#seriously i dunno either

[thewriterowl]

I would like to preface this out of left field question by saying I absolutely adore all of your work!!! Every story and tumblr post with dark content is something that I enjoy reading!

But do you ever look back at some of your writing and ideas, especially with dark Din, and wonder where the “F**k that came from”?

Like everything you have written is amazing but you have no idea where the premise came from? Like I can day dream up scenarios when I’m going to bed that follow some of your plots but I never seem to come up with anything original.

Please don’t take this question as an insult!!! I’ve just been rereading some of your posts and I had the realization that I never in a million years could have come up with this scenario.

Thank you for sharing everything!!

Hello! I am anything but upset or insulted, so no worries :D

And I shall be honest!

I dunno.

:D

I've liked dark content, with Dark "tops", since I was a teen. I devoured manga and anime, books, and then dove deep into Fanfiction.net and found myself just loving the Bad Boy trope (which also had Bad Girl trope for the yuri/FF pairings). You can see even in my ancient sacred texts of my fanfiction back on FF.Net that I had a thing for possessive/obsessive/controlling lovers who were super sexy for their love interest (i.e. the love interest/bottoms (I say tops and bottoms for all genders FYI, though it's mostly for MM) were always my favorite).

It very well could be from some trauma. It could be I am imprinting myself on the bottoms. I haven't ever truly sat to think about it because it was so normal when I was starting fanfiction that it wasn't really something to think about. But anytime a plot pops up my brain is all "aww...make it dark" or at the very least "make him feral and possessive" and I'm just "(snaps fingers) you crazy sonofabitch I'm in." I mean, i was doing that for the OG Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu Yu Hakusho, Bleach and Naruto (I'm old)

And nothing is really original lol some things just pop up from seeing something that weirdly triggers a story and my brain is just gonna go follow it and see what happens. Sometimes, I am reading manhwas (ya'll are in trouble with all the messed up stuff I'm reading with them anyone heard of suffering stories called Little Mushroom or Save the Hunter??? The WHUMP I am thinking of!) or a book and go "this is nice! but I wish they'd done this instead...hey, why don't I think of a story where they do this instead?" or there is a scene and I'm just "my baby girl meowmeow (aka Luke) needs to go through this" and bam story.

That's what happened for Ghosts of the Bent and Broken. I saw Rocket's past from Guardians of the Galaxy III and needed to inflict that on Luke. Just that scene made me want to write a whole story to simply lead up to that reveal.

So...

(shrugs)

I dunno.

And the clicking of stories? I also dunno. Literally this morning, I watched a few TikToks and my brain whispered "yo...you need to write this" and now I'm nearly 10 pages into a story when I should be trying to finish a story for Halloween or at least doing the Moonblight update but nope. Instead, my brain is on whales.

Maybe it's decades of intense maladaptive daydreaming and intense escapism. Or my brain is just wonky.

Hope that answered??? :D

[ficandkaboodle]

Sister Imperator took one look at her undiagnosed AuHD son who was going through months/years of thanatophobia, clocked in that he also had difficulty focusing, and thought, “You know what job would be perfect for you once your time as Papa concludes? :)”

Like, no setting him up for life to relax somewhere on a farm to train rats, not even a slightly less demanding desk job within the Church, it’s just straight to the top. It’s almost as though she has difficulty conceptualizing why anyone would want anything that doesn’t have to do with the Church. 🤔

[bloodypeachblog]

I have never played the Call of Duty games, nor do I ever intend to (FPS games aren't my thing), and I don't know the story AT ALL..

....but holy goddamn, Ghost and Konig are doing something to me.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.

It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.

It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.

When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.

Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.

I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.

[alxor-of-hellsite]

THINGS!

2025 is going to be the most jam packed stressful year of my life & i know that for sure because a lot is already planned. So i WILL be an absolute mental wreck (this is apologies in advance) & i will literally be clinging onto support most likely the whole year so tumblr will either be me spamming constantly or me not here for weeks or months at a time & barely posting? i’m so unpredictable. Anyways my entire life is guaranteed to change & the best case scenario will still ruin a lot of shit for me so if i get really depressed THERE IS REASON!!!! & i’ve already made several promises so the world is stuck with me if i can help it. so uuhhhhhhhhh YEAH. ANYWAYS IM SCARED FUCKING SHITLESS LIKE ZERO SHIT SCARED OUT KF MY FUCKING MIND SO YEAH. THE MENTAL STATE WONT BE THE BEST. LOVE YOU GUYS!!! IF MY ACTIVITY IS SPOTTY IM NOT DEAD WE’RE PROBABLY JUST DISSOCIATED AS SHIT!

Anyways. TLDR i’m going to be super fucking stressed out & out of pocket for the next year because of shit.

Any friends of ours read tags pretty please <3

[blujayonthewing]

sure was Something to see a bunch of people on facebook yesterday like 'haha wow this weather is great! I'll sure take 70s over february weather any day!!' and then watch severe thunderstorms and tornados sweep through that night

[chocolate-cream-soldier]

-.-

[veilk]

one time i tried that "mentally ask yourself if anyone else is in there" thing & i didn't get a Direct response but the song stuck in my head (which i Do Not control) would change and the new repeating lyric would function as a response to whatever question i asked. so that was kind of fucked up & i don't know if i'm supposed to do anything about it. it just kinda sounds ridiculous to say "there are entities in my head attempting to communicate with me via song lyrics"... i realize now i don't actually have a specific question i just wanted to tell someone about this sorry

THAT'S. HOW IT GOES SOMETIMES... yeah i have no idea what's up with that either brains are weird

[sketchiefoxie]

yoooooooo I bought myself the 40th anniversary comic!!! This changes everything!!!!

[lottieratworld]

that walmart00012 stream seems uh, kind of bad. just like, recording strangers (potentially close-up with full view of their face) without their knowledge or permission up on twitch for everyone to see? extremely uncomfortable, honestly no better than tiktokers or youtubers or whatever recording strangers in public being weird

[dan-crimes]

I fucking HATE YOUTUBE literally like bro when I look something up maybe it makes sense that I am looking for videos related to that thing specifically and that I'm NOT looking for a bunch of UNRELATED RESULTS PERTAINING TO MY ALREADY EXISTING INTERESTS AND/OR GENERALLY HORNY RESULTS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF MY INTERESTS

I literally cannot find anything because it shows me like, let me count, 12 results of what I could potentially actually want to see before going Oh people have also watched this! And then scroll down like 5 of those and then it's like You might also like this! NO!! NO I WOULDN'T !!!! THAT SHIT IS COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR !!!! And guess what I just went back and checked my other searches and I only got 10 somewhat related results on that one! AND THE ONE BEFORE THAT WAS ONLY 8 RESULTS !!!!!

I AM LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SPECIFIC BUT IT DOESN'T BARELY SHOW ME ANYTHING WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS YOUTUBE WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS !!!!!!

[windfighter]

"Don't be angry at the rich for hoarding money, just imagine yourself with hoards of money and the universe/God will give it to you" what is this book xD

[azathothweirdo]

"Do you approve of yukio--" He's fake. He's fictional. He does not exist. Aoex is not real. He's a anime character.

I don't need to "approve" anything about a character's behavior or personality to like them. It's a story. It's entertainment. No one needs to defend their enjoyment of a fictional character.

[hershelwidget]

I’ve made a lot of Lamp drawings recently but I’m too weak to post the rest because those other ones I am batfuck insane with

Please take the two versions of this one as compensation

Uhhmm man idk sometimes when you see a lamp walking home you just kinda wanna beat it up. thats it thats the story

Also sprinkling in my hc that his blood is oil. no I won’t explain further just trust me bro it makes sense in the 10+ page doc I have about him

[royalarchivist]

[Transcript: (via @mcyt-transcribed)

A clip from Technoblade's POV of MCC 9. He is in the main lobby.

Techno: Are you kidding me? Okay, now you guys— Okay, if you guys can hear me, if anyone out there can hear the words I'm speaking, I need you to say "California." Okay? I need you to say "California," please, spam the chat, "California," I need— I need reassurance that people can hear what I'm saying. Alright? I need "California" in the chat. Oh, thank god. Oh, "California"s in— Oh, thank— You guys don't understand, I just did five minutes of livestreaming. Five minutes of me talking to myself, and I was like "why isn't the chat reacting?" So I go on YouTube and they made it so that hitting "start stream" on OBS, it's not good enough! Now not only do I have to hit "start stream," I have to go to the YouTube website on their new stupid dashboard and I have to hit, like, "ok, you guys start the stream acccept— accept the OBS broadca—" I just spoke to myself for five minutes for nothing. For nothing! This new dashboard is trash! It looks visually garbage, I can't show it to you—you know what, I bet I can, I bet I can show it to you! Does this have my social security number on it?

end transcript.]

i can’t stop laughing at this it’s just the vision of techno watching chat for a reaction to him speaking and seeing fucking Nothing and him thinking tens of thousands of people were just purposely ignoring him for being unfunny

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Unrelated to anything but I'm getting real tired of the amount of problems I've been discovering in the last month or so and honestly at this point yeah sure why not add another vet visit on top of that I guess like fine sure okay