#self indulgent.... no.... never... couldnt be me

[erwinsvow]

“what’s this?” you ask, eyes wide and that pretty smile he likes so much taking over your features. “am i forgetting something?”

like always, you’re hesitant to accept it. no matter what he gets you—fancy dinners at the club, pretty shoes that you keep eyeing at the store, ice cream after one of your frequent dates—you get shy about having him spend money on you. you’re real cute about it, he thinks, when you twirl around wearing the dress from today’s trip before dinner, showing him your new outfit. 

you pick up your flowery heels and carry them in your hand when the two of you are walking along the beach. “i can’t get them dirty, rafe!” is what you tell him when he looks at you like you’re crazy, making your face heat up. he carries them for you the rest of the way. 

you cling to his arm, staring at the new bracelet and enjoying the way it shines in the sun, moves down your wrist when you hang onto rafe. he catches you staring at it all throughout the day, whenever you think he’s not looking. jokes on you—he’s always looking at you. 

“open it,” he says back, wanting to see your reaction. rafe’s gaze is always intense, but it feels even more so right now, your heart thudding fast in your chest. 

“wait, rafe, what did i forget?” “nothing, kid, just open it.”

“i didn’t take you for the type to celebrate monthiversaries.” you rustle through your purse, suddenly feeling nervous, pulling something out and offering it to him on your palm. “all i have for you is.. a pack of gum and some lip gloss. but i think this shade would look great on you, do you want it-”

he rolls his eyes, shoving your hand down so the items in your hand fall. 

“stop being a brat and just open it, before i take it back.” 

big eyes watching him, you unwrap the yellow ribbon, taking a second to admire it before you notice rafe’s stare, causing you to put it aside and lift the little white box. inside is a pretty, sparkly chain with a cursive R pendant hanging from it. 

you look up at rafe and then down at the necklace, confusion twisting over your face. your breath catches in your throat, eyes getting watery immediately.

“you like it?” he asks, voice low and serious. when he brings his hand to your chin to lift your face up so he can take a look at you, tears overflow and spill down your cheeks. he balks, panicking. “what, kid? did i get the wrong color or somethin’?”

“rafe-” you say, voice quiet and whimpery, choked up with your crying. you pull him into a hug, crawling into his lap, softly sobbing into his neck. he’s scared shitless for a second, wondering what the hell he did wrong because he thought you would love it—since you’re always blabbing on and on about how you like it when he marks you up and everyone knows who you belong to. he rubs your back and strokes your hair, wondering if he can take it back to get you one you’ll like, when you pull away to give him a hot, wet kiss. it goes on for minutes, your hands in his hair and his hands on your hips.

“wait, so you, you like it?”

“i love it, rafe.” you lean back in to finish the kiss. when you pull away, you’re not smiling like you usually are. “but this is too much. you’re spending so much on me-”

“because i want to,” he interjects, eager to not let you finish your sentence.

“it’s not okay,” you whine, trying to pull away but rafe holds you firmly in place, still in his lap. “what’re people gonna think if they see-”

“who cares what they think? ‘cause i don’t. if i wanna get something shiny for my girl, i’m gonna. no one’s gonna stop me, not even you.” he watches you take in his words, eyes wide and little head spinning. “now be a good girl, let me put it on.”

you comply automatically, like always, turning around and holding your hair up so he can put the necklace on easily. your body shivers at his touch, almost starts shaking when he clips the necklace into place and presses a kiss to the back of your neck, if he wasn’t holding you tight.

“now, what'd you say?”

“thank you, daddy.”

[stitchwraith-stingers]

unsurpisingly even more textposts for me, 2 people and a cricket to enjoy

[epiphainie]

i haven't mentioned this before but one tommy kinard family lore idea i'm really attached to is his mother passing away during childbirth, while giving birth to him. just something something about him and buck both growing up haunted by this feeling of a life lost in exchange for theirs where tommy is aware of it his entire life, where his father slaps him in the face with the fact every chance he gets, in contrast to buck's ignorance and the sense of hollowness he feels in the pit of his stomach. something something about the buckley parents' grief translating to neglect and blindness when it comes to buck vs the kinard patriarch's grief becoming words that cut a bit too close to tommy's skin and pressure and unrealistic expectations that make him feel like he's gonna choke. something something about buck feeling unsettled all his life, lost about who is because of daniel's passing and maddie's abandonment and his parents' neglect of it all vs tommy knowing exactly who - what - he is but not being able to look it in the eye because it would be the one thing to make him even more worthless in his father's eyes than his existence costing them his mother's life.

[moeblob]

Conversations with Paul never go Right's way.

[veilkeeper]

why do i only ever wanna write fanfiction for small dead fandoms/pairings

not me looking at the <100 fics for my fave rarepair for an old as fuck video game and thinking "maybe its time to start that longfic"

not me looking at the <100 fics for all of boyfriend dungeon and thinking "idk man i have 37k worth of interconnected drabbles what if i-"

as it is everything ive posted on ao3 is like…. no one on earth is looking at this. i always write fic for fandoms like, at least 5 years after it had aaaaaany eyes on it. why do i do this.

[kerorowhump]

[forsaken-gay]

i still think about zander and leelah a lot & i find that really strange. not from the perspective that it's strange i remember them, but when they died they would never have known it would gain the reach it has and that people they never knew would think about them, even 7 years later.

i was still in the closet at the time as a trans man and both incidents really impacted me. i don't know why i'm reflecting on it now, but im remembering people i didn't know, 7 years after their deaths, and thinking how fucking unfair it is that they didn't get to see things through.

[bbyobbyo]

Remembering all your boyfriend's drunk habits? That's the easy part. But taking care of him? Well, he makes that part easy too.

content: fluff, established relationship, drunk!(and then hungover!)chan, mentions of food, so much domesticity, they're literally so in love with each other it's disgusting

wc: 1.2k

note: still trying to figure out my writing style and doing some experimenting with povs and such 😭 this one was a horribly self indulgent one tho...food is my love language and when it was revealed that dino only eats ramen when hes hungover i couldnt help myself lol. i really just take any tidbit of info these men divulge and run with it into delululand huh. anyways please enjoy and as always comments and feedback are appreciated 🥺

You knew Chan liked to drink. It wasn't an actual problem, but it happened often enough that you had come to expect him to come back to your shared apartment after a night out stumbling and slurring his words.

Not that your boyfriend was the dark brooding serious type, but you find the change from his usually composed and witty self to someone who could erupt into a mess of giggles and burst into song and obnoxious yelling at any moment quite jarring. But you couldn't say you hated it either.

No, drunk Chan was different. Drunk Chan was straightforward, every single emotion flashing onto his face like a billboard. The Chan that normally would throw a quip back when teased would suddenly turn into a whiny child with a yapping problem.

Your sober Chan was careful, he was always fearful of letting you know if there was anything bothering him (much to your dismay). Even when he hits a breaking point, you would never catch it on his mannerisms. Instead he opted to deal with his emotions himself, or occasionally in the form of a passive aggressive text laced with smiley faces to whoever scorned him.

Where sober Chan could be quite shy with his affections toward you in public, drunk Chan would cling to your body like a koala to a tree, protesting anytime you wanted to brush him off for some air.

But you loved him, drunk or sober. You loved that he could let loose sometimes and truly let his inner self be free, knowing that he was in good company and that he would be accepted no matter what, inside and out. And you took it upon yourself to take care of him in all his states.

And that's how you ended up at 1am with a grown man leaning on your shoulder as you help him take his shoes off in the doorway of his own damn apartment.

"Buuuut baaabe...!" He whined into your ear as he manages to fling off the remaining shoe from his foot. "I wanna eat chicken nuggiessss."

Your smile spread uncontrollably across your face and you maneuver around him to take off his jacket next. "I would make you chicken nuggies, but it's 1am and you hate eating late at night."

There's silence for a moment as your intoxicated boyfriend seems to ponder your words. You take advantage of his stillness to slip the jacket off his sleeves and guide him to the bedroom.

You gently shush him with your finger, "If I'm always right, then you'll listen to me when I tell you to go get washed up right, big guy?" You take the opportunity to give him a small peck on his pouty lips as you throw a fresh pair of boxers onto his lap. He only smiles in response and begins his lazy waddle to the bathroom only to emerge minutes later, crawling into the sheets and enveloping your body with his own and knocking out.

"Oh no, you're right," he finally responds as he plops onto your bed, his lips pressed into a pout you can only describe as cute. "What would I do without you babe? You're always right, you know me better than I do sometimes and I really love that about you and ya'kno..."

-

To no one's surprise, you wake up before Chan. The intensity of the light that filters through your bedroom window tells you it's already quite late in the morning. But that's alright, you cleared your schedule for one thing and for one thing only.

You take a moment to soak in his soft features, bathing in the sunlight that leaks through the curtains. Everything from the curve of his eyelashes to his sharp jawline is perfect, just as the day you saw him. You don't get to see him like this often, as he's always been a busybody for as long as you knew him, but you think that this might be one of your favorite views in the world.

You scoot out of the bed as quietly as possible, trying not to disturb the soft rise and falls of your boyfriend's bare chest as he slumbers, but not before pressing a light kiss to his forehead. His nose scrunches up momentarily before settling again as you laugh, leaving for the kitchen satisfied that the love of your life was getting the rest he deserved. Your morning routine goes smoothly and soon enough you hear the sound of sheets shuffling, signaling the real start to your day.

You're by his side in a record amount of time, sitting on the edge of your shared bed while sliding a glass of water and a painkiller onto his nightstand. Amongst a tangle of sheets, your boyfriend lays still, eyes not quite open yet. "Good morning, handsome" you whisper softly, seeing how a smile immediately spreads across his face.

"My head is actually killing me. Sorry if I'm a zombie today, I just wanna eat some r-"

"Ramen?" you finish for him. There's nothing but love and adoration behind your eyes as you softly comb through his messy bedhead with your fingers. "I know baby, I already have some water boiling on the stove. Drink the water and take the painkillers, it'll be ready by the time you come out."

"God, have I told you I love you? Because I don't do it nearly enough." He groans out in his raspy morning voice. You just laugh and press a swift kiss to his forehead, doing good on your promise as you walk back out to the kitchen.

Before long, you hear the heavy footsteps of a sleepy man make its way into the room. They stop right as they approach you and you feel strong arms wrap around your waist as you add the finishing garnishes to the bowl of noodles you just made. "Smells so nice" Chan murmurs, face buried in the crook of your neck.

"What, me or the ramen?" you tease back, gently shaking him off of you as you place the bowl on the table. "Or... these?" You pull the handle of the air fryer sitting next to the stove to reveal several golden brown dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets.

The scene before you is as mundane as can be: a Saturday morning spent with your extremely hungover boyfriend barely awake in nothing but his boxers slurping instant noodles on the kitchen counter.

Chan's eyes light up. "Oh my god, you remembered?!" A toothy smile permanently stuck on his face as you plated the nuggets to join his bowl of ramen. "Of course, how could I forget my boyfriend whining for nuggieesssss last night?" He fakes an offended scoff but relents as he finally digs in.

But to you it's anything but mundane, cherishing these little moments that seem few and far between as both of your schedules get busier and busier.

It's not the first time you've heard him say this exact sentence, and it probably won't be the last. But one thing you knew for certain as you stare into the most loving eyes you've ever seen is that you were always the lucky one.

"How did I get this lucky to have you in my life?" he suddenly remarks in between mouthfuls.

[dollyluvss]

[[ “ where are you..? “ ]]

♱ a lovely friendship. started out playing at the park as children, your best friend leaves you while he pursues his soccer career. but when he returns..? { mean!kunigami rensuke x afab!reader! }

warnings. . .

angst angst and more angst, hate fucking, mouthy/bratty reader (sorta self indulgent-) choking, mentions of self harm - substance abuse/pure pressure - and bullying - reader over thinks.

biting, pussy slapping, just filth.. throat fucking, dom/sub dynamics, slut shaming, LOADSSSS OF DIRTY TALK, creampie(s), throat fingering(? idk why to call it..), hair pulling, headlocks,impact play/spanking/slapping, kunigami and reader have potty mouths :p, superrrrr mean!kunigami :<, slight dub-con at the begining of the smut scene, size kink if you can see, arguing, manhandling..brr.. you have been warned!

—————————————————————————————————————

it had been almost a year since you last saw your best friend. he was always with you before he left, you, his family, and soccer is all he cares about really. you two were close, very close. always joking around, teasing each other and backing each other up when it comes to anyone who disagrees. you always were sassy as a kid, that sass turned into a full blown attitude as you reached your teen years, cussing out anyone who pissed you off or even looked at you sideways. kunigami, being fairly level headed, was always there to, quite literally, hold you back from pouncing on the next sorry person to face your anger.

you and kunigami bickered from time to time, becoming full on arguments as you grew older. they never lasted long really, you barking at him into backing down. he never liked to argue with you, neither did you, but sometimes you two pushed one another’s buttons a bit to much.

————————————————————————

“oh shut up, ren!” i groan, growing more irritated as seconds passed. a stupid, very petty, argument over how loud his music was, it woke you up. and not in a good mood at that.

“im allowed to play music, ___.its my house, i can do what i like!” he argued back, voice raised but not as much as yours.

“shut it the fuck off! use headphones you dickhead!” i growled, lip turned up in a nasty scowl. rensuke sighs, rubbing a hand down his face. stress marks on his forehead. “alright fine, m’sorry kid..” he mummbles, ruffling you head and bringing you to his chest in a soft hug, a genuine apology.

“whatever..” i grumble into his chest, hugging his waist. “just had a long week, wanted to have a good nap ya’know?” i mumble in his chest. he laughs, patting my head.

————————————————————————

god you miss him, miss the bickering, cuddles during movie nights, sneaking out of his parents house to the beach to have fun in the water.

sigh..come back soon ren.. i think to myself, chin resting in my hands as i stare tiredly at my laptop.

buzz buzz!

i glance at my phone, i gasp, jumping back in my chair as i grab my phone, bag and put on my shoes. rushing out the door to my car as i make my way out to kunigami’s house.

ren’s momma:3 : rensuke came home a few days ago! he’s home watching the house while im on vacation, go stop by and say hi sweetie!

i smile at he text, she was such a lovely woman. always helping you when your own mother couldnt.

i speed over to his house, pulling into the driveway as i race out of my car and run up to the door. i unlock it with my spare key, removing my shoes as i head downstairs to the basement. i walk down the stairs, a familiar living room, small work out coroner to the left, a kitchen, bathroom and washroom, his room in the far back of the basement. i take quiet careful steps towards his room, i push past the curtain to his room, his sent filling my nose as i lock my eyes on him.

“..hi- ren..” i say, i cant believe hes back, its been so, so long. i walk over to his side as he looks up at me.

budump. badump.

my heart beat rings in my ears as he looks up at me. his eyes are, cold. his stare is harsh, shooting daggers at you even.

what the fuck happened? did he join the military and quit soccer? i think to myself.

“so much for a warnin’..” he grumbles, voice almost hoars. a far cry from his calm, sweet voice that almost dripped with honey when he spoke soft enough.

“i-i..” i stutter, shocked at his change in demeanor and appearance. my mouth agape, mind flooded with questions.

“you just gonna stand there..” he says, more of a annoyed response than a question. he stands up, towering over you. fuck..was he always this big? i shake away the thought, looking up at him as i place my bag down next to him doorframe. i whisper “how are you..?” im feeling, uneasy..his whole vibe is just— off.

“fine.” he grumbles, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. he looks almost unsure, like your a complete stranger.

“u-um..can i have a hug?” i stutter, the tension in the air is almost suffocating me. he glances down at me and my heart drops.

disgust, like a dirty dog jumping all over him.

“ive got better things to do, no.” he says stern and cold lacing his voice, hes looking at me like a pest.

“oh- uh. okay? damn..” i grumble back, a pout forming on my lips at his harsh rejection. “what crawled up your ass?” i reply, pout turning into a almost scowl now as i eye him up and down when he walks past me. stopping after those words leave my lips.

“buzz off, ____. im busy, cant bother with your bitchy attitude today..” he almost growls, like you mean nothing to him.

“excuse me?” it comes out before i realize it, mh words laced with venom. my scowl now a nasty snarl as i turn to face him.

he turns his head to look at me, glaring at me like i just said something extremely disrespectful.

“whats your fuckin’ problem?” i growl, stepping closer to him, getting in his space much to his disliking.

“watch yer mouth.” he says sternly, turning to face me, he looks down at me with hate in his eyes. i cant stop the shiver it sent up my spine. i swallow the lump forming in my throat and glare back.

“or what? whats your fuckin’ issue? i dont see or hear from you in a year and you come back all tight and shit? fuck happened to “hi ___! i missed you how are you?” huh?” i throw my hands up, voice getting louder as the seconds past. my emotions taking full control at the sight of whats now left of my best friend.

“so damn mouthy..cant say anythin’ to you without you gettin’ bitchy can you?” he barks back, voice still low and deep but the bass almost shakes me off my feet.

“oh! look who finally grew some fuckin’ balls! guess they kicked your ass around in there huh?” i say, a sly, almost devilish, grin appearing on my face. basically poking a angry bear with a stick.

he growls, “watch yourself..im not fuckin’ around ____..” vemon starts lacing his words just as much, if not more, than you.

“i just want to see my best friend, is that so bad? you couldnt have even TRIED to call me? you call your mother and sisters but not me? i though i was special to you?” i scoff, i understand he worked hard at blue lock. i mean, its quite literally all over his face— but he couldnt even relay a message back to me? not once for the 11 months he was there? my eyes feel sore as they gloss over. fuck..no relax, keep it together ____ . i think to myself.

“well? what happened to all those promises? that youd call me if it ended up being something long term, if you could get your hands on a phone?” i day, voice cracking slowly as my resolve to ‘keep it together’ .

“i dont have time to listen to your bitchin’..so fuckin noisy..didnt wanna hear you bitch ‘n moan over the phone or in person.” he spat back. that does it. the frog jumping from my throat as i double over myself in a sob. unable to stop once i start, i rub my eyes as i start breathing harder, hiccuping every so often.

had he always felt like this? did all i really do is ‘bitch ‘n moan’ to him? what about my other friends? my family, teachers? his mom, or sisters? you always did have quite the talent for annoying people ever since you were small. being left out or subtly teased in ‘friend’ groups, being dared to leave at sleep overs and partys. you tried cigs, weed and alcohol to try and seem cool to your peers. trying to push the thoughts of self harming in any way you could think of as you down two more shots, head feeling like cotton as your ‘friends’ all pack into their car and drive off. leaving you absolutely stranded and alone a hour from home.

you dont know when you feel to the ground but your on your knees, right hand on the carpet of his floor while your left grips your shirt on your chest as you breath faster and faster. mind racing fast at how to calm down, trying to focus on anything but the loud negative thoughts clouding your head. ears ringing loud starts dying back, your eyes are focused back in, breathing jagged but stable as you start counting up. soon you let out a shakey breath before looking up at kunigami. your eyes widen in shock when you see him looking down at you with such hatred.

“your so pathetic. get the fuck up.” he barks, not a single ounce of remorse for his so called ‘best friend.’

i get up, knees shakey as i stumble. i look up at him and glare. “your bein’ a fuckin’ cunt right now kunigami.” his family name spilling from my lips like hot lava.

his face scrunches slightly at the sound of his family name coming from you mouth, something you never called him. “watch yer mouth, brat.” he growls.

“bite me, ren!” i snap back, my minds blank of how we ended up back to arguing but i continue to curse at him, ‘bitch’ and ‘pussy’ leave my mouth multiple times as i grill into him, walking closer to him, my hands shoving him backwards towards the wall….is what you swore just happened. your back and head are pounding as you feel the wall behind you and big strong hands holding yours next to your head in a painful grip, sharp, mean eyes staring at you like prey..

“shut up.” he spits, literally. he spit in your face. you flitch back at this, yelling as i trash in his grip. “let me go..! ren let me go!” i bark , trying to wiggle out of his grip.

“shut..up!” he yells back, pulling me forward before slamming me back against the wall. i yelp and stare at him wide eyed. a pathetic whimper leaving my throat as he moves closer to my face.

“watch that smart mouth of yours..or i teach you how to shut the fuck up..” he growls against my ear, body now flush against my chest. i can feel his heart beat..

“g-get the— fuck off me..!” i groan, once again squirming as his grip on my wrist tighten. he presses his body harder against mine, preventing me from moving as i squeak in surprise.

“do it again, watch what i fuckin’ do to you..” he whispers, for some reason its scarier than when his voice is raised. ‘he wont do shit..’ i think.

wrong. ooh sooo wrong you were.

his hands maneuver my hands above my hands, his left hand holding them firm against the wall. his right hand you ask? shoving his two longest fingers down your throat, harshly.

i gag hard on his thick fingers, trashing around as much as i could as he starts fucking my throat with his fingers, not pulling the out more than two inches before plunging the back down my throat. i gag and choke on his fingers as i try to pull my head away. i feel my eyes start to flutter into rhe back of my head at the lack of oxygen.

“fuckin’ slut..always bitchin’ ‘bout somethin’ dumb…fuckin’— take it..” he groan in my ear, it sends a shiver down my spine as my heads pushed back more as he pushes his digests deeper.. my body starts slowly sliding down the wall, he lets go of my wrist as he pulls me fully to my knees. my hands fly to his wrist and grip it weakly, trying to pull his hand out of my throat. tears begin to fall from my eyes as he tug my head back by my hair. a loud moan coming my sore throat.

“ gag, r- gag, en— gag” i sputter out, his fingers moving faster. my eyes fully rolling back now as i feel myself going limp.

“shut it, fuckin’ whore..you wanna talk back? this is what happens when you dont fuckin’ listen..” he growled into my ear. soon he removes his fingers, i lean against his thick thigh as i gasp and cough for air. his hand lands on my head, he grips my hair and pulls my neck back to look up at him. my eyes wide at the sight of his cock, gulp, hes huge..to big— way to fuckin’ big..

“open yer mouth..” he demands, i gasp as hip tip hits my lips. he takes this as a invitation to slam himself down my throat. i gag, hard, on his cock. his hand in my hair using it as a handle to pull my head up and down his length. using my mouth to his desires.

“shit— thats right..t-take this dick..fuuuck..” he groans lowly, rolling his head back as his tip hits the back of my throat. hips bucking up in my mouth.

a lewd, gul gul gul, comes from my throat as i open my mouth to gag and cough on his cock. my hands gripping his thighs harshly. nails leaving marks in there wake as i claw his legs. i fall on my ass as he pushing my back flush against the wall as he snaps his hips in my mouth over and over. calloused hands slammed against the wall and he uses my mouth like some fleshlight.

“fuckfuckfuck— take it- take this dick- f-fuck, g-gonna cum down that f-fuckin’ nasty throat baby..” he looks down, hips snapping at a slower speed but deeper this time small ‘take it.’ ‘s leave his mouth as he reaches his high. pressing my head against his pelvis with his right hands while he leans his forehead on his left forearm. groaning- no— growling as he cums down my throat. i cough and gag as he fills my mouth, he pulls away harshly as i gasp and take big gulps as i swallow his cum. my face is covered in spit ‘n cum.

“w-what..cough, gulp, is wrong- with you..?!” i shout hoarsly, throat sore from his assault with his cock.

he dosent reply, grabing my neck as he grips it harshly. walking me backwards and turning me around before pushing me on the bed. he pulls down my shorts and underwear quickly, he spits on my cunt. rubbing two fingers up from my clit to my entrance, pushing past my walls as he starts fingering me and hard.

i put my right hand out behind me, left gripping the blankets on his bed and i try to push his hand away. but, my attemps are in vain as he pins my hands behind my back as keeps fingering me, pushing a third finger in as he speeds up. he leans his chest against me from behind, his mouth biting down on my nape. leaving a harsh teeth back as he starts biting my neck.

“fuckin’ mouthy bitch..take my fuckin’ fingers slut..fuuck..pussy fuckin’ loves it huh..” he growls against my neck. my face falling against his bed as i moan loudly. hips grinding up to match his pace as a knot forms in my stomach.

“dont you dare fuckin’ cum..beg me for it..” he groans against my ear, licking and kissing down and up my neck. im a babbling mess but i manage to say one thing.

“f-fuuuck— you..!” i squeal as i feel myself on the brink of cumming. he pulls his hand from my cunt and pulls my leg up by my knee. resting it on his bed before he starts slapping my cunt and ass over and over.

“you never learn huh? fuckin’ spoiled brat.” he growls, slapping my wet cunt one last time as hard as he could. drawing a loud moan from my throat as my body loses the tenseness it had from his spanking. he pulls away, pulling my hips flush against his cock, he pulls my hips up and down along his length a few times before slipping into my pussy with a slow, deep thrust. his left hand pulling my head back by the hair, again…sigh… “fuckin’ loud mouth bitch..ill make you fuckin’ learn to hold that ditry tongue of yours next time..” he moans, hips slamming against mine as he using my hair as a handle to push himself deeper..

“r-reennnn-suukeee!” i gasp in a high pitches moan, taking my bottom lip between my teeth as i try to hold myself up with his harsh thrust pushing me forward over and over. fuck hes strong.. i think to myself, eyes crossing as he hits my g-spot dead on. i let out a loud, high pitches moan as he hits it repeatedly.

kunigami lets out a nasally laugh before he speaks. “that yer spot slut? s-shit..tightened around me- gotta be it hm?” he leans forward, harsh grip on your hair moving to you shoulder before wrapping his muscular arm around your neck. a headlock.

he hold his wrist with his left hand to hold your neck firmly. “f-fuuuck..thats it you dirty whore..cum on my cock- t-there ya go..shit..” he growls against my ear, pulling me into a messy and rough kiss as he hips pump his cock deeper into me.

i moan in his mouth as he tightens the headlock, i pull back as he hits my spot one last time before i cum hard on his cock. but of course, his pace quickens. chasing his own high.

he lets go of my neck, letting my chest and head fall against his bed and he pulls my hips higher. practically slamming my hips against his. its to much for your poor cunt.

“g-gonna cum..fuck— such a good pussy, fuuck..!” he growls once more before pulling me flush against him as he cums deep inside me. he leans against my back as he pumps his hips slowly as he drags out his orgasam.

“..not done with you yet..still havent learned your lesson properly have you?” he snarls in my ear.

its gonna be a long night..

————————————————————————

end!

hello hi yes its been a while (almost a year—) i hope you enjoyed!! i sure as hell did!! please feel free to reblog as it is greatly appreciated! :3

- dolly..

*do not copy, translate or steal my work.*

[barbatoslove]

Nightmares - Obey me

characters: Lucifer, Mammon i couldn’t come up with the rest of them bluh gn! reader (reader is not described physically) warning: suggestive, kissing, mentions of depressive thoughts and a little self indulgent. wc. 1.6k not beta read, i couldnt find it in myself to finish it

Another nightmare. You sat up in your bed, holding your head in your hands. Were you crying at this point? It seemed so. Night after night you'd have these dreams that left you with a racing heart and out of breath. Some were silly, like those spider dreams everyone seems to have but others felt too real, too dark. Either way you couldn't rest properly. You laid your head down again. You wanted to sleep and let the nightmare slip from your mind but it didn't make this feeling go away. Your chest was heavy and your eyes burned. Please, you begged in your mind. I just want to sleep. but to no avail. So you had to get up. You grabbed your blanket, letting it drag behind you as you walked. You were going to seek comfort in another. there was nothing wrong with asking for help, right? 

Lucifer

You stood outside his door for a few seconds. You wondered what he'd say. You managed to think of every scenario where he'd say no but truthfully, He loved you. He loved you completely. He would never turn you away.

You don't know why this felt so big to ask of him but it made your chest squeeze just to knock on the door. "Come in." You heard his voice from inside. Pushing the door open, peeking into the room.

You found Lucifer sitting at his couch and reading over some documents. The fireplace was on making soft crackles that harmonized with the gentle music he insisted helped him focus though some days you'd find him gazing off into nothing just listening to the music as if he was lost in a memory. But it was nice music.

Lucifer raised his head from the papers he was reading and setting his glasses aside. "Can't sleep?" he asked, already making a spot for you on the couch and gestured you to come over. You only nodded in response. You walked over, and sat down next to him. Lucifer carefully wrapped the blanket more securely around you before tucking you close to his side, then placing a kiss on your forehead once you were comfortable. He was always so warm and gentle when handling you in moments like this. You were like a flower in his hand and he'd only provide the utmost perfect care.

Lucifer brush his fingers against your cheek when inspecting your face. "Were you crying, love?" he brushed away a stray tear with his thumb. "Was it another nightmare?"

"How could you tell?" you asked quietly, looking up at his pretty red eyes. His normally slit pupils where a little more round, his usual harden expression was just a little softer.

"Nightmares often plague the minds of those magically gifted." He explained gently. "Its a burden we all must bare. Would you like me to bring you to the bed?" "I'd like to stay here with you if that's alright." Lucifer smiled, pressing a kiss to your cheek to kiss away any of your tears. "of course." He finally gave you a sweet kiss on your lips.  "You're always welcome to stay with me." he hummed.

You couldn't help but smile a little when he kissed you. You did love how comfortable he was with being affectionate with you. With his brothers, He had to hold back with his desires in order to keep the peace but you knew, Lucifer was just as needy. He loved to hold and kiss you, to caress and cuddle you; to have you as close as possible.

He wrapped his arm around you so he could pet you with the other. You exhaled while staring at the fire, keeping you both warm at this hour. Your heart was at ease. I think I can sleep now, you thought. Protected in his arms, no more nightmares would plague you tonight.

"I love you." He said so softly. It surprised you, not that he loved you (he always made sure you knew) but... the idea that you were loved. It wasn't that you forgot but... to hear it, it was a reminder. You are loved.

You let out a shaky breath, feeling tears pool up in your eyes. "I-I love you too..." you managed to choke out. No matter how hard you tried to hold it in, you made a weak sob.

Lucifer raised his brows, surprised at your reaction. "oh, my love, you poor thing..." he sighed, hugging you close. "shh its okay. You're okay..." he whispered. "I love you so much. I always will."

You weakly nodded, sniffling and trying to nuzzle as close as you could to him, "shh its okay. Rest now. you'll feel better after a good night of sleep."

"What if i feel like this again...?" you whispered, looking up at him with teary eyes and trembling hands close to your chest.

"Then I will be here to comfort you. " Lucifer held your cheek gently and brushing tears away. “I will be here through all things good and bad. You don’t have to afraid to come to me. I love you very much and would do anything for you.”

"You promise...?" "I promise. Now get some rest.” And with one final kiss, you felt like you could sleep.

--

Mammon

You wrapped your blanket around your shoulders, walking down to Mammon's bedroom and heard music from inside. Of course he was awake, Why wouldn't he be? You knocked but he probably didn't hear it so you opened the door. and Of course, His room was a mess. (not that you cared.)

Mammon was doing something in his closet, tossing clothes onto the floor. He was probably planning on going out or something so you frowned, turning away quickly to escape back to your room.

"Oi! Where do'ya think you're going!" Mammon yelled from across the room. He was about half dressed up so now you felt even worse about stopping his plans. He made his way over to you, stumbling on a stray box on the floor but soon was in front of you. "Sneakin in here without me knowin' and then tryin to sneak out and still not sayin anything!" he huffed.

"sorry." You made a weak smile, "I was gonna ask you something but I didn't know you were going out so I'll bother you later." you tried to leave again but he reached for your hands.

"woah wait wait- one sec" He stepped away for a second to turn off his music but came back just to take your hands in his and look at you properly. "ask me."

You looked up at him. You inhaled, trying to find the courage to speak. You glanced down at his hands holding yours, noting the way his thumb caressed your knuckles in a small gesture of comforting you. "um. well... i had a nightmare and now i can't sleep." you frowned. "so i wanted to ask if i could sleep in here... with you." you finally looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Mammon's cheeks were all pink and it was obvious he was trying hard to conceal his excitement. He inhaled before blurting out. "well okay! but only because you insisted...!" he huffed, his cheeks all red. "Of course you'd come to the Great Mammon cuz I'm the best and I'm-" "Mammon."

"ok ok ok hold on. sit here." You made a small laugh and let him nudge you over to his bed to sit you down.

"Where were you planning on going?" You asked, watching him pace back and forth while striping off his clothes to put on his pjs.

Mammon made a loud hmm sound, "Just going to gamble a little but Duty calls! I gotta protect my human!" he said proudly.

You giggled. Your heart always felt a little lighter around him. He always knew how to make you laugh. "okay, hurry up. come to bed" you hummed.

He made his own little laugh, turning out the lights before hopping onto the bed and patted the spot next to him. You smiled, laying down but not before setting up your your blanket to share with him. Mammon brought the covers up to your shoulders.

"comfy?" He smiled. You nodded to him all nuzzled in warm blankets with a cute smile on your face.

Mammon fidgeted for a moment before leaning down, giving you a small kiss on the lips. Then quickly laid down like he didn't. You giggled and gave him a peck on the cheek. He wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close.

"Do you think you can sleep now?" he asked with just the cutest smile. You could feel his hand lightly pet, his legs entangled with yours. 'mmhm' you purred happily "no more nightmares?"

"yah when im close to you i think there won't any more nightmares" You smiled, just enjoying watching his cheeks get all pink.

He was just so adorable with his normally slit pupils blown out into full orbs like a cat seeing something it liked. he almost always looked at you with eyes like that. "I love you, Mammon." you whispered, giving him a small kiss. "thank you for staying with me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He made a small exhale, pressing little kisses over your face enough to make you go into a giggling fit. "Mammon--!" you squeaked. Another kiss! "ok-!" Kiss! "mammon-!" Kiss! you had to cup his face and press your forehead to his to make him settle. "such a greedy demon." you hummed.

"i love you too, human" he whispered.

[kfaem]

Love and Deepspace; when their S/O is a kpop idol

notes: brrr new fandom lets go. also yes i went MIA but hey im not like dead

the boys when MC is an idol :) this is self indulgent. im a zayne girlie but i got carried away with raf lol. im tired so this is unedited, poorly written, no structure, and kinda just rambling

Rafayel:

here me out

he was a fan for the longest time, creating multiple pieces based off of you and your likeness

you and your members go to one of his exhibitions and when you make eye contact he's immediately in love more than he was before

kinda in a weird way

but when you approach him first he's in shock and doesnt know what to do

after the initial talking period and when the relationship starts he acts like his normal self

attends every concert and fan meeting

spends hundreds of dollars on your albums, collecting your photocards and solo posters

brags about being your boyfriend on sns and your manager tries to get him to stop

thomas is so embarrassed everytime your manager reaches out and begs him to calm down cause its a bad image

doesnt care about the reporters, is willing to fight with elites over you and your reputation

he's a simp but is also kinda mean sometimes lol

is jealous when you go live and refuse to respond to him to at least an hour and makes his presence known in your chat

i find the image of the matching outfits, couples goals posts on sns, and articles where he names you his muse to just be so <3333

Xavier

You guys bumped into each other at a convenience store, both reaching for the same bag of chips

both flustered with red cheeks, you let him have it and apologized

awkward

so, so very awkward

both of you are stuck in a awkward, silent encounter and neither of you want to say anything

one of your members comes over to see whats taking you so long and realizes that you're in a standoff with a cute blond and decides to play cupid

it worked

you two end up becoming good friends, and then eventually some sort of situationship

he doesnt want to damage your career and acknowledges that you both dont have time to spend with each other

but still acts as a loving boyfriend, buying your albums, concert tickets, merch, birthday specials etc.

then when you guys go on a snack run, a reporter recognizes you and within the week you're caught up in dating rumours

deciding that you guys couldnt avoid the truth, the situationship turned into a real relationship

doesnt really make a big deal out of your relationship or your popularity. would rather spend your guys' spare time reading together, watching movies, eating good food and relaxing

the media eventually forgets but the fans dont

they love every piece of media that ever gets showed, glimpses of xavier in mirrors, reflections on water, glasses, windows. mentions of a lover in interviews when asked what inspired you

just a loving boyfriend who tries to give you a sense of normalcy outside of the flashing lights

Zayne

Childhood friends

he hates your career and how much soul it has taken from you, but also acknowledges that you love what you do and are willing to risk your health and privacy

zayne is the king of situationship lmao

dates all the time, dinners at small restaurants hiding in booths in the far corners since you both like to be alone, together

your members genuinely dont understand how hes "not your boyfriend"

has lingered on music video shoots, using his title as your personal doctor to not raise any eyebrows

doesnt go out of his way to buy your albums but... if hes at a corner store and sees it, he'll buy it. or two. or three.

keeps one of your photocards and a normal picture of you in his wallet, grayson found it on the floor in his office once after it fell out of his wallet and he could never live it down

the entire hospital staff knows but wouldnt say anything for fear of their life

always sending messages no matter what side of the world youre on. Please remember to eat, drink water, and rest as much as you can. Too much strain on your body can cause long-term side effects.

buys tickets to your concerts, trying to hold back his smile as you glow on the stage while performing in front of your many fans

yeah he gets jealous

wont say it

and you can barely tell

but the chill that fills the room when another idol hugs you and is being overly touchy is so very much obvious and has people rushing to do something else

a reporter approaches him and tries to ask about your dating life. he shuts them up with a glare. the reporter doesnt even dare publishing that article.

your fans have a basic idea of what zayne is to you, but they respect you enough to not make a scene of it.

then one of your members gets drunk on a live and asks about your boyfriend and it comes unravelled

you post a picture with him, captioned with a heart, and its never brought up again

has brought your fans food and drinks whenever they set up cafe events for support

he appreciates everything that your fans do for you and has asked them to take care of you when hes not around

your relationship is never actually made official but yall live together when you arent required to be at the dorms and own like two cats so idk

still the caregiver that we love

[loulouhattie]

The Vampire’s Violin

Pairing: m!Tav x Astarion

Summary:

In my playthrough, Astarion multiclasses as a bard. My HC is that he loved music once, and played it before Cazador took him. Now, with his taste first of freedom in 200 years, he indulges himself by trying again. But doesn't anticipate Finn watching him

Tav: Finn is a half drow fighter/paladin who puts up a front of being a too-cool, tough guy jock. In reality, its a mask for his sensitive and gentle nature

Rating: teen

Tags: fluff, romantic tension, little bit of enemies to lovers, but very light

This is a very self indulgent one-shot I wrote because I couldnt stop thinking about this story hc, and then I had to draw it to bring it to life and

Well

Bon appetit i guess

————————

‘Gods above!’

Astarion almost dropped the violin, swinging around to see the Finn staring through the bushes, eyes gleaming and his face split into a mischievous grin.

‘How bloody long were you standing there!’ he hissed.

Finn shrugged.

‘I only came out here to find a tree to piss on. Certainly didn’t expect to find you giving the squirrels a concert!’ Finn smirked at him.

Astarion's fingers curled around the bow. He hated this feeling that he’s been caught.

But there’s nothing wrong with what he was doing, is there?

Finn noticed the tension in his shoulders, and his sneer softened.

‘Can I listen?’

‘What? No. Fuck off,’ Astarion spat, ‘and if you tell the others, I’ll decorate your bedroll with your innards.’

Finn stepped out from the bushes, standing only a few feet from the pale elf in clearing. Astarion’s eyes narrowed, his hackles tense like a cornered cat.

‘I won’t breathe a word, honest. I guess I’m just surprised, you don’t strike me as...well, it’s nice to learn a little more about you,’ Finn explained earnestly.

His tone was sincere, but Astarion’s eyes remained narrow.

‘well, it’s not much to learn about. It was a long time ago. From before I was turned,'

He absently twirled the bow,

'I suppose I got curious. People have often said such skills never leave you, and, well, like I said. I got curious.’

‘Cazador not a music lover?’

The bow stopped twirling.

‘That had better be a joke.’ it came out in a snarl.

Finn raised his hands in apology. The silence in the clearing was cool and comforting, accented by the occasional chirp of insects.

Astarion’s shoulders relaxed, and he turned so that he faced Finn fully.

‘You’re not going to fuck off. Are you?’

‘Nope!’ the half drow’s eyes couldn’t possibly get any rounder as he plonked happily down on the ground, legs crossed and beaming like a child.

Astarion scoffed. He twirled the bow once more, chewing the inside of his cheek.

‘If you’re going to insist on staying here, just keep quiet. It won’t do to distract me.’ he snapped at Finn, raising the violin to his chin. Out of the corner of his eye, Finn’s eyes sparkled as he shifted to a more comfortable position.

The pale elf exhaled, pressing the rest into the crook of his neck. With his bow hand, he plucked the string. He turned the peg for the corresponding string slowly, plucking steadily as the note sharpened.

A hot spot in his fingertip formed under the string’s friction. The note pinged clearly through the clearing, and he was satisfied. Onto the next 3 strings.

Finn watched the vampire intently. He couldn’t help but notice that his posture shifting. His brows were always so furrowed with malice, but now the focus on tuning the instrument had melted them.

There was a ghost of gentleness to his red eyes. Finn made sure not to move, careful not to disrupt this trancelike state.

Astarion plucked all 4 strings once more, their notes singing gently into the air. Shifting his stance, he raised the bow to the instrument. The insects were silent, waiting. Waiting for the performance to begin.

But the elf hesitated. His gaze clouded. Finn felt a sense of melancholy radiate from him.

‘Is…is something wrong?’ Finn probed gently. Astarion lowed the bow, dejected.

‘I don’t know what to play.’ he admitted.

200 years without so much as thinking of playing, and he was going to just give it a go?

Pathetic. What a stupid, foolish idiot he was! He wasn’t good for anything beyond manipulating and seducing pretty things-

‘I know!’

A sharp whistle sang through the clearing, making Astarion winced.

What was this idiot doing now? Astarion stared at him incredulously, about to snap at him.

Finn’s face scrunched with focus as he barely got a half cooked tune out between his lips. The only time he ever whistled was for Scratch, and this tone deaf fool couldn’t get a note out!

Then, he heard it. In between the very flat notes, he recognised that tune.

It was the song that Alfira sang in the Grove.

Astarion went still. He focused on the notes that wove together in a tapestry of melody.

Could he piece that melody together? Something he had only heard once?

He raised the bow, and passed it across the instrument. The strings squeaked in protest.

A grimace.

Finn continued to whistle... well, he continued to struggle.

Astarion repositioned the bow in his fingers. He pulled it across the violin again.

And this time, the note flowed forth. And melted into the next, flowing into a song.

It was as though mage hands were gently guiding him. The dust fell slowly from his memory as he recalled the forms for playing.

What started as rough squeaks began to form into a melody, a song. It filled the clearing, and he instinctively began to shift his weight from one foot to the other to keep his tempo.

Finn watched, transfixed. What he thought was a shift in demeanour before when he was tuning the violin was nothing compared to what was before him now.

Moonlight gleamed off Astarion’s pearlescent skin and snowy curls, dancing off him to the song he deftly coaxed from the instrument. He was a different being entirely - he was lost in the music.

His face creased in focus, not out of his usual snidenesss. He was transcendent, his brows and lips dancing to the rhythm as he bow flowed across the strings.

The song came to an end. And both men were still.

Neither said a word for a beat.

‘I won’t lie: you’re a bit shit.’ Finn broke the silence.

Astarion let out an uncharacteristic bark of laughter. Finn snickered to himself. The air was light, and mild around them.

A blush crept up Finn’s ears.

Astarion lowered the violin, letting it hang at his side. The silence of the forest permeated the clearing. He was suddenly aware of how exposed he felt out here. The bliss of feeling the music vanished in an instant.

‘We should head back, before some goblin or beast comes calling for an encore.’

‘Wait,’ Finn stood up quickly, dusting off his trousers. ‘I really enjoyed that. Listening to you play. Do you…'

He shifted on his feet, scooting dust beneath his shoe,

'if you play again, could I come and listen?’

Astarion took in the half-drow before him. He hadn’t noticed before, but his ashen skin seemed to absorb the moon and starlight. A gift of the Underdark, perhaps.

His red eye sparkled, and he recognised the blush on his ears and cheeks. The faintest hint of desire.

This would be easier than he thought.

‘Darling. I suppose we could arrange a more intimate viewing.’ he stalked past Finn, taking care to breeze so closely by that he brushed delicately past Finn’s fingertips.

He heard the faintest trace of his breath catching, and he knew he had him in the palm of his hand. He gazed at him through lowered lashes, a smile etched across his face. Poor, pathetic boy.

‘Let’s head back to camp. Maybe tomorrow night, we can arrange another little…performance.’

[panicataphmausinsanity]

mcd spoils

rant :3

hate how jessica started living through aph as the series progressed. jess's annoying little habit to implement her own personality onto aphmau has honestly left me FERAL because whenever i see aph do something in the show in the most recently released episodes, my mind immediately goes to she would never do that. it's kinda ruined the everything. she imposed her own fantasies and fetishes that have ultimately led mcd to be a self indulgent story of hers. its frustrating to think about how great the show could've become was it not for her reflecting her own personality through aphmau and

of course, the butchering of some of the main characters in the show- laurance and garroth to push viewers towards aarmau. i LOVE aarmau, but not the aarmau jess's shown us.

aaron is just a burlier version of garroth. talking to my friend about this has made me realise so much about it, like how aaron was ultimately a substitute for garroth. a substitute for a salty, weird ass husband who couldnt bear to see his wife make her self insert's love interest someone that wasn't based off of him. how insecure do you have to be to lose your shit and change a whole ass story over a fictional character? can't tell you how disappointed i was to learn about jason's behavior when i came back to aphverse.

in any case, even though this happened, they could've saved this whole shipwreck by implementing a proper healing arc for aaron to make it valid and SHOW the romance happening, and not rush it and have aaron fucking explode for no reason- LITERALLY no reason because i found out that zane becomes a damn shadow knight anyway (thanks for that mel😭). defeated the entire purpose of his death, great!

as much as i hate jason, i love aaron SO much and it hurt to see him die so damn quick. just when he was getting used to the people around him as well. RAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH im so sad. the "What If It Was Good?" will never stop chipping away at my brian.

OHHHHHHH THE POTENTIAL MY BABIES 💔💔💔💔💔🫂🫂🫂

[v-ternus]

Im a Hard Pill to Swallow

Mountain cant escape it, but Rain helps him.

~1500 words of angst but there’s alot of comfort in there dont worry. Its got a happy ending 🤠.

This is so self-indulgent and Im definitely not projecting anything onto anyone.

It was a warm day, perfect for having the windows open and the curtains drawn apart— Rain had insisted on having it just so. A gentle breeze was working its way in and the orange tinted light from the sunset casted shadows across his floor. 

Even better, Mountain was tucked into his side resting on his chest. Rain had a hand between his shoulder blades, dragging his fingers back and forth. It wasn't just touching, it was feeling. He flattened his hand against Mountain’s back and felt it rise and fall as he breathed. He felt the calming heat flowing into his usually cold self and the strong muscles that held him up time and time again. He felt his mate, his everything. He was Rain’s soul brought into physical existence. 

The only noise in the room was the sound of their breathing– even and deep, and they were content to spend the next hours like this. 

Moments pass them by and the room darkens, since Rain had forgone switching on the lights in favor of the sunset. The setting is serene, and its pulling Rain into a world of sleep. But the bliss is put on pause when he feels dampness on his chest. He’s just about to look down when he feels Mountain jerk. 

“Mount?” His words are whispered, thinking that the earth ghoul had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare. 

“Sorry, I didnt mean to wake you,” Funny that they both thought the other was asleep. Mountain tries to keep his speech even, but his breath hitched on the last word. Rain brings a hand down onto his cheek and finds it wet. Mountain was in tears. Rain eased himself out from under Mountain to get a better look at him. He cradled his flushed face and worry sank deep in the water ghoul’s gut. 

“I love you Rain,” He choked on the words, and he was just that much closer to well and truly falling apart. He leaned into Rain’s palm hoping it would stifle the pain, but it offered no refuge from his racing mind. 

“I know my lily. I love you too, but you need to tell me what's wrong.” 

Mountain sits up and hangs his head into his own hands. He feels so, so wrong. His hair draped over his face serves to block Rain's view of the tears that won't stop coming. Rain fixes himself up next to Mountain and watches as his shoulders shake with each sob. 

“Im sorry,” The large ghoul sounds so small.

“For what?” Rain couldnt really figure anything out, but he had a feeling of where this was going. Mountain didn't get like this, at least not anymore. 

“I'm not good enough for you.” Mountain heaves again before he lets himself slump down, threading his arms around Rain’s waist and resting on his lap. Rain feels his tears soaking into his pants. He cards his hands through Mountain’s hair and gently scratches his scalp– just to give the aching ghoul something else to feel.

This was Mountain’s one skeleton in the closet– a ghost that's been following him around ever since his summoning day.

As much as everyone hung around him, as much as the pack included him in their lives, he didn't feel like he belonged. He thought he wasnt good enough. Nothing they said could convince him that he was wanted. It was never for a lack of trying, it was just him. He learned to live with the weight— the corner of his mind that was always occupied. Unlovable. Worthless. The words rang through his head on a daily basis.

Then Rain came, and things changed. His summoning day was a date branded in his mind, carved into his heart. The rest of the pack noticed Mountain was different from then on.

He was brighter, lighter and things seemed to get easier. Being around the pack felt more and more natural. Most days, he really felt like he belonged. Rain was always there with a reassuring hand, a pillar for him to cling onto. And in the solemn walls of their rooms? Rain worshiped him, soothed him. Rain was his remedy. He fixed so much of what was wrong, held him together in ways he thought impossible. 

But Mountain never felt like he was giving as good as he got and the thought had its claws around his neck. Sure, he loved Rain, and he tried to show it. He made him special oils and salves for when his hip acted up during tours. When they were back at the abbey, he let himself be boiled alive just to sit with Rain in a hot bath. He’d spend the whole time kneading at his shoulders, working down to his arms and his cramping hands, trying his damndest to soften the aches. He was his first thought when he woke up, and the last thing on his mind before he drifted off to sleep. For Rain, he would burn down the whole abbey as long as it made him happy. 

But Mountain’s twisted mind convinced him that none of it added up to even a fraction of what Rain did for him. He was a burden, only good for exploiting Rain’s adoring heart. All take no give. 

“Mountain—” Rain had run Mountain through these talks before, dozens of times. He would never get tired of them though, he would say the words again and again till he was blue in the face as long as Mountain understood how much love he had to give. 

Rain hoists the large ghoul up, bringing him back to eye level. He swipes his thumbs over his cheeks, attempting to clear them of tears that just keep being replaced. Mountain feels a soft kiss against the top of his head. It made him feel fuzzy since Rain could never reach it normally. 

He feels another kiss to the base of a horn, “You’re always good enough for me,”

Rain’s warm breath ghosts over his skin and he kisses the other horn, “more than good enough.” The words make Mountain shake. They’re always so hard to believe. Mountain keeps his eyes screwed tight because looking at Rain right now would draw out another round of sobs. 

“I know you dont think so, I know you think that you dont do enough for me.” Mountain sniffles and he feels soft lips press over each of his eyes. “But you do and I see your love in everything you do Mount,”

“I love the fire in your eyes in the mornings when I catch you watching as I wake up. Its my own personal sunrise.”

Rain nuzzles his face into Mountain’s, like he’s marking him with his scent. He smells like roses and cut grass and freshly turned soil. He smells like his rich element.

“I love when you come up behind me, wrap your long arms around and bury your head in my shoulder. You warm me up so nice.” He follows up with a kiss to his temple before moving them both back face to face. 

“I love the sound of my name on your tongue, like it was written by whatever god just for you.” He brings their lips together and he feels Mountain relax. The kiss is indulgent, and soft.  They stay like that for awhile, to feel, hoping to bury their taste in the other. 

When Rain breaks it apart, he says words that surprises both of them. He’s always wanted to say them, but of all of their talks, he had never found the courage to. 

“Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself,” Mountain had stopped crying, but he felt fresh tears against his skin. Rain’s breath hitched and he realized he was crying then too. 

“And each day we spend together, the idea feels more and more real. You know me, my flower.” He weaves his hands into Mountain’s hair, tugging gently. It makes Mountain groan.

“You know my wrongs, my failures and darkest pits of my heart. And you love me just the same. You do right by me every moment that we’ve had.” Rain’s hand finds Mountain’s and brings it up over his heart. 

“This is yours, forever. Each beat belongs to you.” 

Mountain clears his throat before leaning in to rest his head against Rain’s. Ok. To others, the word is dismissive, uncaring. But Rain knows that this is his way of sounding his acceptance, it's him trying to let the words sink into that murky corner of his mind. Its Mountain’s turn to wipe the tears from Rain’s face. 

“I know how much you love me.”

The room is dark and a bit cooler. It's not late by any means, but they’re tired. Their talk was heavy. Their eyes are puffy from tears and they’re both wanting rest. 

“Will you hold me?” His voice is more level now and Rain’s heart flips. Always. 

Rain pulls Mountain in for a quick hug, squeezing just right— how he knows Mountain likes. He lets go so they can move back to how they were entwined earlier. Mountain has his ear pressed to Rain’s chest again, listening to his heart beat. 

A long string of I love you’s pour out of his mouth and Rain just drags his hand along Mountain’s back like before. “I know love. I couldn't doubt it if I tried.” 

Mountain falls asleep first and Rain gets to indulge in the sounds of his calm breath and the soft purrs rumbling from his chest. He hopes Mountain dreams of the wide river of his love.

[oh-for-fic-sake-library]

Dont make me do this

Masterlist

Summary: The chosen one has fallen, disappearing into the dark, following sidious. And though it is your duty to end him you just cant, why? Why should you kill him when ll he had done was be human? He gave everything for the love of his life. And you would do the same, you abandoned him once, and you will not make that mistake again, even if it meant following him into the shadows.

Warnings: jedi bashing? Swearing, angst, poorly writen gore/graphic injury.

A/N: This is a purely self indulgent fic based around unrequited/hidden love and HE DIDNT DESERVE THE FUCKING SUIT! All that precious little bean did was try to save his wife a baby 😭😭😭

"Obi wan, we have to do this" you pleaded quietly, trying not to let padme hear you from your position in the cock pit. Your eyes searched his desperately, praying he'd see reason and agree to help you. You couldnt do this alone. Your prayers were unanswered Instead you felt ice prickle in your veins. shuddering under the intense glare the jedi master sent you. Youd never seen him so... angry before

"This is madness! You are letting your feelings cloud you;" he scolded quickly wiping the rage from his face trying not to succumbto his own emptions and be called out as a hypocrite.

"Damn fucking right i am! I am letting it get in the way, because being fucking emotionless drove him away, drove him to this." you snapped back your own desperation driving you to a furious frustration.

"Thea please now is not the time for this;" obi-wan sighed once again trying to brush you off as he often did. As everyone did. But this time you refused to be ignored, this was too damn important. You leant over slamming both hands down on the console letting your force crackle ominously around you.

Obi-wan stiffened at the display of hot fury. Something he'd heard mace and yoda raise concern about in meetings, yet he'd never seen this for himself. It was unsettling to see you so riled up. For the first time in his life he saw somthing else in you. Something frightening.

"It is the only time for this! Obi-wan, Anakin has struggled all his life in the order. He feels much more then anyone i know. He doesn't feel sadness only devastation, not happiness but elation, never fondness but love. He always has. And he felt completely and utterly alone" obi-wan tried to argue, he opened his mouth wantingnto find the words to counter you. But he couldnt, you were right, Anakin sought out connections. He didnt mean to but he did, subconsciously he always needed to cling to something, someone.

And in pushing him away, setting clear boundaries between them in an effort to stop himself becoming a father figure to anakin he hadnt been there to stop this madness. He'd failed to curb anakins need for attachments. Perhaps if he had allowed anakin to latch onto him as the boy wanted, he wouldnt have unknowingly sought out sidious, or you or persued padme. He could have happily continued his path as a jedi along side his master.

"We did that, we isolated him. Or made himmfeel isolated. He felt like he couldnt come to us for help obi-wan. He thought we'd judge him, that we would abandon him."

"He was terrified that the one person he loves, the only person in the world he could truly be ungaurded around was about to be torn from him. He made mistakes but so did we..." you traild off slumping back against the wall of the ship feeling your own shame wash over you. The many times youd seen anakin not himself, but let him brush you off, telling you he was just tired or giving some other generic excuse. Should you have pressed him harder? Pushed for answers, made him snap at you and perhaps get the truth. Was that what he needed?

"He slaughtered the younglings! He's become sith, and you want to pity him, you dont know what your asking!" Your self doubt was cut short as obi-wan growled in anguish. He was so torn, hurt by what had happened. Maye more so then you, he probably felt even more responsible for this then you did. He practically raised anakin. But no mtter how much this hurt him you were not about to let him take it out on you. No. He didnt get to do that, he wasnt the only person hurting, nd you werent about to become an emotional punching bag for him.

"I am asking you to fucking help me. I am asking you not to do this, dont fight him. He doesnt need an adversary. He needs help, he need us to accept him, to be honest with him and guide him" you snapped back watching with a tightening chest as obi-wan pulled back slightly. Before shaking his head scoffing at you, trying to calm his irritation. He spun away from you flicking a switch on the control panel before ducking his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Accept him? How. How can we accept this! How can you stand there and tell us we need to join him!" When he finally spoke again his voice rose quickly. You faltered not used to seei g anything but mild disapproval from him. Never had he bordered anger like this. You knew it was only natural, a mix of fear, disappointment and dread. He felt betrayed.

"Because thats what we need to do to fucking bring him back! I want to bring him back and we cant do that if we arnet beside him. For fuck sake this is the orders fault as much as it is sidious'... its our fault obi-wan. We ignored the signs, we... took Anakin for granted assumed he would cope alone so left him to his own devices" you managed to keep calm, trying to reason with obi-wan.

"We nurtured his turning by allowing his marriage to go undeteced we should have reported it;" obi-wan didnt get to finsh. You were narling in his face before he could move an inch.

"Dont you dare. DONT YOU DARE! Padme is the only reason he didnt fall sooner and you know it!" Your temper flared as you pointed in the direction of padme somewhere in the ship. Youd put up with a lot, but blaming padme because he couldnt stomach the thought of failing in his teachings was not one of them.

"And now look! He turned anyway! He fell Thea." He spoke quieter this time realising he may have begun to be unnecessarily harsh.

"Yeah he did. He fell right into the hands of sidious, because we couldnt catch him ourselves. Joining the dark side isnt the answer... even if we were just pretending so we can make him see the light, sidious would know." You offered once more, still trying to make obi-wan come around to your way of thinking. Surely it was better to try and save Anakin by nymeans then to just go and kill him? Didnt obi-wan love him enough to try?

"Im sorry but i have to do this. He has to see reason or..."

"Careful Obi-wan that almost sounded like an absolute." You hissed cruely making him snap his gaze to you. Eyes hardening as he took in your stnce, the way your force rippled around you sinisterly.

"Thea" he warned gently, trying to calm you and use that legendary charm he was famed for. But you sneered at him instead. All you could think was how easily the jedimaster was giving up, how he threw away his brother so quickly and would turn on him when there were other ways.

"You don even care how hypocritical you just sounded do you? The same old jedi double standard" Youd scoffed rolling your eyes, unable to The hypocrisy and intolerance wouldnt change.

"Please try to see things clearly" he almost pleaded, but unfortunately it was too late. Youd made your decision, and he had made his. All you could do now was watch things crumble around you.

"Oh trust me I do. i didnt before, but i finally understand. You dont see it. Do you? Its the order. Its poison. It's infected your mind like a sickness. They made sure the order means more to you then actual living breathing people." Your words began to twist, prod and slice at him but once you started you couldnt stop. Wouldnt stop.

"That no one in the galaxy should be more important or more powerfull then the jedi. Its funny really. The sith empire will rise again; more powerfull then last time and it was pssible because of the jedi orders hubris and even now the jedi are so blinded by their pride they refuse to admit it" your eyes locked with obi-wan's pwn pained gaze. He didnt respnd, you werent sure if it was because he was hurt by your words orif he thought this would blow over, that you were just throwing a tantrum. After a few more moments of silence he sighed, opeing his mouth to speak but it was too late.

"I dont want to hear it. Just know if you raise your saber, i will to." You anounced drawing a line in the sand before gettingnup, leaving the cockpit ignoring his calls to come back and talk this out. But there was no talking. No reconciliation. The time of the jedi had ended, the order was dead. and unfortunately obi-wan wasnt smart enough to admite defeat and abandon the sunken ship.

You watched from Inside the ship as anakin and obi-wan dueled across mustafar's boiling terrain. You yelled in fury obi-wan was cunning, after youd left him in the cockpitt to mull over your words he'd removed your acsess to the doors. And left with pad,e quickly making sure you were kept on the ship.

Your heart broke as the fight continued, eyes watering as two people you caredmfor deeply camemto blows in a brutal battle. Padme was unconscious on the floor by the ship. It had been frightening seeing first hand what anakin was capable of, what he was willing to do to those he belived betrayed him. A tiny part of you wanted to stay on the ship out of fear. You were scared he now thought you were a backstabber. That youd forsaken him as padme and obi-wan had.

No. no you couldnt allow it. You wont let him think so little of you.

"3-po! Quick we have to get padme, come on we have to help her" you pleaded motioning to the woman sprawled out on the floor. Your words drew the droids attention and suddenly he was stepping towards the back of the ship all the while continuing his usual anxious rambling.

As soon as the door was open you bolted, running past the droid full speed stopping beside padme checking her over. She was unconscious- maybe passed out? But not dead. Thankfully Anakin would never forgive himself or obi-wan if padme had died here like this.

"3-po you handle this, take her to the ship and look after her" you called over your shoulder to the droid ignoring the complaints from him.

You raced across the surface of mustafar unclipping your lightsaber as you climber a small burning dune of sand only to freeze at the scene. Obi-wan had anakin trapped, the former was being backed up to the flowing lava. They were yelling at one another, screaming. Anakin was meeting his master blow for blow but Obi-wan wasnt relenting or holding back instead he was leading anakin to the river. Anakin hadn't noticed, he was to angry, he wasnt paying attention.

You ran, jumping, leaping forward trying to close the distance between them before it was too late. Your anger spiked fueling you, urging you to go faster. Obi-wan was going to throw him in the lava. He wasnt going to kill him himself. He didnt have the guts to do it cleanly himself!

Obi-wan brought his saber down in a powerfull blow tipping Anakin off balance . And with that the chosen one began to fall.

"NO ANAKIN!" the scream tore from your throat in such a mournful bellow it hurt your vocal cords. Both men looked towards you startled by you. Your arrival destracted obi-wan enough for you to stretch out to the force as Anakin fell into the molten lava.

He screamed in excruciating pain as one arm, shoulder, leg and the side of his chest became burned but you yanked on him. Your force was quick enough to pull him from his fiery grave before it could engulf him. And it was strong enough to put some distance between him and obi wan. Anakin landed heavily out of harms way quivering, hissing and moaning as the pain of his wounds began settling.

Anakin was alive. He was alive. Thank the force youd got out of that ship.

You didnt stop. Even though Anakin was alive, you didnt stop your charge. No. Instead to ignited your own saber and jumped over Anakin before lunging at obi-wan.

"Wait what are you doing? You said youd help" obi-wan yelled raising his saber only just managing to block your own. He staggered back, unprepared for the power youd put behind the blow. He waited for you to pull back but you didnt. Instead you pushed on keeping your blade locked with his, digging your heals into the rock below you and using your weight to throw him back a few steps creating some distancebetween the two of you.

"I said id raise my saber if you do. I never said it'd be pointed at Anakin" you panted pointing your saber to him threateningly.

His eyes widened, realising you had intended to kill him. He glanced to the purple of your saber. He knew what it meant, had always known what it meant. You were comfortable useing the dark side if you had to. It was unspoken but purple sabers were somewhat feared in the order. It meant you had afinty for both light and dark. It meant you were a different kind of jedi. Strong, dangerous. Suddenly he felt sick, the beginings of dread and icey fear curling around him. It was as they had always feared. You were turning. Not just Anakin, you were going to the dark aswell.

"No. No! Thea dont do this! Dont follow him down this road" obi-wan pleaded lowering his saber shaking his head at you, hopeing, praying you will stop before its to late.

You widened your stance before casting a look over your shoulder to Anakin. As silly as it was you were uncomfortable with him behinde you. He was clearly stressed, angered beyond the point of reasoning. Your eyes locked with his and he frowned. He was trying to figure out if you were an ally in this or not. You nodded subtly to him.

"Youll be okay Anakin. I'll help you with your wounds i promise just... just sit tight okay?" You said glancing at the burns on his side, the bionic prostetic was fucked, the metal and carbon melted and twisted, his fingers all stuck in odd angles and fused as if he had cramp. It was probably where the caseing was melted and shrunk pressing on the components below. It was completely useless now.

Your gaze lifted with a wince the top of his arm and shoulder was almost steaming from the way the intense heat that had caught it. His skin was blitering, torn and sagging away from his actual muscles and tendons. He was sitting down at an odd angle, his arm jutted away from his body, avoiding the same agonising blisters and open wonuds on his arm that also decorated one side of his chest, down his ribs and abdomen.

He only uttered your name in response. Hissing as he shifted trying to inch closer. His eyes told you all you needed to know. He was relieved you were here, thankfull you saved him. Yet determined, angry. He wanted to kill obi-wan you could sense it. See it in him. He was frustrated because he knew how close he'd come to failing. How close he'd been to death. Yet he still wanted to fight. But he also knew he couldnt take on obi-wan again in this state.

"Thea Move!" Obi-wan demanded angrily drawing your attention away from Anakin. You growled locking your shoulders and tensing, anticipating a strike from the jedi master.

"Move Thea please, dont make me do this" you scoffed keeping your eyes on him as he poised his saber for another attack. Both of you prepared to do what must be done.

"Im not making you do anything, your doing it all on your own. Leave obi-wan. Its over, the orders dead. Just... just go" you hissed feeling the irritation grow with obi-wan. He couldnt see it! He was blinded by faith in an order that never was.

"You know i cant do that i cant walk away from this" the jedi master pleade, as if tryingnto make it seem as if his hands were truley tied. And that right there was the problem. The jedi order did this to people. Took away choices, forced decision onto people claiming it was for the greater good. When in actual fact it was just to protect the orders values. They belived that there was no other way, all other veiws were immoral. It was almost amusing the amount of hypocrisy the order spewed, the absolutes they enforced despite only sith deal in absolutes.

"Yes you can, just go. While you still can. I dont want to kill you but i will." Your words were almost pleading, yet too harsh to be considered as such. You needed him to just walk away.

"Youll really do this? Really stand by him? After what he has done! Join his madness?!" You winced as he tried to manipulate you, twisting the knife in the still raw open wound. Dredgeing up the worst atrocities Anakin had just commited to try and sway you. Did you agree with the younglings slaughter? No. Your not a monster. But whats done is done, and you knew Anakin would regret that untill the day he died. When he dropped out of what ever manic fury he was in the younglings will haunt him forever. Thats his burden, his punishment, his guilt to bare. Not yours.

"Yes. I wont abandon him when he needs me. I wont let him suffer alone. Not again" you called out louder then intended, you heard Anakins faint gasp as you confirmed your intentions. You felt his force signature lift from behinde you. Perking up with a warmth you knew to be his own relief and joy. He was happy you werent going to turn on him.

"You.. you love him. All this time you've been in love with him. Youll be sith fall into the darkside for him? This is why we dont love! This is the reason!" Obi-wan's words were small at first, doubtfull and confused. But quickly became frustrated accusations. You met his gaze and drew a breath choosing not to respond which made the jedi master snarl in frustration.

You had to look away from him, casting your eyes back to Anakin who had been torn between watching the scene before him and trying to ease his pain with deep breaths and force healing, that he wasnt exactly the best at.

But Anakin had heard, you wished he hadnt but he had. Looking up with a startled face, locking eyes with you questioning if it was true with a single gaze. You tore your eyes from him, fightened of what youd see in the next few moments. You didnt want him to know, didnt want him to see how far you had fallen. You were ashamed, your love was forbidden. But you loved your best friend, your comrade, brother. You loved a man who belonged to another. And it ate you alive.

"Dont you see? Dont you both see love feeds the darkness! It pushes jedi untill we are irrational and we fall untill we are sith;" Obi-wan began another rant, desperately trying to turn things around and scold you both into an epiphany. As if you both would suddenly stop holding people dear and your love would dissappear.

Obi-wans words seemed to be the final straw, he had found your tipping point. Scolding you like a child about pride and responsibility when he himself couldnt even admit the order had fucked up. That they had been cruel and negligent.

"I am not a jedi! I am not a sith! I am a fucking human being obi-wan. A free, thinking, feeling, angry, tired human being who has had just about enough of the orders propegander cultist shit!" Your scream echoed in the valley so loud it rendered the roar of mustafar almost silent in comparison. A small amount of your force rippled around you shifting the sand and rocks about your feet. Your rage had come to a boil, the darkness within you flickering awake. But you refused to stamp it out, refused to deny it this time.

"Thea.." the jedi master stepped back lowering his saber in shock as your aura darkened before him finally releasing what felt like a lifetime of pent up rage and fear. The fury and down right evil radiating from you was enough for him to rethink this battle. You were glorious and frightening to behold.

"Your right. Your right I love Anakin! I love you! I love padme and ahsoka and stars forbid i even hold a love for my master!" You continued shouting, loosing yourself in the truth of your own emotion. Welcoming the anger and frustration for the first time in your life. Finally, finally letting yourself drown in it.

"But i also hate. I hate master yoda for not listening to me when i sought reassurance, instead of helping me he gave me riddles and kept me silent. I hate that i was never allowed to question anything, i hate that i was expected to give up so much for so little. That my life would become meaningless just because i could use the force; it fucking condemned me! Condemned all of us!" Your words spewed like venom they were acidic on your tongue so much so you had to spit them out to so they wouldnt poison you further.

"I hate that i have become a fucking gaurd dog of the elite! That i spend my days protecting crooked senators instead of helping the civilians i vowed to protect and i loath; no detest the order and its stupid fucking rules, rules that were created out of fear" you clenched your saber tight in your fist untill the ridges of the hilt threatened to cut into your skin. You shook, quivered dragging sharp breaths through your teeth as your own words resounded around you. The fear, hate, shame and guilt youd always felt releasing at once in once torrent of regret.

"You dont know what your saying;"

"Yes i do! i said it and i meant it i hate the order. Hate it Obi-wan! And im fucking relived that this is the end of it because its needed to fucking die for years!" You shut him down quickly with a snarl, inching forward as another more powerful wave of your now tainted force escaped in yet another blast towards him despite you trying to hold it back. It was impossible, the air around you was charged with it. Crackling and twisting in an invisible violent display of power.

You closed your eyes pulling yourself back from what ever edge you were teetering on. Trying to calm yourself and draw some deep breaths. You didnt want to loose control, not like this but... but you didnt want to lie to yourself anymore or pretend. You were a human, you were entitled to feel your feelings.

Obi-wan watched in horror as your saber rattled in your hand, shuddering violently in your grip for a few long seconds untill it faltered. He felt sick to his stomach as the blade transformed before his eyes. Red seeped from the hilt, consuming the purple of your blade with greed. It was over, there was no coming back from that. Your kyber had absorbed the hate and malice. He coudlnt pull you from the dark side now. You were lost.

Even Anakin was shocked never seeing such a thing happen before. He knew how it happened but never once thought youd bleed your crystal. You were always so controlled and carefull with your saber and handling your kyber. Perhaps this was why? You were close to the dark and it wouldnt have taken much to slip and fall. What shocked him the most was that you hadnt even realised what youd done. Was it was so natural for you to feel this rage that you didnt even notice it properly? You didnt cast a second thought to what might happen to your kyber?

You began speaking again, this time clamer. But still on the cusp of pure unadulterated rage. The frightening female rage that could stop a man in his tracks with a single 'no' still oblivious to the new red hue of your blade.

"Between the hate, love and frustration most of all i am sick. Sick and tired of this galaxy and everyone in it trying to contain those gifted with the force. Just because the force chose us to wield it; doesnt mean we have to be fucking soldiers or pawns or or slaves to someone elses doctrines" you explained revealing just what you thought the jedi truley were. Slaves.

You heard Anakin from behind you, repeating the word gently in a strange disbelief. As if he himself had never associated the two. But you felt the realisation. The moment his own anger spiked before knosediving into a deep depressed disappointment. He had replaced slavery for slavery. And he'd never even noticed.

"You.. you have been straying? these? Thea how long has this...." obi-wan summarised, not even angry at you. How could he be? This was the orders failing. For a moment you thought you could see understanding. That he accepted the order hadnt just failed to understand and protect Anakin, but you aswell. How many others? How many jedi hated the order and were just too scared to sya it? How many people had stayed silent just so they could remain with their loved ones and not be exiled?

"Longer than him. As long as i can remember I..." your words trailed off. Once again shame and doubt cluding you. This was difficult, for the first timemyou were being honest with yourself, with obi-wan and Anakin. It was daunting letting everything out like this, feeling true emotions willingly. Youd been trained not to, itgoes against everything youve been brought up to belive.

"Thea? Why did you never say anything?" Anakin called from behind you finally managing to stand and breath through the pain, all be it unsteady and lopsided, his uninjured arms curled below his burned one.

"I couldnt. I never wanted to admit it... anakin you? Had your own doubts if I'd said something? I didnt want anyone to know my real thoughts. Or influence you." You uttered slowly still coming down from your rage, inching yourself back into a calmer state of mind. Somehow your outburst had stopped the raging war between the jedi master and Knight.

Or maybe obi-wan wasnt attacking because he knew itd be useless. A master jedi would struggle taking on one dark side user, let alone two. It was clear both you and Anakin had embraced your afinty for the dark side to certain degrees. You were both unpredictable now and obi-wan probably wouldnt best you both.

You tried to ingor the flutter of pride, you made a jedi master question his own strength and resolve. It wasnt a stretch to say he might even fear battleing you now youd begun your decent into the so called darker aspects of the force

"There is only the force and it is grey. It is balance, but it is power and we all use it to gain victory. The force is blameless and we are all manipulators. Thats it. Nothing else you either use it or you dont. Everything in the force can be used for good or evil." Anakin hummed pondering the words in a very un-anakin like way. He never seemed one for deep thinking or philosophical nonsense. But he seemed to be taking in your points weighing them up against one another.

"Dont you see obi-wan we twisted it, us. We made it what it is and use the force as an excuse to control one another. And if you force me to choose between slavery in the light and freedom in the dark?" You turned from Anakin and began pleading for your friend and teacher to understand your point. He had to, even if he didnt like it or agree you had to make him know of your reasoning. That you werent ust an evil woman driven by a need for power and vengeance.

"I choose the dark, just like Anakin. And honestly i chose it long ago... i was just scared of loosing what was most important to me. Scared to break the chains" you glanced to Anakin again unable to keep your self from checking on him. You were worried, concered and anxious to see if he was angry or disgusted by the way you felt about him. But he didnt give any indication, he was lost innhis own thoughts and didnt seem to aware of what was going on in that moment.

But then again he was probably overwhelmed. In the last few hours he'd betrayed the jedi, stormed the temple, slaughtered the younglings and jedi, almost killed padme and his unborn, fought his master, almost been burned alive and then had to deal with your hidden feelings coming to light.

"Thea please;" obi-wan tried again holding out his hand to you, trying to offer you a path back into whats left of the jedi. And it felt like the final attempt. He looked conflicted and exhausted.

You shook your head and stepped back as if he was trying to poison you. And in a way he was, he wanted to draw you into something youd only just managed to truely escape. He was still a slave he just couldnt see it. You pitied him in a way. He was too far gone and would never ever be free.

"No. I wont warn you again kenobi. You need to Leave now. And do not seek us out again" your voice didnt waver. You didnt flinch or stutter. Though the strength was just a mask. Inside you were crumbling, it shouldnt have come to this. The order should have just faded away like all relics of the past. But the jedi were greedy in their own way, stubborn. They refused to change, belived there was no need to ever compromise and for that hubris they had paid dearly.

Obi-wan didnt say anything, what could he say as you severed every connection you had with him. Every familiarity gone in a instant. He flicked his gaze from you to anakin and back again before disengaging his lightsaber and backed away. And then he was gone, falling out of sight behind the dunes.

You stayed alert until, you saw the ship take off and felt you and anakin were alone. Only then did you finally disengage your own saber and relax, collapsing to your knees taking a moment to come to terms with what had just happened. You were out. Free, free to feel and love and hate, free to decide whats best for you, live on your own terms with your own beliefs.

Tears began streaming down your face. This wasnt what you thought itd be, wasnt what you feared. Where was the shame? The terror and guilt? You were supposed to be lost and alone now. But all you felt was relief and strong. You felt peace yet a chaos, powerfull. You felt bold. It was everythingnyou were told it wasnt. You heard anakin shuffle behind you and then a gruntal moan as he fell heavily to the floor next to you. That snapped you out of your trance, you can reorder your feelings later, for now he needed you.

"Fuck, fuck are you okay? Here lets get away from all this lava, come on up here, let me see." You began quickly assessing him while trying to usher him futher up the bank. He swore under his breath pushing at you hands as you tired to support him. It was slow going but you managed to help half drag him higher moving him away from the rushing lava river that nearly killed him.

"Hey talk to me..." your voice grew quiet as the silence dragged on becoming uncomfortable and tense. But he just stared at you, yellow eyes burning into you trying to figure something out. Like you were a puzzle for him to pull apart.

"You... saved me from the lava... you pulled me free before....and protected me. You chose to stay?" He finally spoke confusion lacing his words. For a moment you thought he was going into some pain induced delirium or shock syndrom. He was both questioning you and doubting himself. Yet at the same time reaffirming what had happened.

"Yes. I did... Are you okay? Anakin your scaring me;" you confirmed before trying to find out if he was feeling like himself. You needed to lnow if he was going to turn and attack you or not. You had to be ready, he may have dropped his saber but youd seen what he'd done to padme without it. You didnt want to be the next one on his list.

"Anakin is dead." He snarled, sharp and furious. It was manic he was desperate to distance himself from who he once was. You drew a breath nodding to him, raising your hands slowly in a surrendering motion as you felt his force swirl around him erratically smothering you in a thickening cloak of raw power.

"W-who has taken his place?" You tried not to fear the answer, fear him. But he was glareing at you so intensely it almost physically hurt.

"Vader. Darth vader." You flinched, swallowing dryly. So it was true, he wasnt just becoming a dark jedi, but a sith. A true sith apprentice, one day a sith lord like the old tales. But you managed to take it in your stride simply nodding along with him.

"And what is darth vader going to do? I-is he; are you going kill me? Now that obi-wan is gone and the jedi are being eradicated" with that he relaxed. The acceptance soothed him, his rage receded as if he understood you werent going to argue or harm him. You felt an overwhelming sadness at that. He was so defensive and vulnerable yet youd never noticed before. He didnt reply the silence was deafening, you could only assume the worse.

"It okay vader... its okay of you need to; just at least let me help fix you up first alright?" You reassured him holding back tears. You knew this was a possibility. Knew he might kill you anyway to truly set himself free of the order. And you were willing to do that for him, to die for him to release himself from the shackles of the order.

"Thank stars its your right at least you wont lose another hand, well youll need a new prostetic and your shoulders fucked for now but we can;" you continued babbling trying not to think as you began healing him slowly, carfully letting your force flow through you to at least sooth his pain. He stared the whole time gazing almost blankly at you. Not evern hissing or flinching as you worked over the burns.

"Were you telling the truth?" His voice carried a vulnerable lilt to it. Like a child asking a parent if they were truly forgiven after being naughty. It was a small voice one youd never heard him use before. You stopped what you were doing and sat straighter giving him your undivided attention, yet it was you who felt like you were under a microscope.

"Is what you said true? About the order... the dark. Your feelings... your love?" He struggled to voice the words aloud but had to. And just like he had to ask you knew you had to answer.

"Yes. I havent ever truly cared for the order, but i did fear them. I stayed because i had people i was afraid of losing" you looked down still feeling shame. It was so ingrained into you that everything you thought and felt was wrong you could'nt help but be nervous revealing it so intimately.

"But eventually you have to be true to yourself and accept it. Even if it means getting yourself killed. If thats the case I'll die free and honest" you summarised tryingnto let him know you understood and you were at peace with your impending demise, especially if that ps what he needed.

"And your love? Was that a truth you had to face? The thing you couldnt lose...The person you were afraid of losing?" He asked again this time more desperate. He raised a hand to yours, clasping your wrist tightly and pulling it from his wounds. You closed your eyes sighing.

"Im here arent I?" You chuckled nervously motioning around you. Trying to deflect and make him assume what he wanted to save yourself the embarrassment. But he shook his head a growling at you in frustration, irritated at your refusal to answer him directly.

"No. Thea I need to hear you say it. I need to know the truth. Tell me." His frustration rose and his grip grew tighter making you wince. Your eyes searched his, pleading for him to let this go. Whats the point in pouring your heart out to him now?

His gaze was stern, brows pinched and jaw set firm, twitching in anger as the seconds slowly ticked away in silence as you continued your staring match. Finally you gave in looking away afterall you didnt have to look at him to bare your soul to him.

"Say what? That ive been madly inlove with you since i was a child? That i didnt understand what it was untill it was too late? That i adore you? That i always pushed myself harder and harder just so i could keep up with you and we wouldn't be separated? So i could be there if you ever needed me? That i could be strong enough to save you if you needed it?" You managed to wokr up the courage to look at him and gently twisted your hand from his grip and raised one slowly to his face. Cupping his jaw softly. He closed his eyes pressing into your palm, twisting slightly nuzzling into you enjoying the soft comfort.

"Yes. Yes to all the above. I love you and it has always terrified me like nothing else in the world. I was told so many times by my master by yoda and everyone who noticed that i was wrong. That it was dangerous and itd destroy me but i didnt care. I love you An-Vader;" you stopped yourself short and pulled away from him before you broke down. You felt like your chest was in a vice, being crushed. Your stomach was churning unsettled by the mix of fear and warmth you were feeling. It felt unnatural to just be human and experience your own emotions without resisting.

Vader followed your hand unconsciouly before capturing himself. Frowning in disappointment as the soothing touch fell away from him. He let you retreat knowing you you needed to distance yourself to get this off your chest once and for all. He was prepared for tears, and frustration and cursing. But he wasnt ready for the dark turn your words took.

"Fuck i even pulled clovis aside and threatened to skin him alive when he started to interfere; and i wasnt bluffing i was going to do it. I had a plan on how i was going to get away with it too. i scared him and myself. i couldnt find it in myself to be jealous of padme or resent her becasue i just wanted you to be happy. And if her love made you happy that was enough for me" your words pulled your force,making it thrum once more igniting under the surface with an eager malice as you remebered the fear. The promise you made to clovis as he trembled at the thoughts you were pushing into him. Youd gone too far that day. You knew you had, forcing him to see his own torture in his minds eye. It wasnt the jedi way. Youd avoided him after that. Not wanting to relive it, far too frightend of your own commitment to your threat. Youd have done it. Youd do anything for Anakin.

"She didnt, she never actually;" Vader began speaking searching for the words to explain himself. As much as he didnt want to belive it he knew there was only one explination for padme's refusal. He wasnt enough. His love and devotion wasnt enough to keep her by his side. He trembled, lip quivering as he turned to look you in the eye and finally with a shaky breath he admitted outloud what you both knew to be true.

"She has betrayed me. She wouldnt come with me y/n. In the end she didnt want me enough. I did everything for her. All this for her and she abandoned me her love wasnt enough to stand by me." He broke down, he didnt understand. Didnt want to, the pain was too much. He had sacrificed everything for her survival. And he sees now it was in vain. He'd been living a lie for her and she didnt see what it had done. What she had cost him. What he was willing to pay for her to be safely by his side.

You inched closer as he crumbled, mouring his love. His loss, his failure. It cut you, twisted cold knives in your gut. How? How could she have done this? Didnt she see what there marriage had cost them? Cost Anakin. No. How could she? Padme was free, she had nothing to lose. To her she had a powerful, respected ,handsome husband who she could have exciting secret couplings with when ever she wished. She got to run around in her own exciting forbbiden romance reality.

Yet Anakin could have lost everything he had worked for . All his years of blood sweat and tears would have been for nothing. He'd have lost his home,family, freinds, job his entire world would have crumbled around him if he'd been caught. And in the end he gave it all up willingly, falling from grace so thoroughly just to save her life. And it wasnt enough.

"But you didnt run... you didnt abandon me..your feelings are real, they have to be" you were pulled out of your thoughts by him grasping you, his hand coming to your cheek. You gasped as he pushed forward fingers trailing down to your jaw thumb lightly, ghosting your lower lip and then with a languid twist his fingers rose once more to settle on your cheek again.

Its was like he was mapping out your features. Fascinated and in awe. You blinked at him speechless from the delicate feather light touches. He'd never done anything like this before. His eyes became haunting as the yellow shrunk giving way to his puplis that grew wider. It was like he were seeing you for the first time, releasing the tight grip on his own restraint. Just as you were about to break the silence he spoke again, this time softer.

"You... you just threw away everything for me. Risked everything to protect me, just as i did for her. You truly love me. More then the others; more then my own wife. Im sorry, sweet angel im so so sorry i never saw it before." He apologised slidingmhis hand to cup the back of your neck and tipped forward pressing his own forehead to yours.

"I will not forsake you as she has done me. Do you hear me? I will not, i swear to you Thea. Come with me. Join me" the vow caught you off gaurd. This was something you only dreamt of. A fantasy youd kept in secret. He closed his eyes arching up pressing a kiss to your head inching closer and pulled you to rest on his collar bone. His arm now dropping to coil around you as best as they could with the damage done to his prostetic. You leant into him letting yourself curl into him, closing as much space as you could between the two of you.

"Join me? Please? We can... we can build something. Be something greater than what we were designed to be. Make an empire that will bring peace, that will punish the wicked greed festering in the galaxy" you shuddered feeling a sob bubble up. The guilt and elation both clashing in an overwhelming storm of emotion youd never been allowed to experience before. Tears began flowing once more as you tried to latch onto something familiar, something comforting. But there was nothing, it was all brand new and frightening.

"But what about Padme? Arent you going to try and convince her again? Or sidious? He will kill me im not strong enough to join him he'd never;" your words were mumbled, sentences torn apart by weak sobs and soft sniffles. You were desperately trying to find some stability, some comfort in all the chaos. And you were most comfortable when denying yourself everything youd ever truly wanted.

"Padme is not my concern any longer. Its time i stopped kidding myself, she showed where her loyalties lie. She was willing to let me; the so called love of her life, her husband, the father to her child; die at the hands of obi-wan becuase i chose another more powerful path" You shook your head disagreeing in mumbled hlf sobs weeping into him still unable to really understand what he was saying, you heard the words but it didnt register. You didnt want to risk believing them incase this was a trick, a ruse to ruin you completely.

"You were not. You who has been by my side, and loved me in secret. You stood up against obi-wan to protect me, thats the loyalty and courage a true wife should have. I will not ignore that sacrifice" he said louder, a grit to his voice determination and authority pouring from him. He wanted you to listen. To truly listen and see this for what it was. This was the defining moment of both your lives. The moment you both truly found oneanother and began walking the same path, marching towards a future that would give the both of you everything youd ever wanted and needed.

He honestly belived that both of you had been drifting through this life, mearly exsisting waiting for this moment where the force finally unites you both. He could feel it now, see clearly for the first time in years. The sleepless nights, doubts and fear of his own desires and marriage came to an end and al. He knew was that this was where he had meant to be. Here with you standing on the dawn of a new era for the galaxy.

"Sidious will not harm you. I will not allow that. You are loyal to me. You are mine. And i will fight to,protect you as you have fought for me today." His words poured, hands grasping you tighter as you cried still weakly holding onto the past. Your own doubt and fear clouding your resolve. He hated it. The way you crumbled so completely into him, you were strong. Always so strong but here and now you were lost and overwhelmed. It was down to him to pull you through. To guide you back and show you your place amongst all the changes.

"But im a jedi; vader dont... dont toy with me. I know you need to kill me and its okay. Its okay, im ready. I knew; you dont have to;"

"You are no longer a jedi. Look. Your saber...see?" He cut you off quickly, a snarl. Then he let out a breath before tipping his head to your saber and explained gently. You frowned at him before leaning to the saber youd discarded beside the both of you as you slumped to the ash. With a quick look to Vader you ignighted your saber only to yelp and drop it as soon as the red glow shone from the hilt.

"Oh... oh stars what?" You blreathed out fear and shame flushing through you. Vader moved bringing the saber between you both again ingiteing it again needing you to face the reality of your new predicament.

"You bled it Thea. Somehow while your kyber was still sat inside your saber. I haven't even managed to bleed mine yet. But you? It seemes you have been much closer to the dark side than me for a while" he hummed flicking his gaze from your awe struck face and the now red saber. It was odd seeing one so close without being attacked. It was raw, powerful. He could feel the rage and distress from within it, he knew he was feeling your own discontent through the hilt. But at the same time there was almost a relief? You were at peace with the red kyber. There was an understanding. He could only assume youd been fighting it for a long time.

"I think that is what made obi-wan retreat. He realised you were serious and willing to do what ever it took. That you meant every word and if he had stayed he would be fighting a powerful woman with no jedi rules to follow" he pondered outloud still watching you trying to decipher your thoughts. He could see how this was a moral dilemma. You seemed to return to him from the shock and gave a half smile taking the saber from him with a lightly nod and clipped it to your belt.

"He feared for his life and ran" he smirked as you scoffed at that rolling your eyes at him. He released a breath he didnt realise he'd been holding as you seemed to have gatherd yourself together with an odd acceptance.

"Once i have gained the knowledge i need i will end sidious and We shall rule. You and me Thea. The jedi order and all those who stand in our way will fall;that is if you want to join me? Become the force wielder you were born to be" he ducked down following your eyes as they dipped away from him, his uninjured hand tipping your chip up once more. You flicked your eyes to his, the amber was almost golden and shone with a sincere pleading. He was being honest.

"Become the woman you were meant to be. Im asking you take this final step with me please. Come with me, serve me, stand beside me; where you belong take your place along side me and rule. Will you help me make them all pay?" You swallowed whimpering quietly lowering your eyes to your saber resting in your lap and then locked eyes with him again. What was there to lose now? You had nothing now. Nothing but the freedom to choose.

"Yes of course i will. Id do anything for you" you managed to speak through the thickening lump in your throat, managing to push through the emotional whirlwind that encased the two of you.

"And i you. Perhaps it is not too late for us, maybe we can both finally break our chains and find the true love we have always craved"

"Dont say things like that, you love padme and that wont change. And thats okay Vader." you grunted into him still weakly trying to deny what had just happened. Still convinced that Vader was lost in his own feelings and hurt by his wife. Refusing his love for her out of spite.

"You love many people, why would you think im any different. I have always held you close to my heart. I do love you, i thought i loved padme more. But... I was young and foolish, you were jedi and untouchable she wasnt. I loved you enought o never risk you, yet i didnt do the same with her. Maybe i was wrong?" He sighed pondering hos own reasoning and short comings. Maybe he should have giving things more thought before jumping the gun the way he had. He would admit after his marriage hed been torn, happy to have a slice of normality but felt an uncomfortable pain when he'd watched your face drop at the news.

"Fuck anakin really must be dead. He's never been wrong before" you laughed slapping at him playfully. He grunted pushing you back making you fall back into the ash calling you a brat.

"Oh thank god theres still some sass in there, for a second there i though vader was going to be a boring old fart" you both chuckled at that and for a second there was nothing else. No responsibilities, no betrayal no jedi of sith. It was just the two of you chuckling at your own antics as youd done so many times a children. Before everything real and pure had been stolen away and twisted for someone elses gains.

"Come. We should go he isnt patient" vader spoke glancing up the ridge as he felt Sidious approach looking down the bank to the both of you. He stood with a grunt dragging you up beside him with useing the force. You gasped lightly at the way his life force acquainted itself with you in a new familiarity. It was forbidden to use the force this way, touching carelessly could cause unbreakable force bonds, your own life forces could mingle and become reliant on one another. It was almost seen as rude and obscene to let your force touch someone else outside of healing and battle.

You eyed him flushing but said noting, instead shyly opened yourself up to him as you both began to climb up the bank towards sidious. You felt unsure as you followed vader, but you trusted him. Sidious might not have wanted you but... would he real1ly deny another corrupted jedi? Your answer came as you approuched him, he peered around vader to you and his face lit up into a sinister grin. He nodded eyes glinting with glee, it would seem he was pleased with his two for one deal.

"Come, let's get both of your injuries tended to and then we can discuss our next objectives" you relaxed visibly at that before letting Sidious lead you both away. You weren't sure what was going to come next, and selfishly you didn't care. All you knew was for the first time in your life, you'd made the choice. And you will stay beside Vader for along as he allowed you to. You will not turn your back on him. Not now, not ever.

[redr0sewrites]

Overworking (Eris Vanserra x reader)

i love eris hes so underrated! this is incredibly self indulgent, but not very well proofread 😭 i havent written for acotar yet, lmk what u think! reqs are open!!

🥀CW: Angst to fluff, shitty writing, eris is sad, arguments, overworking

eris knew pain. his whole life, eris had suffered at the hands of his father and brothers and he never expected it to end, never dared to hope for anything good, knowing it could so easily be stripped away. nobody could care for a man as broken and horrid as eris vanserra, especially not someone as perfect as you.

you were eris' salvation, his perfect companion, mate, and lover. eris knew you were more precious then anyone or anything else, and many nights had been lost to his anxieties about your safety. if he lost you, he knew that he couldn't handle it, and yet it seemed so easy for you to slip through his fingers, disappear like so many other people in his life had. eris had watched the light inside his own mother fade as she became a soulless husk from being subjected to the horrors of his father, and he would rather die then watch the same happen to you. he wanted you safe, he wanted to push you away from the dangers of his court, and yet his heart ached for you every waking hour. you were too kind, too good for him.

the long hours of working under his father were beginning to break eris, even he was finding it difficult to hide behind the mask of the sneering and cruel son. the bags under his eyes were heavy, and he couldn't remember the last time he had slept. his stomach was nearly always empty, the thought of eating only made him feel worse. it was killing you to watch eris tear himself apart, and yet whenever you brought it up it always seemed to lead to eris lashing out. tonight was another night of waiting for him to join you in bed, staring at the illuminated crack between the door seperating your shared bedroom from his office. as the time ticked by, you just couldn't take it anymore, and stood, marching up to the door and opening it harshly. eris was sitting hunched over at his desk, his hair falling lazily across his face as he looked over some papers.

"we need to talk," you said sternly, his figure unmoving and stiff.

"can it wait?" he sighed, exasperated and clearly irritated at your interrupting of his work.

"no! no it cant wait! you have been overworking yourself for weeks, months even! i dont know whats gotten into you, but you need to stop, we need to talk about this! losing sleep and refusing to eat is not going to help you defeat your father, and if something or someone is causing an issue, then we should discuss it together!" you couldnt stop the words from tumbling out of your mouth, and your voice grew gradually louder before it came to a stop. you expected a reaction, expected him to stop his work or at least look at you. instead, he merely sighed, burying his head in his hands.

"this isnt easy for me either," he said, his voice dangerously soft. "perhaps if you werent always interrupting me, you would understand how difficult this is."

"so is that what i am? an interruption and nothing more? a nuisance for you to sway away?" you were angry now, and your words were heated and meant to hurt. eris' face shot up, and you could see the torment in his eyes.

"i.. i dont..." eris trailed off, leaving you feeling even worse then before. angry tears welled in your eyes, and you turn away to leave when his voice stops you.

"there are so many dangers that reside in this court, so many dangers that come with facing off with my father. i dont know how to solve these problems, i dont know how to keep you safe, i dont know anything anymore." his voice trembled, and his shoulders start to shake and shiver. too late, you realized he was crying. immediately you stepped towards him, swerving around the desk and wrapping your arms around him. eris buried his head in your chest, melting into your embrace and began to sob.

"please... please dont leave me. i cant lose you too" his words made your heart break, and you hugged him impossibly tighter and he did the same, as though fearful that yoh might disappear before his eyes if he were to let go. you whispered soft, sweet nothings to your lover as he wept, the stress and burdens of the past month leaving his mouth in garbled complaints, gasps, and sobs. you ran your hands through his hair, gently holding him as his crying began to subside and he stilled in your arms. for a few seconds, you both just sat there as he matched his breathing to yours, finding peace within your presence.

"do you want to talk about it?" you ask, voice gentle and concerned.

"not right now," he mumbled. "i jus' want to sleep." you chuckle at his confession, and begin to stand. he follows you to the bedroom, and the two of you curl up on the bed. as the both of you begin to drift off to sleep, eris cant help but feel a surge of gratitude for your kindness and patience. eris may know suffering, and he may face more in the future, but at least he has you at his side to support him.

rahh this sucks so bad but i love him sm. hes so silly and underrated aksnksd i love my little fox man. i promise i can write better then this im just tired and in pain guys ajdjdn ANYWAYS HOPE U ENJOYED REQS ARE OPEN I WILL WRITE MORE FOR ERIS THE LOML SOON👹👹👹