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scriveyner · 2 years

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stop time, your hand in mine

stop time, your hand in mine | 👿🐯 | NSFW | 7.2k

Atsushi woke in a strange bed, with the brush of warm breath on his shoulder and an arm folded over his side, keeping him in place. He stared into the dim room, eyes wide and heart racing, trying to put together what happened, where was he, who was in bed with him…?

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Abruptly the breath slid across his skin and a sleep-roughened, familiar voice drawled, “did you have another dream about hunting deer? Your heart sounds like it’s going to beat out of your chest.”

Atsushi didn’t move, trying to place the voice.

“And don’t say you’re hungry,” he said, and shifted; Atsushi felt him sit up in the bed. There was a pause, and Atsushi could hear the frown forming in the voice and—shit, it was— “are you alright?”

Atsushi stared at Akutagawa, who was pushing his lank, dark hair back off his face and yawning. When he realized that Atsushi was looking at him with wide, startled eyes, he frowned deeper, and his eyes grew sharp. “What’s wrong?”

“What are you doing in my bed?” Atsushi asked.

Akutagawa stared at him, silent for a long moment. Then Rashomon rippled from his shoulders and Atsushi braced himself, but the small head of the ability flickered past him to the light on the nightstand, switching it on. Warm light spilled over the lampshade and illuminated the small, comfortable room.

His gaze flipped from the lamp back to Akutagawa, who was studying him intensely, arms folded and a crease in his brow, but he wasn’t scowling. He just looked…concerned. “Do you know who you are?”

“What? Of course, I do.”

“Do you know who I am?”

“Yeah, which is why I’m a little concerned about waking up in a bed with you!”

Akutagawa sighed and tilted his head. “What is the last thing you remember, weretiger?”

“The last thing I…?” Atsushi frowned, thinking back. “I was on a job with Kenji-kun and Kyouka-chan, and we’d gotten lunch. They both managed to clean me out, and…” He trailed off. There had to be more to it than that, but even that memory seemed wispy, like the edges were fading into background noise, the threads unraveling from a distance. He shook his head, trying to clear the cobwebs. “Did you drug me?”

“No.” Akutagawa’s response was flat and immediate, and there was an edge of anger to it that faded as he sighed. “And I suppose you have no reason to trust me saying it, I imagine.”

Akutagawa was acting so weird it was making his skin prickle. Why wasn’t he using this to his advantage, somehow? Atsushi frowned, but before he could even address that weirdness the door to the bedroom clicked open, clearly having never been latched. Atsushi jumped in surprise as two young children tumbled through the now-open door, their secure perch against it having been kicked out from under them.

Akutagawa was out of the bed in an instant and Atsushi shot upright as well, prepared to defend these children from Akutagawa—but before he could get moving Akutagawa was dusting the first one off…and Atsushi realized that these children were the spitting images of them. “What are you doing out of bed again,” Akutagawa said sternly, and the little Atsushi clone scrunched up his nose and said, “Ryuu almost wet the bed again!”

The little Akutagawa elbowed the little Atsushi, and Akutagawa’s Rashomon separated them both. “No fight,” Akutagawa said, in a very firm tone. “It’s far too early for that, I’ll take you both back to bed.”

“Hai,” they both chimed, and Akutagawa guided them out the bedroom door, latching it behind him. Atsushi stared, baffled, after them, and then looked around the room again. It was a cozy bedroom, and now he noticed the pictures on the wall, a stack of books on the dresser, and all the accouterments of a shared life.

He got up on his knees in the bed, and only looked back to the door when Akutagawa returned, the children presumably tucked back into bed. “I wish you would let me lock them in at night, the roaming is only going to get worse,” he muttered, and then seemed to remember himself.

Atsushi asked, dryly, “are they…ours?”

Akutagawa tilted his head. “In a manner of speaking. How old are you?”

Atsushi blinked at the question. “What?”

“Just answer.”

“Uh. I just turned nineteen a few months ago, and you tried to kill me again right before my birthday, don’t you remember that?”

An amused expression crossed Akutagawa’s face. “I do, actually. But, that was almost seven years ago. You truly don’t remember any time between then and now?”

“Seven…seven years?”

Akutagawa crossed the room, picking his phone up off a charger on the other nightstand. “You didn’t encounter any ability users on that last job, did you? Tanizaki-san said everything went well, but these things can come up out of nowhere…oh, I suppose you wouldn’t remember.” He was clicking through his phone as he talked and Atsushi just watched him, utterly bewildered by this. He curled his hands on his knees, and then, startled looked down at his hands.

He was wearing a gold ring on his left hand. It took a moment to properly process this.

“Are we married!?”

Akutagawa, phone to his ear, laughed.

“Are you fucking serious? We’re…what is going on-!?”

“Don’t yell, it’ll upset the kids.” Akutagawa half turned away, already talking quietly into his phone, and Atsushi stared at the ring on his hand, and around the room, before he slumped his shoulders and hung his head, defeated.

“What the hell is going on?” he asked, quietly, but Akutagawa didn’t answer.

~*~

Atsushi stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. He didn’t look seven years older…okay, maybe a little. His jaw looked a little squarer, there was a faintly healed scar under his left eye he didn’t remember, and his hair was cut much more evenly, even if the back was a little longer and shaggier than he usually wore it. If he looked closely Akutagawa definitely looked a bit older, but he wasn’t looking closely at Akutagawa because that was weird.

He splashed water on his face and tried not to think about how comfortable he’d been waking up before reality kicked in.

The bathroom door clicked open, and Atsushi looked over in alarm—and then down, at the dark head and dark eyes that weren’t even waist high yet. The small Akutagawa. He stared up at Atsushi with a familiar, quiet intensity that was distinctly unsettling coming from a six-year-old. "Father says you don't feel well,” he said, very formally. “And we aren’t to bother you.”

So spoke the child opening the door to do exactly that. But Atsushi could deal with children, he had plenty of practice. He crouched at the door so that he was at eye level with this small Akutagawa, clad in an elementary school uniform. “I’ll be okay, Ryuunosuke-kun. Thank you for worrying about me.”

His eyes got big and watery, and Atsushi blinked in surprise at the reaction. A second later the small Atsushi turned the corner, and the small Akutagawa turned and grabbed him and started bawling into his backpack. “What?” Atsushi asked, alarmed. “What is it, what’s wrong—?”

His small clone stared at him, frozen, and the small Akutagawa snuffled, “papa doesn’t remember me, oniisan!”

Atsushi leaned his shoulder against the door and tapped his head gently. “I got a bump on my head, and I forgot,” he said, “but I’m going to try my best to remember, okay? Please don’t be sad if I don’t remember. I’m going to need a lot of help.”

“Yeah!” The little Atsushi said, pumping his hands in the air in front of him excitedly. “I’m going to help you remember, papa! You’re going to help too, right, Ryuu-chan?”

Little Akutagawa nodded, face blotchy with tears. They both jumped when they heard Akutagawa roar from downstairs. “Ryuunosuke! Atsushi! I told you not to bother your father, you’ll be late for school!”

“Can you think up ways to help me get my memories back while you’re at school?” Atsushi patted Ryuu-chan on the head and helped him wipe his face before they both ran downstairs and, presumably, out the front door.

He remained crouched in the empty doorway for a moment before he sat, propped against the doorframe, overwhelmed. He was still there, hand over the bottom of his face and staring off into the distance when Akutagawa came upstairs to look for him. “What are you doing sitting there?” he asked, and Atsushi sighed, and wiped his eyes.

“They were so upset I couldn’t remember them,” he said.

Akutagawa smiled down at him. “That’s because they love you very much.”

“You’re smiling,” Atsushi said, surprised, and before Akutagawa could respond he laughed in disbelief. “The only time I’ve ever seen you smile is when you thought you’d be able to kill me.”

“Those days are long past, weretiger.”

Atsushi snorted but took Akutagawa’s hand when he offered it, to help him to his feet. “Who did you call earlier?”

“Ah, Kunikida. He said he would send some help our way if they ever showed up for work today, and that we were both to stay put until they got here.”

“Are you being mysterious on purpose?”

“Little bit.” Akutagawa didn’t release Atsushi’s hand and pulled him after, heading downstairs. “I started on breakfast, figured you’d be famished.”

The house was small but very homey. Atsushi sat at the table, and they ate together, Akutagawa loading up his plate with food and supervising like Atsushi wouldn’t eat everything put in front of him. He was remarkably hungry, he realized.

“Do they really have our names? The children,” Atsushi clarified as if Akutagawa wouldn’t know exactly who he was talking about. “That’s kind of creepy, isn’t it?”

“Well, they are us,” Akutagawa said. “I’m rather used to it by now, but I suppose it does look odd from the outside.” He held his tea in both hands and watched Atsushi thoughtfully.

“They are us?”

“Yes. Brought here by an ability when they were infants.”

“Huh.” Atsushi looked at his plate. That was a relief, he really didn’t want to think about how they came to be otherwise. “What do I call them?”

“Ryuu-chan and Acchan.”

“Ah. I made Ryuu-chan cry because I called him Ryuunosuke-kun.”

Akutagawa smiled into his tea. “He will be fine. They both adore you, and they’re worried.” The smile shrank, Atsushi noticed, out of the corner of his eye. “I’m worried, too.”

“Well, if this is an ability messing with me, Dazai-san should be able to take care of it,” Atsushi said pragmatically, shoveling more rice into his mouth…but then pause, looking at Akutagawa. His expression had darkened, just slightly, lips pressed into a line. “Is…Dazai-san still around?”

Akutagawa exhaled. “In a manner of speaking.”

“That was a yes or no kind of question.”

“He’s not dead, that I’m aware.” Akutagawa took a long sip of his tea, considering. “That’s pretty much all we know. Chuuya doesn’t reach out much along official channels unless Port Mafia’s goals happen to align with ours.”

“Wait,” Atsushi said. “Are you…not Nakahara-san’s subordinate anymore?”

“My darling weretiger, I work with you.” Akutagawa’s smile was genuine, and Atsushi wasn’t used to seeing it at all. “You succeeded in pulling me, kicking and screaming, into the light; so, if you want to go ahead and pat yourself on that back for that again, I’ll wait.”

Atsushi stared at him. “I…what?”

There was a knock at the door, interrupting them; and Akutagawa rose, leaving his tea on the table. He put his arm over Atsushi’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head in a clearly practiced, everyday motion he thought nothing of. “I’ll get that, if you’ll clear the table, please.”

Atsushi watched him go, frozen somewhat in place. After a moment, the shock wore off and he got up as well, to silently clear the table.

~*~

“Atsushi-san!” An unfamiliar girl with long, dark hair said when he joined everyone in the sitting room. “Did you get your memories locked out?”

Atsushi blinked at her, looking to Akutagawa for help because he had no idea who this was. Akutagawa raised an eyebrow, clearly amused, and she put her hands on her hips and huffed in aggravation.

“Keiko-chan,” the woman with her said, also clearly amused, “he doesn’t know who you are.”

Atsushi did a double-take at the elegant young woman in business clothes, seated on the couch. “Kyouka-chan?”

“He remembers you,” the dark-haired girl pouted.

Kyouka was taller than he was now, although not by much. She smiled, hands folded in her lap, and then indicated the young woman with her. “This is Hazama Keiko, my current partner. You don’t recall, but she had her brother both helped out with an incident a few years ago. She’s only now gotten old enough to join us.”

“Kunikida-san is mean, you joined up when you were fourteen,” Keiko said.

“It was that or jail,” Kyouka said mildly. “You also have a family, and don’t need the job.”

Atsushi said, weakly, “I need to sit down.”

“You weren’t kidding, Akutagawa-san,” Keiko said. “He’s really got nothing? How did he not kill you waking up here?”

“The children sufficiently startled him. What do you think?”

Keiko folded her arms and stared, very intently, at Atsushi. “Well, ‘nori’s the one who can tell if people are being affected by an ability. I can only mirror abilities back on someone, and I don’t think there’s anyone here we want getting hit with a memory wipe too.”

“You can mirror it to me,” Kyouka said. “If it’s an attack, Shirayuki-hime will protect me, and block it.”

“Not in our house,” Akutagawa said and didn’t look over when Atsushi laughed, clearly struck by the absurdity of the situation. “And I agree with Keiko-chan, we can’t risk anyone else’s memories.”

“You woke up without the memories, right?” Keiko said, and Atsushi nodded. She thought about this. “No weird dreams, nothing before you went to sleep?”

“Everything was normal when we went to bed,” Akutagawa offered, thinking aloud. “You let Atsushi wear himself out chasing you around the yard with his ability, and nothing was out of the ordinary when we went to sleep—aside from your obsession with that stupid deer in the documentary we watched.”

“There was that job that he and Tanizaki went on,” Kyouka said thoughtfully. “Tanizaki was normal at the office today, but it’s so hard to tell with him, sometimes.”

“He recognized ‘nori just fine,” Keiko added.

“True.”

Atsushi scratched his hand through his hair. “Does your ability require you to mirror it to a person? Could you maybe just bounce it off a dog or something?”

“I could try,” Keiko said, sounding doubtful. “You don’t have a dog, though.”

“No,” Kyouka sighed as well. “Without a sufficient target, there’s not much we can do at the moment. I’ll get with Kunikida and Yosano-san, maybe a put-together will fix whatever’s broken—”

“Absolutely not,” Atsushi said, panicked, visions of chainsaws dancing in his head.

“Until things are sorted out, I’ll keep him here,” Akutagawa said as they saw Kyouka and Keiko to the door. “My caseload has been light, but you might want to check Atsushi’s desk and see if it turns up anything.”

“I’ll keep you in the loop, Akutagawa,” Kyouka said, and Keiko waved as they departed.

“This is unbearably weird,” Atsushi said once the door was closed behind them, and Akutagawa sighed.

“I’m not surprised. The kids will be home soon, prepare yourself.”

~*~

Atsushi was sitting on the couch when the front door banged open, and a small white-and-black blur shot across the room straight at him, all paws and claws. Without even thinking Atsushi swatted him with an enormous tiger paw, knocking his small clone straight upward, where he twisted and smacked into the ceiling with all four paws, bouncing right off it and landing on his feet in front of Atsushi, hands in the air.

“THAT WAS AWESOME,” Acchan shouted. “AGAIN!”

“No,” Akutagawa yelled from the kitchen, and the front door closed. A few moments later Ryuu-chan peeked around the corner at them, and Atsushi, still scared half to death by nearly launching a child through the ceiling, waved weakly at him.

“Hi, Ryuu-chan,” he said, and Ryuu-chan’s face instantly brightened.

“Do you remember us?”

“From this morning,” Atsushi said, truthfully, and tapped his head. “Everything before that is still missing though, sorry.”

Acchan clenched his fists, eyes sparkling. “Papa, throw me into the air again!”

“Not indoors,’ Atsushi said, eying him. “Did you destroy your school uniform?”

“Did he?” Akutagawa emerged from the kitchen, a threatening aura rippling off him, and Acchan was already gone, thundering up the stairs with his tail between his legs. Akutagawa sighed, and looked at Ryuu-chan, who was watching them both with great interest. “How was school, Ryuu-chan?”

“Good.” He eyed Atsushi, past Akutagawa. “Will papa be better soon?”

“Hopefully. We’re working on it, though. Why don’t you go study with your brother, I’ll call you both for dinner.”

Ryuu-chan nodded, and with a final, concerned look at Atsushi, trailed his brother up the stairs.

~*~

Atsushi followed along, enraptured, as the two children described their school day. He’d never formally been to school, all his schooling—what little of it there had been—was done by the orphanage. “An’ then, Yoshizawa—he’s the one who pushed Ryuu down, I told him I was gonna bite his dick off—”

“Nakajima Atsushi.”

“I didn’t, I just told him I was gonna, an’ he ran off—”

“He did,” Ryuu-chan interjected.

“I didn’t bite his dick off!”

“No, but you told him you were gonna.”

“I said that!”

“Yeah! But you’re not supposed to say dick!”

“Neither of you are supposed to say dick,” Atsushi said, and they both looked at him, eyes wide. Akutagawa’s mouth was pressed into a frown, but his shoulders were shaking in barely concealed laughter. “Where did you even hear that? And you shouldn’t be fighting in school either, Acchan.”

“I had to! He pushed Ryuu! Ryuu-chan, you should have smacked him with Rashomon!”

Ryuu-chan looked at his plate. “I don’t want to scare them, ‘niisan.”

“Well, I do! They’re not allowed to be mean to you.”

Atsushi looked over their heads at Akutagawa, and Akutagawa smiled.

Ryuu-chan helped Atsushi with the dishes, because he didn’t know where everything went, and for the first time Atsushi saw his Rashomon, opening the doors he couldn’t reach, its red head emerging from his sweater. “Your brother looks out for you, huh,” Atsushi said as Ryuu-chan fastidiously dried a plate.

“Yeah.” After a moment, Ryuu-chan looked up at Atsushi, eyes watery. “I miss you, papa.”

Atsushi exhaled and then dried his hand before putting it on Ryuu-chan’s head. “I know you do, kiddo. I miss you too. I can tell you both mean a lot to me, and I can’t wait to rediscover all our memories. But until then, we both gotta be brave, okay?”

Ryuu-chan nodded his head, and Atsushi startled when they both heard a high-pitched shriek. “Oniisan doesn’t like baths,” he explained, and Atsushi laughed, and went back to the dishes.

~*~

Atsushi peeked into the bedroom, watching the two sleeping lumps in their separate beds. They were so peaceful, small and tucked in with their pillows and stuffed animals. Acchan had his thumb in his mouth, and Ryuu-chan was curled around a large, battered hedgehog-looking thing. They were adorable.

Akutagawa walked past, carrying a bundle of blankets, and Atsushi looked at him as he closed the door. “I’ll sleep on the couch,” Akutagawa said, and Atsushi shook his head once, firmly.

“I can handle sharing the bed, it’s plenty big,” he said, and Akutagawa stopped. “We really are a family, huh? I never would have dreamed of it. It’s so…nice.”

Akutagawa scoffed, amused. “Wait until you’re here for the tandem tantrums.” He was smiling, though, and met Atsushi’s eye. “You’re right, though. It is. I never thought I’d be allowed this kind of happiness.”

He looked distant, for a moment, and then tilted his head. “I still ought to sleep on the couch, I don’t…” Akutagawa trailed off, cheeks flushed, and then sighed and laughed at himself. “I have a hard time trusting myself around you.”

“Trusting yourself?” Atsushi repeated. “I don’t understand.”

“Sex, weretiger. You are my husband. Did you think we were chaste?”

Atsushi stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide. “I, uh. I didn’t think about it.”

“No, I suppose you didn’t. It did take me sucking your dick to even awaken you to the possibility of such things in the first place.” Akutagawa put his blankets on the couch and patted Atsushi on the shoulder. “Sleep well, Atsushi.”

“Yeah,” Atsushi said, still stunned. “Goodnight.”

~*~

He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling.

Sex, with Akutagawa. He’d…he’d had sex with Akutagawa. In this bed. Multiple times.

Atsushi shifted, uncomfortable, and rolled up on his side. He looked across the bed, at the spot where Akutagawa should be sleeping, and felt the absence like an ache in his soul. He was just downstairs, but he should be here, beside Atsushi. Atsushi sighed out a breath and buried his face in the pillow.

This was all too, unbearably, fucking weird.

Last night he went to sleep in the futon closet of his dormitory apartment and the biggest worry on his mind was making sure he got all Dazai’s paperwork done before Kunikida realized he’d left it to Atsushi again. And now, here he was, seven years (ish?) into a very happy future where he had a house and kids and was married to the man who had just recently attempted to turn him into a pincushion in his eightieth attempt on Atsushi’s life.

And, worst of all, this life seemed amazing.

Atsushi groaned and rubbed his legs together. It was a mistake to bring sex into the equation because now that was all he could think about. It was very hard to not imagine Akutagawa’s mouth wrapped around his dick now that the thought had been put into his head; and after rolling over and not getting any relief, he finally stuck his hand down his pajama pants and tried, resolutely, not to imagine Akutagawa in any way, shape or form while he did his business.

He failed, hard.

~*~

“Good morning,” Akutagawa said when Atsushi emerged. His phone said it was Saturday, which made about as much sense as anything else in the last forty-eight or so hours, so he rolled with it. “Did you sleep well?”

Atsushi, holding his balled-up pajama pants that had started to get crunch to his chest, said, “uh, yeah.” He looked around. “Hamper?”

“Though the other side of the kitchen, with the washer.”

“Gotcha.” Atsushi disposed of the evidence, and once he emerged, he looked around. It was deceptively quiet. “Kids already at school?”

“Not today.” Akutagawa was seated at the table, a laptop sitting open in front of him, and a table propped up beside the screen. Atsushi had just stopped beside him, awkwardly, when they both heard the doorbell ring. Before either of them could move the kids crashed down the stairs and thundered to the door, tripping over each other to answer it first.

They could hear Acchan from the kitchen. “CHUUYA-OJI!”

“The lungs on that child,” Atsushi said, and Akutagawa smirked, taking a sip of his tea and otherwise not bothering to get up.

After a moment, Chuuya came around the corner from the genkan, two laughing children floating in the air in front of him. Acchan was upside down, his shirt nearly covering his face and cackling. “Oi,” Chuuya said. “I bet neither of you is packed yet, are ya?”

“Packed?” Ryuu-chan asked, hugging his knees to his chest and rotating slowly.

“You’re going on a sleepover, didn’t I tell you?” Akutagawa said, and both children started yelling excitedly, flailing around in midair. Chuuya let them drop and Acchan landed flat on his back, Ryuu-chan dropping on top of him.

“Oops,” Chuuya said, in a very “not an accident” way. “First one packed and back down here gets to fire my gun.”

Both kids ran up the stairs so quickly Atsushi thought they’d shake the foundations loose. “You’re not serious,” he said, and Chuuya shook his head, amused, before giving Atsushi a long look.

“So, everything’s gone?” he asked, tapping his head.

“Everything,” Akutagawa confirmed.

“Hey, you told me that Nakahara-san didn’t talk to anyone anymore,” Atsushi said, and Chuuya laughed. “He did!”

“Well, for certain liability reasons, we don’t talk via the official channels.” Chuuya pulled out the chair to Akutagawa’s right and sat. He was dressed in a fully tailored suit, black with a dark red waistcoat, and was carrying a long coat and scarf under his arm that seemed slightly too heavy for the current weather. “I’m gonna take them out there tomorrow if you want to meet us.”

Akutagawa nodded. “I think that’s the wisest. We’re going to try to use the mirror ability today, I think, and if that doesn’t work it’s the final option.”

“Can we maybe not speak cryptically?” Atsushi asked. “I don’t have any memories, I’m not stupid.”

“Well,” Chuuya said. “There is an issue to consider. What if: you didn’t lose your memories?”

“I don’t follow.”

“Ranpo-san said to consider the possibility that you aren’t our Atsushi,” Akutagawa said, typing as he talked. “That perhaps you’d been switched with ours, and we pot you back where you belong. If that’s the case, what you know could impact your future and our present.”

“Wouldn’t me being here at all already impact that?”

“It could have,” Chuuya said, “and if it has, maybe we can’t know. Or maybe the changes won’t make themselves known until you’re put back where you belong, and we’d all cease to be.” He shrugged. “And then, maybe you really did just lose your memories and we gotta knock ‘em free. We won’t know until we try. But we should be prudent, just in case.”

Atsushi frowned. It did make sense, as much as he didn’t like being kept in the dark. “Is that why you’re taking the kids?” A pause. “You don’t really let them touch guns, right? They’re six years old!”

Chuuya exchanged an amused look with Akutagawa. “He’s always like this,” Akutagawa said, and Chuuya laughed.

Indignant, Atsushi said, “they’re children.”

“No, I don’t actually let them,” Chuuya assured Atsushi, still laughing to himself.

“Not until they’re double digits, at least,” Akutagawa said absently.

“How about never? I don’t want them to have to learn anything about that world!” Atsushi was scandalized, but Chuuya just kept laughing.

Ryuu-chan came barreling down the stairs then, using his Rashomon to vault over the couch. Atsushi caught him in mid-air, backpack throwing his balance off, and Ryuu-chan hung onto him for a second, face buried in his chest, huffing and puffing.

“I beat ‘niisan!” he exclaimed when he finally lifted his head.

“Hey, nice one, Ryuu-kun,” Chuuya said, and Ryuu-chan beamed. Acchan fell down the steps thirty seconds later, hitting every other step, and landed on his butt on the floor.

“SHIT,” he yelled.

Akutagawa pinched the bridge of his nose, and Atsushi looked at Chuuya, whose face was starting to turn red from not laughing. “I suppose we have you to thank for his expanded vocabulary?”

“No comment,” Chuuya wheezed.

They saw Chuuya and the kids off together, out into the late morning sunshine. Atsushi shook his head, amused, as Ryuu-chan the victor rode on Chuuya’s shoulders, waving his hands in the air. “Hungry?” Akutagawa asked and held up his finger. “Don’t’ say always.”

“Do I really say that?”

“Literally every time.”

“Well, it’s true.” Atsushi followed him into the kitchen to help make their meal, and they ate together at the other end of the table, Akutagawa’s laptop still sitting open. It was comfortable and familiar now, the two of them, with the sunlight lighting up the room. Atsushi watched Akutagawa eat and didn’t even realize he himself had stopped until Akutagawa looked up.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes.” Atsushi pushed food around on his plate. “No. I don’t know.” He sighed. “I can’t get over how right this all feels.”

“I suppose it must all be very strange to come, coming from what you remember.”

“And then some.” He cocked his head and looked at Akutagawa, really looked at him. “It’s like, I belong here, but at the same time, I don’t, and yet…I really, really want to belong. And I want to love you the way you so clearly love me, but it’s a puzzle that I don’t have all the pieces to.”

There was a bit of pain in the smile Akutagawa gave him. “You don’t have to force yourself.”

“I couldn’t get it out of my head last night.” Atsushi’s cheeks flamed scarlet. “What you said.” Akutagawa watched him silently and didn’t interrupt. “About…how you sucked my dick.”

“Ah.”

Atsushi exhaled, and said, “we really are married, huh.”

“We are.” Akutagawa was watching him now, and his face was so red he couldn’t dare raise his eyes to meet Akutagawa’s. “I must say that this is rather charming, I can’t think of the last time you were so demure in asking for a blowjob.”

Atsushi’s head shot up. “I’m not, I’m not, I’m not asking—” oh god, Akutagawa’s mouth on him. Atsushi’s brain stuttered to a halt, and he trailed off, red to the tips of his ears. “You really would…?” he squeaked.

“You are my husband, whether you recall it or not,” Akutagawa wiped his mouth. “I won’t force you into doing anything you don’t want, but if you desire me to…” his eyes were so dark, even in the daylight, and something behind Atsushi’s navel quivered. “I would be more than willing to oblige.”

Atsushi swallowed hard, and then nodded his head once, short and tight. Akutagawa rose from his chair and Atsushi pushed his own back, but before he got up Akutagawa put his hand on the back of his chair, looming over him and turning his chin up to look at Akutagawa.

He was already breathing hard, heart beating loud against his ribs, and Akutagawa studied him, focused. “If you need me to stop at any time,” he said softly, brushing his thumb over Atsushi’s bottom lip, “I will. Just say it.”

Atsushi nodded, shakily, as Akutagawa knelt between his spread legs. He was wearing sweats, which came down his hips easily, and Akutagawa was oh so familiar with his body, stroking him slowly and working him up the rest of the way.

He’d thought Akutagawa’s hand was hot, stroking slowly over his sensitive flesh, but then his mouth was hotter, wrapping luxuriously slow over the tip of his cock, lips trailing down around the head. He was very focused, very careful, and Atsushi gulped air, slumping back in his chair, one hand gripping the seat and the other his own thigh.

Atsushi had never imagined something like this, lacked the toolkit to put it together but oh, if he was displaced this was going to live in his memory forever. Akutagawa was patient and thorough, slow in just the ways that Atsushi didn’t even realize he needed until his chest was heaving and tingles were running up and down his limbs.

Akutagawa pulled off his dick, stick strands stretching from the tip to his lips before he broke them by licking. “Enjoying yourself?” he asked lazily, licking his fingers.

“Wow,” Atsushi managed, so turned on, so close. “I’m gonna…I was close, can you please….please…?”

“Incoherence is always a good sign,” Akutagawa hummed. He nuzzled against Atsushi’s dick, still very thoroughly wetting his fingers. Once he was satisfied, he returned his mouth to Atsushi’s dick, and then pressed his thoroughly moistened fingers behind Atsushi’s balls, seeking—and, shit, he pressed them inside. Atsushi gasped, rocking back in the chair hard enough that one of the legs came up off the ground for a moment.

“Careful, careful,” Akutagawa said, letting Atsushi’s dick slip out of his mouth again. “Okay?”

“Fuck,” Atsushi breathed reverently, and Akutagawa pushed his fingers in deeper. It hurt but it didn’t, his body clearly accustomed to this, and Atsushi shuddered appreciatively as Akutagawa pressed his fingers in just right, up behind his dick.

He kept the pressure there, looking up at Atsushi through his eyelashes, a flush painted across the bridge of his nose. “Good?”

“Yeah,” Atsushi swallowed and nodded, and Akutagawa rubbed him inside again. “I want…” he didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted to keep feeling good, he wanted Akutagawa’s mouth on his cock again, he wanted something bigger and thicker than Akutagawa’s fingers rubbing against him and that sudden realization drove a moan from his lungs.

Akutagawa waited as he figured out what he wanted. “Please,” he said, flailing his hand, curling his fingers in the shoulder of Akutagawa’s sweater. “Please, I need you inside me…”

“Is that what you truly desire, weretiger?”

A flash of darkness, blood-red eyes, a hand on his face—

“Fuck me, please,” Atsushi begged.

It took a minute because Akutagawa knew they’d need the lube and the chair wasn’t the best place, so Atsushi hiked himself onto the table without a thought, heel on the edge as Akutagawa pushed his now lube-slick fingers inside Atsushi and Atsushi’s nerves lit up like it was Christmas.

He leaned back on his elbows, head hanging back and panting openly as Akutagawa fucked him with his fingers, the lube squelching out between them. Finally, he pulled them free, pushed Atsushi’s legs further apart, and dragged his hips to the very edge of the table. Atsushi actually sobbed aloud as Akutagawa pushed his cock in.

It was so much, but his body took it so easily, practically melting together. Atsushi had never felt like this and was quickly overwhelmed, covering his face with his hands while Akutagawa fucked him in slow, long thrusts. “Look at me,” Akutagawa’s voice was rough, he grabbed Atsushi’s hand by the wrist and pulled it from his eyes, and Atsushi shuddered, Akutagawa’s cock making him feel like he was combusting from the inside.

Akutagawa’s eyes were on his and he was undone, spiraling apart, cock jerking back against his belly and painting his skin with white. Akutagawa groaned as he watched, and he held Atsushi’s hips tight, moving faster, thrusts strong but uneven as his own climax built and tipped him over the edge.

They both panted together, locked in place—Atsushi stared at the sunlight on the ceiling and the way Akutagawa’s skin glimmered with sweat and realized he never, ever wanted to give this up.

~*~

Keiko’s younger brother was a gangly tow-headed fifteen-year-old who was clearly still in the process of growing into his limbs. He frowned at Atsushi, blue eyes narrowed, and then touched a finger to his forehead. Atsushi winced, expecting something to happen, but nothing did.

“Well?” Keiko said impatiently, and Masanori closed his eyes.

“Shut up, ‘neesan.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up!”

“Masanori-kun, is he under the effect of an ability, or not?” Kyouka asked, and Masanori sighed and opened his eyes.

“He is, but it’s not a normal ability. I don’t think ‘neesan’s mirroring ability will help.”

“What do you mean, it’s not a normal ability?” Akutagawa asked sharply.

“I don’t know how else to explain it.” Masanori looked troubled. “It’s there, but it evades my detection ability.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Atsushi said with a sigh. He looked up at Akutagawa, who stood next to Masanori, arms folded while he considered things. “Now what?”

“I still think we should at least try my ability,” Keiko said.

Masanori shook his head. “It might permanently damage his memories. It’s not worth it.” He tilted his head. “It’s like…this was intentional. Someone wanted to hurt Nakajima-san.”

“Knowing my luck, that doesn’t narrow things down at all,” Atsushi said.

“Well, we always have that,” Kyouka said, and Akutagawa nodded his head. Keiko brightened.

“That? What’s that?”

“It’s a secret,” Kyouka said, and Keiko scowled.

“Secrets are lame, Kyouka-san. What if it’s something we’ll need in the future?”

“I’m sure they have their reasons, ‘neesan.”

“Don’t take their side, Bakanori.”

Masanori rolled his eyes and turned to Akutagawa. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help more, Nakajima-san,” he said and bowed.

Atsushi frowned and said, “but you did help. You crossed another thing off the potential list, Masanori-kun. Thank you.”

Atsushi folded his arms, leaned against the doorframe, and watched them depart. “He called you Nakajima-san,” he said, and Akutagawa shooed him away, closing the door.

“Caught that, did you.”

“Did you take my name?”

Akutagawa gave him an amused look. “Well, I couldn’t exactly keep mine. There was a price on it. Besides, it made things simpler registering the children with us if we all shared the same name.”

It was a weird feeling that settled in his chest at that. Atsushi turned his face away. “Are we going to go see Dazai-san now?”

Akutagawa sighed and nodded. “Yes. Tomorrow.”

“Still going to keep up with the secrecy?”

“Only for tonight.” Akutagawa passed him. “Tomorrow you’ll know everything, regardless.”

~*~

Akutagawa slept with him in the bed, although they didn’t fool around. Atsushi found he couldn’t fall asleep; he stared into the darkness and tried his hardest to remember something. He didn’t want to lose this, he didn’t want to go back to the futon closet knowing what he could have, what he wouldn’t have because…because he would fuck it up, somehow. How could he look at Akutagawa, his Akutagawa, his memory of Akutagawa…and not see this? He’d get his head lopped off trying to get close to him.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Akutagawa said softly, and Atsushi pushed his palm into his eye and sniffled.

“What if I have to give this up?” he asked.

Akutagawa’s arms found him in the dark and pulled him close. “Then you have something wonderful to look forward to, my darling weretiger.”

Atsushi pressed his head to Akutagawa’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, and, eventually, slept.

~*~

The train took them out of the city. Atsushi didn’t pay that much attention to where they were going, though they had an overnight bag. Akutagawa seemed equally at ease out of the house, and he didn’t lurk, it both bothered and delighted him, even more so when Akutagawa took his hand and held it.

From the train, there was a car waiting for them, a dark sedan with tinted windows, and a familiar driver. “Higuchi-san,” Atsushi said, surprised, and she gave him a small, tight smile and a bow.

They drove down deeply forested roads, and in the distance, he could see a large lake sparkling through the trees. “Where are we?” he asked Akutagawa.

Akutagawa said, “does it really matter?”

“Nah.”

There was a traditional Japanese residence waiting for them at the end of a long drive. Ryuu-chan was sitting on the edge of the engawa and kicking his feet in the air; when he saw them emerge from the car he hopped up and stood in place, practically vibrating. Once they got close enough, he couldn’t take it any longer and launched himself against Akutagawa, wrapping around his leg.

Akutagawa very gently pried Ryuu-chan free and picked him up instead, holding him against his hip in a practiced motion. “Did you have fun staying overnight?” Atsushi asked him because he couldn’t take how cute they looked together.

Ryuu-chan nodded his head, and Akutagawa let out a small, amused sigh. “Dazai-san scares him, sometimes,” he said, and Ryuu-chan nodded his head even more violently. “We’ll stay out here, won’t we, Ryuu-chan?”

Ryuu-chan nodded again, holding Akutagawa’s shirt with one hand. Akutagawa and Atsushi exchanged a quiet look over his head, and Atsushi took the duffel off, leaving it on the engawa next to them.

“He’s in the garden, papa,” Ryuu-chan said softly, and Atsushi smiled and patted his head gently.

“Thank you, Ryuu-chan,” he said, before stepping off the engawa and back into his shoes.

He walked around the side of the building, where there were more trees and flowering plants. Near the back, there was a small platform that overlooked the water. Seated there, in a wheelchair, sat Dazai; with Acchan perched on his lap and talking animatedly.

“…Dazai-san?” Atsushi asked carefully as he approached, and Dazai turned his head toward Atsushi and then smiled.

“Atsushi-kun! Acchan said you would be coming by today. How good to see you!”

In stark contrast to his words, there were old, off-white bandages wrapped entirely around his eyes. He tapped them with the hand that wasn’t steadying Acchan, and said, wryly, “figuratively, of course.”

Atsushi swallowed. “What…happened?”

“Oh, a great many things that don’t bear talking about today.” Dazai tilted his head, and Acchan tugged on his kimono.

“Dazai-oji, can you hear those birds? What kind are they?”

They were all silent for a moment, listening to the distant call of birds on the water. “Those are herons, Acchan,” Dazai said. He patted Acchan’s side. “Why don’t you go find your brother, I’m sure he’s lonely.”

“He’s with father. I want to stay with you and papa!”

“It’s okay, Acchan,” Atsushi said. “We’ll be along shortly.”

Acchan pouted but, after a moment, slid off Dazai’s lap. Atsushi watched him run off across the garden, and then looked back to Dazai. Dazai had turned his face back out to the lake, hands smoothed across the kimono over his legs. “Acchan helps me hear the birds,” he said. “The breeze off the water is always nice, this time of the year. But you didn’t come here for just a social visit, did you, Atsushi-kun?”

Atsushi swallowed again. He was looking at the way Dazai’s kimono fell, and the single foot that he could see. Then he shook his head, realized Dazai couldn’t see that, and said, “no. Not today.”

“He took your memories, did he?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Dazai seemed surprised by this response.

“What if I’ve been switched with the Atsushi that belongs here? I can’t tell. I don’t have any memories.”

“Ah,” Dazai said. “You don’t want me to dispel the ability, because you’re afraid of leaving this behind.”

Atsushi sat down on the wooden platform, beside Dazai’s wheelchair. “It’s like everything I’ve ever wanted,” he said, softly. “Ever since I was told I was worthless, that I didn’t deserve to live, all those nasty things that they told me over and over again at the orphanage. The life that seemed forever out of reach.” He stuck his hand out in front of him, looking at the ring on his finger, sparkling in the sunlight. “Home. Love. Friends. A family of my own.”

Dazai was quiet, letting him talk. Atsushi sighed again. “But I do have those things, even back then. I have a home with the Agency. I have friends who love me. Who are my family.”

“If you end up going back, what will you do?”

“Everything in my power to get back here,” Atsushi said, vehemently.

Dazai smiled. “And in the end, that’s all you can do,” he said, softly putting his hand in Atsushi’s hair. “That’s all any of us can ever do.”

#bungou stray dogs #sskk #shin soukoku #future fic #babyfic #semi-sequel #lemony fresh

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