#i want the cringe and the cliche and I just allow myself to be enveloped with it

[thewriterowl]

I would like to preface this out of left field question by saying I absolutely adore all of your work!!! Every story and tumblr post with dark content is something that I enjoy reading!

But do you ever look back at some of your writing and ideas, especially with dark Din, and wonder where the “F**k that came from”?

Like everything you have written is amazing but you have no idea where the premise came from? Like I can day dream up scenarios when I’m going to bed that follow some of your plots but I never seem to come up with anything original.

Please don’t take this question as an insult!!! I’ve just been rereading some of your posts and I had the realization that I never in a million years could have come up with this scenario.

Thank you for sharing everything!!

Hello! I am anything but upset or insulted, so no worries :D

And I shall be honest!

I dunno.

:D

I've liked dark content, with Dark "tops", since I was a teen. I devoured manga and anime, books, and then dove deep into Fanfiction.net and found myself just loving the Bad Boy trope (which also had Bad Girl trope for the yuri/FF pairings). You can see even in my ancient sacred texts of my fanfiction back on FF.Net that I had a thing for possessive/obsessive/controlling lovers who were super sexy for their love interest (i.e. the love interest/bottoms (I say tops and bottoms for all genders FYI, though it's mostly for MM) were always my favorite).

It very well could be from some trauma. It could be I am imprinting myself on the bottoms. I haven't ever truly sat to think about it because it was so normal when I was starting fanfiction that it wasn't really something to think about. But anytime a plot pops up my brain is all "aww...make it dark" or at the very least "make him feral and possessive" and I'm just "(snaps fingers) you crazy sonofabitch I'm in." I mean, i was doing that for the OG Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu Yu Hakusho, Bleach and Naruto (I'm old)

And nothing is really original lol some things just pop up from seeing something that weirdly triggers a story and my brain is just gonna go follow it and see what happens. Sometimes, I am reading manhwas (ya'll are in trouble with all the messed up stuff I'm reading with them anyone heard of suffering stories called Little Mushroom or Save the Hunter??? The WHUMP I am thinking of!) or a book and go "this is nice! but I wish they'd done this instead...hey, why don't I think of a story where they do this instead?" or there is a scene and I'm just "my baby girl meowmeow (aka Luke) needs to go through this" and bam story.

That's what happened for Ghosts of the Bent and Broken. I saw Rocket's past from Guardians of the Galaxy III and needed to inflict that on Luke. Just that scene made me want to write a whole story to simply lead up to that reveal.

So...

(shrugs)

I dunno.

And the clicking of stories? I also dunno. Literally this morning, I watched a few TikToks and my brain whispered "yo...you need to write this" and now I'm nearly 10 pages into a story when I should be trying to finish a story for Halloween or at least doing the Moonblight update but nope. Instead, my brain is on whales.

Maybe it's decades of intense maladaptive daydreaming and intense escapism. Or my brain is just wonky.

Hope that answered??? :D

[fnf-brain-rot]

Whitty x Boyfriend

                         Chapter 6 - should we?

                                NSFW WARNING

Boyfriend decided to stop by Pico's. Again. Well, Pico couldn't complain. The little blue haired guy had been watching over Whitty as if he had a child for over a week now. Pico just didn't like how early he came over. 12 PM is too early.

"Hey Pico! Gee, you look tired." Boyfriend leaned against the doorway, as if he were trying to look cool or something. Pico simply grumbled something under his breath and walked away from the open door, and Boyfriend took that as an invitation to let himself in. Pico walked into his living room, flopping face first onto his couch. "Couldn't sleep again?" Bee called to him, making his way to the kitchen to make TEA. Drinking coffee everyday was just gonna hurt him. Pico grunted loudly in response.

Bee smiled a little to himself, easily maneuvering around his kitchen as if he lived there himself. Well, at one point he actually did. That's why he and Pico are so close. He couldn't say they never had any awkward sort of encounters with each other, in fact he remembers those the most. He hummed as he put the tea pot on the stove, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. If he were to be honest, he kind of avoided Pico for a while. He began feeling funny around him all the time, and figured once he moved out, the feeling would probably go away. Pico seemed confused about his distant behavior, and even distanced himself with fear that he had done something wrong.

Boyfriend came out with the tea a few minutes later, noting the light snoring coming from Pico. He somehow managed to fall asleep. He laughed a bit to himself, then grabbed the blanket on the top of the couch to cover him with. It was a little chilly in his place. He would have to drink his tea though. Perfectly good Earl Grey tea should not go to waste.

________________________________________________________________________________

Pico awoke about two hours later, though he immediately sat up in remembrance of the company he had over. "Bee?" He called out, to what he was hoping was an empty apartment. He let out a quiet yawn, rubbing one of his eyes with his knuckle, a bit too harshly. He grunted and stood from the couch. He didn't get a response, which led him to believe he was alone. The coffee table was suspiciously clean. "I told him to stop touching my shit when I knock out." He muttered to himself. He just hoped he stayed out of his room. The thought made him cringe, and filled him with an anxiety to go check.

Removing his shirt, he still felt hot even though he turned the air on, he made his way to his bedroom first. The door was closed, but that doesn't mean he didn't go in though.

Swinging the door open, he took a  moment to scan his faint eyes across the empty room. It looked untouched, compared to the cleanliness of the rest of his apartment. He let out a breath of relief, but it was short lived as he heard his front door open. "Pico?" Boyfriend's voice called into the home. He must have seen that Pico wasn't lying on the couch anymore.

"Yeah, I'm here." Pico responded, shutting the door closed behind him before going back out to greet the blue haired midget. Once he could see him, he took note of all the plastic bags in his arms. "Did you go shopping??" Pico made a face of confusion, and Boyfriend smiled. "Yep! You had absolutely nothing in your fridge, so I went and bought you some stuff I knew you liked." He held up one of the bags. Pico could damn there smell the mini apple pies. "I.. told you about doing that shit.." The ginger crossed his arms and looked away, feigning irritation, but Bee simply laughed it off. "You want one?" he reached into the bag and took out one of the packages. Pico intensified his look, but still took the apple pie regardless.

"Go ahead, sit down, I'll put up the groceries." Boyfriend  offered, but Pico grabbed his hand to stop him. "No, bee, you're the guest here. You don't have to." The ginger sighed softly. Boyfriend huffed in frustration, gently pushing him away. "You go sit down. I got this." He continued his way into the kitchen, and Pico simply huffed with an eye roll. He was so sweet. He hoped that guy wasn't taking advantage of that.

Boyfriend made them normal turkey sandwiches for lunch, knowing Pico was a simple man. They ate together in the living room while watching family guy, proposed by Pico of course. Boyfriend would watch what Pico wanted, he honestly didn't mind.

"Hey, Pico?" The ginger hummed with his mouth full, then glanced back at the other when he didn't speak moments later. "Don't you get lonely in here? I know people are in and out of your apartment, but like.." Boyfriend stopped talking when he noticed the odd look on Pico's face. "I mean like! Ugh.. nevermind.." He looked down dejectedly at his sandwich, a temporary silence enveloping the two.

"Yeah.." Boyfriend's head shot up, a blush creeping up on his face. "Yeah, it feels pretty empty in here sometimes, especially ever since you left." Pico admitted honestly. An awkward silence claimed their surroundings a second time, and Boyfriend was regretting saying anything like that. Pico only ate half his sandwich before he felt like he couldn't touch it.

"I was supposed to meet this guy last weekend." He found the will to speak, finding the silence unbearable. It was Monday now. "What happened?"

"He couldn't find the will to come. He had already met Gigi that Friday, and one person at a time was good enough for him." Bee answered softly, glancing down at Pico's hand, resting peacefully on the couch beside him. He was there for that one scar on his hand. He was trying to cook something fancy with Nene and Darnell, and managed to cut himself real bad. He was sure the other two don't let him live it down.

Pico hummed in response. Once Boyfriend was able to stand on his own two feet, he moved out, even though he didn't really want to. He thought it was out of pure laziness, but there were other emotions tugging at him as well. He never had a good chance to address them.

"I'm sorry."

Boyfriend looked up to Pico quickly. He was now staring back at him. "I know living with me gave you a hard time. I'm not the most stable person." Boyfriend quickly shook his head. "No, no it wasn't like that!" He felt himself gently grab the ginger's hand. Pico tensed a bit at the sudden touch, then slowly made eye contact again. "I mean we both had our moments, I understand you go through a lot of shit, but like.. I don't regret living with you. I appreciate you for letting me stay with you until I got myself straight." he wanted to make it clear to him that he wasn't distancing himself.

Pico clicked his tongue, turning away again, mostly to hide the heat flaring in his face. Boyfriend gave his hand a gentle squeeze, though he couldn't help but laugh. "Are you flustered?" He teased him, and Pico grunted. "Fuck off, your face is red as hell." They both laughed at each other. "Look at me, dumbass." Bee then demanded, and Pico rolled his eyes, finally facing him again.

They were much closer than he remembered, but it didn't bother him. "You know this is cliche as fuck, right?" Pico then commented, making Boyfriend burst out into laughter, pushing his face away. "Damn, see look you ruined it!"

"Maybe you should have moved a little faster!"

"Maybe you should stop being such a pussy!"

Pico cocked an eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah?" Without warning, he pushed forward, pressing their lips together. It was a little rough, but Boyfriend being involved held a touch of gentle sweetness. They both damn there melted into each other, Pico pushing the other onto the couch, while Boyfriend wrapped his arms around his neck. They were glad to know it seemed like they had both been waiting for one or the other to make the first move for ages.

Pico trailed a hand up Boyfriend's thigh, and the other gave him permission to move further. Bee slid his hands under his shirt past the collar, feeling at the other's rough, freckled skin with loving strokes. They pulled away to breathe, panting softly and staring into each others eyes.

god he was beautiful..

"You sure you.. you want to?" Pico hesitated on his actions, but Boyfriend nodded quickly. "Of course I want to.." He smiled a little, pressing his hand against his face and gently dragging his thumb over his ear.

Pico hid the grin on his face by leaning down, leaving gentle kisses along his neck and collarbone. He pushed his knee against his crotch area, making Bee whine into his ear. he could already feel him growing hard, though he himself was too.

Pico was quick to take off Bee's sweatpants, and Boyfriend swiftly removed Pico's shirt. He couldn't help but run his hands along the scars slowly. He knew they weren't good, but by god did they look hot on him. Their breaths grew heavy as Pico trawled his hand along his straining briefs, giving him a gentle squeeze through the cloth. "Pico.." Bee managed out, triggering the butterflies in the ginger's stomach.

Pico wasn't really big on foreplay, and Boyfriend seemed to get the message when he tugged on his underwear. "Here, l-let me.." He turned it around, pushing Pico onto his back instead. "Wh- huh?" Pico made a face, though a blush spread on his features as Boyfriend pulled his pants and underwear down enough to allow his erection to spring up to action.

bee licked his lips. He hadn't done this before, but he was eager to try. He trailed his tongue up the side of his length, making the ginger groan at how slow he was going. He then pushed his girth past his lips, going down about mid way before he felt the gag reflex kick in. "Fuck, Bee.. shit.." Pico resisted the urge to buck his hips. He'd probably kill him doing that. Boyfriend pulled off, his face red, lips parted, gasped for air. It was an odd feeling.. He kinda liked it..

He squeezed the base of his cock, then went down on him again, making sure there was enough saliva to act as lube for their next act. "Jesus where did you learn this?" The taller man chuckled softly, biting his lip as he watched Boyfriend pull off again. "Uhh.. Just tried different things.." He laughed sheepishly, wiping the drool from his cheek.

Once he was wet enough, Boyfriend leaned back, spreading his legs open invitingly and holding them at his ankles. Pico's face couldn't get any more red. God he was so fucking hot.. "B-Be gentle.. I haven't done this before.." Pico nodded, leaning over him. He rested his hands on both sides of his head against the arm of the couch, pressing himself against his puckering little hole. They probably should have prepped first, but they were both too eager, too ready for this.

Pico slowly pushed in, and Boyfriend tried not to tense too bad, since tensing only makes it worse, however it did hurt like hell. He gently grabbed the other's hand and squeezed, Boyfriend eagerly squeezing back. Bee only whimpered, then breathed in a shaky gasp. Pico would pause every couple inch until he was fully inside him. He couldn't help but stroke Bee's cheek, watching him tremble with muffled whines and keens of pain and pleasure.

"You.. you can- ahh!!" Boyfriend moaned out surprisingly loud. Pico groaned as Bee constricted around him, tensing and relaxing over and over from every movement. He pulled out, then quickly pushed back in. Boyfriend arched his back and let out a high cry, his eyes rolling back from the sheer intense feeling of pleasure that washed over him.

Pico did move gently as he asked him to, his moan rumbling in his chest above the smaller. "O-Oh god.. Pico..! Ffuck..!" Boyfriend wiggled his hips a bit as he got used to the feeling, and Pico took that as a sign to go faster. "You take dick real good for it being your first time.." He mumbled to him, situating his hands on his hips in order to gain more control of his thrusts.

"Faster..! Faster Pico..!!" Boyfriend had thrown his arms above his head, which dangled over the side of the couch arm. He wrapped his legs around Pico's waist, finding them growing tired from just sitting in the air. Pico  happily obliged, smiling a bit at how eager he sounded. It did make him happy how easy he could please him though. Boyfriend's body began to shake, and his moans and cries took on a higher pitch. Pico knew he was close, and so was he.

With a few more thrusts, Bee tensed and threw up one of his legs, cum sputtering from his cock all over himself and his torso. The sight alone was enough for Pico to release his seed into him. He went on for a good few seconds, then finally pulled out after about a minute. They both panted heavily, Boyfriend's eyes already beginning to flutter from how tired he felt after their little endeavor. "That was.. so good.." He breathed out drunkenly, making Pico chuckle at his cute demeanor. "Yeah? Maybe we should do it again sometime.." He leaned down and kissed his lips again, ignoring the messy drool on his face. "Come on, let's clean up."

"Mh.." Boyfriend could only moan tiredly in response. Pico sighed lightly, then picked him up, knowing he was gonna make him do all the work.

________________________________________________________________________________

Boyfriend woke up abruptly, glancing around himself in confusion. Oh, this was Pico's room. When did he fall asleep? He was in his bed, wearing one of Pico's shirts and a pair of his boxers. He yawned and stretched his arms, though he felt another body next to him. "Oh you're up?" Pico's gruff voice sounded, and he looked over to see the ginger looking at him, a small smile on his face. It made Boyfriend smile also. "Sorry for knocking out on you. It was.. intense.." He blushed, and Pico laughed a little at him. "You look cute when you sleep.." He mumbled softly, and Bee made a face. "What? That's weird.." He teased him, and Pico rolled his eyes.

Boyfriend suddenly felt like he was missing something. Something important, and he knew what that something was. "Oh shit, what time is it?" He sat up quickly, and Pico frowned. "It's like seven thirty, why?"

Whitty has been alone at home all day! Fuck!

"Fuck, I gotta go.." He threw the blanket off of him, causing Pico to sit up as well. "He can handle himself can't he? Isn't he a grown man?"

"Well yeah! But.. He needs me.."

"I need you!"

Pico's retort made him pause and look at him. God, he did feel terrible about dipping on him like this. But Whitty.. He'll think he abandoned him. He wouldn't be surprised if he left the house completely at this point. "I..I'm sorry, Pico.." He mumbled. "I-I'll come back though I will! I swear I'm not blowing you off!"

Pico wore an unreadable expression, though he looked away and lied back down. "Yeah, okay." The words came out harshly, and Boyfriend winced. God he felt like shit. He stared at him for another moment, then left his bedroom, grabbing his pants to leave.

He thought about Pico the whole walk home, and even worse it had started to rain. He had to text him or something, but just knew he wouldn't respond. Not quickly anyway.

He unlocked the front door of his apartment, and quickly stepped inside, but was immediately greeted by the tight embrace of his large bomb man. "Thank god you're okay! You've been gone all day I thought someone hurt you or you got lost or maybe-maybe-" Bee quickly shushed him, laughing a little into his shoulder. "It's okay Whits, I'm here. I wouldn't leave you like that. I was.. running errands." He mumbled softly. Whitty pulled away, tear streaks on his own face. Boyfriend's heart broke. Had he been crying?

"You look sad, what happened? Did someone hurt you.. emotionally?" Whitty asked him softly, and Bee laughed again, dry this time. "No.. no.." He muttered. "I'll tell you about it later. You want dinner?" He offered, finally kicking off his shoes when Whitty gave him space at last. Whitty nodded eagerly. "I'm hungry.." He then informed him, pouting a little. He really did make Boyfriend smile..

[mst3kproject]

Babes in Toyland

This review represents a fairly important milestone for me – back in January I decided to start doing Episodes that Never Were on a schedule, and I've kept it up for a whole year!  I'm hoping I can continue in 2018, since there are a lot of bad movies in the world and it would make me giddy if a few Episodes that Never Were became Episodes that Actually Are.  The closest I've come so far is Reptilicus and its curious accident of timing.

Anyway, it just wouldn't be the holidays on the Satellite of Love without a messed-up acid trip of a Christmas movie.  This is one a lot of people my age remember being traumatized by as children, and is probably the only time you're ever going to see Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves, or Pat Morita on this blog.  Reeves frantically driving a pink bumper car with flowers on it is a sight not soon forgotten, I assure you.

Our heroine Lisa is eleven years old and wants a blender for Christmas, although a sled will do as a consolation prize. She and her sister get in a car accident in the middle of a musical number on their way home, and Lisa hits her head and wakes up not in the ER, but in a magical land of balloon trees and furries.  This is populated, Wizard-of-Oz, style by fairy-tale characters played by the same actors as people in her real life.  Lisa arrives just as the beautiful Mary Q. Contrary is about to be forced to marry evil Mr. Barnaby instead of her true love, Jack B. Nimble.  Obviously only Lisa, with help from Georgie Porgie and the Toymaster, can defeat Barnaby and save the day – but first she has to learn to believe in toys!

This is the kind of movie that actually makes you cringe watching it.  I spent most of it wanting to cover my face so I wouldn't have to see the actors embarrassing themselves.  Everybody came across kind of stagey and uncomfortable in their roles as ordinary people in the real world, and it gets ten times worse when they're dressed up as nursery rhymes.  Every single person looks like they're wondering how they got here and trying to remember how much they're getting paid for this.  The dialogue is bland and obvious, and the characters over-emote at the same time as they have no conviction whatsoever.

I'm even embarrassed for the prop and costume people.  Toyland probably isn't supposed to look real – that would defeat the point – but it shouldn't look like plywood.  And then there's the people in the animal costumes with the immobile faces and empty eyes and visible joins between the head and shoulders.  I've seen better costumes at ComiCon and some of those were in diapers.  Are the silent teddy bear cops supposed to be intimidating?  Because they're less scary than the donut cops from Wreck-It Ralph. Barnaby's army of trolls look like a cross between the Blood Beast and the Killer Shrews.

A large portion of the budget seems to have gone into creating or buying the wonderful wooden toys that fill the ToyMaster's workshop. A few of these are actual works of art, designed to turn the heat rising from a candle into whirling motion.  Too bad they're only onscreen for a few seconds before we move on to half-assed stuffed animals and creepy-eyed tin soldiers.  These impressive toys are way too good for Babes in Toyland, as is Pat Morita as the ToyMaster – I suspect he agreed to be in this movie only on condition of being allowed to hide behind that fake beard.  His helpers are supposed to be elves, I think, played by children who are also wearing fake beards.  This is distressing in ways I cannot quite describe.

The jokes are so terrible that I'm not sure some of them are meant to be jokes.  Lisa tells the Toylanders about Cincinnati and pretends its a magical kingdom ruled by King Pete Rose... is that supposed to be funny?  Georgie Porgie complains that he wasn't cut out to be a hero and Jack says, “they could cut three heroes out of you, old buddy!”  Is that a compliment or a fat joke?  I think Barnaby's bowling ball-shaped house, which he rolls down the street to knock people over whenever he has a tantrum, is a joke, but it's kind of a setup without a punchline.  There's a sequence in which Mother Hubbard is introducing her children and she can't remember the last one's name.  That's not funny, that's horrifying!

I can't even bring myself to write about the musical numbers. Anybody who has a hard time with secondhand embarrassment really shouldn't watch this movie.

The plot of Babes in Toyland is a list of tropes, but this is entirely appropriate for the type of story we're being told.  Barnaby is evil for the sake of being evil, Justice Grimm allows himself to be tricked and locked up in his own jail cell, and various characters show up to reference their fairy tales and then wander off again.  It should work because it's exactly what we expect, but instead of feeling natural, there's a sense of obligation about it. “Yes, we're Jack and Jill.  We have to fall down this stupid hill, so we might as well get on with it.”  The characters never appear comfortable with these situations, so the cliches become awkward instead of seeming like the natural order of the story's universe.

(One of the rules is that, as Mary explains to Lisa, it is always daylight in Toyland.  We're never told when anybody sleeps, although we do see a couple of beds.  We also see a sun, meaning that to have eternal daytime Toyland's planet must be tidally locked.  There ought to be howling winds as the warm air on the day side rises and sucks in cold air from the night side, which would be a frozen wilderness of perpetual night.  But only a nerd would worry about something like that.)

Toyland's tropes are based around characters and situations from Lisa's life in Cincinnati – Mary, for example, is her older sister, who is subject to sexual harrassment by her greedy boss, the tyrant of the toy store where she works.  One would therefore expect that the situations Lisa encounters in Toyland would teach her to deal with what's going on in reality, like how Chihiro learns courage and confidence through her experiences at Yubaba's bathhouse.  In Babes in Toyland, however, it's the other way around.  Lisa has already convinced her sister to tell off her boss and leave the toy store, and it's this she applies to Toyland in stopping the wedding of Mary and Barnaby.  Lisa already enjoys fun things, as evidenced by her happiness at the gift of the sled, and already believes in true love, as her first major act in Toyland is intervening in the wedding.  The lessons the plot is set up to teach her are ones she does not need to learn.

The other characters likewise seem to have their arcs done for them.  Mary insists that she will rescue Jack herself, saying “it's time I did something besides cry!”  We have literally never seen Mary crying – in fact, the only time she's come across as a weeping damsel was at the wedding, and there she thought she was doing what was best for her family.  Georgie is supposed to be a coward who wants to be a hero, and yet he keeps doing brave things from the start.  And what's with the subplot in which Lisa matchmakes between Barnaby and Mrs. Hubbard?  Does she want her mom to marry the creepy toy store owner?  Eww.

Besides the wooden toys, there are a couple of other things in the movie that do work.  Barnaby has three main minions – two of them, called Zak and Mak, are basically the porcupine guys from Highlander 2 (not that I've seen Highlander 2 or anything), and the third is a bird named Trolla.  This beast is played by a little person in some kind of unconvincing shaggy pterodactyl costume, but it does have a single large eye that Barnaby uses as a crystal ball to watch what other characters are doing and stay one step ahead of them.  For some reason, the eye is really quite disturbing and its image tends to stay with you – YouTube comments suggest that it's the thing a lot of people remember best about the movie.  The worst part, however, is that when the ToyMaster wants to subdue Trolla he does so by painting over its eye.  Oh god that must sting!

Then there's the Bottle of Evil.  When Barnaby uncorks it, a green mist comes out to envelop the characters.  It's not a great effect and you don't believe in it any more than you believe in anything else in the movie, but it's a scary idea and realized just well enough to make you worry.  Then they defeat it by singing a song about Cincinnati.  No, really, that happens.  It doesn't come across like a great moral victory, it's just a giant what the fuck. How do the other characters even know the song?

The idea of being knocked out and awakening in a magical land or another time is a very common trope in itself, going back at least as far as A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, written in 1889.  I know we're not supposed to worry about it, but when watching or reading such stories I always wonder what's going on in the 'real world'.  One of the things I really liked about Life on Mars was how the storytellers actually devoted time and thought to the fact that Sam is in an ICU hallucinating all this, and things in that outside world can affect the world he's imagining.  We don't get anything like that for Lisa.  At the end she just wakes up on the sofa and everybody's glad she's okay.  Why is nobody calling an ambulance?!  A loss of consciousness of more than a few seconds is a medical emergency!  Call a doctor, for heaven's sake, concussions do not make for a very merry Christmas!

The thing I'm maddest about, though?  Is that Barnaby wasn't defeated by getting crushed by his own bowling ball.  I waited the whole damn movie for that.  How dare it disappoint me!

[hamilton4laurens]

Dark Secret

Pairing: Vampire!Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader

AN: Day 1 of the Hamilton write-a-thon hosted by @hamwriters

Summary: Lin has been distant, going out late at night and not going out as much during the day so you took it upon yourself to find out why he was acting strange just to discover something much worse then you expected.

Day 1: AU Day

Words: 1797

Warning: Vampire Lin; angst; some blood(obviously)

_____________________________

Lin has been acting strange. As strange as he could be that is.

It was Saturday night, you laid alone in your bed, the open spot next to you was cold and has been for two months now. Lin refused to come to bed whenever you asked him to. Instead he locked himself away in his little office in your shared apartment. You barely see him, when you do he’s paler than he usually is but his eyes still held that light but with something darker. You…you were worried about him.

And you missed him. You missed your energetic, compassionate, workaholic, caring and sweet boyfriend.  He didn’t go out anymore, at least from what you’ve seen when your home.  Instead he’s in that office of his.

At night you would wake up to hearing the office door opening, it always creaked obnoxiously when opening or closing it so it was no surprise that you woke to it. You’d listen as best as your ears could allow from your spot for any sign of what Lin was doing and every time you heard the front door close.

So he was leaving.

When he left you cried. You thought of the possibility of him cheating on you.. It broke your heart. He wouldn’t talk to you, he’d instead text you saying he’s fine when you ask.

But one night you were fed up.

You vowed to get to the bottom of Lin’s strange behavior. And you just needed to know where’s he’s off to.

You love Lin, you really do and you want to trust him but with everything it was getting harder to do just that. So that night you laid there in bed and waited.

-

The door the the office creaked as Lin pulled it open. Lin hated that stupid door. He stood at the threshold of the door listening to see or in this case hear if you were awake but all he heard was your breathing. He smiled lightly to himself but that disappeared once he felt that itching feeling in the back of his throat. Lin cursed himself. As quietly as he could he grabbed his jacket from the coat rack and put them on followed by putting on his boots. Once he was done he unlocked the front door, opened it then left closing the door quiet behind him before walking down the hallway passing other apartment doors.

-

You heard him leave again. The blankets were thrown off as you quickly put your shoes on. Grabbing your hoodie you walked out of the bedroom. The keys, you noticed, were still here which means he was on foot.

Running out the door you looked down the hallway to find it empty. Closing the door behind you you jogged down the hallway and opted to got down the stairs instead of taking the elevator.

The cold air was crisp once you stepped out of your apartment building. You looked both ways and to your luck spotting Lin across the street. Turning right you jogged across the empty street. Your hair was a mess so you put your hood up. You lightly jogged to keep up with him but still stayed back a good distance so he wouldn’t notice anything off. People still walked the sidewalks so you can easily still blend in.

You felt like you’ve been walking forever. Checking the time it was nearly 3:00am. He’s been walking for about 15 minutes. Where could he possibly be going? Was all you could think about.

You stopped walking once Lin turned and walked into a bar. The windows to the place were tinted. It you could still see inside. The place was crowded and you can hear the music from where you stood outside.

‘So this is it? The moment of truth?’ You thought.

Walking in the place smelt like cigarettes and beer which was to be expected. Going on your tippy toes you looked around in search for Lin. You couldn’t see him at first. Music blared from the speakers as the people danced with on another in the small dance floor. The place was loud.

A couple of guys even women tried to buy you a drink to which you politely declined. After that while thing you finally spotted Lin across the bar pulling a woman along with him to the exit in the back.

Your heart dropped.

With the new found confidence that arose in you, you pushed through people to the back of the bar. You reached the exit and pushed the metal bar, opening the somewhat heavy door. The door slammed shut around you. Looking around it looked like a scene in a cliche horror movie with being foggy all the while it being in a dark alley. What broke your attention from the eeriness was a loud scream. You quickly followed the sound, your feet hitting the concrete as you did. Turning the corner your heart felt like it jumped out of your chest and not in the good way.

The woman looked like she was struggling, her mouth was covered by Lin’s hand. He didn’t even notice you yet. His face was buried in the woman’s neck.

“Lin?” Your voice cracked. Lin’s face shot up and looked at you with wild, animalistic eyes, his mouth covered in blood, fangs protruded from his mouth. A gasp escaped your lips as you took a cautious step back. His eyes quickly turned to shock and fear.

Lin released the woman who fell to the ground with a, thump. He looked at you mortified.

“Y/N.” His voice came out soft, taking a small step towards you. You recoiled back as you yelled,

“Stay the hell away from me!” Your back hit the brick wall much to your dismay.

“No, no, no, Y/N please don’t be scared of me.” Lin pleaded to you taking another careful step forward.

Glancing to the side to the opening to the street you darted for it. You were terrified, looking back Lin wasn’t there. Upon looking forward again you ran into someone. And not just anyone but Lin.

Scampering back you fell to the ground. Ignoring the pain in your elbows or your ass you scrambled away from him.

“Y/N I won’t hurt you!”

“What are you!” You yelled. His face became emotionless.

“I’m a vampire.” He told you. There was not sugar coating it, no beating around the bush.

Lin-Manuel Miranda was a vampire.

Once he made the slightest movement you let out a whimper. Lin’s face broke. He dropped to his knees his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet but you could still hear him. “I didn’t want this Y/N.” When he looked up he had tears going down his face. “I never asked for this.” He choked up on his last words. “I-I locked myself away from you…I was trying to take control of th-the hunger. I didn’t want to hurt you.” He stated. “I love you too much to ever do that Y/N.” He broke out into another sob.

You didn’t realize you were crying also.

“I-I need to leave.” You pushed yourself up. He looked up at you and stood as well. Hesitantly he reached out for you but you recoiled, so he let his hand drop. Lin looked away from you as he moved out of your way. Watching him cautiously as you walked past , you fled the moment you were fully past him, leaving him behind with the body that he had.

-

The front door slammed behind you probably waking up your neighbors but you didn’t care. You twisted the locks on the door before sliding down to the floor as a sob racked your body. From time and time again, using the heels of your hands to wipe away the tears but they kept coming.

After some time of crying you wounded up falling asleep against the door.

-

When you woke up you expected to have cramps in your neck and a stiff back from falling asleep against the front door but when you opened your eyes you found yourself in your bedroom under the covers.

The apartment was silent. No noise but the sound of the bustling city outside. Pushing the blankets off you noticed you were still in what you were wearing last night but with your shoes off.

Your felt your heart pounding in your chest.

Was it because of fear?

Quietly you got out of bed and crept out of the room. You noticed the door to Lin’s office was opened. Inhaling and then exhaling deeply you made your way to the door, pushing it fully opened. You nearly cringed as the door creaked.

It was empty. Stepping into the office, it was a mess. Papers scattered and even a few broken things. Walking to Lin’s desk was a letter addressed to you. Picking it up with shaky hands you ripped the envelope open as you left the room to read it, not standing being in that room.

Y/N,

From the moment I met you I knew you were special. We’ve been through a lot together and last night was the downfall of us. And I’m sorry. I never wanted you to see me like that. You were scared, so scared. I would always comfort you, wrap my arms around you and tell you everything will be okay but I couldn’t do that this time when I’m the one you’re afraid of.

You don’t need to be afraid anymore because by the time your read this I’ll be gone, gone from your life forever. What I am, what I did, I can not change and I refuse to change your life because of what I am. You have to know though that I would never hurt you and to not worry. I love you Y/N, please know that.

I hope you have a nice, long human life and that you find someone who makes you happy, makes you feel special, someone who gives you things I never could.

Lin

There was another paragraph after the one you read but it was scribbled out. The letter fell from your hands. Covering your mouth you bit back a sob as you clamped your eyes shut.

You loved Lin, you truly did but with recent events it changed to fear. Despite the fear you held for the man you loved it still broke your heart to read the letter.

From that day forward you tried to move on with your life, the first step was to move. So you did.

Every morning you woke to the pain and the emptiness your heart felt. But you had to push through. You just had to.