#send me asks i like talking to people

[eddiemunsonsmiddlefingers]

someone as old as you are being obsessed with something like "antis" is the lamest shit i've ever seen let alone policing trans people being able to celebrate their own body neutrality and liking their bodies. weird chronically online fucker

It took me a second, but I think this is about the post I made way back in January about being tired of trans!Eddie's chest and genitalia getting focused on so much in fic that it effectively erases his gender (I assume this because that post is currently getting some notes; if that isn't what you're referencing...whoops. What I have to say below is still relevant.)

Friend. Buddy. Pal.

I am a trans man. I'm allowed to have opinions about how trans bodies, particularly trans masculine bodies, are depicted and used in fiction. Nowhere in that post did I say I think that content should be removed. Nowhere did I say I think fanfic writers should stop producing it. I simply stated that I disliked it, that I choose not to read it, and that its prevalence is one cause of me reading less Steddie fanfic.

My opinion. My boundary. My choice.

I'm also a political scientist. I'm halfway through a Master's in the topic, actually. I spend about 85% of my time reading and writing about the internet and politics, to the great delight (and with the hearty encouragement) of the entire political science department at my university. I've written and published a thesis about how authoritarian regimes use the internet to support and enhance their coercive power, and I'm working with my advisor to write another about social media and the global decline in democracy.

I have read and written more on the topic of authoritarianism and the internet than I even want to think about. I was curious, so I checked; my source managing software says I've read almost 5,000 academic pages about these themes. I plan on getting a Ph.D. pursuing the same line of thought, though I may choose to go at it from a sociological angle rather than a political one. We'll see.

So. When I say that antis are the face of autocracy and fascism in fandom and that kind of behavior has (and will continue to have) long-lasting real world consequences, rest assured that I know what I'm talking about.

I'm 100% fine with being labeled "chronically online" if the academic work that comes from it will help keep people like me and the authors writing shit I don't like safe from persecution and violence.

Peace.

[sturnina]

Jealousy

Chris Sturniolo x Fem!reader

— tags;; mentions of a physical fight & injury, injury tending, fighting, pet name (baby), no use of yn, toxic habits (overprotectiveness)

— wc;; 1282

— author‘s note;; my take on overprotectiveness since i hate the „touch her and you die“ trope, hope you enjoy <3

He did it again.

You don‘t know how to feel as you silently drive home, Chris in the passenger seat, seemingly oblivious to the storm raging in your mind.

He did it again. He hit a guy just because he looked at you weirdly.

Don‘t get me wrong, you love his protective side. It is hot, honestly. The way he always makes sure everyone knows you‘re his girl, the way his arm sneaks around your waist at parties, the way he gets rid of other boys trying to flirt with you.

But this… this wasn‘t protective, this was violent. He hit a guy, for the second time this week. The second time in four days.

Yes, the guy was rude and obnoxious. Yes, you felt uncomfortable around him. Yes, you were relieved when Chris came to your help after the guy wouldn‘t listen to your No’s.

But Chris‘s punch, it wasn‘t protective. It was violent, brutal, merciless. And of course, the guy hit him back, right on his cheek.

When you glance to your right, you can see the dark patch forming on your boyfriend‘s cheekbone.

You arrive home — your house, not the triplets‘ —, and you go to fetch the first aid kit immediately after entering through the front door. Chris trails in behind you, unbothered by his split lip and bruised cheek.

He just sits down at the kitchen table, knowing you will take care of him. Expecting you to.

You take an ice pack out of the refrigerator and settle down next to Chris, all in complete silence. You can‘t bear to hear his voice now, or your own. You‘re afraid it might give your thoughts away. And your eyes, your eyes will surely betray you, so you keep them focused on the ice, the bruise, your hand, anything but Chris‘s eyes. That he is looking at you constantly isn‘t helping.

But eventually, he picks up on your uncharacteristically silent behaviour.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Everything alright?”

You swallow thickly, knowing your voice will give in the second you try to speak. So you remain silent. For exactly three seconds, dabbing a cotton pad at his split lip, before Chris speaks again.

“That dick won‘t bother you anymore.”

Of course, he thinks that‘s the problem. Of course.

“That‘s not what I‘m worried about,” you mutter, stoically keeping your eyes on his injuries.

“You‘re worried about me? Oh, baby, you know I can take care of myself,“ Chris says warmly.

“That’s not… I am worried about you, Chris. You need to stop this. But-”

“Baby, you know I won‘t,“ he mutters, slowly tilting your chin up with the hand that isn‘t holding the ice pack. “Those pricks deserve it.“

“Besides the fact that no one deserves to get beat up, that‘s not what I mean,“ you say, pulling away from him. “You need to stop or you‘ll end up in serious trouble.“

“I won‘t,“ he says softly. “I promise. I just want to teach them a lesson-”

“You‘re not listening to me, Chris!”

“What are you talking about, of course I‘m listening to you,“ he says, his brows furrowing.

“No you‘re not,“ you scoff. “I see the way you look at the guys you‘re going to hit. I‘m not blind. I can see that you want it.“

“Of course I want it,“ Chris says, laying a hand on your arm. “I need to protect my girl-”

“That‘s not what I mean, and we both know it,“ you snap, quickly closing your mouth and taking a deep breath. “I am just an excuse. Don‘t deny it!“

He already opened his mouth but closes it again, worry and confusion clouding his gaze. “Baby-”

“No. Listen to me,“ you interrupt him, trying to keep your tone calm. “You like the confrontation, don‘t you? The adrenaline? But you can‘t see… You don‘t see the way it‘s hurting me.“

Chris‘s expression falters for a moment. “I don‘t- what are you- what do you mean? I don‘t understand…“ he stutters.

“No, you don‘t,“ you say softly, pulling your arm out of his grip and standing up to bring more distance between you.

He really doesn‘t. He doesn‘t understand the way your heart clenches every time a guy even just glances at you in public. He doesn’t understand the way your thoughts start racing even when someone is just walking in your direction. He doesn‘t understand the way you‘re terrified of talking to anyone while out with him — out of fear to trigger his jealousy.

The air feels thick as you look at his expression, his desperate eyes, the bruise on his cheek and his still-bleeding lip.

“Explain it to me,“ he says, “please, what am I doing wrong?“

“You don‘t see the way you‘re hurting me, hurting everyone around you,“ you whisper, your voice just as thick now. The words feel like they‘re stuck in your throat and you have to force yourself to speak them. „I hate seeing people hurt, especially you. I hate seeing you get hurt, and knowing- knowing that it‘s because of me.“

“That‘s not true, baby, I‘m-”

“Please, Chris,“ you whisper, tears collecting in your eyes, “Please let me finish. I hate avoiding to go- to go out in public with you just because I can‘t… I can‘t trust you not to lash out at someone, I hate b-being scared every time someone looks at me or talks to me, I- I just… I hate seeing you angry, I hate seeing you violent, I hate seeing you like that… And yet you- you keep doing it, n-no matter how o-often I ask you to stop…“ Your throat is clogged, your breaths are laboured, your eyes are watering, and you physically can‘t speak anymore, the words having drained out of your head. But there is one sentence left, one you‘re terrified to even think.

And Chris is just standing there, the words burning in his mind, on his skin, digging into his flesh while he tries not to rush to hug you because he knows, he knows it wouldn‘t help. And then he feels the tears running down his face, and the pain ripping through his chest. You don‘t trust him. You can‘t trust him, you said it yourself. You‘re scared of him.

Fists clenching at his sides, he lets that sink in. Everything he‘s done for you, everything he thought he‘s done for you, crumbles under the heavy weight of reality, the realisation that he‘s been hurting you all along.

He steps forward, raises his arms, and sees the way you cross your arms. A shielding gesture. Chris thinks he can hear his heart finally shatter at that, after slowly cracking over the entire conversation.

There are no words he can use to explain himself. He knows he should apologise. But how do you apologise after terrifying your girl over and over again without even noticing? What words are there to express the mixture of frustration, fear, and self-hatred he‘s feeling against himself?

Chris drops his arms to his sides.

He turns around, and leaves.

And you are left alone. The front door slams closed, but you don‘t even flinch. Your mind is full, and so are your eyes, your ears, everything is clogged with memories, everything is breaking inside you, but you are relieved.

You are relieved, because how could you bear his overwhelming presence any longer, with one last question, one last sentence burning on your mind, a question you can‘t ignore but also can‘t speak, not in front of him?

How can you be sure he will never lash out at you? How can you be sure that you will never be on the receiving end of his fist?

masterlist

[lazylittledragon]

Not trying to be rude or anything but you shouldn't use the word 'manic' or 'manic period' etc. unless you actually have manic/depressive episodes because it downplays how severe those disorders can actually be. They're just words but unlearning harmful terminology like that can help destigmatise mental illness and I would hope youi would want to do that.

yeah it's almost like i used those words specifically because i DO understand how severe they are

[professional-termite]

nbc hannibal au where everything is the same except hannibal has a tumblr blog called i-cook-and-eat-rude-people and nobody questions or reports it because they think its just another gimmick blog

[ataleofcrowns]

i only mean that it isn't typical/representative of that subgroup, i would ask the same thing if there was an asian kurd character

Did you take geography classes in the United States of America? Be honest now.

[accirax]

Could you please draw Ally and Tess sitting on Hunter's shoulders like he's their personal steed?

[charrfie]

[bloobydabloob]

i love your dirk drawings sooo much. the way you mix realism vs stylized in your dirk art goes crazy hard especially. both of your styles are so good so seeing them both used as symbolism to paint the broader picture is awesome as hell

Thank you very much, I do enjoy realistic Dirk & flat Dirk contrast too because to me both styles represent different facets of his character depending on the artwork.

His stylised form is more representative of who he is generalised as + a good representation of his separation from himself whereas a more realistic Dirk (to me) makes me feel more in touch with his character and it feels more emotional and less controlled. Even though it kind of sounds pretentious to put it this way, I view my less cartoonish Dirks as showcasing something more private and I tend to veer towards it the more emotional (positive or negative) the piece is for this reason.

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[jesncin]

Boundaries!!

Okay since I've been messaged across my soc med accounts at this point, I think I should make this boundary clear. Remember that even though you're getting to know me through my interests and art, that I'm still a stranger on the internet! I'm especially aware as a 30 yr old author that I'm in a space (fandom) with mostly people younger than me, so I have to be responsible with how I interact with people.

Please don't overshare personal information with strangers online unprompted. That's really dangerous! This isn't the same as people opening up to me because they connected with my stories or art, I'm extremely humbled to be trusted with those experiences. It's when people get overly familiar with me and are having an idealized excitement talking to me as a creator. I like being friendly and I cherish the friends I've made in fandom, but I still keep boundaries in the sense that I don't know any of you personally. I'm extremely private too. I know when something parasocial is going on.

This has been happening a bit (in the DMs) and I would hate to end up blocking people who enjoy my art just because they got overly excited interacting with me. I am not equipped to deal with the personal life of strangers. Please be careful out there.

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[eddiemunsonsmiddlefingers]

How was you day today? 🙂

Hello! Apologies for the late reply, it has come to my attention that Tumblr failed to inform me that I had asks for a while there. *blink*

As for how I am...well...it's the last week of winter term.

I have 42 freshman political theory papers to grade. In a week I'll have 42 more. They're short papers and I'm getting paid, but 84 papers is still an awful lot of papers.

On top of that I have to WRITE a 20 page paper by Monday, and another 20 page paper by the Friday after that.

Oh yeah, and at some point in the midst of that I need to provide some sort of tangible a progress update to my (undergrad) thesis advisor. Laaaawl.

Did I mention I'm a single parent? Child is spinning out in a major way because I am so busy.

In short, this GIF is a good encapsulation of my feelings about life right now:

My saving grace is remembering that everything did in fact turn out okay for everyone except the bona fide asshole in that movie, so. Hopefully I will have the same experience.

On the plus side, I switched back to meds that actually work, so I'm doing pretty well at staying on task all things considered.

ALSO... My boyfriend arrives Sunday night and I am VERY excited about that. \o/

How are you? What have you been up to?

[necrotic-nephilim]

in lieu of having posted any writing/headcanons/asks in the past few days because i have been *so* busy and unable to do anything fandom-related which is terrible and evil, i have a poll out of morbid curiosity and self-indulgence. i've been meaning to ramble here about how i feel about DC's lack fo Deaf representation and which Batfam members i would personally make Deaf, but i am mildly curious about the larger opinion and now i will subject you all to the question, i would love to hear thoughts/opinions/headcanons on any specific choices. (would love d/Deaf/HoH opinions esp but i'm mostly expecting this to reach the hearing crowd, so opinions from hearing ppl are ones i'm very curious about. if you've never given it thought before you are going to now or else /lh)

[i-dont-actualy-like-oatmeal]

as a hoh (hard of hearing) person who specifically is deaf in one of their ears i'm begging atla writers to include zukos disability more in fics

not even as a angst think just THINK think of the shenanigans!!!!!! he can't do much out of one side of his face.

no directional hearing it gets so goofy bc you think you know (BUT YA DONT)

zuko must say what all of the time, brother does not hear shit!

HIM AND TOPH BONDING OVER THEIR DISABILITIES

THE GAANG LEARNING SIGN LANGUAGE FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!

ZUKO AS THE FIRE LORD BEING A HUGE ADVOCATE FOR ACCESSIBILITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH

[zeroducks-2]

I feel like a lot of folks who insist that the rampant purity culture in fandom spaces is "not a real problem", and something "an adult with a job" shouldn't deal with, fail to realize that if you simply engage with a certain ship or a certain trope you are exposed to cyberbullying in the form of insults, death threats, rape threats, suibating, self-harm baiting, attempts at doxxing, loss of your livelihood.

Your traumas will be stepped on if you have any, and/or treated as a joke. Your coping mechanisms will be deemed wrong, bad, harmful to yourself and other people, and you will be shamed for having them. The work you have been doing for your mental health, regardless if you dabble in the hobbies you like because of past traumas or because it's just a past-time you have, will be kicked into the dirt because someone is grossed out by them and they arbitrarily decided you cannot express your interest in them.

It is a real problem. Being an adult with a job doesn't give you an "exempt from this" badge that will protect you from harassment if you engage with anything that antis deem immoral.

And there are no "two sides of the same coin" and "two versions to hear" when it comes to this. I don't care if you think someone liking something is "unhealthy", that's none of your business what another person likes. Antis do not "have a point", they never do, their reaction to seeing a dark trope or an "unhealthy ship" are never justified. Hurting real living and breathing people over fictional content is never justified!

[scentofpines]

have you ever considered...that identifying out of woman/girlhood because you don't relate to the societal implications, expectations, etc... contributes to making womanhood (feel) even more restrictive? maybe you feel better when thinking of yourself as anything but a girl/woman because you do not feel like a woman (what does that even mean?) but in my opinion you just added another brick into the prisonwall that is gender.