#seen a lot of gross behavior this past year

[scoobypineapple]

Putting this out here, even if I’m not the most influential person on Scooby tumblr, let alone the fandom at large: stop bullying.

None of you are above common decency no matter your status as a creator, no matter your opinions. This sort of vitriol should not be present in our community.

[tigertofu]

ok i've been chipping away at this Thing for a long time and i think it's finally ready to be vomitted out into the internet. without further ado, here is my

Stupid-Long List of Trevor Headcanons

divided into chronological sections !

((the NSFW shit is hiding at the bottom))

CW's for: mentions of drugs/alcohol, addiction, cannibalism, violence, gross sex stuff. typical Trevor things

and heres a gif of him cuz ig thats the tumblr thing to do idk i never made one of these lists b4 :x

the past

• he's a scorpio and the reason he has a scorpion tat on his hand is bc he's like. very mildly into horoscopes. he was born some time in november

• he doesn't have a middle name cuz his mom didn't give enough of a shit to give him one

• despite playing hockey and golf as a kid, he was never really that into the sports themselves. he only did hockey because he saw it as a way to beat up other children and not get reprimanded for it, and he did both in the hopes of being good enough at something to earn his mother's praise for once (it did not work :()

• hates his dad bc of how he treated his mom and is glad he abandoned him at that shopping mall when he was a kid

• he (w/ Brad's help) would play "pranks" on (aka BULLY) poor Lester during the north yankton days. some fav pastimes included (but were not limited to): pantsing him, hiding his walking cane, and replacing his asthma medication with laughing gas

• was highkey jealous of how easy Michael could get girls during the north yankton days. when he actually was able to convince a girl to come back home with him, he would make sure to be loud as hell about it so that Mike would know he wasn't the only one getting chicks

• all of his hand tats and a lot of his other tats were done in prison, even tho he was only in for like 6 months

• prison was a mixed bag for him. on one hand, anal. on the other, having to restrain himself from arguments and physical altercations so he could get out early on good behavior

• went thru a breakdancing phase in the 90's (i THINK this one might be canon. idk. could've sworn i've heard him try to tell Lamar this in an attempt to impress him. pls feel free to prove me wrong or right)

• one of the scars on his eyebrows is actually the result of getting a fresh eyebrow piercing ripped tf out during a barfight in the 00's. prob for the best that it was cuz we all know that shit wouldve ended up getting infected and rejecting out of his face anyways

• he moved to Sandy Shores not just because it's nice and isolated, but because it was the place most opposite of north yankton he could think of. never any snow. he absolutely fucking hates cold weather and snow because it reminds him of a certain bank heist that happened in '04

• between Ron, Chef, and Wade, Chef was the first one he met after moving to Sandy Shores. they used to cook meth together in a trailer out in the desert (another one that i THINK is canon but im not sure idk. it all blurs together, idk whats canon and whats not anymore, my brain is too rotted from spinning Trevor around in it like the world's most dried out little shriveled husk of a rotisserie chicken for the past three years, the fog is coming, yk how it is)

• he acquired Liquor Ace the same way he "acquired" the Vanilla Unicorn. the previous owner just mysteriously disappeared one day. nobody in Sandy Shores cared tho once word got around that the new owner was gonna start cooking crystal in the upstairs and selling it

• yk how in the game he said that his heart momentarily stopped once cuz he put an axe thru a power cable? he did that cuz the power had gone out in the middle of him watching an Impotent Rage episode he hadn't seen yet. for some reason (was prob very high and very angry) he thought that he could bring the power back by hitting the sparking wire with an axe. it didnt work. he smelled like overcooked bacon for a week afterwards. he enjoyed that part tho

the present

• he makes Ron cut his hair with a pair of rusty kitchen scissors when he needs a trim. he used to go to the nice barber lady in Sandy Shores but got banned after loudly moaning about how good her nails felt on his scalp once

• once smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale. Wade witnessed this and found it extremely impressive

• he'll eat pretty much anything but he especially likes foods with strong flavors. salty, sour, super sweet, spicy, etc cuz his taste buds are SHOT from the years of smoking/drug abuse. he abuses condiments, especially hot sauce

• thinks that any restaurant that doesn't have a drive-thru is a "fancy" restaurant

• LOVES candy cuz the meth has given him a major sweet tooth, but prefers anything with chocolate over fruity/gummy candies

• has a weird fascination with eating raw meat.....of any kind. except for sushi. he thinks sushi is "fancy prissy city people food"

• also has a weird fascination with making stews/soups similar to the eyelid one that he tries to feed Michael in that one cutscene. it's the only type of food he knows how to cook. may be a comfort thing for him because microwaving a bowl of canned soup was the most effort his mother ever put into making a meal for him when he was a kid. and she did it like, twice, maybe. he for sure remembers both times very clearly tho and considers them to be some of his fondest memories

• will go for days without eating anything solid before finally sitting down and consuming enough food to feed a family of 5. sometimes he just like. forgets that eating is necessary for survival

• can open beer bottles with his teeth. between that and the meth habit, its an absolute miracle he still has all his teeth

• go-to pizza order is a large meat lover's. he tries to make vaguely sexual passes about "loving large meat" at the poor pizza delivery guys every time he orders delivery. does not tip, but will say shit like "hey, if you come inside i've got a little tip for ya" while the delivery guy quickly vacates the premises

• honestly? i think there is a good 50/50 chance on whether or not he is ACTUALLY a cannibal. maybe he posters as one cuz he likes the reactions it incites, maybe he genuinely enjoys the psychosexual intimacy of consuming the flesh of another human being........ who knows !! not knowing is half the fun :)

• ok ok hear me out u know that stupid tiktok sound that was going around a couple years ago that goes "hi my name is carmen winstead -- HAAAAAHHHGGCHH" ??? look it up if u don't cuz that's what his snoring sounds like. the fucking "HAAAAAHHHGGCHH"

• once he's asleep he is out like a fucking light. guy could sleep thru nuclear war

• is not opposed to drinking hand sanitizer when out of other sources of alcohol. it tastes just like the shitty moonshine Ron makes in his backyard anyways and gets him even drunker so why not !

• hates horror films bc they make him angry. at least, any of the ones where somebody survives at the end. thinks the murderers in them are stupid. starts yelling shit at the TV like "HE'S GETTING AWAY YOU STUPID FUCK,, WHAT ARE YOU DOING !!!!"

• believes baby pink and orange are "his colors"

• will sit on his sofa or bed and try to shoot any cockroaches scurrying around his place with a pistol for funsies when bored sometimes

• enjoys playing darts at the Yellow Jack with anyone who'll play him but absolutely fucking sucks at it cuz of his shaky hands. accidentally threw a dart into another bar patron's head once. will rage and insist his opponent cheated when he loses. will then get physical if anyone tries to tell him its impossible to cheat at darts. is much less of a sore loser when playing with Mike, Frank, or Lamar tho he will still grumble about losing for up to hours on end afterwards

• is an illegal immigrant bc he never became a US citizen. does not own an actual ID, but has several fakes lying around, all with fake birth dates and fake names that are wildly varying levels of believable

• will absolutely flip his fucking lid if Wade comes around him while wearing Juggalo face paint

• speaking of Wade. yk how he has a shitty tattoo of his own name on his arm? (at least i think he does. i tried looking to see if he does and i couldnt tell so now im unsure if thats just yet another detail that my brain completely made up or smth that i actually saw). ANYWAYS, Trevor gave it to him (stick n poke. it was a longggg process but Wade didnt mind too much cuz he was high at the time and consented to it beforehands anyways) when Trevor first "took him in" cuz he kept forgetting his name and got tired of referring to him as "Hey, you" (which Wade did not respond to most of the time anyways)

• is an ugly crier. like, a butt-ugly crier. snot, drooling, wailing, red face, the whole nine yards and he is loud as hell about it too

• loves back rubs cuz ofc he does he's an old man. often makes Ron or Wade give him massages

• his boomer-ass super-zoomed-in LifeInvader profile pic was taken by Ron. it took them a dozen tries before they got it

nsfw

• he sucks at eating out.........kinda? but what he lacks in precision and consistency he makes up for with sheer (sloppy. slobbery) passion. and endurance. can stay down there (and will, if you let him) for hours

• is not much better at blowing. "accidentally" uses too much teeth every time

• ~4 inches. MAYBE 4.5. good girth tho. not cut

• has a thing for chubby/thicc ppl

• is a biter and won't ask before biting so uhh watch out ! part of the reason for the above is bc there's more to bite

• loooooves loves loves to suck on things. fingers, necks, tits, dicks, anything. also looooooves having it reciprocated. particularly likes shoving his fingers in your mouth

• loves to involve mouths as much as possible. spitting/being spat on, the aforementioned biting as well as being bitten, eating food off of your body or having food eaten off of him, the type of makeout sessions that involve shoving each other's tongues down each other's throats.. anything that involves mouths and/or the motions of eating drives him fucking wild

• will beg you even when not explicitly told to when he's not feeling dominant. will beg and beg and beg and beg and it's hot but can also quickly become incredibly annoying

• but he LOVES to be annoying on purpose too. via the begging, or by teasing/edging, mocking, etc. loves to get a rise out of you and loves the attention (even if negative.. ESPECIALLY if negative) it gets him

• occasionally cries after sex. will expect you to hold him while he does. will start to angry cry and say you don't actually love him if you refuse

• now ik this one is nothing groundbreaking and seems to already be the general consensus amongst the Trevor enjoyers but im gonna say it anyways. he def has a thing for public/semi-public sex. be careful about sitting next to him while in any public space. he WILL try to touch on you and it WILL be in a way that makes it obvious to everyone in the immediate vicinity what's going on. does he do it on purpose as an exhibition thing? maybe...... does he genuinely think he's being slick about it? also maybe. if ur with him, expect to be banned from multiple establishments

• lowkey has a breeding kink in the sense that he loves to finish inside (not just bc it feels nice but also bc of the intimacy of it) and thinks that pregnant women are hot as hell

• is most likely infertile due to the years of meth use tho

• loves to both overstimulate and be overstimulated. just bc you've both climaxed doesnt mean he wont keep going for god-knows-how-long

..................andd that's all she (i) wrote. ty for reading !! i've got more shit to say about Trevor cuz ofc i do but this is already like 2k words so if u wanna hear my headcanons on anything specific at all,, pls do throw it in my ask box ! <33

[whatamessofthoughtswithjess]

Just some random thoughts I’d like to mention:

ADHD chaotic word vomit commencing in:

3……2…….1……. 💥

1. Fandoms can be extremely toxic. Like SCARY TOXIC! 🥴

2. PR Tours aren’t geared towards the established fans. PR tours are to engage new viewers. PR tours are created to sell the story being told. If you’ve got a romance show that’s trying to sell a story of “friends to lover’s” the PR tour will lean into the natural chemistry between the leads, they’ll create an atmosphere to enhance the chemistry, and they’ll use whatever techniques necessary in order to sell the story.. to bring in new audiences.

3. We all fell for the #Polin PR tour. Nicola and Luke have unsettling chemistry & Shondaland knew this as well. They also knew how much they could play off of their chemistry and bring in a large viewership. 2.3 billion minutes watched the first week alone? The PR tour paid off really well for them. I can’t even be mad at them at this point. You can’t say it wasn’t smart financially.. even if it was quite shitty to play with the hearts of Polin fans.

4. Luke and Antonia didn’t deserve the hate that was and continues to be thrown at them. They’ve been linked together for over a year now. He never hid her existence. The fandom chose to ignore her existence. That’s on the fans.. not Luke.

5. This one is going to piss a lot of folks off. Sorry not sorry. Luke Newton doesn’t owe the fandom anything. The “he has yet to claim her” comments are ridiculous. This man has been seen with her on multiple occasions, he has travelled with her, he’s been papped multiple times with her, he brought her to both Bridgerton premieres. That is claiming her. He doesn’t have to post her on his professional instagram just to appease his fans. He owes you nothing regarding his private life. Stop with the entitlement. It’s icky.

6. It’s never okay to bully anyone. Ever. The bullying against Antonia and now Jake Dunn is GROSS! It’s even more gross watching grown ass women bully a 23 year old young lady. It’s giving “I’m jealous” vibes. Do I like the way Antonia has acted towards the fans? No. She’s been a petty Betty at times.. however.. I can’t say I wouldn’t have been myself. That young woman has watched thousands of people publicly ship her man with his costar. She’s been bullied non stop & ridiculed for her body, her looks, her work, everything. I’d be acting a bit petty too if I were in her shoes. Grace is free & showing grace isn’t hard. She is human like the rest of us.

7. Now let’s talk about Nicola Coughlan and Jake Dunn. The absolute bullshit hate comments being left on Jake’s instagram are absolutely ridiculous. This man has done NOTHING WRONG except for crush any insane delulu you have in your mind. If you have something negative to say about this man? Do it in your private spaces & don’t take it to this man’s social media. Do you truly think Nicola will have any sort of respect for you by saying such hateful and nasty things to someone she clearly cares deeply for? Newsflash! She won’t. She’ll probably dislike you greatly for such vile behavior. Grow up. It’s legit that simple.

8. Like with Luke, Nicola owes you nothing regarding her personal life. Who she dates, spends her time with, chooses to love is no one’s concern but her own. She deserves to be able to live her life with who she wants and how she wants without fans acting the fool.

9. We don’t speculate on people’s sexuality. That’s gross behavior. That’s extremely disrespectful and invasive. Touch grass. Oh and did you know that you can tell your friends you love them without being gay? Shocking, right? Who knew? 😉

10. Stop. Full Stop. With stating your personal delulu opinions as facts. The biggest reason why this fandom is so toxic and drunk on delulu is because so many larger creators have planted false information in their minds as facts.. now they can’t see past the delulu & anything that goes against what they’ve convinced themselves of in their minds is false.. regardless of the receipts that are dangling in their faces. Please stop. It’s time to come back to reality.

11. Bullying one another for different opinions is TOXIC AF! There is no reason for people to be bullied off their own platforms because you don’t agree with their views. Take that toxic behavior right on out of here.

12. Colin Bridgerton is the BEST of the Bridgerton men.. apart from Edmund Bridgerton of course. You can’t convince me otherwise.

13. The best Bridgerton characters are as follows in this specific order:

Penelope Bridgerton

Lady Agatha Danbury

Queen Charlotte

I can’t be convinced otherwise. I stand by these choices.

14. Daniel Radcliffe will always be Harry Potter. I don’t care who they cast to play him in the new HBO Max series. Daniel is Harry. Point. Blank. Period.

15. Draco Malfoy deserved better.

16. Cats are the superior pet.

17. Shrimp is GROSS. You can’t change my mind.

18. I could have fixed Anakin Skywalker. 😅

19. Heck I could have fixed Kylo Ren too.

20. Pumpkin spice is trash. Apple cider is where it’s at. Fight me. 🍏🍎

Chaotic enough for you? I know it was for me. I’ve been wanting to get some of those thoughts out of my head. What better way to do that than here? Welcome to the asylum y’all. Enjoy the chaos! ✌🏻

[lonelybiscuits]

WARNING: spoilers ahead

I love winx club, but you wanna know what I love more—Sailor Moon. So I just want to take a moment and defend my girl chibiusa here😤 i feel like i see a lot of opinions about her, and want to be that “actually in the manga 🤓” nerd for a second. The 90s anime adaptation of Sailor Moon took some liberties and changed a lot, even if things didn’t necessarily make sense by today’s standards (ESPECIALLY if you watched the dub 💀) , but back to Sailor Chibi moon, is she annoying at times? Yes, she’s portrayed as a literal CHILD. Who else is a child in the timeline? Her mom Usagi/Sailor Moon. But NO ONE seems pressed about her bad behavior or poor choices she makes.

In the future, Chibiusa is the sole heiress, only child, of the Silver Millennium. But for some reason she doesn’t physically or mentally age for 900 years— she’s literally incapable n and no one knows how or why. Given who she is, everyone assumes something is wrong with her and she ends up ridiculed and severely isolated. So much so she’s basically goaded into stealing the legendary silver crystal. Upon taking it her home is literally destroyed and her mom is like encased in crystal.

So her being a child thinks to go back to the past to get sailor Moon to help save her parent and kingdom. She’s alone and terrified. It’s not just “oh boo she fell and her parents didn’t help her up” there’s more to it!

Black lady (a grown up version of chibiusa) is mentally and temperamentally altered by wiseman! And here come people blaming her— a literal child — for not being able to fight off the effects of the villain of this arc??? Agree to disagree with me, but Black lady is NOT a reflection of who chibiusa is as a character and should not be compared to her. She was hypnotized and brainwashed into thinking EVERYTHING and EVERYONE hates her and she needs to show them and kill them.

Now the scene where she falls and her parents tell her to get up on her own— also an altered memory! Wiseman altered it so that it would appear her parents despise her when it didn’t happen that way! It’s not her fault. Hell when she goes back to the palace as Black lady her parents to not acknowledge her as chibiusa and comprehend that their daughter has been fundamentally changed by a means of hypnosis.

I’m also gonna say it: a lot of people don’t understand the arc itself. Chibiusa a WHOLE arc is about GROWTH. Now unlike the anime that utilized her parents to get her out of the brainwashing, the manga uses Sailor Plutos DEATh. Her only friend DIED.

Now the weird tuxedo mask black lady kiss thing was already GROSS, but once again Black Lady is NOT equivalent to chibiusa. She , as Black Lady, was rubbing her power in sailor moon’s face, not sexually kissing him.

There is so much more I could stay on this, but all I gotta say is, if you haven’t seen the manga from the 90s, I heavily recommend that you do because it is so much different and provides a new perspective on what is happening.

Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk

[tadpw-au]

TADT AU: Dynamic duos (main ones)

Caine and Bubble

Bubble is always at Caine's side whenever he isn't being used for showing hints to the players. Even though his actions can be seen as kinda gross, he acts as a sort of loyal dog to Caine after the years the toybox server had been abandoned.

Caine made him to help the players advance through each level before the server had been abandoned. They don't have much of a bond outside of having either a boss/assisstant or "pet"/owner dynamic. However, Caine gets very easily cross with Bubble, usually popping him to get rid of Bubble temporarily if he ever gets angry with him over anything.

Pom and Ni

As the sisters who are players in the game, they have very differing mindsets that can help them out in any situation. With Pom and her analytical behavior, she helps with trying to find a clear and logical explanation for any situation, even if they get into quite a few pickles. Ni, on the other hand, is protective of her sister by helping her get out of a bad situation whenever she notices Pom freezing up.

Despite always having each other's backs a lot of the time, it does sometimes become an issue to try and see from each other's point of views. With Ni's spontaneous risks, Pom worries that she'd eventually get herself into a situation where she would seperate from her. With Pom's moments to freeze when thinking, Ni worries that while she's thinking, she would lose her from any outside threats trying to kill them.

Gangle and Lanky

Programmed to be siblings with differing ideas on how to handle the stories they produce, Gangle and Lanky have slightly differing views on how to treat the players.

Lanky is often the one who is closed off from accepting criticism for his plays. If he wants a story to be done right and things are going wrong in his eyes, he'd usually intervene and take control of the players' actions with his ribbons. With Gangle, although she can be much more accepting of criticism than her brother, she still holds onto a lot of nostalgia, often saying things such as "I don't remember that" or "that's not how it used to be" when talking about things from the past. With Gangle's coding to be submissive to her brother, she fears that standing up for herself will ultimately lead to her code being deleted.

Jax and Kaufmo

Although they come from two completely different animation styles, Jax and Kaufmo were a dynamic duo who enjoyed innocent, cartoonish violence. They would even do collabs with each other to perform together.

After Kaufmo's code had been deleted, Jax was angry that his best friend had been erased from the game. As a means to let his anger out, especially to fill in the void of boredom, he started to act more out-of-character by becoming more aggressive. However, even though his anger is mainly directed at Caine for taking his friend away, he lashes out at everyone who crosses his path, especially new players like the Pomni twins, due to how close they are to Caine.

Kinger and Queenie

Before the server had been abandoned, the duo were once rivals on the chessboard, being on completely seperate sides from each other. However, after the server had been abandoned, they've gotten to get really bored of their rivalry and started to become close.

After bonding and Queenie sharing her interest in bugs, Kinger slowly developed feelings for her. They fell in love, got married from a bishop chess piece, and kept their relationship on the down low from Caine. It wasn't until Caine discovered their relationship in some private chats they've had with each other when he decided to delete Queenie from the game altogether. He still holds fond memories of Queenie, even after she'd been long gone.

[buckybarnesss]

Sending this on anon -

I think there is a latent amount of misogyny in the star wars fandom that people aren't ready to face lol.

Like there was so much hate for RebelCaptain and Bix x Cassian (MechanicThief? Bixian?) After andor, and we were called homophobic for 'not wanting to ship' the mlm ships, and I'm like???!! First of all multiplies exist, and second of all, complex, dramatic, well written ships also should exist!

And I'm now seeing the same pattern where it's encouraged to ship Din with the men, but not with the women

I think that a lot of fans really need to look within their consumption and see if they're really looking for representation, or for Ken dolls they can experiment with.

DinBo is so fascinating and I really can't wait to see how they develop

oh y'all want me to get spicy. i'm gonna put his under a read more.

i don't even think it's latent. the female characters receive an excessive amount of hatred or are pitted against each other. i've been in fandom spaces a long, long, long time so i know it's sadly nothing new but people have a hard time accepting that not all the misogyny comes from men.

there is no quarter for woman characters like jyn erso and bo-katan. they will never please. especially when they may have possible romantic relationships with the male leads.

i have thoughts on the shipping atmosphere for the mandalorian and it's not positive.

i am very much a ship and let ship person. i prefer to stay in my lane and enjoy what i enjoy. no harm no foul.

but i do find it -- shall we say interesting -- that bo-katan and din have a multiple episode arc where they develop a deeper understanding of each other overcoming their differences from when they first met but is met with the attitude of ew no cooties. it is fine to prefer a more sibling dynamic between the two but some have been really nasty about others shipping it romantically.

i didn't even really ship it at first but it's grown on me over the course of the season. they compliment each other and have a lot of protentional to explore.

it's one thing to not like a ship but i've seen a lot of language that i consider problematic and outright anti behavior of labeling something you don't like with dog whistles of incest, grooming, toxic and disgusting when it's in fact none of those things at all. just say you don't ship it and keep stepping.

like, the most popular din ship over the past two years has been dinluke which is a perfectly acceptable ship but in canon they've exchanged like a handful of words in one scene. it's fanon.

the armorer and bo-katan has become a popular ship which is again built on a few interactions.

but somehow din and bo are terrible, no good and gross.

we don't even have canon sexualities for these characters and headcanons are not canon. hell, i personally see din on the ace spectrum and bo makes sense to me as bi but that's my headcanon.

this is also not dean winchester being based of a bisexual character and fifteen years of evidence of subtext or stiles stilinski's bisexual baiting by jeff davis on teen wolf.

i get the desire for more lgbta+ representation in star wars but a heterosexual relationship existing is not your enemy and if you think it is than you are part of the problem.

[reallyprofoundkryptonite]

I always find it weird how people essentially handle Krogan and Eret as

“Oh Eret joined the dragon riders so he he’s good now!” And “Krogan never joined the dragon riders so he’s objectively evil and we should hate him.”

When in reality with the situation about Drago and whatnot, both Eret AND Krogan were in an abusive situation with Drago, and Krogan, was most likely in that situation far longer than Eret was anyways. Krogan was called “Drago’s Star Pupil” by VIGGO HIMSELF. (You know, everyone’s favorite villain.) and it leaves enough to state that Krogan was most likely a literal child when Drago got his hands on him.

The other things that I will point out is that if this is true, from what I remember, Drago is 55ish in httyd 2, and essentially that could hint at the fact that Krogan has been with Drago since Krogan was around five, which would make Drago 35.

My point is that, despite the fact that we’ve actively seen Krogan doing bad things, a lot of his actions can essentially and very easily be boiled down to just following orders, and the fear of being hurt by Drago. Eret clearly has PTSD (thanks @rodimus75leek for pointing that one out Btw) but if Eret has PTSD from Drago, then so does Krogan, especially since Krogan has suffered from twenty years worth of abuse from Drago.

The reason why Krogan NEVER thought to abandon Drago was because he most likely had Stockholm Syndrome, and/or he thought that he was desreving of the horrendous treatment that he was most likely subjected to at a young age because he thought it was normal for someone “Like Him” to be treated as nothing more than a tool.

Krogan’s behavior, underneath this thought process, is also completely understandable because that is how the human mind works. If faced with stress or threats, the human mind will force itself to DO AS TOLD, because like any animal, the survival of itself is far more important than the individual’s moral code. And this is a proven theory.

The fact that this is also a very complex thing, that can be scurried down to whatever is that whenever people are making jabs at Krogan, and then proceed to hold Viggo Grimborn up on a pedestal like he is better than Krogan in any way is also disgusting. Viggo isn’t better than Krogan. He’s worse, objectively.

No matter how you put it, pre redemption arc Viggo is not a sympathetic character. While he may have had trauma in his past, Viggo committed war crimes that broke the Geneva Convention on several occasions, such as going after civilians that were not involved in a war he was fighting, simply because they were allied with his current enemy.

Pre-Redemption arc Viggo Grimborn’s sole intention for dragon hunting, was for the money. He said it himself. He is not a monster, he is a businessman. He doesn’t see the things he’s doing out of pure greed as evil because at the end of the day, he was essentially the How to Train Your Dragon version of Elon Musk. A multibillionaire dragon hunting CEO who only cares about profits.

Going back to Krogan, the worst things he’s done on screen is the singetail breeding program (which you know, happens all the time with people breeding dogs irl), and the fact that Krogan killed someone on screen. Which guess what? VIGGO DID THAT TOO.

Calling Krogan evil, simply because he never reached out for help or sided with the dragon riders, is gross. It is victim blaming.

[aita-blorbos]

aita for being sensitive? I'll try to keep this short.

(oc)

I am very sensitive. I have a list down below, but if you're impatient, you can just skip to the next time the font is this size for convenience.

I don't eat much, but when I do, I have a very strict diet, one that a lot of people feel grossed out about. People call me a leech or a bloodsucker--this isn't necessarily true. I also have dietary restrictions: salt makes me feel very ill, and I can't have garlic, either. If seeds are involved, I usually end up counting them instead of actually eating (it's called arithmomania).

I am sensitive to sunlight and get sunburned very easily. I can't touch silver or cold iron because of sensory issues. I don't really like touching holy water or crosses either because of things that happened in the past--it makes me feel like I'm burning.

I have poor circulation that makes me feel cold to the touch, and makes me look kind of dead. I have more robust canines that I'm very self-conscious about--I feel like I can't see the real me in the mirror. I also have a fast metabolism.

I use a lot of more 'old fashioned' slang, and people keep making fun of me for it and my mannerisms. But surprisingly, though I feel nervous, I don't get physically anxious about their comments--I don't feel my heart beat much. I also have old fashioned objects--quills, Victorian nightgowns, books that haven't seen the light of day in a hundred years.

I have an affinity for bats, cats, frogs, and other creatures, and I get kind of upset when people say that that's too weird. And what's worse is that people keep treating me like a monster. I don't understand why. My friend keeps telling me not to attack, maim, or kill anyone.

I do have some upsides, though.

I'm very fast and strong. But even when I'm not, I've managed to survive some pretty whacky things. I heal relatively easy.

I have a hypnotic personality. I feel like I know what people are thinking, and I'm usually right.

I always know who's coming to greet me, and people can't sneak up on me easily. It's like I have almost...enhanced senses.

Here's where the problem really lies.

I met a really pretty girl, who we can call 'A' (idk her age) a while back, and I fell in love with her at first sight. We slowly grew closer, and closer, until we were inseparable. I was thinking about A one day, and I realized that I noticed some strange behaviors from her.

One night, I was in my backyard, and I saw an odd-looking wolf...turns out A's a werewolf. I still stayed with her and supported her, and I still love her so, so much.

Anyway, I was talking with A the other night, and I told her some things about myself, and she came up with the idea that I could be a vampire.

I don't think I am, but I do think that it's a big probability--I survived an attack a while ago from my ex (500F). I didn't tell her any of this, however; I told her that that would be insane, and that would never happen to me. We got into a pretty big fight, and there's a lot of space between us now.

AITA?

[leupagus]

Ted Lasso season 3 episode 5.

That’s it that’s the ask.

I don't know what you'd like the answer to be, though! I watched it! A lot happened! My thoughts won't be particularly new or original, but here you go. (Spoilers, obviously, below.)

I think it's a really interesting notion that Rebecca, like her mom, gets (a little bit) hooked onto the idea of the psychic might actually not be full of shit, to the extent that she considers getting pregnant. I am super curious as to how/if that storyline resolves in Rebecca actually being a mom, either literally or figuratively, but I don't have any predictions either way. I will say that that storyline must have been really hard for Waddingham, considering what she's talked about with her own daughter's conception, so kudos to her.

EXTREMELY glad that they made clear that Jade wasn't intended to be seen as a racist (even though I maintain that, in the real world, WOOF her behavior the first two times we met her were racist), but rather just extremely reserved and willing to open up (and hey, NOT because Nate is famous now! Another thing I'm really happy to have been wrong about!) and I hope those kids make it work.

I absolutely fast-forwarded through the Shandy firing because I'd been spoiled for it and it made me sad that they brought on a great actor only to waste her like this. I get what the show was trying to say, but I don't like how they did it and I agree with those who found it pretty gross that one of the only non-white female actors on the show had to play that character (even though Ambreen Razia knocked it out of the park in every scene she was in).

Keeley and Jack together are great — I didn't "need" it in the way that a lot of people say (both in general and in the queer community) that unless a bi person sleeps with multiple genders, it doesn't "count." On the other hand, it's nice! They're two hotties, I'm glad they get to be hot together for however long their relationship is.

Other than that, yay for Ted's (somewhat erratic) growth in this ep; yikes for Henry's bullying (though it sounds more like it was a fight he got into with the kid rather than systemic harassment or abuse); I too am both scared and horny about Roy's vivid advice for bullies; and Roy joining in on the injured monkey... moment was really good for me. (As of course was Trent's revelation that he might actually be a good strategist, given the metric fuckton of soccer he's watched and judged for the past twenty-five years.)

[sehtoast]

I noticed something lately. Some allegation were thrown at Antony Starr. The most recent ones being that he apparently like some racist comments online and that he is the reason Dominique McElligot is not that involved in promotional stuff. The person that spread that rumour according to the Boys Reddit about Antony being a toxic person is some person called Vought HQ who if my memory serves me is hated by the cast and crew as she was a leaker and when they finally stopped her she got pissed and hence those stories

of these, only the comment likes are substantiated, for which he absolutely does need to apologize. whether or not it was an accident really isn't relevant; it still warrants an apology solely because it happened. to his credit, he shut down the comments section on that particular post and scrubbed an absolute landslide of absolutely vile comments before reopening it (there's still a couple, but of several thousand comments i would say he did a pretty solid cleanup given he's just one guy).

as for the rest, i feel like there's a lot of bullshit floating around given voughthq's (gonna abbreviate as vhq) history. and you're right, she was widely disliked by the cast for spoiling the show, and she took a lot of their posts about spoilers upsetting them to heart and became very vitriolic, but in particular she seemed to really fixate on Antony after his post (i don't have it on hand, but i have seen it and it really wasn't bad or insulting toward her at all. it was mostly just "spoilers suck :c / people worked hard and leaking their hard work before it's time is rude)

what i find really discredits her, though, is the fact she happily name dropped people in departments like costuming, directing, and vfx (100% remember the costuming one bc she claimed they doxxed her [press x to doubt]) and generally anyone who had slighted her, and i know she name dropped the person who was feeding her spoilers over animal crossing. however, she refused to name the person who told her all these allegations about Ant's on set behavior, claiming it was to protect their privacy. this is, in particular, i find baffling, because not only had she quit by this point (would bet money she was actually fired) but she also went scorched earth quite happily on everyone else. if you having nothing left to lose, why not drop the name?

ultimately, vhq is someone known for lashing out at any degree of criticism or disagreement, and often weaponized spoilers to use against fans in discord as a way to 'attack' them, which... gross.

and, unless Dominique or others came forward and said that Antony had harassed/bullied them on set, then we really have nothing more than a game of he-said-she-said from a disgruntled ex uk-based employee two or more degrees removed from everyone with clear personal beef against Ant as grounds to label him abusive. Antony admittedly does have a past history of two instances of drunken violence that happened many, many years apart, but i don't think that necessarily upholds vhq's accusations.

[mieczyhale]

note: i spent quite a bit of time rambling, and it truly is rambling, so i have not gone back and re-read any of this.

-

you can hate someone all you want and say whatever you want about them, but to attack their appearance and a speech impediment is gross. idc who the fucker is. his appearance has nothing to do with his behavior and making fun of the way someone talks?? really?? not only does that also have nothing to do with his behavior, but a lot of people have speech impediments and he's not gonna see your ~jokes~ but they will

go after him for shit that's relevant. go after his actions

anyway

dude needs a psych eval, therapy, and anger management at the very least imo. he's never really hidden that he isn't mentally thriving, but there is a lot more going on up there than depression.

-

as someone who can react aggressively, even violently, when frustrated enough or angry enough - and has said some awful shit in the moment that felt out of my control (there is no brain to mouth contact in that moment) - i know there is shit that can be done to help that. medications, therapy, learning redirection, knowing when to exit a situation before you hit that point, and other shit.

i've been struggling with this again lately as my mental health is shit, but it's still better than it used to be years ago, and i'm aware of it and what a problem it is. bc real talk: i did not think it was an issue. it was like "yeah i'm yelling and screaming and throwing things and breaking shit (not all at once, thank god) but so what?? that's just how i am". you can truly be so unaware of yourself and your own shit it's ridiculous

not saying he's got the same shit in his head but from personal experience i wouldn't rule it out entirely. there are a lot of mental illnesses out there and things that can get messed up in you. nothing excuses his behavior, but there could be an explanation.

once again: explaining =/= excusing

and if there is something genuinely fucked up (well..) then he can get help. people don't like to think about or consider it for some reason, but even people who do abhorrent things can get better and change (if they want to) not that that would make up for anything but it would keep a repeat from happening with someone else. and idk i believe there is good in almost everyone. he fucked up a helluva lot but i don't think he's this unsalvagable evil demon. he's a human being

okay yeah editing one thing in and that is that there could be something mentally at play, or medically, or he could just be an asshole that needs to learn and do better (i'm not ruling it out entirely) or it could be a combination deal. idk. i'm just not a big fan of calling someone a piece of shit with the tone that that IS who they are. the end. that they've always been a piece of shit and they always will be and there is no hope for them.

and maybe that's one of the reasons i'm being so unwell about this. because, top 10 anime betrayals aside, i've seen bits of myself in his videos prior to all of this blowing up - the good and the bad. i've seen a bit of the worst part of me in the clips of his aggression and threats. but despite what i feel and say when i've gotten like that in the past i never meant it outside of that moment. you calm down and you genuinely hate yourself because what the fuck was that shit and you feel embarrassed (and for me getting embarrassed usually manifests as anger) and it's just shit

i dont tend to develop parasocial attachments but in the span of like.. a month maybe here we fucking are i guess. it's not great, i'm not thrilled by it - especially now - but it really got me out of nowhere and bc i have attachment issues (there are many reasons i'm in therapy thanks) that's.. probably also part of the unwellness i've been feeling (i keep calling it "unwell" bc truly i do not have the words to describe it beyond that)

there are people who say they "got a vibe" or "never liked him" or whatever but could not be less me. he quickly became a comfort channel and there was nothing that tipped me off that anything was wrong. his channels spark(ed) joy (serious videos aside, but even then there was comfort in seeing someone get so passionate about things that mattered)

i enjoy him and his content, both solo and joint, and - saying this bc i've seen more than one comment on it - i like listening to him speak and i like watching him speak. his lisp is cute and he has a nice voice. his humor is great, the fashion and vibes were immaculate before whatever the fuck happened that ended up in him removing color from everything he owns. and growing that mustache situation

he's someone who is seriously not well, he did and said godawful trash shit, and he should face consequences. none of this post is me saying he should be forgiven with zero punishment. people shouldn't push it aside just because they're fans

this was not a victimless situation, nor was it a first time, from what some people have said

you can be a fan and admit when the person you're a fan of fucked up / did something awful. being a fan does not mean excusing their every word and action. a*ex is a person. a human being. not a demon but also not a god. and he should be treated as such. stop putting strangers on pedestals. i might be incredibly unwell about things but at least i never thought he was perfect or whatever. anyone can let you down at any time, be it content creators or actors or whatever, so please be careful and be at least a little sane about them)

i'm sure i have more to say about this but my brain really said "we've done enough with serious words for now" and i can't remember where i was going with this - if anywhere. maybe this was just supposed to be a rambling vent - which, if so, mission accomplished. i know it was triggered by people attacking a*ex for the wrong things, bc going after shit like a speech impediment is so low and so not relevant to the situation, and then i just got my feelings and thoughts everywhere. eugh.

i've watched a couple videos on the evidence (sound off w/ captions bc reading vile things is easier than hearing them) (i do the same thing with my voicemails tbh. i never listen to them, i read them. not bc they're vile but bc i just get less anxious if i don't have to hear it. idk) and while each covered the biggest things (so far anyway) i certainly am not going to claim to know it all. but there have been video clips, audio clips, screenshots across them all - each video having some of the same pieces but also pieces the others don't show or touch on. so.. i've seen.. enough.

i really need to disengage from all of this, and i sure would like to, i'd love to not be aware of this level of "drama" regarding someone i'm a fan of as it's breaking, but i can't go back in time and stop myself from clicking on his channel and i can't undo liking his videos so here i fucking am

-

"he's cancelled!" bitch shut the fuck up. canceling isn't a real thing. look at anyone with a fanbase who has done bad shit. they still have a fanbase, they still do whatever.

"his career is over!" maybe, maybe not, i for one can't see the future but i wouldn't place bets that it is. because again: look at what people have been accused of, and have done, and even if they suffered real consequences for their actions they came back from it.

maybe focus on what genuine consequences there could be

OR - better yet - focus on showing support for the victim. yeah actually maybe lets do that. maybe care about a victim more than you hate their abuser. just tossing that thought out there as an option

-

i keep thinking i've reached the end of what i have to say and then some part of me, the apparently country part that stormed out the saloon doors, comes slamming back through a moment later - cowboy hat waving wildly - with a yell of "AND ANOTHER THING-"

-

on top of everything else - and i know this is going to sound so shitty and so immature - i do not like being told what to do. to like.. a really aggressive degree. it's one of the traits i got from my mom. if you tell me to stop watching something or stop listening to something, to do or not do something, you have almost guaranteed that i am going to do the exact opposite.

and tbh... if we cut off content from anyone who ever did bad things there would be like.. no content left. which might sound fine to you, you weird purity culture angel fucks, but i personally like to find relaxation and joy where i can get it. i personally like to enjoy life when i can. mostly because it isn't an easy thing for me to do, so if some band's music is a vibe or some guy posts random videos that make me smile or laugh then brother i am in. not necessarily on a personal level but then maybe yeah on a personal level. i don't know. i'm just saying words at this point. not that i don't mean them, but they're a bit of a mess.

i've been awake for over four hours

it is 7:52 AM

i don't know why i'm still trying to get my thoughts and feelings out.

maybe because i want those things to get across as clearly as they can. i don't want there to be a misunderstanding if it can be avoided. i want it to be understood (as much as it can be) why i think the way i do about all this and what i don't think about it all (like no, i don't think a*ex is innocent. do i think we have the full story?? i don't know. probably not. even with evidence we've only heard half directly, but he certainly did more than enough wrong and there should be consequences. real ones.)

all this and i still don't feel like i've gotten out everything i wanted to properly, which is whatever. i can make another rambling vent post later if i have to. i just hoped unloading all of this would make me feel a bit better, maybe a little less anxiety-induced nauseous, idk. it kind of worked i guess

-

wildly oversimplified and comically surface-level tldr: i'm not an empath but i can be intensely empathetic, as well as intensely sympathetic, to my own detriment and my brother in christ has all of this really driven that home

wildly oversimplified and comically surface-level tldr 2.0: person who is multiple mental illnesses in a trenchcoat and feels Too Much affected by situation Too Much at least partially due to mental illnesses

[silvasfunctionalmind]

There's something really disappointing and sad about when your literal, physical brain is so fucked up it actively poisons you.

Because, what, nobody is bowing at your feet, apologizing on the behalf of every single allistic person on this planet for personally promoting applied behavioral analysis/autistic conversion therapy? Because they won't personally raze [redacted] to the ground for you?

Anyways, NONE of those things should be happening, and we are not entitled to such, but please understand that, yeah, the situation we described is literally some of us who were here from 2007 or 2008 onwards, we are actively being poisoned seeing other people be randomly kind to others. We can't trust that they mean it.

It just so happens that when it gets extremely bad we get more bitchy, more isolationist, and much more prone to snapping on a hair trigger. I'm looking at the past few weeks (not literally, you get the idea I hope), and I'm pretty sure that's been the case leading up to April 2.

For people not aware of it: April 2 is autism "awareness" day, the day everyone decides to fundraise a literal hate group. Seeing this happen over and over again and feeling like there has been nobody ever listening to us until, bah, literally last year, has made it so our readings on peoples' situations are a lot less kind than they used to be and it's extended way past autism advocacy at this point.

I've literally seen specific headmates who shake because of the physical pain of seeing random acts of kindness and not feeling they ever had that in return. I've seen folks who distress themselves to the point they start talking in loops, as in, it's coherent and has a logical structure so it isn't a word salad, but they literally loop the same topic [A] over three times within another topic [B] and not realize it, topic [A] is just that stressful. I've seen people in here go into social media spirals because nobody wants to talk about the consequences of pretending being sex-repulsed is a either purity culture thing or a trauma thing (it's neither! inherently speaking, it is NIL) and then it goes back to that point of nobody ever listening to us.

This is a very roundabout way of apologizing for anything we've done the past few weeks. We've just felt...awful lately, as in, super fucking disgusting and gross in general.

[the-teddy-bear-butch]

I’m going to give you my very best attempt at a nuanced take of Billy Hargrove because I have seen a lot of posts recently and I think it’s important to talk about. TL/DR at the end

I’ll agree with the pro Billy blogs on this—the Billy and Karen thing was gross. That was uncomfortable, and you know a lot of people that are cool with it would react very differently if Billy was a teenage girl and Karen was an older man

I also think the attempt at a redemption arc was bullshit—and I think it could have been done better. The whole marauder thing where a character sacrifices themselves in a split second decision isn’t redemption. It’s a cop out choice to make you feel sympathy for characters that are frankly pretty shitty. However, had Billy put in the work and effort to treat Max, Lucas, and everyone else with even a modicum more kindness, I do think he could have been a more likable character.

Now onto narratives of abuse

I’ve seen arguments that Billy and Jonathan differ because Billy had no support system—but I think it’s not quite that black and white. Consider for a moment that yes, Jonathan has a support system, but it is weaker than y’all like to admit. It’s clear Joyce will do anything for her kids—however, the Byers family is poor, and Joyce is obviously working a lot, in at least the first three seasons. The fact that Joyce isn’t around is half the reason Will goes missing in the first place. A semi “absent” (for lack of a better word) mother is not much of a support system. Neither is an eleven year old child. Billy does lack for a support system, but that is not entirely from outside forces. Billy could have made the decision to be kind to Max, who is old enough to understand abuse and be somewhat supportive, and the two could have been a support system for each other. Billy also could have attempted to make friends, and in turn, create a support system for himself. In fact, in the show, Billy is shown being semi-friendly to the basketball team and at the party. It’s unclear whether he made any actual friends, but he had the ability to do so

That said, it’s understandable why Billy was angry, when he had little support and was being abused

HOWEVER, Billy being a victim of abuse does not justify the way he turns his anger on others. Saying that he’s just angry and aggressive because of his abuse, and that people “just don’t like it when abuse victims adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms” is just not correct. Sometimes victims adopt unhealthy mechanisms, that’s true—BUT that in no way excuses turning anger and violence onto other people. It’s an argument that to me is very reminiscent of “well I have a bad past and so I’m mean and I don’t have to change.” (For lack of better wording.) It does not matter how bad your past is, you don’t get to use that as justification for your own violence against others. And Billy is violent to others. The way he grabs Max’s wrist, the way he constantly talks down to her and tries to control her, these are abusive. Even clearer is when he almost hits Max’s friends with his car. The ONLY reason he did not was because Max turned the wheel at the last moment. Consider also the way he tried to harm Lucas—which is something else entirely

I’ve also seen arguments that Billy is, in essence, a child. I would argue that he is not. Yes, he’s 17-18 in the show, but that is an age at which he is old enough to be intelligent about his behavior and to learn coping mechanisms that would not harm Max and perpetuate the cycle of abuse. He is old enough to react maturely—and not hitting or verbally abusing his little sister isn’t even a choice I think we should have to call mature in the first place.

In regards to Lucas, I have seen very few Billy blogs acknowledge Billy’s racism. Those that do tend to cite Dacre Montgomery himself, in this interview

But again, HOWEVER, Dacre is one actor. Actors’ takes on their characters are important, yes, but one man’s argument does not outweigh several other people, including the Duffer Brothers themselves and Caleb McLaughlin. In the very same interview, Dacre admits that the script originally contained a slur, and was removed because he would not say it. That is Dacre—not Billy

The Stranger Things fandom at large has beef with the Duffers—this much is true. We like to pick and choose aspects of what they say. However, they are still the creators of the show, and with contextual evidence AND their word, it’s hard to argue against Billy’s racism. From an interview with The Vulture

I will also add a side note about Runaway Max. While not 100% canon, the book is official and does take context from the show itself. This is a weaker piece of evidence, but it adds up. In particular, I think it’s important to acknowledge the “people like that” line, given how Billy responds to Lucas in the show

The most important opinion of all, however, is that of Caleb McLaughlin. In matters of racism, the opinions and voices that matter most are those of actual POC. Caleb himself calls Billy’s behavior racially motivated

If you really “read between the lines” in the show, the evidence is there too. Lucas is not the only one of the boys that hangs out with Max. Billy does see Max’s other friends. The only boy he has a problem with is Lucas—and the one defining trait that Billy would notice is Lucas’s skin color. See also the fight at the Byers house. The very first person Billy even thinks to target is again Lucas Sinclair

Billy is also canonically misogynist. Calling women cows is not indicative of a leftist feminist icon. He is shown to have an attitude that women are inferior. There’s more to say on this, but this has gotten quite long already, and I think I’ve made my point

TL/DR: Billy is justified in his anger, and his quote “redemption” could have been done better. Yes, the Karen and Billy thing was gross. HOWEVER, contextual evidence and interviews with the Duffers and Caleb prove that Billy is racist. Analysis of the show proves his abusive behavior and misogyny. No character is a monolith, and characters have layers—but we HAVE to think critically about the characters we like. You can’t just erase cornerstone aspects of characters like Billy. He isn’t a good guy. His abuse doesn’t excuse his bigotry and violence. End of story.

[somnimouse]

I don’t want to be harassed by Vinca and my memory is fuzzy but she used to identify as white/white passing and made/reblogged a lot of posts where it was clear she felt guilty for that. I’m glad shes been able to embrace her mixed heritage but it’s really weird to see her claiming that any criticism of her is anti-black. Like I’ve seen photos of her she is not ambiguously white passing she straight up just looks white so for her to use that as a way to get money and clout chase feels really gross especially since she seems to be integrating herself with other POC who actually face discrimination based on their looks.

Idk what to do I guess it’s just a matter of time until she deletes all her blogs again and starts anew in a fresh community like always.

Hey, thank you for your ask! A few others have come forward to me and mentioned seeing that information as well in the past.

Racial identity and the difficulties that come with being half of different races isn't something I can discuss myself because I'm neither half nor Black, but passing privilege also exists in the context of skin color and gender, the latter being something I can talk about.

My own lack of passing privilege in gender has net me years of transmisogyny from both cis people and now Vinca because my "fem-leaning" is apparently not fem enough, no matter if I identified as transfem or not in the past, and I therefore cannot reclaim the slurs and mention my experiences. It is gender essentialist truscum rhetoric and goalpost-shifting. If one is very much white-passing, they should understand the impact of privilege no matter the context.

Unfortunately, the main issues we have in the incident happening right now aren't the labels or passing privileges themselves, but the fact that they're used to dismiss other trans POC and farm emotional supply. This is a common tactic to garner sympathy and avoid all accountability of one's actions and the hurt they cause. No matter what they've done, people with self-serving and malicious intentions will dismiss everything with, "I'm marginalized, so you criticizing me is bigoted! If you're marginalized and have personally experienced it, no you didn't because you're not marginalized enough!" It's a surefire way to generate dishonest outrage, abuse victims, earn money, take advantage of the kindness of others, and play wounded gazelle all at once. Combined with virtue-signalling and grandstanding, it's just a mess of emotional vitriol.

That said, Vinca is not someone who responds to logic or reason, and assumes silencing her victims by slandering them as racists or transmisogynists, downplaying her own actions and privilege, and utilizing ad hominem and constant harassment can obscure the truth, even when it's corroborated from many people in the community who aren't even friends with each other. It's to protect her sense of self-perception and feel vindicated in lashing out at the perceived injustice in her life. But because this is a recurring cycle, it will only be a matter of time before she hurts someone else in her current community with her behavior, accuses them of bigotry to absolve herself of accountability, and moves on to escape, just as she did before. Nothing you can do about it.

Either way, I've already said my piece with all of the information listed in the reblogs of Z's and Robin's posts to clarify the pattern and exact nature of Vinca's actions. I can't force her to listen to logic and self-reflect if she fully believes she's morally right, no matter how many unhinged DMs she sends me. It's better to wash your hands of it, Anon, and support her victims.

[illiteratethekid]

I had to cataloge this. reddit post from r/offmychest

u/BigBingus1337

I (27F) have been struggling with an extremely disgusting problem for 14 years, and I need help.

nsfw

(CW)

Content warning:

Strong depiction of bodily fluids (excrement, urine)

Suicide attempts

Depression

Physical/Sexual/Emotional Abuse

Sexual discussion

Self harm

Just a lot of awful stuff

(CW)

Please be warned, this is an extremely gross, explicit, and hard to handle post. I'm not making this up. This isn't a joke. I'm in a lot of pain. I've tried a lot and I don't know what to do anymore.

I feel helpless, ashamed, disgusted, and sub-human.

It's only now after 14 years of this cycle that I've become so, *so* tired of hiding my shame that I can talk about it publicly and reach out for more help, or at least get this off my chest.

If I seem distant or use wack-ass language, it's because I've lived this way for too long to get hung up on making any of this fit "acceptable" language.

It's impossible.

I'm also well aware that this might get memed into oblivion, shared around like "look at this lmao gross", and laughed at.

I get it. I can sort of see how in a sick, fucked-up kind of way this could be funny from an outside perspective.

Comedy helps people cope, ridiculing others is a maladaptive way of comforting oneself.

What I worry about is people not reading this with empathy or a desire to understand, and would rather trash on me and reinforce the hatred I already have for myself and my behaviors.

So just fuckin... be cool.

Please.

For the past 14 years, I haven't been able to stop fingering my ass, defacating on towels/toiletpaper and urinating in bottles/towels/tp/etc.

It has caused me to live in unsanitary, isolating, shameful, and disgusting conditions.

It has cost me my health, happiness, safety, relationships, living situations, and on several occasions, it's caused me to attempt suicide.

I am scared of being somehow shamed more than I shame myself by posting this. I've sought professional help, and it hasn't worked regardless of if its my fault or the help.

About me:

I'm 27, I have a decent job, a good group of friends, recent-ish-ly single, handful of great and awful partners, etc.

I'm trans, she/her. (Please don't be weird. I struggled with this problem well before I had any inkling of gender stuff. That's not how it works)

I've been diagnosed with ADHD, ASD, and Clinical Depression.

I have taken pretty standard adhd medication for the last 8 years

I have tried 5 different SSRIs with at best, no effect, and at worst, full blown serotonin syndrome, mild psychosis, and seizures.

Over the years, I've seen 4 therapists for a couple years at a time.

All of which were actually wonderful help for understanding and coping with trauma, depression, ADHD, ASD, and sexual/physical/emotional abuse.

I haven't been able to mend this specific problem, even with their help.

The formatting of this post is really choppy mainly because it's comprised of notes I've taken on this issue in notepad++

Some of it might seem detached or "clinical" because of this.

I use these notes to help analyze the behaviors that are happening and the different emotions and motivators at play.

I have always struggled on-and-off with keeping my personal spaces clean due to whatever cocktail of adhd, depression, asd, whatever.

Trash, rotting food, disorganization, dirty bed, etc.

I'd say it would be 70% as bad as a typical "neckbeard-nest" image you would see.

Never piles so high I couldn't see or leave my space, but, certainly enough to be playing hop-scotch to get around.

Both the depression messes and the defecating problem have gone through cycles of getting slightly better, getting much worse, better again ,etc.

Potential reasons for being Motivated/compelled/habitual fingering my ass for a combination of 2 reasons:

ASD Stimming/comfort/sexual stimulation from prostate when feeling... *something*

Attempts to identify that something lead to maybe these?

- Potentially feeling bored/understimulated

- An emptiness emotionally

2. ASD Sensory issues around feeling unclean after shitting, e.g. still feeling shit inside me and disgust/frustration with how that interferes with #1?

Earliest possible memory/origin of behavior:

Exploring my body/masturbating with anal stimulation around age 12-13.

As with anyone who's done anal, "shit happens", especially when you don't know about cleaning yourself out.

I would end up coming into contact with shit, not knowing what to do, and just wiping it on toilet paper or towels.

I would hide the evidence because I was ashamed and embarrassed.

An unfortunate part of this habit is that fingering your ass causes a feeling of need to urinate.

Whenever I finger my ass, I urinate into toilet paper, a bottle, a container.

This affects my living space by making it unsanitary, extremely unpleasant, and isolating.

This leads to even more unsanitary conditions, more avoidance, procrastination, and shame.

The unsanitary conditions cause a rolling chain of dependency/vicious cycle

For example:

- An area gets gross or unpleasant (typically the bathroom first)

- That area is now more difficult to reach both physically and emotionally

- Procrastination/avoidance/shame/refusal to clean the area

- I am unable to use that area, leading to shitting and pissing in a pile elsewhere

- Causing more spread out messes

- repeat until harsh physical/social consequences or suicidality take hold

- then clean everything top to bottom and try to not get in the cycle again

I always end up back in the cycle.

The anxiety & helplessness around my struggles with this make it impossible to have anyone over

I am too ashamed to ask for help, or accept it when offered.

Friends know I'm depressed and struggle with keeping my spaces clean, but I never tell them the full story. Usually a half-truth.

I often tell my friends they can't come over because "my place is like a wreck, like unsanitary bad".

Which isn't *exactly* wrong, but isn't representative of how bad things actually are.

I feel like the 2 people in my life I've told the real, full details of this to, don't actually understand how bad it really is. They know I've had a *history* of issues with it.

I can't bring myself to tell them that its something I'm still struggling with *now*

The above is driven by shame.

I've done property damage. I've let wet piss soaked towels sit for weeks on beautiful wooden floors, bleaching them and stripping them of their varnish.

I've ruined and thrown out dozens of towels, sheets, carpets.

I've had to cut dried shit out of my own clothing or throw them away.

I've had to throw away wonderful gifts loving family and friends have given me because they were destroyed when I knocked over a months old piss bottle.

I had to steam clean my own shit stains out of carpet when moving out of an old apartment.

I remember sitting there, breaking down at seeing the damage I've caused.

I was so overwhelmed by my own disgust and hatred for my existence.

I got my handgun, put a magazine in, and put it in my mouth, and without a second of hesitation, pulled the trigger.

It sounds kinda dramatic, but I don't remember if I forgot to rack the slide on purpose or by mistake.

Somehow I'm glad I didn't, but there are many times I have regretted not doing it.

When I was in my teens my parents would discover/"catch" me living this way a couple times.

My parents did not handle finding out in a safe or loving way.

Shocker, I know.

They screamed at me that I'll lose all my housing opportunities, friends, and safety net if someone finds out.

And they aren't wrong about the consequences, but all they did was punish me, beat me, strip me of my privacy by removing my door from it's hinges, my healthy hobbies, shame me, and held no space for understanding or help.

They called it a fetish.

It was not.

However in the past year I've explored scat videos. I don't even like it. It's like a sick desperation for understanding what's wrong with me.

I've never in my 14 year history enjoyed living in my own filth.

I think my short exploration of scat as a porn category was just coping with trauma and uncertainty through a sexual lens.

Just fantasizing that I could convince myself its as simple as a fetish or desire, and because of that, it would be okay.

It's not.

It's not a fetish.

I don't enjoy this. I hate this.

This is extremely debilitating, and I don't deserve to go through this, but I can't seem to find a way to stop.

I feel deep shame and unsafety in regards to people finding out, telling them, or anyone helping because they won't understand.

It's hard to put into words how impossible it feels to break this habit.

It feels like when someone tells you the only way to get better is to "love yourself".

Like... what the fuck does that even mean? How? How can you do that if you don't value your own love? Monopoly money has more value than that.

Therapy has helped me cope with those nagging feelings for things like depression, abuse, self-worth, etc.

But changing this behavior feels as impossible as changing the laws of physics.

How do you sit with yourself, the 14th year of trying to outwit your own habits that try to kill you, remove you from society, and ruin everything you love, and say "Well this attempt it's gonna work!" and feel any sort of actual hope? Sure it's writing a fatalistic narrative for myself, and sure it sounds like I've resigned myself to this. What the fuck do I do?

The really sad thing is that I'm not the only one out there who struggles with this weird compulsive fingering and defecation issue.

A quick google search of the behavior leads to a couple forums/quora-like sites of people talking about this behavior and how they can't stop and don't know what it is.

They're desperately trying to find a reason or help. As far as I can tell, they never do.

So its like... what the hell are my chances if dozens of other people are struggling too?

I know my physical safety might concern people reading this. I'm at a point in therapy where suicide really just isn't on the menu for me anymore. I just want to assure readers that I'm not suicidal. I'm gonna keep living. I can't be certain whether or not I'll be living well.

Edit:

To all of you sending me private messages, saying this is hot, asking me to piss on them, getting turned on by this:

I hope you fucking rot. I really do.

As someone in the kink community, I don't shame others for what they like. But you REALLY think its appropriate to come into my DMs from a post where I detail a behavior that drove me to attempt suicide, and start waving your dick around?

There are no words that describe my sheer contempt for you. Rot.

To everyone else: I really appreciate the support and understanding you have provided. The responses have given me a lot to think about, and a lot of potential new paths to go down. Thank you, and I wish you the same care, kindness, and affirmation of humanity you all have provided to me.

[witchywriterlythings]

All Apart of Something's Game

Chapter Two: No One Bullies My Family But Me

I know what my mom might have wanted me to do. She didn’t like when I ran away from things. But monsters attacked, Annabeth was here for some reason, and Tyson was panicking. He’d never dealt with any other monsters before, not after the sphinx. 

Speaking of Annabeth, she was waiting for us down the street. She pulled Tyson and me off the sidewalk just as a fire truck screamed past, heading for Meriwether Prep. “Where’d you find him?” she demanded, pointing at Tyson.

I will admit to being a bit animalistic in my possesiveness of my friends and if it was under different circumstances, I might have hugged her and checked over her injuries. But I’d just been attacked by cannibal giants, Tyson was my brother, and all Annabeth could do was glare at him like he was the problem.

It wasn’t like I could actually tell her that middle bit though, not without questions, so I settled for, “He’s my friend.”

“Is he homeless?”

 “What does that have to do with anything? He can hear you, you know. Why don’t you ask him?”

She looked surprised. “He can talk?”

“I can talk,” Tyson admitted as he shifted under her atttention. “You are pretty.”

“Ah! Gross!” Annabeth stepped away from him like he had just thrown up or something. 

I growled lowly and stepped between them, keeping Tyson behind me. “Leave him alone,” I hissed warningly. I didn’t want to have to choose between them, not when I wasn’t sure who I would side with. When she raised her hands to show she was backing off, I turned to check Tyson over for injuries. 

“‘m okay,” he promised and showed me his palms. “The fire no hurt me.” 

“Of course not,” Annabeth muttered like he was an idiot and I shot her another look. She of course ignored me and I was starting to remember how annoying she could be. “I’m surprised the Laistrygonians had the guts to attack you with him around.”

“Is that what they were? Back in the gym. Laistry-what?”

“Laistrygonians. They’re a race of giant cannibals who live in the far north. Odysseus ran into them once, but I’ve never seen them as far south as New York before.”

 “Laistry—I can’t even say that. What would you call them in English?”

She thought about it for a moment. “Canadians,” she decided. I snorted and she grinned cheekily before her face went serious again. “Now come on, we have to get out of here.”

“I don’t think the police will be after me, I mean maybe for a witness statement? I think I did a good job of…”

“That’s the least of our problems,” she interrupted me. Which was honestly kind of fair. “Have you been having the dreams?”

“The dreams … about Grover?”

Her face turned pale. “Grover? No, what about Grover?”

“He was getting chased by something, something I couldn’t…he was in Florida.” I tried to put my thoughts together and told her about my dream. Tyson patted my head to comfort me and I resolutely ignored him. He was also doing it because he was taller and he could. 

“Why? What were you dreaming about?” I asked. 

Her eyes looked stormy, like her mind was racing a million miles an hour. “Camp,” she said at last. “Big trouble at camp.”

“What about camp? My mom was going to talk to me about something tonight.”

“I don’t know exactly. Something’s wrong. We have to get there right away. Monsters have been chasing me all the way from Virginia, trying to stop me. Have you had a lot of attacks?”

I shook my head. “None all year … until today.”

“None? But how …” Her eyes drifted to Tyson. “Oh.”

Oh. So Annabeth knew what Tyson was then, which I guess explained a bi of her behavior, but at the same time he had just saved my life so I was still a bit annoyed. “Look, I get that he’s big but he’s really funny and my friend, so I don’t get why you’re so…” 

“Percy, you don’t get it okay, he’s…” 

“He’s what? There’s nothing wrong with him.” I crossed my arms and she did it back, flexing just to show off how much bigger her arms were than mine. I had let my training slip a little over the school year, mostly because my mom said no weapons training in the apartment. 

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “He’s not…you know what, we don’t have time for this, we have to get going.” 

“No! You can’t keep talking about him like he’s not here and not explain why you’re being a jerk.” 

A siren wailed. A police car raced past our alley.

“We don’t have time for this,” Annabeth said. “We’ll talk in the taxi.”

“A taxi all the way to camp?” I said. “You know how much money—”

 “Trust me.”

I hesitated. She was acting so weird but if camp really was in danger…“Tyson is coming too.” 

“Yeah.” Annabeth looked grim. “We definitely need to take him. Now come on.”

 I didn’t like the way she said that, as if Tyson were a big disease we needed to get to the hospital, but I followed her down the alley.

 “Here.” Annabeth stopped us on the corner of Thomas and Trimble. She fished around in her backpack, her tongue sticking out slightly from between her teeth. “I hope I have one left.” She was even worse than I’d realized at first. Her chin was cut. She smelled like wet soil and decaying leaves, and not just because of the ones stuck in her matted hair. That was going to be a pain to fix. She was also scared. Really scared. 

 “What are you looking for?” I asked.

All around us, sirens wailed. No doubt Matt Sloan had given them a statement by now. He’d probably twisted the story around so that Tyson and I were the bloodthirsty cannibals, but I still had a little hope I had done enough to convince them it wasn’t my fault.

 “Found one. Thank the gods.” Annabeth pulled out a drachma. 

“Annabeth, New York taxi drivers won’t take that,” I reminded her. “Who are we catching a ride with?”

”Stêthi,” she shouted in Ancient Greek. “Ô hárma diabolês!” Stop, Chariot of Damnation!

I took a step back as the words washed over me and made my skin crawl with their prickling. That didn’t exactly make me feel real excited about whatever her plan was.

She threw her coin into the street, but instead of clattering on the asphalt, the drachma sank right through and disappeared.

Then, just where the coin had fallen, the asphalt darkened. It melted into a rectangular pool about the size of a parking space—bubbling red liquid like blood. Then a car erupted from the ooze.

I couldn’t stop a growl from the back of my throat coming through, which made Tyson reach out to hold my hand. The whole thing radiated power. Old power, but not old in the way my father was old. As if it had always been old, was born old. I know children of Wisdom are supposed to make good plans, but I was starting to doubt that. 

The passenger window rolled down, and an old woman stuck her head out. She had a mop of grizzled hair covering her eyes, and she spoke in a weird mumbling way, like she’d just left the dentist after a shot of Novocain. “Passage? Passage?”

“Three to Camp Half-Blood,” Annabeth said. She opened the cab’s back door and waved at me to get in, like it was perfectly fine.

“Ach!” the old woman screeched. “We don’t take his kind!” She pointed a bony finger at me, barring her gums. “Or the other one.”

 “Extra pay,” Annabeth promised, though she glanced at me uncertainly. “Three more drachma on arrival.”

“Done!” the woman screamed and pulled herself back into the window and rolled it back up.

I shoved Tyson in the car first, knowing on turns he would squish whoever was next to him and that Annabeth would probably have something to say about sitting next to him. I squeezed in the middle. Annabeth crawled in last.

Of the three sisters in the front seat, the one driving said, “Long Island! Out-of-metro fare bonus! Ha!” She floored the accelerator, and my head slammed against the backrest. 

The drivers argued back and forth, naming each other with each ease even as their power started flooding the taxi and swirling like their smoke around our feet. I pulled mine up for a second, before deciding having them flat on whatever counted as the floor was better than balancing on my tail the whole ride. 

Next to me, Tyson groaned and grabbed the seat. “Not feeling so good.” 

“Oh, man,” I said, because I’d seen Tyson get carsick before and it was terrifying to say the least. “Hang in there, big guy. Anybody got a garbage bag or something?” This is why we never took taxi’s.

That and they were for tourists who didn’t know better. If you could walk, you walked. If you could take the subway, take the subway. Who drove in the city? 

I looked over at Annabeth, who was hanging on for dear life, and I gave her a why-did-you-do-this-to-me-you-lived-on-the-streets-for-almost-a-year-you-should-know-better look. 

She rolled her eyes at me because of course she did. “Hey,” she said, “Gray Sisters Taxi is the fastest way to camp.”

“We’ve had famous people in this cab!” the sister on the right exclaimed. “Jason! You remember him?”

 “Don’t remind me!” the driver wailed, swerving to avoid a group of cosplayers trying to use the crosswalk. “And we didn’t have a cab back then, you old bat. That was three thousand years ago!”

“Give me the tooth!” the one on the end tried to grab at the driver's mouth, but she was swatted away. The one in the middle looked so tired and for a second I related so hard.

It only took a second before she was brought into the fight, the others demanding the eye they shared between them. “No!” the one in the middle screeched. “You had it yesterday!”

 “But I’m driving, you old hag!”

“Excuses! Turn! That was your turn!”

We swerved at seventy miles an hour and boy was I glad I was in the middle as I slammed into Tyson. If I had been on the other side, I would have been a bug on the windshield. We shot up the Williamsburg Bridge at seventy miles an hour, the three sisters slapping at each other as they tried to grab at each other's faces. With their hair flying and their mouths open, screaming at each other, I refused to look out any of the windows since clearly our driver wasn’t either. 

The one with the eye managed to steal the tooth from the driver and shoved it in her mouth triumphantly. 

The car swerved towards the edge of the bridge, cars honking and swears ringing through the air. I wasn’t sure if it was because of our taxi or it was just a typical day for everyone. 

“‘Ivit back! ‘Ivit back!” the driver screeched.

“You’re going to die, if anyone’s interested! I don’t think anyone else would survive falling off a bridge!” I mean. Tyson might and it’s not like I’d ever let Annabeth die. But it would still really suck.

“The Gray Sisters know what they’re doing. They’re really very wise,” Annabeth tried to assure me. It really should have worked, coming from a daughter of wisdom. 

Yeah. It didn’t. 

The one on the right grinned, showing off her newly acquired tooth. “Of course we’re wise! We know things!”

“How late the subway is going to make you!” the driver bragged, still hitting her sister. “The capital of Tuvalu!”

Funafuti, my brain provided for some reason. How I knew that, I have no idea. Maybe it sank? 

 “The location you seek!” the middle one added before flinching back. 

Her sisters pummeled her from either side, screaming, “Be quiet! Be quiet! He didn’t even ask yet!”

“What location? What do—?”

“Nothing! You aren’t seeking anything, just as you said!” 

 “Tell me.”

“No!” they all screamed. 

What followed…was NOT my fault, no matter what Annabeth says. The sisters, in their arguing, actually ended up fighting each other and flinging their eye into the back seat with us. Which meant no one driving could see. 

NOT my fault! 

She’s totally right about what came next though.

I picked up the eye. 

“Nice boy!” the driver cried, as if she could still see me through it. “Give it back!”

“Not until you tell me. What is the location I seek?”

“No time!” the middle sister cried. “Accelerating!”

I refused to look out the window, knowing I would see something that might make this harder for me. I needed it. I needed to know what they meant, it sang with power and something wild. 

“Percy! The cab will explode into a million pieces and us along with it! Give them back the eye,” Annabeth demanded. I ignored her. 

I grinned sharply even though they couldn’t see. “Tyson, roll down the window.”

“No!”

Tyson, even nauseous and trying not to shower us in vomit, listened to me. 

“30, 31, 75, 12!” they screamed.

The numbers settled on me like an itch in my skin. I knew what that meant, I did, but I didn't understand. I know that it’s a location, that I need to find something, but I was missing something and I hated it. “Where is that? What do they mean!”

“That’s all we can tell you,” the one on the right screeched. “Now give us the eye! Almost to camp!” 

She wasn’t wrong, I could see the road turning to dirt and the trees were thinning towards the hill, except Thalia’s in the distance. 

 “Percy!” Annabeth said more urgently. “Give them the eye now!”

I decided listening to Annabeth was probably the best idea, since she tended to be right more often than not. By a lot. It was really annoying sometimes. I tossed the eye to the driver.

 The old lady snatched it up, pushed it into her eye socket like somebody putting in a contact lens, and blinked. “Whoa!” She slammed on the brakes. The taxi spun four or five times in a cloud of smoke and squealed to a halt in the middle of the farm road at the base of Half-Blood Hill.

Tyson belched loudly, thankfully having opened his door too. “Better now.”

I groaned from my bruised arms. “Do we pay now?” 

“Out! Out!” the sisters cried instead. 

“Let’s go,” Annabeth said determinedly.

I crawled out of the cab after her, only to be slammed with the smell of rotten eggs and singed hair. It was like being back with Smelly Gabe and I growled automatically, my hair standing up on end. 

It wasn’t hard to find the source. Why was it always bulls?

On the list of mythological things I hated, trios of old ladies were at the top. But bulls? Oh bulls were a close second. I had to fight Pasiphae’s son getting to camp and it almost killed my mother. For that alone they really should be at the top of my list.

Maybe after this fight, they’d officially be at the top. Two bulls, bronze ones the size of elephants, and breathing fire were rampaging the hill. 

Our drivers sped away the second we were free from the cab, not even waiting for the extra drachmas they’d been promised. They just left us on the side of the road, Annabeth with nothing but her backpack and knife, Tyson and me still in our burned-up tie-dyed gym clothes.

 “Oh, fuck,” Annabeth said she looked over the battle. If it wasn’t so dire, I might have gasped at her language. 

The bulls were ranging all over the hill, even around the back side of the pine tree. Even before Thalia’s sacrifice, the border around camp was strong enough to handle most monsters, except those sent by the Gods themselves. For the bulls to be crossing the border, the entirety of the camp’s defenses had to be failing. 

Ten campers in full armor were trying their best to defend the border, but they were mostly running around and trying not to die. All except one. 

 “Border patrol, to me!” A girl’s voice called—gruff and familiar.

Clarisse.

“We have to help her,” Annabeth said as she pulled her knife from…somewhere.

Normally, rushing to Clarisse’s aid would not have been high on my “to do” list. She was one of the biggest bullies at camp. The first time we’d met she tried to introduce my head to a toilet. She was also a daughter of War, and I had a very serious disagreement with her father last summer. She hates me because she thinks I humiliated her dad. Totally not projecting because I beat her during that one fight, my first Capture the Flag. I went to therapy for a little while because my mom was willing to try anything when I was younger, but then the therapist tried to eat us, so no more therapy.

No matter what my feelings about her, or more accurately her feelings about me, she was in trouble. Her armor was charred. She was fighting with a broken spear shaft, the other end embedded uselessly in the metal joint of one bull’s shoulder.

I uncapped my ballpoint pen, my sword blazing to life in my hand. It didn’t feel as right as my claws, but it was still better than every other weapon I’d tried. “Tyson, stay here. I don’t want you taking any more chances.”

“No!” Annabeth said. “We need him.”

I stared at her. “He can’t, he’s just a…”

  “Percy,” she snapped, “do you know what those are up there? The Colchis bulls, made by Hephaestus himself. We can’t fight them without Medea’s Sunscreen SPF 50,000. We’ll get burned to a crisp.”Annabeth rummaged through her backpack and cursed. “I had a jar of tropical coconut scent sitting on my night-stand at home. Why didn’t I bring it?”

“I don’t know what that is, but he is staying out of this. Tyson, stay back.” I raised my sword. “I’m going in.”

“Percy! I—” He tried to protest, but I was already running up the hill.

Clarisse was calling for the others to get in phalanx formation, with the few who were listening lined up shoulder-to-shoulder, locking their shields to form an ox-hide—and-bronze wall, their spears bristling over the top like porcupine quills.

Annabeth went for the campers who were too busy trying to avoid one of the bulls attacks to join them, probably hoping to allow more to join Clarisse since she didn’t have a shield to do it herself. She taunted one of the bulls into chasing her, then turned invisible, completely confusing the monster. 

I was close enough to start seeing who was under the helmets, but I forced my brain to focus on the danger. None of the campers seemed to notice me, all of their attention on the enemy in front of them. 

 “Hold the line!” Clarisse ordered her warriors.

Even if I didn’t like her, I had to admit that I saw a lot more of her father’s older form in her than the new one I had met on my quest last summer. She was brave and looked like she was born to wear Greek battle armor, born to lead an army. 

But she didn’t have an army. She had six campers. 

There was a shout as the bull chasing after Annabeth lost interest, turning instead towards Clarisse as the biggest threat. 

I didn’t dare say anything to distract her. I yelled for Bull Number Two, growling loudly enough that it actually hesitated. 

Bull Number One slammed into the phalanx, forcing them back an inch but still bouncing off their shields. It roared in anger and blasted some of the heroes with its fiery breath. Their shields melted right off their arms. They dropped their weapons and ran as Bull Number Two closed in on Clarisse for the kill.

I lunged towards her, grabbing the straps of her armor. I dragged her out of the way just as Bull Number One freight-trained past. I gave it a good swipe with Riptide and cut a huge gash in its flank, but the monster just creaked and groaned and kept on going.

My scales bubbled to the surface before I could stop them, the heat radiating off the stupid things melting my mask right off my arms. I hissed from the pain, but I had to get Clarisse to safety even if she was cursing me the whole time. 

I dropped her in a heap next to the pine tree and turned to face the bulls. We were the only line of defense between them and the camp at our backs, and I refused to let it fall.

Annabeth was taking over for Clarisse and trying to get the campers to spread out and keep the bulls distracted. Even with their injuries, they could still run. 

However, both bulls only had eyes for me. Did they know what I was? Did they know I was their biggest threat? I longed to unleash my rage on them but even if I saved camp like that, I might lose it. For now, I had to fight like the rest of them.

So, fighting with a sword it was. I lunged at the closest one but it blew flames at me. I rolled aside, still managing to slash with my sword and lop off part of the monster’s snout. I landed hard on my right shoulder, my hand spasaming from the pain and forcing me to drop Riptide. 

The other bull was drawing closer.

Annabeth shouted, “Tyson, help him!”

“NO!” I roared. He was a baby.

Tyson wailed “Can’t—get—through!” as he tried his hardest to get past the border. 

“I, Annabeth Chase, give you permission to enter camp!

Tyson was probably a five year old. Maybe six, at most. My mom didn’t know much but she prayed to her old boyfriend for answers since it was easier for him to answer her than me. My father would come instead and we needed someone in the know. 

His age was all I could think about as he barreled towards me, yelling my name and diving between me and the bull. He reached out as if to shove it away. 

It unleashed a nuclear firestorm.

“Tyson!” I screamed, the earth shaking beneath me with the force of it.

The blast swirled around him like a red tornado and I knew if he was dead, the bulls would go back to where they came from ruined. 

But when the fire died, there he was. Completely unharmed. Even his clothes, thank the Gods. The bull must’ve been caught off guard, because before it could unleash a second blast, Tyson balled his fists and slammed them into the bull’s face. “BAD COW!”

Annabeth ran over to check on me, a canteen of nectar in her hands that she must have stashed in her backpack before she left her dad’s. 

 “The other bull?” I asked.

Clarisse was just finishing with it, the remains of her spear in it’s joints as it spun in circles. She pulled off her helmet, catching sight of us quickly and marched toward us. 

“Clarisse,” Annabeth said, before anything could escalate,“you’ve got wounded campers.”

That stopped her in her tracks. No matter who they were, Clarisse cared more for the soldiers under her command than her own siblings. “I’ll be back,” she growled, and turned on her heel to storm away.

I checked over Tyson as best I could. “Mom is going to kill you when she finds out.”

Tyson looked down like he was embarrassed. “I am sorry. Came to help. Disobeyed you.”

“My fault,” Annabeth said. “I had no choice. I had to let Tyson cross the boundary line to save you. Otherwise, you would’ve died.”

“Let him cross the boundary line?’” I asked. “But—”

“Percy,” she said, “have you ever looked at Tyson closely? I mean … in the face. Ignore the Mist, and really look at him.”

I stared at her for a second before it finally hit me. I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped me. “You think…?”

“I know it’s hard, but you have to know what he is.” Annabeth glanced at him with disgust, though a little less than before which was progress I guess. “I need you to look at him. Please.”

I shook my head. “What do you think I’m going to see? I know Tyson, I know who he is and you really need to stop treating him like…” I tried to come up with something to say that wouldn’t also make Tyson cry. 

Tyson shuffled next to me and I reached out to pat his arm. “Your friend is upset. I do something wrong?”

“No, buddy, she’s just—”

“He’s a kyklopes, Percy! Why do you think he was able to survive the fire?” She sniffed. “He's a baby, by the looks of him. Probably why he couldn’t get past the boundary line as easily as the bulls. Tyson’s one of the homeless orphans.”

 “One of?”

“They’re in almost all the big cities,” Annabeth said distastefully. “They’re…mistakes, Percy. Children of nature spirits and gods—well, one god in particular, usually. No one wants them. They get tossed aside. They grow up wild on the streets. I don’t know how this one found you, but he obviously likes you. We should take him to Chiron, let him decide what to do.”

“What do you mean, let him decide? Why wouldn’t Tyson be able to stay?” I decided to ignore how she was treating him for now, it would just get us nowhere and I needed answers. 

Annbeth pressed her palms to her eyes for a second and huffed a breath before putting on her serious face. “Percy, he’s a mon—” 

"I know, Annabeth!” I know interrupting is rude, but I refused to let her call my brother a monster. “I have always known Tyson wasn't human." I paused to rub my eyes, trying not to cry in frustration and exhaustion. "I know he’s a kyklopes. I’m not stupid.”

She took a step back like I’d slapped her. "But…" she said, “then why—”

Clarisse stomping back towards us interrupted whatever Annabeth was going to say. She wiped the soot off her forehead, glaring at me like even that was my fault. “Jackson, if you can stand, get up. We need to carry the wounded back to the Big House, let Tantalus know what’s happened.”

“Who?” I asked, feeling a twinge in my stomach but not much else. He must not have been important.

“The activities director,” Clarisse said impatiently.

Annabeth’s head snapped towards her in a fashion so similar to Nico, I was both concerned for her neck and wondering if she was more interesting than I originally thought. “Chiron is the activities director. And where’s Argus? He’s head of security. He should be here.”

Clarisse made a sour face. “Argus got fired. You two have been gone too long. Things are changing.”

“What happened?” I growled, trying to keep my temper in check as I grew frustrated with the lack of information.

”That happened,” Clarisse snapped. She pointed to Thalia’s tree.

When the daughter of justice had died, her father had for once attempted to do something good and turned her into a tree, housing what was left of her spirit and immortalized her sacrifice. Thalia’s spirit reinforced the magic borders of the camp, protecting it from monsters, just as she had protected her friends. The pine had been here ever since, strong and healthy.

But now, its needles were yellow. A huge pile of dead ones littered the base of the tree. And suddenly it hit me how sick everything smelled. The very land was making me dizzy, the air made my throat itchy, and the water was far too still. 

Three feet off the ground, there was a puncture wound in the trunk oozing something sticky and dark green that dripped slowly onto the needles. 

I wanted to vomit. 

The magical borders were failing because Thalia’s tree was dying.

Someone had poisoned it. And I was pretty sure I knew who. 

You know that feeling of dizziness that happens when you stand up too fast and the whole world tilts a little bit? The entirety of our walk through camp felt like like. Instead of playing basketball on the court by the Big House, counselors and satyrs were stockpiling weapons in the tool shed. Dryads armed with bows and arrows talked nervously at the edge of the woods. I could feel the naiads moving around the lake, as restless as the others. 

We made our way to the Big House, I recognized a lot of kids from last summer. Nobody stopped to talk. Most just walked grimly past and carried on with their duties—running messages, toting swords to sharpen on the grinding wheels. The camp felt like a military school. And believe me, I know. I’ve been kicked out of a couple.

None of that mattered to Tyson. 

My little brother was amazed by everything we walked by, constantly asking, “whasthat?!” so fast his words slurred. Growing up on the streets of Manhattan, the most grass he’d ever seen was Central Park. It wasn’t a surprise he was so fascinated with the pegasi, or the cabins. He looked at me in awe when I pointed to ours. “You … have a cabin? Do you live with friends in the cabin?”

“Not right now, but maybe you can stay with me. We’ll have to talk to Chiron about it, okay?” I could hear Annabeth suck in a breath next to me. I didn’t understand her problem. “He’s a kentaur and he helps run the camp. If he’s in the Big House, he might be in his wheelchair though. It’s magic.” 

Tyson perked up. “Magic?”

I grinned. “Come on, just remember to ask nicely.” 

When we got to the Big House, we found Chiron in his apartment, listening to his favorite 1960s lounge music while he packed his saddlebags. As soon as we saw him, Tyson froze. 

“Pony!” he cried in total rapture. He’d been obsessed with horses ever since my mom had taken us to central park during winter break. Most of them were pretty skittish around him, but for some reason one of the mares decided he was a foal and refused to leave him alone the entire time we were there. The police officer on her back was hilariously confused.

Chiron turned, and his offended expression was almost as funny if I’m honest. “I beg your pardon?”

Annabeth ran up and hugged him. “Chiron, what’s happening? You’re not … leaving?” Her voice was shaky. Chiron was like a father to her, since her family situation was…tense, I guess you could say.

Chiron ruffled her hair, the only one who could do so without losing a hand, and gave her the kind of smile my mom gave Tyson. “Hello, child. And Percy, my goodness. You’ve grown over the year!”

Why did adults always say that? I swallowed that thought down. “Clarisse said you were … you were …”

Chiron quickly explained what had occurred as best he could, packing up his things as he talked. He sighed, “some in Olympus do not trust me now, under the circumstances.”

“What circumstances?” I asked.

Chiron’s face darkened and he turned away from us, turning off his boombox.

Tyson was still staring at Chiron in amazement, shuffling again andreaching out a hand before pulling it back. “Pony?”

Chiron sniffed. “My dear young Cyclops! I am a kentaur. ”

“Chiron,” I said, trying to get his attention again. “What’s happening to the tree? How do we heal it?”

He shook his head sadly. “Thalia’s tree has been infected…some venom even I have never seen. It must have come from a monster quite deep in the pits of Tartarus, something old and too tired to try returning.”

“Then we know who’s responsible. The Crooked-One.” 

“Do not speak of him, not here. Not now.”

“But last summer he tried to cause a civil war in Olympus! This has to be his idea. He’d get Luke to do it, you have to know that.”

“Perhaps,” Chiron said. “But I fear I am being held responsible because I did not prevent it and I cannot cure it. Lord Zeus still refuses to acknowledge that the titan lord may be rising and so…The tree has only a few weeks of life left.” He went to say something but stopped himself.

“What? What were you thinking?” Annabeth asked.

“No,” Chiron said softly, shaking his head. “A foolish thought. The whole valley is feeling the shock of the poison. The magical borders are deteriorating. The camp itself is dying. Only one source of magic would be strong enough to reverse the poison, and it was lost centuries ago.”

“What is it?” I asked. “We’ll go find it!” 

Chiron closed his saddlebag. He pressed the stop button on his boom box. Then he turned and rested his hand on my shoulder, looking me straight in the eyes. “Percy, you must promise me that you will not act rashly. I told your mother I did not want you to come here at all this summer. It’s much too dangerous.”

“Why?”

He ignored me. Typical of adults. “But now that you are here, stay here. Train hard. Learn to fight. But do not leave.”

“Why?” I asked again. “I want to do something! I can’t just let the borders fail. The whole camp will be—”

“Overrun by monsters,” Chiron said. “Yes, I fear so. But you must not let yourself be baited into hasty action! This could be a trap of the titan lord. Remember last summer! He almost took your life.” 

“Luke was the one here. Wherever the titan lord is, he’s still licking his wounds and letting others do his dirty work.” I went to say something else but then I saw Annabeth’s face and clicked my jaw shut. 

She was trying hard not to cry. 

I felt like shit for mentioning Luke. 

Chiron brushed a tear from her cheek. “Stay with Percy, child,” he told her. “Keep him safe.”

“Hey! I do fine,” I protested, but neither of them looked at me. 

“Chiron …” Annabeth said. “You told me the gods made you immortal only so long as you were needed to train heroes. If they dismiss you from camp—” Her eyes teared up and I could practically feel her panic at the thought.

“Swear you will do your best to keep Percy from danger,” he insisted instead of answering her very reasonable question. “Swear upon the River Styx.”

My mind blanked. One moment I was next to Chiron, and then suddenly I was between him and Annabeth, half crouched as a mix between a hiss and a growl came from my throat like it didn’t know how human it wanted to be. 

The power behind those words, that demand—I finally understood what it might feel like for a human to fall to the bottom of the ocean. The very air around us was heavier than a building, both gone from beneath my feet and crushing me from all sides. 

Asking anyone to swear that was a threat. And Annabeth, Annabeth was mine. Mine to protect, my friend. To demand she keep me from danger was like asking her to take my place and I would rather die. 

“Percy?” She wasn’t scared. Confused, maybe. 

Chiron was watching me with the skittishness of an animal facing an unknown predator. So at least he wasn’t confused. He might not know what I was, he was far too young for that, but he was at least starting to understand I wasn’t just a son of the Sea God. “Very well,” he said. “Please keep an eye on each other in my absence. I go to visit my wild kinsmen in the Everglades. It’s possible they know of some cure for the poisoned tree that I have forgotten. In any event, I will stay in exile until this matter is resolved—” He glanced towards me and his legs shuffled slightly, his tail swishing faster. “—one way or another.”

Annabeth took this change in conversation as well as she could. She put a hand over her mouth to pretend she wasn’t sobbing. 

Chiron patted her shoulder awkwardly and I never related to him more. What do you do when girls cry? I can’t just give her a peanut butter sandwich, right? “There, now, child. I must entrust your safety to Mr. D and the new activities director. Perhaps they won’t destroy the camp quite as quickly as I fear.”

A conch horn blew across the valley. It was time for the campers to assemble for dinner—and for Chiron to leave. 

He sighed as he looked out the window for a second, dramatic to the end, and then turned back to us. “I will contact your mother, Percy, and let her know you’re safe. No doubt she’ll be worried by now. Just remember my warning! You are in grave danger.”

When aren’t I? I thought saltily.

Tyson called after him as he moved down the hall, “Pony! Don’t go!”

I realized I’d forgotten to tell Chiron about my dream of Grover. I wanted to rip my hair out in frustration, nothing was like it was supposed to be!

Tyson started bawling almost as bad as Annabeth. I tried to tell them that things would be okay, but I didn’t believe it. I really wished I had some peanut butter. 

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