#send me asks my seasonal depression is bad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lamentationsofalonelypotato · 10 months ago

Text

Chapter 10: How Did It End Up Like This?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter ten of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6K

Warnings: References to sex, Kind of depressing, Cursing, Drinking, Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, this one is really sad y'all, like REALLY sad, I'm serious this one is really sad.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

1980

“Ben, stop.” You shout.

“Move damn it!” Ben’s eyes blaze a dark green sending a tremor down your spine, but you don’t budge.

“No.”

“Get the fuck out of my way.” He snarls louder.

You stand defiantly in front of him, where he towers over you, eyes narrowed, and shoulders tensed. His broad shoulders block the fluorescent lights that hang overhead and illuminate the gym, dramatizing his imposing figure.

“I’m not going to. So you’re either going to have to move me yourself or you can go cool off.” Your retort your voice icy.

The heat from Ben’s anger vibrated through the air between you, but you weren’t going to move. Not when he was being ridiculous.

Noir was angry, angry that Ben took a movie role that he wanted. In hindsight you also thought it was ridiculous that Ben needed to star in all the movies. He was already America’s First Superhero and the Golden Boy and America’s Sweetheart, but it wasn't enough for him for some reason. You often thought his obsession with fame had something to do with his dad. Ben had a lot of problems when it came to his father, all of which made Ben compensate other ways, such as, feeling the need to be in charge, feeling the need to be loved and accepted by others he didn’t know, being unable to express his emotions, and the current problem which was feeling the need to claim the dominant role as most popular superhero.

Aka when he turned into Captain Toxic Masculinity.

Honestly, you were exhausted. All of this was exhausting. Ben was exhausting. As someone who’d loved him this long you couldn’t help but see the shift from the boy you used to know into something unrecognizable. Occasionally you could see Ben, the old Ben, your Ben, who laughed with you, but those moments were few and certainly didn’t happen in public.

You shoulders tense with the force of your own anger and frustration, standing tall between Ben and Noir who lays on the ground behind you. Noir hadn't made an effort to get up, still stunned from the blows he took from Ben. The first few punches you hadn’t stopped, but it was when Ben felt the need to continue despite Noir’s pleas to stop that you had to step in.

You didn’t know where that came from, Ben’s need to beat people who were conceding. When he was younger you'd seen Ben get in a fight before, but those few times he hadn't continued to beat the other person when they gave up. The smell of whiskey and reefer floats off his clothes and you wonder how much he’s had to drink. Ben had two moods when he was drunk angry or clingy, and right now the anger was winning. You could hear the mad pump of his blood through his body and you wonder what else he might have taken today.

Because whiskey and reefer isn't enough? If he wasn't so damn indestructible he'd probably be dead from overdose.

Ben’s lip is curled back in a sneer, eyes flashing from where Noir lays on the ground then back to you. You know that he's ten seconds away from ripping Noir in half, and that's why you don't move. Noir didn't deserve that.

The way Ben's eyes burn through the space between you is hauntingly familiar as the memory of the night you hid Ben from his father settled over your mind. You fight the shudder at the comparison.

Ben wasn’t anything like his father. The thought is immediate, but then the memory of the past forty years begins to settle over your mind. Or maybe he was.

“Fucking pussy. Having a woman stand up for you.” Ben snaps at Noir.

Ben leans around you to spit at him, then raises his gaze back to you one more time before he stomps off, slamming the door of the gym so hard that it breaks the glass.

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Everyone on Payback was watching you like you were crazy and you partly were. Getting in between Ben and someone else was beyond stupid. It wasn’t the first time, but you knew that you were the only person that could do it. If Countess or Gunpowder had stepped in Ben would not have relented. It had to be you. It always had to be you.

And you hated the weight of that burden on your shoulders.

You turn towards Noir, holding out a hand to help him up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He sighs taking it . “You didn’t have to do that.”

“He’s just being… well. Him.” You mutter.

You hated that this was the new harsh reality, the new Ben that was born when he took the serum and became America’s First Superhero.

“It was incredibly stupid.” Countess sniffs from where she stands with the TNT Twins. Gunpowder is leaning back against the outer ring with Mindstorm who stares unblinkingly at you.

“Well, guess I took a page out of your book then.” You say, narrowing your eyes at her.

You couldn’t stand her. Ever since she joined Payback all she’d done was try to catch Ben’s eye and get between the two of you, but he never gave her the time of day. She had quickly won the favor of everyone else on Payback, which only made you even more angry because it always seemed like you were the odd one out wherever you went.

Countess only sneers back in response, flipping her red hair over her shoulders. Despite Ben's exit the tension in the room is almost choking. Your so-called team was watching you with unreadable expressions and you suddenly got the impression that you were trespassing or interrupting. It had happened before, when you came to a training session early and you walked in on the rest of the team, sans Ben, talking in hushed tones and they immediately broke apart when you appeared.

You couldn’t shake the feeling that despite the fact you stood between Ben and Noir, the rest of the team still didn’t like having you there. Probably because they associated you with Ben. It made you uneasy.

Because despite Stan’s efforts to keep you all together Ben's continuous outbursts drove you all further and further apart. And you worried what would happen the day when the shoe finally dropped.

One look at the clock on your wall showed that it was almost one in the morning, but you weren't tired. All you could think about is what almost happened to Noir. It wasn't that you particularly liked anyone on Payback other than Ben, honestly the whole superhero thing was getting tedious and you had considered more than once getting out.

But you couldn't. Sometimes you felt responsible for Ben, like you were the only thing keeping him on the straight and narrow. Of course every single damn day that road was getting narrower and narrower and now it was more like a balance beam than a two way street.

Ben's new outlook on life that revolved around drugs, women, more drugs, and more women didn't make it easier.

You frown at your sketchpad remembering when Ben founded Herogasm. You'd gone the first time, regretted walking through the door, stayed ten minutes, and then left.

Sex without feelings never appealed to you, but that wasn't why you left, it was watching Ben with other women that hurt you. You could barely get through it when he mentioned something in passing, but watching him there with them made you uncontrollably angry and not to mention frustrated. You didn't understand him, couldn't understand why Ben was different around you. Didn't know why whenever you were alone he would give you hope, just to take it all away again.

How could so much change? How could everything go to shit so quickly?

You think of all the years that followed the night that Ben asked you to come with him, how you thought that Ben was telling you that he loved you in his own way. But he didn’t. You were realizing that now, as painful as it was to admit to yourself, Ben only saw you as a friend, would only ever see you as a friend.

When you decided to come with him you thought that the change would be your friendship into something else, but it never came, the only thing that changed was Ben.

A loud banging at your door makes your entire apartment shudder and pulls you out of your memories of the past.

There's only one person who can do that.

Your home was a small two-bedroom apartment in New York City, but you loved it. It was quaint and comfortable and each time you came home you felt relaxed because you were able to shut out the life you lived everyday. The small kitchen was barely big enough for two people to stand in, but it made it more intimate and cozy. The living room had a soft leather couch, but no tv despite Ben’s complaints that you should get one. He hated that you couldn’t watch his films when he came over. You liked listening to music more anyway. Your collection of vinyl lined the living room wall in clean bookcases next to a small record player. The spare bedroom served as your studio, not that you were trying to sell your art, but because you needed a place to exist where you weren't a supe and where you weren't in love with Ben. There were stacks of sketchbooks in the studio closet from when you were a child, but you couldn't bear to get rid of them. Sometimes you imagined living here with Ben, cooking in the small kitchen while he read the newspaper, lounging on the couch and listening to music together, and falling asleep on his chest with his arms wrapped tightly around you.

You sigh, pushing away the warmth of the thought, and wave your hand to telekinetically unlock the front door behind you. The familiar purple glow from your abilities fills the apartment. Ben had a key, but you figured he just wanted to make an entrance.

Always the drama queen.

“Got anything to drink?” He asks as he enters the living room.

You glance over the back of the couch to look at him. He's more casually dressed now, wearing a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt the same color of his suit.

“What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d stop by, see if you’re still pissed.”

“As I recall it was you that was pissed.” You roll your eyes at him.

“Only because you were getting in my way Sweetheart” The way he says your nickname is harsh and mocking, so different than the way the old Ben used to say it. When it sounded genuine, caring, almost special.

“Because you were about to rip Noir apart!” You gesture with the pencil in your hand, snapping your sketchpad shut.

“That pussy deserved it. Thinking he was better than me. I’m fucking Soldier Boy and he’s nothing more than a-“ Ben scoffs rolling his eyes.

“Ben I can’t do this if you’re gonna be like this right now.” You interrupt pinching the bridge of your nose with your fingertips, still annoyed from earlier. You hated that he did that, when he made you feel like his babysitter, when he made you feel like you had to make apologies for him.

“Like what?”

“High, drunk, acting crazy-“

“I’m not acting fucking crazy!” He snaps.

“Ben-“ You begin with a sigh.

“Fine.” He spits. “We don’t have to fucking talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.” You wave a hand haphazardly towards the kitchen. “There should be some whiskey in there somewhere. Though I don’t think you need anything else to drink.” Your nose wrinkles as you inhale, the smell of stale alcohol wafting back, followed by the unmistakable scent of perfume and sweat.

The super senses really sucked sometimes. Smelling the women that Ben had sex with was an unfortunate skill you had acquired.

“Fuck off.” He rolls his eyes, but waits for a minute eyeing you. “You’re not going to get it for me?”

You ignore his sharp tone and turn back to your sketchpad. “Nope. I don’t want to enable you.”

Ben stomps into your kitchen. It's immediately followed by the loud banging of him searching the cabinets for booze.

He should know where it is, spends enough time here.

“If you break anything, you’re going to fix it.” You shout opening your sketchbook back to the page you were on. You were drawing the Philadelphia of your youth, the familiar streets, the cars, and the women dressed in beautiful outfits.

“My hands are better suited for other things Sweetheart.” You hear him mutter under his breath and you try not to snap your pencil in half. His taunt made you think about Herogasm and the scent of perfume on his skin, and that was the last thing you wanted to think about.

Ben comes back and slumps onto the couch beside you, a large whiskey gripped in his hand. He sighs loudly to get your attention when you don't look up from your drawing.

"Alright, what is it?” You ask continuing to draw.

"Nothing.” He grumbles drinking from his glass.

“Ben, I’ve known you for over fifty years I can tell when you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Well I doubt it’s over what you said or did to Noir today. So what is it? What are you not upset about?”

"I just thought it would be different." Ben swirls the glass in his hands.

"What?"

"Being on Payback."

"What do you mean?" You continue to sketch the shape of a woman walking down the streets.

"When I first started doing all this fucking superhero shit it was different. Felt like I was promoting something, now it kinda feels like I’m just here. And no one respects me.”

“They’re not going to respect you if you keep threatening them and beating up whoever pisses you off.” You mutter.

“They might.” He snaps.

They won't.

"Well the way things are going with Russia I’m sure there will be another war." You sigh, thinking about the recent newspaper headlines. Everything was devoted to the Cold War, everyone was afraid of what Russia was doing or what they were planning. Stan Edgar and Legend were talking about some Anti-Communist campaign videos and posters that they wanted you to pose for, but you weren't sure you wanted to.

"You think so?" He sounds optimistic.

"I’m not gonna hope for one, but probably. I get it though. You’re doing all those movies and premieres and photo shoots, it doesn't feel real."

It was exactly how you felt. You felt that all this supe shit was coming to a head and what did you have to show for it? A few pictures of you holding up a car or a painted caricature of you on the side of a jet or a short film with stupid prerecorded lines that made no sense and even more ridiculous outfits that Legend tried to get you to wear. When you got the serum with Ben you thought you’d be contributing something to society, but no. It was just like when you were a child, dressed up like a China doll, made to be looked at but never used.

"I like those movies."

"I’ve noticed." You breathe remembering earlier when Ben almost killed Noir over the movie role.

Noir technically started that, but Ben just took it way too far.

"What about you?"

The question catches you off guard. “What about me?”

"You haven’t done any movies lately. Legend said that you turned down a few films." Ben takes a swig from the glass in his hand.

"Aren’t you afraid that I’ll steal some of your thunder Soldier Boy?” Your taunt. “Because I already saw what you tried to do to Noir today. And I’d rather you not beat me to a pulp-“

“You’re not like Noir. You’re different.”

“Mhmm. Sure.” You sigh rolling your eyes at him.

Ben sits there for a minute. You can feel his gaze on you. “I’d never hurt you y/n.”

The softer cadence of his voice makes you pause your pencil against the page. You knew it was true. Even when Ben was pissed off it was the line he never crossed. Ben never touched you when he was angry, but it never made it any easier to deal with him.

“Hey.” Ben whispers to get your attention, but you continue to look down at your paper. “Look at me.” His thumb comes under you chin to lift your eyes to his.

“You know that right?” Ben’s gaze is soft, you hadn’t expected it to be given the way he entered you apartment and his sullen mood. “You know that I’d never hurt you?”

The look in his eyes makes your throat tight, makes you see the Ben you used to know, who promised to look out for you and who promised to be strong for the both of you. And it hurts more than you thought it would, because you weren't sure that boy was still there.

“Yeah. I know.” You nod, but you don’t smile. You knew it was what he wanted to hear. “You’ve been talking to Legend about me?” You say to make the warm feeling of his touch fade.

He shrugs satisfied with your response, the softness fading from his eyes as he drops his hand. “I was worried.”

You fold your legs up under you. “I don’t know, I didn't love any of the scripts. And I’ve been thinking about getting out. I’ve been doing this so long-"

It was the first time you'd said it aloud to Ben. You'd mentioned it once to Legend and then made sure he never said anything about it. You weren't sure how Ben would react to you leaving.

"What?" Ben's eyes widen in surprise.

"Come on Ben, you’re telling me that you don’t want to have a normal life? Meet someone, have some kids, settle down? We’ve been doing this shit for years. Doesn’t get any easier."

"Sometimes.” He smirks at you. “So who’s the guy?”

“What?” You raise your eyebrows in confusion.

“The guy you’re going to settle down with.”

“What makes you assume that I’ve met him?”

“I mean, I’ve never seen you with anyone. And I’ve never walked in on you fucking anyone. Plus, you never come to Herogasm-“ Ben pauses. “It’s not Noir is it? Is that why you were protecting him today?”

“No.” You scoff, shading the side of a building to avoid his gaze, because how do you tell him that you met the only person you’d ever wanted when you were 8 years old?

“Good.” Ben drinks from his glass. “I do think about it sometimes.” He says it quietly.

“Huh?”

“The house, having a few rugrats.” He shrugs. “Might be nice.”

“Yeah.” Your throat is tight imagining Ben with someone else like Countess, sitting at his wedding, watching him say those vows to someone else. You didn't think you'd be able to just sit there if it came to that.

“How about you and I get married?” He says it nonchalantly.

You roll your eyes. You knew he didn’t mean it. He was just saying it to joke with you like always. Ben never saw you that way, you were realizing that more and more each day, even though it hurt to think it.

“We’d kill each other before we say I do.” You quip staring down at the page.

“Maybe. But really, we’ve known each other long enough-“

“That’s not a reason to get married. Plus, we both know that you’re not a one woman kind of guy and if you're actually being serious about this it would mean that you would have to change-“

You think about it. If Ben actually did want to commit, could he do it? His wandering eyes and hands would drive you crazy if he finally did want to start a relationship. You definitely did not want an open relationship. You wanted Ben to be wholly yours as much as you would be his, because you knew that if you devoted yourself to Ben, he would probably cheat, but then be furious if you spent any amount of time with someone else. You remembered all the ways he acted around Howard. Ben was crazy around him, and you and Ben hadn’t been together.

Imagine what he would do to someone else if we were.

“I can be a one woman kind of guy-“ Ben scoffs. “I can do anything.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” You mutter, but you know he can hear you.

Ben puts down his glass on your coffee table before his hand lays on top of yours against the sketchpad in you lap.

“Y/n.” He whispers. You can smell the whiskey on his breath, but you don’t look up at him, you can’t. Because you know as soon as you look into his eyes you’ll do whatever he wants.

But you didn’t want to be his consolation prize. You didn’t want Ben to marry you because he was bored, drunk, and he thought he might as well marry you. You wanted Ben to marry you because he was 100% head over heels for you as much as you were for him.

He tilts your chin upwards to look at him. Electricity thrums in your veins when you lock eyes, the look in his gaze is open, gentle, almost tender.

It reminds you of the boy you used to know. Lately you hadn’t seen him. If you were being honest, you hadn’t seen him much since the night he came to ask you to come with him, before the serum, when you thought he finally realized that he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

The only time you’d see the real Ben was when it was just the two of you, not the angry, macho, vengeful fighter for justice that he put on whenever he was in front of the team or in front of the cameras. You didn’t understand that. He said that showing emotions made him less of a man, but he never seemed to have a problem being different when it was just the two of you.

You hated that. In those quiet moments you felt your heart clench tight in your chest because each time you thought that he would finally admit that he loved you, that after all these years you were the one.

But he never did.

“I could change.” Ben whispers. “I could be with one woman.”

“Ben.” You take in a deep breath to clear your head, fighting the ball of emotion that has begun to burn at the back of your throat. “You’re drunk.” You breathe.

He blinks a few times as if he can’t comprehend what you're saying.

“You always get like this when you’re drunk. You know?” You pull back from where his hand rests on your chin. “But you can stay if you want. There’s some pizza in the fridge and I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.” You stand and step around him, the urge to cry building in your chest.

“Okay.” Ben whispers to the air, because you're already gone, fleeing down the hallway before he can see you cry.

When you step into the shower you allow yourself to break. The soft sobs drowned out by the sound of running water. You wished you could move past this, all of this and more importantly you wished that you hadn’t fallen in love with him.

Memories of the past lodge themselves in the back of your throat. You remember the day he begged you to come with him to get the Compound V injection, when you left your life behind and chose him. You thought that was his way of saying he loved you, that he couldn’t live without you. You were wrong. It hurt to admit that, but you were wrong. Ben didn’t try to build on the relationship you had, he kept it the same, the friendly banter, the hugs, hanging around with you whenever he couldn’t stand to be alone. He still slept over, but that’s all that happened. You thought that day meant something, that it was the beginning of something, some wonderful romanticized future filled with warmth and love.

You never thought it would be like this.

You didn’t regret going with him often, but on nights like this when it was late and Ben was drunk and he acted differently you did. Because it made you think that there was a chance of a future with him, but then when he woke up the next day sober, it started all over again with him being short tempered and a dick to everyone who was around him.

It was exhausting. And you didn’t know how much more of it you could take.

The only thing you regretted about the serum was that it made you immortal, invulnerable, and that meant whoever you decided to make a life with would die. There was only a handful of others like you and you hadn’t liked any of them except Ben. You wondered if this was your penance for saying no to Howard, your mother's last laugh when she said that Ben would never choose you and now you had to go on like this forever.

You remember the fear that you would be trapped in a marriage with Howard, you never thought that you'd feel trapped with Ben.

But now…

When you walk back into your bedroom, Ben’s already in your bed, laying on his back, smoking a blunt and looking at the ceiling. He's wearing a pair of sweatpants, that you bought him forever ago so he didn't have to sleep in his jeans, and the same t-shirt as before.

“What did I say about smoking those in here?” You sigh, getting into bed beside him, but being careful as to not touch even though it’s all you want.

“It’s a free country doll.” Ben mutters, but he puts it out in the ashtray that you left for him on the bedside table. Because you knew that he would continue to do it even when you told him not to.

The amount of times he ended up here at night always surprised you. Ben might have been bed hopping, snorting, and drinking himself into a stupor but the amount of times you woke up with him in bed next to you was astounding. He’d let himself in with the key you made him for emergencies while you were asleep. It was almost like he didn’t sleep in his apartment anymore and you hated how much you depended on him being there in the morning when you woke up. But the truth was, Ben was all you had, and the thought of losing him scared you. Which meant you continued to put up with the man he became, trying to hold tight to the image of the boy he used to be.

You lay on your back beside him, looking up at the ceiling. The inch of space between your bodies is almost too obvious. “I’m going to go to Philadelphia for a few days.” You breathe.

“Why?”

“My brother isn’t doing too well. His son called.” You say, your throat thick. “He said he thinks that it’s time.”

Your parents had passed a few years ago and Ben had gone to the funerals with you. When Ben’s father had passed, he hadn’t gone to the funeral, he’d drowned himself in the 21st annual Herogasm. And after he showed up on your doorstep smelling like sweat, drugs, booze, and cheap perfume. You’d made him take a shower before getting into bed. The next morning you had woken up in his arms, but more surprising was the fact that he had woken up before you and hadn't pushed you away, in fact he had held you closer to him. You figured that he needed someone there with him. His father had done and said horrible things to Ben, and you kept him company if that’s what he wanted, but couldn’t admit it.

“I’m sorry.” His hand finds yours on the bed. The gesture surprises you.

“Yeah. But that’s the way it is now, I guess.” You whisper, squeezing it.

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t age. Everyone else does. Means that we’ll always just see everyone else go.”

“But not us.” Ben says it like he’s trying to cheer you up.

“Yeah.” You sigh.

Does that mean it’s always going to be like this? Me waiting for him to come here after a 24 hour non stop orgy or after he’s had one two many? Just because he can’t stand the thought of being alone?

You didn’t want that future. You knew that he wanted to be there with you, but it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t the same thing you wanted.

Maybe getting out of this would be good. Put some distance between me and him, let me try to find me again.

Ben is quiet for a minute, the only sound you hear is the thrum of the blood in his veins and his heart steadily pumping it.

“Do you want me to come?” He says it slowly, his thumb rubs against the back of your hand in a soothing motion.

The question breaks something inside of you, because you wanted nothing more than to have him there with you, but you didn’t want the version of Ben who was Soldier Boy, the loud, angry, short tempered version who was always high or drunk. The one that you felt that you needed to apologize for.

“Nah. It’ll be okay. I’ll get to see my great nephew. He’s supposed to be walking now.” You try to force cheeriness into your tone, but it doesn’t stick.

“Okay.”

You can’t help but wonder if Ben is hurt by your rejection. You did not often say no to him.

He doesn’t let go of your hand though, in fact he brings it up against his chest while he looks at the ceiling.

"Do you regret it?” Ben says in almost a whisper

"Hmm?”

“Coming with me.”

You pause for a second and think about lying, but finally settle on the truth. “Sometimes."

"Why?” Ben's voice rumbles against where your hand lays against his chest, and for a second you think he sounds almost pained.

"We’ve changed so much than who we were back then. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself.”

You didn’t want to say that it was him you didn’t recognize. Or that it always felt that you were running after the boy he used to be. The one that made you feel safe, comforted, made it feel like home.

"I don’t think change is a bad thing."

Of course you don't.

"It is if it’s in the wrong direction.” You whisper, but know he can hear you.

“So that’s why you want out? Because you don’t recognize yourself? Seems like a shitty reason."

“I just think it might be nice to try something new. I’ve been doing this for such a long time-“

“That’s why the films would be a good idea. If you want I can talk to the director about you being a co-star in the one we start filming next week. He won't say no to me-“ It was the closest you’d ever heard him come to pleading, besides the night he asked you to come with him to get the serum.

But why? Was it his way of keeping me with him? Was it because he didn’t want me to leave because he wanted me here? Or was it because he just wanted someone there to sit with when the silence was too much? The silence that seems to follow when he's not with me.

“Ben I’m okay. It’s okay I just want something different.”

“Like what?” You hand is still clutched in his where it rests over his chest and you can't help but wonder why. It was surprising. Sure Ben tolerated the occasional hug, but holding your hand for this long was unusual. You attributed it to the booze. When Ben got drunk he tended to be more clingy, he never admitted that, but you saw it.

“I don’t know. I just want a family again-“

“You have a family. You said you’re going to see your great nephew-" Ben says it like he doesn't want you to leave and it breaks something inside you.

How can he not admit that he cares about me? That he loves me? He has to after all these years doesn't he?

“I know. I mean I want a family. Someone to come home to every night, someone I love, someone who loves me-“ You fight to keep the frustrated tears from falling. The dream of him and you inhabiting your apartment together washes back over your mind in shades of gray. You wanted that so badly.

“Oh.”

“You don’t want that?” It’s taking everything for you not to tell Ben that you want it to be him, that you always wanted it to be him.

“Maybe.”

The silence grows between the two of you as you lay there and Ben still hasn't let go of your hand.

“Did you want to marry him?” He says after a few minutes.

“What?” You look at him confused. Ben isn't looking at the ceiling like you thought, he's looking at you. He almost looks, sorry. And you wonder again how much he's had to drink.

“That asshole." He clarifies.

"Howard?"

"Yeah."

“It’s been 40 years-“ You sigh as if it doesn’t matter. But it does. You chose Ben that night and you thought that him asking you to come with him meant that he was choosing you as well.

“Come on.” Ben squeezes the hand that rests against his chest.

“Why does it matter?"

“Because you’re saying you wanted a family. Someone to come home to and that pussy would have given it to you.”

You pause for a second trying to read his expression. “I like the idea of marriage. Of saying those vows to someone else.” You say slowly. “But I didn’t want to say them to Howard.” You don’t say that you wanted to say them to Ben, don’t say that the night he told you not to marry Howard you thought he was trying to tell you that he wanted to marry you instead.

“So you want to say them to someone?”

“Yeah. One day.” You frown, turning back to look at the ceiling. “You never want to say them to someone?”

Ben doesn’t answer immediately. “Maybe.”

Probably Liberty.

You sigh to yourself thinking about one of your least favorite supes that you’d come across. She wasn’t terrible, just pushy and into supes being united together. You also didn’t like that she felt that supes deserved to be worshiped, that supes were gods, but you knew you weren't. The powers were not random, the gifts were not given by God, they were given by the devil and all those deals came with a price. Even if you tired to walk away, you wondered if Vought would let you go. You also hated how much time Ben spent with her.

The thought of her leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and despite how good it feels, you pull your hand free from Ben's grasp and turn your back to him, cuddling into your pillow. Your grip is so tight on fluffy material you wonder how it hasn't ripped, but you need to stop talking to him. Talking to him when he was like this made it harder and right now it was taking everything not to cry again.

And you were just so tired of everything. You wondered if one day it would be different.

“Goodnight Ben.” You whisper.

“Goodnight.”

And just as you drift into a dreamless sleep, you think you feel him put his arm around your waist and pull your back into his chest, but when you wake up the next day you forget and Ben is gone.

n/a: Yeah, this chapter is really sad. And I wish that I could say it gets better, but honestly, it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. 😭😭😭

Thank you so much for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist, please let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303

@deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs

@bughill126, @simplyfixated @sleepjam, @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts

@onlyangel-444

#soldier boy x you #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy/ben #the boys amazon #the boys fanfic #jensen ackles #soldier boy fanfiction #soldier boy x y/n #the boys #the boys series #the boys tv #soldier boy fic #jackles #the boys season 3 #the boys s3

379 notes · View notes

jitterbugjive · 2 months ago

Text

Okay... I'll Accept Holiday Letters...

So, anyone who has followed me long enough knows by now how I get around the holidays. Seasonal depression kicks in, and bad memories of old toxic Thanksgivings and Christmases flood my brain any time I see or hear reminders of them. Plus there's some trauma from living in poverty and having very little around the holidays and the only people willing to exploit my mentally ill mother for work was the Salvation Army who basically pay pennies. And there's a whole lot more I don't like, like the cold, Christmas Carols, etc.

However.

The last couple of years I finally got to have proper family holiday get togethers since the toxic people in the family are gone now, and it was very healing for me. I still despise the holidays, don't get me wrong, they are mostly miserable for me. I generally tell people to not address the holidays with me.

But... I've been going through a LOT this year. Especially the last 6 months with my mother being manic and getting her whole life messed up. I've also been dealing with another family member experiencing psychosis on and off as well that I haven't felt comfortable talking about. The results of the election and things Oregon was voting on are not helping me feel any better, and I fear that winter depression is going to be hitting me like a truck. I can feel it creeping in already now that the weather is getting under 40F. On top of that, my family isn't in a state right now where anyone can feasibly host Thanksgiving or Christmas, so it's a bit of a lonely one this year. Sure, I have friends I can spend time with, but I was just getting used to the family dinners. Overall, this is just going to be a very hard winter for me.

And for once, I'm going to ask people to lend a bit of the Holiday Spirit (tm) my way, because I really need some pick-me ups to get through the rest of the year. Basically all I'm asking for is for people to send me letters of encouragement through my PO Box. Gifts and fan art are welcome too, I keep all my fan art safe. I'd prefer not to get flat-out christmas cards unless the cards are really nice or creative and have a lot of thought put into what's written in them. I could just really use some kind words and there's something that feels a lot more personal about physical letters that I can store away and pull out on a rainy day.

Please note I have a pea brain that can't read cursive very well, so if possible I'd prefer it be in plain print or typed out.

If you send treats they need to be shelf stable and properly sealed, no home baked goods.

My P.O. Box: (Can be addressed to Jitterbug or Jack)

16055 SW Walker Rd #274Beaverton, OR, 97006

And if anyone's feeling generous I do have an amazon wishlist that people should be able to buy and send stuff from without needing to be the middleman. I don't update it much and a lot of stuff is outdated but you should be able to organize it by priority to get a better idea of what things I'm most interested in. You can even add other stuff to the order that isn't on the list and it will still be shipped to my P.O. Box!

AMAZON WISHLIST

#po box #mail #gift

58 notes · View notes

toshiakikijima · 4 months ago

Text

Shunichiro Tachibana’s Last Season Spoiler

I have to be honest.

I’ve been a huge reader of Irresistible Mistakes since 2017, when I was just a freshman in high school. Back then, I was captivated by its melodramatic flair, and the plot had this exciting, forward-moving energy that kept me hooked. I vividly remember when Kijima, Kiriya, and Shunichiro’s first season debuted on the standby app—it felt fresh, engaging, and full of promise. But after season four, the magic started to fade. The pacing became unbearably slow, and the storylines dragged on without delivering any real payoff for the readers. It became a frustrating read.

Take Tachibana’s arc, for example. In his final season, the first part opens with the MC reflecting on changes within the company, which had become a more progressive and liberal environment. By now, the MC is a part-time employee because she’s juggling her career as an award-winning novelist. That’s when the familiar trope hits: she starts feeling sick, notices she missed her period, and takes a pregnancy test. She’s pregnant. Yay, right? Except, this is where it all feels strangely… underwhelming.

Tachibana, noticing her odd behavior, asks what’s wrong, and to my surprise, he reacts to the pregnancy news with happiness—totally different from his panicked reaction in season three during the pregnancy scare. They visit a maternity hospital (which I’m sure surprised Kings of Paradise fans), and it’s confirmed she’s six weeks along. He tells her to take it easy at work, and she eventually informs her co-workers that she’ll be working from home. Kiriya, Yuuki, Minoru, Sakura, and a couple of others are supportive, but here’s where things start to crumble for the MC.

Morning sickness hits her hard, to the point where she’s losing weight and can’t keep anything down without getting sick. Tachibana advises her to take it easy since it’s her first pregnancy, and there’s a lot of internal dialogue between them—mostly arguments. Then, Tachibana’s parents drop by, furious they weren’t told about the pregnancy sooner. His father asks the MC if she plans to contribute anything to the family or if she’ll be ‘lazy’ unlike Shunchiro’s mother, who supposedly did it all without help. This scene just grates. After they leave, Tachibana pleads with the MC to stay with her parents for the remainder of her pregnancy, but she refuses.

Part two of the last season focuses on them making amends, and now she’s going on maternity leave. Minoru and Toma are emotional, telling her she can always come back after the baby is born. Tachibana, trying to be thoughtful, makes her dinner when she returns home, and she starts reminiscing about their breakup in NYC. He apologizes for his earlier comments about sending her home and promises she can always lean on him because pregnancy isn’t easy.

And yet, despite all this support, the MC continues to feel sick and tired constantly. Things get so bad that Tachibana secretly hires a maid to take care of the chores she can’t manage. This, of course, leads to another fight. The words of her father-in-law echo in her head, making her feel useless, and it drives her to argue with Tachibana again. Eventually, he sends her to stay with her parents for a few weeks, and she feels much happier there. However, Minoru reaches out, wanting to meet up about a project she helped with before leaving. During their meeting, he confesses that people at work see Tachibana as distant and depressed.

When she returns, she and Tachibana make up, and then—boom—the baby girl is born. And that’s it. The storyline feels like it builds up to this massive crescendo, but the conclusion falls flat, like an ending that was filtered through just to tie up loose ends.

The last three seasons really dragged. Instead of exploring more nuanced themes—like political family dynamics, which is what initially drew readers to Shunichiro’s arc—they spent far too much time portraying Tachibana as this ‘flawless’ man while the MC came across as a complete mess. Voltage missed the opportunity to introduce new characters or develop more meaningful family drama. And honestly, I was hoping for a boy instead of a girl, which could’ve added more layers to the family dynamic.

Ultimately, this chapter felt like a slow march toward nothing significant. It lacked the emotional depth and plot progression I was hoping for. I haven’t even bothered to read the other endings yet, because frankly, this one left a bad taste in my mouth.

#irresistible mistakes #shunichiro tachibana #tachibana shunichiro #voltageinc #voltage inc #voltage games #love365: find your story #love 365 find your story #love 365 #love365 #voltage #Japanese otome game #otome games #otome romance

56 notes · View notes

wormshirt · 1 year ago

Text

As someone who uses a mobility aid and has muscular tension that cause me general body and joint pain and stiffness from the hips down on both sides what would kill me with doctor who wouldn't be the running it'd be the fucking stairs. They don't always have stairs in doctor who but oh boy when they do. I can run super fast and then inevitably injure my hips and suffer through it and keep limping along through the pain but if it's a flight of stairs between me and safety I'm so dead. If I don't take those stairs 1 step at a time my knees WILL lock or my muscles will throw such a massive hissy fit that it'll take me TWICE the time it takes your average person to go up those stairs and I will be killed or kinapped or put through some strange and unusual scifi horror by step 3. The doctor and I (limping) run down 50000000 hallways and we reach the end of a hall with only a reasonably sized staircase on the other end of it and the doctor immediately starts vaulting up the steps 3 at a time until he turns around and notices that I have stopped completely at the bottom of the steps to stare at him blithely. He starts trying to get me to go up the stairs or ask what the hell I think I'm doing and I slowly lower myself back down to the ground and cross my arms over my chest and begin reciting funeral prayers with a serene smile. The big evil monster comes after me and I am eaten. Badly. The doctor yells NOOOOO really loud and cries a little maybe idk and then is emo about it for like half a season until they end up back by the staircase in a season finale or something and it's revealed that the stairs are magic stairs that preserve the conciousness of any ugly ass bitch who hates staircases enough and the doctor is implied to have know this all along. and the doctor gives me some heartbroken major depressive disorder poster child look and a little speech about how they "couldn't have come back here for blah blah excuses reasons" and I smile sweetly and say "why the fuck didn't you have an emergency exit strategy or some shit incase the guy who uses a fucking cane couldn't do some shit like go up stairs super fast because he uses a fucking cane. Hello. Not even mad. Are you stupid. You are a timelord. Your people let your gay ass fuck off to who knows where because you're the dumbest timelord ever and they couldn't stand your stupid ass. I can't believe I'm stuck on this gay ass space station with this lame ass death for all of eternity because you didn't think that the guy who struggles to go up stairs would struggle to go up stairs. You wanna know what the alien said to me before he ate me. He said hey that dude you're here with sucks so bad and is stupid and gay and lame as hell. And I would have said 'yeah lol' but then he ate me. He ate me because of stairs doctor. Stairs." And then I'd stay forever trapped with my soul in that staircase just so I could spend the rest of enternity sending spam calls and telemarketers to the tardis phone. The doctor's investigating something outside an alien bar somewhere and sees ads like XXX Brittany Wants To Spend a NIGHT With YOU Sexy! Hot Singles in your area! Call here for a night of FUN! HOT SINGLE Xxeksifloryean Milfs Looking For a MATE in GALAXIES NEAR YOU!!!!❤️❤️❤️ and softly puts a hand on the posters and goes "I'm sorry I couldn't save you....." five seconds later jerry from *TOTALLY REAL* intergalactic statefarm NOT A FAKE NOT A SCAM calls up the doctor on the TARDIS phone to ask about the doctor's insurance info. Somewhere I kick an ugly ass step on a stupid fucking staircase and break my ghost toe. I hop around and start swearing.

#doctor who #dw #long post #the doctor #bangers #<-original post tag

161 notes · View notes

househrt · 2 months ago

Note

Could you please post a rec list of trans Wilson fics 🥰 btw you’re my fav blog rn sending love

I never realised how few trans!Wilson fics I've actually got in my bookmarks, but I've linked my favs. There's also a bunch more smut fics on ao3 but my preferences are usually more aligned with angst or fun shenanigans over porn, so that's what's on this list:

"I asked the women in my life, including Chase, how long I should wait to make a move after someone's divorce and the approximate number came down to 13 days-ish. And here I am. Thirteen days after your divorce. I barely made it in time because I noticed you have been flirting with the nurses a lot recently, which means you're getting tired of your single status and you are possibly very horny. What better time to confess my undying love?"

or, House has elaborated a plan to seduce Wilson with the limited time he has between a wedding and another. Wilson would like to entertain this intense game of gay chicken, but he feels the weight of the secret he's kept for more than twenty years becoming just a bit too unbearable.

All of his life Wilson has felt powerless, out of control. After the whole debacle with Tritter he decides to take control in the one way he can, his diet.

^ content warning for eating disorders

“Hold on, you can’t just tell me Wilson has a secret vagina and run away!” House insists. “I guess you’ll never know,” Cuddy says around a smile, and click-clicks her way across the marble floor too fast for him to follow. Well, only one way to find out. House has to get Wilson naked.

When House's pipes break in his apartment in early season 5, leaving him with no running water and no ability to shower, Wilson is recruited by the ducklings to make House shower because he smells distractingly bad. But Wilson doesn't smell anything bad. Actually, Wilson thinks House smells really good. Which could mean nothing. OR: Wilson discovers boysmell and has a midlife sexuality crisis about it.

and this one is safely in my Marked For Later list:

As with most things concerning people House cares about, he has trouble seeing the forest for the trees.

(Or, when Wilson is kicked out by his wife and crashes at House's place, he falls into a depressive episode and can't get out of his own head. House, of course, picks up on the fact that Something's Wrong, but skips depression on the way to assume more serious diagnostic causes.)

#house md #my posts #malpractice md #james wilson #hatecrimes md #hilson #greg house #asks #house md fanfiction #fic recs

27 notes · View notes

captain039 · 1 year ago

Text

PART 2 Intertwined with a mortal

Ascended Vampire Duke!Astarion x human!reader

Bridgerton x Astarion 👍🏻

Warnings: Olden times, swearing, age gap, tension, slow burn, vampire Mates, vampire things, angst, sexual, harassment, bigger reader, fat shaming, 18+, angst, Astarions trauma, anxiety, depression, learning to touch and love, big dislike for children lmao, AOB, artist reader, manipulation

Previous part <-

After your first party of the season you were not looking forward to the next one, no lady would run away from a gentlemen, and your fathers hope was denied when nobody showed up to your door. By lunch time you sat idly on the couch hating the hopefulness in your mothers eyes before a knock came. You frowned as your mother suit up excited and went to the door. You stood by the dining room door listening in.

“Flowers?” She asked a smile on her tone. Flower? From who? Your mother came in with a big bouquet and a letter attached. You glanced over each flower deciphering their meaning. White Camellias meaning adorable, white clovers meaning think of me, some daisys representing innocence, pieces of red Salvia stood out too meaning forever mine with a few others in the midst. You glanced to the note seeing it sighed A.A. with nothing else, who was A.A.

“Who’s A.A?” You asked.

“Only one I know is the Duke Astarion Ancunin” your father said and you froze.

“Why the hell did he send flowers?!” You raised your voice shocking everyone in the room.

“Language dear, goodness” your mother said.

“Adorable innocences? Mine forever?” You said the flowers meaning.

“Darling please calm down” your mother said as you huffed.

“That ‘duke’ only wants me to warm his bed for a brief time” you scoffed your mothers face going to pure shock horror as your father stifled a laugh before your mother snapped your full name.

“Be appreciative of the gift! You didn’t get any other suitors knocking!” She yelled and the words hurt. You flinched before she realised and went to speak, but you rushed to your room with tears. You clenched your fists cursing softly as you sat down in your window and stared out. You huffed loudly hands white knuckled, you didn’t care, you’d become the most undesirable this season, then maybe you could die alone in the woods.

The next party had arrived and people were whispering when you walked in with your mother, your father staying behind. You hated it, your mother tried to force you into conversation, but failed before you saw Jen approach you.

“Praise Selune I thought you wouldn’t come back” she said and you smiled a little bitterly.

“What happened?” She spoke in a hushed tone as you gave her a look.

“Ok, shall we get a drink?” She asked and you nodded following her to the drinking table. You stood in the corner with Jen while sipping your lemonade, she talked about her husband who was still away while you just prayed the duke wouldn’t show up. You heard a rather loud happy noise and looked to your left seeing Karlach.

“Oh my precious girl!” She said grinning as she hugged you.

“Oh-“ you chuckled as the woman embraced you.

“Gods it’s been an age, how are you?” She gushed her dark red dress matching her.

“I’m alright Lady Karlach” you smiled.

“Gods don’t call me lady it makes me feel old” she rolled her eyes and you and Jen laughed.

“So give me the goss, what happened first party?” She asked standing by you and you tensed.

“That bad hey?” She said not looking at you as she sipped her champagne.

“Honestly Karlach” Jen huffed as the woman finally looked at you.

“Oh, it was bad, what happened?” She asked looking to you.

“A dance with a duke” Jen said as you stayed quiet.

“A duke! Oh go you!” Karlach gushed and you grimaced.

“Not so go you, what happened?” She asked frowning slightly.

“I ran off” you said and her eyes went wide.

“Whatever for, wait who was it?” She said scanning the dukes present.

“Wasn’t him was it?” She said pointing subtly to the older Duke Ravengard.

“Heavens no” you said and she chuckled.

“The younger one?” She asked.

“Duke Wyll is a respectable young man!” You huffed at her.

“Of course” she grinned making you roll your eyes.

“It was a certain high elf” Jen said and you jabbed her side making her smirk.

“Oh my gods, Duke Ancunin?!” Karlach said and you shushed her.

“Nobody’s seen him for years!” She said and you groaned.

“No wonder he came back” Karlach winked at you and you flushed.

“What happened, tell mumma Karlach I know people” she said and you laughed.

“He was just-“ before you could finish your body went stiff and you looked to the door, the Duke Ancunin stood there having just arrived. Your eyes met again, the same look from last time a small smirk gracing his lips as he stared at you through his eyelashes before he was talked away.

“Wow” Karlach said and you snapped out of your trance.

“Kill me” you whispered.

“That was some intense eye contact” she breathed a chuckle and you groaned quietly.

“He sent me flowers, Adorable innocences, forever mine they meant” you muttered.

“That’s a statement” Karlach said and Jen hummed.

“Oh the dancings starting soon” Karlach got excited as the music changed.

“Gods I may throw up” you said praying nobody would ask you for a dance.

“Milady” you groaned internally as Duke Ancunin was suddenly by your side.

“Duke Ancunin” you said gulping slightly hoping you could throw Karlach at him instead.

“May I have this dance?” He asked and you glared at Karlach as she pushed you forward gently.

“Of course” you kept polite as you took his hand and headed to the dance floor, a more country style dance music playing. As you began to dance you smelt his scent from the previous party, same coldness, you wondered why. You were less shaky than last time and your movements seemed to glide against his.

“You’re dancing beautifully my dear” he said as you came close to him.

“Thank you Duke Ancunin” you said with a small nod.

“I’m afraid you must forgive my previous behaviour, I hadn’t meant to scare you off” he said and you frowned.

“You are simply exquisite” he complimented and you flushed a bit, but for some reason his words didn’t stick. You were anything but that, a few too many late night cakes in your flesh, you held no soft complexion, your eyes often had dark circles under them, your hair was often a mess. Dressed up like this wasn’t you at all, you’d rather be in your room, paint over your hands, hair up in a bun, some pants on and no tight slippers. You looked to his face his smile too perfect compared to the other men who smiled at their partners. You continued to dance ignoring his words hoping he would stop talking as you just let yourself go a bit in the music. Apparently the duke needed to make a scene, you spread around as he spun you, moving people out the way as he brought you back and bent you down by the waist. You saw your mother smiling upside down before you were pulled back up, hand resting on his chest. You were in some sort of daze as you looked up to him before you gulped a bit realising you’d pushed the others off the dance floor and it was just the two of you. People began to whisper and others clapped and you felt your heart pound.

“Excuse me my duke, Thank you” you gave a quick curtesy before subtly running away as the next song began and someone swooped in your place to dance with the duke. You rushed up the stairs and panted as you held a hand over your chest and leant against the wall. You groaned quietly trying to calm your heart as you felt a tug back to the duke.

The duke barely had any reaction time as you left quickly up the stairs. Your heart pounding echoing in his ears. You’d run away again.

Next part ->

#astarion x reader #duke astarion #ascended astarion #x reader #aob #au #Bridgerton inspired #Shadowheart #Karlach

166 notes · View notes

levi-supreme · 11 months ago

Text

Rei's Birthday Event: Spring date with Levi

Characters: Post war!Levi x Survey Corps fem!reader

Genre: SNK!canonverse

Warnings: SFW, fluff. Reader insert (y/n). SNK final season spoilers!!!! Some references to the canon events of snk (slight mentions of depressive episodes, mentions of death etc).

Word count: 3.6k

A/N: Thank you very much to my dear anon Victoria for the request!! I actually have two very similar spring time date requests, as such I decided to tweak this up a little. There will be mentions and references to canon events, but nothing angsty at all!!

I'm sorry this took so long to complete, and I'm still going through a bad writer's block lol but thank you to everyone for being so patient! I hope you all like this <3

Read the original request here.

"Levi Heichou!" You called out, excited to see your lover appear before you.

"Tch, I told you so many times before to drop the shitty title, we're no longer in the Corps anymore," Levi rolled his eye—his good one—as he approached you. His hair was neatly combed back, his fedora in his lap. Levi was wearing a simple white button shirt with black long pants. His hair had grown longer; his fringe now growing past his eye. You missed how he used to keep his hair short, but you loved how nice Levi looked with longer hair too.

You looked hard at Levi, studying every line and wrinkle you see, and the barely visible strands of grey on his ebony hair. Years of fighting on the front line had taken a toll on his body more than you liked, even though he claimed it didn't really affect him much since he had the Ackerman bloodline.

Although the war ended, you knew Levi still wasn't at peace. You could tell he was restless, he didn't like being cooped up at home. His eyes didn't seem to have life in them like they used to, and he just seemed so sluggish all the time. You knew Levi wasn't sleeping well too; sometimes the ache in his knee woke him up, and sometimes, it was the demons Levi were fighting in his head. Levi didn't say it, but you knew he missed the old life, the one where he spent half his life fighting for a cause he believed in, and now that he fulfilled his mission, his life felt aimless; he didn't know what to do, and what to continue living for.

It took you a long while to convince Levi to even agree to step out of the house and go on this picnic date, and deep down, you knew you had to make every minute out with him worthwhile.

"What are you staring at?" Levi's voice brought you back to the present, "thinking of something?"

"Nah, I'm just thinking of asking Mikasa to send me some of those pearl eye cream from Hizuru. You know, the one Lady Kiyomi sent her for her birthday?" you answered, bringing a pair of shoes and putting them on for Levi, "I heard they're good for reducing wrinkles, especially around the eyes."

Levi's eye narrowed. "Oi. Are you saying—"

"Did Big Sister y/n just call Uncle Levi old?!" A high pitched voice came from the kitchen, and you felt an impact around your midsection. A few moments later, a head of blonde hair appeared by your side too. "Big Sister y/n just said Uncle Levi has wri—"

"Gabi! Shush—" Falco covered Gabi's mouth while she tried to wiggle herself free. You giggled and glanced at Levi who was eyeing the three of you, and quickly tried to separate the younger ones.

"Oi. You brats. Ganging up on me now?" Levi crossed his arms, looking utterly displeased. Falco continued covering Gabi's mouth while she tried to stomp on his foot.

"Of course not, Levi, we wouldn't dare to offend our elders do we, kids?" You joked, earning another stare from Levi. Before he could say anything, you quickly ran into the kitchen with Gabi and Falco.

"Big Sister y/n!!! Did you see Uncle Levi's face when you talked about wrinkles?" Gabi laughed while Falco appeared with a picnic basket in tow.

"Shut up, Gabi! Uncle Levi and Big Sister are late for their date already, stop disturbing them!" Falco sighed and tried to pull Gabi away, "here, Big Sister, I hope you and Uncle Levi have lots of fun today!"

You nodded and waved the kids goodbye and went outside, looking again at Levi who still had his arms across his chest. Onyankopon was right behind Levi, giving you a smile.

"Come on brat, let's go." Levi rolled his eye again as you passed the picnic basket to Onyankopon. Pushing Levi's wheelchair, Onyankopon told you to wait by the pavement as he went to drive the car over.

"... do I really have wrinkles?" Levi muttered once Onyankopon left. You snorted and tried to hide it with a small cough.

"Hmm… well… I mean, uh… your crow's feet do seem to be… uh—"

"Fine. Enough." Onyankopon arrived and Levi dismissed you, clearly knowing the answer in his heart. You giggled as he came out to help Levi up into the car while you kept his wheelchair in the boot.

"The weather today is lovely," Onyankopon smiled as he began driving, "it's a good day to be out in the sun."

"And yet, she still does not want to tell me what we're doing today."

"You'll find out later." You chuckled again holding Levi's hand, watching the scenery outside pass by. You sought help from Onyankopon and the kids weeks ago to look for nice picnic spots in Marley. With the spring breeze flowing and the flowers blooming, you thought it would be a perfect opportunity to spend undisturbed time with Levi. You thought a change of scenery might do him some good too; to help him out of this depressive state. After another quarter, Onyankopon stopped the car near the park and went to take Levi's wheelchair out.

"I'll pick you two up at eight, is that okay, y/n?" You checked your watch and it was a little past four. You nodded your head and thanked Onyankopon before taking the picnic basket and another bag from the front seat. Placing the picnic basket on Levi's lap, you helped him put on his fedora and his eye patch before wheeling him ahead.

"So, are you going to tell me why we are here in this godforsaken place?" Levi questioned you again as you began pushing him on a stony path.

"I'm taking you out on a date, obviously." You teased him again as you suddenly pushed him faster, causing his fedora to nearly fly away. Levi tutted angrily and said you should never be allowed to push his wheelchair again.

A few moments later, you and Levi arrived at a shop offering bicycles for rent. You paid the shopkeeper some money and then he rode a quadricycle over. You took the picnic basket and bag from Levi's lap and placed it in the front seats of the quadricycle. Once more, Levi gave you a look of confusion.

"Well, up now, I rented this for the day," you gestured. Levi awkwardly looked away, subconsciously placing his hand on his bad knee and grimaced, knowing that you of all people should know how he wasn't like before. What were you thinking, making him cycle when you knew it was going to be hard for him?

"Come on, Levi, stop depending on that wheelchair. You have to prevent your knee from becoming worse, right?" You smiled encouragingly, offering your hand out. You had expected that Levi would be unhappy, but you likewise knew that you shouldn't treat him differently from before. Whether or not he was Levi Heichou of the Survey Corps, or now as Levi the war veteran, he was still Levi—the Levi you loved. Whether he had physical disabilities or not, Levi was still the man you want to spend the rest of eternity with. You didn't want to push him, you wanted Levi to get out of this self-pitying state himself. After a long while, Levi held your hand and pushed himself up from the wheelchair. Slowly but steadily, you guided Levi up on the seat of the quadricycle, placing his feet on the pedals.

"W-wait. What about the wheel—"

"Don't worry, sir, your item will be safely kept here." The shopkeeper kindly replied and Levi seemed to relax a little. It was hard trying to move around without the wheelchair, but maybe you were right. He should try to depend on it less. "We'll close at around 10pm, so please remember to come by before then." The both of you nodded and you took your seat on the left. Looking at Levi, you gave him another smile and asked if he was ready. You could see Levi massaging his knee again. Levi took a deep breath and sighed, telling you to start pedalling.

It was hard at first, but Levi gradually got used to the momentum again. The both of you kept your pace slow, taking your time to enjoy the scenery passing by, the sound of birds chirping, and the gentle rustling of leaves. The sun was obscured by the clouds and there wasn't much of a crowd as well. You saw Levi's face relax gradually, the crease on his forehead slowly disappearing. Levi seemed to be more at ease with paddling on the quadricycle as well. You smiled to yourself. Bringing Levi out was indeed doing him well.

"Are you doing okay?" You checked in with your lover, making sure he wasn't overexerting himself. After he gave you a nod, you pointed to a large shady tree about 200 metres away, telling Levi that it was the next stop. Reaching the tree, you told Levi to remain seated first.

"Are you up for a walk?"

"... Hah?"

"A walk, Levi. Let's go for a walk."

"N-no, I don't think I can—"

"We'll walk slowly. Forget about the walking stick. You don't need it, I'm here."

Levi looked hard at you, face remaining emotionless. The frown on Levi's face became more and more evident as the seconds passed. You continued to stare right into Levi's eye, your resolve unwavering. A few seconds later, Levi broke eye contact and sighed again before reaching out his hand towards your direction.

"You better not make me regret this," Levi muttered under his breath, "you're forcing a crippled man to walk when you jolly well know he can't." You rolled your eyes.

"First off, Levi"—you took his hand and slowly guided him down the quadricycle—"you're not crippled. Secondly, you walk fine. Thirdly, think of this as rehabilitation, hmm? And lastly, stop complaining like an old man." You stood on Levi's right side and interlocked your arm with his, making sure he wasn't putting too much pressure on his knee.

"Where are we going?"

"Not far. We're just going to that small pond over there," you pointed towards a pond just in front, "let's go and feed some ducks." Levi scoffed hearing you.

"As long as they keep their feathers and shit to themselves."

The walk to the small pond was slow but pleasant. The heat from the sun was warm against your skin, the scent of the earth was refreshing. Levi held on to his fedora as the wind blew gently, and the sound of the grass and gravel crunching underneath your feet was playing like a contrasting melody. Once you two reached the pond, you opened your sling bag and took out a slice of white bread. Levi raised his eyebrow slightly.

"These are stale bread from a week ago." You chuckled before tearing it into half, passing one to Levi. You further tore your half into more tiny pieces before throwing them little by little into the pond. Some of the ducks in the pond started waddling over. Several tortoises also popped their heads above the water. There were also fishes fighting amongst themselves for the last few pieces. Levi looked at you before tearing the bread in his hand, scattering them all across the pond. The fishes and ducks dispersed and finished all those pieces of bread within the next minute.

"Do you have more bread on you?" Levi asked as he finished scattering the last few pieces of bread in his hand. You laughed and took out a few more slices.

"Maybe we can go to the pier next time," you commented once those hungry birds finished all the bread in your bag, "we should try feeding the seagulls." Levi scoffed again and let you hold on to his elbow.

"Tch. And have them shit on our heads? No."

The both of you began walking back to the quadricycle. Reaching into another bag, you took out a small paper kite. Levi raised his eyebrow again.

"Do you like it? I had Gabi and Falco do it together with me." You smiled and flipped the kite over, letting Levi see the doodles they did. Levi smirked when he realised who the five blobs of colour drawn on the kite were. You held onto the string and passed Levi the kite, telling him to lift the kite above his head while you moved back.

"OKAY, LEVI, THROW THE KITE HIGH AFTER I COUNT TO THREE!" You shouted and Levi gave you the thumbs up. After counting to three, Levi threw the kite high and you jogged backwards, pulling the string up to get the kite into the sky. Releasing the string bit by bit, Levi slowly made his way to your side as the kite now started flying a short distance away. You gave Levi a smile and tied the string around the tree trunk before going to the quadricycle, taking out the picnic basket and setting the mat.

"Now… let's see what the kids made for our picnic." You rubbed your palms together excitedly and opened the basket. You took out a container of hot stew, some freshly baked sourdough bread, cheese, mushroom quiche, and a small container of fruits too. You arranged the food on the mat and took out the bowls, cutlery, and a few serviettes. Pouring some stew into the small bowl, you passed it to Levi's left before giving him the spoon.

"It seems pretty decent," Levi uttered as he took a spoonful of stew and eyed you, "are you sure they did it all on their own?" You ate some stew and nodded.

"Well, Onyankopon did give them pointers, and I was the one who gave them the recipes, but yeah. The kids made it all by themselves. Not bad, huh? Maybe we should let them open a small food stall along the streets." you took another few mouthfuls of stew, "it's time for them to contribute to the household finances." Levi tutted angrily instead.

"They're too young to be doing shit like that, you brat. Don't be ridiculous."

You giggled, cutting some mushroom quiche for Levi. "I'm joking. Of course I wouldn't let Falco and Gabi do something like that. " The crease on Levi's forehead disappeared again as he ate, passing you his bowl for more stew. Levi and you took your time savouring the good food prepared by the two kids. It was pretty decent, and indeed you were secretly thinking of letting them open a small food business once they are of age.

Once all the food was finished, you told Levi to pack everything fast. Bewildered, Levi didn't say anything, yet he wondered what you were up to again. You got Levi up onto the quadricycle again and told him that there was one place you wanted to bring him. Stopping the quadricycle, you helped Levi down and laced your arm around his again, walking him to some benches ahead. The park was located right next to the sea, and it was pretty empty, just the way you hoped.

"Come on," you muttered as you helped him down, walking towards the bench, "we're just in time."

"For what?"

"You'll see."

Taking your seats on the bench, you checked your watch before glancing ahead again, looking at the dispersing clouds. Before long, the sun started to set, painting the sky a beautiful hue of red, orange, and yellow. You could feel Levi let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and you grabbed his hand, feeling your fingers interlock. The both of you continued to stare silently at the magnificent view ahead, watching the sun descend lower and lower, listening to the waves crashing on the shore, feeling the wind blowing against your skin. You could feel Levi's calloused fingers caressing your knuckles, and the familiarity tickled something in your memory.

"Brings back memories, huh, Heichou," you peeked at Levi, seeing him trying to hide a small smile as well, "we used to do this all the time." Levi hummed in agreement, keeping his eye on the sunset instead.

"I still think the view from the top of the walls were nicer though"—you let go of Levi's hand and stretched your hands—"it was higher, more windy, less obstruction, and more—"

"And more dangerous," Levi frowned as he interjected. You laughed once more, closing your eyes to feel the wind in your hair again. You thought back to the reason why you decided to bring Levi out today, and even though you knew it might make him unhappy, you also knew you had to talk to him about it. Minutes later, the sun had already gone below the horizon, and the sky was gradually getting darker as well. Soon, the lamps nearby slowly started lighting up.

"Say, Levi," you broke the silence once more and Levi hummed in acknowledgement again, "do you… miss the old days?"

"... why'd you ask?"

"I miss those days too, you know. I miss all our friends and comrades too. Every single one of them. Every day."

Levi didn't say a word. You guessed he was probably upset. Yet, you took a deep breath and decided to just tell him the words on your mind.

"I know it's not easy for you to, I don't know, adapt to a normal life again seeing how you've been in the Corps for nearly half your life. B-but, I just don't want to see you wallowing in self-pity, okay? It hurts me to see you like this.

"I don't care whether or not you have missing eyes and fingers, I don't care if you have to be in a wheelchair forever. I'll gladly feed your meals and bathe you, I'll wear your shoes for you and I'll push you wherever you want to go. We'll hunt around Marley to look for beautiful spots to watch the sunset and the stars. I love you for who you are, and that will never change. Falco and Gabi love their Uncle Levi too. So, j-just, don't give up, okay?"

"Who said anything about giving up?" Levi turned to you, a look of annoyance appeared on his face.

"W-well, I don't know, you're always looking so listless, and you're not eating and sleeping well. I haven't seen you smile in a long time. And once I saw you staring at the mirror looking like you're abo—"

"Hey, hey, stop it, okay? Stop worrying. I'm fine. Really." Levi held your hand and gave you a squeeze. "I'm fine. I'm dealing with it, okay? It's, it's j-just—I'm—"

"Shh. It's okay. I get it. I get you." you hushed him, gently holding him close. You didn't need to see Levi's face to know that he was probably going to tear up, a side of him that will never be seen by anyone else; anyone except you. "Everything will be alright, I promise you. I won't leave you. I'll be by your side."

The both of you remained in each other's embrace, letting your hug do the talking. Patting Levi's back rhythmically, you heard him let out a long sigh before pulling you even closer, tightening his grip around your waist as he buried his head in the crook of your shoulder. You didn't feel the need to ask Levi what he was thinking about, and likewise, Levi knew you wouldn't ask him about it. After a long while, Levi finally loosened his grip around you. The moon was hanging high in the sky and the wind was getting colder. The stars shone like little specks of glitter in the ink-coloured sky.

"Feeling better?"

"Y-yeah, better," Levi hastily wiped the remnants of tears from his cheek, "thank y-yo—

—you interrupted Levi mid-sentence with a soft kiss.

"I love you, Levi. Always remember that. Hmm? I mean it." you gave him another small smile before stroking his cheek, pressing another fleeting kiss on his chapped lips. Levi's larger hand cupped yours as he kissed you back, feeling like time around him stopped, and nothing else in the world mattered. The feeling of your lips on his, the coldness of your cheeks, the warmth from your body; they were real, and a reminder that he was still here, and he was still alive.

Levi broke the kiss first, struggling to find the right words to say while he looked at you. Chuckling, you gave him another smile and mouthed it's okay once more. Levi was never good with words and he was never a good talker, but it never bothered you anyway. Levi gave you an appreciative look while you looked at your watch.

"Come on, Levi. Let's get back to the bicycle shop."

Helping Levi on his feet, you guided him up the quadricycle and the both of you slowly cycled back to the shop. Thanking the shopkeeper for keeping Levi's wheelchair safe, you opened it and gestured to Levi to take his seat, yet Levi shook his head instead.

"Let's walk to the main entrance. There's still time, right?" Levi offered to hold the picnic basket and kite while another hand held your arm for support. You tried to hide your smile as you both walked, listening to the owls hooting in the far distance. Onyankopon's car was already waiting outside by the time you reached the entrance. Seeing Levi walking next to you, a wide smile broke across Onyankopon's face as well.

The journey back home was quiet, yet Levi felt like the weight had been finally lifted off his shoulders. You held on to Levi's hand as he laid on your shoulder, drifting somewhere between sleep and consciousness. Levi knew his road to recovery would not be an easy one. But with you by his side, it was like he found his wings of freedom once more. And for the first time in a long while, Levi went to sleep with a smile.

Disclaimer: This is my first time writing hurt/comfort so I understand if it sucks and there's no hurt or comfort at all LOL I prommie I'll do better for the rest of the requests 🥺

Tagging: @levi-lover @ack3rlady @cinnamonlevi @imkumichan @kristinecharmm @notgoodforlife @jean-prettyboy-kirschtein @evas-leslas @sweet-assh0le @hannie2kay @levislovingwife @galactict3a @hauntedhousecat @suukee @thesimpsstuff @ackermendick @greenfurret @jayteacups @nelapanela94 @postwarlevi @levisbrat25 @ladycheesington @svftackerman @chaotic-nick @lilshades @youre-ackermine

Rei’s Birthday Event master list | Rei’s Springtime Event grand master list

Event tag list | Rei’s tag list

75 notes · View notes

kitthepurplepotato · 1 year ago

Text

🎄Love letters and mistletoes!🎄

Purple Potato Christmas Special!

~•🥦•~

Pairing: Midoriya Izuku x Reader

Genre: One shot - Fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, hint of angst on Izuku’s side (five sentences max)

Summary: With Izuku’s favorite holiday approaching, you decide to give your work partner a present he’ll never forget. Is that a good or a bad thing? - we shall see.

Warnings: Swear words, mention of someone getting hurt, Midoriya is quite depressed at the beginning of the story.

Two more warnings: The story is really fluffy and cute but it’s quite melancholic overall, except the ending!

Also, English isn’t my first language so please be kind! Feel free to send me a message if I messed something up really badly!

If you like the story please check my Master List! 🥦

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“Merry Christmas, everyone!” Midoriya Izuku raises his glass of orange juice with a proud smile on his face. “Thank you very much for your hard work, as always. I’m so lucky to have you, guys.”

“Cheers, boss!” Your half-drunk colleague yells, making the whole team and Midoriya giggle with his shenanigans.

There is one thing everyone knows about the “boss”; he’s humble to a fault. Whenever something good happens it’s always his agency who gets the praise; Izuku Midoriya can’t take a compliment to this day and he just makes everything sound like a team effort even though he’s the one doing 95% of the job, saving people back and forth, 7 days a week with no holidays in between but he never even complains once.

Well, not in public. He doesn’t complain to anyone but you and that’s the biggest achievement of your whole life, to be honest.

You started working at Midoriya’s agency when you were twenty; pro hero Deku was already a big name back then. He was just about to open his own agency but he had no idea about the business side of it; you still have no clue how you managed to get this job with your non-existent experience but here you are, five years later, sitting in the massive meeting room now decorated with garlands and string lights, while you look at your favorite companion with nothing but love and respect.

Midoriya Izuku absolutely adores Christmas. He decorates the whole agency every year, usually by himself then brings a ridiculous amount of food for the team to feast on after their working hours which he insists he made by himself, but judging by the seasoning it’s probably Dynamight’s doing who also insists “he has nothing to do with this shit.”

Both of these people are terrible liars, by the way.

This year, you were lucky enough to help Midoriya with the decorations. You couldn’t believe it when he asked you to stay longer with him; he might be the friendliest person in the whole world but when it comes to things like this, he somehow enjoys to do them alone, with no one around, just him and the Christmas music blasting from the speakers as the sun slowly sets in the background.

He was much worse five years ago; he loved to chat around about silly things but he absolutely hated to talk about himself, about his feelings, about his plans, about anything that involved him, really; he always changed the topic to something else (or someone else) as the first personal question left the other person’s mouth. After a while, the team just gave up on Midoriya Izuku and they only talked about themselves with him but you couldn’t ignore the massive bags under the hero’s eyes, nor his self-deprecating words when someone somehow managed to make him talk about something personal; you’ve always found the most ridiculous excuses to stay behind with him, to be next to him, to give him support, even if it’s from far away.

Things have started to change on a gloomy Thursday afternoon; Midoriya’s agency managed to catch a massive villain group but not without a price; one of the sidekicks got gravely injured, barely made it out alive and you knew Midoriya was blaming himself for it.

You were just about to leave for the day when you heard the tiny sniffles coming out of his office; needless to say you threw all your belongings on the floor and ran towards the sound right away.

Midoriya was a mess. His eyes were swollen, tears streaking down his cheeks as he continued typing on the computer, completely ignoring his fickle mental state just so he can do some more work. He didn’t even look up from his screen as you opened the door; he tried to school the scowl on his face, he really did, but it was all in vain - he couldn’t hide his red-rimmed eyes or the bags under it.

“Hey, your shift is over, go home. Enjoy your evening, Y/N, I’ll be out myself in a second.”

Lies.

“I’ll wait for you then.” You sat down on the sofa right next to his desk, faking obliviousness.

The silence was awkward, but somehow Midoriya could sense that you wouldn’t leave even if he would have insisted for you to do so, so he nodded to no one in particular and continued his paperwork, continued the sniffling and then finally, the tears came and none of you said a single word about it.

Not until Midoriya Izuku finally broke.

“I should have been there. I should have saved him from that blow…” He muttered to the screen in front of him. You’ve never seen him so heartbroken before and it broke your heart, you could hear it shatter on the floor as you looked up to see the young, Number One hero who’s usually so full of energy and positive thoughts crouching by the computer with nothing but pure blankness in his eyes.

“You were on the other side of the battlefield. I checked the footage already. You can’t save everyone, Midoriya. No human being can, not even All Might.” You whispered into the silence. “She’s okay, by the way. It was a close call but she’ll be fine. Your quick response saved her life. You are not the reason for her suffering. You are the reason she’s still alive.”

Midoriya looked at you like this is the first time he’s seen you for real; your voice was raw, much deeper than your usual work-voice but apparently it was the right choice to show your real self to him because after this, something changed; his walls started to crack as he looked up at you, vulnerable and raw.

“Why are you here, Y/N?” Midoriya asked, but there was no malice in his voice; it was quite the opposite actually; it felt like Midoriya has opened up a bit, let you see the broken pieces inside him then he let you choose if you want to stay or leave.

“Because I really want to hug you.”

Midoriya’s walls shattered completely in only a few seconds after that. You wanted to share his pain and your wish was granted; Midoriya couldn’t stop the tears anymore, his cry loud and incoherent as he meandered over and sat down next to you. His head landed on your shoulders with a loud thump and he cried and cried, for a few minutes or hours, you have no idea but eventually, the sobs subdued and there was silence, a really comfortable one at that. Your fingers raked through the messy, unwashed curls as Midoriya finally let himself fall asleep in your arms, probably for the first time in the last 48 hours.

Something shifted around you two after that. You didn’t need to ask what’s wrong anymore; if you stayed longer for no reason Midoriya took it as an invite to went, talked about his life, about his problems, no fake smiles, just words and incoherent mumbles as Izuku let out everything that has been bothering him during the day in one go.

It was quite a surprise to see Midoriya’s “ugly” side; you didn’t think he had so much hatred in him, mostly towards himself, you didn’t think he could get so offended by stupid things like the comment section on his Instagram profile but the most surprising thing was that somehow, during his rants and smile-free conversations you managed to fall in love with his broken soul and it only got worse once he let you in when things were good as well; his smile came back and it became more real when it was only the two of you in the building and it made the butterflies have a break dance battle in your tummy, it made your chest tighten, and finally, it made your heart beat in a new, strange way and it felt so right yet so wrong at the same time you couldn’t decide what to do with it for years.

You two became close friends after that. Midoriya invited you to come with him every time his friends went out drinking then kept you close and safe until the end of the night, he opened your door for you and didn’t leave until you fell asleep. You were his plus one whenever there was an event he had to attend, casual or business, you stayed at his office and listened to him talk almost every day, but that was all, there was never a sign from him that he wants this to be more than a close, work-related friendship so you’ve never made a move. It’s not like there haven’t been a chance to do so; oh no, there have been several; like the time you two ended up cuddling on his sofa while you watched a movie after a ridiculously busy week. Midoriya’s fingers went up and down your naked arms while you nuzzled into his neck, happy and content and you were so close to leave a tiny kiss there, but you stopped yourself because you felt like… this, whatever this was, was too pure to ruin with your “dirty”, unrequited feelings.

You didn’t think you will ever have a chance and to be honest, you still don’t think so… But there was this one moment, just a few days before, that made you think that maybe, telling him about your feelings wouldn’t be the end of the world and knowing how understanding Midoriya is, he would probably fight for this friendship even if you fuck it all up with your confession.

You two laughed so much during the decorating and it really didn’t feel like overtime; Midoriya’s honest, sweet laughs were much better than the loaded paycheck by the end of the month. It took you guys ages to finish the whole thing so you two ended up crashing on Midoriya’s office sofa after a quick shower in the communal bathroom.

There wasn’t enough space for the two of you to be comfortable so soon enough you ended up cuddling, Midoriya’s thighs halfway down the sofa but somehow, both of you felt content like that, like it was normal, like it was meant to be.

“Y/N, can I ask you a silly question?” Midoriya mumbled, halfway asleep.

“Hm?”

“Have you ever felt like you have everything you’ve ever wanted but somehow, something is still missing? Is it selfish to want more than what you can get… sometimes?” You couldn’t miss the way Midoriya’s hand clenched by your middle as he said that.

“Midoriya, I respect you but all you’ve got is several mental issues and a good job. There is more to life than that.”

Midoriya’s ugly snort was the cutest thing you’ve ever heard in your life.

“Like what?”

“Uhm…” You giggled into Midoriya’s neck. “Puppies. Seeing the world. Learning something new. And uhm… falling in love, maybe…”

“Have you ever been in love, Y/N?” Midoriya asked, and the conversation turned serious. “Is that something you wish for?”

“Only with the right person.” You admitted. “I don’t want to go on blind dates and stuff. I just want… this. Being content. And happy. With someone I respect and adore.”

“Are you happy now?” Midoriya’s voice was right next to your ears but somehow, it sounded so far away; like he’s talking to someone else, to someone watching you two from above, a deity or a guardian Angel.

“Right now? I am.”

~•🥦•~

Being Midoriya’s friend was getting harder and harder every day. The urge to touch, to kiss the fresh scars on his nose were almost unbearable sometimes, especially on the days when Midoriya was hard on himself for no reason whatsoever. Thankfully, most days - now that Christmas was approaching - were filled with Midoriya’s laughter instead of the sound of his heartbroken sniffles.

The first day after decorating the office is always fun; everyone cheers as their eyes meet the thousands of colors swirling around the walls, dread of the early morning long forgotten; the Christmas snacks in the cafeteria makes everyone’s lunch a tiny bit more cheerful - there isn’t a single grumpy person in the whole agency on the first day.

After five years, you kinda got used to this but for you and Midoriya, this was a special day for another reason; it was the first day you two woke up in each other’s arms. Something shifted again, but you had no idea what; everything felt the same but somehow different, like the distance between you and Midoriya got halved, like he was in an arm’s length now, waiting for you to finally reach out but you were quite sure it was only the night before that made it feel like that. Until…

“I also brought some things in if that’s okay!” One of your colleagues spoke up with a shit-eating grin on his face. You love this guy but he’s always up to no good and once you’ve seen the mistletoe hanging right above you, you knew what’s his “mischief of the day” was. “Oh no, it seems like we need to kiss...” The guy couldn’t even finish his sentence properly as suddenly, Midoriya appeared out of thin air, right next to you; he spun you around once, making you laugh with his sudden cheekiness, then twice and you two ended up right under the mistletoe. Midoriya’s cheeky smile made your heart do a somersault in your chest and you swear your heart stopped for a second as Midoriya left a comically loud smack on your cheek and left the room, giggling to himself like a mischievous child. “Dang, boss, you are such a cockblock!” He yelled after his cheeky boss while he laughed - there is no way anyone can be mad at Midoriya when he’s in a good mood. He’s just too adorable.

All you could think of for the rest of the day was how soft Midoriya’s lips were and how much you wanted to taste them.

Maybe it’s time for me to tell him. - you thought to yourself as you came up with a Christmas present idea.

~•🥦•~

“Next Christmas, I want us to thank you for your hard work, not the other way around.” You tell Midoriya as you two take a little break from cleaning out the office after the Christmas celebration. Calling Chargebolt over was a terrible idea - half of the team had to be taken home by a taxi as Chargebolt couldn’t stop refilling their cups while they weren’t looking. Needless to say, you two haven’t drunk at all, knowing that someone will need to make the place habitable again for tomorrow because hero life never ends, not even on Christmas Eve.

“Having you here with me is enough. It’s not fun to clean up alone.” Midoriya gives you that damn smile you can’t get enough of, even though you see it quite often these days. If this feeling inside your chest isn’t love you have no idea what love is. There is no way there’s a stronger feeling than the ache in your heart as you look at the small, barely visible wrinkles by Izuku’s eyes, the beautiful, gorgeous freckles that didn’t fade with age at all - they also make him look 10 years younger than he actually is - this ache in your heart is urging you to touch, to soothe, to please, to make the other happy; it’s painful but it’s also pleasant, a burn that stings but leaves a nice, tingly feeling afterwards.

“Midoriya… actually… Izuku…” You look up at the most important person in your life and he looks back at you with nothing but pure wonder in his eyes.

“Why does it sound like heaven when you say it?” Izuku mutters with a red face but you are too terrified to actually step back and think about his reaction, because this is it - You are just about to confess and ruin everything you’ve worked so hard for.

“I… I have a present for you. You don’t need to accept it. Please, only accept it if you… if you really mean it.” You mumble as you take out a small envelope and give it to him with shaking hands.

It’s so stupid. And so childish. There is no way in hell you can do this in a proper way so you focus on a random scratch on the wooden floor; you can’t look into his eyes while you slowly let your heart out through your mouth just so he can punch it back into your chest and break it into pieces. Not like he would ever would do such a thing, but still.

He looks at the small envelope with a happy smile on his face for a while then finally, he opens it up and starts reading out loud. You really want the ground to open up under you right now.

“Dear Izuku. (I hope you don’t mind me calling you that.) No, I don’t, I like it haha - You won a prize! … what is this, Y/N?” Izuku giggles but the smile slowly disappears from his face. Every second feels like an eternity. It’s like something is choking you but you can’t do anything about it. “It’s a ticket for a one on one Christmas date with Y/N, platonic, or romantic, depending on your… de…cision.” Izuku looks up from the little card with pure confusion written all over his face.

“As I said, you do not need to accept this at all. I have a plan B. But if you do and you decide on the romantic date… I… I must add that the romantic ticket is non-refundable. And it’s not… for one day. Think about it a Christmas puppy. You give it to someone for Christmas but it’s a responsibility for a lifetime. Oh my god, that sounds so stupid, I’m sorry, I can’t do this, please just forget about it and give that back to me…” you try to get the card back but Izuku pulls it away.

“Do you mean it?” Izuku mumbles; you can’t look into his eyes, you can’t, but at the same time you really want to see his face right now, you need to see how he reacts. You look up from the floor for only a second; and that one second turns your whole life upside down.

Izuku’s eyes are full of tears, but somehow, his whole face looks… happy?

“What?” You mumble back, mesmerized by the sparks in Izuku’s eyes. Were they always so beautiful or is it just the magic of Christmas Eve?

“The romantic date… no refunds, for a lifetime… do you mean it?”

“Would I be shaking like a leaf if I wouldn’t? I’m freaking out, Izuku.” Your voice cracks by the end of your sentence, tears prickling your eyes as you try to keep eye contact.

“I also… have a Christmas present for you.” He mutters, not answering your question which is an answer itself. You know Izuku well enough to know what he means by dodging a question; he’s been doing that for a whole year before you two became friends and you hate how much it hurts to be on the receiving side again, especially in this situation. It was so stupid for you to do this on Christmas Eve. You ruined the holiday for you both and Izuku has been so excited about it and now every year, he’ll think about your stupid confession and how you ruined the only holiday he genuinely enjoys…

“Here. Please, read it. I want to see your face when you get to the end of it.” Midoriya gives you that damned smile again; the smile you love so much and it’s so out of place in this situation but somehow, it gives you hope; it makes you believe that maybe you didn’t ruin your friendship nor the holiday completely and this can be salvaged after all. “Please.” He repeats as he gives you a cute letter, steadying your shaky hands with his own; the feeling of Izuku’s rough fingertips on the back of your hands almost makes you yelp out loud but after a few deep breaths you school your face into something neutral and start reading.

“Dear Y/N. Getting a silly little letter from me must not have been on your bucket list but I hope at least it will make you feel happy. We’ve been close friends for four years now and knew each other five. I think about you as one of the most important people in my life and the feeling only got stronger and stronger as the days has passed and at one point, my feelings got out hand and wandered to an unknown path and it took me literal years to realize what they really mean, so I’m sorry if this letter is a little bit too late.” You need to take a deep breath. This letter sounds suspiciously like a love letter but Izuku has always been an emotional person so maybe, this is his way of telling you he thinks about you as family? “The first thing that made me wonder about my feelings was that… I love to touch you. I love to keep you close. I enjoy being with you alone more than I enjoy sharing a drink with you in a pub when my friends are around. The second thing was that somehow, over the years you got prettier in my eyes - you’ve always been pretty, don’t get me wrong but my eyes got caught on certain things a friend’s shouldn’t; your lips, your cheekbones, on the way your hair flies in the wind and small things like that. Then the third and final thing was only a few days ago; on the first day of our Christmas extravaganza when someone was about to kiss you under the mistletoe.

All I could think of was that… I want you to be mine.”

Your heart is having a hard time and so is your mind. This can’t be real. There is no way this happening right now…?!

“Izuku?!”

“Just continue.” Izuku smiles at you, his eyes full of affection. He moves his hands to your middle once he deemed you strong enough to be able to hold a single piece of paper and you can feel the twitch in the movement as he struggles to not pull you close and you can’t believe you’ve missed the sighs until now; Izuku looks at you like you are the prettiest star on the sky, like you are the reason the sun shines above you and it’s so endearing yet so natural… this moment, here, right now, at 10PM on a cold and dark Sunday evening… this moment was written in the starts thousands of years ago, you can feel it in your heart, in your soul, fucking everywhere.

“We cried, we laughed, we cheered, we mourned; we did all of these together but now it’s time for the next adventure - if you are up for it, of course.” You can’t stop sniffling as you get to the end of the letter. “So your Christmas present… is my heart. Because it’s all yours. It always has been. Is it even a present if it was yours for so long already? Great question. I think it’s the thought that counts.

Dear, Y/N. I love you. From the bottom of my heart to the tip of my toes.

Yours Sincerely;

Midoriya Izuku.”

There isn’t a proper word or a proper sentence to describe what you are feeling right now. You want to cry and laugh at the same time, you want to break down but you also want to stand tall and proud because your feelings just got reciprocated.

“We came up with the same silly idea, Y/N. If that’s not a sign then I don’t know what it is.” Izuku laughs as he finally pulls you close. “Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?” Izuku’s voice is so childish and so giddy you can’t help but laugh. He rests his forehead on yours and takes a deep breath; it’s all so new and so strange yet it feels so right, just so-so perfect it makes your heart melt into a puddle on Izuku’s office floor.

“You mean it?” You parrot his own words back to him with a cheeky smile which ends up much bigger than you wanted it to be; Izuku’s hold gets tighter and tighter around your middle, the distance almost non-existent between you two now.

“Can I kiss you now? Because I really really want to kiss you now.” Izuku mumbles, completely ignoring your cheeky retort. You do your best to make an offended face but it’s extremely hard to concentrate while Izuku’s breath tickles your lips.

“You are so impatient, Izuku, I haven’t even answered yet.” You giggle to yourself, your lips already touching Izuku’s, but only a tiny bit, it’s more like a tease than an actual touch. “Where’s the mistletoe, then?” You add cheekily and Izuku doesn’t say a word to that; his hand wanders to your face and caresses your cheek with his thumb then gently moves your chin up to look at the ceiling right above you; you notice that the mistletoe your colleague brought in is clumsily stuck to the ceiling with… tape. You can’t help but roll your eyes while Izuku’s happy laughter fills the office as he slowly moves back into your personal space and finally steals a kiss from you.

First, the kiss is tentative and slow, one peck then two then three; Izuku grins between the small kisses and suddenly something shifts; he barges back with more fervor, the kiss deep and scorching hot but Izuku can’t stop smiling so it’s also a little bit awkward but somehow it’s still the most perfect kiss you’ve ever had.

“I love Christmas.” Izuku kisses you again. “And you.”

“I love you too, you grumpy, adorable fucking nerd.” You finally deepen the kiss properly; you take his bottom lips in yours and suck on it, making Izuku yelp with the sudden action. It doesn’t take him long to take revenge though; he licks over your lip then barges into your mouth, his tongue having a slow dance with your own, his body flush against yours as you slowly kiss away the remaining two hours until the clock hits midnight and you two freak out over the mess you still need to clean up before the new day starts, but not even the lateness of the day nor the grimy work can ruin your mood as you two slowly get the building tidy until every surface sparkles under the shine of the rising sun.

“You should have just asked the cleaning crew to clean this up in the morning.” You mumble into Izuku’s ear as you two try to have at least two hours of sleep on the small sofa before the day starts.

“Well yeah, but then I wouldn’t have had an excuse to ask you to stay for longer.” He admits sheepishly. You can’t believe this man.

“I fucking love you, you silly nerd.”

The end

Extra:

“Fucking finally!” Katsuki’s voice blasts through the speakers. You are not even surprised that Katsuki is the first person Izuku tells about the news, barely a few hours after you two got together. Also, he’s video-calling, because apparently, calling someone like a normal person is too ‘impersonal’. “You two, my place, tonight. We are having fucking Katsudon, thank the motherfucking gods above I don’t need to listen to you moaning about your unrequited fucking love anymore! Shitty hair! We need booze!” Katsuki yells to his half asleep flatmate. “Deku finally grew some balls! Also, you owe me 10000 yen!”… then he ends the call without even saying bye.

“Will we ever have a good sleep ever again?” You mumble to Izuku and his two massive Gucci bags under his eyes.

“No. Mum’s celebration will last a whole week. I hope you are not on a diet by the way, she loves to force feed people.” He smiles at you and …honestly? You don’t need any sleep if you can keep staring into those beautiful sparkling eyes full of love and affection instead.

“I can’t wait.”

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Potato ramble:

- Reader: writes a stupid note about Deku winning a date with her

Deku: Writes a full on essay about his feelings

Also Deku: Wow it’s the same!

Honestly Y/N, that present was so cringe, did you even try? 😂😂😂😂 💜

- There is one thing I realized while I was writing this: I hate one-shots. I don’t think I’ll ever do one ever again. They always feel so empty and rushed even if I try to put as much information as I can into it. I like to take my time with this stuff, show the audience how the two characters ended up in love with each other… so yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever do a holiday special ever again haha

- Sorry for all the folks waiting for the next chapters of my ongoing series, I absolutely hyperfixated on this one and I also knew I won’t be able to be on time with those two thanks to the Christmas rush in retail (bro, I’m dead) so I kinda gave up. They’ll be coming soon I swear!

- I hope you guys have a lovely Christmas or whatever holiday you guys enjoy around this time! I’m not a big Christmas person myself but I do like a good Christmas-themed fanfiction :D

If you liked this story, send me a lovely comment and check out my Master List! 💜

Merry Christmas, everyone! 🎄

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya x y/n #midoriya x you #midoriya izuku x reader #pro hero deku x reader #deku x reader #midoriya izuku x you #midoriya izuku x y/n

136 notes · View notes

isabeauwolf · 7 months ago

Text

Alright.

Since it's been days since we've gotten to see our beloved birdman Kai Chisaki one more time in the manga, we've all let our feelings out about his ending, either you hated it or not. Felts depressed and sad.

I gotta ask all of my fellow Overhaul, Kai Chisaki stans and fans: What made you pick Overhaul as your favorite character/ Villain in MHA?

What made him draw you in?

Fascinate you?

Fall for him so hard, he drew you away from your previous anime/manga husband or wifu?

Where you a manga or anime only before his handsome villainous yakuza birdman came into your life?

Was it is character design? Mannerisms? His powerful quirk? His plan to erase quirks, his serum and determination to restore the Shie Hassaikai into power? His godly voice by both Kenjiro Tsuda and Kellen Goff?

(Pst, honestly, I love it all ;) His man's got my heart is a death grip; even if, he's competing with Trafalgar Law for my attention and affection, and now Dabi.)

Instead of throwing around all the hate surrounding this man. Let's send him off with a bang! Love, support, the whole she-bang, even if, you still high disagree with his actions towards Pops and Eri.

-------------------------------------------------------------

(If every seems out of order or all over the place, I'm sorry! Please be, patient with me, and thank you!)

I've give my personal thoughts on Kai Chisaki, Overhaul. My yakuza birdman husband here! (huge breakdown/ summary, rant about this man; spoilers ahead!) Not like, I haven't been doing that the whole time, I've been on here XD I've talked with other Overhaul/Kai stans and fans on here, giving my two cents, which I love and appreciate to everyone who's talked and fangirled/boyed with me!

Be warned that I might to ramble, and this whole thing might now make sense, or is all over the place, again, I'm sorry! But if you don't mind, I thank you!

I started off as an anime only, and watched on my own time. Even if I heard AFO's introduction, and All For One's and All Might's battle at Kamino Ward and All Might saying goodbye One For All in subbed first; my husband was watching it the living room while I was on my laptop watching a different series. The music drew me in and I couldn't look away, watching the whole battle with baited breath until it was over.

Then I watched the series by myself since I couldn't sleep months after. Cheering for Deku, smiling and crying with hm.

I watch in dubbed first, since it's hard to focus on subbed while having a toddler running around. XD Then rewatch it in subbed form.

Anyways, at the end of season 3 we get a tease of Overhaul's introduction. His voice, golden eyes drew me in, hook line and sinker.

I've always been a sucker for bad boys and I love a man that wears a suit. lol So it gave Overhaul some brownie points. I know it isn't just me! Don't lie, haha.

The fact that Overhaul straight up challenged Shigaraki for the spot as the next King of the Underworld, pointing out his mistakes and lack of motivation once more; the same as Stain had in the previous hard, showing that Overhaul himself had been in the game a bit longer than Shiggy.

Overhaul while insulting the younger villain was indeed asking the right questions. Shiggy had misused and lost his powerful NPC's during the Training Camp attack with the Vanguard Action Squad, Muscular and Moonfish.

He had every right to question his motives.

Overhaul is blunt and spoke the truth about Shiggy's leadership skills, even if it ending with Magne's death. As sad as it was she did attack him first when if she was defending her belief's and the league, she didn't have to die. Compress didn't have to lose an arm.

The confrontation and damage done on both side makes you see that Overhaul is a dangerous man, with an equally dangerous quirk on top of being able to bring someone back to life if he wanted to, showcasing the quirk erasing bullets. We hadn't really seen an onscreen death before then, or at least, not that I remember.

Overhaul is cold blooded and driven, but calm and calculated; he's a man who's not afraid to get his hands dirty when he needs to, despite his quirks drawback and hate of the aftermath.

When we meet him again with Shigaraki at the Shie Hassaikai underground meeting room, and the bits given by Sir Nighteye, it's clear that Overhaul has the means to til the scales of Villain and Hero society, if he was given more time and wasn't fighting against the clock. He still needed more funding and man power to mass product both sets of bullets.

Had he succeeded and gotten away with his arms still intact, despite losing Eri to the Heroes, we might have seen him and the right bullets again down the line, but it wasn't in the cards.

(We finally get to see Kai, our birdman unmasked and his poor man get's done soooo dirty! First it's his stoic and impressive, criminally handsome face, then Shiggy took his hard work, him and Mr Compress tag-teamed taking his hands away, leaving him quirkless, helpless, in despair and he's terrified! Not for himself, but because without his quirk he can't reverse the damage he's done to pop's, he can't wake him up or talk to him again.)

Underestimating the Heroes, The League, and being overly cocky and arrogant played a major part of his own fall. His isolation from others and seeing his subordinates and closest friend as pawns to be used and thrown away didn't help, yet the men closest to his inner circle were indeed the most loyal of his followers.

It wasn't outright said, but shown that Overhaul himself was forgiving and understanding when Chrono or Nemoto made mistakes, he didn't scold them or yell at them.

( If I missed anything in this summary, let me know. XD )

He's a well written character and villain. A man possessed and obsessed with fulfilling his goals, repaying Pops, the man who took him in and gave him a home, a place to be himself.

The way Pops found Chisaki as a boy, alone, covered in filth and I imagine he was hungry, always made me feel as if we were missing something from his past. He wanted more than anything to replay the man who saved him and rebuilding the Shie Hassaikai's former glory and reputation along with returning people quirkless.

Might have saved so many lives who were eventually lost, but at the end of the day, he still choose the darkest route and solution.

If the Quirk Doomsday theory we've heard about and snippets we've seen so far. Different combinations of quirks are getting stronger and stronger, people like Touya who's bodies destroys itself while using his fire. There may come a time where not even support items could save a person from their overly strong and destructive quirk.

Could you imagine what he could have done with his quirk, if he was a doctor?! He could have replaced recovery girl's position as UA's school nurse or even a Doctor since healing quirks are so rare.

Of course, I'm not saying what he did was justified by any means.

Kai Chisaki, Overhaul is practically The Fullmetal Alchemist in MHA without the use of Equivalent Exchange! Yes, he threw away his human name, becoming, "a demon with no heart" as Pops says.

As we see him fuse with Nemoto and Rikiya Katsukame, each fusion he becomes more monstrous, a much more darker version of himself; fulling giving into "Overhaul," his villain persona, not carrying who he has to hurt to get his way.

I will admit that I'm down bad for Kai/Overhaul and his Monsterhaul form, Nemoto version, but the giant monster form, lol

Now, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

Knowing about him being in Dr Garaki's/AFO's orphanage and that Shigaraki has a copy of his quirk. They more they parallel each other so much more after that reveal.

It explains so much about his character!

Kai Chisaki won't flat out say it or address it, neither has Horikoshi but its clear that he was heavily traumatized and abused as a kid before Pops found him.

Oh yes, the trauma bucket! Like our beloved characters in the series doesn't have enough trauma as it is. Let's see how far that habit hole goes for Kai? -_-

The lack of remorse for his victims, justifies his action, manipulative, lack of physical response to violence, deception, and hostel, his acts are usually well planned in advance, irritability and aggressive behavior when provoked, reckless disregard for safety of others - antisocial and sociopathic tendencies.

Lack of empathy, believes he's special and the only one who can cure the world, need for admiration from Pops, his abandonment and self-worth issues go hand-in-hand with his fear of his father figure throwing him out of the Shie Hassaikai with his final ultimatum of dropping his plan.

Out of everything, we only get sprinkles here and there that Kai had done before snapping.

You can see it, the way he tenses and his hands ball into a fists, no doubt, surprised, shocked, hurt even before redirected into anger and violence.

Putting his father figure into a coma, and taking matters into his own hands. Become the villain, we all know and love, adore, praise, however you see him as.

Before becoming "Overhaul," Kai used to get into brawls with anyone who dared disrespect the Shie Hassaikai, and wants to help the boss; protecting the honor of the yakuza and protecting them from being called, "Villains." (Classic delinquent behavior, I imagine he did it in high school since we've seen him do it as an adult.)

We see him wear normal clothes: black dress pants, blazer and purple dress shirt, no gloves and a black duster mask over his face. (I'd honestly, love to see Kai in more civilian, classy outfits! More unbuttoned shirts and all, please!)

Even if Pops scolding him and explaining that they must protect civilians instead of hurting them, the old man still affectionately pets the top of his head and praises him for protecting their honor. Which in itself is a kind gesture, but something I think he took a little too much into his heart.

The scolding for doing something dishonorable, but praised for his intentions has overtime been taken form into the most cold and logical extreme actions.

Nobody can deny that Overhaul's got drip! XD

Overhaul's more professional outfits: the red and gold plague doctor's mask, and white gloves. Borrowing inspiration from All For One, he uses his quirks name as his alias, his Villain name and quirk ability, the idea for his quirk erasing and serum, as "Overhaul", he can kill and wants to change the world.

To preserve the past, he must engage with the present and became a villain out of necessity.

What's the difference?

The differences between a young Kai standing up for his father's honor and the snarling demon he has become. All of it against a world that had clearly outgrown him and the old ways of the Yakuza, but he refused to accept it and to protect his only family and most precious person, Pops.

As we've been in the latest chapter of MHA, without his quirk, without his arms and plague mask, and the last time we saw him. Kai Chisaki, inside is still a boy who wants to make his father figure proud and wants attention and praise.

As Pop's said before he took things too far again, shoving the older man's wisdom and wishes aside, taking action into his own hands, not only crossing the line between the gray that Pop's held against the Villains' and Heroes, Black and White, Kai instead, erased the line and jumped over it, making his own line and walked into a dangerous and dishonorable path.

======= What I missed last minute, sorry guy's.... I'm almost done, I swear! =======

It's clear, that he's smart and well educated, he could have studied as a medical student, read medical journals during his free time or just because he was a huge science and medical geek, we will never know.

My bet's on the ladder, practicing how to control his quirk and for the fun of it. He's the type of person to obssess with something and run away with it, a concerting amount.

You can't tell me that Pop's didn't walk in to Kai's room or living room, seeing Kai asleep on the couch or floor with a book either on his face or on his chest! Or Kai geeking out over a first edition or rare medical journal he found or Pop's and Hari had given him as a birthday present!

The birdman is such a workaholic that he's no doubt forgotten about his birthday, if Pop's or Hari didn't plan something for him!

If Kai is such a health nut and germ, wash your hands after every speck of dusk lands on your hands, then I need to know his skincare routine!

Do you think his hands is soft?

We know he works out from how jacked he is from his back and abs, fuck, I'd gladly claim him like a tree X////////////x

I'm not the only one who wanted him to have those traditional tatts, right? Of course, it's optional and traditional, but come on! I excepted to see the Shie Hassaikai's embalm, sakura or at least, a raven something! Anything! Hell, all three! Well, in my fanfic he does.

Also, Lady Nagant, you lucky woman, getting to touch and dress Kai!

Wish, I could trade places to pamper and comfort this man.

Screw you, AFO, Kai comes first.

I don't care if Kai comes off as stuck-up, spoiled rich brat, a bubble bath princess, narcissist and a asshole. If given the change to rock this man's world and fuck his brains out, you bet your ass I would!

If he could put up with my ditzy, clumsy, sassy, way too honest and smart-ass mouth, then fine. Baby needs to laugh more! I wanna see him smile!

--------------------

Well, it's almost 2am and I'm going to be. XD If you've had to through my rant/rambling of Kai. Share your thoughts with me... again, sorry for it being too long and wayyyyy all over the place.

Of course, I always forget something...... XD

40 notes · View notes

lamentationsofalonelypotato · 11 months ago

Text

Chapter 2: Late Night Visitor

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter two of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing (once or twice), Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC,

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. Reader is described as being "curvy." I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1

1934 Philadelphia

The subtle scratch of your pencil against the smooth page of the sketchbook filled your quiet bedroom. One look at the ticking clock on your bedside table stated that it was past midnight, but you didn't care. The dark circles under your eyes the next morning were well worth it, tiredness forgotten as the haze of creativity dulled the weariness of the day you'd had.

It was your fifteenth birthday, and although your parents had thrown you a lavish party to prove that the y/l/n family had not been touched by the destruction of the depression and were not concerned with the horrors of war overseas, there was only one person that you wanted to be there.

Ben wasn't of course. He was still at boarding school number five, and you imagined that a number six was already in order, given his track record.

You smile to yourself when you think of your best friend. You hadn't seen him in two months, not since you walked with him to the train station and he tried to act like he didn't care that his father was sending him away again, but you knew he did.

The things that Ben's father said and did to him made anger surge behind your ribcage. You didn't understand how his father could be so callous, so uncaring. You also hate that it drove Ben to drink, though Ben didn't seem to drink quite as much when you were around, because he knew that you didn't like it.

The party would have been more entertaining if he was there. Yes he did tend to get drunk and flirt with whatever walked past him, but he always had a way of cheering you up. And he had a wonderful knack for keeping your mother at a distance, who prayed that Ben would stay away from you, but never did.

If he was there your mother wouldn't have hovered over you all night, slapping away your hand every time you tried to take a piece of cake or hiss something at you when you pulled at the itchy pink dress that she brought home three days ago, your least favorite color. When you got dressed for the party you felt like a porcelain doll in a China cabinet, made to be looked at, but never touched.

It wasn't too far off. Being the only daughter of one of the richest families that lived in Philadelphia your reputation and pedigree were two of the most important things to your mother. It meant that in a few years you would be married off to another rich family, have rich babies, and then put your own daughter through the same cycle of hell all over again.

Suitors were already beginning to trickle into your life, sons of your father’s business partners each screened by your mother before the introductory meetings where you felt bored, stiff, choked by the thick fabric of the dresses your mother picked out, and plastered with makeup. All of course the best of Europe, which you had no idea how your mother managed to get given that there was a war on.

Ben was the only thing in your life that wasn't planned and you loved him for it.

You look up at the dark corner of your room to get a view of the long shadows that creep along the bedroom floor, and cut through the light coming from the gas lantern on your bedside table. You try to distinguish the sharp edges and smooth curves and watch them take shape beneath the ministrations of your pencil against the page.

Art was your only escape, the only thing you did that your mother approved of.

"A proper lady should have a hobby." She had sniffed, but then narrowed her eyes at the graphite and ink stains on you hands.

Part of the fun is the mess. You had thought to yourself watching her disapproving look.

A tap on your window makes you lift your gaze from the page and look towards the window seat that faces out the third story of your home onto the street below.

Ben is crouched there on the ledge that juts out only a foot from the outer brick wall a wide smile on his face that you can't help but return. You had been friends since you were both eight, when your parents threw yet another party and you found Ben in one of the side rooms trying to avoid his father. When his father tried to come in to find him, you lied and said you hadn't seen Ben.

And when his mother died two years later, Ben would show up some nights, scaling the large tree outside your window to stay with you. He never wanted to talk about it and you never asked, instead you talked about everything else until you both fell asleep.

You felt your heart thud loudly in your chest and a familiar warmth tracing lightly against your skin when you lock eyes with him. It was hard to be in love with your best friend. But you were, and you couldn't tell him. You didn't want to ruin the only meaningful relationship you'd ever had in your life. Ben knew everything about you, you trusted him and you couldn't imagine what it would be like to live your life without him, didn't want to.

Sometimes you hoped he felt the same way. When you woke up before him in the morning and the light from the window made his hair lighter and he held you close to his chest because in his sleep he had wrapped his arm around you. You liked to pretend that he did it on purpose, not just because there was barely any room between the two of you in your bed because now you both weren't as small as you used to be. You don’t know when Ben got so broad, tall, and muscular, but now it was impossible to ignore, especially being pressed against his chest when you woke.

It was improper to be that close in bed together of course, but you didn't care. You didn't care what other people thought about him or you. He was your best friend, and although you wished for more, you wouldn't turn your back on him just because other people thought he was trouble.

Which he was.

You put your sketchbook down and go to the window to unlock it. "Ben what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't miss your birthday." He smirks as you take his hand to help him into your bedroom.

"What about school?"

"Wasn't a good fit." Ben pushes his dark hair out of his eyes and you try not to think about what it would be like to do it yourself.

"Uh-huh. What you're really saying is that you flunked out of another boarding school just to make it back for my birthday. Right?" You laugh.

"Thought it would be a nice birthday surprise." He leans forward with a smirk. "Would you like to unwrap your present?"

You roll your eyes and raise a hand to push him back, but he catches it against his chest.

"Come on. You're telling me that you didn't miss me? Not even a little?" Ben pretends to be hurt.

Of course you missed him. When he wasn't there it felt like apart of you was gone, but you couldn't tell him that. You knew that Ben didn't feel the same way. He was just flirty, all the time.

"No."

"Liar." He says. "How was the big party?"

"Oh it was the bee's knees." You snark. "I danced with Howard Stine and he stepped on my toes, my mother didn't let me eat and bought me a ridiculous dress-"

"Let me guess, pink?"

"Pink and ruffly. I looked like a giant cupcake."

"I'm sure Howard loved it." Ben sing-songs.

"Shut up." You punch his arm. "He's not that bad-"

"With a boring name like Howard, imagine how boring he'd be in-"

"Big talk from a guy named Benjamin." You interrupt.

The look in Ben's eyes darkens for a minute. "I'd be happy to prove you wrong."

You shake your head at him to stop the flush in your cheeks and avoid the way your breath catches in your chest at his words.

It would be so easy to give in to him, but you knew that Ben didn't see you that way. Ben had chased after anything and everything that caught his eye. If you were to give in, you were afraid of what would happen after. Ben was your best friend and if you crossed that line what would it mean?

"You're incorrigible."

"If that's another word for gorgeous then yes, yes I am."

You turn back to the bed and where your sketchbook waits, trying to calm your racing heart.

"But you don't want your birthday present?" Ben asks from behind you.

"What happened to you being the present?"

"I am a gift, but I did get you something."

You turn and see that Ben is holding out a package wrapped in gold paper a little bit larger than a book. Surprise momentarily spikes at the back of your mind. Ben had gotten you gifts in the past, but you hadn't expected one this year, especially since he just got out of boarding school.

"Did you steal it?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Not this time."

You take the box from his hand and sit down on your bed to peel back the paper. "I can't believe you actually wrapped this."

"The saleswoman did. Now she was really-"

"Don't need to know." You shake your head with a smile, eyes still on the gift. When you finally pull back the paper you can't help but smile. It's a box of watercolor paints, a package of brushes, and a small pad of watercolor paper. "Ben-" You look up at him with a wide smile. "Thank you!"

"Do you like them?" Ben asks hesitantly, he looks almost nervous.

"I love them! I've never tried to paint before."

"I know. I remember said you wanted to try. Plus I thought you could do some nice nudes of me in color-" Ben smirks.

"Ben!" You snort.

“I’m just trying to help you learn how to draw anatomy.” He wets his lips with his tongue arching an eyebrow in a challenge. “Of course there are more fun ways that I could teach you that.”

“Ben!” You flush bright red.

“Sorry. Sometimes you’re too easy.”

“I don’t know why I put up with you.” You shake your head at him with a smile.

An odd look crosses his face, but it disappears as quickly as you see it.

"Honestly, thank you. I can't wait to try these out." You look back down at the paints, admiring the silver box they came in.

"You're welcome."

Ben hovers by the window at the edge of your room as if debating whether or not he should stay. After all these years you noticed that Ben had trouble with the idea that you genuinely wanted him there. You knew it stemmed from his father's constant disapproval and his father's constant need to push him away, and it made your heart break for him.

And yes, maybe Ben did fill his life with brief flings and alcohol, but he was still your Ben.

"You’re going to stay right? Because you’ve already missed my birthday and I’d like to know how you got kicked out of boarding school number five.”

He nods once a small smile quirking the edge of his lips before he removes the dark jacket with the embossed prestigious logo of the aforementioned boarding school. It catches on his shoulders and you look away before he can see your blush.

“Are you hungry?”

Ben shakes his head.

“Ben, when was the last time you put something in your stomach besides alcohol?” You raise an eyebrow. He couldn’t lie to you and you knew he was only saying no because he didn’t want you to have to creep downstairs in the dark and also because he didn’t want to admit that he was hungry.

“Earlier.” He says it with a shrug, looking down at the coat in his hands to avoid your gaze.

“Well I was going to go see if I could find some of that birthday cake anyway. I haven’t eaten since this morning and all I had was half a grapefruit.”

“Another diet?” Ben frowns.

“Mother thinks I can slim down a little more. Says that I’d get more suitors if my hips were not so big.” You try not to dwell too much on it, you’d been dealing with your mother’s constant berating since you were born. The corset you’d worn at the party was so tight that it left bruises on your hips and under your arms, but your mother had been pleased with how it looked. “She won’t be happy until I’m thinner than a chicken bone I suppose.” Instead of looking at Ben you stand and turn to look at yourself in the full length mirror in the corner. You never thought that your hips were too big or that your chest was, yes you were more curvy than any of your friends but you liked it.

"You shouldn't listen to her."

You shrug.

"I'm serious y/n. You're-" Ben stops talking.

"What?" You turn to look at him again eyes wide and open.

"Well you're-" Ben looks nervous again, tightening his hands on the dark jacket. He swallows. "You're not fat." Ben finishes.

"Well I don't think I'm fat Ben, but thank you." You can't help but be a little disappointed with his answer, you were hoping that he would say that you were beautiful.

My mother thinks I’m fat. You try not to wince when you think it, but instead you focus back on Ben.

"Alright, stay here. Try not to wake my parents up."

"Trust me that's the last thing on my mind doll."

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know. :)

Taglist: @roseblue373

#jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #the boys #the boys fanfic #soldier boy #the boys amazon #jensen ackles #soldier boy/ben #soldier boy fic #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys series

386 notes · View notes

octoberwren · 3 months ago

Text

So I hyperfixate on shows, I always have. I love storytelling. I'll be obsessed with a book/show/movie for a time and for whatever reason that fades. It fades rapidly if i don't care for the writing or the way its heading. I enjoy storytelling that grabs me and I'm a romantic at heart so typically I like shows with romantic relationships and friendships as the overall theme. (Fairy Tail being one of them)

Outerbanks was one of those obsession of mine, i got into it last year but to be honest that hyperfixation faded when season 4 was gearing up for one reason or another. And to be honest I'm glad it did. I've had writers fuck with the show i loved before, I've had to watch characters that deserved better than death as their "salvation" die for "stroyteling purposes" when honestly it was due to bad writing. Ben Solo comes to mind (Don't get me started) I've already lived a life filled with death, grief and trauma. I don't need that in my media. Death is not the redeemable action they think it is. Life is worth living, wanting peace and happiness with those you love, forming new bonds, growing and changing and loving yourself and those around you is the fucking goal and the fucking point. It's what makes life worth living and celebrating. i can not say this enough.

So to turn around and spit on that character for the sake of bad writing is fucking bizarre man. (I know about the drama, i also dont want to talk about that. The actors personal life is none of my business.) If for some reason the actor playing JJ Maybank couldn't continue playing that character anymore? Cool, unfortunate but like i said, none of my business. It was on the writers to create a better send off for him, than to blatantly disrespect the character like that. I'm not saying you can't explore grief, I'm not saying you can't write a gripping story about that. You can. But nowhere in my silly little comfort surfer show did I expect for them to kill one of the main characters off. Their parents? Sure. The sides characters? Yeah. But not them. You don't set up 4 seasons of them escaping frankly unbeatable odds, asking the viewers to turn off their critical thinking skills as the pogues defied the realms of relaity when it came to death, to turn around and have one of the fan favorites die. You just weren't clever enough to write a better conclusion. And luckily my hyperfixation did die or I'd be more pissed than this.

I may make a more in depth YouTube video on this subject as a whole because honestly i can talk about writers killing off depressed and abused characters as a self scarifice "move" for hours.

I have depression, PTSD, and so on. i have gone through unspeakable parental abuse, i have attempted suicide. i have survived by gritting my teeth and making fucking sure my mental health is taken care of. I have dug myself out of the abyss time and time again. I am a survivor. A final girl thank you very much. Do not tell me that the woman i used to be deserved a tragic end. She did not. It makes me so fucking mad seeing posts of fans that found comfort in this show, that related to JJ as someone free and filled with hope and loyalty despite his horrible childhood get death as his ending. It makes me livid that, that is what the writers chose as his legacy of thier own godamn show. Pain at the end of it all? And for what? Put him in a coma (to stick with your soap opera of a show that you set up) take him somewhere where he can't get back yet but still maintain the narrative that you made. I don't know be creative??? Thats your job??? Not the same old fucking dying trope that you knew would piss off your fans.

Listen, to the fans that are struggling with it. It's bad storytelling. It's bad writing. You'll find another story to relate to. Another character to find joy and draw strength and inspiration from. (And hopefully they'll take the care needed to tell such complex stories and themes)

If you have survived awful things, if you relate to him in one way or another, that is not your legacy. That will not be your story. You will find peace, and friendships and love. Don't let bad writers make you feel like your destiny is pain. It's not. It never was. You matter just for existing.

Anyway, I'm done ranting now. Be safe and take care of yourself.

#obx #obx season 4 #obx spoilers #outer banks #outer banks spoilers #jj maybank #storytelling #bad storytelling

15 notes · View notes

eddiediazismyhusband · 8 months ago

Note

Hi! I just wanted to say that I like your attitude and resilience (I'm a weak man, and every toxic anti-buddie/anti-buddie-shippers/pro bucktommy idea just hits me straight in the heart).

I don't understand how people can suddenly start hating Buddie because of "crazy fans", but still be smitten by bucktommy despite of how crazy some of their fans are.

And I really hate that they have this ammunition (their ship still going, Eddie happening to be hetero) to bully us with (haven't Buddie shippers been through enough of hate these past six years? And who knows how much more of it we'll have to yet to go through...)

Ah, sorry for the rant😅

The long ass message anon from lenaboskow's asks xD

🏝️

awwwww, thank you anon 😭 <3

if i’m being honest, the public resilience comes from years of being bullied and ridiculed, so at this point hate (especially anonymous hate) just rolls off my back bc atp it’s just par for the course with these people.

i definitely understand the toxicity hitting you right in the feels though. i have mentioned before but i have really bad anxiety and depression, and there are times when if i haven’t taken my meds i will start to spiral over the smallest things (just ask @lenaboskow who has been present for a lot of this unmedicated spiraling)… so i definitely understand that some of the toxicity and hate can be hard. especially when the writers continued to give them ammunition after seeing what what was happening on twitter during the premiere period of season 7.

I’ve been a buddie shipper since s2. I have put up with seeing ridicule and disrespect from the fandom for shipping buddie for years (granted i only started getting actively involved in the fandom very recently, i still kept up with cast interviews, articles, etc. and could see plenty of it there) so i understand it can be hard seeing so many people that once were hardcore buddie shippers suddenly turning into violently hateful stan accounts for this new ship is jarring and disappointing… i have seen so many of my favorite fic writers turn into anti-buddie-eddie-bashing enthusiasts seemingly overnight and it’s hard to see.

that being said, i still have not lost hope. abc and tptb see what is happening— they see screeners being harassed for talking about buddie, they see buddie shippers getting doxxed and getting death threats, they see lou stirring the pot (though thankfully it seems something has been done about that)

these creators know that stoking this kind of fandom behavior is not okay- they know that it’s a bad idea to reward toxicity and hate. they have also been the ones actively laying the groundwork for buddie for six years. a lot of the writers actually care about buck AND eddie, rather than just buck (regardless of whatever is going on in kristen reidel’s cesspool of a creative mind), and we know that queer eddie has been discussed at length before to the point where the queer storyline of s7 was almost eddie’s. these writers see what we see, the actors see what we see, tim minear sees what we see.

i don’t know what they have in store for next season, but regardless of whether or not we get buddie canon, i am very optimistic that the pilot won’t be around much longer, especially after the drama and toxicity he has stirred up within the fandom, bc the last thing a network tv show wants is bad press, and that situation has the potential to boil over into something much worse if they didn’t put a stop to it immediately.

anyway, anon, never apologize for sending a long ask, i love to yap and i love being an outlet for people to vent if they need to <3 i believe in you, that you will be able to withstand this blip in the fandom; as someone who’s had to go through similar situations in other fandoms it will not matter a year from now once everyone has moved on. unfortunately we are caught upnin the novelty of it, but once it either peters out or becomes a sort of “new normal” (which i hope it is the former and not the latter) it will be so much easier to bear with.

i hope you have a lovely morning, afternoon, or evening, sweet anon 💕💕

31 notes · View notes

queen-of-deans-booty · 4 months ago

Text

Brother's Keeper: Part One

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.1k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst, feeling broken and utterly helpless to the point of depression

Summary: The repercussions of every bad thing you did while being soulless hit you like a freight train at full speed. There are no words that can describe how broken you feel. Sam and Dean manage to break the spell and lift the curse but what did you let out in return?

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

You wake up to Dean tightening the leather straps to your arms. You roll your head to the side and see yourself in the dungeon of the Bunker. Sam and Cas are on the other side of the room whispering to each other, ignoring you for now. You'd use magic to get out of this but your head still feels like it's splitting. To even think about magic gives you the biggest headache, but you think that's Dean's plan. You look at Dean with a deadly glare just as he tightens the other strap to your arm. Your legs are tied to the legs of the chair so you can't move an inch.

"Stare at me all you want but this is happening."

He drops the chains and walks over to Sam who steps closer to you. He aims the sonic gun at you and sends another wave of unbearing pain at you. You cry out in pain, unable to do anything but take it. When he stops you're tired but you just start laughing at how pathetic each of them are.

"Why are you laughing?" Dean asks.

"No reason but you better hope this is gonna work."

"This will work," Cas says.

"For your sake," you shrug, "I hope it does."

"What do you mean?" Dean asks.

"Dean, don't listen to her. She's only saying this to get under your skin," Sam says.

Dean puts a hand up to silence him while looking at you.

"What do you mean?"

You shift in your chair and sit up straighter if it's possible.

"You have no idea if this will work. You're out of your league here. Putting my soul back into my body might not go the way you want it to. I'm pretty powerful and the Mark is stronger than ever. It might taint that pretty white soul you got inside of you."

Dean looks at Cas with uncertainty in his eyes.

"It's going to work," Cas assures him.

"You better hope it does because if it doesn't," you pause for dramatic effect, "not only will I kill all three of you, I will kill everyone I see until I get my hands on those kids, and I'll kill them, too."

Dean looks weary but he's going through with this in the hope that this works and you're back to normal. He sits down on the chair next to you and nods to Sam who takes off his belt. Cas straps him in to keep him from sliding off the chair, and Sam folds the belt in half so that he has something to bite down on. Cas grabs a rag and walks behind you to wrap it around your mouth, giving you something to bite down on. You want to spit it out but he ties it tightly around so you're unable to.

"Are you ready?" Cas asks.

Dean simply nods. He looks at you and you glare at him in return. Cas grabs Dean's shoulder to brace himself before shoving his entire hand into Dean's body. Dean tips his head back and cries out in pain, but he makes sure to bite down on the belt to keep it from falling out. Cas pulls out your soul and your eyes widen at seeing how pretty and white it is. Fear creeps into your mind at the thought of this working. Dean slumps in his chair and pants as Cas walks over to you. You brace yourself for the fight of your life. You're going to fight like hell to turn that white soul completely black.

Cas grabs your shoulder and shoves the soul back into your body. Your head tips back and you let out a painful scream. Red magic shoots out of your body, going haywire. The entire Bunker shakes at its foundation because of your magic. Sam and Dean watch the red tendrils of magic shooting out and hitting the wall so hard that the wall cracks from the pressure. Cas pushes your soul further, and a ring of blue magic explodes out from all sides of you. The entire Bunker stops shaking and everything is silent. You're lying in the chair with your eyes closed, not moving a muscle.

"Let me out of here," Dean says once he spits out the belt. Sam unties him and Dean shoots out of his chair to get to you. He kneels in front of you and grabs both sides of your face. "Sweetheart, wake up." He moves your hair out of your face but you don't wake up. "Why isn't she waking up?"

Cas walks over and runs a hand down your body, white light protruding from his palm. He's checking to make sure your soul is secure, which it is. He doesn't see any darkness inside you.

"Dean, she's been through a tremendous amount of trauma. This must have taken a lot out of her. Let her rest. She'll wake up soon."

Dean undoes the straps holding you to the chair before picking you up bridal style. He brings you to your shared room and lays you on your side of the bed. He moves your hair away and kisses your forehead with tears in his eyes.

"Please come back to me," he whispers. "I need you."

He hates doing it but he leaves you alone in the room and closes the door quietly behind him. For the first time in a year, his head feels light and he feels empty where your soul once was. At least with you inside of him, he could protect you. Now, it's all on you to make it out of this. Dean walks to the kitchen where Sam and Cas are, and both men are on edge about the situation.

"She should wake up soon," Cas says.

"Yeah, if it worked."

"It did. There was no more darkness left in her."

Dean doesn't want to keep talking about this. One of his problems might have been solved, but there is still one big one.

"Where are we on the book? Any luck with Rowena?"

"I was just about to go there now and speak with her, but I wanted to wait until Y/N woke up," Sam says.

"If she wakes up," Dean whispers. "If it worked and we get her back, we're still left with one problem. What's waiting for us when we mess with the Book of the Damned?"

"You don't know there will be any."

"Come on, Sam. A God-level power book and you don't think there will be consequences?"

"What are we supposed to do, Dean? Just sit on our asses and do nothing?"

"No, that's not what--"

"The only thing that stopped Cain was death. Do you want to die? Do you want to kill your wife? The only way I know to help you two is to cure the Mark. I know there will be consequences but you two are worth it. We beat the devil. We beat the Leviathans. We beat Eve and her monsters. We can beat this. I'm not arguing about this anymore. We're saving you two. End of story."

"Alright," Dean says in a soft voice.

"Let's go somewhere, you and me."

"No thanks."

"Sweetheart, come on."

"Dean, I have been trying to plot my way out of here the second you stole me from the Bunker. I am only here because I have to be, not because I want to be."

"You could have left if you wanted to."

"Yeah, like you're going to let me go off on my own, fuck other men, and all that jazz, right? You beat the shit out of the first man you see who looks at me wrong."

"I protected your honor."

"No, you wanted to prove that you're the one in control and will always be the one in control. Talk about a head case," you scoff and zip your bag up.

"You got all that from a bar fight? Wow. You're good," Dean chuckles and sits up in bed.

"Dean, I've been around you my whole life. I know who the good guys and the bad guys are. Right now, I'm seeing a whole lot of bad. You know, the kind of guy that--"

"--fucks every skank in every small-town dive he passes through? Wow, you really do know how to read people because that sure as hell sounds like me."

You chuckle at his insult and sling your bag over your shoulder.

"You know what, maybe you're right. Maybe I am a skank, but it beats being a man who thinks he's the shit because he's got a cool-ass blade and the Mark when in reality, he's nothing but a loser with a shitty personality and daddy issues." Dean gets out of bed so quickly and towers over you but you're not intimidated by him. You stand your ground and look up at him instead of backing up like he wants you to. "Go ahead. Kill me." He doesn't move a muscle. "That's what I thought. You wouldn't have beaten that man to death and scared off every bartender if I didn't mean something to you. That's the difference between you and me, Dean. I don't give a rat's ass about you, but you still somehow care for me. Funny how that is."

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Cas asks and yanks his hand back.

"What the hell's gotten into me? Shall I recap how shitty the past couple of years have been? First, Henry Winchester is responsible for bringing Abaddon into our lives. Second, my idiot of a husband dug her up when she was buried permanently to ask her a fucking question only to have her escape. That caused us to look for ways to kill her, leading us over to Cain and his fucking Mark which is what both Dean and I took.

"Not to mention the civil war that was happening in Hell at the same time a civil war was happening on Earth because of angels you shoved out of Heaven in the first fucking place. You let yourself get manipulated by Metatron who, don't get me started, is a complete egotistical dick. He forced the angels to take sides. They could either be with Metatron in hopes of returning home or be with a wannabe angel with stolen grace in hopes they overcome Metatron.

"Not only did a war begin that you fucking started in the first place, but it sent Metatron to destroy Dean because he knew the only thing that could stop him was that fucking mark and that fucking blade. If Metatron didn't want to kill Dean, there couldn't have been a mark. For there not to be a mark, Abaddon would have never shown up. If Abaddon was never here, Sam and Dean would have never needed her to figure out one of the trials. The trials that came from the demon tablet and gave us the knowledge of an angel tablet. The angel tablet that you used to aid Metatron in casting out all the angels from their home. The same Metatron who killed my husband.

"Somehow it all leads back to you. This is your fault. So, tell me, what the hell do I have to be happy for?" You take a step closer to Cas and glare up at him. "How about you do us all a favor and let whatever grace you've stolen die out. A least that will save us from whatever pain you bring us next."

Okay, you've heard enough. You walk over to Doug and tap him on the shoulder. He turns to you but you give him a deadly slap to the cheek. He is shocked at your behavior and staggers back from the impact. Donna and Jody are shocked into silence.

"You are a fucking lowlife and a shitty person if you treat Donna like that. No wonder she divorced you because I can't stand to be in the same room as you much less spend my life with you. Get the hell out of here."

"O-Oh, okay," Doug stutters.

"What the h-e-double hockey sticks, Y/N? Calling my ex a lowlife? Slapping him in the face?"

"What, like you were gonna do it?"

"What would be the point? We're divorced! Do you really think I'm gonna change him now?"

"Let me get this straight. You're going to let everyone walk over you like a fucking doormat forever? Is that it?"

"How about this? Until you've actually lost a husband, you keep your mouth zipped about mine."

You chuckle slightly and look down at the ground. Donna takes this as a sign that you're sad about losing your husband.

"My husband died."

"Oh. I'm sorry if--"

"Oh, don't worry about it. He came back as a dick."

"Okay? I'm going to get some air."

Donna leaves and you turn to Jody who can't believe the attitude you have.

"You had a husband, right?" you smirk. Jody's face hardens as she glares at you but she doesn't answer. "Didn't you have a son? Man, losing two people in one night. That's gotta hurt." Jody opens her mouth to say something but decides against it. "Cat got your tongue? Don't worry, I'm sure your son ate it along with your husband."

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester angst #supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural angst #spn #supernatural series rewrite #supernatural season 10

16 notes · View notes