#self injury recovery

[phantomluck]

hi idk how to tell anyone irl this but I want to be happy and proud of myself somewhere so

this is the longest I've been "clean" ever. since I was 11 yrs old. isn't that kinda cool?

it doesn't get better all the time but it will get easier to deal with.

[cherryaire]

The part of recovery people don't talk about is the horrific pressure that comes along with doing well for so long and the fear of disappointing those who are so proud of you for getting to where you are. It's nearly soul crushing to know that you need help again, but if you tell people, you're going to break their hearts because you traumatized them alongside yourself all those years ago.

And thus you suffer in silence all over again, because "I'm supposed to be better". Just like all those years ago, you find the black pit growing inside of you again as you hide how bad it's become because you can't bear to see the tears on someone's cheeks or hear the disappointment in their voice.

You finally begin to wonder if you'll finally crack this time because you've failed again, and this time you're more alone than you were before.

[mynameisiden]

surrealist self portrait executed in pencil and pen.

do any of you dream?

[aftgficrec]

hi besties! can i be a bit weird and ask for sick fics here? old/new/favorites, any will do! just some big ol’ hurt/ comfort, especially if combined with some emotional hurt/comfort 🥰

There’s nothing weird about this at all!  Apart from the fics below, there’s also our sickfic tag as well as our hurt/comfort tag for more (see our tag page under the heading ‘themes - injuries/illnesses/conditions’). - S

Previous recs:

cool andreil sick fics here

sick fics here

foxes with headaches/sick fics here

10k+ sick fics here

Andreil in hospital here

Neil with major injury here

Neil gets injured (post canon) here

Neil & car accidents here

accident-prone Neil here

Andreil with amnesia here

medical Andreil/Aaron & Neil here

Neil getting roofied here

Also see… 

‘we're one (there's nothing to be done)’ here

‘Just like that day’ here

‘head case (what to do with you)’ here

‘Such Stuff as Dreams are Made’ here

‘Neil Josten Is a Lucky Man’ here

‘Broken’ here

‘If Only I Were Enough’ (completed) here

‘I'll Come Back To You’ here

‘glass in the trees (objects in the rearview)’ here

‘Running Ragged’ here

‘To Love and Be Loved’ here

‘all that looking down’ here

‘next best thing’, keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?)’ and ‘no matter when and where, we’ll be alright’ here

‘Can Nobody Hear Me (I cannot breathe)’, ‘I remeber tears streaming down your face (for me to wipe them away)’, ‘you crawled inside my head’, ‘living leaves so many holes in us’, ‘Ciggarette Smoke Cure’, ‘Breathless’, ‘i've done my time’ and ‘cats and close calls’ here

‘The Highs and Lows of Pre-med Majors' here (Aaron)

‘Hold My Hand?’ here

‘Echo’ here 

I’m More Than This Body of Mine by yall_send_help [Rated M, 88811 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2024]

The doctor took a pause, which Nathaniel was able to use to ask, “what about my leg?” The two pigs had the audacity to look surprised. The doctor looked over at them with a hint of confusion. “You didn’t tell him?” Towns shook his head as Browning said, “you told us not to.” Dr. Byrd nodded her head in approval and turned back to the bed. “Nathaniel…” she trailed off, reevaluating her words. “Would you mind if I sit?” and only after his own nod did she. “The damage done to your leg… it was unlike what most of the staff at this hospital had ever seen. The surgeons tried to save it, but…” She looked down at where his legs were and Nathaniel did too, only to feel himself pale at what he found. “The surgery took about three hours,” Dr. Byrd continued. “The only reason why it took so long was because the surgeons really did try to save your leg. They did. Amputations usually take only half that time. Eventually, Dr. McCoy called it. Because of the damage done to your leg, we couldn’t wake you up to ask. It had to go. I’m sorry.” or - the one where neil goes to baltimore and comes back missing a leg

tw: torture, tw: amputation, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: blood, tw: animal cruelty, tw: implied/referenced drug overdose

fireproof by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, 2097 words, complete, 2024]

Andrew gets his flu shot.

Things Always Gets Worse Before They Gets Better series by Renee_Walker_09 [Rated G, 40141 words, incomplete, 3 complete works, 2024]

Part 1: Beginnings & Endings (G, 1083 words)

It's 1:30 in the morning. The Foxes are celebrating their championship win against the Ravens the only way they know how to: booze, partying, and a little bit more booze. Nothing could possibly ruin this?

tw: car accident, tw: major character injury

Part 2: You Mean Everything To Me (G, 12767 words)

There are two crashed cars. There’s blood on the floor. Lights are flashing all around. Andrew is standing in the middle of the crash site with a blanket draped across his shoulders as he stares straight at Neil, lying on the floor.

tw: car accident, tw: major character injury, tw: (temporary) major character death, tw: suicide attempt, tw: drug overdose, tw: blood, tw: self harm

Part 3: Hours, Days, Weeks (G, 26299 words)

Andrew is lying in a coma following the accident. His condition is critical. And Neil and Aaron have to find a way to cope.  Neil and Aaron’s POVs of the crash and the past 6 weeks

tw: car accident, tw: blood, tw: major character injury, tw: (temporary) major character death, tw: self harm, tw: panic attacks, tw: seizures

NB: find art for the fics by the author here as well as embedded in the fics

Even goalkeepers can’t block sickness by BlowingYourMind [Rated G, 12768 words, complete, 2024]

“Rabbit,” Andrew peered up at him with half lidded eyes, “Yes or no?” “Yes ‘Drew,” Neil clasped his hands at Andrew’s elbows, “it’s always a yes, you know that.” “No ‘s not,” Andrew weakly argued as he took hold of Neil’s chest pad, using it to leverage himself upwards. It was awkward work of walking half-delirious Andrew back to the locker room, shielding him from the crowd while keeping him on his feet, but they managed. Or Andrew becomes very sick at an away game, and Neil and the foxes take care of him.

tw: vomit

the upswing by missgivings [Not Rated, 45569 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2024]

The next universe over, life has gone a bit easier on Andrew. He’s gainfully employed as a nurse of all things, working beside his best friend Renee, and living in relative harmony with his brother, the recently graduated Dr. Aaron Minyard. Everything’s fine. It’s fine that he hasn’t spoken to Kevin in person for three years. It’s fine if Aaron’s leaving him to marry his stupid doctor girlfriend. It’s fine until the boy with the box-dyed hair stumbles into the ER and passes out at his feet, bringing a world of secrets and trouble with him. And Neil? Neil’s looking for any port in a storm.

tw: major character injury, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced self harm

please (don't bite) by Major_816 [Rated M, 5478 words, complete, 2024]

Genioglossus. It’s a fan-shaped muscle and forms the bulk of the inferior part of the tongue. It stretches to the hyoid bone too. ~ Neil wakes up to a bad day and it just gets worse.

tw: blood, tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: nightmares, tw: flashbacks, tw: vomit

Will you love me for who I am, not for who I was? by something_boring [Rated T, 1580 words, complete, 2024]

Neil is sick on New Year's eve, wakes up to the fireworks, and continues to have a panic attack about his time on the run.

tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Your Needs, My Needs by TogeMythia [Rated T, 1073 words, complete, 2023]

‘Neil.’ He whined, his face still buried under the blankets. ‘Hrmph?’ Neil responded with a confused noise from somewhere across the bed. ‘Do you feel as shit as you sound?’ - Or Neil and Andrew wake up sick on Christmas day.

tw: vomit

To be safe by HushedStars [Rated G, 2116 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is feeling unwell. He seeks comfort from Matt. It was late at night. Neil stood in the kitchen, deep in thought but still with one ear alert for any movement of his roommates. He shifted from foot to foot, hands digging into his sore neck

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks

Safe with him by 1mNot4Hum4n [Not Rated, 2434 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is sick but doesn't want to admit it. He can't be sick. He can't be weak. Luckily Andrew is there to make sure his junkie is okay, and remind him that he has people around him who are willing to do anything to protect him.

'tis the season by moonix [Rated T, 5579 words, complete, 2023, locked]

Five holidays Andrew had to let Kevin take care of him and one time he got to return the favour.

i called your name ‘til the fever broke by cyanica [Rated T, 5632 words, incomplete, last updated Nov 2023]

Neil’s breath is hot and awful against Andrew’s thigh. “I can’t be sick on your birthday,” he says, like it’s that simple. “I can’t be sick on you on your birthday.” “How considerate,” Andrew’s voice is a bland murmur, and he is left watching Neil’s bloodless, wet lips, as he curls into Andrew’s lap. Neil gently pulls away after a moment, leaning back into Andrew’s hand on his neck. “Is me being sick still making you anxious?” he asks. Fever-stricken with dizzied-eyes and delirious thoughts, he knows Andrew without more than a moment beside him, a look into his eyes that makes Andrew feel undone, found. Or Neil is sick and Andrew isn’t coping well.

tw: vomit, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation, tw: anxiety

You Know I'm Good On My Own by sambutwithbooks [Rated G, 4568 words, complete, Aftg Then And Now 2023]

Andrew breaks his arm two games into the season and it feels a little bit like Neil’s world snaps with it. (A snapshot of Neil and Andrew between Andrew coming home from the hospital and going back home to Palmetto State.)

tw: major character injury

that's my line by sillyunicorn6154 [Rated G, 1291 words, complete, 2023]

Andrew is definitely not sick. But he is a little stubborn.

You're not fine, but you will be by karmenvi [Not Rated, 616 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is sick, so Andrew takes care of him. So it was supposed to be a sickfic, but it turned into 'Andrew stares at Neil and thinks his boyfriend is the prettiest boy in the world.' Anyway, enjoy some fluff.

I'll be okay if he's here by obsessivereader156 [Not Rated, 1673 words, complete, 2023]

“Thank you, Drew,” Neil says for the twentieth time, feeling so lucky to have someone take care of him. “Say it again and I will kill you.” “You’re just so nice to me,” Neil says a bit deliriously, “I’ve never had someone take care of me when I’m sick.”

If it means losing you, then no by LostMess_24 [Rated T, 6712 words, complete, 2023]

There was something against his hand, a pressure he knew too well, a hand that fit so perfectly against his, making Andrew’s presence known, making Neil’s entire body relax, slowing his breathing a bit. But before Neil could see the man at his side, it hit him. He was starting to feel it, all around him. Those white walls, the mattress he was in, the soft yet old sheets, the pressure on his arm. And finally, unmistakably, the regular and aggressive beeps, signs of a life that was his own. He was in a hospital bed. There’s an accident. Those idiots would do anything and everything to protect each other.

tw: major character injury, tw: car accidents

cause and effect by mistyrie [Rated M, 13107 words, complete, 2023]

"Andrew realized what he was seeing but he couldn’t comprehend it. He didn’t know how to help. There was no enemy to deal with – there was just Neil seizing on the floor and Andrew didn’t know what to do." Neil starts having seizures and Andrew tries to help.

tw: seizures (epilepsy)

how the foxes act when they're sick by @detectivebambam [tumblr, 2024]

headcanons on the foxes and illness

headcanons on Neil getting sick by @24-0z [tumblr, 2022]

Neil doesn't get sick very often, so when he finally catches the bug that had been going around campus, he's suddenly 8 years old again, sweating and trembling with fever

SICK!Neil for my soul. by @satan-in-a-v-neck [tumblr, 2021]

Neil is acting strange. Ask every fox and they'll tell you that for the past three days Neil Josten wasn't acting very Neil Josteny.

tw: vomit

illness/injuries as background event:

The Songs Around Us by doodlingstuff [Rated M, 80075 words, complete, 2022]

The mission was simple: Nathaniel would join Astral Foxes as Neil Josten and make them part of Moriyama Music. In reality, Neil became real, found a home, and fell in love despite his lies. When the Moriyamas send the Butcher to remind Neil of his mission and Andrew's life ends on the line, Neil will have to find a way to escape his fate and bring Andrew back. As he gets closer to losing the man he loves the most, Neil will realize that sometimes, music is the only answer, and others, truth is the only weapon he can use. Another Band!AU. This time extra angsty.

tw: torture, tw: car accident, tw: major character injury, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: violence

NB: find art for this fic by @doodlingstuff here

[paingoes]

Rubies

Light Show

Prompt: Delirium

delta is back…… kinda??? wait, is he normally like this????

click here for an explanation on the language !

(Content: language barrier, sickfic, living weapon whumpee, recovery, magical fever, too much magic, self injury, blood, painful powers, delirium, minor emeto)

=================

“His temperature’s coming back up,” Apollo held the thermometer gingerly, as though he was afraid it might break.

“That’s good, right?” Iza asked from the doorway.

It wasn’t.

By the time Delta’s eyes opened, he was practically burning. He sat up before Apollo could stop him. The air in the room sparked. Apollo felt his hair stand on end.

“Good morning,” Apollo took a little step back. He’d been leaning over Delta’s unconscious body for most of the morning, doing what he could to bring the temperature to a healthy range. 

Delta titled his head to the side. A small stream of blood left the cut on his neck. His eyes were cloudy, but there was an intensity hidden beneath it. His gaze was just a bit to the left of Apollo.

“Derecta fila in ambulationem. Virgines occidere solebant illuc. Sed non notum.” His voice was low and steady. It sounded like it was coming through water.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Apollo blushed, “I don’t speak Latin.”

Delta collapsed back against the pillow. Apollo got the strangest feeling of vertigo. Little sparks came off of Delta’s hands, singing the blanket.

Apollo moved to the bedside table. He shook the pills out from their container and retrieved the now lukewarm bottle of SP.

“Can you take these, please? It’ll bring the fever down.”

Delta’s eyes didn’t follow his movements. He gave no indication he had even heard.

==========

“Quia primos in lucem in gressus aquai nautae miseris prolem mox escendere profundam sciebant et nigros nova lux sub sole rubebat. Scit rex piscator somnia sua terra et sal. Visiones statim in mentem venit. recordatus est submersi.” Delta had a small smile on his face. Dark strands of his hair kept floating upwards, drifting around his face as if he was submerged in water. His head lolled. The pores around his cheeks pulsed blood straight through the skin. Apollo dabbed it up patiently with a clean towel. Delta flinched away from the touch, but he went straight back to speaking in his hushed, reverent tone as soon as the cloth was removed.

“That’s Emi-Tome 4,12. The apocalypse verses.” Lun hummed quietly. Even quieter, to no one but themself, they added, “He’s misquoting...”

Apollo frowned, examining the blood on the towel. The cloth had become wet and warm. The fever had not gone down any, even after they’d gotten him to take the pills. If anything, his skin burned hotter. He was losing a lot of fluid and not doing anything to get it back. Apollo put the bottle up to his mouth.

“Little sips. Come on. Please.” 

Delta pushed it away. Apollo looked to his brother desperately. 

“Es in dolore?” Lun whispered, “Potestis bibere aliquid?”

One of the lightbulbs in the ceiling fan exploded. 

===========

Kitty wrestled his hands back, prying his fingers away from the wound. Delta let out a soft laugh. Apollo had put the blanket away, turning the fan on full-blast. The fever was out of control. Delta writhed on top of the sheets. His hands keep returning to his throat and his forearms, clawing at the skin, reopening the cuts. Little arcs of lightning shot up along his body. He’d press his fingers to his chest, sending pulses manually. It looked painful. Kitty didn’t have the heart to tie him down. She sat on the bed next to him, pulling his wrists back whenever it seemed like he’d try again. It was a losing battle. 

Rene popped his head in through the door, “He’s burning up my radio. I think the satellite stopped working.”

The whole house had become electric. Everything metal burned. Each doorknob shocked when it was touched. There was a glow in the air. It was almost invisible if you weren’t looking for it — most of their eyes had already accepted it — but Kitty’s sight was sharp. All the color of the room was over-saturated. To her, everything looked like it might fade to white any second.

“I know,” said a stressed out Apollo, “I’m trying to insulate the room. I only have two han-“ 

Some of the books flew off the shelf, toppling loudly to the ground. Apollo’s necklace began to float upwards. He snatched it back down.

“Vermis decem aves in filum cantare. Pythonissam funus scribit ei neniam,” Delta giggled uncontrollably. He entwined Kitty’s fingers in his own.

“Oh, you think that’s funny?” Apollo said. His voice was playful. Delta sat up.

“Ergo dicemus domum?” He said. Apollo knew from his intonation that it was a question, but he didn’t have Lun around to translate. Besides, Lun swore his speech didn’t make any more sense if you understood the language. Apollo pressed the cold compress to Delta’s forehead. He leaned into the touch, letting his eyes close serenely. His smile never left him.

==============

Cass and Willow sat out on the porch. The air out there was nice, especially in comparison to the prickly, burning sensation that was filling up the safehouse. Cass’s metal filling felt achey, as if they had bit down on foil. Iza opened the door, stepping out to join them. Sweat had formed on her brow.

“You two holding up okay?” Iza asked as she leaned her arms on the railing. Willow shook her head no.

“Are you?” Cass asked. When Iza did not answer, they went on, “Can I talk to you real fast?”

Willow and Iza sat down on the step beside them. Cass pulled their keychain from their pocket, fidgeting with it absently as they spoke.

“Did you know that with certain deep sea creatures, the pressure from the water is actually something they need to keep their body together? If they move into an environment with low pressure, their body starts to lose its integrity and fall apart.” Cass’s hand moved to their own neck without meaning to. They could practically feel the chafe, “I think he might have needed that collar.”

==============

“Well, obviously, I don’t love the idea,” Apollo glanced rapidly between Delta and the open door. Iza hung casually just outside the room, avoiding the worst of the static shock that way. 

Apollo was having more luck getting Delta to drink, but not as much luck keeping it down. His own movements were a little more frenzied. 

“Nothing else you’re doing is working,” Iza said, “We need to get him back to base. He can’t go if he’s like this.”

“We don’t know what the cause is. I’ve never seen anything like this before.” Apollo placed the back of his hand to Delta’s forehead, then immediately yanked it back. It hurt to touch.

“Then if it doesn’t work, we can rule out the possibility. I can send Willow to the milsurp store. We’ll take it off if you really don’t like it,” Iza added the last line as an afterthought. It wasn’t clear if it was addressed to Apollo or to Delta. 

“It just seems mean,” Apollo sighed. Delta made a small, choked noise. With a trained anticipation, Apollo pulled the waste bucket up off the floor and placed it in front of him. Delta retched.

“Oh, that’s just blood,” Apollo said with muted horror, “Ok. Go. Go.”

=============

Willow jogged back into the safehouse, carrying the bag around her shoulders. They’d sent her because she looked the most normal; her purchase was the least likely to rouse suspicion.

“You can see the house glowing from outside,” she told them all out of breath.

Iza popped the collar out from its clamshell packaging. It was the highest caliber they offered for consumer purchase. She suspected it still wouldn’t cut him down by much. Delta looked on obliviously, not seeming to see much of anything. 

“Sorry, babe,” Iza gathered his long black hair out of the way. It had been trapping the heat against his neck. He didn’t resist much. With a little click, the collar snapped into place.

Delta passed out immediately. Iza caught him and laid him gently back on his side. The room already felt cooler.

============

(Masterlist)

Tags: @catnykit@indigoviolet311@snakebites-and-ink@vivulapom@scoundrelwithboba@whatwhump@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire @micechomper

[milkiie]

how i look doing my makeup to go to physical rehab after being hit by a car

[theelementaryparticles]

134km ride in the valley for ice cream. 🍦 The heat today was intense.

[skunkes]

Whats the major injury Talon went through? Would you consider one day making like a timeline sorta thing of Talons long life to the present day?

Talon is a baby in oc years, he's only like, 3, so his Lore has changed so much already, and therefore I don't wanna prematurely make a timeline knowing it may change like. Next week.

Especially since some stuff is being mixed around in my brain This Week Alone!!!

Anyway, Talon got the common vampire punishment of being Buried Alive but with the addition of sustaining a brain injury right before. This was done by the same group who Found Out and Scientific Method Proved that his body is very slow to heal wounds, if at all, so it was another dollop of cruelty hoping he'd just never recover and be in barely conscious maimed stasis until, well, idk, maybe we'll dig him up eventually if we remember where we left him. Might be interesting to see if the effects of the vampire failsafe puts an extra strain on the resources of a damaged body with a damaged undead brain, etc

his body did its best to patch that up considering such an event would be pretty difficult to recover from for even an ordinary vampire, but of course there are lingering symptoms, on top of those of all the other injuries he's ever sustained, sustained, sustained

[bl00dytonics]

nothing annoys me more than when people tell me to cover up my scars. I've worked so hard to be able to accept myself and saying that can make it feel like all that effort was for nothing. like, i'm six months clean, i'm sorry that my scars are still a little to red for u to handle. cry me a river.

[acornered]

Having autism is all fun and memes until I'm catching myself getting disproportionately upset about a small thing, totally aware that I'm overreacting, but unable to stop myself all the same. And an hour later I'm sitting on my bathroom floor unable to stop crying, wondering why I was cursed with the Make Communication Bad On Purpose disease

[neurodiverse-adulthood]

❤️‍🩹 10 things to cut instead

(instead of yourself or anyone else)

1) Eraser

x x x

2) Soap bar

x x x

3) Meat

x x x

4) Cheese or butter

x x x

5) Fruit or vegetable

x x x

6) Wax

x x x

7) Silicone

x x x

8) Gummies or jelly/jello

x x x

9) Clay or dough

x x x

10) Putty or slime

x x x

Honorable mentions:

Gum

Liquid-filled candy

Foam

Squishies

Lipstick

Sponges

Marshmallows

Soft resin

Leather

Sand

Soil or mud

Pencil or wood

Plastic

a rich person's tires

all ties with your overly critical mom

[vi-stands-for-vicious]

Leave Out All The Rest - Chpt. 4

An audible gasp filled the waiting room as Caitlyn darted from her position in the chair without warning or hesitation to pull Jinx into a tight embrace. As she cried into Jinx's shoulder, Caitlyn realized she may have pushed things too far or made the woman uncomfortable as Jinx remained unmoved. But just when Caitlyn started to pull herself back to apologize, she felt two small arms wrap around her in return while tears dampened her shoulder. Although the embrace started out as a need for comfort, Caitlyn internally smiled at the thought of this being a step toward forgiveness.

[alidravana]

Fandom: Blue Bloods, FBI

Pairing:  Joe Hill/OA Zidan

Length/Rating: ~3K, Teen

Tags: Developing Relationship, Family Bonding, Blue Bloods S12E06, Major Character Injury, Hospitalization, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Flirting, Non-Sexual Intimacy

Summary:

While recovering from his injuries, Detective Joe Hill learns some important things about the Reagan family, and even more important things about himself.

Written for @flufftober's Spring Edition 2024 for the following prompts: new beginnings, banter, "let me take care of you", and breakfast in bed.

Welcome to my newest crossover rare pair! Been watching both Blue Bloods and FBI lately, love both of these characters, and voila. Would love to know what you think, as I do already have another fic idea or two for this ship!

Read here on A03!

[do-awake-me-pls]

They didn't warn us. But when you get injured at 30, it's 10x worse than as a kid or a teenager. You can't skip school work. You can't skip self care (eg. making your bed so you're cozy n warm, washing your clothes to feel clean and lightweight, prepping healthy meals so you can recover faster and fully).

Our moms or loved ones did it for us when we were kids, and oh gosh, I still can't understand neither believe how they got it.

So, shout out for all those care givers we have had. Shout out for all those injured, ill, or disabled ones who make it day by day. You're so brave. You are unbelievable. You are amazing.

[dissociacrip]

idk who needs to hear this and i don't want it to sound paternalistic, this is just something i put together about myself recently but if you were physically abused and/or physically "disciplined" as a child (which is physical abuse even if you don't view the person who did it as an abuser because you don't have to) and you engage in self-injury consider your motivations for doing so and whether that might be tied to a deeply ingrained belief that you can't hold yourself accountable for your faults or your mistakes (or what you perceive as such) without being physically punished for it.

[hopeintryingtimes]

I MISSED SELF INJURY AWARENESS DAY. It was march 1st. Be aware.