#the linked playlists has songs for book 1-3 right now :]

[ruvviks]

All That's Left follows two journalists and their friends in post-apocalyptic United States as they travel from the fallen east coast megalopolis Opportunity back to Los Angeles, crossing through a harsh wasteland overrun with zombies— only to find out that there is a lot more life left than what the protected cities want them to believe. On their journey they meet dozens of people living their lives as peaceful as possible away from military forces, corporations, and corrupt governments; and they learn that the same mutated ghouls that took down Opportunity are spreading rapidly through the country, destroying everything in their path. Will this finally be the end of the world as we know it?

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@vvanessaives, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

4 years, 40 facts about me loving napo... let's go 🏃🏻‍♀️

...or as @leonscape called it, 40 "Mopoleon" facts?! (picrew link)

the date of our "anniversary", June 19th, is one day after the date of the battle of Waterloo 💀

both our given names are of Italian origin

we're both leo zodiac signs

our birthdays are 8 days apart, in the same month

he's my first otome route ever played

i've only played his route once, in July 2019

i've never seen his dramatic ending

my first impression of him on a teaser tweet of ikevamp EN was that he looks like an asshole, and I didn't like his looks either...

my falling for him was utterly illogical as despite these thoughts I put him on my phone wallpaper a few days later (still before the release of ikevamp EN)

as of right now ao3 says he appears in 59 of my posted works: the total number of fics I have published with him is higher as a few of those are stand-alones in a multichapter fic (napoleon bday prompts 2019 +9, yumeweek 2020 +5, mini requests +4, headcanons +11 ) ...he appears in about 1/3 of all my fics!

we share a hobby of reading biographies! the official ikevamp character sheets state it as his hobby

our height difference is 18 cm

the @xxsycamore blog exists solely because of him, as well as my passion for writing - I started this blog because I wanted to express my love in some kind of creative way, as previously (and for the longest time) I thought my medium would be art instead of writing

despite that, my first ever posted fic is not with him but with Arthur!

I've always loved languages but he had influence over my choice of learning especially french in uni. It's hell but I don't regret it at all

I have a playlist with sleepy-themed songs for him 🥺

birds are my favorite animals (any kind) and he has a pet eagle!!

our mbti personality types are a so-called perfect match! infp + enfj

I don't like black-haired, blue-eyed men because of him, it was my type before him too! (not many such ikemens around but I have a handful of faves like that from other media)

as the fictional napoleon bonaparte is light years away from the historical figure, I thought I wouldn't be interested in learning about him - until I ended up reading multiple books on him, the thickest of which 680 pages... while I don't mix the two in my head, the napoleonic era history (+ russian empire history) is still pretty cool to know imo!

there's hardly any writer around here who hasn't received a napoleon request from me at least once... I'm so sorry...

it is implied in the game that napo has kissed boys (they were taking turns waking him up and they all know of his habit......) which gives me enough reason to headcanon him as bi....like me 🥺

I really suck at completing the bday creation challenges I host for him, as last year I did 0 prompts and the year before that 2....but in 2019 I did 10!

I love making bday gifts. I love birthdays. I don't have the exact number but last year a lot of characters received a bday fic from me but not napo 💀 partly because I was shadowbanned back then!

the only real tradition I have when it comes to his bday is to make homemade crepes since it's his favorite food! but my favorite part is eating them...

I still haven't watched the movie "Napoleon & Me"...

I don't have much napo merch, but I do have the Naplushieon doll which is plenty

I was still in highschool (11th grade) when I fell for him 🥺🥺🥺 it feels like ages ago

I love the song written for the ikevamp stage play and sung by his voice actor Nobunaga Shimazaki, "Lucida", so much you can even find it and play it on my blog... recently some kind soul uploaded the whole version on youtube (I've been waiting for so long....) and I haven't been the same since

my dream napo merch is the clothes hanger with his neck and face so that I can hang my silly little sundresses on him (I'm going to make it on my own actually, just watch)

after having so many random fic ideas for him that will never see the light of day, I accepted the facts at last and now I feel so much better and more chill

I'm currently working on fanart series where I try to post one tablet-drawn art of him every month... I have trouble keeping them simple as desired sometimes but I'm having lots of fun while learning (I still consider myself fairly new to drawing with my tablet)

once I wrote a death anniversary fic for napo!

the best napo song i've discovered so far is Wings by Su!YoON!

I don't know. anything. about his sequel. i just know the cgs. not that is hard to avoid spoilers LMAO

my most favorite napo cg is the 5th bday one (where they're in a field of roses) (it was on my phone's background for a very long time)

my most favorite napo card...that's a trick question but I think the one that is on the left banner in my blog (desktop view)

yes, yes I do want to go to Corsica one day what about it. I have a lot of other dream trip destinations too!

yes, I do love Napoleon cake (It's a russian recipe) (it was my bday cake in 2020)... but so do I love a whole lot of other cakes...!

Fact number 40 is that I love Napoleon a normal amount 😇 nono listen!! I do talk a lot about him, and here I tried compilating facts that are not too cheesy: believe it or not there are days I don't think about him, ok! I never pressure myself to get all the event bonus stories, or to always have a fic ready for him... in a world where im a worrywart about anything and everything, he's my safe place? my chill place? And if I begin to think about the gigantic mass of things surrounding him that are exactly aligning with what I love, with what comforts me, with what traits im looking for in a person, i'm going to get dizzy. So let's end this here with me saying, ily so much Napoleon 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 im such a nunuche sometimes but im your nunuche ‼️‼️

[beliell]

Monster headcanon playlist - a summary - part I

Hi, everyone! A week ago I’ve decided to make a Monster (Naoki Urasawa’s work) playlist, available now on Spotify

This posts it has not only been created to share this sum of songs but to illustrate more about my decision of why to choose some of the musics as well. It contains my personal opinion about the masterpiece but canonical events as well.

75 songs were added into that playlist, but I’m going to give a raise on the 10 top songs (5 songs in this first part of post), dividing into english songs and german/russian songs. Yep, german/russian songs ‘cause I believe this representation it is very important to the drama and It’s something I didn’t see in other playlists (sorry not sorry)

Disclaimer: We all know that Monster focus on the German and Czech events, but the choice to add specific Russian songs instead of Czech were mostly personnal.

Let’s go!

1. ‘HOME’, by Heems

All I got is the sweater that you left, the letters that I kept, That spoke of how you liked when I kissed you on the neck, And I held you as you wept, Yeah, I held you as we slept, I held you as we crept, I've been a mess since I met you, I regret you, You could say I love what's regretful. You got me, I get you, If I could, I'd forget you, But I can't since I've left you, I let you, If I could, I'd forget you, I would be more forgetful. When it's cold outside, yeah, I miss you, But we had too many issues.

Err...I don't even have to explain this first one. The end of the relationship profoundly marks Eva, who develops depression and alchool issues as a way to deal with it, throught the drama. Tenma it is severe impacted as well, but more in a 'rush' away, as slowly losing all establish that he had one day as a men.

--------------------------------

2. ‘Erschießen’, by IDEAL 

Komm, wir lassen uns erschießen, zwei Schüsse mitten ins Gehirn. Komm, wir lassen uns erschießen, ich hab nichts zu verlier'n. Komm, wir lassen uns erschießen, Sonntag morgens 5 vor 10. Ich kann den Sonntag nicht ertragen, und ich will keinen Montag sehn.

TRANSLATION: (🇩🇪)

Come on, let us be shot, two shots right into the brain. Come on, let us be shot, I don't have anything to lose. Come on, let us be shot, on sunday mornings 5 minutes before 10. I can't stand sundays, and I don't want to see mondays anymore.

Err...I won't even loose more than one paragraph about this one.

----------------------------

3. ‘Goodbye Horses’, by Q Lazzarus

He told me, I've seen it all before, I've been there, I've seen my hopes and dreams, A lying on the ground, I've seen the sky just begin to fall, He say, "All things pass into the night", And I say, "Oh no sir, I must say you're wrong, I must disagree, oh no sir, I must say you're wrong", Won't you listen to me.

This is a song that I've listening to since I've discovered that were on 'The Silence of the Lambs (1991)' OST.

This book it’s very special to me and it is totally referable to the Urasawa's works due to psychological link they both have. Also, this lyric seems to me like a intimate mono-dialogue between Tenma, who represents hopes and Liebert, the tragical twin, conducting the conversation.

------------------------------------

4. ‘Roman Candle’, by Elliott Smith

'He played himself, Didn't need me to give him hell, He could be cool and cruel to you and me, Knew we'd put up with anything.

I want to hurt him, I want to give him pain, I'm a roman candle, My head is full of flames, I'm hallucinating, Hallucinating.'

It represents rage in a sum, right? The first parts reminded me of Bonaparta and the twin's relationship, so much abuse they've got into and how Liebert as kinda of develop to support a lot of problematic aspects of the worst in the human bein.

    The secound part tho..reminded of Tenma. He was writed to simbolize Light, but we all know that it wasn't something he always got right. His rage for all the crimes that Johan was commiting while transforming his life in a living hell...well, that wasn't something easy to perform throught it, we all know that.

----------------------------------------

5. ‘Was Hat Dich Bloß So Ruiniert’, by Die Sterne

Wo fing es an und wann? Was hat Dich irritiert? Was hat Dich bloss so ruiniert?

      TRANSLATION  (🇩🇪):

Where did it start and when? What irritated you? What was it that ruined you?

Mostly about child abuse and the consequences of it. The Grimmer arc gave me deep sad chills about those children experiments and how he manage to survive throught it.

---------------------------------

The first part ends, I hope it was a good read. Remember, click here to listen to the playlist

[honeydewtreacle]

Okay, I just went over the iceberg and I have found or heard of a large majority of the stuff on there. My main question is how did you discover all of this stuff he's been in?

My other question are as follows

What is "why don't we say..."?

Do you have any information on Everything is Fine? I wasn't able to find much at all besides a basic premise.

What is Love NY?

Did you find a video of him singing the national anthem? I read about it and an article from the SoR days, but I didn't find footage.

I know about everything on the third tire except "Megan"? UNLESS IT'S THAT MEGAN!!? In that case, we good 👍😳👀

Is On Your Marc the show he and Drew created that is going to show (I believe) off Broadway starting early next year ? The Life and Slimes of Marc Summers?

Wasn't able to find much on Slow Children either, so if you have any, that'd be awesome!

What is "I could use a drink" BTS? I know about Drew's show, but the BTS I'm not sure about.

BROdway? I searched it up and could find nothing.

Last I guess is how on earth did you find that Collage staging of Hair he did? That's a deep cut!

One thing to suggest be put on there if you want to add anything is Twilight in Manchego. I just found it today. Idk if you've already discovered it, but in case you haven't it's something he did in 2008 I believe. If you Google it, it should pop up. There are a few videos on YouTube and there's a Facebook page.

So happy to answer!! I found most of this just by watching interviews, he's mentioned a lot of the stuff he's done offhandedly, not all of it of course. Others I found just by googling around, theres this site that has extended credits which is helpful. But really a lot of this isn't too difficult to find, I have "I must know everything about this topic" hyperfixations if that gives any more context.

And I'll say right off the bat that I found out about Twilight in Manchego like a few days after I made the ice berg, so I'd definitely put it on there now. Another thing I'd probably add now would be the reading he did for Book of Mormon.

Okay, now onto that list!

- I meant "How come no one says.." the song by Brett Ryback, that's my bad, I consistently get the song name wrong for some reason. I added it to the list because Alex has sung it four times (thats been recorded [1, 2, 3, 4] CW for wildly ableist language) and I'm like 99.9999% sure its the song he references in this interview and I found that a bit amusing.

- For both Everything is Fine and Slow Children, I only know what Alex has said in interviews. I don't have specific links, nor the time to rewatch a bunch of stuff right now, but I believe he talks about both of them briefly in this podcast with Drew if I'm remembering correctly. (I'm super sorry if I'm wrong!!)

- Love, NY was a show he did a reading for at the New World Stages, here's a playlist of the some the performance. He plays a character named Benjamin (Benji).

- No!! I never found a national anthem video, drives me up a damn wall honestly, you'd think something like that would be documented but I've had zero luck finding anything.

- I definitely mean that Megan yes. I thought it'd be funny.

- Kinda! On Your Marc is the documentary they did about the show. It was screened at a few conventions from what I know. It's listed on Alex's imdb.

- There's this fun article about the recording of the album, including a video which is broken in the article (had to check their Flickr to find it) so here's that.

- It's just a YouTube video! But it's a bit hard to search because of the pun, so here's that.

- I found it because F mentioned it in this show, I thought it was hilarious and I immediately had to find it.

Thank you for asking!! I will answer the other one soon, but I'm out right now. ^v^

[gothyanki]

1, 8, 16 and 19 for Vin

3, 5, 12, 17 for Lykos

<3

20 Tav questions.

Thank you!! <3

Vin’ath:

1. what do they smell like at their freshest? (and/or after a tenday. your choice)

At their freshest, Vin’ath smells like Armour and Weapon (a combination of the actual materials and the substances they use to clean/oil them) + undertones of something… cold? silvery? indescribable to most non-gith + a faint whiff of grass, leaves, and soil + the dried flowers they keep in their pockets because they’re VERY picky about scents. Their favourite is lavender. If they’ve been smiting a lot, there’s also a hint of ozone in there.

I headcanon that githyanki don’t sweat as much as humans do and smell less strong even at their grottiest, so after a tenday it’s probably all of those odours amplified + the blood of their enemies overpowering it all. Lae’zel approves. Vin does not – see above re: fastidiousness.

8. if either, are they part of the astarion/gale book club (magic & literature) or the wyll/shadowheart book club (trashy romance novels)?

At first, neither. Vin got put off reading early on in life – while they excelled at swordplay growing up, they found slate-based learning much more difficult, and the environment they were in was anything but supportive. They fell in love with theatre after getting out of the crèche system, but that didn’t really translate to written literature of any kind. That association with the cult propaganda they had to study was hard to break.

…until, that is, someone who shall remain unnamed lent them a book about a ruthless githyanki pirate whose stony heart was melted by the power of love. Vin may or may not have cried. Ever since then, they’ve been a semi-regular attendee at Wyll and Shadowheart’s reading circles. While they’d still rather see a performance, getting to carry the stories around in their backpack is growing on them.

16. what’s the description of their underwear in the inventory menu?

“Even these sturdy, practical shorts have an aura of righteousness about them.”

(Vin’s definitely a boxers person.)

19. do you have a playlist for your tav? if so, what’s the title + description?

I do, and I’m so sorry about the description in advance! It’s called “we’re in deep tsk’va now” and the description is “sad green paladin seeks dewormer rx”. Here’s the link (there’s a tiny bit of crossover with my Gith/Vlaakith/Zerthimon playlist because a few of these are general githyanki songs in my heart):

Lykos:

3. how would they kiss their LI?

Softly at first, with just a hint of teeth. He likes to start slow and get more intense. Nose and forehead kisses are his absolute favourite to greet a partner with, but he’s a big fan of kisses on top of the head too (giving or receiving, if he’s sitting down and/or actually ran into someone taller than he is). If he can play with their hair using fingers or psionics, he will.

…if you think all this sounds very gooshy and sappy for a githyanki, you’re right!  Man’s a FREAK. He also likes to be told what to do, though, so the secondary answer to this is “however his partner wants to be kissed”.

5. what does their tent area look like? where do they prefer to pitch their tent (next to water, covered on three sides, etc)?

(Yoinking from my other answer.)

He prefers to make his pitch on higher ground, where he’s got a good view of the surrounding area and is away from anywhere that could potentially flood (though he won’t admit it, he’s afraid of deep water - an early lesson on the natural hazards of the Material got to him). His actual sleeping space is small - some people would say cramped - and as covered as he can possibly make it. He once experimented with making and hanging a bead curtain, but it didn’t work out very well.

In what may or may not be an act of rebellion against the controlling environment he came out of, he lets the area in front get SUPER MESSY. He has a tendency to dump everything out of his pack to “sort through it” at the end of the day, and since he picks up everything he can physically carry, that means A LOT of stuff gets piled up there. Gems, trinkets, ribbons, jewellery, beads, books, bones, mirrors, scrolls, a slate or two… then he shoves it all back into his pack the next day to start the cycle over again. While it’s a mess, he never lets it get seriously filthy - he has that typical Astral githyanki hatred of dirt/dust/mould.

12. their companions are gossiping about them behind their back! who is it and what are they saying?

In Act 1, it’s probably Lae’zel speculating out loud about the super-secret Vlaakith cult he belongs to. After they’ve been travelling together for a bit, she starts making ominous noises questioning his loyalty to Vlaakith (she’s right to doubt it!) I think they try to present a united githyanki front at first, but sometimes their differences just JUMP out.

After Y’llek, I think just about everyone would be whispering about him… but for most of them, it’d be more out of concern than anything else. He’s much quieter about his feelings on Vlaakith than Lae’zel is and he underwent a very concrete, tangible loss of power as a result of his quasi-divine sponsor tossing him out on his arse. And – most shocking of all – he stopped braiding/dyeing his hair! The entire party was fretting and/or speculating wildly all the way to the Shadowlands. Then they ran into Minthara again in the worst of circumstances and the gossip took a turn.

17. how do they celebrate their birthday?

I think Lykos comes to see the day he unintentionally broke away from Vlaakith as his birthday, or the closest equivalent that matters to him. He doesn’t celebrate it as such, but he tries to spend as much of the day as possible in quiet contemplation. Sometimes he writes letters to absent friends. If Lae’zel’s around, they might engage in some especially vigorous sparring. Ditto for Minthara, although those duels tend to go to their favourite non-platonic violence place pretty quickly.

[a-ranting-blogorsomething]

a ff idea that i got at 3 AM

okay if i write it okay i may turn it into a proper book but so far just a glimpse,

a yoongi ff, he is a warrior and female lead is the youngest princess, king and queen died and crown prince is the one and only kim seokjin who is famous af because he is changing the monarch with new innovative ways which seems completely futuristic and old people set in their ways hate him and tries to manipulate him but his right hand man kim namjoon is just as savage and breaths fire, so an UNSTOPPABLE TEAM. anyways onto the story - part 1

.

playlist song - So high school, Alchemy - taylor swift.

.

I woke up with the sound of jimin practically screaming and going back and forth like all the worries of the world are on his shoulders.

"your highness please wake up we have tons of things to do!!!! we are going to be LATE!"

"oh my god!! for fucks sake relax, im up, and we are only going to meet jinnie for breakfast."

"He is the king, Im nervous..."

"Take deep breaths okay?"

"okay and dont curse your highness."

"i won't in front of other people as long as you stop calling me that i swear to god chim we have been together since babies, call me Lizzie."

"alright, just go get ready the maids have kept everything, your bath is ready and -"

"I got this chim go, you do what you want."

ughhh he really needs to chill, jimin, tae ad I have known each other since we were kids and they are my personal helpers, but more than that we are best friends, i can share absolutely anything with them well with tae, jimin is more like a mother, he always worries 24/7 and how everything could go wrong and how i should make good choices.

As i got ready and opened my door and their they were, My best friends, as I sling my arms on their shoulders, tae laughed while chim glared. as to silently saying thats not what royals do.

I can practically hear his voice in my head.

And we link arms and went to the royal dinning hall for breakfast. and we arrived to see a pretty entertaining site,

we see Kim Seokjin, the future king of this empire teaching the royal chefs how to cook that particular food to perfection as he calls, the jin way, while they are scared to death.

"Yes now you flip this when its that color, you dont add the salt before, it gets all crazy and-"

"Oh hey !! lizzie! tae and chim how are you ? Ah havn't seen you in ages with all the work that I'm surrounded by, I have got tons of gossip I need to tell you !"

we sat down and had the most amazing breakfast, obviously because it was supervised by my brother. while jin told us everyhting that happened to that old bastard who tried to manipulate him into doing something horrible and how he exposed so much of secrets that his wife left him with his kids and with all the estate and money which jin helped her getting and now he is alone with nothing. Classic.

chim is just there sitting absolutely horrified and tae and I are so freaking proud. after breakfast we met joon for tea until they both went to their office because they are planning something big, I am excited they are so amazing, ever since jinnie went to become the crown prince and handling everything he has done so much and his morals remain the same, helping everyone in need without being apologetic and never backing down, he deserves to be the king of this empire and i just know he is so loved by all the people.

and now its the time for the best part of day,

watching warriors practice,

tae, chim and I have this time in our day where from this window in the library you get the perfect view of the field where the royal warriors train and do practise fights, My personal favourite, general min yoongi, he trains the warriors, the first in line in every war, the most strangest and bravest warrior, every war he led, we never lost, also one of the best friends of my brother.

from 1 to 3 they fight and practice in the sun sometimes without shirts, where we three just die.

"This is the best time of the day, the sun is hitting perfectly on my future husband's chest" sighs tae.

"I know right"

"what which one was yours again tae?" asked chim

"The fiercest and new warrior jeon."

"Oh yea he has got the best upper body." i couldnt help but exclaim.

"ya! you got yours dont look at MINE!"

"What ? Im just appreciating beauty and dont worry I only got love for yoongi"

"both of you are wrong the crown prince have the best shoulders." whispered chim. but we heard and couldnt help but stare at him in bewilderment.

"W-What? I - I'm just saying...."

we spend the whole afternoon watching from the window and went down to "only drink tea" while sitting just beside where they were taking a break from the hard practice.

"oh my god oh my god oh my god!!!!!!! did THE jeon jungkook just looked at me and SMILED !!" tae exclaimed

"oh my god i think i saw that too!!!! he totally likes you tae!!"

i said while we hugged each other in our delusions.

"you guys support each others delusions way to much its not healthy."

"thats what friend ship is chim ."

"yea we should support yours too, jin thinks your are cute too!"

"YA WHEN TF DID I SAID THAT !!!"

chim screamed a little too loud as the warriors turned to look at us for real this time, while he sank in his seat with red cheeks in embaressment. while tae and I were trying to stifle our laughs.

after sometime we were just about to go inside when general jeon came out of nowhwere, and greeted us and asked me if he could take to tae, I agreed instantly as tae was uncharacteristically quiet with complete red face, they talked and chim and I tried to listen what was going on and I heard a clearing of a throat.

"Your highness"

"shut up chim I'm trying to listen !!"

i felt a tap on my shoulder and saw chim looking at me and I looked behind him and saw general yoongi LOOKING AT ME!! he called me !!

"Oh oh . um... .. general min."

"i dont think its nice to listen like this, others private conversations , your highness."

"oh no its fine tae is my friend."

"ah your highness i remembered something i need to go" jimin bowed an practically ran away.

"nice evening right ? general min"

"Yea its pretty nice we had a great practice"

"yea i saw......I -I mean i barely noticed but like you know I um I was coming down and i saw a glimpse of you know the swords and yea.."

"oh yea ohkay." said yoongi okay i might be delusional but i think he is shy,

sjbifbvwqyficnyugqwvqkwghf chjsc bkjsubveiyrfbvwjkfblkbfwebuvidsucbsdh vblsbvoleblejhfbvlejbljewnvwyu efe fefue gfuyagfoui

ITS SO FUCKIng cute IMMA DIE!!!

While we had an awkward af good bye i went and reunited with chim as we wait for tae in my room so we could ask him what was all of that.

.

.

[crowandmoonwriting]

Writing Questions Tag

I saw the open tag @talesofsorrowandofruin, and I couldn’t resist!

1. What is your absolute all-time favourite idea you’ve ever had?

Oh, dude. I don’t know. There’s too many ideas now. The best I’d say, the most unique, came from dreams. I dreamt often, for example, about massive subterranean cities. I have a few stories derived from them, and I like them quite a lot.

2. Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

Oh yes. It was fairly insulting. I write dark subjects quite a lot, as a way of dealing with and processing my own trauma in a safe and productive way. I was asked once, “What kind of a person are you, that you write these things?” I replied that I was a creative one. The question arises in a lot of discourse these days, and I always wince to see it. You never know why people do what they do, or what demons they’re exorcising. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone, and are in fact healing, there’s no issue.

3. What is your favourite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

Losing myself in it. Escapism is a a huge part of writing for me, and whether it’s rereading something or writing something, when I forget myself entirely, I’m happiest. Oh that sounds melancholy, doesn’t it, lol? The worst part of writing is not writing. Thinking about it all the time and not doing it is purgatory.

4. What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

A lot of things motivate me! Music is a huge one. It’s why I have literally thousands of playlists lol. A bout of writer’s block can be broken sometimes with one or two perfect songs.

5. What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever read or been given as a writer?

Ooh well. I’ve read Stephen King’s On Writing, which has whole chapters I could cite. But really? The first real advice I read from one of my favourite authors, Anne Rice, stays with me: “To write something, you have to risk making a fool of yourself.” It’s helped me embrace my creativity and let go of some of my inhibitions.

6. What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I wish I had created a decent method for novel-writing. I get sidetracked by other ideas quite a lot and find it hard to focus on one story. When I started out, I was just a kid, and I only had one story, and I miss those times for my focus.

7. What is your favourite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

So my favourite short story hasn’t been released anywhere. I want to find just the right place and way to publish it. Not sure if I want to include it in a book of short stories or just publish it alone yet. It’s about werewolves, and I think it’s a solid, disturbing little horror yarn.

8. What is your favourite out-of-the-box quote?

From my own work, or from my favourite books? I have a lot of favourite quotes from authors that I return to over and over. There’s one from J.R.R. Tolkien that’s really infused my creation of fantasy: “A safe fairyland is untrue to all worlds.”

9. Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

10. If you when you first started writing met you now, what would younger you think?

“What happened to you?? You look terrible!” Lol. That would be the first reaction, from fifteen-years-ago me. But if we got to talking about writing, he would probably be shocked at how much I’ve built in my primary fantasy setting. “Languages?? Recipes? Wow this is a lot, where do you find the time?” And I’d reply, “Why do you think I look like I haven’t slept in 15 years?”

Tagging: anyone who sees this and wants to do it! If you haven’t already been tagged, also @writernopal, @sam-glade, and @contes-de-rheio.

[amournoir]

Writing Questions Tag Game!

tagged by @fvckinghenrycavill thank you love!

• What is your absolute all-time favourite idea you've ever had?

the general idea that i should write. i had read so many fics and i figured i should try to write one as well. my problem was that i had so many ideas but i couldn’t get them all down fast enough which made me procrastinate but i finished my first ‘series’ and quickly after, i had an idea about another one 😭 i’m not a new writer though, i’ve been writing since i was at least 11, my first ‘public’ story was an OC on quotev which is cringeworthy to read now so i tried brushing it up and posted that on wattpad (ended up making the whole thing private) and then i wrote on tumblr and posted my first ‘fic’.

• Is there a question you've been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

no, at least not on tumblr. when i wrote on quotev, i had other writers who asked to be co-authors on my story which made me feel like i was doing something right.

• What is your favourite part of being a writer? What parts could you take or leave?

the writing part is my favorite especially if my idea easily flows from my head to my fingertips. i love things that look visually appealing so it takes me a bit longer to make the entire fic look pretty. something i would leave would be writer’s block because it’s not about lacking inspiration, it’s about losing the drive/desire to write anything. it’s even worse when i have a great series lined up but the thought of sitting down and writing it physically makes me sick.

also, i’m a perfectionist, i can’t stand the thought of writing anything that is subpar so i tend to put that wip on the side which i then forget to return to later….on the off chance that i do return to it, i hate the fic idea so now i completely won’t write it. i no longer come up with a fic title, i just write my idea down and keep going, i’ll figure out a title or summary at the end. if i don’t it this way, it’ll force me to look at the fic in one way only which stresses me out because i feel like i can’t deviate from the ‘original’ idea if that makes sense.

• What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

1) reading the responses to my fics + reading fics from other authors that i adore. i’ve read my fair share of fics but only a couple have stood out to me. i gravitate more towards writers that have a similar writing style as myself or those who want to tell a story that you can easily follow along with that pulls you in.

2) music. i can create any fic from either a full song or just one lyrical line (must be powerful enough). i dislike music fics though, you know the ones that have lyrics in the fic….yeah not a fan but that’s my opinion. also, playlists are my favorite thing to ever have existed because i create a whole series from a 1hr playlist.

3) booktok. if you’re on tiktok, you know exactly what i’m talking about when i say ‘booktok’. i won’t go in depth explaining this one but just know it’s deriving ideas from existing books.

• What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

writer’s block is different for everyone and you never know when it’ll actually hit you. i’ve never had it in my whole life up until this year and i totally didn’t know how to ‘handle’ it.

• What is your favourite story you've written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you'd like and can!

i wish i could link it! lol it’s the one in my head, i have 2 series and idk when they’ll ever be done or if they will be.

• What is your favourite out-of-the-box quote?

lol i don’t think i have one

• Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

i’m still working on my wips and there are new characters but surprisingly none of them. their mindset might be controversial to some but not me honestly. i like characters that have an ideal or two that can be relatable, i wouldn’t write characters that are fully unhinged because i can’t force myself into that mindset and it’d be uncomfortable to write. *i will revisit this question later on because it’s interesting to me*

• If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

lmao younger me would definitely think i’ve lost my mind with half the ideas i’ve come up with. also, she might be a bit disappointed because i loved writing poetry and there’s this specific piece of writing that i adore, it’s my favorite thing i’ve ever written and i wish i could write like that again. it was a short story for a class and i wholeheartedly love it. other than that, she wouldn’t be too surprised because i haven’t changed that much, i grew up and so did my perspective of how to write stories.

🏷️ tag you’re it: @dreamingwithrafe @delicate-moon-princess @softcoremaybank @fleurfairie + anyone else!

[chorusfm]

Chorus.fm’s Top 30 Albums of 2023

And we are back, once again, with our annual ranking of our favorite albums of the year. Below you’ll find the contributor best of 2023 list with blurbs written by the staff talking about why we loved these albums. Each album title links to a streaming page so you can check out anything you may have missed. There’s also a playlist featuring a song from every album on this list, and a few staff members have shared their individual lists and some commentary in their blogs. As always, thanks for spending 2023 with us, and I hope you find something new to check out and love. Note: Check the bottom of this post for links to individual contributor lists. Top Albums of 2023 1. Fall Out Boy – So Much (for) Stardust As long as this corner of the internet has been hopping along, Fall Out Boy have been one of those bands who have always been top of mind. And that’s not just because of their ascension from a small pop-punk band that was featured on MTV to playing arenas all over the world, but rather due to the band’s innate ability to make you feel something in their music. Whether it be Pete Wentz’s knack for writing killer lyrics in a hook that stays in your mind for days on end, to Patrick Stump’s vocal range that puts most band’s frontmen to shame, Fall Out Boy have earned their right at the top of the mountain of this scene’s popularity. So Much (For) Stardust took all of that long-lived legacy of the band, rolled it up into a complex firecracker, and exploded in magical/vibrant colors all over the place. The promotion cycle even included the very first vinyl record to include the band members’ tears (called “Crynyl”), and singles that will ultimately stand the test of time even as we turn the page on 2023. Fall Out Boy are undeniable, and they made their way towards the top of our contributors’ list once again. – Adam Grundy 2. Blink-182 – One More Time… Having Tom Delonge back in Blink-182 just feels right. Like that last missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle, or a connection with an old friend you haven’t seen in forever, having Tom back in the fold in the classic Blink lineup makes everything better. Jason wrote (HYPERLINK) majestically about this exact feeling in his “essential reading” review of the album, and it’s hard to not get a little emotional when hearing their comeback single “One More Time” with the gut-wrenching refrain of “Do I have to die to hear you miss me?” Blink-182 means so much to so many people, so to have these three musicians and beautiful souls re-connecting on all cylinders was quite the treat in ‘23. From completing the “Anthem trilogy” in “Anthem Pt. 3” kicking off the LP to the closing notes of “Childhood” wrapping up this latest chapter in the band members’ lives, everything clicked directly into place at just the right time. It’s a magical formula that you just can’t quantify, but you know it’s there when you hear it. The three core members of Blink-182 are back, the tunes are awesome, and all is right in the music world once again. – Adam Grundy 3. The Gaslight Anthem – History Books Resurrection. If there was one theme to the music of 2023, that might have been it. So many bands I never, ever thought I’d hear new music from again in my life came roaring back into the picture, often with vital work. History Books brings back the long-dormant Gaslight Anthem, but not in a way that pretends time hasn’t passed. Instead, History Books contends with all those years – with time and battle scars and mortality – and does it so beautifully. “We circle ‘round the sun until someday we won’t”; “I was invincible many years ago when I was so much stronger”; “I wish I could do my life over, I’d be young better now.” Again and again on this album, frontman Brian Fallon sings about the burden of age and how it humbles you. Fallon writing about faded youth isn’t necessarily new, but it hits different when you’re pushing mid-30s or 40s than it did when you were 21, and it hits different when his voice sounds… https://chorus.fm/features/articles/chorus-fms-top-30-albums-of-2023/

[polikszena]

For a little bit of sunshine - Chapter 4

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick

Rating: Teen and up audiences

Summary: He is one of the country’s best naval aviators, she is a dance instructor and a writer. He has been called back to Top Gun for an extremely dangerous mission, she is battling her insecurities. They meet at a bar. This is their story.

Relationships: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Female OC

Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3

Chapter summary: After realizing that Rooster doesn't feel the same way as she does, Maggie decides to move on and goes on a line dancing event with Keeley and her friends.

Songs: Hello Mr Heartache by The Chicks, Gives You Hell by The All American Rejects, The Lasso Ranch playlist

Word count: 1565

A/N: Originally, I wasn’t planning to send Maggie to a country club, but after rewatching Footloose, I wanted to see her doing some country dancing. Also, since I couldn’t decide what song should be on at the end of the chapter, I put together a playlist with upbeat country songs that could be played in The Lasso Ranch and any of them can fit that scene. You can find a link to the playlist in the songs section.

Chapter 4 - High value

I will be okay, no matter what.

Lying in her bed with her legs tangled into the covers, Maggie Rose Miller had to realize she wasn’t okay. No matter how many times she repeated that sentence like a mantra or how many Just Dance routines she had done, she still wasn’t feeling better.

Two days had passed since the realization that Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw, the first annoying, now attractive piano guy didn’t like her the same way as she did, and she was still feeling bad about it. Sadness, anger, disappointment, and shame came to visit and they didn’t want to go away. She was sad due to the fact that Rooster didn’t like her enough (or at least it seemed so) which made her angry - mostly with herself for letting this happen again, for liking someone who didn’t reciprocate the feeling. This led to the disappointment that despite all the hard work on herself, she was still back at the beginning, doing what she was the best at: being a letdown. Right now, to herself. And then along came the shame she felt for not being able to learn from her own mistakes and for letting herself be fooled by a couple of phone calls and encounters she didn’t dare call dates. Oh, and for not being able to move on just yet. Based on the books she read and the videos she watched, she thought that a confident, high value woman would get over a guy in a snap. He didn’t like her? She’d just shrug it off and move on, most probably to Nancy Sinatra’s These Boots Are Made for Walking. In Maggie’s head, however, Hello, Mr Heartache by The Chicks was playing on repeat, and no matter how many times she snapped her fingers, the feelings were still there. Perhaps this was an exaggeration, but she definitely felt like these women moved on in a blink of an eye which was something Maggie couldn’t do. And it gave her another reason to hate herself.

While having breakfast, she was sweeping through her journals, hoping to find something about moving on, asking herself the question: what would a confident woman do? Well, apparently, a confident woman would not suppress her feelings. A confident woman accepts them and doesn’t think things like ‘How dare you like him? He’s so out of your league!’ No, a confident woman never puts a man on a pedestal, even if he is a Top Gun pilot and dances like a dream.

“What would a confident woman do in such a situation?” she asked herself once she finished reading.

Well, she would acknowledge the feeling: it sucks when he doesn’t like you enough. Then she would give herself time to mourn the relationship - or in this case, the potential. She would wallow, she would blast Gives You Hell in her car with the windows down (if that was her thing), then she would move on towards the new possibilities.

And that was exactly what she was going to do, too.

***

And truth be told I miss you And truth be told I’m lying…

The next morning, Maggie woke up with Gives You Hell playing in her head. She didn’t feel much better than the day before, but this time it was mostly due to the lack of sleep - perhaps it wasn’t the best idea starting to watch The Ugly Truth at midnight. Getting out of bed she spotted her notebook left open on her desk. Taking a look inside, she saw the rough outline of a story idea. She had some blurred memories of pacing up and down in the living room with first a glass, then with a bottle of wine, thinking about a notoriously single woman - the last one standing amongst her friends and family - and a male relationship coach who would have to team up for some reason, and of course would end up falling in love with each other. His name would be Brandon, he’d be in his mid-thirties, with a mustache, looking like a character from an ‘80s TV show.

“That was very smooth, Maggie,” she told herself with a headshake.

On the other hand, she took this as a good sign. A confident woman would totally turn her misery into something creative. And make a voodoo doll, she added in thoughts. Oh, wait. That’s a good one! She picked up a pen and quickly wrote it down.

Even though she was still listening to Gives You Hell when she arrived at the fitness center, Maggie was feeling a lot better.

“Tomorrow we’re going out with the girls,” Keeley Morrison told her when she entered the building, saying hello to the receptionist and Toni Álvarez who was chatting with her. “It’s line dancing night at The Lasso Ranch.”

Toni skeptically raised a brow, but to his surprise, Maggie smiled at the offer. Line dancing wasn’t really her cup of tea, but she felt it was a good opportunity to try something new and a confident woman would definitely do that.

“Sure, why not?” she said.

“Line dancing, really?” Toni echoed, still being skeptical.

“It’s a good opportunity to step out of my comfort zone,” Maggie said with a shrug.

“Yeah, but line dancing? Sorry, Keeley, it’s really not my thing,” he admitted, then turned back to Maggie. “You might as well try kizomba.”

“Yeah. Or go swimming with sharks. Thanks, but no thanks,” she said.

“Nice try, though,” Keeley said to Toni who nodded his head.

“Count me in tomorrow,” Maggie said then headed to the locker room to change.

***

The Lasso Ranch was a bar in San Diego run by a retired aviator with the call sign “Lasso” who organized line dance nights regularly. Seeing all the cowboy boots, denim vests and cowboy hats she felt underdressed in her denim shorts and a blue plaid shirt worn over a plain black tank top, wearing sneakers. At least she could have borrowed a hat from someone. She was feeling a little embarrassed as she glanced at Keeley and her two friends, Denise and Melissa, all looking like they had just come back from shooting a country music video.

“Shall we hit the dance floor?” Melissa asked, throwing a glance at the crowd dancing in unison to a lively country song.

“I’m too sober for this,” Keeley said, sweeping her light brown hair behind her back. “And so is Maggie,” she added with a small laugh. “You look like you’re on a different planet.”

“I feel like I am,” the dance instructor admitted, and even though she tried to joke it off, she felt her anxiety clenching her stomach. Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

However, as they were waiting for their drinks at the bar, she decided to stop this. Or at least, try to. Now that she was here at a dance night with some friends, why not have some fun? A confident woman would do that. And if I still feel like an alien an hour later, I can still go home, she thought to herself.

She clinked glasses with the girls and downed her shot, letting the alcohol wash away her anxiety. She still felt nervous when she followed Keeley and her friends to the dance floor, but she tried to see it as a challenge.

“Just do what everyone else does,” Keeley told her with an encouraging smile. “It’s pretty easy.”

“Salsa is a lot harder,” Denise said, adjusting her hat on her thick, black curls.

“And even I could learn this, without a sense of rhythm,” Melissa told her. “So, I’m sure you can, too.”

“Thank you,” Maggie nodded with a small smile, and she began to tap the beat with her foot, familiarizing with the music.

Then she started to follow the steps of the person standing in front of her. She couldn’t really tell whether they were a man or a woman, she wasn’t paying attention to that. What mattered to her was what their feet were doing in those brown, embroidered cowboy boots.

The first song was more like a stumble party, but in the second one she could follow the steps better, and when the third one came along, she even began to enjoy herself. This lasted until she missed a turn and she only noticed it when the brown boots were towards her. Maggie felt her cheeks turning red and she froze like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Just turn,” she heard a soft voice belonging to the owner of the boots: a young man with a light-colored cowboy hat, dark blonde hair, green eyes and a wide grin she found familiar.

“Thanks!” she said, then turned around quickly, trying to concentrate on the steps instead of trying to figure out where she had seen this guy before.

After that she caught him throwing a glance at her every once in a while and she wasn’t only looking at his boots anymore. Then, when another turn came, he was supposed to face forward, but he stayed where he was.

“You forgot to turn,” she stated.

“No, I didn’t,” he said, flashing a smile at her and he finished the song facing her, and surprisingly, she didn’t mind it.

When the song ended, he stepped to her and held out his hand.

“I’m Jake.”

“Maggie.”

“Let’s get you a drink.”

***

Chapter 5

Tagging: @lj13oct, @discojohndeacy, @luckyladycreator2, @moechen86, @katieshook02, @the-untamed-soul, @literary-lesbian, @a-littlebit-ofeverything, @jascasandra, @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth, @angelinagabriel​, @alanadetigy, @multiple-fandoms-girl​

[alyona11]

French musicals recs (aka my previous special interests listed in one post)

Actually I wanted to make a post a while ago, since there're some nice musicals that mostly go unnoticed by tumblr even though they are really cool (and have a DVD records)! Before I start I wanna say that these are very different from what Broadway or West End usually stages, so I advise you to just relax and enjoy without purposefully comparing the two together. I bet this gonna be a pretty big post, so clock on "read more"! @machine-without-feelings, hope you'll have fun!

I'm a little extra so it took quite some time to write, so please join me in my weird interest leave a like/rb. Under the read more you'll find:

1) My excited rambles

2) Links to these musicals (proshots with English subs)

3) Some songs to vibe check whether it's something you'd enjoy listening or not

1) Notre-Dame de Paris! Gonna start with this one since it was one of the main reasons I've started to learn French. There was a time where I would watch it every single day. I probably watched it a millions of times by now and was obsessed with it for a good couple of years.

About: What can I say? It's a Hunchback of Notre Dame adaptation that sadly usually goes overlooked when English speakers talk about the book. Which is a shame! Cool French-Canadian cast, good grasp of the original, really nice lyrics and music. Love from the first song for me.

Where to watch: here with English subs, the quality isn't the best, I have a better one on my google drive so you can DM me for link. Plus there're some DVDs of different productions (notably Italian one) just waiting in the internet for free.

Songs recs (to get the vibe of the musical): Actually it's hard to choose, because I love the thing so much, but here're some.

Classic Belle, Le Temps des Cathédrales, Ma Maison C'est Ta Maison, Pretty Guys In Pants In The Background song, Song after which I became Daniel Lavoie fan lmao could add some more but you haven't got all day, just check the whole thing.

2) Le Petit Prince! I said that I wanna promote it and I will. As I said earlier I really liked Daniel Lavoie (aka the guy who played Frollo) and here he plays the pilot!

About: A very very very good adaptation of The Little Prince book. Literally quotes the book in most songs. The music is written by the same composer as NDDP, so it's good. The set and costume design is amazing! It's very colourful and inspired by author's illustrations. I cry each time I watch it cos it gives me FEELS. Also a good musical for beginner French learners imo, not as hard as NDDP, can be an addition to reading the original book. Wholeheartedly recommend, it's criminally underrated.

Where to watch: There's a playlist with English subs, French subs are also to be found on YouTube if you want them.

Songs: Dédicace, C'est un chapeau, Apprivoise-moi.

3) Well, cannot avoid mentionning Roméo et Juliette. Kinda a classic, to be fair. Was probably the 2nd French musical I've heard. More active in terms of music, some tunes gonna stuck in your head for days.

About: Well, it's obvious from the name. Kinda cool actually? Weird in some places but not in a bad way. Good musical to have a fun time (well. at least act 1 is fun, right?). The costumes are a bit cheesy, but that's not important. Still sad the pandemic ruined its tour I hope to see it live one day.

Where to watch: Actually it has two DVDs of different versions from different productions. Some songs changed, I vibe with the earlier version more, but the newer one is nice too.

Songs: Oh these slap, haut my mind since the second I first heard them. Kinda pop. But not that boring pop that modern French musicals have, it kinda has its style. Here're some of my favs: Vérone, Les Rois Du Monde, Aimer (aka the song I can listen for hours).

4) Starmania. Speaking about classic. To be fair, never watched it, only listened to the albums, but I mean it's still looks more like a concert.

About: deppressive cyberpunk and anti-utopia. A lit of bandits. Evil capitalist included. A classic. If you were interested in French songs you've probably heard some of these multiple times.

Where to watch: here

Songs: SOS d'un terrien en detresse, Le Monde Est Stone, Le Blues Du Businessman

5) Le Roi Soleil. Ok, I cannot explain why I like this one. Can't say I was obsessed with it, but I liked it a lot. I like the songs, enjoy relistening from time to time.

About: Louis 14. That's it, that's the musical. Kinda about his romantic relationships and king issues. A bit about La Fronde. But mostly about romance, lmao.

Where to watch: boop

Songs: Être à l'hauteur, Contre Ceux D'un Haut, Un Geste De Vous.

6) Mozart L'Opéra Rock. Was kinda hesistant to add it to the list because I mostly wanted to mention least well-know stuff and it feels to me that Mozart is kinda hype-ish? But I got that it may be not so well-known for the English speakers and it's worth checking out!

About: Well it's about Mozart and it's rock! The songs slap! probably will get in your head and you gonna whistle Le Bien Qui Fait Mal or something. Also Mozart and Salieri are pretty gay.

Where to watch: here! and the quality is great!

Songs: L'Assasymphonie, Place je Passe, J'accuse mon père, Bim Bam Bim Boum

Ok, I'll stop there cos this post took me a few hours to write, I could have added some other musicals, but I guess I need to rewatch them first, cos I barely remember them.

[levis-coffeecup]

Chapter 12 | Broken Tea Cups

WC-4.2 k

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language.

Author's note:

Hey guys, this chapter might be slightly triggering for a few people, so do check out the content warnings for this fic before reading. Also this chapter takes place 2 weeks after the last chapter. (Which means three weeks of Levi being distant towards Mae, and the marriage proposal being offered.)

Song for this chapter is a hindi song (because my inner desi, suddenly came out.) But I highly recommend you check it out. I think it fits the situation perfectly, and the video I'm linking has the translated lyrics.

Agar tum saath ho - Tamasha

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

JUL 846

The smell of tea wafts around the medical ward. It smells great and Mae can’t help but be reminded of Levi, as she brings the cup in her hand closer to her mouth.

She sips in the little beverage remaining in her cup. The warm liquid seeps into her throat. It tastes even better than it smells. Perfectly sweet, perfectly strong… exactly the way she likes it.

Petra sits in front of her. Watching the sunset through the window, that beautifully shades the sky in pinks and violets.

The mission is approaching in 3 weeks, and a few things in the Survey Corps have already become a little tense. Higher officials are busy, attending meeting after meeting, and training the squads for the challenges ahead.

Mae places her emptied cup on the tray and then she asks “How is the preparation for the mission going in Petra?”

“We are training very hard, working hard to the bone,” Captain Levi is training them to death these days, but Petra avoids saying anything Captain-related in front of Mae. Because she knows it hurts Mae in some way.

She doesn’t understand what’s happening between the two of them. On one hand, Mae is visibly upset. Always cooped up in the medical room, reading books related to medicine, or taking tips from the other doctors.

And Captain has made himself so busy. He takes extra training sessions for other cadets, attends every meeting even if he is not called for. Does extra chores around the headquarters. And the paperwork he would tell Eld to do, is all done by him, these days.

As it is, the job of a captain has a million other tasks. And Petra doesn’t know how he is handling all this extra stuff all by himself. She hardly sees him around, unless it’s for the squad practice. Or for the times he calls her into his office.

And in between all of that, comes Ivan with his marriage proposal.

The entire squad is agonizing over where this story is headed. And right now the end doesn’t seem good in any way.

“I’m a little nervous, but I think we’ll be just fine. We are preparing well.” Petra speaks about the mission again. And Mae hums as she looks up at Petra thoughtfully.

Ever since the day Levi lashed out at her in the hallways, Petra has come to meet her, regularly.

The first time was the same night when they were all cleaning the hallways. She told her that Levi didn’t mean all those words he said that day. He was really mad about something else, and Mae shouldn’t be upset about it.

The gesture was heartwarming. And Petra even made her some tea to cheer her up.

Now Petra talks about her days mostly, and then sometimes she would flip the tables and ask Mae about how she's doing.

The sound of the door creaking open pierces through and both their heads swivel towards it. Ivan walks in and flashes Petra an awkward smile.

He’s working here as a nurse for a month. And Petra often finds him and Mae together. Solemnly, she finishes her tea, places it on the tray, and gets up. “I’ll take my leave.”

Mae nods and just as Petra’s about to step out, she speaks up. “You make really great tea, Petra… it reminds me of someone.”

“Thanks,'' Petra chirps out as she turns around. Her gaze flickers from Mae to Ivan. And then she steps back outside with a sigh. It reminds you of Captain because it is made by Captain.

She closes the door and leans back on it to catch her breath.

A few seconds pass by and then Levi is in front of her, staring at her with that intense glare of his. He looks the same, deep eye bags, intimidating eyes, and a permanent frown. “Did you ask her the questions I told you?”

“Yes Captain,” she drones out,” give me a break, let’s at least walk away from the door.”

Levi doesn’t respond, but he moves forwards and halts at a turn a few meters away. And then he looks at her again, tapping his foot and giving her the impatient look as he waits for the answer.

“She is confused, Captain. She doesn’t know if she’s ready for it. But she thinks well of Ivan. She considers him a friend now.”

“Oh…” There is a hint of dejection in his tone.” Ivan is shifting in 2 weeks, right? So has she made her final decision? Are they planning to get married before they shift to Mitras?”

Petra sighs, defeated. What goes on in Captain’s head is something she will never be able to comprehend.

Firstly, he sends her here and asks her to check up on Mae. He tells her to tell Mae that he was angry at something else, and he didn’t mean those words that day, one bit.  And he also brews the tea and asks her to hand it to Mae and ensure that she’s doing alright.

When it’s pretty clear that all Mae wants is him, and his company.

And then he asks about the marriage instead of intervening and doing something about it, when its fucking obvious that she likes him as well. And then instead of talking to Mae directly, he makes a spy of her and ask her to get all the details from Mae.

Levi can see the questions floating in Petra’s mind, and he throws her a stern look, so she doesn’t voice them out.

A faint sound of the door opening catches Levi’s attention. And by the volume, he knows it’s the door of the medical ward. He moves into the turn and leans against the wall, so Ivan and Mae can’t see him as they walk out of the door.

His eyeballs move from one corner to another, gesturing to Petra to leave. And as usual she follows her Captain’s orders without any questions and walks away.

Levi peeks through the turn and sees Mae and Ivan stepping out of the room they were in.

Ivan blabbers about some leg operation to Mae and Levi’s gaze hardens as he stares at him.

His baby blue eyes are bright. His tone is always soft and polite. His blonde hair looks golden in the sunlight. And he’s tall. 5 foot 9 at least.

Insecurity floods Levi’s mind and he clenches his jaw. Then his gaze lands on Mae, and pride fills his chest.

Her eyes… they glow differently when she is with him.

And he can’t help but smile internally at the sight. He hates seeing her with someone else. The thought itself makes him want to rip himself to shreds.

But Ivan is an accomplished doctor living in Sina, and he’s a soldier who could die anytime. Ivan works in a big hospital and earns much more than the cut Levi gets from the Survey Corps budget.

And Ivan is much brighter than Levi, not tormented with thoughts of the uncertain future. Or burdened with the responsibility to annihilate the titans.

And Levi has seen Mae through her worst. He has seen her starving because she wanted to save money for her parents. He has seen her tormented with the anxiety of an unstable future. And he has seen her cry to the extent that she ends up vomiting.

And he wants her happy, living in the safest spot in the walls. He wants her to have enough money, to never face a financial crisis again. He wants her to have a family and never be lonely again.

And he can’t give her any of that.

Ivan’s a nice person. Levi can tell by how passionately he speaks about his work. And that makes it even harder to hate him. And even though Mae probably can't see that right now. Levi knows that their marriage will be for the best.

The pair gets closer to the spot where he hides, and Levi flattens his back against the wall and toys with the knife he always carries with him. Pretending to be busy and occupied.

The distance reduces, and in the fleeting moment where they stand in a line,  he catches her eyeballs shifting as she looks at him from the corner of her eye. And then she turns her head away, facing Ivan again.

Earlier she would smile when his gaze met hers, and then he would scowl and look away. But now she doesn’t smile anymore, she throws him a wistful look and walks away.

And even though it has made his task of ignoring her a little easier. He still feels a little hurt by her actions.

Then Ivan says something and she chuckles.

She laughs way harder, at the poop jokes he cracks.

Levi sighs. And a heaviness spreads through his heart, as he sees them take another turn and disappear from his sight.

Oh, how he wishes he was there with her instead. How he wishes he can hear her chatter about the events in her day again.

He wants to see her smile, and he wants to be the reason behind it.

But he can’t. Because if Mae does get married to Ivan, she'd be living the best life one could ask for in the walls. And as long as his mind knows that, he'll learn to silence the yearning in his heart.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

The mess hall is loud as always during lunch break. The energy levels are high as everyone relishes the much-awaited break. And fill their hungry stomach after the exhausting morning practice.

The medical department sits at the corner most table. Today they make the most noise of them all.

“OH MY GOD!… You guys are getting married? I would have never guessed that you guys were into each other.” Anya exclaims loudly.

The table bursts into chatter at the statement. Teasing and prodding at the couple whose engagement has somehow just been revealed.

Ivan and Mae are flustered, to say the least. A visible pink dusts both of their cheeks, as they awkwardly look around. Avoiding each other’s gaze.

Hundreds of questions are bombarded their way. Where did you guys first meet? How did Ivan propose? For how long have you been together? Their colleagues want to know every small detail.

Mae cowers under all the attention. Her life isn’t as interesting as these people think it is. And their story isn’t as romantic as people are expecting it to be.

She doesn’t know what to say.

The questions thrown around are never ending. Ivan answers them with the nod of his head, and the occasional stutters that he forces out of his mouth.

And Mae’s eyes fall down, gaze locked onto the glimmering silver ring on her ring finger. Ivan gave it to her yesterday, and this whole mess could have been avoided if she hadn’t worn it.

She slides it off her finger and keeps it in her pocket. And her fingers are welcomed in by the soft, warm fabric that lays in there as well.

It's Levi’s handkerchief, the one he draped over her knee the night the thugs attacked them. And she never gave it back to him, because to her it was a sign of his limitless compassion. The compassion that has been her guiding light through her darkest times. It’s something that will stay with her for the rest of her life.

And it's something she’ll never forget, no matter how mean Levi gets.

At the other end of the hall, Levi sits annoyed at all the noise the medical department is making today. And Hange sits beside him, looking at him with concern etched on their face.

The mess hall is loud, and all the noise blurs in. But with his sharp senses, he can hear everything they say out loud.

“You guys actually look good together.”

“Look at how she’s blushing; she's almost entirely red.”

“It’s so cute…he’s blushing as well!”

A selfish part of him and he wants to be the only person who can fluster her that way. He wants to be the only person she looks good with.

His teeth clench. And his fingers hold on to his teacup, but the drink is long forgotten. His jaw ticks, and unknowingly he is throwing daggers with his glare at the couple.

Someone even says her name with Ivan’s surname just to see how that sounds. Tch, what a pain in the ass.

“Levi, you’re staring,” Hange speaks, but he remains unaffected by their words, as all his focus remains trained on the table where Mae sits on.

The table is bustling louder than ever. People are giggling and teasing. Ivan scratches the back of his neck as he speaks and Mae sits a little too silent for her usual self.

“Oi Ivan, sit a little closer to her. Is this how you treat your future wife?’ someone cackles.

“Yeah, you guys! Where is the chemistry?” Someone teasingly exaggerates.

Mae’s head turns towards Ivan, eyes wide as she inhales sharply.  He isn’t looking at her, but at all the people who look at him with anticipation.  A moment of silence hovers and then awkwardly he hums at the statement.

Levi’s grip on his teacup tightens, and Hange notices how tense he looks.

Ivan shifts a little closer to Mae and she swallows thickly. He throws his arm around her waist and pulls her in.

She looks down a little uncomfortable at the gesture.

She’s being petty, it’s not like he’s kissing her. He just has an arm around her waist. So is she even allowed to complain and feel any discomfort?

Levi’s eyes narrow at the sight. Mae and Ivan are sitting close, their side bodies are snugged together. And he can’t take his eyes off the hand that rests on her waist.

“Calm down Levi,” Hange keeps their hand on his upper arm.

But his body is stiff and their statement garners no response. His grip on his teacup tightens, fingers pressing into the concrete rim of the cup. The veins in his hands popping up now.

Ivan looks over to Mae, to see her reaction. But she looks down at her knees. She can feel his breath hit the side of her forehead, and she turns her head to the other side.

Her hand clutches onto Levi’s handkerchief, holding it in a tight grip.

And even though it's pathetic, that her heart is still stuck on the man who hardly pays her any heed. She knows that if Levi was here beside her instead, she would be fine. If Levi was here, touching her instead, she would be fine.

A loud sound pierces through the air.

Everyone turns around at the sound, and their eyes land on the captain. Porcelain pieces prick into his fingers. And a red gash is painted across his palm. The teacup in his hands is broken and the beverage falls and flows down the table. His blood dribbles down, mixing with the fallen tea.

“Tch” Levi gets up, annoyed at the mess he has created. His fingers are still bleeding, and the tea is dripping down from the table on the floor. He rolls his eyes and walks out of the hall.

Mae stands up to get a better view of what just happened. And her eyes widen as she watches the dark red that stands against the pinewood table.

The cleaners arrive at the situation and start wiping the mess on the table. And everyone goes back to their work as things go back to normal.

But her eyes don’t move from the blood that is splattered over Levi’s table. And her thoughts don’t shift from the empty spot, where Levi sat a few moments ago.

Levi has been absent in her life for more than a month. But he’s stuck in her mind, and for the life of her, she can’t get him out of it.

Hange waves at her, calling her towards them.  Ivan asks her to sit down, and the cleaners have almost wiped the spilled tea.

But every cell in her body gravitates towards Levi and his well-being.

Because Levi was the one who lit up her days when she had no one. And Levi was the one who sat with her when she was nothing but a miserable person to be around. He was the one who gave her the will to live.

And if he would go to hell, then she would follow just behind him, just to be with him. Because in the end, he is the person she sees as home.

What she feels for him is more than infatuation and attraction. It’s an undying loyalty and a friendship formed over hours spent both in silence and chatter. A bond that has evolved through two people finding each other as a pillar of strength at their lowest moment.

“Mae, sit down, will you?... Your food is getting cold.” Anya calls out, but Mae doesn’t turn back. Everyone on her table is looking at her with curiosity, but she doesn’t care for any of that.

Her feet move forward with a will of their own. And wordlessly she pushes her chair back and rushes towards Levi’s office.

Her heart pounds in her chest. Its rules over her entire being. And she doesn’t think of how rude he has been these days. She doesn’t see that maybe this time he will push her away as well.

She just sees the person she loves hurting. And caring for him is etched so deep in her bones, that she fears it is something she’ll never be able to unlearn.

The door to Levi’s office is already half-open, and the sight of Levi sitting on his table, with his bleeding handheld in another, instantly makes her rush towards him.

Levi looks up when he hears the loud footsteps that dart towards him. It’s her, with a frantic expression, and her gaze fixed on his wounds.

Her hands reach out, encasing his in both of hers.

There’s an open first aid box, kept right beside him. In an instant, she picks up the bandage roll and brings it towards Levi’s bleeding hand.

Her hands shiver as they tie the cloth around.

And Levi looks at the top of her head, as she focuses on draping his hand.

He can feel the love that emanates from her fingertips, and the warmth with which she touches him. He can feel the heat gathering in his cheeks and the euphoric feeling that settles in his heart after so many days.

A warm feeling curls up in his stomach, at the way she stands close to him. Caressing his wounds, with her tender touches. The sight takes his breath away.

And he knows this is the feeling that authors describe, in the romance novels he reads. This is the feeling that people go crazy over.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt a lot?” She looks up at him with those same brown orbs that drive him mad, and comfort him at the same time. He smiles internally,  only she can get so riled up over injuries this small.

Memories of all the times he has spent with her trickle into his mind. The apple pie she made, the nights she spent reading stories to him. And the time she carelessly stayed with him when thugs attacked them.

The feeling creeps up on him blindly, with no warning. Just as his love for her did. One look at her, and every wall that he took years to build shatters down

And his eyes widen as he realizes he’s back at square one.

All this progress he thought he’s made after weeks of ignoring her, has all been flushed in a matter of minutes. All this progress is gone, just by a simple look at her eyes, and her rose tinted cheeks

His jaw clenches and he wonders if this desire in his heart will ever cease.

Anger devours him like a fire does to a wick. He’s failed… It's been a month and a half since he started ignoring her. And he thought he’d made progress, and then she looks up at him with her love-filled eyes, and he’s back to square one.

He steps forward, and his eyes fall down as he glares at her feet.

Mae stumbles backward in response. She can see the way his jaw clenches, and how his fists are balled against his legs and how his body stands, visibly stiffer now.

And Mae can’t see his eyes, but she knows there is resentment in them.

Somewhere, something is hurting him so much that he has made himself busy enough that he doesn’t even have time for himself. Something is hurting him so much that he just keeps withdrawing into himself.

He’s hurting and he’s hurting her along the way, as well.

And she feels like such a failure, because while Levi was there for her at her lowest moments. she doesn’t know how to be here for him.

And it is a goddamn tragedy that she doesn’t know that the hate that is pulsing through Levi’s veins isn’t for her. But for him.

He takes a step forward, and she shifts backward.

“Levi?” Her voice is gentle, endowed with concern. Asking him for what’s wrong.

“Levi?” No response again. The air turns thick, almost suffocating. And her palms start to sweat as she is unable to fathom what’s running through his mind. She keeps moving backward and he keeps stepping forward.

“Lev-” her back hits the wall. And fear grips a part of her. But Levi doesn’t stop, he keeps moving forward until there’s an inch’s distance between them.

Then his hands snake forward and latch onto the collar of her shirt.

For a second she is paralyzed. She doesn’t know the Levi she’s looking at.

His speech would be rough, but his gestures would always be soft.  His senses would be alert, but his body would always be relaxed around her. And in every act of his, she could find some kindness. A good intention at least. Whether it was nagging her to clean her room or buying something from the poor vendor that sat down her lane.

But the Levi in front of her is cold and ruthless. Harsh and insensitive. And she wonders who was the Levi she knew all along? Is he lost somewhere in the anger that storms inside of him.

Or was it all just a pretense?

His gaze is still stuck on the floor, but his grip on Mae’s collar tightens. And her eyes widen as he lifts her off the ground, with her collar tightly held into his fists.

She gasps and her hands slam his arms with as much force that they can muster.

She whimpers, she writhes, she struggles against his grip.

But Levi blocks everything out, every sound, every touch. And all he focuses on is the anger inside of him.

He needs to convince himself that he doesn’t need her love. And he needs to convince her to stop caring for him and move the fuck on with her life.

And there is only one way Levi knows how to do it.

“Don’t you understand it once. I don’t want you near me, so why do you keep coming back when I clearly don’t want you around. Are you that dense?” He yells in her face. He lifts her up higher. And she can only whimper in response. Slap his arms and kick his calves in protest.

Technically her body isn’t in much pain, because her back is resting against the wall. But nothing can counter the pain in her heart.

“But now that I have said it out loud, take your disgusting face away and get out of my lif- “ Something cold falls on his forearm, it slips through the fabric of his shirt and touches his warm skin.

And as he looks up he is met with the sight of her eyes. The same ones that fill his heart with warmth.

But this time they overflow with grief. Brimming with tears, and tinged red with agony.

The warm brown eyes that he loves so much are now filled with fear and horror.

Her mouth is apart, and he can feel her shaky exhale that grazes the top of his head. He can feel her sweaty hands that pinch and slap his wrists for release.

His hand quivers and his eyes widen. Terribly distressed, and laden with regret.  And his resolve shatters like the cup that broke under his fingertips as he notices the pain etched on her face.

Guilt settles in his gut, it almost makes him sick. Immediately he puts her down, and staggers back as a heavy feeling spreads across his chest.

In an instant, she scrambles away from him. Like he is some monster. And he stands frozen, still processing what he has done.

And all that remains now are the pearly teardrops resting on his forearm. Shimmering like a gem in the light of the day.

He raises his hands up and stares at them with revulsion.

Maybe he is a monster.

All his life he has done this. Beaten up people to get what he wanted from them.

His relationship with violence is interesting. He hates it, but he’s a man who can dominate anyone with it.  He’s a man who benefits from it. It is the language he is fluent in.

He hates violence, but he's a man born in it, he's a man who revels in it

And can a man born in violence only end with it?

Author's note:

Okayyy, so huge note below, because there is a lot I have to say here.

Firstly, I'm in no way saying that Levi is an abusive partner. And what he does with Mae is not something he's doing unconsciously in the flow of his anger. He knows what he's doing and he's trying to convince both himself and Mae to let each other go.

Levi has spent 1/4th of his life in the underground. And those are the developing years of your life where your thinking and personality is formed. In season 3 when Kenny said, I taught him (Levi) how to talk to people, Kenny is literally choking a person in the picture. Levi is prone to violence and he doesn't know how to communicate. This is his biggest flaw. (Take historia and levi in the manga for example)

So he;s not the prince charming people paint him out to be. Yes he is very kind and good hearted and emotional, but he still has a LOT of issues.

Levi always has a good reasonable intention. And his intentions here are simple. He wants Mae to have the safest and best life, and he can't give her that.

And also he doesn't want to get hurt, he's afraid of attachments. And you can say that Levi is being an asshole, but would you be ready to get hurt when all your past relationships have left you hurt and miserable. When all your relationships have ended with the other person leaving him or dying?

For Mae, I think a lot of people are going to start hating her from now own, because she isn't the strong, independent woman people like. But she has lost every important person in her life in a day. She has failed to save them, and we mourn so much over one loss. Personally, I can't imagine being all alone in this world, with no one to lean on to after such harsh days. So obviously she is very attached to Levi ( a little more than normal). And we can never imagine the amount of pain she's been through, because we can never be in a situation like hers ( unless we are in the aot world.)

She owes her life to Levi, in a way he's the person who gave the will to live, and which is why to her, he is literally everything ( even if this relationship wasn't romantic.)

Okay! That's all for today. As I said in the earlier note, no one is right or wrong. People are just a product of their circumstances, and everyone does what they think is best for them.

Any feedback, question comment is appreciated. Thank you for reading! I'll see you next Sunday!

Taglist: @keijikunn @evas-leslas

[snowdice]

Folds In Time Part 1 Playlist

Hey everyone, for those who are interested, I just wanted to let you know I’ve officially completed the Folds In Time Book 1 playlist. It’s currently 67 songs. It’s usually one or two songs per chapter. If you’re interested in which songs go with which chapters, you can see it under the cut. Totally willing to answer questions about why each song goes with the chapter I put it with. (Me scaling the wall wanting to talk about it, but also knowing most people don’t care as much as me.)

Here’s a link to the playlist on Youtube!

Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?

Chapter 1: Burnt Rubber Pop-Tarts

Disappear- Eli

Burn Rubber- SOPHIE

Chapter 2: Green Light

Nyan Cat

Chapter 3: Eye of Gold; Thigh of Blue

Masquerade- Motion Picture Cast | Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack

Charleston- Bob Crosy

Arc I Playlist

Chapter 4: Before All The Paperwork Got Signed

My Roommate is a Cat Opening- Unknown World

Straight Shot- DeVotchKa

Chapter 5: It Spills Itself in Fearing to be Spilt

Highly Suspect- Gath Salts

By Myself- FIDLAR

Vodka- Korpiklaani

Chapter 6: You Try to Cut Her Wires

Auld Lang Syne- Guy Lombardo (1947 Version)

Time Bomb- Iration

Chapter 7: Not Much Has Changed But They Live Underwater

Year 3000- Jonas Brothers

Auld Lang Syne (Cool Techno Remix)

Chapter 8: Just in the Nick of Time

Timebomb- Kylie Minogue

In the Nick of Time- Patti Labelle (Brewster’s millions movie)

Chapter 9: 大碗宽面 (Big Bowl Thick Noodle)

大碗宽面 (Big Bowl Thick Noodle)

Leave Me Be- Choir Boy

Chapter 10: All the Subliminal Things

Sucker-Jonas Brothers

Chapter 11: Right Place; Wrong Time

Meet Me By the River- Jacob Browne

Right Place Wrong Time- Dr. John

Chapter 12: French Lessons

French Class BLAJK

Chapter 13: Out of the Loop

1940- The Submarines (Amplive Remix)

Chapter 14: Crepe Date

Savory Truffle (2008 Remastered)- Beatles

Chapter 15: We’re No Strangers to Love

Never Gonna Give You Up- Rick Astley

It’s Not Unusual- Tom Jones

Arc II Playist

Chapter 16: Do the Mambo

Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of…)- Lou Bega

Chapter 17:

Carnavales Cameguey 2016 (Just music from the festival)

Chapter 18:

L-O-V-E Multilingual Version (Nat King Cole)

A La Mode- Los Abandoned

Chapter 19: Let Me Count the Waves

Flying Dutchman- Blasterjaxx & Zafrir

Let Me Count the Ways (I Love You)- The Temptations

Chapter 20; Two Wrongs Fix a Hole in Time

Distortions- David Guetta

Chapter 21: Promotion

Climbing the Corporate Ladder- Nmesh

Chapter 22: Late Night Trips

My Sister- The Juliana Hatfield Three

All Men Are Liars- Nick Lowe

Chapter 23: What Came First?

Egg- CG5

Chapter 24: Taco Pancakes

I Am Not a Robot- Marina and the Diamonds

Chapter 25: Now You See Me

DJ Got Us Falling in Love- Usher

Now U See Me- Dan and Drum

Chapter 26: Time is a Double-Edged Sword

Double Edged Sword- James the Seventh

Unfounded Revenge (Smashing Song of Praise) Super Smash Bros Soundtrack

Chapter 27: Now You Don’t

Disappear- Selena Gomez

Vanish- Dro Kenji

Arc III Playlist

Chapter 28: Face the Future

My Future – Billie Eilish

Chapter 29: A Storm Before Time

Romance Is Boring- Los Campesinos

Time- FreshmanSound

Chapter 30: Janus and Patton’s Get Along Hole in the Ground

Together- DJ Falcon & Thomas Bangalter

Chapter 31: Fishing for Laughs

Travel Song (Shrek the Musical)

Chapter 32: When It Rains

Time Travel- Daley

Ease- Troye Sivan

Chapter 33: Head Full of Paper

Origami- Capital Cities

Chapter 34: Raging Storms

Getting to Know you (King and I)

The Storm Inside- Daniel Gunnarsson

Chapter 35: Mistakes We Make

Rain Like Tears- Mirabai Ceiba

Numb Little Bug- Em Beihold

Chapter 36: 1000 Cranes

River- Ibeyi

Nothing Lost- The Alternate Routes

Chapter 37: Helpless to the Bass and the Fading Light

Together We’re Screwed- Robotaki

Shut up and Dance- Walk the Moon

Chapter 38: Not Quite Time

Time-Bomb- All Time Low

Let’s Go- Stuck in the Sound

Chapter 39: Coming Home

In My Blood- Shawn Mendes

[my-reality-my-rules]

Hello!

I was wondering how to stay motivated when you haven’t shifted yet but are starting to lose hope.

Thanks for answering my question!

Have a good day.

[thanks for this ask!]

(1) ASK FOR ANGEL NUMBERS

well, one of the main things that kept me going were angel numbers. truthfully, if it weren't for them, I'd have thought shifting and manifestation were all just one big fat lie. it had been around two months after I'd discovered about shifting itself, and i was getting impatient on getting results. i haven't received any at all, save for the first night i actually tried it. I'll admit it was more on the toxic influence of social media then (ahem tiktok), and i had been a baby shifter who was severely misinformed on a lot of things. a lot of people said that asking for angel numbers helped! i called bullshit, initially. even though i was curious on trying out shifting, some part of me simply didn't want to engage in what i had then thought to be of the supernatural.

out of a desperate moment, i asked for the angel numbers. it doesn't have to be anything grand. just a small request. before sleeping, i laid awake for a while, just thinking about what it'd be like to finally shift. i thought of the things i could never have, not here, and made a last attempt for the night. that's it. it had only been a simple, 'Whoever or whatever's listening to me, from out there, just send me a sign, please. Angel numbers. Something small that reminds me why I started this in the first place.'. and i went to sleep.

it wouldn't be until after three or four days that i started receiving them. i do remember feeling discouraged about it, when i didn't immediately get the results i wanted. but slowly, they started appearing. on the time, on the number of likes a comment has, in books, in the length of a video, on things I'd type half-asleep (I'm not kidding on that last one lmao). it went strong for a few months, now that i think about it. and it felt nice, you know? to me, even if it felt like the angel numbers were more a reminder that i was procrastinating on shifting, at least i had something to keep me going.

(2) LISTEN TO MANIFESTATION SUBLIMINALS

another thing that's really been lifting my spirits up are subliminals! not necessarily shifting subliminals, if you will. manifestation ones, boosters, what have you. there's a lot of them on youtube, and there's usually a specific one for the intent you want to manifest. for this one, i highly recommend listening to moza morph, kapelsu, and Enchanted Workshop's subliminals! they're the ones i frequently use, and so far, they've been doing wonders for me. here's a link to my personal playlist, if you're interested. i add onto it every other day or so, when i find another sub that i like. I'm actually listening to it right now lol.

I've been in somewhat of a...well nothing's going wrong at the moment, but nothing right is, either. i didn't realise how demotivated i had actually been when i went on a subliminal binge last week. there's been a lot to do lately, and for some reason, listening to my favourite songs made me panic (??) instead of making me feel slightly relieved of the situation. so, i turned to subliminals. good lord, i actually finished most of my school tasks. christ that one luck/success really worked. i can't even put it in the right words—subliminals and subliminal makers are an absolute fucking godsend.

if you feel as if there's some kind of blockage when you're shifting, then try the smaller day-to-day-type subliminals first (ex., improved writing, clearer senses, better sleep, heightened attention span, get work done, etc.). build it up, and when you're comfortable enough, you can try moving on to shifting subs and/or guided meditations. the biggest tip that i can give when listening to them is to wholeheartedly assume you're already where you want to be. you need to believe in it, to see your results. it's all in the mind—which brings me to my next point.

(3) RECOGNISE YOUR POWER AND WORTH

i can't stress this one enough. if you truly think you can't, you won't. i don't remember the exact quote, or who even said this, but: your actions make your reality. you need to learn how to grow into yourself, to learn how to trust and love yourself.

a lot of people already say that, and it does get tiring to hear time and time again...but they're not wrong. listen, i absolutely abhor toxic positivity—and I'm not saying you should simply up and pretend your struggles are non-existent, because at the end of the day, they do tend to catch up to you. but they also help you heal, and build you to become a better person. maybe it's not what you want to hear, especially if you're at a low point in your life, but nonetheless, it rings true. you survive first, and then you live. it's a process.

shifting can take a lot out of a person, whether you're pursuing it or if you're simply gaining entertainment or inspiration from another's experience. mentally and emotionally, for the most part. it's important you look out for yourself, because again, who'd live out your dreams for you? people find themselves demotivated, but that shouldn't hinder their potential to do so much more. be so much more. I'm not saying this just as a reality shifter, but also as someone who wishes you all the best in general.

i hope this helps! have a good day as well, and happy shifting ❤️❤️

[bitch-out]

OKAY i know you didn’t ask for a full length fic but... i couldnt help myself. here it is: 

Four times Alex saw signs that the world was changing to become more accepting of people like him, and the one time he actually realized it.

1. TV SHOW

After finishing practice for the night, the band walked into Julie’s house. Luke immediately walked into the kitchen, wanting to see what meal her dad was whipping up. His obsession with watching lifers eat was starting to get a little concerning. Reggie followed after him, wanting to hang out with Julie’s dad. That was also a little concerning.

Julie plopped down on the couch next to her little brother, Carlos, who was watching a TV show that she didn’t recognize. Alex hopped over the couch and took a seat next to her, looking at the screen intently.

“What is he watching?” Alex asked, reclining into the couch.

Julie shrugged in response. “I’m not sure…”

Carlos looked over to her with a questioning expression. “Huh?” Oh crap. She needed to stop talking to the boys while other people were around. It made her look absolutely bonkers.  

“…what you’re watching! I’m not sure what you’re watching.” She said quickly, trying to avoid any awkwardness. “What is it?”

He seemed to buy it, letting her weirdness go. “Oh, I’m watching this new show. I forget what it’s called. It’s about this girl who accidentally gets musical superpowers after getting stuck by lightning.”

“Cool,” she answered, settling into the couch. She and Alex watched for a few minutes before looking at each other in confusion. They had absolutely no idea what was going on in the show. They looked at the screen as the main character sighed dramatically, slamming her door while running out of her house. “I’m lost. What’s happening? Why is she so mad?” Julie asked.

Carlos rolled his eyes. “She’s in a fight with her dads right now because they won’t let her go to this big party. Now shhh! It’s getting juicy!”

Luke’s eyes went wide as the scene switched to the main characters dads, who were sharing a tender moment while discussing their child. Two dads? On television? Without it being played off as a joke? He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen.

Julie looked at him inquisitively, noticing his surprised expression. She raised an eyebrow.

“I see.” A soft smile settled on his face. “Cool.” He bit his lip and leaned back.

“Cool.” She agreed. She almost said something, but then decided it would be better for her to wait for him to tell her.

2. PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION

“People watching in 2020 is way better than people watching in the 90’s.” Reggie stated as they walked through downtown LA. They were killing time while Julie was at school. They passed a man in a superhero costume who was taking pictures with tourists.

“I know right?” Luke agreed. “I love looking over people’s shoulder and watching what they’re doing on those… high tech cellphone things.”

“Smartphones,” Alex offered.

“Smartphones, right.”

Reggie ran over to a middle aged guy in a suit sitting on a bench who was looking intently at his phone. “Look at this guy! He’s looking at an article called ‘How to tell if you have foot fungus’.” He wrinkled his nose. “Gross. You might wanna get that checked out, buddy,” patting his shoulder, his hand passing right through.

Luke looked around for someone else to observe. “Okay see the one over there in the blue striped shirt eating a chili dog?” He pointed over to his left to a man walking away from a hot dog stand.  

The man went to take a bite out of his chili dog but dripped it all down the front of his shirt. “Oooooh…. Missed his mouth on that one,” Luke said, cringing.

“That’s nasty,” Alex chimed in.

A guy who looked to be around their age speed walked past them, looking down. He brushed his shaggy blonde hair out of his face as he grinned down at his phone. He was obviously walking with a purpose.

“This guy is hustling! Cmon!” Reggie grinned, jogging after him. Luke and Alex ran over to catch up, all three of them following in pursuit. They all looked over his shoulder to read his text messages. He was texting someone he had named “babe <3” in his contacts.

Can’t wait to see u, his text read, im right around the corner

Reggie whistled. “His girlfriend’s probably a complete hottie if he’s that excited to see her-”

As they turned the corner, the blonde stranger they were following put his phone away as he caught sight of someone. He broke into a run and bear hugged the person, wrapping his arms around them and lifting them off the ground. As he pulled away, it was revealed that the person he was hugging was a brunette guy around the same age as them.

The brunette murmured something, his lips quirking into a smirk. The blonde teen let out a laugh, then pulled him into a kiss.

Alex nearly gasped in surprise, looking around to notice that… not a singular person was looking over. Everyone was just going about their day as normal. No glares, no sneers, not even a scoff.

It felt like the breath was sucked out of his lungs. Was this… normal? The couple broke apart and joined hands, continuing down the street. Alex couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. No one had even batted an eyelash at the public display of affection.

To him, it hadn’t been that long ago since 1995. When even looking at someone for too long would get you called a slur. When his own father would call him a-

“Alex? You good?” He was broken out of his thoughts by Luke looking over at him concernedly.

Alex opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by someone else.

“There you guys are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

They turned around in tandem to see Julie standing there, her eyes sparkling. And they continued with their day, moment forgotten.

3. MUSIC

Alex found himself once again alone with Julie, hanging out with her in her room. He was the only member of the band she would let hang out with her in here, which filled him with an odd sort of pride.

They were currently listening to one of her Spotify playlists. Julie was doing homework on her bed and Alex was tapping his drumsticks on his knee, following the beat of the song they were listening to. He was getting into the groove of the song “This song has a good beat!” he exclaimed. “What is this?”

She grinned at him. “It’s called ‘Girls like Girls’ by Hayley Kiyoko!” She stood up on her bed, dropping her homework and singing into an imaginary microphone as the chorus hit. She belted at the top of her lungs, “Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new~” She laughed as she flopped back onto her bed.

He gaped at her, surprised that she was treating it with such nonchalance. In the 90’s, this would have been music you listened to at 2 am when your parents were asleep. “Is this a… popular song?” he asked.

“Yeah, I mean it’s from like 2015 so it’s basically ancient but it’s still pretty popular.” She turned back to her homework and picked up her pen. “I think the music video has like over 100 million hits on YouTube or something like that.”

His jaw dropped even further “100 million?”

The timer on her phone went off. The words BAND PRACTICE blared across the screen with the chime of her ringtone. “I’ll show it to you later! But we have to go to rehearsal right now.”

He shook his head and followed her out of the room.

4. COVINGTON

As both his friends were pulled away by girls saucily dancing in feathered blue outfits, Alex stood awkwardly like a fish out of water. Covington slid up to him with a sly smirk on his face. “Come now. You can’t be the only one not dancing.”

“No, I… I know.” Alex sputtered. “I’m just…” Not into dancing with girls? No, he couldn’t just say that. He didn’t want to cause a scene. He pointed over his shoulder. “I’m looking for Willie,” he finished lamely.

Covington seemed to read him like an open book. He smiled and gestured with open palms. “Dante! Fuego!” Two handsome men slid up to either side of him. “Meet Alex.” The linked arms with him.

Alex looked at them, surprised. How did he know? Is this like a theater thing? Or… “You’re welcome,” Covington smirked, ducking down. Is this normal here…?

His thoughts were cut off as he was lifted up over Covington’s head and pulled into a fast-paced dance.

5. PRIDE

“Slow down Willie!” Alex shouted, running after his brunette friend as he skated through lifers and tore down the street.

Willie laughed and hopped off his board, picking it up off the ground. He waited for Alex to catch up with him “Relax, we’re almost here…”

Alex was too busy catching his breath to realize they were in the middle of a giant crowd. Lifers walked through them every few seconds like it was nothing “Wh-What is this?” Alex asked, looking around. Everyone was wearing colorful clothing and most were wearing some kind of glitter.

The skater laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the street. “We’re skating the floats, dude.” He pointed at the bright floats that were parading down the street.

Was this some kind of festival or something? Alex wondered. “Why is everything so… colorful?”

Willie looked at him like he was missing something obvious. “It’s June. Pride month.” Alex didn’t know what that was. He looked around, trying to figure it out. “You’ve never seen a pride parade before?” Willie questioned. Then, he realized. “Right. Right, you’re a 90’s ghost. I keep forgetting about that.” He slapped his forehead.

Then, he realized what this was. Alex turned to his right and saw two women kissing. A couple of guys his age were holding hands right next to him. Signs as far as the eye could see read ‘here and queer’ and ‘all you need is love’ and ‘love is love’ and countless other sayings. His breath stuttered in his chest “This is…”

“I know. Pretty cool, right?” Willie asked, sounding pretty nonchalant. He was scouting out the floats, focused on his task.

“And this is all for…” Alex hesitated, “For gay people?”

“All LGBTQ+ people, technically, but yeah dude.” Willie clarified. He grinned, his eyes set on a float just down the road. He found the perfect route.

“So it really is different now, huh?” Alex asked, his voice cracking slightly. Willie looked back in alarm, not realizing how much this was impacting the drummer beside him. A tear rolled down his cheek, but his smile could not be bigger. Alex continued, “Like I had hoped it was, and there’s been some signs, but this is…” He covered his mouth to hide a sob.

Willie walked over to his side, dropping his skateboard and taking his hand gently. “Yeah, Alex. It’s different. Better. Not perfect, but... a lot better.” He squeezed his hand.

“It’s amazing.” Alex said, wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve and grinning. He let out a laugh as a drag queen passed by and waved at the crowd, blowing kisses.

The skater couldn’t take his eyes off of Alex. He was absolutely glowing, basking in the atmosphere of the parade. “You know what? Let’s forget the skating.” Willie decided, taking his skateboard from the side of the street and tucking it in an alley.

“Huh?” Alex was confused. Willie wanted to... not go skating?

“It’s time to get your pride on, Alex.”

Together, they spent the rest of the day exploring every area of pride, ducking through crowds and sneaking onto floats. There was even one point where they ran through a huge glitter cannon, getting absolutely covered in glitter.

After it was all done, Willie teleported back to Julie’s house with him to drop him off.

“That was the most fun I’ve ever had.” Alex admitted, his smile seemed to be permanently glued to his face.

“Me too. I’ve been to tons of pride parades, but none of them were as fun as this one.” Willie admitted.

“Really? What was different about this one? Was it the glitter cannon? It was probably the glitter cannon-”

“It was you, Alex.” The skater said quietly, brushing a couple stray pieces of glitter off of the taller boy’s cheek.

“Oh,” Alex breathed, looking down at Willie. His heart was racing a mile a minute. He hadn’t realized they were standing so close together.

Willie hesitated for a moment. Was this the moment? He didn’t want to rush Alex. He was probably overwhelmed enough after experiencing his first pride. He smiled up at the blonde and patted him on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Alex.” He stepped away and turned to leave.

He was just about to teleport when he heard “Wait!”

Willie turned around Alex kissed him.

He stiffened at first, surprised. Before he could respond, Alex pulled away and looked at him in panic.

“I’m so sorry, I thought-”

Willie grabbed him by the lapels and dragged him down, kissing him heatedly. Alex responded with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“ABOUT TIME!” someone hollered from behind him.

They broke away to see Luke and Reggie beaming. They both ran over and hugged them both in a group hug. “We thought you two would never figure it out.” Luke said, causing Reggie to laugh. 

“Happy pride, Alex”. Willie murmured, squished up against his side. And Alex couldn’t have been happier.

[flowers-of-io]

This Book Is Full of Lies - Playlist

Lovely and self indulgent playlist for this lovely and self indulgent story I’m writing! Updated with every chapter. Spotify link.

Chapter 1: Exordium

New Ways – Daughter

Washed out brain I live alone alone alone

She only ever wanted to carve out a meaning for herself, a life of more than just stone and darkness; but now, looking around her marble court, at rocks suspended in vacuum and dried trees curling their roots around crumbling structures, something in her writhes.

The Fires I Started – Unwoman

And they would all see my unserious desperation As my arms unfurl to retrieve words already spilled All the fires I ever started can't begin to warm me

What is this feeling?

Chapter 2: Bright Things

Remain Nameless – Florence + the Machine

I wish to remain nameless And live without shame ‘Cause what’s in a name, boy I still remain the same

The silver barrel still feels heavy upon Ór’s palm – unfitting in her grip, beautiful and wrong. She wonders how to explain this to him so he would understand.

The Maze – Stars

And then the stars erupted From the blackest sky I’ve seen And I fell into a dream

Finally, he reaches—fingers brushing the stock—and when his hand closes around it, there is a sudden pull, a grip on Ór’s chest, sending her crashing towards the floor. For a second, all she sees is white.

Mo Tze – Alan Silvestri

She dreams of orange seas and love and eating stars.

Chapter 3: Watchtower

Control – Halsey

Damn right, you should be scared of me

She had only been testing her ground when they stepped in, so amusingly certain of having stopped a calamity—how they celebrated, drunkenly thrashing in the grass like worms on rotting scran!

Long Way Home – Plastic

By the rain, by the trite poems Don’t you think about return?

The ahamkara purrs again, sensing yearning.

Chapter 4: Little Broken Thing

Show Yourself – Idina Menzel, Evan Rachel Wood

Come, my darling, homeward bound

She raises a claw, elegant and scalpel-sharp, to drag it all the way through the vision and watch it fray at the seams—but nothing happens, and the woman just keeps smiling that motherly smile, and Savathûn feels her worm tremble.

Song to the Siren – Rose Betts

I'm as puzzled as a newborn child I'm as riddled as the tide

But the icy grip of fear tightens around her core. Something is not right. She cannot feel the flow of tribute demanded from those failing to fool her, and neither senses the worm biting into her as when her cunning is surpassed. The vacancy startles her, like missing a step. There is no shroud, no faux sheen to this world; just a single, thinly-woven layer, soft under her fingers.

Astronomical – SVRCINA

This pull is astronomical

And Savathûn hates hates hates herself, because her first impulse is to raise her own and take it, and fighting the desire feels like fighting gravity.

Chapter 5: The Wager

100 Years – Florence + the Machine

Try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light And the days will become endless And never, and never turn to night

What would she do, she thinks, or rather tries to convince herself to any other reasoning than the one she already feels rooted deeply into her core.

Maker of My Sorrow – Eliza Rickman

He had an angry head He had a heavy heart to hold Poison in the spring

How she wishes she could prove him wrong, flaunt her peace of mind in front of him as a statement, a shield to protect her pride—she needs him and it infuriates her, more so that he is surely well aware of that. She has always needed him when the storm hit, like a white cane to feel for traps in the darkness, a semblance of confidence if she has ever had one.

Chapter 6: Icing

Earth – Sleeping At Last

Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house But I put it out of my mind […] ‘Till the sirens sound, I'm safe

“You will be free,” she whispers, staring right at its eyeless face, “Or dead. Which is in itself a dreadful kind of freedom.”

Black Water – Of Monsters And Men

But I'm ready To suffer the sea Black water Take over

The Wizard’s song swells and glimmers in the air, and a single crack runs across the surface of the crystal like through an eggshell. Savathûn realises she is clutching one of her very many necklaces and releases the grip.

How Not To Drown – CHVRCHES feat. Robert Smith

That was the first time I knew They were out for blood And they would have your guts

This too shall pass, she spits in hatred, there will be freedom and death and freedom yet—

Chapter 7: Bad Beat

Breath of Life – Florence + the Machine

And the fever began to spread From my heart down to my legs But the room is so quiet

All that happens next takes less than a second. She feels the Phalanx’s arm move under her knee, and a fountain of blood spurts from his wounded side as he strains his entire body to slightly lift himself up. Then there is a gunshot, and a burst of Light.

Shots  – Imagine Dragons

From the second that I was born, it seems I had a loaded gun And then I shot, shot Shot a hole through everything I loved

Her voice drops, “It is my fault.”

Chapter 8: Airâm

Thousand Eyes – Of Monsters And Men

I lie awake and watch it all It feels like thousand eyes

It is quiet in the Hellmouth; quieter yet in the Catacombs, with the suffocating pull of the Pyramid tugging at her core and dust that swirls lazily in the stuffy air around her. Red and hollow-eyed nightmares part as she walks, and each of them bears the face of her brother.

Chapter 9: Bow and Dagger

Waiting for the Snow – Of Monsters And Men

I used to make mountains But then they grew bigger than me I thought that I’d climb my way up high But what if I tumble?

Runi watches her for a moment; she feels the weight of his gaze on the side of her face. Then he says, finally, “Why are you doing this?”

Once Upon a Dream – Lana Del Rey

I know you That gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam

As she drifts off in her jumpship, under the Reef’s purple sky swirling outside the windshield, she has a dream.

Tuesday – Hans Zimmer, Tom Holkenborg

She does not hear the roar of the wave before it breaks, and when she turns her head to see the violent tide rushing in towards them, it is already too late.

Chapter 10: Death, Rewritten

So Far So Fast – The National

Hearing you talk always saves me Can you get away and talk to me?

She collapses against his chest, shivering.

Chapter 11: Proof Against Despair

Storm Song – PHILDEL

I'll send a storm to capture your heart and bring you home

A blinding-bright ball of Light hurls towards Savathûn, silver tail blazing behind it like a comet. It splashes against her chitin chestplate, and room erupts in white as the Witch-Queen reels. There is no ceiling above her anymore.

Forgiven – Within Temptation

Couldn't save you from the start Love you so it hurts my soul Can you forgive me for trying again? Your silence makes me hold my breath

“YOU DID IT!” Savathûn roars. “I saw you looming in the sky, a mockery of salvation! It’s your fault! YOU WEREN’T FAST ENOUGH!”

“I tried to tell you,” the Gardener whispers. Her white eyes are brimming with tears. “Why didn’t you listen, child?”