#self ~

[rvspbcrry]

marco temporal: 24 de noviembre, en algún momento de la tarde ubicación: departamento de javier (y donde vive olivia) tw: violencia física / pensamientos suicidas 

utiliza su antebrazo para tapar sus ojos, al estar recostada de espalda en aquel sillón hace que le moleste la luz del techo. le duele mucho la cabeza, pero no logra determinar su origen, ¿será porque le jalaron el pelo? ¿será por el golpe que se dio contra el mueble? ¿o será simplemente que la tensión de su cuerpo le está pasando factura? no importa, piensa, el dolor es temporal. de la misma forma en que la alegría es temporal, el dolor lo es también.

los pasos del hombre son fuertes y precisos, puede saber con detalle en qué parte se encuentra, así que sabe que está a su lado antes de que él le agarre de brazo para destaparle la cara.

              - ¿ya dejaste de llorar?               + ¿tanto te gusta hacer preguntas de mierda? suéltame

la fuerza de ella no es nada comparada con la de él, pero aun así le basta un par de tirones para que le suelte el brazo. lo considera una buena señal, si la deja ir tan fácilmente es porque ya no va a seguir golpeándola. supone que ya descargó toda su rabia con ella.

              - estás siendo una exagerada, olivia               + ¿yo? ¿una exagerada? tú eres el violento, te aprovechas de mi porque no puedo defenderme, sabes que no diré nada y que igual te voy a perdonar

eso es lo que más detesta de todo, que no puede llegar a odiarlo. siempre se consuela al pensar que no siempre es así, que es de las pocas personas que ha estado a su lado por tantos años, que a pesar de todo, le sigue dando un lugar para dormir. simplemente es un lazo difícil de cortar, no puede hacerlo, sabe que está siendo una estúpida, pero no. puede. hacerlo.

pensamientos son desviados cuando nota que está sacando la billetera, y de inmediato sabe que va a pasar, es como una especie de costumbre, una de mal gusto.

              + no me dejes dinero, me hace sentir sucia               - no nos estamos acostando               + ¿acaso crees que a las prostitutas no les pegan?

se quedan mirando en completo silencio, un momento de tensión que se rompe en el instante que deja caer los billetes en la mesita que está a su lado. era claro que le importaba una mierda lo que ella sentía. él no dice nada más antes de tomar sus cosas y marcharse. puede sentir como parte de su cuerpo se relaja en el momento que escucha el sonido de la puerta cerrándose.

ahora que está sola decide que es un buen momento para un ibuprofeno, ignorando el dolor en su cuerpo para llegar al botiquín que está en el baño. con manos temblorosas va con el medicamento hasta el lavamanos, llevando el comprimido a su boca antes de juntar agua en sus palmas para poder tener algo con que tragar. se mira al espejo por unos segundos y luego mira todos los medicamentos que hay en la caja, se queda mirándolos por varios segundos y así de simple sabe que tiene que salir de ahí antes de que haga una estupidez, otra vez.

casi tropieza de lo apurada que se pone unas zapatillas, agarrando el primer abrigo que ve, teniendo la prudencia de asegurarse que está saliendo con las llaves del departamento y así no repetir aquel suceso de meses atrás. no sabe a donde ir, pero no le importa, solo sabe que no puede estar sola.

[nedcaratacus]

[pterygoidwalk]

sometimes i wonder what my cat named me

[donnieisaprettyboy]

“what if kids identify with something and it ends up just being a phase-?” good. stop teaching and expecting kids (and adults honestly) to formulate permanent traits and ideas of themselves. everything in life is a phase. that doesn’t make it any less legitimate while you experience it. let people explore themselves and know it’s okay if what you think about yourself changes.

[islamprotestan-blog]

only 5 seconds

[undead-tboy-swag]

if your weird enough with the homies you can break all boundaries of platonic/romantic love and make a third, more evil thing

[animentality]

[jesusinstilettos]

I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:

It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.

Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.

1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.

2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?

3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?

4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”

5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.

6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)

[banrionceallach]

You know, that Mythbusters post legitimately changed my life. Before seeing it, I had exponentially more guilt and stress about not being able to sleep, which of course, further exacerbated my inability to sleep.

Now, every time I wake up about three am, knowing I have to get up at 6.45, instead of stressing and panicking about how my day is going to be sleep deprived and miserable, I just tell myself 'Time to activate Mythbusters Protocol' and lie there with my eyes closed safe in the knowledge that I am measurably reducing later feelings of exhaustion.

And when this happens, about 70% of the time the reduction of guilt and stress means I actually do fall back asleep, so all in all instead of getting only three or four hours sleep, I get five to six and a half.

Which y'know, major improvement in health and energy.

[j0die101]

(April 12th 2024)

No medical confirmation or psychological evaluation necessary. The law will be active by the 1st of November this year.

First names can also be changed while changing gender. One all inclusive package with minimum effort.

[dudasexy]

[skipppppy]

“You shouldn’t self-ID as ADHD/autistic, you’re turning a very real mental condition into a trend” Ok then stop saying delulu. Stop speculating on which cluster C personality disorder the criminals you hear about on the news have. Stop saying “schizoposting” and “acoustic” and “is it restarted?” Stop using “psycopath” and “sociopath” as catch-all ways of calling someone a bad person. Stop saying “the intrusive thoughts won” when you bleach your hair and then turn your nose up at people who suffer from very real, very scary urges of physical/sexual violence. Stop saying “I’m so OCD” as a way of calling yourself neat. Stop treating BPD/ASPD/Bipolar as inherently abusive. Stop saying “OP I am living in your walls” without tagging for unreality. Stop diagnosing complete strangers you’ve never met on r/AITA with NPD.

You first. If you don’t want our disabilities to be treated like trends then stop belittling and minimising them. I’ll NEVER judge a person for trying find labels for their symptoms when an apathetic, racist, sexist, ableist healthcare system refuses to. But I will absolutely judge a hypocrite. Which a lot of you are

[oncorhynchus-nerka]

VERY IMPORTANT a dam in the Netherlands, the weerdsluis lock, is directly on a migratory path for spawning fish. They have a worker stationed there to open the door for the fish, but they can take a while to open it. So to keep the fish from getting preyed on by birds they installed a doorbell. Only, the fish don't have hands to ring the doorbell. If you go to their website, they have a LIVE CAMERA AND A DOORBELL that YOU RING FOR THE FISH when they're waiting, and then the dam worker opens the door for them! I can't express how obsessed I am with this. look at this shit. oh my god.

Please check on the fish doorbell once in a while :)

[futuristic-koala]

[soul-from-another-era]

Unconditional love isn't a free pass to hurt me.