#seems like a very important thing

[sl-walker]

The thought had come back early on that he was no doubt hurting himself worse, something he'd already known on some level, and that what was wrong with him wasn’t going to get better on its own. And evidence bore that out; the pain shifted, changed forms some, but never abated. It only got worse, though so fractionally that Scotty could stare at the cold facts and then choose denial for another day.

The weirdest anxiety set in, too, one which made denial the easy choice: That somehow, some speculative medical professional who had never met him, and had no stake whatsoever in his recovery or lack of, would still be mad at him. And that he would do just about anything to avoid that.

It made no logical sense whatsoever. It was a ridiculous notion, and the rational part of his brain -- which labored to work under these conditions -- knew that, but no matter how many times he tried to talk sense into himself, that tangled disaster would trip him up. That they would be mad at him, and that there would be consequences for them being mad at him and that he didn't know what those would be and--

And this is how he set his own leg-hold trap, baited it, and then walked into it.

Heh. I might be the one writing it, but still. That there is a whole mood, Wolf.

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[loserifer]

i survived another week under capitalism's thumb. w me. anyway, here's some Tension >:)

Page 5/?

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reblogs are appreciated!!! 🕺🕺🕺

[ignitesthestxrs]

there's something about the way people talk about john gaius (incl the way the author writes him) that is like. so absent of any connection to te ao māori that it's really discomforting. like even in posts that acknowledge him as not being white, they still talk about him like a white, american leftist guy in a way that makes it clear people just AREN'T perceiving him as a māori man from aotearoa.

and it's just really serves to hammer home how powerful and pervasive whiteness and american hegemony is. because TLT is probably the single most Kiwi series in years to explode on the global stage, and all the things i find fraught about it as a pākehā woman reading a series by a pākehā author are illegible to a greater fandom of americans discoursing about whether or not memes are a valid way of portraying queer love.

idk the part of my brain that lights up every time i see a capital Z printed somewhere because of the New Zealand Mentioned??? instinct will always be proud of these books and muir. but i find myself caught in this midpoint of excitement and validation over my culture finding a place on the global stage, frustration at how kiwi humour and means of conveying emotion is misinterpreted or declared facile by an international audience, frustrated also by how that international audience runs the characters in this book through a filter of american whiteness before it bothers to interpret them, and ESPECIALLY frustrated by how muir has done a pretty middling job of portraying te ao māori and the māoriness of her characters, but tht conversation doesn't circulate in the same way* because a big part of the audience doesn't even realise the conversation is there to be had.

which is not to say that muir has done a huge glaring racism that non-kiwis haven't noticed or anything, but rather that there are very definitely things that she has done well, things that she has done poorly, things that she didn't think about in the first book that she has tacked on or expanded upon in the later books, that are all worthy of discussion and critique that can't happen when the popular posts that float past my dash are about how this indigenous man is 'guy who won't shut up about having gone to oxford'

*to be clear here, i'm not saying these conversations have never happened, just that in terms of like, ambient posts that float round my very dykey dash, the discussions and meta that circulate on this the lesbian social media, are overwhelmingly stripped of any connection to aotearoa in general, let alone te ao māori in specific. and because of the nature of american internet hegemony this just,,,isn't noticed, because how does a fish know it's in the ocean u know? i have seen discussions along these lines come up, and it's there if i specifically go looking for it, but it's not present in the bulk of tlt content that has its own circulatory life and i jut find that grim and a part of why the fandom is difficult to engage with.

[pharawee]

Yoon Phusanu my beloved never disappoints and has indeed hired a gaggle of lawyers to go up against Y.Entertainment.

You can watch his whole press conference (with English subs) here.

It includes highlights such as:

Yoon would like to be fairly compensated because he has to provide for his family. His family are seven cats. He's brought pictures.

He's now officially gone freelance and Y.Ent are no longer allowed to use his name.

Yoon hasn't been paid in a very long time, even though he's tried to negotiate and reach an agreement. He's tired of having to run after his money.

He's "only" owed about 100.000 baht (~2.555€ / 2772$ / £2,192) but Yoon's lawyer states that this is a systematic problem and lots of actors in Series Y (Thai BL) aren't fairly compensated. Several actors have reached out to him personally. He also says that he doesn't put blame on the companies because Series Y is a very competitive field. Still, young actors should be careful about who they work with and stand up for themselves if they aren't treated fairly.

They're showing pictures of Yoon's cats again. Yoon has to provide for them, after all:

Yoon doesn't have acting work lined up right now but he's actively looking for new projects and is in talks to join a new agency.

I'm not sure if this only affects Yoon or the other actors who are owed money by Y.Ent as well but apparently the cut-off date for payment was 11 March. He was offered money after that date but didn't take it because he already knew that he wanted to terminate the contract. Apparently, he had been with Y.Ent for over 4 years and the contract was supposed to be a six year contract (I'm not too sure about this one since the subs are terrible and so is my Thai lmao). Because he's been with them for so long, the whole thing pretty much blindsided him.

Yoon's mother is supportive of him acting in Y Series.

Many other Thai BL actors have talked to Yoon about being treated unfairly and he wants to spread awareness about that.

Apparently, Y.Ent never stated a reason for not paying him. They only told him that he'd be paid at a later date.

Yoon's lawyer says that he has every right to sue but for now he only wants to negotiate. He again urges young actors to thoroughly check who they're working with.

Yoon is asked if this disagreement will cause him problems with other companies down the line but he says that he doesn't believe it will negatively affect him as he's trying to solve the issue peacefully.

Yoon's lawyer again says that actors should read their contracts very carefully. Some contracts don't give the actors any rights but only duties. They might then have to hire a laywer to be able to break contract.

Yoon then says that sometimes he wasn't sent the script before filming and when arrived on set all he'd be given was an old brief that he'd already read. He was then asked (by other crew etc) if he'd practiced his lines which of course he couldn't. This embarrassed him.

The lawyer also adds that there is often a discrepancy between the number of episodes in a series and queues for a shoot. I'm guessing that he means that the actors won't realise that they actually have to work more hours for less money (since compensation seems to be based on episodes rather than hours worked?). This is very difficult to renegotiate and almost no actor in their 20s can afford to settle this in court.

This isn't the first time Yoon has spoken up against the mistreatment of himself and other Thai BL actors in the industry and I'm so glad he has the means to stand up for himself when so many other actors obviously can't.

Fans are so quick to blame bad shows and weird behind-the-scenes stuff on the actors themselves when in reality it's so often due to mismanagement and mistreatment. Imagine not even having a script on shooting day (yes, I'm aware this is common practice in soap entertainment but these are rookie actors without the experience and support that seasoned soap actors have - also in this case it seems to have surprised even the crew on set). No wonder things were awkward in Unforgotten Night. Do you really think actors who don't have a script get to practice and negotiate their intimate scenes together?

And judging by what Tor Atagorn has spoken up about recently (and many other actors have alluded to in the past) this is only the very tip of the iceberg, with young and inexperienced actors deliberately trapped in contracts that they have no way of getting out of on their own.

Yoon's lawyer urged young actors to be more aware of who they're working for in order to better protect themselves. In a similar vein, BL watchers should ideally be more aware of whose shows they're watching and what companies have a shady track record.

If nothing else, do it for the cats! These actors have children they need to provide for, after all!

[vaguely-concerned]

there are a lot of daddy issues to go around on DS9 in general, but odo, bashir and garak are really in their own special little fucked up 'what am I but wrought in my father's image' club

[ssaalexblake]

Why is 13's regen abt a white dude and why is 15's regen abt a white dude when do we get rid of that white man that just Cannot let other people have their own moments I swear this is so old, like really, it's a tale as old as time where white dudes are the center of the narrative and universe and everyone caters to them, and I'm so bored of it being celebrated. It's not innovative, it's not new, it's not brave.

[squuote]

okay on another related topic, the parable being this very much living thing that acts on its own accord very often in the game. there are characters that can directly control or alter the game/parable, but then the parable can do just as much itself when there's no one taking the reigns. and it will, it very much will do what it needs to do to keep the wheel turning. just something fun to interpret and stew on..

[hooliganarachnid]

Hey, so with the Loki season two finale airing in like four days, a show featuring a currently heavily implied romance between a dark haired immortal being who played a role in human history searching for his purpose and a just some blond guy—I feel like marvel has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever, three years and four days after destiel was made canon and promptly executed on live television.

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[greenfiend]

"You're not thinking fourth dimensionally."

Excuse you, I’ve been doing nothing but thinking of the fourth dimension as a Byler. 🤨

I can’t stop thinking about how a wheel represented time freezing around Will. Likely representing a Wheeler.

[hypervoxel]

Oh, so, like, the entire first season's establishment of the characters and their interactions don't actually matter in Helluva Boss. Okay, cool.

Like, I get that characterization develops over time and the writers come up with new ideas and places they want to take the story, but. So much of the Stolas/Blitzø stuff recently isn't character development: it's retconning.

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

Emma 2020 is like what if. You were trapped in a house in a dark with a father only you can manage. What if you were constantly told about a woman with accomplishments you frankly can't achieve because in so many things valued for young women you're just mediocre, you have no special talents other than being charming and likeable and you can't even do that all the time. What if you just wanted to do something that meant something but you didn't even realize that's what you wanted.

[spghtrbry]

so i’ve been. THINKING lately.

you can find many similarities in both stories but there are also huge differences…

in cain and abel’s story cain murders his younger brother because of his jealousy and because god preferred abel over him, which is obviously similar to how chuck’s pride made him envious of jimmy because he’s more likeable and made their mom laugh etcetera etcetera..but i’d say abel was a pure guy, he didn’t do anything bad, he was like. basically the purest human being at that time (well it’s not really difficult to be the best person when there’s like 4 people in the whole world and two of them literally got kicked out of heaven but anyway). and cain murdered him. which is clearly not the case with jimmy and chuck because obviously in the legal point of view chuck is a better person than jimmy …

and we’ve got esau and jacob, which is i think a really underrated story. i mean i love cain and abel but i think people often forget about those two. esau, (technically) an older brother, always gets tricked by jacob. jacob buys his birthright and steals his father’s blessing that was meant for esau. and esau rages at him because. i mean. that’s not a nice thing to do. but in the end jacob becomes one of the Main Characters in the genesis… personally i think this story is more… idk, specific? there’s just something about the younger brother constantly tricking the older to get what he wants, even though the reasons not always are completely selfish. BUT! in the end esau and jacob made peace which is (spoiler alert😨) not the case with chuck and jimmy ………..and also jacob didn’t really have a redemption arc and esau just. idk. moved on with his life. got a family and all that. so he basically became a normie. but yeah ANYWAYS!

so yeah. i’d really love to hear ur thoughts and opinions on this one because i am a little bit insane about all this stuff as you probably noticed

(also if i messed something up or if im wrong anywhere please lmk lol it’s been a while since ive read the old testament…….)

[jacksprostate]

Bob in female fight club au. Thoughts

Probably named Marge

Rather than doing a direct inversion (ie making the character the exact opposite, much tits -> no tits, etc) I think sort of an analogue would work better riffing off the motherly role Bob has, in combination with the group being for uterine cancer/ovarian cancer

The women come together, and they cry, cry, cry, over lost husbands, who left them because they got cancer, because overwhelmingly, men leave if their wife gets cancer, over lost relationships with children, who stayed but resent them, over lost Motherhood, that thing you were told was your worth but now you are told you're shit. Remaining Women Together. Despite. Despite despite despite.

What is it, about purposes. Want to see misery, see women fed their own physical oppression as lost salvation.

Marge, whatever her name is, her husband divorced her, left her with the kids and medical bills stacked as high as she is tall. She is thankful she still has her kids, it makes her feel like she's still worth something. She's had to try and get back into the workforce. No one wants to hire dear former stay at home mother Marge. She shows you her kids in her wallet in her purse and there are no pictures of her. There's a picture of her old husband, which she keeps to show her kids if they ask. They're old enough to go to school now, which is good, because it gives her more time to work. Life is hard, but she's doing her best.

Marge, who is on hormone therapy so she doesn't get those "side effects" she's heard about from other total hysterectomy patients, the future of early dementia and degeneration and horror. Who does pelvic floor exercises in hopes it will minimise the fallout of the surgery. Who carefully rips every hair out of her upper lip and chin because even if it would be normal for a woman, a woman whose gone through menopause, a woman at all — she knows, it's probably the estrogen tipping back over into testosterone, and she can't handle any more losses. She compensates. They all do.

The support group is her Me Time. It is the single hour plus half hour commute she can afford once a week for herself. So she gets here, and she cries, cries, cries, and the others cry with her, all over how their lives have fallen apart since they got ovarian cancer, got breast cancer, and their lives derailed because they can't be proper women anymore.

They cry in their waterproof makeup. Another product to promise womanhood. Identify yourself via consumption. Identify yourself by covering yourself up.

And when she finds fight club. When she finds something that says, jesus fuck. You are more than your children. You are more than your ability to have kids. You aren't a failed woman, that's a sack of shit you've been sold wholesale. When she finds something that promises her she will grow, achieve personhood, not because she was the ultimate martyr mother, not because she played the game of human or woman, but because it promises a freedom from all that, identification and repulsion of such sickening chains. When she stops worrying about her slightly deepened voice, and works to keep her dose even keel for her health, to avoid the toxic highs of accidentally juicing, rather than the lesser effects of a black lip hair or two. When she has a photo, not of herself in her wallet, but of the things she makes with other women from fight club, of the one view of the sunset from that one parking lot that she always thought was wonderful, when she has things in her wallet for her and her enjoyment. When she has corded muscle and a built up spine, when she sits her kids down and explains why they only see dad one weekend every other month, all the fun holidays, because dad decided staying with her through cancer was too hard even when she stayed with him through four lost jobs pissed away in alcohol and lottery tickets.

And Marge, who gets shot by the police on a regulation chill-and-drill assignment for Project Mayhem. Whose obituary in the newspaper talks about the children she left behind, how she battled cancer and kept caring for them, how she was such a strong mother, whose kids would now be shipped off to their grieving father who is so, so brave and stunning for standing up and taking care of the kids he made and dropped as soon as his live-in servant had a few issues. Her name is Marge Paulson, and she was forty-eight years old. She was a person. She will be remembered in the annals of Project Mayhem, lest what little there was of her be stolen from the world. She was killed by Project Mayhem, but they're the only ones who will remember Marge Paulson.

[realbeefman]

very weird to be a show only iwtv fan because my fav is unambiguously louis so i have like. veryyy little interest in either the movies or the books because book!louis seems to be a hugemassive cunt who owned slaves. but also i cannot READ any of the fanfiction or half the fan theories because it’s all RIDDLED with elements from the book canon that will inevitably be brought up in the show/with reference to characters and character backstories i haven’t been introduced to yet which means i’m essentially balancing how deeply and passionately i want to see intelligent character analysis and fantastic fanworks people are making with how much of the next season i can stand being spoiled for me