#see this is the kind of post where in retrospect i feel like i should have split it up

[batsplat]

“So funny how again in early 2008 there’s an argument to me made that Valentino was the LEAST annoyed with him of the four” ooh what was the Casey / Jorge beef of 08?? I didn’t think those two had any!! Actually would you be willing to go thru all the Jorge beefs of that year briefly? Ik you’ve done him & Dovi and him & Vale a lot more in depth but I’m curious about Casey and Dani…ik some of the Dani stuff but I don’t really get the WHY of it hahaha

okay I've started and gotten stuck on writing a post about casey and jorge's relationship way too often by this point BUT if we're just localising it to early 2008 that's WAY more doable. jorge lorenzo early 2008 drama corner coming right up

Some people think he's - not a show off, but he's a little bit arrogant. Actually he's a really nice guy, isn't he, he needs that bit of arrogance because - when you're on the edge as he is, that's what makes him the champion, the way he is.

^Qatar 2008 commentary excerpt

just as a quick summary of the time span we're talking about. casey is the defending champion, looks scary good pre-season testing, but ducati gets a bit lost after the opening round and he has some pretty messy races. valentino has made the very very high-profile controversial decision to walk away from the tyre manufacturer that had bagged him all his premier class titles and move to casey's bridgestones, which is what necessitates the wall in the yamaha garage. if this goes wrong, if he just loses to his rivals purely on merit, it might actually be over for him. dani was the bloke who was supposed to have casey's 2007 season on the lighter 800cc bikes everyone believed would favour him, and now has something to prove. jorge and dovi are both rookies in the class, having fought it out for two years in the 250cc class. jorge won both titles, albeit on clearly superior machinery to dovi's

here's the opening few rounds (though most of this will be just about the first four):

jorge secures the first three pole positions of the season and wins his first race in estoril. after three rounds, him and dani are exactly tied in the standings - not just in points, but also in countback since they've both had a p1, a p2, and a p3. valentino had a meh first race at qatar after leading at one point, AND is overtaken on the final lap by dovi... but gradually makes progress with the tyres - and by shanghai, everything's clicked. by contrast, jorge's fortunes take a nosedive in shanghai, with a truly massive highside during practise. he rallies and manages to take a fourth in shanghai and a second in le mans (this is the podium where he's on crutches and valentino ends up sitting on his lap for the podium photo)... but after that things go from bad to worse as he has a series of painful, demoralising and confidence-sapping crashes, including one that forces him to withdraw entirely from his home race at catalunya. by this point, he is firmly out of the title hunt - and catalunya is also the race where the season swings back in casey's favour, with the post-race test doing wonders for the ducati. which is where the build-up to laguna starts in earnest

so! with all that context in mind! here's some photos from pre-season at jerez:

I'm sure the photographers just missed the extensive discussions valentino was having with jorge sitting next to him

right then. let's take them in order. jorge/valentino had quite a bit of attached hype to it, where people looked at jorge, looked at valentino, rubbed their hands and went 'surely this isn't going to go well'. (this would've been me.) this energy, right:

This was all done, of course, because Yamaha were fearing, and MotoGP fans were looking forward to, a potential clash between Lorenzo and his team mate, the equally flamboyant Valentino Rossi. But so far, all has been peace and light in the Yamaha garage, a situation possibly helped by the huge wall splitting the garage in two.

(just to give you a sense of how keen everyone was to get things kicked off between those two, the commentators are talking about valentino edging ahead of jorge on the sighting lap of qatar 2008 to take his grid slot first as "just a bit of psychology". like people were ready for these two to go to war)

and there's plenty of evidence that suggests valentino took an immediate disliking to jorge that went beyond just seeing him as internal competition. it's quite likely valentino tried to keep him out of the factory yamaha team, though probably less nefarious plotting and more 'asking yamaha to please not do it'. once he lost that particular war, however, valentino's approach was mostly just not to engage with jorge at all. no stress, no drama, limit both his levels of personal irritation and jorge's opportunities to learn from him. early 2008 valentino also had very 'we move in silence' energy, he's really just working away at getting to grips with the tyres and generating little drama of his own accord. doesn't panic at the adjustment period to the bridgestones or about how his rookie teammate seems to have the better of him in the early rounds... it's obvious by his reaction to winning the race at shanghai how much this meant to him, but he's mostly been shutting up and getting on with it. and while jorge was going on his little drama tour, he was actually at pains not to be publicly starting shit with valentino:

Lorenzo was much kinder to the man he was expected to be at war with. “I see the press and hear what people say, and they have already decided to bury him,” said Lorenzo. “He finished 5th on tires which, apparently, weren’t going very well in the conditions. I think he will be fighting for the win at Jerez, and will be winning races soon enough. I don’t believe that he has dropped his game.”

though obviously valentino won't have been particularly thrilled by jorge getting a win before he did - and I suspect jorge did secretly think he might already have the better of his legendary teammate... way more on that teammate dynamic here, including context for the dynamic headed into 2008

^Post-Estoril 2008

tbh the vibe you get from watching 2008 is that valentino wasn't really thinking about jorge all that much, even during the first few races of the season. if anything, his delight at jerez and estoril kinda makes you feel like he was still primarily preoccupied with casey's results. as long as he felt like he was making progress on the tyres and casey wasn't building up an unassailable points lead, everything else could work itself out

Some say there's bad blood between them, they both say they get on fine together - I've seen them chatting in press conferences all right, but I think there is a little bit of needle between the two of them.

^Qatar 2008 commentary excerpt

moving on. jorge/dovi didn't have anything specific early 2008, but I just sort of assume dovi had this constant low level of annoyance towards jorge - especially immediately off the back of two title fights. he beats out valentino in this list by having had more actual encounters with jorge and more time to build up genuine antipathy. reading between the lines for their dynamic that year... well, they were competing to be the best rookie in the class - and you could argue that contest was way closer than it had any right to be, given the disparity in machinery. jorge the chosen boy on a factory yamaha, dovi scrapping it out on a satellite honda (interestingly, the disparity is described here as lesser than what they had in 250cc). also, fun fact: jorge's first race crash in motogp comes when he's fighting dovi at mugello. dovi had a front row seat, wonder if he enjoyed that

on to casey/jorge. so, I'm going to present these tidbits in a sensible chronological fashion, but I just want to say that I came across them in a completely different order. very different experience. I read casey's autobiography early enough in my motogp journey that I just sort of took him at his word with way too much of what he was saying. so my initial reaction to the early 2008 jorge stuff was going 'lol jorge what a prat' and going about my business. anyways. just thought I'd mention that!

anyhow, obviously these two had already had a few run-ins in the lower categories, including that assen 2004 incident where jorge kinda runs casey off track during the last lap that casey did not take kindly to. AND perhaps the first record we've got of valentino acknowledging casey and jorge's existence!! really fond of that clip idk, something about his 'those crazy kids' energy obviously is a bit ironic with benefit of hindsight

moving on to 2008. here's casey on jorge's chances of making an immediate impact, around a week before qatar:

Ducati’s Casey Stoner, who won 10 races in a dominant 2007 season, said: “We’ll have to see what happens with Jorge. “He has proven himself very fast in 250s by being double world champion. He is obviously a very fast rider and he is learning very quickly with the Yamaha. “But I think it is also very, very difficult to beat what Dani did in his first race in MotoGP. “To finish second in your first race is truly amazing, so I think it is very difficult.”

nothing egregious, I think we can all agree. though the direct comparison with dani probably won't have been particularly welcome. but just keep this in mind when you read the next few bits!

and here, from the qatar 2008 commentary:

And Stoner actually talked about Lorenzo, didn't he, in the pre-event conference - saying, I'm not sure Lorenzo will be able to challenge for the title. He may change his opinion about that after seeing the race here today, but he felt the challenge was more from Rossi and Dani Pedrosa.

ended up being correct, but did he HAVE to say it... aged poorly for the first month or so, you'd have to say. knowing jorge, I don't feel like it's a stretch to say he was motivaed to prove casey wrong lol

as we've already established from this clip, unlike dani and jorge they were at least on speaking terms at jerez

^Jerez 2008 pre-event press conference

casey has a messy pair of races at jerez and estoril, which brings us to shanghai - where, as said at the top, jorge and dani were joint championship leaders. let's bring in a press conference clip!

The season started in Qatar. [...] points - anyway, the riders that do not have good results, they say it starts now. The riders that started good... say that, what I am saying, so... For sure for Casey, starts now.

oh no. jorge. oh you've really done it now. off-hand remark right at the end... bit of hesitation but he just can't help himself. you CANNOT say something like that about casey. he will literally never forget this

and luckily, we know that casey would never forget this - because this incident makes it all the way to his autobiography! here we go:

Despite my first impressions of Jorge in the 125ccs I got on pretty well with him during our days together in the 250cc class but after winning the World Championship in that category twice he seemed to me to have become arrogant beyond belief. I remember after Estoril he said something to Livio like, 'What happened to Stoner? A problem with the head?' He seemed to think he'd broken me in that race and that I was weak minded. He thought his success was the reason for my poor results and clearly had no idea about the problems we had with the camera, not to mention the bike. A couple of weeks later we were in the pre-event conference in Shanghai and Jorge made a smart remark like, 'Maybe the championship starts now for Stoner.' I couldn't believe it and I'd never known such arrogance before. But what Jorge didn't realise at the time was that his confidence, generated by his impressively fast adjustment to riding a MotoGP bike, was a big reason he was so quick in those early races. Confidence is an incredibly powerful tool in elite level sport but it can also be very dangerous, especially in motorcycle racing. He hadn't learnt that yet, but he would.

okay. so. obviously jorge had managed to accidentally stumble across the number one way to get under casey's skin - by implying he was mentally weak. pretty much the worst thing you can say about casey, like yeah you've found the thing he's most sensitive about. congrats. and the shanghai remark was probably not a good idea. but if you watch that clip... I mean. it's a dumb throwaway line isn't it. this is a dumb twenty year old being a bit of a brat. high on his own success in his first few races in the premier class. now just picture casey sitting next to him, thinking that he'd NEVER KNOWN SUCH ARROGANCE BEFORE. casey, he's a rookie, you're the defending champion. and you said he probably wasn't going to be able to compete with you!! HE probably thinks YOU started it

^Shanghai 2008 pre-event press conference

and as it happens, casey doesn't stop there. because this story is what prompts a couple more paragraphs on casey's feelings on the subject of confidence in motorcycle racing, essentially using jorge's rookie season as a case study of sorts into how it can all go wrong. here's how it continues:

When a rider starts to build confidence they push the limits of the bike further and further until they find speed they thought they never had, speed that other riders find it impossible to live with. It is a fine line though. The problem is that as the level of confidence continues to increase so does the level of risk and before a rider knows it he is past the limit. Sooner or later reality bites and in motorcycle racing it bites hard. This is why I am careful to be a realist. If I know I have the tool to get the job done then I can be confident, but I am careful never to ride on confidence alone. Unfortunately for Jorge, just 48 hours after he made those remarks in China it became clear he was in over his head, literally, and he suffered one of the biggest crashes I have ever seen. In the split second he hit the ground and fractured both of his ankles he also shattered the one thing that had taken him to the top of the championship. Once his confidence was gone he had nothing left to fall back on and he couldn't have copped any more of a beating than he did that season. He had crash after crash, bringing him back to earth so hard that he seemed to become scared of the bike. For a while his results were pretty ordinary, considering the equipment he was on.

... okay. I get that they're competitors, and I get that you probably get quite desensitised to crashes if you're a motogp rider. but. uh. this does read... just a wee bit satisfied that jorge had been brought 'back to earth' by way of a series of very very nasty crashes. "clear he was in over his head, LITERALLY" is such a wild way to describe a horrendous highside. you do get just a tinge of schadenfreude about the whole thing, right. slight vibe that casey thought karmic justice had come for jorge after he'd been so arrogant towards casey

should be noted that in the next autobiography passage, casey is quite nice about jorge and essentially said he'd learned from his mistakes and become more pleasant later - plus that casey felt they were both misunderstood in different ways. given all that, though, it is interesting and fun that casey in no way backs down from his initial impression of jorge's behaviour (or if this is him backing down, it's still pretty harsh). you agree he gets misunderstood, you know he was a bit of a mess back then, but you're STILL talking about him like this! never known such arrogance before uh huh

there's also one specific story I'm choosing to leave out here beyond a brief mention - because it is pretty nasty and I'm not sure it entirely passes my own standard of evidence for a story like that. the sparknotes version is that a commentator said casey told him jorge was faking the extent of his shanghai injuries in rather forthright a manner. not out of the realm of possibility given we know casey was pissed at jorge that weekend, we know casey spoke to that commentator that weekend, and we know casey can be a bit weird about his competitors' injuries. but yeah, idk, it's so completely anecdotal that I'm not going to properly include it

and here, just to round things off, is what casey said about jorge before the le mans round:

Stoner, who raced Lorenzo previously in the 125 class, said: “I’ve been racing against the rookies for years, I know they are fast. “There is a lot testing compared to the past so when you arrive at the first race you’ve already done half a season so if they are not comfortable with the bikes by then there is something wrong. Jorge has done a good job so far but I expected this.”

did you expect this?? DID YOU EXPECT THIS?? going from saying 'yeah idk jorge probably won't be able to do what dani did' to saying 'well if he WASN'T fast already then there'd be something WRONG with him' is just classic stuff. never change, casey

on jorge's end, my sense is that he really wasn't thinking all that much about casey pre circa 2010. this is just a vibe, but I kinda feel like jorge's tell for when he doesn't really know what to make of someone is when he doesn't really talk about them all that much... including in that biography of his - where casey features comically little, given how he is like. the defending champion during jorge's rookie season. dovi gets mentioned a reasonable amount given he's kinda unavoidable, but both him and casey massively lose out when compared to dani and valentino. those latter two have Designated Roles in the jorge lorenzo story, whereas jorge just... doesn't know what to do with dovi and casey

an impression I feel is backed up by how jorge frames his viewing experience of the 2008 catalunya race in the biography

 Having watched the race from my room I would like to congratulate Dani Pedrosa for a great race. He rode the best from the start and had a perfect race. I also thought it was a nice touch that Dani showed his support for the anti-guardrail campaign. I had also planned to support the initiative because it is a great cause. Valentino also deserves congratulations for such a great fight back. I’m keen to fight for victory with both of them and if I manage to beat them one day, ‘mano a mano’, I will feel very proud. The pair of them are as different as they are difficult to beat.

who. who was valentino fighting for that second place. who was he fighting for basically the entire race in a repeat of their dramatic duel the previous year. who was the third person on that podium, jorge. who was the defending champion when you were watching that race. jorge. WHO WAS IT

that being said, we do get one short bit in jorge's biography about his early impressions of casey. and it's just too good not to include here:

'The first time I saw Stoner was in the CEV, back in 2000,' recalls Jorge. 'We looked down the entry list and spotted this really young Australian, riding a Honda. Since there were two groups we were able to take a look at him from the control tower at Albacete. He was really fast but at the same time he looked out of control. He was running wide but he kept on the throttle, giving it full gas, the bike swerving all over the place. He is aggressive, very brave and extremely talented, and he rides without fear of crashing. Having said that I think he could get a little more out of what he is doing if he was a bit more lively - if he was more in touch with the fans. He's like Doohan in that respect, but he's happy that way and each to his own, I guess.'

young jorge looking at young casey and going ?? why isn't he working to build his CHARACTER to appeal to the FANS ?? is just so beautifully in-character for both of them

anyway, yeah, that was their early 2008 vibe. jorge being kinda confused by casey but also wanting to prove himself against the defending champion - not as much as he did against dani and valentino, but he was way warier of starting shit with valentino and would never ever have said something like the shanghai thing about him. and casey with plenty of resentment in his heart, maybe chafing at jorge's golden boy status and how everyone was falling over themselves to praise jorge, consistently reserved in his own assessment of jorge - first downplaying his chances and then suggesting jorge had basically been doing the bare minimum. it's pretty likely that jorge would not remember that shanghai press remark if you asked him about it today, but there is absolutely zero chance casey doesn't. and for all that their later relationship considerably warmed later on, in part due to a shared antipathy towards valentino, that's not the kind of thing casey ever quite forgets

MOVING ON to the big guns. now, look, we're not going to get into a full history of the dani/jorge rivalry, it'd take way too long. here is another jorge biography excerpt about the early bitchiness in 2005, you've got stuff in this post about how the rivalry fit into the context of the puig/amatriain rivalry, dani also featured heavily in the motegi 2005 controversy, plus there's that time in early 2006 when mr zero world championships said "I am better than pedrosa and time will judge if I am right or not" and "maybe my rivals are a little scared of me". again, this isn't a full chronology, but they already obviously disliked each other headed into 2008

it's this dynamic of two young athletes vying for the love of their nation... with dani reserved and businesslike and very much influenced by his mentor puig (see also the puig description in this post), coming up against jorge in all his loud-mouthed brashness who is gagging for attention from anyone willing to provide it. the worst thing dani could do was ignore jorge, which is what he was always inclined to do... and jorge unsurprisingly never reacted well

In fact, the constant comparisons with Pedrosa had occasionally got to him. 'Why does Dani Pedrosa, with his boy next door image, get such good press yet I don't?' he'd asked Miguel Angel Violan. 'He used to hate that,' remembers Violan. Juanito Llansa has his own views on the matter. 'Jorge and Dani Pedrosa are completely different. They are poles apart. Dani is cold, impassive, while Jorge is vivacious, sometimes too extroverted. The thing is that Pedrosa started winning before Jorge did and we [Spain] had been going through something of a drought in terms of titles, so people had started watching motorcycle racing again because of Pedrosa. Naturally, the fans had taken to Dani more. When Jorge emerged on the scene, and started winning too, people had got used to Dani's character and thought that Jorge was too cocky. But that's just the way he is! The fans already had their hero, but then somebody totally different came along. Now the fans had to be shared out between the two.'

^Excerpt from Riveras Tobia's 'Jorge Lorenzo: My Story So Far'

'boy next door image' hm

which is how we get to early 2008, where jorge starts off his premier class career by securing pole position. and then follows that up by beating (an injured) dani to second place in the race. at which point dani commits the grievous insult of not shaking jorge's hand (x)

So it came as no surprise that Lorenzo fanned the flames of old divisions this week, complaining bitterly to the Spanish daily AS.com that Pedrosa refused to congratulate him on the podium at Qatar. “I have no interest in causing controversy,” the Spaniard told AS.com, without a hint of irony, “but if I see something that’s wrong, I say it publicly, without hesitation. I don’t like the fact that he didn’t congratulate me, but each man must do what he thinks is right. If I’d been in his place, I would have congratulated a rider who had managed to finish in 2nd place in his first race. But then, I’m not Dani Pedrosa.”

'without a hint of irony' lol get him again

and here from the biography:

ER: Jorge, you were on the podium with Dani Pedrosa. Did you say anything to each other? Did you shake hands? JL: In Qatar everybody who saw me on the track - mechanics, riders and race officials - congratulated me on my performance. But Dani Pedrosa didn't. He didn't say a word to me, didn't look my way, didn't congratulate me. He didn't even wave or hold his hand out at the end of the race. ER: And do you think he was supposed to be congratulating you and not the other way round? JL: When somebody finishes their first MotoGP race on the podium, the least he can expect is a wave. I'm not talking about friendship, just a simple raised hand. It's a question of good manners. Everybody is responsible for what they say and do. If I was him I'd have been congratulating a rookie who finished second. Dani Pedrosa disappointed me.

dani DISAPPOINTED jorge :((

which is how you get to jerez 2008, second race of the season, and ofc the presser from which this clip stems

^Jerez 2008 pre-event press conference

by which point the qatar handshake thing had obviously become a big controversy. here, again from the biography:

A mere handshake had become a matter of national debate. Everybody had an opinion on the subject — and since Lorenzo was the only one prepared to speak publicly about it, with Pedrosa opting to state his case silently, Jorge bore the brunt of the pressure. Even members of his own team were telling, him to take the sting out of the situation as soon as possible, 'it always seemed that it had to be him who took the first step,' says Javi Ullate. 'I also made the mistake of thinking that it was down to him to sort it out. It was another unnecessary problem. It was a ridiculous situation, that wasn't getting anybody anywhere. I asked myself, if rivals can't greet each other, then how is it that Pedrosa can greet other riders? He is civil with Rossi and Stoner, but not with Lorenzo. 

all this over a HANDSHAKE mind u

jorge once again secured pole position at jerez - but this time dani took the win well ahead of jorge, whose expected race pace had failed to materialise. jorge ended up finishing third behind valentino

which was obviously followed by the infamous moment where the spanish king forces the two of them to shake hands:

really fond of dani looking at his hand like it doesn't belong to him while jorge sucks at his lollipop

the pair of them have obviously discussed this moment in a great amount of detail since, which we're not going to cover in full. but just to give something closer to the time, here's more from jorge's biography:

'Yeah I'd do it again because I believe that it gives off a bad image when two riders from the same country, representing millions of people, can't get on. Trying to shake hands with Pedrosa isn't a bad thing. It is a good thing, for the sport and for the country. At the time I thought it was pretty unpleasant that he didn't want to shake my hand but it's not the biggest worry in my life. I would like our relationship to be cordial because we're both putting our lives at risk on the track, we're battling fairing to fairing and yes, it is good that there's a rivalry on the track, but off it we should be presenting a picture of the good sportsmen that we are. '

he goes on like this at length. SO committed to the image of it all, to being honourable, respectful competitors... he wants blood in his rivalry but also DIGNITY, man-to-man taking each other on in the heat of battle... again, a dozen films playing in his head, all of which are of extremely little interest to his irritable rivals

anyhow, it's a podium with fun awkward vibes. you've got dani and valentino palling around:

and jorge and dani existing in each other's vicinity:

just continually refusing to acknowledge in each other's presence

which gives us what I find a tragically ignored funny dani moment where he like?? visibly seems uncomfortable with the idea that he's only got jorge close to him before the podium photo, looks over to valentino (currently engaged in extensive shenanigans with the nearest camera), beckons him over, eyes fully glued on him as he makes it to the top step of the podium, leaves precisely fuck all space for jorge, at which point jorge physically pushes dani to the side a bit so that he can stand on the podium without in any way standing close to dani

I'm sorry but this is comical. why does nobody ever talk about this. what are they doing

and lastly we get to estoril, the final race before jorge goes on his injury spree. as stated up front, it's jorge's first win, leaving him tied with dani at the top of the standings. there's not any real CONTROVERSY here beyond the continuation of the general wretched vibes. this time it's dani who looks like he's been force fed half a dozen lemons while jorge is enjoying life to the fullest

and valentino remains proudly committed to Just Vibing

but this race had to get a mention primarily for the follow-up to the jerez podium photo. where valentino is once again the last to stop faffing about, which unfortunately leaves him in a bit of an awkward position when he realises jorge and dani are standing like. a metre apart. and just ends up having to get very close to jorge to make it work. which gives us a very evenly placed podium photo

the beauties of third-wheeling a feud. finally valentino too gets to experience having to navigate two people who loathe each other

anyway! that's your lot. one little baby rookie who has many of his rivals wanting to strangle him after four race weekends. 'flamboyant' 'arrogant' whatever you want to call him... but. y'know. I am obviously a little bit of a jorge lorenzo defender for this time period, and not just because I feel very strongly that he needed a responsible adult in his life and maybe also a hug. dani could have shaken his hand!! casey could have been a bit more chill!! valentino could have spoken more than two words to him!! but that's the fun of it... jorge was annoying, so were his rivals, what a great constellation of irritating blokes. just this little brat rocking up to the premier class and immediately making an impact by pissing off everyone around him. really spiced up the early 2008 season too, gave everyone something to talk about before valentino got back into the plotting and scheming business. we thank jorge for his service

[flownwrong]

chaotic ckr c6d squee propaganda (?) post

This, started half a year ago for @ds30below, was initially a general c6d short reviews post but kinda skewed majorly towards CKR's repertoire and wasn't too review-y. So I gave up on making sense and on including the non-CKR works. I don't know who the audience for this is, because I never give basic details for people who don't know about this stuff but say too much for those who do. I giffed what I could and tried to avoid what I know a lot about but haven't actually seen. Here goes.

Frank's Cock (1993)

Not much to say. It's only 8 minutes, it's beautiful and you should see it if you haven't. I won't spoil the subject, but you can likely guess. Watch it, cry a little. Then go watch some more of Mike Hoolboom's stuff, the vimeo link above is from his channel.

Two X-Files episodes (1994 – 1995)

Well, I haven't actually seen X-files since I was about fifteen and watched the like two seasons, and I remember none of it. I rewatched the two early episodes CKR appears in and they were fun. I did not watch the, the movie or whatever where he's doing the evil gay thing. But really, this one is on the list so I can show you this self-indulgent gif of him being Very Long:

Double Happiness (1994)

You shouldn't watch this one for CKR. I mean, you absolutely should see him here, looking like he's barely out of his teens and playing up the insecure act and having devastating chemistry with devastatingly beautiful Sandra Oh, but this is not why it's great. And it's really, really great. It's touching and funny and sincere. If you wanna have some feels about complicated family relationships and identity and growing up (at any point in life), you'll find them here.

Curtis's Charm (1995)

Don't regret watching it, can't recommend. Not gonna lie, I was emotionally affected. But I usually am by things as in-your-face bleak as this. Mostly, it's trying very hard to be smarter than it is, I think.

However: CKR's One Wild Curl is everything to me (see above, on the right. It was, like, actually curly. I was rendered speechless). And like two seconds of Hugh Dillon made me do a double-take, lol. Incredibly weird knowing this was shot like half a year before HCL began shooting. Feels like it must've been a decade earlier.

Hard Core Logo (1996)

I could make three separate posts about this one, so of course I have no idea what to say.

This one, you should watch for CKR, actually, he's something, but so is every single other aspect of this film. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It hits you like a 16 wheeler. Perfectly cast, unimaginably beautiful, hysterical and melancholy and disgusting and compelling.

Related recs:

A wonderfully fun article/retrospective/interview for its 20th anniversary a while back.

You should also absolutely read Hard Core Roadshow if you enjoyed the film. It's a book documenting the whole thing from conception to release. It touched me for its own sake, not just a backstage glance, full of love for the craft and the people and carrying this tangible bittersweetness about the heightened and fleeting nature of this kind of work.

(here, I feel compelled to include a quote from another c6d-related interview on Slings & Arrows, which I read after the book and went like man, it's really a universal experience isn't it.

Coyne: <...> But I also think, and this is my experience, what we were all experiencing, because we were all talking about our lives, our life in the arts — there’s something very melancholy about doing something you love, because it will never be good enough, it will always break your heart.

McKinney: Or it will be fleeting.

Coyne: It’ll be fleeting. You come together with people you feel passionately connected to and two weeks later they’re tearing down the sets.)

Quotes from the article and the book respectively include:

McDonald: So there was a kind of mutual dependency society with Hugh telling Callum, “Don’t worry, man, I got your back, I’ll tell you how high or low to wear your guitar, I’ll tell you how you should dress, I’ll tell you what you should drink…” and Callum was like, “I’ll tell you what hitting your mark is, I’ll tell you why they pull out fucking tape measures, I’ll tell you why you have to do it again, I’ll tell you about not overlapping dialogue..” and you know they clung to each other, like the other one was gonna fucking save them.

And:

A final gathering at the back of the tour bus with Bruce, Callum, Hugh, Bernie. We listen to the tape of HCL songs, all the way through, one last time. And we belt the words out. Bernie sings loudest, performing for Salerno's camera. Hugh and Callum sit back, looks of sadness. I get the sense that if they could do it, they'd chuck their lives and be Joe Dick and Billy Tallent forever. Callum leans to Bruce and says exactly what everyone else is thinking: "I don't want it to end."

There's much more to both texts than *gestures* the whatever those two had, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

And Xeriscape is the best HCL fic I've read. Granted, I read very few because it's not a source that creates in me a craving for fic. But this one perfectly matches the film's fucked up beauty with its language while also adding a quieter, more fraught layer of humanity that we only get glimpses of in canon and that perfectly fits John. 10/10, would recommend.

Anyway. Watch it. Read it. If you haven't. Otherwise, come scream with meeee! And go reblog my gifs or something. Idk.

Letters From Home (1996)

Mike Hoolboom strikes again, with another short. This goes into the "don't watch it for CKR, watch it because it's great" box. Yes, you will cry.

For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down (1996)

Another bleak one! It sucked to watch, I mean, on purpose. There were a couple of very effective scenes. I really enjoyed the opening. They say the book is decent too, I haven't checked that out.

Actually, let's just switch back from coherent thought to undignified staring at his mouth with this one. What the fuck is that cigarette thing. I couldn't help myself.

Last Night (1998)

These gifs are not representative of the whole movie. There is more happening than CKR kissing or hugging people. He's also doing more than just kissing and hugging. It's all very... impressive.

Guess who's also here again? Sandra Oh! And say hi to Don McKellar, who is an absolute champion for writing/directing/starring. You'll be seeing more of him.

Another one for the "watch it for its own sake" box. Seriously, that late 90s indie stuff is banger after banger. It's so beautiful! Look at those colours! Look at those shots! It's very uneasy and charming and melanchioly and itself in the best way.

Twitch City (1998 – 2000)

Don McKellar is back to murder you with discomfort! Bruce McDonald lends a hand. Molly Parker is also here. And Daniel McIvor, who'd go on to direct, for example, Wilby Wonderful. It's a party. If you watched some stuff from above (or below) on this list, most faces and names will be familiar to you, tbh (another Hugh Dillon double-take happens).

If you liked Spaced, you'll love this. You might also love it because it commits to its weirdness with an admirable resolve and is genuinely hilarious. (Honestly, CKR's outfits alone warrant a watch.) The idiosyncrasy is definitely Don McKellar's doing 200%. It couldn't be more different from Last Night, but if you've seen one, you'll recognise the other.

Battlestar Galactica (2003 – 2009)

I don't think a person should be allowed to look this pretty in the sweaty-and-dying makeup in that light (this sentence probably looks very weird to those not under the CKR magic spell).

I don't know what to say about BSG because I really, really enjoyed early it initially, but by the middle of S2 it got... well, whatever that was. If you know you know, if you don't, still give it a go. You might get invested enough to suffer through it all, as I have been, slowly.

The unfortunate thing is that CKR got to be there mostly in the "what the fuck" years and not the "wow that's so cool" years. That, as you might be aware, is a pattern with him. But! When he was here, he was so genuinely, wonderfully creepy not in the typecast-baddy way, but in this slow, half-absent way, which really worked. You can also see him tortured a little, as a treat!! <3

Also, a wild John Pyper-Ferguson appears! If you're looking at him thinking you know him from somewhere but not immediately remembering, you'll figure it out, I believe in you. I was very happy to see him.

Wilby Wonderful (2004)

Another win for the put CKR in more good shit team!!! Guess who's here again? Sandra Oh! Also, Paul Gross. Don't watch it for him either though haha.

Another one for whoever wants to look at pushing against the weight of others' (or your own) expectations and growing into who you are or reconsidering who you are or finding meaningful connections with others even when you're kind of a mess and they are too.

Not nearly the first time CKR's gotten to play a queer character, but man, this one really is the heart of the in-universe community, and, through that, of the film. A rare chance to see him so far out of the prickly persona! He's just so solid and calm and there for others in this one and, and soft, ough. It's awesome.

By the way, if any of you have the commentary track or know someone who has, please drop me a line here or on discord (emotionalrisotto), I really wanna hear that.

Supernatural (2005)

I love Supernatural a lot. It was a formative experiences (albeit a very late one) and I owe a lot of my favourite stuff about fandom-ing to the buddies I met through it. I can't believe I'm telling you this (because who hasn't seen it, not because I'm reccing it), but you should really try it if you haven't. It's pretty rad.

I had no idea who this guy was when I saw that episode (the second ever one!), though. I simply cannot fathom what @nigeltde-fic felt when she first saw it. I think I personally got very lucky she didn't combust on the spot. It would've been unfortunate.

On a sillier note, CKR's character has weird tension with both Sam and Dean in this episode, which is par for the course. I personally think they should've... no, I shan't say it. You can probably imagine.

Californication (2008 – 2013)

I haven't actually seen it, lol (and I suspect I won't enjoy it, but I'm very curious and also CKR looks really really good).

The real reason for this one on the list is to share a fic rec. Really, it's a due South F/K fic featuring Lew Ashby. It's ridiculously hot and very satisfying in its romantic resolution, too (but then, I'm kind of big on selfcest. And consensual voyeurism. And pretend relationships when done like this. And sublimated yearning. Erm.)

Shattered (2010 – 2011)

I wish this never happened. I badly, badly wish this never happened. I can't turn back time, but I can warn those luckier than me: do not go there. Yes, even for this dude. You'll sleep better not knowing just what it is he was the EP on. And the only important part — the mascara — can be seen above (yes, the show does look that bad, it's not just the gifs).

Just kidding — I watched it, didn't I? You'll have fun hating it! Just prepare for industrial grade cringe, lower your expectations (No, lower. No, still lower than that. And just a bit more.) and you'll have a great time!

Star trek: Discovery (2024)

Or, as I call it, Star Trek: The Mediocre Show. Discovery S5 was... what it was, but it was a wonderful viewing experience — mostly thanks to the gang (@kittkatk and @feroxargentea especially!)

What a joy it is, to follow a show week by week, yelling and laughing and discussing the whole time. And giffing, too. I was very happy to contribute to the Disco fandom from my own little obsessive corner, and I was glad to see people adoring Rayner, haha.

He's a pretty neat character — very much a stereotype, yes, but with CKR's usual twist of odd vulnerability and weirdness. Also, I loved the ears. I miss the ears. The ears were great.

I even wrote a fic! Although it's not within my usual range to write for canons and universes I don't know well — and back then, I'd only seen S5 of Disco. It was a lot of suffering, and a lot of fun.

Closing thoughts

I'd really love the dude to get a better agent. And possibly better taste, but I realise that's a tougher ask. Seriously, it's been too long since he was in something majorly cool. I'm grateful to him, at least, for not making terrible music on the side. And I still have a lot of his back catalogue to get through, some of it even good, so there will be more insanity. Until then!

[ridreamir]

If you're still taking requests, could I ask for some general HCs for Kieran and maybe Drayton that take place at bb academy? If not feel free to ignore this :)

A/N: Hey! Yeah of course! I'm struggling to write the Kieran fic because I think I'm way in over my head (I'm freezin' up lol the pressure to figure it out is getting to me) so I guess I can take a break and write some headcanons instead!

I'll write for 'em both, but it's post-DLC, I hope you don't mind! Potential spoilers ahead!

These ones are a little silly in retrospect! I did em fast too, so I hope they're not too bad :p

Kieran's secretly your top fan. Not that you notice because there's no way he'd let you catch him, but he's literally dropped what he was doing to run to the entrance of the academy because your name was announced over the intercom. If you're having a match he'll actually full speed sprint to through the school just to be there, but any time you look over he instinctively hides, flush with embarrassment. You don't come and visit him in his dorm room often since you're on such different schedules, but he's had to flip over his pinboard and hide his piles of notes because they're all about you and trying to understand your strategies and, well, other things... His sister won't stop bugging him about it 'bein' weird', but she knows he's flat obsessed with trying to figure you out! The league club has a social media that posts all of your recent matches, and he's had to beg Carmine to show him how to use the phone app because he's new to having a smart phone and Arceus does he have to watch every single one. He didn't even want a phone until now, but he can't believe he's been missing out all this time. No wonder everyone has one of these things! She was reluctant, but it's Kiki after all... It should be fine, right? Well... that was before all the pinboards and sticky note nonsense that looks straight out of a detective movie or something. He's the type to not like posts because he's scared of what you might think, but accidentally hit the heart button on a match from like a month ago. He definitely drops his phone on his face and panics, trying to undo it as fast as he can. Little does he realize that it's actually Lacey who's in charge of the social media account and not you, and also that she can see who's the most active on the page.

She thinks it's cute, and since she loves cute things, she's letting it be for now. She's always giggling and hiding her smile when he pops into the clubroom to check and see if you're there. Most of the time though he ends up running off before he can say hi because he doesn't want to talk to Drayton.

Since he's gotten the phone he hasn't stopped checking it and he smiles like an idiot any time he thinks he's alone. (News flash, he's really bad at hiding what he's doing. Like he could be in the middle of the cafeteria where everyone sees him watching your battles back to back like they're a tv series.) The only reason nobody really thinks much of it is because you're practically a celebrity and not even just in the Academy but, like, big time. And Kieran is probably one of the only people to not know because he's been so chronically offline. You act so low-key, talking to someone like him like he's just, just another person that it's shocking news to find out that the whole world has probably heard your name by now! As in, his (best?) friend!! (Friend??) It gets kind of annoying now how people follow you around asking to take photos with you like you're some kind of, of tourist attraction and not a person! But there's only one thing that's worse, and it's-

"Hey bud, ready to battle?" Drayton! Kieran's... Kieran's... worst nightmare!! Drayton's gotten really buddy-buddy with you over the time that Kieran and Carmine were on break, and he's not happy about it. Unfortunately for him, Drayton's all too aware of Kieran's contempt and loves to push his buttons. As if calling him "Ex-Champ" all the time wasn't enough, you've been helping him with his homework and sparring together every day! What he wouldn't do for you to spend that much time with him...

And it grinds his gears how often Drayton nudges you or ruffles your hair like you're some sort of pet, though you never see the way their pupils shrink at the sight of each other. Kieran here, hiding behind whatever he can to stay out of sight and Drayton who knows that he's there and makes direct eye contact with him. It's infuriating the way his smile quirks just a little when he catches Kieran spying.

As if he's saying look all you want, look at what you can't have.

And Kieran takes that as a challenge.

[zykamiliah]

relationship status: crowley and the bookshop, aziraphale and the bentley

apparently it won't leave me alone unless i write it down so here it goes: the way aziraphale treats the bentley and the way crowley treats the bookshop are metaphors about the status of their relationship and, to an extent, how they relate to each other

i mean yeah that was kind of obvious at the moment i was watching episode 3, but i didn't realize the implications of this particular metaphor until much much later (bc i didn't binged the season), after i watched the end of the last episode.

so here it goes!

i have no idea of other people have already talked about this, in which case i won't apologize since writing down this is part of my post-s2 coping strategies

crowley and the bookshop

crowley doesn't live in the bookshop per se, he doesn't rest there, he doesn't put his plants there, but it is where he spend a good chunk of his time. he's comfortable enough to takes off his sunglasses , meaning he's comfortable being himself there (mostly); the bookshop his anchor, and his world revolves around it.

what's important here is that when tasked with taking care of it without supervision, guarding it and its contents, he changes nothing about it.

i mean he's a bit careless with some books (don't throw them around ahhh!!) but for the most part he does nothing but to keep things as they are. he doesn't try to sell the books, he doesn't rearrange or change the furniture. the one time he does is after the whole business with heaven and hell and gabriel and beelzebub going off together, and he just puts everything back as it was before the party.

crowley loves the bookshop as it is, the same way he loves humanity as it is, the same way he loves aziraphale as he is. he doesn't want aziraphale to change. he takes care of him, helps him with everything he asks of him, is very protective of him; however in the same way he doesn't technically live in the bookshop and isn't a bookseller ("not even at gunpoint"), he has never said how he really feels about aziraphale, despite what his actions indicate.

crowley's love steadfast, and quiet, and there, but never fully realized. same as their relationship. aziraphale has let him in, but not completely. and crowley hasn't dare to take more space than he is allowed, because he doesn't want to lose what they have.

aziraphale and the bentley

in a mirror of how he relates to crowley, aziraphale asks the bentley to do things for him in that kind, authoritative way of his, and they get along fantastically. however when getting unsupervised alone time with the bentley, aziraphale proceeds to change its color, the music it plays, and even adds things to its interior. in its essence, the bentley remains the same, but its make up gets swapped for what aziraphale would like to see, what he thinks it's nice.

the bentley indulges aziraphale, because just like its owner, it's head over heels with him. it'll play aziraphale's music of choice without complain, it'll change his own color and go as fast as aziraphale likes it (which is veeeery slow), and it'll follow him around like a puppy; that's how much the bentley loves aziraphale.

crowley has to scold and demand and threaten aziraphale to get him to change the bentley back. and aziraphale is forced to comply, not because crowley asked, but because his own books were on the line. mercifully, he doesn't try to change the bentley's appearance again, though he still asks it to play him music that isn't beepop.

in retrospective it's glaringly obvious what this is about, which is: aziraphale thinking that crowley should be an angel. more specifically, that since crowley is good, and knows right from wrong better than aziraphale, it must mean that deep down crowley is still an angel. aziraphale just needs to bring it out, to make it happen.

but thing is, i don't think aziraphale realizes that crowley (and the bentley) being good to him in particular doesn't mean they want to be Good in the way aziraphale thinks heaven should be. because there's nothing good about heaven, something that s2 pointed out in more than one occasion.

aziraphale still can't let go of heaven, or distance himself from angelhood the way crowley has let go of hell (and heaven) and demonhood. he was forced to give it up when confronted with the end of the world, but it wasn't by choice. so a part of him still wants to go back; so, when given the chance to do so, he accepts.

this is all part of his character's journey. no matter how many times crowley tells him heaven is toxic, or how many times aziraphale experiences it for himself, he needs to realize it and let go of heaven by choice.

but as for now, he is still trying to pull crowley to his side, back to heaven, because, from his point of view, that's how it should be, because crowley is good! crowley know when to do the right thing! crowley asks questions! so if aziraphale is going to be supreme archangel, he wants to restore crowley to his rightful place, which is high up in heaven, doing good things, inventing things, bringing galaxies to life.

aziraphale's love (presently) is about relying in and allowing crowley to do things for him, about letting him into his safe space, (to a certain limit), doing things with and spending time with crowley, and trying to do what he thinks it's best for crowley. he still can't admit to other people or crowley or himself that they are together even when he says things like "our car", "it's my shop but we both get plenty of use out of it", but that's because he feels shame, and because he still hasn't let go of heaven's ideals and expectations.

which brings us to-

Heaven and God as a metaphor of Home and Family

in a way, what's happened at the end of s2 is that metatron (mom's assistant...?) came back to say "hey so since your big brother (gabriel) has run off with the enemy, we want you to come back to take care of the family business(running things in heaven)." previously crowley had been kicked out for asking questions, has been resentful about the whole thing for millennia, but when asked if he'd want to go back, he is not tempted at all. there's not lost love between him and his the other angels. the two times he sneaked back home(heaven), it didn't look like he was attached, even he was still somewhat familiar with it.

now as for his relationship with mom (God) that's an entire different matter. because he was still cast out for being who he is, for questioning authority, and that's a trauma he still carries with him.

but if crowley was the one that got kicked out, aziraphale is the one that stayed and tried to be as was expected of him. he tried to fit in with his family, even if secretly he was doing things they would frown upon. he'd try not to question authority, he'd be in denial about heaven's cruelty even when it smacks him in the face, because he doesn't want to be kicked out. and when he does get kicked out, somewhat, it's because he had to make a hard choice. but same as crowley, it's not like he wanted to, and he's still an angel, despite his own humanity and all his earthly attachments.

so when given the opportunity to go back home, to take the reins and do things as he thinks they should be done, and consequently be in a good relationship with his family and mom, he says yes. because he thinks that's what he should do, he thinks that's what he wants. mom asked her assistant to tell him that he could come back to run the family business! how could aziraphale say no?

he'll realize he doesn't need heaven, eventually. and he'll make his choice, and once he realizes that Heaven=/=Good, that Love=/=Heaven, he'll be ready to accept crowley as he is, without ever trying to change anything about him. and he'll let crowley in fully.

and they'll finally live together.

[yournextflame]

Elden Ring Theories: A Retrospective

So, enough time has passed for me to form my opinion on Shadow of the Erdtree and revive this blog. But before posting new theories based on the DLC lore, I decided to take a look at my old speculations and see how well they aged.

Does the Greater Will even exist? ✅ In this post, I compared the Greater Will to the Big Bang and suggested that it might not be an actual deity, but rather an attempt by the people of The Lands Between to explain the world around them: the creation of the universe, the fall of meteors, evolution, and the natural order. The Shadow of the Erdtree continues to present the Greater Will as a scientific concept described by the inhabitants of a fantasy world, allowing players to decide whether it’s a god beyond the microcosm or just an empty circle in Count Ymir’s hat, a mere projection of human imagination

The outer gods are natural forces. ✅ 🟡❔While the Greater Will's cosmic origin was emphasized even further in the DLC, the motives of the outer gods were tied even more strongly to earthly concepts. I have many thoughts about the outer gods and godhood in particular, but one of my ongoing ideas is that they manifest human emotions, given how perception and sacrifices shape reality in a material way in the Lands Between.

Elden Ring and Color theory: ✅🟡❔ While I disagree with some points I made in this post, many of my observations were quite accurate. One clarification I’d like to make is that the scroll sigils indicate the heritage of magic rather than its source of power. I also appreciate the DLC narrative that suggests all the differences are actually man-made.

Translation of Marika's echoes from JP, ✅ The DLC gives Marika such human and deeply personal motivations that reducing her to a mere puppet of an evil outer god feels like an insult to the collaborative work of GRRM and Miyazaki. I must admit that my initial reading of her character was too harsh; I even questioned why FromSoft would write such a one-dimensional character. However, I’m very glad that The Shadow of the Erdtree gave Marika awesome depth without depriving her of agency.

My musings upon Helphen's Steeple design and DLC predictions ✅ 🟡 Well, the Shadowlands are described as a place where all kinds of death come only to be suppressed, and the Shadowkeep, as pointed out by the community, very much resembles the design of the Helphen. You can even find Tibia Mariners' boats here. It’s not the exact version of the spirit realm I predicted, but it’s very close.

Small bonus: Even though I insisted that the DLC should be centered around the spirit realm, I pointed out that exploring Godwyn's story beyond what was shown in the base game is pretty unnecessary.

What's wrong with Ranni's Two Fingers? ✅🟡❌ Right direction of thinking, wrong conclusions. One of the biggest reveals of the DLC is that everything is wrong with the Fingers and their mother, Metyr.

Children of the Erdtree 🟡❔I'm not sure what to make of it. The DLC continues to toy with the Empyrean connection to plants, from the special properties of Marika's people's flesh to St. Trina being a literal flower, but it never makes any direct conclusions.

Bells and Bell bearings ❔ The connection does exist, but it should be explored in greater detail.

Candletrees, Miquella, Death and Sleep 💡❔✨ Now that the DLC has revealed Miquella's plan to replace Marika all along, it’s astonishing to realize that my earlier discovery about Necromancer Garris — who likely collaborated with the Black Knives — had Miquella's butterfly and candletree in his basement is actually quite wild

What is Crucible? 🟡❌❔Although the nature of the Crucible is still a mystery, I think my old theory that it was a different tree is not exactly right. I’ve even started to wonder if the Crucible and the Primeval Current are just different names for the same thing.

Some of my old takes haven't aged well, but if anything, I'm glad that Mohg isn't the "walking uooohh 😭💢 joke" I used to call him. However, my opinion on Miquella was surprisingly accurate. For two years, the fandom preached that Miquella wanted to abandon his godhood, making me seem like a major contrarian for insisting that godhood was still his ultimate goal (at least because it would be pointless from a writing perspective to create another Ranni).

I still believe that characters like Marika and Miquella are primarily vehicles to deliver Miyazaki's and GRRM's ideas regarding civilization development, human nature, religion, and philosophy. So, whatever faults they have are the faults of the concepts they represent. Nevertheless, *Shadow of the Erdtree* did an awesome job of elevating these characters from mere ideas to something more human and relatable.

My old description of Malenia is so relevant, it hurts.

Mohg, Radahn, Rykard and Snakes 🐍 Honestly, I'm not sure if Messmer was initially planned by FromSoft or created specifically for the DLC, but looking back, it's pretty funny that I noticed something weird going on between the demigod brothers and the serpents.

Elden Ring lore is a disaster 🤡 Elden Ring story is such lackluster that it was rewritten with the first day patch on top of the giant mountain of cut content. I’m not sure that DLC, if there will be any, can fix this mess or give any proper answers as it seems that writers got too much carried with the idea of making story as vague as possible.

Someone was overdosing on doomium.

To my surprise, the DLC managed to address most of my old frustrations. While I do wish certain things had better foreshadowing or were explored more, it still did a good job of filling many gaps in the base game lore that were making me frustrated. Looking back, I think some of my grudges over the lore were no less important than my theories because they served as a good indication that something was intentionally left unexplained. It seems that the gaps and ambiguities were not oversights but deliberate choices.

As I explore the new content in Shadow of the Erdtree and revisit my old theories, I will also share my thoughts on the new lore and its impact on the narrative. This fresh perspective has already sparked some intriguing insights, and I am eager to see how these revelations will reshape our understanding of the game’s world.

[yonpote]

as someone who wasnt here at the time (was a fan from about 2011-2013) what exactly defines the "softlaunch era" pre-coming out that i hear you and others refer to?

you've come to the right place cuz this is the era when i truly became a Phannie... "gay softlaunch" is generally considered 2017-18, but to be more specific it was october 31, 2016-june 13, 2019!

before they came out this was also referred to as "post-baking universe" referencing the halloween 2016 monster pops video that had an (at the time) abnormal amount of raunchy humor and just general derangedness. nothing like it is today, but that point felt very significant and dan even brought it up in liveshows like yeah idk what happened there and when phil called a peach an ass in a gaming video dan said "we live in a post-baking universe" (i believe fans coined the term tho).

people have also called it the "glass closet era" which is a divisive name for a lot of people cuz "glass closet" can be seen as kind of a mean term and it implies like, stereotyping or speculating or the "we been knew" behavior dan had talked about in BIG. which i understand that feeling, but i don't think that's what was happening, because the way i see it was queer flagging. ways they could show a little bit who they really were without saying it just yet. they weren't Out out, but they were just like. openly talking about attraction to men and finding men hot and not calling it a Man Crush or anything. dan would bring up queerness more often in liveshows, which hes mentioned queer artists and stuff before but now it was also making jokes about like.. being in a gas leak man porn fantasy in his first livestream of 2017 LMAO. phil would make a lot more innuendos, which hes always done, but now he wasnt pretending like he didnt know what he was saying. dan started wearing a single hoop earring on his right ear. this is an old school form of queer flagging, in The Olden Days (im too lazy to look up when but like my 70-something year old history teacher knew about this) if a man had an earring on his left ear, he's straight, and if he had one on his right, he's gay. that one's pretty subtle if you don't know much about queer history and there were Great Debates over whether or not we should take it to mean he is gay, but personally i saw it as like. he was letting us know without needing to say the G word out loud just yet!

i think a really important part of this era was even outside of directly discussing queerness, they were both trying to become more authentic online and figuring out how to do that without compromising their own privacy. dan stopped straightening his hair and rebranded and opened up about his mental health. phil's authenticity journey seemed a bit slower and wasn't as overt or seemingly drastic as dan's was, but it was happening! he changed up his hair!!! which yes its kinda silly to talk abt dnp's hair but the emo fringe was Their Brand. phil in particular said that, the emo fringe was a comfort place but he was feeling like he was trapped in having it forever because it was Who He Was, so it was a huge deal for him! he opened up a little bit about his physical health, both of them were a bit more honest about all the stress and anxiety they were dealing with (the mukbang is a pretty good video where they talk about that and an interesting one to watch in retrospect) and their whole 2018 tour was themed around whether they should Give The People What They Want or do what they wanted to do.

god i talk too much ANYWAY then dan disappeared in 2019 and phil was manning the helm for a good five and a half months and then the Big Gay hit! the Hard Launch Era if you will :) and now i would say 2023-present is the Unhinged Era so i have no clue what the hell their next move is gonna be...

[commsroom]

do you have any ideas for what you want for eiffel and hera post-canon?

yes, i do! the answer to that really depends on whether we're talking short term or long term, and what i want vs. what i think will happen is... well, i think they'll be okay. eventually. they'll get there.

i'm firmly in the camp that eiffel gets his memories back (fairly short-term in my mental timeline; given the most likely ways that he could get his memories back, it doesn't make much sense for him to be without them for more than a few months) and that hera gets a body (more complicated, and somewhat more long term), but my reasoning for why i think those things work narratively would be a long post in itself (and i've made multiple posts about those topics already) so i won't get into the why here. just, i think it happens.

the note the finale ends on definitely implies eiffel, hera, and minkowski intend to stick together on earth, and i think minkowski feels a lot of responsibility for them, given everything. so i think they live with her, for the foreseeable future. eiffel's not good at holding down a job, and hera... i think it's important that she gets a chance to try things without fear of failure and to separate her self worth from productivity. eiffel and hera are meant to be minkowski's slacker roommates. hera should be creating unmarketable art.

and the issue of where they live will come up pretty quickly, i think - hera doesn't have any particular attachment to anywhere, except for a desire to see the ocean, but mobility might be a problem. minkowski is a career military woman who's moved around a lot, but her husband worked in DC, so presumably they lived in... probably maryland or virginia? before she accepted the job, and that's a complicating factor if she's choosing who to prioritize. i think eiffel would be pretty adamant about staying in texas so he's at least in the same state as his daughter, even if he can't see her. and as much as i would like for eiffel to be able to be a part of her life again, because i know how much he wants that... i don't think it's very likely. at least not any time soon. and he won't handle that well.

speaking about post-canon wolf 359, i don't tend to get that into potential legal / media circuit stuff because... frankly, i don't think it's that important to what the show is about. i'm sure it will be a scandal, but lots and lots of space-travel-related scandals are going on in that world, and cutter and pryce were very intentionally not the public faces of goddard futuristics. it'll pass. that said, the aspect of that i am interested in is legal personhood - that's going to be a hurdle for hera to be able to live her life, and i think eiffel will worry - even if it isn't totally rational - about whether he'll be able to stay out of prison once no longer legally dead, not knowing exactly what the terms of cutter's arrangement were. being an ex-convict is going to complicate some facets of his life regardless.

there's just a lot of stuff that being on earth is going to bring up for them. and i think they'll be there for each other, obviously - one of the things i like most about their relationship is how much they're able to be a refuge for each other in some objectively horrible situations - but they're both pretty insecure people who feel like everyone is bound to replace them, and earth is going to give hera some serious separation anxiety while she's bound to one location and the others aren't, and those are things they're going to have to work through.

as for what i want for them... well. i think eiffel will give hera a 'promise ring' with a kind of jokey but good natured promise that one day she'll be able to wear it. and she does! but neither of them are sure if that counts as a proposal in retrospect and they dance around it for a while. they get married eventually, and - against her better judgment - minkowski agrees to be both eiffel's best man and hera's maid of honor. and ends up taking on way too much of the wedding planning, even though she said she wouldn't, because they're both super lax about it and it starts stressing her out. she tries to delegate to lovelace, but lovelace just thinks it's all really funny. eiffel gets married in a novelty tuxedo tee and minkowski apologizes to hera, but hera knows the type of guy she's marrying (and isn't concerned about tradition anyway) so it doesn't bother her.

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

I’m now halfway through The Magnus Archives’ 1st season, so I thought it would be cool to just post my thoughts on each episode so far :). (Spoilers, I like all of them, and this podcast is going to be all I care about for a while.) Also NO SPOILERS PLEASE!!!

Link to Masterpost (contains all of these thought posts)

- Episode 1, Anglerfish 🚬

Statement of Nathan Watts, regarding an encounter on Old Fishmarket Close, Edinburgh.

Really strong start, not the scariest episode so far but definitely unnerving, and it gives a good first impression and layer of intrigue. While the story is simple in comparison to the later ones, it was still enjoyable, and I was just appreciating the atmosphere and framing device of the episode as well.

- Episode 2, Do Not Open ⚰️

Statement of Joshua Gillespie, regarding his time in the possession of an apparently empty wooden casket.

This is still one of my favorites. The whole time I was on edge, and this was the first episode that really kept me up at night. I went from wanting to know what was inside the coffin desperately, to wanting to stay away from it as much as possible. Joshua’s insuring dread and creative solution to his problems was fantastic, and it ends with some intriguing plot threads being set up.

- Episode 3, Across The Street 📓

Statement of Amy Patel, regarding the alleged disappearance of her acquaintance Graham Folger.

I think I share a common sentiment when I say that Amy stalking Graham was almost as creepy as the actual horror lmao. Overall I don’t have that much to say about this one, but it was very enjoyable, and I feel really bad for Graham in retrospect :(.

- Episode 4, Pageturner 📕

Statement of Dominic Swain, regarding a book briefly in his possession in the winter of 2012.

I…feel like I should hold off on talking about this one for now. While it was definitely well written and creepy, it just seems to be so full of setup for future plot lines that I almost don’t feel like I can form a concise opinion on it until I really get what’s going on. Honestly, my only complaint with this episode is that maybe it’s setting up TOO much in one go, but I still had a good time with it overall.

- Episode 5, Thrown Away 🗑️

Statement of Kieran Woodward, regarding items recovered from the refuse of 93 Lancaster Road, Walthamstowe.

This one actually did a pretty good job at getting me to think about waste disposal workers lmao, I never really thought about them like that before. This one was just really creepy, but also kind of fun in a weird twisted way. It did a great job keeping me on edge as well.

- Episode 6, Squirm 🪱

Statement of Timothy Hodge, regarding his sexual encounter with Harriet Lee and her subsequent death.

I am simultaneously horrified, and unfortunately aroused by what happened here.

- Episode 7, The Piper 🔫

Statement of Staff Sgt. Clarence Berry, regarding his time serving with Wilfred Owen in the Great War.

Having an episode set nearly 100 years ago is a really fun idea, and it’s executed perfectly here. It was interesting how it also featured a real person, and I liked how the paranormal activity felt more metaphorical here, it really did feel like it was showcasing the horror of war.

- Episode 8, Burned Out 🌳

Statement of Ivo Lensik, regarding his experiences during the construction of a house on Hill Top Road, Oxford.

I found this one to be very nerve-wracking, since not only was the whole scenario with the tree just, like…three creepy things happening at once, but the fact that the statement was given by someone with schizophrenia did a good job making me question it’s validity, even though I’m certain it’s true after listening to a later statement. I also hope that I get to see how the history of the house is unveiled in the future.

- Episode 9, A Father’s Love 💡

Statement of Julia Montauk, regarding the actions and motivations of her father, the serial killer Robert Montauk.

This one made me feel really sad :(. I really felt Julia’s despair in this one (Jonathan Sims does such great voice acting for every statement btw, both the character and the actual person), and I was even more saddened by the implications of why Robert did what he did. If my assumptions are correct, then…SCREW THE MOTHER! It was also the first one that got me thinking about where exactly all of the paranormal stuff comes from, and later episodes only add to my theory that it’s all due to demons/cults/higher powers.

- Episode 10, Vampire Killer 🧛🏻

Statement of Trevor Herbert, regarding his life as a self-proclaimed vampire hunter.

Much like Episode 8, this one did a really good job at making me question the validity of the statement, although I became more sure of its truth a bit earlier. I also just love how nonchalant Trevor comes off as, compared to all of the other traumatized horror victims. (Also, I’m guessing that the name Trevor and the episode title are meant to be a Castlevania reference?) While vampires aren’t the most creative thing for an episode, at least in comparison to everything else, the beast-like execution here more than made up for it in my opinion.

- Episode 11, Dreamer 💭

Statement of Antonio Blake, regarding his recent dreams about Gertrude Robinson, previous Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute.

Yeah…Gertrude Robinson did not die a normal death. My guess is that she was caught by ✨the horrors✨, but I’ll wait and see. This was another very tense episode, with the prophetic dream world being really, REALLY creepy. I do hope we get to see more of “Antonio” in the future, as I think he could be quite important. (I also hope he gets punched for DUMPING GRAHAM IN HIS TIME OF NEED-)

- Episode 12, First Aid 🏥

Statement of Lesere Saraki, regarding a recent night-shift at St. Thomas Hospital, London.

OMG GERARD KEAY HI HI HI HI HOW ARE YOU!!! Yeah I audibly gasped when he showed up again, it was such a cool moment. Anyways, hospitals already creep me the fuck out so this was pretty effective. Definitely some great setup here, and it helped to make a bit more sense of Pageturner, now that I have a better idea of what Gerard’s whole deal is. It also added some good fuel to the whole cult idea, and my god this poor nurse. Having to deal with all of this in a single night sounds like hell.

- Episode 13, Alone 🌫️

Statement of Naomi Herne, regarding the events following the funeral of her fiancé, Evan Lukas. Statement taken direct from subject.

Having a new voice in this episode was really cool, and Katie Davison did an excellent job as Naomi! It was also cool to see how Jon interacts with other people, he was…nicer than expected. This episode honestly felt like it was calling me out, as I am also someone who’s confident in my independence, but if I was in Naomi’s place I would also probably be scared shitless. I really hope she’ll get a happy ending :(. Also, The Lukas family is quite intriguing, especially since we now know they have a connection to The Institute…

- Episode 14, Piecemeal 👆

Statement of Lee Rentoul, regarding the murder of his associate Paul Noriega.

Firstly, this is probably my favorite of Jon’s vocal deliveries. His performance of Lee Rentoul just feels perfect. (Once again, this applies to both the writer and the character, I’m genuinely convinced the latter is an ex-theatre kid.) Outside of that, THIS ONE CREEPED ME OUT. The body horror was very effective, with the only thing holding it back being the fact that Lee isn’t the most likable protagonist in the podcast, but if this happened to someone else I’d be even more upset. Still though, it was a very creative concept, and the whole vibe and execution of the episode made it great.

- Episode 15, Lost Johns’ Cave 🕯️

Statement of Laura Popham, regarding her experience exploring the Three Counties System of caves with her sister Alena Sanderson.

What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fu-

- Episode 16, Arachnophobia 🕷️

Statement of Carlos Vittery, regarding his arachnophobia and its manifestations.

The way they tackled the concept in the title was really well done. Arachnophobia is seen as an irrational fear by a lot of people, so having it portrayed as an effect of childhood trauma was a good call. And as someone who is not arachnophobic, this episode got me close to feeling that way. What ever force was making Carlos relive his trauma is a sick fuck. Also the cat was a real one, glad he survived the whole situation. (Also THE WORMS, HOLY SHIT IT’S THE SEX WORMS!!!)

- Episode 17, The Boneturner’s Tale 🦴

Statement of Sebastian Adekoya, regarding a new acquisition at Chiswick Library.

This episode really compelled me to get out the rubber bands connecting images lmao. I really liked all of the connections to past statements here, like the presence of another book from the library of Jurgen Leitner, to the mention of Micheal Crew. The body horror here was once again very creepy, (outside of the flat rat, that was morbidly funny), but my favorite part of the episode was the introduction of Elias, which was a humorous, but also very intriguing scene. Also, the themes of books containing power was great as well. Great stuff all around.

- Episode 18, The Man Upstairs 🥩

Statement of Christof Rudenko, regarding his interactions with a first floor resident of Welbeck House, Wandsworth.

…ew. Ok in all seriousness, this is probably my least favorite episode so far. Still very far from bad, but after all of the extremely interesting themes and plot threads, having an episode where the idea was just “What if a guy had a house covered in meat? Wouldn’t that be fucked up?”, felt just a little bit underwhelming. Which like, the fact that my least favorite episode’s biggest problem is that I find it slightly pales in comparison to previous ones is just a testament to how much I’ve been enjoying the podcast. Still though, there were definitely a few things I really liked. The reveal of the room was creepy (especially considering the meat that seemed…alive…), and as someone who has had to deal with upstairs neighbors making noise for hours during construction, this episode definitely scared me.

- Episode 19, Confession, and Episode 20, Desecrated Host ✝️

Statement of Father Edwin Burroughs, regarding his claimed demonic possession.

This, alongside Lost Johns’ Cave, was one (or I guess, two…) of those episodes that seriously fucked me up. While I am not religious, I have always had fears of how religion can negatively affect me and the people around me, despite the good that it seems to do for so many people. So seeing Edwin be charged for every “sin” he committed by a higher power that wishes to steal its faith, and then not get judged by it, but by the people around him for his one true sin, was absolutely haunting, and I hope he turns out ok in the end. Outside of the horror, the episodes were fantastic. Listening to the events of Episode 8 from Edwin’s perspective, and seeing how Ivo’s actions saved him, was really cool, and solidifies in my mind that Ivo’s experience was real. The connections to demonic magic and Latin script thickened, and it was overall just a great mid-season finale. In conclusion, I hope that Martin feels better soon, and if he isn’t actually sick and is being plagued by ✨the horrors✨, well then I hope he survives :).

Thank you for reading my silly little thoughts if you’ve made it this far, it really means a lot to me :). I’ll probably update this every time I finish half of a season, so hopefully my thoughts on episodes 21-40 will be here in the Reblogs soon. :)

[rockinlibrarian]

Post-Umbrella Academy S4 Reaction Part One: Reacting More to the Fandom than the Show (only vaguely spoilery)

I would like to state for the record that I enjoyed The Umbrella Academy Season Four. I had plenty of issues— things that weren’t to my taste, abandoned or neglected plot or character threads, plot contrivances and wasted opportunities— and I wasn’t satisfied with the ending AT ALL (it COULD have worked if done…completely differently?)—but I enjoyed myself, minus the downer at the very end (and I mean VERY end, I was hoping for more post-credit redemption than we got, and that could’ve fixed it for me). It’s like that post I reblogged this morning goes— there’s enjoyment, there’s in-universe sense, and there’s art-of-storytelling sense, and they can all stand separately.

I’d love to chew over the stupid bits and gush over the brilliant bits, but it’s kind of hard right now, because so much of the reactions online are not, well, objectively balanced discussions? People’s issues erased any of the enjoyment, and now the whole thing is trash and I think we all agree this never happened.

I’m not writing this post to call anyone out for that. All our reactions are valid. It just feels like the angry voices drown out the other voices, and it’s made me uncomfortable, and that is ALSO a valid reaction to have, so I just want to put my voice out there, too.

The weird thing about me and The Umbrella Academy is that this is the first fandom where I’ve ever been more invested in fanworks of it than in the original show (and in the comics, not at all. Though I still want to see Viktor and Diego start a punk band). So I think that’s why I’m not Ragey. I wouldn’t say I COMPLETELY didn’t care what happened in the show, but I know that there’s a thousand other AUs of it out there ALREADY. So I honestly went into it almost as if reading a fic of it. In fics there are inevitably interpretations I don’t agree with, ships I don’t care for, things I would have done differently, but the writer loves the same characters as me so let’s see where they go.

And then I leave a comment about all the positives. “Oh, I love what you’ve done with Viktor!” (I won’t MENTION that I think you should have let him get back into music and spend a LOT more time with Five, because it’s not my story, and hey, you have done some LOVELY, thoughtful things with one of the characters that is dearest to me so let me tell you that in this comment!) “I’m REALLY enjoying your Allison-and-Klaus partnership, we don’t see enough of that but it’s so obvious in retrospect that they should be friends. They probably bonded over fashion as children when Viktor was like ‘Sorry Allison you know I REALLY DO want to be friends with you but I JUST DON’T GET IT’.” (I am thinking about how you never really resolved the huge emotional thread between Allison and Viktor in your last chapter, but that’s not what we’re talking about here). “This is admittedly not my ship, but you’ve successfully captured my own beliefs about HOW this character would behave in this situation” (shouting out to @stephsageek for that one, who did it, and did it well, before canon even thought to attempt to. ;) ) I could write lots more in my theoretical Comment on “Season Four of the Umbrella Academy” on AO3, but I don’t want to be too spoilery in this post and I’m just being metaphorical.

Honestly, I’m more upset now after a day of discourse than I was about the ending, and I think it’s because I’m afraid of people rage-abandoning the fandom. Because Legion, the show that started me on Seriously Writing Fanfic, was a mess after season 1. I personally didn’t enjoy MOST of season 2, but I DID enjoy season 3 even though so much of it made no sense, and I can rant about it (Legion did a variation on the same terrible ending as TUA, actually! I have to say that the emotional beats were handled better, but the plot itself was way way stupider). But I didn’t start writing fic until after the dreaded (but not without redeeming qualities) season 2, when quite a lot of people had given up on the show. I’ve written fix-its, mostly ones that embellish on the canon of the later seasons, fixing it without actually throwing it away. I’ve been playing in the whole sandbox for six years now, and “Magic Man of Oz” uses like every grain of sand in it, and it’s my favorite fic I’ve ever written, and I am genuinely sad about all the people who rage-quit that show so will never read it. I am mostly sad that the person who got me on AO3 to begin with abandoned the Legion fandom the moment they finished their epic How Season Two Should Have Ended fic (or before— pretty sure the last few chapters were written with gritted teeth determination to just be Done with the whole thing) and so THEY never read “Magic Man of Oz.” And they were my biggest cheerleader when I started posting fanfic! Honestly, is this whole paragraph just me freaking out about TUA fandom just because not enough people read a fic of mine from a different fandom that was fairly cult to begin with? It might be. Sorry. I apparently have issues?

(That first sentence is really the thesis statement of this post now. The moment I wrote it, I reread it and said, "Oh. THAT'S what's happening with me, isn't it?" My 11th grade research writing teacher is yelling at me in my head to move the dang thesis statement to earlier in this essay, but too bad, this is Tumblr).

I can’t help comparing Legion and TUA, not least because the latter only got bumped up my watch list by someone describing it as “Legion-Lite”— and it really is, in so many ways! But they’re also my top two most-written-for fandoms, and I’ve been toying with a crossover or two— which I feel even more compelled to write now, because it’s post-canon for both shows (even though both shows claim there IS no post-canon— I have found the way!) And it honestly helped ME emotionally to accept the end of TUA when I could immediately say, “OH, well actually, that flows right INTO how I was already going to start working-title A Legion of Umbrellas!” I originally started this paragraph in parenthesis because it seemed like an aside, but it’s really not, because all I’m saying is fanfic flows eternal! and so forth.

So, hi, out there. Just letting out my feelings and hoping someone out there feels the same way (maybe not about Legion— I keep TRYING, but can’t find any takers), and I may still write a more detailed and spoilery reaction post to the show ITSELF, but I had to get this off my chest first.

[avasghost]

FOREIGN BIRDS: WIP INTRO

its finally here. the new wip. i haven't made a wip intro since i started ested in like june 2021 and i honestly forgot how this works but i'll try my best to make it coherent.

first thing i should clarify for those of you who didn't see this post, this used to be @/rowansghost, but i started using the name silas instead, so that's why my url looks shitty now.

TW: suicide, addiction, death, grief, manslaughter, ghosts

disclaimer: this is my original work. plagiarism of any kind will not be tolerated.

genre: literary fiction

time period/setting: 1970s, somewhere in canada, small coastal town

projected word count: 50k

pov: first person retrospective referral (with shifts into present)

plot/concept: foreign birds follows 22-year-old martin, who drops out of college and decides to move back to his hometown after accidentally killing his best friend, gabriel. he never wanted to go back to his hometown again, but decides to stay when he meets rainey, who he ends up moving in with, while all the time he's harbouring his secret and hoping he doesn't become a suspect for gabriel's death. the story is told from the pov of his ghost after he kills himself, when he returns to haunt rainey's house. it is his apology to her, where he tells her all the things he never said and all the things he'll never be able to.

aesthetics/vibes: dusky blue light, house parties, smoking a cigarette in the bathtub, neon lights, bruises, ceramic dishes, a quiet apartment, a damask carpet, tv static, soft yellow porch light, playing records, medication bottles, the halo of a streetlight, rosary beads, humming powerlines, a box of matches, a living room full of birds in cages, red wine, thinking you see an angel, neon diner signs, pulpy orange juice, a buzzing ceiling fan, disco light, the orange cast of a lampshade, empty church pews, the scent of a lit match, pale yellow kitchen tiles, blue veins, jittery radio voices, sitting at the kitchen table at 2am, motel rooms, laundromats, cigarette burns, refrigerator light

CHARACTERS

i have several characters planned for this book but i'm not quite sure how they'll play into the story yet, so i'm just going to include the most relevant three for the sake of your attention span.

martin

22

intj, enneagram 3w4

photographer

slightly long dark brown hair, light brown eyes, 5'11, very skinny, pale, fashionable, wears sunglasses a lot

kind of narcissistic, will manipulate people for his own gain

actually cares a lot about rainey and struggles between choosing her or choosing himself, like he's used to

charming, emotionally detached, manipulative, secretive, obsessive, independent, intelligent, loyal only to a few specific people

burnt out gifted kid, has been called a waste of potential

likes going to parties despite being very introverted

considers himself above other people due to their neglect for him growing up, feels like he deserves better and especially did when he was a child, and that he doesn’t need them because he’s grown superior and now he can retaliate by using them before they use him

in a downward spiral that eventually ends in his suicide

rainey

23

entp, enneagram 8w7

journalist

long red hair with bangs, dark brown eyes, 5'3, dresses like she's richer than she is

assertive, innovative, outgoing, autonomous, outspoken, stubborn, passive-aggressive, confrontational

a lot more successful than martin

trying to support martin and help him get better, knows he doesn't tell her as much as he pretends to, doesn't find out his secrets until the night before his suicide

obsessed with tropical birds, has several birds in cages in her living room, cares for them more than she cares for most people

also has a cat

gabriel

22

martin's best friend/boyfriend (but it’s the 70s so nobody knows about that) who he accidentally killed

infp, enneagram 4w5

art student

dead in the fictive present, but is a very prominent character in flashbacks

curly black hair, dark skin, light brown eyes, 5'9

not very developed yet, i'll probably get more details for his character when i start writing his scenes

and that's what i have for this so far! i actually started writing this book a few days ago, and am ~1000 words in wish me luck. i still haven't decided if i'm going to do writing updates for this book, but i think i will since it's not supposed to be that long, so i can maybe post one every 5-10k words. that is as long as i remember to, which is unlikely based on my history of promising writing updates that never arrive.

the end

— silas

wip taglist (i just have one for all my wips, ask to be added/removed): @flip-phones @chewingthescenery @ghostsofmemories @dallonwrites @wildswrites @annlillyjose @letsgetsquiggly @strangerays @mel-writes-with-her-dragons @teaandtypewriters @kahaaniyaa @coffeeandcalligraphy @47crayons @writing-is-a-martial-art @childhoodlovers @zoya-writes @pepperdee @oceancold @unorganisedbookshelf @musingsbycaitlin @sunstone-iolite @femmeniism @raywritesstories @rodentwrites @cheerfulmelancholies @these-starrynights

[freetobeeyouandme]

Chapter 1: The Cleric Zone-of-Truth's Me

It's time!! The first chapter of my Byler Isekai AU is now up on Ao3.

I'm finally ready to start posting this and y'all have no idea how excited I am! All fanfic is self-indulgent, but this one has been more so than others, which feels very appropriate, considering it is 100% the kind of thing Mike would daydream about in class (Cin's words). I also have to credit @iryfic and @fizzseed for the concept. They were discussing a different fanfic idea, had a misunderstanding and came up with this…and since we all wanted to see it, I sat down and wrote it :D

Tags: M, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Fantasy AU, Canon Typical Violence, Canon Typical Horror, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn

Summary:

Mike Wheeler hates High School, so when he almost dies and falls through a portal to another world, he’s not going to complain. Especially not when that world does not only have swords and magic but seems to work exactly according to the rules of his favorite tabletop role-playing game. But his euphoria might be short lived because the party of adventurers he falls in with turns out to be the target of an evil god and the fate of the world might rest on their shoulders. So, exactly like his games of D&D. Except the wanna-be Paladin soon realizes that being a hero is much harder in real life than it is in-game. - Or, Mike gets isekai’d into a world where D&D is real.

An excerpt and taglist below the cut:

Excerpt:

High School has, thus far, been the worst period of Mike Wheeler’s life, so it’s not really a surprise for him when spring break starts the way it does. In many ways he should have seen it coming, and in many ways he could have prevented it. If he’d just biked home right after school, accepting that his one week’s vacation would be nothing but hiding out in his basement some more, playing Atari on his own and working on school assignments, none of this would have happened. But Mike has had a bad year, and it being the anniversary of the week his life went from ‘kinda bad’ to ‘absolute hell’ only makes him stubbornly cling to a moment of reprieve all the more. So what happens is this: He takes the long way home, and he drowns.

The way from school to the Wheeler’s house is a straightforward one, cutting through downtown and then the suburban neighborhood he calls his home. It’s a safe path. But when school lets out, Mike doesn’t feel safe, and he sure as shit doesn’t feel straightforward. He has a weird sense of foreboding, as if tomorrow he’ll wake up to find the police at his doorstep with questions about the disappearance of Eddie Munson – except Eddie has been gone for a year now. Mike would know where the former leader of Hellfire Club was these days if he bothered to ask Eddie’s uncle, Wayne, but Mike hasn’t. He knows Gareth and Jeff were in contact with Eddie through Wayne, but Eddie only sent postcards to his uncle, choosing to ignore his friends, and, well, two could play that game. Eddie was fine, that much Mike knew, but Hellfire had fallen apart in his absence – and worse become the source of ridicule and persecution for its remaining members. So, Mike couldn’t care less what Eddie was doing. Eddie didn’t care about them either, after all.

With Eddie gone, Mike only had his basement, the safety of his own four walls, the only place in the world where the bullies could not get to him. And even at home safety was a strong word considering how concerned his parents still were about him falling prey to satanism and the evil doctrine that they, like the rest of Hawkins, couldn’t quite not believe Hellfire had propagated. They had hidden it better than most, but Mike knew their feelings on his hobbies didn’t differ much from the rest of town. Their opinions rarely did.

And so Mike, contrary to what he had promised his mother, contrary to common sense and every reprimand he can bring in retrospective, doesn’t head straight home. He swings onto his bike and veers sharply in the opposite direction, speeding past houses and streets and those wonderfully concerned citizens who all judge him silently as he runs past them – must judge him, for he is known. His face had been plastered all across town on those posters that had been circulating for months even after Eddie had been found at the end of spring break, alive and hale with his runaway girlfriend, who had been everyone’s real reason of concern, let’s be honest.

He doesn’t slow down until he hits the line of trees outside of town, then jumps out of the saddle to push his bike along their shade.

The woods had been another place of safety, back when he had still been a child. If the rain and the years hadn’t washed it away, the wooden castle that they had played in must still be standing, hidden away in between the trees, safe from the town and their judgment. Sometimes he misses that boy who had been so long gone now that Mike doesn’t even remember his name anymore. His best friend, once, and then overnight nobody as his mother packed him and his brother up and hid from her ex-husband on the other side of the country.

They had only sent a single Christmas card, no return address. Reassurance that they were fine – still alive, happier, even – but also the goodbye they never got to say in person as they disappeared just the same way Eddie had. For a while Mike had kept it in a frame on his desk, as if by clinging to the picture he could keep their friendship alive. He’s not sure where the card had ended up afterwards. Probably the trash.

Mike considers walking into the woods, considers looking for the castle, but he knows he’ll be better of with the memory instead of the real thing. The memory is bittersweet, reality can only disappoint.

Maybe if he had gone down the path of nostalgia, things would have turned out differently. Instead, he continues along the edge of the trees and, eventually, inevitably, into the arms of Troy and James.

He doesn’t see them at first, but they see him.

-

Unofficial Tag List (aka you interacted with my snippet posts, please tell me if you want me to not tag you in the future (or want to be added)): @smalltownwheeler @wheelerpilled @wrong-energy @willthelies @foodiewithdahoodie @doggo9 @gardenfairie @beelikesbyler @beverlysclown @yickarus @sourdough-el @hessolivagant @hesquietoday

[lost-boys-chapter]

I am continuing with the sa reread!! hopefully it'll speed up now bc the bartending ✨️chaos season✨️ (aka the euros) is over, so I should have more time. also am on holiday this week and convinced I can get through the entirety of twok by saturday. I'm almost to part 3. my thoughts are as follows:

who are the three guys in the ishikk interlude? I say this, knowing 2/3 of the answer. one of them is galladon, right? and another is demoux? I know one if them is the nale lookalike mentioned in the sa5 interlude preview? do we have any more info on why they're looking for hoid yet? I vaguely remember these three always confusing me.

are the epigraphs for p2 the letter from hoid to frost? the 'old friend' threw me off bc that's how sazed refers to everyone in tlm, but I'm increasingly sure it makes sense that it's hoid.

also, GOD, dalinar and adolin's opening chapters are boring. ik they end up being two of my faves in the rest of the series so I've been slogging through them but they just seem to....not be doing a lot. obviously a lot of the point of their chapters is that the vengeance pact is becoming long and drawn out, and more about sport than anything else, so it kind of makes sense thematically. but still, doesn't feel like there's a lot to sink my teeth into.

relatedly, increasingly it does feel like kaladin is the Personality Hire of the original pov characters. like, he's got a lot less to say in terms of worldbuilding and setup for the general arc of the first half than shallan and dalinar, but he's the only real character who you care about enough to sink your teeth into the plot and properly root for on first read. I definitely felt that way to begin with and I still feel so on reread, so. you can also quite easily see him becoming marginally less relevant in later books so I wonder if part of it really is that he's just the first character you can really begin to love in this series. not saying I don't care for him in later books, obviously. but idk just a thought

rock my beloved !! I had completely forgotten he'd become a bridgeman by putting chull dung in sadeas' soup LMAO he's my favorite ever. also, when him and teft were asking each other's names and teft asked him what his real name was, I immediately said, out loud, 'numuhukumakiaki'aialunamor.' not sure what it says that I remembered this but forgot other characters' entire existence.

the other bridgemen make me 🥰🥰🥰 also. it surprises me on reread that sigzil was one of kaladin's biggest critics to begin with. it reads as kind of weird to me but I suppose the realities of bridgeman life would strip the fundamentals of anyone's character. still, I'm yet to read the sunlit man and we know how much I've forgotten regardless so maybe I've been shaped by fandom perception a little too much.

dunny :( I've not got to the bit where he dies yet but I remember his being the bridgeman death that hurt the most in twok so every time he shows up I get a fun burst of sadness. also for some reason I thought it was hobber who originally almost died, not leyten, but maybe I'm right and just haven't gotten to that part yet lol.

just remembered that lopen exists too. looking forward to him showing up.

and syl!! I love her so much, it's cool in retrospect to see what spren lose and how they slowly regain their sentience while moving into the physical realm to form a bond. seeing her confused about understanding abstract concepts is great. I was listening to the wind and truth predictions shardcast the other day and someone came up with a theory that the way windrunners are recruited might be turned on its head in era 2. in retrospect that would be super cool to see.

speaking of, that episode of shardcast also convinced me that syladin is a possibility, which ruined my day.

unrelatedly: navani is such a badass, that text post that's going around that's like 'navani really showed up at the shattered plains and immediately told dalinar that her son is a loser' is so so real lol. I don't think I originally liked her in twok bc I didn't understand her... purpose, I guess? this time around I'm like 😍😍 mine scientist lady beloved.

also, could the stormfather really not think of a better way to investigate a possible bond than random prophetic visions? though the one we see onscreen first with the weird midnight creatures is very cool in retrospective.

regarding flashbacks: I'm not super invested in kaladin's past, once you've read it once it's not difficult to remember what happens so I'm pretty much just skimming. but I think rereading it a few years older makes it a lot easier to understand that lirin is a far more complex character than I originally thought, esp regarding row. obviously he's got kaladin's best interests in mind, but I feel like his moral reasoning is a lot clearer on reread. I don't think hes a great person, but i dont think hes necessarily more flawed than a lot of other main characters. I don't exactly remember what happens in row but I remember he gets... worse. I'm interested to see how my opinion changes.

and finally on a meta note: I know the first arc is supposed to thematically parallel a ketek, which I remember being able to spot elements of between wor and row. I'm super curious to see if I can spot anything in twok which might be paralleled in wind and truth. I do think I thought of smth regarding syl earlier but I forgot what it was 🫠-- maybe something go do with the recreance questions we're hoping to get answered?

this has been a very long post for which I am sorry but I'm open to discussion points!! would love to hear people's thoughts on my thoughts lol. will inevitably be back with more lukewarm takes

[charlieconwayy]

Just curious what you don't like about Cory/Topanga if you feel like talking about it!

hey, i don't mind!

first off i think boy meets world in the context of just a purely heterosexual show makes it age pretty poorly, and that all stems from cory and topanga. i know one of the writers said a while back that the writers room was torn between shory and corpanga, and tbh, rewatching as an adult, that's extremely evident. i'm not gonna make this post all about shory bc that's reductive but i am first and formost a shory girl and a firm believer that cory matthews is a gay man

so let's get into it.

i really really love s1/2 corpanga. idk if it's just bc ben/danielle felt more natural back then or if it's bc they actually allowed cory to be wrong and topanga to be right, but it's just so sweet. one of my all time fav ship moments from the show is the frickin sock basketball scene where they touch hands and he giggles. so adorable! but i think what really makes them suffer after s1 (and kind of s2) is just that they clearly made topanga a normal, kelly kapowski girl-next-door type to make her more "desirable" for the male audience. that could be an entire separate post, but it's so fucking obvious that that's what the change was and it sucks because topanga was great the way she was.

they're not like hatable in season 3 exactly, but the "old married couple haha look how old gross and boring they are" trope when they were legitimately sophomores was just weird? and this is a retrospect thing but i hate how the show just kept retconning shit and pretended they never broke up in season 3, as if a HUGE storyline and one of the most iconic episodes (the happiest place on earth) wasn't about them getting back together? and for me just the concept of the ~universe wanting them to be together~ over and over again is just so fucking lame when they were so toxic. (great video on this here)

they really don't do anything wrong in season 4 either, but a long walk to pittsburgh is honestly so beyond ridiculous LMAO. i know everyone talks about how romantic it is, but i hate it because topanga literally runs away and moves back to philly just for cory. i know they claim it's to finish at john adams too, but i would find that much more believable if they had developed topanga AT ALL outside of cory. we know almost nothing about her home life and they wrote trini out so we never even see any friends of hers! the trend of them fighting and talking down to amy about their love is so fucking stupid too. like you are sixteen. it is fine to love someone and want to be with someone, but amy is right that it's not healthy for them to be as obsessed with each other as they are. like cory literally doesn't know who he is outside of topanga and that's NOT healthy.

oh lordy. s5. i'm not going to get into how much i hate that shawngela (a MUCH happier, more interesting relationship) was reduced to "wanting to be corpanga" in both their intro episode and then fucking gmw, but even the "old married couple" stuff in "chasing angela" at the restaurant is so annoying. "last tango in philly" is one of my fav episodes, but it's the perfect example of how cory can never accept he's wrong. shawn tries to tell him they should stop, and he just tells shawn he knows nothing about relationships and keeps being a dick about topanga and her (obviously gay) friend. but obviously, you're here to hear about how i feel about the cheating. yes, cory cheated and he genuinely liked lauren. for the show to act like he didn't is just gaslighting their audience. and tbh? i think ben and linda cardellini had excellent chemistry (certainly more than he and danielle did at that point . . .) and i think it's completely healthy to date more than one person! it was nice seeing cory be able to open up and bond with someone else, and yes, what he did was cheating. just bc he changed his mind and decided he "couldn't live without topanga" (bless u probably queer writer for what u did w that line :') ) doesn't mean that it didn't happen. topanga had EVERY right to break up with him. it does piss me off that we barely saw topanga's reaction to the breakup when there was a whole ep dedicated to shawn's reaction (and i say that as the #1 shawn stan), but that show hated women lbfr. AND WHY TF WAS IT BAD FOR HER TO KISS JONATHAN JACKSON WHEN SHE AND CORY WERE BROKEN UP????? bc cory can't accept things not going his way and not having control. the "we are a masterpiece" scene makes me so fucking angry omg i cannot

and i mean, bro, the yale shit has been talked about to death, but topanga lawrence going to the same college as straight d-student shawn hunter has got to be the dumbest, most woman-hating shit the show ever did. love can survive long distance if you put the effort in, trust me. (yes i am aware that the show prob didn't want to separate their main couple, but s6 was almost entirely about shawn anyway so????)

then in seasons 6 and 7 we get into the "cory yelling at and publicly humiliating topanga" trend. "undapants" is iconic so i'm not gonna go into that episode (fuck you "take her back to your tornado infested trailer park" line!), but i can name at least seven occasions where cory pressures her into sex. and rider strong is right. it was extremely holier than thou how they constantly made it seemed like corpanga was better than shawngela for not fucking before marriage. like isn't there a line where they call shawngela sluts in s7? the whole honesty bit in "the truth about honesty" (admittedly one of my fav eps) is also just ridiculous bc both of them always get pissed off at the other one for being honest, even in the past. i've seen people get mad at topanga for throwing yale in cory's face but lbr, who didn't see that coming? i guess maybe it's a little weird bc she'd never been resentful about it before, but that's a HUGE thing in their relationship. and yes, it is weird that she's using his razor without his permission but again just the pressuring her to show him her ass is also fucking weird (it's also weird imo that they've been together "their whole lives" but they've only ever kissed, but again, holier than thou bullshit)

one thing i can say about how weak and uninteresting their relationship actually is is that their ENTIRE wedding episode is about shory, bc they are the much more compelling dynamic in cory's life. weirdly enough, i do actually really like cory's vows though?? on a shawn hunter stan note, oblig "that best man speech was bullshit" comment. it's completely normal and healthy to have a best friend outside of your partner? especially when you can't be honest with your partner. god i fucking hate that bullshit. just like how i hate in "seven the hard way/the war" how they portray cory abandoning his best friend/true life partner for topanga AND THEN IN FUCKING GMW THE BAD FUTURE FOR EVERYONE LITERALLY CAME TRUE!!!!!!! omg i will go insane if i think about that for longer than a few seconds.

end of post, but leaving this here

[spotsandsocks]

Date night

Date Night 2k G

I did not mean to write this I had a thought here and then was enabled (not that it takes much ) by the tags left by @singlethread and @canonicallyobserving911. I have tried to build in some of the speculation and ideas flying round here too.

Eddie goes on a date, post Poker night date and Marisol has some insights on him and Buck.

The plan had been simple enough: get Buck out of his flat, introduce him to people who would understand what he’d been through, the people who had helped Eddie get through what he’d been through too. If Buck didn’t want to share how he was feeling with him, maybe he’d talk to someone else. Eddie would be happy if he just started talking to someone, anyone, normally you can’t shut Buck up but for weeks he’s been so closed in. Apart from that brief glimpse in his kitchen where he hadn’t lied but hadn’t exactly told the truth either, Buck isn’t talking. Eddie misses the part of his friend that’s gone quiet  but more than that he’s worried about him. Hence the plan. 

The first inkling that he’d miscalculated had hit him when Buck had opened the door to him looking like that, like a film star from the old movies Eddie had watched with his abuela and abuelo.  He hadn’t expected Buck to scrub up quite so well, which was again stupid in retrospect, Buck is hotter than hell on his most casual days what had he been expecting when he said ‘Dress up for me, you need to look good. I’m taking you out somewhere fancy,’ Buck had fulfilled the brief and then some.

He’d even let some of his awe slip past his lips once his brain had come back online. He distinctly remembers staring and then saying ‘wow’ Buck had beamed and looked about an inch taller as he’d preened under the praise and attention. It had been a flash of the old Buck.

Eddie hasn’t had anywhere near the same reaction to his date tonight. Marisol looks nice, she’s technically very pretty; nice face, nice hair, nice dress, nice smile. Nice nice nice. 

He’s been there, he’s done nice, it didn’t end well. 

He knows he doesn’t want nice. He’s starting to think he wants something else. Someone else. 

Poker with Buck had felt, well it had felt a whole lot of things. Nice hadn’t been one of them. He’d felt alive sitting next to Buck, watching him win hand after hand. He’d felt proud that Buck had come with him, that people watching could see Buck smile at him with eyes brighter than they’d been for weeks. He’d felt hot and breathless watching Buck’s confidence grow, pull those chips towards him with his strong capable hands, fingers curling round them then playing with one chip, twirling it through his fingers. He’d been fascinated by the way they moved, surprisingly 

dexterous considering how big those hands were. 

He feels a little hot again now, this restaurant should probably get their air con checked. Marisol is saying something about her job he thinks, so he nods and smiles, takes a bite of whatever he’d ordered. 

He wonders what Buck’s doing for dinner tonight. He hopes he’s gone out to see Maddie or Bobby or someone rather than hiding at home.  At the poker game he’d felt hopeful  like maybe Buck was coming back to him a little bit.

At the poker game he’d been having fun.

Tonight sitting opposite this perfectly pleasant woman he feels bored. 

“Eddie?” 

He refocuses on his date who says quite kindly, 

“Why are you here?” The half twist of her smile is also kind and a little knowing. 

“What?” He frowns more confused than anything.

“Why are you here?” She repeats, “well physically at least, not sure I have your full attention.”

What does he say; because his aunt’s been nagging him to start dating again and “get on with his life”,  because it’s been more than a year since he had a date, because  he’s getting older and it’s what people expect from him, because  she fits the mold for who he should date, because  he still had her number from where they fixed up her house, because  it seemed like the best of his very limited options. 

Or maybe it’s because she doesn’t make his heart race and his palms sweat, because she has brown eyes not blue and because she’s safe and won’t break his heart. 

Or is it because Buck might have thought the poker night was a date because when he said goodnight to him there’d been a moment when Eddie had thought how soft his lips looked and how close they were and Buck had looked at him and he’d looked back and his heart had skipped a beat and then he’d said goodnight with his eyes fixed on his shoes and left.

There’s a lot of reasons why he’s here tonight and one reason why he shouldn’t be. 

The most honest thing he can say is sorry so he does. 

“I'm.. I’m  really sorry I shouldn’t have done this. I’m just not ready to date.” 

Eddie says the words with the memory of soft lights and large hands holding cards in his head. He says the words with the feel of soft velvet under his fingers and the scent of the whiskey on Buck’s breath as he’d lent in to whisper in his ear at the table. 

“Is it that guy?” She asks with another small smile, “the one you came round to mine with, Buck wasn’t it? Did you just break up or something, this a rebound date?”  

Eddie’s heart lurches “What? Why, why would you think that? Me and Buck we’re not, we’ve never… no… no.” 

Marisol sits back in her chair, “Oh! It’s a ‘I'm in love but I haven’t told him’ kinda thing then.” 

He hasn’t got an answer to that. Not that she was asking a question, it’s more of a statement.

Eddie shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“It’s fine Eddie. I understand, I was surprised you called, I kinda assumed you were with him then.”

“Why?”  His heart is in his throat waiting for her answer, if he’s that obvious a stranger thinks he has feelings for Buck then it’s more than likely Buck suspects, more than suspects after poker night. 

“Well the way he looked at you was a big clue.”

Wait what? The way Buck looks at him .

read the rest on AO3

[melliae]

Addition to the Faust Network Theory

I'd say this kind of a messy post, since it's just a sudden realization I had that, in retrospective, should have been quite obvious...

At any rate, the thing is that I just hit me that the "Children in the Flask" Abno is quite literally Faust. Naturally, not the "Faust" we know of, but Faust as a whole, composed out by every version of hers - the so-called "Faust Network".

"Something that creaks, squeaks, and shakes is stood before us. Inside it is a pink liquid. It heaves whenever the liquid container shakes. Or it might be the liquid's movement that causes the massive glass body to move. The liquid seems to consist of multiple things and beings. Each droplet has its own face." - Abnormality Encounter.

The Abnormality is not only located in some sort of old-fashioned laboratory, but also shares the same color (in name, I mean) as Faust, her "cerebral pink". And I genuinely don't think I've to mention her icon in this context.

I'd say that this implies that the idea or image that LCB Faust presents of herself is not hers, but of every Faust. The woman we know of just forms a small aspect of that whole, a point or pixel of the entire picture. And which particular point is she?

"One sad-looking droplet is pushed away by its mean-faced peers. The glass giant trembles, and a pink droplet is ejected. The droplet is crying." - Continuation of the excerpt above.

LCB Faust may not cry... nor express anything beyond some basic expressions, really. But something tells me that rejected droplet is our Faust, which, more than anything, wishes to separate herself from the "Network".

"It's only right to put it back where it belongs. The droplet is lifted and pushed into the giant glass container. And we watched. We watched the face of the droplet being filled with terror, contempt, anger, and loathing as it slid down the tube. 'You shouldn't have done that.' 'We might have looked like one in your eyes. But to me, this is hell.' It felt like it told us such things. Along with the glass container, we could hear something within our hearts crack." - When you choose to put the droplet in the flask and pass the check.

I don't know what is the reason behind LCB Faust's feelings of alienation. But I think we can get a glimpse of them through the Sin advantages on said option: Gloom and Envy. Now, if those envious feelings and despair are truly hers or from her Identities, I can't answer it either. However, I can theorize a little bit.

"Demian: Imagine that there was a single rose you've cared for a long time. Your room was always brimming from the sweet aroma of that flower. But one day, you leave the rose behind to go on a long, long journey. In your journey, you come across a large garden... and there, you see thousands of the very same rose you once you cared for. That sight... brings you to tears, and you drop to your knees. ... Why do you suppose that is? Dante: <…….> Demian... he's appeared before me in the past. He would always leave me with these cryptic riddles. But I'm starting to understand what his riddles are supposed to represent. Dante: <Because I've finally come to understand. That the one I truly loved was the rose I'd left behind.>" - After the Credits, Canto VI.

Okay, I'm not going to explain everything in detail since there's a too much material to work with, and I should be doing college things right now. So to summarize everything...

LCB Faust wants to become herself, more than anything. She wants to be the "Faust" that is unbounded by all other Fausts, freed from her own bounds. That's the path the devil Mephistopheles, as representation of her Shadow and unconscious, lead her in, which is no other thing that the journey of individuation, the inner evolution of an individual that allows to define themselves as what they truly are, according to Carl Jung.

"The concept of individuation plays a large role in our psychology. In general, it is the process by which individual beings are formed and differentiated; in particular, it is the development of the psychological individual as a being distinct from the general, collective psychology. Individuation, therefore, is a process of differentiation having for its goal the development of the individual personality." - Psychological Types.

This concept fits perfectly with the droplet's intentions, trying to separate itself from the "undifferentiated" (i.e., unconscious) collective. If it sounds familiar, you are correct! This is the fundamental principle around which "Demian" was written, and thus what Demian, Sinclair, Sonya and Rodya are written around in Limbus (... kind of).

Also, considering how both Child in the Flask is an obvious reference to the alchemical idea of the homunculus, I think is noteworthy to mention how the later is a symbol the Self, the archetype of psychic wholeness that's the goal of Individuation.

"The egg is a germ of life with a lofty symbolical significance. It is not just a cosmogonic symbol—it is also a "philosophical" one. As the former it is the Orphic egg, the world's beginning; as the latter, the philosophical egg of the medieval natural philosophers, the vessel from which, at the end of the opus alchymicum, the homunculus emerges, that is, the Anthropos, the spiritual, inner and complete man, who in Chinese alchemy is called the chen-yen (literally, 'perfect man')" - The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious.

And at the same time, God Himself, both in "Faust" and the Divine Comedy, is also a symbol of that psychic wholeness, of the uniqueness inherent to all living beings. That may be related at some level to my theory of Hermann's goal too (which paints in another light Faust's explanation). But I think it's more important to note that in the two works, the protagonists were saved only through the love other people had for them, and thus the love of God.

"'How do I comfort a droplet...' As odd as the order sounds, the Sinner does their best to lift its spirits. The droplet seems to have perked up thanks to the Sinner's efforts. 'I could be free thanks to you.' It feels as though the droplet said something like that." - When you choose to comfort the droplet and pass the check.

Faust's Gluttony, her drive for (psychological) survival and fulfillment, can only be satiated and thus reedemed by love itself. Her quest to become "all-knowing" is ultimately meaningless, because as long as she pulls things from "the garden", her Self will forever remain undeveloped, resentful from that "pink ocean", no matter how hard she tries to chase that one star.

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hi. Sorry this is a bit long, but I could really use the help.

I guess I should start with who I am. I’m a member of the Creature Community, as you probably could have already surmised, but I don’t exactly look the part. You see, my genus looks rather similar to humans. That is, upon death. Our “ghosts” are almost indistinguishable from living sapios, at least for the first few years.

Now, I’ve recently died. Contrary to what many expect, it honestly hasn’t affected me too much. Sure, it takes some getting used to, and I have gone to therapy to work through the event itself, but it’s no more rattling than a particularly violent metamorphosis.

I’m lucky enough to still have some friends from before my death. One such friend, let’s call her “Amy”, has been very kind to me. She’s helped me work through this transformation, and even set up a small altar for me in her house.

The other day, Amy invited me over to her parent’s house for dinner. I was quite excited, after all, Amy had been one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, so it would only make sense her parents would be just as kind, right?

Goodness, was I wrong. Ever since my death, I can’t exactly consume food in the usual way. I was under the impression that this was conveyed to Amy’s parents, but I was mistaken. Upon sitting down at the table, I was served the same as everyone else. I assumed there’d been some kind of misunderstanding, and attempted to explain that I couldn’t eat anything that wasn’t on an altar or otherwise spiritually offered to me. Her mother seemed a bit irked, and said something along the lines of “there’s no need to be so picky.”

I tried to explain to them that I wasn’t being picky, but that I physically couldn’t eat it. It was around then I realized that Amy had never told them I wasn’t sapio, least of all that I was dead. Still, I did my best to try to explain it too them without it being seen as offensive. The food they had made did look and smell delicious, but that didn’t make it any more possible for me to eat.

That was when her father chipped in. He said, and I quote, “Well, you don’t look dead.”

I know that technically, to him, he’s right. To most humans who saw me, I did not look dead. But for some reason, what he said really upset me. I mean, what did he want me to look like, Slimer from Ghostbusters? A Haunted Mansion animatronic?!

I left pretty quickly after that, though I’ll admit I said some pretty harsh things before I went. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve already tried to apologize to Amy, but she won’t answer any of my texts or calls. I know that I was wrong for yelling at them, but I can’t help but feel that maybe they’re not all the way in the right either. How can I fix this without letting them hold onto those biases? Or should I just let it go?

I think you're being really rather hard on yourself here, reader. I don't see that this mess is yours to fix at all. First, you were put in a very awkward situation because of your friend's lack of forethought. Then you were apparently left to fend for yourself in that awkwardness, with no support from the friend in question.

You were subjected to casual sapiocentrism in a place where you might have expected to be treated more kindly. You say that, “for some reason”, you were hurt by Amy's father's comments – as if they weren't immediately, obviously insulting comments and dismissive of the variety of forms post-life vitality might take.

Finally, after being subjected to a mounting pile of microaggressions, you removed yourself from the situation. Perhaps this removal was a little less graceful than you might prefer, looking at it in retrospect. But given the givens, I think you did very well to be as polite as you were, for as long as you were.

You have even gone so far as to try to apologise for the unpleasantness of the situation – despite said unpleasantness being almost entirely the fault of other people's rudeness, ignorance, and inconsideration. But those attempts have fallen on ears that as not so much deaf as willingly plugged.

I don't think you need to worry about making amends with Amy's parents. You were their guest and they treated you poorly, with no indication that they have any interest in learning from the experience. Even if they did want to do better, you aren't their guinea pig. You have no responsibility to teach them the error of their ways, and the relationship isn't one you need to maintain.

Your friendship with Amy, however, does need some work. Amy has clearly demonstrated that she loves and cares about you. Her treatment of you following your revitalisation shows this. But sadly, love and care are not always enough to prevent harm.

I recommend offering to meet up in person to talk about the evening in question. You can certainly tell her that you want to make amends, but it's important you also make it clear that this is not a one-sided apology. Tell her you want to talk about some of the ways she could have supported you better as a person of the night in that situation, with a view to strengthening your friendship.

If she agrees to meet, remember to stay calm and be clear about the particular behaviours you want to address. This isn't about making Amy feel punished or blamed. It's about helping her to love you better. You have certain needs as a recently revived individual, and if she is going to invite you to an event, she has to make sure those needs will be met.

She also needs to understand that, while she may not see your post-death vitality as anything to write home about, that doesn't mean other people feel the same. It is unkind of her to put you into a situation where you will be expected to defend your identity or bite your tongue in the face of anti-liminal sentiments.

I sincerely hope Amy proves herself willing and able to listen to you and learn from this. Her previous behaviour suggests its certainly possible. But if she can't, please understand – this is not on you.

Sadly, some people are only interested in being kind so long as they can also be comfortable. You are better off keeping them at arm's length and keeping your more intimate feelings for those who can be trusted with them.