild goose chase this whole time. Oh great, now Snape is coming? “Mischief Managed, Nox”

As if he was just waiting for him to hide, a blinding light took over his peripherals.

“Potter.” Snape drawls, his lips curled up in a permanent scowl. “And what are you doing, wandering the corridors at night?”

“Uhm,” Harry stated and began to look around for any excuse he could muster. “Uh, sleep walking?”

He cursed himself as it came out as more of a question than a statement.

Snape scoffed. “You are so extraordinarily like your father, strutting around the castle.”

“My father didn't strut.” Harry snapped back and Snape narrowed his eyes at him. “And nor do I. Now, if you would be so kind as to lower your wand from my face.”

Snape lowered his wand and rolled his wrist. “Turn out your pockets.”

Harry sighed and pulled out the parchments and his wand. “Open it, now.”

He thumbed over the paper and unfolded the map. Snape lowered his wand to utter an incantation, before gesturing to the words. “Read it.”

“...” Harry sighed and lifted the page to his face. “Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Vulpes, Padfoot and Prongs offer their compliments to Professor Snape and..”

“Go on.” Snape insisted and Harry glanced up at him before sighing and looking back down.

“And request that he keeps his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.” Harry remarked as he snapped his eyes up to Snapes, looking him dead in his dark pupils.

“Why you insolent little-”

“Professor?” Lupin called down the hall, turning the nearest corner and narrowing in on the two.

Snape turned sharply and slowly smirked at the fellow professor. “Ah, Lupin. Taking a stroll out in the moonlight are we?”

Lupin resisted the urge to scoff, and looked around him. “Harry? Are you alright?” He called over in a gentle tone. Harry nodded but Snape snapped his hand forward and snatched the parchment from him before he could stop him.

“That remains to be seen. I have just now confiscated a rather curious artifact.” Snape remarked as he looked it over. Lupin felt his heart fall to his feet. He hadn't seen that map since Finch confiscated it, Lupin quickly recovered,as Snape handed it over.

“I believe this is your area of expertise.”

Lupin looked it over with a firm sigh, threw his nose, rolling his tongue to try and stifle a laugh at the words. “Looks to be a parchment designed to insult whoever reads it. Likely a Zonkos product. Severus, but.” He lifted the paper higher as Snape tried to grab it back. “I will look it over. As you said, it is my area of expertise. Now!”

Lupin turned on his heels and gestured to his side. “Harry, a word of you'd please?”

Harry nodded and quickly passed Snape, head down as if in shame.

Once they made it to the classroom, Harry followed Lupin to his desk. The professor was clearly upset, so Harry stayed quiet. He spoke calmly, but his tone was anything but, like he was holding himself back from rage he didn't recognize.

“Now I haven't the faintest idea how this map came to be in your possession, I would say I am shocked you didn't hand it in, if I didn't see James doing the same thing. I am, however, incredibly disappointed in this behavior. Did you stop to think of it? For a moment?” Lupin raised his voice steadily before he took a pause and a deep breath, turning to face Harry fully. “That if Sirius Black got his hands on this map, that this would lead straight to you?”

Harry’s eyebrows raised. It wasn't that he was unused to people's rage being directed at him, or their disappointment for that matter. But something about it being Remus looking at him like that, it broke a bit of his heart. He was just so used to Lupin’s warmth. “... No.” He admitted.

“No. Of course not.” Lupin hissed. “I understand the thrill of it all, I was a student in these halls once too, but it is time to stop looking at this like a game. You are in danger Harry. Danger that your father and your mother lost their lives trying to keep you from. Danger that the people dearest to me were killed and maimed to protect you from! And wondering about the castle with a killer on the loose seems to be a pretty poor way to repay them.”

The professor waved the paper around like it had done some horrible offense. He tossed it on his desk with a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I don't mean-” Harry tried to explain and Remus didn't want to hear it, raising his hand to tell him to be quiet.

“Didn't mean what? To sneak out? Endanger yourself and in turn, this school?”

“I didn't think it was-” He began in bewilderment and Lupin simply raised his voice.

“Do you know how many people were affected by this war? How many people were on the front lines to ensure your safety?”

“No..”

“Fabian Prewett, do you know that name?” Lupin walked up to a letter that rested on his desk. He flicked it open. Harry frowned, hard.

“No-”

“Molly Weasley’s older brother, dead. Do you know Gideon Prewett?”

“No, I-”

“Fabian's twin brother, he was splinched and lost his left arm, moved to America. Marlene McKinnon?” He prodded. Harry looked down at his shoes. “Dead, death eaters killed her entire family. Dorcus Meadows? Voldemort killed her himself after she snapped and went rogue, looking to avenge Marlene. Mary McDonnell?”

“No-”

“She was killed in her safe house days after your parents death. {Y/N} {L/N}?” His voice cracked at the name.

“Yes, that name I-”

“You don't have a clue about that woman! About your Godmother, because she was killed. Killed trying to protect you and saving lives. All of these people put themselves on the line. Not just for your parents, but for you. For the concept of what we believed was our family. Peter Pettigrew faced Sirius Black for you! And to you that means nothing but for a boy like Peter that meant the world.”

There was a thick and tense silence.”Do you know what that means? Family means we look after eachother. In order to do that, you have to look after yourself first.” He tutted as Harry sniffed and looked away. He hated to be this intense about it, but Harry needed to wake up at some point.

“I will not cover up for you again, Harry. Do you understand me?”

“Yes sir.” He whispered low and Remus huffed. “Go to your dormitory.”

Harry had never run quicker from Remus, before he paused and cleared his throat. “Professor?”

Lupin gave a deep sigh and slowly turned to look up at Harry. “Yes?”

“I think it may be broken. It's uhm.. It’s been showing me Peter Pettigrew.” He spoke carefully and Remus narrowed his eyes. Harry gave an awkward nod, muttering a good night before running off.

Remus was left alone with his thoughts, eyes wandering up to the window behind his desk. He thinned his lips as he let his mind wander next. Those names, Maybe it was the date that led him to be so hard, even close to the full moons he had learned to manage his temper for the most part. The date was getting closer and closer to when he made one of the stupidest mistakes he has made in his life.

~~~

The spring formal, in lue of the triwizard tournament in the winter. He remembered when Lily suggested it to the other prefects then to the professors. They hadn’t held the tournament in years, and the kids were close to their last years at Hogwarts.

He thought it was a cute idea at first, having been one of the many students Lily had referenced to get the whole thing reviewed by the professors. Then, he started getting those bloody questions. It started when you were all sitting together in the library, the boys, you, Lily, and Mary.

You were talking Mary threw the process of making liquid luck, when a hufflepuff boy walked up to the table. He cleared his throat and looked at you in a way that made Remus want to pull you closer. His lip twitched and the boy didn't even seem to see him there. You two always sat together, no matter where it was.

You sat up straighter and your knee pulled from his, he almost whined at the loss of your warmth. Merlin, he was a mess.

“{Y/N} {L/N}?” He called over to you and you looked up at him with your beautiful eyes. He saw the boy take a nervous breath and you sat there so patiently, eyes fluttering. “I was wondering, if you had a date yet? To the Formal, I mean.”

Your mouth shaped an ‘o’ and you gave him the sweetest look you could, avoiding pity or sympathy. “Sorry hun, you're very cute, but I am actually waiting on someone.” You remarked, Remus glanced at you to see you were already looking at him with this cheeky look. Didn't know if his blood was rushing to his face or leaving it, but he suddenly felt dizzy. You gave a giggle at his look before you turned back to Mary and got back to helping her. The curly haired girl was staring at you with a slack jaw. “Did you really just say that?” She whispered to you before Lily spoke up next. “Did you really just do that?”

He turned to face the boys and they were staring at him with wide and cheeky looks, all but Sirius who seemed annoyed by the whole thing.

“Well, he knows what I want.” You remarked and he just about fainted on the spot.

You damned Vixen.

That's how he got here, sitting in his dorm room with the boys, as they interrogated him.

“You're not going to ask her? The girl you've been mooning over for years says she wants you infront of everyone and you're not going to ask her?” James sounded like Remus had personally offended him.

“First of all, I resent that. Second, it's only been a year.” Remus muttered the last part, remembering the day he fell for you fondly. Waking up to your warmth after one of the worst nights of his life. You had found out about his condition months ago, he had been avoiding you. You always had a playful and flirty friendship. But when he woke up to you in the chair beside him, sound asleep. He thought he could see that for the rest of his life, and he fell even harder when you let out the most embarrassingly loud snore.

“You flirt with her all the time! What’s so unappealing about doing that for an entire night?” Peter, ever bold when it came to you challenged and Remus sighed.

“When the full moon is close, she can't possibly think I'm serious, and! it's hard to think the same of her when she flirts with Lily and Marlene all the same.”

“She does what now-” James sat up straight like a rocket and that made Sirius cackle.

“It's easier when it's not serious. But, a spring formal? That's like.. asking her to be my girlfriend!” Remus declared in offense and Sirius scoffed, looking over his book as Remus struggled.

“Do you not want that?” James asked and Sirius chuckled. “Must have realized how vile she truly is.”

“Watch it Sirius.” Remus huffed before he looked back at James and Peter. “Of bloody course I want that. I just can't have it.”

James gave him a confused look before he groaned. “This shit again-”

“I will ruin her life! She'll be an Auror the second we cross that lake after graduation! Then what will people think? It won't be cute anymore. A werewolf husband can't keep a job, and I can never have kids. That's the one thing she wants the most. A family.” He mumbled and James sighed. Sirius winced and sunk into his bed a bit more as Remus spoke about his betrothed without knowing it.

He was going to tell them, but you had never made it known if you wanted him to share it or not. Not that you willingly interacted with him after how he treated him. Then you started this fling with Reamus. He figured at first it was to make him jealous, and it worked. Though, the way you looked at him was chilling. He quickly realized he had gone too far, but there wasn't much he could do now. So he stayed quiet.

“Do you think maybe you would be enough for her?” Peter offered and James nodded along.

“I think knowing she settled for me would be worse.”

Remus Lupin, despite his best efforts to prove otherwise, was not stupid. He saw the way you looked at him, the tone you took with him and no one else. You were wild. fun, but responsible and respectful. You were the coolest witch he ever met, and when he first said that out loud Lily gushed like a schoolgirl. Well, as a school girl. He knew that the remark in the Library was true,

He wanted to know what loving you meant. The feel of your hand in his. He wanted to know what it was like being your number one, you already had a way of making people seem special, but to be special to you was something he wanted all to himself. He wanted you all to himself.

He couldn't have that, he couldn't do that to you. To anyone. So, he made a choice that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He would let you go, and let you down easily. Before it got too real.

Remus shoved away the memory as he sighed, pulling open the map and looking it over. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” He whispered to it, looking it over with a frown. He curled back the pages, looking over the forest and the names around. It was oddly stimulating, watching the prefects doing their rounds and the occasional professor here and there.

His eyes wandered all over the map, looking to see if Harry was being truthful about it having Peter’s name. He didn't see it, but his nearly dropped the map when he saw his name. Sirius Black.

And he wasn't alone.

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moonytoasted · 4 months

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marauders era fan census:

please rb this for a bigger sample size!! im genuinely curious

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sxmnc · 1 month

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guys i need marauders/harry potter fans moots IM SO DESPERATE BRO☹️

#harry potter #marauders era #the maruaders #looking for moots #moots #tumblr fyp #marauders fanfiction #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #wolfstar #poly!marauders x reader #poly marauders #lily evans #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon #mary macdonald #hermoine granger #severus snape

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celestialgalaxyglow · 4 months

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At Jegulily wedding

Priest: If anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Everyone but James raises their hand.

James: Ok, that's just rude.

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bartypluto · 3 months

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Everything wrong with the marauders fandom ── rant

Long rant about everything that I think doesn't make sense in the fandom since marauders TikTok is driving me crazy (I did not proofread this and I don't know how much sense it makes but I hope you get the point).

People in the marauders fandom ship characters and make friend groups based on tropes and the personality of the characters (e.g. Regulus being with James bc of the brother's best friend trope and because their personalities are cute together) instead of taking the characters' morals and opinions into account (e.g. James (canonically) hates Slytherins and blood supremacists, therefore he wouldn't like Regulus (romantically or platonically)). By doing this, the characters are reduced to stereotypes without morals. Everyone likes each other (the Death Eaters are friends with members of the Order) and there's no room for a plot. Why would blood supremacy exist if not a single Death Eater or member of the OOTP actually upholds their beliefs? What's the point of the Harry Potter novels if everyone is best friends with each other? (I'm not saying personality doesn't matter or that the tropes make no sense, but ignoring everything a character stands for is taking it too far).

Characters are limited to being "bad people" and not being allowed positive qualities or "good people" who don't have flaws (e.g. the Marauders being perfect (except for Peter) and Snape being irredeemable and the devil incarnate). Why is it always so black and white? You've already stripped characters of their morals and now you're also not allowing them to have both good and bad in them?

So basically friend groups and ships don't make sense, lore doesn't actually matter anymore, and talking about anything is pointless since everyone is arguing about headcanons (which can't easily be disproved, cause if you say someone's headcanon isn't realistic, they'll start talking about how "nothing is canon so it doesn't matter!!!" Which is just plain out wrong by the way).

The ideas of a good work of fiction and character analysis are ruined since no one cares about the canon things we know about characters. They are under the illusion of not having any canon information, even though there's actually quite a lot of info in the books. Character headcanons should be an expansion of said person, an elaboration of what they're like. Making random things up is not valid unless we genuinely don't know a lot about someone (e.g. Dorcas, but even in her case we still know she was against Death Eaters and blood supremacy, so saying she'd be friends with Death Eaters is a reach unless you're claiming she actually doesn't have strong morals or you think she was friends with them before they got blood supremacist beliefs).

Also please come up with better names cause what are "Slytherin skittles", "Partyvan" or even "dead gay wizards"? I'm sorry this might just be the hater in me but I cannot take this anymore. Being gay has become some kind of quirk and making every character lgbt is seen as a good fandom trait (the dead gay wizards name has been around for a while, but point still stands).

The fandom claims to be oh so inclusive because everyone is gay, yet they make Sirius a femboy because God forbid two masculine men are in a relationship. One of them has to be feminine, right? You're definitely not promoting negative stereotypes by doing that! Also Jily and other straight ships being seen as boring because "all heteros suck and only gay characters deserve a fandom!" You're literally setting us back under the false narrative of "being inclusive". You're perpetuating stereotypes (again) and you're acting like being gay is some special personality trait.

All the characters from the Marauders era are so interesting and the era has so much potential, but it's being wasted because of the fandom's poor understanding of fiction.

#marauders #harry potter #marauders era #james potter #regulus black #sirius black #severus snape #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #the marauders #barty crouch jr #barty crouch junior #evan rosier #lily evans #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon x dorcas meadows #mary macdonald #partyvan

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bartyssimp-riley-16 · 2 days

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Marauders as book tropes~

S/N : my opinionn~

some have more than 1 trope :)

Remus - second chance

Sirius - opposites attract

james - enemies to lovers

peter - unrequited love

mary - mistaken identity

pandora - love at first sight

lily - marriage pact

marlene - bet

dorcas - blind date

alice - altar diplomacy/ office romance

barty - nobody thinks it would work/star crossed lovers

severus - soft boy x dom girl/ afraid to commit

frank - not good enough for her

regulus - forced proximity / love triangle

evan - academic rivals

andromeda - emotional scars/ lovers in denial

ted tonks - golden retriever boy x black cat girl

narcissa black - sunshine x grumpy

lucius malfoy - if i cant have you, no one will

xenophilius - in love with a bridesmaid / love potion

bellatrix - age gap

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thedeadgayseason · 1 year

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If I ever need blood, make sure it's Moony's because I know he's my type. - Everyone at some point

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wastingawayinmyroom · 3 months

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What cartoon showes do u think the Mauraders and Co would watch-?

oohhhh interesting question

james - octonauts or cupheads, they're literally both my childhood i love them so much but if u hc indian james then CHHOTA BHEEMMMMM

sirius - bluey and whatever that one show with the children of monsters was it SLAPPED

remus - says he only reads books bit HILDAAAAA

peter - alvin and the chipmunks i'm sorry i die laughing every time i watch that and i die inside every time i think of peter's betrayal so seemed fitting

regulus - also says he only reads books but hilda and CARRRRRMMENNNNN SANDIAGOOOOOOOO

marlene - SHERAAAAAAA bc lesbians

mary - miraculous. shes one of those people that hate the show but NEED ladybug and cat noir to get together (its me im one of those ppl)

dorcas - the hollow, and, much to her disappointment, molang. marlene has walked in on her watching molang multiple times and finds it adorable. dorcas wants to kill herself bc the embarrassment like she's the dark mysterious psychopath not the MOLANG GIRL- (shes an adorable molang girly FIGHT ME)

barty - KUNG FU PANDAAAAAAAA

evan and pandora - evan doesn't watch tv much so he likes whatever panda likes, and she has an unhealthy obsession with powerpuff girls, so that's that.

lily - magic school bus and the show where the "i can't read so this sign won't stop me!" meme comes from (i used to love it forgot the name tho)

bonus:

andromeda - THE AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALLLL

snape - ninjago and yes he gets bullied for it

bellatrix - monster high

narcissa - EVER AFTER HIGHHHHH SHE SHIPS APPLE AND RAVEN AND SO DO IIIIIIIIII

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marylily-my-beloved · 4 months

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LILY EVANS = SKINNY BY BILLIE EILISH

HEAR ME OUT. OK. HEAR ME TF OUT.

Fell in love for the first time. With a friend that’s a good sign.

The first time she ever fell in love was with Snape. She had just gotten her Hogwarts letter and went there, and she’s just happy that she fell in love with someone who might like her back.

21 took a lifetime

She died when she was 21, but also she had lived so much in those years, she had gone through so much. She had fought Voldemort, she had lost friends, made friends. Fallen in love twice.

People say I look happy, just because I got skinny

When she had gotten skinnier during the war due to stress and not eating enough, people complimented her on losing weight (obviously not her friends but people in the Order.) People saw her as happier and healthier when she lost weight when really she was so unhealthy and felt depressed.

But the old me is still me, and maybe the real me, and I think she’s pretty.

Lily didn’t want to be skinny, she knew it was because of the war and it hurt her that she wasn’t really healthy but everybody thought she was. She knew she was prettier before. James had married her while she wasn’t skinny, and she loved her body before.

I still cry

During the war she had tried so hard to keep positive but it was so hard, she had cried so much, she had lost so much. She had lost too much, her friends, her family.

Am I acting my age now?

Dumbledore had told her that the way she was acting would get her killed in a war, because she was passionate about keeping all her friends. When she died she had thought if this was what he had meant, to act her age was to die apparently.

And you said I was your secret, and you didn’t get to keep it

When Lily and Snape went to Hogwarts, Snape wanted Lily to just be friends with him. He didn’t want her to make other friends and have her own opinions. When they stopped being friends Snape told Lily nobody would want to be hers anyways. It stuck with Lily for a bit.

When I step off the stage I’m a bird in a cage, I’m a dog in a dog pound.

Lily’s life after the war was just trying so hard to stay positive, I was like a mask. And Dumbledore could control so much of her life after they had Harry, and she just had to be a part of it.

I never did you wrong

This is not only for her and Snape, but just in general. She did nothing to provoke people except be herself, muggleborn, redhaired, fat. She was just herself and people hated her for that.

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sevsbestfriend · 1 month

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fic idea: TIME TRAVEL FIX IT FIC, with a huge twist

As he watched the sorting ceremony, Dumbledore recalled a letter he received from Eileen Prince Snape, the mother of one of his about-to-be-sorted students. She explained that her son would need additional accommodations because of his condition. He sustained severe trauma to the head on his tenth birthday.

Ever since then, the boy is always listless and barely aware of his surroundings. He does, however, predict when she is able to burn her food or when her husband will come early from work and other similar things.

"Snape Severus!" Professor McGonagall calls out and a small child, who looks too small even for his age slowly steps forward and sits on the chair. The sorting hat is placed on his head.

\*Oh you poor boy, you finally had a second chance but even that got snatched away from you. You would have made a wonderful Slytherin, but what you truly need are some friends.\*

"Hufflepuff!" The hat calls out and with a small round of applause, Minerva guides the boy to the correct table, already being warned by Albus of his condition.

Dumbledore wonders if the boy would be able to cope, he will try to help as much as he can.

--x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Mulciber laughed with his housemates as he harassed Mary Macdonald, a levitation charm was cast on her robes and the poor girl was having a hard time keeping them down. The Slytherin cast, the stinging hex whenever her legs were exposed. because of the floating robes.

Severus slowly walked down the hallway where this was taking place, his eyes still listless and expression blank.

A small frown formed on his face and he silently cast a series of spells that had way more power than they had any right being when cast by an 11-year-old. An expeliarmus sent Mulciber flying in the opposite direction, his want on the ground, forgotten. The next few spells he cast caused the gang to run crying.

"Promised Albus....protect students" the child muttered to himself. He slowly walked to the now-crying girl and healed her.

"Th-thank you" the girl said while wiping her tears. Severus gently grabbed her hand and pulled her to the medical wing.

--------------------

Basically severus gets future memories while having dinner as a 10 year old, but they give him a huge migrane and caused him to do some accidental magic. A drunk tobias got up from his spot and punched Severus really hard to make him stop.

The concussion caused permanent brain damage and our poor boy is mostly trapped in his head, but comes outoccasionally.

The memories he received are incomplete at best and poorly cut out of context snippets at worst which may cause misunderstandings.

(I was trying to write my OTHER fic idea I posted a few days ago and came up with this instead. fuck my life)

#severus x mary #severus snape #mary macdonald #pro snape #fanfiction #hp fanfcition #hp fanfic #hp fandom #snapedom

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rookofthekingom · 9 months

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Lily Evans tries. She’s always tried. Since the moment she knew what it was to not be enough, she’s tried. Because she hasn’t been enough. Not for her sister, Petunia, who’s dismissed her and pushed her away as an annoying little sister since birth, who pushed her away as an anomaly, a witch, since the moment that letter came on her eleventh birthday. Not for her best friend, Severus, who dismisses her time and time again, always superior, always confident in the fact that he’s a wizard. A real one. Not enough for the entirety of the magical community, who treat her as inferior simply because she is muggleborn, not one of their perfect, ‘valid’ magicians.

And so she tries. Tries to be perfect, because she knows that if she’s not perfect, she won’t be enough.

So Lily Evans is perfect. The beautiful, straight-A student with all the answers and all of the confidence that surely comes along with it. Except it’s not real, none of it is. Sure, maybe she is beautiful. But what is beauty without something behind it? She’s learned the hard way that people like to look at pretty things, sometimes even like to be close to them, but it’s not enough at face value. So she has another layer, of course, because it’s not enough. She’s smart, she gets all of the best grades, and every teacher likes her. But it’s not enough, because people will still come to her with questions that she doesn’t know the answer to and she’ll be left with the overwhelming, rotting taste of disappointment weighing heavily upon her tongue. So she tries to make up for it by being likable. She’s as kind as she can be, she can make others laugh, even, but she still has lapses where she’ll fail. There’s never really a balance, she finds, between being too much and not enough for others. She’s too much when passionate, fiery with a heat that pushes others away. Not enough, never enough, when she’s not actively trying to get them to like her. It’s just—not enough.

At the heart of it, she really does know the issue. It took her awhile to figure this out, but it was undoubtedly Severus who helped her, even if it was most definitely not his intention. Severus is the only one she ever does try to be herself with, because surely he of all people can’t afford to leave her if she does something wrong. And she does do a lot of wrong things, especially around him, it would seem. He’s always laughing at her, pointing out how foolish or undereducated she is. And despite the fact that it makes her feel horrible, makes her want to curl up into herself, she likes it. It’s predictable; Severus is predictable, and it gives her some semblance of control.

“‘I think I wait for people to hurt me,’ she said quietly, ‘and when they do I feel a certain smugness at being right. And, after that, I just feel pain.’ - Sue Zhao

And the pain is what makes her realize the issue: that she’s the issue. That’s what’s at the basis of everything, really, and it explains why she never expects so much out of anyone else without questioning why she expects so much out of herself. From there on, it’s a new way of trying. It’s an attempt to discover who she is. But nothing’s different. It still doesn’t work.

“Nothing had changed. I was the stupid one again. I was the girl who never understood who she was to people.” -Carol Rifka Brunt

And it matters, what other people think, Lily decides. Because she can’t tell herself who she is, no. She knows that, at least.

"We are reduced to asking others what we are. We never dare to ask ourselves." -Jean-Jacques Rousseau

She’s biased towards herself, of course, and she sees the ways everyone else’s biases affect the way they see themselves. She refuses to be like that, no, she needs to be better, always better. She can’t afford to think of herself as anything other than what’s actually there, because she needs to prune what is there in order to present it as a finished product that others will accept. So she can’t find out who she is in confidence, she decides, because if she’s confident in her conclusions, she won’t undergo further analysis and will inevitably end up forming the wrong conclusions like everyone else does.

"My deplorable mania for analysis exhausts me. I doubt everything, even my doubt." -Gustave Flaubert

The doubt creeps in slowly, at first. But eventually it expands and quickens, consumes everything in its path. Only, she’s the one in its path. And she can’t let it go, she just can’t. She willingly let it in, after all, so she keeps it. Tucks it close to her chest and keeps it day in and day out, once again sure that a destructive force is the only thing that she can rely on to always be there. She’s not wrong, too, the doubt is always there, and eventually it drives a wedge in between herself and her soul. A great, gaping chasm that pushes her farther and farther away from herself, to the point where she feels like she’s separate from herself and simply watching her actions from a distance.

"My God, my God, whose performance am I watching? How many people am I? Who am I? What is this space between myself and myself?" -Fernando Pessoa

Something changes, though, in fifth year. Lily is forced to be a prefect alongside Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin, who she’s originally convinced she doesn’t like because he’s willingly friends with James Potter. She doesn’t like Remus, so she doesn’t try to get him to like her. And it is so very freeing. Gradually, she begins to look forward to her rounds with him. Gradually, she begins to look forward to seeing him. Gradually, she begins to spend extra time with him, studying together in the library. Gradually, she becomes friends with him. And Remus is the best friend she’s ever had. He’s kind and funny and welcoming, he never makes fun of her in a demeaning way, as Severus would, but rather teases her in a way that genuinely makes her laugh. And because she never originally tried, she never really starts. The only effort she makes is to just be friends with him, which really doesn’t take any effort at all. Remus just—understands her.

"There's nothing more intimate in life than simply being understood." -Brad Meltzer

And so Remus and Lily are friends—best friends. Lily is actually comfortable around him, actually trusts him. She doesn’t know who starts it, even, but soon they start sharing things, important things. They both have a lot of important things to share, it turns out. Remus is a gay werewolf that’s hopelessly in love with one of his best friends, and Lily is a muggleborn witch that’s desperately trying to be enough. So they support each other and Lily gets to see for the first time what it means to be a good friend. And she realizes that Severus? Well, Severus simply isn’t a good friend. He hurts her time and time again, and she’s always let him in the name of “friendship”. But she learns that that’s not how it should be.

"Giving somone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed you the first time" -James Hilton

So she stops giving Severus a reloaded gun every time he hurts her, and eventually it stops altogether. She moves on. Moves on and makes new friends. She makes the effort to try to be real friends with Mary and Marlene, who she had always been cordial with but too scared to ever really try to form a real relationship with them. Also, being friends with Severus maybe did have a discouraging effect on anyone who did want to be friends with her, but he’s gone now. So she becomes incredibly close with them incredibly quickly, and starts interacting more with the other Gryffindors. Remus even introduces (really introduces) her to the rest of the Marauders, and despite everything between all of them, she becomes friends with them too. By the end of sixth year, she has such a tight circle of close friends that she’s finally realized the truth of the matter when it came to her desperate desire to be accepted.

“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I'd been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on this earth as though I had a right to be here.” -James Baldwin

Lily Evans has a right be here, just as she is. She faces her seventh and final year at Hogwarts, with friends, and maybe even a growing attraction fondness for James Potter. (She would never admit that under any circumstances, though). But still, it’s a wonder how much she’s changed. She still deals with insecurity, of course, but she knows the truth now. She finally feels like she has a right to be here, and she likes herself as she is. And that in and of itself? Well. It’s enough.

#marauders #lily evans #marauders era #remus lupin #the marauders #lily evans supremacy #james x lily #sirius black #wolfstar #james potter #mary macdonald #marlene mckinnon #quotes #severus snape

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unconventional-lawnchair · 2 months

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We'll heal together: Chapter Six

Seven Taylor Swift

Sirius Black x Reader (Past) / Severus Snape x Reader (Platonic-Past)

Masterlist

Summary: The reader reminisces on some old friends of hers. Harry starts seeing a curious fox.

Cw: Use of {Y/N}, Mean Snape, Slut shaming, Curses, Avery and Mulciber, Fights, mentions of child abuse, toxic friendships (please reach out if I missed something}

Wc- 5462

A/n: This is mostly more filler for the characters relationships

You only stopped when you reached the road. Looking all around, you allowed yourself to transform back. You truly hoped that you already passed the hardest part of your escape plan. You knew you had to get to king's landing, there were other trains to take you to and from Hogwarts Valley, as to how to get there…

You wondered, slowly raising your wand to the street and took a deep breath. Here goes it. “Lumos.”

You gave it a few minutes before you grew anxious and began to look around the street. It felt like an hour had passed, maybe more, but the moon hadn't even shifted in the sky. “Heyy! Witch in distress here!” You wiggled your arms about. “Lost and uhm.. stranded and all!” You shouted and put your hands on your hips. Tapping your foot, you clicked your tongue and began to wonder if the Knight Bus was even a thing anymore.

As if to spite your skepticism you suddenly heard the rowdy bus. Eyes snapping up to it with a bright smile. That's more like it.

You could have sworn the Knight Bus drove more responsibly in your younger years. Maybe you were just used to the humdrum of muggle life, the slow and easy. Regardless, you managed to get to kings crossing in one piece. Shifting into a fox and hiding in one of the upper compartments in the near empty train was simpler then you thought it would be.

So much nostalgia rushed through you as you passed the magical barrier to the platform. You walked and skittered past people, hiding in their luggage and hopping from cart to cart to get inside the train. You walked down the mostly empty train car, beady eyes taking in the familiar interior. It felt like it was from another lifetime. A lifetime that was so cruelly ripped from you.

“Excuse me!” You heard a high pitched feminine voice call out to you. Turning your head, you saw a young girl. She had long red hair that reached her back, bright green eyes and a stern determined look. Pulled together with a slight pout, she looked ages wiser than her baby cheeks would lead you to believe.

“Uhm.. Hello?” You called back, turning to look at her fully. You weren't used to people coming up to you without your parents present, most who were forced to be meek and reserved, respectful with you as if you were the superior. At least, that's what your father always told you and everyone else around. As if the memory reminded you, you straightened your back and tried to put on a sour expression of indifference that your mother taught you to do. She was the master of it after all. “How can I assist you?” You asked in a much more mature and collected tone.

The red head seemed physically thrown for a loop at your sudden change in demeanor. She waved it off as she looked back at her father who was hovering around her sobbing sister, Petunia having an absolute fit and sobbing louder whenever their parents even glanced where you two stood. You winced and turned up your lip.

Lily’s look turned apologetic, before she looked around quickly and waved her parents off.

“I found someone, mum, da! I’ll be fine!” She called back as you looked around her form to get a better look at the three family members. They looked… Well, a lot like your family’s friends. Snobbish and thick headed. Who you assumed was her father called over.

“Good! Good! Don't be late!” He dismissed her, not looking up as he offered Petunia a stuffed doll and her mom didn't even acknowledge her as she tried to appease the little terror they created. They looked relieved as they left their little girl in the middle of the train station alone. At least your parents knew you were meeting the Potters. Well, you were, if your parents' poor planning didn't end up with you missing your meeting time.

“Was that your sister?” You asked with a gawk, and Lily slowly nodded.

“Unfortunately. I actually was coming to ask you, did you uhm.. Get summoned by a letter too?” Lily leaned closer to you and you purse your lips. What an odd way to phrase it, but you didn't think about it for too long.

“You’re looking for platform nine and three quarters, yeah? Here.” You took her hand without thinking. She was nice, she was like the sun and it brought you a bit of a gooey feeling. Watching that unfold gave you an unexplainable protective feeling of the red head, so you pulled her along. Lining up your carts.. You gestured to the wall and she gave you a scandalized look. “What?”

“The wall. You run at it.” You implored and the girl scoffed. “I may be new to this, but I'm not an utter fool.”

“Like to make a wager?” You mused, allowing yourself to be more playful, she reminded you of the safety James brought you, she was such a soothing presence, you slipped into yourself easily. “Ten Galleons says I walk straight through that wall.”

“What on earth are Galleons?” Lily asked in a bemused tone and your eyes shot open wide at the question.

That's how you met Lily Evans. Your best friend for the next ten years of your life.

You two eventually made it to the train, walking down the train car corridor, laughing at some stupid mistake Lily had made, leading to a domino line of luggage falling over and crashing open. You two ran as fast as you could to the train before you were spotted.

“Merlin, we are lucky the Blacks didn't notice that!” You giggled, and Lily gave an easily bright but confused smile. “Blacks?”

You tilted your head at her, your smile remaining but turning confused. What a strange girl. She didn't want to talk about Hogwarts out loud? Now she expects you to believe she hasn't heard of the Black family? It was like she was completely foreign,

“Blacks, the pureblood family?” You pushed and before she could respond a voice called out to her from down the corridor. You both looked up and saw a boy, slightly taller than you both, with an annoyed look as he gestured for her to follow him to his compartment. Lily looked at you and gestured over.

“Lily?” You asked as you made it to the door and slipped in. you raised your luggage above your head as the black haired boy lifted up Lily’s and put it away for her.

“Oh! Right! My name is Lily, Lily Evans.” She lit up and held out her hand. You mirrored her look and took her hand in your own.

“{Y/N}! {Y/N} {L/N}.” You introduced and she nodded, mouthing your name as if to get used to the feel on her tongue. You began to shift and make faces at her, trying to copy her, until she noticed and playfully shoved you.

You fell on your seat in a fit of giggles and looked across from you, seeing the quiet boy was already staring at you. You tilted your head and leaned forward, feet kicking out from under your seat. “Hello! Nice to meet you! I’m-”

“{Y/N} {L/N}. The {L/N} family is quite famous.” He snarked back in a sarcastic tone and your face fell, slowly leaning back into your seat. Right. Being around Lily had you forgetting who you were. She was a dangerous kind of fun.

“Yeah...” You mumbled and the boy sneered.

“You are aware Lily Evan’s is muggle born, yeah?” he challenged and your jaw went slack. Oh Merlin, you didn't even think about that. Your father would have your head if he knew you were running around with Mudb- Muggle borns. But Lily was nothing like how your father described, she was quite fun and smart, at least to your twelve year old brain.

“Is that true?” You asked Lily in a low whisper and Lily pursed her lips. Seems this wasn't the first time she was asked this.

“.. I am.” She answered cautiously and Snape watched you like a hawk as you pouted and deflated. “My dad would be so mad if I told him I was friends with a Muggle born. I am already pushing it with the company I keep, he says.”

Lily pouted and she looked like a kicked puppy, her eyes big and pout heart breaking. You three sat in silence for a moment before Lily spoke up again.

“Do you have to tell him?” She asked and your head snapped over to her. “What? Of course I do.” You mumbled and she narrowed her eyes.

“Why?”

“W-well he's my father, and I can't lie to him.” You argued and she tilted her head.

“But why?”

That stunned you for a moment. When you were younger, the fear of lying was debilitating. Your father could always look into your mind and sort anything out for himself, so the more truth you told the less you would have to deal with the pain. He was cruel and your younger mind has made him out to be an all seeing eye, just daring you to slip up so he could show you just why people feared him. Just why you should fear him too.

“I..”

“He wont find out, I won't tell a soul, would you Severus?”

The raven haired boy, Severus, seemed stunned by the question. Of course, he caved, and muttered a ‘no.’

Lily had that effect on people. One look in her eyes and you would do anything you were asked of, she had you and Severus wrapped around the very pinkie finger she used to promise you her silence since day one.

Little did you know, a few more months to come, and she would be much the same with you. Lily, Severus, and {Y/N}, would be names that would find themselves in each other's company for years to come. Their names and the tragedy that would follow.

It was morning by the time the train stopped at the Hogsmeade station. You huffed and dragged yourself to your paws. Once you scampered off the train it was much easier to follow the trail. Students were in their classes, and truly, no adult seemed to give a damn about you. You were just another woodland creature. If you did manage to catch someone’s eye, it wasn't hard to lose it in the edges of the forbidden forest.

You chose to stalk deeper into the forest, eventually being able to follow the river up stream, the one that ran straight from the Black Lake. Once you made it out and stumbled across the field. A feeling settled in your stomach you remembered all too well. Regret, hurt, pain, your ears pinned back,you remembered the day so clearly, as you stared at the tree that used to represent your little trio’s friendship. It was hard, being both Severus Snape and James Potter’s friends. When Lily told James around year 3 that if he wanted to impress her to lay off of Snape, you two thought it would be the end of their stupid fights.

That lasted exactly two years.

It has been days since you got your acceptance letter. The weekend that followed you had been a whirlwind of meeting the most remarkable people to ever work as Aurors, working alongside heroes everyday.. Well, from the inside of your cubicle. Your relationship with Alastor moody was shaky at best, but you went in with an impression to make. You weren't just there because your father, or your family, the very two things that did everything in their power to try and stop you from getting in. You came back to school Monday on cloud 9, you felt remarkable for the first time in your life and not because you were told you were.

Not from some suck up, or from your blood status obsessed family. You were remarkable because you worked to get to that point on your own. You had to remember to thank Slughorn for introducing you to the people who ran the program at his Slug club.

There was one person you had not been able to talk to since you got your letter. Severus. Being in the same house you would figure that you two saw a lot of each other. However, he had made some new friends. Friends you didn't exactly like. Avery, for example. He had been trying to get in your good graces since you met him, you knew why, it was painfully clear he wanted the connection to your father and you refused to be a vessel for that. He also spent more time with Mulciber as well.

That boy was a piece of work. You had made your feelings on him known to Snape early on in their twisted little friendship. He had done horrid things to the muggle borns, not to mention how he seemed to get some sick gratification from targeting the weaker women of the school. He had a passion for making any witch with what he called a ‘loud mouth’ his personal target. You had managed to avoid him, aside from a few crude comments here and there about your blood status and making himself known to your father as a potential suitor.

They were vile and whenever you mentioned the behavior to Snape he would simply scoff and go on rants about how you and Lily were never around because you two seemed to worship the ground the boys who tormented him for years walked on. You would always counter by saying he wasn't exactly innocent in their interactions, but it would always dissolve into stupid and petty fights. He would go for blood every chance he got, making sure you knew he prioritized Lily in every interaction.

Maybe that was when your friendship started to crumble. You knew what he said was to hurt you, that he would never truly mean it. Just like his accusations that you cared more about Potter than him, the length of your friendship meant nothing, and you knew he cared for you more than he cared for most.

And you him.

It got exhausting, however, taking his hurt for yourself. Putting it all on your shoulders as he lashed out for any evidence you cared for him still. It hurt to grow up, clinging to people you knew were bad for you. Severus Snape was bad for you. Saying that out loud broke your heart, because you were still young, and you would still always care for him, you didn't know a thing he could do or say to you that would push you away. Not for long. Because he was someone you knew, someone not many people got to know.

Severus Snape, the boy who would nag you for not bringing your cloak to Quidditch games but allow you to use his. Snape was the one who would nag you for your grades and give you his study notes. The boy who would absolutely ruin your confidence in potions after a simple mistake, and bring you candy from Honeydukes as an apology. Maybe that was it. He never said it. All the times you told him you cared for him like the rain cares for the breeze, Like how kindling cares for fire. You cared so much you made something dangerous, and it destroyed you.

Still, you held onto that hope that maybe, maybe. He would come around and put down his pride just,,, set it aside for you. It never happened. It did happen for Lily, but she never had to try for him. She didn’t know the times you had to pick up the pieces of him she shattered. It wasn't her fault, not her fault he refused to say it. He would let you know when you hurt him, never that he cared. He would let Lily know he cared, but never when she pushed him too far.

Yet you were the one to destroy it. You always took the blame. You let it happen, as what you had was turning fragile, and you weren't ready to give up on him just yet.

So here you were, walking down the halls to go and tell Snape the news, Because he was your friend, and because he never had to guess if you cared or not. This was his chance. He just needed to show he cared.

You made it to the dungeons but paused as you heard familiar voices fill the halls. You quickly froze and slipped behind a pillar to hide away. Bloody hell, what's your luck? He’s with the two nimrods.

“You know, even if she's a bit of a harlot.” You heard Avery quip and you rolled your eyes. You prayed for whatever poor soul the boys were talking about.

“She's always around those boys, heard she's doing Remus. A half blood? Go figure,” You heard the snake that was Mulciber speak up next. Your face turned sour and you narrowed your eyes. No.. He wouldn't let them talk about you like that, right? You bit your cheek and continued to listen.

“I wouldn't be surprised if she's doing all of them. That Potter boy and her have been friends since they were kids, can't say I'd keep a witch around that long if she didn't help me out once and a while.” Avery snickered and Mulciber chuckled.

‘True, and that Peter kid is like her pouch pooch. Maybe that's why Sirius hates her so much, shiny new toy and he doesn't have all the boys attention anymore.”

You took some even breaths and steadied your hands that shook with this sudden shock of nausea. Come on Snape. Say something.

“Talking about friends, Snape, you're close to her yeah? Ever had a go?”

Snape continued to look at his book with a bored expression, “I wouldn't touch her if she paid me.”

Your heart broke. Your eyes closed tight and you clenched your chest. You should of just walked away.

“Why's that? Too busy day dreaming about Evans? Cant say ive ever had a Mudblood before.” Mulciber snarked and Snape's book slammed closed.

“Don't call her that. Don't talk about her like that.”

That was your last straw. You turned sharply on your heel and walked past them. Dashing right up the stairs, You did not spare them a glance. If you had, you would have seen the look of shock and guilt all over Snape’s face.

You didn't remember running, or what you were thinking. But there you were, at the Fat Lady, trying to hide your tears in your sleeve as you knocked. You tried to mutter acknowledgement to the painting as she cooed and tried to comfort you as you waited, but nothing but a sob came out.

The door opened and you faced Marlene. The girl gasped and didn't even think before she pulled you in and closed the painting.

Next thing you knew, you were wrapped up in a warm blanket you knew to be Peter’s, a cup of warm brown liquid you used for steam to clear your nose enough to breathe. You knew this mug. It was Remus’s. You tried to stifle another onslaught of tears, as Marlene robbed your back from where you laid on her lap.

Peter was helping to take off your shoes and talking about his day to you. He knew you weren't listening, but giving you something to fill the silence. Remus had gone to get James, and Lily was rushing down the stairs when she heard you were in tears. Mary and Alice were not far behind.

When everyone was there you begrudgingly told them what happened. You watched their expressions. Your heart melted a bit, at how they seemed to react to the news. They were repulsed, not just for Lily, but for you. You had never seen James so calm, so careful with his words despite his clear anger.

You set the drink down and slowly melted into the comfort you friends offered, not even noticing as James dragged the boys aside to talk about something. You just let yourself be coddled as you did your best to forget Snape’s words.

The next day was better. You had Remus escort you back to the Prefect dorms, your walk was quiet but you felt safer then you had that entire day. He made an excuse to Slughorn as to why you weren’t there for your duties. He was even there early to your dorm in the morning to make sure you got out of bed on time and got ready. Honestly, you felt guilty, enjoying his presence so much.

You went through most of the day like that, until your free period. You were shocked to see Remus wasn't waiting for you, instead, Lily was. You smiled and you both linked arms to walk down to the field. You were still mad at Severus, so you hoped he wasn't there. On some degree, you have to admit, you wanted to yell at him, shout and tear him apart like he did to you.

But you couldn't. Because he was your friend, and because he never had to guess with you. He knew. That hurt worse.

As you both made it down to the Black Lake, you and Lily froze at the sight laid out in front of you.

Snape, dangled upside down by his ankle as James and Sirius threw taunts his way.

“James Potter!” Lily shouted and ran down the hill, you weren't really thinking before you shouted a spell at James, “Expelliarmus!”

His wand was smacked out of his hand, and next came Lily’s palm across his face. Sirius gave a low whistle at the contact. You ran down and slowed Snapes fall, “Severus! Are you okay?” You asked and tried to help him up.

“Get off of me!” He snapped at you. You flinched away with wide eyes and he snarled at you. “Always to the rescue, huh, {L/N}? Compensating for your name sake?”

He shouted out in anger and you let him. Again, letting him tear you apart. But this was different. He didn’t stop. He didn't calm down. His words just got sharper. You waited, this was the first time he berated you in front of a crowd.

“You see what they've done to me for years and you still pick them! You still hang around them! I don't need your pity! I don't need your help!” He snapped and Lily walked over cautiously, knowing your choice to handle Snape’s temper was always to let it pass. She didn't want to aggravate you. “Severus-”

“Not now you worthless Mudblood!” He shouted, eyes still narrowed on you. That gave you the perfect view of his eyes going as wide as an owl as he realized what had left his lips. He turned on his heel and stared at Lily whose jaw was slack and eyes turning glossy. She turned sharply and began to run off, and you let your face fall into your palms.

Remus was by your side in a second, wrapping his arms around you and ignoring Snape as his mouth opened and closed like a fish, muttering pathetic apologies.

“Let’s go.” Remus muttered, you could feel how he was tensing, holding himself back, You simply listened. Everything had happened so fast. You just remember how he looked at you when you glanced back. Pathetic. He looked like he was going to fall to his knees. If he did, Remus didn't let you see it. Last thing you saw was James running after Lily towards the castle. As Remus leads you off to docks, away from everyone's eyes.

You winced at the memory, eyes slowly lidding as you carefully stalked around the place it all happened, eyes locked on it, like it would come running after you. Once you had made enough distance you dashed off to the school. Slipping passed the gate with practiced ease, your eyes trailed up and your mawl dropped open in shock. Dementors? What in Merlin's sweet name were they doing here?

You pushed the thought aside, you didn't want to think about it. The great thing about having them as guards, however, not a single one noticed you as you made it to the school grounds.

You looked around before hurrying off and around the field. You stopped as you noticed the Quidditch court, with red ribboned boys flying around. It took you exactly three seconds to ponder if James Potter’s son would be in Gryffindor, and on their team.

If a fox could click their tongue, you would. Hurrying out further across the bridge, you snuck your way under the large tarps that covered the scaffolding. Slipping your way up and over, you managed to get a viewpoint from between the benches.

You didn't have to look long. As if on instinct, your eyes found him. A seeker too, you wondered if he was as cocky as James in the field. Slowly, your little tail began to shuffle around in excitement. He looked so much like James, but you could also see the boy you held all those years ago.

He was running his heart out, you watched his eyes follow after something you couldn't see, before he launched himself forward with a brilliant smile. Oh that smile.

“{Y/N}! Sirius! Come in!” You heard Lily's voice call from the living room. You and him were holding gifts, you had brought an empty photo album and several of your enchanted photos from Hogwarts, ready to sit down with Lily and make a time capsule of sorts for Harry when he went. Something with a cheesy ‘now it's your turn’ at half way for him to finish off.

Sirius had brought some dishes he made with your help, so Lily and James didn't have to cook for the next few months while Harry was still small.

“Where is my nephew?!” Sirius demanded in a playful rawr, walking into the living room, shoving the dishes onto James who sighed and waxed on about being forgotten for a tot. As he passed you to get to the kitchen you got on your toes and kissed his cheek, that seemed to satisfy the attention quota of his.

You walked deeper in and lit up at the sight of Lily, handing over the little bundle to Sirius. He looked so happy holding Harry, it made your heart flutter. You bit your lip and tried to fend off the baby fever.

Setting down the book and photos you walked over to Lily. She held the couch to stand and when you opened your arms she practically collapsed into yours. You giggled and pressed your nose to her cheek and she gave a sigh of approval. “Missed you.” She mumbled and you nodded. “Missed you too.”

You broke away from each other with a quick peck on the cheek, and you turned to meet the wrap of blankets in your fiancés arms.

“Oh, look at you.” You cooed and Sirius smiled at you. “Cute one, ain't he?”

“Very.” You agreed and reached over to let him grab your finger. He lit up in a smile and you mimicked it, sticking out your tongue and gave a delighted gasp when it made him giggle. Sirius chuckled.

“I've never been good with kids.” You admitted sheepishly.

“Neither of us. Guess we have our exception.” He teased and you rolled your eyes fondly at him. “For now.” You whispered against his sleeve and Sirius's smile twitched before James returned and spoke up.

“Now that you're here, we wanted to talk to you about something before Remus gets here.” He mused in a serious tone, arm wrapping around Lily's waist as she leaned into him. You felt your heart swell with how love struck Lily looked at James.

“Oh?” Sirius mused and rested Harry in your arms. You looked down at him and smiled, he again, returned it with a fit of giggles. Oh he was just precious. Oh wow, James Potter, the kid you wouldn't have trusted to watch your owl for a weekend had a small human. One he needed to make sure stayed fed. And breathing.

“Good luck little guy.” You mumbled to him, in your own little world. “You're gonna need it. Call Auntie {Y/N} whenever you need me.” You gushed.

James fell silent for a moment as he watched you coddle his son. Lily smiled brighter as she looked at Sirius, no other word to describe him but love sick. Absolutely destroyed with what he was seeing.

“About that.” James cut in and you looked over at James with a pout. He laughed before you could even snap at him. “Before you kill me.”

“We were looking into a godparent for little Hars.” Lily whispered and your eyes widened, looking at Sirius.

“I wanted Sirius, Lily wanted you.” James continued and you gave the most offended expression you've ever made. “How dare you! I've known you since diapers!”

“Exactly what I told Lily when I tried to argue what a horrible idea it was.” James snickered and Lily hit him with her elbow.

“So, we compromised. A godmother and godfather.” Lily finished and your jaw went slack, you looked at Sirius with wide hopeful eyes and he returned the look.

“Y-yes! Yes of course!” You declared quickly and Sirius nodded vigorously before he pulled James into a tight hug. “I'll keep him safe.”

You walk up closer to Lily and she leans her chin on your shoulder. “And I'll make sure he's a proper bloke.” You quipped and Sirius playfully scoffed. “Define proper bloke.”

“Not you.” You teased and he wet his lips with a bright smirk. You turned to Lily and James, tucking Harry on your shoulder. “You two should get some rest. We'll watch Harry for the rest of the day.” You mused and Sirius didn't complain. Taking Harry from you.

“Oh, {Y/N}, you really don't-”

“Go go! Begone! It's godparent bonding time!” You scolded and James laughed, nudging Lily. “I'll run you a bath.” He muttered into her hair and she sighed blissfully. “Sounds like heaven.”

Oh they were love.

You and Sirius stayed that whole night. Cleaning up around the place, taking care of Harry, and keeping the volume low. Remus came over and you and him worked to distract Harry and Sirius took a nap. That really only consisted of him staring at the muggle tv and flicking through channels. When the actual parents returned you and Sirius went home.

You went home and had one of the most vicious fights you had ever had.

You shook the thought from your head as you watched Harry land. Slipping through the benches and squeezing your body onto the platform you watched from above before you hurried down the stars behind a fluffy haired girl. She ran on the court, joined by a very familiar redhead.

You stopped just outside the pitch in the grass, watching as everyone packed up and Harry talked to his friends with such life in his eyes. Your own eyes trailed up to his scar before you tilted your head. You still had a lot of questions on your mind. But now, now was time for observing. His smile, it reminded you so much of your days within these walls. The days you spent with James and Lily, running down the halls and making fools of yourself. You hoped he was having a similar childhood.

You watched him for a few minutes, before he seemed to register your presence. His eyes flicked over to you and you two shared eye contact.

Harry could have sworn to Merlin that the look you gave him, he'd seen before. Just like that, in the meer moments you were there, you were gone. Slithering your way into the forest and into a small den. You scratched your neck out, shaking your fur vigorously, a sign of stress as you tried to figure out what to do next. You didn't want to leave Harry, you didn't want him out of your sight ever again, but you also didn't want Moody sending an Auror strike to find you. Eventually, you relented. You'd go back, practice your apperation again and again until you were able to make it from Wesley's to the forest. You knew you could do it, you'd done it from farther away. You took a deep breath and transformed back.

Time to unrust some wheels.

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